1 00:00:04,304 --> 00:00:08,035 MAN ON TV: We now return to Aaron Sorkin 's new show, The Kitchen. 2 00:00:08,108 --> 00:00:09,575 - Where's the milk? No milk? - We're out. No. 3 00:00:09,642 --> 00:00:11,007 Walk with me. I want you to get some milk. 4 00:00:11,077 --> 00:00:12,567 - Where? Now? - At the store. Right now. 5 00:00:12,645 --> 00:00:14,306 - Any store? Bloomie's? - Any store. Is that a joke? 6 00:00:14,381 --> 00:00:15,473 - What do you think? - I think we need milk. 7 00:00:15,548 --> 00:00:16,537 I think you're right. 8 00:00:16,616 --> 00:00:17,708 You know, I never get tired of hearing that. 9 00:00:17,784 --> 00:00:19,479 - Should I go get the milk? - Go get the milk. 10 00:00:20,220 --> 00:00:21,585 (ALL GROANING) 11 00:00:21,654 --> 00:00:23,178 Looks like the power's out again. 12 00:00:23,256 --> 00:00:26,020 What, are we in Iraq? This happens entirely too often. 13 00:00:26,092 --> 00:00:28,322 Can we tell stories till it comes back on? 14 00:00:28,395 --> 00:00:32,126 Yeah, Dad. Remember the last time you told us the story of Star Wars? 15 00:00:32,198 --> 00:00:33,665 Maybe you could tell us another one. 16 00:00:33,733 --> 00:00:34,791 Well, all right. 17 00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:37,564 This is the story of Black Snake Moan. 18 00:00:37,637 --> 00:00:41,334 Once upon a time, Christina Ricci was all tied up for some reason... 19 00:00:41,408 --> 00:00:43,137 I'm already bored and confused. 20 00:00:43,209 --> 00:00:47,111 Yeah, Dad. Isn't there another story like Star Wars you could tell us? 21 00:00:47,614 --> 00:00:50,947 There just might be, Chris. There just might be. 22 00:00:58,925 --> 00:01:01,553 (STAR WARS THEME PLAYING) 23 00:02:42,095 --> 00:02:43,722 CHORUS: (SINGING) His boy Elroy 24 00:03:03,883 --> 00:03:05,908 (MIMICKING PROBE DROID) 25 00:03:29,242 --> 00:03:32,109 Echo 3 to Echo 7. Han, old buddy, you read me? 26 00:03:32,178 --> 00:03:35,045 Luke, I thought we talked about this. I changed my code name. 27 00:03:35,114 --> 00:03:38,914 Right. Sorry. Echo 3 to Carlos Spicy Wiener. 28 00:03:38,985 --> 00:03:40,418 Carlos Spicy Wiener here. Go ahead. 29 00:03:40,486 --> 00:03:42,750 There's a meteorite that hit the ground near here. 30 00:03:42,822 --> 00:03:44,915 I'm gonna go check it out. Won't take long. 31 00:03:44,991 --> 00:03:47,721 Okay, but be careful. There's some snow monsters out there. 32 00:03:47,794 --> 00:03:49,557 Relax, Han, I'll be careful... 33 00:03:49,629 --> 00:03:50,653 (SCREAMING) 34 00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:51,924 Cookie! 35 00:04:11,684 --> 00:04:14,676 Hey, you guys, I hate to do this to you, but I gotta get out of here. 36 00:04:14,754 --> 00:04:17,348 Hey, what's that on your jacket? Is that the Purina logo? 37 00:04:17,423 --> 00:04:19,118 - No, it's just a patch. - I like it. 38 00:04:19,192 --> 00:04:20,557 - Thank you. - I lied. It's lame. 39 00:04:20,627 --> 00:04:22,254 I won't miss you. 40 00:04:23,062 --> 00:04:26,122 Han, wait. I thought you said you were gonna stay. 41 00:04:26,199 --> 00:04:28,429 Sorry, I can't. But I'll give you my email address. 42 00:04:28,501 --> 00:04:32,164 It's HanSolo64@CompuServe.com. 43 00:04:32,238 --> 00:04:34,138 - Comp... - Yes, CompuServe. 44 00:04:34,374 --> 00:04:35,898 But you can't leave now. 45 00:04:35,975 --> 00:04:37,340 You're a natural leader and we... 46 00:04:37,410 --> 00:04:40,243 Hey. Did you guys order some ice? 47 00:04:40,813 --> 00:04:43,008 'Cause I got a bag of ice here. 48 00:04:43,082 --> 00:04:44,913 Thought you might need some ice. 49 00:04:45,485 --> 00:04:48,648 Yes, there is a lot of ice around here. We get it. 50 00:04:48,721 --> 00:04:51,155 We're having a conversation here. 51 00:04:51,224 --> 00:04:54,022 Hey. I thought you guys might need some ice. 52 00:04:54,093 --> 00:04:55,924 SOLDIER: What? Why would I need ice? We're surrounded by... 53 00:04:55,995 --> 00:05:01,160 (LAUGHING) Oh! What a day brightener. 54 00:05:01,234 --> 00:05:02,826 Han, we need you. 55 00:05:02,902 --> 00:05:06,269 - Oh, really? "We" or "I"? - What do you mean? 56 00:05:06,339 --> 00:05:08,933 You don't want me to leave because of the way you feel about me. 57 00:05:09,008 --> 00:05:11,704 I bet you're afraid I'm gonna leave without giving you a goodbye kiss. 58 00:05:11,778 --> 00:05:14,144 Ugh! I'd rather kiss George Takei. 59 00:05:14,213 --> 00:05:16,147 Hello. 60 00:05:17,650 --> 00:05:19,015 (CHUCKLING) 61 00:05:20,787 --> 00:05:22,254 Man, it's cold in here. 62 00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:26,725 Beep-boop-beep. I like all these electrical wires just nailed to the ice. 63 00:05:26,793 --> 00:05:28,488 That's probably pretty safe, right? 64 00:05:29,028 --> 00:05:30,757 Captain Solo, have you seen Master Luke? 65 00:05:30,830 --> 00:05:32,127 'Cause no one knows where he is. 66 00:05:32,198 --> 00:05:34,189 What? Well, that doesn't sound good. 67 00:05:34,267 --> 00:05:36,861 All right, I'm gonna go out and look for him. I'll take my Don Don. 68 00:05:36,936 --> 00:05:40,394 Well, I can't go outside. It's cold out there. 69 00:05:40,473 --> 00:05:43,101 You can't go out there in this weather. Your Don Don will freeze. 70 00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:44,541 Then I'll see you in hell! 71 00:05:44,610 --> 00:05:46,009 SOLDIER: Wait, Han. You'll need this. 72 00:05:46,079 --> 00:05:48,707 - What? - (SNICKERING) Bag of ice. 73 00:05:48,781 --> 00:05:51,682 You knucklehead. Get out of here, but know I love you. 74 00:06:00,293 --> 00:06:01,453 (GRUNTS) 75 00:06:02,762 --> 00:06:04,923 Damn these stubby arms! 76 00:06:16,909 --> 00:06:19,241 Well, this is no better. 77 00:06:22,148 --> 00:06:23,206 (SCREAMING) 78 00:06:23,282 --> 00:06:24,476 (GASPS) 79 00:06:27,854 --> 00:06:31,950 Me was going to ask you to snow monster ball, but now forget it! 80 00:06:32,024 --> 00:06:33,286 (SOBBING) 81 00:07:00,586 --> 00:07:05,216 OBI-WAN: Luke. Luke, pull your pants down. 82 00:07:06,392 --> 00:07:07,450 Ben? 83 00:07:07,527 --> 00:07:09,188 You look awful cold. 84 00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:12,857 Why don't I get you a nice hot bowl of Zima soup? 85 00:07:12,932 --> 00:07:14,024 Ben. 86 00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:15,124 Luke. 87 00:07:15,201 --> 00:07:20,696 You will go to the Dagobah system and learn the ways of the Force from Yoda. 88 00:07:20,773 --> 00:07:22,070 Ben. 89 00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:29,005 - Luke! - Ben! 90 00:07:29,081 --> 00:07:30,173 Hang on, kid. 91 00:07:30,249 --> 00:07:33,309 Yoda. Dagobah system. 92 00:07:33,753 --> 00:07:37,883 Zima soup. Yoda. Dagobah. 93 00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:41,689 Last time I was in a Dago bar I was drinking a beer in Little Italy. 94 00:07:41,761 --> 00:07:43,023 Go on, get out of here! 95 00:07:43,095 --> 00:07:46,929 Well, I can't stand this cold anymore. I'm gonna die. 96 00:07:47,433 --> 00:07:48,457 Oh! 97 00:07:48,534 --> 00:07:50,024 Well, it's probably for the best. 98 00:07:50,102 --> 00:07:54,038 There are way too many elderly comedians out here in the snow. 99 00:08:00,213 --> 00:08:03,376 This may smell bad, kid, but it'll keep you warm. 100 00:08:03,716 --> 00:08:04,944 (SIGHS) 101 00:08:05,284 --> 00:08:07,445 I thought they smelled bad 102 00:08:07,653 --> 00:08:08,915 (GASPING) 103 00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:22,062 on the outside. 