1 00:00:02,502 --> 00:00:05,938 It seems today that all you see 2 00:00:06,039 --> 00:00:09,236 Is violence in movies and sex on TV 3 00:00:09,342 --> 00:00:12,800 But where are those good old-fashioned values 4 00:00:12,912 --> 00:00:15,437 On which we used to rely? 5 00:00:15,882 --> 00:00:19,215 Lucky there's a family guy 6 00:00:19,319 --> 00:00:22,618 Lucky there's a man who positively can do 7 00:00:22,722 --> 00:00:24,622 All the things that make us 8 00:00:24,724 --> 00:00:25,986 Laugh and cry 9 00:00:26,092 --> 00:00:30,552 He's a family guy 10 00:00:36,770 --> 00:00:39,933 This is ridiculous. Why did y'all drag me here? 11 00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:42,941 Because you can't just sit home every night since Loretta left. 12 00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:44,772 You got to get out and meet some women. 13 00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:47,176 Well, I suppose I could give it a try. 14 00:00:47,747 --> 00:00:51,444 Hey, baby. How'd you like to go black and then have to make... 15 00:00:51,551 --> 00:00:54,952 a difficult decision regarding whether or not to go back? 16 00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:58,024 Sorry, I went burnt sienna and I never went back. 17 00:00:58,124 --> 00:01:00,319 Ready, baby? Who's this clown? 18 00:01:04,731 --> 00:01:08,929 Open up, Stewie. The airplane's coming in for a landing. 19 00:01:09,702 --> 00:01:12,762 I guess the pilot must have been JFK Junior. 20 00:01:13,039 --> 00:01:15,439 Even I found that to be in bad taste. 21 00:01:15,542 --> 00:01:17,100 Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad. 22 00:01:17,210 --> 00:01:20,577 Good morning, Chris. Oh, my God! Look at the size of that pimple. 23 00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:22,739 You're like a circus freak! 24 00:01:23,283 --> 00:01:25,751 I'm kidding. You're just becoming a man, sweetie. 25 00:01:25,852 --> 00:01:27,843 Yeah. I remember when I became a man. 26 00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:31,751 The operation was a success. What are you gonna go by now? 27 00:01:31,858 --> 00:01:33,120 Peter. 28 00:01:33,226 --> 00:01:35,820 You know, Chris, we'll have to do something about that. 29 00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:37,829 But I don't wanna get rid of my zit. 30 00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:41,196 I like him. He's my friend. His name is Doug. 31 00:01:41,301 --> 00:01:43,030 I just wish I didn't have to look at it. 32 00:01:43,136 --> 00:01:45,434 We have to look at your anus all day. 33 00:01:45,538 --> 00:01:46,732 Thank you. 34 00:01:49,309 --> 00:01:52,176 The Bachelorette comes to Quahog in search of male contestants. 35 00:01:52,278 --> 00:01:53,745 Story at 11:00. 36 00:01:54,180 --> 00:01:56,148 Well, actually, that was pretty much it. 37 00:01:56,249 --> 00:01:57,773 But there will be other stuff, too. 38 00:01:57,884 --> 00:01:59,579 Look, I'm turning down the thermostat. 39 00:01:59,686 --> 00:02:01,381 See Diane's erect nipples at 11:00. 40 00:02:01,488 --> 00:02:04,150 Oh, my God! The Bachelorette is coming to Quahog. 41 00:02:04,257 --> 00:02:06,020 That's, like, my favorite show ever. 42 00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:07,616 Meg, how can you watch that crap? 43 00:02:07,727 --> 00:02:09,592 That show is not reality. It's all staged. 44 00:02:09,696 --> 00:02:11,926 It's a complete mockery of human relationships. 45 00:02:12,031 --> 00:02:15,125 You know, this could be the perfect way for Cleveland to meet Mrs. Right. 46 00:02:15,235 --> 00:02:17,635 I got to tell him. Hey, Cleveland. 