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♪ Family Guy 11x21 ♪
Road to Vegas
Original Air Date on May 19, 2013
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== sync, corrected by elderman ==
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Thanks for encouraging us
to come to Gay Pride Day, Brian.
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Yeah, this seems
like it'll be fun.
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Real fun, not "entertain-
your-wife's-parents-
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while-your-wife-
is-at-work" fun.
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Laura gets home at 7:00,
so I figure we can stare
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at our wine glasses
till then.
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So, uh... so, when...
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when do you guys think
you're gonna die?
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Wow, a parade.
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It's like I'm walking
past stuff,
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but I'm not going anywhere.
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Look, there's the float
commemorating sham marriages.
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Sorry, this stomach thing
is acting up again tonight.
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Oh, and I'm going on a business
trip to Mykonos for July.
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And it says this next one is
the "Shocking Reveal Gay Float."
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I had no idea.
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Hey, check it out.
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There's an air show.
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Oh, my God--
they're gonna crash!
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No, no, don't worry--
it's a gay air show.
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They're just gonna
lightly touch tips.
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Aw!
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Well, listen up, everybody,
'cause it's time
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for our grand prize drawing
for those tickets
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to see Celine Dion live
in Las Vegas!
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Infertility!
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Here we go!
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Our grand prize winner is...
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Brian Griffin.
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Wow, I don't believe it!
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Hey, congratulations, buddy.
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You know, you're a lucky guy.
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The only thing I ever won
was an extra day of summer.
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Okay, Peter--
one more day.
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Yay!
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I saw what I look like
in a car window,
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and now I don't want to go.
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We now return
to Franklin and Bash
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with Indicators to Show
Which One is Franklin
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and Which One is Bash.
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Defensive blows to their heads
were to send a message...
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Oh, sorry, sorry.
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"Help me get
into used car sales."
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Hey, Stewie, I don't know if
you have any interest in this,
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but I was wondering if you
want to go to Vegas with me
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and see Celine Dion.
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Are you kidding?
Of course I want to go!
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Wow, these are good seats!
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I know-- apparently they were
donated by Goldman's Pharmacy.
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Turns out Mort's cousin
is Celine's opening act.
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Really? What's his talent?
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I understand he's a
magician of sorts.
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All right, for this next trick,
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I need a quarter
from the audience.
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Okay, thank you.
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You almost ready, Stewie?
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We should probably start
heading to the airport.
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Yes, I was gonna talk to
you about that, actually.
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Last night, I was
thinking to myself,
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"Why fly, when we can
get there instantly?"
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What? What do you mean?
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Well, you see, I recently
completed construction
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on a teleportation device,
and it occurred to me,
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this may be the perfect
chance to try it out.
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Wow, Stewie,
that's incredible!
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Oh, hey, guys.
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Peter, what do
you have there?
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Give me the scissors.
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I was just gonna make
some masks!
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Use your scissors.
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They're not sharp!
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So, what do you say?
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Hmm, teleport to Vegas, huh?
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All right, let's do it!
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Okay, now, the device is
powered by kinetic energy,
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so you've got to dance
to make it work.
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You, uh... really?
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00:04:04,704 --> 00:04:07,622
Yeah , you've
got to dance.
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00:04:08,941 --> 00:04:10,608
What are you doing,
you tool?
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Do you know anything
about science?
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You just saw
me program it.
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What the hell, Stewie?
It didn't work.
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Hmm, that's odd.
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It appears there
may still be
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a few more bugs
to work out.
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Well, it was
worth a try.
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Oh, my God, Stewie--
it-it worked!
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We're in Vegas!
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Yeah, all right!
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Well, let's hit the
hospital, get checked
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for teleportation
cancer and then party!
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Well, since the teleportation
machine failed to get us
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to Vegas, I suppose we should
just catch our plane.
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I'll repair it
when we get back.
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You know, this is going
to be a good trip, Brian.
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I really feel like fate
is on our side.
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Scissors are jerks.
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And I'm a owl.
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Oh, wow, look at
that, Stewie.
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Perfect timing.
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Oh, it's beautiful.
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Everything's just
so beautiful here.
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This is miserable.
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Three-hour delay
and a completely full flight.
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Don't look at us,
you pig.
