1
00:00:01,600 --> 00:00:04,273
(SINGING) It seems today that all you see
2
00:00:04,800 --> 00:00:07,712
Is violence in movies and sex on TV
3
00:00:07,840 --> 00:00:10,957
But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:11,320 --> 00:00:14,232
On which we used to rely?
Ripped By mstoll
5
00:00:14,360 --> 00:00:17,352
Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:17,480 --> 00:00:20,631
Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:20,760 --> 00:00:22,113
All the things that make us
8
00:00:22,240 --> 00:00:23,514
Laugh and cry
9
00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:28,676
He's a family guy
10
00:00:34,280 --> 00:00:37,829
ANNOUNCER ON TV: We now return to
Jeremy Piven as The Incredible Hulk.
11
00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:39,672
You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.
12
00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:41,233
I don't like you now.
13
00:00:41,720 --> 00:00:42,994
Brian, I need the TV.
14
00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:44,553
Why is Rupert wearing a top hat?
15
00:00:44,680 --> 00:00:48,229
Because, Brian, tonight we sup on
the finest feast of the television season.
16
00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:51,239
It is the season finale
of The Cadwalliders of Essex.
17
00:00:51,360 --> 00:00:53,237
- The what?
- The Cadwalliders of Essex.
18
00:00:53,360 --> 00:00:54,349
It's groundbreaking.
19
00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:57,836
It's a British show about a wealthy family
dealing with slight change.
20
00:00:57,960 --> 00:00:58,995
I thought that got canceled.
21
00:00:59,120 --> 00:01:00,917
No, that was The Caduggans
of Aubrey Muse.
22
00:01:01,040 --> 00:01:02,792
Is that the one where even
the children have muttonchops?
23
00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:04,831
No, that's
The Whittakers of Edgerton Crescent.
24
00:01:04,960 --> 00:01:06,075
All these shows sound the same.
25
00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:08,270
- Who's in this one?
- Penelope Westworth-Harrington.
26
00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:09,355
Who's that?
27
00:01:09,480 --> 00:01:11,516
Penelope Westworth-Harrington?
Oh, come on!
28
00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:13,596
From The Roysters of
Pumbridge on Thames?
29
00:01:13,720 --> 00:01:15,597
Her uncle was steward
to the Queen's Privy!
30
00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:16,789
(SIGHS)
31
00:01:16,920 --> 00:01:19,229
She got plowed on a pile of hay
in Game of Thrones.
32
00:01:19,360 --> 00:01:21,510
Oh, Yeah! Yeah. She's hot.
33
00:01:21,800 --> 00:01:22,994
Ugh. You're an idiot.
34
00:01:23,120 --> 00:01:25,918
Like a guy who cheats on his right hand
with his left hand.
35
00:01:26,040 --> 00:01:29,476
I want to stay,
but I just got called back into the office.
36
00:01:29,600 --> 00:01:31,955
What do you want from me?
I'm sorry, all right?
37
00:01:32,080 --> 00:01:34,594
Just get off my back! I'm out of here.
38
00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:38,197
- God, it took me forever to get away...
- (GUNSHOT)
39
00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:40,831
Oh, my God! No!
40
00:01:41,440 --> 00:01:43,192
What have you done?
41
00:01:43,320 --> 00:01:46,790
- Wait! Stop! No, please! I'm begging you!
- (GUNSHOT)
42
00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:51,709
(CRYING)
43
00:01:58,920 --> 00:01:59,909
Oh, it's starting!
44
00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:01,314
I'm going to live-tweet the show
45
00:02:01,440 --> 00:02:03,590
and ruin it for everyone
in other time zones.
46
00:02:08,160 --> 00:02:11,516
I would like to learn to bathe myself.
47
00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:17,400
Everything I've ever heard is vexing.
48
00:02:17,520 --> 00:02:18,475
Oh! Oh.
49
00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:21,194
This is the fastest-moving episode
I've ever seen!
50
00:02:21,320 --> 00:02:24,118
Wouldn't it be marvelous
to be a part of a family like that?