104 00:08:31,677 --> 00:08:35,408 Captain Solo, do you copy? This is Overweight Pilot Number One. 105 00:08:35,481 --> 00:08:37,847 Commander Skywalker, do you copy? 106 00:08:37,917 --> 00:08:39,145 HAN: Who are you looking for? 107 00:08:39,218 --> 00:08:40,685 Captain Solo, there you are! 108 00:08:40,753 --> 00:08:43,415 I'm sorry, I didn't copy that. Who are you looking for? 109 00:08:44,257 --> 00:08:46,589 Carlos Spicy Wiener, do you copy? 110 00:08:46,659 --> 00:08:48,251 Carlos Spicy Wiener here, go ahead. 111 00:08:54,233 --> 00:08:56,531 They found us, kid. We're going back to base. 112 00:08:56,602 --> 00:08:59,969 Just as soon as I grab some powder with these skiing young people. 113 00:09:00,072 --> 00:09:01,767 (JUICY FRUIT THEME PLAYING) 114 00:09:05,645 --> 00:09:08,739 MAN: (SINGING) Get your skis shined up Grab a stick of Juicy Fruit 115 00:09:08,814 --> 00:09:11,374 The taste is gonna move ya 116 00:09:11,450 --> 00:09:14,010 Take a sniff Pull it out 117 00:09:14,854 --> 00:09:19,086 The taste is gonna move ya when you pop it in your mouth 118 00:09:19,158 --> 00:09:21,922 Juicy Fruit is gonna move ya 119 00:09:21,994 --> 00:09:25,020 It chews so soft, it gets right to ya 120 00:09:25,097 --> 00:09:26,155 Juicy Fruit 121 00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:29,793 The taste, the taste, the taste is gonna move ya 122 00:09:32,271 --> 00:09:33,295 How you doing, kid? 123 00:09:33,372 --> 00:09:35,966 You look strong enough to pull the ears off Jennifer Garner. 124 00:09:36,042 --> 00:09:37,270 Thanks to you. 125 00:09:37,343 --> 00:09:40,005 Well, your managed-to-keep-me-around- a-little-longerness, 126 00:09:40,079 --> 00:09:42,547 it looks like you managed to keep me around a little longer. 127 00:09:42,615 --> 00:09:45,049 I assure you, I had nothing to do with it. 128 00:09:45,117 --> 00:09:46,209 Yeah, right. 129 00:09:46,285 --> 00:09:49,379 I think you just can't stand to let a fat guy like me out of your sight. 130 00:09:49,455 --> 00:09:54,654 Why, you stuck up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf herder! 131 00:09:55,494 --> 00:09:58,986 You can't use that word! Only we can use that word! 132 00:10:23,522 --> 00:10:25,456 (GASPS) The boss is coming. Look busy. 133 00:10:25,524 --> 00:10:27,048 - Lot of Empire stuff to do. - Empire stuff. 134 00:10:27,126 --> 00:10:29,026 - Getting Empire stuff done. - Busy with Empire stuff. 135 00:10:29,095 --> 00:10:31,029 - Yes, this is good Empire stuff. - This Empire stuff looks good. 136 00:10:31,097 --> 00:10:32,758 Yes, I think we're done with this Empire stuff. 137 00:10:33,265 --> 00:10:34,857 Hey, dudes, what you looking at? 138 00:10:34,934 --> 00:10:36,561 We think we found something. 139 00:10:36,669 --> 00:10:38,534 (PROBE DROID CHATTERING) 140 00:10:39,238 --> 00:10:41,468 That's it. The Rebels are there. 141 00:10:41,540 --> 00:10:44,270 My lord, there are so many uncharted settlements. 142 00:10:44,343 --> 00:10:47,642 It could be a phony! A big, fat phony! 143 00:10:47,847 --> 00:10:49,371 What'd them Rebels do anyways? 144 00:10:49,448 --> 00:10:51,746 - You know your friend Alan? - Yeah, I like Alan. 145 00:10:51,817 --> 00:10:55,776 - They took his dog. - (GASPS) They took Zeus? Oh, no! 146 00:10:55,855 --> 00:10:58,221 - Central Command to Jeffrey. - Jeffrey here. 147 00:10:58,290 --> 00:11:01,020 - Jeffrey, them Rebels took Zeus. - That's Alan 's dog. 148 00:11:01,093 --> 00:11:03,527 - I know. - Oh, no! 149 00:11:03,596 --> 00:11:04,790 I know. 150 00:11:05,097 --> 00:11:07,565 Set your course for the Hoth system. 151 00:11:11,470 --> 00:11:13,438 Hey, take care of yourself, Chewie. 152 00:11:13,539 --> 00:11:16,406 Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What's this handshake business, huh? 153 00:11:16,475 --> 00:11:19,911 Come here. Come on. Come on, bring it in. Come on. Come on. 154 00:11:19,979 --> 00:11:21,571 I'm not really a hug person. 155 00:11:21,647 --> 00:11:24,343 Knock it off. Come here. Come on, bring it. 156 00:11:24,417 --> 00:11:26,749 Yeah, yeah. Hug it out, bitch. 157 00:11:26,819 --> 00:11:28,787 Hug it out, yeah. Spray that hug all over me. 158 00:11:28,854 --> 00:11:30,048 What's wrong with you? 159 00:11:30,122 --> 00:11:33,023 What? I just wanna share my throbbing emotions 160 00:11:33,092 --> 00:11:34,457 and shoot hot hug all over you. 161 00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:36,085 I don't get why that's a problem. 162 00:11:36,162 --> 00:11:38,630 Hey, Luke. Take care of yourself, okay? 163 00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:39,756 You, too. 164 00:11:39,832 --> 00:11:41,959 Hey, what'd you end up doing with that dog we kidnapped? 165 00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:43,661 I killed it and ate it! 166 00:11:43,736 --> 00:11:44,964 - Yeah! Yeah! - Yeah! 167 00:11:45,037 --> 00:11:46,902 - Rebels! Rebels! - Rebels! 168 00:11:46,972 --> 00:11:48,371 - Empire sucks! - Rebels! 169 00:11:48,441 --> 00:11:51,410 - Rebels! Yeah! - Yeah, Rebels! Yeah. 170 00:12:04,990 --> 00:12:06,617 Lord Vader, we've entered the Hoth system, 171 00:12:06,692 --> 00:12:09,661 but the Rebels have put up an energy shield blocking our entry. 172 00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,026 What are we gonna do now, buddy? 173 00:12:11,097 --> 00:12:13,497 Admiral Ozzel came out of light speed too quickly. 174 00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:17,229 (CHUCKLING) Yeah. I had that problem with a chick the other night. 175 00:12:17,303 --> 00:12:20,864 Okay, gross. I'm gonna turn around and take care of this other guy. 176 00:12:21,674 --> 00:12:24,370 Lord Vader, we're out of light speed and... 177 00:12:24,443 --> 00:12:25,535 (CHOKING) 178 00:12:25,611 --> 00:12:28,307 You have failed me for the last time, Admiral. 179 00:12:28,547 --> 00:12:30,981 Didn't know I could choke you through the TV, did you? 180 00:12:31,050 --> 00:12:34,542 Well, I can. Captain Piett, you're in charge now. 181 00:12:34,620 --> 00:12:37,555 Don't fail me, Admiral Piett. 182 00:12:37,857 --> 00:12:39,984 A promotion? Really? 183 00:12:40,059 --> 00:12:42,425 Can I get business cards that say "Admiral"? 184 00:12:42,495 --> 00:12:45,191 That's not in the budget. You know, we're trying to catch Rebels here. 185 00:12:45,264 --> 00:12:47,562 I don't even have business cards. None of us do. 186 00:12:47,633 --> 00:12:49,157 - Do you have business cards? - Yeah. 187 00:12:49,235 --> 00:12:51,465 You have business cards? You're a stormtrooper. 188 00:12:51,537 --> 00:12:54,131 There's like a million of you. What do you need business cards for? 189 00:12:54,206 --> 00:12:55,503 Well, they're for my cookie business. 190 00:12:55,574 --> 00:12:57,769 I don't want... Oh, my God. 191 00:12:57,843 --> 00:13:01,472 (CHUCKLING) That chocolate chip cookie looks like the Death Star. 192 00:13:04,750 --> 00:13:06,615 May I have everyone's attention please? 