1
00:00:04,035 --> 00:00:07,303
* Is violence in movies
and sex on TV *
2
00:00:07,371 --> 00:00:10,539
* But where are those
good old-fashioned values *
3
00:00:10,607 --> 00:00:13,542
* On which we used to rely? *
4
00:00:13,609 --> 00:00:17,408
* Lucky there's a family guy *
5
00:00:17,475 --> 00:00:20,510
* Lucky there's a man
who positively can do *
6
00:00:20,577 --> 00:00:22,118
* All the things that make us *
7
00:00:22,186 --> 00:00:23,464
* Laugh and cry *
8
00:00:23,532 --> 00:00:25,788
* He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! *
9
00:00:25,856 --> 00:00:33,552
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
10
00:00:34,115 --> 00:00:36,123
ANNOUNCER (on TV):
And now our feature
presentation,
11
00:00:36,191 --> 00:00:38,705
Lawrence of Arabia,
presented in its original
12
00:00:38,773 --> 00:00:41,117
Ulta-Cinemascope
letterbox format.
13
00:00:41,185 --> 00:00:43,530
(music theme plays)
14
00:00:43,598 --> 00:00:45,168
LOIS:
Well, I can't see anything.
15
00:00:45,235 --> 00:00:47,478
STEWIE:
Who's the rather attractive
girl on the camel?
16
00:00:47,546 --> 00:00:48,715
BRIAN:
That's Peter O'Toole.
17
00:00:48,783 --> 00:00:50,322
PETER:
You film buffs might enjoy this.
18
00:00:50,390 --> 00:00:53,765
Both his first and last names
are slang for "penis."
19
00:00:53,833 --> 00:00:56,475
We interrupt this program
to bring you exciting news.
20
00:00:56,542 --> 00:00:58,884
Family Feud
will be coming to Quahog.
21
00:00:58,951 --> 00:01:01,596
Auditions are being held
tomorrow at the Civic Center.
22
00:01:01,664 --> 00:01:03,671
Family Feud's
coming to Quahog?
23
00:01:03,739 --> 00:01:05,042
Peter, we
should try out.
24
00:01:05,110 --> 00:01:07,820
A family can win
$5,000 on that show.
25
00:01:07,887 --> 00:01:09,693
$5,000?
26
00:01:09,761 --> 00:01:12,068
I could get that cave for the
front yard I've always wanted,
27
00:01:12,135 --> 00:01:13,841
and then tell people
not to go in there.
28
00:01:13,909 --> 00:01:16,015
(kids laughing)
29
00:01:16,083 --> 00:01:17,620
Hey, you kids stay
out of that cave!
30
00:01:17,688 --> 00:01:19,860
You don't know
what's in there!
31
00:01:19,927 --> 00:01:22,634
(sighs)
Money well spent.
32
00:01:26,944 --> 00:01:29,211
We're looking for fun,
interesting families
33
00:01:29,279 --> 00:01:30,746
that viewers will
want to watch.
34
00:01:30,814 --> 00:01:32,446
You folks have any
interesting stories?
35
00:01:32,514 --> 00:01:34,046
Lois, tell him about
the whole stitches thing
36
00:01:34,114 --> 00:01:35,811
when Chris was born.
Never mind, I'll tell it.
37
00:01:35,879 --> 00:01:38,248
Lois was so wrecked,
they had to sew her up
38
00:01:38,316 --> 00:01:40,553
and open up a new vagina
right next to the first one.
39
00:01:40,621 --> 00:01:42,289
You know, kinda like
when they build a new bridge
40
00:01:42,358 --> 00:01:43,493
next to the old bridge,
and you're like,
41
00:01:43,560 --> 00:01:45,596
"Wow, I can't believe
I used to use the old one.
42
00:01:45,664 --> 00:01:46,865
Looks so unsafe."
43
00:01:46,933 --> 00:01:48,067
All right, enough
clowning around.
44
00:01:48,135 --> 00:01:49,169
Let's talk turkey.
We want to play the Feud.
45
00:01:49,237 --> 00:01:50,540
Well, you're in luck.
46
00:01:50,607 --> 00:01:52,744
The other family we've chosen
has three daughters,
47
00:01:52,811 --> 00:01:55,882
so we're picking you
because you have three sons.
48
00:01:55,950 --> 00:01:58,286
But I'm not...
Shut up, Greg.
49
00:01:58,354 --> 00:02:00,958
(Family Feud theme song
playing)
50
00:02:01,026 --> 00:02:05,198
ANNOUNCER:
It's time for the Family Feud.
51
00:02:05,266 --> 00:02:07,770
Introducing
the Callaghan Family.
52
00:02:07,838 --> 00:02:10,473
Ready for action.
53
00:02:10,540 --> 00:02:12,977
And the Griffin Family.
54
00:02:13,044 --> 00:02:16,484
On your marks, let's start...
55
00:02:16,552 --> 00:02:19,556
the Family Feud!
56
00:02:19,624 --> 00:02:21,559
With the star of Family Feud...
57
00:02:21,627 --> 00:02:23,562
Richard Dawson!
58
00:02:23,630 --> 00:02:25,565
Thank you. Thank you very much.
59
00:02:25,633 --> 00:02:26,900
Ah, you're lovely.
60
00:02:26,968 --> 00:02:28,302
I haven't heard
that much applause
61
00:02:28,369 --> 00:02:30,972
since Bob Crane premiered
his home movies in my closet.
62
00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:32,007
(Peter laughs)
63
00:02:32,075 --> 00:02:33,444
All right, let's play the Feud.
64
00:02:33,512 --> 00:02:36,081
* *
(applause)
65
00:02:36,149 --> 00:02:38,654
100 people surveyed,
top four answers on the board.
66
00:02:38,721 --> 00:02:39,889
Here's the question:
67
00:02:39,957 --> 00:02:42,227
Name something you find
in your bathroom.
68
00:02:42,294 --> 00:02:43,262
(buzzer)
69
00:02:43,330 --> 00:02:44,264
A sink.
70
00:02:44,332 --> 00:02:45,567
Show us "sink!"
