1
00:00:00,573 --> 00:00:03,242
¶ it seems today that all you see ¶
2
00:00:03,609 --> 00:00:06,712
¶ is violence in
movies and sex on tv ¶
3
00:00:06,779 --> 00:00:10,282
¶ but where are those good
old-fashioned values ¶
4
00:00:10,349 --> 00:00:13,051
¶ on which we used to rely? ¶
5
00:00:13,119 --> 00:00:16,521
¶ lucky there's a family guy ¶
6
00:00:16,589 --> 00:00:20,358
¶ lucky there's a man
who positively can do ¶
7
00:00:20,426 --> 00:00:21,960
¶ all the things that make us ¶
8
00:00:22,028 --> 00:00:23,628
¶ laugh and cry ¶
9
00:00:23,696 --> 00:00:25,664
¶ he's... A... Fam... Ily... Guy! ¶
10
00:00:25,732 --> 00:00:32,834
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
11
00:00:34,073 --> 00:00:36,174
Lois, you have a gray hair. What?
12
00:00:36,242 --> 00:00:37,542
Inch-and-a-half left of your part.
13
00:00:38,945 --> 00:00:40,478
Oh, my god, you're right!
14
00:00:40,546 --> 00:00:42,714
You know, I don't mind so
much that you're aging,
15
00:00:42,782 --> 00:00:44,950
It's just the way you're
shoving it down my throat.
16
00:00:45,017 --> 00:00:46,051
Screw you, peter.
17
00:00:46,118 --> 00:00:48,620
Not today! (laughs) oh, wow!
18
00:00:48,688 --> 00:00:51,056
Mom, dad, is it okay if I
invite my new boyfriend
19
00:00:51,123 --> 00:00:52,223
Over for dinner tonight?
20
00:00:52,291 --> 00:00:53,425
Your what?!
21
00:00:53,492 --> 00:00:55,427
Yes, I share your
mother's skepticism.
22
00:00:55,494 --> 00:00:56,995
No, really, I have a boyfriend.
23
00:00:57,063 --> 00:00:58,797
His name is anthony.
24
00:00:58,864 --> 00:01:00,598
Well, meg, if you're
telling us the truth,
25
00:01:00,666 --> 00:01:01,933
I just hope to god
26
00:01:02,001 --> 00:01:03,368
He's an improvement
over the last one.
27
00:01:03,436 --> 00:01:05,470
Thanks, mrs. Griffin,
that was delicious.
28
00:01:05,538 --> 00:01:06,504
You're welcome, justin.
29
00:01:06,572 --> 00:01:08,039
It was a pleasure to meet you.
30
00:01:08,107 --> 00:01:09,374
Come on. I'll take you home.
31
00:01:09,442 --> 00:01:10,842
Okay, babe.
32
00:01:14,347 --> 00:01:17,015
He ain't got no legs.
33
00:01:24,423 --> 00:01:25,490
Jolly farm?
34
00:01:25,558 --> 00:01:28,960
I can't believe you
still watch this crap.
35
00:01:29,028 --> 00:01:31,763
Man, how can you still
watch this, huh?
36
00:01:31,831 --> 00:01:33,164
Huh?!
37
00:01:33,232 --> 00:01:36,301
You know, I can tell you've
already been drinking,
38
00:01:36,369 --> 00:01:37,936
And I, I just don't want to engage.
39
00:01:38,004 --> 00:01:39,237
Besides, you can learn a lot
40
00:01:39,305 --> 00:01:40,672
From british nursery rhymes.
41
00:01:40,740 --> 00:01:45,010
¶ ring a ring o' roses,
a pocketful of posies ¶
42
00:01:45,077 --> 00:01:49,447
¶ ashes, ashes, we all fall down! ¶
43
00:01:49,515 --> 00:01:52,217
See that was actually written
about the bubonic plague.
44
00:01:52,284 --> 00:01:53,485
Oh, didn't know that.
45
00:01:53,552 --> 00:01:55,020
Ooh, ooh, this next
one's my favorite.
46
00:01:55,087 --> 00:01:56,955
It's about the pan am
flight from lockerbie.
47
00:01:57,023 --> 00:02:00,191
¶ it's raining luggage
and babies and limbs ¶
48
00:02:00,259 --> 00:02:03,128
¶ and daddy doesn't come home! ¶
49
00:02:03,195 --> 00:02:05,830
Yay! It's fun to be a child.
50
00:02:05,898 --> 00:02:07,232
Hey, did you read this?
51
00:02:07,299 --> 00:02:09,067
They're gonna be making
an american version
52
00:02:09,135 --> 00:02:11,069
Of jolly farm right
here in quahog.
53
00:02:11,137 --> 00:02:13,505
Oh, my god,
I didn't see that! Gimme!
54
00:02:13,572 --> 00:02:16,107
Good lord, you're right,
an american jolly farm!
55
00:02:16,175 --> 00:02:17,475
Oh, there's no picture.
56
00:02:17,543 --> 00:02:19,110
I like the stories
that have pictures.
57
00:02:19,178 --> 00:02:21,346
Ooh, like this one.
58
00:02:21,414 --> 00:02:24,315
"seven dead in mumbai.
" I like their hats.
59
00:02:34,994 --> 00:02:37,162
Lois, get in here!
60
00:02:37,229 --> 00:02:39,431
(whispers): Meg's boyfriend.
61
00:02:41,133 --> 00:02:43,768
But there's, there's
nothing wrong with him.
62
00:02:43,836 --> 00:02:45,437
Mom, where's my...?
63
00:02:45,504 --> 00:02:46,871
(gasps)
64
00:02:46,939 --> 00:02:48,506
(dialing)
65
00:02:48,574 --> 00:02:51,276
Quagmire, get over here.
You gotta see this.
66
00:02:54,947 --> 00:02:57,115
He seems to be completely normal.
67
00:02:57,183 --> 00:02:59,451
All: Oh...!
