1
00:00:01,983 --> 00:00:05,334
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:05,434 --> 00:00:08,919
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:08,954 --> 00:00:12,606
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:12,624 --> 00:00:15,609
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:15,644 --> 00:00:19,113
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:19,147 --> 00:00:22,433
♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
7
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♪ All the things that make us
8
00:00:24,052 --> 00:00:25,669
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:25,720 --> 00:00:27,720
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
10
00:00:27,721 --> 00:00:31,221
♪ Family Guy 11x07 ♪
Friends Without Benefits
Original Air Date on December 9, 2012
11
00:00:31,246 --> 00:00:34,746
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
12
00:00:37,897 --> 00:00:41,848
There he is. The reason
my bedpost is so shiny.
13
00:00:42,096 --> 00:00:44,622
Oh my God. Are you still
obsessed with Kent?
14
00:00:44,726 --> 00:00:46,054
Just ask him out already.
15
00:00:46,154 --> 00:00:47,809
The worse that can
happen is he says no.
16
00:00:47,888 --> 00:00:50,062
Are you kidding?
Of course he'll say no.
17
00:00:50,138 --> 00:00:52,099
There's no way he'd
ever go out with me.
18
00:00:52,157 --> 00:00:55,023
He's just so...
dreamy.
19
00:00:56,363 --> 00:00:58,607
Oh Kent, what are we gonna do?
20
00:00:58,638 --> 00:01:01,346
With the Earth destroyed,
we're the only two humans left.
21
00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:04,134
Well then, it looks like
we need to start repopulating.
22
00:01:11,018 --> 00:01:14,437
♪ Meg and Kent
are having space sex ♪
23
00:01:14,471 --> 00:01:16,072
♪ We can't show it
24
00:01:16,106 --> 00:01:18,891
♪ But that's what's happening.
25
00:01:23,947 --> 00:01:25,114
I think she's choking.
26
00:01:25,149 --> 00:01:26,349
Should we wake her up?
27
00:01:26,383 --> 00:01:28,718
No, she's got to learn
to breathe out of her nose.
28
00:01:30,154 --> 00:01:32,188
She's getting it.
29
00:01:35,793 --> 00:01:37,593
Peter, you want
another waffle?
30
00:01:37,628 --> 00:01:38,695
I can't Lois.
31
00:01:38,729 --> 00:01:40,463
I promised Janice
I'd take her shift.
32
00:01:40,497 --> 00:01:42,332
Can I get two eggs,
scrambled, on toast?
33
00:01:42,366 --> 00:01:44,434
Sure thing, honey. Adam and
Eve on a raft, wreck them!
34
00:01:44,468 --> 00:01:47,070
I'd like a hotdog with ketchup
and some Jell-O, please.
35
00:01:47,104 --> 00:01:49,455
Paint a bow-wow red and a
side of nervous pudding!
36
00:01:49,490 --> 00:01:51,457
Can I have a well-done burger
with lettuce and tomato?
37
00:01:51,492 --> 00:01:53,826
Burn one, drag it through
the garden, pin a rose on it!
38
00:01:53,861 --> 00:01:55,061
Can I use your bathroom?
39
00:01:55,095 --> 00:01:56,629
Got a telephone pole heading
to the swimming hole.
40
00:01:56,663 --> 00:01:57,864
Spray it with sunshine!
41
00:01:59,466 --> 00:02:00,900
Psst.
42
00:02:00,934 --> 00:02:02,752
Hey, dog.
What?
43
00:02:02,786 --> 00:02:04,487
You want in?
44
00:02:04,521 --> 00:02:07,106
Yeah.
45
00:02:07,157 --> 00:02:08,441
Ah, look at this.
46
00:02:08,492 --> 00:02:11,427
She's taped photographs of
Virginia Woolf and Katy Perry
47
00:02:11,462 --> 00:02:13,863
on the inside cover,
as if she's some sort
48
00:02:13,897 --> 00:02:15,465
of hip hybrid
of those two things.
49
00:02:15,499 --> 00:02:16,933
Ugh. Yeah, like
she could ever write
50
00:02:16,967 --> 00:02:18,234
Who's Afraid of
Virginia Woolf?
51
00:02:18,268 --> 00:02:19,936
Brian,
Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?
52
00:02:19,970 --> 00:02:21,938
was not written
by Virginia Woolf.
53
00:02:21,972 --> 00:02:23,272
Yeah, obviously.
54
00:02:23,307 --> 00:02:25,241
But, you know, it's-it's
pretty much about her.
55
00:02:25,275 --> 00:02:27,043
It really isn't, Brian.
56
00:02:27,077 --> 00:02:30,063
Let's, uh, let's just
get into this, huh?
57
00:02:31,365 --> 00:02:34,000
"Dear Diary, got
down to 152 today.
58
00:02:34,034 --> 00:02:35,535
Think that's a
nice weight for me."
59
00:02:35,569 --> 00:02:36,853
Oh, here's another one.
60
00:02:36,887 --> 00:02:39,889
"Dear Diary, just discovered
the music of John Denver.
61
00:02:39,923 --> 00:02:42,492
Wow-wee, where's this been?"
62
00:02:42,526 --> 00:02:43,910
Hey, look at this.
63
00:02:43,944 --> 00:02:46,279
"Kent is so incredibly sexy.
64
00:02:46,313 --> 00:02:48,781
"He said 'hi' to me
today, and I almost died.
