1 00:00:06,882 --> 00:00:11,082 2 00:00:11,483 --> 00:00:14,677 Gathered together from the cosmic reaches of the universe. 3 00:00:14,813 --> 00:00:21,204 Here in this great hall of justice are the most powerful forces of good ever assembled. 4 00:00:25,999 --> 00:00:27,220 Superman 5 00:00:27,421 --> 00:00:31,021 6 00:00:31,323 --> 00:00:32,796 Batman and Robin 7 00:00:32,797 --> 00:00:35,697 8 00:00:36,106 --> 00:00:37,299 Wonderwoman 9 00:00:37,500 --> 00:00:41,400 10 00:00:41,761 --> 00:00:43,122 Aquaman 11 00:00:45,617 --> 00:00:46,756 and Meg 12 00:00:47,268 --> 00:00:54,102 Dedicated to truth, justice and peace for all man kind 13 00:00:55,903 --> 00:00:59,903 14 00:01:01,359 --> 00:01:02,892 Hey, Quagmire, what have you got there? 15 00:01:02,893 --> 00:01:05,538 It's the new Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue. Check it out. 16 00:01:05,765 --> 00:01:10,180 Those swimsuit issues don't excite me like they used to. I've been spoiled by internet porn. 17 00:01:10,181 --> 00:01:11,404 - It's true. - Totally. 18 00:01:11,404 --> 00:01:13,266 What do you mean internet porn? 19 00:01:13,267 --> 00:01:15,605 You uhh .... don't know about internet porn? 20 00:01:15,666 --> 00:01:17,651 Don't know what? I'm not really a computer guy. 21 00:01:17,652 --> 00:01:21,760 Quagmire, I would think you of all people would know about internet porn. 22 00:01:21,761 --> 00:01:25,681 They got like thousands, literally million of naked pictures on the internet. 23 00:01:26,495 --> 00:01:27,180 What? 24 00:01:27,181 --> 00:01:29,169 And videos! Thousands of them! 25 00:01:29,308 --> 00:01:30,430 You guys are messing with me. 26 00:01:30,431 --> 00:01:31,995 Quagmire, you don't use the Internet? 27 00:01:31,996 --> 00:01:34,384 You mean that crappy dial-up thing? It's a pain in the ass! 28 00:01:34,384 --> 00:01:37,907 No I don't use the damn internet! I thought that was for nerds! Why didn't you guys tell me! 29 00:01:37,907 --> 00:01:41,218 Oh yeah, you can even see Tonya Harding's honeymoon video on there. 30 00:01:41,219 --> 00:01:45,465 I mean... It's gross, but it's like famous gross. 31 00:01:45,466 --> 00:01:48,962 You know, these women don't compare to the old swimsuit issues with Kathy Ireland. 32 00:01:48,963 --> 00:01:50,792 Yeah she had it going on! 33 00:01:50,858 --> 00:01:53,968 You know, Horace still has one of those old beer promotional cutouts of her from like 34 00:01:54,003 --> 00:01:57,025 1994, in the backroom. Don't you, Horace? 35 00:01:57,026 --> 00:02:01,554 Hey, you mean this thing? I was about to throw it out. If anyone wants it, it's theirs. 36 00:02:07,055 --> 00:02:18,455 Suddenly, life has new meaning to me 37 00:02:18,456 --> 00:02:26,356 There's beauty up above and things we never take notice of 38 00:02:26,357 --> 00:02:34,157 You wake up and suddenly you're in love. 39 00:02:36,928 --> 00:02:38,978 I'm taking you home with me. 40 00:02:45,067 --> 00:02:47,819 Hey dad, Where you going with that cutout? 41 00:02:47,820 --> 00:02:49,815 Hey kids, this is Kathy. 42 00:02:49,815 --> 00:02:52,080 We are designing lifestyle products together. 43 00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:54,371 It's completely legitimate, but don't tell your mother. 44 00:02:58,882 --> 00:03:01,279 I had a great time today at the museum. 45 00:03:01,279 --> 00:03:03,392 You were the most beautiful woman there. 46 00:03:03,392 --> 00:03:09,622 You know... Lois won't be home from groceries for a while. I have an idea. 47 00:03:14,403 --> 00:03:16,443 Knock knock, anyone in the bathroom? 