51
00:02:24,240 --> 00:02:26,071
(LAUGHS) I found that chick in the hay.
52
00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:28,953
PETER AND CHRIS: Unga Bunga!
Unga Bunga! Unga Bunga!
53
00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:30,672
What is that? What's happening?
54
00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:33,633
Unga Bunga! Unga Bunga! Unga Bunga!
55
00:02:33,760 --> 00:02:35,751
- Peter, what are you doing?
- Playing Unga Bunga.
56
00:02:35,880 --> 00:02:36,869
It's the championship.
57
00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:40,276
Go away! This is why Zillow
estimates our house at $4.00.
58
00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:41,674
What the hell is Unga Bunga?
59
00:02:41,800 --> 00:02:44,758
Two guys run at each other
with mattresses, um,
60
00:02:45,280 --> 00:02:46,395
and that's kind of it.
61
00:02:46,520 --> 00:02:49,432
Stop explaining it to the dog! Let's do this!
62
00:02:49,640 --> 00:02:50,675
(BOTH YELLING)
63
00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:54,192
Stop it! I'm trying to watch my program!
64
00:02:54,320 --> 00:02:55,594
Oh, Chris, look! Mom's naked!
65
00:02:55,720 --> 00:02:57,551
- Where?
- You creep.
66
00:02:59,560 --> 00:03:01,118
(GASPS) No!
67
00:03:01,520 --> 00:03:02,669
Peter, what's going on in...
68
00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:04,069
- (LOIS GRUNTS)
- Unga Bunga!
69
00:03:05,160 --> 00:03:09,073
You imbeciles! You ruined my night!
I ask for one thing in this house!
70
00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:10,952
Stewie, just watch your show upstairs.
71
00:03:11,080 --> 00:03:13,594
I don't want to watch it upstairs
on the small TV!
72
00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:16,188
I want to watch it
downstairs on the big TV.
73
00:03:17,120 --> 00:03:19,076
(CRYING) I want to watch my show!
74
00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:26,710
Oh, no, Stewie's having a tantrum.
Come here, sweetie.
75
00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:31,230
Ow! Screw you, you little turd!
76
00:03:33,600 --> 00:03:35,192
What's all that noise?
77
00:03:35,560 --> 00:03:38,120
Aw. Do you want a hug from your big sister?
78
00:03:39,120 --> 00:03:40,155
Ow!
79
00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:45,551
You've earned yourself
a time-out, young man.
80
00:03:45,680 --> 00:03:47,796
Now, you stay in here
until you can behave.
81
00:03:48,640 --> 00:03:50,551
I hate you! You always ruin everything!
82
00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:52,318
God, it's a family of idiots!
83
00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:55,318
I wish... I wish I was never born!
84
00:03:56,680 --> 00:03:59,069
Not tonight, Rupert. I'm much too upset.
85
00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:06,071
Knock, knock. Stewie?
86
00:04:06,200 --> 00:04:08,589
I just wanted to check
on how you're doing, buddy.
87
00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:10,119
You put on quite a show last night.
88
00:04:10,240 --> 00:04:13,198
I am done with this family.
They don't deserve me. They're all just...
89
00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:15,436
Oh, you dick, you just came in
to charge your phone.
90
00:04:15,560 --> 00:04:17,357
Sorry, Peter's using all the outlets.
91
00:04:19,200 --> 00:04:20,474
Toast house.
92
00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:23,069
Whatever. I'm gonna be
out of this place soon anyway.
93
00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:24,394
What, are you running away from home?
94
00:04:24,520 --> 00:04:25,589
Better.
95
00:04:28,760 --> 00:04:31,877
What the hell?
You rebuilt your time machine?
96
00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:33,433
I thought you swore off time travel,
97
00:04:33,560 --> 00:04:35,596
'cause you couldn't stop yourself
from altering the past.
98
00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:38,553
Look, Brian, I need this machine
to alter the past for the better.
99
00:04:38,680 --> 00:04:41,069
- What do you mean?
- I loathe this family.
