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♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
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00:00:05,297 --> 00:00:08,616
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
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00:00:08,667 --> 00:00:12,086
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
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00:00:12,154 --> 00:00:15,056
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us ♪
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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00:00:28,584 --> 00:00:32,584
♪ Family Guy 10x19 ♪
Mr. & Mrs. Stewie
Original Air Date on April 29, 2012
11
00:00:32,586 --> 00:00:36,586
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
12
00:00:37,058 --> 00:00:39,309
Come on, Stewie. Hurry up.
I want to get good seats.
13
00:00:39,393 --> 00:00:42,128
Ugh, I hate going to hear
authors read from their work.
14
00:00:42,179 --> 00:00:44,264
That Dr. Seuss reading
was dreadful.
15
00:00:44,332 --> 00:00:46,499
And when the drugs
stopped numbing the pain,
16
00:00:46,567 --> 00:00:48,501
the sex became
even more violent.
17
00:00:48,569 --> 00:00:49,669
It doesn't rhyme.
18
00:00:49,737 --> 00:00:51,538
The new stuff
doesn't rhyme!
19
00:00:52,740 --> 00:00:54,474
Hey, there.
20
00:00:54,542 --> 00:00:56,610
You a big fan
of Jonathan Franzen?
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00:00:56,677 --> 00:00:58,828
Oh, my God,
I worship him.
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00:00:58,896 --> 00:01:00,463
Yeah, yeah, of all
my writing students,
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00:01:00,531 --> 00:01:01,998
he's probably
done the best.
24
00:01:02,066 --> 00:01:03,366
I'm sorry,
everybody.
25
00:01:03,434 --> 00:01:06,102
Mr. Franzen has informed us
he's not coming.
26
00:01:06,170 --> 00:01:09,406
Like most real authors, he's
too good for this dumb town.
27
00:01:10,575 --> 00:01:12,175
I hate it here.
28
00:01:12,243 --> 00:01:14,044
Well, this crowd
was promised an author.
29
00:01:14,111 --> 00:01:16,029
No!
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00:01:16,097 --> 00:01:18,214
Oh, well, you know, I guess
I should be getting back
31
00:01:18,299 --> 00:01:19,349
to my dorm anyway.
32
00:01:19,433 --> 00:01:20,483
I've got a short story due
33
00:01:20,551 --> 00:01:22,135
for my creative writing
class tomorrow.
34
00:01:22,203 --> 00:01:23,737
Oh, creative
writing, huh?
35
00:01:23,804 --> 00:01:25,972
Well, if you'd like me to look
it over before you turn it in,
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00:01:26,040 --> 00:01:27,524
I'd be happy to.
Really?
37
00:01:27,592 --> 00:01:29,008
That'd be great.
38
00:01:29,060 --> 00:01:30,644
Cool, cool,
I'll follow you in my car.
39
00:01:30,711 --> 00:01:31,678
Come on. We're going.
40
00:01:31,746 --> 00:01:33,280
All right,
hold on.
41
00:01:33,347 --> 00:01:35,515
Is this what your parents are
paying all that tuition for--
42
00:01:35,566 --> 00:01:37,384
so you can
dogs?
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00:01:44,875 --> 00:01:47,477
I'll print up for you
what I have so far.
44
00:01:47,545 --> 00:01:48,712
Okay, I'm gonna go
in there with her.
45
00:01:48,779 --> 00:01:50,363
You just sit out here
and be quiet.
46
00:01:50,414 --> 00:01:52,165
Here, watch one of her
movies or something.
47
00:01:53,334 --> 00:01:56,152
Ugh, Charlie St. Cloud?
48
00:01:56,220 --> 00:01:58,088
A-And why are there
so many fingerprints on this?
49
00:01:58,155 --> 00:02:02,225
Who's handling their Charlie
St. Cloud DVD all the time?
50
00:02:10,785 --> 00:02:14,955
Lois, can I have
a Pop-Tart in bed, please?
51
00:02:15,022 --> 00:02:16,690
Lois?
52
00:02:16,757 --> 00:02:17,724
Hey, Chris?
53
00:02:17,792 --> 00:02:19,259
Yeah?
54
00:02:19,327 --> 00:02:21,945
Do you think Lois would be okay
if I ate a Pop-Tart in bed?
55
00:02:22,013 --> 00:02:22,979
Probably.
56
00:02:23,047 --> 00:02:24,147
Probably, right?
57
00:02:24,215 --> 00:02:26,333
Lois, you in the bathroom?
58
00:02:32,823 --> 00:02:35,058
Well, Mrs. Griffin,
you have three crushed ribs,
59
00:02:35,126 --> 00:02:36,977
but I was able to stop
the internal bleeding.
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00:02:37,044 --> 00:02:39,813
Doctor, this has happened
seven times in the last month.
61
00:02:39,880 --> 00:02:42,582
Peter rolls over in his sleep
and almost kills me.