47 00:02:17,837 --> 00:02:21,796 Joe? Sorry, I dialed the wrong number. I meant to call Cleveland. 48 00:02:21,908 --> 00:02:24,103 No, I just wanted to tell him something. 49 00:02:24,210 --> 00:02:26,906 No, I'd like to talk to you, too. It's just that... 50 00:02:27,013 --> 00:02:29,743 Fine. I'll call you after I talk to Cleveland. 51 00:02:29,849 --> 00:02:32,249 I don't feel obligated. I want to. 52 00:02:33,353 --> 00:02:35,753 You're a good pimple, Doug. 53 00:02:35,855 --> 00:02:37,152 Feed me. 54 00:02:37,790 --> 00:02:39,485 You can talk? 55 00:02:39,592 --> 00:02:42,060 That's right. And we're gonna raise some hell. 56 00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:44,221 All right! Raise some hell! 57 00:03:10,456 --> 00:03:13,254 So, why would you be a good candidate on The Bachelorette? 58 00:03:13,359 --> 00:03:15,486 I would be perfect for your show... 59 00:03:15,595 --> 00:03:18,894 because I know how to talk dirty to the ladies. 60 00:03:18,998 --> 00:03:23,264 Oh, yes. Oh, yes. That feels so good. 61 00:03:23,369 --> 00:03:25,394 Spit in my mouth. 62 00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:29,367 Two hundred auditions and nothing. 63 00:03:29,475 --> 00:03:30,874 We still got one guy waiting. 64 00:03:30,977 --> 00:03:33,946 You lined up 201 auditions? What a weird number. 65 00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:35,047 You're weird. 66 00:03:35,315 --> 00:03:38,716 Peter, I can't do this. I am too nervous. I got to go. 67 00:03:38,818 --> 00:03:40,843 No, Cleveland, I'm not gonna let you do this. 68 00:03:40,954 --> 00:03:42,444 I'll tie you down, if I have to. 69 00:03:43,623 --> 00:03:45,853 Peter, this is only making it worse. 70 00:03:45,959 --> 00:03:48,587 Oh, God, my claustrophobia is setting in. 71 00:03:48,695 --> 00:03:50,856 It's all right. It's okay. It's the fabric. 72 00:03:50,964 --> 00:03:53,432 It's your clothes. Let's get your clothes off. 73 00:03:53,533 --> 00:03:56,331 Peter, what's wrong with you? I am naked! 74 00:03:56,436 --> 00:03:58,597 Oh, God, you're self-conscious. I'm sorry. 75 00:03:58,705 --> 00:04:00,536 Here. You know what? Look, Cleveland, look. 76 00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:02,301 See? Now you're not alone, Cleveland. 77 00:04:02,408 --> 00:04:05,400 Let me out of here! I need to get out of here. 78 00:04:05,511 --> 00:04:09,413 Cleveland, no, you're staying. This is for your own good. 79 00:04:09,882 --> 00:04:11,213 Oh, my God! 80 00:04:13,453 --> 00:04:15,444 Hi, we're here for the interview. 81 00:04:17,624 --> 00:04:21,151 Excuse me. Hi. Listen, I just wanted to apologize for Peter. 82 00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:23,491 He was just trying to help out his friend. 83 00:04:23,596 --> 00:04:26,326 You see, his wife left him and he's been kind of lonely... 84 00:04:26,432 --> 00:04:28,229 confused about what he really wants. 85 00:04:28,334 --> 00:04:29,824 - What's your name? - Brian. 86 00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:33,633 Congratulations, Brian. You're gonna be on The Bachelorette. 87 00:04:33,740 --> 00:04:36,709 Really? You're sure you don't want to reconsider my friend? 88 00:04:36,809 --> 00:04:38,470 Let me see. 89 00:04:39,012 --> 00:04:40,980 Oh, that ain't bad! 90 00:04:45,885 --> 00:04:49,048 Brian, I can't believe you're gonna be on The Bachelorette. 91 00:04:49,155 --> 00:04:51,180 Yeah, I thought you said those shows were stupid. 92 00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:52,291 They are stupid. 93 00:04:52,358 --> 00:04:54,826 But I figured I got a few days of free booze and food... 94 00:04:54,927 --> 00:04:56,895 before they kick me off. I could use a vacation. 