48 00:03:25,379 --> 00:03:28,099 I love the time we spend together, you know that. 49 00:03:28,413 --> 00:03:30,165 Hey Kathy, guess what? 50 00:03:30,395 --> 00:03:35,223 I'm out... under the table, right now... I'm out. 51 00:03:35,553 --> 00:03:36,951 - Peter! - Oh no. 52 00:03:36,951 --> 00:03:41,131 What the hell is going on? I sent you to pick up dinner an hour ago! 53 00:03:41,131 --> 00:03:43,131 What are you doing with that cutout? 54 00:03:43,381 --> 00:03:45,430 You know what, Lois, I'm glad you found out! 55 00:03:45,430 --> 00:03:47,736 I can't carry on this charade anymore! 56 00:03:47,771 --> 00:03:49,331 I have an announcement to make. 57 00:03:49,535 --> 00:03:50,878 No no, I'll do it, I'll do it. 58 00:03:50,879 --> 00:03:53,981 I know I been able to keep this a secret. But Kathy and I 59 00:03:53,981 --> 00:03:59,669 are not actually working on a project together. We're... in love 60 00:04:00,088 --> 00:04:01,082 You're an idiot. 61 00:04:01,082 --> 00:04:02,665 My lawyer will call your lawyer. 62 00:04:02,926 --> 00:04:05,026 Ugh, this is stupidest thing he's done since he got 63 00:04:05,027 --> 00:04:07,162 in that turf war with that cat. 64 00:04:14,992 --> 00:04:16,054 Hey shut up! 65 00:04:20,444 --> 00:04:23,088 Now kids, you don't have to call her mom right away, 66 00:04:23,123 --> 00:04:25,232 but I do want you guys to get along. 67 00:04:25,367 --> 00:04:27,239 Just give her a chance, I think you'll like it. 68 00:04:27,239 --> 00:04:30,132 Maybe she'll let us do things that Lois won't let us do. 69 00:04:30,187 --> 00:04:33,443 Yeah! Hey mom, can I pull my pants down? 70 00:04:34,344 --> 00:04:36,297 If she doesn't answer, does that mean yes? 71 00:04:36,298 --> 00:04:39,123 - That's what I been going with - Yay! 72 00:04:40,955 --> 00:04:42,321 I wanna get in on that. 73 00:04:44,320 --> 00:04:46,692 Mine's better, mine's better, mine's better! 74 00:04:50,828 --> 00:04:54,068 Oh, hello Lois... I would've thought you would've moved in with your mother by now. 75 00:04:54,103 --> 00:04:56,860 No Peter, I'm just pretty much letting this run its course. 76 00:04:56,861 --> 00:04:59,930 Well I'm sorry you're handling this so poorly, but have you seen Kathy? 77 00:04:59,930 --> 00:05:01,576 We were gonna go get our passports renewed. 78 00:05:01,576 --> 00:05:04,143 Uh Chris took her into his room about 10 minutes ago. 79 00:05:04,144 --> 00:05:06,280 What? That whore! 80 00:05:06,280 --> 00:05:09,825 She's betrayed me worst than Lady Macbeth betrayed Duncan! 81 00:05:16,095 --> 00:05:19,361 I uhh... I don't know Shakespeare very well. 82 00:05:23,162 --> 00:05:27,161 There you are! Oh, don't give me that look. You don't think I know where you been? 83 00:05:27,161 --> 00:05:29,436 How dare you make a fool of me! 84 00:05:29,436 --> 00:05:33,070 Did you have sex with that fat kid? Did you? Answer me! 85 00:05:33,411 --> 00:05:35,787 Oh my god, look what you made me do! 86 00:05:38,912 --> 00:05:42,632 Why did you have to provoke me? Whay did you hav... 87 00:05:43,089 --> 00:05:45,967 Quagmire? Hey uh... Nobody seen you in days! 88 00:05:46,156 --> 00:05:47,187 Hey, Peter 89 00:05:47,930 --> 00:05:52,182 I just been uhh... checking out some of that internet porn. 90 00:05:52,304 --> 00:05:53,196 You okay? 91 00:05:53,197 --> 00:05:55,619 Yeah yeah I'm good I'm good I'm good... I'm just gonna... 92 00:05:56,144 --> 00:05:58,287 Go... go and check my mail over there. 93 00:05:58,472 --> 00:05:59,623 You been lifting weights? 94 00:05:59,624 --> 00:06:04,756 Uhh no... no... I don't think uhh ... no 95 00:06:06,322 --> 00:06:09,235 I'm... I'm sorry Peter, I gotta... I gotta get back. 96 00:06:15,090 --> 00:06:17,520 I'm sorry, Lois, I was a fool! 97 00:06:17,521 --> 00:06:19,950 I'm done with Kathy! Can you ever forgive me? 98 00:06:21,216 --> 00:06:26,386 Peter, settle down. Yes I forgive you, just as long as you are done with that stupid cutout. 