1
00:00:00,505 --> 00:00:03,378
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:03,756 --> 00:00:07,033
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:07,067 --> 00:00:10,604
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:10,643 --> 00:00:13,619
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:13,665 --> 00:00:17,136
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:17,178 --> 00:00:20,448
♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
7
00:00:20,482 --> 00:00:22,016
♪ All the things that make us ♪
8
00:00:22,050 --> 00:00:23,823
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
9
00:00:23,858 --> 00:00:25,441
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
10
00:00:25,442 --> 00:00:29,442
♪ Family Guy 13x09 ♪
This Little Piggy
Original Air Date on January 25, 2015
11
00:00:29,443 --> 00:00:35,943
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
12
00:00:36,014 --> 00:00:37,985
Oh, this is a big
moment for Stewie.
13
00:00:38,319 --> 00:00:39,784
Big moment?
Come on, Lois,
14
00:00:39,825 --> 00:00:41,825
he's moving from the green room
to the purple room.
15
00:00:41,830 --> 00:00:43,568
And just last month,
we had to come here
16
00:00:43,602 --> 00:00:45,740
when he went into the green room
from the yellow room.
17
00:00:45,774 --> 00:00:47,207
Oh, don't remind me.
18
00:00:47,241 --> 00:00:49,284
I'm gonna start crying
all over again.
19
00:00:49,318 --> 00:00:51,225
I told work he was
getting dialysis,
20
00:00:51,259 --> 00:00:53,229
so I got the whole day off.
21
00:00:53,263 --> 00:00:55,966
Stewie Griffin,
welcome to the purple room.
22
00:00:59,169 --> 00:01:01,273
Wow, look at that!
This must be how
23
00:01:01,307 --> 00:01:04,011
the Tin Man felt
when he finally got his heart.
24
00:01:04,045 --> 00:01:07,817
And as for you, Tin Man,
a 19-year-old kid in Cincinnati
25
00:01:07,851 --> 00:01:10,352
was struck by
a drunk driver last night.
26
00:01:10,386 --> 00:01:12,784
And so... you've
got your heart.
27
00:01:12,818 --> 00:01:14,784
You know, it's
kind of hitting me now
28
00:01:14,826 --> 00:01:17,362
that maybe I was thinking
more metaphorically.
29
00:01:17,396 --> 00:01:19,730
Oh, no-- you said
you wanted a heart
30
00:01:19,764 --> 00:01:21,267
over and over again.
31
00:01:21,301 --> 00:01:23,468
You sang that
whole song about it.
32
00:01:23,502 --> 00:01:26,502
We bumped you right up
to the top of the donor list.
33
00:01:26,543 --> 00:01:29,006
Which means there's
a father of three in Nebraska
34
00:01:29,040 --> 00:01:31,176
who now has
a very little chance
35
00:01:31,217 --> 00:01:34,184
of receiving one
within the next 24 hours.
36
00:01:35,219 --> 00:01:37,985
So feel good about that.
37
00:01:38,019 --> 00:01:40,956
Now, who wanted
the brain?
38
00:01:46,569 --> 00:01:49,340
"And when Alexander saw
the breadth of his domain,
39
00:01:49,374 --> 00:01:51,880
he wept, for there were
no more worlds to conquer."
40
00:01:51,914 --> 00:01:53,891
All right, take it
down a notch, Stewie.
41
00:01:53,925 --> 00:01:56,432
You just happen to be the
offspring of a generation
42
00:01:56,466 --> 00:01:58,203
that celebrates their
kids for nothing.
43
00:01:58,237 --> 00:01:59,773
Everybody's always
getting an award.
44
00:01:59,807 --> 00:02:01,408
Well, you've never
gotten an award.
45
00:02:01,442 --> 00:02:03,914
Uh, what's that bowl
that says "good boy"?
46
00:02:03,948 --> 00:02:07,118
You know, that was
our old dog's dish.
47
00:02:07,152 --> 00:02:08,393
Hey, how are you?
48
00:02:08,427 --> 00:02:10,901
I-I was just putting this cake
in my purse for a friend.
49
00:02:10,935 --> 00:02:13,033
Listen, you probably get
asked this all the time,
50
00:02:13,075 --> 00:02:14,676
but have you
ever modeled?
51
00:02:14,710 --> 00:02:16,816
I've never even been
in a picture before.
52
00:02:16,850 --> 00:02:18,723
Well, I don't just
shoot school events.
53
00:02:18,757 --> 00:02:21,061
My real passion is discovering
talent like yours.
54
00:02:21,095 --> 00:02:23,063
Really? You think
I could model?
55
00:02:23,097 --> 00:02:25,169
Sure. You've got
a great look.
56
00:02:25,203 --> 00:02:28,140
Here's my number-- give me
a call if you're interested.
57
00:02:28,174 --> 00:02:30,446
Wow, me being a model!
58
00:02:30,480 --> 00:02:33,513
I mean, I guess
crazier things have happened.
59
00:02:35,723 --> 00:02:37,689
Heh-hoo!
60
00:02:41,230 --> 00:02:44,093
We now return
to Rocky Dennis the Menace.
61
00:02:45,864 --> 00:02:47,333
What the hell?
62
00:02:47,367 --> 00:02:48,869
Oh, it's you.
63
00:02:48,903 --> 00:02:52,605
My wife said I'm not allowed
to get mad at you anymore.
64
00:02:52,639 --> 00:02:55,275
All right, see you later.
Where are you off to?
65
00:02:55,309 --> 00:02:56,939
Actually, I met
a photographer
66
00:02:56,973 --> 00:02:58,275
at Stewie's
school yesterday,
67
00:02:58,309 --> 00:03:00,475
and he wants me
to model for him.