68
00:02:59,518 --> 00:03:01,553
I can honestly say
for the first time
69
00:03:01,620 --> 00:03:04,222
That I am attracted
to our daughter.
70
00:03:04,290 --> 00:03:05,924
This must be what other
fathers feel like.
71
00:03:05,991 --> 00:03:08,726
This was worth the 500-mile drive.
72
00:03:11,130 --> 00:03:13,431
Well, it was very nice
meeting you, anthony.
73
00:03:13,499 --> 00:03:14,799
You, too, mrs. Griffin.
74
00:03:14,867 --> 00:03:16,267
Thanks for having
me over for dinner.
75
00:03:16,335 --> 00:03:17,569
Come on, peter.
76
00:03:17,636 --> 00:03:19,671
I think anthony wants
some time alone with meg.
77
00:03:19,738 --> 00:03:22,774
Who doesn't want some time alone
with meg these days?
78
00:03:22,842 --> 00:03:24,442
Right, meg?
79
00:03:24,510 --> 00:03:26,644
Has anybody ever told
you you're pretty enough
80
00:03:26,712 --> 00:03:28,279
To be a movie star, mrs. Griffin?
81
00:03:28,347 --> 00:03:30,748
Oh, my goodness.
Well, I don't know about that.
82
00:03:30,816 --> 00:03:33,151
Penelope ann miller, nancy travis,
83
00:03:33,219 --> 00:03:35,053
Now those are movie stars.
84
00:03:35,121 --> 00:03:36,254
Look, anthony, trust me,
85
00:03:36,322 --> 00:03:38,223
She ain't what she used to be,
all right?
86
00:03:38,290 --> 00:03:39,824
Once you get those pants off,
87
00:03:39,892 --> 00:03:42,894
It's like two sagging pressed
hams and a slice of pizza.
88
00:03:42,962 --> 00:03:43,928
Oh, thank you, peter,
89
00:03:43,996 --> 00:03:45,096
That makes me feel terrific.
90
00:03:45,164 --> 00:03:46,131
Anyway, good night, kids.
91
00:03:46,198 --> 00:03:48,233
Good night, mom. Good night, dad.
92
00:03:48,300 --> 00:03:50,468
Ah-ah-ah, on the lips.
93
00:03:51,704 --> 00:03:52,871
Yes!
94
00:03:55,407 --> 00:03:57,308
Do you think your parents liked me?
95
00:03:57,376 --> 00:03:59,310
Yeah. Can we make out now?
96
00:04:01,180 --> 00:04:02,614
Oh, I forgot my...
97
00:04:02,681 --> 00:04:03,982
(chuckles)
98
00:04:11,056 --> 00:04:13,992
Oh, my god, that's kind of hot.
99
00:04:17,196 --> 00:04:19,063
(pen scratching)
100
00:04:19,131 --> 00:04:24,068
Mmm, I bet you taste like
mountain dew and starburst.
101
00:04:28,641 --> 00:04:31,176
All right, wish me luck
on my audition, brian.
102
00:04:31,243 --> 00:04:34,012
If anyone deserves to be on jolly farm,
it's me.
103
00:04:34,079 --> 00:04:35,880
Sorry, all the boys can go home.
104
00:04:35,948 --> 00:04:38,149
We only have one part
left for a little girl.
105
00:04:38,217 --> 00:04:39,150
What?!
106
00:04:39,218 --> 00:04:40,318
No! No, that's impossible!
107
00:04:40,386 --> 00:04:41,753
Oh, that's too bad, stewie.
108
00:04:41,820 --> 00:04:43,988
Well, I guess we can go home now.
109
00:04:44,056 --> 00:04:45,957
But I don't want to go home!
110
00:04:46,025 --> 00:04:47,425
I want to be on jolly farm!
111
00:04:47,493 --> 00:04:48,526
Well, you heard her.
112
00:04:48,594 --> 00:04:49,727
They're only auditioning
little girls.
113
00:04:49,795 --> 00:04:51,362
Now come on. Let's get out of here.
114
00:04:51,430 --> 00:04:53,331
I suppose you're right;
nothing I can do.
115
00:04:53,399 --> 00:04:57,068
Okay, our next young actress
on the audition list is
116
00:04:57,136 --> 00:04:58,603
Karina smirnoff.
117
00:05:00,172 --> 00:05:02,574
(girlish voice): Hello, everyone!
118
00:05:07,145 --> 00:05:08,279
(girlish englishb.
Accent): Thank you all so much
119
00:05:08,347 --> 00:05:09,781
For squeezing me
in for an audition.
120
00:05:10,049 --> 00:05:11,349
So, should we just jump in?
121
00:05:11,917 --> 00:05:12,983
Sure. When you're ready.
122
00:05:13,051 --> 00:05:14,919
All right, let me just
get into character.
123
00:05:14,986 --> 00:05:16,587
I'm a bit distracted.
124
00:05:16,655 --> 00:05:18,055
I wasn't expecting
we'd do this today
125
00:05:18,123 --> 00:05:20,825
In light of the circumstances.
What circumstances?
126
00:05:20,892 --> 00:05:23,761
Oh, dear god,
didn't you hear? The bomb.
127
00:05:23,829 --> 00:05:26,130
The bomb that went
off in times square.
128
00:05:26,198 --> 00:05:29,033
(choking up): All those
poor people... Dead!
129
00:05:29,101 --> 00:05:31,669
Oh, my god, my cousin
works in times square.
130
00:05:31,736 --> 00:05:35,539
Well, your cousin is fine
because I was acting!
131
00:05:35,607 --> 00:05:36,707
That's impressive!
132
00:05:36,775 --> 00:05:38,442
Oh. Wow! Risky, very risky!
133
00:05:38,510 --> 00:05:41,011
All right, fun's over.
What do you want me to read?
134
00:05:41,079 --> 00:05:43,180
We want you to read
your new contract!
135
00:05:43,248 --> 00:05:44,281
(gasps) you mean it?!