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Take your Juicy sweatpants
and your dirty pillow from home,
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and your bucket of Coke, and
get the hell out of my sight.
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What was her problem?
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You see that, Brian?
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That's going to be our
penises later, right?
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Stewie, that teleportation
machine is amazing.
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It's so great
that we're already here.
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Yep, drink it in, Bri.
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Time to enjoy all the
Bellagio has to offer.
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Classic architecture.
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Beautiful art.
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Plus, the air is clean
because they suck up
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all the cigarette smoke and
dump it in the bad hotels.
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Smell that, kids?
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It's been in a rich
person's mouth.
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Hi. We're checking in--
Griffin?
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Ah, yes.
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I see you've requested
a bed that's good
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for bouncing
and jumping?
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That is correct.
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I am a businessman.
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Just sign here, please.
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And you can actually keep
that pen if you'd like.
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No way! Really?
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Wow, you see that, Brian?
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Good luck already.
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You know, I know we're
switching to a digital world,
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but I-I think this little
guy's still got a place in it.
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Hey, we should try one of those
slot machines by the entrance.
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You know, they always set
those things to pay out more
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so they can lure people
into the casino.
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Well, that's a great idea.
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Oh, my God--
I don't believe it!
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Brian, we won!
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We won the jackpot!
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Oh, this is unbelievable.
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I haven't had this much fun
since I hosted the Oscars.
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Good evening.
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I just want to say
that I have the utmost respect
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for women everywhere.
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And also, the Jews.
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Good night.
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Oh, thank God,
we're finally here.
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That plane ride took forever.
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Kind of weird they showed
Flight 93 on Flight 93.
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Hi. We're checking in--
Griffin?
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Hmm, I do have a Griffin
here, but that room
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was checked into hours ago.
What?
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00:07:08,784 --> 00:07:10,985
Yes, and I'm afraid we have
no other rooms available.
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I see-- is there
a less heavy person
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that could check again for me?
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I'm sorry, we're
all booked up
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because the Slut
Convention's in town.
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Slut Convention?
Yeah.
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They were promised a
single millionaire,
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but it's really just a
bunch of horny squirrels
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in a rich-guy suit.
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So...
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you made your money
in business?
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Where's your
room, handsome?
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Can I at least have that pen?
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No, that's
Bellagio property.
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Aw.
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Well, this sucks.
Hey, I'm gonna go try one
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of those slot machines
by the entrance.
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They always set
those things to pay out more
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00:07:43,702 --> 00:07:45,536
so they can lure people
into the casino.
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Damn it, Vegas!
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Excuse me, where can I find
some smoking Asians?
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Oh, everywhere? Okay.
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♪ Luck be a lady tonight
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♪ Luck be a lady tonight
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♪ Luck if you've ever been
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♪ A lady to begin with
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♪ Luck be a lady tonight
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♪ Luck let
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♪ A gentleman see
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♪ How nice a dame you can be
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Oh, my God, this
place is a dump.
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00:08:53,088 --> 00:08:54,555
Well, let's not be
so quick to judge.
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It says here there's
a continental breakfast.
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Oh, the continent is Africa.
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00:08:58,810 --> 00:09:00,250
Stewie, this place
is a complete pit.
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00:09:00,278 --> 00:09:02,046
I mean, doesn't it seem
weird to you that we have
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00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:03,931
to re-check-in
every 20 minutes?
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00:09:03,965 --> 00:09:07,701
Also the porn is free, but we
have to watch it in the lobby.
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00:09:12,023 --> 00:09:13,991
Okay, let's see if we can
turn this trip around.
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I'm gonna try some blackjack.
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00:09:15,427 --> 00:09:16,460
Here, take $40.
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00:09:16,495 --> 00:09:17,735
I'm gonna go get
some ice cream.
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00:09:17,763 --> 00:09:19,547
All right, I'll
catch up with you.
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00:09:19,581 --> 00:09:21,348
Hey there...
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00:09:21,383 --> 00:09:22,550
Denise.
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00:09:22,584 --> 00:09:24,552
How you doing today?
I don't know.
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00:09:24,586 --> 00:09:26,987
I usually have to check
with my boyfriend first.
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00:09:27,022 --> 00:09:27,988
Oh.
