1
00:00:00,931 --> 00:00:04,110
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:04,210 --> 00:00:07,479
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:07,513 --> 00:00:11,049
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,083 --> 00:00:14,052
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:14,086 --> 00:00:17,555
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:17,821 --> 00:00:21,124
♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
7
00:00:21,158 --> 00:00:22,692
♪ All the things that make us
8
00:00:22,726 --> 00:00:24,026
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:24,061 --> 00:00:25,668
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
10
00:00:25,669 --> 00:00:29,669
♪ Family Guy 12x07 ♪
Into Harmony's Way
Original Air Date on December 8 , 2013
11
00:00:29,670 --> 00:00:34,670
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
12
00:00:34,671 --> 00:00:37,006
We now return
to Muppet Babies.
13
00:00:37,040 --> 00:00:40,309
Piggy, I don't think
Kermie Jr. is doing so well.
14
00:00:40,344 --> 00:00:44,147
Kill me!
I'm in constant pain!
15
00:00:46,416 --> 00:00:47,583
hey, Quagmire.
16
00:00:47,618 --> 00:00:50,353
Hey, Peter, do you mind
if I hang out here a while?
17
00:00:50,387 --> 00:00:51,687
I accidentally made
eye contact
18
00:00:51,722 --> 00:00:54,557
with a transvestite at a bar,
and he followed me home.
19
00:00:54,591 --> 00:00:56,159
You knew what you
were staring at!
20
00:00:56,193 --> 00:00:58,461
Get out of here, you mess!
You were far away!
21
00:00:58,495 --> 00:00:59,729
I didn't know
what you were!
22
00:00:59,763 --> 00:01:01,831
You know you want me!
Shut up! Now go home!
23
00:01:01,865 --> 00:01:02,999
Nobody saw me come here!
24
00:01:03,033 --> 00:01:04,000
I said, shut up!
25
00:01:04,034 --> 00:01:05,194
Sneak around back.
26
00:01:05,202 --> 00:01:06,469
Oh, sure.
Come on in, Quagmire.
27
00:01:06,503 --> 00:01:08,304
Oh, you don't have
to take your shoes off.
28
00:01:08,338 --> 00:01:09,739
Our house sucks.
29
00:01:09,773 --> 00:01:11,908
So, Quagmire, if you're
some kind of big ladies' man,
30
00:01:11,942 --> 00:01:14,010
how come I never see you
wearing a necklace?
31
00:01:14,044 --> 00:01:15,945
I, uh... that's
not really my thing.
32
00:01:15,979 --> 00:01:17,213
I'll get you one.
33
00:01:17,247 --> 00:01:18,881
Please don't.
34
00:01:18,916 --> 00:01:20,049
Hey, come on!
35
00:01:20,083 --> 00:01:21,617
The guy wants
to get you a necklace,
36
00:01:21,652 --> 00:01:22,885
let him get you a necklace!
37
00:01:29,393 --> 00:01:31,294
Ah! Ah!
There's a bee in here!
38
00:01:35,866 --> 00:01:37,800
Can you take it up here...?
39
00:01:41,004 --> 00:01:43,072
Wow, we sound
amazing together!
40
00:01:43,106 --> 00:01:44,607
I know!
That was incredible!
41
00:01:44,641 --> 00:01:46,576
You know, we should do
something with this.
42
00:01:46,610 --> 00:01:48,644
Yeah, maybe we could open up
a mattress store.
43
00:01:48,679 --> 00:01:49,979
Or we could try singing.
44
00:01:50,013 --> 00:01:50,980
Yeah, singing,
that's good!
45
00:01:51,014 --> 00:01:52,515
Wow, finally,
something in my life
46
00:01:52,549 --> 00:01:53,916
that makes me feel special.
47
00:01:53,951 --> 00:01:56,252
I mean, except for when
I had those cow udders.
48
00:01:56,286 --> 00:01:58,120
So, as you can see,
the fiscal projections
49
00:01:58,155 --> 00:02:00,523
for the fourth quarter make
this thing a slam dunk.
50
00:02:00,557 --> 00:02:02,158
Any questions?
51
00:02:02,192 --> 00:02:03,960
Not about my cow udders.
52
00:02:03,994 --> 00:02:06,162
All right, then, looks like
we got ourselves a deal.
53
00:02:06,196 --> 00:02:08,331
This is cause
for celebration.
54
00:02:11,869 --> 00:02:14,804
I don't care,
I'm not driving.
55
00:02:19,343 --> 00:02:21,310
Okay, what do you got
for a lyric?
56
00:02:21,345 --> 00:02:23,613
"I put a booger on a
painting at the museum."
57
00:02:23,647 --> 00:02:24,914
Is that... is
that anything?
58
00:02:24,948 --> 00:02:25,982
Maybe, maybe.
59
00:02:26,016 --> 00:02:28,150
All right, I got one.
60
00:02:28,185 --> 00:02:31,654
♪ Alyssa Milano
61
00:02:31,688 --> 00:02:34,257
♪ I knew you were gonna be hot
62
00:02:34,291 --> 00:02:35,892
♪ When you were nine.
63
00:02:35,926 --> 00:02:37,426
How about this?
64
00:02:37,461 --> 00:02:41,797
♪ Every food tastes good
with melted cheese ♪
65
00:02:41,832 --> 00:02:45,134
♪ I like twins,
unless they're Siamese. ♪
66
00:02:45,168 --> 00:02:48,037
There you go!
