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00:00:01,168 --> 00:00:04,437
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:04,565 --> 00:00:07,867
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:07,919 --> 00:00:11,338
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
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00:00:11,389 --> 00:00:14,308
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us ♪
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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00:00:27,050 --> 00:00:30,550
♪ Family Guy 10x08 ♪
Cool Hand Peter
Original Air Date on December 27, 2011
11
00:00:30,551 --> 00:00:34,051
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
12
00:00:34,112 --> 00:00:35,646
So, Cleveland,
you got to be pretty psyched
13
00:00:35,713 --> 00:00:37,080
about President Ubama, huh?
14
00:00:37,148 --> 00:00:38,599
W-What?
15
00:00:38,666 --> 00:00:40,684
Well, I mean, you remember how
a lot of people said, like,
16
00:00:40,768 --> 00:00:42,302
"Oh, Ubama's not gonna
be able to do it,"
17
00:00:42,370 --> 00:00:43,537
but he's-he's
hanging in there.
18
00:00:43,605 --> 00:00:45,222
Peter, it's "Obama."
19
00:00:45,290 --> 00:00:47,190
Eh, You-bama, Me-bama,
We-bama, who cares?
20
00:00:47,258 --> 00:00:49,476
It's a black guy in a suit,
let's just marvel at that.
21
00:00:49,544 --> 00:00:50,944
Gosh, Cleveland,
it sure is great
22
00:00:51,012 --> 00:00:53,497
having you back at The Clam,
even if it's just for a week.
23
00:00:53,564 --> 00:00:55,482
♪ My name is Cleveland Brown ♪
24
00:00:55,550 --> 00:00:57,417
♪ And I am proud to be... ♪
25
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Oh, hang on, that's
my cell phone.
26
00:00:59,187 --> 00:01:00,954
Aw, Peter,
you're using the song!
27
00:01:01,022 --> 00:01:02,222
Thank you.
28
00:01:02,290 --> 00:01:03,624
Well, the numbers
ain't so good,
29
00:01:03,691 --> 00:01:05,542
so we got to do everything
we can-- Hello, Lois.
30
00:01:05,610 --> 00:01:07,094
Peter, where the hell are you?
31
00:01:07,161 --> 00:01:09,479
You told me you were gonna clean
out those boxes in the basement
32
00:01:09,547 --> 00:01:10,681
and put them in the attic.
33
00:01:10,748 --> 00:01:12,132
Lois, it just sounds like
busy work.
34
00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:13,550
It is busy work.
35
00:01:13,618 --> 00:01:15,552
I'm trying to keep you
off the streets and off drugs.
36
00:01:15,620 --> 00:01:17,621
I'm selling those candy bars!
37
00:01:19,757 --> 00:01:22,592
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, you
want to buy some candy bars
38
00:01:22,660 --> 00:01:24,962
so we can get some new uniforms
for our baseball team?
39
00:01:25,029 --> 00:01:26,880
Where'd you get
those candy bars?
40
00:01:28,016 --> 00:01:29,566
Peter, I need you home.
41
00:01:29,634 --> 00:01:31,735
You also promised you'd fix
that shelf in the garage.
42
00:01:31,803 --> 00:01:32,936
Oh, Lois, I'm losing you.
43
00:01:34,572 --> 00:01:36,406
Hello? Hello?
44
00:01:36,474 --> 00:01:37,407
Hello?
45
00:01:37,492 --> 00:01:38,659
Oh, hey, Lois.
46
00:01:38,726 --> 00:01:40,360
This is somebody else now.
47
00:01:40,428 --> 00:01:42,262
There must've been
a cross connection.
48
00:01:42,330 --> 00:01:44,398
My name is Mike,
and I'm somewhere else
49
00:01:44,465 --> 00:01:45,666
trying to make my own call.
50
00:01:45,733 --> 00:01:47,067
Fine, Mike.
51
00:01:47,135 --> 00:01:49,202
You tell Peter he's in trouble
when he gets home.
52
00:01:49,270 --> 00:01:51,972
You can tell him yourself,
because Mike is Peter!
53
00:01:52,040 --> 00:01:53,106
Oh, my God.
54
00:01:53,174 --> 00:01:54,341
Are you serious?
55
00:01:54,409 --> 00:01:55,909
That was very good, Peter.
56
00:01:55,977 --> 00:01:57,010
I know!
57
00:01:57,078 --> 00:01:58,445
Geez.
58
00:01:58,513 --> 00:02:00,630
That's all my life is lately,
just a bunch of chores.
59
00:02:00,698 --> 00:02:03,166
I'm sick of Lois always
making me do stupid stuff.
60
00:02:03,234 --> 00:02:04,534
I know what you're saying,
Peter.
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00:02:04,602 --> 00:02:05,902
Bonnie's always making me do
62
00:02:05,970 --> 00:02:08,305
all these impossible
household tasks.
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00:02:08,373 --> 00:02:09,840
Joe, make sure you get
64
00:02:09,907 --> 00:02:12,209
all the tire tracks
out of the carpet.
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00:02:23,371 --> 00:02:24,871
Learn to live with it, Bonnie!
66
00:02:24,939 --> 00:02:26,073
There are tracks!
67
00:02:26,140 --> 00:02:27,607
People make tracks!