136
00:05:44,349 --> 00:05:46,484
Absolutely! You're hired!
137
00:05:46,551 --> 00:05:49,253
Oh, my god! Oh, my god! Oh!
138
00:05:49,321 --> 00:05:52,123
Well, I guess sometimes you're
just right for the part.
139
00:05:52,190 --> 00:05:54,792
Like james earl jones
playing darth vader.
140
00:05:54,860 --> 00:06:00,364
So, james, we just want
you to do the voice.
141
00:06:03,535 --> 00:06:06,470
Thanks for taking time
for me today, bonnie.
142
00:06:06,538 --> 00:06:08,539
I just didn't know
who else to talk to.
143
00:06:08,607 --> 00:06:10,708
Oh, that's okay, lois.
What's on your mind?
144
00:06:10,775 --> 00:06:12,610
Well, you're gonna think
I'm an awful person,
145
00:06:12,677 --> 00:06:15,713
But I'm attracted to another man.
146
00:06:15,780 --> 00:06:17,248
Giggity?
147
00:06:17,315 --> 00:06:18,649
It's meg's boyfriend, anthony.
148
00:06:18,717 --> 00:06:19,750
(sadly): Giggity...
149
00:06:19,818 --> 00:06:21,352
It's just that, lately,
150
00:06:21,419 --> 00:06:23,954
Peter's been making me feel
so crappy about my age, and...
151
00:06:24,022 --> 00:06:25,322
Well, then I'm around anthony,
152
00:06:25,390 --> 00:06:28,159
He looks at me like I'm
young and attractive.
153
00:06:28,226 --> 00:06:30,194
I'm gonna tell you a secret, lois.
154
00:06:30,262 --> 00:06:32,029
I had an affair once.
155
00:06:32,097 --> 00:06:34,064
(gasps) you had an affair?!
156
00:06:34,132 --> 00:06:36,734
Mm-hmm. It wasn't anything sordid.
157
00:06:36,801 --> 00:06:38,569
Just some guys I met
on the internet.
158
00:06:38,637 --> 00:06:42,173
The point is, it's healthy
to explore your sexuality.
159
00:06:42,240 --> 00:06:44,341
Oh, I don't know.
160
00:06:44,409 --> 00:06:46,744
It just feels like
I'm lying to peter...
161
00:06:46,811 --> 00:06:48,512
Like jesus lied to the meek.
162
00:06:50,115 --> 00:06:51,348
All right!
163
00:06:51,416 --> 00:06:53,851
Jesus and the jocks win again!
164
00:06:53,919 --> 00:06:56,787
Hey! You said we were gonna
inherit the earth.
165
00:06:56,855 --> 00:06:59,056
Yeah, when we're done with it!
166
00:07:09,734 --> 00:07:11,168
Hello there.
167
00:07:11,236 --> 00:07:12,403
Hello.
168
00:07:12,470 --> 00:07:15,105
Um, I'm new in town and
I'm awfully lonely.
169
00:07:15,173 --> 00:07:17,708
I'm wondering if you wouldn't
mind buying me a drink?
170
00:07:17,776 --> 00:07:19,176
Well, that'd be my pleasure.
171
00:07:19,244 --> 00:07:20,978
And maybe later I can show you some
172
00:07:21,046 --> 00:07:22,446
Of the local points of interest.
173
00:07:22,514 --> 00:07:24,448
There's one right below the table.
174
00:07:24,516 --> 00:07:26,584
Oh, my, you're very bold.
175
00:07:26,651 --> 00:07:29,253
Well, when your lifespan is 13 years,
you gotta be direct.
176
00:07:29,321 --> 00:07:32,389
Lucky for you, I like bold men.
177
00:07:32,457 --> 00:07:34,158
Karina, karina smirnoff.
178
00:07:34,226 --> 00:07:36,627
Brian, brian steel.
179
00:07:36,695 --> 00:07:38,329
Ooh, good heavens!
180
00:07:38,396 --> 00:07:40,231
Man, your accent is sexy.
181
00:07:40,298 --> 00:07:42,433
Oh, this is all
moving very quickly.
182
00:07:42,500 --> 00:07:44,068
I'm afraid I'm a
little light-headed.
183
00:07:44,135 --> 00:07:46,036
You must think I'm a fool.
184
00:07:46,104 --> 00:07:48,439
I'm-I'm sorry, I didn't
mean to come on too strong.
185
00:07:48,506 --> 00:07:49,506
Oh, that's all right.
186
00:07:49,574 --> 00:07:51,308
I've been missing a man's touch
187
00:07:51,376 --> 00:07:52,977
Lo these many months.
188
00:07:53,044 --> 00:07:56,213
And I've been missing
a woman's touch.
189
00:07:57,983 --> 00:08:01,885
(normal voice): Brian,
brian, it's me, stewie!
190
00:08:01,953 --> 00:08:03,887
Oh, my god, that was hilarious!
191
00:08:03,955 --> 00:08:05,089
You really fell for it!
192
00:08:05,156 --> 00:08:07,124
I-I was, like,
"is he gonna fall for this?"
193
00:08:07,192 --> 00:08:08,792
And then when you did, I was like,
194
00:08:08,860 --> 00:08:11,128
"I guess I should see
how far I can take it
195
00:08:11,196 --> 00:08:12,463
'cause you know, it'll be funnier."
196
00:08:12,530 --> 00:08:13,497
I'm gonna kill you!
197
00:08:13,565 --> 00:08:14,698
Why are you dressed like that?!
198
00:08:14,766 --> 00:08:16,934
Uh, because I'm the star
of jolly farm.
199
00:08:17,002 --> 00:08:19,270
Remember how they only
needed little girls?
200
00:08:19,337 --> 00:08:20,904
Oh, my god.
201
00:08:20,972 --> 00:08:21,905
I'm telling lois.
202
00:08:21,973 --> 00:08:24,141
You're not telling anybody, friend.
203
00:08:24,209 --> 00:08:26,710
No, no, you're gonna
be my on-set guardian.