Now we're jazzin'.
67
00:02:49,907 --> 00:02:54,343
♪ Don't store your condoms
in your billfold ♪
68
00:02:54,378 --> 00:02:58,014
♪ Those things don't work
if they get dry and old ♪
69
00:02:58,048 --> 00:03:00,883
♪ Broken rubber...
70
00:03:00,918 --> 00:03:04,553
♪ Broken rubber!
71
00:03:04,588 --> 00:03:06,889
Guys, I'm trying to do
something up here
72
00:03:06,924 --> 00:03:09,725
that works better
if I don't hear men singing!
73
00:03:09,760 --> 00:03:11,494
Oh, damn,
we're out of paper.
74
00:03:11,528 --> 00:03:13,229
Oh, we'll get some more
down at Mort's.
75
00:03:13,263 --> 00:03:14,931
But, Quagmire,
we are on fire here!
76
00:03:14,965 --> 00:03:17,166
We're gonna be the best thing
since sliced bread!
77
00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:19,635
I'd like a sandwich,
but I don't feel like eating
78
00:03:19,670 --> 00:03:21,904
two whole loaves of bread.
79
00:03:21,939 --> 00:03:23,506
Tough!
80
00:03:26,576 --> 00:03:28,044
Hey, do you mind
paying for this?
81
00:03:28,078 --> 00:03:29,211
I don't have any cash.
82
00:03:29,246 --> 00:03:31,047
Sure, I'll just put it
on my credit card.
83
00:03:31,081 --> 00:03:32,682
I'm never gonna
pay it back anyway.
84
00:03:32,716 --> 00:03:36,385
♪ 'Cause I have $30,000
in credit card debt ♪
85
00:03:36,420 --> 00:03:39,121
♪ When they call,
I tell them ♪
86
00:03:39,156 --> 00:03:40,823
♪ I can't pay it back yet
87
00:03:40,857 --> 00:03:41,891
♪ Credit card debt
88
00:03:41,925 --> 00:03:43,726
♪ Tomorrow I may buy myself
89
00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:45,194
♪ A dining room set
90
00:03:45,228 --> 00:03:46,629
Or this Boba Fett!
91
00:03:46,663 --> 00:03:48,764
♪ Credit card debt,
credit card debt ♪
92
00:03:48,799 --> 00:03:49,899
♪ Credit card debt.
93
00:03:49,933 --> 00:03:51,367
What is that sound?
94
00:03:51,401 --> 00:03:54,270
It's like two Mandy Patinkins
walked into my store!
95
00:03:54,304 --> 00:03:55,571
Was that you guys singing?
96
00:03:55,605 --> 00:03:56,639
Yeah.
97
00:03:56,673 --> 00:03:58,941
That was beautiful.
And it must be original,
98
00:03:58,976 --> 00:04:00,843
because I know every song
about money,
99
00:04:00,877 --> 00:04:02,712
and I've never heard
that one before.
100
00:04:02,746 --> 00:04:04,947
Well, it was based
on actual events.
101
00:04:04,982 --> 00:04:07,149
Although, I-I don't have
as cavalier an attitude
102
00:04:07,184 --> 00:04:09,618
toward my debt
as the song suggests.
103
00:04:09,653 --> 00:04:11,053
I'm-I'm actually
up most nights
104
00:04:11,088 --> 00:04:12,688
with severe
panic attacks.
105
00:04:12,723 --> 00:04:14,690
I-I've taken to
throwing up in the yard
106
00:04:14,725 --> 00:04:16,225
so my wife
won't hear me.
107
00:04:16,259 --> 00:04:17,760
Well, you guys have got
something special
108
00:04:17,794 --> 00:04:19,028
with those harmonies.
109
00:04:19,062 --> 00:04:20,930
They could give me five
years salary, tax free,
110
00:04:20,964 --> 00:04:22,999
and it wouldn't put
a dent in my problem.
111
00:04:23,033 --> 00:04:24,200
You really think
we're good?
112
00:04:24,234 --> 00:04:25,201
Oh, yeah.
113
00:04:25,235 --> 00:04:26,235
And I should know.
114
00:04:26,269 --> 00:04:27,670
Back in the 1970s,
115
00:04:27,704 --> 00:04:30,840
I used to have my own
record label, Mort Town.
116
00:04:30,874 --> 00:04:34,710
I managed
all the hottest disco acts.
117
00:04:34,745 --> 00:04:36,979
I even managed
Earth, Wind, Fire & Pollen
118
00:04:37,014 --> 00:04:39,548
for a little while,
but I had to give it up.
119
00:04:39,583 --> 00:04:40,816
♪ Do you remember
120
00:04:41,852 --> 00:04:44,887
♪ The 21st night
of September? ♪
121
00:04:46,289 --> 00:04:49,458
Oh! September is
the worst month for pollen!
122
00:04:49,493 --> 00:04:50,726
I had it all.
123
00:04:50,761 --> 00:04:53,195
But it soon all came
to a very ugly end.
124
00:04:53,230 --> 00:04:54,630
How come?
125
00:04:54,664 --> 00:04:57,433
I got addicted to olives.
They were everywhere.
126
00:04:57,467 --> 00:05:00,036
It was so easy to get
your hands on them.
127
00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:04,874
It was awful.
128
00:05:04,908 --> 00:05:06,142
I lost weight,
129
00:05:06,176 --> 00:05:09,045
my hair straightened,
even my voice changed.
