1
00:00:02,635 --> 00:00:05,468
It seems today that all you see
2
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:09,032
Is violence in movies and sex on TV
3
00:00:09,309 --> 00:00:12,710
But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:12,979 --> 00:00:15,447
On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:15,949 --> 00:00:18,315
Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:19,319 --> 00:00:22,652
Lucky there's a man who
Positively can do
7
00:00:22,756 --> 00:00:24,087
All the things that make us
8
00:00:24,224 --> 00:00:25,714
Laugh and cry
9
00:00:25,925 --> 00:00:30,692
He's a family guy
10
00:00:35,135 --> 00:00:36,966
All right, boys. Let's see what we've got.
11
00:00:37,971 --> 00:00:39,268
Well, at least we got something.
12
00:00:39,606 --> 00:00:41,699
God! Damn! Stupid penguins.
13
00:00:45,311 --> 00:00:47,223
Sorry, guys,
but the way things have been going...
14
00:00:47,247 --> 00:00:50,512
I can't afford to keep you.
I'm gonna have to put you down.
15
00:00:52,519 --> 00:00:54,680
This is the hardest thing
I've ever had to do.
16
00:01:05,298 --> 00:01:08,825
I love you both. So, sorry.
I'll always love you.
17
00:01:14,707 --> 00:01:16,800
We now return to Gilmore Girls.
18
00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:18,387
Mom, I need to talk to you about Dean.
19
00:01:18,411 --> 00:01:19,789
Which Dean? Howard Dean, James Dean
or Jimmy Dean.
20
00:01:19,813 --> 00:01:21,157
Too old, too dead, and too fattening.
21
00:01:21,181 --> 00:01:22,491
You don't have to tell that to my thighs.
22
00:01:22,515 --> 00:01:24,193
Can you ask your thighs
if they borrowed my Gap capris?
23
00:01:24,217 --> 00:01:26,195
They did not and are insulted
that you've asked such a thing.
24
00:01:26,219 --> 00:01:27,419
As insulted as Kitty Kelley...
25
00:01:27,487 --> 00:01:30,099
when people accuse her of taking
liberties with her best-selling tell-alls.
26
00:01:30,123 --> 00:01:31,801
- Almost. Wanna make out?
- Absolutely not.
27
00:01:31,825 --> 00:01:33,292
- Oh, you're so lying.
- I so am.
28
00:01:33,793 --> 00:01:35,954
Oh, honey, how was your day?
Did you catch any fish?
29
00:01:36,062 --> 00:01:38,326
No, but I caught this turtle.
Named him Terence.
30
00:01:38,431 --> 00:01:41,161
Then killed him, and hollowed him out
into an ashtray for Stewie.
31
00:01:41,267 --> 00:01:45,101
Peter, we have a family to feed.
We all count on you to provide for us.
32
00:01:45,672 --> 00:01:47,196
I know, and I feel terrible.
33
00:01:47,307 --> 00:01:50,504
I must look like a bigger loser
than when I was on that game show.
34
00:01:50,677 --> 00:01:52,975
And now, back to America's
favorite game show...
35
00:01:53,079 --> 00:01:54,079
Bobcat or Bjork.
36
00:01:55,348 --> 00:01:57,373
Okay, Peter. Listen closely and tell us...
37
00:01:57,484 --> 00:02:00,282
if this is a song
by Icelandic vocalist Bjork...
38
00:02:00,420 --> 00:02:03,617
or, the rantings of former comedian
Bobcat Goldthwait.
39
00:02:03,923 --> 00:02:04,923
Here we go.
40
00:02:08,495 --> 00:02:10,258
Well, Bill, that's gotta be Bobcat.
41
00:02:11,631 --> 00:02:13,098
Sorry, that was Bjork.
42
00:02:16,436 --> 00:02:19,064
I tell you, fellows,
if I don't find some fish out there soon...
43
00:02:19,172 --> 00:02:20,469
my family's gonna go hungry.
44
00:02:20,740 --> 00:02:24,676
If it's fish you wants, Pelican's Reef
is where you'll find them.
45
00:02:25,044 --> 00:02:29,105
I've seen fish there.
More fish than you could possibly imagine.
46
00:02:29,449 --> 00:02:31,747
Fish as far as the eye can see.