62
00:02:42,650 --> 00:02:43,850
I see.
63
00:02:43,918 --> 00:02:44,884
Well, that sucks.
64
00:02:44,952 --> 00:02:46,386
Look, I don't do it
on purpose.
65
00:02:46,454 --> 00:02:48,254
Well, it looks like you got
a handle on it then.
66
00:02:48,322 --> 00:02:49,472
No, we don't.
67
00:02:49,540 --> 00:02:51,341
He practically
smothers me every night.
68
00:02:51,409 --> 00:02:52,742
Well, are you hogging
the blankets?
69
00:02:52,810 --> 00:02:53,943
No.
70
00:02:54,011 --> 00:02:55,695
"Probably hogging
blankets."
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00:02:55,763 --> 00:02:58,148
And if he's not smothering me,
he's keeping me up all night
72
00:02:58,215 --> 00:03:00,884
writing with that
giant plume of his.
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00:03:00,951 --> 00:03:04,604
"Dearest Augustine,
I do hope this latest damp
74
00:03:04,655 --> 00:03:06,122
has not aggravated
your gray lung."
75
00:03:06,190 --> 00:03:07,757
Dip, dip, dip, dip, dip.
76
00:03:07,825 --> 00:03:10,076
"Matters stateside
have taken a tragic turn
77
00:03:10,127 --> 00:03:12,128
"as this year's gourd crop
has fallen prey
78
00:03:12,213 --> 00:03:14,047
"to a rather
unexpected infestation
79
00:03:14,114 --> 00:03:15,415
of saltmarsh cutworms."
80
00:03:15,483 --> 00:03:16,599
Dip, dip, dip, dip, dip.
81
00:03:16,667 --> 00:03:18,218
Peter, it's 4:00
in the morning.
82
00:03:18,285 --> 00:03:19,719
Come to bed!
83
00:03:19,787 --> 00:03:22,489
"Marital concerns continue
to bedevil me."
84
00:03:25,409 --> 00:03:27,444
Look, I'm sorry.
85
00:03:27,511 --> 00:03:30,046
I wasn't planning on
spending all night there.
86
00:03:30,114 --> 00:03:32,649
Look, how about if I take
you to the park, huh?
87
00:03:32,717 --> 00:03:35,485
Come on. You like
the park, right?
88
00:03:35,553 --> 00:03:37,804
We're about to
pass the turnoff.
89
00:03:37,872 --> 00:03:40,740
Here it comes.
90
00:03:40,808 --> 00:03:42,726
You may take me
to the park.
91
00:03:47,782 --> 00:03:49,933
Um, excuse me. I didn't
bring any of my toys.
92
00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:51,301
Can I play with
some of yours?
93
00:03:51,368 --> 00:03:53,219
No! Mine!
94
00:03:54,739 --> 00:03:57,107
Are you all right?
95
00:03:57,174 --> 00:03:58,408
I'm fine.
96
00:03:58,476 --> 00:04:00,827
I-I didn't push him back
because he has leukemia.
97
00:04:00,895 --> 00:04:01,895
My name's Penelope.
98
00:04:01,962 --> 00:04:02,862
What's yours?
99
00:04:02,930 --> 00:04:03,997
Stewie.
100
00:04:04,065 --> 00:04:05,765
I've never seen you
around here before.
101
00:04:05,833 --> 00:04:08,101
I'm new to town and I
don't have many friends.
102
00:04:08,169 --> 00:04:09,502
All right.
103
00:04:09,570 --> 00:04:12,138
A lot of pressure on me
instantly, but okay.
104
00:04:12,189 --> 00:04:14,374
Would you like to play with
some of my toys, Stewie?
105
00:04:14,442 --> 00:04:15,558
Well, what have you got?
106
00:04:15,643 --> 00:04:17,360
I have a set of jacks,
a paddleball,
107
00:04:17,428 --> 00:04:19,229
and this taffy
with superglue.
108
00:04:19,296 --> 00:04:21,364
Isn't that the little
boy who pushed you?
109
00:04:21,432 --> 00:04:22,882
Hmm, yes.
110
00:04:22,950 --> 00:04:26,619
You there, would you like
a piece of candy?
111
00:04:37,882 --> 00:04:39,749
Don't push.
112
00:04:44,271 --> 00:04:47,006
Uh, Lois, why do we have
Lucy and Ricky beds?
113
00:04:47,057 --> 00:04:49,909
Because I'm sick of you crushing
me in the middle of the night.
114
00:04:49,977 --> 00:04:51,611
Dr. Hartman called
about my X rays.
115
00:04:51,679 --> 00:04:53,980
He said my spine
is now disfigured.
116
00:04:54,048 --> 00:04:56,382
Lois, if God wanted me
to not sleep with my wife,
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00:04:56,450 --> 00:04:57,984
he would have made me
John Travolta.