68
00:03:02,444 --> 00:03:04,450
Lois, please send these
back to the factory.
69
00:03:04,484 --> 00:03:06,650
I believe they're defective.
Oh, my God, Peter,
70
00:03:06,684 --> 00:03:08,713
did you just rip
your own ears off?
71
00:03:08,755 --> 00:03:10,049
It was the easiest way
72
00:03:10,091 --> 00:03:12,288
to let her know the news
was ridiculous.
73
00:03:12,322 --> 00:03:13,953
You know, it
would be nice
74
00:03:13,995 --> 00:03:15,994
if you guys believed
in me just once.
75
00:03:16,028 --> 00:03:17,660
You're being
terrible parents.
76
00:03:17,702 --> 00:03:19,964
Even worse than
John Edwards.
77
00:03:19,998 --> 00:03:21,804
Kids, we need
to talk.
78
00:03:21,838 --> 00:03:23,468
Your mama has cancer.
79
00:03:23,502 --> 00:03:25,636
And it's made me
incredibly horny.
80
00:03:25,670 --> 00:03:27,676
Take care.
81
00:03:31,214 --> 00:03:33,011
You know, Brian,
I gave some thought
82
00:03:33,045 --> 00:03:35,514
to what you said the other day,
and I realized you're right.
83
00:03:35,548 --> 00:03:37,849
Moving to the purple room
is not an achievement.
84
00:03:37,883 --> 00:03:39,081
Stewie, what are
you doing here?
85
00:03:39,115 --> 00:03:40,515
I asked Peter to
read my manuscript,
86
00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:42,583
and he said he had to
take you to dialysis.
87
00:03:42,617 --> 00:03:43,918
Anyway, you got me thinking.
88
00:03:43,952 --> 00:03:46,423
I've spent my entire life
in that ivory tower,
89
00:03:46,457 --> 00:03:49,087
learning from pop-up books
and animal sound machines,
90
00:03:49,121 --> 00:03:51,423
instead of actually
experiencing the world.
91
00:03:51,457 --> 00:03:53,263
That's why I got this.
92
00:03:53,297 --> 00:03:55,926
I'm gonna take a year off,
hit the open road
93
00:03:55,967 --> 00:03:57,261
and live life
to the fullest.
94
00:03:57,295 --> 00:03:58,431
You're a baby.
95
00:03:58,465 --> 00:03:59,599
How'd you
afford a car?
96
00:03:59,633 --> 00:04:01,535
Don't worry, I got
a great price on it.
97
00:04:01,569 --> 00:04:03,733
You know how good I am
at making a deal.
98
00:04:03,775 --> 00:04:06,236
All right, I have $50
for the first person
99
00:04:06,270 --> 00:04:08,542
with a paper clip
and rouge in their purse.
100
00:04:08,576 --> 00:04:10,542
Ooh, ooh!
Monty, Monty!
101
00:04:10,576 --> 00:04:12,381
Paper clip and rouge!
Paper clip and rouge!
102
00:04:12,415 --> 00:04:13,708
Why do you have rouge?
103
00:04:13,750 --> 00:04:15,550
I don't know, it's been
in the purse for ages.
104
00:04:15,581 --> 00:04:16,714
Why do you
have a purse?
105
00:04:16,748 --> 00:04:18,712
For the paper clips
and rouge, you idiot!
106
00:04:18,746 --> 00:04:20,543
What are you gonna buy
with that $50?
107
00:04:20,585 --> 00:04:22,248
Purses and rouge!
108
00:04:27,826 --> 00:04:29,558
Sorry to use your
bathroom so much.
109
00:04:29,592 --> 00:04:30,789
I'm just really nervous.
110
00:04:30,823 --> 00:04:32,955
You have nothing
to be nervous about.
111
00:04:32,989 --> 00:04:34,186
This is gonna be fun.
112
00:04:34,228 --> 00:04:36,718
Okay, well, here goes.
113
00:04:39,924 --> 00:04:41,384
All right, Meg,
while we take these,
114
00:04:41,418 --> 00:04:43,055
we can either play
"Freeze Frame"
115
00:04:43,089 --> 00:04:44,718
or "She Works Hard
for the Money."
116
00:04:44,760 --> 00:04:45,853
Which would you prefer?
117
00:04:45,887 --> 00:04:47,020
Can we play both?
118
00:04:47,054 --> 00:04:48,857
Sure.
119
00:04:48,891 --> 00:04:52,190
♪ She works hard for the money ♪
120
00:04:52,224 --> 00:04:54,685
♪ So hard for it, honey ♪
121
00:04:55,896 --> 00:04:57,528
♪ She works hard for the money ♪
122
00:04:57,562 --> 00:04:58,928
♪ So you better... ♪
123
00:04:58,962 --> 00:05:01,127
Well, that was a stupid idea.
124
00:05:01,169 --> 00:05:03,032
But you-- you were phenomenal.
125
00:05:03,066 --> 00:05:04,538
You really think so?
126
00:05:04,572 --> 00:05:06,042
Here, have a look.
127
00:05:06,076 --> 00:05:07,706
I think these turned out great.
128
00:05:12,581 --> 00:05:15,050
Wait, Ben--
are they all of my feet?
129
00:05:15,084 --> 00:05:17,713
Well, Meg, the thing is--
my name's Evan, by the way--
130
00:05:17,755 --> 00:05:20,889
a lot of people will pay good
money for pictures of sexy feet.
131
00:05:20,923 --> 00:05:23,384
Foot-fetish porn sites
are a huge business.
132
00:05:23,426 --> 00:05:25,223
But when you asked
me to model,
133
00:05:25,257 --> 00:05:26,886
I thought you meant
real modeling.
134
00:05:26,928 --> 00:05:28,389
This is real modeling.