47
00:02:32,252 --> 00:02:34,652
Lots and lots of fish...
48
00:02:34,754 --> 00:02:37,746
I guess, would be the main bullet point
of this presentation.
49
00:02:37,891 --> 00:02:39,552
Jeez, where is this Pelican's Reef?
50
00:02:41,094 --> 00:02:42,152
There.
51
00:02:43,463 --> 00:02:46,591
But beware, no man has ever returned.
52
00:02:46,733 --> 00:02:51,636
Many have gone. All have been lost.
Vanished, never to be seen again.
53
00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:53,605
No one has ever come back...
54
00:02:53,706 --> 00:02:58,006
I guess, would be the central theme
of what I'm trying to get across here.
55
00:02:58,111 --> 00:03:01,103
Pelican's Reef, huh?
Then, that's where I'll go.
56
00:03:01,214 --> 00:03:05,116
'Cause I'm not afraid of a challenge.
Like that time I outfarted Michael Moore.
57
00:03:05,852 --> 00:03:07,132
- Hi, there.
- How are you doing?
58
00:03:39,152 --> 00:03:40,952
All right, everybody.
I'll be back in a week.
59
00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:42,988
- Brian, look after the family.
- Aye, aye.
60
00:03:43,089 --> 00:03:44,920
- Chris, don't pick your bum.
- No promises.
61
00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:47,424
Meg, if you get intimate with a guy,
make him wear this.
62
00:03:47,594 --> 00:03:50,290
Dad, that's a garbage bag.
Don't you mean a condom?
63
00:03:50,396 --> 00:03:54,765
Meg, hefty, hefty, hefty.
Wimpy, wimpy, wimpy.
64
00:03:54,934 --> 00:03:57,732
Honey, be careful.
This Pelican's Reef sounds dangerous.
65
00:03:57,904 --> 00:03:59,929
That's why I built you
a widow's walk, Lois.
66
00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:03,440
So you can watch the sea until I return.
Go on, try it out.
67
00:04:03,710 --> 00:04:06,144
- Peter, that doesn't look entirely...
- Go on!
68
00:04:07,447 --> 00:04:09,767
Peter, I'm really not comfortable,
stepping foot on this...
69
00:04:09,849 --> 00:04:11,749
Lois, I gotta leave in, like, five minutes.
70
00:04:12,218 --> 00:04:13,947
Is this scotch tape?
71
00:04:16,055 --> 00:04:17,420
You drunk.
72
00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:23,562
Boy, I really appreciate you guys
helping me out on this.
73
00:04:23,663 --> 00:04:26,962
Peter, we're your friends. We're always
there for you in your time of need.
74
00:04:27,066 --> 00:04:29,830
Especially when you provide the free beer.
75
00:04:32,705 --> 00:04:35,003
Hey, I got an idea. Let's play "I never".
76
00:04:35,208 --> 00:04:38,302
You gotta drink if you did the thing
that the person says they never did.
77
00:04:38,411 --> 00:04:39,503
Well, I got one.
78
00:04:39,812 --> 00:04:42,804
I never slept with a woman
with the lights on.
79
00:04:43,883 --> 00:04:44,883
I'll go next.
80
00:04:45,718 --> 00:04:48,414
I never had sex with Cleveland's wife.
81
00:04:49,389 --> 00:04:50,389
All right, let's see.
82
00:04:50,923 --> 00:04:53,653
I never did a chick
in a Logan airport bathroom.
83
00:04:57,830 --> 00:04:59,354
God, let's see. What else is there?
84
00:05:00,900 --> 00:05:03,630
I never gave a reach around
to a spider monkey...
85
00:05:03,736 --> 00:05:05,397
while reciting the pledge of allegiance.
86
00:05:05,505 --> 00:05:06,631
Oh, God.
87
00:05:08,641 --> 00:05:11,405
I never picked up an illegal alien
at Home Depot...
88
00:05:11,511 --> 00:05:13,741
to take home and choke me,
while I touched myself.
89
00:05:13,846 --> 00:05:14,972
Oh, come on.
90
00:05:16,082 --> 00:05:19,074
I never did the same thing
but with someone from Jo-Ann Fabrics.
91
00:05:19,185 --> 00:05:20,880
Oh, God, this is ridiculous.
