1 00:00:01,221 --> 00:00:04,057 ¶ it seems today that all you see ¶ 2 00:00:04,124 --> 00:00:07,326 ¶ is violence in movies and sex on tv ¶ 3 00:00:07,394 --> 00:00:10,963 ¶ but where are those good old-fashioned values ¶ 4 00:00:11,031 --> 00:00:13,900 ¶ on which we used to rely? ¶ 5 00:00:13,967 --> 00:00:17,336 ¶ lucky there's a family guy ¶ 6 00:00:17,404 --> 00:00:20,640 ¶ lucky there's a man who positively can do ¶ 7 00:00:20,707 --> 00:00:22,241 ¶ all the things that make us ¶ 8 00:00:22,309 --> 00:00:23,676 ¶ laugh and cry ¶ 9 00:00:23,744 --> 00:00:25,278 ¶ he's... A... Fam... Ily... Guy! ¶ 10 00:00:25,345 --> 00:00:34,081 Sync by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 11 00:00:35,988 --> 00:00:36,956 Hey, what are you doing with my laptop? 12 00:00:37,524 --> 00:00:38,591 Going through your stuff. 13 00:00:38,658 --> 00:00:40,459 Why are you getting mapquest directions 14 00:00:40,527 --> 00:00:41,760 To abigail breslin's house? 15 00:00:42,328 --> 00:00:44,162 I just think she's a one-of-a-kind spirit, 16 00:00:44,229 --> 00:00:45,297 And I don't want to see her go down the wrong... 17 00:00:45,365 --> 00:00:47,499 What the hell are you doing going through my personal stuff? 18 00:00:47,567 --> 00:00:49,068 You should really clear your history. 19 00:00:49,135 --> 00:00:51,604 I noticed you googled yourself, you egomaniac. 20 00:00:51,671 --> 00:00:53,038 Whoa, whoa, th-that wasn't me. 21 00:00:53,106 --> 00:00:54,807 Maybe lois got on there. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. 22 00:00:54,874 --> 00:00:57,176 She's fascinated by things that are going in my life, oh. Oh, yeah. 23 00:00:57,243 --> 00:00:59,211 And... Fine, I googled myself, okay? 24 00:00:59,279 --> 00:01:00,913 You got me. But check this out. 25 00:01:00,981 --> 00:01:03,115 I found a web site for a group called 26 00:01:03,183 --> 00:01:05,784 The rhode island society for special literary excellence, 27 00:01:05,852 --> 00:01:08,854 And they happen to have chosen to read and discuss my book, 28 00:01:08,922 --> 00:01:10,222 Faster than the speed of love. 29 00:01:10,290 --> 00:01:12,625 See? I knew it was just a matter of time 30 00:01:12,692 --> 00:01:14,460 Before somebody would recognize my genius. 31 00:01:14,527 --> 00:01:15,928 Whoa, take it easy. 32 00:01:15,996 --> 00:01:18,297 You're getting a bigger head than chris matthews. 33 00:01:18,365 --> 00:01:20,633 The economy's in the news today, and congress is considering 34 00:01:20,700 --> 00:01:22,067 A minimum wage increase. 35 00:01:22,135 --> 00:01:24,036 Live by satellite to talk about it, 36 00:01:24,104 --> 00:01:25,938 Senator harry reid in washington. 37 00:01:26,006 --> 00:01:28,374 How about it, senator reid-- is this the right move 38 00:01:28,441 --> 00:01:30,042 During the worst recession since the 1930s? 39 00:01:30,110 --> 00:01:32,411 Look, if we're gonna get this economy back on track, 40 00:01:32,479 --> 00:01:34,580 We have to get more money in the pockets of hard-working 41 00:01:34,648 --> 00:01:37,082 Republicans are saying this increase is gonna, in fact, americans who are the backbone 42 00:01:37,150 --> 00:01:39,318 Put more people out of work and make it harder of the american economy, 43 00:01:39,386 --> 00:01:41,520 For american employers to compete instead of lining the pockets 44 00:01:41,588 --> 00:01:43,789 In the global marketplace. Of the ultra-rich who are the people who caused this collapse. 45 00:01:43,857 --> 00:01:45,858 Wouldn't it? Senator, wouldn't it... Senator... Chris, if-if I could just... 46 00:01:45,925 --> 00:01:47,993 Senator, let me finish. Chris? If I could j... Chris, if I... 47 00:01:48,061 --> 00:01:50,462 My forehead, my rules. 48 00:01:50,530 --> 00:01:51,964 Let's go to los angeles. 49 00:01:52,032 --> 00:01:53,866 Big actor, played the father in that 70's show, 50 00:01:53,933 --> 00:01:54,900 Kurtwood smith. 51 00:01:54,968 --> 00:01:56,235 How's it going, kurtwood? 52 00:01:56,302 --> 00:01:58,037 Good. Thanks for having me. 53 00:02:01,107 --> 00:02:03,842 Quagmire, it's so awesome that you could come over after work today. 54 00:02:03,910 --> 00:02:05,044 I know. I'm so psyched. 