118
00:04:58,052 --> 00:04:59,385
Peter, I'm really
tired, okay?
119
00:04:59,453 --> 00:05:01,287
Just give the bed a try.
120
00:05:06,160 --> 00:05:07,877
There you go.
121
00:05:07,945 --> 00:05:09,462
Good night, Peter.
122
00:05:09,530 --> 00:05:11,598
I can't sleep like this, Lois.
123
00:05:11,665 --> 00:05:13,333
I need someone to cuddle with.
124
00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:15,235
Believe it or not,
men like to cuddle,
125
00:05:15,302 --> 00:05:18,104
even cold, unfeeling men
like Charles Bronson.
126
00:05:18,172 --> 00:05:20,573
Hey, Charles Bronson's wife.
127
00:05:20,641 --> 00:05:23,510
Scooch over.
I want to cuddle.
128
00:05:23,577 --> 00:05:25,678
Mmm, that's nice.
129
00:05:30,951 --> 00:05:32,118
I don't know
what the big deal is.
130
00:05:32,186 --> 00:05:34,587
I stopped for one drink
after work.
131
00:05:34,655 --> 00:05:36,389
Yes, but it's
every night.
132
00:05:36,457 --> 00:05:39,475
There, now you can be
upset about that.
133
00:05:39,543 --> 00:05:40,543
This is fun.
134
00:05:40,611 --> 00:05:42,178
I like playing
with you, Penelope.
135
00:05:42,246 --> 00:05:43,379
What shall
we play next?
136
00:05:43,447 --> 00:05:45,098
Well, let's see
what you have.
137
00:05:45,166 --> 00:05:48,084
You have a pop-up version
of the Unabomber's Manifesto?
138
00:05:48,152 --> 00:05:51,404
Yes, at the end the brother
pops up and turns you in.
139
00:05:56,143 --> 00:05:57,777
What's this
on your Etch A Sketch?
140
00:05:57,845 --> 00:05:59,546
Oh, those are some advanced
mathematical formulas
141
00:05:59,613 --> 00:06:01,214
I've just been
tinkering with.
142
00:06:01,282 --> 00:06:02,615
You're kidding?
I do that, too.
143
00:06:02,683 --> 00:06:04,884
But what are
these formulas for?
144
00:06:04,952 --> 00:06:06,953
For these.
145
00:06:14,929 --> 00:06:15,929
Oh, my God,
146
00:06:15,996 --> 00:06:17,163
you've got a weapons room, too?
147
00:06:17,231 --> 00:06:18,364
And look at the size of it.
148
00:06:18,432 --> 00:06:19,732
It's amazing.
149
00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:21,968
Yes, although sometimes
I think it's too big.
150
00:06:22,036 --> 00:06:24,470
It takes the cleaning woman
forever to clean it.
151
00:06:28,142 --> 00:06:30,443
Was already broken.
152
00:06:37,751 --> 00:06:39,251
My word, Penelope,
153
00:06:39,319 --> 00:06:41,453
you and I seem to have
quite a lot in common.
154
00:06:41,521 --> 00:06:42,855
Do you actually
use these?
155
00:06:42,923 --> 00:06:45,424
Only when fear, spite, jealousy,
and revenge demand.
156
00:06:45,492 --> 00:06:47,860
I bought that to kill the women
from Sex and the City,
157
00:06:47,928 --> 00:06:50,462
but time seems
to be doing it for me.
158
00:06:50,530 --> 00:06:52,298
You're wicked.
159
00:06:52,365 --> 00:06:53,899
Do your parents
have any idea?
160
00:06:53,967 --> 00:06:55,034
My mother's
not a concern.
161
00:06:55,101 --> 00:06:56,218
I don't really have
to worry
162
00:06:56,286 --> 00:06:57,570
about her anymore.
163
00:06:57,637 --> 00:07:00,439
Oh, do you have one of those
white wine zombie moms?
164
00:07:00,507 --> 00:07:01,674
No, she died.
165
00:07:01,741 --> 00:07:02,958
She was taking a tub
166
00:07:03,026 --> 00:07:05,327
and somebody came in
and cut her head off.
167
00:07:05,395 --> 00:07:06,762
Wait a moment.
168
00:07:06,830 --> 00:07:09,632
Did... did you kill her?
169
00:07:09,699 --> 00:07:13,569
Well, I held the knife...
and her hair.
170
00:07:13,637 --> 00:07:16,972
Oh, my God, I've been dreaming
about doing that for years,
171
00:07:17,040 --> 00:07:19,008
and you've actually gone ahead
and done it.
172
00:07:19,075 --> 00:07:20,726
Penelope...
173
00:07:20,794 --> 00:07:22,494
I've never said this
to anyone before,
174
00:07:22,562 --> 00:07:25,998
but I feel like I may have
finally found, in you,
175
00:07:26,066 --> 00:07:28,334
my one true soul mate.