92
00:05:22,755 --> 00:05:25,553
Oh, boy. He's out cold.
Hey, let's write on him.
93
00:05:33,466 --> 00:05:34,466
What the hell is that?
94
00:05:36,669 --> 00:05:40,230
Oh, my God. There's fish everywhere.
95
00:05:40,406 --> 00:05:44,843
- Wow! This must be Pelican's Reef.
- Holy crap! We're rich!
96
00:05:44,944 --> 00:05:46,224
Rich? I'll tell you what's rich.
97
00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:48,610
The amusing folksy monologues
of young Will Rogers.
98
00:05:48,715 --> 00:05:52,344
But me, I like the visual slapstick gag.
Like this comically oversized powder puff.
99
00:05:52,719 --> 00:05:54,687
Makeup. Now, that's rich.
100
00:05:55,488 --> 00:05:56,887
Play me off, Johnny.
101
00:06:04,597 --> 00:06:07,896
In local news, we have more on the
approach of Hurricane RuPaul...
102
00:06:08,034 --> 00:06:09,899
which is working his or her
way up the coast.
103
00:06:10,169 --> 00:06:13,104
Let's go live to Ollie Williams
with the blackie weather report.
104
00:06:13,239 --> 00:06:14,604
- Ollie.
- It's raining sideways.
105
00:06:14,707 --> 00:06:16,318
Sounds rough, Ollie.
You have an umbrella?
106
00:06:16,342 --> 00:06:17,342
Had one.
107
00:06:17,443 --> 00:06:19,054
- Where is it?
- Inside out, two miles away.
108
00:06:19,078 --> 00:06:21,423
- Is there anything we can do for you?
- Bring me some soup.
109
00:06:21,447 --> 00:06:22,447
- What kind?
- Turkey.
110
00:06:22,548 --> 00:06:23,592
All right, we'll get on that.
111
00:06:23,616 --> 00:06:26,813
Coming up next,
a pig who refuses to eat Jews.
112
00:06:26,919 --> 00:06:27,919
After this.
113
00:06:28,020 --> 00:06:31,456
A hurricane. Oh, my God!
Peter's out there.
114
00:06:31,557 --> 00:06:33,838
Don't worry, Lois.
Peter's good at getting out of trouble.
115
00:06:33,926 --> 00:06:35,018
Just like Kobe Bryant.
116
00:06:35,161 --> 00:06:37,425
We want the truth, Kobe.
Did you rape her?
117
00:06:40,533 --> 00:06:41,613
What were we talking about?
118
00:06:43,369 --> 00:06:46,566
- That's a hell of a catch, Peter.
- Guys, this is great.
119
00:06:46,806 --> 00:06:49,866
Not only will I be able to put food
on the table, and pay all my bills...
120
00:06:49,976 --> 00:06:52,137
I'll also be able to finance
my Christmas album.
121
00:06:52,311 --> 00:06:55,371
Sessions presents,
a Peter Griffin Christmas.
122
00:06:55,681 --> 00:06:57,478
Featuring such standards as...
123
00:07:02,922 --> 00:07:05,857
Everybody, look at the snow
in the yard
124
00:07:05,958 --> 00:07:07,425
And who could forget...
125
00:07:07,693 --> 00:07:10,491
I brought these gifts for you
126
00:07:10,797 --> 00:07:12,822
They're up in my bum
127
00:07:13,032 --> 00:07:14,761
And everyone's favorite...
128
00:07:17,036 --> 00:07:19,163
Look at the bells, look at the bells
129
00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:22,730
Holy crap, here come Jesus
And he doesn't look too happy
130
00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:25,236
Merry Christmas, everyone.
131
00:07:25,745 --> 00:07:27,007
Here's to fish.
132
00:07:28,614 --> 00:07:29,854
Hey, could I have one of those?
133
00:07:29,982 --> 00:07:31,422
Hey, Death, what are you doing here?
134
00:07:31,517 --> 00:07:34,111
Me? I'm here because of that.
135
00:07:40,493 --> 00:07:44,293
And their vessel was swept to the bottom
of the briny deep.
136
00:07:44,630 --> 00:07:48,031
Swallowed whole
by the treacherous, unforgiving sea.
