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♪ It seems today that all you see ♪
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♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪
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♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
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♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us ♪
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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- Synced and corrected by AlexandreMT -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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Send in Stewie, please.
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Oh, I can go in now?
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Oh, fantastic.
He's ready. Marvelous.
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Thank you, Barbara.
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I hope you get those Adele tickets.
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You deserve them.
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She won't get them. No way.
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She needed to get them,
like, a month ago.
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So, um, is that me over there?
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- If you like.
- Here we go.
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I saw the kid who has cancer leave.
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That must've been fun.
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I don't know why his parents are
still bringing him to school.
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It's uncomfortable for everyone.
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I've never seen him
when he's not just thrown up.
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Charming. This is charming.
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It reminds me of the therapist's
office Bethenny Frankel goes to
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on The Real Housewives of New York City.
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I hate her.
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She looks like a wooden doll you'd find
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in an Eastern European toy shop.
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Oh, don't act
like you don't know who she is.
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Please, that doesn't impress me.
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We live in the world.
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We all know who Bethenny Frankel is,
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whether we like it or not.
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You know, I actually don't mind her.
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And she's built quite a business
for herself.
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You have to hand it to her.
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I don't mean to name-drop,
but I kind of know Andy Cohen.
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I guess I'm his type.
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Which, of course, is very flattering.
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He's outrageously successful.
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He originally wanted me
for The Rachel Zoe Project,
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but I said no, so they went with Brad.
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And now look... that could've
been me on Fashion Police
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with Melissa Rivers 14 times a year.
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Ah, well, hindsight.
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I see the tissue box is empty.
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Somebody was going through those like...
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well, tissues. (CHUCKLES)
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Mm, I hope he didn't get cancer
all over this seat.
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Ugh. Yuck.
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Bad luck.
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Although I did hear
Ryan Reynolds visited him.
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Something to do with Deadpool, I guess.
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So it's not all horrible.
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If they don't give us a day off
when he dies,
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I'm gonna be so pissed.
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Oh, look, you got
your Dunkin' Donuts coffee.
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I don't know why those cups
always depress me.
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It's-it's like you've already given up
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before the day's even started.
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You might as well tattoo
"Can't afford Starbucks"
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on your forehead.
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What do I care, though?
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None of my business.
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I haven't heard of any
of the schools you went to,
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but I'm sure they were great.
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I mean, you're here, right?
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And why are you here, Stewie?
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Uh, that was lame.
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You seem to have
a lot of strong opinions.
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I do. Mostly because
I come across a lot of dicks.
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Or I guess I should say "wankers."
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We do like that word, hmm?
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Or "tosser," "git," "prat,"
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"sod," "chuffer."
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Take your pick, eh, Dr. Pritchfield?
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- "We"?
- Yes, "we."
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I'm not following.
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- The accent.
- The accent?
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You speak with a British accent.
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Yes, I'm aware.
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Well, I've often been told
that I have a British accent.
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Oh?
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That's-that's all you're going to say?
"Oh"?
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What is it you'd like me to say, Stewie?
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That I have a (BLEEP) British accent.
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I apologize, but I can't hear it.
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You mean to tell me
you don't hear me speaking
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- with a British accent right now?
- No.
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That's odd, because everybody else does.
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Have you spent much time
in Britain, then?
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(QUIETLY): No, I haven't.
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- Excuse me?
- I said no!
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But you're the absolute only
person who hasn't noticed it.
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Really? Everyone hears this?
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Well, just the people
who can understand me,
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which you appear to be one of.
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But that's too complicated to go into.
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I'm not even sure I get it.
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The point is,
Stewie has a British accent.
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That's, like, a known thing.
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Ask anyone.
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I'm afraid I don't hear it.
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Yeah, you've said.
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It sounds like it's very important
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what other people think of you.
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Oh, is-is that what it sounds like?
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To me, it does, yes.
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To you it does. I see, I see.
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So after five minutes, you think
you know me, is that it?