130
00:05:09,079 --> 00:05:12,214
I didn't recognize the man
I saw in the mirror.
131
00:05:12,249 --> 00:05:14,884
What has happened
to you, Mort Goldman?
132
00:05:14,918 --> 00:05:17,053
You've hit rock bottom.
133
00:05:17,087 --> 00:05:19,422
I'm lucky to be alive today.
134
00:05:19,456 --> 00:05:21,157
Anyway, you guys got the talent,
135
00:05:21,191 --> 00:05:22,725
but what you need
is a manager.
136
00:05:22,759 --> 00:05:24,026
Someone with no talent
137
00:05:24,061 --> 00:05:26,062
who can take a lion's share
of your earnings.
138
00:05:26,096 --> 00:05:27,396
You'd do that for us?
139
00:05:27,431 --> 00:05:29,231
Sure I would.
So, what do you say?
140
00:05:29,266 --> 00:05:30,866
Can I be your manager?
141
00:05:30,901 --> 00:05:32,168
You betcha!
All right!
142
00:05:32,202 --> 00:05:33,169
Put her there!
143
00:05:33,203 --> 00:05:34,870
No, I've seen
your prescriptions.
144
00:05:34,905 --> 00:05:36,505
Let's just say
we're doing it.
145
00:05:36,540 --> 00:05:38,240
Well, Mort, I hope
I can trust you.
146
00:05:38,275 --> 00:05:39,508
I've been lied to before.
147
00:05:39,543 --> 00:05:41,377
Well, I'm off to work.
Bye, guys! Love you!
148
00:05:41,411 --> 00:05:42,378
Love you, too!
149
00:05:42,412 --> 00:05:43,612
Bye! Love you!
Love you, Pop!
150
00:05:44,848 --> 00:05:46,115
He bought it!
151
00:05:46,149 --> 00:05:47,183
What an idiot!
152
00:05:47,217 --> 00:05:49,051
I hate him so much
I'm shaking!
153
00:05:53,523 --> 00:05:56,125
All right, fellas,
open mic at the library.
154
00:05:56,159 --> 00:05:57,860
Your first gig.
Go get 'em!
155
00:05:57,894 --> 00:06:00,696
Hey, do I have time to get
a drink at the water fountain
156
00:06:00,730 --> 00:06:02,765
where the water does not crest
above the dispenser?
157
00:06:02,799 --> 00:06:03,799
Sure.
158
00:06:10,107 --> 00:06:12,842
I can taste
the previous person's cough.
159
00:06:12,876 --> 00:06:14,243
Fellow cardholders,
160
00:06:14,277 --> 00:06:18,047
please put your hands together
for Griffin and Quagmire!
161
00:06:22,152 --> 00:06:25,154
♪ I can't poop
in strange places ♪
162
00:06:25,188 --> 00:06:26,722
♪ Strange places
163
00:06:26,756 --> 00:06:30,659
♪ I can only poop
in my home ♪
164
00:06:30,694 --> 00:06:34,063
♪ It's as though
I'm watched by strange faces ♪
165
00:06:34,097 --> 00:06:35,831
♪ Strange faces
166
00:06:35,866 --> 00:06:40,202
♪ It's why I never roam
167
00:06:40,237 --> 00:06:41,537
Excuse me,
I just want
168
00:06:41,571 --> 00:06:43,472
to grab one of
those newspapers.
169
00:06:45,876 --> 00:06:47,643
Just grab one
and go!
170
00:06:47,677 --> 00:06:50,146
I'm looking for a job, okay?!
171
00:06:52,716 --> 00:06:56,585
♪ I've left Stewie alone
with strangers ♪
172
00:06:56,620 --> 00:06:58,020
♪ Strangers
173
00:06:58,054 --> 00:07:02,391
♪ To satisfy
my fecal needs ♪
174
00:07:02,425 --> 00:07:07,129
♪ I've put my whole family
in danger ♪
175
00:07:07,164 --> 00:07:11,867
♪ To poop
before my anus bleeds ♪
176
00:07:11,902 --> 00:07:16,906
♪ Home bowl, home bowl
177
00:07:16,940 --> 00:07:21,477
♪ You know just what I need
178
00:07:21,511 --> 00:07:25,848
♪ Home bowl, home bowl
179
00:07:25,882 --> 00:07:29,785
♪ Poop before my anus bleeds.
180
00:07:31,588 --> 00:07:33,622
Aw, everybody left.
181
00:07:33,657 --> 00:07:35,057
Well, this was
a waste of time.
182
00:07:35,091 --> 00:07:37,259
I could have gone hiking
with the girls.
183
00:07:37,294 --> 00:07:38,427
We don't hike.
184
00:07:38,461 --> 00:07:40,930
We just wear tight pants
and get coffee.
185
00:07:44,100 --> 00:07:46,502
Well, I guess no one cares
about our music.
186
00:07:46,536 --> 00:07:48,237
I thought we were
pretty good.
187
00:07:48,271 --> 00:07:50,272
Yeah, I've seen
worse performances.
188
00:07:50,307 --> 00:07:53,776
I was walking home around
8:15 p.m. to my car.
189
00:07:53,810 --> 00:07:56,545
It was very dark, and then
I-I heard the footsteps...
190
00:07:56,580 --> 00:07:59,248
Boo! Get to the sex!
191
00:07:59,282 --> 00:08:00,950
Guys, I got great news!