100
00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:43,794
Being born into it was clearly
some sort of cosmic mistake,
101
00:04:43,920 --> 00:04:46,434
so I'm going back in time
to prevent that mistake.
102
00:04:46,560 --> 00:04:50,235
I'm going to break up Lois and the fat man
before they can conceive me.
103
00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:52,920
Stewie, it's one TV show.
You're overreacting.
104
00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:56,555
It's not just the TV show, Brian.
I'm tired of living with morons.
105
00:04:56,680 --> 00:04:59,274
Remember when I tried to open
that lemonade stand with Chris?
106
00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:00,719
All right, that'll be 10 cents.
107
00:05:00,840 --> 00:05:03,274
- Chris, pour the man his lemonade.
- CHRIS: I can't!
108
00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:05,960
The lemonade tricked me and got away!
109
00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:08,874
Lemons are God's children!
110
00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:11,798
And the fat man won't even let me
celebrate a proper birthday.
111
00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:14,152
Happy birthday, Stewie!
112
00:05:14,280 --> 00:05:16,635
And here's
your equal-attention cake, Peter.
113
00:05:16,920 --> 00:05:17,989
Yay!
114
00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:19,709
Oh, come on!
115
00:05:19,880 --> 00:05:20,915
Yay! Double wishes!
116
00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:23,869
One.
117
00:05:24,360 --> 00:05:25,395
(GAS HISSING)
118
00:05:27,600 --> 00:05:28,635
Two.
119
00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:30,830
And Meg's the biggest pig of all.
120
00:05:30,960 --> 00:05:32,871
MEG: Great. The string broke again.
121
00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:36,595
Hey, there, tiny hands.
122
00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:39,071
Look, Stewie,
I know you're angry about last night,
123
00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:40,758
but you're talking about
erasing your existence.
124
00:05:40,880 --> 00:05:41,949
That's crazy.
125
00:05:42,120 --> 00:05:43,792
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
126
00:05:45,520 --> 00:05:47,351
Whose ringtone is Barracuda?
127
00:05:47,560 --> 00:05:51,075
Oh, God, that's Frumpy Ann.
Frumpy Ann does everything.
128
00:05:51,200 --> 00:05:53,873
Look, I've got to get this call,
but don't do anything stupid.
129
00:05:54,080 --> 00:05:56,036
- (CELL PHONE BEEPS)
- BRIAN: Yo, girl, how you living?
130
00:05:56,320 --> 00:05:57,389
Ugh.
131
00:05:57,880 --> 00:05:58,995
(MACHINE BEEPING)
132
00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:02,234
All right, Rupert, prepare to time travel.
133
00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:06,389
Oh, and by the way, thanks for asking me
if I wanted something from Subway, too.
134
00:06:07,120 --> 00:06:08,838
(MACHINE POWERING UP)
135
00:06:12,360 --> 00:06:14,157
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
136
00:06:25,280 --> 00:06:26,395
Where am I?
137
00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:28,988
This looks like my room,
but something's off.
138
00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:32,590
That's right. This isn't my room yet.
Wonder what they're using it for.
139
00:06:34,840 --> 00:06:37,400
Oh, my God, he had a public access show?
140
00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:41,993
Live from the shores of Rhode Island,
it's the fatty who drives you batty!
141
00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:43,109
Peter Griffin!
142
00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:44,669
(APPLAUSE)
143
00:06:47,120 --> 00:06:50,112
Hey, douchebags!
We've got a great show for you tonight.
144
00:06:50,240 --> 00:06:52,196
Karen Washington from
the Rhode Island Zoo,
145
00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:54,754
and some rejected toys
you're not going to believe.
146
00:06:54,880 --> 00:06:56,518
So, stick around, or...
147
00:06:56,640 --> 00:06:59,598
AUDIENCE: I'll come to your house
and murder you!
148
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:01,274
I wonder what else is different.
149
00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:06,597
(SINGING) Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
150
00:07:06,720 --> 00:07:08,153
All the things that make us
151
00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:09,713
La la la
152
00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:13,279
She is camel toe-ing
the hell out of that leotard.
