1 00:00:01,660 --> 00:00:04,929 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:05,057 --> 00:00:08,359 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:08,411 --> 00:00:11,830 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:11,881 --> 00:00:14,800 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:14,825 --> 00:00:17,933 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:18,448 --> 00:00:21,600 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:21,668 --> 00:00:23,202 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:23,253 --> 00:00:24,604 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:24,688 --> 00:00:26,737 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪ 10 00:00:26,738 --> 00:00:30,238 ♪ Family Guy 10x09 ♪ Grumpy Old Man Original Air Date on December 11, 2011 11 00:00:30,263 --> 00:00:33,763 == sync, corrected by elderman == 12 00:00:35,432 --> 00:00:36,533 Good morning. I'm Tom Tucker. 13 00:00:36,600 --> 00:00:38,868 Coming up, we talk to a man on the street 14 00:00:38,936 --> 00:00:41,504 while a man further back on the street flips you off. 15 00:00:41,572 --> 00:00:44,073 But first, Quahog was hit by a major blizzard last night. 16 00:00:44,141 --> 00:00:45,708 Here with more details on the snowstorm 17 00:00:45,776 --> 00:00:47,477 is Asian correspondent Tricia Nakahoma. 18 00:00:47,545 --> 00:00:49,479 That's wrong. That's wrong. 19 00:00:49,547 --> 00:00:51,447 You're not doing good so far. 20 00:00:51,515 --> 00:00:54,851 I'm standing here surrounded by snowdrifts, stalled cars, 21 00:00:54,919 --> 00:00:56,819 and the one douchebag who wears a tank top 22 00:00:56,887 --> 00:00:58,755 every time there's a blizzard. 23 00:00:58,822 --> 00:01:00,156 Yeah, this is nothin'. 24 00:01:00,224 --> 00:01:02,325 Guy at work drank a quart of motor oil once 25 00:01:02,393 --> 00:01:03,760 and didn't even die from it. 26 00:01:03,827 --> 00:01:05,578 Put that on the news, but you won't. 27 00:01:08,682 --> 00:01:10,016 Hey, guys, check it out. 28 00:01:10,100 --> 00:01:11,901 I peed my name in the snow. 29 00:01:14,138 --> 00:01:15,755 - Geez, Joe. - That's normal. 30 00:01:15,823 --> 00:01:17,857 Wow, looks like the whole neighborhood's out here. 31 00:01:17,942 --> 00:01:19,359 Yeah, I just hope that weird albino 32 00:01:19,426 --> 00:01:20,793 up the street doesn't show up. 33 00:01:20,861 --> 00:01:22,095 That guy creeps me out. 34 00:01:22,162 --> 00:01:23,563 - Hello, Peter. - Dah! Dah! 35 00:01:23,631 --> 00:01:25,381 H-Hey. Hey, Bill. 36 00:01:25,449 --> 00:01:27,467 What are you doing out here in all this snow? 37 00:01:27,534 --> 00:01:29,335 Just taking my rabbit to the vet. 38 00:01:31,622 --> 00:01:34,257 Well, I'm all done shoveling your walk, Mr. Herbert. 39 00:01:34,325 --> 00:01:37,877 Thanks, Chris, but there's some in here, too. 40 00:01:37,962 --> 00:01:40,196 Hey, check it out-- lemon snow. 41 00:01:40,264 --> 00:01:41,881 - What? - Yeah, that stuff's delicious. 42 00:01:41,949 --> 00:01:44,751 Lemon snow? You mean it just falls from the sky like that? 43 00:01:44,818 --> 00:01:46,252 You bet. One of nature's treats. 44 00:01:46,320 --> 00:01:48,154 - You gonna have some? - Nah, I'm already full. 45 00:01:48,222 --> 00:01:51,024 But you should have some before the other kids get to it. 46 00:01:51,091 --> 00:01:52,392 What is it? Like Italian ice? 47 00:01:52,459 --> 00:01:54,260 Yeah, exactly, like a sorbet. 48 00:01:55,796 --> 00:01:57,130 Ugh! That's not lemon! 49 00:01:57,197 --> 00:01:58,798 - No, it's not. - You bastard! 50 00:01:58,866 --> 00:02:01,901 I was having fun playing in the snow, and now you've ruined it, 51 00:02:01,969 --> 00:02:03,603 like a pizza place ruins a salad. 52 00:02:03,671 --> 00:02:05,138 Okay, four pizzas and a salad. 53 00:02:05,205 --> 00:02:06,789 Salad? How do you make a salad? 54 00:02:06,857 --> 00:02:09,025 First, you throw in the whole head of lettuce. 55 00:02:09,093 --> 00:02:10,877 Even the hard-to-eat white part at the bottom? 56 00:02:10,944 --> 00:02:12,779 That's what the people want! Now, what else? 57 00:02:12,846 --> 00:02:14,564 I got a can of whole black olives. 58 00:02:14,632 --> 00:02:15,815 Should I slice them up? 59 00:02:15,883 --> 00:02:17,917 What are you, crazy? No, you keep 'em whole. 60 00:02:18,002 --> 00:02:20,603 You're gonna want to know you've got an olive in your mouth. 61 00:02:20,671 --> 00:02:22,405 What about this tomato? Cut it into thirds. 62 00:02:22,473 --> 00:02:25,008 It should be big enough to pretend you've got red teeth. 