137
00:07:49,001 --> 00:07:51,060
They sank, I guess,
would be the one thing...
138
00:07:51,170 --> 00:07:52,850
to take away
from this part of the seminar.
139
00:07:52,972 --> 00:07:54,372
When we come back, I'll show you...
140
00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:57,568
how eye contact can make or break
any business relationship.
141
00:08:12,258 --> 00:08:16,126
It's lucky you packed
so many blow-up dolls...
142
00:08:16,829 --> 00:08:18,319
Quag, Quagmire.
143
00:08:18,431 --> 00:08:22,333
Be careful.
The tiniest prick will pop these things.
144
00:08:23,202 --> 00:08:24,226
Giggidy.
145
00:08:24,537 --> 00:08:27,870
We've been out here for days. I'm starving.
146
00:08:29,575 --> 00:08:30,906
- Hey, what's that?
- Where? What?
147
00:08:31,043 --> 00:08:32,635
You're eating something.
148
00:08:32,745 --> 00:08:35,680
- You bastard! You have food?
- I don't know what you're talking about.
149
00:08:35,781 --> 00:08:36,781
Give me that.
150
00:08:43,022 --> 00:08:45,889
Peter! You've been eating my legs?
151
00:08:45,992 --> 00:08:47,903
Yeah.
See, now this is why I didn't say anything.
152
00:08:47,927 --> 00:08:51,055
- I knew you were gonna get like this.
- What the hell is wrong with you?
153
00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:53,825
- Look, Joe...
- You've been eating me!
154
00:08:53,933 --> 00:08:55,878
Okay, you know what.
Let's just agree to disagree.
155
00:08:55,902 --> 00:08:57,062
Hey, guys. There's an island.
156
00:08:57,169 --> 00:08:58,261
Oh, thank goodness.
157
00:09:00,806 --> 00:09:02,740
Oh, wow. I feel like an explorer.
158
00:09:02,842 --> 00:09:05,177
Just like my ancestor,
Ponce de Leon Griffin.
159
00:09:05,444 --> 00:09:08,845
There it is boys, the Fountain of Youth.
Just like I told you.
160
00:09:12,251 --> 00:09:14,515
Well, that was worth
the eight-year boat ride.
161
00:09:16,622 --> 00:09:20,285
We gather today to remember
those brave Quahog men...
162
00:09:20,426 --> 00:09:21,859
who were lost at sea.
163
00:09:22,028 --> 00:09:24,690
The Bible declares an eye for an eye.
164
00:09:24,830 --> 00:09:28,596
So, let us now take our vengeance
on this murderous ocean.
165
00:09:30,536 --> 00:09:33,801
You won't be hurting anyone anymore.
166
00:09:34,206 --> 00:09:38,336
- I just can't believe he's gone.
- Don't worry, Lois. We'll get through this.
167
00:09:38,477 --> 00:09:40,604
Daddy, I'm gonna miss you.
168
00:09:41,047 --> 00:09:42,173
Daddy!
169
00:09:43,816 --> 00:09:45,249
Oh, he's dead.
170
00:09:45,351 --> 00:09:48,115
I know, sweetie. I'm sad, too.
But you're making a scene.
171
00:09:48,254 --> 00:09:49,380
All our friends are here.
172
00:09:55,127 --> 00:09:56,924
Screw you, fish.
173
00:09:57,597 --> 00:09:59,428
I miss you so much.
174
00:09:59,532 --> 00:10:03,366
But I promise, one day I'll see you again,
Captain Caveman.
175
00:10:05,972 --> 00:10:07,803
It feels like we've been here forever.
176
00:10:07,974 --> 00:10:09,032
Okay, here's one.
177
00:10:09,408 --> 00:10:11,740
What would you guys rather be?
Blind or a midget?
178
00:10:11,844 --> 00:10:13,778
Oh, that's easy. Blind.
179
00:10:13,980 --> 00:10:17,313
It heightens your other senses
to near superhero levels.
180
00:10:17,416 --> 00:10:20,647
Yeah, and every woman I did
would be Cheryl Tiegs.
181
00:10:20,853 --> 00:10:21,945
Definitely blind.
182
00:10:22,054 --> 00:10:24,522
You guys are crazy.
Hey, you don't wanna be a midget?