153
00:07:21,120 --> 00:07:23,759
All right, Rupert.
Time to break up Lois and the fat man
154
00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:26,633
before they can conceive me
by pressing butts together.
155
00:07:26,760 --> 00:07:28,159
Well, you don't know, either!
156
00:07:30,280 --> 00:07:31,998
Hey, Lois, I drawed you a picture.
157
00:07:34,280 --> 00:07:38,273
It's me and you on the space moon,
'cause I would love you anywhere.
158
00:07:38,440 --> 00:07:41,273
Aw, Peter! I'd love you anywhere, too.
159
00:07:41,880 --> 00:07:42,949
(BOTH MOANING)
160
00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:46,550
Wow, Peter and Lois were really in love
before I was born.
161
00:07:46,920 --> 00:07:49,036
And this is me getting you from behind,
162
00:07:49,160 --> 00:07:51,390
'cause in space
no one can hear you scream.
163
00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:53,358
(LAUGHING) Peter!
164
00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:56,552
Breaking them up may prove to be
more difficult than I thought.
165
00:07:56,680 --> 00:07:58,477
Though I've faced
bigger challenges before.
166
00:07:58,600 --> 00:08:00,909
Like when I had to ride
that bike in The Muppet Movie.
167
00:08:02,720 --> 00:08:05,598
That's right.
Stewie Long Legs just blew your mind.
168
00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:11,116
All right, Rupert,
now to break up my parents.
169
00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:13,834
The number one thing
couples fight about is money.
170
00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:17,589
So I've maxed out Lois's credit card
on vibrating marital aids.
171
00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:24,554
Peter, there's an open box in the kitchen
addressed to me with nothing inside.
172
00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:26,911
- (VIBRATING)
- Yeah, when I opened it up, it was empty.
173
00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:28,359
Well, that's very strange,
174
00:08:28,480 --> 00:08:30,710
because it looked large enough
to hold many items.
175
00:08:30,920 --> 00:08:32,911
- (DOORBELL RINGS)
- It's the mailman!
176
00:08:33,040 --> 00:08:35,395
- I'll get it!
- No, me! I'll get it!
177
00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:39,111
Maybe I had more in common
with this family than I thought.
178
00:08:50,720 --> 00:08:53,075
Oh, my God, Peter!
What happened to your hair?
179
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:56,590
I don't know. I'm bald! You did this!
180
00:08:56,720 --> 00:09:00,998
- What the hell's the matter with you?
- I didn't do it, but you look really cool.
181
00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:02,189
I do?
182
00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:05,073
Yeah, you look like
you could be a celebrity.
183
00:09:06,400 --> 00:09:09,392
- Hey, can I get your autograph?
- Oh, of course, here you go.
184
00:09:11,280 --> 00:09:12,793
They think I'm Bruce Willis.
185
00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:14,991
That was the monster from Goonies!
186
00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:22,315
None of my attempts to break them up
has worked thus far,
187
00:09:22,440 --> 00:09:23,953
so I had to up our game.
188
00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:25,879
Lois, what the hell did you do?
189
00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:29,356
I just got a note from Goodwill
thanking me for donating all my porn.
190
00:09:29,480 --> 00:09:30,515
What?
191
00:09:30,640 --> 00:09:33,393
I'm sick and tired of you blaming me
for things I didn't do!
192
00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:35,033
And I've got a bone to pick with you!
193
00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:38,789
I don't appreciate how you spray-painted
"'vile woman"' on the bedroom wall.
194
00:09:38,920 --> 00:09:41,036
That wasn't me!
Must've been one of the kids!
195
00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:42,639
That's ridiculous, Peter!
196
00:09:42,760 --> 00:09:45,593
Chris can't write,
and we don't allow Meg upstairs!
197
00:09:47,640 --> 00:09:50,279
You know something? I'm starting to think
whoever wrote that is right!
198
00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:53,198
Maybe I don't want to live with someone
who doesn't respect me!
