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♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
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00:00:05,750 --> 00:00:09,035
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
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00:00:09,070 --> 00:00:12,589
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
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♪ On which we used to rely?
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♪ Lucky there's a family guy
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♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us
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♪ Laugh and cry
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♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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♪ Family Guy 11x16 ♪
Turban Cowboy
Original Air Date on March 17, 2013
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00:00:32,810 --> 00:00:35,810
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
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We now return to Bottom Chef.
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Daniel L.,
please pack your fudge and go.
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Fine!
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We interrupt this
broadcast with breaking news.
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An aide to Mayor
Adam West has been found
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stabbed to death
at the mayor's mansion.
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That's right, Tom.
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Police say the
victim was killed
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00:00:51,279 --> 00:00:53,113
by a knife
belonging to the mayor,
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who is considered the
prime suspect at this time.
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Oh, my God.
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00:00:57,051 --> 00:00:58,135
Uncle Adam!
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00:00:58,186 --> 00:00:59,169
Uhp, town emergency.
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00:00:59,203 --> 00:01:00,453
Don't got to
finish my green beans.
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Peter, you stay there and
finish those green beans.
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00:01:02,890 --> 00:01:06,209
But my stomach's upset
on account of the news.
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00:01:06,244 --> 00:01:07,944
Also found
in the mayor's residence
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00:01:07,979 --> 00:01:09,813
was a blackmail note
from the victim
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threatening to expose the mayor
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in a corruption scandal
unless the victim was paid off.
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00:01:14,118 --> 00:01:15,719
You can put a picture of a note
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00:01:15,753 --> 00:01:17,988
above my shoulder any time now,
Tony.
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00:01:18,022 --> 00:01:20,023
No, that's the Rose Bowl Parade.
35
00:01:20,057 --> 00:01:21,892
That's the Pumpkin Festival.
36
00:01:21,926 --> 00:01:24,194
Okay, okay,
you think that humiliates me?
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00:01:24,228 --> 00:01:25,262
You-- I-I don't care.
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00:01:25,296 --> 00:01:26,496
Oscar De La Hoya does it.
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We now go live to
Tricia Takanawa,
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00:01:28,299 --> 00:01:30,333
who is outside
the mayor's mansion.
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Tom, I'm standing outside
the mayor's mansion,
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where, against the wishes
of his attorneys,
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the mayor has agreed to an
impromptu press conference.
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00:01:40,711 --> 00:01:41,761
What do you
know about the murder?
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00:01:41,795 --> 00:01:43,196
Did you
kill that man?
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00:01:43,231 --> 00:01:45,165
Yes, I'll take a question
from the reporter
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00:01:45,199 --> 00:01:48,051
from the Quahog
Elementary School Gazette.
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00:01:48,085 --> 00:01:49,052
Timmy?
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00:01:49,086 --> 00:01:50,787
Are you afraid of the dark?
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00:01:50,821 --> 00:01:52,589
I thought
we had an understanding
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00:01:52,623 --> 00:01:54,357
that the dark was off limits.
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00:01:54,392 --> 00:01:56,743
This press conference is over.
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00:01:56,777 --> 00:01:59,779
This has been
Tricia Takanawa with the news.
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00:01:59,813 --> 00:02:02,515
And now I will have
my normal post-news review
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00:02:02,550 --> 00:02:04,484
from my mom in her car.
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00:02:04,518 --> 00:02:05,685
You no good!
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00:02:05,720 --> 00:02:07,020
You no good on news!
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00:02:07,054 --> 00:02:08,955
You stiff, like
watching board!
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00:02:08,990 --> 00:02:10,724
Joan London
mother, so happy.
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00:02:10,758 --> 00:02:14,227
Tricia Takanawa
mother, so sad.
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Wow, he really did it.
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00:02:16,097 --> 00:02:17,964
I always knew Mayor West
was a little crazy,
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but I never thought he was
capable of something like this.
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The mayor's going to jail.
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That means anything goes.
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I pushed a lady.
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00:02:30,044 --> 00:02:31,962
God, I can already
hear the jokes
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00:02:31,996 --> 00:02:34,080
Jay Leno's gonna be
telling about our mayor.
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00:02:34,115 --> 00:02:35,115
Oh, yeah,
like what?
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00:02:35,149 --> 00:02:36,233
Oh, you know,
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00:02:36,284 --> 00:02:37,450
it's like you can
already hear them.
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You know?
Like what?
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00:02:38,619 --> 00:02:40,019
Like exactly
what jokes do you hear?
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00:02:40,037 --> 00:02:41,404
Tell me one of the jokes.
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00:02:41,455 --> 00:02:43,573
Brian, all I have to do is
start fake sneezing around you
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and you'll spend the rest
of your life outside.
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Oh, yeah, yeah, I can
hear some of the jokes.
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Well, I guess
you just never know
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what kind of rage
some people have bottled up.
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Well, we all
got anger, Chris.
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The important thing
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is finding a healthy way
to channel it.
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For me, as you know,
it's the family bath.
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00:02:59,173 --> 00:03:01,374
Peter, how long
do we have to sit here?
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Until I'm
not angry anymore,
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00:03:02,810 --> 00:03:04,844
you naked
bunch of bitches!
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Everyone,
please be seated.
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We will now hear
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the defense attorney's
closing statement.
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I switched seats.