204
00:08:26,778 --> 00:08:28,145
You're out of your mind.
205
00:08:28,213 --> 00:08:29,647
Brian, we both know I touched it.
206
00:08:29,714 --> 00:08:31,749
Now if you'd like to keep
that just between us,
207
00:08:31,816 --> 00:08:34,318
I suggest you sit back down and
order me some chicken fingers.
208
00:08:35,353 --> 00:08:38,789
See? We're having a nice time.
209
00:08:40,825 --> 00:08:43,694
All right, first scene
up is on page 12.
210
00:08:43,762 --> 00:08:46,230
Everybody, this is our new
jolly farm resident,
211
00:08:46,298 --> 00:08:47,498
Karina smirnoff.
212
00:08:47,565 --> 00:08:49,166
She'll be playing the role of mary.
213
00:08:49,234 --> 00:08:51,735
Hello. Hi, I'm julie.
214
00:08:55,607 --> 00:08:57,141
(normal voice): Oh,
hello, I'm stew...
215
00:08:57,208 --> 00:08:58,208
(girlishly): Uh, I'm karina.
216
00:08:58,276 --> 00:08:59,910
Can we get some quiet on the set?
217
00:08:59,978 --> 00:09:00,944
I'm trying to rehearse!
218
00:09:01,012 --> 00:09:02,012
Stagehand: Quiet on the set!
219
00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:03,080
Don't mind randall.
220
00:09:03,148 --> 00:09:04,782
He's getting into character.
221
00:09:04,849 --> 00:09:06,050
Is he playing a dick?
222
00:09:06,117 --> 00:09:07,284
All right, everybody, here we go.
223
00:09:07,352 --> 00:09:09,386
Scene ten. Places, please.
224
00:09:09,454 --> 00:09:11,121
And... Action!
225
00:09:11,189 --> 00:09:13,757
Oh, it's so great being
here on jolly farm.
226
00:09:13,825 --> 00:09:16,060
Let's go to the barn
and meet the animals.
227
00:09:16,127 --> 00:09:17,161
Yeah! Hey, mary,
228
00:09:17,228 --> 00:09:19,330
Bet I'll beat you to the barn!
229
00:09:19,397 --> 00:09:20,798
That sounds like
230
00:09:20,865 --> 00:09:22,499
A really chauvinistic presumption.
231
00:09:22,567 --> 00:09:25,569
I mean, because I'm a woman,
you think you'll beat me?
232
00:09:25,637 --> 00:09:27,504
A man is automatically
better than a woman
233
00:09:27,572 --> 00:09:29,106
At any physical challenge?
234
00:09:29,174 --> 00:09:32,443
Well, here are a few women who
might beat you to the barn:
235
00:09:32,510 --> 00:09:34,511
Joanie benoit,
jackie joyner kersey,
236
00:09:34,579 --> 00:09:36,947
Babe didrikson zaharias,
mary decker, zola budd...
237
00:09:37,015 --> 00:09:38,148
Cut!
238
00:09:38,216 --> 00:09:40,884
Karina, your line is,
"that sounds fun."
239
00:09:40,952 --> 00:09:42,286
Well, yes, dan, but I felt
240
00:09:42,354 --> 00:09:43,921
That just because we're on a farm,
241
00:09:43,988 --> 00:09:46,523
It doesn't mean we have to
be stuck in the 19th century
242
00:09:46,591 --> 00:09:47,591
With our value system.
243
00:09:47,659 --> 00:09:49,660
Mary needs to stand up for herself.
244
00:09:49,728 --> 00:09:52,830
Hmm... Interesting.
I suppose we don't really have
245
00:09:52,897 --> 00:09:54,898
An outspoken female
character on the show.
246
00:09:54,966 --> 00:09:56,200
All right, karina,
247
00:09:56,267 --> 00:09:57,768
We'll try it your way
and see what happens.
248
00:09:57,836 --> 00:09:59,269
Good luck.
249
00:09:59,337 --> 00:10:01,004
She'll be gone in three episodes.
250
00:10:03,375 --> 00:10:07,711
¶ go, tootsie, go! ¶
251
00:10:09,681 --> 00:10:14,451
¶ roll, baby, roll! ¶
252
00:10:16,521 --> 00:10:21,925
¶ sweet tootsie roll! ¶
253
00:10:29,667 --> 00:10:30,601
(flirtatiously): Hi, anthony.
254
00:10:30,668 --> 00:10:32,302
Hi, mrs. Griffin.
255
00:10:32,370 --> 00:10:34,104
You know, we've enjoyed having you
256
00:10:34,172 --> 00:10:37,241
Around so much lately,
so we got a little
257
00:10:37,308 --> 00:10:40,043
"welcome to the family"
present for you.
258
00:10:40,111 --> 00:10:43,113
Your husband's work and
poker game schedule?
259
00:10:43,181 --> 00:10:45,048
(whispers): My menstrual
cycle's on there, too,
260
00:10:45,116 --> 00:10:46,984
But I don't mind if you don't.
261
00:10:47,051 --> 00:10:48,118
Uh, thanks.
262
00:10:48,186 --> 00:10:50,487
Oh, by the way, meg,
I forgot to tell you,
263
00:10:50,555 --> 00:10:53,157
Your grandfather needs you to
pick him up at the airport.
264
00:10:53,224 --> 00:10:56,160
Ugh, grandpa always makes me
so nervous when I'm driving.
265
00:10:58,963 --> 00:11:00,230
(clicks empty)
266
00:11:00,298 --> 00:11:02,132
Okay, now me.
267
00:11:02,901 --> 00:11:04,134
That's a stop sign!
268
00:11:04,202 --> 00:11:05,335
Anthony, you want to come with me?
269
00:11:05,403 --> 00:11:06,670
Sure.
270
00:11:06,738 --> 00:11:07,905
Oh, don't be ridiculous,
271
00:11:07,972 --> 00:11:09,540
I'll keep him company
till you get back.