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00:09:28,023 --> 00:09:29,857
Uh... hit, please.
205
00:09:30,492 --> 00:09:32,526
24? Crap!
206
00:09:32,561 --> 00:09:34,695
Do you know what it's
like to go to the doctor
207
00:09:34,729 --> 00:09:36,730
and see your own foot
in the garbage can?
208
00:09:36,765 --> 00:09:39,099
Okay, you have a good night.
209
00:09:39,167 --> 00:09:41,235
Hey, Stewie, I need
some more money.
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00:09:41,269 --> 00:09:42,770
I lost it all, Brian!
211
00:09:42,804 --> 00:09:43,771
What?
212
00:09:43,805 --> 00:09:45,806
Well, I was on my way
to get ice cream
213
00:09:45,841 --> 00:09:48,909
and I passed a roulette table,
and I put it all on 16
214
00:09:48,944 --> 00:09:51,111
because of that
Taylor Swift song, "Sixteen."
215
00:09:51,146 --> 00:09:52,480
That song is
called "Fifteen."
216
00:09:52,514 --> 00:09:53,681
It came up 15!
217
00:09:53,715 --> 00:09:55,683
Stewie, that was all
the money I brought.
218
00:09:55,717 --> 00:09:57,685
I knew I should've brought
Peter instead of you.
219
00:09:57,719 --> 00:09:59,320
Oh, come on, you would've
done much worse with him.
220
00:09:59,354 --> 00:10:02,189
He's got a terrible tell.
221
00:10:14,352 --> 00:10:16,053
Any cards, Peter?
222
00:10:16,087 --> 00:10:17,421
No, I'm good.
223
00:10:21,309 --> 00:10:22,443
Oh, this is gonna be great.
224
00:10:22,477 --> 00:10:24,078
I hear she puts on
an amazing show.
225
00:10:24,112 --> 00:10:26,146
She does-- you'll be
amazed that that voice
226
00:10:26,164 --> 00:10:27,865
comes out of that face.
227
00:10:30,752 --> 00:10:32,419
Oh, thank God,
we made it in time.
228
00:10:32,454 --> 00:10:33,587
I didn't realize how far
229
00:10:33,622 --> 00:10:35,356
that awful hotel is
from the Strip.
230
00:10:35,390 --> 00:10:37,925
The woman who cleaned
our room had no ears.
231
00:10:40,128 --> 00:10:41,729
I'm sorry,
these tickets are invalid.
232
00:10:41,763 --> 00:10:42,997
What?
233
00:10:43,031 --> 00:10:44,465
It's showing that they've
already been scanned.
234
00:10:44,499 --> 00:10:45,699
I can't let you in.
235
00:10:45,734 --> 00:10:47,735
Oh, this trip has
been a disaster.
236
00:10:47,769 --> 00:10:50,104
I know. I actually thought
I was gonna win big
237
00:10:50,138 --> 00:10:52,239
and get that plastic surgery
I always wanted.
238
00:10:52,274 --> 00:10:53,607
Oh, my God!
239
00:10:53,642 --> 00:10:54,859
Look at him.
240
00:10:54,893 --> 00:10:57,728
He's so cute.
241
00:10:59,197 --> 00:11:01,482
I'm small,
so this is okay.
242
00:11:05,754 --> 00:11:07,104
You know what, screw it.
243
00:11:07,138 --> 00:11:09,406
I say we just cut our
losses and fly home.
244
00:11:09,441 --> 00:11:11,792
Yeah, I'm not so sure
about that.
245
00:11:11,826 --> 00:11:12,927
What? Why?
246
00:11:12,961 --> 00:11:14,895
Well, I may have...
247
00:11:14,930 --> 00:11:16,797
And-and you are gonna
laugh about this,
248
00:11:16,831 --> 00:11:18,632
if I know your dark
sense of humor,
249
00:11:18,667 --> 00:11:21,936
but I may have gambled away
our plane tickets.
250
00:11:21,970 --> 00:11:23,837
You what? How do
you even do that?
251
00:11:23,872 --> 00:11:29,960
It's Vegas, Brian.
You can gamble anything.
252
00:11:31,529 --> 00:11:33,163
I'm sorry, it's 31.
253
00:11:33,198 --> 00:11:34,231
Ow!