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00:03:23,764 --> 00:03:26,099
In closing, although
it seems pretty clear
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00:03:26,133 --> 00:03:27,734
that my client
committed this murder,
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00:03:27,768 --> 00:03:29,502
I would consider it
a personal favor to me
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if you found
him not guilty.
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That's your
closing argument?
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00:03:34,458 --> 00:03:38,278
Whoa, those karate
lessons are really paying off.
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00:03:38,312 --> 00:03:40,313
Thank you, Sensei.
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Welcome.
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00:03:41,482 --> 00:03:42,582
He came.
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00:03:42,616 --> 00:03:44,167
Jurors, you
have now heard
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all the facts
of this case.
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00:03:45,670 --> 00:03:48,171
I remind you that because
we are a small town,
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00:03:48,205 --> 00:03:49,506
many of you may have ties
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00:03:49,540 --> 00:03:51,241
with the defendant
or the victim.
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You must set aside
these personal connections
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00:03:53,527 --> 00:03:56,029
and render an impartial
and unanimous verdict.
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00:03:56,063 --> 00:03:57,664
Does anyone have any questions?
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00:03:57,698 --> 00:04:00,834
Yeah, is Toblerone
the fanciest thing in the world?
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00:04:00,868 --> 00:04:02,102
I-I just don't understand.
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00:04:02,136 --> 00:04:03,720
How could
Uncle Adam do this?
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00:04:03,754 --> 00:04:05,355
He's the mayor
of our town.
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00:04:05,389 --> 00:04:07,590
Well, Meg, life
isn't always as simple
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as what they
teach you at school.
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00:04:09,293 --> 00:04:10,327
I don't know, Mom.
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00:04:10,361 --> 00:04:12,495
I have a pretty realistic
home ec class.
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00:04:12,530 --> 00:04:13,930
Okay, kids.
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00:04:13,964 --> 00:04:17,067
Now I'm gonna take
the casserole out of the oven.
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00:04:17,101 --> 00:04:18,785
Okay, it's a little burned.
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00:04:18,819 --> 00:04:20,236
No reason to panic.
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00:04:21,772 --> 00:04:22,739
Oh, God, that's Daddy.
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00:04:22,773 --> 00:04:24,090
He's home early.
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00:04:24,124 --> 00:04:25,892
Let-Let's get some spices
in here and fix this.
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00:04:26,927 --> 00:04:28,127
Okay, he's inside the house.
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00:04:28,145 --> 00:04:29,479
Let's-let's hope his meeting
went well.
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00:04:29,513 --> 00:04:31,314
God, that meeting
went awful!
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00:04:31,349 --> 00:04:32,349
Oh, boy.
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00:04:32,383 --> 00:04:33,416
What's that smell?
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00:04:33,451 --> 00:04:34,851
Did you burn dinner,
you stupid pig?
129
00:04:34,885 --> 00:04:36,135
Okay, kids, put your heads down.
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00:04:36,153 --> 00:04:37,153
Put your heads down.
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00:04:37,188 --> 00:04:38,455
And don't try to stand between
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00:04:38,489 --> 00:04:40,256
me and your father;
it'll just make it worse.
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00:04:46,313 --> 00:04:49,149
So I's been asked by the judge
to be the foreman,
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00:04:49,183 --> 00:04:51,217
and I want y'all to know
that we's gonna run
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00:04:51,252 --> 00:04:55,155
a fair jury and a clean jury,
so I brought some wet naps
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00:04:55,189 --> 00:04:57,390
for everyone to wipe off
their areas.
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00:04:57,425 --> 00:05:00,560
'Cause one of us gets sick,
we's all gonna get sick.
138
00:05:00,594 --> 00:05:01,995
And that may lead to some of us
139
00:05:02,029 --> 00:05:03,563
getting sicker than others.
140
00:05:03,597 --> 00:05:04,998
Look, can we
get this underway?
141
00:05:05,032 --> 00:05:06,466
I mean, we were
all in that courtroom.
142
00:05:06,500 --> 00:05:07,700
What-what is
there to discuss?
143
00:05:07,735 --> 00:05:08,735
It's obvious
he did it.
144
00:05:11,372 --> 00:05:12,892
Plus, I got to get
back to the station.
145
00:05:12,907 --> 00:05:14,174
If I'm not there by 5:00,
146
00:05:14,208 --> 00:05:15,542
Joyce will anchor the news,
and I don't think
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00:05:15,576 --> 00:05:17,444
anyone wants
that to happen again.
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00:05:17,478 --> 00:05:20,113
Our top story:
Guys, right?
149
00:05:20,147 --> 00:05:21,481
Yes, it's open and shut.
150
00:05:21,515 --> 00:05:23,550
Now let's just vote him guilty
and get out of here.
151
00:05:23,584 --> 00:05:24,945
Look, I know
everyone's in a hurry,
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00:05:24,952 --> 00:05:26,820
but shouldn't we at least
go over the evidence
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00:05:26,854 --> 00:05:28,855
once before we vote,
just to be fair?
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00:05:28,889 --> 00:05:31,024
You know what would shed
some light on th case?
155
00:05:31,058 --> 00:05:33,176
If we huck water balloons
at people in the street.
156
00:05:35,846 --> 00:05:37,580
They were carrying a trampoline.
157
00:05:37,615 --> 00:05:38,648
Here's the facts:
158
00:05:38,682 --> 00:05:40,250
there was a note
from the victim,
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00:05:40,284 --> 00:05:43,253
threatening to expose the mayor
in a corruption scandal.
160
00:05:43,287 --> 00:05:45,905
The murder weapon
was the mayor's own knife.