272
00:11:09,607 --> 00:11:11,241
Good-bye, meg.
273
00:11:12,277 --> 00:11:13,610
Let's not play games.
274
00:11:13,678 --> 00:11:15,279
The other day you
said I was attractive.
275
00:11:15,346 --> 00:11:16,914
Now, what are we gonna do about it?
276
00:11:16,981 --> 00:11:18,081
Oh, my god.
277
00:11:18,149 --> 00:11:19,650
Wow, this is so cool.
278
00:11:19,717 --> 00:11:22,152
I've never had a milf
come on to me before.
279
00:11:22,220 --> 00:11:24,154
Can I, can I kiss you?
280
00:11:24,222 --> 00:11:25,522
Let me ask you this:
281
00:11:25,590 --> 00:11:27,191
Do my gray hairs bother you?
282
00:11:27,258 --> 00:11:28,559
What gray hairs?
283
00:11:28,626 --> 00:11:30,928
Oh, kiss me!
284
00:11:30,995 --> 00:11:32,596
(moaning)
285
00:11:32,664 --> 00:11:34,231
Mom, I forgot my keys.
286
00:11:34,299 --> 00:11:35,365
Do you know where...
287
00:11:35,433 --> 00:11:38,402
Um... Rape?
288
00:11:38,470 --> 00:11:42,639
(seinfeld transitional cue plays)
289
00:11:48,580 --> 00:11:50,581
Hey, another batch
of fan mail, karina.
290
00:11:50,648 --> 00:11:52,382
Oh, careful, sam,
291
00:11:52,450 --> 00:11:54,218
You're emptying your
sack all over me.
292
00:11:54,285 --> 00:11:56,186
(laughing): What?!
293
00:11:56,254 --> 00:11:57,855
Stewie, how the hell long
294
00:11:57,922 --> 00:11:59,389
Do you think you can
keep up this charade?
295
00:11:59,457 --> 00:12:01,692
I will keep up this "charahhd"
296
00:12:01,759 --> 00:12:04,294
As it's pronounced, brian,
as long as I see fit.
297
00:12:04,362 --> 00:12:05,429
Ooh, ooh, shh, shh, shh.
298
00:12:05,497 --> 00:12:06,463
Hi, karina.
299
00:12:06,531 --> 00:12:07,631
(girlish voice): Oh, hi, julie.
300
00:12:07,699 --> 00:12:09,333
God, I love your makeup.
301
00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:11,001
You know, I'm thinking
of asking them
302
00:12:11,069 --> 00:12:12,469
To do my makeup like yours.
303
00:12:12,537 --> 00:12:14,037
Oh, you don't need makeup.
304
00:12:14,105 --> 00:12:16,139
I mean, I need all
the help I can get,
305
00:12:16,207 --> 00:12:17,674
But you have such a youthful look,
306
00:12:17,742 --> 00:12:18,909
You could pass for 11 months.
307
00:12:18,977 --> 00:12:21,144
Ugh, then why do I
feel like 40 months?
308
00:12:21,212 --> 00:12:23,113
You've got to stop
doing that to yourself.
309
00:12:23,181 --> 00:12:24,882
You're fantastic.
310
00:12:24,949 --> 00:12:27,718
Oh, I think you're the
nicest person I've ever met.
311
00:12:27,785 --> 00:12:30,387
Hey, baby, you ready
to go take a nap?
312
00:12:30,455 --> 00:12:32,523
Oh, okay, randall.
313
00:12:34,325 --> 00:12:35,792
I don't think that
guy's right for her.
314
00:12:35,860 --> 00:12:37,094
Do you see the way he treats her?
315
00:12:37,161 --> 00:12:38,295
Why do you care?
316
00:12:38,363 --> 00:12:41,465
Because... I think
I'm in love with her.
317
00:12:41,533 --> 00:12:42,666
Whenever I talk to her,
318
00:12:42,734 --> 00:12:44,268
It makes my band-aid
start to peel off.
319
00:12:44,335 --> 00:12:45,569
What are you talking about?
320
00:12:45,637 --> 00:12:46,904
I'm talking about my thing.
321
00:12:46,971 --> 00:12:48,305
Gotta hide it for the cameras.
322
00:12:48,373 --> 00:12:50,007
Instead of tucking it,
I just push it in
323
00:12:50,074 --> 00:12:51,308
Like a button and put
a band-aid over it.
324
00:12:51,376 --> 00:12:52,476
What kind of band-aid?
325
00:12:52,544 --> 00:12:53,644
Big one.
326
00:12:53,711 --> 00:12:54,945
Big giant one.
327
00:12:55,013 --> 00:12:57,514
Nah, just one of those little
dots you put on a shot.
328
00:13:02,530 --> 00:13:03,597
Okay, brian, watch.
329
00:13:03,665 --> 00:13:04,965
Here comes my big part.
330
00:13:05,033 --> 00:13:09,136
Oh, here comes large bird and
moody green garbage creature.
331
00:13:09,204 --> 00:13:11,272
Wow, you're a big bird.
332
00:13:11,339 --> 00:13:13,674
And I'm grouchy,
so get out of my way!
333
00:13:13,742 --> 00:13:16,043
You watch that tone,
moody green garbage creature,
334
00:13:16,111 --> 00:13:19,179
Or I'll get bernie and gert
over here to kick your butt.
335
00:13:19,247 --> 00:13:20,881
Is there a problem here?
336
00:13:20,949 --> 00:13:23,384
Yeah, you need us to use our fists?
337
00:13:23,451 --> 00:13:24,885
Look at julie, brian.
338
00:13:24,953 --> 00:13:27,454
She's absolutely beautiful.
339
00:13:27,522 --> 00:13:28,889
(doorbell ringing)
340
00:13:30,859 --> 00:13:32,126
Julie?!
341
00:13:32,194 --> 00:13:33,627
Hi, we were just talking about you.
342
00:13:33,695 --> 00:13:35,396
Oh, hi, do I know you?