199
00:09:53,320 --> 00:09:54,958
Well, then maybe I should just leave!
200
00:09:55,080 --> 00:09:58,516
And where are you gonna go?
You've got nothing else and nobody else!
201
00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:00,232
And now for the closer.
202
00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:03,029
(HONKING)
203
00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:05,715
I might go west.
204
00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:12,312
My God, I've done it, Rupert!
They've broken up!
205
00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:16,314
(GASPING) Look! It's working.
I'm fading away!
206
00:10:16,520 --> 00:10:19,273
Well, Rupert, this means
you and I will never have met.
207
00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:21,356
So I've got to tell you one thing.
208
00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:23,869
You know that song I wrote you
for Valentine's Day?
209
00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:26,560
It's an Eric Carmen song.
I completely ripped it off.
210
00:10:26,920 --> 00:10:28,911
Ah. Now, I feel better.
211
00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:34,075
(STEWIE GRUNTING)
212
00:10:35,160 --> 00:10:37,720
STEWIE: What the devil? What's going on?
Where am I?
213
00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:39,669
It's a boy!
214
00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:44,074
I'm in a hospital.
My soul must have found another carrier.
215
00:10:44,440 --> 00:10:45,873
I've been reborn!
216
00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:47,991
Welcome to the world, baby chap.
217
00:10:48,240 --> 00:10:51,152
(GASPS) I'm British? All right!
218
00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:52,555
I wonder if I'll have one of those
219
00:10:52,680 --> 00:10:55,831
pug-nosed British dogs
that licks its own snot all day.
220
00:10:58,160 --> 00:10:59,479
Ew. That's gross.
221
00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:00,999
Piss off, you little wanker.
222
00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:03,634
I'm not going to be the dog
to some poof baby.
223
00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:18,712
Well, lad, welcome to your home.
224
00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:23,918
Well, this is more like it.
225
00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:26,598
This is your valet, your gardener,
226
00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:29,314
your cook, your gamekeeper,
your butler, your housekeeper,
227
00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:30,759
your parlor maid, your housemaid,
228
00:11:30,880 --> 00:11:32,996
your scullery maid, your shoe de-graveler
229
00:11:33,120 --> 00:11:37,079
and one superfluous employee
who I am not in a gay relationship with.
230
00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:40,033
- Sir, we have a meeting in the broom shed.
- Quite right.
231
00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:43,516
I will now hand you over to your mother.
This will be our last physical contact
232
00:11:43,640 --> 00:11:46,791
until I give you a firm handshake
on your 18th birthday.
233
00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:53,033
My God, this is everything
I've ever wanted.
234
00:11:53,160 --> 00:11:55,151
And let's be honest,
if I had stayed with the Griffins,
235
00:11:55,280 --> 00:11:57,714
I would have ended up like
Rick Springfield today.
236
00:11:58,320 --> 00:12:01,710
(SINGING) I wish that I had Jesse's job
237
00:12:07,040 --> 00:12:11,795
Sir, it's 6:00 p.m.,
and you're still in your 5:45 tuxedo.
238
00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:14,515
Nigel, yesterday I saw you smile.
239
00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:16,676
Is that something
I need to bring up with my father?
240
00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:19,519
I was just imagining my own death, sir.
241
00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:20,914
You're a good man, Nigel.
242
00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:23,634
- May I pull on your nose hair?
- Of course, sir.
243
00:12:24,800 --> 00:12:26,631
(LAUGHING)
244
00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:35,151
My heavens, my father is the Commander
245
00:12:35,280 --> 00:12:37,316
of The Most Excellent Order
of the British Empire,
246
00:12:37,440 --> 00:12:39,158
Dean of Physics at Oxford,
247
00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:41,999
and he was pre-approved for
a Capital One No Hassle Card.
248
00:12:42,280 --> 00:12:44,157
Oh! He's just framing everything.
249
00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:47,512
Stewart, these are your brothers,
Jaidan and Aidan.