55 00:02:05,111 --> 00:02:06,111 Hey, let's make some kool aid! 56 00:02:06,179 --> 00:02:08,213 No, we got to wait for lois to do it. 57 00:02:08,281 --> 00:02:10,049 No, we don't-- I know how to make kool aid. 58 00:02:10,116 --> 00:02:11,884 No, quagmire! We're not a'sposed to... 59 00:02:11,951 --> 00:02:13,085 (gasps) 60 00:02:13,153 --> 00:02:15,654 Lois (calling): I'm home, peter! 61 00:02:15,722 --> 00:02:18,190 Oh, hi, glenn... 62 00:02:18,258 --> 00:02:20,225 Peter, can you help me with the... 63 00:02:20,293 --> 00:02:22,494 Oh, peter griffin! 64 00:02:22,562 --> 00:02:25,431 Peter, you come out here right now and clean up this mess! 65 00:02:25,498 --> 00:02:27,733 No! You said I could have two friends over, 66 00:02:27,801 --> 00:02:29,234 And I didn't-- joe couldn't come! 67 00:02:29,302 --> 00:02:30,936 So I only had one friend over, 68 00:02:31,004 --> 00:02:32,705 And it was just me and quagmire, 69 00:02:32,772 --> 00:02:34,740 And I said we could make kool aid 70 00:02:34,808 --> 00:02:35,974 Instead of the other friend! 71 00:02:36,042 --> 00:02:37,743 You come out here right now! 72 00:02:37,811 --> 00:02:39,244 Bonnie's way cooler than you! 73 00:02:39,312 --> 00:02:40,913 Joe has computer games! 74 00:02:44,150 --> 00:02:45,951 Peter, it took me a half hour 75 00:02:46,019 --> 00:02:47,820 To clean up all that kool aid. 76 00:02:47,887 --> 00:02:50,489 I am sick as hell of you constantly making a mess 77 00:02:50,557 --> 00:02:52,825 Of this house and having to clean up after you. 78 00:02:52,892 --> 00:02:54,326 So I hired a maid. 79 00:02:54,394 --> 00:02:56,161 What, are you nuts? We don't have the money for that. 80 00:02:56,229 --> 00:02:58,097 Oh, really? And what about the peter copter? 81 00:02:58,164 --> 00:03:00,466 Did we not have money for the peter copter? 82 00:03:00,533 --> 00:03:02,634 Hey, did I say anything when you bought that iron? 83 00:03:02,702 --> 00:03:04,937 Whatever. I want you to meet consuela. 84 00:03:06,272 --> 00:03:08,607 Consuela, this is my husband, peter, 85 00:03:08,675 --> 00:03:10,075 And these are our children. 86 00:03:10,143 --> 00:03:12,144 Oh. Hello, mr. Peter. 87 00:03:12,212 --> 00:03:14,413 Hello, mr. Children. 88 00:03:14,481 --> 00:03:17,116 Consuela's gonna be our new housekeeper. 89 00:03:17,183 --> 00:03:19,485 Why is she wearing makeup like she's going out? 90 00:03:19,552 --> 00:03:21,186 Is this "going out" for them? 91 00:03:24,557 --> 00:03:26,892 Hey, where you going all dressed up? 92 00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:28,093 Oh, nowhere important. 93 00:03:28,161 --> 00:03:29,862 Just this special dinner in my honor. 94 00:03:29,929 --> 00:03:31,964 It's being thrown by the rhode island society 95 00:03:32,031 --> 00:03:33,799 For special literary excellence. 96 00:03:35,101 --> 00:03:36,368 What's that? 97 00:03:36,436 --> 00:03:37,970 Nobody said anything, brian. 98 00:03:38,037 --> 00:03:40,639 Oh, I thought someone just asked why they're honoring me. 99 00:03:40,707 --> 00:03:42,841 No. Nobody asked that. Oh, okay. 100 00:03:42,909 --> 00:03:44,276 I-it's no big deal-- it's actually, 101 00:03:44,344 --> 00:03:46,178 It's just you remember the book I wrote, 102 00:03:46,246 --> 00:03:47,646 Faster than the speed of love? 103 00:03:47,714 --> 00:03:49,114 They loved the book so much, 104 00:03:49,182 --> 00:03:51,283 They want to give me their most prestigious award. 105 00:03:51,351 --> 00:03:52,384 Mmm. 106 00:03:52,452 --> 00:03:54,086 Look, this is a really big deal. 107 00:03:54,154 --> 00:03:56,255 It'd be nice to get some support around here! 108 00:03:56,322 --> 00:03:58,657 Oh, I'm sorry, brian. That's great news! 109 00:03:58,725 --> 00:04:01,426 (laughs): Yeah, what channel will the awards ceremony be on? 110 00:04:01,494 --> 00:04:03,228 Oh, are they having an awards ceremony 111 00:04:03,296 --> 00:04:05,497 For how well you did the dishes last night? 112 00:04:05,565 --> 00:04:08,333 Ha! You got nothing going on. 113 00:04:13,273 --> 00:04:14,339 Hi, brian. 114 00:04:14,407 --> 00:04:16,074 I'm kathy from the book society. 115 00:04:16,142 --> 00:04:17,576 So glad you could come. 116 00:04:17,644 --> 00:04:19,044 Hi there. Uh, you know, 117 00:04:19,112 --> 00:04:21,013 I wasn't sure I had the right address. 118 00:04:21,080 --> 00:04:22,381 Pizza parlor, huh? 119 00:04:22,448 --> 00:04:24,650 (chuckles): Yeah. The group loves this place. 