68
00:02:27,675 --> 00:02:28,809
Boy, I hear you, too.
69
00:02:28,876 --> 00:02:30,310
It's a lot of work
just to keep
70
00:02:30,378 --> 00:02:32,045
my single guy fridge
sufficiently depressing.
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00:02:33,481 --> 00:02:34,548
Let's see.
72
00:02:34,615 --> 00:02:36,149
Ex-girlfriend's Yoplait.
73
00:02:36,217 --> 00:02:37,718
Root beer from two Julys ago.
74
00:02:37,785 --> 00:02:39,386
Here we go, expired milk.
75
00:02:41,556 --> 00:02:43,924
Oh, my God, Jenny,
look how young you look.
76
00:02:43,991 --> 00:02:45,659
I sympathize with y'all.
77
00:02:45,727 --> 00:02:50,130
Donna makes me listen to Gayle
King on XM Radio 19 hours a day.
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00:02:50,198 --> 00:02:51,765
I tried to kill myself by
79
00:02:51,833 --> 00:02:54,367
swallowing a nail clipper,
but I passed it.
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00:02:54,435 --> 00:02:55,836
What the hell
happened to us?
81
00:02:55,903 --> 00:02:57,971
We used to be able to do
whatever the hell we wanted.
82
00:02:58,039 --> 00:02:59,639
Now here we are,
in the prime of our lives,
83
00:02:59,707 --> 00:03:01,391
and we're slaves to our women.
84
00:03:01,459 --> 00:03:03,326
I know. An exciting
day for me
85
00:03:03,394 --> 00:03:05,195
is when I watch
wheelchair porn.
86
00:03:05,263 --> 00:03:06,863
Boy, do the sparks
fly on those.
87
00:03:06,931 --> 00:03:08,365
Oh, is it hot?
88
00:03:08,433 --> 00:03:11,518
Nah, it's mostly just chairs
smashing into each other.
89
00:03:11,586 --> 00:03:13,820
Sometimes the director
has to come on camera
90
00:03:13,888 --> 00:03:15,322
just to turn the
chairs around.
91
00:03:15,389 --> 00:03:17,174
Well, why don't we make
our own excitement?
92
00:03:17,241 --> 00:03:18,875
- What do you mean?
- I don't know, like,
93
00:03:18,943 --> 00:03:20,010
maybe the four
of us should
94
00:03:20,078 --> 00:03:21,211
do something
to reclaim our freedom.
95
00:03:21,295 --> 00:03:22,846
Like go on a road trip,
find some adventure.
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00:03:22,914 --> 00:03:24,448
Quagmire,
that's a great idea!
97
00:03:24,515 --> 00:03:25,966
Let's do a road trip!
Who's in?
98
00:03:28,653 --> 00:03:29,820
No. No, no.
99
00:03:29,887 --> 00:03:31,388
No, n-not you, Seamus.
100
00:03:31,456 --> 00:03:32,456
Ah, poo.
101
00:03:35,793 --> 00:03:37,727
All right, listen up, ladies.
102
00:03:37,795 --> 00:03:40,363
We got something to say and we
ain't taking "no" for an answer.
103
00:03:40,431 --> 00:03:41,798
We are going on a road trip.
104
00:03:41,866 --> 00:03:43,316
We don't know how long
we'll be gone,
105
00:03:43,384 --> 00:03:45,185
and don't expect a call
from us to check in.
106
00:03:45,253 --> 00:03:47,420
This trip is about men
being men.
107
00:03:47,488 --> 00:03:49,489
We will drive
after a couple of beers
108
00:03:49,557 --> 00:03:51,274
and not make a big
federal case about it.
109
00:03:51,342 --> 00:03:53,610
We're gonna sneeze and not
put our hand over.
110
00:03:53,678 --> 00:03:55,579
And there ain't nothing
you can do to stop us!
111
00:03:55,646 --> 00:03:56,713
Yeah, okay with me.
112
00:03:56,781 --> 00:03:57,614
- Sure.
- Fine.
113
00:03:57,682 --> 00:03:59,049
That'll be nice.
114
00:03:59,117 --> 00:04:00,584
It'll give us a chance
to have some girl time.
115
00:04:00,651 --> 00:04:02,719
Oh. All right, then.
116
00:04:02,787 --> 00:04:03,887
Where are you boys going?
117
00:04:03,955 --> 00:04:05,055
We're going to New Orleans.
118
00:04:05,123 --> 00:04:06,923
The party capital of America.
119
00:04:06,991 --> 00:04:09,192
Home of the
All-You-Can-Pee Street.
120
00:04:09,260 --> 00:04:12,028
I'll tell you one thing, it's
all about the beads down there.
121
00:04:19,570 --> 00:04:21,755
We all know
what's going on here.
122
00:04:21,823 --> 00:04:23,657
It's just implied,
but we all know
123
00:04:23,724 --> 00:04:25,242
what's going on
in this thought bubble.
124
00:04:25,326 --> 00:04:27,194
The kids don't know, but we do.
125
00:04:41,709 --> 00:04:45,295
Boy, I'm sure getting my money's
worth out of this rental car.
126
00:04:45,379 --> 00:04:46,763
Okay, all right,
I got one.