63 00:02:25,075 --> 00:02:27,010 How about this carrot? Should I cut it up? 64 00:02:27,061 --> 00:02:28,394 Yes, but very thin lengthwise. 65 00:02:28,479 --> 00:02:29,846 The whole length of the carrot. 66 00:02:29,913 --> 00:02:32,098 One thin slice. Okay, what else do we got? 67 00:02:32,182 --> 00:02:34,767 Well, we got these hot peppers, but you can't really eat them. 68 00:02:34,835 --> 00:02:36,319 No problem. Dump 'em all in. 69 00:02:36,386 --> 00:02:38,104 Now, should we put it in a bowl? 70 00:02:38,172 --> 00:02:39,939 No, let's put it in a lasagna tray. 71 00:02:40,007 --> 00:02:41,341 Okay, great, I'll take it. 72 00:02:41,408 --> 00:02:43,710 Oh, and make sure to stick it right on top of the pizzas 73 00:02:43,777 --> 00:02:45,445 so it stays nice and warm. 74 00:02:46,563 --> 00:02:47,964 Hello, every pizza place. 75 00:02:51,268 --> 00:02:53,503 All right, Stewie, you all set to spend the day 76 00:02:53,570 --> 00:02:54,787 with Grandma and Grandpa? 77 00:02:54,855 --> 00:02:56,506 Ugh, I hate being around old people. 78 00:02:56,573 --> 00:02:59,075 They've always got weird stuff in their refrigerator. 79 00:02:59,126 --> 00:03:00,977 Ah, I'm hungry. What do we got? 80 00:03:01,045 --> 00:03:03,946 Let's see. Eye drops, baking soda and some film. 81 00:03:04,014 --> 00:03:05,481 Close the door. 82 00:03:05,549 --> 00:03:07,917 You're running up long distance charges! 83 00:03:09,953 --> 00:03:11,738 Ah, sorry. Thought I had more time. 84 00:03:11,805 --> 00:03:13,373 Hi, Daddy. Stewie's all ready. 85 00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:14,741 You boys have fun. 86 00:03:14,808 --> 00:03:16,476 There's my little guy. 87 00:03:16,543 --> 00:03:19,145 ♪ Well, Grandpa's here. ♪ 88 00:03:19,213 --> 00:03:20,847 Oh, God, it's the song again. 89 00:03:20,914 --> 00:03:22,198 ♪ Yes, Grandpa's here! ♪ 90 00:03:22,266 --> 00:03:24,083 It doesn't even rhyme at all. 91 00:03:24,151 --> 00:03:27,553 ♪ He's going to buy you a soda and drive you around. ♪ 92 00:03:27,621 --> 00:03:28,988 Let's go. 93 00:03:33,877 --> 00:03:37,163 Hey, just so you know, we're not listening to a radio station. 94 00:03:37,247 --> 00:03:40,083 We're listening to the hiss between two radio stations. 95 00:03:41,802 --> 00:03:43,669 Whoa. Watch your driving! 96 00:03:45,472 --> 00:03:47,456 Is he... Is he sleeping? 97 00:03:47,508 --> 00:03:49,759 Hey! Hey, wake up! Wake up! 98 00:03:49,810 --> 00:03:51,177 You, lady, wake him up! 99 00:03:51,261 --> 00:03:53,479 You like the Tom and Jerry, do you, dear? 100 00:03:53,564 --> 00:03:55,798 Well, we'll dial them up when we get home. 101 00:03:55,849 --> 00:03:58,017 What the hell are you talking about?! We're about to... 102 00:04:01,238 --> 00:04:02,405 What happened? 103 00:04:02,473 --> 00:04:04,207 Where are my knitting needles? 104 00:04:06,677 --> 00:04:09,145 Goodness, dear, I'm so sorry. 105 00:04:09,213 --> 00:04:11,313 No worries. Now I can work at Hot Topic 106 00:04:11,365 --> 00:04:13,616 and make people sick as I ring up their purchases. 107 00:04:21,725 --> 00:04:24,010 Oh, damn it. 108 00:04:24,094 --> 00:04:25,478 Dude, bad news. 109 00:04:25,546 --> 00:04:26,746 You're dead. 110 00:04:26,814 --> 00:04:28,564 What? But I'm Death! 111 00:04:28,632 --> 00:04:30,166 Sorry, dude. Super Death. 112 00:04:30,234 --> 00:04:31,500 You're done. 113 00:04:31,552 --> 00:04:33,269 So what now? I go to Heaven? 114 00:04:33,337 --> 00:04:35,571 Nope, when a Death dies, he gets reincarnated. 115 00:04:35,639 --> 00:04:39,642 You're being reincarnated as a Chinese baby right... now! 116 00:04:42,179 --> 00:04:43,913 - Girl? - Girl. 117 00:04:45,082 --> 00:04:46,582 Oh, no! 118 00:04:46,650 --> 00:04:49,118 The egg that I was supposed to take care of 119 00:04:49,186 --> 00:04:50,686 for my high school project! 120 00:04:50,754 --> 00:04:52,188 Mr. Burke was right. 121 00:04:52,256 --> 00:04:54,290 I'm not ready to be a parent. 122 00:04:54,358 --> 00:04:55,541 Wait a minute. 123 00:04:55,609 --> 00:04:57,210 I'm not in high school anymore. 124 00:04:57,277 --> 00:04:59,579 Maybe this is all a dream. 125 00:04:59,646 --> 00:05:01,747 Aah! It was a dream! 126 00:05:01,815 --> 00:05:03,716 I need a glass of water. 127 00:05:03,801 --> 00:05:05,318 Wait a minute. 128 00:05:05,385 --> 00:05:07,587 I moved out of the desert years ago. 129 00:05:07,654 --> 00:05:09,489 Maybe this is a dream! 130 00:05:09,556 --> 00:05:11,324 Aah! 131 00:05:11,391 --> 00:05:12,892 Phew. 132 00:05:12,960 --> 00:05:15,428 I am ready to be a parent, Mr. Burke. 133 00:05:19,433 --> 00:05:21,501 Daddy, I'm so happy you're all right. 