95 00:04:56,996 --> 00:05:00,659 Oh, yeah, because you've got such a heavy workload around here. 96 00:05:02,068 --> 00:05:05,265 How you coming on that novel you're working on, huh? 97 00:05:05,638 --> 00:05:08,300 Got a big stack of papers there? 98 00:05:09,108 --> 00:05:12,441 Got a nice little story you working on there? 99 00:05:12,545 --> 00:05:15,878 The big novel you've been working on for three years, huh? 100 00:05:16,716 --> 00:05:19,116 Got a compelling protagonist? 101 00:05:19,218 --> 00:05:21,743 Got an obstacle for him to overcome? 102 00:05:23,122 --> 00:05:25,215 Little story brewing there? Working on? 103 00:05:25,792 --> 00:05:28,090 Working on that for quite some time, huh? 104 00:05:28,194 --> 00:05:32,255 Talking about that three years ago. Been working on that the whole time? 105 00:05:32,365 --> 00:05:35,391 Nice little narrative. Beginning, middle, and end. 106 00:05:35,501 --> 00:05:38,732 Some friends become enemies, some enemies become friends? 107 00:05:38,838 --> 00:05:42,569 At the end your main character is richer for the experience? Yeah? 108 00:05:44,010 --> 00:05:46,240 No, you deserve some time off. 109 00:05:47,947 --> 00:05:50,313 I am super excited. You think she'll be hot? 110 00:05:50,416 --> 00:05:52,611 - I bet she'll be hot. - I think she'll be hot, too. 111 00:05:52,719 --> 00:05:54,277 No way! So do I! 112 00:05:57,123 --> 00:05:59,057 - Quagmire. - Hey, Brian! 113 00:05:59,158 --> 00:06:02,059 - How did you get on the show? - I had to do a few favors. 114 00:06:02,161 --> 00:06:04,629 I got to get on that show. Come on, I'll do anything. 115 00:06:04,731 --> 00:06:05,925 Anything? 116 00:06:06,733 --> 00:06:09,031 - Yeah. - All right. 117 00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:11,431 - Okay, you're ready? - Yep. 118 00:06:11,537 --> 00:06:13,334 Okay, check under the bed. 119 00:06:13,439 --> 00:06:15,805 - No, nothing. - Check in the closet. 120 00:06:15,908 --> 00:06:17,603 No, no monsters in here. 121 00:06:17,710 --> 00:06:19,109 Now check the bathroom. 122 00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:21,146 - No, none in here, either. - Okay, good. 123 00:06:21,247 --> 00:06:24,045 - So, can I be on The Bachelorette? - Yeah. Goodnight. 124 00:06:26,819 --> 00:06:29,049 Peter, I'm getting a little worried about Chris. 125 00:06:29,155 --> 00:06:32,215 All he does lately is sit alone in his room talking to that zit. 126 00:06:32,325 --> 00:06:34,088 Relax, Lois. What's a zit gonna do? 127 00:06:34,193 --> 00:06:37,390 Talk to him and tell him to sneak out of the house and cause trouble? 128 00:06:39,132 --> 00:06:42,329 Now light it, ring the doorbell, and run like hell! 129 00:06:42,435 --> 00:06:44,995 - I don't know about this, Doug. - Just do it! 130 00:06:48,474 --> 00:06:49,702 Oh, good Lord! 131 00:06:54,213 --> 00:06:56,443 Is that... Doody! 132 00:06:56,549 --> 00:06:59,848 I'm doing the dishes, Joe. I'll change you in a minute. 133 00:07:04,290 --> 00:07:07,259 Trevor, this is Brooke, the bachelorette. 134 00:07:07,460 --> 00:07:09,460 I wasn't too nervous. When I am nervous I work out. 135 00:07:10,496 --> 00:07:12,616 I wasn't working out, so I must not have been nervous. 136 00:07:12,832 --> 00:07:14,299 I was very pleased and surprised. 137 00:07:15,535 --> 00:07:18,003 I really was not expecting an open bar. 138 00:07:18,104 --> 00:07:20,072 Top-shelf booze, I tell you. 139 00:07:20,173 --> 00:07:23,142 And this guy knew his stuff. Made me a Mojito. 140 00:07:25,578 --> 00:07:27,876 I don't think it's a gay drink. 141 00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:30,014 Mojito! 