127
00:04:46,848 --> 00:04:49,382
Would you rather be a hobo
with a five percent chance
128
00:04:49,433 --> 00:04:51,301
of getting inherited
by a rich guy
129
00:04:51,385 --> 00:04:54,471
or be Hitler two years before
the end of World War II?
130
00:04:54,555 --> 00:04:56,389
'Cause you know you're gonna
have to shoot yourself,
131
00:04:56,440 --> 00:04:58,108
but you still got two
more years as Hitler.
132
00:04:58,192 --> 00:04:59,893
If you're the hobo, do you, uh,
133
00:04:59,944 --> 00:05:02,262
have a place to sleep,
like an underpass or...?
134
00:05:02,313 --> 00:05:03,263
Different every night.
135
00:05:03,314 --> 00:05:04,948
As Hitler, can I change
136
00:05:05,032 --> 00:05:06,933
certain policies
so that maybe I'm looked on
137
00:05:06,984 --> 00:05:08,818
more favorably
at the end of the war?
138
00:05:08,903 --> 00:05:11,204
No, you already screwed up
big-time-- lot of dead Jews.
139
00:05:11,272 --> 00:05:13,957
Am I a blue state
or a red state hobo?
140
00:05:14,041 --> 00:05:16,442
Blue, but
Midwestern blue.
141
00:05:16,494 --> 00:05:17,994
Oh, boy.
142
00:05:18,079 --> 00:05:20,046
I don't think so,
it's cold out there.
143
00:05:20,114 --> 00:05:21,447
Am I allowed
to alter the mustache?
144
00:05:21,499 --> 00:05:23,466
Dude, why do you keep
trying to make Hitler work?
145
00:05:23,551 --> 00:05:26,786
Am I allowed to kill other hobos
to increase my odds?
146
00:05:26,837 --> 00:05:28,305
Kill anyone you
like; you're a hobo.
147
00:05:28,389 --> 00:05:29,839
Am I a walking hobo?
148
00:05:29,924 --> 00:05:31,808
No. Quagmire and Cleveland
are, but you're not.
149
00:05:31,893 --> 00:05:33,843
So, wait, I would also
be a paralyzed Hitler?
150
00:05:33,928 --> 00:05:35,095
Yeah.
151
00:05:35,146 --> 00:05:36,730
Would I be
a black Hitler?
152
00:05:36,797 --> 00:05:38,315
Yes. No.
153
00:05:38,399 --> 00:05:40,483
Well, wait a minute,
now how come I got to be
154
00:05:40,568 --> 00:05:42,018
crippled Hitler
and he's still white Hitler?
155
00:05:42,103 --> 00:05:44,187
If you got such a problem with
it, Joe, just be the hobo!
156
00:05:44,272 --> 00:05:45,438
This one isn't very fun.
157
00:05:45,489 --> 00:05:47,274
Wait a minute, where are we?
158
00:05:47,325 --> 00:05:49,743
Yeah, this doesn't look like
the main highway anymore.
159
00:05:49,810 --> 00:05:50,994
You think we made
a wrong turn?
160
00:05:51,078 --> 00:05:52,145
I hope not.
161
00:05:52,196 --> 00:05:53,780
These backwoods parts
of the Deep South
162
00:05:53,831 --> 00:05:55,699
ain't a place
you want to get lost in.
163
00:05:57,618 --> 00:05:58,451
Oh, no.
164
00:06:01,872 --> 00:06:03,223
Don't worry
about it, guys.
165
00:06:03,291 --> 00:06:05,258
I read nowhere that Southern
sheriffs really want
166
00:06:05,326 --> 00:06:07,160
to be talked down to by
big-shot Northerners.
167
00:06:09,330 --> 00:06:10,480
Afternoon.
168
00:06:10,548 --> 00:06:11,982
Officer, what is it?
169
00:06:12,049 --> 00:06:13,950
We are in a tremendous
urban rush.
170
00:06:14,018 --> 00:06:16,052
You fellas ain't from
around here, are you?
171
00:06:16,120 --> 00:06:17,887
Hey, Sheriff,
I'm trying to learn Southern.
172
00:06:17,955 --> 00:06:19,256
Is this saying anything?
173
00:06:19,323 --> 00:06:21,524
A-doy-doy-doy-doy!
174
00:06:21,592 --> 00:06:24,127
We're very sorry, Sheriff,
and we want to cooperate
175
00:06:24,195 --> 00:06:25,895
to the fullest extent possible.
176
00:06:25,963 --> 00:06:26,980
You threatening me?
177
00:06:27,048 --> 00:06:28,114
Uh, no, sir.
178
00:06:28,182 --> 00:06:29,716
Who you calling "sir," boy?
179
00:06:29,784 --> 00:06:32,352
I'm an officer of the law,
paid by this county.
180
00:06:32,420 --> 00:06:34,921
And I can't help noticing
you got a headlight out.
181
00:06:34,989 --> 00:06:36,323
Really?
I don't see any...
182
00:06:37,892 --> 00:06:40,327
And I see that turn signal
ain't working neither.
183
00:06:41,262 --> 00:06:42,395
Now, look, sir,
184
00:06:42,463 --> 00:06:43,897
I'm a police officer, too.
185
00:06:43,965 --> 00:06:45,966
I know all the games;
I use them myself.
186
00:06:46,033 --> 00:06:48,218
So what do you say
we just work something out?