120 00:04:24,717 --> 00:04:26,852 Oh, hey, this is fine. I-I like this place. 121 00:04:26,920 --> 00:04:28,520 It's... I'm a... 122 00:04:28,588 --> 00:04:31,924 I'm a pizza dawg. 123 00:04:31,991 --> 00:04:33,826 So, how long have you been a member 124 00:04:33,893 --> 00:04:35,994 Of the rhode island society for special literary excellence? 125 00:04:36,062 --> 00:04:38,697 Oh, no, I'm not a member; I'm their chaperone. 126 00:04:38,765 --> 00:04:40,365 Chaperone? Yeah, uh-huh. 127 00:04:40,433 --> 00:04:42,100 We're in that section right over there. 128 00:04:43,703 --> 00:04:45,370 Hey! There he is! 129 00:04:45,438 --> 00:04:46,905 It's brian griffin! 130 00:04:46,973 --> 00:04:48,073 Damn it, randy! 131 00:04:48,141 --> 00:04:49,975 You just spilled my juice box! 132 00:04:54,080 --> 00:04:55,414 Oh. 133 00:04:55,481 --> 00:04:57,649 They absolutely love your book. 134 00:04:57,717 --> 00:05:01,086 The simplistic writing style is very graspable to them. 135 00:05:01,154 --> 00:05:04,489 Here's your award-- I made it all by myself. 136 00:05:04,557 --> 00:05:05,691 Thanks. 137 00:05:05,758 --> 00:05:08,093 Hey, brian! Smell my finger! 138 00:05:08,161 --> 00:05:10,495 I-I... I... I already can. 139 00:05:16,035 --> 00:05:19,638 Lois was right-- I'm not a writer, I'm a joke. 140 00:05:19,706 --> 00:05:22,507 I'm one big, fat, ridiculous joke. 141 00:05:22,575 --> 00:05:25,010 Well, maybe you just didn't try hard enough, brian. 142 00:05:25,078 --> 00:05:26,879 You know what, father from "family circus"? 143 00:05:26,946 --> 00:05:28,780 All you do is judge other people. 144 00:05:28,848 --> 00:05:31,216 Every day in the funnies, all you do is judge. 145 00:05:31,284 --> 00:05:33,752 Why don't you shut your (bleep) damn mouth for once 146 00:05:33,820 --> 00:05:36,521 And go home and (bleep) your wife in the face! 147 00:05:36,589 --> 00:05:37,956 You know what? 148 00:05:38,024 --> 00:05:41,093 That's exactly what I'm gonna do. 149 00:05:45,465 --> 00:05:47,900 (tires squealing) 150 00:05:57,911 --> 00:05:58,844 (sighs): Ah, almost home. 151 00:05:58,912 --> 00:05:59,845 Oh, my god! 152 00:05:59,913 --> 00:06:02,314 (tires screech, loud thump) 153 00:06:02,382 --> 00:06:05,651 Oh, please be okay, please be okay, please be okay. 154 00:06:05,718 --> 00:06:07,085 Oh, thank god! 155 00:06:07,153 --> 00:06:08,620 Okay, you're gonna be okay, you're gonna be o... 156 00:06:08,688 --> 00:06:10,389 Oh, my god! 157 00:06:10,456 --> 00:06:12,224 (tires squeal) 158 00:06:25,972 --> 00:06:28,173 Oh, my god, yes! 159 00:06:28,241 --> 00:06:30,108 Brian killed a dog! 160 00:06:30,176 --> 00:06:32,144 This is fantastic! 161 00:06:32,211 --> 00:06:34,479 Oh, mr. Swanson is sleep-dragging again. 162 00:06:34,547 --> 00:06:36,081 I'm flying. 163 00:06:36,149 --> 00:06:37,749 I'm flying! 164 00:06:44,116 --> 00:06:46,451 I clean in here? Uh, yeah, that's fine. 165 00:06:46,518 --> 00:06:49,954 I'm just reading the funnies, so keep it down. 166 00:06:50,022 --> 00:06:52,757 This is a very shocking "family circus." 167 00:06:54,726 --> 00:06:57,995 Radio announcer: Es el tiempo para muchos hornos! 168 00:06:58,063 --> 00:06:59,764 Muchos hornos! (lively latin horns play) 169 00:06:59,832 --> 00:07:01,232 ¶ muchos hornos ¶ 170 00:07:01,300 --> 00:07:03,201 (horns playing) 171 00:07:03,268 --> 00:07:04,802 ¶ muchos hornos ¶ 172 00:07:04,870 --> 00:07:06,604 (horns playing) 173 00:07:06,672 --> 00:07:08,239 ¶ muchos hornos ¶ 174 00:07:08,307 --> 00:07:09,941 (horns playing) 175 00:07:10,008 --> 00:07:12,043 ¶ muchos hornos ¶ 176 00:07:12,111 --> 00:07:14,112 ¶ ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai ¶ (groans) 177 00:07:14,179 --> 00:07:17,415 ¶ ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai... ¶ 178 00:07:25,023 --> 00:07:27,158 (tires screech, dog yelps) 179 00:07:32,331 --> 00:07:33,698 There you are! 180 00:07:33,765 --> 00:07:35,566 Uh, what?! Well, you're jumpy. 181 00:07:35,634 --> 00:07:37,802 So, did you hear all that noise last night? 182 00:07:37,870 --> 00:07:39,570 I swear to god, it sounded like 183 00:07:39,638 --> 00:07:42,173 Somebody had an accident and maybe somebody got hurt. 184 00:07:42,241 --> 00:07:44,008 What? Wh-what are you talking about? 