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00:05:45,940 --> 00:05:49,375
And finally, that lady with
the Peter Gallagher eyebrows
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on the witness stand
saw the whole thing.
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00:05:52,179 --> 00:05:53,459
Okay, let's get
down to business.
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All in favor of "guilty,"
raise your hands.
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00:05:55,749 --> 00:05:56,983
Guilty.
166
00:05:57,017 --> 00:05:58,351
All "guilty."
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00:05:58,385 --> 00:05:59,552
Good, well, that's it,
let's get out of here.
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Anyone for "not guilty"?
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00:06:08,612 --> 00:06:09,996
What the hell?
170
00:06:10,030 --> 00:06:12,565
All right, looks like
we's gonna be here a while.
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00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:14,067
Who wants pizza for dinner?
172
00:06:15,386 --> 00:06:18,521
And who wants
Purina Moist and Meaty Dog Chow?
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00:06:22,960 --> 00:06:24,294
I had that
for breakfast!
174
00:06:31,022 --> 00:06:32,262
What do you mean "not guilty"?!
175
00:06:32,273 --> 00:06:33,240
What's wrong with you?
176
00:06:33,274 --> 00:06:35,342
Oh, shoot,
that was a stomachache.
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00:06:35,376 --> 00:06:36,810
I told that guy he had polio.
178
00:06:36,844 --> 00:06:39,045
Look, the system specifies
the defendant
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00:06:39,080 --> 00:06:41,748
must be proven guilty
beyond a reasonable doubt.
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00:06:41,782 --> 00:06:43,817
Mayor West's life
is on the line here.
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00:06:43,851 --> 00:06:45,986
I'm just saying,
it's possible he didn't do it.
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00:06:47,622 --> 00:06:49,239
That's for the jury
to decide.
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00:06:49,273 --> 00:06:50,824
Mayor West is crazy.
184
00:06:50,858 --> 00:06:53,076
He should've been locked up
a long time ago.
185
00:06:53,110 --> 00:06:54,911
Yeah, there's definitely
something off about him.
186
00:06:54,946 --> 00:06:56,012
I'm his physician.
187
00:06:56,047 --> 00:06:58,815
Okay, now we'll just
test those reflexes.
188
00:06:58,849 --> 00:07:00,183
Hey, did you hear that?
189
00:07:00,217 --> 00:07:01,217
There's someone out there.
190
00:07:01,252 --> 00:07:02,319
Hello?
191
00:07:02,353 --> 00:07:03,653
We're in here!
192
00:07:03,688 --> 00:07:05,088
There are six of us!
193
00:07:05,156 --> 00:07:07,140
Look, we all saw
that blackmail note.
194
00:07:07,174 --> 00:07:08,942
Mayor West is
the only one with a motive.
195
00:07:08,976 --> 00:07:10,377
I don't even know
why we're discussing it.
196
00:07:10,411 --> 00:07:12,996
Well, was Mayor West
the only one with a motive?
197
00:07:13,030 --> 00:07:14,764
I mean, there are
people who would benefit
198
00:07:14,799 --> 00:07:16,199
if he were
put away for murder.
199
00:07:16,233 --> 00:07:18,084
Political rivals,
special interests.
200
00:07:18,119 --> 00:07:20,070
I mean, it's possible
he could have been framed.
201
00:07:23,107 --> 00:07:24,724
Enough!
202
00:07:24,759 --> 00:07:26,826
Was a movie with Jennifer Lopez
203
00:07:26,861 --> 00:07:28,895
that did not
live up to expectations.
204
00:07:28,897 --> 00:07:31,898
Well, Mayor West did say
he never saw the letter.
205
00:07:31,932 --> 00:07:33,199
And he was under oath.
206
00:07:33,234 --> 00:07:34,234
Yeah, he lied.
207
00:07:34,268 --> 00:07:35,885
Of course he lied;
he's a politician.
208
00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:37,287
They're all liars.
Yeah!
209
00:07:37,321 --> 00:07:39,773
John F. Kennedy swore he'd serve
a full four-year term.
210
00:07:39,807 --> 00:07:41,207
Liar.
211
00:07:41,242 --> 00:07:44,010
Look, we should be sticking
to the facts, not stereotypes.
212
00:07:44,045 --> 00:07:46,963
It's unfair to say
that all politicians are liars,
213
00:07:46,997 --> 00:07:48,631
therefore Mayor West is guilty.
214
00:07:48,665 --> 00:07:49,983
Brian's right.
215
00:07:50,017 --> 00:07:53,119
I was a county alderman once
and I never told no fibs.
216
00:07:53,154 --> 00:07:55,021
I bent over
backwards and forwards
217
00:07:55,056 --> 00:07:56,323
for them constituents.
218
00:07:56,357 --> 00:07:58,558
It's important
to make sure everyone is happy,
219
00:07:58,592 --> 00:08:00,327
so I took a lot of polls.
220
00:08:00,361 --> 00:08:01,661
Gay stuff.
221
00:08:01,696 --> 00:08:04,497
Yeah, and I served honorably
as a U.N. interpreter.
222
00:08:06,967 --> 00:08:08,802
Okay, he's mad about something.
223
00:08:08,836 --> 00:08:10,970
He appears to be
talking really fast.
224
00:08:11,005 --> 00:08:13,740
He spits whenever
he makes the "ch" noise,
225
00:08:13,774 --> 00:08:16,309
which, in this language,
happens a lot.