135
00:05:28,423 --> 00:05:30,157
And you could be
our next big star.
136
00:05:30,191 --> 00:05:31,325
Really?
137
00:05:31,358 --> 00:05:32,556
I don't know...
138
00:05:32,598 --> 00:05:34,227
Come on,
it could be great.
139
00:05:34,261 --> 00:05:35,900
You'll meet lots
of famous people.
140
00:05:35,934 --> 00:05:37,228
Like Charles Barkley.
141
00:05:37,270 --> 00:05:38,396
Hi, Meg.
142
00:05:38,438 --> 00:05:39,900
You have nice
"feetses."
143
00:05:39,934 --> 00:05:41,571
I want to put 'em
both in my mouth
144
00:05:41,605 --> 00:05:44,066
and then make a slapping sound
on my bald head with 'em.
145
00:05:44,108 --> 00:05:46,033
We have a tranq gun
if he gets rough.
146
00:05:50,695 --> 00:05:53,996
♪ Highway run ♪
147
00:05:54,038 --> 00:05:56,333
♪ Into the midnight sun... ♪
148
00:05:57,376 --> 00:05:59,005
Meg, why are you
home so early?
149
00:05:59,039 --> 00:06:00,940
Yeah, I thought you were
doing your modeling thing.
150
00:06:00,974 --> 00:06:01,940
I was.
151
00:06:01,974 --> 00:06:03,475
But what...
what's happening here?
152
00:06:03,509 --> 00:06:05,443
Well, not that it's
any of your business, Meg,
153
00:06:05,477 --> 00:06:07,949
but this is why we've been
married as long as we have.
154
00:06:07,983 --> 00:06:09,611
We do things together.
155
00:06:09,653 --> 00:06:11,451
You think 20 years
just happens?
156
00:06:11,484 --> 00:06:12,785
No, it does not.
157
00:06:12,819 --> 00:06:14,248
Now, tell us fast
about your nonsense,
158
00:06:14,282 --> 00:06:16,120
so I can plow your mother
on the staircase.
159
00:06:16,154 --> 00:06:17,784
Yeah, what kind of
photo shoot was it?
160
00:06:17,818 --> 00:06:20,288
Did they take a picture
of you eating a whole pizza pie
161
00:06:20,322 --> 00:06:21,792
next to an astonished chef?
162
00:06:23,291 --> 00:06:26,466
Actually, Evan thinks
I'm a natural
163
00:06:26,501 --> 00:06:28,803
and that I'm gonna be
a huge success.
164
00:06:28,837 --> 00:06:30,635
He thinks I could be
a famous model.
165
00:06:30,669 --> 00:06:31,803
You, famous?
166
00:06:31,837 --> 00:06:32,970
Oh, come on, Meg.
167
00:06:33,004 --> 00:06:34,484
Your only chance at fame
would've been
168
00:06:34,507 --> 00:06:35,840
as the dog on "Frasier."
169
00:06:35,874 --> 00:06:38,839
Well, of course I respect
my father. He's a vet.
170
00:06:38,873 --> 00:06:39,838
Woof!
171
00:06:39,872 --> 00:06:41,341
Not that kind of vet.
172
00:06:46,181 --> 00:06:48,978
So, where exactly
are we going anyway?
173
00:06:49,012 --> 00:06:51,314
Brian, I think the road has
a way of telling you
174
00:06:51,348 --> 00:06:52,714
where you're going.
175
00:06:54,916 --> 00:06:55,916
There.
176
00:06:55,924 --> 00:06:57,721
Rhode Island
Folk Festival.
177
00:06:57,755 --> 00:06:59,489
The road has spoken.
178
00:06:59,523 --> 00:07:01,003
Huh, that actually
sounds kind of fun.
179
00:07:01,027 --> 00:07:02,162
See, Brian?
180
00:07:02,196 --> 00:07:03,827
This trip's already off
to a great start.
181
00:07:03,861 --> 00:07:05,660
Certainly better than
that retreat we went on
182
00:07:05,702 --> 00:07:07,868
with the Quahog
Baptist Choir.
183
00:07:07,902 --> 00:07:11,700
Why don't we show our visitors
how we sing what we see, y'all?
184
00:07:11,741 --> 00:07:15,035
♪ Sing what we see,
sing what we see ♪
185
00:07:15,077 --> 00:07:16,539
Brother Roscoe,
what do you see?
186
00:07:16,573 --> 00:07:18,538
♪ Oh, I see
a Howard Johnson's billboard ♪
187
00:07:18,580 --> 00:07:20,715
♪ Sing what you see ♪
♪ Uh-huh ♪
188
00:07:20,749 --> 00:07:22,716
♪ An old red barn
that needs a paint job ♪
189
00:07:22,750 --> 00:07:24,717
♪ Sing what you see ♪
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
190
00:07:24,751 --> 00:07:26,718
♪ Boy in a truck
too young to drive ♪
191
00:07:26,752 --> 00:07:28,222
♪ Sing what you see ♪
192
00:07:28,256 --> 00:07:29,222
Brian!
193
00:07:29,256 --> 00:07:30,391
Oh, uh, uh...
194
00:07:30,425 --> 00:07:31,591
Car?
195
00:07:31,625 --> 00:07:32,991
Come on.
196
00:07:33,033 --> 00:07:37,030
Let's just see what we see
and keep it to ourselves.
197
00:07:40,840 --> 00:07:41,966
Hey, Evan.
198
00:07:42,008 --> 00:07:43,438
Oh, good, Meg,
you're here.
199
00:07:43,472 --> 00:07:46,541
Grab a pair of dirty socks and
meet me by the tub of dead mice.