183
00:10:24,824 --> 00:10:27,156
One of those funny little guys
running around...
184
00:10:27,259 --> 00:10:28,749
getting in all kinds of shenanigans.
185
00:10:28,861 --> 00:10:31,159
Smoking a cigar,
while you're riding around in a stroller.
186
00:10:31,263 --> 00:10:32,808
- Good point.
- Never thought of it that way.
187
00:10:32,832 --> 00:10:36,359
- They are God's little punch lines.
- Okay, all right. Here's another one.
188
00:10:36,535 --> 00:10:37,593
Black or crippled?
189
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:43,700
All right, fellas.
We've been out here for months.
190
00:10:43,809 --> 00:10:45,743
And we all know
that men have certain needs.
191
00:10:45,878 --> 00:10:49,644
And being there's no women around,
we're gonna have to have an orgy.
192
00:10:52,318 --> 00:10:53,751
- Anybody horny?
- No.
193
00:10:53,853 --> 00:10:55,912
- No.
- Yeah, me neither.
194
00:10:56,422 --> 00:11:00,620
And whoever's toe that is,
I appreciate your enthusiasm...
195
00:11:00,726 --> 00:11:02,626
but I think, you can stop.
196
00:11:02,728 --> 00:11:05,492
Boy, I'm sure glad
nobody's here to see this.
197
00:11:06,899 --> 00:11:08,867
And if you look off
the left side of the ship...
198
00:11:08,968 --> 00:11:10,936
you'll see a bunch of homosexuals.
199
00:11:16,008 --> 00:11:18,636
- That was a great cruise.
- Yeah, the buffet was great.
200
00:11:18,744 --> 00:11:20,712
And I enjoyed shooting Skeet.
201
00:11:20,813 --> 00:11:23,077
Don't worry, Mr. Ulrich,
we'll get you to the hospital.
202
00:11:23,182 --> 00:11:24,581
You bastard.
203
00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:28,848
There's nothing good about
what you do or who you are.
204
00:11:31,323 --> 00:11:33,655
Lois, I'm home.
205
00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:35,354
- Peter.
- Daddy.
206
00:11:35,461 --> 00:11:36,860
- Dad.
- What's your name again?
207
00:11:37,129 --> 00:11:38,221
I wanna say Allen.
208
00:11:38,330 --> 00:11:42,289
- Oh, it's so good to see you guys.
- Peter, we'd given up hope.
209
00:11:42,401 --> 00:11:45,370
I can't tell you how happy I am
that you're alive.
210
00:11:45,471 --> 00:11:46,836
Oh, come here, sweetheart.
211
00:11:46,939 --> 00:11:49,703
Wait, Peter.
There's something you should know.
212
00:11:50,009 --> 00:11:54,412
I'm not quite sure how to tell you this,
but I got remarried.
213
00:11:54,580 --> 00:11:55,580
What?
214
00:11:55,781 --> 00:11:58,750
It was a very difficult time
and he was there for us.
215
00:11:58,951 --> 00:12:00,714
What the hell... Who was there for you?
216
00:12:00,853 --> 00:12:02,184
Honey, I'm home.
217
00:12:03,889 --> 00:12:06,585
- Peter, you're alive.
- Brian.
218
00:12:06,692 --> 00:12:09,684
This is just like that sitcom
where there's two dads.
219
00:12:10,162 --> 00:12:13,689
Except nobody's laughing.
No, wait, it's the same.
220
00:12:16,435 --> 00:12:18,130
You married Brian?
221
00:12:18,237 --> 00:12:20,364
Peter, remember.
We thought you were dead.
222
00:12:20,473 --> 00:12:22,839
I needed help and Brian was there.
223
00:12:23,242 --> 00:12:26,370
He even took a job selling cars
to keep the family afloat.
224
00:12:26,479 --> 00:12:29,175
Well, just get a divorce
and everything will be back to normal.
225
00:12:29,849 --> 00:12:33,080
It's not that easy.
What am I supposed to tell Brian?
226
00:12:33,452 --> 00:12:38,151
Thanks for saving our family, now scram.
And besides, he's been great with the kids.
227
00:12:38,357 --> 00:12:40,325
I mean, Chris is doing better in school.