71
00:02:45,635 --> 00:02:46,970
(bell rings)
72
00:02:48,539 --> 00:02:50,705
Peter, three answers
on the board that can beat that.
73
00:02:50,773 --> 00:02:53,641
Name something you find
in your bathroom.
74
00:02:53,708 --> 00:02:56,645
Find in your bathroom.
Find in your bathroom.
75
00:02:56,713 --> 00:02:59,282
Richard, I'm going to go
with "fetus in the toilet bowl."
76
00:02:59,349 --> 00:03:01,318
Show us "fetus
in the toilet bowl!"
77
00:03:01,385 --> 00:03:03,421
(bell rings, applause)
78
00:03:03,488 --> 00:03:05,455
Play or pass?
We're going to play.
79
00:03:05,523 --> 00:03:08,893
Oh, this must be
your lovely wife.
80
00:03:09,929 --> 00:03:11,864
(chuckling):
Oh, uh-uh.
81
00:03:11,932 --> 00:03:14,534
I've been waiting
for this for years.
82
00:03:14,602 --> 00:03:17,171
(moaning)
83
00:03:23,915 --> 00:03:27,352
Okay, Lois, name something
you find in your bathroom.
84
00:03:27,421 --> 00:03:29,523
Okay, how about
"bathtub?"
85
00:03:29,591 --> 00:03:30,892
(bell rings)
86
00:03:30,959 --> 00:03:33,428
(all cheering)
87
00:03:33,496 --> 00:03:36,430
Okay, name something you find
in your bathroom.
88
00:03:36,498 --> 00:03:38,065
Um...
89
00:03:38,133 --> 00:03:40,101
a razor blade
and a note?
90
00:03:40,169 --> 00:03:41,804
(bell rings)
91
00:03:41,872 --> 00:03:44,641
(all cheering)
92
00:03:44,709 --> 00:03:47,678
* *
93
00:03:51,351 --> 00:03:54,421
Name something you'd like
to receive as a gift.
94
00:03:54,489 --> 00:03:55,757
Candy?
95
00:03:55,824 --> 00:03:56,958
Show me "candy!"
96
00:03:57,026 --> 00:03:58,494
(buzzer)
97
00:03:58,561 --> 00:03:59,695
(audience sighs)
98
00:03:59,763 --> 00:04:01,097
Wait. We're out?
99
00:04:01,165 --> 00:04:03,100
But you said if I slept
with you...
All right, Griffins,
100
00:04:03,168 --> 00:04:04,769
here's your chance
to win the game!
101
00:04:04,837 --> 00:04:07,773
Name something you'd like
to receive as a gift.
102
00:04:07,841 --> 00:04:09,341
Groceries!
Assorted lotions!
103
00:04:09,409 --> 00:04:11,276
An Uzi!
A dead squirrel!
Money!
104
00:04:11,344 --> 00:04:12,777
All right, good answer,
good answer!
Yeah, money!
105
00:04:12,844 --> 00:04:14,345
Oh, very good!
Good answer!
There you go!
There you go!
106
00:04:14,412 --> 00:04:16,512
Well, Richard, my family seems
to think money's the way to go.
107
00:04:16,580 --> 00:04:18,013
So I'm gonna go
with the flute
108
00:04:18,081 --> 00:04:20,848
that Captain Picard played,
first in his imagination
109
00:04:20,916 --> 00:04:23,183
and then in real life, in the
episode "The Inner Light"
110
00:04:23,251 --> 00:04:24,851
from Star Trek:
The Next Generation.
111
00:04:24,919 --> 00:04:27,452
What?! No, you idiot!
We said "money!"
112
00:04:27,520 --> 00:04:29,053
Show me "Picard's flute!"
113
00:04:29,121 --> 00:04:30,387
(bell rings)
114
00:04:30,454 --> 00:04:33,521
(all cheering)
115
00:04:33,589 --> 00:04:35,523
Peter, how did you...?
I was in the survey.
116
00:04:35,590 --> 00:04:37,724
Can you believe it?
We're going to the bonus round!
117
00:04:37,792 --> 00:04:39,259
* *
118
00:04:39,326 --> 00:04:40,726
(applause)
119
00:04:40,794 --> 00:04:42,728
Okay, Lois.
15 seconds on the clock.
120
00:04:42,796 --> 00:04:44,396
Name something
you sit in.
121
00:04:44,464 --> 00:04:45,831
A chair.
My own feces.
122
00:04:45,899 --> 00:04:47,165
Name a popular fruit.
123
00:04:47,233 --> 00:04:48,433
Orange.
Clay Aiken.
124
00:04:48,501 --> 00:04:49,767
Something in your closet.
125
00:04:49,835 --> 00:04:51,102
Shoes.
Scary monsters.
126
00:04:51,169 --> 00:04:52,303
Your favorite holiday.
127
00:04:52,371 --> 00:04:53,571
Christmas.
9/11.
128
00:04:53,638 --> 00:04:55,405
Something you do
on the weekends.
129
00:04:55,473 --> 00:04:57,273
Go to church.
Black guys.
130
00:04:57,341 --> 00:04:58,674
(bell rings, applause)
131
00:04:58,741 --> 00:05:00,842
All right,
"Something you sit in."
132
00:05:00,910 --> 00:05:02,176
You said "chair."
133
00:05:02,244 --> 00:05:03,377
Survey said...
134
00:05:03,444 --> 00:05:04,677
(bell rings)
135
00:05:04,744 --> 00:05:06,178
Wait a sec. I said "feces."
136
00:05:06,246 --> 00:05:07,545
Where's my answer?
137
00:05:07,613 --> 00:05:09,380
Oh, you're just going to pretend
I'm not here, huh?
138
00:05:09,447 --> 00:05:12,382
Just like Robin Williams' agent
pretends he's still funny.
139
00:05:12,449 --> 00:05:14,216
(rings)
Hello?
140
00:05:14,284 --> 00:05:15,884
Hey, Phil, it's
Robin Williams.
141
00:05:15,952 --> 00:05:18,219
(laughs)
That's hilarious!
142
00:05:18,287 --> 00:05:20,888
I just wanted to make sure
the meeting is still on
for 2:30 tomorrow.