185 00:07:44,076 --> 00:07:45,343 Yeah, something must've gone done. 186 00:07:45,410 --> 00:07:46,911 The cops were poking around. 187 00:07:46,979 --> 00:07:48,679 What do you mean, like-like joe? 188 00:07:48,747 --> 00:07:50,848 No. Staties, man, staties. 189 00:07:50,916 --> 00:07:54,352 I wouldn't be surprised if there's something in the paper about it. 190 00:07:59,925 --> 00:08:01,492 Oh, my god! 191 00:08:03,629 --> 00:08:05,229 (line rings) 192 00:08:05,297 --> 00:08:06,631 (gruff voice): Yeah? Uh, yes, I'm calling 193 00:08:06,698 --> 00:08:08,266 About the ad in the paper? 194 00:08:08,333 --> 00:08:10,401 You seen my dog? You callin' about my dog? 195 00:08:10,469 --> 00:08:12,870 He's all I got, 'cause I'm a young street tough, 196 00:08:12,938 --> 00:08:14,739 And my parents ain't so good to me. 197 00:08:14,806 --> 00:08:16,841 So, have you heard anything? 198 00:08:16,909 --> 00:08:19,477 Did anybody see anything? Or anybody? 199 00:08:19,545 --> 00:08:21,179 I can see ol' reggie now, 200 00:08:21,246 --> 00:08:23,281 Sittin' there with a smile on his face, 201 00:08:23,348 --> 00:08:26,484 Listenin' to me talk about how daddy beats me somethin' fierce. 202 00:08:26,552 --> 00:08:28,986 Okay, so sounds like no leads, then, right? 203 00:08:29,054 --> 00:08:30,388 Oh, no, no. 204 00:08:30,455 --> 00:08:31,923 Doggy out. What? 205 00:08:31,990 --> 00:08:33,624 Out. Afuera. I live here. 206 00:08:33,692 --> 00:08:35,159 No, no. Afuera. 207 00:08:35,227 --> 00:08:36,127 But, look, I'm trying... 208 00:08:36,195 --> 00:08:37,528 Aah! (grunts) 209 00:08:37,596 --> 00:08:39,063 ¿hola? 210 00:08:39,131 --> 00:08:40,665 Stewie: Yes, could you please put brian back on? 211 00:08:40,732 --> 00:08:44,202 No, no. Do... Doggy afuera. 212 00:08:44,269 --> 00:08:45,436 You're the new housekeeper, aren't you? 213 00:08:45,504 --> 00:08:46,671 Si. 214 00:08:46,738 --> 00:08:48,172 Listen, I don't want to point fingers, 215 00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:50,408 But I'm missing about a thousand dollars in play money. 216 00:08:50,475 --> 00:08:51,542 I take. 217 00:08:51,610 --> 00:08:52,977 Wha-what... You-you took it? 218 00:08:53,045 --> 00:08:53,945 Si. 219 00:08:54,012 --> 00:08:55,079 Well, give it back! 220 00:08:55,147 --> 00:08:57,181 Come get, bitch. 221 00:08:58,750 --> 00:09:01,519 Hey, brian, you want to see what I drew in arts and crafts 222 00:09:01,587 --> 00:09:02,987 At day care? 223 00:09:03,055 --> 00:09:04,989 This is called "happy sun." 224 00:09:05,057 --> 00:09:07,458 This one's called "silly space man." 225 00:09:07,526 --> 00:09:09,360 See? 'cause he's in the forest. 226 00:09:09,428 --> 00:09:13,864 And this one I call "alive dog burying dead dog." 227 00:09:13,932 --> 00:09:15,199 This is a photograph! 228 00:09:15,267 --> 00:09:16,200 Oh, is it? 229 00:09:16,268 --> 00:09:17,468 Wait a minute. 230 00:09:17,536 --> 00:09:19,503 You saw the whole thing? Yes, indeed. 231 00:09:19,571 --> 00:09:21,839 (laughs): Oh, boy, have I been having some fun 232 00:09:21,907 --> 00:09:23,441 At your expense, old man! 233 00:09:23,508 --> 00:09:25,142 How could you do that to me? 234 00:09:25,210 --> 00:09:28,012 Do you have any idea how upset I am about all this? 235 00:09:28,080 --> 00:09:29,914 I killed one of my own kind, stewie. 236 00:09:29,982 --> 00:09:32,016 How would you feel if you killed a baby? 237 00:09:32,084 --> 00:09:34,018 Well, I've killed seven, but the point is, 238 00:09:34,086 --> 00:09:36,921 You might feel better if you just confess to what you've done. 239 00:09:36,989 --> 00:09:39,590 (sighs): Maybe you're right. 240 00:09:45,097 --> 00:09:48,599 Everyone, I have something very important to tell you. 241 00:09:48,667 --> 00:09:50,568 Is this about meg's cervical cancer? 242 00:09:50,636 --> 00:09:51,769 What?! 243 00:09:51,837 --> 00:09:54,238 (laughing): You always fall for that! 244 00:09:54,306 --> 00:09:56,307 You can't always fall for that! 245 00:09:56,375 --> 00:09:58,142 You-you just can't! 246 00:09:58,210 --> 00:09:59,577 Go ahead, brian. 247 00:09:59,645 --> 00:10:00,511 (knock at door) 248 00:10:02,881 --> 00:10:04,682 Hi, joe. Thanks for coming. 249 00:10:06,218 --> 00:10:07,952 Okay, now that joe's here, 250 00:10:08,020 --> 00:10:10,421 I can say this in front of all of you. 251 00:10:10,489 --> 00:10:12,757 Everyone... 