200
00:07:46,575 --> 00:07:48,373
Actually, Evan,
201
00:07:48,407 --> 00:07:49,846
I've been thinking
about this,
202
00:07:49,880 --> 00:07:52,350
and I'm not sure being a
foot-fetish model is for me.
203
00:07:52,384 --> 00:07:53,350
What?
204
00:07:53,384 --> 00:07:54,350
You can't quit.
205
00:07:54,384 --> 00:07:55,685
You're an overnight
sensation.
206
00:07:55,719 --> 00:07:56,780
I am?
207
00:07:59,792 --> 00:08:02,592
You got 35,000 views
in one night.
208
00:08:02,626 --> 00:08:04,593
And none of them got past
the fourth picture.
209
00:08:04,627 --> 00:08:05,627
What does that mean?
210
00:08:05,636 --> 00:08:06,602
Oh...
211
00:08:06,636 --> 00:08:07,636
They love you.
212
00:08:07,637 --> 00:08:08,772
And look
at these comments.
213
00:08:08,806 --> 00:08:09,806
"Who is this?"
214
00:08:09,808 --> 00:08:10,943
"She's beautiful."
215
00:08:10,977 --> 00:08:12,608
A bunch of anti-Muslim stuff.
216
00:08:12,643 --> 00:08:13,643
"Great feet."
217
00:08:13,652 --> 00:08:14,779
You're a hit, Meg.
218
00:08:14,821 --> 00:08:17,453
Wow. That's...
that's amazing.
219
00:08:17,487 --> 00:08:19,792
It's not often that
anyone says anything nice
220
00:08:19,826 --> 00:08:21,296
about any part of me.
221
00:08:21,330 --> 00:08:23,463
But still, I don't...
I don't know.
222
00:08:23,497 --> 00:08:25,966
It's porn-- I never
thought I'd do porn.
223
00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:27,934
I understand
your apprehension, Meg.
224
00:08:27,968 --> 00:08:31,100
That's why I'm going to confuse
you by calling it "erotica."
225
00:08:31,134 --> 00:08:33,266
And besides, think
about all your fans.
226
00:08:33,300 --> 00:08:35,604
I-I guess when you
put it that way...
227
00:08:35,638 --> 00:08:39,306
I wouldn't want to let
down "Drizzlefoot321."
228
00:08:39,340 --> 00:08:41,641
You really think
I can do it, Evan?
229
00:08:41,675 --> 00:08:43,312
Of course you can.
230
00:08:43,346 --> 00:08:46,143
Sometimes people just need a
little encouragement to succeed,
231
00:08:46,177 --> 00:08:48,679
like Jason Biggs got
from his grandfather.
232
00:08:48,713 --> 00:08:52,350
Jason, I want you to
promise me one thing--
233
00:08:52,384 --> 00:08:54,350
always be forgettable.
234
00:08:55,888 --> 00:08:57,718
I will, Grandpa.
235
00:08:59,192 --> 00:09:01,159
Hey, that's just a
regular unattractive guy
236
00:09:01,193 --> 00:09:02,223
who's not famous.
237
00:09:02,265 --> 00:09:04,233
We did it, Grandpa.
238
00:09:15,520 --> 00:09:16,520
What are you doing?
239
00:09:16,528 --> 00:09:17,823
It's 18 and
older, Brian.
240
00:09:17,857 --> 00:09:19,991
If I want to get in,
I need to look the part.
241
00:09:20,033 --> 00:09:22,665
I've also been
working on my banter.
242
00:09:22,699 --> 00:09:24,338
Like, in case somebody
bumps into me--
243
00:09:24,372 --> 00:09:25,667
"Oh, no worries, bro."
244
00:09:25,709 --> 00:09:27,869
Stewie, there's a lot of sex
and drugs at these things.
245
00:09:27,880 --> 00:09:29,007
You sure you're
ready for this?
246
00:09:29,049 --> 00:09:30,344
Of course I am.
247
00:09:30,378 --> 00:09:32,679
I'm tired of living my
life in a tiny little box,
248
00:09:32,713 --> 00:09:34,687
like some sort of
claustrophobic turtle.
249
00:09:34,721 --> 00:09:36,352
Aah! Aah!
250
00:09:36,386 --> 00:09:37,689
Aah! Aah!
251
00:09:37,723 --> 00:09:38,723
Aah!
252
00:09:38,725 --> 00:09:41,197
He scare inside,
he scare outside.
253
00:09:41,231 --> 00:09:42,766
Uh-huh.
254
00:09:45,302 --> 00:09:47,605
Okay, Brian, the key
to these things is to find
255
00:09:47,639 --> 00:09:49,408
a good position
to sit on the ground.
256
00:09:49,442 --> 00:09:51,282
Yeah, cool, I got that
blanket from your trunk.
257
00:09:51,314 --> 00:09:53,776
Oh, yeah, the old scratchy
trunk blanket.
258
00:09:53,810 --> 00:09:55,113
Bring it, use it once,
259
00:09:55,147 --> 00:09:57,820
then put it back in the trunk
for the rest of your life.
260
00:09:58,992 --> 00:09:59,958
Ah, yeah.
261
00:09:59,992 --> 00:10:02,094
Okay, this is already
hurting my hip.
262
00:10:02,128 --> 00:10:03,248
We could probably
just stand.
263
00:10:03,264 --> 00:10:04,494
No, no, we got
the blanket.
264
00:10:04,528 --> 00:10:06,493
All right, let's try
sideways on the elbow.
265
00:10:06,535 --> 00:10:07,661
Ow, no, that hurts.
266
00:10:07,702 --> 00:10:08,901
Scratchy blanket.
267
00:10:08,935 --> 00:10:10,837
Okay, all right,
let's try sitting on my knees.
268
00:10:10,871 --> 00:10:12,005
Okay, that's good.