254
00:11:34,266 --> 00:11:35,749
How's it going here?
255
00:11:35,784 --> 00:11:37,818
Not great.
I know what you mean.
256
00:11:37,852 --> 00:11:40,154
We just took a pounding
at the craps table.
257
00:11:40,188 --> 00:11:42,356
Look, why don't we just
call Lois and the fat man?
258
00:11:42,390 --> 00:11:43,374
Maybe they can help us.
259
00:11:43,408 --> 00:11:44,608
I don't know about that.
260
00:11:44,643 --> 00:11:46,377
You know that
500 bucks we lost?
261
00:11:46,411 --> 00:11:49,780
I sort of took that from
Lois without asking.
262
00:11:49,814 --> 00:11:51,849
If she finds out it's
all gone, she'll kill me.
263
00:11:51,883 --> 00:11:52,983
Oh.
264
00:11:55,220 --> 00:11:57,488
My buddy's got the inside track.
265
00:11:57,522 --> 00:11:58,756
It's a sure thing.
266
00:11:58,790 --> 00:12:00,824
I like how all your teeth
are different shapes.
267
00:12:00,859 --> 00:12:02,209
Why are you
telling us this?
268
00:12:02,243 --> 00:12:03,577
What do you want from us?
269
00:12:03,595 --> 00:12:05,379
Honestly,
I'm trying to sell my condo,
270
00:12:05,413 --> 00:12:07,615
and I need people to come
to the open house
271
00:12:07,649 --> 00:12:09,283
and talk
about how nice it is.
272
00:12:09,317 --> 00:12:12,403
Wow, the price per square foot
is quite competitive
273
00:12:12,437 --> 00:12:14,204
with similar homes in the area.
274
00:12:14,239 --> 00:12:15,539
Yes, I also love it.
275
00:12:15,573 --> 00:12:17,041
I will likely purchase it
276
00:12:17,075 --> 00:12:19,043
unless others
put in a rival bid.
277
00:12:19,077 --> 00:12:20,377
Well, what's stopping you?
278
00:12:20,412 --> 00:12:22,046
You know, you've always been
so noncommittal
279
00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:23,280
in our relationship.
280
00:12:23,315 --> 00:12:25,049
Do know how much
it hurt my feelings
281
00:12:25,083 --> 00:12:27,017
when you paused before
introducing me to your parents?
282
00:12:27,052 --> 00:12:29,820
And it's the same reason you
didn't take that job in Denver.
283
00:12:29,854 --> 00:12:31,722
I'm sorry I didn't mean
to waste your time.
284
00:12:31,756 --> 00:12:34,358
I just remembered my husband
is a total chicken.
285
00:12:34,392 --> 00:12:37,528
I'm not 100% sure
what we're doing any more.
286
00:12:42,567 --> 00:12:45,135
It's like I say, the best
thing you can see in Vegas
287
00:12:45,170 --> 00:12:46,937
is bar, bar, bar.
288
00:12:46,972 --> 00:12:49,673
Yeah, and he's not talking
about slot machines.
289
00:12:49,708 --> 00:12:51,041
Ooh!
290
00:12:51,076 --> 00:12:53,243
Stewie, I'm still not sure
this is a great idea.
291
00:12:53,278 --> 00:12:55,579
Relax, Brian; we're betting
on one basketball game.
292
00:12:55,613 --> 00:12:56,880
That's it.
293
00:12:56,915 --> 00:12:59,149
Then we'll be out of debt
and on our way home.
294
00:12:59,184 --> 00:13:00,484
I suppose.
I just wish
295
00:13:00,518 --> 00:13:02,619
we didn't have to borrow money
from a loan shark.
296
00:13:02,654 --> 00:13:04,174
I mean, that guy seemed
pretty serious.
297
00:13:04,189 --> 00:13:06,357
Okay, and just a couple
of remaining items.
298
00:13:06,391 --> 00:13:09,093
Please indicate here
if I look like a schmuck to you.
299
00:13:09,127 --> 00:13:10,728
I'm gonna say no.
300
00:13:10,762 --> 00:13:13,364
Great. Then please check here
and initial there.
301
00:13:13,398 --> 00:13:16,066
Uh, next, do you think
this is some kind of game?