343
00:13:35,463 --> 00:13:36,497
Oh, right.
344
00:13:36,565 --> 00:13:38,332
Yeah, no, you don't,
you know karina.
345
00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:39,567
I'm her brother, stewie.
346
00:13:39,634 --> 00:13:40,935
It's nice to meet you.
347
00:13:41,002 --> 00:13:42,570
Is she home? Oh, yeah,
yeah, she's upstairs.
348
00:13:42,637 --> 00:13:43,737
Come in.
349
00:13:43,805 --> 00:13:46,040
Brian, you've met julie, right?
350
00:13:46,107 --> 00:13:48,242
Julie's my sister's co-star
on jolly farm.
351
00:13:48,310 --> 00:13:49,410
Hi, brian.
352
00:13:49,477 --> 00:13:50,744
Why don't you keep her company,
353
00:13:50,812 --> 00:13:52,046
While I go fetch karina.
354
00:13:52,113 --> 00:13:54,281
Just make sure you get her fast.
355
00:13:54,349 --> 00:13:55,883
Karina? (as karina): Yes?
356
00:13:55,951 --> 00:13:57,284
(as stewie): You have
a visitor. Who is it?
357
00:13:57,352 --> 00:13:59,553
It's that nice girl,
julie, from your show.
358
00:13:59,621 --> 00:14:01,555
Oh, julie, did she
say what she wanted?
359
00:14:01,623 --> 00:14:02,823
Just go see for yourself,
360
00:14:02,891 --> 00:14:04,325
I'm not your secretary, karina.
361
00:14:04,392 --> 00:14:05,359
Why are you so cruel to me?
362
00:14:05,427 --> 00:14:06,594
Is it because I'm the pretty one?
363
00:14:06,661 --> 00:14:08,596
The talented one? Oh,
for god's sakes.
364
00:14:08,663 --> 00:14:09,597
You know, we're all sick of you!
365
00:14:09,664 --> 00:14:10,664
That's right, all of us!
366
00:14:10,732 --> 00:14:13,167
Sick of me?! Oh, that's rich.
367
00:14:13,235 --> 00:14:14,602
You know, I wasn't
going to say this,
368
00:14:14,669 --> 00:14:16,170
But mother hates you.
369
00:14:16,238 --> 00:14:17,805
That's not true,
you take that back!
370
00:14:17,873 --> 00:14:19,406
It is true, she hates you!
371
00:14:19,474 --> 00:14:21,542
She told me, it was the
christmas we all went
372
00:14:21,610 --> 00:14:23,477
To edaville railroad, and you cried
373
00:14:23,545 --> 00:14:25,412
Because you were afraid
because one of santa's elves
374
00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:27,248
Was a real midget, and father said,
375
00:14:27,315 --> 00:14:29,149
"that's it, I can't
take this anymore,"
376
00:14:29,217 --> 00:14:30,918
And he left that very night
377
00:14:30,986 --> 00:14:33,554
And all you cared about was
ice cream on the way home
378
00:14:33,622 --> 00:14:35,322
And mother said you didn't
appreciate anything!
379
00:14:35,390 --> 00:14:36,490
Brian: Karina! Coming!
380
00:14:36,558 --> 00:14:38,492
Hello, julie.
381
00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:40,060
So nice to see you.
382
00:14:40,128 --> 00:14:41,362
Please.
383
00:14:41,429 --> 00:14:42,796
Two lemonades, brian.
384
00:14:42,864 --> 00:14:44,431
Oh, yeah, I'll go
make you a lemonade.
385
00:14:44,499 --> 00:14:45,766
I'll make you a fresh one.
386
00:14:45,834 --> 00:14:47,468
So, what brings you here?
387
00:14:47,535 --> 00:14:49,303
Well, I wanted to see
if you could come over
388
00:14:49,371 --> 00:14:51,038
To my house tonight
and run lines with me.
389
00:14:51,106 --> 00:14:53,107
Don't you usually do
that with randall?
390
00:14:53,174 --> 00:14:54,742
We kind of had a fight.
391
00:14:54,809 --> 00:14:56,410
Oh, I'm sorry.
392
00:14:56,478 --> 00:14:58,746
I thought maybe you and I could
have a sleepover tonight.
393
00:14:58,813 --> 00:15:00,114
You know, a little girl time.
394
00:15:00,181 --> 00:15:01,548
Oh, that would be so fun.
395
00:15:01,616 --> 00:15:03,417
Yes, let's. Terrific.
396
00:15:03,485 --> 00:15:04,652
I can't wait.
397
00:15:04,719 --> 00:15:06,420
Hey, do you mind if I say
good-bye to your brother?
398
00:15:06,488 --> 00:15:09,023
(sighs): Fine.
399
00:15:09,090 --> 00:15:10,190
(as karina): Stewie!
400
00:15:10,258 --> 00:15:11,358
(as stewie): What?
401
00:15:11,426 --> 00:15:13,127
Julie would like to
say goodbye to you.
402
00:15:13,194 --> 00:15:14,361
Well? Answer me.
403
00:15:14,429 --> 00:15:15,462
I'm not talking to you!
404
00:15:15,530 --> 00:15:17,264
You're being a baby.
Go say good-bye.
405
00:15:17,332 --> 00:15:18,399
Why? She's your friend.
406
00:15:18,466 --> 00:15:20,067
And why should I do you any favors
407
00:15:20,135 --> 00:15:21,902
After the terrible things
you said to me earlier?
408
00:15:21,970 --> 00:15:24,038
Well, at least I didn't bring
up that time at brigham' s
409
00:15:24,105 --> 00:15:26,173
When you showed your fanny to
that girl in the wheelchair!
410
00:15:26,241 --> 00:15:28,042
Julie's gone! (as stewie):
That's fine, brian,
411
00:15:28,109 --> 00:15:29,543
We're having a
conversation up here!
412
00:15:29,611 --> 00:15:31,445
That girl in the wheelchair
called me a name!
