1
00:00:01,221 --> 00:00:04,057
¶ it seems today
that all you see ¶
2
00:00:04,124 --> 00:00:07,326
¶ is violence in movies
and sex on tv ¶
3
00:00:07,394 --> 00:00:10,963
¶ but where are those
good old-fashioned values ¶
4
00:00:11,031 --> 00:00:13,900
¶ on which we used to rely? ¶
5
00:00:13,967 --> 00:00:17,336
¶ lucky there's a family guy ¶
6
00:00:17,404 --> 00:00:20,640
¶ lucky there's a man who
positively can do ¶
7
00:00:20,707 --> 00:00:22,241
¶ all the things that make us ¶
8
00:00:22,309 --> 00:00:23,676
¶ laugh and cry ¶
9
00:00:23,744 --> 00:00:25,278
¶ he's... A...
Fam... Ily... Guy! ¶
10
00:00:25,345 --> 00:00:34,081
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
11
00:00:35,988 --> 00:00:36,956
Hey, what are you doing
with my laptop?
12
00:00:37,524 --> 00:00:38,591
Going through
your stuff.
13
00:00:38,658 --> 00:00:40,459
Why are you getting
mapquest directions
14
00:00:40,527 --> 00:00:41,760
To abigail
breslin's house?
15
00:00:42,328 --> 00:00:44,162
I just think she's
a one-of-a-kind spirit,
16
00:00:44,229 --> 00:00:45,297
And I don't want to see
her go down the wrong...
17
00:00:45,365 --> 00:00:47,499
What the hell are you doing
going through my personal stuff?
18
00:00:47,567 --> 00:00:49,068
You should really
clear your history.
19
00:00:49,135 --> 00:00:51,604
I noticed you googled yourself,
you egomaniac.
20
00:00:51,671 --> 00:00:53,038
Whoa, whoa,
th-that wasn't me.
21
00:00:53,106 --> 00:00:54,807
Maybe lois
got on there.
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
22
00:00:54,874 --> 00:00:57,176
She's fascinated by things
that are going in my life,
oh. Oh, yeah.
23
00:00:57,243 --> 00:00:59,211
And... Fine, I
googled myself, okay?
24
00:00:59,279 --> 00:01:00,913
You got me.
But check this out.
25
00:01:00,981 --> 00:01:03,115
I found a web site
for a group called
26
00:01:03,183 --> 00:01:05,784
The rhode island society
for special literary excellence,
27
00:01:05,852 --> 00:01:08,854
And they happen to have chosen
to read and discuss my book,
28
00:01:08,922 --> 00:01:10,222
Faster than
the speed of love.
29
00:01:10,290 --> 00:01:12,625
See? I knew it was
just a matter of time
30
00:01:12,692 --> 00:01:14,460
Before somebody would
recognize my genius.
31
00:01:14,527 --> 00:01:15,928
Whoa, take it easy.
32
00:01:15,996 --> 00:01:18,297
You're getting a bigger
head than chris matthews.
33
00:01:18,365 --> 00:01:20,633
The economy's in the news today,
and congress is considering
34
00:01:20,700 --> 00:01:22,067
A minimum wage increase.
35
00:01:22,135 --> 00:01:24,036
Live by satellite
to talk about it,
36
00:01:24,104 --> 00:01:25,938
Senator harry reid
in washington.
37
00:01:26,006 --> 00:01:28,374
How about it, senator reid--
is this the right move
38
00:01:28,441 --> 00:01:30,042
During the worst recession
since the 1930s?
39
00:01:30,110 --> 00:01:32,411
Look, if we're gonna get
this economy back on track,
40
00:01:32,479 --> 00:01:34,580
We have to get more money in
the pockets of hard-working
41
00:01:34,648 --> 00:01:37,082
Republicans are saying
this increase is gonna, in fact,
americans who are the backbone
42
00:01:37,150 --> 00:01:39,318
Put more people out of work
and make it harder
of the american economy,
43
00:01:39,386 --> 00:01:41,520
For american employers
to compete
instead of lining the pockets
44
00:01:41,588 --> 00:01:43,789
In the global marketplace.
Of the ultra-rich who are the
people who caused this collapse.
45
00:01:43,857 --> 00:01:45,858
Wouldn't it? Senator,
wouldn't it... Senator...
Chris, if-if I could just...
46
00:01:45,925 --> 00:01:47,993
Senator, let me finish.
Chris? If I could j...
Chris, if I...
47
00:01:48,061 --> 00:01:50,462
My forehead, my rules.
48
00:01:50,530 --> 00:01:51,964
Let's go to los angeles.
49
00:01:52,032 --> 00:01:53,866
Big actor, played the father
in that 70's show,
50
00:01:53,933 --> 00:01:54,900
Kurtwood smith.
51
00:01:54,968 --> 00:01:56,235
How's it going, kurtwood?
52
00:01:56,302 --> 00:01:58,037
Good. Thanks for having me.
53
00:02:01,107 --> 00:02:03,842
Quagmire, it's so awesome
that you could come over
after work today.
54
00:02:03,910 --> 00:02:05,044
I know.
I'm so psyched.
55
00:02:05,111 --> 00:02:06,111
Hey, let's make
some kool aid!
56
00:02:06,179 --> 00:02:08,213
No, we got to wait
for lois to do it.
57
00:02:08,281 --> 00:02:10,049
No, we don't-- I know
how to make kool aid.
58
00:02:10,116 --> 00:02:11,884
No, quagmire!