176
00:07:28,401 --> 00:07:29,702
Do you feel this way, too?
177
00:07:29,769 --> 00:07:31,270
I do, Stewart.
178
00:07:31,338 --> 00:07:33,739
It's as if our meeting were
more than a mere coincidence.
179
00:07:33,807 --> 00:07:36,208
It's as if we were
meant to be together.
180
00:07:36,276 --> 00:07:37,476
Indeed.
181
00:07:37,544 --> 00:07:40,045
This must be how Maverick felt
when he met Goose.
182
00:07:40,113 --> 00:07:41,613
I feel the need.
183
00:07:41,665 --> 00:07:43,799
The need for speed.
The need for speed.
184
00:07:43,883 --> 00:07:45,684
And Scientology.
No, just speed.
185
00:07:49,255 --> 00:07:51,307
So, listen, Quagmire,
there's something
186
00:07:51,391 --> 00:07:53,192
I kind of wanted
to talk to you about.
187
00:07:53,259 --> 00:07:56,328
E-Ever since Lois got us
twin beds, I can't fall asleep.
188
00:07:56,396 --> 00:07:58,230
I'm used to having
another person there.
189
00:07:58,298 --> 00:08:00,416
I know. I always sleep better
when I'm next to someone.
190
00:08:00,483 --> 00:08:01,417
Yeah, it's only
natural, right?
191
00:08:01,484 --> 00:08:02,785
I'm glad to hear
you say that
192
00:08:02,852 --> 00:08:05,471
'cause, you know, I guess
what I'm trying to say is,
193
00:08:05,538 --> 00:08:08,440
I... want to propose
an arrangement
194
00:08:08,508 --> 00:08:10,492
that could benefit
the both of us.
195
00:08:10,560 --> 00:08:11,794
Okay.
196
00:08:11,861 --> 00:08:14,063
Men need someone to spoon with
and snuggle with
197
00:08:14,130 --> 00:08:18,801
just the same as women, and when
you don't have that, it-it's...
198
00:08:18,868 --> 00:08:20,786
I... well,
what I'm getting at is...
199
00:08:22,122 --> 00:08:26,091
I would like for you
to sleep with me in my bed,
200
00:08:26,159 --> 00:08:28,494
and this, this is not about sex;
it's about sleep.
201
00:08:28,561 --> 00:08:29,778
No, no, I totally
get it, Peter.
202
00:08:29,846 --> 00:08:31,113
Snuggling is a
basic human need.
203
00:08:31,181 --> 00:08:33,382
Right, I mean, who says
that the body next to you
204
00:08:33,450 --> 00:08:35,050
has to be male or female
or... whatever?
205
00:08:35,118 --> 00:08:36,085
Or alive.
206
00:08:36,152 --> 00:08:38,153
Yeah... well, no,
but, yeah.
207
00:08:38,221 --> 00:08:39,621
Look, I, I think
it's a great idea
208
00:08:39,689 --> 00:08:40,889
and I, I'm completely with you.
209
00:08:40,957 --> 00:08:42,224
I'm in. Let's try it.
210
00:08:42,292 --> 00:08:44,693
Yay, that is
such good news.
211
00:08:44,761 --> 00:08:46,645
And I'm so happy
they gave us a booth.
212
00:08:46,713 --> 00:08:48,013
I know, 'cause they're
supposed to be reserved
213
00:08:48,081 --> 00:08:49,048
for parties of
three or more.
214
00:08:49,115 --> 00:08:50,249
I know!
215
00:08:53,403 --> 00:08:56,155
Oh, Stewie, it's so nice
to finally have someone
216
00:08:56,222 --> 00:08:57,556
to do naughty
things with.
217
00:08:57,624 --> 00:08:58,657
Definitely.
218
00:08:58,725 --> 00:09:00,092
All right, I made
a wallet bomb
219
00:09:00,160 --> 00:09:01,493
and I planted it
on Mort.
220
00:09:01,544 --> 00:09:03,929
As soon
as he opens it-- boom.
221
00:09:13,873 --> 00:09:15,207
Oh, bloody hell.
222
00:09:15,258 --> 00:09:17,726
How do you go two weeks
without opening your wallet?
223
00:09:17,811 --> 00:09:19,762
Yeah, he's been out
to dinner, like, four times.
224
00:09:19,846 --> 00:09:22,014
We're clearly not going
to get him this way.
225
00:09:22,065 --> 00:09:24,733
I know, which is why
I just planted another bomb
226
00:09:24,818 --> 00:09:27,736
that's set to go off every time
he burps into his hand.
227
00:09:32,942 --> 00:09:36,495
Ohh, I'd better make sure
my wallet's okay.
228
00:09:41,885 --> 00:09:43,986
I say, we're
on quite a run.
229
00:09:44,053 --> 00:09:45,554
We blew up the
Great Wall of China,
230
00:09:45,622 --> 00:09:47,790
bombed the Eiffel Tower, a
look at this note I sent off.
