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00:00:01,606 --> 00:00:04,442
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:05,035 --> 00:00:08,304
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:08,338 --> 00:00:11,874
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
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00:00:11,908 --> 00:00:14,877
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:14,911 --> 00:00:18,381
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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00:00:18,415 --> 00:00:21,684
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do ♪
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00:00:21,718 --> 00:00:23,252
♪ All the things that make us ♪
8
00:00:23,286 --> 00:00:24,620
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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00:00:24,654 --> 00:00:26,696
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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00:00:26,697 --> 00:00:30,697
♪ Family Guy 12x22 ♪
Chap Stewie
Original Air Date on May 18, 2014
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00:00:30,698 --> 00:00:35,698
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
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We now return to Jeremy Piven
13
00:00:37,734 --> 00:00:39,635
as The Incredible Hulk.
14
00:00:39,669 --> 00:00:41,404
You wouldn't like me
when I'm angry.
15
00:00:41,438 --> 00:00:43,172
I don't like you now.
16
00:00:43,206 --> 00:00:44,940
Brian, I need the TV.
17
00:00:44,975 --> 00:00:46,442
Why is Rupert
wearing a top hat?
18
00:00:46,476 --> 00:00:48,677
Because, Brian,
tonight we sup on
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00:00:48,712 --> 00:00:50,379
the finest feast of
the television season.
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00:00:50,414 --> 00:00:51,947
It is the
season finale
21
00:00:51,982 --> 00:00:53,582
of The Cadwalliders
of Essex.
22
00:00:53,617 --> 00:00:55,684
The what?
The Cadwalliders of Essex.
23
00:00:55,719 --> 00:00:56,952
It's groundbreaking.
24
00:00:56,987 --> 00:00:58,954
It's a British show
about a wealthy family
25
00:00:58,989 --> 00:01:00,256
dealing with
slight change.
26
00:01:00,290 --> 00:01:01,690
Oh, I thought
that got cancelled.
27
00:01:01,725 --> 00:01:03,492
No, that was The Caduggans
of Aubrey Muse.
28
00:01:03,527 --> 00:01:05,728
Is that the one where even
the children have muttonchops?
29
00:01:05,762 --> 00:01:07,663
No, that's The Whittakers
of Edgerton Crescent.
30
00:01:07,697 --> 00:01:09,065
All these shows
sound the same.
31
00:01:09,099 --> 00:01:10,099
Who's in this one?
32
00:01:10,133 --> 00:01:11,293
Penelope
Westworth-Harrington.
33
00:01:11,301 --> 00:01:12,368
Who's that?
34
00:01:12,402 --> 00:01:14,837
Penelope Westworth-Harrington?
Oh, come on!
35
00:01:14,871 --> 00:01:16,639
From The Roysters of
Pumbridge on Thames?
36
00:01:16,673 --> 00:01:18,841
Her uncle was steward
to the Queen's Privy!
37
00:01:20,177 --> 00:01:22,678
She got plowed on a pile
of hay in Game of Thrones.
38
00:01:22,712 --> 00:01:24,146
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
39
00:01:24,181 --> 00:01:25,181
She's hot.
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00:01:25,215 --> 00:01:26,682
Ugh, you're an idiot.
41
00:01:26,716 --> 00:01:28,384
Like a guy who cheats
on his right hand
42
00:01:28,418 --> 00:01:29,819
with his left hand.
43
00:01:29,853 --> 00:01:31,053
I want to stay,
44
00:01:31,088 --> 00:01:33,355
but I just got called
back into the office.
45
00:01:33,390 --> 00:01:34,857
What do you want from me?
46
00:01:34,891 --> 00:01:35,925
I'm sorry, all right?
47
00:01:35,959 --> 00:01:37,259
Just get off my back!
48
00:01:37,294 --> 00:01:38,894
I'm out of here.
49
00:01:40,730 --> 00:01:42,431
God, it took me forever
to get awa...
50
00:01:43,500 --> 00:01:44,467
Oh, my God!
51
00:01:44,501 --> 00:01:45,701
No!
52
00:01:45,735 --> 00:01:47,803
What have you done?!
53
00:01:47,838 --> 00:01:48,971
Wait! Stop!
54
00:01:49,005 --> 00:01:50,072
No, please!
55
00:01:50,107 --> 00:01:51,073
I'm begging you!
56
00:02:03,954 --> 00:02:05,254
Oh, it's starting!
57
00:02:05,288 --> 00:02:06,755
I'm gonna live-tweet the show
58
00:02:06,790 --> 00:02:09,058
and ruin it for everyone
in other time zones.
59
00:02:13,597 --> 00:02:17,366
I would like to learn
to bathe myself.
60
00:02:20,570 --> 00:02:23,506
Everything I've ever
heard is vexing.
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00:02:23,540 --> 00:02:24,807
Oh! Oh!
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00:02:24,841 --> 00:02:27,076
This is the fastest-moving
episode I've ever seen!
63
00:02:27,110 --> 00:02:28,277
Wouldn't it be marvelous
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00:02:28,311 --> 00:02:30,346
to be a part of
a family like that?
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00:02:30,380 --> 00:02:32,214
Ah-ha, I found
that chick in the hay.