134 00:05:21,568 --> 00:05:23,369 We're lucky it wasn't more serious. 135 00:05:23,437 --> 00:05:25,521 Hey, how's the old guy doing? 136 00:05:25,572 --> 00:05:26,856 Ugh, now here's Joe. 137 00:05:26,924 --> 00:05:28,991 Why is everybody we know depressing? 138 00:05:29,059 --> 00:05:31,761 Mr. Pewterschmidt, I'm afraid I have some bad news. 139 00:05:31,829 --> 00:05:33,830 I'm gonna have to revoke your driver's license. 140 00:05:33,897 --> 00:05:35,231 What?! 141 00:05:35,299 --> 00:05:37,533 It's obvious your advanced age has impaired your ability 142 00:05:37,601 --> 00:05:39,068 to drive safely. 143 00:05:39,136 --> 00:05:41,070 Please, Joe, I know he had an accident, 144 00:05:41,138 --> 00:05:42,738 but can't you look the other way 145 00:05:42,806 --> 00:05:44,407 this one time as a friend? 146 00:05:44,474 --> 00:05:46,442 Yeah, you know, Joe, you owe this family. 147 00:05:46,510 --> 00:05:49,478 I didn't tell anyone about your Fiona Apple tribute video. 148 00:05:50,931 --> 00:05:54,767 ♪ I've been a bad, bad girl ♪ 149 00:05:56,537 --> 00:06:01,691 ♪ I've been careless with a delicate man ♪ 150 00:06:01,758 --> 00:06:05,427 ♪ And it's a sad, sad world ♪ 151 00:06:07,064 --> 00:06:10,816 ♪ When a girl will break a boy, just because she can. ♪ 152 00:06:10,901 --> 00:06:12,118 I'm brok. 153 00:06:12,185 --> 00:06:14,003 Joe, open the garage. 154 00:06:14,071 --> 00:06:16,539 I've earned this private time! 155 00:06:16,607 --> 00:06:18,274 Listen, I don't have time for this. 156 00:06:18,325 --> 00:06:20,526 I'm late for a hostile takeover of a jelly factory. 157 00:06:20,594 --> 00:06:22,361 I'll show those Smuckers. 158 00:06:22,429 --> 00:06:24,664 That's fine, but you can't drive. 159 00:06:24,731 --> 00:06:26,098 Oh, don't be ridiculous! 160 00:06:26,166 --> 00:06:27,750 Driver Pete at your service, sir. 161 00:06:27,818 --> 00:06:29,485 - Peter, we're not doing that. - Aw. 162 00:06:29,553 --> 00:06:31,554 Carter, you work too much as it is. 163 00:06:31,621 --> 00:06:33,372 You're not a young man anymore. 164 00:06:33,440 --> 00:06:35,041 You need to slow down. 165 00:06:35,108 --> 00:06:36,776 Slow down?! I can't slow down. 166 00:06:36,843 --> 00:06:38,444 I'm running a six-billion- dollar company. 167 00:06:38,512 --> 00:06:40,730 If I slow down, the company goes under. 168 00:06:40,797 --> 00:06:42,465 It just seems to me that perhaps 169 00:06:42,532 --> 00:06:45,201 it's time to think about retirement. 170 00:06:45,269 --> 00:06:47,103 Never! Retirement's for old people. 171 00:06:47,170 --> 00:06:48,738 I can work till I die. 172 00:06:48,805 --> 00:06:50,122 Maybe even after that. 173 00:06:50,190 --> 00:06:51,624 Mr. Pewterschmidt, the gentlemen from Zurich 174 00:06:51,692 --> 00:06:53,492 are here for your 10:00. 175 00:06:56,029 --> 00:06:58,164 Will you need anything else? 176 00:06:58,231 --> 00:07:00,249 Mr. Pewterschmidt! 177 00:07:00,317 --> 00:07:02,485 But, dear, we are old. 178 00:07:02,552 --> 00:07:05,004 We can't keep pretending that nothing's changed. 179 00:07:05,072 --> 00:07:07,640 I mean, we almost injured our grandchild today. 180 00:07:07,708 --> 00:07:09,475 Besides, you're always complaining 181 00:07:09,543 --> 00:07:11,911 that you don't have enough time to play polo 182 00:07:11,979 --> 00:07:14,680 or sit in a chair and moisten your mouth. 183 00:07:14,748 --> 00:07:16,215 That is true. 184 00:07:16,283 --> 00:07:18,935 It does sometimes take me a while to moisten my mouth. 185 00:07:25,759 --> 00:07:27,810 There we go, all moist. 186 00:07:27,878 --> 00:07:29,245 You see, dear? 187 00:07:29,313 --> 00:07:30,579 And that's only the beginning. 188 00:07:30,647 --> 00:07:32,865 Retirement will be a wonderful adventure, 189 00:07:32,933 --> 00:07:34,200 and we'll do it together. 190 00:07:34,267 --> 00:07:35,501 You're gonna retire? 191 00:07:35,569 --> 00:07:36,669 From what? 192 00:07:36,737 --> 00:07:38,471 There, isn't it fun already? 193 00:07:39,873 --> 00:07:42,508 Okay. I'll retire. 194 00:07:42,576 --> 00:07:45,144 Oh, Daddy, I think that's for the best. 195 00:07:45,212 --> 00:07:47,580 I need a doctor! Is there a doctor?! 196 00:07:54,325 --> 00:07:56,860 We now return to The Superfriends' Accountant. 197 00:07:56,928 --> 00:07:58,629 Look, you guys are hemorrhaging money. 198 00:07:58,696 --> 00:08:00,831 This Hall of Justice is sitting on five acres 199 00:08:00,899 --> 00:08:01,865 of commercial real estate. 200 00:08:01,933 --> 00:08:03,100 How do you afford this? 201 00:08:03,167 --> 00:08:04,401 We're the Superfriends. 202 00:08:04,469 --> 00:08:06,270 Yeah, but you guys have no income. 