269
00:10:12,039 --> 00:10:13,333
Nope. Uh...
270
00:10:13,375 --> 00:10:15,669
Lean back on the palms
until they get weird creases.
271
00:10:15,711 --> 00:10:16,677
No.
272
00:10:16,711 --> 00:10:17,677
All the way back? Nope.
273
00:10:17,711 --> 00:10:19,005
Flat-back, craning to look up?
274
00:10:19,047 --> 00:10:20,173
Terrible.
275
00:10:20,215 --> 00:10:22,349
Balls of feet butt-hover
like a Chinese guy?
276
00:10:22,383 --> 00:10:23,349
Nope.
277
00:10:23,383 --> 00:10:24,750
All right, standing it is.
278
00:10:30,965 --> 00:10:34,134
I got to tell you, Bri,
I am a big fan of sundresses.
279
00:10:34,168 --> 00:10:36,407
Oh, yeah. Every woman
looks good in a sundress.
280
00:10:36,441 --> 00:10:38,735
Yeah, just waiting
for a big gust of wind, right?
281
00:10:38,777 --> 00:10:40,471
Huh? Good gust of wind?
282
00:10:40,512 --> 00:10:42,207
See a couple fannies? Huh?
283
00:10:42,241 --> 00:10:44,480
Give a little bare-hand slap,
a little cup?
284
00:10:44,514 --> 00:10:46,681
Yep, that's what we're here for.
Okay, Stewie.
285
00:10:46,715 --> 00:10:49,153
Yeah. Just give it a little
test tap, see where she's at.
286
00:10:49,187 --> 00:10:50,954
Then you're pushing all up
on that fanny.
287
00:10:50,988 --> 00:10:53,090
Whoa, Stewie.
Yeah! Yeah, "whoa."
288
00:10:53,124 --> 00:10:54,924
Who's this Stewie,
huh? Yeah.
289
00:10:54,966 --> 00:10:56,397
I'll tell you
who this Stewie is.
290
00:10:56,431 --> 00:10:57,551
This is day-drinking Stewie.
291
00:10:57,568 --> 00:10:59,168
On the patrol for fannies.
292
00:10:59,202 --> 00:11:01,167
Fanny! Yeah! Fanny!
293
00:11:01,201 --> 00:11:03,238
What are you looking at?
294
00:11:07,207 --> 00:11:09,109
All right, finished a chapter.
295
00:11:09,144 --> 00:11:12,444
Time to reward myself
with a slow, relaxing yank.
296
00:11:12,478 --> 00:11:15,043
Let's see.
What will it be today?
297
00:11:15,085 --> 00:11:17,578
Time to spin the Wheel of Porn.
298
00:11:20,957 --> 00:11:23,891
All right, foot fetish it is.
299
00:11:26,599 --> 00:11:28,598
Wait a minute.
300
00:11:37,274 --> 00:11:40,042
Oh, my God.
301
00:11:42,653 --> 00:11:45,713
Mom! Dad! Meg is
doing foot porn!
302
00:11:45,755 --> 00:11:47,687
What?! Oh, my God.
303
00:11:47,722 --> 00:11:50,287
Peter, our little girl
is doing pornography!
304
00:11:50,321 --> 00:11:52,422
We got to stop her!
What the hell?
305
00:11:52,456 --> 00:11:54,758
There's an animated version
of you and me doing it.
306
00:11:54,792 --> 00:11:56,421
Who put that on there?
307
00:11:57,462 --> 00:11:58,588
Brian!
Stewie!
308
00:11:58,629 --> 00:12:00,091
Hey, how's it going, man?
309
00:12:00,125 --> 00:12:02,163
Uh, I don't know.
Four different bands said
310
00:12:02,197 --> 00:12:04,362
we've been a great crowd,
so you tell me.
311
00:12:04,396 --> 00:12:06,032
Yeah, I've had a
pretty good day, too.
312
00:12:06,066 --> 00:12:07,695
People keep passing
out and barfing,
313
00:12:07,729 --> 00:12:09,491
and that barf is,
like, free to take.
314
00:12:09,525 --> 00:12:10,529
Awesome.
315
00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:12,422
Plus, I met
the most amazing girl.
316
00:12:12,464 --> 00:12:14,325
Well, I'll tell you this,
she's got to be
317
00:12:14,359 --> 00:12:15,679
the second most
amazing girl here,
318
00:12:15,695 --> 00:12:18,061
because I've met
the most amazing girl.
319
00:12:18,095 --> 00:12:19,862
Oh, here she comes now.
Oh, here she comes now.
320
00:12:19,903 --> 00:12:21,966
Hey, Stewie! Hey, Brian!
321
00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:23,301
Oh, crap.
322
00:12:23,335 --> 00:12:27,106
Wait, how can a music festival
chick like two guys?
323
00:12:30,674 --> 00:12:32,504
As soon as Meg walks
through that door,
324
00:12:32,538 --> 00:12:34,438
I am giving her
a piece of my mind.
325
00:12:34,472 --> 00:12:36,109
Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.
326
00:12:36,143 --> 00:12:38,444
Wait, you've been
upstairs the whole time?
327
00:12:38,478 --> 00:12:40,379
I figured all that
clomping around up there
328
00:12:40,413 --> 00:12:42,306
was Junior Gorg
from Fraggle Rock.
329
00:12:42,348 --> 00:12:44,113
Is that
what you really thought?
330
00:12:44,147 --> 00:12:45,777
I did.
I really did.
331
00:12:45,811 --> 00:12:47,983
Meg, we know
you've been doing foot porn,
332
00:12:48,017 --> 00:12:50,110
and that is going
to stop right now.
333
00:12:50,152 --> 00:12:52,781
Please. Don't try to act
like you guys care.