143
00:05:20,956 --> 00:05:22,723
Otherwise I gotta go
to that Chinese dentist.
144
00:05:22,791 --> 00:05:23,958
Get it? 2:30?
145
00:05:24,025 --> 00:05:25,460
(laughs)
146
00:05:25,528 --> 00:05:28,264
You son of a bitch, I had
a mouth full of coffee.
147
00:05:28,332 --> 00:05:30,735
God, you are funny,
and that is real!
148
00:05:30,803 --> 00:05:32,739
Okay, Peter,
Lois did great.
149
00:05:32,807 --> 00:05:35,277
You only need one point
to win the $5,000.
150
00:05:35,345 --> 00:05:36,478
20 seconds.
151
00:05:36,546 --> 00:05:38,147
Name something
you sit in.
152
00:05:38,215 --> 00:05:39,481
Chair.
(buzzer)
153
00:05:39,549 --> 00:05:41,250
Try again.
Big chair.
154
00:05:41,317 --> 00:05:42,850
(buzzer)
No, that's
the same thing.
155
00:05:42,918 --> 00:05:44,418
Try again.
High chair.
156
00:05:44,485 --> 00:05:46,418
That's still a chair.
157
00:05:46,486 --> 00:05:48,353
Chair.
Say something
other than "chair."
158
00:05:48,420 --> 00:05:49,586
What if I can't think
anything?
159
00:05:49,654 --> 00:05:51,254
You can pass.
How do I pass?
160
00:05:51,321 --> 00:05:52,420
Just say it.
Say what?
161
00:05:52,488 --> 00:05:54,055
Say "pass."
162
00:05:54,123 --> 00:05:55,256
Chair.
(buzzer)
163
00:05:55,324 --> 00:05:56,925
Oh, I'm sorry.
Your time is up,
164
00:05:56,993 --> 00:05:58,526
and you didn't score
enough points.
165
00:05:58,594 --> 00:05:59,727
But thank you
for playing.
166
00:05:59,795 --> 00:06:01,562
Whoa, what, that's it?
We lose?
167
00:06:01,630 --> 00:06:03,898
I'm afraid so, but we enjoyed
having you here.
168
00:06:03,965 --> 00:06:06,900
You son of a bitch,
what about my cave in the yard?
169
00:06:06,968 --> 00:06:08,569
What about my cave
in the yard?!
170
00:06:08,636 --> 00:06:10,004
Get your hands off me.
171
00:06:10,071 --> 00:06:12,073
I served
in the fictitious military.
172
00:06:13,741 --> 00:06:16,742
Peter! Oh, my God,
are you all right?
173
00:06:17,744 --> 00:06:18,877
What happened?
174
00:06:18,945 --> 00:06:20,578
Where am I?
175
00:06:20,646 --> 00:06:22,613
Who are you?
I'm Lois.
176
00:06:22,681 --> 00:06:24,615
Lois who?
177
00:06:24,683 --> 00:06:26,117
Who the hell am I?
178
00:06:26,184 --> 00:06:27,652
Uh-oh.
179
00:06:50,017 --> 00:06:52,152
Mrs. Griffin, I'm afraid
your husband has amnesia.
180
00:06:52,520 --> 00:06:54,788
Oh, my God,
is it permanent?
181
00:06:54,855 --> 00:06:56,289
Well, there's no telling
for sure.
182
00:06:56,357 --> 00:06:58,291
His memory could return
in days, weeks,
183
00:06:58,359 --> 00:07:00,126
years, or never.
184
00:07:00,194 --> 00:07:01,494
Or weeks.
185
00:07:04,031 --> 00:07:06,966
Peter, I want you
to meet your family.
186
00:07:07,034 --> 00:07:09,268
You're... my family?
187
00:07:09,336 --> 00:07:10,469
That's right.
188
00:07:10,537 --> 00:07:11,969
These are
your children.
189
00:07:12,037 --> 00:07:13,470
Dad, I'm Chris.
190
00:07:13,537 --> 00:07:14,869
I-I'm your son.
191
00:07:14,937 --> 00:07:16,469
Never seen you before
in my life.
192
00:07:16,537 --> 00:07:19,536
Wow, then I must
be invisible!
193
00:07:20,805 --> 00:07:23,740
Hey, everybody, I'm invisible!
194
00:07:23,807 --> 00:07:25,741
HERBERT:
Oh, no, you're not!
195
00:07:25,808 --> 00:07:27,142
Hot diggity!
196
00:07:28,177 --> 00:07:29,510
This is Meg,
your daughter.
197
00:07:29,578 --> 00:07:30,711
D'oh!
198
00:07:30,779 --> 00:07:32,513
No, Peter, that's not
your catchphrase.
199
00:07:32,581 --> 00:07:33,548
Oh.
200
00:07:33,615 --> 00:07:36,018
Sorry, I just don't
remember anything.
201
00:07:36,085 --> 00:07:38,721
Dad, this is your baby
and your dog.
202
00:07:38,789 --> 00:07:40,055
Ooh, he doesn't
remember us.
203
00:07:40,123 --> 00:07:42,122
It's an opportunity to come up
with our own names.
204
00:07:42,190 --> 00:07:43,790
I'm Tomax
and this is Xamot.
205
00:07:43,858 --> 00:07:46,292
We're twins who can feel
eachther's pain.
206
00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:47,626
Ow!
No, Brian,
207
00:07:47,694 --> 00:07:48,961
I'm supposed
to say "ow!"
208
00:07:49,029 --> 00:07:50,862
You ruin everything!
209
00:07:50,930 --> 00:07:51,930
Ow.
210
00:07:54,533 --> 00:07:56,734
All right, Peter, we're going
to try to jog your memory
211
00:07:56,801 --> 00:07:58,669
with some old videotapes
of the family.
212
00:07:58,736 --> 00:08:00,270
Boy, you got
a lot of tapes here.
213
00:08:00,337 --> 00:08:02,605
I kinda want to watch
some of these instead.
214
00:08:02,672 --> 00:08:04,206
Pretty Woman?
What's that?