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00:02:32,249 --> 00:02:34,183
Unga bunga, unga bunga,
67
00:02:34,217 --> 00:02:35,351
unga bunga.
68
00:02:35,385 --> 00:02:37,186
What is that?
What's happening?
69
00:02:37,220 --> 00:02:40,389
Unga bunga, unga bunga,
unga bunga.
70
00:02:40,423 --> 00:02:41,423
Peter, what are you doing?
71
00:02:41,458 --> 00:02:42,591
Playing Unga Bunga.
72
00:02:42,626 --> 00:02:43,592
It's the championship.
73
00:02:43,627 --> 00:02:44,894
Go away!
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00:02:44,928 --> 00:02:47,296
This is why Zillow estimates
our house at $4.00.
75
00:02:47,330 --> 00:02:48,664
What the hell is Unga Bunga?
76
00:02:48,698 --> 00:02:49,999
Two guys run
at each other
77
00:02:50,033 --> 00:02:52,268
with mattresses,
and, um...
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00:02:52,302 --> 00:02:53,702
th-that's kind of it.
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00:02:53,737 --> 00:02:55,905
Stop explaining it to the dog!
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00:02:55,939 --> 00:02:57,306
Let's do this!
81
00:02:59,776 --> 00:03:01,744
Stop it!
I'm trying to watch my program!
82
00:03:01,778 --> 00:03:03,245
Whoa, Chris, look!
Mom's naked!
83
00:03:03,280 --> 00:03:04,313
Where?
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00:03:04,347 --> 00:03:05,347
You creep.
85
00:03:07,284 --> 00:03:08,884
No!
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00:03:08,919 --> 00:03:10,886
Peter, what's going on in...
87
00:03:10,921 --> 00:03:12,087
Unga Bunga!
88
00:03:12,122 --> 00:03:14,323
You... you imbeciles!
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00:03:14,357 --> 00:03:15,357
You ruined my night!
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00:03:15,392 --> 00:03:17,359
I ask for one thing
in this house!
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00:03:17,394 --> 00:03:19,361
Stewie, just watch
your show upstairs.
92
00:03:19,396 --> 00:03:21,931
I don't want to watch it
upstairs on the small TV!
93
00:03:21,965 --> 00:03:24,633
I want to watch it
downstairs on the big TV!
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00:03:25,669 --> 00:03:27,803
I want to watch -y show!
95
00:03:32,075 --> 00:03:34,143
Oh, no, Stewie's
having a tantrum.
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00:03:34,177 --> 00:03:35,711
Come here, sweetie.
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00:03:37,914 --> 00:03:38,914
Ow!
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00:03:38,949 --> 00:03:40,449
Screw you, you little turd!
99
00:03:42,852 --> 00:03:44,587
What's all that noise?
100
00:03:44,621 --> 00:03:47,623
Aw, do you want a hug
from your big sister?
101
00:03:48,959 --> 00:03:50,226
Ow!
102
00:03:52,429 --> 00:03:55,397
You've earned yourself
a time-out, young man.
103
00:03:55,432 --> 00:03:58,334
Now, you stay in here
until you can behave.
104
00:03:58,368 --> 00:04:00,469
I hate you!
You always ruin everything!
105
00:04:00,503 --> 00:04:02,371
God, it's a family of idiots!
106
00:04:02,405 --> 00:04:03,539
I wish...
107
00:04:03,573 --> 00:04:05,574
I wish I was never born!
108
00:04:06,610 --> 00:04:08,143
Not tonight, Rupert.
109
00:04:08,178 --> 00:04:09,845
I'm much too upset.
110
00:04:14,117 --> 00:04:15,417
Knock, knock.
111
00:04:15,452 --> 00:04:16,418
Stewie?
112
00:04:16,453 --> 00:04:18,120
Hey, I just
wanted to check
113
00:04:18,154 --> 00:04:19,288
on how you're
doing, buddy.
114
00:04:19,322 --> 00:04:20,923
You put on quite
a show last night.
115
00:04:20,957 --> 00:04:22,524
I am done with this family.
116
00:04:22,559 --> 00:04:24,159
They don't deserve me.
They're all just...
117
00:04:24,194 --> 00:04:25,394
Oh, you dick,
you just came in
118
00:04:25,428 --> 00:04:26,495
to charge your phone.
119
00:04:26,529 --> 00:04:28,597
Sorry, Peter's using
all the outlets.
120
00:04:30,233 --> 00:04:31,767
Toast house.
121
00:04:31,801 --> 00:04:34,470
Whatever. I'm gonna be
out of this place soon anyway.
122
00:04:34,504 --> 00:04:35,871
What, are you
running away from home?
123
00:04:35,905 --> 00:04:36,905
Better.
124
00:04:39,843 --> 00:04:41,110
What the hell?
125
00:04:41,144 --> 00:04:43,279
You rebuilt
your time machine?
126
00:04:43,313 --> 00:04:45,514
I thought you
swore off time travel,
127
00:04:45,548 --> 00:04:47,416
'cause you couldn't stop
yourself from altering the past.
128
00:04:47,450 --> 00:04:48,784
Look, Brian,
I need this machine
129
00:04:48,818 --> 00:04:50,386
to alter the past
for the better.
130
00:04:50,420 --> 00:04:51,387
What do you mean?