226
00:08:16,344 --> 00:08:18,445
I'm expected to entertain him
and his wife tonight,
227
00:08:18,479 --> 00:08:20,814
so if anyone knows a good
restaurant in the area...
228
00:08:20,848 --> 00:08:22,982
Sushi or tapas,
something where they're always
229
00:08:23,017 --> 00:08:24,134
bringing stuff to the table
230
00:08:24,168 --> 00:08:25,435
so you have something
to talk about.
231
00:08:25,469 --> 00:08:26,636
You know?
232
00:08:26,670 --> 00:08:28,238
"Hey, what's this?
This looks good..."
233
00:08:28,272 --> 00:08:29,506
War, oh, war, war!
234
00:08:29,540 --> 00:08:31,458
That last sentence
was about war!
235
00:08:31,492 --> 00:08:33,209
Look, an expert
confirmed
236
00:08:33,244 --> 00:08:35,211
that the blackmail note
was signed by the victim.
237
00:08:35,246 --> 00:08:37,313
That points
irrefutably to West.
238
00:08:37,348 --> 00:08:39,482
Well, maybe we should
take a look at that letter.
239
00:08:39,517 --> 00:08:40,817
Yeah, I'd like to see that.
240
00:08:40,851 --> 00:08:43,286
'Cause I can read it
just like everybody else.
241
00:08:43,320 --> 00:08:45,555
And the charade continues.
242
00:08:45,589 --> 00:08:47,941
Bailiff, please.
243
00:08:47,992 --> 00:08:49,058
Yeah?
244
00:08:49,076 --> 00:08:50,994
Mr. Bailiff, we
request that you
245
00:08:51,028 --> 00:08:52,629
bring us the note
from the victim.
246
00:08:52,663 --> 00:08:54,681
Joe, what the hell
are you doing out there?
247
00:08:54,715 --> 00:08:56,282
You're a cop, not a bailiff.
248
00:08:56,317 --> 00:08:57,517
Eh, I'm undercover.
249
00:08:57,551 --> 00:08:59,352
Someone's been raping
all the bailiffs.
250
00:08:59,387 --> 00:09:01,688
So you're just sitting around
waiting to be raped?
251
00:09:01,722 --> 00:09:03,390
Hey, Bailiff,
can I talk to you
252
00:09:03,424 --> 00:09:05,225
for a second in
this broom closet?
253
00:09:05,259 --> 00:09:06,493
Sure, strange man.
254
00:09:06,527 --> 00:09:10,230
I can't wait to hear
what this is all about.
255
00:09:15,586 --> 00:09:16,970
Well, there's your motive.
256
00:09:17,021 --> 00:09:19,038
A note from the victim
threatening Mayor West.
257
00:09:19,073 --> 00:09:20,407
What more proof
do you want?
258
00:09:20,441 --> 00:09:22,375
Yeah, are you trying to
suggest that Mayor West's
259
00:09:22,410 --> 00:09:23,877
enemy faked
a corruption letter
260
00:09:23,911 --> 00:09:24,978
and then
killed himself?
261
00:09:25,012 --> 00:09:26,012
That's idiotic!
262
00:09:28,933 --> 00:09:31,835
But it just might work.
263
00:09:31,869 --> 00:09:32,936
What?
264
00:09:39,477 --> 00:09:40,844
You know, something bothered me
265
00:09:40,878 --> 00:09:42,512
about the stationery
that note was on,
266
00:09:42,546 --> 00:09:44,147
with the-the decorative
"M" border.
267
00:09:44,181 --> 00:09:45,181
It's from the
office of the mayor.
268
00:09:45,216 --> 00:09:46,216
The "M" is for "mayor."
269
00:09:46,250 --> 00:09:47,784
What are you
getting at?
270
00:09:47,818 --> 00:09:49,619
No, no, I'm pretty sure
the "M" is for "Marriott."
271
00:09:49,653 --> 00:09:51,588
How do you know?
Because I once got a note
272
00:09:51,622 --> 00:09:55,725
from the Marriott
written on the same paper.
273
00:09:57,128 --> 00:09:58,461
"Dear Brian.
274
00:09:58,496 --> 00:09:59,946
"You were amazing last night.
275
00:09:59,980 --> 00:10:01,114
Love, Ida."
276
00:10:01,148 --> 00:10:02,348
This is from the night
277
00:10:02,399 --> 00:10:04,367
you had sex with Quagmire's dad.
278
00:10:04,401 --> 00:10:05,618
Ah, come on!
279
00:10:05,653 --> 00:10:08,054
I did a dog once,
but I was in the Philippines,
280
00:10:08,088 --> 00:10:09,589
and I sure as hell
didn't write him a letter.
281
00:10:09,623 --> 00:10:11,458
What's-- w-w-what, so
what does that prove?
282
00:10:11,525 --> 00:10:12,592
The victim had access
283
00:10:12,626 --> 00:10:13,927
to all the "Office of the Mayor"
284
00:10:13,961 --> 00:10:15,228
stationery he could ever want,
285
00:10:15,262 --> 00:10:17,163
yet he hand-made a letterhead
286
00:10:17,198 --> 00:10:19,165
on stationery from a Marriott?
287
00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:21,000
As far as I'm concerned,
that casts doubt.
288
00:10:23,687 --> 00:10:25,071
Look, you guys
just say the word
289
00:10:25,105 --> 00:10:27,090
and I'll put this ball with
cheese in it on the floor.