142 00:07:31,984 --> 00:07:34,748 Hey, guys. Well, it's been great to meet you all. 143 00:07:34,854 --> 00:07:37,880 And I am looking forward to getting to know you while we're here. 144 00:07:40,893 --> 00:07:43,123 - Dude, put your pants on. - Shut up. 145 00:07:43,329 --> 00:07:44,921 Well, I really like all the guys. 146 00:07:45,031 --> 00:07:47,625 But some of them seem a little too competitive. 147 00:07:48,801 --> 00:07:52,567 I got to tell you. I don't know what she would possibly see in Count Chocula. 148 00:07:52,672 --> 00:07:54,731 I think he's just here because he's a minority. 149 00:08:07,053 --> 00:08:10,147 You were right, Doug. Mischief is fun. 150 00:08:10,256 --> 00:08:13,157 We're the best pals since the Snorks. 151 00:08:13,259 --> 00:08:15,454 I am having a really great time. 152 00:08:15,561 --> 00:08:18,530 Me, too. I really value our friendship. 153 00:08:18,631 --> 00:08:22,032 You're not like those other Snorks who only want one thing. 154 00:08:22,134 --> 00:08:25,035 Oh, that was clumsy. Hang on a second. 155 00:08:33,279 --> 00:08:36,510 Gentlemen, it's time for the first rose ceremony. 156 00:08:36,616 --> 00:08:39,483 Who gets to stay, and who takes the bus ride home... 157 00:08:39,585 --> 00:08:40,950 it's up to Brooke. 158 00:08:41,888 --> 00:08:44,823 - Trevor. - That's what Trevor's talking about. 159 00:08:45,291 --> 00:08:47,191 Hey, can I say hi to a friend of mine? 160 00:08:47,293 --> 00:08:49,227 - Sure. - Hi, Jesus! 161 00:08:49,495 --> 00:08:50,655 No way! 162 00:08:51,864 --> 00:08:53,855 Hello. I know. I saw. 163 00:08:54,066 --> 00:08:55,158 Glenn. 164 00:08:59,171 --> 00:09:02,004 - Brian. - What? Are you serious? 165 00:09:02,108 --> 00:09:04,042 I feel like I didn't get to know you at all. 166 00:09:04,143 --> 00:09:06,236 - Would you accept this rose? - All right. 167 00:09:06,345 --> 00:09:09,610 But I think this whole thing is about as pointless as Peter's cow-kite. 168 00:09:14,420 --> 00:09:18,254 This is never gonna work. Damn cow. Cleveland, what am I doing wrong? 169 00:09:18,357 --> 00:09:21,952 You got to get her running before you start running. 170 00:09:25,131 --> 00:09:26,131 Chris. 171 00:09:26,432 --> 00:09:28,764 Chris, honey, can I talk to you? 172 00:09:32,004 --> 00:09:34,029 Oh, my God, he's gone! 173 00:09:34,140 --> 00:09:35,869 That means this room is mine now. 174 00:09:35,975 --> 00:09:37,966 I am gonna party my ass off in here. 175 00:09:38,077 --> 00:09:39,806 Great pot, Stewie. 176 00:09:39,912 --> 00:09:42,073 Yeah, I got it from our cleaning lady's boyfriend. 177 00:09:42,181 --> 00:09:45,150 It's okay, though, 'cause she's gonna use the money to get a mammogram. 178 00:09:46,118 --> 00:09:48,586 Chris, where have you been? 179 00:09:48,688 --> 00:09:51,179 Doug told me I don't need to listen to you. 180 00:09:51,290 --> 00:09:53,918 Doug? Your pimple? Oh, that is it! 181 00:09:54,026 --> 00:09:56,859 First thing tomorrow, we're going down to Goldman's Pharmacy... 182 00:09:56,963 --> 00:09:59,090 and get some astringent to get rid of that thing. 183 00:09:59,198 --> 00:10:01,564 What did I tell you? She's trying to drive us apart. 184 00:10:01,667 --> 00:10:03,066 We can't let that happen. 185 00:10:04,670 --> 00:10:06,399 I am in no mood. 186 00:10:09,408 --> 00:10:12,935 Welcome to the Saddleback Ranch and our first group date. 187 00:10:13,045 --> 00:10:15,206 Is everyone ready for a little cowboy action? 188 00:10:15,314 --> 00:10:18,112 - Yeah! - I love horses. 189 00:10:18,217 --> 00:10:20,412 Sorry, I am late, Brian. Here's your ride. 190 00:10:20,519 --> 00:10:22,749 Oh, come on, you can't expect me to ride that thing. 191 00:10:22,855 --> 00:10:24,652 Sorry, we're short on horses. 