65
00:02:48,816 --> 00:02:53,186
"Also, I learned a funny lesson
today in my pursuit of Kent:
66
00:02:53,220 --> 00:02:56,489
anal bleaching is better
left to professionals. LOL."
67
00:02:56,523 --> 00:02:59,125
Oh, oh!
No, no, no, come on, now, come on.
68
00:02:59,159 --> 00:03:02,111
Jeez, it's just pages and pages
of stuff about this Kent guy.
69
00:03:02,129 --> 00:03:03,429
She's really obsessed with him.
70
00:03:03,464 --> 00:03:05,181
Well, obsession's not such
a bad thing.
71
00:03:05,215 --> 00:03:07,183
It got us
the first printing press.
72
00:03:07,217 --> 00:03:08,584
You're a whore, Sheila,
73
00:03:08,619 --> 00:03:10,620
and I'm gonna make sure
everybody knows it!
74
00:03:22,349 --> 00:03:23,799
Here!
75
00:03:23,817 --> 00:03:25,751
I can't read.
76
00:03:25,786 --> 00:03:27,220
No one can read.
77
00:03:32,209 --> 00:03:33,826
Bye, Patty. Bye, Esther.
78
00:03:33,861 --> 00:03:35,278
Bye, overzealous Asian kids
79
00:03:35,312 --> 00:03:37,563
lining up to be the first ones
in school tomorrow.
80
00:03:37,598 --> 00:03:39,866
Go away. No time
to say "bye."
81
00:03:39,917 --> 00:03:43,052
I pass you
'cause you lose focus!
82
00:03:43,086 --> 00:03:44,704
Damn! Lost focus!
83
00:03:44,738 --> 00:03:46,739
Life over!
84
00:03:55,832 --> 00:03:59,502
Oh, Kent,
this is all I ever wanted.
85
00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:00,970
I feel the same way, Meg.
86
00:04:01,004 --> 00:04:04,474
From today onward,
this is our life.
87
00:04:04,508 --> 00:04:06,175
We should get
off the horse soon.
88
00:04:06,193 --> 00:04:08,778
I want to save one for you.
89
00:04:12,466 --> 00:04:13,599
Oh, my God!
90
00:04:13,634 --> 00:04:14,951
Are you all right?
91
00:04:14,985 --> 00:04:16,035
I'm fine.
92
00:04:16,069 --> 00:04:18,171
Lucky for you,
this tree was my destination.
93
00:04:20,908 --> 00:04:23,743
And the job exchange begins.
94
00:04:23,777 --> 00:04:25,511
Sir, do you want to move ahead
95
00:04:25,546 --> 00:04:28,247
on the agreement
with the sanitation union?
96
00:04:28,282 --> 00:04:30,283
Sir, we need leadership.
97
00:04:30,317 --> 00:04:31,467
Oh, my God, Meg!
98
00:04:31,502 --> 00:04:32,702
Are you okay?
99
00:04:32,736 --> 00:04:33,853
Yeah, I-I'm fine.
100
00:04:33,887 --> 00:04:36,122
I guess I got distracted again
thinking about Kent.
101
00:04:36,156 --> 00:04:38,074
Oh, I can't do this anymore.
102
00:04:38,108 --> 00:04:40,343
I've just got to ask him out.
103
00:04:40,377 --> 00:04:41,928
Sorry!
104
00:04:48,068 --> 00:04:49,802
Honey, give me
any laundry you have.
105
00:04:49,836 --> 00:04:51,737
I'm doing a diapers
and Meg load.
106
00:04:51,772 --> 00:04:53,806
Hey, Mom, can I ask you
about something?
107
00:04:53,840 --> 00:04:55,975
Of course, Meg.
What's on your mind?
108
00:04:56,009 --> 00:04:57,910
Well, there's this guy
I like at school,
109
00:04:57,945 --> 00:04:59,579
and I was thinking about,
110
00:04:59,613 --> 00:05:02,732
I-I don't know, maybe
calling him and...
111
00:05:02,766 --> 00:05:05,401
Meg, are you asking,
in this day and age,
112
00:05:05,435 --> 00:05:07,837
when the CEO of Xerox
is a woman,
113
00:05:07,871 --> 00:05:10,139
when the president
of Brazil is a woman,
114
00:05:10,173 --> 00:05:12,074
even Rosie O'Donnell
is a woman,
115
00:05:12,109 --> 00:05:14,076
whether it's appropriate
for a girl
116
00:05:14,111 --> 00:05:16,012
to ask a boy out on a date?
117
00:05:16,046 --> 00:05:18,014
Of course it's appropriate.
118
00:05:18,048 --> 00:05:21,584
It's also sad and desperate
and I would never do it,
119
00:05:21,618 --> 00:05:23,486
but you're not me,
are you, sweetie?
120
00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:24,720
No, I'm not.
121
00:05:24,755 --> 00:05:26,756
No, you're not.
122
00:05:33,397 --> 00:05:34,964
Hello?
Hey, Kent?
123
00:05:34,998 --> 00:05:36,666
It's Meg, from
English class.
124
00:05:36,700 --> 00:05:38,034
Uh...
125
00:05:38,068 --> 00:05:39,268
And math class?
126
00:05:39,303 --> 00:05:40,670
And bio?
127
00:05:40,704 --> 00:05:42,838
And the Facebook campaign
to get me to kill myself?