187
00:06:48,302 --> 00:06:49,502
So, you're a cop, huh?
188
00:06:49,570 --> 00:06:51,972
Let me see your badge.
189
00:06:53,474 --> 00:06:55,375
Looks like you're
a civilian now.
190
00:06:55,443 --> 00:06:58,144
I'm gonna have to
search your vehicle.
191
00:06:59,997 --> 00:07:00,981
Well, lookie here.
192
00:07:01,048 --> 00:07:02,699
What do we got in this thing?
193
00:07:02,767 --> 00:07:04,751
Oh, come on!
You planted that there!
194
00:07:04,819 --> 00:07:05,919
We had drugs?
195
00:07:05,987 --> 00:07:07,720
Oh, my God,
why am I driving drunk
196
00:07:07,772 --> 00:07:09,072
when I could've been
driving high?
197
00:07:09,140 --> 00:07:11,241
You boys are in
a lot of trouble.
198
00:07:11,309 --> 00:07:13,109
Dispatch,
Sheriff Nichols.
199
00:07:13,177 --> 00:07:14,327
Bringing in four
perpetrators
200
00:07:14,395 --> 00:07:16,062
under suspicion of
drug possession.
201
00:07:16,130 --> 00:07:18,431
Descriptions: one
African-American,
202
00:07:18,499 --> 00:07:20,333
one crippled, one
skinny, one handsome.
203
00:07:20,401 --> 00:07:21,634
Yes.
204
00:07:21,702 --> 00:07:23,703
You're all coming down
to the station with me.
205
00:07:23,771 --> 00:07:24,738
Aw, crap!
206
00:07:24,805 --> 00:07:26,306
Hang on, hang on,
you guys.
207
00:07:26,374 --> 00:07:27,907
Don't worry. I know how to
speak this guy's language.
208
00:07:27,958 --> 00:07:31,011
Keith Urban.
209
00:07:31,078 --> 00:07:32,445
Go on.
210
00:07:32,513 --> 00:07:34,447
Brett Favre.
211
00:07:34,515 --> 00:07:35,482
Uh-huh.
212
00:07:35,549 --> 00:07:37,517
I'm listening.
213
00:07:37,585 --> 00:07:39,252
William H. Macy?
214
00:07:39,320 --> 00:07:41,454
You guys are going
away for a long time.
215
00:07:53,148 --> 00:07:54,046
Look at this, Cleveland.
216
00:07:54,047 --> 00:07:55,797
Front of the bus,
back of the bus,
217
00:07:55,848 --> 00:07:57,633
middle of the bus--
you guys are doing great.
218
00:07:57,684 --> 00:07:58,884
I can't believe this.
219
00:07:58,968 --> 00:08:00,719
Two weeks in prison
on trumped-up charges.
220
00:08:00,803 --> 00:08:02,654
That trial was a total sham.
221
00:08:02,722 --> 00:08:05,090
Yeah, I knew we were in trouble
the minute I saw the jury.
222
00:08:07,377 --> 00:08:09,444
Well, at least they're
a jury of our peers.
223
00:08:09,512 --> 00:08:11,580
I don't think they see it
that way, Peter.
224
00:08:18,321 --> 00:08:20,022
Hello, gentlemen.
225
00:08:20,089 --> 00:08:21,523
I am the warden.
226
00:08:21,591 --> 00:08:24,259
You are here
because you are criminals.
227
00:08:24,327 --> 00:08:25,694
This is not a resort.
228
00:08:25,745 --> 00:08:27,829
You will be worked harder
than you have ever
229
00:08:27,880 --> 00:08:30,549
been worked in your miserable,
pathetic lives.
230
00:08:30,633 --> 00:08:32,567
And play
harder, right?
231
00:08:32,635 --> 00:08:33,735
I bet.
232
00:08:33,803 --> 00:08:34,703
Step forward, maggot!
233
00:08:37,924 --> 00:08:40,058
Next time, that'll be you.
234
00:08:40,126 --> 00:08:42,027
Well, why wasn't
it him this time?!
235
00:08:42,095 --> 00:08:44,062
Oh, I'm so scared.
236
00:08:45,315 --> 00:08:46,765
Peter, stop it!
237
00:08:46,849 --> 00:08:49,201
Yeah, you're real big when
you got that stick, ain't you?
238
00:08:49,268 --> 00:08:50,435
Okay, I'll stop now.
239
00:08:53,873 --> 00:08:55,741
This is so much fun,
isn't it?
240
00:08:55,808 --> 00:08:56,775
I know.
241
00:08:56,843 --> 00:08:58,176
What should we talk
about next?
242
00:08:58,244 --> 00:09:00,112
I know, let's talk
about actresses.
243
00:09:00,179 --> 00:09:01,279
Ooh, yeah.
244
00:09:01,347 --> 00:09:03,281
I feel like Natalie Portman
245
00:09:03,349 --> 00:09:05,784
thinks she's so much better
than everybody.
246
00:09:05,852 --> 00:09:08,120
She's nothing, and her
husband's a nobody.
247
00:09:08,187 --> 00:09:09,521
Why does Laura
Linney always
248
00:09:09,589 --> 00:09:10,906
look like she's just
finished skiing?
249
00:09:10,973 --> 00:09:12,307
I don't know
who that is.