231
00:09:47,857 --> 00:09:49,958
"Dear Pakistan,
Up yours.
232
00:09:50,026 --> 00:09:51,427
Love, India."
233
00:09:51,494 --> 00:09:52,828
Let's see
what happens.
234
00:09:58,334 --> 00:10:00,169
They did not need much.
235
00:10:00,236 --> 00:10:02,471
All right,
Stewie, your turn.
236
00:10:02,539 --> 00:10:05,657
Okay, I have to destroy
Copenhagen with a...
237
00:10:05,725 --> 00:10:08,360
tidal wave,
and the theme is...
238
00:10:08,427 --> 00:10:09,845
the Roaring Twenties.
239
00:10:09,913 --> 00:10:12,481
Tha-That's, that's,
that's a challenge.
240
00:10:20,439 --> 00:10:23,358
Roarin' twenten tidal waven!
241
00:10:32,018 --> 00:10:33,252
Peter, what's
going on?
242
00:10:33,319 --> 00:10:35,087
Quagmire's having
a sleepover with me.
243
00:10:35,138 --> 00:10:36,505
You can't
be serious.
244
00:10:36,573 --> 00:10:38,207
Look, Lois, I told you
that I need
245
00:10:38,274 --> 00:10:40,242
to have somebody
sleeping next to me.
246
00:10:40,310 --> 00:10:41,677
All right, now if that's
not going to be you...
247
00:10:41,744 --> 00:10:43,212
Fine. Do what you want.
248
00:10:43,279 --> 00:10:45,430
I don't care,
but I think it's very strange.
249
00:10:45,482 --> 00:10:46,765
Okay, that's the
one thing it's not.
250
00:10:46,833 --> 00:10:48,133
Yeah, it's not strange.
251
00:10:48,201 --> 00:10:51,019
I already told you:
I don't care.
252
00:10:51,087 --> 00:10:52,354
It's not strange.
253
00:10:52,422 --> 00:10:53,555
I know.
254
00:10:53,623 --> 00:10:54,690
All right,
let's see here.
255
00:10:54,757 --> 00:10:57,359
Now just, uh, wrap
yourself around me.
256
00:10:57,427 --> 00:10:58,594
Is that okay?
257
00:10:58,661 --> 00:11:00,462
Yeah, actually, you can
hold me even tighter.
258
00:11:00,530 --> 00:11:03,866
Okay, I just need to put
this arm right around here.
259
00:11:03,933 --> 00:11:05,517
Yeah, there we go.
260
00:11:05,585 --> 00:11:08,520
Good, now let's just
fall asleep like this.
261
00:11:09,889 --> 00:11:11,857
Your boxers are
a little starchy.
262
00:11:11,925 --> 00:11:13,392
Can I take 'em off
with my foot?
263
00:11:13,459 --> 00:11:15,294
Sure.
264
00:11:19,782 --> 00:11:22,417
Come on, you.
265
00:11:29,008 --> 00:11:30,409
Good evening.
I'm Tom Tucker.
266
00:11:30,476 --> 00:11:32,477
Our top story:
Authorities are still searching
267
00:11:32,545 --> 00:11:35,347
for the culprits in a series
of horrific acts of destruction
268
00:11:35,415 --> 00:11:37,583
all across-- scroll down, guys--
269
00:11:37,650 --> 00:11:39,051
the globe.
270
00:11:39,118 --> 00:11:40,352
That could've fit on there.
271
00:11:40,420 --> 00:11:42,154
There was a long space
at the end of that line.
272
00:11:42,222 --> 00:11:44,206
My God, it's you,
isn't it?
273
00:11:44,290 --> 00:11:45,490
It's you and Penelope
274
00:11:45,542 --> 00:11:47,159
who've been doing
all of these horrible things.
275
00:11:47,227 --> 00:11:48,677
So? I've always been
about world domination.
276
00:11:48,745 --> 00:11:51,013
What the hell did you think
I was talking about when I said,
277
00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:52,447
"Victory shall be mine"?
278
00:11:52,515 --> 00:11:54,483
You have not said that
in a very long time.
279
00:11:54,551 --> 00:11:55,751
Well, I'm back on it.
280
00:11:55,818 --> 00:11:58,420
Stewie, Penelope is taking you
down a dark path.
281
00:11:58,488 --> 00:12:00,339
Look, in the past
you've done terrible things,
282
00:12:00,390 --> 00:12:01,807
but it's always been
about the pursuit
283
00:12:01,875 --> 00:12:03,775
of your greater goal
of world domination.
284
00:12:03,843 --> 00:12:07,412
But this girl-- she just creates
chaos for the sake of chaos.
285
00:12:07,480 --> 00:12:08,547
So, what are you saying?