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A little, perhaps.
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I am trained, Stewie, to observe things
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that give me an insight.
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And, yes, I do feel I know you a bit.
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You do feel you know me a bit.
Mm-hmm. Okay.
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All right, all right.
Well, that's-that's fair.
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Might I?
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I'm not sure how this is going to help.
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Indulge me.
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Thank you.
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I see you're on vacation
in Rio de Janeiro in this photo
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with your partner, I'm guessing.
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Or is he your husband?
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Yes, probably wanted
to make it official, didn't you?
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Never thought you'd see it
in your lifetime.
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Blah, blah, blah, blah.
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At a quick glance,
I'd say there's roughly
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a 26-year age difference
between the two of you.
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Not quite large enough to raise eyebrows
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while still giving you
a younger mind to shape.
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"Oh, you mean you haven't seen
All About Eve,
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Gypsy, Valley of the Dolls?" Et cetera.
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And a younger body
to make you feel more virile.
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Taking into consideration the math,
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he was probably born at a time
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when the most popular name was...
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- Michael.
- (GASPS)
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From the dog-eared pages
of that volume of Shakespeare,
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I imagine you wooed Michael with
a sonnet or monologue each day.
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And no one had ever done
anything so romantic
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as reciting Shakespeare
for Michael before.
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And he was smitten.
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While not as physically attracted to you
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as you are to him, that's okay...
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You each bring something
important to the relationship.
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Isn't that what you believe,
Dr. Pritchfield?
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I see a prescription
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for heart medication on that table.
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My guess is you keep that at the office.
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You don't want to worry Michael,
you say to yourself,
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even though the truth is
it embarrasses you.
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Your age, your mortality.
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Best to keep appearing
as vital as possible.
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And no need to have reminders at home
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of what's just around
the corner, is there?
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And your office is your haven,
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since Michael doesn't work
and is often at home,
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perhaps as a result
of a low-level depression
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that you don't really want
to get into with him.
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Oh, he always planned to have a career,
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but he could never settle
on exactly what it was
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he wanted to do.
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And at first
you liked having him at home
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to take care of the house
and plan trips.
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So that's just what happened.
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"And that's a job, too,"
he reminds you over the years.
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Michael likes to travel,
and he prefers the finer things.
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And you'd like to give them
to him, wouldn't you?
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But it's a bit difficult
on a child psychologist's salary
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at a Rhode Island preschool,
I'd imagine.
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Fortunately, you don't have children,
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so you do have some disposable income.
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Oh, you have talked about it
with other couples,
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just for show, probably at dinner
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with younger friends of Michael's
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who are starting a family,
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you know,
to be part of the conversation,
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to feel included.
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But you said you preferred your trips
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and your rescue dog
named after a character
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most likely from Dickens.
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Ah, how accomplished and affluent
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you both look in this photo.
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Just the image Michael
is so desperate to project.
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Let's look a little closer, shall we?
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Now, I see you're both wearing
Ralph Lauren Purple Label
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dress shirts
that retail starting at $495.
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But from the disfigured
button holes on one
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and the small discoloration
on the other,
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I can see you bought them
at the outlet in Providence.
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Probably third markdown,
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in which case, $49, give or take.
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Since you also have light jackets on,
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I can see that you went there
during summer vacation,
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which is, in fact, winter in Rio,
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outside of the high tourist season.
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And I see that you're
on the rooftop pool deck
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at the Fasano Hotel in Ipanema,
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the most exclusive hotel
in all of Brazil.
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Michael would've been dying
to stay there.
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Had a friend that went
with his older boyfriend,
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who makes a lot of money
in, most likely, banking,
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much to your chagrin.
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00:07:32,155 --> 00:07:35,123
But even in August,
it's almost $1,000 a night.
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You tell him people are starving
in the streets in Brazil.
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How do you justify paying those prices?
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When the truth is,
you simply can't afford it.
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It's for another class of gay people.