250
00:09:12,375 --> 00:09:14,609
Really? The Big C?
Love Actually?
251
00:09:14,677 --> 00:09:15,911
No, never heard of her.
252
00:09:15,978 --> 00:09:17,212
Would you know
who she was
253
00:09:17,280 --> 00:09:18,947
if I said Tyler
Perry's Laura Linney?
254
00:09:19,015 --> 00:09:20,315
Ooh, I love her.
255
00:09:25,855 --> 00:09:27,973
Oh, God, it's so hot out here.
256
00:09:28,041 --> 00:09:30,058
Yeah, you knew it was
gonna be hot when you heard
257
00:09:30,126 --> 00:09:32,394
that lonesome slide guitar
and that hawk's cry.
258
00:09:36,966 --> 00:09:38,467
Hey! This ain't break time!
259
00:09:38,534 --> 00:09:41,153
Get back to work!
260
00:09:41,220 --> 00:09:43,588
♪ Gonna see Miss Liza ♪
261
00:09:43,656 --> 00:09:45,940
♪ Gonna go to Mississippi ♪
262
00:09:45,992 --> 00:09:48,510
♪ Gonna see Miss Liza ♪
263
00:09:48,578 --> 00:09:50,779
♪ Gonna go to Mississippi ♪
264
00:09:50,830 --> 00:09:53,281
♪ Gonna see Miss Liza ♪
265
00:09:53,332 --> 00:09:55,000
♪ Gonna go to Mississippi. ♪
266
00:09:55,084 --> 00:09:56,968
Man, listen to
what the black guys are doing.
267
00:09:57,053 --> 00:09:58,787
We need a white
guy work song.
268
00:10:00,306 --> 00:10:01,256
♪ Hello ♪
269
00:10:01,307 --> 00:10:02,224
♪ How are you? ♪
270
00:10:02,291 --> 00:10:03,225
♪ How's the folks? ♪
271
00:10:03,292 --> 00:10:04,609
♪ What's new? ♪
272
00:10:04,677 --> 00:10:05,761
♪ I'm great ♪
♪ That's good ♪
273
00:10:05,812 --> 00:10:06,728
♪ Ha-ha ♪
274
00:10:06,796 --> 00:10:08,063
♪ Knock wood ♪
275
00:10:08,130 --> 00:10:09,347
♪ Well, well ♪
♪ That's life ♪
276
00:10:09,432 --> 00:10:10,399
♪ What do you know? ♪
277
00:10:10,466 --> 00:10:11,650
♪ How's the wife? ♪
278
00:10:11,734 --> 00:10:13,018
♪ Got to run ♪
♪ Oh, my ♪
279
00:10:13,086 --> 00:10:14,019
♪ Ta-ta ♪
♪ Olive oil ♪
280
00:10:14,087 --> 00:10:15,103
♪ Good-bye. ♪
281
00:10:26,249 --> 00:10:27,682
You Peter Griffin?
282
00:10:27,750 --> 00:10:29,418
Oh, yeah, thanks.
283
00:10:29,485 --> 00:10:30,836
What the hell is that?
284
00:10:30,903 --> 00:10:32,104
It's a jet pack.
285
00:10:32,171 --> 00:10:34,089
I'll come back for you guys,
I promise.
286
00:10:37,827 --> 00:10:41,229
You're my friend and everything
and I feel bad saying this,
287
00:10:41,297 --> 00:10:43,432
but I wanted to see you fail.
288
00:10:53,643 --> 00:10:55,877
Official prediction:
when they let us out of here,
289
00:10:55,945 --> 00:10:58,113
we're gonna have to go through
the prison gift shop.
290
00:10:58,181 --> 00:10:59,981
Oh, I hate doing that.
291
00:11:00,049 --> 00:11:01,550
That's how
they get you.
292
00:11:01,617 --> 00:11:04,019
Man, it's gonna feel so good
to walk out of here tomorrow.
293
00:11:04,086 --> 00:11:06,254
Yeah, you know,
the time actually went by faster
294
00:11:06,322 --> 00:11:07,456
than I would have thought.
295
00:11:07,523 --> 00:11:09,191
Uh, you know something?
296
00:11:09,258 --> 00:11:10,892
We left Quahog to find adventure
297
00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:13,395
and get away from all
those lame chores at home,
298
00:11:13,463 --> 00:11:15,030
but I'll tell you this.
299
00:11:15,097 --> 00:11:18,266
Looking back on it now, I don't
think our lives are so bad.
300
00:11:18,334 --> 00:11:20,168
Yeah, I sure do miss Lois
and the kids.
301
00:11:20,236 --> 00:11:21,503
I'll tell you one thing.
302
00:11:21,571 --> 00:11:23,538
When I get home,
I'm gonna sleep like a log.
303
00:11:23,606 --> 00:11:26,558
Hey, I'm gonna plug in the
night-light if you don't mind.
304
00:11:26,626 --> 00:11:27,976
Actually, you know what?
305
00:11:28,043 --> 00:11:30,579
I'm gonna go ahead and
ask you to not do that.
306
00:11:30,646 --> 00:11:33,198
Knock off that chitchat!
It's lights out!
307
00:11:33,266 --> 00:11:35,500
Oh, hey, Warden, since
it's our last night in here,
308
00:11:35,568 --> 00:11:37,335
can I have a glass of milk?