128
00:05:42,873 --> 00:05:43,973
Oh, Meg!
129
00:05:44,007 --> 00:05:45,641
Hey, what's up?
Hey!
130
00:05:45,676 --> 00:05:47,109
Um, nothing much.
131
00:05:47,144 --> 00:05:49,278
I was just wondering
132
00:05:49,313 --> 00:05:51,614
if you maybe wanted
to hang out some time?
133
00:05:51,648 --> 00:05:52,815
Sure.
134
00:05:52,849 --> 00:05:55,084
Oh, wow, cool!
135
00:05:55,118 --> 00:05:57,787
Okay, um,
I'll-I'll text you?
136
00:05:59,039 --> 00:06:01,674
Yes! I can't believe it!
137
00:06:01,708 --> 00:06:05,211
Oh, my God, I'm going out
on a date with Kent Lastname.
138
00:06:05,245 --> 00:06:06,862
Yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!
139
00:06:07,981 --> 00:06:09,215
Oh, my gosh!
140
00:06:09,249 --> 00:06:12,151
I'm gonna go ahead
and shut this for you.
141
00:06:21,510 --> 00:06:22,560
Oh, hello.
142
00:06:22,595 --> 00:06:23,995
Hi, you must be
Mrs. Griffin.
143
00:06:24,029 --> 00:06:25,947
I'm Kent.
I'm here to pick up Meg.
144
00:06:25,981 --> 00:06:27,882
Oh, Kent, it's so
nice to meet you.
145
00:06:27,917 --> 00:06:29,350
She's just getting ready.
146
00:06:29,385 --> 00:06:31,085
Meg, Kent's here!
147
00:06:31,120 --> 00:06:33,021
Just putting on my lipstick.
148
00:06:33,055 --> 00:06:34,455
Damn it.
149
00:06:34,490 --> 00:06:36,457
And this is Meg's brother,
Chris.
150
00:06:36,492 --> 00:06:37,992
Oh, yeah,
I've seen you around school.
151
00:06:38,027 --> 00:06:39,460
You eat
with the deaf kids, right?
152
00:06:39,495 --> 00:06:41,529
One of them isn't
all the way deaf.
153
00:06:41,564 --> 00:06:43,164
What grade are you in again?
154
00:06:43,199 --> 00:06:45,500
That's still being worked
out by a team of counselors.
155
00:06:45,534 --> 00:06:47,435
Cool.
Hope to see you around school.
156
00:06:47,469 --> 00:06:49,103
He seems nice.
157
00:06:49,138 --> 00:06:50,255
Sorry, I missed all that.
158
00:06:50,306 --> 00:06:51,372
I was tweeting.
159
00:07:00,082 --> 00:07:03,084
Coming this fall,
the prequel to Philadelphia.
160
00:07:03,118 --> 00:07:04,786
Are you sure
we don't need a condom?
161
00:07:04,820 --> 00:07:06,321
No, it's okay,
I'm a lawyer.
162
00:07:11,844 --> 00:07:14,612
How you girls doing on popcorn?
163
00:07:14,663 --> 00:07:15,980
I'll take some.
164
00:07:16,015 --> 00:07:17,448
Here you go.
165
00:07:20,286 --> 00:07:23,304
Oh, sorry, am I taking
up the whole armrest?
166
00:07:24,607 --> 00:07:27,125
Boy, it's kind
of chilly in here.
167
00:07:27,159 --> 00:07:29,694
Really? You got big sweat
marks under your boobs.
168
00:07:29,728 --> 00:07:32,564
That must mean
they must like you then.
169
00:07:33,949 --> 00:07:35,250
Hey, I'll be
right back.
170
00:07:35,284 --> 00:07:37,335
I got to go to
the bathroom.
171
00:07:37,369 --> 00:07:39,387
Oh, thank God.
172
00:07:43,609 --> 00:07:44,993
And now,
our feature presentation:
173
00:07:45,027 --> 00:07:48,529
Adrien Brody Doing Sit-Ups
in 3-D.
174
00:07:50,165 --> 00:07:51,165
One.
175
00:07:52,284 --> 00:07:54,269
Two.
176
00:07:57,006 --> 00:07:59,140
That was fun.
177
00:07:59,174 --> 00:08:00,675
We should hang out
again some time.
178
00:08:00,709 --> 00:08:01,910
Yeah, definitely.
179
00:08:01,944 --> 00:08:03,444
Well, good night.
180
00:08:03,479 --> 00:08:04,712
Night.
181
00:08:04,747 --> 00:08:07,181
Oh, no, I'm sorry.
Oh, my God, I thought you...
182
00:08:07,216 --> 00:08:10,051
I didn't think this was a date.
Oh, my God. I'm so embarrassed!
183
00:08:10,085 --> 00:08:12,053
Hey, it's 10:30!
184
00:08:12,087 --> 00:08:15,139
I suggest you take your dope
and go elsewhere!
185
00:08:15,174 --> 00:08:16,841
I'm sorry, Meg. I
think you're great,
186
00:08:16,875 --> 00:08:18,376
and I love hanging
out with you,
187
00:08:18,410 --> 00:08:20,478
but there's something
you should know.
188
00:08:20,512 --> 00:08:22,046
I'm gay.
189
00:08:22,081 --> 00:08:23,481
You are?