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The window that Michael
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is always desperately peering through
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and sadly on the other side of.
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But you do your best.
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You don't go on Airbnb,
because you don't trust it,
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even though Michael has stories
of friends
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who have found the most fabulous places.
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You like a hotel.
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00:07:57,948 --> 00:07:59,948
Besides, it's more romantic,
you tell him.
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00:07:59,983 --> 00:08:02,317
But when you take him to the
place you're actually staying,
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00:08:02,352 --> 00:08:05,387
the one you found on TripAdvisor
that was rated number 27
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00:08:05,422 --> 00:08:06,888
of all the hotels in Rio
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00:08:06,923 --> 00:08:10,325
and was having a special rate
of 295 U.S. dollars a night...
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00:08:10,360 --> 00:08:12,293
Which is still not cheap,
you remind him,
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00:08:12,329 --> 00:08:14,929
most people never get to visit
half the places he's seen,
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00:08:14,965 --> 00:08:17,799
you tell him... you can't help
but feel like a bit of a failure
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as you see the look
of disappointment on his face
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as he enters the room.
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00:08:21,538 --> 00:08:23,171
So you decide to go to the Fasano Hotel
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00:08:23,206 --> 00:08:25,173
for dinner and drinks. No, just drinks,
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once you've seen
the restaurant prices online.
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And once there, you can see
how Michael begins looking
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at all the older men who can afford
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to take their boyfriends...
I'm sorry, husbands...
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To such luxurious hotels.
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00:08:36,386 --> 00:08:38,120
And you worry a little,
that you're diminishing
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00:08:38,121 --> 00:08:40,088
in his eyes with each passing year.
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00:08:40,123 --> 00:08:42,023
But you tell yourself
you're being ridiculous,
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as you see Michael
glancing about the rooftop deck,
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00:08:44,795 --> 00:08:46,428
looking at all the young men,
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men that would be 20 years
younger than even Michael,
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00:08:49,032 --> 00:08:50,632
men that you're invisible to.
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But he isn't yet, not completely,
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00:08:52,803 --> 00:08:55,937
and you're jealous
and you loathe yourself for it.
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00:08:55,972 --> 00:08:57,305
But Michael wants a photo,
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00:08:57,340 --> 00:08:58,740
and he says, "Let's take a selfie."
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00:08:58,775 --> 00:09:01,209
But you say, "Let's ask someone
to take one of us"
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00:09:01,244 --> 00:09:04,212
and make some tired joke about
selfies that only you laugh at,
250
00:09:04,247 --> 00:09:06,347
wishing that you could take it
out of the air
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00:09:06,383 --> 00:09:09,017
as soon as you've said it,
as it's just one more indicator
252
00:09:09,052 --> 00:09:11,720
that you're older than everybody here.
253
00:09:11,755 --> 00:09:14,756
So Michael calls over a young
man wearing a tiny swimsuit
254
00:09:14,791 --> 00:09:17,926
to take the photo and makes a
crude joke that embarrasses you.
255
00:09:17,961 --> 00:09:19,494
But the young man laughs,
256
00:09:19,529 --> 00:09:21,810
and he and Michael share a
moment that you're not part of.
257
00:09:21,832 --> 00:09:23,798
And you feel humiliated and unseen.
258
00:09:23,834 --> 00:09:25,867
Which explains Michael's joyful grin
259
00:09:25,902 --> 00:09:28,203
and your slightly disconnected
half-smile.
260
00:09:28,238 --> 00:09:30,205
And you've posted the photo on Facebook,
261
00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:33,208
and Michael's posted it to
his 86 followers on Instagram...
262
00:09:33,243 --> 00:09:34,843
You don't know how that one works...
263
00:09:34,878 --> 00:09:36,644
To at least give the impression,
264
00:09:36,680 --> 00:09:38,146
in your Ralph Lauren shirts,
265
00:09:38,181 --> 00:09:40,014
holding your $20 cocktails,
266
00:09:40,050 --> 00:09:42,650
that you're both way more
successful than you are.