309
00:11:37,403 --> 00:11:38,804
I feel like having
dream diarrhea.
310
00:11:38,871 --> 00:11:40,489
Last night?
311
00:11:40,556 --> 00:11:42,224
Where do you think
y'all are going?
312
00:11:42,291 --> 00:11:45,360
Says here you got another
30 days on your sentence.
313
00:11:45,428 --> 00:11:47,996
What?! But the court said we're
supposed to go home tomorrow!
314
00:11:48,064 --> 00:11:50,065
Well, the court
ain't here, is it?
315
00:11:52,952 --> 00:11:54,352
Oh, man, how the hell
are we gonna do this
316
00:11:54,420 --> 00:11:55,520
for another 30 days?
317
00:11:56,823 --> 00:11:58,924
That's the way
it goes around here.
318
00:11:58,991 --> 00:12:01,593
Once you come in,
you're never allowed to leave.
319
00:12:01,661 --> 00:12:04,262
I got my sentence extended
30 days once.
320
00:12:04,330 --> 00:12:06,665
That was 45 years ago.
321
00:12:06,732 --> 00:12:08,083
Oh, my God,
you hear that?
322
00:12:08,150 --> 00:12:09,584
We're gonna be stuck
in here forever!
323
00:12:09,652 --> 00:12:11,303
Oh, God, what are we gonna do?
324
00:12:11,370 --> 00:12:12,804
Well, I know
what I'm gonna do.
325
00:12:12,872 --> 00:12:14,506
If we're gonna be here a while,
326
00:12:14,574 --> 00:12:17,342
I'm gonna find the biggest guy
here and kick his ass.
327
00:12:17,410 --> 00:12:18,543
Wait a minute.
That's me!
328
00:12:18,611 --> 00:12:20,695
Oh, no, I have a knife!
329
00:12:27,845 --> 00:12:29,316
Oh, what are we gonna do?!
330
00:12:29,317 --> 00:12:31,518
They're gonna keep us
locked up here forever!
331
00:12:31,569 --> 00:12:33,337
We're not staying
in here forever.
332
00:12:33,405 --> 00:12:34,972
- We're getting out of here.
- How?
333
00:12:35,040 --> 00:12:36,523
We're breaking out.
334
00:12:36,591 --> 00:12:37,324
What?
335
00:12:37,392 --> 00:12:38,709
Look, sometimes in life,
336
00:12:38,777 --> 00:12:41,061
you got to say, "What the hell,"
and just go for it.
337
00:12:41,129 --> 00:12:42,963
I mean, that's how
we won the Revolutionary War.
338
00:12:43,031 --> 00:12:46,567
Colonel, the British are too
entrenched across the river.
339
00:12:46,634 --> 00:12:48,368
I've told the men
we'll hold our position.
340
00:12:52,290 --> 00:12:54,258
Negative. Tell the men,
we're going across.
341
00:12:54,325 --> 00:12:55,893
But Colonel Goatbanger,
we've...
342
00:12:55,960 --> 00:12:57,444
No, we need to do this,
343
00:12:57,512 --> 00:12:59,179
'cause... for...
'cause of... for strategy.
344
00:13:04,953 --> 00:13:06,887
All right, if we're
gonna break out of here,
345
00:13:06,938 --> 00:13:08,322
we got to get past
these guards.
346
00:13:08,389 --> 00:13:09,790
Well, I got an idea.
347
00:13:09,858 --> 00:13:11,775
It won't be pretty,
but bear with me.
348
00:13:13,378 --> 00:13:15,345
Oh, no, I fell out
of my wheelchair!
349
00:13:17,999 --> 00:13:19,199
Don't help me!
350
00:13:19,267 --> 00:13:21,135
I need to do this on my own!
351
00:13:21,202 --> 00:13:23,170
What are you doing, Joe?
You're embarrassing us.
352
00:13:23,238 --> 00:13:24,571
Oh, really?
Are they looking?
353
00:13:27,675 --> 00:13:30,410
No. They're actually going
to great lengths to avoid it.
354
00:13:30,478 --> 00:13:32,045
Exactly. No one wants
355
00:13:32,113 --> 00:13:34,381
to watch a handicap
struggle for independence.
356
00:13:34,449 --> 00:13:37,484
This will buy us at least
15 minutes of averted gazes.
357
00:13:37,552 --> 00:13:39,520
All right,
I'm gonna nail this home.
358
00:13:39,587 --> 00:13:41,421
Oh! Oh, this is
so humiliating.
359
00:13:41,473 --> 00:13:45,209
I'm about to be an
adult man crying.
360
00:13:54,619 --> 00:13:56,653
I can't walk!
361
00:13:56,721 --> 00:13:58,755
Why the hell
can't I walk?!
362
00:13:58,823 --> 00:14:01,692
This isn't
part of the act anymore!
363
00:14:01,776 --> 00:14:03,677
No, no, no, no,
don't look.
364
00:14:03,745 --> 00:14:05,879
If you make eye contact,
you'll have to help.
365
00:14:07,916 --> 00:14:09,649
Hey, they're
getting away!
366
00:14:10,952 --> 00:14:12,703
Release the dogs!
367
00:14:45,353 --> 00:14:46,519
Oh, we did it!