190
00:08:23,515 --> 00:08:26,584
Look, I really like you as a
friend, but to be honest...
191
00:08:26,619 --> 00:08:28,353
I like Chris.
192
00:08:28,387 --> 00:08:29,554
What?
193
00:08:29,588 --> 00:08:30,705
Oh, for God's sake.
194
00:08:30,739 --> 00:08:32,407
I have a shoe appointment
in the morning,
195
00:08:32,441 --> 00:08:33,825
and I want to be fresh!
196
00:08:33,859 --> 00:08:35,927
Yeah, the person
I'm attracted to
197
00:08:35,961 --> 00:08:37,228
is your brother.
198
00:08:37,262 --> 00:08:39,130
Brother?
199
00:08:39,164 --> 00:08:40,581
Rupert, did you hear that?
200
00:08:40,616 --> 00:08:42,583
Meg's boyfriend
is in love with me.
201
00:08:42,618 --> 00:08:43,918
Not that I care.
202
00:08:43,953 --> 00:08:46,004
I mean, it won't matter
once I explain to him
203
00:08:46,038 --> 00:08:47,772
what's going on with us.
204
00:08:47,806 --> 00:08:51,643
But what would I tell him
is going on with us?
205
00:09:21,073 --> 00:09:22,857
Thanks, Brian!
206
00:09:22,875 --> 00:09:24,292
Brian?
207
00:09:24,326 --> 00:09:26,527
Hey... princess.
208
00:09:26,562 --> 00:09:28,262
I'll get out of your hair.
209
00:09:28,297 --> 00:09:29,864
I can see you want
to be left alone.
210
00:09:29,882 --> 00:09:32,266
Why does everything bad
always happen to me?
211
00:09:32,301 --> 00:09:33,634
Huh, you and me both.
212
00:09:33,669 --> 00:09:35,520
I got this cold.
213
00:09:35,554 --> 00:09:38,156
And it's-it's
just in that
214
00:09:38,190 --> 00:09:40,658
"I don't want to give it to
a friend" stage, you know?
215
00:09:40,693 --> 00:09:42,293
Oh, God, you hear that?
216
00:09:42,327 --> 00:09:44,228
I sound like a
Jewish See 'n Say.
217
00:09:44,263 --> 00:09:46,564
The uncle says...
218
00:09:49,318 --> 00:09:50,902
The grandpa says...
219
00:09:50,936 --> 00:09:52,687
What?!
220
00:09:52,721 --> 00:09:53,738
The aunt says...
221
00:09:53,772 --> 00:09:55,423
Oh-h.
222
00:09:55,457 --> 00:09:57,091
Kent told me he's gay,
223
00:09:57,126 --> 00:09:59,427
and even worse,
he likes Chris!
224
00:09:59,461 --> 00:10:01,596
Oh, wow, I'm really
sorry to hear that, Meg.
225
00:10:01,630 --> 00:10:02,930
I don't get it.
226
00:10:02,965 --> 00:10:05,199
I've been going to high school
with him for three years,
227
00:10:05,234 --> 00:10:07,368
and I always assumed
he was straight.
228
00:10:07,403 --> 00:10:09,203
Well, high school's
a tough time, Meg.
229
00:10:09,238 --> 00:10:10,538
Maybe he thought
he was straight,
230
00:10:10,572 --> 00:10:12,206
but then realized
he's gay.
231
00:10:12,241 --> 00:10:13,758
He's probably still
figuring things out.
232
00:10:13,792 --> 00:10:15,543
Hang in there.
233
00:10:15,577 --> 00:10:17,812
Well, I'll help him
figure things out.
234
00:10:17,846 --> 00:10:20,832
I'll help him figure out
that he's straight.
235
00:10:24,686 --> 00:10:26,687
That was really close.
236
00:10:31,527 --> 00:10:33,294
Hey, Chris, you
mind if I sit here?
237
00:10:33,328 --> 00:10:34,429
No, of course not.
238
00:10:34,463 --> 00:10:37,331
We were just having
a political discussion.
239
00:10:46,625 --> 00:10:49,210
Bill's, uh...
kind of conservative.
240
00:10:49,244 --> 00:10:50,711
Hey, you know,
it was really cool
241
00:10:50,746 --> 00:10:52,013
meeting you the
other night.
242
00:10:52,047 --> 00:10:53,865
I was thinking maybe we
should hang out sometime.
243
00:10:53,899 --> 00:10:56,901
Sure. I sleep for, like, six
hours every day after school,
244
00:10:56,935 --> 00:10:58,853
but other than that,
I'm pretty open.
245
00:10:58,887 --> 00:11:00,121
Well, great, then
we should definitely...
246
00:11:00,155 --> 00:11:01,556
Oh, hey, Meg.
247
00:11:01,590 --> 00:11:04,142
Listen, I hope you're okay
after the other night.
248
00:11:04,176 --> 00:11:05,409
Yeah, no,
that's-that's what
249
00:11:05,444 --> 00:11:07,044
I wanted to talk to
you about, Kent.
250
00:11:07,079 --> 00:11:09,647
Look, I-I know you're going
through a confusing time.
251
00:11:09,681 --> 00:11:11,215
The thing is, though,
252
00:11:11,250 --> 00:11:13,951
I feel like you're
not actually gay.
253
00:11:13,986 --> 00:11:15,236
What?
254
00:11:15,270 --> 00:11:16,938
No, I-I told you, I am.