99 00:06:26,387 --> 00:06:30,342 I just want you to know that everytime I was with her, I was thinking of you. 100 00:06:32,030 --> 00:06:35,514 Peter, stop. Come on, I'm not in the mood. 101 00:06:40,217 --> 00:06:44,867 Oh, Lois, I've missed you! You and your wonderful smile and your beautiful eyes 102 00:06:44,867 --> 00:06:47,465 and your awesome third boob that's on top of the other boob. 103 00:06:47,466 --> 00:06:52,385 What? Oh my god! Peter, that's not a boob, that's a lump! 104 00:06:52,386 --> 00:06:53,976 A lump? Holy crap! 105 00:06:56,654 --> 00:07:00,959 Peter, stop that! We're not having sex! I just told you I have a lump! 106 00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:03,414 I got a lump too and mine is easier to get rid of. 107 00:07:07,372 --> 00:07:11,101 Mrs. Griffin, I've got good news. Your test results came back negative 108 00:07:11,194 --> 00:07:14,747 It appears the lump in your breast is not "black gross boob death" 109 00:07:14,748 --> 00:07:15,662 Breast cancer? 110 00:07:15,663 --> 00:07:17,217 That's the layman's term yes. 111 00:07:17,476 --> 00:07:18,661 Thank God 112 00:07:18,902 --> 00:07:21,189 - What a relief! - Yeah that was scary. 113 00:07:21,294 --> 00:07:24,561 Now Mrs. Griffin, although you are in the clear for the moment, we need to have a look 114 00:07:24,562 --> 00:07:27,669 at your family medical history to determine your future risk. 115 00:07:28,602 --> 00:07:32,220 Huh, that's curious. I didn't realize your mother was a Holocaust survivor. 116 00:07:32,221 --> 00:07:36,451 My mother? Oh no that's... That's impossible, she's not Jewish. 117 00:07:36,511 --> 00:07:38,874 According to her birth certificate, she is. 118 00:07:38,917 --> 00:07:40,815 Oh my god! 119 00:07:40,816 --> 00:07:44,184 Wow, breast cancer starting to look pretty good. 120 00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:50,845 Mom, you're Jewish? 121 00:07:50,846 --> 00:07:53,400 I'm sorry I never told you, dear. 122 00:07:53,401 --> 00:07:56,129 When we were married, Your father made me conceal the fact 123 00:07:56,130 --> 00:07:58,652 so he can get into country clubs. 124 00:07:58,653 --> 00:08:02,338 - It was the right thing to do - It was the right thing to do, dear. 125 00:08:02,524 --> 00:08:03,553 Oh my god! 126 00:08:03,554 --> 00:08:06,381 So grandmother Hebrewberg is actually Jewish? 127 00:08:06,382 --> 00:08:10,351 Yes, when she moved to America, her family changed their name. 128 00:08:10,352 --> 00:08:13,448 It was originally Hebrewberg Moneygrabber. 129 00:08:13,449 --> 00:08:16,933 That makes you Jewish, Lois, and your children too. 130 00:08:16,934 --> 00:08:18,315 Well, this kinda rocks my world., 131 00:08:18,544 --> 00:08:20,970 even more than the time When I went to that pediatrician. 132 00:08:21,856 --> 00:08:25,449 Woah, Stewie, you're getting to be a big boy. 133 00:08:25,450 --> 00:08:27,856 I think somebody is gonna be a football star. 134 00:08:27,918 --> 00:08:29,668 Oh, you ... 135 00:08:29,669 --> 00:08:31,389 Oops, forgot your chart, be right back. 136 00:08:32,449 --> 00:08:36,105 Woah, Jason, you're getting to be a big boy. 137 00:08:36,106 --> 00:08:38,856 I think somebody is gonna be a football star. 138 00:08:39,045 --> 00:08:41,106 I can't believe I fell for that line. 139 00:08:41,107 --> 00:08:44,094 I actually let myself believe I could be a doctor's wife. 140 00:08:44,282 --> 00:08:47,028 You're just fat, Stewie, silly and fat. 141 00:08:50,638 --> 00:08:52,479 Thanks you for coming over, Max. 142 00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:55,618 I really need some advice from an actual Jewish person. 143 00:08:55,619 --> 00:08:57,062 Oh, it's my pleasure, Lois. 144 00:08:57,063 --> 00:08:59,509 I'm sure this all must be very overwhelming. 