203 00:08:06,337 --> 00:08:08,605 You owe four million dollars in back property taxes. 204 00:08:08,673 --> 00:08:10,507 We fight evil wherever we find it. 205 00:08:10,592 --> 00:08:12,092 Well, that's not gonna be enough. 206 00:08:12,160 --> 00:08:13,794 Look, you may need to reach out 207 00:08:13,861 --> 00:08:15,946 to some wealthy benefactors for financial backing. 208 00:08:16,014 --> 00:08:17,881 Do any of you know billionaire Bruce Wayne? 209 00:08:17,949 --> 00:08:19,383 No. None of us do. 210 00:08:19,450 --> 00:08:21,919 And he wouldn't want to lend us money anyway... I hear. 211 00:08:21,986 --> 00:08:23,453 Hey, hey, hey! 212 00:08:23,521 --> 00:08:26,156 What's up, Ginas... 'g-'ginas... vaginas? 213 00:08:26,224 --> 00:08:27,057 What's up, vaginas?! 214 00:08:27,125 --> 00:08:28,292 Ah-ha, gotcha! 215 00:08:28,359 --> 00:08:29,977 Mr. Pewterschmidt, what are you doing here? 216 00:08:30,044 --> 00:08:32,813 I'm retired now. Got a lot of free time. 217 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:34,531 So what do you guys do here? 218 00:08:34,616 --> 00:08:37,034 Well, we usually just sit here and complain about our lives. 219 00:08:37,101 --> 00:08:39,536 Like this morning, Lois was such a pain in the ass... 220 00:08:39,604 --> 00:08:41,705 Hey! That's my daughter you're talking about! 221 00:08:41,773 --> 00:08:44,574 Oh. I mean this, um, redheaded lady 222 00:08:44,642 --> 00:08:48,178 who lives in my bed was a real pain in the ass this morning. 223 00:08:48,246 --> 00:08:49,746 Oh, she sounds like a bitch. 224 00:08:49,814 --> 00:08:50,914 Yeah, what a bitch. 225 00:08:50,982 --> 00:08:52,115 Bitchazoid, right, guys? 226 00:08:52,183 --> 00:08:53,684 Yeah. I hope you're doing her. 227 00:08:53,751 --> 00:08:54,584 Oh, big time. 228 00:08:54,652 --> 00:08:56,119 Yeah, that's hot. 229 00:08:56,187 --> 00:08:57,788 That's hot. I'm gonna think about that tonight. 230 00:08:57,855 --> 00:08:59,840 Oh, we do all kinds of crazy stuff. 231 00:08:59,907 --> 00:09:01,642 Sometimes we even have phone sax. 232 00:09:01,709 --> 00:09:02,976 Don't you mean phone sex? 233 00:09:03,044 --> 00:09:04,544 No, Joe. Phone sax. 234 00:09:04,612 --> 00:09:05,912 Are you ready? 235 00:09:05,980 --> 00:09:07,748 You better believe it. 236 00:09:07,815 --> 00:09:09,666 (playing "Baker Street") 237 00:09:15,740 --> 00:09:17,424 Oh, Peter! 238 00:09:17,492 --> 00:09:19,593 Yeah. Now your turn. 239 00:09:19,661 --> 00:09:21,395 And do it how I like. 240 00:09:21,462 --> 00:09:23,680 Okay. 241 00:09:23,748 --> 00:09:25,615 (playing intro to "You Can Call Me Al") 242 00:09:30,905 --> 00:09:33,840 Yeah. Don't wash the mouthpiece. 243 00:09:37,211 --> 00:09:38,712 Good news, guys. 244 00:09:38,780 --> 00:09:40,180 Now that Grandpa's retired, 245 00:09:40,248 --> 00:09:42,316 he's gonna have more time to spend with us. 246 00:09:42,383 --> 00:09:43,350 Oh! 247 00:09:43,418 --> 00:09:44,918 We don't want to do that, Mom. 248 00:09:44,986 --> 00:09:47,004 Yeah, all he ever does is ask you what you want to do 249 00:09:47,071 --> 00:09:49,239 so he can shoot it down and tell you what he wants to do. 250 00:09:49,307 --> 00:09:50,407 Hey, there's my family! 251 00:09:50,475 --> 00:09:52,642 So, what do you guys want to do today? 252 00:09:52,710 --> 00:09:54,411 I'd like to go to the mall, Grandpa. 253 00:09:54,479 --> 00:09:55,645 No parking at the mall. 254 00:09:55,713 --> 00:09:57,114 It's a terrible place. What else? 255 00:09:57,181 --> 00:09:58,215 Um, how about the zoo? 256 00:09:58,282 --> 00:09:59,616 Too much walking. Too much noise. 257 00:09:59,701 --> 00:10:01,018 You can't have any good conversation. 258 00:10:01,085 --> 00:10:02,252 Not like at Chili's. Where else? 259 00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:03,587 Well, there's always the beach. 260 00:10:03,654 --> 00:10:05,789 No, you got to sit on the ground to eat. 261 00:10:05,857 --> 00:10:08,191 I need a cushioned chair with back support like at Chili's. 262 00:10:08,259 --> 00:10:10,577 Okay, well... how about Chili's? 263 00:10:10,645 --> 00:10:12,062 Maybe, maybe. 264 00:10:12,130 --> 00:10:13,630 Let's get in the car and see where it takes us. 265 00:10:17,235 --> 00:10:18,602 Hey, Carter. 266 00:10:18,669 --> 00:10:19,936 Hello, Quandary. 267 00:10:20,004 --> 00:10:21,104 It's, uh... It's Quagmire. 268 00:10:21,172 --> 00:10:22,472 You looking for Peter? 