215
00:08:04,273 --> 00:08:05,673
It's just a movie
from the '80s.
216
00:08:05,741 --> 00:08:07,508
Oh, my God, we gotta watch this.
217
00:08:07,576 --> 00:08:08,842
Look what they're
saying about it.
218
00:08:08,910 --> 00:08:11,477
"As funny as it is touching!
Gene Shalit."
219
00:08:11,545 --> 00:08:14,312
"I stood up and cheered,
'Go, Julia, go!'
220
00:08:14,380 --> 00:08:15,813
Joel Siegel."
221
00:08:15,881 --> 00:08:18,815
"This movie made me laugh
so hard I had mild headaches.
222
00:08:18,883 --> 00:08:21,651
"So I went to the doctor
and got myself checked out.
223
00:08:21,719 --> 00:08:24,319
I'm currently awaiting results.
Gene Siskel."
224
00:08:24,387 --> 00:08:26,687
Everyone seems to love this.
We gotta watch it!
225
00:08:26,755 --> 00:08:28,388
We'll watch it
later, Peter.
226
00:08:28,456 --> 00:08:30,890
I want to show you one
of the most special times
227
00:08:30,958 --> 00:08:34,695
of your life and mine:
our honeymoon.
228
00:08:42,738 --> 00:08:44,672
LOIS:
I think you've had enough,
Peter.
229
00:08:44,739 --> 00:08:46,106
(slurring):
Oh, you don't know...
230
00:08:46,174 --> 00:08:49,175
Get away. I-I know my
body better than you!
231
00:08:50,877 --> 00:08:52,644
Is that... us?
232
00:08:52,712 --> 00:08:53,911
Yes, Peter.
233
00:08:53,979 --> 00:08:55,246
You were so handsome
234
00:08:55,313 --> 00:08:57,981
and it was such
a wonderful week.
235
00:08:58,049 --> 00:09:00,983
Hey, buddy, I think
that girl likes me.
236
00:09:01,051 --> 00:09:02,752
Of course she does.
She's your wife.
237
00:09:02,819 --> 00:09:04,019
Do you like her?
238
00:09:04,087 --> 00:09:06,021
I don't know.
239
00:09:06,088 --> 00:09:08,556
(squeals, laughs)
240
00:09:08,624 --> 00:09:09,924
(sighs)
241
00:09:09,991 --> 00:09:11,992
You know, this isn't going
to be easy, you guys.
242
00:09:12,059 --> 00:09:13,693
We're going to have
to re-teach your father
243
00:09:13,761 --> 00:09:15,262
everything
he's forgotten.
244
00:09:15,329 --> 00:09:17,066
Hey, have you heard
this awesome new song?
245
00:09:17,134 --> 00:09:18,067
No!
246
00:09:18,135 --> 00:09:19,435
* A well, a bird,
bird, bird *
247
00:09:19,503 --> 00:09:20,536
* B-bird's the word *
248
00:09:20,604 --> 00:09:21,870
* A well, a bird,
bird, bird *
249
00:09:21,938 --> 00:09:23,338
* B-bird's the word,
a well, a...*
250
00:09:25,875 --> 00:09:27,808
This is called
a telephone, Peter.
251
00:09:27,876 --> 00:09:30,545
You use it to talk to people
who aren't in the house.
252
00:09:30,613 --> 00:09:31,747
There are others?
253
00:09:31,816 --> 00:09:34,653
Yes, there are over six billion
people in the world.
254
00:09:34,721 --> 00:09:35,855
Here, I'll show you.
255
00:09:35,923 --> 00:09:37,724
We'll call my parents.
256
00:09:37,792 --> 00:09:39,125
CARTER:
Hello?
257
00:09:39,193 --> 00:09:40,393
Hello.
258
00:09:40,461 --> 00:09:41,827
Who's this?
Who's this?
259
00:09:41,895 --> 00:09:43,128
Carter. Who's this?
260
00:09:43,195 --> 00:09:44,962
I don't know.
261
00:09:45,030 --> 00:09:46,963
Do you have my OxyContin?
What?
262
00:09:47,031 --> 00:09:48,965
Are you the guy?
I'm a guy.
263
00:09:49,032 --> 00:09:50,466
I want my drugs.
264
00:09:50,534 --> 00:09:51,800
What are drugs?
265
00:09:51,868 --> 00:09:54,402
I don't think this is the call
I was expecting.
266
00:09:54,470 --> 00:09:55,470
(hangs up)
267
00:09:57,972 --> 00:10:00,406
Now, Peter, this is
your silverware.
268
00:10:00,474 --> 00:10:02,007
You see, this
is your fork.
269
00:10:02,075 --> 00:10:03,242
And this is a knife.
270
00:10:03,309 --> 00:10:05,010
That's not a knife.
271
00:10:05,078 --> 00:10:06,712
That's a knife.
272
00:10:06,779 --> 00:10:08,380
This is also a knife.
273
00:10:08,448 --> 00:10:09,681
Oh.
274
00:10:09,749 --> 00:10:11,717
Well, I'll be
on m' way.
275
00:10:11,784 --> 00:10:14,720
I want to see more of him,
and then suddenly none of him.
276
00:10:14,788 --> 00:10:16,288
Forever.
277
00:10:16,356 --> 00:10:18,356
(tires squealing, screeching)
278
00:10:21,093 --> 00:10:22,660
All right, you know what?
279
00:10:22,728 --> 00:10:23,861
This is not working.
280
00:10:23,929 --> 00:10:25,095
If you're going
to learn to drive,
281
00:10:25,162 --> 00:10:26,728
you're going to have
to practice first.
282
00:10:26,796 --> 00:10:29,397
Here, play "Grand Theft
Auto" for eight hours,
283
00:10:29,465 --> 00:10:32,266
and then we'll give
it another try.
284
00:10:41,575 --> 00:10:42,575
(tires squealing)
285
00:10:45,679 --> 00:10:47,313
So, you guys are
my best friends,
286
00:10:47,381 --> 00:10:49,014
and this is where
we hang out?
287
00:10:49,081 --> 00:10:50,181
That's right.