131
00:04:51,421 --> 00:04:52,988
I loathe this family.
132
00:04:53,023 --> 00:04:56,125
Being born into it was clearly
some sort of cosmic mistake,
133
00:04:56,159 --> 00:04:58,727
so I'm going back in time
to prevent that mistake.
134
00:04:58,762 --> 00:05:01,063
I'm going to break up Lois
and the fat man
135
00:05:01,097 --> 00:05:02,765
before they can conceive me.
136
00:05:02,799 --> 00:05:04,333
Stewie, it one TV show.
137
00:05:04,367 --> 00:05:05,501
You're overreacting.
138
00:05:05,535 --> 00:05:07,436
It's not just the
TV show, Brian.
139
00:05:07,470 --> 00:05:09,104
I'm tired of
living with morons.
140
00:05:09,139 --> 00:05:12,207
Remember when I tried to open
that lemonade stand with Chris?
141
00:05:12,242 --> 00:05:13,809
All right,
that'll be ten cents.
142
00:05:13,843 --> 00:05:15,077
Chris, pour the man
his lemonade.
143
00:05:15,111 --> 00:05:16,345
I can't!
144
00:05:16,379 --> 00:05:19,148
The lemonade tricked me
and got away!
145
00:05:19,182 --> 00:05:22,151
Lemons are God's children!
146
00:05:22,185 --> 00:05:23,886
And the fat man
won't even let me
147
00:05:23,920 --> 00:05:25,621
celebrate a
proper birthday.
148
00:05:25,655 --> 00:05:27,656
Happy birthday, Stewie!
149
00:05:27,691 --> 00:05:30,259
And here's your
equal-attention cake, Peter.
150
00:05:30,293 --> 00:05:31,527
Yay!
151
00:05:32,395 --> 00:05:33,362
Oh, come on!
152
00:05:33,396 --> 00:05:34,897
Yay! Double wishes!
153
00:05:36,566 --> 00:05:37,499
One...
154
00:05:41,638 --> 00:05:42,805
...two.
155
00:05:42,839 --> 00:05:45,040
And Meg's the
biggest pig of all.
156
00:05:45,075 --> 00:05:46,041
Great.
157
00:05:46,076 --> 00:05:48,210
The string broke again.
158
00:05:48,244 --> 00:05:51,480
Hey, there, tiny hands.
159
00:05:51,514 --> 00:05:53,514
Look, Stewie, I know
you're angry about last night,
160
00:05:53,516 --> 00:05:55,551
but you're talking about
erasing your existence.
161
00:05:55,585 --> 00:05:56,685
That's crazy.
162
00:05:59,522 --> 00:06:02,157
Whose ringtone
is "Barracuda"?
163
00:06:02,192 --> 00:06:04,360
Oh, God,
that's Frumpy Ann.
164
00:06:04,394 --> 00:06:05,728
Frumpy Ann
does everything.
165
00:06:05,762 --> 00:06:07,329
Look, I-I got to
get this call,
166
00:06:07,364 --> 00:06:09,331
but don't do
anything stupid.
167
00:06:09,366 --> 00:06:11,300
Yo, girl,
how you livin'?
168
00:06:11,334 --> 00:06:12,668
Ugh.
169
00:06:14,838 --> 00:06:17,773
All right, Rupert,
prepare to time travel.
170
00:06:17,807 --> 00:06:19,975
Oh, and by the way,
thanks for asking me
171
00:06:20,009 --> 00:06:22,344
if I wanted something
from Subway, too.
172
00:06:41,664 --> 00:06:42,965
Where am I?
173
00:06:42,999 --> 00:06:45,667
This looks like my room,
but something's off.
174
00:06:45,702 --> 00:06:47,636
Oh, that's right,
this isn't my room yet.
175
00:06:47,670 --> 00:06:49,405
Wonder what
they're using it for.
176
00:06:51,708 --> 00:06:54,476
Oh, my God, he had
a public access show?
177
00:06:54,511 --> 00:06:56,879
Live from the shores
of Rhode Island,
178
00:06:56,913 --> 00:06:59,014
it's the fatty
who drives you batty!
179
00:06:59,048 --> 00:07:00,816
Peter Griffin!
180
00:07:04,487 --> 00:07:06,054
Hey, hey, hey, douche bags!
181
00:07:06,089 --> 00:07:07,823
We got a great show
for you tonight.
182
00:07:07,857 --> 00:07:09,858
Karen Washington from
the Rhode Island Zoo
183
00:07:09,893 --> 00:07:12,327
and some rejected toys
you're not gonna believe.
184
00:07:12,362 --> 00:07:14,263
So stick around, or...
185
00:07:14,297 --> 00:07:17,566
I'll come to your house
and murder you!
186
00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:19,935
I wonder what else is different.
187
00:07:21,471 --> 00:07:23,338
♪ Lucky there's a man who ♪
188
00:07:23,373 --> 00:07:24,873
♪ Positively can do ♪
189
00:07:24,908 --> 00:07:26,508
♪ All the things that make us ♪
190
00:07:26,543 --> 00:07:28,710
♪ La la la... ♪
191
00:07:28,745 --> 00:07:32,014
She is camel toe-ing
the hell out of that leotard.