334
00:12:52,815 --> 00:12:54,916
Oh, thank God.
335
00:12:54,950 --> 00:12:56,651
Peter!
336
00:12:56,685 --> 00:12:57,987
Meg, we do care.
337
00:12:58,021 --> 00:12:59,988
And we're just trying
to protect you.
338
00:13:00,022 --> 00:13:02,155
Are you kidding?
All you've done is make fun
339
00:13:02,189 --> 00:13:04,627
of anybody possibly thinking
I could be a model.
340
00:13:04,661 --> 00:13:05,963
Well, guess what,
341
00:13:05,997 --> 00:13:08,957
there are people out there
who think I'm beautiful.
342
00:13:08,991 --> 00:13:10,690
That's my ride.
343
00:13:10,724 --> 00:13:14,085
I'm going to a big party
they're throwing in my honor.
344
00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:17,956
Meg, don't you dare walk out
that door, or you're grounded.
345
00:13:26,126 --> 00:13:27,357
Oh, my God!
346
00:13:27,399 --> 00:13:29,630
I can't believe
our daughter's a porn star!
347
00:13:29,664 --> 00:13:31,631
Well, porn actress.
348
00:13:31,665 --> 00:13:34,969
Let's not go crazy on the
Christmas letter, okay, Lois?
349
00:13:39,873 --> 00:13:41,237
Peter, we got to
do something.
350
00:13:41,271 --> 00:13:43,908
Our daughter just left for
some sleazy foot porn party.
351
00:13:43,942 --> 00:13:46,739
I feel like we're getting
invited to less stuff nowadays.
352
00:13:46,773 --> 00:13:48,705
We got to find out
where that party is
353
00:13:48,739 --> 00:13:50,208
and get Meg
out of there!
354
00:13:50,242 --> 00:13:51,975
You're right.
God, what happened?
355
00:13:52,009 --> 00:13:54,802
It seems like just yesterday
she was born.
356
00:13:54,844 --> 00:13:56,841
Mr. Griffin, would you like
to cut the cord?
357
00:13:56,875 --> 00:13:58,438
Sure.
358
00:13:58,472 --> 00:14:02,502
Okay, that wasn't the cord,
and now you've got a girl.
359
00:14:02,536 --> 00:14:06,498
♪ Ooh, oh, Josephine... ♪
360
00:14:09,602 --> 00:14:11,609
Okay, Brian, so we
like the same girl.
361
00:14:11,643 --> 00:14:13,505
There's no reason we can't
be gentlemen about this.
362
00:14:13,547 --> 00:14:14,745
Absolutely.
363
00:14:14,779 --> 00:14:16,943
Our friendship is more important
than any one girl.
364
00:14:16,975 --> 00:14:18,004
Hey, guys.
365
00:14:18,046 --> 00:14:19,244
I got us all
some food.
366
00:14:19,278 --> 00:14:20,340
Oh, great.
367
00:14:20,382 --> 00:14:21,611
Just mash Brian's
pill in there
368
00:14:21,645 --> 00:14:23,577
and smear it on the grass,
he's good to go.
369
00:14:23,611 --> 00:14:24,839
Oh, no, he's kidding.
370
00:14:24,881 --> 00:14:27,073
I-I'm perfectly capable
of taking a pill.
371
00:14:41,709 --> 00:14:42,970
Yep, down the hatch.
372
00:14:43,012 --> 00:14:45,105
Now, Stewie, would you like
your food served to you
373
00:14:45,146 --> 00:14:46,840
as an airplane
or a magic bus?
374
00:14:46,874 --> 00:14:49,774
You two
are so cool and funny.
375
00:14:49,808 --> 00:14:51,374
Brian especially.
376
00:14:51,415 --> 00:14:53,812
Did you happen to read his
tweet about "jumbo shrimp"?
377
00:14:54,846 --> 00:14:56,042
Just a little heads-up.
378
00:14:56,084 --> 00:14:57,378
Stewie still screams,
"What's happening?"
379
00:14:57,412 --> 00:14:58,745
when he gets an erection.
380
00:14:58,779 --> 00:15:00,816
Oh, this is nice, spending
this time together.
381
00:15:00,850 --> 00:15:02,382
Brian, why don't
you show Cassandra
382
00:15:02,416 --> 00:15:03,517
your Boost
Mobile phone?
383
00:15:03,551 --> 00:15:04,685
Stewie has AIDS.
384
00:15:04,719 --> 00:15:06,748
Guys, guys,
there's no reason to fight.
385
00:15:06,782 --> 00:15:08,186
I don't have AIDS,
by the way.
386
00:15:08,220 --> 00:15:09,481
In fact...
387
00:15:09,515 --> 00:15:12,551
I was thinking maybe
we could all have a three-way.
388
00:15:12,585 --> 00:15:14,751
A... a three-way?
389
00:15:16,153 --> 00:15:17,223
I'm in.
Yeah, totally.
390
00:15:17,257 --> 00:15:18,222
Really?
391
00:15:18,256 --> 00:15:19,894
Cool! Let's go.
392
00:15:22,093 --> 00:15:23,691
I'm serious, man.
I'm doing this.
393
00:15:23,725 --> 00:15:24,892
I am, too.
Bring it on.
394
00:15:24,926 --> 00:15:25,926
Don't doubt me, Brian.
395
00:15:25,934 --> 00:15:26,994
I never back down.
396
00:15:27,028 --> 00:15:29,362
Like Boppo, the inflatable
punching clown.
397
00:15:29,396 --> 00:15:31,065
Ah, you're in
big trouble, Boppo.
398
00:15:31,099 --> 00:15:33,468
We told you to take a dive
in the third round,
399
00:15:33,502 --> 00:15:35,007
and you just kept
popping back up.