413
00:15:31,513 --> 00:15:34,214
(as karina): Yes, well, that gives
you no right to be a blackguard!
414
00:15:40,121 --> 00:15:42,723
Meg, honey,
I think we need to talk.
415
00:15:42,791 --> 00:15:43,958
I don't want to talk to you.
416
00:15:44,025 --> 00:15:45,025
Get out!
417
00:15:45,093 --> 00:15:47,227
Look, I understand
that you're upset.
418
00:15:47,295 --> 00:15:49,396
You made out with my boyfriend!
419
00:15:49,464 --> 00:15:50,864
How could you do that?
420
00:15:50,932 --> 00:15:54,335
I don't know, sweetheart,
but I am so, so sorry.
421
00:15:54,402 --> 00:15:55,903
It was an awful thing that I did.
422
00:15:55,971 --> 00:15:57,738
I never meant to
steal him from you.
423
00:15:57,806 --> 00:15:59,340
Is that what you think?
424
00:15:59,407 --> 00:16:00,908
You stole him from me?
425
00:16:00,976 --> 00:16:02,076
Are you kidding?
426
00:16:02,143 --> 00:16:03,744
You couldn't steal him from me.
427
00:16:03,812 --> 00:16:06,213
Well, I do know a few things, meg.
428
00:16:06,281 --> 00:16:08,349
And clearly, if I wanted
him I could have him.
429
00:16:08,416 --> 00:16:10,751
You really think
you stand a chance?
430
00:16:10,819 --> 00:16:13,420
Look at you, you're old,
you're nothing.
431
00:16:13,488 --> 00:16:16,223
You couldn't even imagine
the things I do for him.
432
00:16:16,291 --> 00:16:19,927
And this isn't about making out;
this is about power tools.
433
00:16:19,995 --> 00:16:22,363
Yeah, I go to places you
couldn't get back from.
434
00:16:22,430 --> 00:16:23,697
I'll do anything.
435
00:16:23,765 --> 00:16:25,032
You don't know me.
436
00:16:26,534 --> 00:16:28,569
Oh, my god!
437
00:16:28,636 --> 00:16:30,104
He hangs me from the shower rod
438
00:16:30,171 --> 00:16:31,905
With your old bras,
and then we laugh at you.
439
00:16:31,973 --> 00:16:34,074
Now get out of my room!
440
00:16:34,142 --> 00:16:37,444
Well, when you're ready to talk.
441
00:16:40,148 --> 00:16:41,882
Are you okay in there, karina?
442
00:16:41,950 --> 00:16:43,217
Be right out!
443
00:16:43,284 --> 00:16:44,885
Just rinsing off my noxzema.
444
00:16:44,953 --> 00:16:46,253
I'm so glad you came over.
445
00:16:46,321 --> 00:16:48,856
Oh, so am I, jules;
it's been so fun.
446
00:16:48,923 --> 00:16:52,426
So, I guess I sleep in the
guest room or whatnot?
447
00:16:52,494 --> 00:16:54,161
No, you can sleep in here with me.
448
00:16:54,229 --> 00:16:58,265
Oh, well, my goodness,
I hope there's room for both of us.
449
00:16:58,333 --> 00:17:00,567
I'll just have to squeeze in here.
450
00:17:00,635 --> 00:17:02,770
Well, good night, karina.
451
00:17:02,837 --> 00:17:06,807
You know, I really like
spending time with you, julie.
452
00:17:06,875 --> 00:17:08,308
Me, too.
453
00:17:08,376 --> 00:17:09,543
Why couldn't we just
have girlfriends
454
00:17:09,611 --> 00:17:11,311
Instead of boyfriends? I know.
455
00:17:11,379 --> 00:17:14,248
It's all just one big,
confusing mess.
456
00:17:14,315 --> 00:17:16,050
Can I snuggle with you?
457
00:17:16,117 --> 00:17:18,018
Uh-huh.
458
00:17:18,086 --> 00:17:19,987
(sweet melody plays)
459
00:17:22,490 --> 00:17:24,858
Good night, julie.
460
00:17:31,900 --> 00:17:34,034
Well, I hope you're happy, peter.
461
00:17:34,102 --> 00:17:36,603
Our daughter hates me and
it's all because of you!
462
00:17:36,671 --> 00:17:38,238
Me? What the hell did I do?
463
00:17:38,306 --> 00:17:39,807
You've made me feel
so unattractive lately
464
00:17:39,874 --> 00:17:41,141
That I went and did something
465
00:17:41,209 --> 00:17:44,178
Disgusting and abhorrent
and I'm ashamed of myself.
466
00:17:44,245 --> 00:17:46,246
Peter, I made out
with meg's boyfriend.
467
00:17:46,314 --> 00:17:48,749
You made out with meg's boyfriend?
468
00:17:48,817 --> 00:17:50,217
How the hell could
you do that to me?
469
00:17:50,285 --> 00:17:52,820
Because, peter, you've been
making me feel old and fat
470
00:17:52,887 --> 00:17:55,122
And unattractive and worthless.
471
00:17:55,190 --> 00:17:56,757
How do you expect me to respond?
472
00:17:56,825 --> 00:17:59,793
Lois, I think you're the
most beautiful woman
473
00:17:59,861 --> 00:18:01,295
I ever seen in my life.
474
00:18:01,362 --> 00:18:03,464
Well, but then why
have you been saying
475
00:18:03,531 --> 00:18:05,065
All these horrible things?
476
00:18:05,133 --> 00:18:08,769
Because I'm old and fat and
unattractive and worthless.
477
00:18:08,837 --> 00:18:11,371
I guess I thought that if
I could bring you down,
478
00:18:11,439 --> 00:18:13,507
You wouldn't start to notice
that you're too good for me
479
00:18:13,575 --> 00:18:15,275
And run off looking
for another fella.
480
00:18:15,343 --> 00:18:17,611
Peter, that's ridiculous.
481
00:18:17,679 --> 00:18:18,946
I love you.