290
00:10:27,124 --> 00:10:29,108
We won't hear from him
for an hour and a half.
291
00:10:32,163 --> 00:10:34,714
Look, if I'm still the only
one who says "not guilty,"
292
00:10:34,748 --> 00:10:36,649
I won't hold
things up any longer.
293
00:10:36,684 --> 00:10:38,468
Let's vote again,
and I'll abstain.
294
00:10:38,502 --> 00:10:39,702
If it's unanimous,
295
00:10:39,737 --> 00:10:41,654
I'll change my vote
and we can all go home.
296
00:10:41,689 --> 00:10:44,824
Okay, everyone take one of these
here and write their vote.
297
00:10:47,211 --> 00:10:50,547
Hey, Quagmire, y-you gonna
write something funny?
298
00:10:50,581 --> 00:10:51,915
No, Peter, I'm not.
299
00:10:51,949 --> 00:10:54,150
I'm starting to think
all you do is dick around.
300
00:10:54,184 --> 00:10:56,085
Sorry.
301
00:10:57,271 --> 00:10:59,022
Everyone vote?
302
00:10:59,056 --> 00:11:00,823
Okay, now let's count.
303
00:11:00,858 --> 00:11:03,710
"Guilty," "guilty."
304
00:11:03,744 --> 00:11:06,579
Some hurtful slurs followed
by the word "guilty."
305
00:11:07,615 --> 00:11:09,983
"Guilty," "guilty."
306
00:11:10,017 --> 00:11:11,618
"El guilto."
307
00:11:11,652 --> 00:11:13,820
"Guilty," "guilty."
308
00:11:13,854 --> 00:11:16,105
This one's just a squiggly line.
309
00:11:16,140 --> 00:11:19,342
That's, uh,
that's "guilty" in Latin.
310
00:11:19,376 --> 00:11:21,945
You're playing
a dangerous game, Carl.
311
00:11:21,979 --> 00:11:23,279
"Guilty."
312
00:11:23,314 --> 00:11:25,181
"Not guilty."
313
00:11:29,103 --> 00:11:30,320
Ew!
314
00:11:30,354 --> 00:11:32,222
I farted during the murmuring.
315
00:11:32,256 --> 00:11:34,357
What monumental douche
voted "not guilty"
316
00:11:34,391 --> 00:11:35,725
on this no-brainer?
317
00:11:35,759 --> 00:11:38,211
I think we know who
the flip-flopper is.
318
00:11:38,245 --> 00:11:40,380
Bruce didn't change his vote.
319
00:11:40,414 --> 00:11:42,048
I did.
320
00:11:43,484 --> 00:11:45,552
I respect Brian's courage.
321
00:11:45,586 --> 00:11:47,554
It's not easy to stand alone.
322
00:11:47,588 --> 00:11:50,123
Or find the child
who stands alone.
323
00:11:50,157 --> 00:11:52,859
But that's the one you want.
324
00:11:52,893 --> 00:11:55,662
Look, we have been cooped up
in this room for five hours now.
325
00:11:55,696 --> 00:11:58,314
I'm starting to feel
like an animal in a cage.
326
00:11:58,349 --> 00:12:00,717
Yeah, or a T. rex
trying to masturbate.
327
00:12:00,751 --> 00:12:03,303
All right,
Internet porn-- check.
328
00:12:03,337 --> 00:12:05,088
Tissues-- check.
329
00:12:05,122 --> 00:12:06,789
Lotion-- check.
330
00:12:06,824 --> 00:12:08,808
Okay, let's go.
331
00:12:10,311 --> 00:12:12,245
Aw.
332
00:12:18,085 --> 00:12:20,653
And that's why they were
such vicious killers.
333
00:12:20,688 --> 00:12:24,123
♪ Oh, he couldn't masturbate
because his arms are too short ♪
334
00:12:24,158 --> 00:12:26,042
♪ They feared him
from Kilpatrick ♪
335
00:12:26,076 --> 00:12:27,777
♪ Down to Galway Bay Port
336
00:12:27,811 --> 00:12:31,114
♪ Luckily he found a wife
so he could have sex ♪
337
00:12:31,148 --> 00:12:32,749
♪ The non-masturbatin'
338
00:12:32,783 --> 00:12:35,351
♪ Tyrannosaurus rex.
339
00:12:35,386 --> 00:12:37,687
Okay, look, tempers are starting
to get a little heated,
340
00:12:37,721 --> 00:12:40,456
so why don't we all go take us
a little potty break?
341
00:12:40,491 --> 00:12:42,241
Now you're all gonna have
to witness me taking
342
00:12:42,276 --> 00:12:45,345
an old-man pill that looks
way too big to swallow.
343
00:12:54,121 --> 00:12:56,289
Oh, there we go.
344
00:12:59,576 --> 00:13:01,177
It's his fault
we're still here.
345
00:13:01,211 --> 00:13:03,279
How is it you think
you know everything anyway?
346
00:13:03,314 --> 00:13:05,782
You don't even understand
your feelings for the mailman.
347
00:13:08,202 --> 00:13:09,519
You get out of here!
348
00:13:09,553 --> 00:13:10,687
I'll kill you!
349
00:13:10,721 --> 00:13:12,055
But come back
tomorrow same time.
350
00:13:12,089 --> 00:13:14,891
I get very sad on Sundays
when you're not here.
351
00:13:14,925 --> 00:13:16,192
Aw, damn it.
352
00:13:16,226 --> 00:13:17,226
What happened?