192
00:07:39,921 --> 00:07:42,923
All right, Rupert, time to
break up Lois and the fat man
193
00:07:42,957 --> 00:07:45,692
before they can conceive me
by pressing butts together.
194
00:07:45,726 --> 00:07:47,461
Well, you don't know, either!
195
00:07:49,030 --> 00:07:51,665
Hey, Lois, I drawed
you a picture.
196
00:07:53,601 --> 00:07:55,669
It's me and you
on the space moon,
197
00:07:55,703 --> 00:07:58,138
'cause I would
love you anywhere.
198
00:07:58,172 --> 00:08:01,141
Oh, Peter.
I'd love you anywhere, too.
199
00:08:02,777 --> 00:08:05,378
Wow, Peter and Lois
were really in love
200
00:08:05,413 --> 00:08:06,813
before I was born.
201
00:08:06,848 --> 00:08:09,149
And this is me getting
you from behind,
202
00:08:09,183 --> 00:08:11,585
'cause in space no one
can hear you scream.
203
00:08:11,619 --> 00:08:13,720
Oh, Peter!
204
00:08:13,754 --> 00:08:16,823
Breaking them up may prove to be
more difficult than I thought.
205
00:08:16,858 --> 00:08:18,925
Though I've faced
bigger challenges before.
206
00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:21,595
Like when I had to ride
that bike in The Muppet Movie.
207
00:08:23,498 --> 00:08:24,464
That's right.
208
00:08:24,499 --> 00:08:26,600
Stewie Long Legs
just blew your mind.
209
00:08:29,704 --> 00:08:32,272
All right, Rupert,
now to break up my parents.
210
00:08:32,306 --> 00:08:34,875
The number one thing
couples fight about is money.
211
00:08:34,909 --> 00:08:37,177
So I've maxed out
Lois's credit card
212
00:08:37,211 --> 00:08:39,212
on vibrating marital aids.
213
00:08:42,150 --> 00:08:44,217
Peter, there's an open box
in the kitchen
214
00:08:44,252 --> 00:08:46,153
addressed to me
with nothing inside.
215
00:08:46,187 --> 00:08:48,622
Uh, yeah, when I
opened it up, it was empty.
216
00:08:48,656 --> 00:08:50,290
Well, that's
very strange,
217
00:08:50,324 --> 00:08:52,726
because it looked large
enough to hold many items.
218
00:08:53,761 --> 00:08:55,061
It's the mailman!
219
00:08:55,096 --> 00:08:56,062
I'll get it!
220
00:08:56,097 --> 00:08:57,731
No! Me!
I'll get it!
221
00:08:57,765 --> 00:08:59,533
Huh. Maybe I had more in common
222
00:08:59,567 --> 00:09:01,434
with this family than I thought.
223
00:09:13,347 --> 00:09:14,548
Oh, my God, Peter!
224
00:09:14,582 --> 00:09:15,916
What happened
to your hair?
225
00:09:15,950 --> 00:09:17,150
I don't know. I...
226
00:09:17,185 --> 00:09:18,518
I'm bald!
227
00:09:18,553 --> 00:09:19,553
You did this!
228
00:09:19,587 --> 00:09:21,221
What the hell's
the matter with you?!
229
00:09:21,255 --> 00:09:23,990
I didn't do it, but...
but you look really cool.
230
00:09:24,025 --> 00:09:25,225
I do?
231
00:09:25,259 --> 00:09:28,295
Yeah, you look like you
could be a celebrity.
232
00:09:29,330 --> 00:09:31,298
Hey, can I get
your autograph?
233
00:09:31,332 --> 00:09:33,333
Oh, of course,
here you go.
234
00:09:34,802 --> 00:09:36,603
They think
I'm Bruce Willis.
235
00:09:36,637 --> 00:09:39,272
That was the monster
from Goonies!
236
00:09:43,644 --> 00:09:45,312
None of my attempts
to break them up
237
00:09:45,346 --> 00:09:48,114
has worked thus far,
so I had to up our game.
238
00:09:48,149 --> 00:09:50,350
Lois, what the hell did you do?!
239
00:09:50,384 --> 00:09:51,885
I just got a note from Goodwill
240
00:09:51,919 --> 00:09:53,787
thanking me for
donating all my porn.
241
00:09:53,821 --> 00:09:54,788
What?!
242
00:09:54,822 --> 00:09:56,489
I'm sick and tired
of you blaming me
243
00:09:56,524 --> 00:09:57,824
for things I didn't do!
244
00:09:57,858 --> 00:09:59,826
And I've got a bone
to pick with you!
245
00:09:59,860 --> 00:10:01,728
I don't appreciate
how you spray-painted
246
00:10:01,762 --> 00:10:03,563
"vile woman"
on the bedroom wall.
247
00:10:03,598 --> 00:10:04,564
That wasn't me!
248
00:10:04,599 --> 00:10:06,032
Must've been
one of the kids!
249
00:10:06,067 --> 00:10:07,467
That's ridiculous,
Peter!
250
00:10:07,501 --> 00:10:08,802
Chris can't write,
251
00:10:08,836 --> 00:10:10,770
and we don't allow
Meg upstairs!
252
00:10:12,540 --> 00:10:14,207
Well, you know something,
I'm starting to think
253
00:10:14,242 --> 00:10:15,542
whoever wrote
that is right!