We're not a'sposed to...
59
00:02:11,951 --> 00:02:13,085
(gasps)
60
00:02:13,153 --> 00:02:15,654
Lois (calling):
I'm home, peter!
61
00:02:15,722 --> 00:02:18,190
Oh, hi, glenn...
62
00:02:18,258 --> 00:02:20,225
Peter, can you
help me with the...
63
00:02:20,293 --> 00:02:22,494
Oh, peter griffin!
64
00:02:22,562 --> 00:02:25,431
Peter, you come out here right
now and clean up this mess!
65
00:02:25,498 --> 00:02:27,733
No! You said I could
have two friends over,
66
00:02:27,801 --> 00:02:29,234
And I didn't--
joe couldn't come!
67
00:02:29,302 --> 00:02:30,936
So I only had
one friend over,
68
00:02:31,004 --> 00:02:32,705
And it was just
me and quagmire,
69
00:02:32,772 --> 00:02:34,740
And I said we could
make kool aid
70
00:02:34,808 --> 00:02:35,974
Instead of the
other friend!
71
00:02:36,042 --> 00:02:37,743
You come out here right now!
72
00:02:37,811 --> 00:02:39,244
Bonnie's way
cooler than you!
73
00:02:39,312 --> 00:02:40,913
Joe has
computer games!
74
00:02:44,150 --> 00:02:45,951
Peter, it took me
a half hour
75
00:02:46,019 --> 00:02:47,820
To clean up
all that kool aid.
76
00:02:47,887 --> 00:02:50,489
I am sick as hell of you
constantly making a mess
77
00:02:50,557 --> 00:02:52,825
Of this house and having
to clean up after you.
78
00:02:52,892 --> 00:02:54,326
So I hired a maid.
79
00:02:54,394 --> 00:02:56,161
What, are you nuts? We don't
have the money for that.
80
00:02:56,229 --> 00:02:58,097
Oh, really? And what about
the peter copter?
81
00:02:58,164 --> 00:03:00,466
Did we not have money
for the peter copter?
82
00:03:00,533 --> 00:03:02,634
Hey, did I say anything
when you bought that iron?
83
00:03:02,702 --> 00:03:04,937
Whatever. I want you
to meet consuela.
84
00:03:06,272 --> 00:03:08,607
Consuela, this is
my husband, peter,
85
00:03:08,675 --> 00:03:10,075
And these are
our children.
86
00:03:10,143 --> 00:03:12,144
Oh. Hello,
mr. Peter.
87
00:03:12,212 --> 00:03:14,413
Hello,
mr. Children.
88
00:03:14,481 --> 00:03:17,116
Consuela's gonna be
our new housekeeper.
89
00:03:17,183 --> 00:03:19,485
Why is she wearing makeup
like she's going out?
90
00:03:19,552 --> 00:03:21,186
Is this "going out" for them?
91
00:03:24,557 --> 00:03:26,892
Hey, where you going
all dressed up?
92
00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:28,093
Oh, nowhere important.
93
00:03:28,161 --> 00:03:29,862
Just this special dinner
in my honor.
94
00:03:29,929 --> 00:03:31,964
It's being thrown
by the rhode island society
95
00:03:32,031 --> 00:03:33,799
For special literary excellence.
96
00:03:35,101 --> 00:03:36,368
What's that?
97
00:03:36,436 --> 00:03:37,970
Nobody said
anything, brian.
98
00:03:38,037 --> 00:03:40,639
Oh, I thought someone just
asked why they're honoring me.
99
00:03:40,707 --> 00:03:42,841
No. Nobody
asked that.
Oh, okay.
100
00:03:42,909 --> 00:03:44,276
I-it's no big deal--
it's actually,
101
00:03:44,344 --> 00:03:46,178
It's just you remember
the book I wrote,
102
00:03:46,246 --> 00:03:47,646
Faster than the
speed of love?
103
00:03:47,714 --> 00:03:49,114
They loved the
book so much,
104
00:03:49,182 --> 00:03:51,283
They want to give me their
most prestigious award.
105
00:03:51,351 --> 00:03:52,384
Mmm.
106
00:03:52,452 --> 00:03:54,086
Look, this is a
really big deal.
107
00:03:54,154 --> 00:03:56,255
It'd be nice to get some
support around here!
108
00:03:56,322 --> 00:03:58,657
Oh, I'm sorry, brian.
That's great news!
109
00:03:58,725 --> 00:04:01,426
(laughs): Yeah, what channel
will the awards ceremony be on?
110
00:04:01,494 --> 00:04:03,228
Oh, are they having
an awards ceremony
111
00:04:03,296 --> 00:04:05,497
For how well you did
the dishes last night?
112
00:04:05,565 --> 00:04:08,333
Ha! You got nothing
going on.
113
00:04:13,273 --> 00:04:14,339
Hi, brian.
114
00:04:14,407 --> 00:04:16,074
I'm kathy from
the book society.
115
00:04:16,142 --> 00:04:17,576
So glad you could come.
116
00:04:17,644 --> 00:04:19,044
Hi there.
Uh, you know,
117
00:04:19,112 --> 00:04:21,013
I wasn't sure I had
the right address.
118
00:04:21,080 --> 00:04:22,381
Pizza parlor, huh?
119
00:04:22,448 --> 00:04:24,650
(chuckles):
Yeah. The group
loves this place.
120
00:04:24,717 --> 00:04:26,852
Oh, hey, this is fine.
I-I like this place.