193 00:13:06,685 --> 00:13:08,676 We're evacuating into outer space, 194 00:13:08,754 --> 00:13:11,484 with literally infinite directions in which to flee. 195 00:13:11,557 --> 00:13:13,923 However, we have decided that our transports 196 00:13:13,993 --> 00:13:16,860 will travel directly toward the fleet of Star Destroyers. 197 00:13:16,929 --> 00:13:19,090 - Any questions? - Yeah. 198 00:13:19,165 --> 00:13:23,067 Is there someone from the military we can talk to? A man, perhaps? 199 00:13:29,742 --> 00:13:31,869 Sir, Rebel ships are coming into our sector. 200 00:13:31,944 --> 00:13:34,139 Good. Our first catch of the day. 201 00:13:34,213 --> 00:13:35,840 (SCOFFS) Like you know how to fish. 202 00:13:36,282 --> 00:13:38,546 Prepare to fire giant boob-nipple gun. 203 00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:43,019 (CHUCKLING) 204 00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:00,696 Feeling okay, sir? 205 00:14:00,773 --> 00:14:03,003 Just like new. How about you, Dack? 206 00:14:03,075 --> 00:14:05,976 I feel like I could take on the whole Empire myself. 207 00:14:06,045 --> 00:14:08,741 Really? 'Cause that would be awesome. 208 00:14:08,814 --> 00:14:11,544 Hey, everyone, Dack says he's got this one. 209 00:14:11,617 --> 00:14:13,107 (ALL CHEERING) 210 00:14:13,319 --> 00:14:15,150 You know it, bitches! 211 00:14:22,194 --> 00:14:25,823 Hey, Imperial fleet, get ready to suck some Dack! 212 00:14:34,573 --> 00:14:36,006 - I think we're doomed. - Nah. 213 00:14:36,075 --> 00:14:39,533 Unless they've got any big, giant robot camels, I think we're okay. 214 00:14:42,982 --> 00:14:45,007 Jim, robot camels. 215 00:14:50,122 --> 00:14:52,886 Check it out, that one's wearing Crocs. 216 00:14:58,063 --> 00:14:59,587 (MEN SCREAMING) 217 00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:03,000 Echo Station 5-7, we are on our way. 218 00:15:03,068 --> 00:15:04,228 REBEL LEADER: Great. We'll see you in... 219 00:15:04,303 --> 00:15:06,328 (GUN FIRING) 220 00:15:06,805 --> 00:15:08,932 Echo Station 5-8, we are on our way. 221 00:15:09,074 --> 00:15:10,166 Hurry! 222 00:15:25,791 --> 00:15:28,191 Yes, Lord Vader, their shield will be down in moments. 223 00:15:28,260 --> 00:15:29,488 You may start your landing. 224 00:15:29,561 --> 00:15:31,756 Excellent. We'll prepare for our descent. 225 00:15:31,830 --> 00:15:33,821 Hey. Hey, Consuela, no cleaning. 226 00:15:33,899 --> 00:15:37,198 No cleaning while I'm doing the hologram... Shut that off! 227 00:15:37,269 --> 00:15:42,366 Mr. Darth, you no have no more Windex on Star Destroyer. 228 00:15:42,441 --> 00:15:44,807 Well, that's not my problem. Why don’t you go out and buy some? 229 00:15:44,877 --> 00:15:47,209 No. No, you buy. 230 00:15:47,279 --> 00:15:49,747 What if I give you the money, then you can go out and buy it? 231 00:15:49,815 --> 00:15:51,043 No. 232 00:16:09,835 --> 00:16:11,097 (EXCLAIMING) 233 00:16:11,303 --> 00:16:12,634 (GROANING) 234 00:16:43,569 --> 00:16:45,469 Crap! I'm hit! 235 00:16:52,611 --> 00:16:53,805 (GASPS) 236 00:16:55,614 --> 00:16:57,741 FEMALE VOICE: On Star. What is the nature of your emergency? 237 00:16:57,816 --> 00:17:01,081 Yeah, I just got laser torpedoed by an Imperial walker 238 00:17:01,153 --> 00:17:02,780 and I need roadside assistance. 239 00:17:02,888 --> 00:17:06,051 Of course, sir. Am I speaking with Admiral Ackbar? 240 00:17:06,125 --> 00:17:09,356 Yeah. Yes. Yes, I'm Admiral Ackbar. 241 00:17:09,428 --> 00:17:10,554 (HOARSELY) It's a trap. 242 00:17:14,533 --> 00:17:17,969 (SLURRING) I love you guys. We had a great summer. 243 00:17:21,140 --> 00:17:22,971 Han! What are you still doing here? 244 00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:27,138 Well, I just realized that my spaceship works better when I have the keys. 245 00:17:27,212 --> 00:17:28,270 Duh! 246 00:17:30,115 --> 00:17:32,583 MAN ON PA: Imperial troops have entered the base. Imperial troops have... 247 00:17:32,651 --> 00:17:33,982 (FEEDBACK) 248 00:17:34,119 --> 00:17:37,452 Sorry, I dropped the thing. Imperial troops have entered the base. 249 00:17:56,241 --> 00:17:58,334 (GASPS) Oh, my God, it's pregnant. 250 00:17:58,710 --> 00:18:00,610 We're in a war. We're in a war. 251 00:18:17,129 --> 00:18:19,791 I want the princess captured immediately. 252 00:18:19,865 --> 00:18:23,665 Geez, Gordon, maybe today wasn't the day to wear your mesh stormtrooper shirt. 253 00:18:23,735 --> 00:18:27,330 Sorry, it's just... I'm going out dancing after work tonight. 254 00:18:27,406 --> 00:18:31,206 Oh, my God, I can't remember the last time I went out dancing. 255 00:18:31,276 --> 00:18:34,143 I think it was Memorial Day, like, two years ago. 256 00:18:34,213 --> 00:18:35,805 No, you know what? It was four years ago. 257 00:18:35,881 --> 00:18:37,348 You know how long it was? 258 00:18:37,416 --> 00:18:40,510 It was on Alderaan. That's how long ago it was. 259 00:18:41,453 --> 00:18:44,422 Are those guys getting away? We should probably get those guys. 260 00:18:44,490 --> 00:18:47,687 Those other guys will get them. So, what else? 261 00:18:52,297 --> 00:18:54,857 This bucket of bolts is never gonna get us past that blockade. 262 00:18:54,933 --> 00:18:56,958 This bucket's got a few surprises left in her. 263 00:18:57,035 --> 00:18:59,367 Plus, me and Chewie are on it. Ain't that right, Chewie? 264 00:18:59,438 --> 00:19:02,737 - Hell, yeah. You my nerf herder. - You my nerf herder. 265 00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:04,332 All right, Chewie, punch it. 266 00:19:12,284 --> 00:19:14,115 Thank God that hot chick is gone. 267 00:19:14,186 --> 00:19:16,177 Now I can let loose my Darth farts. 268 00:19:16,255 --> 00:19:17,279 (FARTS) 269 00:19:17,356 --> 00:19:18,345 (AIR HISSING) 270 00:19:18,423 --> 00:19:19,412 (FARTS) 271 00:19:19,525 --> 00:19:20,822 (AIR HISSING) 272 00:19:22,494 --> 00:19:24,359 Artoo, get her ready for takeoff. 273 00:19:24,429 --> 00:19:27,159 You may not remember, but I told you last week 274 00:19:27,232 --> 00:19:29,666 I got my niece's recital today. 275 00:19:30,302 --> 00:19:32,293 (VIOLIN PLAYING OFF-KEY) 276 00:19:36,675 --> 00:19:40,634 - We gotta sit through this whole thing? - It's not that much longer. 277 00:19:40,712 --> 00:19:43,943 She's number seven and there's, like, 18 people. 278 00:19:44,016 --> 00:19:45,381 Relax, man. 279 00:19:45,517 --> 00:19:47,382 I mean, as long as she knows you were here... 280 00:19:47,452 --> 00:19:50,216 Look, this is happening, so just come to peace with it. 281 00:19:57,829 --> 00:19:59,922 Hey, this ain't the way to the rendezvous point. 282 00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:01,689 We're not meeting up with the others. 283 00:20:01,767 --> 00:20:03,200 We're going to the Dagobah system. 284 00:20:07,406 --> 00:20:08,873 Hi. Excuse me. Excuse me. 285 00:20:08,941 --> 00:20:11,205 Hi, yeah, do you know how to get to the Dagobah system? 