269 00:10:22,540 --> 00:10:23,907 No, he's at work. Lame. 270 00:10:23,975 --> 00:10:25,425 Oh. Well, what do you want? 271 00:10:25,493 --> 00:10:27,294 I hear you're kind of a cool guy. 272 00:10:27,362 --> 00:10:28,779 Thought maybe we could hang out. 273 00:10:28,846 --> 00:10:30,180 Uh... okay. 274 00:10:30,248 --> 00:10:32,015 Okay! Carter and Quandary, hanging out. 275 00:10:32,083 --> 00:10:35,385 All right, I just got to go take a misty, stop-and-go piss 276 00:10:35,453 --> 00:10:37,621 in your bathroom, then we'll be good to go. 277 00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:44,742 Lois, how the hell much longer is your dad gonna 278 00:10:44,767 --> 00:10:45,967 be hanging around here? 279 00:10:46,130 --> 00:10:48,348 - He's starting to drive me crazy. - I know, Peter, 280 00:10:48,416 --> 00:10:50,834 but he's my father and I don't know what else to do. 281 00:10:50,902 --> 00:10:52,936 Well, I don't know how much more I can take. 282 00:10:53,004 --> 00:10:54,704 I can't even get any sleep with him here. 283 00:10:56,641 --> 00:10:58,008 Hey. 284 00:10:58,076 --> 00:11:00,277 - Hey. - Wha-Wha-Wha-Wha- What is it? 285 00:11:00,344 --> 00:11:02,579 I can't sleep. I'm scared of ghosts. 286 00:11:02,647 --> 00:11:04,698 Carter, there's no such thing as ghosts. 287 00:11:04,766 --> 00:11:06,133 Are you sure? 288 00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:08,468 Well, now I'm not. Come on, get in here! 289 00:11:09,704 --> 00:11:10,871 It's safe under here, right? 290 00:11:10,938 --> 00:11:12,606 I think so, but I'm not sure. 291 00:11:12,673 --> 00:11:14,841 I just recently started believing in ghosts. 292 00:11:17,745 --> 00:11:19,579 Hi, Mom. Hi, Daddy. 293 00:11:19,647 --> 00:11:22,115 Lois! What are you two doing here? 294 00:11:22,183 --> 00:11:24,418 Well, we wanted to talk to you about something. 295 00:11:24,485 --> 00:11:25,719 Hmm. What's that? 296 00:11:25,787 --> 00:11:27,187 Well, we were just thinking, 297 00:11:27,255 --> 00:11:30,190 now that Daddy's retired that you and he might be happier 298 00:11:30,258 --> 00:11:33,160 in a place where you can be with people your own age. 299 00:11:33,227 --> 00:11:35,395 You know, make some new friends. 300 00:11:35,463 --> 00:11:36,244 What are you talking about? 301 00:11:36,269 --> 00:11:38,298 Well, we actually brought you a few brochures 302 00:11:38,299 --> 00:11:40,600 of some lovely retirement communities in Florida. 303 00:11:40,668 --> 00:11:42,202 And I helped. 304 00:11:42,270 --> 00:11:43,303 Florida?! 305 00:11:43,328 --> 00:11:45,439 Mm, this one's even got the word "sunset" 306 00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:47,307 four times in the name of it. 307 00:11:47,375 --> 00:11:49,876 Huh. These people are biking without helmets. 308 00:11:49,944 --> 00:11:51,812 Must be a pretty kick-back place. 309 00:11:51,879 --> 00:11:53,563 These actually look quite nice, 310 00:11:53,631 --> 00:11:56,933 and we could finally get away from these dreadful winters. 311 00:11:57,001 --> 00:11:59,002 Yeah. We'll even help you move in and get settled. 312 00:11:59,070 --> 00:12:01,354 Wait a minute, why would I want to live in Florida? 313 00:12:01,405 --> 00:12:03,223 Black people's votes go right in the garbage. 314 00:12:03,291 --> 00:12:04,674 All right! We're moving to Florida! 315 00:12:04,742 --> 00:12:07,110 Oh, Carter, this is wonderful! 316 00:12:07,178 --> 00:12:09,012 Aw, look at that smile, Lois. 317 00:12:09,080 --> 00:12:10,879 Reminds of that guy who was way too happy he 318 00:12:10,904 --> 00:12:12,567 didn't get killed on 9/11. 319 00:12:12,717 --> 00:12:15,118 I'm ten minutes late for work! 320 00:12:15,186 --> 00:12:17,137 Look at that! I stayed up late 321 00:12:17,205 --> 00:12:19,673 watching Monday Night Football and that saved my life, huh? 322 00:12:19,740 --> 00:12:20,907 Isn't that awesome? 323 00:12:20,975 --> 00:12:23,109 Oh, but oh... 324 00:12:30,852 --> 00:12:32,185 Hi there. Welcome. 325 00:12:32,253 --> 00:12:34,237 I'm Ryan, the manager here at Oceanside, 326 00:12:34,305 --> 00:12:36,072 and I'll be showing you around today. 327 00:12:36,140 --> 00:12:37,474 First question, though: 328 00:12:37,542 --> 00:12:39,876 are you two old enough to be here? 329 00:12:39,944 --> 00:12:41,244 Oh, dear! 330 00:12:41,312 --> 00:12:42,946 I like you, Ryan. 331 00:12:43,014 --> 00:12:44,014 You're cool. 332 00:12:48,402 --> 00:12:51,121 Over there is our statue of Angela Lansbury. 333 00:12:53,324 --> 00:12:56,026 Protect us, oh, Lansbury, from rude teenagers, 334 00:12:56,093 --> 00:12:59,129 from soup that is both too hot and too cold, 335 00:12:59,197 --> 00:13:02,432 and from anyone who calls, but please have people call. 336 00:13:05,219 --> 00:13:06,870 Our state-of-the-art movie theater is equipped 337 00:13:06,938 --> 00:13:09,806 with some terrific innovations to cater to our residents, 338 00:13:09,874 --> 00:13:12,576 including a button on every seat that will pause the film 339 00:13:12,643 --> 00:13:14,411 whenever anyone has a question. 