353
00:13:17,261 --> 00:13:19,379
I dropped my phone
in the toilet.
354
00:13:20,714 --> 00:13:23,616
Oh, it's so cold and
it's under everything.
355
00:13:23,651 --> 00:13:26,653
I feel like I'm rooting
around a pitcher of sangria.
356
00:13:26,687 --> 00:13:28,755
Where is it?
357
00:13:28,789 --> 00:13:31,190
Oh, my God, why haven't
I found it yet?
358
00:13:31,225 --> 00:13:33,893
Oh, no, I didn't roll
my sleeve up far enough.
359
00:13:33,927 --> 00:13:37,063
Oh, why didn't I flush
when I got in here?
360
00:13:37,097 --> 00:13:39,499
Aw, this isn't even all mine!
361
00:13:39,533 --> 00:13:42,068
Oh, no, there's a spider
crawling on my face.
362
00:13:42,102 --> 00:13:45,505
Aah, why didn't I use the
hand that was on the floor?!
363
00:13:45,539 --> 00:13:47,607
Why did I use
my toilet hand?!
364
00:13:47,641 --> 00:13:50,009
Oh, wait, here it is
behind the toilet.
365
00:13:55,582 --> 00:13:56,866
This is ridiculous.
366
00:13:56,900 --> 00:13:58,701
Even if you don't believe
the note was legitimate,
367
00:13:58,736 --> 00:14:01,254
there was an eyewitness
who saw the entire thing.
368
00:14:01,288 --> 00:14:03,289
Well, I have questions
about her testimony.
369
00:14:03,323 --> 00:14:04,957
She said she was at a party.
370
00:14:04,992 --> 00:14:06,993
Not just any party--
a sex party.
371
00:14:07,027 --> 00:14:09,445
Now, how could a woman
at an orgy witness a murder?
372
00:14:09,480 --> 00:14:11,681
The bedroom was a hundred feet
from the window.
373
00:14:11,715 --> 00:14:13,900
Okay, first of all,
the term "orgy" is outdated.
374
00:14:13,934 --> 00:14:16,119
We call them
"genital jamborees."
375
00:14:16,153 --> 00:14:17,787
But still, I don't see
how she could look out
376
00:14:17,821 --> 00:14:19,389
a window and witness a crime.
377
00:14:19,423 --> 00:14:21,574
Trust me, you're banging
eight strangers who responded
378
00:14:21,608 --> 00:14:23,943
to a flyer, at some point
you're gonna look out a window
379
00:14:23,977 --> 00:14:26,045
and question every decision
you've ever made.
380
00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:27,063
Look, I'll demonstrate.
381
00:14:27,097 --> 00:14:28,548
You people come here.
382
00:14:28,582 --> 00:14:31,050
Okay, Tom, you're over
here on all fours.
383
00:14:31,085 --> 00:14:32,819
Carter, I need
your face right here.
384
00:14:32,853 --> 00:14:34,103
Nope, even closer.
385
00:14:34,138 --> 00:14:36,038
You're gonna want to feel
the heat coming off him.
386
00:14:36,073 --> 00:14:38,658
Okay, Consuela, I'm gonna
need you on your knees.
387
00:14:38,692 --> 00:14:40,253
And we're probably
partway into it here,
388
00:14:40,260 --> 00:14:42,328
so one of your eyes
is stuck shut.
389
00:14:42,362 --> 00:14:45,364
All the way shut-- there
are 11 of us, dear.
390
00:14:46,934 --> 00:14:49,268
All right, Tom,
you're squinting.
391
00:14:49,303 --> 00:14:50,570
You're anticipating--
don't-don't do that.
392
00:14:50,604 --> 00:14:52,472
Carl, you can take your fist
out of your own mouth.
393
00:14:52,506 --> 00:14:53,506
Bruce, great work.
394
00:14:53,540 --> 00:14:55,441
Bruce seems like
the only gamer here.
395
00:14:55,476 --> 00:14:57,910
Thanks, it's okay
to look the other way
396
00:14:57,945 --> 00:15:00,413
when y'all pass me on the
street with y'all's wives.
397
00:15:00,447 --> 00:15:01,681
I understand.
398
00:15:01,715 --> 00:15:03,599
And that places
the witness right here,
399
00:15:03,617 --> 00:15:04,857
next to the lubricating station
400
00:15:04,868 --> 00:15:06,352
and the terrible
smelling guest book.
401
00:15:06,386 --> 00:15:07,420
Would she be face up?
402
00:15:07,454 --> 00:15:09,172
No, she had small breasts
but a great ass.
403
00:15:09,206 --> 00:15:10,740
She's definitely face down.
404
00:15:10,774 --> 00:15:13,109
But then, how could
she see the window?
405
00:15:13,143 --> 00:15:15,478
Oh, my God.
406
00:15:15,512 --> 00:15:16,779
You're right.
407
00:15:16,814 --> 00:15:18,181
She couldn't have.
408
00:15:21,785 --> 00:15:23,886
And now to take
my position.
409
00:15:23,921 --> 00:15:25,905
This is what I call
the Butter Pat.
410
00:15:36,890 --> 00:15:39,391
Okay, y'all, so we's
now at six "guilty,"
411
00:15:39,426 --> 00:15:40,926
six "not guilty."
412
00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:42,694
So we's all gonna
have to stay here
413
00:15:42,729 --> 00:15:44,863
until we's unanimous
in our verdict.