286 00:20:11,276 --> 00:20:14,040 Yeah, actually we're headed there now. You can follow us. 287 00:20:14,112 --> 00:20:17,809 Okay, great. Annoying question. We have to get gas, 288 00:20:17,883 --> 00:20:20,443 would you mind pulling off and waiting for us while we do that? 289 00:20:20,519 --> 00:20:21,577 (GROANS) 290 00:20:21,653 --> 00:20:23,314 Thank you so much. 291 00:20:23,989 --> 00:20:25,013 (SIGHING) 292 00:20:39,204 --> 00:20:40,671 Han, look! 293 00:20:40,739 --> 00:20:42,570 HAN: Crap, there's two more of them dead ahead. 294 00:20:43,475 --> 00:20:45,568 It's all right, I think I can outmaneuver them. 295 00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:58,121 JOHN BUNNELL: This Rebel lawbreaker thinks he can outrun the Empire. 296 00:20:58,190 --> 00:21:01,751 The pursuing officers realize he's entered a residential area. 297 00:21:01,827 --> 00:21:05,490 They give him a wide berth, but they don 't let him out of their sight. 298 00:21:05,564 --> 00:21:10,092 Astonishingly, the driver makes a left, right into an asteroid field. 299 00:21:10,168 --> 00:21:13,831 What are you doing? You're not actually going into an asteroid field. 300 00:21:13,905 --> 00:21:16,169 Well, it's either that or go into the strawberry fields. 301 00:21:16,742 --> 00:21:19,302 Hey, you know what I'm getting into? Is one-legged chicks. 302 00:21:19,378 --> 00:21:21,778 Yeah, Paul, what's your new wife's name? Peg? 303 00:21:21,847 --> 00:21:23,212 That'll be enough of that, lad. 304 00:21:23,282 --> 00:21:24,306 How about Eileen? 305 00:21:24,383 --> 00:21:25,714 Ringo got it. 306 00:21:31,023 --> 00:21:34,891 Sir, the odds of successfully navigating an asteroid field are two to one. 307 00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:38,487 Never tell me the... Actually, that's not bad. 308 00:21:38,730 --> 00:21:40,391 Yeah. No, let's keep going. 309 00:22:01,453 --> 00:22:05,514 Look at that one! Look at that one there! Look at that other one! 310 00:22:05,590 --> 00:22:06,921 (SCREAMING) 311 00:22:06,992 --> 00:22:08,789 We're gonna get pulverized out here! 312 00:22:08,860 --> 00:22:11,090 Look, we got four or five of the main characters on this ship. 313 00:22:11,163 --> 00:22:12,323 I think we'll be fine. 314 00:22:32,517 --> 00:22:34,451 There, that looks good. 315 00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:38,756 Doesn't that pie look good? Too bad we can't get at it. 316 00:22:38,824 --> 00:22:40,689 It's in space, and we're in here. 317 00:22:40,759 --> 00:22:43,125 Otherwise, I'd be eating it right now. 318 00:22:43,195 --> 00:22:44,719 All right, let's park right there in that cave. 319 00:22:46,898 --> 00:22:49,162 What are you doing? You can't park there. 320 00:22:50,202 --> 00:22:52,466 - You're not handicapped. - I have vertigo. 321 00:22:52,537 --> 00:22:54,334 It's a real medical condition. 322 00:22:54,406 --> 00:22:57,466 I'm just going on record as saying I'm not comfortable with this. 323 00:23:06,952 --> 00:23:08,920 I hope you know what you're doing. 324 00:23:09,287 --> 00:23:12,450 I've just found that Leia's constant questioning of me 325 00:23:12,524 --> 00:23:15,652 has not been productive to the atmosphere of the ship. 326 00:23:15,727 --> 00:23:19,254 And I think that she just needs to get some respect for herself. 327 00:23:24,736 --> 00:23:28,729 Artoo, wake up, we're here. Put your shoes on. 328 00:23:28,807 --> 00:23:30,502 You better hurry up and land. 329 00:23:30,575 --> 00:23:33,874 The last half hour, I've been having all pee dreams. 330 00:23:37,482 --> 00:23:39,950 All the scopes are dead! I can't see a thing! 331 00:23:40,452 --> 00:23:44,286 Sorry, that's me. I was still using an electronic device. 332 00:23:44,790 --> 00:23:48,282 Okay, that's much better. Now I can see the swamp... The swamp! 333 00:23:57,068 --> 00:24:00,003 Swamp crashes. They can land you knee-deep in trouble. 334 00:24:00,071 --> 00:24:04,064 But the "good hands" people at Allstate will make sure you have a soft landing. 335 00:24:04,142 --> 00:24:07,475 Professional service. Non-threatening black spokesperson. 336 00:24:07,546 --> 00:24:09,013 That's Allstate's stand. 337 00:24:11,450 --> 00:24:15,181 Thank God for these airbags. You okay back there? 338 00:24:15,253 --> 00:24:19,019 I'm okay, but the midget inside me's got a head concussion. 339 00:24:24,362 --> 00:24:26,296 No, no, no, no, no, no! 340 00:24:28,266 --> 00:24:29,665 Artoo? 341 00:24:40,245 --> 00:24:41,769 Artoo! 342 00:24:42,948 --> 00:24:44,609 (ARTOO SCREAMING) 343 00:24:47,085 --> 00:24:49,451 Artoo, are you okay? 344 00:24:49,521 --> 00:24:53,252 I think so. Boy, who knows what else is in this swamp? 345 00:24:54,926 --> 00:24:56,791 SUPER FRIENDS ANNOUNCER: Meanwhile, at the Legion of Doom! 346 00:24:56,862 --> 00:24:58,329 - Not now! - Okay. 347 00:24:58,997 --> 00:25:00,521 (EERIE SILENCE) 348 00:25:00,599 --> 00:25:01,827 (CAWING) 349 00:25:05,036 --> 00:25:06,367 YODA: Hey, who the hell are you? 350 00:25:07,372 --> 00:25:09,602 What the hell is that creepy little thing? 351 00:25:09,674 --> 00:25:11,335 Well, I'm not Yoda. 352 00:25:11,610 --> 00:25:12,770 Okay, I'm Yoda. 353 00:25:12,844 --> 00:25:14,209 You're Yoda? 354 00:25:14,479 --> 00:25:17,175 You're the one that Obi-Wan sent me here to find. 355 00:25:17,249 --> 00:25:19,274 Will you teach me the ways of the Force? 356 00:25:19,351 --> 00:25:22,445 No, I will not teach you the ways of the Force. 357 00:25:22,521 --> 00:25:24,853 Okay, I'll teach you the ways of the Force. 358 00:25:24,923 --> 00:25:28,381 But if you want to become a Jedi, first I gotta ask you something. 359 00:25:28,460 --> 00:25:29,688 Did you see Van Wilder? 360 00:25:29,761 --> 00:25:31,194 Yeah, I saw it on Comedy Central. 361 00:25:31,263 --> 00:25:35,859 No! No, no, no, no, no! We got a lot of training to do. 362 00:25:35,934 --> 00:25:38,232 I'm asking, did you see the DVD frat house edition 363 00:25:38,303 --> 00:25:41,136 with all the uncensored footage and the interview with Ryan Reynolds? 364 00:25:41,206 --> 00:25:42,264 No. 365 00:25:42,340 --> 00:25:44,968 Well, that's all part of mastering the Force, man. 366 00:25:45,043 --> 00:25:47,978 It starts with checking out sweet-ass DVD releases, 367 00:25:48,046 --> 00:25:50,879 like Iron Man, directed by Jon Favreau. 368 00:25:50,949 --> 00:25:53,747 Yeah, he puts himself in his own movies, but you don't mind 369 00:25:53,818 --> 00:25:56,981 'cause he seems like the kind of guy who'd help you move if you asked him. 370 00:26:05,530 --> 00:26:07,896 I'm glad you're here. Look, I pulled this all apart, 371 00:26:07,966 --> 00:26:09,900 and it looks like you're gonna need a new condenser. 372 00:26:09,968 --> 00:26:11,230 Really? A new condenser? 373 00:26:11,303 --> 00:26:12,634 Yeah, and I would also highly recommend 374 00:26:12,704 --> 00:26:15,172 a complete flush of your photon conversion system. 375 00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:16,639 I swear I just did that. 376 00:26:16,708 --> 00:26:18,767 Okay, well, how about this? Do you want me to just go ahead 377 00:26:18,843 --> 00:26:21,368 and do that while I'm replacing the new condenser? 378 00:26:21,446 --> 00:26:24,313 I think I'd like to call my husband. 