254
00:10:15,576 --> 00:10:17,410
Well, maybe I don't want
to live with someone
255
00:10:17,445 --> 00:10:18,645
who doesn't respect me!
256
00:10:18,679 --> 00:10:20,480
Well, then maybe
I should just leave!
257
00:10:20,514 --> 00:10:21,982
And where are you gonna go?
258
00:10:22,016 --> 00:10:24,251
You got nothing else
and nobody else!
259
00:10:24,285 --> 00:10:25,986
And now for the closer.
260
00:10:30,258 --> 00:10:32,259
I might go west.
261
00:10:34,895 --> 00:10:37,130
My God, I've done it, Rupert!
262
00:10:37,164 --> 00:10:38,398
They've broken up!
263
00:10:38,432 --> 00:10:40,133
Look!
264
00:10:40,167 --> 00:10:41,201
It's working.
265
00:10:41,235 --> 00:10:42,869
I'm fading away!
266
00:10:42,903 --> 00:10:45,572
Well, Rupert, this means
you and I will never have met.
267
00:10:45,606 --> 00:10:47,841
So I've got
to tell you one thing:
268
00:10:47,875 --> 00:10:50,277
you know that song I wrote you
for Valentine's Day?
269
00:10:50,311 --> 00:10:52,212
It's an Eric Carmen song.
270
00:10:52,246 --> 00:10:53,747
I completely ripped it off.
271
00:10:53,781 --> 00:10:55,782
Ah. Ah, now I feel better.
272
00:11:00,454 --> 00:11:01,921
Wha...
273
00:11:01,956 --> 00:11:03,323
What the devil?
274
00:11:03,357 --> 00:11:04,324
What's going on?
275
00:11:04,358 --> 00:11:05,825
Where am I?
276
00:11:05,860 --> 00:11:07,193
It's a boy!
277
00:11:07,228 --> 00:11:09,462
I'm in a hospital.
278
00:11:09,497 --> 00:11:11,631
My soul must have
found another carrier.
279
00:11:11,666 --> 00:11:13,533
I've been reborn!
280
00:11:13,567 --> 00:11:15,802
Welcome to the world, baby chap.
281
00:11:16,837 --> 00:11:18,004
I'm British?
282
00:11:18,039 --> 00:11:19,105
All right!
283
00:11:19,140 --> 00:11:21,007
Ooh, I wonder if
I'll have one of those
284
00:11:21,042 --> 00:11:23,977
pug-nosed British dogs
that licks its own snot all day.
285
00:11:26,280 --> 00:11:27,714
Ew, that's gross.
286
00:11:27,748 --> 00:11:29,683
Piss off, you little wanker.
287
00:11:29,717 --> 00:11:32,285
I'm not gonna be the dog
to some poof baby.
288
00:11:45,776 --> 00:11:48,111
Well, lad,
welcome to your home.
289
00:11:51,181 --> 00:11:53,683
Well, this is more like it.
290
00:11:53,717 --> 00:11:56,085
This is your valet,
your gardener,
291
00:11:56,120 --> 00:11:58,955
your cook, your gamekeeper,
your butler, your housekeeper,
292
00:11:58,989 --> 00:12:00,390
your parlor maid,
your housemaid,
293
00:12:00,424 --> 00:12:02,892
your scullery maid,
your shoe de-graveler
294
00:12:02,926 --> 00:12:04,560
and one superfluous employee
295
00:12:04,595 --> 00:12:06,729
who I am not in a gay
relationship with.
296
00:12:06,764 --> 00:12:08,865
Sir, we have a meeting
in the broom shed.
297
00:12:08,899 --> 00:12:09,999
Quite right.
298
00:12:10,034 --> 00:12:11,768
I will now hand you
over to your mother.
299
00:12:11,802 --> 00:12:13,636
This will be our
last physical contact
300
00:12:13,671 --> 00:12:15,538
until I give you
a firm handshake
301
00:12:15,572 --> 00:12:17,607
on your 18th birthday.
302
00:12:20,377 --> 00:12:23,112
My God, this is everything
I've ever wanted.
303
00:12:23,147 --> 00:12:25,848
And let's be honest, if I had
stayed with the Griffins,
304
00:12:25,883 --> 00:12:28,451
I would have ended up like
Rick Springfield today.
305
00:12:28,485 --> 00:12:32,321
♪ I wish that
I had Jesse's job. ♪
306
00:12:37,895 --> 00:12:39,662
Sir, it's 6:00 p.m.
307
00:12:39,697 --> 00:12:43,132
and you're still in
your 5:45 tuxedo.
308
00:12:43,167 --> 00:12:45,501
Nigel, yesterday
I saw you smile.
309
00:12:45,536 --> 00:12:48,137
Is that something I need
to bring up with my father?
310
00:12:48,172 --> 00:12:51,140
I was just imagining
my own death, sir.
311
00:12:51,175 --> 00:12:52,508
You're a good man, Nigel.
312
00:12:52,543 --> 00:12:54,177
May I pull on
your nose hair?
313
00:12:54,211 --> 00:12:55,878
Of course, sir.