252 00:10:12,824 --> 00:10:14,525 I am a criminal. 253 00:10:14,593 --> 00:10:16,627 A few nights ago, I committed a murder. 254 00:10:16,695 --> 00:10:19,730 Then I buried the body and even went out of my way 255 00:10:19,798 --> 00:10:21,065 To cover up the evidence. 256 00:10:21,133 --> 00:10:22,366 Oh, my god! 257 00:10:22,434 --> 00:10:24,669 These are very serious charges, brian. 258 00:10:24,736 --> 00:10:26,437 I know, and that's why I'm prepared 259 00:10:26,505 --> 00:10:29,607 For you to arrest me and take me to jail where I belong. 260 00:10:29,675 --> 00:10:31,375 I just couldn't take the stress anymore. 261 00:10:31,443 --> 00:10:32,710 I had to come clean. 262 00:10:32,778 --> 00:10:34,912 I mean, the truth is, I didn't even stop 263 00:10:34,980 --> 00:10:36,847 To find out if he had an owner. 264 00:10:36,915 --> 00:10:38,382 I just completely... Wait, wait, owner? 265 00:10:38,450 --> 00:10:40,618 What are you talking about? I just told you. 266 00:10:40,686 --> 00:10:42,720 I hit and killed a dog with my car! 267 00:10:44,523 --> 00:10:46,557 (others laughing) 268 00:10:46,625 --> 00:10:47,992 What? 269 00:10:48,060 --> 00:10:49,827 (laughs): Brian... It's a dog! 270 00:10:49,895 --> 00:10:51,395 That's not a crime! 271 00:10:51,463 --> 00:10:52,496 What do you mean? 272 00:10:52,564 --> 00:10:53,998 Well... I mean, 273 00:10:54,066 --> 00:10:56,334 It's not like you killed a person. 274 00:10:56,401 --> 00:10:58,903 Or-or even ran over somebody's mailbox. 275 00:10:58,970 --> 00:11:01,005 Killing a dog is not a crime? 276 00:11:01,073 --> 00:11:03,808 (laughing): Of-of course not! 277 00:11:03,875 --> 00:11:05,076 Yeah, especially for you. 278 00:11:05,143 --> 00:11:06,677 An animal killing another animal? 279 00:11:06,745 --> 00:11:08,179 That happens all the time. 280 00:11:10,115 --> 00:11:13,584 Hey, sweet-ass, last night was fantastic. 281 00:11:13,652 --> 00:11:15,886 Hello? Where'd you go? 282 00:11:18,523 --> 00:11:19,690 (gasps) 283 00:11:22,461 --> 00:11:24,328 (screeches) 284 00:11:24,396 --> 00:11:28,332 Oh. Well, then I guess I worried for nothing. 285 00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:30,434 Yeah, nobody cares if a dog gets killed. 286 00:11:32,404 --> 00:11:34,205 I could do it, brian! I could do it right now! 287 00:11:34,272 --> 00:11:35,773 Nobody would say a thing! 288 00:11:35,841 --> 00:11:38,342 I could blow your brains out and they'd throw me a parade! 289 00:11:38,410 --> 00:11:40,111 What? Eh, I'm just screwing around, brian. 290 00:11:40,178 --> 00:11:41,245 Nobody cares. 291 00:11:48,854 --> 00:11:50,187 Peter, what are you doing? 292 00:11:50,255 --> 00:11:51,822 She's still here, lois. 293 00:11:51,890 --> 00:11:53,958 Wasn't she supposed to leave like two hours ago? 294 00:11:54,025 --> 00:11:56,527 I thought so. Go ask her what she's doing. 295 00:11:56,595 --> 00:11:58,229 I'm not asking her. You go ask her. 296 00:12:00,198 --> 00:12:03,834 Uh, consuela? I thought you finished cleaning hours ago. 297 00:12:03,902 --> 00:12:05,269 Yeah, what are you still doing here? 298 00:12:05,337 --> 00:12:07,304 I wait for rain to stop. 299 00:12:07,372 --> 00:12:09,006 It's time for you to go home. 300 00:12:09,074 --> 00:12:11,242 Is too much rain. I stay. 301 00:12:11,309 --> 00:12:12,777 But it's gonna rain all night. 302 00:12:12,844 --> 00:12:14,311 I sleep here. 303 00:12:14,379 --> 00:12:15,946 Uh, I don't know about that. 304 00:12:16,014 --> 00:12:17,415 I sleep here. 305 00:12:19,718 --> 00:12:21,952 Can I get some covers over here? 306 00:12:22,020 --> 00:12:25,923 No. No. You fat keep you warm. 307 00:12:32,798 --> 00:12:34,732 No, no... 308 00:12:43,809 --> 00:12:46,644 You know, brian, I love it here at the ice cream shop. 309 00:12:46,711 --> 00:12:48,712 In fact, this is gonna be my happy place. 310 00:12:48,780 --> 00:12:51,048 If I ever get molested or raped, this is the place 311 00:12:51,116 --> 00:12:52,817 I'm gonna think of to make everything all right. 312 00:12:52,884 --> 00:12:53,851 That's great, stewie. 313 00:12:53,919 --> 00:12:55,553 Hey, what's up your fanny? 