255
00:11:16,972 --> 00:11:18,489
You don't talk
or act gay.
256
00:11:18,524 --> 00:11:19,991
I mean, you
play football.
257
00:11:20,025 --> 00:11:21,826
Those jeans cost
20 bucks, tops.
258
00:11:21,860 --> 00:11:24,028
And you only use
"hello" as a greeting,
259
00:11:24,062 --> 00:11:26,030
not as a way to outdo
some imaginary antagonist
260
00:11:26,064 --> 00:11:27,298
in conversation.
261
00:11:27,332 --> 00:11:28,499
Meg, please stop.
262
00:11:28,534 --> 00:11:30,268
I know your heart's
in the right place, but...
263
00:11:30,302 --> 00:11:31,369
Actually, it's not.
264
00:11:31,403 --> 00:11:33,204
It's a serious
medical condition.
265
00:11:33,238 --> 00:11:36,691
Yeah, that's...
that's not supposed to be there,
266
00:11:36,725 --> 00:11:39,660
so she should probably
always wear a hat.
267
00:11:42,764 --> 00:11:44,215
Hey.
Hey.
268
00:11:44,266 --> 00:11:46,267
So I guess you heard
about Meg's boyfriend, huh?
269
00:11:46,301 --> 00:11:47,735
I did.
I did hear, yes.
270
00:11:47,769 --> 00:11:48,870
Weird, right?
271
00:11:48,904 --> 00:11:50,521
Guy has a crush
on her own brother.
272
00:11:50,556 --> 00:11:51,739
I know, so weird.
273
00:11:51,773 --> 00:11:54,008
But, you know, the heart wants
what the heart wants.
274
00:11:54,042 --> 00:11:55,476
I just hope it doesn't
cause awkwardness,
275
00:11:55,511 --> 00:11:56,577
you know, in the house.
276
00:11:56,612 --> 00:11:58,146
Oh, no, it doesn't have
to be awkward,
277
00:11:58,180 --> 00:11:59,497
not if we don't make it awkward.
278
00:11:59,531 --> 00:12:00,998
I just don't see
the attraction.
279
00:12:01,033 --> 00:12:02,900
I mean, is it all
about that big package?
280
00:12:02,935 --> 00:12:04,502
Big? You really think so?
281
00:12:04,536 --> 00:12:06,504
Are you kidding?
Biggest in the family.
282
00:12:06,538 --> 00:12:08,806
That thing should be hanging
from the ceiling of a deli.
283
00:12:08,841 --> 00:12:10,007
Thanks, Brian.
284
00:12:10,042 --> 00:12:11,742
God, I have
so much energy now.
285
00:12:11,777 --> 00:12:15,513
Am I the only one
who feels like grabbing a drink?
286
00:12:19,885 --> 00:12:22,370
Hey, do you think
this picture is hot?
287
00:12:24,273 --> 00:12:25,573
Kind of, yeah.
288
00:12:25,607 --> 00:12:27,808
Well guess what:
that's my back.
289
00:12:27,843 --> 00:12:29,343
Hook up with me!
Come on!
290
00:12:29,378 --> 00:12:30,678
We can make this work.
291
00:12:30,712 --> 00:12:32,947
Just stick your head in here
and pretend it's a butt.
292
00:12:32,981 --> 00:12:34,232
No, Meg, stop it.
293
00:12:34,266 --> 00:12:35,766
God, this is
getting too weird.
294
00:12:35,801 --> 00:12:38,002
I can't be
your boyfriend.
295
00:12:38,036 --> 00:12:41,606
In fact, I don't even
think I can be your friend.
296
00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:42,673
Kent, wait!
297
00:12:42,708 --> 00:12:44,125
We can totally be friends.
298
00:12:44,159 --> 00:12:45,593
We can go shopping together.
299
00:12:45,627 --> 00:12:47,678
And I like musicals.
I've even seen
300
00:12:47,713 --> 00:12:50,047
the latest Tony Award-winning
piece of crap.
301
00:12:50,082 --> 00:12:51,933
♪ If more people join in
302
00:12:51,967 --> 00:12:54,168
♪ The song will get better
303
00:12:54,203 --> 00:12:55,720
♪ If more people join in
304
00:12:55,754 --> 00:12:57,788
♪ The song will get better
305
00:12:57,823 --> 00:12:59,624
♪ If more people join in
306
00:12:59,675 --> 00:13:01,492
♪ The song will get better
307
00:13:01,526 --> 00:13:03,711
♪ If more people join in
308
00:13:03,745 --> 00:13:05,630
♪ The song will get better
309
00:13:05,664 --> 00:13:07,381
♪ Now you're having fun
310
00:13:07,415 --> 00:13:09,416
♪ 'Cause we're in the aisles
311
00:13:09,434 --> 00:13:12,937
♪ Even the bad guy
is singing along. ♪
312
00:13:12,971 --> 00:13:16,691
They're singing right near me,
so it's a great musical.
313
00:13:20,779 --> 00:13:22,363
Hey, Meg, what's wrong?
314
00:13:22,397 --> 00:13:24,532
What's wrong
is that Kent doesn't like me.
315
00:13:24,566 --> 00:13:26,200
He likes my brother, Chris.
316
00:13:26,235 --> 00:13:27,235
Oh, my God.
317
00:13:27,269 --> 00:13:28,336
No way!