228
00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:43,862
And Meg even went on a date with
the announcer from the Super Friends.
229
00:12:45,131 --> 00:12:47,395
Meanwhile, under Meg Griffin's bra.
230
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:51,627
Fine. I can see, I'm not wanted here.
Maybe I'll just find my own place.
231
00:12:51,837 --> 00:12:54,806
Oh, Peter. I just feel terrible about this.
232
00:12:54,940 --> 00:12:57,534
I don't need your sympathy.
I don't need anything.
233
00:12:57,810 --> 00:13:00,278
You know what?
Maybe I'll just go take up my old job...
234
00:13:00,379 --> 00:13:02,176
as a construction worker in New York.
235
00:13:02,281 --> 00:13:04,146
Although I never did get
the cat calling right.
236
00:13:05,718 --> 00:13:08,084
- Yeah, baby.
- I want a piece of that.
237
00:13:08,187 --> 00:13:09,848
You suck!
238
00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:15,818
Hey, listen, Lois.
239
00:13:16,095 --> 00:13:18,335
You know, I know,
your head must be turned upside down...
240
00:13:18,497 --> 00:13:19,361
by this whole Peter thing.
241
00:13:19,465 --> 00:13:21,933
So, you know, if there's anything
you wanna talk about...
242
00:13:22,034 --> 00:13:23,524
Oh, don't worry, Brian.
243
00:13:23,836 --> 00:13:26,896
I'll admit this is an emotional time for me
but you and I are married...
244
00:13:27,006 --> 00:13:29,201
and that's the way it's gonna stay.
245
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:32,334
So any possibility of...
246
00:13:32,578 --> 00:13:35,103
tonight being the night
we finally push the beds together.
247
00:13:35,214 --> 00:13:36,442
Good night, Brian.
248
00:13:37,183 --> 00:13:38,741
Come on.
249
00:13:38,851 --> 00:13:41,945
Jeez, enough with that already.
You're like a dog with a bone.
250
00:13:42,154 --> 00:13:44,554
Tell me about it. I'll be in the basement.
251
00:13:45,090 --> 00:13:46,990
- Doing what?
- What do you think?
252
00:13:50,462 --> 00:13:53,090
Wow, Joe,
where did you get the new legs?
253
00:13:53,199 --> 00:13:56,828
Transplant. They belonged to
a death row inmate who got the chair.
254
00:13:56,969 --> 00:13:59,767
Unfortunately for me,
he was also a paraplegic.
255
00:13:59,872 --> 00:14:03,308
Guys, I don't know what I'm gonna do.
Lois is the only woman for me.
256
00:14:03,409 --> 00:14:06,503
Well, then, it sounds like you've gotta
find a way to win her back.
257
00:14:06,612 --> 00:14:09,740
Yeah, like we could get her drunk
and take turns having sex with her.
258
00:14:09,882 --> 00:14:11,645
- How would that help me?
- Oh, help you?
259
00:14:11,784 --> 00:14:14,753
Yeah, yeah. Then, no.
No, then, that wouldn't help you.
260
00:14:14,887 --> 00:14:16,855
Well, Joe is absolutely right.
261
00:14:16,956 --> 00:14:19,322
I just gotta figure out
a way to win Lois back.
262
00:14:19,425 --> 00:14:21,188
I can do that, I'm a smart guy.
263
00:14:21,293 --> 00:14:23,557
I once built that time machine out of a
DeLorean.
264
00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:27,230
All right, past. Here I come.
265
00:14:35,341 --> 00:14:39,300
Wow. Everybody in 1955 was on fire.
266
00:14:39,612 --> 00:14:41,204
I never knew that.
267
00:14:43,482 --> 00:14:46,383
- Oh, hello, Lois.
- Peter.
268
00:14:46,585 --> 00:14:49,019
What are you doing here
and where are your clothes?
269
00:14:49,188 --> 00:14:50,780
Oh, did I forget my clothes?
270
00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:53,064
You know, I'd leave my ass behind...
271
00:14:53,158 --> 00:14:55,558
if it wasn't so perfectly attached
to my sternum.
272
00:14:55,761 --> 00:14:57,319
Perhaps I should cover myself.
273
00:15:01,834 --> 00:15:04,166
Look, Peter,
I know what you're trying to do...