145 00:08:59,510 --> 00:09:02,009 I just don't know what to do with this information. 146 00:09:02,010 --> 00:09:04,571 I spent my whole life as a Christian. 147 00:09:04,572 --> 00:09:07,040 I'll tell you what you should do with it, absolutely nothing! 148 00:09:07,041 --> 00:09:08,277 That's the problem with this world. 149 00:09:08,278 --> 00:09:10,419 Too many people go overboard with what they believe. 150 00:09:10,651 --> 00:09:13,572 Like Quagmire, when he thought he was the one getting the spin-off 151 00:09:13,744 --> 00:09:15,258 See you later, bitches. 152 00:09:15,259 --> 00:09:19,262 Have fun with your stupid *BEEP* giant chickens jokes and your Conway Twitty 153 00:09:19,262 --> 00:09:21,493 Hey, why is there a moving truck outside Cleveland's house? 154 00:09:21,670 --> 00:09:25,258 Well, I wouldnt put it quite like that but essentially Brian's right 155 00:09:25,259 --> 00:09:28,968 Being Jewish doesn't really have to change you or your family's life 156 00:09:28,969 --> 00:09:30,446 Wow, I guess you're right. 157 00:09:30,447 --> 00:09:33,102 There's no reason things should be any different around here. 158 00:09:33,259 --> 00:09:35,232 Shalom, Jews! 159 00:09:35,233 --> 00:09:38,758 Wow dad, where did you get all that glistening chest hair? 160 00:09:38,759 --> 00:09:40,310 Came with my Star of David. 161 00:09:40,311 --> 00:09:41,571 Peter, What is all this? 162 00:09:41,572 --> 00:09:45,166 Look, this is my way of letting you know that I'm embracing who you are. 163 00:09:45,181 --> 00:09:46,820 Oh, and I don't respond to Peter. 164 00:09:46,821 --> 00:09:48,743 From now on I want you to use my Hebrew name. 165 00:09:51,870 --> 00:09:53,965 Well, I... I caution you uhh... 166 00:09:56,078 --> 00:09:59,165 that becoming Jewish doesn't happen overnight. 167 00:09:59,166 --> 00:10:03,385 It's a process that involves spiritual education and good works. 168 00:10:03,386 --> 00:10:05,651 So what you're saying is that it happens overnight? 169 00:10:05,652 --> 00:10:07,869 Look, Peter, I am the one with the Jewish heritage, 170 00:10:07,870 --> 00:10:10,276 and I really don't want to make a big deal out of this. 171 00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:13,102 Leave it to a Jew to take all the fun outta being a Jew. 172 00:10:13,103 --> 00:10:16,531 Now listen up, I like the hat and I like the scarf, so we are doing this. 173 00:10:20,431 --> 00:10:23,717 Kids, from now on, this is where we will celebrate the Sabbath 174 00:10:23,718 --> 00:10:25,726 Peter, this is all unnecessary 175 00:10:25,727 --> 00:10:27,838 Our life was fine the way it was 176 00:10:27,839 --> 00:10:29,804 Check it out! I'm one of you guys now huh. 177 00:10:29,805 --> 00:10:33,666 I'm Jewish, yeah! Holocaust! We're number one! 178 00:10:33,696 --> 00:10:36,071 Look at all these short, hairy men 179 00:10:36,119 --> 00:10:38,758 God I feel like I'm on the forest moon of Endor 180 00:10:39,180 --> 00:10:40,450 Good afternoon 181 00:10:40,451 --> 00:10:42,839 As we approach the passover holiday, 182 00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:45,213 let us remember the struggle of our people 183 00:10:45,214 --> 00:10:49,163 as they labored under the yoke of Pharaoh's despotic rule. 184 00:10:49,164 --> 00:10:51,870 Hey, if anyone appreciate a good yoke it's the yews 185 00:10:54,743 --> 00:10:57,087 That's my Jewish laugh. I'm working on a Jewish laugh. 186 00:10:57,088 --> 00:10:59,272 Peter, I am so embarrassed right now 187 00:10:59,273 --> 00:11:00,838 Can we please just go? 188 00:11:01,107 --> 00:11:04,274 - Hi, you're pretty - Oh, thank you 189 00:11:05,836 --> 00:11:09,006 Mom, is sodomy illegal for Jewish? 