482
00:18:19,013 --> 00:18:20,514
Why?
483
00:18:20,582 --> 00:18:22,549
Maybe I like fat guys.
484
00:18:22,617 --> 00:18:23,717
You do?
485
00:18:23,785 --> 00:18:26,487
Maybe I like having
sex with fat guys.
486
00:18:26,554 --> 00:18:27,754
Yeah?
487
00:18:27,822 --> 00:18:30,924
Maybe I want to have sex
with a fat guy right now.
488
00:18:30,992 --> 00:18:34,194
Well, maybe I want to have
sex with an ugly, old broad.
489
00:18:34,262 --> 00:18:35,596
Peter! Gotcha!
490
00:18:35,663 --> 00:18:37,131
(laughing) wow!
491
00:18:43,404 --> 00:18:45,305
I'm going insane, brian.
492
00:18:45,373 --> 00:18:47,341
I don't know how much
longer I can keep this up.
493
00:18:47,408 --> 00:18:49,776
I've got to tell julie
my true feelings.
494
00:18:49,844 --> 00:18:50,878
So, tell her.
495
00:18:50,945 --> 00:18:52,212
Have you heard, karina?
496
00:18:52,280 --> 00:18:53,881
We're gonna be doing
the show live today.
497
00:18:53,948 --> 00:18:55,149
I'm so nervous,
498
00:18:55,216 --> 00:18:57,417
I've never been on live tv before.
499
00:18:57,485 --> 00:18:59,219
Would you give me a hug for luck?
500
00:19:02,624 --> 00:19:05,259
No, no, no, no, no,
I'm not done yet.
501
00:19:05,326 --> 00:19:07,294
Karina, what are you...
502
00:19:07,362 --> 00:19:08,295
(smooching)
503
00:19:08,363 --> 00:19:10,297
Oh, oh, I'm not...
504
00:19:10,365 --> 00:19:11,932
I'm not a lesbian.
505
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:13,534
No, no, I'm not either!
506
00:19:13,601 --> 00:19:14,768
What are you exactly?
507
00:19:14,836 --> 00:19:16,436
I'm sorry, karina.
508
00:19:16,504 --> 00:19:19,173
If only you were a boy.
509
00:19:20,108 --> 00:19:23,143
But... I am a boy.
510
00:19:23,211 --> 00:19:25,279
Director: Okay, everybody,
we're live in five.
511
00:19:25,346 --> 00:19:27,080
You'd better get out there.
512
00:19:28,349 --> 00:19:31,652
Four, three, two...
513
00:19:31,719 --> 00:19:35,722
Good morning and
welcome to jolly farm.
514
00:19:35,790 --> 00:19:39,026
Today we're going to learn
about the letter "t."
515
00:19:39,093 --> 00:19:41,495
I've got something to say,
mother maggie.
516
00:19:41,563 --> 00:19:42,729
You do?
517
00:19:42,797 --> 00:19:44,765
Well, maybe that can
wait till later, mary.
518
00:19:44,832 --> 00:19:47,367
No, I think this needs
to come out now.
519
00:19:47,435 --> 00:19:51,271
You see, I didn't move to
jolly farm from the big city
520
00:19:51,339 --> 00:19:52,906
To be around animals.
521
00:19:52,974 --> 00:19:56,476
I moved here because my uncle
was molesting my sister,
522
00:19:56,544 --> 00:19:59,246
And my parents wanted
her to start a new life.
523
00:19:59,314 --> 00:20:01,648
But my sister mary shot
herself in the face,
524
00:20:01,716 --> 00:20:04,918
And that's when I decided that
she would live on through me.
525
00:20:04,986 --> 00:20:07,788
For I am not who you think I am.
526
00:20:07,855 --> 00:20:10,524
I am not little mary sunflower,
527
00:20:10,592 --> 00:20:13,827
Daughter of bradley
and theresa sunflower.
528
00:20:13,895 --> 00:20:15,829
No, I'm not.
529
00:20:15,897 --> 00:20:17,464
(as stewie): I'm desmond sunflower!
530
00:20:17,532 --> 00:20:20,067
Desmond sunflower and I'm a boy!
531
00:20:23,071 --> 00:20:25,572
A perfectly normal little boy.
532
00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:29,176
Who also happens to
be a transvestite.
533
00:20:29,244 --> 00:20:31,979
Which begins with the letter "t."
534
00:20:37,381 --> 00:20:38,681
I'm ready.
535
00:20:38,749 --> 00:20:39,815
Did you talk to julie?
536
00:20:39,883 --> 00:20:41,450
Her mother won't let me see her.
537
00:20:41,518 --> 00:20:43,853
It doesn't matter anyway,
she's back with randall.
538
00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:45,421
Oh, I'm sorry.
539
00:20:45,489 --> 00:20:47,390
Hey, why were they
shooting that scene live?
540
00:20:47,457 --> 00:20:49,191
Convenience.
Yeah, but why'd they...
541
00:20:49,259 --> 00:20:51,060
Let's not start pulling
threads on this one.
542
00:20:51,128 --> 00:20:53,062
Can we go home? Sure.
543
00:20:55,999 --> 00:20:57,800
You want to get some ice cream?
544
00:20:57,868 --> 00:20:59,268
Well, why not?
545
00:20:59,336 --> 00:21:01,370
I don't have to fit
in that dress anymore.
546
00:21:01,438 --> 00:21:04,073
Hey, can I borrow the dress?
547
00:21:04,141 --> 00:21:05,374
What? Nah, I'm just kidding.
548
00:21:05,442 --> 00:21:06,509
I'm just doing some playful,
549
00:21:06,576 --> 00:21:08,778
Walking-away banter
during the music.
550
00:21:08,845 --> 00:21:09,879
Can we not do that?
551
00:21:09,946 --> 00:21:10,980
I have such a headache.
552
00:21:11,047 --> 00:21:11,815
Sorry.
553
00:21:11,816 --> 00:21:12,816
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com