400
00:15:35,041 --> 00:15:36,407
Let him
have it, boys.
401
00:15:42,551 --> 00:15:43,517
He's pretty tough, boss.
402
00:15:43,551 --> 00:15:44,551
I'll handle this.
403
00:15:46,182 --> 00:15:47,147
Whoa! Boppo!
404
00:15:47,181 --> 00:15:48,347
Take it easy there, pal!
405
00:15:48,389 --> 00:15:49,850
We-we-we was just
playin' with ya!
406
00:15:49,884 --> 00:15:51,649
Yeah, we didn't
mean no harm.
407
00:15:56,825 --> 00:15:58,022
Boppo!
408
00:15:58,056 --> 00:15:59,925
We've got the place
completely surrounded!
409
00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:02,124
We all know how
it's going to end!
410
00:16:02,158 --> 00:16:04,123
Come out with
your hands up, lad!
411
00:16:08,791 --> 00:16:11,657
♪ Bat us around ♪
412
00:16:11,691 --> 00:16:14,159
♪ But we land on our feet... ♪
413
00:16:15,857 --> 00:16:17,726
All right, let's lay
some ground rules here.
414
00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:19,632
You take her left side,
I'll take her right.
415
00:16:19,666 --> 00:16:20,761
What?
416
00:16:20,802 --> 00:16:22,168
Wait, how about
top and bottom,
417
00:16:22,202 --> 00:16:23,295
or front and back?
418
00:16:23,337 --> 00:16:24,831
How about I take
head, shoulders,
419
00:16:24,873 --> 00:16:26,766
knees and toes,
knees and toes?
420
00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:27,934
Okay, you can
have those.
421
00:16:27,968 --> 00:16:30,604
You just gave away
the store, mister.
422
00:16:30,638 --> 00:16:32,108
You guys ready?
423
00:16:33,973 --> 00:16:35,739
'Cause I am.
424
00:16:37,510 --> 00:16:39,813
Ah! What's
happening?!
425
00:16:43,151 --> 00:16:45,886
Is... is this...
is this foreplay?
426
00:16:45,920 --> 00:16:47,086
She's dead.
427
00:16:47,128 --> 00:16:48,926
I think she had
a drug overdose.
428
00:16:48,960 --> 00:16:50,095
Well, just
'cause she's out
429
00:16:50,129 --> 00:16:51,696
doesn't mean the
party's over.
430
00:16:51,730 --> 00:16:53,697
Yes, it does.
We gotta get out of here.
431
00:16:53,731 --> 00:16:55,034
What? We can't
just leave her.
432
00:16:55,068 --> 00:16:56,034
She had nobody.
433
00:16:56,067 --> 00:16:57,633
No family,
no friends.
434
00:16:57,675 --> 00:16:59,072
Really?
How do you know all that?
435
00:16:59,106 --> 00:17:00,135
"All that"?
436
00:17:00,169 --> 00:17:01,774
You said you were
in love with her.
437
00:17:01,808 --> 00:17:03,406
Did you not talk
to her at all?
438
00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:04,774
No, I-I talked to her.
439
00:17:04,808 --> 00:17:07,907
I know she liked...
tents.
440
00:17:07,941 --> 00:17:09,442
And cocaine.
441
00:17:09,476 --> 00:17:12,442
Oh, oh, and how she loved
bleeding from her nose.
442
00:17:12,476 --> 00:17:13,681
You're a monster.
443
00:17:13,715 --> 00:17:16,311
You're even worse
than Dr. Finkelstein.
444
00:17:16,345 --> 00:17:18,477
Igor, did you
get the body?
445
00:17:18,511 --> 00:17:20,117
Yes, master.
446
00:17:20,151 --> 00:17:21,548
You know
what to do.
447
00:17:25,450 --> 00:17:26,647
It's a five!
448
00:17:26,681 --> 00:17:28,279
A five!
449
00:17:35,490 --> 00:17:36,791
Oh, hey, guys.
What's going on?
450
00:17:36,825 --> 00:17:38,926
Quagmire, we need your help
finding Meg.
451
00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:41,493
I would love if you guys
would just call first.
452
00:17:41,527 --> 00:17:43,763
She's run off to some
foot-fetish porn party.
453
00:17:43,797 --> 00:17:45,531
We figured you might
know where it is.
454
00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:47,394
You know, 'cause of
your boners and stuff.
455
00:17:47,428 --> 00:17:48,834
Foot-fetish party, huh?
456
00:17:48,868 --> 00:17:50,770
Well, come on in.
457
00:17:50,804 --> 00:17:52,771
Let me just fire up
the Internet here.
458
00:17:52,805 --> 00:17:54,804
Gonna go to
"Ask Beeves."
459
00:17:56,510 --> 00:17:58,579
Sorry, Joe's Wi-Fi
is really slow today.
460
00:17:58,613 --> 00:18:00,243
Ugh, I know,
it's the worst.
461
00:18:00,277 --> 00:18:02,578
We also use
his cable TV.
462
00:18:02,612 --> 00:18:03,682
I like Joe.
463
00:18:03,716 --> 00:18:04,914
Here we go.
464
00:18:04,948 --> 00:18:06,385
Oh, it's a busy night.
465
00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:07,785
There's a black-tie event--
466
00:18:07,819 --> 00:18:10,246
that's all black
and Thai chicks.
467
00:18:10,287 --> 00:18:12,012
Okay, this must be Meg's thing.
468
00:18:12,054 --> 00:18:14,018
It says there's
a shoe-kake party tonight.
469
00:18:14,052 --> 00:18:15,217
"Shoe-kake"?
470
00:18:15,251 --> 00:18:16,217
Wh-What's that?