190 00:11:09,007 --> 00:11:11,637 I hope to so, Meg. I really do. 191 00:11:12,475 --> 00:11:15,741 It's not, Lois. It's not. 192 00:11:18,928 --> 00:11:21,367 Dad, this isn't the way to school 193 00:11:21,368 --> 00:11:22,632 Yes it is, Chris 194 00:11:22,633 --> 00:11:24,427 One of the best part about being Jewish 195 00:11:24,428 --> 00:11:26,943 is getting to take advantage of their excellent schools 196 00:11:26,944 --> 00:11:28,709 I'm not going to no Jewish school 197 00:11:28,710 --> 00:11:31,618 Sitting around all day with a bunch of short, hairy guys, 198 00:11:31,619 --> 00:11:34,105 I feel like I'm on the forest moon of Endor 199 00:11:34,153 --> 00:11:36,943 Didn't you... didn't you make that joke the other day? 200 00:11:36,944 --> 00:11:40,857 Oh... yeah... No I was... I wasn't sure that everybody had umm ... 201 00:11:41,984 --> 00:11:43,883 had heard 202 00:11:46,169 --> 00:11:48,302 And instead of lasting for one day, 203 00:11:48,303 --> 00:11:51,074 the oil in the lamp lasted for eight days, 204 00:11:51,075 --> 00:11:53,443 And this is why we celebrating Hanukkah. 205 00:11:53,444 --> 00:11:54,834 Yeah yeah yeah, how long before we play 206 00:11:54,835 --> 00:11:57,307 "Pin the eviction notice on the black guy's door. " 207 00:11:57,308 --> 00:11:59,054 Now does anyone have any questions? 208 00:11:59,055 --> 00:12:01,585 Yeah I have a question. What are you gonna do when Jesus comes back 209 00:12:01,586 --> 00:12:03,086 and puts a boot up your ass? 210 00:12:03,087 --> 00:12:07,444 And it's also why many families gives their children eight days of presents 211 00:12:07,668 --> 00:12:09,973 Wait, did she say eight days of presents? 212 00:12:09,974 --> 00:12:10,645 Yeah. 213 00:12:10,646 --> 00:12:13,332 Well, this Judaism thing is gonna be better than I thought. 214 00:12:13,333 --> 00:12:15,569 Alright class, that's all for today's lesson., 215 00:12:15,570 --> 00:12:17,239 Now everyone off to gym class. 216 00:12:17,741 --> 00:12:19,896 Alright, today we gonna play soccer. 217 00:12:27,917 --> 00:12:29,083 Huh, that was easy. 218 00:12:33,068 --> 00:12:35,568 Hey Lois, the kids are all asleep 219 00:12:35,569 --> 00:12:37,567 I suppose they are 220 00:12:38,159 --> 00:12:42,755 You know what else? I picked out a sexy little Jewish outfit for you at the store 221 00:12:42,756 --> 00:12:43,936 What is that? 222 00:12:43,937 --> 00:12:47,798 Oh my God Lois, if you put on this long, thick dress right now I will lose it. 223 00:12:47,799 --> 00:12:49,682 Peter, I'm not wearing that thing. 224 00:12:49,776 --> 00:12:51,338 And if you put this shawl over your head ... 225 00:12:51,458 --> 00:12:54,206 Ooh, you have clunky, unfashionable, peasant shoes? 226 00:12:54,326 --> 00:12:57,055 Oh, I swear to God, Lois. I swear to God that I would lose it. 227 00:12:57,075 --> 00:12:58,956 Peter, get off me! 228 00:12:59,464 --> 00:13:02,064 Tell me I don't earn as much as your friend's husband! 229 00:13:02,432 --> 00:13:04,948 Peter, stop it! I'm going to sleep 230 00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:07,331 Fine, I'll just sit here and watch TV 231 00:13:07,909 --> 00:13:12,355 We now return to Mark Wahlberg in "Annoyed and confused" 232 00:13:12,775 --> 00:13:14,941 What? What's going on? 233 00:13:14,976 --> 00:13:17,487 I don't get it. man, I gotta work out. 234 00:13:17,522 --> 00:13:21,435 What's going on here? Where am I? What the... huh? 235 00:13:21,565 --> 00:13:24,794 What the hell is going on here? Huh? What? 236 00:13:31,075 --> 00:13:32,527 Peter 237 00:13:36,279 --> 00:13:37,264 Dad? 238 00:13:37,299 --> 00:13:39,139 What do you think you're doing, Peter? 239 00:13:39,174 --> 00:13:40,995 You were raised Catholic 240 00:13:41,030 --> 00:13:45,302 If you rescind your religion, you will spend eternity... in hell! 241 00:13:45,337 --> 00:13:47,033 Oh God, I don't want that! 242 00:13:47,068 --> 00:13:49,700 Then you better not fall for all the Jewish stuff. 