192
00:08:00,984 --> 00:08:02,418
Oh, what is it, Mort?
193
00:08:02,452 --> 00:08:04,620
I put your performance
on JewTube.
194
00:08:04,654 --> 00:08:07,122
The promoters of the New England
Music Festival saw it,
195
00:08:07,157 --> 00:08:08,624
and they want
to book you!
196
00:08:08,658 --> 00:08:10,059
What?!
Are you kidding me?!
197
00:08:10,093 --> 00:08:11,727
Oh, my God,
you hear that, Quagmire?
198
00:08:11,761 --> 00:08:12,995
We're on our way!
199
00:08:13,029 --> 00:08:15,864
We got to celebrate like
girls in their 20s!
200
00:08:22,405 --> 00:08:25,474
Oh, my God, we are so random!
201
00:08:29,781 --> 00:08:32,483
You got booked at
the New England Music Festival?
202
00:08:32,517 --> 00:08:34,418
Oh, my God, Peter,
that's amazing!
203
00:08:34,453 --> 00:08:37,288
I had no idea you and Quagmire
could even sing!
204
00:08:37,322 --> 00:08:39,457
Now let this be
a lesson to you kids.
205
00:08:39,491 --> 00:08:41,592
If you randomly stumble
upon an amazing talent,
206
00:08:41,627 --> 00:08:44,262
and then someone important
sees it by wild coincidence,
207
00:08:44,296 --> 00:08:46,530
great things can happen
without any hard work.
208
00:08:46,565 --> 00:08:49,500
I'm gonna go jump off
the roof and see if I can fly!
209
00:08:49,534 --> 00:08:51,636
That's it, Chris,
pursue your dream!
210
00:08:51,670 --> 00:08:53,971
A singer, huh?
You as good as the guys
211
00:08:54,006 --> 00:08:56,073
who sing "Happy Birthday"
at Macaroni Grill?
212
00:08:56,108 --> 00:08:57,208
Oh, don't compare me...
213
00:08:57,242 --> 00:08:58,603
Look, they been doing it
for years.
214
00:08:58,610 --> 00:09:01,279
Imagine, my Peter,
the big singing star!
215
00:09:01,313 --> 00:09:04,382
Don't forget about us squares
back at home.
216
00:09:04,416 --> 00:09:05,583
Don't you worry, Lois.
217
00:09:05,617 --> 00:09:07,084
No one has stronger marriages
218
00:09:07,119 --> 00:09:09,854
and more well-adjusted kids
an rock stars.
219
00:09:09,888 --> 00:09:11,422
It's working!
220
00:09:17,462 --> 00:09:19,196
What you doing
with that doll?
221
00:09:19,231 --> 00:09:20,498
Oh, hello, Vinny.
222
00:09:20,532 --> 00:09:22,900
Rupert and I are just having
a spritzer and some cheese
223
00:09:22,934 --> 00:09:24,302
in advance
of the performance.
224
00:09:24,336 --> 00:09:25,903
I wouldn't do that.
Why not?
225
00:09:25,937 --> 00:09:27,338
You know,
there was a guy
226
00:09:27,372 --> 00:09:28,773
on my old block,
Johnny Chickstuff.
227
00:09:28,807 --> 00:09:31,175
We called him that because
he used to like to, uh...
228
00:09:31,209 --> 00:09:32,276
Do chick stuff?
229
00:09:32,311 --> 00:09:33,577
Do chick stuff!
Exactly.
230
00:09:33,612 --> 00:09:35,212
Anyway, a bunch of us
got together
231
00:09:35,247 --> 00:09:38,482
and beat him with a grill lid
and windshield wipers,
232
00:09:38,517 --> 00:09:41,252
and let's just say, uh, he
don't do chick stuff no more.
233
00:09:41,286 --> 00:09:42,586
'Cause of the beatin's?
234
00:09:42,621 --> 00:09:44,522
Yeah. He wasn't
exactly like us,
235
00:09:44,556 --> 00:09:46,290
so we had to
almost kill him.
236
00:09:46,325 --> 00:09:48,392
That sounds terrible.
What happened to him?
237
00:09:48,427 --> 00:09:49,760
I don't know.
Soon thereafter,
238
00:09:49,795 --> 00:09:51,996
a girl in the neighborhood
married a black guy,
239
00:09:52,030 --> 00:09:54,699
so we all kind of turned
our attention to that.
240
00:09:56,935 --> 00:09:58,235
Look at us, Quagmire.
241
00:09:58,270 --> 00:10:00,071
We're making music,
living the dream.
242
00:10:00,105 --> 00:10:01,839
And to think,
just last week,
243
00:10:01,873 --> 00:10:04,775
my only creative outlet was
picking hockey fights at work.
244
00:10:04,810 --> 00:10:07,011
Griffin, I need
these shipping reports
245
00:10:07,045 --> 00:10:08,879
filled out by 5:00 today.
246
00:10:14,953 --> 00:10:17,321
Hey, Peter, I just wanted
to wish you good luck.
247
00:10:17,356 --> 00:10:18,756
Oh, that's great.
Thank you so much.
248
00:10:18,790 --> 00:10:19,757
What's your name, honey?
249
00:10:19,791 --> 00:10:20,958
It's me, Lois.
250
00:10:20,992 --> 00:10:22,059
All right,
backstage whore,
251
00:10:22,094 --> 00:10:23,561
here's the key
to my hotel room.