318
00:13:28,370 --> 00:13:29,604
Well, I mean,
319
00:13:29,638 --> 00:13:30,955
you've done
everything you can do.
320
00:13:30,989 --> 00:13:32,623
I guess you just
have to move on.
321
00:13:32,658 --> 00:13:35,693
Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of
sweet guy-trim at this school.
322
00:13:35,727 --> 00:13:37,161
You-you don't understand.
323
00:13:37,195 --> 00:13:38,496
He's all I think about.
324
00:13:38,530 --> 00:13:40,298
I-I can't eat, I can't sleep.
325
00:13:40,332 --> 00:13:43,434
Just thinking about him now
gives me heart palpitations.
326
00:13:45,070 --> 00:13:48,439
I feel like if I could just know
what it's like to be with him,
327
00:13:48,473 --> 00:13:50,174
just-just once,
328
00:13:50,208 --> 00:13:52,143
I could at least have
some sort of closure.
329
00:13:52,177 --> 00:13:53,945
Well, if Kent hooks up
with your brother,
330
00:13:53,979 --> 00:13:55,079
you could just have Chris
331
00:13:55,113 --> 00:13:56,747
describe every last detail
to you.
332
00:13:56,782 --> 00:13:58,899
Oh, my God, that's it.
333
00:13:58,934 --> 00:14:00,034
What do you mean?
334
00:14:00,068 --> 00:14:01,719
I mean,
if I can't have Kent,
335
00:14:01,753 --> 00:14:03,421
then that's
the next best thing.
336
00:14:03,455 --> 00:14:05,823
I've just got to get Chris
to sleep with him.
337
00:14:05,857 --> 00:14:07,191
Oh, no.
338
00:14:07,225 --> 00:14:08,492
Here comes
Mr. Davis with one
339
00:14:08,527 --> 00:14:11,162
of his technically-not-
illegal invitations.
340
00:14:11,196 --> 00:14:14,098
Girls, I'm gonna be
at the park later.
341
00:14:20,262 --> 00:14:22,496
Oh, I wouldn't worry
about it, Bonnie.
342
00:14:22,531 --> 00:14:24,565
I've put Stewie in the oven
a bunch of times.
343
00:14:24,599 --> 00:14:26,267
As long as you come
to your senses
344
00:14:26,301 --> 00:14:28,602
within 15 minutes,
everything's fine.
345
00:14:28,637 --> 00:14:30,655
Lois, can I go Slip 'N
Slide in the yard?
346
00:14:30,689 --> 00:14:32,523
Has it been half an hour
since you've eaten?
347
00:14:32,557 --> 00:14:33,891
Yes. Almost.
348
00:14:33,925 --> 00:14:36,277
Okay, I just want to be sure
you don't get a cramp.
349
00:14:36,311 --> 00:14:38,846
Yay! Poor people
water fun!
350
00:14:40,248 --> 00:14:41,816
Hey, Chris.
351
00:14:41,850 --> 00:14:43,918
Uh, can I ask you a question?
352
00:14:43,952 --> 00:14:45,186
Sure, what's up?
353
00:14:45,220 --> 00:14:47,888
Um, remember that "free hug"
coupon you gave me
354
00:14:47,923 --> 00:14:49,824
for my ninth birthday
that I never used?
355
00:14:49,858 --> 00:14:51,025
Yeah.
356
00:14:51,059 --> 00:14:53,210
Well, I'd like to use it.
357
00:14:53,245 --> 00:14:55,363
Oh, okay. Sure.
358
00:14:55,397 --> 00:14:58,699
But... I'd like
to sort of upgrade it.
359
00:14:58,734 --> 00:15:01,702
I'd like it
to be a butt-hug with Kent.
360
00:15:01,737 --> 00:15:03,571
What? Are you out
of your mind?!
361
00:15:03,605 --> 00:15:05,239
Chris, please,
just sleep with Kent
362
00:15:05,273 --> 00:15:06,707
and then tell me
all about it.
363
00:15:06,742 --> 00:15:07,908
Forget it, Meg.
364
00:15:07,943 --> 00:15:09,977
I can't just do stuff
with another guy.
365
00:15:10,012 --> 00:15:11,779
I'm not Derek Jeter.
366
00:15:11,813 --> 00:15:13,014
I like girls.
367
00:15:13,048 --> 00:15:14,181
Ugh, come on, Chris.
368
00:15:14,216 --> 00:15:15,282
Girls are terrible.
369
00:15:15,317 --> 00:15:16,484
They're always backstabbing
370
00:15:16,518 --> 00:15:18,619
and giving each other
phony compliments.
371
00:15:18,653 --> 00:15:21,989
Oh, wow, you are definitely
not afraid of dessert.
372
00:15:22,024 --> 00:15:23,657
You know, I wish I
were secure enough
373
00:15:23,692 --> 00:15:25,993
to throw on any old thing
and call it an outfit.
374
00:15:26,028 --> 00:15:28,929
Come on, you have
so much body confidence.
375
00:15:28,964 --> 00:15:31,632
I mean, who wouldn't
with those strong legs?
376
00:15:31,666 --> 00:15:33,234
So muscular.
377
00:15:33,268 --> 00:15:36,470
I'm jealous of how thick
with strength they are.
378
00:15:36,505 --> 00:15:37,772
Hey, I like your tie.
379
00:15:37,806 --> 00:15:38,806
Thanks.