243 00:13:49,756 --> 00:13:52,406 Oh ... alright, if that's what you think is best. 244 00:13:53,876 --> 00:13:58,392 Oh wait, dad, before you to go, can you say: "Peter, you must go to the Degobah System"? 245 00:13:58,627 --> 00:14:02,558 Peter, you must go to the Degobah System 246 00:14:03,875 --> 00:14:04,761 Thanks 247 00:14:08,631 --> 00:14:10,943 Anybody want toast or bagel? 248 00:14:12,828 --> 00:14:14,184 Peter, what the hell! 249 00:14:14,184 --> 00:14:16,634 Lois, last night my father came to me 250 00:14:16,669 --> 00:14:18,271 and reminded me that I am a good Catholic 251 00:14:18,271 --> 00:14:21,802 If I don't rid the house of this Jewish curse, This family is gonna go to hell! 252 00:14:21,802 --> 00:14:23,259 And I won't let that happen! 253 00:14:23,259 --> 00:14:26,741 Peter, you were the only one who was even taking this thing seriously 254 00:14:26,776 --> 00:14:27,968 Jews are gross, Lois 255 00:14:27,968 --> 00:14:29,906 It's the only religion with the word 'ew' in it. 256 00:14:29,906 --> 00:14:34,381 Ah, come on. You're acting crazy, like when you were going through your Parker Lewis phase 257 00:14:34,381 --> 00:14:36,087 Peter, you ready for dinner? 258 00:14:36,122 --> 00:14:38,006 Ah, that's just like the Parker Lewis episode 259 00:14:38,041 --> 00:14:39,429 when Parker Lewis ate dinner. 260 00:14:39,429 --> 00:14:41,898 Peter, nobody cares about your canceled show. 261 00:14:41,898 --> 00:14:46,164 Lois, Parker Lewis can't lose. Don't even try and make him lose, 262 00:14:46,199 --> 00:14:48,568 because it's just gonna be that much more embarrassing for you 263 00:14:48,603 --> 00:14:50,799 When you realize that he can't lose. 264 00:14:50,834 --> 00:14:52,494 Would he win in a fight with Batman? 265 00:14:52,494 --> 00:14:54,513 Well, Chris, think about what you're saying. 266 00:14:54,548 --> 00:14:56,296 Parker Lewis can't lose. 267 00:14:56,296 --> 00:14:58,851 Heretofor, Batman can suck on that. 268 00:14:58,893 --> 00:15:03,761 Suck on that? Suck on this! TicTacs only have 1.5 calories! 269 00:15:03,796 --> 00:15:04,673 Well played 270 00:15:04,673 --> 00:15:06,096 I love you, dad 271 00:15:06,096 --> 00:15:08,232 I love you too, son 272 00:15:18,002 --> 00:15:20,084 What the ... what the hell! 273 00:15:20,084 --> 00:15:22,654 How do you like it? Huh? How do you like it? 274 00:15:22,689 --> 00:15:24,437 Peter, what in God's name is this? 275 00:15:24,437 --> 00:15:27,281 Wait a minute, are these pieces of Stewie's crib? 276 00:15:27,657 --> 00:15:29,437 I hate it here! 277 00:15:32,845 --> 00:15:35,012 Well, thanks for spending time with me today, Mom 278 00:15:35,012 --> 00:15:38,757 I just had to get out of that house, Peter is being such a jackass 279 00:15:38,757 --> 00:15:42,003 Lois, I think this more serious than you realize. 280 00:15:42,003 --> 00:15:43,514 Don't you see what he's doing? 281 00:15:43,514 --> 00:15:45,386 Oh, he's just being immature. 282 00:15:45,386 --> 00:15:47,360 It's happened before and it will pass. 283 00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:49,646 Lois, what Peter is doing to you is 284 00:15:49,647 --> 00:15:52,357 exactly what Carter did to me for years 285 00:15:52,392 --> 00:15:55,633 He's repressing your Jewish identity! 286 00:15:56,445 --> 00:16:01,733 But Mom, I don't really care about being Jewish, or even Christian for that matter! 287 00:16:01,768 --> 00:16:04,525 I just want to be a good person on my own. 288 00:16:05,367 --> 00:16:07,546 All I'm saying is I let your father take 289 00:16:07,581 --> 00:16:11,774 my Jewish identity and I regreted it ever since. 