314
00:13:05,222 --> 00:13:07,623
My heavens, my father
is the Commander
315
00:13:07,658 --> 00:13:09,692
of the Most Excellent Order
of the British Empire,
316
00:13:09,727 --> 00:13:11,728
Dean of Physics at Oxford,
317
00:13:11,762 --> 00:13:14,697
and he was pre-approved for
a Capital One No-Hassle Card.
318
00:13:14,732 --> 00:13:16,899
Oh, okay, so he's just
framing everything.
319
00:13:16,934 --> 00:13:20,336
Stewart, these are
your brothers, Jaden and Aidan.
320
00:13:20,370 --> 00:13:22,672
Jaden was first form
in his sixth levels
321
00:13:22,706 --> 00:13:25,575
and he's chief scrum-flanker
on his varsity boogling team,
322
00:13:25,609 --> 00:13:28,177
which, as far as we know,
makes us terribly proud.
323
00:13:28,212 --> 00:13:30,680
Finally, siblings
who are doing stuff.
324
00:13:30,714 --> 00:13:32,682
I'm really happy
to meet you guys.
325
00:13:32,716 --> 00:13:34,417
You were an accident.
326
00:13:34,451 --> 00:13:36,619
You're only here because
Father is a heavy sleeper
327
00:13:36,653 --> 00:13:38,688
with a frequent
morning stem.
328
00:13:38,722 --> 00:13:41,524
Okay. Aidan's the ball-breaker,
huh, Jaden?
329
00:13:41,558 --> 00:13:45,361
Father, is "it" going
to live here for a while?
330
00:13:45,395 --> 00:13:47,230
Oh, Aidan is the nice one.
331
00:13:47,264 --> 00:13:49,866
Well, if it's verbal jousting
skills you're looking for,
332
00:13:49,900 --> 00:13:54,003
I'm not afraid to take a little
walk on the Oscar Wilde side.
333
00:13:54,037 --> 00:13:56,038
You are a poopy head.
334
00:13:56,073 --> 00:13:58,207
And you... shut up.
335
00:13:58,242 --> 00:14:00,343
Stewart, I think
your mouth is better
336
00:14:00,377 --> 00:14:02,845
at taking things in
than spewing them out.
337
00:14:05,149 --> 00:14:08,151
Wow, these guys are a little
sharper than my old family.
338
00:14:08,185 --> 00:14:11,287
I still remember
our Duck Duck Goose disaster.
339
00:14:11,321 --> 00:14:12,455
Duck.
340
00:14:12,489 --> 00:14:13,456
Duck.
341
00:14:13,490 --> 00:14:14,457
Duck.
342
00:14:14,491 --> 00:14:16,459
Duck.
343
00:14:16,493 --> 00:14:19,562
Duck. Duck.
344
00:14:19,596 --> 00:14:20,830
Duck.
345
00:14:20,864 --> 00:14:22,431
Duck. Duck.
346
00:14:22,466 --> 00:14:23,466
Duck.
347
00:14:25,803 --> 00:14:26,969
Duck.
348
00:14:27,004 --> 00:14:28,871
Duck. Duck.
349
00:14:28,906 --> 00:14:30,173
Duck.
350
00:14:30,207 --> 00:14:31,974
Duck.
351
00:14:36,780 --> 00:14:38,548
Duck.
352
00:14:38,582 --> 00:14:41,117
What is that other word?
353
00:14:45,656 --> 00:14:47,456
There we are.
354
00:14:47,491 --> 00:14:49,892
Sorry I couldn't squeeze
no more juice outta me nippers.
355
00:14:49,927 --> 00:14:51,394
Oh, that's all right.
356
00:14:51,428 --> 00:14:54,363
I can't be mad at someone who
lost seven sons in the war.
357
00:14:54,398 --> 00:14:57,233
All right, my little lord,
it's time for bed.
358
00:14:57,267 --> 00:14:58,935
Why isn't Mommy
tucking me in?
359
00:14:58,969 --> 00:15:00,970
Oh, hush, love,
you're born now.
360
00:15:01,004 --> 00:15:03,506
That's the end of all
this "Mommy" nonsense.
361
00:15:11,281 --> 00:15:12,515
What the hell?
362
00:15:12,549 --> 00:15:14,584
I don't even get
a stuffed animal to hug?
363
00:15:14,618 --> 00:15:16,052
The only thing in this crib
364
00:15:16,086 --> 00:15:17,720
is a 19th-century
dueling pistol.
365
00:15:18,755 --> 00:15:20,323
It's loaded?!
366
00:15:20,357 --> 00:15:22,925
Who dares to
shoot the bow tie off my cat?
367
00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:24,227
We duel at dawn!
368
00:15:24,261 --> 00:15:25,561
I'm just a baby!
369
00:15:25,596 --> 00:15:26,829
So am I!
370
00:15:26,864 --> 00:15:28,831
Good Lord, what have I done?
371
00:15:28,866 --> 00:15:30,666
I don't like it here at all!
372
00:15:30,701 --> 00:15:31,901
I miss my family!
373
00:15:31,935 --> 00:15:34,103
My dumb family!
374
00:15:34,137 --> 00:15:35,271
Dear God.
375
00:15:35,305 --> 00:15:37,707
I wanted to be free
of the family of morons
376
00:15:37,741 --> 00:15:41,143
I was born into,
but now I'm the moron!