414
00:15:44,898 --> 00:15:46,698
Well, so what if that woman
at the orgy couldn't see?
415
00:15:46,733 --> 00:15:49,201
There's plenty of other evidence
that West is guilty.
416
00:15:49,235 --> 00:15:51,103
Yeah, let's wrap this up--
I got the director's cut
417
00:15:51,137 --> 00:15:53,705
of Raiders of the Lost Ark
waiting for me at home.
418
00:15:56,242 --> 00:15:58,193
Don't look, Marion.
Okay.
419
00:15:58,244 --> 00:16:00,162
By the way, I'm pregnant.
420
00:16:00,196 --> 00:16:02,314
Maybe just one quick peak.
421
00:16:02,348 --> 00:16:04,216
Come on, people,
he obviously did it.
422
00:16:04,250 --> 00:16:05,984
You know his type--
they're all guilty.
423
00:16:06,019 --> 00:16:07,486
Well, what type is that?
424
00:16:07,520 --> 00:16:08,987
He's one of those plain-lippies.
425
00:16:09,022 --> 00:16:11,190
You know, no mustache
like a normal person.
426
00:16:11,224 --> 00:16:13,025
Prancing around
with his naked lip out
427
00:16:13,059 --> 00:16:14,293
for all the world to see.
428
00:16:14,327 --> 00:16:17,329
Sir, you are talking
to a plain-lippy.
429
00:16:17,363 --> 00:16:18,643
Oh, now,
don't take it like that.
430
00:16:18,665 --> 00:16:20,132
Some of them are all right.
431
00:16:20,166 --> 00:16:22,451
But you know what I mean--
they're all over the place.
432
00:16:22,485 --> 00:16:24,470
How about me, Tucker--
am I all right?
433
00:16:24,537 --> 00:16:26,138
Well, of course
you're all right.
434
00:16:28,842 --> 00:16:31,477
Huh, imagine that.
435
00:16:32,745 --> 00:16:34,246
What happened to me?
436
00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:37,166
I've become my father.
437
00:16:37,217 --> 00:16:39,668
Not guilty.
438
00:16:39,702 --> 00:16:42,521
That really hurt because
it was a real mustache.
439
00:16:42,555 --> 00:16:44,456
Okay, the majority
of this room now believes
440
00:16:44,491 --> 00:16:47,192
that there is reasonable doubt
about Mayor West's guilt.
441
00:16:47,227 --> 00:16:48,548
And what do
the rest of you think?
442
00:16:48,561 --> 00:16:50,679
Look, I just don't think
he could've done it.
443
00:16:50,713 --> 00:16:51,880
Guilty.
444
00:16:53,032 --> 00:16:54,700
Oh, oh, guilty is
the other one?
445
00:16:54,734 --> 00:16:56,869
Well, I don't know!
446
00:16:56,903 --> 00:16:58,637
Okay, it's good
we're talking this out.
447
00:16:58,671 --> 00:17:00,472
Now I'd really like to hear
from the holdouts
448
00:17:00,507 --> 00:17:02,508
because a man's life hangs
in the bal...
449
00:17:02,542 --> 00:17:03,709
Peter, what are you doing?
450
00:17:03,743 --> 00:17:05,377
It's getting very tense in here.
451
00:17:05,411 --> 00:17:07,913
Do you guys mind if I struggle
to open these blinds?
452
00:17:23,246 --> 00:17:25,497
Damn it, come on, stay up there.
453
00:17:25,532 --> 00:17:27,182
You got to yank it
to the side, Peter.
454
00:17:27,217 --> 00:17:28,450
I'm yanking it
as far as it goes.
455
00:17:28,484 --> 00:17:29,952
You got to catch
it on the thing.
456
00:17:30,003 --> 00:17:31,537
Oh, that's helpful.
457
00:17:31,571 --> 00:17:33,605
The left side's getting
lower than the right side.
458
00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:34,773
I can see what's happening.
459
00:17:34,807 --> 00:17:35,774
Now twist it.
460
00:17:35,808 --> 00:17:37,576
All right.
461
00:17:37,610 --> 00:17:38,977
See? Now it's open.
462
00:17:41,848 --> 00:17:43,849
Okay, we's
at 11 to one.
463
00:17:43,883 --> 00:17:47,019
Carter, you're the only person
who still thinks he's guilty.
464
00:17:47,053 --> 00:17:49,221
You're damn right I do--
look at the facts.
465
00:17:49,255 --> 00:17:51,590
There was a dead guy found
in Mayor West's home.
466
00:17:51,624 --> 00:17:53,358
There's no one else
with any motive.
467
00:17:53,393 --> 00:17:55,427
And the police detective who
examined all the evidence
468
00:17:55,461 --> 00:17:57,095
named him the prime suspect.
469
00:17:57,130 --> 00:17:59,431
You guys paid
attention that whole trial?
470
00:17:59,465 --> 00:18:00,933
Lame-- not me.
471
00:18:00,967 --> 00:18:02,701
I was too busy
being cool.
472
00:18:02,735 --> 00:18:04,736
The jury is instructed
to disregard
473
00:18:04,771 --> 00:18:06,471
the witness' last remark.
474
00:18:06,506 --> 00:18:08,307
Yeah, whatever, Judge.
475
00:18:08,341 --> 00:18:10,709
None of this stuff's ever
gonna apply to my real life.
476
00:18:10,743 --> 00:18:13,395
I'm just gonna go work in
the mines anyway like my dad.