471
00:18:16,251 --> 00:18:17,552
It's 50 guys,
one foot.
472
00:18:17,586 --> 00:18:19,055
Oh, my.
473
00:18:19,089 --> 00:18:21,086
♪ ♪
474
00:18:24,055 --> 00:18:25,191
All right, come
on, Stewie.
475
00:18:25,225 --> 00:18:26,225
Let's get
this over with.
476
00:18:26,226 --> 00:18:27,393
Well, slow down, Brian.
477
00:18:27,427 --> 00:18:28,834
Everyone deserves
a proper burial.
478
00:18:28,868 --> 00:18:30,434
Why do you think
we've been saving
479
00:18:30,468 --> 00:18:32,066
that VCR box
in the basement?
480
00:18:32,100 --> 00:18:33,202
Oh, fine.
481
00:18:33,236 --> 00:18:34,969
Um, Cassandra,
482
00:18:35,003 --> 00:18:37,072
I'm sorry your life
was so screwed up
483
00:18:37,106 --> 00:18:39,669
that you almost had a three-way
with a dog and a baby,
484
00:18:39,703 --> 00:18:41,908
but your life
was not without meaning.
485
00:18:41,942 --> 00:18:44,538
I left the comfort
of the classroom
486
00:18:44,572 --> 00:18:46,609
to experience a world
beyond books,
487
00:18:46,644 --> 00:18:48,641
and thanks to you, I did.
488
00:18:48,675 --> 00:18:51,281
Also, I loaned you $40
for that Lumineers T-shirt,
489
00:18:51,315 --> 00:18:54,115
and you said you'd pay me back,
so I'm gonna take your bra.
490
00:18:58,961 --> 00:19:00,056
Wow.
491
00:19:00,098 --> 00:19:01,698
Lot of people O.D.
at these things.
492
00:19:01,732 --> 00:19:02,930
Yeah.
493
00:19:02,964 --> 00:19:05,436
Let's go trade this bra
for a couple of Gatorades.
494
00:19:18,515 --> 00:19:20,682
All right, you guys,
before we begin,
495
00:19:20,716 --> 00:19:23,449
let's sing the Japanese
national anthem.
496
00:19:23,483 --> 00:19:26,023
Everybody stop
what you're doing!
497
00:19:26,057 --> 00:19:27,583
Yeah, or else we'll...
498
00:19:27,625 --> 00:19:29,319
That one's
wearing goggles.
499
00:19:29,360 --> 00:19:30,622
Mom? Dad?
500
00:19:30,656 --> 00:19:31,989
What are you doing here?
501
00:19:32,023 --> 00:19:33,618
I'll tell you what
we're doing here.
502
00:19:33,660 --> 00:19:35,290
We're protecting
our little girl
503
00:19:35,324 --> 00:19:38,328
from a lot of guys who I oddly
recognize from Best Buy.
504
00:19:38,362 --> 00:19:40,863
Listen, Meg,
your mom and I are sorry
505
00:19:40,897 --> 00:19:42,063
for always
putting you down.
506
00:19:42,097 --> 00:19:43,431
That's right.
507
00:19:43,465 --> 00:19:45,766
You shouldn't have to do porn
to feel appreciated.
508
00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:46,934
Really?
509
00:19:46,968 --> 00:19:48,301
Of course, Meg.
510
00:19:48,335 --> 00:19:49,669
We love you,
sweetheart.
511
00:19:49,703 --> 00:19:51,806
And you deserve
better than this.
512
00:19:51,840 --> 00:19:53,535
Thanks, you guys.
513
00:19:56,812 --> 00:19:58,413
Can we please go home?
514
00:19:58,455 --> 00:20:00,352
Yeah, let's get
out of here.
515
00:20:00,394 --> 00:20:01,722
Not so fast.
516
00:20:01,763 --> 00:20:04,132
I promised these men a foot.
517
00:20:08,410 --> 00:20:09,841
What did you say is going on
518
00:20:09,875 --> 00:20:11,305
on the other side
of this curtain?
519
00:20:11,347 --> 00:20:12,377
Don't worry
about it.
520
00:20:12,411 --> 00:20:13,777
Just keep watching
Tower Heist.
521
00:20:13,811 --> 00:20:15,745
This crew pulling
off a robbery?
522
00:20:15,779 --> 00:20:17,511
Good luck.
523
00:20:22,489 --> 00:20:23,920
Well, Brian,
thanks for going
524
00:20:23,954 --> 00:20:25,234
on that little
adventure with me,
525
00:20:25,259 --> 00:20:26,825
but I think
I've learned quite enough
526
00:20:26,860 --> 00:20:28,290
from the real world
for now.
527
00:20:28,332 --> 00:20:30,627
I guess you're ready for the
purple room after all, huh?
528
00:20:30,669 --> 00:20:33,163
Yes. In fact, today
was my first day.
529
00:20:33,205 --> 00:20:36,497
I saw that teacher at
the concert with her boob out.
530
00:20:36,539 --> 00:20:39,536
She was, um, popular.
531
00:20:39,570 --> 00:20:41,736
Mom, Dad, thanks
for keeping me
532
00:20:41,770 --> 00:20:43,305
from doing something
I'd always regret.
533
00:20:43,339 --> 00:20:44,809
Of course, sweetie.
534
00:20:44,843 --> 00:20:47,010
We love you,
and we would never let
535
00:20:47,044 --> 00:20:48,715
anything bad happen to you.
536
00:20:51,717 --> 00:20:54,055
Peter, we got
a problem.
537
00:20:54,055 --> 00:20:56,731
Somehow my foot got pregnant
watching Tower Heist.
538
00:20:56,732 --> 00:21:03,232
elderman ==
@elder_man