377
00:15:41,178 --> 00:15:42,678
Sir, I heard
whimpering.
378
00:15:42,713 --> 00:15:44,780
Shall I fetch
your crying tuxedo?
379
00:15:44,815 --> 00:15:47,083
No! I don't want
any more tuxedos!
380
00:15:47,117 --> 00:15:49,085
And I don't want a cold mother
381
00:15:49,119 --> 00:15:50,753
or an Oxford physics
professor father.
382
00:15:51,788 --> 00:15:53,089
Wait a minute! That's it!
383
00:15:53,123 --> 00:15:54,924
The Oxford physics lab will have
384
00:15:54,958 --> 00:15:56,993
everything I need
to build a time machine.
385
00:15:57,027 --> 00:15:59,028
Then I can go
back to my old life!
386
00:16:00,998 --> 00:16:02,765
Ah, ah!
Stone floor, too cold.
387
00:16:02,799 --> 00:16:04,800
I'll go in the morning.
388
00:16:11,441 --> 00:16:14,377
Let's see, I need plutonium
for the time machine.
389
00:16:14,411 --> 00:16:16,379
But how do I get
past those guards?
390
00:16:16,413 --> 00:16:18,648
Oh, wait, that's right.
I'm in England.
391
00:16:18,682 --> 00:16:21,350
I can just walk past them
holding a cup of tea.
392
00:16:21,385 --> 00:16:22,852
Morning.
Morning.
393
00:16:22,886 --> 00:16:24,320
Morning.
Morning.
394
00:16:27,824 --> 00:16:28,925
Morning.
Morning.
395
00:16:28,959 --> 00:16:30,726
Morning.
Morning.
396
00:16:30,761 --> 00:16:34,130
Did you see something
suspicious about that baby?
397
00:16:34,164 --> 00:16:35,665
Well, I did at first,
398
00:16:35,699 --> 00:16:38,367
but then he's got the tea
vouching for him, doesn't he?
399
00:16:51,548 --> 00:16:52,782
Almost there.
400
00:16:52,816 --> 00:16:54,183
Just a few more adjustments.
401
00:16:54,217 --> 00:16:55,518
Stewart!
402
00:16:55,552 --> 00:16:57,053
What are you doing?
403
00:17:04,761 --> 00:17:06,495
All right, Rupert,
I left the fat man's
404
00:17:06,530 --> 00:17:07,930
entire porn collection
405
00:17:07,965 --> 00:17:09,799
on the curb
for Goodwill to pick up.
406
00:17:18,108 --> 00:17:19,976
Who the devil are you?
407
00:17:20,010 --> 00:17:21,210
I'm British Stewie.
408
00:17:21,244 --> 00:17:22,678
I don't hear
anything different.
409
00:17:22,713 --> 00:17:23,679
I sound the same,
410
00:17:23,714 --> 00:17:25,348
but I spell some words
very differently.
411
00:17:25,382 --> 00:17:26,582
Let me write
the word "color"
412
00:17:26,616 --> 00:17:28,250
on a piece of
paper for you.
413
00:17:29,586 --> 00:17:31,253
Dear God! You are British!
414
00:17:31,288 --> 00:17:32,388
Listen to me.
415
00:17:32,422 --> 00:17:34,123
You successfully prevented
your own birth,
416
00:17:34,157 --> 00:17:36,492
and instead you were born
into an alternate family.
417
00:17:36,526 --> 00:17:37,860
But you must believe me,
418
00:17:37,894 --> 00:17:40,029
the Griffins are
your true destiny.
419
00:17:40,063 --> 00:17:41,897
No, they're not. They're morons.
420
00:17:41,932 --> 00:17:44,834
But they're your morons,
and they care about you.
421
00:17:44,868 --> 00:17:46,836
Besides, you shine
among these dullards.
422
00:17:46,870 --> 00:17:48,738
Like Bob Weir in
The Grateful Dead.
423
00:17:48,772 --> 00:17:50,973
That joke's for
one of our crew guys, Matty.
424
00:17:51,008 --> 00:17:53,909
He loves The Dead and he's,
uh... he's not doing so well.
425
00:17:53,944 --> 00:17:56,312
We love ya, Captain Trips.
Hang in, bro.
426
00:17:56,346 --> 00:17:59,715
Well, I do like being
better than everyone else.
427
00:17:59,750 --> 00:18:01,617
Peter, I had
nothing to do
428
00:18:01,651 --> 00:18:03,185
with donating
your stupid porn!
429
00:18:03,220 --> 00:18:05,121
If what you're
telling me is true,
430
00:18:05,155 --> 00:18:06,622
we can't let
them separate.
431
00:18:06,656 --> 00:18:08,357
If Peter leaves,
I'll be unborn!
432
00:18:08,392 --> 00:18:09,625
Well, she's not
gonna stop him.
433
00:18:09,659 --> 00:18:10,960
She's furious.
434
00:18:10,994 --> 00:18:12,628
You're right!
And if I know her,
435
00:18:12,662 --> 00:18:13,963
she'll be heading
to the fridge
436
00:18:13,997 --> 00:18:15,898
for her angry
afternoon Chardonnay.
437
00:18:15,932 --> 00:18:17,333
I've got an idea!