314 00:12:55,620 --> 00:12:58,422 Nothing. I'm just-- I'm a little bummed out from the other day. 315 00:12:58,490 --> 00:13:01,592 I just can't believe our society actually values 316 00:13:01,660 --> 00:13:04,595 The life of a dog less than that of a human. It's infuriating. 317 00:13:04,663 --> 00:13:06,864 That is infuriating. Maybe you should go bark 318 00:13:06,932 --> 00:13:09,366 At a tree and chew on your balls for an hour. 319 00:13:09,434 --> 00:13:11,569 You know, that's the problem. That's usually the way I'd 320 00:13:11,636 --> 00:13:13,404 Handle this kind of thing, but not this time. 321 00:13:13,472 --> 00:13:14,972 I mean, look at that dog over there. 322 00:13:15,040 --> 00:13:17,107 You think he wants to be tied to that chair, 323 00:13:17,175 --> 00:13:19,477 Waiting in the hot sun while his owner gets ice cream? 324 00:13:19,544 --> 00:13:21,812 Hell, no! I am gonna make people see 325 00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:24,949 That an animal's life is just as important as a human's! 326 00:13:26,485 --> 00:13:29,720 Go, fellow canine, be free and enjoy life! 327 00:13:31,256 --> 00:13:32,790 (screams) oh, my god! Help! Help! 328 00:13:32,858 --> 00:13:35,526 It's killing my dog! 329 00:13:35,594 --> 00:13:38,028 (screams) he's got my neck! 330 00:13:38,096 --> 00:13:42,566 (groaning) 331 00:13:42,634 --> 00:13:44,668 (gunshots) 332 00:13:44,736 --> 00:13:48,973 (sobbing): Oh, my god! My dog is dead! 333 00:13:49,040 --> 00:13:51,542 Maybe that's why he was tied up. 334 00:13:54,584 --> 00:13:57,987 Meg, will you take one of these and pass it down, please? 335 00:13:58,055 --> 00:14:00,356 What's this? I'm starting a new advocacy group. 336 00:14:00,424 --> 00:14:02,725 The quahog animal equal rights league. 337 00:14:02,793 --> 00:14:04,327 Our first meeting is tomorrow night, 338 00:14:04,394 --> 00:14:06,095 And I'd really appreciate it if you guys 339 00:14:06,163 --> 00:14:07,463 Would come and show your support. 340 00:14:07,531 --> 00:14:10,299 Well, of course we will, brian. We'd be happy to come. 341 00:14:10,367 --> 00:14:12,134 Terrific. See, I thought I'd start locally, 342 00:14:12,202 --> 00:14:14,737 And then maybe try to merge with one of the larger groups. 343 00:14:14,805 --> 00:14:18,040 Oh, that's a great idea, brian. Maybe you could join peta. 344 00:14:18,108 --> 00:14:19,108 Join me for what? 345 00:14:19,176 --> 00:14:20,776 No, peta. The organization. 346 00:14:20,844 --> 00:14:21,811 What organization? 347 00:14:21,878 --> 00:14:23,179 Peta. What? 348 00:14:23,246 --> 00:14:24,847 Peta is an acronym, peter. 349 00:14:24,915 --> 00:14:26,148 No, I'm not! I'm catholic! 350 00:14:26,216 --> 00:14:27,616 Are we really doing this? 351 00:14:27,684 --> 00:14:30,486 No, peter, I'm just saying, maybe if this meeting goes well, 352 00:14:30,554 --> 00:14:32,488 Brian could be part of a peta rally. 353 00:14:32,556 --> 00:14:33,956 Somebody's having a rally for me now? 354 00:14:34,024 --> 00:14:34,990 No, for peta. 355 00:14:35,058 --> 00:14:36,559 That's me! I'm peter! 356 00:14:36,626 --> 00:14:40,029 I'm not talking about you, peter! I'm talking about peta! 357 00:14:40,097 --> 00:14:42,531 Somebody better have something to say to me pretty damn soon, 358 00:14:42,599 --> 00:14:44,367 Or I'm gonna have something to say to them! 359 00:14:44,434 --> 00:14:46,535 I am very busy! 360 00:14:46,603 --> 00:14:48,170 I think betty white is in peta. 361 00:14:48,238 --> 00:14:50,139 That doesn't even make any sense! 362 00:14:54,378 --> 00:14:55,378 (knocking at door) 363 00:14:57,080 --> 00:14:58,447 Oh. Hi, consuela. 364 00:14:58,515 --> 00:15:00,349 Hello, mr. Peter. 365 00:15:00,417 --> 00:15:04,987 No school today, so I bring my nephew, mikey. 366 00:15:05,055 --> 00:15:06,889 You want to buy light-up yo-yo? 367 00:15:06,957 --> 00:15:09,058 Well... Kinda. 368 00:15:10,660 --> 00:15:13,462 That's it. Peter, we have got to get rid of her. 369 00:15:13,530 --> 00:15:15,898 I couldn't agree more. Just let me see if mikey sells 370 00:15:15,966 --> 00:15:18,634 Those things with batteries or what the situation is there. 371 00:15:20,537 --> 00:15:23,773 Consuela, I'm sorry. But this is not working out. 372 00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:25,574 We're asking you to go. 373 00:15:25,642 --> 00:15:28,411 No, I stay. I clean. 