250
00:12:47,640 --> 00:12:49,756
Jaidan was first form in his sixth levels
251
00:12:49,880 --> 00:12:52,838
and he's chief scrum-flanker
on his varsity boogling team,
252
00:12:52,960 --> 00:12:55,076
which, as far as we know,
makes us terribly proud.
253
00:12:55,560 --> 00:12:59,348
Finally, siblings who are doing stuff!
I'm really happy to meet you guys.
254
00:12:59,480 --> 00:13:00,959
You were an accident.
255
00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:03,036
You're only here
because Father is a heavy sleeper
256
00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:05,116
with a frequent morning stem.
257
00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:07,834
Okay. Aidan's the ball-breaker, huh, Jaidan?
258
00:13:08,360 --> 00:13:11,511
Father, is it going to live here for a while?
259
00:13:11,640 --> 00:13:13,471
Oh, Aidan is the nice one.
260
00:13:13,640 --> 00:13:15,995
Well, if it's verbal jousting skills
you're looking for,
261
00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:19,590
I'm not afraid to take a little walk
on the Oscar Wilde side.
262
00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:21,792
You are a poopy head.
263
00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:23,797
And you, shut up.
264
00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:28,391
Stewart, I think your mouth is better
at taking things in than spewing them out.
265
00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:29,828
(BOTH LAUGHING)
266
00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:33,639
Wow. These guys are a little sharper
than my old family.
267
00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:36,433
I still remember
our duck, duck, goose disaster.
268
00:13:36,560 --> 00:13:39,518
Duck. Duck. Duck.
269
00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:42,076
Duck. Duck.
270
00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:44,469
Duck.
271
00:13:44,800 --> 00:13:48,076
Duck. Duck. Duck. Duck.
272
00:13:50,560 --> 00:13:51,629
Duck.
273
00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:55,032
Duck. Duck. Duck. Duck.
274
00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:02,519
Duck.
275
00:14:03,040 --> 00:14:04,598
What is that other word?
276
00:14:08,320 --> 00:14:11,835
BOTH: (SINGING)
It's a long, long way to Tipperary
277
00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:15,351
But my heart's right there
278
00:14:16,920 --> 00:14:18,558
Well done, boys.
279
00:14:18,760 --> 00:14:21,558
Stewart, perhaps you'd like to
regale us with song.
280
00:14:22,280 --> 00:14:26,239
Uh... Okay, I would've liked a heads-up
so I could prepare something.
281
00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:28,954
But, um, I'm sure I can whip something up.
(LAUGHING)
282
00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:33,951
(SINGING) Wayne's World! Wayne's World!
283
00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:35,957
It's party time! It's excellent!
284
00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:38,913
What? What's wrong?
285
00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:41,679
Stewart, I think your time
might be better spent
286
00:14:41,800 --> 00:14:45,270
in the attic with your syphilitic,
one-eared cousin, Earl.
287
00:14:48,080 --> 00:14:50,196
- Hey.
- What's that? I can't hear you.
288
00:14:50,480 --> 00:14:52,118
I was just saying hello.
289
00:14:52,240 --> 00:14:53,593
- Aah!
- (LAUGHING)
290
00:14:53,720 --> 00:14:56,678
There you are. Now you've got it.
That's how we play.
291
00:14:58,920 --> 00:14:59,989
(SUCKLING)
292
00:15:00,760 --> 00:15:01,829
There we are.
293
00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:04,554
Sorry I couldn't squeeze
no more juice out of my nippers.
294
00:15:04,680 --> 00:15:05,749
That's all right.
295
00:15:05,880 --> 00:15:08,519
I can't be mad at someone
who lost seven sons in the war.
296
00:15:08,640 --> 00:15:11,234
All right, my little lord, it's time for bed.
297
00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:12,992
Why isn't Mommy tucking me in?
298
00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:14,792
Oh, hush, love, you're born now.
299
00:15:14,920 --> 00:15:17,115
That's the end
of all this "'Mommy"' nonsense.
300
00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:22,596
(WOLF HOWLING)
301
00:15:25,160 --> 00:15:28,072
What the hell?