379 00:26:24,382 --> 00:26:25,508 Look, how about this? 380 00:26:25,584 --> 00:26:27,677 You buy the condenser, and I'll make out with you. 381 00:26:27,752 --> 00:26:28,912 (EXCLAIMS) 382 00:26:28,987 --> 00:26:30,614 I'm gonna kiss you so hard, 383 00:26:30,689 --> 00:26:33,783 the picture's gonna change into something else. 384 00:26:40,932 --> 00:26:43,992 Look, this isn't Windex but it's just as good. It's the store brand. 385 00:26:44,069 --> 00:26:48,301 - No. No. It leave a film. - I'm okay with the film. Just use it. 386 00:26:48,373 --> 00:26:52,639 - No. No. I no can clean. - Shit. 387 00:26:52,711 --> 00:26:53,973 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 388 00:26:54,045 --> 00:26:55,706 - Hello? - Mr. Darth Vader... 389 00:26:55,780 --> 00:26:59,079 Yes, sir. Quiet, quiet. It's the Emperor. 390 00:26:59,150 --> 00:27:01,846 - It's the Emperor. - Tell him I no can do Friday. 391 00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:04,047 - Okay. Okay, okay. Sir... Yeah. - My apartment need water. 392 00:27:04,122 --> 00:27:05,350 - No, no. No. - He need to get it fixed. 393 00:27:05,423 --> 00:27:08,517 (STUTTERING) Hello? I can't hear you. 394 00:27:08,593 --> 00:27:11,756 I'm going to the knee pad. I'm gonna call you from the knee pad. 395 00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:23,870 What is thy bidding, my master? 396 00:27:23,942 --> 00:27:26,240 Hey, I'm downloading all my music to my iPod 397 00:27:26,311 --> 00:27:27,778 'cause I'm getting rid of my CDs. 398 00:27:27,846 --> 00:27:30,110 Do you have any desire for Natalie Merchant's Tigerlily? 399 00:27:30,181 --> 00:27:31,239 No. 400 00:27:31,316 --> 00:27:33,910 - Alanis Morissette's Jagged Little Pill? - No. 401 00:27:33,985 --> 00:27:36,010 You sure? This thing was unstoppable. 402 00:27:36,087 --> 00:27:38,612 This was the soundtrack to my '95. 403 00:27:38,690 --> 00:27:41,853 - To my '95 and my '96, actually. - No, thank you. 404 00:27:41,926 --> 00:27:44,053 - Richard Marx, Hold On To The Night? - (EXCITEDLY) Yes! 405 00:27:44,129 --> 00:27:45,858 (STUTTERING) I mean... Yeah, no... 406 00:27:45,930 --> 00:27:47,898 I mean, if you're giving stuff away, yeah, sure. 407 00:27:47,966 --> 00:27:48,990 All right, listen. 408 00:27:49,067 --> 00:27:52,230 It turns out Anakin Skywalker's son is still alive. 409 00:27:52,303 --> 00:27:54,669 I'm gonna need you to find him and turn him. 410 00:27:54,739 --> 00:27:57,674 Really? Maybe I can make him go bi, but all the way is gonna be tough. 411 00:27:57,742 --> 00:27:59,505 No, I mean, turn him to the dark side. 412 00:27:59,577 --> 00:28:00,601 Well, yeah, I thought that's what you... 413 00:28:00,679 --> 00:28:02,078 - Oh, of the Force. - Yes. 414 00:28:02,147 --> 00:28:04,274 I'll get him over to the dark side. 415 00:28:04,416 --> 00:28:06,281 I'll just show him our recruiting video. 416 00:28:06,518 --> 00:28:08,486 (CHEERFUL MUSIC PLAYING) 417 00:28:13,158 --> 00:28:15,422 Thanks to the training I received in the Empire, 418 00:28:15,493 --> 00:28:18,189 I have all the skills I need to make it in the real world. 419 00:28:19,631 --> 00:28:23,260 The Empire GI Bill helped me finish school. Hey, wait up! 420 00:28:24,102 --> 00:28:27,469 And I met my wife in the service. We had our honeymoon on Alderaan. 421 00:28:27,639 --> 00:28:29,266 WOMAN: Good thing we took pictures, huh? 422 00:28:29,340 --> 00:28:30,671 (LAUGHING) 423 00:28:31,009 --> 00:28:33,500 RECRUITMENT ANNOUNCER: The Empire, chasing Rebel scum, 424 00:28:34,079 --> 00:28:35,637 killing Luke's aunt and uncle, 425 00:28:36,114 --> 00:28:37,945 telling people to move along. 426 00:28:38,416 --> 00:28:41,647 The Empire, our ships are big triangles. 427 00:28:46,357 --> 00:28:49,190 That's good. Stretch it out, stretch it out 428 00:28:49,260 --> 00:28:50,750 because we're gonna start the training. 429 00:28:50,829 --> 00:28:54,663 I'm ready, Master Yoda. I'm ready to become a Jedi. 430 00:28:54,733 --> 00:28:57,065 All right, kid, let's do it. 431 00:28:57,168 --> 00:28:59,398 (ROCKY IV THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 432 00:29:13,118 --> 00:29:14,483 (INAUDIBLE) 433 00:30:09,607 --> 00:30:10,665 You know, I'm up for this, 434 00:30:10,742 --> 00:30:14,610 but it kind of feels like the dark side has a better gym than us. 435 00:30:28,092 --> 00:30:30,117 (DISTANT EXPLOSIONS) 436 00:30:42,507 --> 00:30:43,769 (SCREAMS) 437 00:30:44,776 --> 00:30:46,437 There's something out there. 438 00:30:49,514 --> 00:30:50,538 Hmm? 439 00:30:50,615 --> 00:30:52,549 - There's something out there. - Where? 440 00:30:52,617 --> 00:30:54,141 Out there, in the cave! 441 00:30:54,219 --> 00:30:56,710 (LAUGHS) Crazy women, always hearing things. 442 00:30:56,788 --> 00:30:59,154 - There's something out there. - Let's go check it out. 443 00:31:02,961 --> 00:31:05,088 What's all this slime on the floor? 444 00:31:05,163 --> 00:31:07,597 Yeah. It feels like we're in Rod Stewart's stomach. 445 00:31:11,536 --> 00:31:13,026 Wait a minute. 446 00:31:14,239 --> 00:31:15,536 Hang on a second. 447 00:31:17,008 --> 00:31:18,498 What's going on here? 448 00:31:20,111 --> 00:31:21,544 Something doesn't add up. 449 00:31:23,147 --> 00:31:24,409 Just a minute. 450 00:31:25,717 --> 00:31:26,775 Time out. 451 00:31:28,386 --> 00:31:29,944 This ain't quite right. 452 00:31:31,389 --> 00:31:32,913 Now I get it. We should go. 453 00:31:36,728 --> 00:31:39,094 Hang on, sweetheart. We're taking off. 454 00:31:44,669 --> 00:31:46,136 LEIA: The cave is collapsing! 455 00:31:46,204 --> 00:31:47,831 - This is no cave. - What? 456 00:32:00,518 --> 00:32:02,918 How come I never get any lines in these things? 457 00:32:02,987 --> 00:32:04,750 PETER: Shut up, Meg. 458 00:32:14,232 --> 00:32:16,996 All right. Let's take a break. Your back's getting all sweaty. 459 00:32:17,068 --> 00:32:18,695 Sorry. Does that. 460 00:32:19,037 --> 00:32:21,028 All right. Now, let's go over what we've learned. 461 00:32:21,105 --> 00:32:24,097 - Naked chicks. Best? - Rebecca De Mornay in Risky Business. 462 00:32:24,175 --> 00:32:26,336 - Good. Worst? - Kathy Bates in About Schmidt. 463 00:32:26,411 --> 00:32:30,142 Correct. I also would've accepted the rotting old woman in The Shining, 464 00:32:30,214 --> 00:32:33,149 but Kathy Bates is probably worse. Best scene in Teen Wolf? 465 00:32:33,217 --> 00:32:34,707 When Michael J. Fox is in the bathroom, 466 00:32:34,786 --> 00:32:36,310 turning into a werewolf for the first time 467 00:32:36,387 --> 00:32:38,548 and his dad's knocking on the door and he is freaking out 468 00:32:38,623 --> 00:32:41,217 and he opens the door and his dad's a werewolf, too. 469 00:32:41,292 --> 00:32:42,281 Gold star. 470 00:32:42,360 --> 00:32:44,851 I would've also accepted the scene at the end, at the basketball game, 471 00:32:44,929 --> 00:32:47,056 where the guy in the crowd has his dick out. 472 00:32:47,131 --> 00:32:48,758 - What? - Yeah, there's a guy at the end. 473 00:32:48,833 --> 00:32:51,563 Go online. Look it up. He's in the stands, way in the background, 474 00:32:51,636 --> 00:32:54,070 and he's totally got his dick out. 475 00:32:54,739 --> 00:32:57,799 What's in there? It feels cold. 476 00:32:58,009 --> 00:33:00,944 That place is strong with the dark side. 477 00:33:01,312 --> 00:33:04,645 But it's very confusing and it stops the movie dead. 478 00:33:04,716 --> 00:33:06,809 I'm going in there anyway. 