274
00:15:04,336 --> 00:15:06,600
but it's not gonna work.
I'm married to Brian.
275
00:15:06,705 --> 00:15:11,108
Oh, that's right. How inappropriate of me.
Well, I guess, I should be going.
276
00:15:12,278 --> 00:15:15,736
- Lois, do you have a magnet in your head?
- What?
277
00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:18,782
You must, because it's attracting
my buns of steel.
278
00:15:18,884 --> 00:15:19,884
Peter, knock it off.
279
00:15:19,985 --> 00:15:21,863
You knock it off.
You're the one with the magnet.
280
00:15:21,887 --> 00:15:24,151
I'm serious, knock it off.
281
00:15:24,690 --> 00:15:25,690
Peter, no.
282
00:15:26,158 --> 00:15:27,785
Peter, for God's sake.
283
00:15:28,627 --> 00:15:31,255
Oh, who am I kidding?
I can't fight this anymore.
284
00:15:34,133 --> 00:15:35,896
I missed you so much.
285
00:15:36,001 --> 00:15:38,765
Lois, I smell whipped cream.
Are you making strawberry shortcake?
286
00:15:46,612 --> 00:15:51,174
So it's a shouting match you want, eh?
Well, game on, Quahog.
287
00:15:55,554 --> 00:15:56,953
I'm beating you!
288
00:16:01,393 --> 00:16:04,556
Hey, Griffin, your sales are in the toilet.
You got problems at home?
289
00:16:04,663 --> 00:16:06,290
No! What would make you say that?
290
00:16:06,432 --> 00:16:09,333
Ex-husband back in the picture,
you're working during the day.
291
00:16:09,468 --> 00:16:12,335
They got time to bump uglies.
That's right, I said, bump uglies.
292
00:16:12,438 --> 00:16:13,798
Big whoop. Want to fight about it?
293
00:16:13,839 --> 00:16:16,672
Shut up, Paddy, you're crazy.
Lois would never cheat on me.
294
00:16:16,875 --> 00:16:17,967
I trust her completely.
295
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:31,081
Excuse me.
296
00:16:31,390 --> 00:16:35,554
I'm looking for a car that's been tricked
out to look like an ice-cream truck.
297
00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:37,322
Damn it! I'm sorry, what?
298
00:16:37,429 --> 00:16:40,865
You know, with colorful pictures
of ice cream treats.
299
00:16:41,033 --> 00:16:44,127
And it plays a tune
that's fun for the young children.
300
00:16:58,317 --> 00:16:59,944
Okay, I'm going out.
301
00:17:00,052 --> 00:17:03,510
- Where are you going?
- To my garden club.
302
00:17:03,622 --> 00:17:06,352
It's 10:30 at night and you have a saddle.
303
00:17:06,492 --> 00:17:07,492
Well, it's a...
304
00:17:10,996 --> 00:17:14,955
What's this? What's this, Brian, huh?
What's this, huh?
305
00:17:15,067 --> 00:17:16,967
- It's a ball.
- Oh, is this your ball?
306
00:17:17,102 --> 00:17:18,899
You want it, huh? You want this, huh?
307
00:17:19,004 --> 00:17:20,904
Yes, I would like it, please, yes.
308
00:17:21,006 --> 00:17:22,564
You want this, huh? You want the ball?
309
00:17:22,674 --> 00:17:25,472
- Yes, I would like to have it very much.
- You want the ball?
310
00:17:25,577 --> 00:17:27,337
I would enjoy having it, yes.
Give it to me.
311
00:17:27,379 --> 00:17:28,403
Go, get it.
312
00:17:30,015 --> 00:17:33,280
I'm sorry, Lois, I was mistaken.
I thought you threw the ball in there...
313
00:17:33,385 --> 00:17:34,763
but I can see now you still have it.
314
00:17:34,787 --> 00:17:35,811
Go, get the ball.
315
00:17:38,290 --> 00:17:39,814
I say, are you blind, or just stupid?
316
00:17:39,925 --> 00:17:41,803
- What do you mean?
- Perhaps you'd like to see...
317
00:17:41,827 --> 00:17:44,455
what Lois and the fat man have been up to
in your absence.
318
00:17:47,499 --> 00:17:51,333
Hello, MTV, I think
I would be perfect for The Real World.