302
00:13:16,101 --> 00:13:17,768
Um, no.
303
00:13:17,802 --> 00:13:19,036
Okay, initial, please.
304
00:13:19,070 --> 00:13:20,771
And finally, my date of birth.
305
00:13:27,412 --> 00:13:29,513
And 'll at it for us here
306
00:13:29,547 --> 00:13:31,815
with Duke losing
by just three points.
307
00:13:31,850 --> 00:13:34,752
We... we lost, Brian.
308
00:13:34,786 --> 00:13:36,487
Oh
crap, we're screwed.
309
00:13:37,655 --> 00:13:39,857
Hey, Stewie, give me
$100 from the backpack.
310
00:13:39,891 --> 00:13:41,492
I want to pay a
Wayne Neon look-alike
311
00:13:41,526 --> 00:13:43,060
to beat up a
Rita Rudner look-alike.
312
00:13:43,094 --> 00:13:44,595
I'll give you $1,000.
313
00:13:44,597 --> 00:13:46,630
Pay him to beat up Rita Rudner.
314
00:13:48,299 --> 00:13:49,733
Stewie, we got to get
the hell out of here
315
00:13:49,768 --> 00:13:51,048
before that loan shark finds us.
316
00:13:51,069 --> 00:13:53,070
Yes, you're right.
317
00:13:54,072 --> 00:13:55,706
I've got a bad feeling, Brian.
318
00:13:55,740 --> 00:13:57,574
I've got a good
feeling, Brian.
319
00:13:57,609 --> 00:13:59,443
I'm gonna get
me that honey.
320
00:14:06,689 --> 00:14:08,060
I say, Brian,
this backpack feels
321
00:14:08,061 --> 00:14:09,695
a bit lighter
than it did before.
322
00:14:09,730 --> 00:14:11,331
Well, I wasn't gonna
tell you till later,
323
00:14:11,348 --> 00:14:13,299
but I actually used
part of my portion
324
00:14:13,317 --> 00:14:15,568
to take care of some
personal business.
325
00:14:15,602 --> 00:14:18,254
All right, fine.
326
00:14:43,063 --> 00:14:44,513
Hey, boss, it's me.
327
00:14:44,548 --> 00:14:46,908
I just spotted those two idiots
who borrowed all that money.
328
00:14:46,934 --> 00:14:48,401
Yeah, well, now they're
strutting around
329
00:14:48,435 --> 00:14:49,886
in flashy suits.
330
00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:52,555
Don't worry; I'll get that
money back no matter what,
331
00:14:52,589 --> 00:14:54,440
and for sure I'm not
gonna stop first
332
00:14:54,474 --> 00:14:56,492
and get some crepes
in the lobby.
333
00:14:56,526 --> 00:14:58,427
Where can I get
some crepes?
334
00:15:03,817 --> 00:15:05,337
Hey, Stewie,
thanks for coming with me.
335
00:15:05,352 --> 00:15:06,936
This really has been
an amazing trip.
336
00:15:06,970 --> 00:15:08,271
Yeah, it's been great.
337
00:15:08,305 --> 00:15:09,689
Um, listen, Brian,
338
00:15:09,723 --> 00:15:11,791
this might be a good
time to tell you, uh,
339
00:15:11,825 --> 00:15:14,927
I invited, um, somebody
340
00:15:14,962 --> 00:15:16,395
to come to the room.
341
00:15:16,430 --> 00:15:17,597
Well, what do you mean?
342
00:15:17,631 --> 00:15:19,632
Oh, that must be him now.
343
00:15:21,168 --> 00:15:23,736
Okay, come on, you look nothing
like your picture in the ad.
344
00:15:23,770 --> 00:15:25,154
Shut up and give
me the money!
345
00:15:25,188 --> 00:15:26,789
What? What the hell
are you talking about?
346
00:15:26,823 --> 00:15:28,658
Okay, I'm starting to think
you're not Apollo.
347
00:15:28,692 --> 00:15:31,060
You bastards think you can
just borrow a bunch of money
348
00:15:31,094 --> 00:15:33,396
from a loan shark and then
waste it on tacky suits?
349
00:15:33,430 --> 00:15:35,498
Tacky?