380
00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:42,743
♪
381
00:15:42,778 --> 00:15:44,712
Come on, Chris,
he'll do all the work.
382
00:15:44,746 --> 00:15:46,147
I said no, Meg.
383
00:15:46,181 --> 00:15:47,581
I'll pay you
a hundred bucks.
384
00:15:47,616 --> 00:15:49,383
Oh, fine, I'll
keep it in my bum.
385
00:15:49,418 --> 00:15:50,951
There'll be
plenty of room.
386
00:15:50,986 --> 00:15:53,654
That's my sarcastic way of
saying it's not gonna happen.
387
00:15:53,688 --> 00:15:54,822
Good day, Meg.
388
00:15:54,856 --> 00:15:57,425
Oh, it's gonna happen.
389
00:16:04,633 --> 00:16:06,067
Oh, hi, Meg.
390
00:16:06,101 --> 00:16:07,268
Hi, Mr. Quagmire.
391
00:16:07,302 --> 00:16:08,486
What can I do for you?
392
00:16:08,520 --> 00:16:10,554
I-I was wondering
if I could borrow some roofies?
393
00:16:10,589 --> 00:16:12,957
Oh, sure, sure,
just a sec.
394
00:16:12,991 --> 00:16:14,358
Roofies, huh?
395
00:16:14,392 --> 00:16:16,227
Pretty big pill for
such a little girl.
396
00:16:16,261 --> 00:16:18,796
Yeah, I know, but I asked
someone to do me a favor,
397
00:16:18,830 --> 00:16:20,431
and they're not too keen
on doing it.
398
00:16:20,465 --> 00:16:21,932
Oh, I know what
they're for, honey.
399
00:16:21,967 --> 00:16:23,534
So, how's school?
400
00:16:23,568 --> 00:16:24,769
Oh, good, thanks.
401
00:16:24,803 --> 00:16:26,170
Studies going well?
402
00:16:26,204 --> 00:16:28,706
Yeah, yeah, mostly A's and B's
so far this semester.
403
00:16:28,740 --> 00:16:30,374
Oh, that's so great.
404
00:16:30,408 --> 00:16:32,393
Seeing anyone
special these days?
405
00:16:32,427 --> 00:16:34,228
Hey, obviously, right?
406
00:16:34,262 --> 00:16:36,013
Of course, yeah.
407
00:16:36,047 --> 00:16:37,748
Okay, well, listen, good
luck with everything.
408
00:16:37,783 --> 00:16:39,617
And, uh, call me
if you get arrested.
409
00:16:39,651 --> 00:16:42,019
I will. Thanks.
410
00:16:42,053 --> 00:16:43,788
That's what
it's all about, Glenn.
411
00:16:43,822 --> 00:16:46,056
Don't rape it back,
rape it forward.
412
00:16:50,762 --> 00:16:52,096
All right,
I talked to Chris,
413
00:16:52,130 --> 00:16:54,632
and he totally wants
to hook up with you, too.
414
00:16:54,666 --> 00:16:55,733
No way! Really?
415
00:16:55,767 --> 00:16:57,568
I didn't even
know he was gay.
416
00:16:57,602 --> 00:16:59,436
It's just that
he's not as comfortable
417
00:16:59,471 --> 00:17:01,205
with his sexuality
as you are yet,
418
00:17:01,239 --> 00:17:03,908
so he's gonna need
to pretend to be asleep
419
00:17:03,942 --> 00:17:05,109
while it's happening.
420
00:17:05,143 --> 00:17:06,844
Oh, he's a snooze-juicer.
421
00:17:06,878 --> 00:17:08,145
Okay.
422
00:17:08,180 --> 00:17:10,948
Wow, I didn't know Chris
had this dark side to him.
423
00:17:10,982 --> 00:17:13,784
Oh, yeah,
Chris has a major dark side.
424
00:17:13,819 --> 00:17:17,288
My dad is actually
really scared of him.
425
00:17:18,056 --> 00:17:20,658
Wha...
426
00:17:20,692 --> 00:17:22,293
Who's there?
427
00:17:22,327 --> 00:17:26,197
Go back to sleep, Dad.
428
00:17:26,231 --> 00:17:28,232
Okay.
429
00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:38,976
You're very
precious to me.
430
00:17:42,347 --> 00:17:44,148
Chris, I made
some Kool-Aid!
431
00:17:44,182 --> 00:17:45,416
You want some?
432
00:17:45,450 --> 00:17:46,917
Sure!
433
00:17:57,863 --> 00:17:59,613
Chris, what are you doing
in my room?
434
00:17:59,648 --> 00:18:01,248
Nothing.
Yes, you were.
435
00:18:01,282 --> 00:18:03,250
You were putting something
in my drawer.
436
00:18:03,284 --> 00:18:05,352
What's this?
437
00:18:05,387 --> 00:18:06,687
Look, Meg,
438
00:18:06,721 --> 00:18:08,756
I know you've been having
a hard time lately,
439
00:18:08,790 --> 00:18:11,075
so I wanted
to give you something
440
00:18:11,109 --> 00:18:13,978
that means a lot to me.
441
00:18:14,012 --> 00:18:16,046
Oh, I remember this.
442
00:18:16,081 --> 00:18:18,315
This was the trip
our family took to the Cape.
443
00:18:18,350 --> 00:18:19,717
Ugh, it was miserable.