319
00:17:51,737 --> 00:17:56,071
Because I speak my mind
and not everyone likes that.
320
00:17:57,309 --> 00:18:01,507
But I'm not afraid to go there.
And I can be sexy.
321
00:18:03,949 --> 00:18:06,645
Look at my fanny, look at my fanny,
look at my fanny.
322
00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:09,243
- Wow, I can't believe they didn't take you.
- Shut up!
323
00:18:09,388 --> 00:18:10,719
All right, here it is.
324
00:18:12,891 --> 00:18:13,915
Oh Peter.
325
00:18:17,663 --> 00:18:18,663
Hang on.
326
00:18:19,865 --> 00:18:21,730
Shazzam!
327
00:18:23,435 --> 00:18:25,062
Good for you.
328
00:18:25,237 --> 00:18:27,865
My God. How could they do this to me?
329
00:18:43,055 --> 00:18:45,922
Peter, I can't keep
sneaking around with you like this.
330
00:18:46,024 --> 00:18:49,983
- See, it's not fair to Brian.
- What about me, Lois. I love you, too.
331
00:18:50,095 --> 00:18:53,587
And the other thing is,
Lois, hi, he's a dog.
332
00:18:53,699 --> 00:18:56,634
Please. Please don't make this any harder
than it has to be.
333
00:18:56,768 --> 00:19:00,704
You know, I will always love you,
but I made a commitment to Brian.
334
00:19:01,039 --> 00:19:04,031
I can never repay him
for what he's done for this family.
335
00:19:04,643 --> 00:19:06,270
I'm sorry, Peter.
336
00:19:10,782 --> 00:19:12,773
All right, Simon, do your worst.
337
00:19:15,020 --> 00:19:17,318
I find it's easy
if I make it into a little song.
338
00:19:17,489 --> 00:19:21,050
Red, green, blue, green, blue, blue
Then you put in words
339
00:19:21,293 --> 00:19:24,490
I like tea and cakes for tea and cake time
340
00:19:25,697 --> 00:19:28,632
- Brian, you're still up.
- Lois, listen.
341
00:19:30,102 --> 00:19:31,330
We need to talk.
342
00:19:31,436 --> 00:19:33,427
Oh, my, I better leave you two alone.
343
00:19:40,112 --> 00:19:43,275
- What's the matter, Brian?
- I've been thinking about us.
344
00:19:43,382 --> 00:19:46,112
And I just don't think it's working out.
345
00:19:46,351 --> 00:19:48,546
Oh, my God. No way.
346
00:19:48,887 --> 00:19:51,117
You wanna break up. Why?
347
00:19:51,256 --> 00:19:53,816
I just don't think
you're the right woman for me.
348
00:19:53,959 --> 00:19:56,154
Oh, bitch. You got jacked, bitch.
349
00:19:56,261 --> 00:19:58,695
Maybe you should see
if Peter will still take you back.
350
00:19:59,231 --> 00:20:02,394
- I'm sorry, Lois.
- I understand, Brian.
351
00:20:03,235 --> 00:20:06,796
There's no possible way
I can ever thank you enough for this.
352
00:20:07,239 --> 00:20:10,106
- You're a good friend.
- You're a good friend too, Lois.
353
00:20:10,542 --> 00:20:11,668
That's kind of nice.
354
00:20:14,580 --> 00:20:17,071
Well, thank God,
everything's back to normal.
355
00:20:17,182 --> 00:20:18,206
I'll say.
356
00:20:18,317 --> 00:20:21,980
And to think, Brian, I was, like,
a day away from having sex with you.
357
00:20:22,287 --> 00:20:24,187
I was gonna push those beds together...
358
00:20:24,289 --> 00:20:26,951
and take you
around the freaking world, Brian.
359
00:20:27,793 --> 00:20:30,421
But a nice pat on the head
is just as good, huh?
360
00:20:30,996 --> 00:20:34,363
- You want your ball?
- No, Lois, I don't want the ball right now.
361
00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:35,600
I'll be in the basement.
362
00:20:35,667 --> 00:20:37,157
- Doing what?
- What do you think?
363
00:20:42,608 --> 00:20:44,872
Okay, somebody's gonna have to
explain that to me.