438
00:18:22,139 --> 00:18:23,973
Okay, there it is.
439
00:18:24,007 --> 00:18:25,474
Noon.
440
00:18:36,953 --> 00:18:38,821
Oh, no! He's leaving!
441
00:18:38,855 --> 00:18:41,323
I'm... I'm fading away!
442
00:18:41,358 --> 00:18:42,458
Peter, wait!
443
00:18:42,492 --> 00:18:44,593
What? You want to yell
at me some more?
444
00:18:44,628 --> 00:18:47,063
No, I want to
tell you I'm sorry.
445
00:18:47,097 --> 00:18:49,031
I... I don't want
you to leave.
446
00:18:49,066 --> 00:18:51,267
Why should I stay if
you don't even trust me?
447
00:18:51,301 --> 00:18:53,335
I do trust you, Peter.
448
00:18:53,370 --> 00:18:55,604
I don't know what's
gotten into us lately.
449
00:18:55,639 --> 00:18:58,741
The important thing is,
we're meant to be together.
450
00:18:58,775 --> 00:19:01,077
I love you, Peter.
451
00:19:01,111 --> 00:19:04,246
Aw, I love you, too, Lois.
452
00:19:08,852 --> 00:19:10,252
I'm glad we're
staying together.
453
00:19:10,287 --> 00:19:12,788
Honestly, I-I don't know
what I would do on my own.
454
00:19:12,823 --> 00:19:16,125
Like, I literally have no
idea where food comes from.
455
00:19:16,159 --> 00:19:17,526
I-Is it that guy?
456
00:19:17,561 --> 00:19:19,295
Is he the food man?
457
00:19:22,899 --> 00:19:25,201
No, Peter, it's not him.
458
00:19:25,235 --> 00:19:26,368
They're making up!
459
00:19:26,403 --> 00:19:27,436
It's working!
460
00:19:27,471 --> 00:19:29,538
That means soon
you will not exist.
461
00:19:29,573 --> 00:19:32,875
Then I guess this
is good-bye, Stewie.
462
00:19:32,909 --> 00:19:34,110
I'll miss you.
463
00:19:34,144 --> 00:19:35,478
You've taught
me so much.
464
00:19:35,512 --> 00:19:36,846
And you've been
a good friend.
465
00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:37,980
And you as well.
466
00:19:38,014 --> 00:19:39,115
Ah! Damn it!
467
00:19:39,149 --> 00:19:40,583
Help me, Stewie!
Lift it off!
468
00:19:40,617 --> 00:19:42,384
Eh, that looks
really heavy.
469
00:19:42,419 --> 00:19:44,386
It is! And it's
incredibly painful!
470
00:19:44,421 --> 00:19:45,387
Please, help!
471
00:19:45,422 --> 00:19:46,822
You know,
you'll be fading away
472
00:19:46,857 --> 00:19:48,491
any moment, you know?
473
00:19:48,525 --> 00:19:50,593
It'd be a lot of effort
ultimately for nothing.
474
00:19:50,627 --> 00:19:52,061
I'm choking on
my own blood!
475
00:19:53,096 --> 00:19:54,964
Call someone! Please!
476
00:19:54,998 --> 00:19:57,800
Well, again,
it was great knowing you.
477
00:19:57,834 --> 00:19:59,401
Ah! You bastard!
478
00:19:59,436 --> 00:20:00,903
You'll burn in hell...
479
00:20:02,372 --> 00:20:03,706
Ugh, finally.
480
00:20:03,740 --> 00:20:05,207
That was an ordeal.
481
00:20:12,682 --> 00:20:14,183
I... I did it!
482
00:20:14,217 --> 00:20:15,584
I'm back.
483
00:20:15,619 --> 00:20:16,719
Aw, damn it.
484
00:20:16,753 --> 00:20:18,654
I left my ChapStick in the past.
485
00:20:20,157 --> 00:20:21,390
ChapStick!
486
00:20:21,424 --> 00:20:23,759
With smooth lips,
I will finally be able
487
00:20:23,793 --> 00:20:26,929
to be a mayor who kisses babies
with confidence!
488
00:20:26,963 --> 00:20:28,898
Hey, cracked lips!
489
00:20:28,932 --> 00:20:29,899
You'll see!
490
00:20:29,933 --> 00:20:31,734
You'll all see!
491
00:20:37,407 --> 00:20:39,875
Ooh, scrambled eggs!
How delightful.
492
00:20:39,910 --> 00:20:41,010
Thank you, Lois.
493
00:20:41,044 --> 00:20:42,645
Well, you're certainly
in a better mood
494
00:20:42,679 --> 00:20:44,013
since last
night's tantrum.
495
00:20:44,047 --> 00:20:47,082
You know, Brian, I've realized
this is where I belong.
496
00:20:47,117 --> 00:20:49,752
For better or worse,
I'm a Griffin.
497
00:20:50,921 --> 00:20:53,389
Coward!
I have found you!
498
00:20:53,423 --> 00:20:54,623
Ah!
499
00:20:55,598 --> 00:20:57,265
Well, it took
three years,
500
00:20:57,266 --> 00:21:00,206
but I am finally
through all that porn.
501
00:21:00,207 --> 00:21:06,207
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man