286
00:12:08,615 --> 00:12:10,182
I'm saying she's
a bad influence on you,
287
00:12:10,250 --> 00:12:11,817
and you should stop spending
time with her.
288
00:12:11,885 --> 00:12:13,085
I shall do no such thing.
289
00:12:13,152 --> 00:12:14,653
Penelope is wonderful.
290
00:12:14,721 --> 00:12:16,121
We're going to be
together forever.
291
00:12:18,157 --> 00:12:20,409
Well, Rupert,
this is a big mess.
292
00:12:20,493 --> 00:12:22,461
What the hell were you
doing talking to him?
293
00:12:28,268 --> 00:12:30,135
You know who I think
is an ugly slut?
294
00:12:30,203 --> 00:12:31,236
Miss Sharon.
295
00:12:31,304 --> 00:12:32,738
Miss Sharon
from your day care?
296
00:12:32,805 --> 00:12:33,805
Yes.
297
00:12:33,873 --> 00:12:35,574
This is a map of her house.
298
00:12:35,642 --> 00:12:36,942
I thought we could
burn her in her bed
299
00:12:37,010 --> 00:12:38,076
while her children watch.
300
00:12:38,144 --> 00:12:39,511
You know, Penelope,
301
00:12:39,579 --> 00:12:42,314
maybe we don't have
to kill someone every day.
302
00:12:42,382 --> 00:12:44,499
There are other things to do.
303
00:12:44,567 --> 00:12:45,417
Like what?
304
00:12:45,485 --> 00:12:46,551
I-I don't know.
305
00:12:46,619 --> 00:12:48,186
You know what? Forget it.
306
00:12:48,254 --> 00:12:50,639
I-I think Brian just got
in my head a bit. That's all.
307
00:12:50,707 --> 00:12:51,807
Brian?
308
00:12:51,874 --> 00:12:53,575
Why? What did Brian say?
309
00:12:53,643 --> 00:12:54,843
Oh, nothing.
310
00:12:54,911 --> 00:12:57,212
He just thinks that you're
a bad influence on me.
311
00:12:57,280 --> 00:12:59,214
T-Thinks I should stop
seeing you.
312
00:12:59,282 --> 00:13:00,515
He does?
313
00:13:00,583 --> 00:13:02,434
How dare he!
314
00:13:02,502 --> 00:13:03,669
Babe? Babe?
315
00:13:03,736 --> 00:13:04,936
Don't worry about it,
all right?
316
00:13:04,988 --> 00:13:07,289
Stewart, do you love me?
317
00:13:07,357 --> 00:13:08,824
More than anything.
318
00:13:08,891 --> 00:13:11,159
Then swear on that love
that you'll do what I ask.
319
00:13:11,227 --> 00:13:12,361
Just name it.
320
00:13:12,428 --> 00:13:14,029
Kill him.
321
00:13:14,097 --> 00:13:15,731
Kill Brian for me.
322
00:13:18,167 --> 00:13:19,338
Family Guy is brought to you
323
00:13:19,363 --> 00:13:21,363
by AXE Body Spray.
324
00:13:21,587 --> 00:13:24,089
AXE Body Spray:
Spray it on after gym class
325
00:13:24,157 --> 00:13:26,174
instead of getting beat up
in the shower.
326
00:13:26,242 --> 00:13:28,527
Kind of weird those guys
want to fight you naked, huh?
327
00:13:28,594 --> 00:13:29,695
AXE Body Spray.
328
00:13:37,617 --> 00:13:39,952
Oh, God, I can't kill Brian.
329
00:13:40,020 --> 00:13:41,320
Even for Penelope.
330
00:13:41,387 --> 00:13:43,439
He's my dog, my friend.
331
00:13:43,506 --> 00:13:44,940
Well, I wonder what words
332
00:13:45,008 --> 00:13:47,159
are gonna come
out of this pen today.
333
00:13:47,227 --> 00:13:48,594
All right, I can do this.
334
00:14:08,448 --> 00:14:10,215
Oh, who am I kidding?
335
00:14:10,283 --> 00:14:11,834
I can't do this.
336
00:14:22,529 --> 00:14:26,282
♪ You're lookin'
kind of lonely, girl ♪
337
00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:30,869
♪ Would you like someone new
to talk to? ♪
338
00:14:30,937 --> 00:14:33,872
♪ Oh, yeah, all right ♪
339
00:14:33,940 --> 00:14:37,376
♪ I'm feelin'
kind of lonely, too ♪
340
00:14:37,444 --> 00:14:39,161
♪ If you don't mind ♪
341
00:14:39,245 --> 00:14:43,365
♪ Can I sit down here
beside you? ♪
342
00:14:43,433 --> 00:14:46,602
♪ Oh, yeah, all right ♪
343
00:14:46,670 --> 00:14:50,623
♪ If I seem
to come on too strong ♪
344
00:14:50,690 --> 00:14:53,425
♪ I hope that
you will understand ♪
345
00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:55,928
♪ I say these things
'cause I'd like to know ♪
346
00:14:55,979 --> 00:14:59,148
♪ If you're as lonely as I am ♪
347
00:14:59,215 --> 00:15:03,819
♪ And if you'd mind sharing
the night together ♪
348
00:15:03,887 --> 00:15:06,705
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
349
00:15:06,773 --> 00:15:09,925
♪ Sharing the night together ♪
350
00:15:09,993 --> 00:15:13,162
♪ Whoa-oh, yeah... ♪
351
00:15:15,632 --> 00:15:18,267
I don't care how many children
you've lost in childbirth.