121
00:04:26,920 --> 00:04:28,520
It's... I'm a...
122
00:04:28,588 --> 00:04:31,924
I'm a pizza dawg.
123
00:04:31,991 --> 00:04:33,826
So, how long have
you been a member
124
00:04:33,893 --> 00:04:35,994
Of the rhode island
society for special
literary excellence?
125
00:04:36,062 --> 00:04:38,697
Oh, no, I'm not a member;
I'm their chaperone.
126
00:04:38,765 --> 00:04:40,365
Chaperone?
Yeah, uh-huh.
127
00:04:40,433 --> 00:04:42,100
We're in that section
right over there.
128
00:04:43,703 --> 00:04:45,370
Hey! There he is!
129
00:04:45,438 --> 00:04:46,905
It's brian griffin!
130
00:04:46,973 --> 00:04:48,073
Damn it, randy!
131
00:04:48,141 --> 00:04:49,975
You just spilled
my juice box!
132
00:04:54,080 --> 00:04:55,414
Oh.
133
00:04:55,481 --> 00:04:57,649
They absolutely
love your book.
134
00:04:57,717 --> 00:05:01,086
The simplistic writing style
is very graspable to them.
135
00:05:01,154 --> 00:05:04,489
Here's your award--
I made it all by myself.
136
00:05:04,557 --> 00:05:05,691
Thanks.
137
00:05:05,758 --> 00:05:08,093
Hey, brian!
Smell my finger!
138
00:05:08,161 --> 00:05:10,495
I-I... I... I already can.
139
00:05:16,035 --> 00:05:19,638
Lois was right--
I'm not a writer, I'm a joke.
140
00:05:19,706 --> 00:05:22,507
I'm one big, fat,
ridiculous joke.
141
00:05:22,575 --> 00:05:25,010
Well, maybe you just didn't
try hard enough, brian.
142
00:05:25,078 --> 00:05:26,879
You know what, father
from "family circus"?
143
00:05:26,946 --> 00:05:28,780
All you do is
judge other people.
144
00:05:28,848 --> 00:05:31,216
Every day in the funnies,
all you do is judge.
145
00:05:31,284 --> 00:05:33,752
Why don't you shut your
(bleep) damn mouth for once
146
00:05:33,820 --> 00:05:36,521
And go home and (bleep)
your wife in the face!
147
00:05:36,589 --> 00:05:37,956
You know what?
148
00:05:38,024 --> 00:05:41,093
That's exactly
what I'm gonna do.
149
00:05:45,465 --> 00:05:47,900
(tires squealing)
150
00:05:57,911 --> 00:05:58,844
(sighs):
Ah, almost home.
151
00:05:58,912 --> 00:05:59,845
Oh, my god!
152
00:05:59,913 --> 00:06:02,314
(tires screech, loud thump)
153
00:06:02,382 --> 00:06:05,651
Oh, please be okay,
please be okay, please be okay.
154
00:06:05,718 --> 00:06:07,085
Oh, thank god!
155
00:06:07,153 --> 00:06:08,620
Okay, you're gonna be okay,
you're gonna be o...
156
00:06:08,688 --> 00:06:10,389
Oh, my god!
157
00:06:10,456 --> 00:06:12,224
(tires squeal)
158
00:06:25,972 --> 00:06:28,173
Oh, my god, yes!
159
00:06:28,241 --> 00:06:30,108
Brian killed a dog!
160
00:06:30,176 --> 00:06:32,144
This is fantastic!
161
00:06:32,211 --> 00:06:34,479
Oh, mr. Swanson is
sleep-dragging again.
162
00:06:34,547 --> 00:06:36,081
I'm flying.
163
00:06:36,149 --> 00:06:37,749
I'm flying!
164
00:06:44,116 --> 00:06:46,451
I clean in here?
Uh, yeah, that's fine.
165
00:06:46,518 --> 00:06:49,954
I'm just reading
the funnies,
so keep it down.
166
00:06:50,022 --> 00:06:52,757
This is a very shocking
"family circus."
167
00:06:54,726 --> 00:06:57,995
Radio announcer:
Es el tiempo
para muchos hornos!
168
00:06:58,063 --> 00:06:59,764
Muchos hornos!
(lively latin horns play)
169
00:06:59,832 --> 00:07:01,232
¶ muchos hornos ¶
170
00:07:01,300 --> 00:07:03,201
(horns playing)
171
00:07:03,268 --> 00:07:04,802
¶ muchos hornos ¶
172
00:07:04,870 --> 00:07:06,604
(horns playing)
173
00:07:06,672 --> 00:07:08,239
¶ muchos hornos ¶
174
00:07:08,307 --> 00:07:09,941
(horns playing)
175
00:07:10,008 --> 00:07:12,043
¶ muchos hornos ¶
176
00:07:12,111 --> 00:07:14,112
¶ ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai ¶
(groans)
177
00:07:14,179 --> 00:07:17,415
¶ ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai,
ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai... ¶
178
00:07:25,023 --> 00:07:27,158
(tires screech, dog yelps)
179
00:07:32,331 --> 00:07:33,698
There you are!
180
00:07:33,765 --> 00:07:35,566
Uh, what?!
Well, you're jumpy.
181
00:07:35,634 --> 00:07:37,802
So, did you hear
all that noise last night?
182
00:07:37,870 --> 00:07:39,570
I swear to god,
it sounded like
183
00:07:39,638 --> 00:07:42,173
Somebody had an accident
and maybe somebody got hurt.