368
00:14:46,571 --> 00:14:47,821
Your plan worked, Joe!
369
00:14:47,872 --> 00:14:49,740
I told you those guards
would turn away.
370
00:14:49,824 --> 00:14:51,208
Yeah, Joe, that
was amazing!
371
00:14:51,292 --> 00:14:53,644
That was easier than taking
candy from a premature baby.
372
00:14:57,882 --> 00:15:00,901
I'm, uh...
I'm just gonna take this.
373
00:15:11,012 --> 00:15:13,063
Hey, I got an idea
374
00:15:13,131 --> 00:15:15,432
for something that's gonna
be so (bleep) funny.
375
00:15:18,002 --> 00:15:19,203
Okay, Bonnie,
go get it.
376
00:15:19,270 --> 00:15:20,837
It's in the closet.
377
00:15:20,905 --> 00:15:23,857
Brian! Brian,
come out here!
378
00:15:23,925 --> 00:15:25,475
What are you doing?!
379
00:15:25,543 --> 00:15:26,693
I'm reading.
380
00:15:26,761 --> 00:15:29,029
What... what... what...
381
00:15:29,097 --> 00:15:30,864
What are you reading?
382
00:15:30,932 --> 00:15:33,033
Well, I was just finishing
Jonathan Franzen's book.
383
00:15:33,101 --> 00:15:35,035
You know, I'll admit
it has its moments,
384
00:15:35,103 --> 00:15:36,536
but it's completely
overrated.
385
00:15:36,604 --> 00:15:39,273
I mean, I'm not saying I
wrote something similar to it
386
00:15:39,340 --> 00:15:40,941
several years ago,
but I am saying...
387
00:15:41,009 --> 00:15:42,309
Grab him!
388
00:15:42,377 --> 00:15:44,645
What? What? What? What?
Hey, what are you doing?! Hey!
389
00:15:44,712 --> 00:15:46,463
- Get his paw! Hold still!
- Hey! Hey! Hey! What?
390
00:15:46,547 --> 00:15:48,131
- Push him down onto all fours!
- No. What are you do...?
391
00:15:48,199 --> 00:15:49,700
- I don't want to do this.
- If he really starts freaking out,
392
00:15:49,767 --> 00:15:50,968
put your pinkie in his butt!
- Aah!
393
00:15:52,203 --> 00:15:54,154
Calm down!
Calm down!
394
00:15:57,926 --> 00:15:59,426
Now Stewie!
395
00:15:59,494 --> 00:16:02,229
All right, I guess
this is the night bitches die.
396
00:16:04,782 --> 00:16:07,067
I wonder what the
chain gang did today.
397
00:16:07,118 --> 00:16:08,986
I hope we're not
missing anything cool.
398
00:16:09,070 --> 00:16:10,604
Maybe we should go back.
399
00:16:10,672 --> 00:16:11,822
Hey, guys, look,
there's a house.
400
00:16:13,391 --> 00:16:14,808
Maybe there's something inside
401
00:16:14,876 --> 00:16:16,593
we can use
to get these chains off.
402
00:16:25,169 --> 00:16:27,421
It looks like
nobody's home.
403
00:16:27,472 --> 00:16:29,506
Hey, these look like
handcuff and shackle keys.
404
00:16:29,574 --> 00:16:30,507
How do you know that?
405
00:16:31,943 --> 00:16:33,844
These are handcuff
and shackle keys.
406
00:16:33,928 --> 00:16:35,779
Hey, it worked!
407
00:16:37,732 --> 00:16:39,700
You know, there's an awful lot
of pictures
408
00:16:39,767 --> 00:16:41,268
of the sheriff in this house.
409
00:16:41,336 --> 00:16:42,636
Well, he's a good-looking man.
410
00:16:42,704 --> 00:16:45,372
I'll bet a lot of people
in town have pictures of him.
411
00:16:46,557 --> 00:16:49,009
Oh, no! It's the sheriff!
412
00:16:49,077 --> 00:16:50,410
Quick, into the closet!
413
00:16:57,835 --> 00:16:59,569
Who's there?
414
00:16:59,637 --> 00:17:01,204
Just me, sweetie.
415
00:17:01,272 --> 00:17:02,906
Oh, I didn't know
you were home.
416
00:17:02,974 --> 00:17:04,775
What are you doing
in the closet there?
417
00:17:04,842 --> 00:17:06,243
Um... wife things?
418
00:17:06,311 --> 00:17:08,845
Oh, all right. Well, I'll only
be home for a minute.
419
00:17:08,913 --> 00:17:10,547
Some prisoners escaped
from the work camp,
420
00:17:10,615 --> 00:17:12,582
and I'm helping the warden
track 'em down.
421
00:17:12,650 --> 00:17:15,152
Oh. Well, maybe you
should let 'em go.
422
00:17:15,219 --> 00:17:16,870
You know I can't do that.
423
00:17:16,938 --> 00:17:18,605
You're always working.
424
00:17:18,673 --> 00:17:20,507
I wish you'd spend
more time at home.
425
00:17:20,575 --> 00:17:21,842
More time with me.
426
00:17:21,909 --> 00:17:23,076
Maybe you're right, honey.
427
00:17:23,144 --> 00:17:24,544
Maybe I do work too much.