374 00:15:28,478 --> 00:15:29,812 You don't understand. You're fired. 375 00:15:29,880 --> 00:15:31,514 No, I keep job. 376 00:15:31,581 --> 00:15:34,450 Here. Here's $40 if you leave right now. 377 00:15:34,518 --> 00:15:36,485 No. I stay. 378 00:15:37,754 --> 00:15:39,989 God, she's more stubborn than you are. 379 00:15:40,056 --> 00:15:42,291 Daddy, I want a turn on the swing set. 380 00:15:42,359 --> 00:15:43,426 No. 381 00:15:43,493 --> 00:15:44,760 But you've gone for two turns. 382 00:15:44,828 --> 00:15:45,995 Get lost. 383 00:15:46,062 --> 00:15:47,963 It looks like fun, and I want to do it. 384 00:15:48,031 --> 00:15:50,733 No, I'm doing it. I'm gonna do a big jump-off. 385 00:15:51,935 --> 00:15:53,969 Aaa! Get mom! 386 00:15:54,037 --> 00:15:56,172 Mom! Mom! Mom! 387 00:15:59,843 --> 00:16:02,344 Good evening, everyone. I want to thank you all 388 00:16:02,412 --> 00:16:04,346 For joining me at this very important event. 389 00:16:04,414 --> 00:16:07,082 Animals are treated as second-class citizens 390 00:16:07,150 --> 00:16:08,884 Everywhere throughout this nation. 391 00:16:08,952 --> 00:16:12,421 We kill them for food, we humiliate them as pets, 392 00:16:12,489 --> 00:16:14,924 And we use them for medical and cosmetic research. 393 00:16:14,991 --> 00:16:16,225 Take a look. 394 00:16:16,293 --> 00:16:19,662 ¶ ¶ 395 00:16:19,729 --> 00:16:22,765 Narrator: Ladies and gentlemen, your animal brethren need your help. 396 00:16:22,833 --> 00:16:24,233 Everywhere they are crying out 397 00:16:24,301 --> 00:16:26,368 In the hopes that someone will hear. 398 00:16:26,436 --> 00:16:28,103 In cosmetic research labs... 399 00:16:29,806 --> 00:16:31,574 Well, the lipstick is not bulletproof. 400 00:16:31,641 --> 00:16:33,876 We know that now! For humans! 401 00:16:33,944 --> 00:16:35,578 On veal farms... 402 00:16:37,481 --> 00:16:38,614 (loud grinding) 403 00:16:43,787 --> 00:16:45,387 (cheering) 404 00:16:45,455 --> 00:16:47,957 And in simple american households... 405 00:16:48,024 --> 00:16:49,825 Okay, barney, I'm going to work now, 406 00:16:49,893 --> 00:16:53,295 But I'm gonna leave npr on for you. 407 00:16:53,363 --> 00:16:54,697 Radio announcer: Good day to you, 408 00:16:54,764 --> 00:16:56,098 And welcome to all things considered, 409 00:16:56,166 --> 00:16:59,568 A show where we talk very softly and right into the mic. 410 00:16:59,636 --> 00:17:01,337 Do you hear that? 411 00:17:01,404 --> 00:17:03,339 I'm whispering right in your ear. 412 00:17:03,406 --> 00:17:05,241 I'm right in your ear. 413 00:17:05,308 --> 00:17:07,309 Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz. 414 00:17:07,377 --> 00:17:09,111 (yelping) 415 00:17:09,179 --> 00:17:12,915 Won't you please do your part to help? Thank you. 416 00:17:12,983 --> 00:17:15,317 Wow. Inspiring stuff. 417 00:17:15,385 --> 00:17:18,220 Now underneath each one of your chairs you'll find a pamphlet 418 00:17:18,288 --> 00:17:20,789 With a simple list of animal rights do's and don't's. 419 00:17:22,292 --> 00:17:24,326 Wait a minute, I'm not allowed to have steak? 420 00:17:24,394 --> 00:17:26,695 Well, no. Steak is made by killing cattle. 421 00:17:26,763 --> 00:17:28,430 No medical research? 422 00:17:28,498 --> 00:17:31,300 But how are we supposed to find cures for disease? 423 00:17:31,368 --> 00:17:33,502 Well, there are many more promising research methods 424 00:17:33,570 --> 00:17:35,504 For curing disease than animal testing. 425 00:17:35,572 --> 00:17:36,505 Name one. 426 00:17:36,573 --> 00:17:37,606 I want a hamburger. 427 00:17:37,674 --> 00:17:39,074 I have a sudden craving for quail. 428 00:17:39,142 --> 00:17:40,910 No, no, you're missing the point. 429 00:17:40,977 --> 00:17:42,945 We've got to change our way of thinking. 430 00:17:43,013 --> 00:17:45,548 Animals are miracles of nature, just like humans. 431 00:17:45,615 --> 00:17:47,583 But our society hasn't figured that out. 432 00:17:47,651 --> 00:17:49,718 Do you know that in some asian countries 433 00:17:49,786 --> 00:17:51,420 They actually cook and eat dogs? 434 00:17:51,488 --> 00:17:54,023 What?! Oh no! 435 00:17:54,090 --> 00:17:55,991 Are they-- are they good? 436 00:17:56,059 --> 00:17:57,793 Yeah, I wonder what they taste like. 437 00:17:57,861 --> 00:18:00,429 I would try it... I mean, if everybody else was. 438 00:18:00,497 --> 00:18:02,364 I'm adventurous. 