Sir, I'll have you know
350
00:15:35,532 --> 00:15:37,633
I bought this
in the lobby of a casino.
351
00:15:37,668 --> 00:15:38,734
Well, don't shoot.
352
00:15:38,769 --> 00:15:40,303
You must have us confused
with somebody else.
353
00:15:40,337 --> 00:15:42,104
We didn't borrow
any money, I swear.
354
00:15:42,139 --> 00:15:44,357
Sounds like somebody
wants to die.
355
00:15:44,391 --> 00:15:45,658
Aah! No, no!
Stewie,
356
00:15:45,692 --> 00:15:47,059
just give him the money
from the backpack.
357
00:15:47,077 --> 00:15:48,560
Okay, okay. Don't shoot.
358
00:15:48,578 --> 00:15:50,179
Wha... It's empty.
359
00:15:50,213 --> 00:15:52,114
It's just Cheerios
and coloring books.
360
00:15:52,149 --> 00:15:53,783
What? Where the hell
is the money?
361
00:15:53,817 --> 00:15:55,451
Sir, we can't give you
any money,
362
00:15:55,485 --> 00:15:57,420
but if you've got
some milk and a bowl,
363
00:15:57,454 --> 00:15:59,855
we can give you a pretty
healthy way to start your day.
364
00:15:59,890 --> 00:16:01,057
All right,
enough of this.
365
00:16:01,091 --> 00:16:02,325
You, dog,
366
00:16:02,359 --> 00:16:04,226
pick which one of
you two is gonna die.
367
00:16:04,261 --> 00:16:06,996
What? You can't ask me
to decide something like that.
368
00:16:07,030 --> 00:16:10,333
The life of every being
is sacred, just like the life...
369
00:16:10,367 --> 00:16:11,667
Fine. I'll kill you.
370
00:16:11,702 --> 00:16:13,102
No, no, kill him.
He's a baby.
371
00:16:13,136 --> 00:16:14,603
He-he won't even remember
he was alive.
372
00:16:14,638 --> 00:16:15,805
You son of a b...
373
00:16:15,839 --> 00:16:18,174
Aah! Stewie!
374
00:16:18,208 --> 00:16:21,093
Now, get us the
money you borrowed.
375
00:16:21,128 --> 00:16:23,362
Oh, my God, Stewie, no!
376
00:16:27,834 --> 00:16:29,769
Yeah, I was booked
for three hours
377
00:16:29,803 --> 00:16:31,937
by Archibald Meatpants.
378
00:16:31,972 --> 00:16:34,173
He's... he's dead.
379
00:16:34,207 --> 00:16:36,676
Okay, well, either way,
I'm getting paid,
380
00:16:36,710 --> 00:16:39,228
and somebody's
getting torn open.
381
00:16:42,933 --> 00:16:44,483
What the hell
are we gonna do, Stewie?
382
00:16:44,518 --> 00:16:46,218
We have no money,
no way to get home,
383
00:16:46,253 --> 00:16:48,287
and one of the loan shark's
goons is probably gonna bust
384
00:16:48,321 --> 00:16:50,189
through that door
any minute and kill us both.
385
00:16:50,223 --> 00:16:51,590
I wish my daddy were here.
386
00:16:51,625 --> 00:16:53,426
He always knows what to do.
387
00:16:56,663 --> 00:16:58,364
Oh, son of a bitch.
388
00:16:58,398 --> 00:16:59,732
Well, I better leave a note.
389
00:16:59,766 --> 00:17:01,300
It's the right thing to do.
390
00:17:05,439 --> 00:17:06,872
God, I've never felt
so hopeless.
391
00:17:06,907 --> 00:17:08,541
I mean, what are we
supposed to do?
392
00:17:08,575 --> 00:17:10,109
Just wait for them
to come kill us?
393
00:17:10,143 --> 00:17:11,477
Well, we could
go on the run.
394
00:17:11,511 --> 00:17:13,512
With what money?
And they'd still find us.
395
00:17:13,547 --> 00:17:15,067
Well, why don't we
just hitchhike home?
396
00:17:15,082 --> 00:17:16,365
Even if we could get
back there,
397
00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:18,667
we'd just be putting
the whole family in danger.
398
00:17:18,702 --> 00:17:20,669
I don't see any way
out of this.