479 00:33:14,425 --> 00:33:15,619 (GASPS) 480 00:33:32,443 --> 00:33:35,810 You know, I guess we should take advantage of this very rare opportunity. 481 00:33:35,880 --> 00:33:38,212 (CHEERFUL MUSIC PLAYING ON PIANO) 482 00:33:38,516 --> 00:33:41,610 BOTH: (SINGING) You and I will settle down 483 00:33:41,686 --> 00:33:46,919 In a cottage built for two 484 00:33:46,991 --> 00:33:48,618 Dear little buttercup 485 00:33:48,693 --> 00:33:50,718 Sweet little buttercup 486 00:33:50,795 --> 00:33:52,763 My little buttercup 487 00:33:52,864 --> 00:33:57,358 I love you 488 00:34:04,042 --> 00:34:06,067 - I hate these hats. - Yes, sir. 489 00:34:06,544 --> 00:34:08,774 DARTH VADER: Okay, nice bounty hunter turnout today. 490 00:34:09,247 --> 00:34:13,581 Let's see, we got Robot Guy, Old Timey Deep Sea Diver Looking Guy, 491 00:34:13,651 --> 00:34:17,246 Lizard Guy, who I think I saw get in a fight with Captain Kirk, 492 00:34:17,321 --> 00:34:19,755 Boba Fett, of course, thanks for coming, and... 493 00:34:20,058 --> 00:34:21,252 What are you supposed to be? 494 00:34:21,325 --> 00:34:23,020 Raggedy Andy. 495 00:34:23,194 --> 00:34:26,129 Get the fuck out of my bounty hunter meeting. 496 00:34:31,536 --> 00:34:35,336 Okay, get ready to go to light speed. One, two, three. 497 00:34:35,406 --> 00:34:38,807 (ENGINE STALLING) 498 00:34:38,876 --> 00:34:41,777 (SINGING MOCKINGLY) Whanh! Whanh! Whanh! Whanh! 499 00:34:41,846 --> 00:34:42,835 Crap. 500 00:34:42,914 --> 00:34:43,972 No light speed? 501 00:34:44,048 --> 00:34:45,379 No light speed. 502 00:34:49,987 --> 00:34:52,182 I got an idea. Chewie, turn us around. 503 00:34:52,256 --> 00:34:53,553 You're gonna attack them? 504 00:34:53,624 --> 00:34:55,421 (MIMICKING) "You're gonna attack them?" 505 00:34:55,493 --> 00:34:56,585 That's how you sound. 506 00:34:56,661 --> 00:34:58,356 (SQUEAKILY) "You're gonna attack them?" 507 00:34:58,429 --> 00:34:59,726 Imagine listening to that all day. 508 00:35:05,369 --> 00:35:06,802 They're moving into attack position. 509 00:35:06,871 --> 00:35:07,997 Good. Put the shields up. 510 00:35:08,072 --> 00:35:10,336 Oh, my God! You have cake? Where'd you get cake? 511 00:35:10,408 --> 00:35:12,638 It was Jim's birthday, but I think it's all gone. 512 00:35:20,418 --> 00:35:22,613 Track them. They may come around for another attack. 513 00:35:22,687 --> 00:35:25,281 Captain, the ship no longer appears on our scopes. 514 00:35:25,356 --> 00:35:28,519 They can't have disappeared. No ship that small has a cloaking device. 515 00:35:28,593 --> 00:35:32,051 Captain, Lord Vader demands an update on the pursuit of the Millennium Falcon. 516 00:35:32,263 --> 00:35:35,255 (STUTTERING) Tell him... Tell him we blew it up. 517 00:35:36,300 --> 00:35:38,291 He's not on hold and he just heard you. 518 00:35:38,369 --> 00:35:39,563 DARTH VADER: Yeah, I just heard you. 519 00:35:39,637 --> 00:35:40,831 (CHOKING) 520 00:35:50,781 --> 00:35:53,147 This is insane, Han! They're gonna find us here. 521 00:35:53,217 --> 00:35:55,981 Yeah, and even if they don't, where are we gonna hide out after this? 522 00:35:56,053 --> 00:35:57,543 Hey, what about Lando? 523 00:35:57,622 --> 00:35:59,214 The Lando system? 524 00:35:59,290 --> 00:36:01,588 Lando's not a system. He's a black guy. 525 00:36:01,692 --> 00:36:04,092 In fact, I think he might be the only black guy in the galaxy. 526 00:36:04,162 --> 00:36:05,754 (CHUCKLES) Let's hope, right? 527 00:36:05,863 --> 00:36:07,330 ALL: Whoa! 528 00:36:07,398 --> 00:36:08,763 (CLANKING) 529 00:36:08,833 --> 00:36:10,266 All right, the fleet's breaking up. 530 00:36:10,334 --> 00:36:12,029 Chewie, get ready to release the landing claw 531 00:36:12,103 --> 00:36:14,663 and we'll float away with their garbage. Release! 532 00:36:20,778 --> 00:36:22,803 Look at that. Space bums. 533 00:36:27,952 --> 00:36:30,443 Let's be thankful for what we have, everyone. 534 00:36:30,521 --> 00:36:32,079 Be thankful for what we have. 535 00:36:32,156 --> 00:36:33,180 (THUD) 536 00:36:33,257 --> 00:36:35,919 Oh, my God, I hit a space bum! Chewie, go, go, go, go! 537 00:36:44,235 --> 00:36:46,169 All right, concentrate. 538 00:36:47,371 --> 00:36:48,360 What do you see? 539 00:36:48,439 --> 00:36:51,533 I see a woman draining your bank account 540 00:36:51,609 --> 00:36:54,373 and running off with a real estate agent. 541 00:36:54,445 --> 00:36:56,436 That is a bitch you see. 542 00:36:56,514 --> 00:37:00,644 And I see my friends. They're in trouble! I gotta save them! 543 00:37:02,153 --> 00:37:05,611 Wait, wait, wait. Luke, that's a stupid idea. You're not done with all your Force stuff. 544 00:37:05,690 --> 00:37:07,590 And besides, you can't fight Vader. 545 00:37:07,658 --> 00:37:10,183 Only an experienced Jedi could fight Vader. 546 00:37:10,261 --> 00:37:12,161 Well, why don't you go? 547 00:37:12,797 --> 00:37:15,027 Yeah, you're probably ready to fight Vader. 548 00:37:21,205 --> 00:37:24,197 That boy was our last hope. 549 00:37:24,475 --> 00:37:27,000 No, there is another. 550 00:37:27,511 --> 00:37:30,275 I know. I have the Force, too, you know. 551 00:37:39,857 --> 00:37:44,521 I don't have a landing permit. I'm trying to reach Lando Calrissian. 552 00:37:45,062 --> 00:37:46,552 What the hell's he firing at me for? 553 00:37:46,831 --> 00:37:49,026 - I told you not to shoot. - Well, you're not in charge. I am. 554 00:37:49,100 --> 00:37:50,192 - Well, I'm steering. - No, I'm steering. 555 00:37:50,268 --> 00:37:51,360 - No, I am. - I have a steering wheel. 556 00:37:51,435 --> 00:37:52,766 - So do I. There's two. - Well, that's stupid. 557 00:37:52,837 --> 00:37:54,134 - I know. - I know, too. That's why I said it. 558 00:37:54,205 --> 00:37:55,638 - Oh! We lost them. - This is going in my report. 559 00:37:55,706 --> 00:37:56,695 No, it's going in my report. 560 00:38:19,130 --> 00:38:23,658 - (LAUGHING) Lando! - Hey, Han, you crazy old bastard. 561 00:38:23,734 --> 00:38:26,328 Hey, let me introduce everybody. You remember Chewbacca. 562 00:38:26,404 --> 00:38:31,273 And this is my special friend, Leia. And that's Sarge over there. 563 00:38:31,409 --> 00:38:33,934 You don't know my name, do you? You never bothered to learn it. 564 00:38:34,011 --> 00:38:35,342 What are you talking about? 565 00:38:35,413 --> 00:38:38,143 We've been through all kinds of space adventures together. 566 00:38:38,215 --> 00:38:39,705 Of course I know you, slugger. 567 00:38:39,784 --> 00:38:42,776 - Yeah, sure. Nice to meet you. I'm C-3PO. - C-3PO, yeah. 568 00:38:42,853 --> 00:38:45,686 I was just gonna introduce you, C-3PO. Why didn't you let me, C-3PO? 569 00:38:45,756 --> 00:38:47,690 Maybe we should go inside. 570 00:38:47,758 --> 00:38:49,123 Yeah, let's get inside, C-3PO. 571 00:38:49,193 --> 00:38:51,218 You ever been to Cloud City, C-3PO? 572 00:39:10,548 --> 00:39:13,312 J.Crew outlet store. Oh, my God! Awesome! 573 00:39:13,384 --> 00:39:15,682 Space summer is right around the corner. 