184
00:07:42,241 --> 00:07:44,008
What? Wh-what are
you talking about?
185
00:07:44,076 --> 00:07:45,343
Yeah, something
must've gone done.
186
00:07:45,410 --> 00:07:46,911
The cops were
poking around.
187
00:07:46,979 --> 00:07:48,679
What do you mean,
like-like joe?
188
00:07:48,747 --> 00:07:50,848
No. Staties, man,
staties.
189
00:07:50,916 --> 00:07:54,352
I wouldn't be surprised
if there's something
in the paper about it.
190
00:07:59,925 --> 00:08:01,492
Oh, my god!
191
00:08:03,629 --> 00:08:05,229
(line rings)
192
00:08:05,297 --> 00:08:06,631
(gruff voice):
Yeah?
Uh, yes, I'm calling
193
00:08:06,698 --> 00:08:08,266
About the ad in the paper?
194
00:08:08,333 --> 00:08:10,401
You seen my dog?
You callin' about my dog?
195
00:08:10,469 --> 00:08:12,870
He's all I got,
'cause I'm a young street tough,
196
00:08:12,938 --> 00:08:14,739
And my parents
ain't so good to me.
197
00:08:14,806 --> 00:08:16,841
So, have you heard anything?
198
00:08:16,909 --> 00:08:19,477
Did anybody see anything?
Or anybody?
199
00:08:19,545 --> 00:08:21,179
I can see ol' reggie now,
200
00:08:21,246 --> 00:08:23,281
Sittin' there
with a smile on his face,
201
00:08:23,348 --> 00:08:26,484
Listenin' to me talk about how
daddy beats me somethin' fierce.
202
00:08:26,552 --> 00:08:28,986
Okay, so sounds like
no leads, then, right?
203
00:08:29,054 --> 00:08:30,388
Oh, no, no.
204
00:08:30,455 --> 00:08:31,923
Doggy out.
What?
205
00:08:31,990 --> 00:08:33,624
Out. Afuera.
I live here.
206
00:08:33,692 --> 00:08:35,159
No, no. Afuera.
207
00:08:35,227 --> 00:08:36,127
But, look,
I'm trying...
208
00:08:36,195 --> 00:08:37,528
Aah! (grunts)
209
00:08:37,596 --> 00:08:39,063
¿hola?
210
00:08:39,131 --> 00:08:40,665
Stewie:
Yes, could you please
put brian back on?
211
00:08:40,732 --> 00:08:44,202
No, no. Do... Doggy afuera.
212
00:08:44,269 --> 00:08:45,436
You're the new housekeeper,
aren't you?
213
00:08:45,504 --> 00:08:46,671
Si.
214
00:08:46,738 --> 00:08:48,172
Listen, I don't want
to point fingers,
215
00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:50,408
But I'm missing about a thousand
dollars in play money.
216
00:08:50,475 --> 00:08:51,542
I take.
217
00:08:51,610 --> 00:08:52,977
Wha-what... You-you took it?
218
00:08:53,045 --> 00:08:53,945
Si.
219
00:08:54,012 --> 00:08:55,079
Well, give it back!
220
00:08:55,147 --> 00:08:57,181
Come get, bitch.
221
00:08:58,750 --> 00:09:01,519
Hey, brian, you want to see
what I drew in arts and crafts
222
00:09:01,587 --> 00:09:02,987
At day care?
223
00:09:03,055 --> 00:09:04,989
This is called
"happy sun."
224
00:09:05,057 --> 00:09:07,458
This one's called
"silly space man."
225
00:09:07,526 --> 00:09:09,360
See? 'cause he's
in the forest.
226
00:09:09,428 --> 00:09:13,864
And this one I call
"alive dog burying dead dog."
227
00:09:13,932 --> 00:09:15,199
This is a photograph!
228
00:09:15,267 --> 00:09:16,200
Oh, is it?
229
00:09:16,268 --> 00:09:17,468
Wait a minute.
230
00:09:17,536 --> 00:09:19,503
You saw the
whole thing?
Yes, indeed.
231
00:09:19,571 --> 00:09:21,839
(laughs): Oh, boy, have I
been having some fun
232
00:09:21,907 --> 00:09:23,441
At your expense,
old man!
233
00:09:23,508 --> 00:09:25,142
How could you
do that to me?
234
00:09:25,210 --> 00:09:28,012
Do you have any idea how
upset I am about all this?
235
00:09:28,080 --> 00:09:29,914
I killed one of my
own kind, stewie.
236
00:09:29,982 --> 00:09:32,016
How would you feel if
you killed a baby?
237
00:09:32,084 --> 00:09:34,018
Well, I've killed seven,
but the point is,
238
00:09:34,086 --> 00:09:36,921
You might feel better
if you just confess
to what you've done.
239
00:09:36,989 --> 00:09:39,590
(sighs):
Maybe you're right.
240
00:09:45,097 --> 00:09:48,599
Everyone, I have something
very important to tell you.
241
00:09:48,667 --> 00:09:50,568
Is this about meg's
cervical cancer?
242
00:09:50,636 --> 00:09:51,769
What?!
243
00:09:51,837 --> 00:09:54,238
(laughing):
You always
fall for that!
244
00:09:54,306 --> 00:09:56,307
You can't always
fall for that!
245
00:09:56,375 --> 00:09:58,142
You-you just can't!
246
00:09:58,210 --> 00:09:59,577
Go ahead, brian.
247
00:09:59,645 --> 00:10:00,511
(knock at door)
248
00:10:02,881 --> 00:10:04,682
Hi, joe.