399
00:17:20,704 --> 00:17:23,406
Well, there is one
thing we could do.
400
00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:24,540
What? What's that?
401
00:17:24,574 --> 00:17:27,243
We could go out
on our own terms.
402
00:17:27,277 --> 00:17:28,778
What? You're saying
we should kill ourselves?
403
00:17:28,812 --> 00:17:29,879
Well, think about it.
404
00:17:29,913 --> 00:17:31,073
We're stuck here,
just waiting
405
00:17:31,081 --> 00:17:32,415
for some mobster
to do it.
406
00:17:32,449 --> 00:17:34,450
At least this way,
we can go out together.
407
00:17:34,484 --> 00:17:36,419
But think
about what you're saying.
408
00:17:36,453 --> 00:17:37,853
Brian, we're dead
no matter what.
409
00:17:37,888 --> 00:17:39,755
At least this way,
it'll be quick and clean.
410
00:17:39,790 --> 00:17:41,757
Well, not clean for the staff
of the hotel,
411
00:17:41,792 --> 00:17:43,826
but that's not really gonna be
our problem anymore.
412
00:17:43,860 --> 00:17:45,428
I-I don't know.
413
00:17:45,462 --> 00:17:47,496
Look, it's not like we've got
a lot to live for.
414
00:17:47,531 --> 00:17:49,031
I mean, I'm just gonna
end up like Chris,
415
00:17:49,066 --> 00:17:51,584
only I'll be smart enough
to realize how miserable I am.
416
00:17:51,618 --> 00:17:53,652
And you've only got
a few good years left anyway,
417
00:17:53,687 --> 00:17:55,821
and that's if we even get
out of here alive.
418
00:17:56,823 --> 00:17:58,557
All right, Stewie.
419
00:17:58,592 --> 00:18:00,793
Let's do it.
420
00:18:00,827 --> 00:18:02,394
Yeah, see, I'm glad
you came around.
421
00:18:02,429 --> 00:18:04,497
You know, the only thing
that was holding me back
422
00:18:04,531 --> 00:18:07,433
even a little is knowing how
much Lois is gonna milk this.
423
00:18:07,467 --> 00:18:11,003
Everyone, I truly want
to thank you for your support
424
00:18:11,037 --> 00:18:13,873
and remind you that,
as far as casseroles go,
425
00:18:13,907 --> 00:18:15,007
we're good on pasta,
426
00:18:15,041 --> 00:18:17,309
but we could use
some more dessert items.
427
00:18:19,846 --> 00:18:22,014
Oh, I miss my baby so much,
428
00:18:22,048 --> 00:18:23,682
and I'm more
of a chocolate person
429
00:18:23,717 --> 00:18:25,818
than a fruit person.
430
00:18:33,360 --> 00:18:35,227
Well, this is it.
431
00:18:35,262 --> 00:18:37,062
I guess so.
432
00:18:37,097 --> 00:18:38,731
Count to three?
433
00:18:38,765 --> 00:18:40,399
Yep.
434
00:18:40,433 --> 00:18:42,818
One, two...
435
00:18:42,853 --> 00:18:44,253
Three!
I'm sorry.
436
00:18:44,287 --> 00:18:45,604
I can't. I want to live!
437
00:18:45,639 --> 00:18:47,456
I didn't really think
we were gonna do it.
438
00:18:47,491 --> 00:18:49,792
You dick!
439
00:18:49,826 --> 00:18:51,227
Oh, my God, Brian!
440
00:18:51,261 --> 00:18:52,912
Brian, no!
441
00:18:52,946 --> 00:18:54,463
Good Lord, what have I done?
442
00:18:54,514 --> 00:18:56,415
I better get the hell
out of here.
443
00:18:56,449 --> 00:18:58,000
What the deuce?
444
00:18:58,034 --> 00:19:00,052
Where did this come from?
445
00:19:01,054 --> 00:19:03,422
Well, looks like
Archibald Meatpants
446
00:19:03,456 --> 00:19:05,357
is gonna have a fun night.
447
00:19:08,879 --> 00:19:10,563
One-way to Providence, please.
448
00:19:10,597 --> 00:19:12,882
Yeah, how much to get
to Providence?