288
00:10:50,249 --> 00:10:51,649
I'm Quagmire,
and this is Joe.
289
00:10:51,717 --> 00:10:53,050
So, what do we do here?
290
00:10:53,117 --> 00:10:55,151
Well, we usually come here,
you buy us drinks
291
00:10:55,219 --> 00:10:57,019
and tell us what Loi''
nipples look like,
292
00:10:57,087 --> 00:10:58,186
like you
always do.
293
00:10:58,254 --> 00:10:59,354
Giggity-giggity.
294
00:10:59,421 --> 00:11:01,455
Yeah, but first,
you usually go over there
295
00:11:01,523 --> 00:11:03,790
and pull down
that blonde waitress's top.
296
00:11:05,192 --> 00:11:06,291
(woman screams)
297
00:11:06,359 --> 00:11:07,459
(loud slap)
298
00:11:07,526 --> 00:11:09,627
She screamed,
so I had to slap her.
299
00:11:14,402 --> 00:11:15,938
Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.
300
00:11:16,006 --> 00:11:17,941
Get nude. Get nude.
Please get nude.
301
00:11:18,009 --> 00:11:19,342
Please get nude.
302
00:11:19,410 --> 00:11:21,378
Peter, you don't
have to spy on me.
303
00:11:21,445 --> 00:11:22,679
You're my husband.
304
00:11:22,747 --> 00:11:24,214
Come on in.
305
00:11:24,282 --> 00:11:25,615
Oh, boy, no fooling?
306
00:11:25,683 --> 00:11:26,783
Oh, boy!
307
00:11:26,851 --> 00:11:27,951
Wait a minute.
308
00:11:28,018 --> 00:11:29,285
Something's happening
in my pants.
309
00:11:29,353 --> 00:11:30,586
In the front this time.
310
00:11:30,654 --> 00:11:32,053
That's all
right, Peter.
311
00:11:32,121 --> 00:11:34,121
It just means
you're excited.
312
00:11:34,189 --> 00:11:35,956
That's the way
it's supposed to be
313
00:11:36,023 --> 00:11:37,724
between a husband
and wife.
314
00:11:37,791 --> 00:11:39,726
It means you want
to make love.
315
00:11:39,795 --> 00:11:42,530
But I forget how
to make love.
316
00:11:42,598 --> 00:11:43,832
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
317
00:11:43,899 --> 00:11:45,266
That's okay.
318
00:11:45,334 --> 00:11:46,599
I'll show you.
319
00:11:46,667 --> 00:11:48,232
Just follow my lead.
320
00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:54,537
* It feels like the first time *
321
00:11:54,605 --> 00:11:57,973
* It feels like
the very first time... *
322
00:12:14,155 --> 00:12:16,222
(moaning)
323
00:12:16,290 --> 00:12:19,392
Wow! That was what
they call sex?
324
00:12:19,459 --> 00:12:21,193
Yes, it was, Peter.
325
00:12:21,261 --> 00:12:22,528
Can we do it again?
326
00:12:22,596 --> 00:12:24,096
Huh? Huh? Can we?
327
00:12:24,164 --> 00:12:25,365
Wow!
328
00:12:25,432 --> 00:12:28,134
You're as excited as a porcupine
meeting a pineapple.
329
00:12:29,636 --> 00:12:32,172
Hey, good-looking,
where have you been all my life?
330
00:12:32,240 --> 00:12:34,242
(laughs)
331
00:12:39,281 --> 00:12:41,782
Morning, nice people who
I still don't know your names
332
00:12:41,850 --> 00:12:43,351
and who mean nothing to me.
333
00:12:43,418 --> 00:12:45,753
Well, I certainly hope
that doesn't apply to me,
334
00:12:45,821 --> 00:12:47,922
especially after
last night.
335
00:12:47,989 --> 00:12:49,790
You got a point
there, hot stuff.
336
00:12:49,858 --> 00:12:51,425
And if sex with the rest of you
337
00:12:51,493 --> 00:12:53,293
is half as good
as it was with her,
338
00:12:53,361 --> 00:12:55,862
then I think we're all gonna
get along just fine.
339
00:12:55,930 --> 00:12:57,197
Yay!
340
00:12:57,264 --> 00:12:59,965
Well, no, no, Peter, you can't
have sex with the kids.
341
00:13:00,033 --> 00:13:02,934
Well, I wish you'd told him that
before he lost his memory.
342
00:13:03,002 --> 00:13:04,102
(gasps)
343
00:13:04,170 --> 00:13:05,303
It was a joke!
344
00:13:05,371 --> 00:13:06,969
I was just
making a joke.
345
00:13:07,037 --> 00:13:08,336
That's your
sense of humor?
346
00:13:08,404 --> 00:13:10,369
I was just
kidding. God!
347
00:13:10,436 --> 00:13:11,635
Meg, that's awful.
348
00:13:11,703 --> 00:13:13,903
Geez, you open your mouth
for a joke once,
349
00:13:13,970 --> 00:13:15,638
and that's what
you come up with?
350
00:13:15,705 --> 00:13:16,805
That's messed
up, Meg.
351
00:13:16,872 --> 00:13:18,239
I was just trying to be funny.
352
00:13:18,307 --> 00:13:20,307
That wasn't funny.
That was just dark.
353
00:13:20,374 --> 00:13:21,807
Yeah, that's your father.
354
00:13:21,875 --> 00:13:22,975
Oh, get out, Meg!
355
00:13:23,043 --> 00:13:24,142
Get out of the kitchen!
356
00:13:24,210 --> 00:13:26,278
Go on! Get out!
Out! Out! Out!
357
00:13:26,345 --> 00:13:27,979
Out of the kitchen! Go on!
358
00:13:28,046 --> 00:13:29,280
Get out of here!
359
00:13:29,347 --> 00:13:30,914
(laughs)
360
00:13:33,650 --> 00:13:35,917
Oh, Peter,
there you are.
361
00:13:35,985 --> 00:13:37,485
I've been waiting.
362
00:13:37,553 --> 00:13:39,220
You ready
to have sex?
363
00:13:39,288 --> 00:13:40,388
You bet.