192 00:10:25,558 --> 00:10:28,459 You know what? Forget it. I'll just go smoke. 193 00:10:28,961 --> 00:10:31,225 - Hey, there, Adam. - Hello, Henry. 194 00:10:31,330 --> 00:10:34,231 I have the power! 195 00:10:45,444 --> 00:10:46,741 Brooke, what are you doing here? 196 00:10:46,846 --> 00:10:48,677 Oh, I just can't take it anymore. 197 00:10:48,781 --> 00:10:51,215 All these guys just coming on to me. 198 00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:54,218 I had to sneak off. Oh, could I bum one of those? 199 00:10:55,388 --> 00:10:58,152 You know, I don't even know why I agreed to do this show. 200 00:10:58,257 --> 00:10:59,485 This is just so not me. 201 00:10:59,592 --> 00:11:02,925 I'd much rather just be home listening to my old jazz records. 202 00:11:03,029 --> 00:11:05,930 Really? I didn't know. I actually have quite a jazz collection myself. 203 00:11:06,032 --> 00:11:08,557 - What do you like? - DJ Jazzy Jeff! 204 00:11:09,402 --> 00:11:10,869 I'm kidding! 205 00:11:12,104 --> 00:11:14,299 Oh, you got me. Oh, you got me, yeah. 206 00:11:14,407 --> 00:11:17,899 No, I really like Coleman Hawkins, Ben Webster. 207 00:11:18,010 --> 00:11:20,877 Oh, and early Coltrane, before he got clean. 208 00:11:20,980 --> 00:11:22,845 Yeah, no junk, no soul. 209 00:11:22,948 --> 00:11:25,314 No kidding. I mean, look at Chevy Chase. 210 00:11:25,951 --> 00:11:27,179 Right. 211 00:11:27,286 --> 00:11:30,050 You know, I got to say, I thought she was just some actress... 212 00:11:30,156 --> 00:11:34,354 looking for her 15 minutes of fame, but she's pretty sharp, you know. 213 00:11:34,460 --> 00:11:37,293 I guess you can't judge a Brooke by her cover. 214 00:11:38,597 --> 00:11:40,690 You can cut that out, right? 215 00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:45,499 And maybe you can cut out when I said junk earlier, the whole Chevy Chase thing. 216 00:11:45,604 --> 00:11:49,040 Seems like he's probably the kind of guy who might sue. 217 00:11:49,141 --> 00:11:51,268 I mean, the guy's got to have no money left. 218 00:11:53,079 --> 00:11:54,341 All right, gentlemen... 219 00:11:54,447 --> 00:11:57,439 let's see how Glenn's private date with Brooke is going. 220 00:11:58,150 --> 00:12:00,846 Hey, Brooke, what do you say, we get you some more champagne? 221 00:12:00,953 --> 00:12:02,113 Sure. 222 00:12:08,761 --> 00:12:10,092 All right. 223 00:12:13,199 --> 00:12:15,258 Hey, forgot about you guys. 224 00:12:15,367 --> 00:12:17,392 Well, I guess the date's over. 225 00:12:17,503 --> 00:12:20,370 Goodnight, Brooke. Thanks for a lovely evening. 226 00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:30,708 Oh, my God, Peter, it looks like there's been a break in. 227 00:12:31,984 --> 00:12:33,542 Do you think so? 228 00:12:34,620 --> 00:12:36,611 Oh, God, they're back. 229 00:12:40,326 --> 00:12:42,260 Whoa, awesome! Totally awesome! 230 00:12:43,562 --> 00:12:45,154 All right, Goldman. 231 00:12:45,264 --> 00:12:47,061 What the hell is your problem, Mort? 232 00:12:47,166 --> 00:12:50,158 I am sorry, Peter. I thought you were one of those criminals... 233 00:12:50,269 --> 00:12:54,103 who broke in and destroyed my entire stock of acne medication. 234 00:12:54,206 --> 00:12:57,004 Oh, my God. Peter, do you think Chris might have done this? 235 00:12:57,109 --> 00:13:00,442 Come on, Lois, he doesn't have the wild streak you had when you were younger. 236 00:13:00,546 --> 00:13:04,004 For God's sake, you used to make Plasto molds of celebrity body parts. 237 00:13:05,751 --> 00:13:08,049 Okay, Daryl, it's almost dry. 238 00:13:08,154 --> 00:13:09,781 Very nice, by the way. 239 00:13:09,889 --> 00:13:12,585 This one's going on the shelf right next to Dan Fogelberg. 