252
00:10:23,595 --> 00:10:25,575
You can flush the dump
I left in there.
253
00:10:25,576 --> 00:10:26,093
What?!
254
00:10:26,098 --> 00:10:27,398
Ladies and gentlemen,
255
00:10:27,432 --> 00:10:29,734
please welcome
Griffin and Quagmire!
256
00:10:29,768 --> 00:10:30,901
Peter, we're on!
257
00:10:37,509 --> 00:10:39,944
♪ Have you ever put butter
on a Pop-Tart? ♪
258
00:10:39,978 --> 00:10:42,480
♪ It's so frickin' good
259
00:10:42,514 --> 00:10:44,615
♪ Have you ever put butter
on a Pop-Tart? ♪
260
00:10:44,649 --> 00:10:47,651
♪ If you haven't,
then I think you should ♪
261
00:10:47,686 --> 00:10:49,520
♪ I was sittin' in the kitchen
one day ♪
262
00:10:49,554 --> 00:10:51,088
♪ And I was itchin'
to fill up my belly ♪
263
00:10:51,123 --> 00:10:52,423
♪ With the pipin' hot jelly
264
00:10:52,457 --> 00:10:54,091
♪ Of the best damn treat
in the world ♪
265
00:10:54,126 --> 00:10:55,593
He's talking Pop-Tarts!
266
00:10:55,627 --> 00:10:58,295
♪ And I saw a stick of butter
and it almost made me shudder ♪
267
00:10:58,330 --> 00:11:01,332
♪ And scream like a baby girl
268
00:11:01,366 --> 00:11:03,401
♪ I don't want a giant penis
or a rocket trip to Venus ♪
269
00:11:03,435 --> 00:11:05,569
♪ I don't want
to win the lottery ♪
270
00:11:05,604 --> 00:11:06,704
♪ I just want to squat
and gobble ♪
271
00:11:06,738 --> 00:11:08,072
♪ Till I'm dizzy and I wobble
272
00:11:08,106 --> 00:11:09,740
♪ In a butter, fruit
and dough tart dream ♪
273
00:11:09,775 --> 00:11:12,076
♪ So I put butter
on a Pop-Tart ♪
274
00:11:12,110 --> 00:11:14,578
♪ It was so frickin' good
275
00:11:14,613 --> 00:11:16,847
♪ Have you ever put
butter on a Pop-Tart? ♪
276
00:11:16,882 --> 00:11:19,583
♪ If you haven't,
then I think you should ♪
277
00:11:19,618 --> 00:11:21,419
Everybody come
along with us!
278
00:11:21,453 --> 00:11:23,888
♪ Have you ever put butter on a... ♪
Pop-Tart!
279
00:11:23,922 --> 00:11:25,756
♪ It's so frickin' good
Yeah!
280
00:11:25,791 --> 00:11:27,691
♪ Have you ever put
butter on a... ♪
281
00:11:27,726 --> 00:11:29,326
Pop-Tart!
♪ If you haven't
282
00:11:29,361 --> 00:11:31,061
♪ Then I think you should.
283
00:11:31,096 --> 00:11:32,096
Pop-Tart!
284
00:11:32,130 --> 00:11:34,298
With butter?!
285
00:11:39,704 --> 00:11:41,138
Hey, you guys were great.
286
00:11:41,173 --> 00:11:42,573
Aw, thanks.
My name's Ricky.
287
00:11:42,607 --> 00:11:43,974
I'm with Sony Records.
288
00:11:44,009 --> 00:11:46,210
Our company's gonna be around
for at least three more weeks,
289
00:11:46,244 --> 00:11:48,145
and we want to sign you.
290
00:11:48,180 --> 00:11:50,648
I'll need to discuss this
with my associate.
291
00:11:50,682 --> 00:11:53,050
I don't know, it-it seems
wrong to just dump Mort.
292
00:11:53,084 --> 00:11:54,718
He's our friend.
Doesn't that matter?
293
00:11:54,753 --> 00:11:57,054
Quagmire, you remember I told
you about that dream I drew?
294
00:11:57,088 --> 00:11:59,089
Yeah?
We're halfway there.
295
00:11:59,124 --> 00:12:01,292
I think if we do this,
we'll get the giraffe.
296
00:12:01,326 --> 00:12:02,793
Okay, okay, I'm in.
297
00:12:02,828 --> 00:12:03,894
You got a deal.
298
00:12:03,929 --> 00:12:05,596
Great!
I'm gonna get you on tour.
299
00:12:05,630 --> 00:12:08,499
This is the beginning
of something big.
300
00:12:08,533 --> 00:12:09,867
Great news, guys!
301
00:12:09,901 --> 00:12:12,503
I may have gotten you booked
at a horse's birthday party.
302
00:12:12,537 --> 00:12:14,104
Mort, you're fired.
What?
303
00:12:14,139 --> 00:12:16,140
Sorry, Mort, but this is
a cutthroat business.
304
00:12:16,174 --> 00:12:18,108
And we need someone tough
in our corner.
305
00:12:18,143 --> 00:12:21,145
Like Indonesian kickboxer
Agoos Bahnwati.
306
00:12:21,179 --> 00:12:23,314
Come on. Come on.
307
00:12:23,348 --> 00:12:24,949
Come on,
come on.
308
00:12:24,983 --> 00:12:26,717
Disappear, disappear.
309
00:12:26,751 --> 00:12:28,953
Come on. Come on.