290 00:16:11,809 --> 00:16:14,768 I don't want to see you make the same mistake 291 00:16:14,803 --> 00:16:17,971 I don't know, mom. I'll think about it 292 00:16:18,006 --> 00:16:19,085 Carter, knock it off! 293 00:16:19,420 --> 00:16:22,086 Come on, you know you Jew girls want that dollar! 294 00:16:22,121 --> 00:16:24,024 Follow the dollar and it'll lead you to... 295 00:16:24,368 --> 00:16:27,742 What... what does Jews like? Salmon! There's salmon over here! 296 00:16:27,973 --> 00:16:29,438 Is there really salmon over there? 297 00:16:29,438 --> 00:16:32,867 No, you walk over there and he squirts you with a squirt gun 298 00:16:49,434 --> 00:16:51,133 What the hell! 299 00:16:58,606 --> 00:17:00,515 Are you out of your *BEEP* mind? 300 00:17:00,515 --> 00:17:04,297 Relax, Lois, I was aiming for the mailbox, I'm just trying to make point 301 00:17:04,298 --> 00:17:05,488 Good morning, Lois 302 00:17:06,374 --> 00:17:09,068 Peter, for God sake! I am sorry, Mort 303 00:17:09,069 --> 00:17:12,033 No problem, Lois. that's just how people say hello to me. 304 00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:14,089 - Hey, Joe - Hey, Mort 305 00:17:17,284 --> 00:17:19,730 Peter, you and I are gonna have a conversation 306 00:17:19,731 --> 00:17:22,440 - I am very angry with you - Gees, what's your problem? 307 00:17:22,441 --> 00:17:25,873 What you did this morning was so far outta line, I just... 308 00:17:25,874 --> 00:17:28,236 Let me tell you this, mom was right 309 00:17:28,484 --> 00:17:31,770 I can't just sit here and let you dump all over my heritage 310 00:17:31,770 --> 00:17:34,064 I'm not gonna make the mistake she did. 311 00:17:34,099 --> 00:17:36,238 I'm Jewish and I am proud of it 312 00:17:36,239 --> 00:17:38,814 And this weekend we're having a Passover Seder 313 00:17:38,815 --> 00:17:41,414 - You can't do that, it's Easter! - Not in this house 314 00:17:41,415 --> 00:17:43,800 Lois, this family believes in the Easter bunny 315 00:17:43,801 --> 00:17:46,418 He died for our sins in that helicopter crash 316 00:17:46,419 --> 00:17:48,341 Now, if you want to go hell, that's fine 317 00:17:48,342 --> 00:17:52,282 But don't drag the rest of us down with you like a mentally handicapped rooster. 318 00:17:56,120 --> 00:17:57,924 Good night everybody! 319 00:18:01,532 --> 00:18:03,032 Ok everyone, 320 00:18:03,132 --> 00:18:05,210 This is my first time doing a Seder 321 00:18:05,211 --> 00:18:09,128 which is where we tell the story of the Jews escaped from bondage in Egypt 322 00:18:09,129 --> 00:18:11,703 Doesn't it seems like every Jewish holiday 323 00:18:11,703 --> 00:18:13,702 has to do with them escaping from stuff? 324 00:18:13,703 --> 00:18:14,836 No, Chris 325 00:18:14,837 --> 00:18:18,728 And you know, tricking some bigger, more atheletic people... 326 00:18:18,728 --> 00:18:20,314 Uhh... Lois, not that I'm rushing you, 327 00:18:20,315 --> 00:18:21,806 but when do we get to the wine drinking? 328 00:18:21,807 --> 00:18:23,887 Hang on! Hang on! Before do anything I 329 00:18:23,888 --> 00:18:26,044 like to say a blessing over the candles, if I may. 330 00:18:26,416 --> 00:18:28,725 Now bare with me, I haven't had much rehearsal time. 331 00:18:41,512 --> 00:18:42,521 Can't we just eat? 332 00:18:43,679 --> 00:18:45,437 And now I shall continue with the prayer 333 00:18:56,049 --> 00:18:58,711 And now let's move on to the washing of hands 334 00:18:58,746 --> 00:19:00,940 This is a very important part of the cerem... 335 00:19:01,854 --> 00:19:03,658 The Easter Bunny is here! 336 00:19:03,659 --> 00:19:05,289 Happy Easter! 337 00:19:05,290 --> 00:19:07,773 Peter, what the hell are you doing in that... 338 00:19:07,774 --> 00:19:08,786 Have you been drinking? 