240 00:13:12,691 --> 00:13:14,318 Hey, Lois, am I up next? 241 00:13:14,426 --> 00:13:17,987 Just wait in your dressing room. I'll come back for you, Oates. 242 00:13:18,097 --> 00:13:20,031 I am not coming back for Oates. 243 00:13:22,101 --> 00:13:24,194 Glenn, will you accept this rose? 244 00:13:24,303 --> 00:13:25,503 Really? After I drugged you... 245 00:13:25,571 --> 00:13:27,698 and tried to have sex with your unconscious body? 246 00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:28,807 - What? - Yes. 247 00:13:28,874 --> 00:13:31,274 This is the final rose tonight. 248 00:13:34,246 --> 00:13:35,838 - Brian. - Yes! 249 00:13:35,948 --> 00:13:38,212 Yeah, I mean, I know I was skeptical at first... 250 00:13:38,317 --> 00:13:42,219 but I got to be honest, I've never felt this way about anyone before. 251 00:13:42,321 --> 00:13:45,484 I mean, I am in love. That's it. 252 00:13:46,258 --> 00:13:47,589 I am in love. 253 00:13:48,093 --> 00:13:51,085 I finally understand those songs on the radio. 254 00:13:51,630 --> 00:13:54,394 What did you think 255 00:13:55,334 --> 00:13:58,633 I would do at this moment 256 00:13:59,238 --> 00:14:02,537 When you're standing before me 257 00:14:02,741 --> 00:14:05,608 With tears in your eyes 258 00:14:07,780 --> 00:14:11,045 Brooke has narrowed her choice down to Quagmire and Brian. 259 00:14:11,150 --> 00:14:13,948 All that's left is for Brooke to meet their families. 260 00:14:19,792 --> 00:14:22,693 Hey, Brian, I can't wait to meet your family. 261 00:14:22,795 --> 00:14:25,093 Yeah, me, too. They're pretty great. 262 00:14:25,197 --> 00:14:28,064 Brian, welcome home, you son of a bitch! 263 00:14:28,167 --> 00:14:30,601 So, did you loose? You got to tell me all about it. 264 00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:32,603 Hey, how was your bachelorette? 265 00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:35,333 Was she a dumb bimbo like you said but with a big rack. 266 00:14:35,441 --> 00:14:37,033 Come on in and tell me everything. 267 00:14:37,142 --> 00:14:40,873 I bet your stories will make me laugh so hard, I'll shoot milk out of my nose. 268 00:14:40,980 --> 00:14:42,914 Peter, this is Brooke, the bachelorette. 269 00:14:43,015 --> 00:14:44,744 She's having dinner with us tonight. 270 00:14:44,850 --> 00:14:47,751 I went over this with you a few minutes ago. 271 00:14:50,289 --> 00:14:53,747 Why, it's wonderful to meet you. We've heard so many nice things. 272 00:14:53,859 --> 00:14:56,623 Yes, indeed. So, how long have you been a prostitute? 273 00:14:56,729 --> 00:14:59,459 No, Doug, I will not lift up her shirt. 274 00:14:59,565 --> 00:15:01,226 Chris, we have company. 275 00:15:01,333 --> 00:15:03,733 So, you ever been with a woman? 276 00:15:04,103 --> 00:15:05,195 No. 277 00:15:05,304 --> 00:15:06,635 - Peter! - What? 278 00:15:07,273 --> 00:15:09,468 There. Are you happy, Doug? 279 00:15:10,409 --> 00:15:13,207 Christopher Cross Griffin, what are you doing? 280 00:15:13,312 --> 00:15:15,177 Joe, what are you doing here? 281 00:15:15,281 --> 00:15:19,843 Peter, we have proof that it was Chris who vandalized Goldman's Pharmacy. 282 00:15:19,952 --> 00:15:24,116 I knew it. I didn't want to believe it, but it's true. 283 00:15:24,223 --> 00:15:27,386 Oh, God, what happened to my baby. 284 00:15:27,493 --> 00:15:28,892 Who sold you the drugs? 285 00:15:28,994 --> 00:15:30,518 I can't believe this! 286 00:15:40,639 --> 00:15:43,130 ...what a cavity search is. 287 00:15:45,577 --> 00:15:47,772 You made my mom cry tonight, Doug. 288 00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:50,178 I don't think you're a very good friend. 