352
00:15:18,335 --> 00:15:19,868
You're fired.
353
00:15:19,936 --> 00:15:21,470
But I was only having a child
354
00:15:21,538 --> 00:15:22,905
because you
and the mister...
355
00:15:22,972 --> 00:15:27,042
You don't get to speak
of me and the mister!
356
00:15:27,110 --> 00:15:29,294
Ah, Stewie.
So did you do it?
357
00:15:29,362 --> 00:15:32,164
Have you removed that wretched
cur from our existence?
358
00:15:32,232 --> 00:15:34,767
I just couldn't bring myself
to kill him, Penelope.
359
00:15:34,834 --> 00:15:37,069
Brian is my best friend.
360
00:15:37,137 --> 00:15:38,637
Perhaps you're right.
361
00:15:38,705 --> 00:15:40,839
Perhaps it was wrong of me
to ask you to do such a thing.
362
00:15:40,907 --> 00:15:42,408
Oh, thank you.
363
00:15:42,475 --> 00:15:44,743
I'm so glad you're being
so understanding about this.
364
00:15:44,811 --> 00:15:47,312
I was actually dreading
having to tell you about this.
365
00:15:47,380 --> 00:15:48,914
Bleah.
366
00:15:48,982 --> 00:15:51,350
It appears I'll have
to kill him myself.
367
00:15:51,418 --> 00:15:52,484
What?!
368
00:15:52,552 --> 00:15:54,486
I knew you were too weak
to do this.
369
00:15:54,587 --> 00:15:55,954
You're nothing but a coward.
370
00:15:56,022 --> 00:15:57,806
No, Penelope, wait!
371
00:15:57,874 --> 00:16:00,259
Strong women always
turn out to be nightmares.
372
00:16:00,326 --> 00:16:01,960
Like Joan of Arc.
373
00:16:02,028 --> 00:16:04,530
Hey, guys,
I'm not like other girls.
374
00:16:04,597 --> 00:16:07,132
I kill people and burp
and watch so much porn.
375
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:09,034
Isn't that cool?
No.
376
00:16:09,102 --> 00:16:10,736
I like a lot
of goofball comedies
377
00:16:10,804 --> 00:16:12,471
that other chicks don't like.
378
00:16:12,539 --> 00:16:15,007
My favorite thing to play
is Call of Duty.
379
00:16:15,075 --> 00:16:18,143
Look me up.
I'm GuitarGurrrl76.
380
00:16:18,211 --> 00:16:19,711
Let's burn this chick
at the stake.
381
00:16:19,763 --> 00:16:20,979
I love steak!
382
00:16:21,047 --> 00:16:22,147
Other girls don't.
383
00:16:22,215 --> 00:16:23,816
I'm actually more like a dude.
384
00:16:23,883 --> 00:16:25,401
Hey, guys,
don't come in my room.
385
00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:27,836
I might be rubbin' one in.
386
00:16:31,024 --> 00:16:33,225
Peter, this is ridiculous.
387
00:16:33,293 --> 00:16:34,993
It's time for you
to come home.
388
00:16:35,061 --> 00:16:36,495
I live here now, Lois.
389
00:16:36,563 --> 00:16:39,064
Look, I'm sorry
that I ever got us separate...
390
00:16:39,132 --> 00:16:40,499
Is that a bracelet
you're wearing?
391
00:16:40,566 --> 00:16:41,950
It's a giggity band, Lois.
392
00:16:42,018 --> 00:16:43,419
You wouldn't understand.
393
00:16:43,486 --> 00:16:45,020
Look, Peter,
if you come home now,
394
00:16:45,088 --> 00:16:46,522
we can get our old bed back,
395
00:16:46,589 --> 00:16:48,490
and you can snuge with me
as much as you want.
396
00:16:48,558 --> 00:16:49,925
Well...
397
00:16:49,993 --> 00:16:51,727
You promise?
398
00:16:51,795 --> 00:16:53,195
I promise.
399
00:16:53,263 --> 00:16:56,565
'Cause, you know,
I missed cuddling with you, too.
400
00:16:56,633 --> 00:16:57,566
You did?
401
00:16:57,634 --> 00:16:59,468
I sure did.
402
00:16:59,536 --> 00:17:01,720
Well, then, hey...