Thanks for coming.
249
00:10:06,218 --> 00:10:07,952
Okay, now
that joe's here,
250
00:10:08,020 --> 00:10:10,421
I can say this
in front of all of you.
251
00:10:10,489 --> 00:10:12,757
Everyone...
252
00:10:12,824 --> 00:10:14,525
I am a criminal.
253
00:10:14,593 --> 00:10:16,627
A few nights ago,
I committed a murder.
254
00:10:16,695 --> 00:10:19,730
Then I buried the body
and even went out of my way
255
00:10:19,798 --> 00:10:21,065
To cover up the evidence.
256
00:10:21,133 --> 00:10:22,366
Oh, my god!
257
00:10:22,434 --> 00:10:24,669
These are very serious
charges, brian.
258
00:10:24,736 --> 00:10:26,437
I know, and that's
why I'm prepared
259
00:10:26,505 --> 00:10:29,607
For you to arrest me
and take me to jail
where I belong.
260
00:10:29,675 --> 00:10:31,375
I just couldn't take
the stress anymore.
261
00:10:31,443 --> 00:10:32,710
I had to come clean.
262
00:10:32,778 --> 00:10:34,912
I mean, the truth is,
I didn't even stop
263
00:10:34,980 --> 00:10:36,847
To find out if
he had an owner.
264
00:10:36,915 --> 00:10:38,382
I just completely...
Wait, wait, owner?
265
00:10:38,450 --> 00:10:40,618
What are you
talking about?
I just told you.
266
00:10:40,686 --> 00:10:42,720
I hit and killed a
dog with my car!
267
00:10:44,523 --> 00:10:46,557
(others laughing)
268
00:10:46,625 --> 00:10:47,992
What?
269
00:10:48,060 --> 00:10:49,827
(laughs):
Brian...
It's a dog!
270
00:10:49,895 --> 00:10:51,395
That's not
a crime!
271
00:10:51,463 --> 00:10:52,496
What do you mean?
272
00:10:52,564 --> 00:10:53,998
Well... I mean,
273
00:10:54,066 --> 00:10:56,334
It's not like
you killed a person.
274
00:10:56,401 --> 00:10:58,903
Or-or even ran over
somebody's mailbox.
275
00:10:58,970 --> 00:11:01,005
Killing a dog
is not a crime?
276
00:11:01,073 --> 00:11:03,808
(laughing):
Of-of course not!
277
00:11:03,875 --> 00:11:05,076
Yeah, especially
for you.
278
00:11:05,143 --> 00:11:06,677
An animal killing
another animal?
279
00:11:06,745 --> 00:11:08,179
That happens
all the time.
280
00:11:10,115 --> 00:11:13,584
Hey, sweet-ass,
last night was fantastic.
281
00:11:13,652 --> 00:11:15,886
Hello? Where'd you go?
282
00:11:18,523 --> 00:11:19,690
(gasps)
283
00:11:22,461 --> 00:11:24,328
(screeches)
284
00:11:24,396 --> 00:11:28,332
Oh. Well, then I guess I
worried for nothing.
285
00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:30,434
Yeah, nobody cares
if a dog gets killed.
286
00:11:32,404 --> 00:11:34,205
I could do it, brian!
I could do it right now!
287
00:11:34,272 --> 00:11:35,773
Nobody would say a thing!
288
00:11:35,841 --> 00:11:38,342
I could blow your brains out
and they'd throw me a parade!
289
00:11:38,410 --> 00:11:40,111
What?
Eh, I'm just screwing
around, brian.
290
00:11:40,178 --> 00:11:41,245
Nobody cares.
291
00:11:48,854 --> 00:11:50,187
Peter, what are you doing?
292
00:11:50,255 --> 00:11:51,822
She's still here, lois.
293
00:11:51,890 --> 00:11:53,958
Wasn't she supposed to leave
like two hours ago?
294
00:11:54,025 --> 00:11:56,527
I thought so. Go ask
her what she's doing.
295
00:11:56,595 --> 00:11:58,229
I'm not asking her.
You go ask her.
296
00:12:00,198 --> 00:12:03,834
Uh, consuela? I thought you
finished cleaning hours ago.
297
00:12:03,902 --> 00:12:05,269
Yeah, what are
you still doing here?
298
00:12:05,337 --> 00:12:07,304
I wait for rain to stop.
299
00:12:07,372 --> 00:12:09,006
It's time for
you to go home.
300
00:12:09,074 --> 00:12:11,242
Is too much rain. I stay.
301
00:12:11,309 --> 00:12:12,777
But it's gonna
rain all night.
302
00:12:12,844 --> 00:12:14,311
I sleep here.
303
00:12:14,379 --> 00:12:15,946
Uh, I don't know about that.
304
00:12:16,014 --> 00:12:17,415
I sleep here.
305
00:12:19,718 --> 00:12:21,952
Can I get some
covers over here?
306
00:12:22,020 --> 00:12:25,923
No. No. You fat
keep you warm.
307
00:12:32,798 --> 00:12:34,732
No, no...
308
00:12:43,809 --> 00:12:46,644
You know, brian, I love it
here at the ice cream shop.
309
00:12:46,711 --> 00:12:48,712
In fact, this is gonna
be my happy place.
310
00:12:48,780 --> 00:12:51,048
If I ever get molested or
raped, this is the place
311
00:12:51,116 --> 00:12:52,817
I'm gonna think of to make
everything all right.