289 00:15:50,282 --> 00:15:52,375 I am not gonna listen to you anymore. 290 00:15:52,484 --> 00:15:55,385 Oh, yeah? I'm inside your head now, fatty. 291 00:15:55,487 --> 00:15:58,217 And I just might reach into your brain and do this. 292 00:15:58,490 --> 00:16:00,822 Okay, I'll listen. 293 00:16:02,094 --> 00:16:03,254 That's my boy. 294 00:16:03,362 --> 00:16:06,456 Now, grab my bacon grease and slather me up some homeys. 295 00:16:09,368 --> 00:16:11,302 - What's going on, man? - Wassup, dog. 296 00:16:11,403 --> 00:16:13,462 Yeah, where are all the whiteheads at? 297 00:16:17,309 --> 00:16:21,336 Brian, we've had some wonderful times. I really like you. 298 00:16:21,447 --> 00:16:23,711 Look, I understand. It's okay. 299 00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:26,649 I hope you and Quagmire have all the happiness in the world. 300 00:16:26,752 --> 00:16:27,878 But I am choosing you. 301 00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:30,421 Just promise me you'll make him wear this... What? 302 00:16:30,522 --> 00:16:33,923 You're choosing me? After what happened with my family? 303 00:16:34,026 --> 00:16:37,553 Well, it wasn't as bad as the evening I spent with Glenn and his mother. 304 00:16:40,199 --> 00:16:41,996 Glenn, would you feed Mittens? 305 00:16:42,101 --> 00:16:43,500 Mittens has food in his bowl. 306 00:16:43,602 --> 00:16:45,399 That's old food! 307 00:16:45,504 --> 00:16:47,438 Mittens, shut up! 308 00:16:47,539 --> 00:16:50,975 Don't you talk to Mittens that way. Mittens is a member of this family. 309 00:16:51,076 --> 00:16:54,603 Mom, you want this three-way to happen, you're gonna have to change your tone. 310 00:16:54,847 --> 00:16:58,248 My God, you've just made me the happiest dog in the world. 311 00:16:58,350 --> 00:17:01,251 - I love you, Brooke. - I love you, too, Brian. 312 00:17:06,425 --> 00:17:08,416 All right, that's a wrap. 313 00:17:09,395 --> 00:17:12,159 Well, it was great working with you, Brian. Good luck. 314 00:17:12,431 --> 00:17:15,696 What are you talking about? What about us? 315 00:17:15,801 --> 00:17:17,928 Oh, stop it. It's just TV. 316 00:17:21,206 --> 00:17:23,037 - Hi, Brian. - Michael Eisner? 317 00:17:23,142 --> 00:17:26,168 On behalf of ABC, I'd like to give you this parting gift. 318 00:17:26,278 --> 00:17:27,506 A bill for the mansion. 319 00:17:27,613 --> 00:17:29,547 No givesies-backsies! 320 00:17:35,387 --> 00:17:37,821 Hey, Brooke, it's me again, Brian. 321 00:17:38,090 --> 00:17:41,719 Hi. Wasn't sure if you got my last message... 322 00:17:42,194 --> 00:17:45,891 or any of the other ones. Anyway, I'll just leave a quick message... 323 00:17:45,998 --> 00:17:48,193 'cause you might be trying to call me right now. 324 00:17:48,300 --> 00:17:51,565 And I don't want to tie up the line. So, I guess... 325 00:17:51,670 --> 00:17:54,161 I guess... Yeah, give me a call. 326 00:17:55,174 --> 00:17:56,937 Okay, I'm hanging up... 327 00:17:57,042 --> 00:18:00,307 in three, two, one. 328 00:18:00,712 --> 00:18:02,202 Okay, call me back. 329 00:18:02,314 --> 00:18:05,841 I'll be here all day, and tonight. 330 00:18:06,218 --> 00:18:07,549 Okay, bye. 331 00:18:10,823 --> 00:18:14,452 Hey, me again. Thought I might've heard a voice when I was hanging up. 332 00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:17,586 Nope? I guess not. Okay, I will talk to you soon. 333 00:18:17,796 --> 00:18:19,457 Hello? No. Sorry. 334 00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:23,991 Hey, babe. Just trying you again. 335 00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:28,096 Listening to our guy Coltrane, you know. Okay. 336 00:18:28,207 --> 00:18:32,166 Anyway, I got a fax earlier about cheap airfare to Cancun. 