449
00:19:12,916 --> 00:19:14,316
Brian?
450
00:19:14,351 --> 00:19:16,318
Stewie, what the hell?
451
00:19:16,353 --> 00:19:17,419
But how can you be...
452
00:19:17,454 --> 00:19:18,888
Oh, my God.
453
00:19:18,922 --> 00:19:20,923
C-Could it be?
454
00:19:20,957 --> 00:19:22,658
What the hell is going on?
455
00:19:22,692 --> 00:19:24,527
My teleportation machine worked.
456
00:19:24,561 --> 00:19:26,262
Of course it did;
that's how we got here.
457
00:19:26,329 --> 00:19:27,596
No, that's how
you got here.
458
00:19:27,631 --> 00:19:28,898
I flew.
459
00:19:28,932 --> 00:19:31,000
The machine must have
created two pairs of us--
460
00:19:31,034 --> 00:19:32,768
one that was teleported
to Las Vegas
461
00:19:32,802 --> 00:19:33,969
and the other that wasn't.
462
00:19:34,004 --> 00:19:35,638
You're kidding.
That's unbelievable.
463
00:19:35,672 --> 00:19:37,106
I know, it... Wait.
464
00:19:37,140 --> 00:19:38,507
Where's the other me?
465
00:19:38,542 --> 00:19:40,576
Oh, um... What?
466
00:19:40,610 --> 00:19:42,611
Where is the Stewie
you came with?
467
00:19:42,646 --> 00:19:46,015
Oh, well, th-these thugs
came to shoot you,
468
00:19:46,049 --> 00:19:48,717
and I tried to throw myself
in front of the bullet,
469
00:19:48,752 --> 00:19:51,420
but it must have gone, like,
under my armpit or something
470
00:19:51,454 --> 00:19:53,355
'cause it-it exploded
your face.
471
00:19:53,390 --> 00:19:54,957
Wait, what about
the other me?
472
00:19:54,991 --> 00:19:56,825
Oh, it was so sad.
473
00:19:56,860 --> 00:19:58,244
You took your own life.
474
00:19:58,278 --> 00:20:00,212
I tried like hell to
talk you out of it,
475
00:20:00,247 --> 00:20:01,747
but you jumped
off a balcony.
476
00:20:01,781 --> 00:20:03,482
People keep coming
back every hour
477
00:20:03,516 --> 00:20:04,934
because they think
it's a regular show,
478
00:20:04,968 --> 00:20:07,203
like-like the volcano or
the pirate ship thing.
479
00:20:07,237 --> 00:20:08,537
Wow.
480
00:20:08,572 --> 00:20:11,173
Well, I-I'm so glad
you're alive.
481
00:20:11,208 --> 00:20:12,591
Yeah, same with you.
482
00:20:12,626 --> 00:20:14,593
Well, we should
probably head home.
483
00:20:14,628 --> 00:20:15,794
Definitely.
484
00:20:15,829 --> 00:20:17,880
Um, uh, the only thing is,
I'm a little short.
485
00:20:17,914 --> 00:20:19,548
Is there any chance
you could cover me
486
00:20:19,583 --> 00:20:20,449
for the ticket?
487
00:20:20,483 --> 00:20:22,501
Oh, let me see
how much I have.
488
00:20:26,272 --> 00:20:28,707
Good news!
I have just enough.
489
00:20:28,742 --> 00:20:31,176
Now departing for Providence.
490
00:20:31,211 --> 00:20:32,778
Hey, did you guys see O?
491
00:20:32,812 --> 00:20:33,979
No, that seemed lame.
492
00:20:34,014 --> 00:20:36,031
You know, the other you
was a lot more fun.
493
00:20:36,066 --> 00:20:37,099
Which one is O?
494
00:20:37,133 --> 00:20:38,667
Is that the-the
swimming one?
495
00:20:38,702 --> 00:20:40,536
Don't-don't try to demean it.
496
00:20:40,570 --> 00:20:42,755
How does it feel to be
the least cultured person
497
00:20:42,789 --> 00:20:44,290
at a bus station?
498
00:20:50,547 --> 00:20:55,547
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
499
00:20:58,255 --> 00:20:59,455
Hey.
500
00:20:59,489 --> 00:21:00,673
Hey.