364
00:13:40,455 --> 00:13:42,256
Move over
so Tiffany and I have room.
365
00:13:42,324 --> 00:13:43,658
What?! Who the
hell is she?
366
00:13:43,725 --> 00:13:45,727
She's the woman
I'm gonna have sex with tonight.
367
00:13:45,794 --> 00:13:47,595
Oh, and don't worry
about getting me pregnant.
368
00:13:47,663 --> 00:13:48,763
I'm already pregnant.
369
00:13:48,831 --> 00:13:50,465
Peter, what's the
matter with you?
370
00:13:50,532 --> 00:13:52,667
You can't just have sex
with some random woman.
371
00:13:52,735 --> 00:13:54,235
Why the hell not?
372
00:13:54,303 --> 00:13:55,403
Because we're married.
373
00:13:55,471 --> 00:13:56,571
Well, I'm sorry,
374
00:13:56,639 --> 00:13:58,039
but I don't remember
marrying anybody.
375
00:13:58,107 --> 00:14:00,942
Why the hell would I commit
to having sex with one person
376
00:14:01,010 --> 00:14:02,377
for the rest of my life?
377
00:14:02,444 --> 00:14:04,011
Because we love
each other.
378
00:14:04,079 --> 00:14:06,213
That's part of
being a family.
379
00:14:06,281 --> 00:14:08,615
It means being
responsible and faithful.
380
00:14:08,683 --> 00:14:10,283
Well, that doesn't sound
very fun.
381
00:14:10,351 --> 00:14:12,184
Well, if that's how you feel,
382
00:14:12,252 --> 00:14:14,719
then-then we no longer
have a family.
383
00:14:14,787 --> 00:14:16,187
Boy, I'm glad you said it.
384
00:14:16,255 --> 00:14:18,656
But this is my house,
and I'm not going anywhere.
385
00:14:18,724 --> 00:14:19,890
You don't have to.
386
00:14:19,958 --> 00:14:22,559
I'm leaving, and I'm
taking the kids with me.
387
00:14:23,963 --> 00:14:25,564
That's a beautiful necklace
you're wearing, Tiffany.
388
00:14:25,631 --> 00:14:27,062
Thank you.
389
00:14:27,130 --> 00:14:30,028
Is that what you do with your
Saved By the Bell money?
390
00:14:37,248 --> 00:14:40,087
Mom, I don't want to live
in a tiny, gross apartment.
391
00:14:40,155 --> 00:14:42,691
Well, I'm sorry, honey,
but we don't have a choice.
392
00:14:42,759 --> 00:14:44,193
Your father doesn't
remember his life,
393
00:14:44,260 --> 00:14:46,928
and he doesn't want us
to be a part of it,
394
00:14:46,996 --> 00:14:48,629
so we've just got
to move on.
395
00:14:48,697 --> 00:14:49,797
Oh, this is disgusting.
396
00:14:49,865 --> 00:14:51,132
I shouldn't be here.
397
00:14:51,199 --> 00:14:53,033
A baby doesn't belong
in the inner city
398
00:14:53,101 --> 00:14:55,135
any more than a baby
belongs on a plane.
399
00:14:55,203 --> 00:14:56,336
(crying)
400
00:14:56,404 --> 00:14:57,938
Shh. It's gonna be okay.
401
00:14:58,005 --> 00:14:59,539
Gonna be okay.
402
00:14:59,607 --> 00:15:02,341
WOMAN (over P.A.):
Our in-flight movie this evening
is Hancock.
403
00:15:02,409 --> 00:15:04,376
Waa! Waa!
404
00:15:04,443 --> 00:15:08,079
Waa! Waa!
405
00:15:08,147 --> 00:15:10,115
(rock music plays loudly)
406
00:15:16,320 --> 00:15:17,952
Peter, what the hell
is all this?
407
00:15:18,020 --> 00:15:19,120
Well, I'm a bachelor,
408
00:15:19,187 --> 00:15:20,988
so I invited a bunch
of people over,
409
00:15:21,056 --> 00:15:22,857
and now I'm waiting
for them to leave.
410
00:15:22,925 --> 00:15:24,025
That's what bachelors do.
411
00:15:24,093 --> 00:15:25,426
Peter, I'm interested
in the redhead
412
00:15:25,494 --> 00:15:27,294
with the wooden arms
and legs over there.
413
00:15:27,362 --> 00:15:28,694
You think you
could introduce me?
414
00:15:28,762 --> 00:15:30,561
That's a table,
Seamus.
Don't point at her.
415
00:15:30,629 --> 00:15:31,728
Don't point.
She's looking.
416
00:15:31,796 --> 00:15:33,463
Oh, great. Now
I got to go in.
417
00:15:33,531 --> 00:15:34,631
Hey, I'm Seamus.
418
00:15:34,698 --> 00:15:36,366
Peter, you left your family
for this?
419
00:15:36,433 --> 00:15:38,468
Look, I don't know
what I was doing before,
420
00:15:38,535 --> 00:15:40,803
but this is the way
man was meant to live.
421
00:15:40,871 --> 00:15:42,038
I just know it.
422
00:15:42,106 --> 00:15:43,206
Check it out.
423
00:15:43,274 --> 00:15:45,141
(moaning)
424
00:15:45,208 --> 00:15:46,706
Don't you miss your family?
425
00:15:46,774 --> 00:15:48,140
What, that lady
and those kids?
426
00:15:48,207 --> 00:15:50,308
I don't even remember 'em.
How could I miss them?
427
00:15:50,376 --> 00:15:51,910
I almost don't want
to ask you out
428
00:15:51,977 --> 00:15:53,312
because I know
you're gonna say no.
429
00:15:53,379 --> 00:15:54,480
You want to go out?
430
00:15:54,548 --> 00:15:55,715
No? Okay.