310
00:12:33,492 --> 00:12:35,259
Peter, I heard you fired Mort.
311
00:12:35,293 --> 00:12:36,594
He's your friend.
312
00:12:36,628 --> 00:12:38,796
He's the one that got you
to where you are today.
313
00:12:38,830 --> 00:12:41,565
Lois, my transcendent talent
got me to where I am.
314
00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:44,168
Peter, I don't like what
success is doing to you.
315
00:12:44,202 --> 00:12:46,337
Yeah, well, I don't like
what time is doing to you.
316
00:12:46,371 --> 00:12:48,572
Droop, droop...
317
00:12:48,607 --> 00:12:50,241
Hey, Chris, you ready
with my luggage?
318
00:12:50,275 --> 00:12:51,542
Luggage? For what?
319
00:12:51,576 --> 00:12:53,177
We're going on tour, Lois.
320
00:12:53,211 --> 00:12:54,445
Here you go, Dad.
321
00:12:54,479 --> 00:12:56,680
I emptied this out so
it'd be easier to carry.
322
00:12:56,715 --> 00:12:58,282
Oh, you're right, it is easier.
323
00:12:58,316 --> 00:12:59,316
Good thinking, son.
324
00:12:59,351 --> 00:13:00,918
All right, see you guys
in two months.
325
00:13:00,952 --> 00:13:02,686
Peter, you can't go away
for two months now.
326
00:13:02,721 --> 00:13:04,421
You'll miss Thanksgiving.
327
00:13:04,456 --> 00:13:06,056
I'm sorry, but you're
gonna have to choose
328
00:13:06,091 --> 00:13:07,758
between music and family.
329
00:13:07,792 --> 00:13:08,959
If I choose family,
330
00:13:08,994 --> 00:13:10,561
does it have to
be this family?
331
00:13:10,595 --> 00:13:12,296
Yes, Peter, this family.
332
00:13:12,330 --> 00:13:13,364
So make your choice.
333
00:13:13,398 --> 00:13:15,332
Very well,
this scavenger hunt
334
00:13:15,367 --> 00:13:17,801
will provide you
with my answer.
335
00:13:20,438 --> 00:13:22,740
Here it is--
a penny from 1858!
336
00:13:22,774 --> 00:13:24,808
We're getting closer
to our answer.
337
00:13:24,843 --> 00:13:27,945
Wake up, Mom!
He chose the music!
338
00:13:32,354 --> 00:13:33,854
You know, Quagmire,
339
00:13:33,888 --> 00:13:35,656
I feel kind of bad
leaving the family like this
340
00:13:35,690 --> 00:13:37,224
with Thanksgiving coming up.
341
00:13:37,259 --> 00:13:40,427
I mean, if I'm not there,
who's gonna carve the turkey?
342
00:13:40,462 --> 00:13:43,497
I don't understand!
343
00:13:43,531 --> 00:13:45,633
♪ On a tour
of one-night stands ♪
344
00:13:45,667 --> 00:13:48,302
♪ My suitcase and guitar
in hand ♪
345
00:13:48,336 --> 00:13:49,536
♪ And every stop
346
00:13:49,571 --> 00:13:51,605
♪ Is neatly planned
for a poet ♪
347
00:13:51,640 --> 00:13:55,476
♪ And a one-man band.
348
00:13:57,579 --> 00:14:02,049
♪ Everyone from Florida
is stupid ♪
349
00:14:02,083 --> 00:14:05,252
♪ Everyone from
Florida is dumb ♪
350
00:14:05,287 --> 00:14:07,288
♪ I might not be
the brightest guy ♪
351
00:14:07,322 --> 00:14:09,156
♪ But next to them,
my IQ's high ♪
352
00:14:09,190 --> 00:14:11,859
♪ If they had guitars,
here's how they'd strum ♪
353
00:14:13,928 --> 00:14:16,864
♪ Why the hell do you brush
your teeth at work? ♪
354
00:14:18,366 --> 00:14:21,769
♪ Why the hell do you brush
your teeth at work? ♪
355
00:14:21,803 --> 00:14:23,971
♪ The bathroom's
full of poop and pee ♪
356
00:14:24,005 --> 00:14:26,173
♪ And now you've rubbed
that on your teeth ♪
357
00:14:26,207 --> 00:14:29,510
♪ Like you're gonna kiss
someone at 3:00. ♪
358
00:14:31,379 --> 00:14:33,714
♪ Get out of the left lane
359
00:14:33,748 --> 00:14:37,351
♪ You stupid Asian bitch
360
00:14:37,385 --> 00:14:41,255
♪ I don't even know
why you are there. ♪
361
00:14:43,725 --> 00:14:48,128
♪ I...
362
00:14:48,163 --> 00:14:49,930
♪ Have become
363
00:14:49,964 --> 00:14:51,765
♪ Comfortably numb.
364
00:14:54,536 --> 00:14:55,502
Okay, Mr. Griffin.
365
00:14:55,537 --> 00:14:56,737
Now you've got
your flu shot.
366
00:14:56,771 --> 00:14:58,405
Will you stop
giving him flu shots, man?
367
00:14:58,440 --> 00:14:59,740
We got a show to do!
368
00:14:59,774 --> 00:15:02,376
Ah, Quagmire, it's cool,
it's cool.
369
00:15:02,410 --> 00:15:05,713
This is the doctor
that killed Michael Jackson.