444
00:18:19,751 --> 00:18:22,186
It was raining, and Mom and
Dad fought the whole time.
445
00:18:22,220 --> 00:18:23,621
You taught me how
to hunt squirrels
446
00:18:23,655 --> 00:18:24,622
with poisoned cheese,
447
00:18:24,656 --> 00:18:26,257
and then you took me
to the hospital
448
00:18:26,291 --> 00:18:28,859
when the squirrels tricked me
into eating the cheese.
449
00:18:28,894 --> 00:18:32,179
Chris, you kept this photo
all these years?
450
00:18:32,214 --> 00:18:34,765
Yeah, it's gotten me
through a lot of tough times.
451
00:18:34,799 --> 00:18:37,001
Like when Felicity
cut her hair.
452
00:18:37,035 --> 00:18:38,669
What?!
453
00:18:38,703 --> 00:18:41,238
Aw, thanks, Chris.
454
00:18:41,273 --> 00:18:42,940
That was really
thoughtful of you.
455
00:18:42,974 --> 00:18:45,609
Hey, so can I have
some of that Kool-Aid now?
456
00:18:45,644 --> 00:18:46,977
No.
457
00:18:47,012 --> 00:18:49,013
No, actually you can't.
458
00:19:05,597 --> 00:19:07,298
Oh, Chris, hi.
459
00:19:07,332 --> 00:19:08,899
I didn't realize
you'd be awake.
460
00:19:08,934 --> 00:19:10,167
What?
461
00:19:10,201 --> 00:19:12,603
Well, Meg said you'd be asleep,
but it's fine.
462
00:19:12,637 --> 00:19:13,771
I can work with this.
463
00:19:13,805 --> 00:19:15,339
Oh, hell no!
464
00:19:15,373 --> 00:19:16,507
Meg!
465
00:19:16,541 --> 00:19:18,575
Oh, my God.
466
00:19:18,610 --> 00:19:20,844
Kent, I just texted you
that the plan was off.
467
00:19:20,879 --> 00:19:23,747
Meg, what the hell
were you planning on doing?!
468
00:19:23,782 --> 00:19:25,516
Oh, Chris,
I'm so sorry.
469
00:19:25,550 --> 00:19:27,184
I was so obsessed
with Kent
470
00:19:27,218 --> 00:19:28,953
that I-I guess I wasn't
thinking straight.
471
00:19:28,987 --> 00:19:32,089
I'm just glad I stopped before
I did a really terrible thing.
472
00:19:32,123 --> 00:19:34,491
Terrible thing?
What terrible thing?
473
00:19:34,526 --> 00:19:37,828
Well, like I said,
I-I changed my mind.
474
00:19:37,862 --> 00:19:39,129
I-I didn't do it.
475
00:19:39,164 --> 00:19:40,397
But, um...
476
00:19:40,432 --> 00:19:41,632
I was...
477
00:19:41,666 --> 00:19:43,567
kind of gonna...
478
00:19:43,601 --> 00:19:44,752
roofie you.
479
00:19:44,786 --> 00:19:46,837
What?!
What is wrong with you?!
480
00:19:46,871 --> 00:19:49,290
And, Kent, I owe you
an apology, too.
481
00:19:49,324 --> 00:19:51,942
I lied when I told you that
Chris wanted to sleep with you.
482
00:19:51,977 --> 00:19:53,077
Save it, Meg!
483
00:19:53,111 --> 00:19:54,411
I don't need your apologies!
484
00:19:54,446 --> 00:19:56,947
I can see now
that you're a complete psycho!
485
00:20:00,085 --> 00:20:02,870
Boy, clothes sure are a prison,
aren't they?
486
00:20:05,140 --> 00:20:07,374
Lot of drumroll for nothing.
487
00:20:07,409 --> 00:20:08,642
What's this?
488
00:20:08,677 --> 00:20:10,678
Ooh, candy!
489
00:20:21,740 --> 00:20:22,823
Hey, Meg.
490
00:20:22,857 --> 00:20:24,124
I heard what happened.
491
00:20:24,159 --> 00:20:26,176
Yeah, Kent hates me now.
492
00:20:26,211 --> 00:20:27,644
You made a mistake.
493
00:20:27,679 --> 00:20:28,979
I know you feel terrible,
494
00:20:29,014 --> 00:20:30,581
but you're not
a bad person, Meg.
495
00:20:30,615 --> 00:20:32,282
You just need
to get back out there,
496
00:20:32,317 --> 00:20:34,385
and someday,
maybe you'll find the right guy.
497
00:20:34,419 --> 00:20:36,053
You really
think so, Brian?
498
00:20:36,087 --> 00:20:37,454
I know so.
499
00:20:37,489 --> 00:20:39,623
All it takes is one guy
making one mistake,
500
00:20:39,657 --> 00:20:41,091
one drunken night.
501
00:20:41,126 --> 00:20:42,259
Sperm finding a fertile egg.
502
00:20:42,965 --> 00:20:44,733
You refusing to do
what a sane woman would do.
503
00:20:45,268 --> 00:20:46,902
You got him, Meg.
You got him for life.
504
00:20:47,881 --> 00:20:49,131
Thanks, Brian.
No problem.
505
00:20:50,233 --> 00:20:52,478
Hey, do either of you know
what poison ivy looks like?
506
00:20:52,578 --> 00:20:57,578
== sync, corrected by elderman ==