431
00:15:59,752 --> 00:16:02,353
(to Jaws theme):
* Giggity *
432
00:16:03,421 --> 00:16:05,589
* Giggity *
433
00:16:07,057 --> 00:16:08,624
* Gi-gi, gi-gi,
gi-gi, gi-gi *
434
00:16:08,692 --> 00:16:10,626
* Gi-gi, gi-gi,
gi-gi, gi-gi, gi-gi *
435
00:16:10,694 --> 00:16:11,627
* Gi-gi, gi-gi *
436
00:16:11,694 --> 00:16:12,961
* Gi-gi, gi-gi, gi-gi *
437
00:16:13,029 --> 00:16:15,798
* Gi-gi, gi-gi, gi-gi,
giggity! *
438
00:16:15,865 --> 00:16:17,533
Lois! Oh,
my gosh. Hi!
439
00:16:17,601 --> 00:16:18,700
Oh, hi, Quagmire.
440
00:16:18,768 --> 00:16:19,868
What a surprise.
441
00:16:19,935 --> 00:16:21,102
I know, right?
442
00:16:21,170 --> 00:16:23,437
Gosh, you know, I was just
picking up a couple hams
443
00:16:23,504 --> 00:16:25,939
to take down to the shelter,
and here I run into you,
444
00:16:26,007 --> 00:16:27,574
buying food to make
dinner for your husband.
445
00:16:27,642 --> 00:16:29,910
No, actually, Glenn,
maybe you haven't heard,
446
00:16:29,977 --> 00:16:32,679
but, uh, Peter and I
aren't together anymore.
447
00:16:32,746 --> 00:16:34,713
What?! Why?!
448
00:16:34,781 --> 00:16:35,981
Oh, it's a long story.
449
00:16:36,049 --> 00:16:37,816
You don't want to hear about it.
450
00:16:37,883 --> 00:16:38,983
Oh, shut your face.
451
00:16:39,051 --> 00:16:40,251
I want to hear
all about it.
452
00:16:40,319 --> 00:16:42,520
But listen, you know, I got
all this shopping to do,
453
00:16:42,587 --> 00:16:44,154
so you want to stop by
tomorrow night?
454
00:16:44,222 --> 00:16:45,422
I'll just whip
something up.
455
00:16:45,489 --> 00:16:46,623
Well, sure.
456
00:16:46,690 --> 00:16:48,691
You know,
that sounds nice, Glenn.
457
00:16:49,893 --> 00:16:52,327
Holy smokes,
this is a sure thing.
458
00:16:52,395 --> 00:16:54,329
Like the end
of a Mexican wedding.
459
00:16:54,396 --> 00:16:55,630
(applause)
460
00:16:55,698 --> 00:16:57,699
(cheering)
461
00:17:03,906 --> 00:17:05,240
Aw, crap, we're out of milk.
462
00:17:05,308 --> 00:17:07,843
I'm gonna run next door
to the airport and get some.
463
00:17:07,911 --> 00:17:10,312
Hey, when you're over there,
can you get some rodent traps?
464
00:17:10,380 --> 00:17:12,514
We got a giant mutant rat
living under the sink.
465
00:17:12,582 --> 00:17:14,516
I'm just gonna hide
under the sink
466
00:17:14,584 --> 00:17:16,017
till y'all go to sleep.
467
00:17:16,085 --> 00:17:18,519
Then I'm gonna come out
and make my poops in your Kix.
468
00:17:18,586 --> 00:17:19,920
Hey, Stewie,
is Lois back yet?
469
00:17:19,987 --> 00:17:22,055
I've been trying
to get a hold of her.
470
00:17:22,122 --> 00:17:23,457
She went to Quagmire's
for dinner.
471
00:17:23,524 --> 00:17:24,558
What?!
472
00:17:28,329 --> 00:17:30,296
Oh, that was a
delicious dinner, Glenn.
473
00:17:30,364 --> 00:17:31,931
I didn't know
you could cook.
474
00:17:31,999 --> 00:17:34,699
Well, when a fella's been alone
as long as I have,
475
00:17:34,767 --> 00:17:36,434
he learns
to take care of himself.
476
00:17:36,501 --> 00:17:38,302
Well, you're a
very sweet friend,
477
00:17:38,370 --> 00:17:40,570
and you're so good to
listen to my troubles.
478
00:17:40,637 --> 00:17:42,438
Oh, I could listen
for hours, Lois.
479
00:17:42,505 --> 00:17:44,073
Phew! Boy, you know,
480
00:17:44,140 --> 00:17:47,542
I don't know how a half a glass
of wine got me so lightheaded.
481
00:17:47,610 --> 00:17:48,910
I better lie down.
482
00:17:48,977 --> 00:17:50,746
You want me to
help you upstairs?
483
00:17:50,814 --> 00:17:52,816
Oh, my God,
you are a saint!
484
00:17:55,787 --> 00:17:58,321
No, I-I think I can make it
from here. I-I...
485
00:17:58,389 --> 00:18:00,056
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
486
00:18:00,123 --> 00:18:02,490
(both laughing)
487
00:18:02,558 --> 00:18:03,891
Whoops!
488
00:18:03,959 --> 00:18:05,860
Professor Klutz,
the doctor is in.
489
00:18:05,927 --> 00:18:07,161
(laughs)
490
00:18:07,229 --> 00:18:08,830
Oh, where is
this heading?
491
00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:12,634
Oh, hiya, Brian.
492
00:18:12,702 --> 00:18:13,835
All right, Peter,
now I know
493
00:18:13,903 --> 00:18:15,169
your head is still
a blank slate,
494
00:18:15,237 --> 00:18:17,138
but you got to listen
to me when I say...
495
00:18:17,205 --> 00:18:18,805
Wait. Did you just
call me Brian?
496
00:18:18,873 --> 00:18:19,973
Oh, yeah.
497
00:18:20,041 --> 00:18:21,474
You've got
your memory back?
Uh-huh.
498
00:18:21,541 --> 00:18:23,942
Happened yesterday on my way
back from the grocery store.
499
00:18:24,010 --> 00:18:25,711
Hi, Peter.
500
00:18:28,181 --> 00:18:30,720
Hey, you just snubbed me
in front of my own house.
501
00:18:30,788 --> 00:18:32,355
I thought we'd come
to an understanding.