312
00:12:52,884 --> 00:12:53,851
That's great, stewie.
313
00:12:53,919 --> 00:12:55,553
Hey, what's up your fanny?
314
00:12:55,620 --> 00:12:58,422
Nothing. I'm just--
I'm a little bummed
out from the other day.
315
00:12:58,490 --> 00:13:01,592
I just can't believe
our society actually values
316
00:13:01,660 --> 00:13:04,595
The life of a dog less than that
of a human. It's infuriating.
317
00:13:04,663 --> 00:13:06,864
That is infuriating.
Maybe you should go bark
318
00:13:06,932 --> 00:13:09,366
At a tree and chew on
your balls for an hour.
319
00:13:09,434 --> 00:13:11,569
You know, that's the problem.
That's usually the way I'd
320
00:13:11,636 --> 00:13:13,404
Handle this kind of thing,
but not this time.
321
00:13:13,472 --> 00:13:14,972
I mean, look at
that dog over there.
322
00:13:15,040 --> 00:13:17,107
You think he wants to be tied
to that chair,
323
00:13:17,175 --> 00:13:19,477
Waiting in the hot sun while his
owner gets ice cream?
324
00:13:19,544 --> 00:13:21,812
Hell, no! I am gonna
make people see
325
00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:24,949
That an animal's life is just
as important as a human's!
326
00:13:26,485 --> 00:13:29,720
Go, fellow canine,
be free and enjoy life!
327
00:13:31,256 --> 00:13:32,790
(screams) oh, my god!
Help! Help!
328
00:13:32,858 --> 00:13:35,526
It's killing my dog!
329
00:13:35,594 --> 00:13:38,028
(screams)
he's got my neck!
330
00:13:38,096 --> 00:13:42,566
(groaning)
331
00:13:42,634 --> 00:13:44,668
(gunshots)
332
00:13:44,736 --> 00:13:48,973
(sobbing): Oh, my god!
My dog is dead!
333
00:13:49,040 --> 00:13:51,542
Maybe that's why
he was tied up.
334
00:13:54,584 --> 00:13:57,987
Meg, will you take one of these
and pass it down, please?
335
00:13:58,055 --> 00:14:00,356
What's this?
I'm starting a
new advocacy group.
336
00:14:00,424 --> 00:14:02,725
The quahog animal
equal rights league.
337
00:14:02,793 --> 00:14:04,327
Our first meeting
is tomorrow night,
338
00:14:04,394 --> 00:14:06,095
And I'd really
appreciate it if you guys
339
00:14:06,163 --> 00:14:07,463
Would come and
show your support.
340
00:14:07,531 --> 00:14:10,299
Well, of course we will, brian.
We'd be happy to come.
341
00:14:10,367 --> 00:14:12,134
Terrific. See, I thought I'd
start locally,
342
00:14:12,202 --> 00:14:14,737
And then maybe try to merge
with one of the larger groups.
343
00:14:14,805 --> 00:14:18,040
Oh, that's a great idea, brian.
Maybe you could join peta.
344
00:14:18,108 --> 00:14:19,108
Join me for what?
345
00:14:19,176 --> 00:14:20,776
No, peta.
The organization.
346
00:14:20,844 --> 00:14:21,811
What organization?
347
00:14:21,878 --> 00:14:23,179
Peta.
What?
348
00:14:23,246 --> 00:14:24,847
Peta is an acronym, peter.
349
00:14:24,915 --> 00:14:26,148
No, I'm not!
I'm catholic!
350
00:14:26,216 --> 00:14:27,616
Are we really
doing this?
351
00:14:27,684 --> 00:14:30,486
No, peter, I'm just saying,
maybe if this meeting goes well,
352
00:14:30,554 --> 00:14:32,488
Brian could be part
of a peta rally.
353
00:14:32,556 --> 00:14:33,956
Somebody's having
a rally for me now?
354
00:14:34,024 --> 00:14:34,990
No, for peta.
355
00:14:35,058 --> 00:14:36,559
That's me! I'm peter!
356
00:14:36,626 --> 00:14:40,029
I'm not talking about you,
peter! I'm talking about peta!
357
00:14:40,097 --> 00:14:42,531
Somebody better have something
to say to me pretty damn soon,
358
00:14:42,599 --> 00:14:44,367
Or I'm gonna have something
to say to them!
359
00:14:44,434 --> 00:14:46,535
I am very busy!
360
00:14:46,603 --> 00:14:48,170
I think betty white
is in peta.
361
00:14:48,238 --> 00:14:50,139
That doesn't even
make any sense!
362
00:14:54,378 --> 00:14:55,378
(knocking at door)
363
00:14:57,080 --> 00:14:58,447
Oh. Hi, consuela.
364
00:14:58,515 --> 00:15:00,349
Hello, mr. Peter.
365
00:15:00,417 --> 00:15:04,987
No school today, so I
bring my nephew, mikey.
366
00:15:05,055 --> 00:15:06,889
You want to buy
light-up yo-yo?
367
00:15:06,957 --> 00:15:09,058
Well... Kinda.
368
00:15:10,660 --> 00:15:13,462
That's it. Peter, we
have got to get rid of her.
369
00:15:13,530 --> 00:15:15,898
I couldn't agree more.
Just let me see if mikey sells
370
00:15:15,966 --> 00:15:18,634
Those things with batteries or
what the situation is there.
371
00:15:20,537 --> 00:15:23,773
Consuela, I'm sorry.
But this is not working out.
372
00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:25,574
We're asking you to go.