370
00:15:08,583 --> 00:15:10,150
Yesterday, I learned
the difference
371
00:15:10,185 --> 00:15:11,752
between a train and a boat.
372
00:15:11,786 --> 00:15:13,454
I wrote this song
before that.
373
00:15:13,488 --> 00:15:15,456
♪ Train on the water
374
00:15:15,490 --> 00:15:17,257
♪ Boat on a track
375
00:15:17,292 --> 00:15:19,126
♪ Train on the water
376
00:15:19,160 --> 00:15:20,761
♪ Boat on a track
377
00:15:20,795 --> 00:15:24,131
♪ My lady took a train
across the Atlantic ♪
378
00:15:24,165 --> 00:15:28,235
♪ I hope it don't sink
like the Titanic ♪
379
00:15:28,269 --> 00:15:31,472
♪ I went to the station,
caught a boat downtown ♪
380
00:15:31,506 --> 00:15:35,309
♪ I hope it don't fall
off the track and I drown ♪
381
00:15:35,343 --> 00:15:36,343
Ladies and gentlemen,
382
00:15:36,378 --> 00:15:39,446
the All-Five-Foot-One
Black Albino Choir!
383
00:15:39,481 --> 00:15:41,148
♪ Train on the water
384
00:15:41,182 --> 00:15:43,016
♪ Boat on a track
385
00:15:43,051 --> 00:15:44,852
♪ Train on the water
386
00:15:44,886 --> 00:15:46,887
♪ Boat on a track.
387
00:15:50,625 --> 00:15:54,595
♪ This waitress is prettier
than my wife ♪
388
00:15:54,629 --> 00:15:58,699
♪ I could kill my family
with a knife ♪
389
00:15:58,733 --> 00:16:00,901
♪ We'll sail around
the world by ship ♪
390
00:16:00,935 --> 00:16:02,970
♪ I'll give my whole wad
as a tip ♪
391
00:16:03,004 --> 00:16:06,840
♪ But first I'll kill
my family with a knife ♪
392
00:16:06,875 --> 00:16:10,844
♪ Yes, he's gonna kill
his family with a knife ♪
393
00:16:10,879 --> 00:16:13,947
♪ Irregardless of this waitress,
I will kill them with a knife. ♪
394
00:16:13,982 --> 00:16:15,282
Hold it, hold it.
Stop the tape!
395
00:16:15,316 --> 00:16:17,384
You gonna fart in this
airtight booth all night?
396
00:16:17,419 --> 00:16:18,385
It wasn't me.
397
00:16:18,420 --> 00:16:20,053
We're the only
two people in here!
398
00:16:20,088 --> 00:16:21,955
Hey, Bobby, can you play
back Peter's track?
399
00:16:21,990 --> 00:16:23,590
♪ This waitress
400
00:16:23,625 --> 00:16:26,627
♪ Is prettier than my wife...
401
00:16:29,664 --> 00:16:32,099
Ah! Thank God.
402
00:16:32,133 --> 00:16:33,867
Come on, guys, you've
been bickering all ni...
403
00:16:33,902 --> 00:16:35,669
Oh, God!
404
00:16:35,703 --> 00:16:37,671
We got the album
covers that Peter approved.
405
00:16:37,705 --> 00:16:38,705
Wait, wait, Peter,
406
00:16:38,740 --> 00:16:40,808
you approved these
without consulting me?
407
00:16:40,842 --> 00:16:42,609
Don't worry, they're great.
408
00:16:55,356 --> 00:16:57,024
I can be giggity.
409
00:16:57,058 --> 00:16:58,992
I can be goo.
410
00:16:59,027 --> 00:17:01,094
I can be giggity.
411
00:17:01,129 --> 00:17:02,663
I can be goo.
412
00:17:02,697 --> 00:17:05,299
Hey, Quagmire, wake up.
I got us twins.
413
00:17:05,333 --> 00:17:06,400
Peter, those are guys.
414
00:17:06,434 --> 00:17:08,602
Hell, yeah,
the Winklevoss twins.
415
00:17:08,636 --> 00:17:11,271
They have
good ideas we can steal.
416
00:17:11,306 --> 00:17:12,506
Peter, quit
screwing around!
417
00:17:12,540 --> 00:17:14,541
We're about to go on
national television.
418
00:17:14,576 --> 00:17:17,244
Now, please welcome
our very special musical guests,
419
00:17:17,278 --> 00:17:19,279
Griffin and Quagmire.
420
00:17:22,917 --> 00:17:24,785
Wait, Quagmire, you got
something on your face.
421
00:17:24,819 --> 00:17:26,987
Aah! Damn it, Peter,
that was my eyebrow!
422
00:17:27,021 --> 00:17:28,155
Let's not make a scene.
423
00:17:28,189 --> 00:17:30,891
We're on TV.
424
00:17:30,925 --> 00:17:35,062
♪ You never should look
at your mother's boobies ♪
425
00:17:35,096 --> 00:17:39,099
♪ No matter how big
and round they are ♪
426
00:17:39,133 --> 00:17:43,604
♪ You'll end up seeing
something you don't wanna ♪
427
00:17:43,638 --> 00:17:47,574
♪ It's guaranteed to
leave a mental scar ♪
428
00:17:47,609 --> 00:17:51,678
♪ You never should look
at your daddy's penis ♪
429
00:17:51,713 --> 00:17:55,582
♪ When he's walking down
the hall on Sunday morn ♪
430
00:17:55,617 --> 00:18:00,220
♪ An acorn in a nest of twigs,
and underneath two fetal pigs ♪
431
00:18:00,255 --> 00:18:04,391
♪ It'll make you wish
you weren't even born ♪
432
00:18:04,425 --> 00:18:08,362
♪ Parents are gross,
parents are gross ♪
433
00:18:08,396 --> 00:18:12,165
♪ Parents are gross,
parents are gross... ♪
434
00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:14,001
Come on, you.