403
00:17:01,788 --> 00:17:04,139
what do you say we go home, huh?
404
00:17:04,207 --> 00:17:06,308
Sounds good to me.
405
00:17:13,900 --> 00:17:16,001
Oh, Brian, there you are!
406
00:17:16,069 --> 00:17:17,236
Thank God.
Oh, hey, Stewie.
407
00:17:17,287 --> 00:17:18,570
Did you make that coffee?
408
00:17:18,638 --> 00:17:20,239
Um, no, it was here
when I came in.
409
00:17:20,306 --> 00:17:22,374
I assume Lois made it.
Don't drink that!
410
00:17:22,442 --> 00:17:24,643
Hey, that mug was my crew
gift from "Class Holes."
411
00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:26,311
Did you take a bite
out of this donut?
412
00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:27,980
Yeah, it was from a
box on the counter.
413
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:29,248
So what?
How long ago?
414
00:17:29,315 --> 00:17:30,382
I don't know. Five minutes?
415
00:17:30,450 --> 00:17:31,700
There's still time.
416
00:17:35,839 --> 00:17:38,657
God, Stewie, are you
out of your mind?
417
00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:40,793
Trust me, I'm only doing
what's best for you.
418
00:17:40,860 --> 00:17:43,412
Well, I do feel pretty
thin and wonderful.
419
00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:45,013
And I still got
to eat the donut.
420
00:17:45,081 --> 00:17:46,431
Why isn't everybody
doing this?
421
00:17:46,499 --> 00:17:48,150
They are.
422
00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:52,154
I've got a package here
for Brian Griffin.
423
00:17:52,222 --> 00:17:53,238
Oh, that's me.
424
00:17:53,306 --> 00:17:54,740
Brian, no!
425
00:17:57,894 --> 00:17:59,645
Stewie, what the hell
is going on?
426
00:17:59,712 --> 00:18:01,380
I'm so sorry, Brian.
427
00:18:01,447 --> 00:18:03,298
Penelope told me
I had to kill you
428
00:18:03,383 --> 00:18:04,783
because you said
we should break up,
429
00:18:04,851 --> 00:18:06,451
but I couldn't bring myself
to do it.
430
00:18:06,519 --> 00:18:08,854
So then she said
she was gonna kill you and...
431
00:18:08,922 --> 00:18:11,356
This-this is not for you.
432
00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:13,659
That was weird.
433
00:18:13,726 --> 00:18:14,827
W-What was he doing?
434
00:18:14,894 --> 00:18:16,545
Anyway, Penelope's
trying to kill you!
435
00:18:16,613 --> 00:18:18,280
I told you she was bad news.
436
00:18:18,348 --> 00:18:19,948
Look, let's just get you
someplace safe.
437
00:18:21,351 --> 00:18:22,601
Dude, get out of here.
438
00:18:25,638 --> 00:18:28,240
Stewie, step aside.
439
00:18:28,308 --> 00:18:30,192
Penelope,
I can't let you do this.
440
00:18:30,260 --> 00:18:31,560
Stewie, she's
one year old.
441
00:18:31,644 --> 00:18:32,878
I think I can
handle this myself.
442
00:18:36,783 --> 00:18:38,784
All right, Stewie, tag in.
443
00:18:46,092 --> 00:18:50,229
Slo-o-w mo-o-o-tion
di-i-ving at yo-o-u!
444
00:19:09,882 --> 00:19:11,016
Anti-gravity gun!
445
00:19:11,067 --> 00:19:12,884
This is beyond my technology.
446
00:19:12,936 --> 00:19:14,820
Perhaps if I detonate
an electromagnetic pulse,
447
00:19:14,887 --> 00:19:15,887
it will disable it.
448
00:20:09,608 --> 00:20:11,627
Stay away from my dog.
449
00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:13,745
Very well, Stewie. I shall.
450
00:20:13,796 --> 00:20:15,380
But just one thing.
451
00:20:15,448 --> 00:20:16,331
What?
452
00:20:38,338 --> 00:20:39,771
That was...
453
00:20:39,839 --> 00:20:41,506
beautiful.
454
00:20:41,574 --> 00:20:43,775
I'm gonna tell my friends
I banged her.
455
00:20:43,843 --> 00:20:47,843
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
456
00:20:49,499 --> 00:20:51,116
Hey, thanks for
saving my life.
457
00:20:51,184 --> 00:20:52,768
Well, it was the least
I could do.
458
00:20:52,835 --> 00:20:55,587
Obviously, it turns out
you were right about Penelope.
459
00:20:55,655 --> 00:20:56,788
You okay?
460
00:20:56,856 --> 00:20:58,056
I will be.
461
00:20:58,124 --> 00:20:59,391
I will be, babe.
462
00:20:59,459 --> 00:21:00,559
Oh, hey, Meg.
463
00:21:00,626 --> 00:21:01,710
What have you been up to?