I don't even get a stuffed animal to hug?
302
00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:30,760
The only thing in this crib
is a 19th-century dueling pistol.
303
00:15:30,880 --> 00:15:31,995
Aah!
304
00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:33,189
It's loaded?
305
00:15:33,320 --> 00:15:35,959
MAN: Who dares to shoot
the bow tie off my cat?
306
00:15:36,080 --> 00:15:37,195
We duel at dawn!
307
00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:38,469
I'm just a baby!
308
00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:39,589
MAN: So am I!
309
00:15:39,720 --> 00:15:43,349
Good Lord, what have I done?
I don't like it here at all!
310
00:15:43,480 --> 00:15:45,994
I miss my family! My dumb family!
311
00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:48,078
(GASPS) Dear God.
312
00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:53,194
I wanted to be free of the family of morons
I was born into, but now I'm the moron!
313
00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:56,796
Sir, I heard whimpering.
Shall I fetch your crying tuxedo?
314
00:15:56,920 --> 00:15:58,876
No! I don't want any more tuxedos!
315
00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:02,790
And I don't want a cold mother,
or an Oxford physics professor father.
316
00:16:03,160 --> 00:16:04,878
(GASPS) Wait a minute! That's it!
317
00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:08,512
The Oxford physics lab will have
everything I need to build a time machine.
318
00:16:08,640 --> 00:16:10,153
Then I can go back to my old life!
319
00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:15,751
Ah, ah. Stone floor, too cold.
I'll go in the morning.
320
00:16:22,920 --> 00:16:25,559
Let's see, I need plutonium
for the time machine.
321
00:16:25,680 --> 00:16:27,079
But how do I get past those guards?
322
00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:29,198
Oh, wait, that's right. I'm in England.
323
00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:31,914
I can just walk past them
holding a cup of tea.
324
00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:33,475
- Morning.
- Morning.
325
00:16:33,600 --> 00:16:34,919
- Morning.
- Morning.
326
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:39,115
- Morning.
- Morning.
327
00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:40,559
- Morning.
- Morning.
328
00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:44,315
Did you see something suspicious
about that baby?
329
00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:45,634
Well, I did at first,
330
00:16:45,760 --> 00:16:48,228
but then he's got the tea
vouching for him, doesn't he?
331
00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:03,593
Almost there.
Just a few more adjustments.
332
00:17:03,720 --> 00:17:04,835
- MAN: Stewart!
- (GASPS)
333
00:17:05,080 --> 00:17:06,229
What are you doing?
334
00:17:09,120 --> 00:17:10,633
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
335
00:17:13,720 --> 00:17:16,439
All right, Rupert,
I left the fat man's entire porn collection
336
00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:18,391
on the curb for Goodwill to pick up.
337
00:17:19,760 --> 00:17:20,829
(SCREAMING)
338
00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:29,433
- (GASPS) Who the devil are you?
- I'm British Stewie.
339
00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:30,629
I don't hear anything different.
340
00:17:30,760 --> 00:17:33,433
I sound the same,
but I spell some words very differently.
341
00:17:33,560 --> 00:17:35,835
Let me write the word "'color"'
on a piece of paper for you.
342
00:17:36,920 --> 00:17:38,990
(GASPS) Dear God! You are British!
343
00:17:39,120 --> 00:17:41,793
Listen to me. You successfully prevented
your own birth,
344
00:17:41,920 --> 00:17:44,070
and instead you were born
into an alternate family.
345
00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:47,351
But you must believe me,
the Griffins are your true destiny.
346
00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:49,198
No, they're not. They're morons.
347
00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:51,993
But they're your morons,
and they care about you.
348
00:17:52,120 --> 00:17:54,031
Besides, you shine among these dullards.
349
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:55,991
Like Bob Weir in The Grateful Dead.
350
00:17:56,120 --> 00:17:58,076
That joke's for
one of our crew guys, Mattie.
351
00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:00,873
He loves The Dead
and he's not doing so well.
352
00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:03,036
We love you, Captain Trips. Hang in, bro.