502
00:18:32,422 --> 00:18:35,324
Look, fella, I don't know
who you are and I don't want to,
503
00:18:35,392 --> 00:18:37,559
so why don't you just go back
to your crabgrass?
504
00:18:37,627 --> 00:18:39,994
This happens to be
fresh Marathon Sod!
505
00:18:41,163 --> 00:18:43,764
Oh, man, I just got
my memory back.
506
00:18:43,831 --> 00:18:46,566
And as I recall,
I don't really care for you!
507
00:18:47,668 --> 00:18:49,202
Wait a minute.
Who are you?
508
00:18:49,269 --> 00:18:50,569
Hey, I know you!
509
00:18:50,637 --> 00:18:52,003
What's your beef, stranger?
510
00:18:52,071 --> 00:18:54,438
Well, if it isn't
my old nemesis!
511
00:18:54,506 --> 00:18:56,940
I was just lucky he had
an odd number of objects.
512
00:18:57,008 --> 00:18:58,507
Why the hell
didn't you tell anybody?
513
00:18:58,575 --> 00:19:00,542
Well, I figured I could
enjoy the bachelor life
514
00:19:00,610 --> 00:19:02,610
for a few more days
before getting Lois back.
515
00:19:02,678 --> 00:19:04,478
Well, you may have waited
too long already.
516
00:19:04,545 --> 00:19:06,012
Lois is on a date
with Quagmire,
517
00:19:06,080 --> 00:19:07,947
and you've got to stop her
before something happens.
518
00:19:08,015 --> 00:19:09,782
What?! Oh, my God! Where is she?
519
00:19:09,850 --> 00:19:11,250
She's next door at his house.
520
00:19:11,318 --> 00:19:12,751
And you better get there quick,
521
00:19:12,819 --> 00:19:14,420
because with Quagmire,
sex is inevitable.
522
00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:16,189
Like a fat guy ordering dessert
523
00:19:16,257 --> 00:19:17,858
when everyone else wants
to leave.
524
00:19:17,926 --> 00:19:20,226
So, does anyone
want dessert?
525
00:19:20,294 --> 00:19:21,761
Ah, I couldn't
eat another bite.
526
00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:24,029
No. I got to get home
for the sitter.
527
00:19:24,096 --> 00:19:25,196
I'll have
the soufflé.
528
00:19:25,264 --> 00:19:26,364
That takes
45 minutes.
529
00:19:26,432 --> 00:19:27,600
That's okay.
530
00:19:31,372 --> 00:19:33,040
Oh, I can't believe
we're doing this,
531
00:19:33,108 --> 00:19:35,575
but I got to say,
it feels kind of right.
532
00:19:35,643 --> 00:19:37,343
I know, it's so
weird, right?
533
00:19:37,411 --> 00:19:39,478
I mean, it's... I mean,
it's, like, fast.
534
00:19:39,545 --> 00:19:42,579
I mean, it's fast, but it feels,
like, okay, you know?
535
00:19:42,647 --> 00:19:44,215
I mean, like,
isn't that crazy?
536
00:19:44,283 --> 00:19:46,586
It's like this adventure
that we're having together.
537
00:19:46,654 --> 00:19:49,122
I know. That's exactly
how I feel.
538
00:19:49,190 --> 00:19:51,291
I mean, it's a little strange,
539
00:19:51,358 --> 00:19:53,459
but if Peter's never
coming back to me,
540
00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:55,027
it's at least nice to know
541
00:19:55,095 --> 00:19:57,162
I'm in the arms
of a trusted friend.
542
00:19:57,230 --> 00:20:00,331
You... You trust me?
543
00:20:01,834 --> 00:20:03,033
Uh-oh.
544
00:20:03,101 --> 00:20:04,435
Wha...? Is something wrong?
545
00:20:04,502 --> 00:20:05,803
I-I-I don't know.
546
00:20:05,870 --> 00:20:08,239
I'll be right back.
547
00:20:08,306 --> 00:20:09,973
(rhythmic whooshing)
548
00:20:10,041 --> 00:20:11,174
Damn it!
549
00:20:11,242 --> 00:20:12,842
Lois!
550
00:20:12,910 --> 00:20:14,010
Peter?!
551
00:20:14,077 --> 00:20:15,410
What-What are you doing here?
552
00:20:15,478 --> 00:20:17,679
I got my memory back,
and I love you, Lois.
553
00:20:17,747 --> 00:20:19,280
I want you and the kids back.
554
00:20:19,348 --> 00:20:20,648
I want our old life back.
555
00:20:20,716 --> 00:20:21,816
(Lois laughs)
556
00:20:21,884 --> 00:20:23,117
I don't believe it!
557
00:20:23,185 --> 00:20:24,583
Sweetheart, it's you!
558
00:20:24,651 --> 00:20:25,817
You're back!
559
00:20:25,885 --> 00:20:27,218
QUAGMIRE:
Oh! Damn it!
560
00:20:27,285 --> 00:20:29,552
I'm back, Lois,
and I'm sorry.
561
00:20:29,620 --> 00:20:32,221
I treated you so badly,
but I hope you know
562
00:20:32,289 --> 00:20:34,456
it-it was only because
I wasn't myself.
563
00:20:34,524 --> 00:20:36,291
I didn't just
lose my memory.
564
00:20:36,359 --> 00:20:37,458
I lost my mind.
565
00:20:37,526 --> 00:20:38,626
Clear!
566
00:20:38,693 --> 00:20:39,893
(electrical buzzing)
567
00:20:39,961 --> 00:20:41,061
Damn it!
568
00:20:41,128 --> 00:20:42,763
Oh, my God, Peter,
I don't care!
569
00:20:42,830 --> 00:20:43,930
I don't care.
570
00:20:43,998 --> 00:20:45,632
I'm just overjoyed
to have you back!
571
00:20:45,700 --> 00:20:46,834
Let's go home!
572
00:20:46,901 --> 00:20:48,869
(electrical buzzing)
573
00:20:48,937 --> 00:20:50,270
QUAGMIRE:
Damn it!
574
00:20:50,338 --> 00:20:51,571
(buzzing)
Damn it.
575
00:20:51,572 --> 00:20:54,572
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com