574 00:39:21,726 --> 00:39:23,591 Oh, my God. What happened? 575 00:39:23,661 --> 00:39:27,859 I got into a slap fight with a prep droid over a pair of cargo shorts. 576 00:39:27,932 --> 00:39:29,524 Are you guys all ready for dinner? 577 00:39:29,600 --> 00:39:32,091 I don't know, the time change is really hitting me. 578 00:39:32,169 --> 00:39:34,433 I might just stay in the room and watch bad TV. 579 00:39:34,505 --> 00:39:37,497 Geez, it's only like two hours earlier on Hoth. What's the big deal? 580 00:39:37,575 --> 00:39:39,736 I'm having my period, okay? 581 00:39:39,810 --> 00:39:43,211 Please come in. I have nothing to say to Lando. 582 00:39:46,984 --> 00:39:49,509 Okay, the door's gonna open and you guys say, "Freeze," 583 00:39:49,587 --> 00:39:50,747 and point your guns at them. 584 00:39:50,821 --> 00:39:52,618 Or, you know... Or should it just be me? 585 00:39:52,690 --> 00:39:54,282 Yeah, you know what? I think that'll be better. 586 00:39:54,358 --> 00:39:56,826 Get out. Go, go, go. It's just me. 587 00:39:57,528 --> 00:39:59,120 I wasn't ready. Hi! 588 00:39:59,230 --> 00:40:00,561 (EXCLAIMS) 589 00:40:02,900 --> 00:40:04,333 (SINGING) Wonder Woman 590 00:40:07,071 --> 00:40:10,063 (JEERING ) Look, the Giant Chicken's Boba Fett. 591 00:40:14,011 --> 00:40:16,104 DARTH VADER: Very well, Solo, if you won't talk, 592 00:40:16,180 --> 00:40:18,944 we have very effective means of torture. 593 00:40:19,016 --> 00:40:21,507 Whoa! Well, I don't want to be tortured. 594 00:40:21,585 --> 00:40:24,110 All right, Luke's on Dagobah, there's a Rebel base on Kashyyyk, 595 00:40:24,188 --> 00:40:26,588 and I'm the one who clogged the toilet on the 16th floor. 596 00:40:26,657 --> 00:40:28,318 That was disgusting! 597 00:40:28,392 --> 00:40:31,486 You know, because of that, I had to use the little pig people's bathroom. 598 00:40:31,629 --> 00:40:33,028 All right, start the torture. 599 00:40:35,533 --> 00:40:36,591 (WHERE HAVE ALL THE COWBOYS GONE PLAYING) 600 00:40:36,667 --> 00:40:40,569 WOMAN: (SINGING) Where have all the cowboys gone? 601 00:40:40,638 --> 00:40:43,198 (SHOUTING IN DISGUST) Shut it off. Shut it off! 602 00:40:44,642 --> 00:40:46,166 (HAN SCREAMING) 603 00:40:47,945 --> 00:40:49,276 HAN: Ow! 604 00:40:49,346 --> 00:40:52,281 Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! 605 00:40:52,349 --> 00:40:53,816 Ow! Ow! 606 00:40:54,285 --> 00:40:55,343 Ow! 607 00:40:55,586 --> 00:40:56,575 Ow! 608 00:41:00,825 --> 00:41:02,417 DARTH VADER: This facility should be adequate 609 00:41:02,493 --> 00:41:05,223 to freeze Skywalker for his trip to the Emperor. 610 00:41:05,296 --> 00:41:07,423 We'll test it on Captain Solo. 611 00:41:07,498 --> 00:41:08,829 And as long as we're freezing things, 612 00:41:08,899 --> 00:41:11,800 why don't you toss this ice cube tray full of orange juice in there? 613 00:41:11,869 --> 00:41:13,564 And be careful with the toothpicks. 614 00:41:13,671 --> 00:41:15,605 Lando, Lando. Lando! 615 00:41:16,240 --> 00:41:18,105 Be careful with the toothpicks. 616 00:41:24,548 --> 00:41:27,449 Chewie, you have to take care of the princess while I'm gone. 617 00:41:27,551 --> 00:41:28,848 Take care of her? 618 00:41:28,919 --> 00:41:31,251 - You mean like... - No. What? 619 00:41:31,322 --> 00:41:32,846 No. Just make sure she stays safe. 620 00:41:32,923 --> 00:41:35,084 Okay. That'll be fun for me. 621 00:41:43,634 --> 00:41:44,896 I love you. 622 00:41:45,603 --> 00:41:46,763 Fuck off. 623 00:42:38,589 --> 00:42:41,023 (AMERICAN IDOL THEME PLAYING) 624 00:42:41,091 --> 00:42:42,820 (AUDIENCE CHEERING) 625 00:42:42,893 --> 00:42:47,057 Ladies and gentlemen, this is your lightsaber battle. 626 00:42:50,334 --> 00:42:52,928 The Force is with you, young Skywalker. 627 00:42:53,003 --> 00:42:55,198 But you are not a Jedi yet. 628 00:42:55,706 --> 00:42:57,367 You're getting there. You're getting there, though. 629 00:42:57,441 --> 00:43:00,342 I can defeat you, Vader. You'll see. 630 00:43:04,014 --> 00:43:07,006 Okay, so, no cutting off body parts. Let's make that a rule. 631 00:43:07,084 --> 00:43:09,314 No below the belt, if you know what I'm saying. 632 00:43:09,420 --> 00:43:11,547 And you know what? How about no name calling? 633 00:43:11,622 --> 00:43:15,080 You know, let's not have one of those kinds of lightsaber battles. 634 00:43:27,171 --> 00:43:29,139 Car. Car coming! 635 00:43:30,908 --> 00:43:32,239 We're clear. 636 00:43:42,853 --> 00:43:44,115 (BEEPING) 637 00:43:47,124 --> 00:43:51,618 Nice work, fellas! And, David, you sold the most magazine subscriptions, 638 00:43:51,695 --> 00:43:55,028 so you get to invite four of your friends to a pizza party. 639 00:43:55,099 --> 00:43:56,259 Hurray! 640 00:43:58,402 --> 00:44:02,099 - Put Captain Solo in the cargo hold. - Duh! 641 00:44:17,588 --> 00:44:21,456 Oh, no. We've lost Han. They're taking him to Jabba's palace. 642 00:44:21,525 --> 00:44:23,618 Well, even though we know exactly where he's going, 643 00:44:23,694 --> 00:44:25,423 we should rescue him in three years. 644 00:44:51,855 --> 00:44:54,551 (GASPING) Oh, God. Oh, my God. 645 00:44:54,625 --> 00:44:58,618 I would give my right hand for this day to just end. 646 00:45:01,799 --> 00:45:05,633 Oh, no. Damn it. They changed the security code. 647 00:45:05,703 --> 00:45:08,729 Let me see if I can do something about that. 648 00:45:09,640 --> 00:45:12,837 Hey, baby. You're gonna let us through, ain't you? 649 00:45:13,310 --> 00:45:16,279 Yeah, that's right. You know that feels good. 650 00:45:16,346 --> 00:45:20,373 FEMALE VOICE: Oh, God! Nobody's touched me like that for so long. 651 00:45:20,451 --> 00:45:21,941 (MOANING EXCITEDLY) 652 00:45:22,019 --> 00:45:25,352 - Oh, no! I think I hear my husband. - Honey, I'm home. 653 00:45:25,422 --> 00:45:28,220 (SHOUTING) What the hell is this? Who's he? 654 00:45:28,292 --> 00:45:31,420 Thank God you're home, honey. He tried to rape me. 655 00:45:31,495 --> 00:45:32,587 Oh, that's bullshit. 656 00:45:32,663 --> 00:45:33,994 You get out of our home! 657 00:45:39,636 --> 00:45:42,366 Oh, man. How am I supposed to run with this? 658 00:45:58,789 --> 00:46:00,620 Have we ever hit anybody with these guns? 659 00:46:00,791 --> 00:46:02,088 I hit a bird once. 660 00:46:02,259 --> 00:46:03,988 (LIGHTSABERS HUMMING) 661 00:46:07,698 --> 00:46:09,029 (GRUNTING) 662 00:46:11,335 --> 00:46:14,634 Come on, Luke, join the dark side. It's really cool. 663 00:46:14,705 --> 00:46:16,036 Well, who's in it? 664 00:46:16,874 --> 00:46:20,867 Me, the Emperor, this guy Scott. You'll meet him, he's awesome. 665 00:46:20,944 --> 00:46:22,502 And James Caan. 666 00:46:22,579 --> 00:46:24,672 I'll be your friend if you let me kick your ass. 667 00:46:24,748 --> 00:46:27,945 I'll never join the dark side. Never! 668 00:46:29,686 --> 00:46:31,017 (GRUNTING) 669 00:46:34,258 --> 00:46:35,623 (GROANING) 670 00:46:37,728 --> 00:46:39,195 MAN: Hey, a hand. 671 00:46:40,931 --> 00:46:44,697 There is no escape. Don't make me destroy you. 672 00:46:44,768 --> 00:46:48,169 - Join me, Luke. - I'll never join you. 673 00:46:48,539 --> 00:46:51,736 Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father. 