340 00:13:14,478 --> 00:13:15,979 Hey, guys. 341 00:13:16,047 --> 00:13:18,949 - Why is he blue now? - Is it cold on that planet? 342 00:13:19,016 --> 00:13:20,483 Why are they mumbling? 343 00:13:20,551 --> 00:13:22,252 Why does everyone in pictures today mumble? 344 00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:23,353 I can't hear! 345 00:13:23,421 --> 00:13:24,955 ♪ ♪ 346 00:13:25,022 --> 00:13:26,623 Is that Sig-nory Weaver? 347 00:13:26,691 --> 00:13:28,358 That's not how you say it. 348 00:13:28,426 --> 00:13:30,160 Well, she shouldn't be smoking. 349 00:13:30,228 --> 00:13:33,029 She's a handsome woman, and that'll ruin her fast. 350 00:13:33,097 --> 00:13:34,364 ♪ ♪ 351 00:13:34,432 --> 00:13:37,167 Is Unobtainium very easy to obtain? 352 00:13:37,235 --> 00:13:38,835 Well, I hope you enjoyed the tour. 353 00:13:38,903 --> 00:13:40,303 Oh, yeah, it was great. 354 00:13:40,371 --> 00:13:42,872 Except for that lady who kept yelling "Byaah! Byaah!" 355 00:13:42,940 --> 00:13:45,258 Well, we'll just need you to fill out this paperwork, 356 00:13:45,326 --> 00:13:47,994 and then we'll get you moved into your condo. 357 00:13:48,045 --> 00:13:49,930 Oh, isn't this wonderful, dear! 358 00:13:49,997 --> 00:13:51,915 No! No, it's not wonderful at all! 359 00:13:51,983 --> 00:13:54,017 There's no way in hell I'm gonna live here! 360 00:13:54,085 --> 00:13:58,238 This place is nothing but old people marching to their deaths! 361 00:13:58,306 --> 00:14:00,490 You hear me? I'm not one of you! 362 00:14:00,558 --> 00:14:02,492 And I never will be! 363 00:14:05,212 --> 00:14:06,680 Hey, look, it's old man Withers, 364 00:14:06,747 --> 00:14:08,531 the guy who owns the amusement park! 365 00:14:08,599 --> 00:14:10,850 But let's see who's really under there. 366 00:14:12,253 --> 00:14:13,420 A skeleton! 367 00:14:13,487 --> 00:14:15,522 - Can I have my face back? - No! 368 00:14:15,590 --> 00:14:16,957 You're going to jail! 369 00:14:24,601 --> 00:14:25,902 Oh, this is dreadful. 370 00:14:25,969 --> 00:14:28,671 I thought Carter and I were going to be so happy here. 371 00:14:28,739 --> 00:14:31,107 I'll tell you what, Babs, let me have a talk with him. 372 00:14:32,309 --> 00:14:33,609 Hey there, buddy. 373 00:14:33,677 --> 00:14:34,877 Go away! 374 00:14:34,945 --> 00:14:37,813 You know, you remind me of a guy I know. 375 00:14:37,881 --> 00:14:40,650 This guy worked and worked and never wanted to retire, 376 00:14:40,717 --> 00:14:43,419 even though it would've been the best thing for him. 377 00:14:43,487 --> 00:14:45,421 You know what that man's name was? 378 00:14:45,489 --> 00:14:47,323 Jon Benet Ramsey. 379 00:14:48,525 --> 00:14:49,892 I-I-I think. 380 00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:51,494 I think that's the guy. 381 00:14:51,561 --> 00:14:53,396 - What? - You're darn right what. 382 00:14:53,463 --> 00:14:55,231 Now, let's get back in there. 383 00:14:55,299 --> 00:14:57,900 Peter, get lost! I'm not gonna retire, and that's that! 384 00:14:57,968 --> 00:15:00,536 Come on, Carter, everybody's got to retire at some point. 385 00:15:00,604 --> 00:15:02,571 Like that drill sergeant with Alzheimer's. 386 00:15:03,740 --> 00:15:05,574 Looks like we got a joker here. 387 00:15:05,642 --> 00:15:06,909 What's your name, soldier? 388 00:15:06,977 --> 00:15:08,377 Sir, McArdle, sir! 389 00:15:08,445 --> 00:15:09,645 Well, no! 390 00:15:09,713 --> 00:15:12,148 You look like some kind of joker to me. 391 00:15:12,215 --> 00:15:13,249 What's your name, soldier? 392 00:15:13,317 --> 00:15:14,717 Sir, McArdle, sir! 393 00:15:14,785 --> 00:15:16,619 Are you me? 394 00:15:16,687 --> 00:15:18,254 Probably some kind of joker. 395 00:15:18,322 --> 00:15:19,622 What's your name, soldier? 396 00:15:19,690 --> 00:15:20,990 Sir, McArdle, sir! 397 00:15:21,058 --> 00:15:22,792 Well, la-dee da! 398 00:15:22,859 --> 00:15:25,795 I guess we got some kind of joker here! 399 00:15:25,862 --> 00:15:27,997 Look, Carter, I'll make a deal with you. 400 00:15:28,065 --> 00:15:30,145 You give me just one day to show you how great retired 401 00:15:30,170 --> 00:15:31,610 life can be for an old fella, 402 00:15:32,302 --> 00:15:34,337 and I'll let you honk the horn one time. 403 00:15:34,404 --> 00:15:36,038 - Really? - Uh-huh. 404 00:15:37,607 --> 00:15:39,375 I'm pretending there's traffic. 