373
00:15:25,642 --> 00:15:28,411
No, I stay. I clean.
374
00:15:28,478 --> 00:15:29,812
You don't understand.
You're fired.
375
00:15:29,880 --> 00:15:31,514
No, I keep job.
376
00:15:31,581 --> 00:15:34,450
Here. Here's $40
if you leave right now.
377
00:15:34,518 --> 00:15:36,485
No. I stay.
378
00:15:37,754 --> 00:15:39,989
God, she's more stubborn
than you are.
379
00:15:40,056 --> 00:15:42,291
Daddy, I want a turn
on the swing set.
380
00:15:42,359 --> 00:15:43,426
No.
381
00:15:43,493 --> 00:15:44,760
But you've gone
for two turns.
382
00:15:44,828 --> 00:15:45,995
Get lost.
383
00:15:46,062 --> 00:15:47,963
It looks like fun,
and I want to do it.
384
00:15:48,031 --> 00:15:50,733
No, I'm doing it.
I'm gonna do a big jump-off.
385
00:15:51,935 --> 00:15:53,969
Aaa! Get mom!
386
00:15:54,037 --> 00:15:56,172
Mom! Mom! Mom!
387
00:15:59,843 --> 00:16:02,344
Good evening, everyone.
I want to thank you all
388
00:16:02,412 --> 00:16:04,346
For joining me at this
very important event.
389
00:16:04,414 --> 00:16:07,082
Animals are treated
as second-class citizens
390
00:16:07,150 --> 00:16:08,884
Everywhere throughout
this nation.
391
00:16:08,952 --> 00:16:12,421
We kill them for food,
we humiliate them as pets,
392
00:16:12,489 --> 00:16:14,924
And we use them for
medical and cosmetic research.
393
00:16:14,991 --> 00:16:16,225
Take a look.
394
00:16:16,293 --> 00:16:19,662
¶ ¶
395
00:16:19,729 --> 00:16:22,765
Narrator:
Ladies and gentlemen, your
animal brethren need your help.
396
00:16:22,833 --> 00:16:24,233
Everywhere they are crying out
397
00:16:24,301 --> 00:16:26,368
In the hopes
that someone will hear.
398
00:16:26,436 --> 00:16:28,103
In cosmetic research labs...
399
00:16:29,806 --> 00:16:31,574
Well, the lipstick
is not bulletproof.
400
00:16:31,641 --> 00:16:33,876
We know that now! For humans!
401
00:16:33,944 --> 00:16:35,578
On veal farms...
402
00:16:37,481 --> 00:16:38,614
(loud grinding)
403
00:16:43,787 --> 00:16:45,387
(cheering)
404
00:16:45,455 --> 00:16:47,957
And in simple american
households...
405
00:16:48,024 --> 00:16:49,825
Okay, barney, I'm
going to work now,
406
00:16:49,893 --> 00:16:53,295
But I'm gonna leave
npr on for you.
407
00:16:53,363 --> 00:16:54,697
Radio announcer:
Good day to you,
408
00:16:54,764 --> 00:16:56,098
And welcome to
all things considered,
409
00:16:56,166 --> 00:16:59,568
A show where we talk very softly
and right into the mic.
410
00:16:59,636 --> 00:17:01,337
Do you hear that?
411
00:17:01,404 --> 00:17:03,339
I'm whispering
right in your ear.
412
00:17:03,406 --> 00:17:05,241
I'm right in your ear.
413
00:17:05,308 --> 00:17:07,309
Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz.
414
00:17:07,377 --> 00:17:09,111
(yelping)
415
00:17:09,179 --> 00:17:12,915
Won't you please do
your part to help? Thank you.
416
00:17:12,983 --> 00:17:15,317
Wow. Inspiring stuff.
417
00:17:15,385 --> 00:17:18,220
Now underneath each one of your
chairs you'll find a pamphlet
418
00:17:18,288 --> 00:17:20,789
With a simple list of animal
rights do's and don't's.
419
00:17:22,292 --> 00:17:24,326
Wait a minute, I'm not allowed
to have steak?
420
00:17:24,394 --> 00:17:26,695
Well, no. Steak is made by
killing cattle.
421
00:17:26,763 --> 00:17:28,430
No medical research?
422
00:17:28,498 --> 00:17:31,300
But how are we supposed to find
cures for disease?
423
00:17:31,368 --> 00:17:33,502
Well, there are many more
promising research methods
424
00:17:33,570 --> 00:17:35,504
For curing disease
than animal testing.
425
00:17:35,572 --> 00:17:36,505
Name one.
426
00:17:36,573 --> 00:17:37,606
I want a hamburger.
427
00:17:37,674 --> 00:17:39,074
I have a sudden craving
for quail.
428
00:17:39,142 --> 00:17:40,910
No, no,
you're missing the point.
429
00:17:40,977 --> 00:17:42,945
We've got to change our way of
thinking.
430
00:17:43,013 --> 00:17:45,548
Animals are miracles of
nature, just like humans.
431
00:17:45,615 --> 00:17:47,583
But our society
hasn't figured that out.
432
00:17:47,651 --> 00:17:49,718
Do you know that
in some asian countries
433
00:17:49,786 --> 00:17:51,420
They actually cook and eat dogs?
434
00:17:51,488 --> 00:17:54,023
What?! Oh no!
435
00:17:54,090 --> 00:17:55,991
Are they-- are they good?
436
00:17:56,059 --> 00:17:57,793
Yeah, I wonder
what they taste like.