339 00:19:08,821 --> 00:19:10,364 Not since I got out of the car 340 00:19:10,364 --> 00:19:12,657 Who here thinks I can kick my ass? 341 00:19:12,658 --> 00:19:15,691 Peter, you are not gonna ruin this Seder. Now get outta here. 342 00:19:15,726 --> 00:19:17,296 I'm sorry kids 343 00:19:17,297 --> 00:19:20,271 I just wanted to help Brian run for mayor 344 00:19:20,662 --> 00:19:23,386 I guess I forgot what was really important 345 00:19:23,387 --> 00:19:24,977 Peter, just go lie down! 346 00:19:24,978 --> 00:19:28,556 Alright, I'm gonna go lie down, then I'm gonna come back and mess up your Seder 347 00:19:29,399 --> 00:19:32,080 Alright, I'm back and I'm much more sober 348 00:19:32,081 --> 00:19:33,360 Lois, what you doing is wrong 349 00:19:33,361 --> 00:19:35,542 I want you to get all this Jew food off the table. 350 00:19:35,543 --> 00:19:37,145 I most certainly will not! 351 00:19:37,146 --> 00:19:38,977 It's me or your religion, Lois 352 00:19:38,978 --> 00:19:41,537 I am a Catholic and I want live in a Catholic house 353 00:19:41,538 --> 00:19:44,122 Well, I'm a Jew and I want live in a nicer house. 354 00:19:44,123 --> 00:19:45,782 Do you really think I should run formayor? 355 00:19:45,782 --> 00:19:48,887 Peter, you have got to stop living in your own stupid worlds! 356 00:19:48,888 --> 00:19:52,234 I'm sorry, but I can't be with someone who doesn't believe in Jesus. 357 00:19:52,397 --> 00:19:54,504 Hey hey, heard my name! 358 00:19:54,539 --> 00:19:55,695 Wow Jesus! 359 00:19:55,696 --> 00:19:58,087 Oh, you're dead now Lois. Jesus is gonna kill ya. 360 00:19:58,088 --> 00:20:00,668 And then we gonna bury you in the yard, next to Kathy Irel ... 361 00:20:01,672 --> 00:20:03,340 Er, I mean uhh... nice weather we're having! 362 00:20:03,541 --> 00:20:07,001 Look Peter, I thought it might interest you to know that I'm Jewish 363 00:20:07,382 --> 00:20:08,078 What? 364 00:20:08,113 --> 00:20:09,740 He's Jewish, Peter 365 00:20:09,775 --> 00:20:12,622 Jewish, like full on, like you practice Judaism? 366 00:20:12,623 --> 00:20:13,479 I am a Jew 367 00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:16,270 Prove it! What's a nine percent tip on a $200 bill? 368 00:20:16,270 --> 00:20:18,704 $18, which is fair... 369 00:20:18,705 --> 00:20:20,553 Oh my god, it's true! 370 00:20:20,711 --> 00:20:22,084 But I'm so confused 371 00:20:22,085 --> 00:20:23,627 Peter, really doesn't matter 372 00:20:23,628 --> 00:20:26,384 Catholicism and Judaism are not that different. 373 00:20:26,385 --> 00:20:27,996 They are two sides of same coin 374 00:20:28,256 --> 00:20:31,033 In fact, the Last Supper, one of the most iconic image of the 375 00:20:31,034 --> 00:20:33,656 Catholic faith was a Passover Seder 376 00:20:33,657 --> 00:20:37,037 And if I'm not mistaken, Islam is also in that same spiritual family 377 00:20:37,038 --> 00:20:38,927 Uhh... Let's not muddy things up here 378 00:20:38,927 --> 00:20:41,880 The most important thing is to treat other people 379 00:20:41,915 --> 00:20:43,950 the same way you would want to be treated. 380 00:20:43,951 --> 00:20:46,045 Ooooh ... an eye for an eye! 381 00:20:46,317 --> 00:20:49,222 Well Lois, I guess I owe you an apology 382 00:20:49,458 --> 00:20:52,688 I was scared because my dad convinced me I was going to hell. 383 00:20:52,689 --> 00:20:55,855 And I was doing it to make up for my mother's mistake. 384 00:20:55,855 --> 00:20:59,552 Look, I don't know if being Jewish is the right thing for our family 385 00:20:59,787 --> 00:21:03,347 I just want the chance to explore it so I can know for sure. 386 00:21:03,482 --> 00:21:06,323 But to tell you the truth, I thought we were fine before. 387 00:21:06,524 --> 00:21:09,638 But, then Jesus, what religion should our family be? 388 00:21:09,638 --> 00:21:11,384 Six to one, they are all complete crap. 389 00:21:11,385 --> 00:21:12,385 Thank you!