405 00:15:39,443 --> 00:15:40,776 There you go, that's... 406 00:15:40,844 --> 00:15:43,346 - Once! - God, I wasn't even gonna do it! 407 00:15:46,233 --> 00:15:47,700 So, how do you win this game? 408 00:15:47,768 --> 00:15:49,935 Just fill this out when they say the letter and the numbers? 409 00:15:50,003 --> 00:15:51,103 Eh, that's a sucker's bet. 410 00:15:51,171 --> 00:15:52,855 There's only one way to win this game-- 411 00:15:52,923 --> 00:15:54,957 wait for someone else to win and steal his card. 412 00:15:55,025 --> 00:15:56,759 G-27. 413 00:15:56,827 --> 00:15:58,227 Bingo! 414 00:15:58,295 --> 00:16:00,629 - It's go time. - What do we do, sneak up behind him? 415 00:16:00,697 --> 00:16:02,515 No, he's got cataracts. Follow my lead. 416 00:16:07,070 --> 00:16:08,604 Bingo, bitches! 417 00:16:10,090 --> 00:16:11,257 Bingo. 418 00:16:15,996 --> 00:16:17,496 All right, Carter, now that you're retired, 419 00:16:17,581 --> 00:16:19,114 you're gonna need a whole new wardrobe. 420 00:16:19,166 --> 00:16:22,418 And what better place to start than the Slightly Open Robery? 421 00:16:22,486 --> 00:16:24,203 ♪ Hey, hobo man ♪ 422 00:16:24,271 --> 00:16:28,107 ♪ Hey, Dapper Dan, you've both got your style ♪ 423 00:16:28,175 --> 00:16:30,142 ♪ But, brother, you're never fully dressed ♪ 424 00:16:30,210 --> 00:16:32,511 ♪ Without a smile... ♪ 425 00:16:33,714 --> 00:16:35,681 Yes. The penis one. 426 00:16:37,317 --> 00:16:39,018 All right, Mr. Pewterschmidt, now, you know how 427 00:16:39,086 --> 00:16:40,319 in your building your office temperature 428 00:16:40,387 --> 00:16:41,954 was controlled by a central air system 429 00:16:42,022 --> 00:16:44,523 that you had nothing to do with? Yeah, I hated that. 430 00:16:44,591 --> 00:16:47,059 Well, check it out-- this room has its very own thermostat 431 00:16:47,127 --> 00:16:48,494 that you can fiddle with. - Really? 432 00:16:48,562 --> 00:16:50,112 I can change the temperature in here? 433 00:16:50,163 --> 00:16:52,081 You're retired-- you can do anything you want. 434 00:16:52,149 --> 00:16:54,316 Well, I am kind of warm. I'll try it out. 435 00:16:54,367 --> 00:16:56,135 Oh, that's perfect. 436 00:16:56,203 --> 00:16:58,788 Now I'm cold. Crank up the thermostat. 437 00:16:58,855 --> 00:17:00,456 Ah, wonderful. 438 00:17:00,524 --> 00:17:02,091 Hotter than blazes in here. 439 00:17:02,159 --> 00:17:04,443 But wait-- I can turn the heat down. 440 00:17:04,511 --> 00:17:05,711 He's learning. 441 00:17:07,514 --> 00:17:08,731 Bye, you guys. 442 00:17:08,799 --> 00:17:10,499 We'll be down to visit real soon. 443 00:17:10,567 --> 00:17:13,018 Mr. Pewterschmidt, I'm glad you finally came around about this place. 444 00:17:13,086 --> 00:17:15,304 Peter, I got to admit, it's not bad at all. 445 00:17:15,372 --> 00:17:17,173 Never thought I'd get used to the idea 446 00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:19,942 of giving up work and just devoting my life to leisure. 447 00:17:20,010 --> 00:17:22,695 I guess this is what people mean by the word "relax." 448 00:17:22,763 --> 00:17:23,896 Take care, dear. 449 00:17:23,964 --> 00:17:25,865 We'll see you soon. Yeah, have fun. 450 00:17:25,932 --> 00:17:28,400 Just remember not to go out into actual Florida. 451 00:17:28,468 --> 00:17:30,336 You don't want to meet those people. 452 00:17:31,738 --> 00:17:33,739 Hi. I just moved into the neighborhood, 453 00:17:33,807 --> 00:17:37,243 and I'm required by law to inform you that I am a sex offender. 454 00:17:37,310 --> 00:17:39,245 Oh, don't worry about it-- so am I. 455 00:17:39,312 --> 00:17:40,880 This whole block is S.O.'s. 456 00:17:40,947 --> 00:17:43,949 We use the abbreviation "S.O's" because it saves a lot of time 457 00:17:44,017 --> 00:17:46,585 over saying "Sex Offender," because that's all we talk about. 458 00:17:46,653 --> 00:17:48,654 Well, I'm also into football. Don't care. 459 00:17:48,722 --> 00:17:51,290 No time for F.B. All about S.O. 460 00:17:51,358 --> 00:17:54,360 Make no mistake, Florida is the South's trash can. 461 00:17:58,999 --> 00:18:00,800 Boy, these eggs are delicious. 462 00:18:00,867 --> 00:18:02,134 Good job, Lois. 463 00:18:02,202 --> 00:18:03,853 Good job, local hen. 464 00:18:03,920 --> 00:18:05,721 Aw, bucka bucka baw. 465 00:18:07,724 --> 00:18:09,258 Hello? 466 00:18:09,326 --> 00:18:10,693 Hi, Mom. 467 00:18:10,760 --> 00:18:11,861 What? 468 00:18:11,928 --> 00:18:13,529 Oh, my God! 469 00:18:13,597 --> 00:18:16,699 Oh, my God, o-okay, we'll be down there as soon as we can. 470 00:18:16,766 --> 00:18:17,950 Mom, what's wrong? 