437
00:17:57,861 --> 00:18:00,429
I would try it... I mean, if
everybody else was.
438
00:18:00,497 --> 00:18:02,364
I'm adventurous.
439
00:18:02,432 --> 00:18:04,199
You know what, you know what?
This is driving me crazy.
440
00:18:04,267 --> 00:18:05,501
I wanna eat a dog now.
441
00:18:05,569 --> 00:18:07,169
I say we eat that one!
442
00:18:07,237 --> 00:18:07,736
What?!
443
00:18:07,804 --> 00:18:08,637
Get him!
444
00:18:15,011 --> 00:18:19,281
(sniffling and sobbing)
445
00:18:19,349 --> 00:18:20,916
What the hell is this?
446
00:18:20,984 --> 00:18:23,419
Nobody gives a damn
about animals!
447
00:18:23,486 --> 00:18:27,022
I just never realized how
little meaning my life had!
448
00:18:27,090 --> 00:18:29,458
Stewie, my life
isn't worth anything!
449
00:18:29,526 --> 00:18:32,828
Oh, come on... Hey...
450
00:18:32,896 --> 00:18:35,531
(sobbing)
451
00:18:41,638 --> 00:18:45,074
Don't worry, rupert. I know how
to get him out of his funk.
452
00:18:45,141 --> 00:18:47,710
Poor bastard's more upset
than I was when I read
453
00:18:47,777 --> 00:18:50,446
Curious george goes to his gym
coach's apartment.
454
00:18:50,513 --> 00:18:53,816
Monkeys aren't supposed to drink
chardonnay! He's tricking you!
455
00:18:53,883 --> 00:18:55,451
Get out of there!
456
00:18:57,854 --> 00:19:02,024
Announcer:
Abogados! Cinco cinco cinco,
cinco cinco cinco cinco!
457
00:19:02,092 --> 00:19:04,293
¿accidente? Abogados!
458
00:19:04,361 --> 00:19:07,730
Cinco cinco cinco,
cinco cinco cinco cinco!
459
00:19:07,797 --> 00:19:11,100
Uh, consuela, does this rag
smell like chloroform?
460
00:19:11,167 --> 00:19:13,302
No, no, is no--
461
00:19:16,306 --> 00:19:17,406
(doorbell chimes)
462
00:19:19,576 --> 00:19:23,212
I need more lemon pledge.
463
00:19:23,279 --> 00:19:24,313
Okay.
464
00:19:27,417 --> 00:19:28,717
(knocking)
465
00:19:30,086 --> 00:19:31,420
Is this the griffin household?
466
00:19:31,488 --> 00:19:32,755
Yes...
467
00:19:32,822 --> 00:19:34,790
There was a fire at quahog
liquor last night.
468
00:19:34,858 --> 00:19:36,191
No people were killed,
469
00:19:36,259 --> 00:19:38,594
But the burned body of a dog was
found inside.
470
00:19:38,662 --> 00:19:40,596
The tag on the collar
says he lived here.
471
00:19:40,664 --> 00:19:41,864
I'm sorry.
472
00:19:41,931 --> 00:19:44,833
Oh, my god! Brian!
473
00:19:44,901 --> 00:19:47,002
What the hell happened?
474
00:19:47,070 --> 00:19:49,672
Brian's dead!
475
00:19:51,074 --> 00:19:54,009
Hey, come here. Got something
you'll wanna see.
476
00:19:59,616 --> 00:20:02,117
I can't believe
brian's dead.
477
00:20:02,185 --> 00:20:07,322
My best friend in the whole
world... And he's gone.
478
00:20:07,390 --> 00:20:09,625
(sobbing)
479
00:20:09,693 --> 00:20:13,328
You know, peter, I think
he was also my best friend.
480
00:20:13,396 --> 00:20:15,798
He was the smartest
person I knew.
481
00:20:15,865 --> 00:20:18,367
Nothing will ever
be the same again.
482
00:20:22,505 --> 00:20:25,774
Wow. I guess my life
does have meaning.
483
00:20:25,842 --> 00:20:29,478
I never realized how
important I was to this family.
484
00:20:29,546 --> 00:20:31,747
Wait a second. Just to
prove a point to me,
485
00:20:31,815 --> 00:20:34,583
You burned down a liquor store
and murdered a dog?!
486
00:20:34,651 --> 00:20:36,652
Well, a stray.
487
00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:37,986
Thank you.
488
00:20:38,054 --> 00:20:40,022
Well, I guess we should tell
them the truth now.
489
00:20:40,090 --> 00:20:41,490
Well, hold...
Hold on a sec.
490
00:20:41,558 --> 00:20:44,493
We could... Probably let 'em go
for just a few more minutes.
491
00:20:44,561 --> 00:20:48,964
(sobbing)
492
00:20:51,901 --> 00:20:55,070
Hi, we here at family guy want
you to know that we respect
493
00:20:55,138 --> 00:20:57,506
All living beings and assure you
that no animals
494
00:20:57,574 --> 00:20:59,842
Were harmed in
the making of this episode.
495
00:20:59,909 --> 00:21:01,610
But we're about to hurt
the feelings
496
00:21:01,678 --> 00:21:03,212
Of this italian opera singer
497
00:21:03,279 --> 00:21:05,948
By prematurely dropping
the curtain on his performance.
498
00:21:06,015 --> 00:21:08,317
¶ figaro li, figaro la,
figaro mi, figaro... ¶
499
00:21:08,318 --> 00:21:11,318
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