Get out of there.
435
00:18:15,336 --> 00:18:17,037
My pick's in here.
436
00:18:20,542 --> 00:18:22,543
Come on!
437
00:18:27,715 --> 00:18:30,918
Come... Uhp, uhp, it just
skipped right over the strings!
438
00:18:30,952 --> 00:18:32,319
Yup, there it goes again.
439
00:18:32,353 --> 00:18:34,454
I saw it!
I totally saw it!
440
00:18:34,489 --> 00:18:37,224
All right, that's it!
441
00:18:38,660 --> 00:18:40,627
We're done!
Do you hear me? I quit!
442
00:18:42,630 --> 00:18:45,165
Hey, y-your makeup lady
was crying earlier.
443
00:18:45,199 --> 00:18:46,466
Wh-What was that about?
444
00:18:46,501 --> 00:18:48,402
This is my time.
445
00:18:48,436 --> 00:18:50,203
Don't ever
talk to me
446
00:18:50,238 --> 00:18:52,439
during my time!
447
00:18:55,877 --> 00:18:58,812
Well, kids,
happy Thanksgiving.
448
00:18:58,846 --> 00:19:00,647
I wish Dad was here.
449
00:19:00,682 --> 00:19:02,249
Meg, could you zip up your fly?
450
00:19:02,283 --> 00:19:04,084
Th-That's kind of
wafting over here.
451
00:19:05,954 --> 00:19:07,421
♪ I can't poop
452
00:19:07,455 --> 00:19:09,089
♪ In strange places
453
00:19:09,123 --> 00:19:10,157
Peter?
Dad?
454
00:19:10,191 --> 00:19:11,191
Oh, boy.
455
00:19:11,225 --> 00:19:12,726
Larry, you got
to get out of here.
456
00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:14,061
It's been a great
two months!
457
00:19:14,095 --> 00:19:15,996
Meg, keep painting!
458
00:19:18,466 --> 00:19:23,203
♪ I'm so sorry
that I left my family ♪
459
00:19:23,237 --> 00:19:27,808
♪ And that I decided to roam.
460
00:19:27,842 --> 00:19:29,610
Peter, what are you doing here?
461
00:19:29,644 --> 00:19:31,845
Me and Quagmire kind
of had a falling out.
462
00:19:31,879 --> 00:19:33,680
And after that,
I-I realized I...
463
00:19:33,715 --> 00:19:34,815
Meg, can you please stop
464
00:19:34,849 --> 00:19:36,383
stuffing your face
for two seconds?
465
00:19:37,552 --> 00:19:39,319
Look, I'm sorry
for being a jerk,
466
00:19:39,354 --> 00:19:41,488
and letting a little fame
go to my head.
467
00:19:41,522 --> 00:19:43,824
I just hope you guys
can forgive me.
468
00:19:43,858 --> 00:19:46,326
Oh, Peter.
469
00:19:48,196 --> 00:19:49,963
I missed you so much.
470
00:19:49,998 --> 00:19:51,932
Oh, we missed you, too.
471
00:19:51,966 --> 00:19:53,333
But I understand.
472
00:19:53,368 --> 00:19:54,868
You had to go
chase your dream.
473
00:19:54,902 --> 00:19:56,770
And a part of me
is glad you did.
474
00:19:56,804 --> 00:20:00,140
But now I'm just happy
that you're home.
475
00:20:00,174 --> 00:20:01,341
Welcome home, Dad!
476
00:20:01,376 --> 00:20:03,977
So, did you get a lot of
trim on the road, Dad?
477
00:20:04,012 --> 00:20:06,013
Chris, that's inappropriate.
478
00:20:10,618 --> 00:20:13,020
Hey, you got room for another?
479
00:20:14,822 --> 00:20:15,922
Quagmire?
480
00:20:15,957 --> 00:20:17,758
I thought you were
still out on the road.
481
00:20:17,792 --> 00:20:19,493
I was, but then I thought,
482
00:20:19,527 --> 00:20:21,561
what was Simon
without Garfunkel?
483
00:20:21,596 --> 00:20:23,196
Wildly successful?
484
00:20:23,231 --> 00:20:25,098
Yeah, but all that success
would mean nothing
485
00:20:25,133 --> 00:20:26,733
if I lost my best friend.
486
00:20:26,768 --> 00:20:29,036
Do you... do you think
you can forgive me?
487
00:20:29,070 --> 00:20:31,104
Oh, Quagmire.
488
00:20:35,176 --> 00:20:37,878
Well, I'm glad to have you back
home for Thanksgiving, Peter.
489
00:20:37,912 --> 00:20:39,513
And I'm glad to be here.
490
00:20:39,547 --> 00:20:41,815
'Cause everyone knows
that life after being famous
491
00:20:41,849 --> 00:20:44,351
is even better
than it was before.
492
00:20:44,385 --> 00:20:45,816
Let me just grab my
stuff off the bus.
493
00:20:45,817 --> 00:20:49,761
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man