477
00:18:13,429 --> 00:18:15,881
How would you like to stay
for an hour after the trial?
478
00:18:15,915 --> 00:18:17,799
Oh, I'm real scared.
479
00:18:17,834 --> 00:18:20,002
Is your dad
hitting you, Peter?
480
00:18:20,036 --> 00:18:21,486
Shut up, just shut up!
481
00:18:21,521 --> 00:18:23,021
You have no right, man!
482
00:18:23,056 --> 00:18:25,357
You don't know nothing
about my side of town!
483
00:18:25,391 --> 00:18:27,159
Look, he's guilty,
I just know it.
484
00:18:27,193 --> 00:18:29,845
He's a double-dealing
spineless politician.
485
00:18:29,879 --> 00:18:31,196
But how do you know
he's guilty?
486
00:18:31,230 --> 00:18:32,180
Oh, I know.
487
00:18:32,215 --> 00:18:34,316
Mayor West has
let people down.
488
00:18:34,350 --> 00:18:36,885
Guys, I feel like all
we talk about is Mayor West.
489
00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:38,370
Like who, who has he let down?
490
00:18:38,438 --> 00:18:40,005
Someone who got him elected.
491
00:18:40,039 --> 00:18:41,657
Someone who padded
his expense account.
492
00:18:41,691 --> 00:18:43,625
And all I wanted was
to fire a missile
493
00:18:43,660 --> 00:18:46,211
into a fault line to sink half
of Quahog into the ocean
494
00:18:46,245 --> 00:18:48,263
and make
my real estate waterfront.
495
00:18:48,298 --> 00:18:49,948
You got that from Superman.
496
00:18:49,983 --> 00:18:51,016
Nobody likes you.
497
00:18:51,050 --> 00:18:52,017
I even let him marry
498
00:18:52,051 --> 00:18:53,485
my daughter
Carol, damn it.
499
00:18:53,519 --> 00:18:55,020
I mean, doesn't that
mean anything?
500
00:18:55,054 --> 00:18:57,856
No, not to West, that
ungrateful bastard.
501
00:18:57,890 --> 00:18:59,858
It wasn't that aide that
got stabbed in the back,
502
00:18:59,892 --> 00:19:01,927
it was me!
503
00:19:05,481 --> 00:19:07,499
Not guilty.
504
00:19:08,534 --> 00:19:11,036
Well, I guess that's it.
505
00:19:11,070 --> 00:19:13,538
Yeah, looks like
we've reached our verdict.
506
00:19:13,573 --> 00:19:14,806
You know what
I just realized?
507
00:19:14,841 --> 00:19:16,875
My jury duty's tomorrow.
508
00:19:19,846 --> 00:19:22,030
Ladies and gentlemen of Quahog,
509
00:19:22,065 --> 00:19:23,598
I feel vindicated.
510
00:19:23,633 --> 00:19:26,101
Today the truth has prevailed.
511
00:19:26,135 --> 00:19:28,804
And we've witnessed
the power of the greatest
512
00:19:28,838 --> 00:19:31,006
justice system in all the world.
513
00:19:32,925 --> 00:19:34,376
Yes, Miss Takanawa.
514
00:19:34,410 --> 00:19:35,844
Now that you've been acquitted,
515
00:19:35,878 --> 00:19:39,281
what does the future hold
for Mayor Adam West?
516
00:19:39,315 --> 00:19:41,783
Oh, I don't know.
517
00:19:41,818 --> 00:19:45,871
♪ Into the great wide open
518
00:19:47,390 --> 00:19:51,960
♪ Under them skies of blue
519
00:19:53,162 --> 00:19:57,416
♪ Out in the great wide open
520
00:19:59,152 --> 00:20:02,387
♪ A rebel without a clue.
521
00:20:04,173 --> 00:20:07,376
I'll probably just remain mayor
of this great city.
522
00:20:07,410 --> 00:20:10,679
This also is part
of my fantasy sequence.
523
00:20:13,082 --> 00:20:16,852
I'll probably just remain
mayor of this great city.
524
00:20:16,886 --> 00:20:20,722
And I know this is real because
you're not rabbit-people.
525
00:20:24,327 --> 00:20:25,861
Ah, what a day.
526
00:20:25,895 --> 00:20:29,231
You both did your civic duty
and you saved Mayor West.
527
00:20:29,265 --> 00:20:30,949
Yeah, I mean, it was
a pretty intense experience,
528
00:20:30,983 --> 00:20:32,901
but the important thing is,
in the end,
529
00:20:32,935 --> 00:20:34,169
justice was served.
530
00:20:34,203 --> 00:20:35,987
All you did was
let a guy go.
531
00:20:36,022 --> 00:20:37,689
There's still
a murderer out there.
532
00:20:37,724 --> 00:20:40,092
Yeah, but we saved
an innocent man today.
533
00:20:40,126 --> 00:20:41,460
And that's something
to feel good about.
534
00:20:41,494 --> 00:20:42,761
"Feel good about"?
535
00:20:42,795 --> 00:20:44,641
They found eight more
bodies last night.
536
00:20:44,996 --> 00:20:46,514
One of them was
on this block.
537
00:20:46,548 --> 00:20:49,159
There's a maniac out there.
He's cutting people's power off,
538
00:20:49,255 --> 00:20:51,379
breaking into their homes,
and slitting their throats.
539
00:20:53,322 --> 00:20:55,290
And we're dead.
540
00:20:55,324 --> 00:21:00,324
== sync, corrected by elderman ==