439 00:18:02,432 --> 00:18:04,199 You know what, you know what? This is driving me crazy. 440 00:18:04,267 --> 00:18:05,501 I wanna eat a dog now. 441 00:18:05,569 --> 00:18:07,169 I say we eat that one! 442 00:18:07,237 --> 00:18:07,736 What?! 443 00:18:07,804 --> 00:18:08,637 Get him! 444 00:18:15,011 --> 00:18:19,281 (sniffling and sobbing) 445 00:18:19,349 --> 00:18:20,916 What the hell is this? 446 00:18:20,984 --> 00:18:23,419 Nobody gives a damn about animals! 447 00:18:23,486 --> 00:18:27,022 I just never realized how little meaning my life had! 448 00:18:27,090 --> 00:18:29,458 Stewie, my life isn't worth anything! 449 00:18:29,526 --> 00:18:32,828 Oh, come on... Hey... 450 00:18:32,896 --> 00:18:35,531 (sobbing) 451 00:18:41,638 --> 00:18:45,074 Don't worry, rupert. I know how to get him out of his funk. 452 00:18:45,141 --> 00:18:47,710 Poor bastard's more upset than I was when I read 453 00:18:47,777 --> 00:18:50,446 Curious george goes to his gym coach's apartment. 454 00:18:50,513 --> 00:18:53,816 Monkeys aren't supposed to drink chardonnay! He's tricking you! 455 00:18:53,883 --> 00:18:55,451 Get out of there! 456 00:18:57,854 --> 00:19:02,024 Announcer: Abogados! Cinco cinco cinco, cinco cinco cinco cinco! 457 00:19:02,092 --> 00:19:04,293 ¿accidente? Abogados! 458 00:19:04,361 --> 00:19:07,730 Cinco cinco cinco, cinco cinco cinco cinco! 459 00:19:07,797 --> 00:19:11,100 Uh, consuela, does this rag smell like chloroform? 460 00:19:11,167 --> 00:19:13,302 No, no, is no-- 461 00:19:16,306 --> 00:19:17,406 (doorbell chimes) 462 00:19:19,576 --> 00:19:23,212 I need more lemon pledge. 463 00:19:23,279 --> 00:19:24,313 Okay. 464 00:19:27,417 --> 00:19:28,717 (knocking) 465 00:19:30,086 --> 00:19:31,420 Is this the griffin household? 466 00:19:31,488 --> 00:19:32,755 Yes... 467 00:19:32,822 --> 00:19:34,790 There was a fire at quahog liquor last night. 468 00:19:34,858 --> 00:19:36,191 No people were killed, 469 00:19:36,259 --> 00:19:38,594 But the burned body of a dog was found inside. 470 00:19:38,662 --> 00:19:40,596 The tag on the collar says he lived here. 471 00:19:40,664 --> 00:19:41,864 I'm sorry. 472 00:19:41,931 --> 00:19:44,833 Oh, my god! Brian! 473 00:19:44,901 --> 00:19:47,002 What the hell happened? 474 00:19:47,070 --> 00:19:49,672 Brian's dead! 475 00:19:51,074 --> 00:19:54,009 Hey, come here. Got something you'll wanna see. 476 00:19:59,616 --> 00:20:02,117 I can't believe brian's dead. 477 00:20:02,185 --> 00:20:07,322 My best friend in the whole world... And he's gone. 478 00:20:07,390 --> 00:20:09,625 (sobbing) 479 00:20:09,693 --> 00:20:13,328 You know, peter, I think he was also my best friend. 480 00:20:13,396 --> 00:20:15,798 He was the smartest person I knew. 481 00:20:15,865 --> 00:20:18,367 Nothing will ever be the same again. 482 00:20:22,505 --> 00:20:25,774 Wow. I guess my life does have meaning. 483 00:20:25,842 --> 00:20:29,478 I never realized how important I was to this family. 484 00:20:29,546 --> 00:20:31,747 Wait a second. Just to prove a point to me, 485 00:20:31,815 --> 00:20:34,583 You burned down a liquor store and murdered a dog?! 486 00:20:34,651 --> 00:20:36,652 Well, a stray. 487 00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:37,986 Thank you. 488 00:20:38,054 --> 00:20:40,022 Well, I guess we should tell them the truth now. 489 00:20:40,090 --> 00:20:41,490 Well, hold... Hold on a sec. 490 00:20:41,558 --> 00:20:44,493 We could... Probably let 'em go for just a few more minutes. 491 00:20:44,561 --> 00:20:48,964 (sobbing) 492 00:20:51,901 --> 00:20:55,070 Hi, we here at family guy want you to know that we respect 493 00:20:55,138 --> 00:20:57,506 All living beings and assure you that no animals 494 00:20:57,574 --> 00:20:59,842 Were harmed in the making of this episode. 495 00:20:59,909 --> 00:21:01,610 But we're about to hurt the feelings 496 00:21:01,678 --> 00:21:03,212 Of this italian opera singer 497 00:21:03,279 --> 00:21:05,948 By prematurely dropping the curtain on his performance. 498 00:21:06,015 --> 00:21:08,317 ¶ figaro li, figaro la, figaro mi, figaro... ¶ 499 00:21:08,318 --> 00:21:11,318 Sync by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com