353
00:18:03,480 --> 00:18:06,472
Well, I do like being
better than everyone else.
354
00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:09,592
LOIS: Peter, I had nothing to do
with donating your stupid porn!
355
00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:13,032
If what you're telling me is true,
we can't let them separate.
356
00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:14,718
If Peter leaves, I'll be unborn!
357
00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:16,831
- She's not going to stop him. She's furious.
- (GASPS)
358
00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:18,639
You're right! And if I know her,
359
00:18:18,760 --> 00:18:21,957
she'll be heading to the fridge
for her angry afternoon chardonnay.
360
00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:23,229
I've got an idea!
361
00:18:27,920 --> 00:18:30,673
Okay. There it is. Noon.
362
00:18:42,320 --> 00:18:45,995
Oh, No! He's leaving! I'm fading away!
363
00:18:46,360 --> 00:18:47,475
Peter, wait!
364
00:18:47,600 --> 00:18:49,352
What? You want to yell at me some more?
365
00:18:49,480 --> 00:18:51,914
No, I want to tell you I'm sorry.
366
00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:53,714
I don't want you to leave.
367
00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:55,796
Why should I stay
if you don't even trust me?
368
00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:59,674
I do trust you, Peter.
I don't know what's gotten into us lately.
369
00:19:00,320 --> 00:19:03,118
The important thing is
we're meant to be together.
370
00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:05,151
I love you, Peter.
371
00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:08,154
Oh. I love you, too, Lois.
372
00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:14,193
I'm glad we're staying together.
373
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:16,390
Honestly, I don't know
what I would do on my own.
374
00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:19,717
Like, I literally have no idea
where food comes from.
375
00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:21,068
Is it that guy?
376
00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:22,629
Is he the food man?
377
00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:28,231
No, Peter, it's not him.
378
00:19:28,360 --> 00:19:30,555
They're making up! It's working!
379
00:19:30,680 --> 00:19:32,750
That means soon you will not exist.
380
00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:35,599
Then I guess this is goodbye, Stewie.
381
00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:37,995
I'll miss you. You've taught me so much.
382
00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:41,073
- And you've been a good friend.
- And you as well. (GRUNTS)
383
00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:43,077
Damn it! Help me, Stewie! Lift it off!
384
00:19:43,320 --> 00:19:44,912
Eh, that looks really heavy.
385
00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:47,759
It is! And it's incredibly painful!
Please, help!
386
00:19:47,880 --> 00:19:49,791
You'll be fading away any moment.
387
00:19:50,240 --> 00:19:52,595
It would be a lot of effort
ultimately for nothing.
388
00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:54,278
I'm choking on my own blood!
389
00:19:55,280 --> 00:19:56,952
Call someone, please!
390
00:19:57,080 --> 00:19:59,389
Well, again, it was great knowing you.
391
00:19:59,920 --> 00:20:02,514
Ah! You bastard! You'll burn in hell!
392
00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:06,276
Ugh. Finally. That was an ordeal.
393
00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:16,156
Ha. I did it! I'm back!
394
00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:19,640
Oh, damn it. I left my ChapStick in the past.
395
00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:22,029
ChapStick!
396
00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:24,390
With smooth lips, I will finally be able
397
00:20:24,520 --> 00:20:27,751
to be a mayor who kisses babies
with confidence!
398
00:20:27,880 --> 00:20:29,313
Hey, cracked lips!
399
00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:31,874
You'll see! You'll all see!
400
00:20:37,840 --> 00:20:41,196
Oh. Scrambled eggs! How delightful.
Thank you, Lois.
401
00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:43,959
Oh. You're certainly in a better mood
since last night's tantrum.
402
00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:47,152
You know, Brian,
I've realized this is where I belong.
403
00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:50,113
- For better or worse, I'm a Griffin.
- (DOOR OPENS)
404
00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:52,830
Coward! I have found you!
405
00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:54,149
(GRUNTS)
406
00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:59,732
Well, it took three years,
but I am finally through all that porn.
Ripped By mstoll