428
00:17:24,612 --> 00:17:25,879
You know what?
429
00:17:25,947 --> 00:17:27,714
I'm gonna let
those fugitives go.
430
00:17:27,782 --> 00:17:29,116
You'd do that for me?
431
00:17:29,183 --> 00:17:30,834
I'd do anything for you.
432
00:17:30,902 --> 00:17:32,235
I love you.
433
00:17:32,303 --> 00:17:33,737
I love you, too!
434
00:17:33,805 --> 00:17:35,806
Now, come out here
and give me a kiss!
435
00:17:35,890 --> 00:17:37,507
Peter, no!
436
00:17:37,575 --> 00:17:39,476
Wait minute!
I don't have a wife!
437
00:17:56,561 --> 00:17:57,877
Head for the tracks!
438
00:18:01,882 --> 00:18:04,050
Oh, no!
They're shooting at us!
439
00:18:04,102 --> 00:18:06,153
Good thing bad guys are
such terrible shots.
440
00:18:06,220 --> 00:18:08,839
Man, these guys are elusive!
441
00:18:08,906 --> 00:18:10,357
Quick!
Hop on!
442
00:18:17,398 --> 00:18:19,783
- All right, we did it.
- We made it.
443
00:18:19,867 --> 00:18:21,618
That was a
close one!
444
00:18:21,702 --> 00:18:23,203
Well, guys, we made it.
445
00:18:23,254 --> 00:18:25,705
Boy, I feel like
I haven't eaten in a week.
446
00:18:25,757 --> 00:18:27,207
Hey, if we pass
a McDaniel's
447
00:18:27,258 --> 00:18:29,042
or a Burger Queen,
let's hop out.
448
00:18:29,093 --> 00:18:30,794
Oh, that's right,
we're on television.
449
00:18:30,878 --> 00:18:32,745
Oh, I'd love a
flame-broiled Bopper!
450
00:18:32,797 --> 00:18:36,049
So frustrating. We all know
what we're talking about.
451
00:18:40,754 --> 00:18:44,424
Well, this was
quite an adventure.
452
00:18:44,475 --> 00:18:46,860
Yeah, it's good to be
back in familiar territory.
453
00:18:49,213 --> 00:18:50,697
Where do y'all think
you're going?
454
00:18:50,765 --> 00:18:52,816
You boys are fugitives
of my county,
455
00:18:52,900 --> 00:18:54,951
and I'm gonna take you back.
456
00:18:55,019 --> 00:18:56,136
Oh, no!
457
00:18:56,204 --> 00:18:57,421
I don't think so.
458
00:18:57,488 --> 00:19:00,357
You're in my jurisdiction now,
Sheriff Butt Breath.
459
00:19:05,363 --> 00:19:07,414
Wow, Joe,
how'd you pull that off?
460
00:19:07,482 --> 00:19:09,716
I put in a call from
the McDaniel's pay phone
461
00:19:09,784 --> 00:19:12,285
while you guys were getting that
nine-piece chicken McFingers
462
00:19:12,353 --> 00:19:14,988
and those Diet Conks
and those Fresh Fries.
463
00:19:15,056 --> 00:19:17,457
Oh, come on. They-They
don't own "French fries!"
464
00:19:17,508 --> 00:19:20,560
You know, you got some nerve
driving around my town
465
00:19:20,628 --> 00:19:23,363
with a busted headlight.
466
00:19:23,431 --> 00:19:26,733
And a busted windshield.
467
00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:29,152
And an untreated flesh wound.
468
00:19:31,672 --> 00:19:34,357
You took an oath just
the same as me, Sheriff.
469
00:19:34,425 --> 00:19:35,826
To protect and serve.
470
00:19:35,893 --> 00:19:37,594
Not to harass and douche.
471
00:19:37,678 --> 00:19:39,346
Just 'cause you have
a badge doesn't mean
472
00:19:39,413 --> 00:19:41,264
you can treat people
any way you like.
473
00:19:41,349 --> 00:19:43,183
And as a law enforcement
professional,
474
00:19:43,250 --> 00:19:45,302
you have an obligation to be
more ethically upstanding
475
00:19:45,386 --> 00:19:48,638
than the average man, not less.
476
00:19:48,723 --> 00:19:51,408
Now, get the hell
out of my town.
477
00:19:59,517 --> 00:20:01,518
Nice going, Joe!
478
00:20:01,586 --> 00:20:03,687
Well, it's great
being back in the North
479
00:20:03,754 --> 00:20:05,155
where people
are civilized.
480
00:20:05,223 --> 00:20:08,141
Hey, what, are you guys
all on a date?
481
00:20:08,209 --> 00:20:10,177
Gay!
482
00:20:13,581 --> 00:20:15,782
Oh, my God, Peter,
what an experience.
483
00:20:15,850 --> 00:20:18,718
But the important thing is
you're home safe.
484
00:20:18,786 --> 00:20:21,621
Yeah. And you know, I guess I
learned something from all this.
485
00:20:21,689 --> 00:20:23,056
You know what?
486
00:20:23,124 --> 00:20:24,908
We've done this a billion
times, so you know what?
487
00:20:24,976 --> 00:20:27,644
I'm just gonna
do the cadences.
488
00:20:43,761 --> 00:20:47,761
== sync, corrected by elderman ==