471 00:18:18,018 --> 00:18:19,385 We're going to Florida. 472 00:18:19,452 --> 00:18:20,753 Why? What happened? 473 00:18:20,821 --> 00:18:22,955 There's something horribly wrong with your grandpa. 474 00:18:28,912 --> 00:18:30,229 Oh, Lois! 475 00:18:30,297 --> 00:18:32,198 I'm so glad you made it. 476 00:18:32,265 --> 00:18:34,366 He's been like this for days. 477 00:18:34,434 --> 00:18:36,068 Oh, my God! 478 00:18:37,337 --> 00:18:38,771 ...cream of wheat. 479 00:18:40,106 --> 00:18:41,140 ...Jeopardy. 480 00:18:42,776 --> 00:18:44,310 ...butterscotch pudding. 481 00:18:44,377 --> 00:18:45,311 This is awful! 482 00:18:45,378 --> 00:18:46,779 What's happened to him? 483 00:18:46,847 --> 00:18:48,514 I don't know, dear. 484 00:18:48,582 --> 00:18:51,750 He sleeps 18 hours a day, he refuses to bathe, 485 00:18:51,818 --> 00:18:53,853 and he's stopped making any sense. 486 00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:55,616 Aw, that sounds like the sad little fat girl 487 00:18:55,641 --> 00:18:57,241 who lives in all of us 488 00:18:57,324 --> 00:18:58,624 and is struggling to get out. 489 00:19:00,460 --> 00:19:02,161 Did my parents call yet? 490 00:19:02,229 --> 00:19:04,096 Nobody's looking for you! Now, stay in there! 491 00:19:04,164 --> 00:19:06,265 Sometimes she tries to get out the other way. 492 00:19:06,333 --> 00:19:08,367 That's why I keep a cork in my bum. 493 00:19:08,435 --> 00:19:09,869 Daddy? 494 00:19:09,936 --> 00:19:11,971 Daddy, can you hear me? 495 00:19:12,038 --> 00:19:14,373 Oh, God, we should never have brought him here. 496 00:19:14,441 --> 00:19:15,574 You're right, dear. 497 00:19:15,642 --> 00:19:18,043 I can't stand to see him like this. 498 00:19:18,111 --> 00:19:19,578 Well, we got to do something. 499 00:19:19,646 --> 00:19:22,348 Don't worry, you guys, I think I might know how to fix this. 500 00:19:22,415 --> 00:19:25,451 But first look-- I turned him into Groucho Marx. 501 00:19:25,518 --> 00:19:27,786 That's hilarious. 502 00:19:31,124 --> 00:19:33,475 Peter, what is this supposed to accomplish? 503 00:19:33,526 --> 00:19:35,678 Don't you see, Lois? When we forced him to retire, 504 00:19:35,745 --> 00:19:37,580 we took all the challenge out of his life. 505 00:19:37,647 --> 00:19:40,249 Perhaps some people aren't meant to retire at all. 506 00:19:40,317 --> 00:19:43,535 Exactly! Now, let's see if we can put some fire back into him. 507 00:19:43,620 --> 00:19:46,622 Margot, it's time to take this company in a new direction-- 508 00:19:46,690 --> 00:19:49,475 starting with being honest with the IRS about our profits. 509 00:19:51,695 --> 00:19:54,129 We're also gonna stop reading employee e-mails. 510 00:19:54,197 --> 00:19:56,565 ...our servers. 511 00:19:56,633 --> 00:19:58,400 And from now on it's against the rules 512 00:19:58,468 --> 00:20:00,586 to pat female employees on the fanny. 513 00:20:00,654 --> 00:20:03,439 ...like touching butts! 514 00:20:03,506 --> 00:20:05,507 And tell the African-American elevator attendant 515 00:20:05,575 --> 00:20:07,376 he no longer has to wear white gloves. 516 00:20:07,444 --> 00:20:10,529 Why don't you just tell him he can sleep with my wife, too?! 517 00:20:10,614 --> 00:20:11,614 Daddy! 518 00:20:11,681 --> 00:20:13,065 Oh, Carter! You're back! 519 00:20:13,133 --> 00:20:14,850 You're damn right I am! 520 00:20:14,918 --> 00:20:16,663 Don't you ever try to stick me in one of those 521 00:20:16,688 --> 00:20:18,300 retirement places again! 522 00:20:18,888 --> 00:20:22,224 I plan on sitting behind this desk until the day I die. 523 00:20:22,292 --> 00:20:24,260 Getting old is right for some people, 524 00:20:24,327 --> 00:20:26,595 but not for me. - I know, Daddy. 525 00:20:26,663 --> 00:20:28,714 You were right, and we're sorry. 526 00:20:30,784 --> 00:20:32,217 Hey, Mom. 527 00:20:32,285 --> 00:20:34,653 No, Mom, you're staying in the nursing home. 528 00:20:34,721 --> 00:20:36,722 I... I don't care. 529 00:20:36,790 --> 00:20:38,324 I-I don't care. 530 00:20:38,391 --> 00:20:41,060 M-Mom, believe me, no one is touching you in your sleep. 531 00:20:41,127 --> 00:20:42,561 'Cause you're gross. 532 00:20:42,629 --> 00:20:44,346 And even if they are, so what, who are you saving yourself for? 533 00:20:45,941 --> 00:20:48,656 Hey, look, I-I got to go. I don't know if we're coming 534 00:20:48,657 --> 00:20:51,141 to Thanksgiving. Because I don't know! 535 00:20:51,854 --> 00:20:54,055 - She's staying in there. - I know. 536 00:20:54,106 --> 00:20:58,106 == sync, corrected by elderman ==