337 00:18:32,277 --> 00:18:35,303 Didn't know if that was you trying to reach me. 338 00:18:35,747 --> 00:18:38,580 Let me give you my home number again just in case you lost it. 339 00:18:38,684 --> 00:18:40,879 - Voicemail is full. - Damn. 340 00:18:42,988 --> 00:18:46,082 - Package for Brooke Roberts. - Oh, that's me. Thanks. 341 00:18:47,826 --> 00:18:49,589 Hey, there. Me again. 342 00:18:49,695 --> 00:18:53,426 Your voicemail was full, so I got you this answering machine. 343 00:18:53,532 --> 00:18:56,626 So, what's going on? 344 00:18:56,735 --> 00:18:59,465 I was thinking about doing something tonight... 345 00:18:59,571 --> 00:19:00,765 Hey, you're home. 346 00:19:01,807 --> 00:19:06,039 Listen, Brian, I want you to leave me alone, or I'm calling the cops. 347 00:19:07,179 --> 00:19:11,275 Brooke, I'm so in love with you 348 00:19:20,959 --> 00:19:22,483 Chris, where the hell are we? 349 00:19:22,594 --> 00:19:25,825 I told you, Doug, this is the bacon factory. 350 00:19:26,265 --> 00:19:28,563 Doctor, I need you to get rid of this zit. 351 00:19:28,667 --> 00:19:31,261 - You traitor! - That's a doozy. 352 00:19:31,370 --> 00:19:34,066 I bet some of those awful kids at school call you zit-face. 353 00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:35,173 - No. - Pop-a-zit. 354 00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:36,240 - No. - Puspeak. 355 00:19:36,308 --> 00:19:37,308 - No. - Fat ass? 356 00:19:37,376 --> 00:19:39,276 - Yeah. - That's terrible. 357 00:19:39,378 --> 00:19:41,471 We're gonna have to use some cortisone on that. 358 00:19:41,580 --> 00:19:43,946 Oh, yeah? Two can play at that game. 359 00:19:45,517 --> 00:19:47,314 Don't think I won't do it, man. 360 00:19:47,419 --> 00:19:49,785 All right, let's all be cool here. 361 00:19:59,831 --> 00:20:01,264 No! 362 00:20:03,902 --> 00:20:05,096 You okay, fat ass? 363 00:20:07,806 --> 00:20:11,970 She told me she loved me on what used to be a hit TV show. 364 00:20:12,077 --> 00:20:15,205 I can't believe I got sucked into that phony reality world... 365 00:20:15,314 --> 00:20:18,545 just like everyone else. I became the very thing I was mocking. 366 00:20:18,650 --> 00:20:21,517 I know it hurts now, Brian, but look at the bright side. 367 00:20:21,620 --> 00:20:24,646 You have some new material for that novel you've been writing. 368 00:20:24,756 --> 00:20:27,554 You know, the novel you've been working on. 369 00:20:28,026 --> 00:20:31,587 You know, the one you've been working on for three years. 370 00:20:31,897 --> 00:20:33,626 You know, the novel. 371 00:20:34,199 --> 00:20:37,032 You got something new to write about now, you know. 372 00:20:37,135 --> 00:20:41,037 Maybe a main character gets into a relationship... 373 00:20:41,740 --> 00:20:44,140 then suffers a little heartbreak. 374 00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:47,474 Something like what you've just been through. 375 00:20:47,713 --> 00:20:49,943 Draw from a real-life experience. 376 00:20:50,649 --> 00:20:54,278 Little heartbreak, you know, work it into the story. 377 00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:58,321 Make those characters a little more three-dimensional. 378 00:20:58,423 --> 00:21:01,256 A little richer experience for the reader. 379 00:21:01,493 --> 00:21:03,757 Make those second hundred pages... 380 00:21:03,862 --> 00:21:06,524 really keep the reader guessing what's going to happen. 381 00:21:06,632 --> 00:21:09,226 Some twists and turns. Little epilogue. 382 00:21:10,035 --> 00:21:12,868 Everybody learns the hero's journey isn't always a happy one. 383 00:21:12,971 --> 00:21:14,666 Yeah, I look forward to reading it.