674 00:46:51,809 --> 00:46:53,606 He told me you killed him. 675 00:46:53,677 --> 00:46:55,474 No, I... Hang on. 676 00:46:55,546 --> 00:46:56,740 Spoiler alert. 677 00:46:56,814 --> 00:47:00,306 Okay. No, I am your father. 678 00:47:00,384 --> 00:47:02,545 Well, that's fine, but I don't see how that affects... 679 00:47:02,619 --> 00:47:04,553 What? 680 00:47:04,621 --> 00:47:08,557 Join me and we can rule the galaxy as father and son! 681 00:47:08,625 --> 00:47:12,527 You know? I mean, it doesn't have to be as father and son, it can just be as, 682 00:47:12,596 --> 00:47:15,565 you know, as two really close guys who just happen to be men, you know? 683 00:47:15,632 --> 00:47:18,863 Just two good-looking guys sharing a cramped office, 684 00:47:18,936 --> 00:47:21,200 running the galaxy together, you know? 685 00:47:21,271 --> 00:47:23,933 Just getting the job done, you know? Maybe we... 686 00:47:24,007 --> 00:47:26,202 Maybe we'd do it occasionally, but it's not weird, you know, 687 00:47:26,276 --> 00:47:29,768 'cause we're just two guys with raging goals, you know? 688 00:47:29,947 --> 00:47:31,414 I mean, it's not even about the doing it part, 689 00:47:31,481 --> 00:47:33,711 but that's a part of it, but it's not the whole thing. 690 00:47:48,999 --> 00:47:50,364 (SCREAMING) 691 00:47:58,175 --> 00:48:01,042 Hey, did you see a hand come down here? 692 00:48:01,111 --> 00:48:02,135 No. 693 00:48:04,214 --> 00:48:05,340 (LUKE SCREAMING) 694 00:48:10,754 --> 00:48:12,085 (GRUNTING) 695 00:48:14,524 --> 00:48:17,254 Ben. Ben. 696 00:48:17,794 --> 00:48:20,490 Leia. Leia. 697 00:48:21,365 --> 00:48:22,832 Tom Selleck. 698 00:48:31,708 --> 00:48:32,697 Leia. 699 00:48:37,214 --> 00:48:40,706 Luke. Turn the ship around. I know where Luke is. 700 00:48:40,784 --> 00:48:42,581 What, are you out of your mind? What about those fighters? 701 00:48:42,653 --> 00:48:44,177 I said turn us around! 702 00:48:44,254 --> 00:48:47,815 WOMAN: (SINGING) Turn the ship around 703 00:48:47,891 --> 00:48:51,418 Leia knows where Luke is 704 00:48:51,495 --> 00:48:55,261 Turn it upside down 705 00:48:55,332 --> 00:48:59,462 Take it back to Bespin 706 00:49:00,237 --> 00:49:01,329 Is that him? 707 00:49:01,405 --> 00:49:02,838 LEIA: I don't know. 708 00:49:03,206 --> 00:49:06,972 Luke, if that's you, wave your right hand! 709 00:49:07,511 --> 00:49:09,172 No, your right hand. 710 00:49:09,246 --> 00:49:11,009 LUKE: It's me, you fuckers! 711 00:49:45,782 --> 00:49:47,716 - Luke. - Yeah. 712 00:49:48,251 --> 00:49:49,377 - Luke? - Yeah? 713 00:49:49,619 --> 00:49:51,450 - Wait. Luke Skywalker? - Yeah. 714 00:49:51,788 --> 00:49:54,621 Oh, my God! This is so stupid, I was trying to call Luke Adams. 715 00:49:54,691 --> 00:49:57,717 His number is right next to yours in my helmet. 716 00:49:58,562 --> 00:50:01,053 So, how's everything been going since our fight? 717 00:50:02,099 --> 00:50:03,123 It's good. 718 00:50:03,200 --> 00:50:05,634 And, you know, the offer's still open for the whole 719 00:50:05,702 --> 00:50:07,670 "two dudes running the galaxy" plan. 720 00:50:07,738 --> 00:50:09,467 Yeah, listen, I gotta go. 721 00:50:09,539 --> 00:50:11,166 Sure, sure, you're busy. It's okay. 722 00:50:11,375 --> 00:50:15,004 All right. Well, I'll talk to you later, Luke Skywalker, right? 723 00:50:15,078 --> 00:50:16,511 - Yeah. - Okay. 724 00:50:26,423 --> 00:50:29,017 Prepare to lock the tractor beam onto the Millennium Falcon. 725 00:50:29,493 --> 00:50:31,518 All right, Chewie, punch it! 726 00:50:37,401 --> 00:50:39,631 Oh, man. All right, someone's getting choked over this. 727 00:50:39,703 --> 00:50:41,193 Who was in charge of the tractor beam? 728 00:50:41,271 --> 00:50:42,329 That was me. 729 00:50:42,406 --> 00:50:43,532 Oh, yeah? Well... 730 00:50:43,907 --> 00:50:46,467 You have failed me for the last time. 731 00:50:48,412 --> 00:50:51,404 - I can still breathe just fine. - I know. 732 00:50:51,481 --> 00:50:54,109 - You're choking my... - Yup. 'Cause I'm upset with you. 733 00:50:55,085 --> 00:50:56,609 For the tractor beam thing. 734 00:51:08,932 --> 00:51:11,958 Don't worry, we'll find Jabba the Hutt and that bounty hunter, 735 00:51:12,035 --> 00:51:13,969 and we'll get Han back. 736 00:51:14,337 --> 00:51:16,737 Why are you wearing Han's clothes? 737 00:51:16,807 --> 00:51:18,331 Seriously, watch the actual movie. 738 00:51:18,408 --> 00:51:21,605 Lando is wearing Han's clothes in this scene. It's really weird. 739 00:51:22,712 --> 00:51:26,341 Take care, you two. May the Force be with you. 740 00:51:26,416 --> 00:51:29,283 CHEWIE: There he goes with that crap again. Keep it in church, man. 741 00:51:31,288 --> 00:51:33,381 All right. Is this thing good to go? 742 00:51:33,457 --> 00:51:35,288 Yeah, but practice on a hot dog first. 743 00:51:35,358 --> 00:51:36,723 Otherwise you might rip your dick off. 744 00:51:40,464 --> 00:51:44,298 ARTOO: Someday, I'm gonna buy my moms a place with a view like this. 745 00:51:46,770 --> 00:51:48,897 (INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) 746 00:52:15,132 --> 00:52:16,360 (MUSIC STOPS) 747 00:52:16,433 --> 00:52:18,833 Wait a minute. This is how it ends? 748 00:52:18,902 --> 00:52:21,370 There's so many questions left unanswered. 749 00:52:21,505 --> 00:52:22,836 Are you Luke Skywalker? 750 00:52:23,273 --> 00:52:25,901 - Yeah. - I've got something for you. 751 00:52:25,976 --> 00:52:27,204 A letter. 752 00:52:29,045 --> 00:52:31,707 "Dear Luke, if my calculations are correct, 753 00:52:31,781 --> 00:52:35,342 "you should receive this letter at the exact moment the DeLorean vanished. 754 00:52:35,418 --> 00:52:39,855 "I have been living happily for the past six months in the year 1885. 755 00:52:39,923 --> 00:52:40,981 "The lightning bolt that..." 756 00:52:41,057 --> 00:52:44,151 (GASPS) 1885! The doc's alive! 757 00:52:44,227 --> 00:52:47,025 I mean, he's in the Old West, but he's alive! 758 00:52:58,375 --> 00:53:00,104 The end. 759 00:53:00,577 --> 00:53:02,101 (ALL CHEERING) 760 00:53:02,445 --> 00:53:04,845 Well, let's see Robot Chicken top this one. 761 00:53:04,915 --> 00:53:08,043 Actually, I think they did a pretty good job of that already, Dad. 762 00:53:08,118 --> 00:53:11,087 Well, I'll have to take your word for it. I don't watch Comedy Central. 763 00:53:11,154 --> 00:53:14,715 It's on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim, Dad. I'm pretty sure you know that. 764 00:53:14,791 --> 00:53:17,055 I don't know that. I haven't seen that show in a while 765 00:53:17,127 --> 00:53:18,719 and I don't know that anyone else has. 766 00:53:18,795 --> 00:53:21,855 I think plenty of people have. Their fans are pretty loyal to them. 767 00:53:21,932 --> 00:53:23,729 Oh, yeah? All 42 of them? 768 00:53:23,800 --> 00:53:26,200 (SIGHS) I'm not gonna let you get to me this time, Dad. 769 00:53:26,269 --> 00:53:27,668 I'm not gonna let you get to me. 770 00:53:27,737 --> 00:53:29,705 Well, maybe I got time for another story then. 771 00:53:29,773 --> 00:53:31,035 It's called Without A Paddle. 772 00:53:31,107 --> 00:53:32,870 Fuck you, Dad! 773 00:54:38,775 --> 00:54:39,764 OCR, Spell Checked by Ikatiz