267
00:09:42,686 --> 00:09:44,185
But it makes you feel a little dirty,
268
00:09:44,221 --> 00:09:47,188
the lengths you have to go to
in order to keep Michael happy.
269
00:09:47,224 --> 00:09:49,457
And every time you glance
at this picture,
270
00:09:49,493 --> 00:09:52,927
you wonder,
"How long before he leaves me?"
271
00:09:52,963 --> 00:09:56,264
See? I guess we both know
each other a bit.
272
00:09:58,368 --> 00:10:01,336
You seem like a very lonely little boy.
273
00:10:01,371 --> 00:10:03,738
(SOBBING): Oh, my God, I am!
274
00:10:03,774 --> 00:10:05,573
I'm so lonely!
275
00:10:05,609 --> 00:10:07,675
(SOBBING)
276
00:10:07,711 --> 00:10:09,010
Oh!
277
00:10:09,045 --> 00:10:12,413
You can see inside my soul!
278
00:10:13,450 --> 00:10:15,950
Oh, God!
279
00:10:15,986 --> 00:10:17,418
(SOBBING)
280
00:10:17,454 --> 00:10:19,420
(DOOR OPENS)
281
00:10:20,457 --> 00:10:21,457
(SNIFFLING)
282
00:10:21,458 --> 00:10:22,590
Thank you.
283
00:10:22,626 --> 00:10:25,059
Thank you, Barbara.
284
00:10:29,132 --> 00:10:31,432
Are you all right now, Stewie?
285
00:10:31,468 --> 00:10:32,834
Yes, I think. (SNIFFLES)
286
00:10:32,869 --> 00:10:34,369
You're very kind.
287
00:10:34,404 --> 00:10:36,304
She's a gem, that one, you know.
288
00:10:36,339 --> 00:10:37,639
I hope you appreciate her.
289
00:10:37,674 --> 00:10:39,808
Try taking some deep breaths.
290
00:10:40,844 --> 00:10:43,545
(INHALES, EXHALES DEEPLY)
291
00:10:43,580 --> 00:10:46,014
(INHALES, SIGHS)
292
00:10:46,049 --> 00:10:47,749
I do this sometimes in yoga.
293
00:10:47,818 --> 00:10:49,017
(INHALES)
294
00:10:49,052 --> 00:10:50,151
I take yoga.
295
00:10:50,187 --> 00:10:51,686
(EXHALES, INHALES)
296
00:10:51,721 --> 00:10:52,921
I have a sick body.
297
00:10:52,989 --> 00:10:54,823
(EXHALES, INHALES)
298
00:10:54,858 --> 00:10:56,324
(EXHALES)
299
00:10:56,359 --> 00:10:58,927
I do... I do feel a bit better.
300
00:10:58,962 --> 00:11:00,929
But still lonely.
301
00:11:00,964 --> 00:11:02,897
I'm sorry. It keeps spilling out.
302
00:11:02,933 --> 00:11:05,533
(CRYING): Oh, God. Oh, God.
303
00:11:05,569 --> 00:11:08,670
It seems like you're keeping
a lot bottled up inside.
304
00:11:08,705 --> 00:11:11,639
I am. Nobody here likes me,
Dr. Pritchfield.
305
00:11:11,675 --> 00:11:13,775
I try to fit in with the other boys
306
00:11:13,810 --> 00:11:15,977
and talk about things
like dirt and shapes,
307
00:11:16,012 --> 00:11:17,445
but they won't play with me.
308
00:11:17,480 --> 00:11:19,113
And I-I don't have any friends,
309
00:11:19,149 --> 00:11:21,416
and I have nobody to eat lunch with.
310
00:11:21,451 --> 00:11:23,652
It's very interesting you'd say
that you have no friends,
311
00:11:23,653 --> 00:11:26,821
Stewie, especially considering
the reason you're here.
312
00:11:26,857 --> 00:11:28,323
Oh. That.
313
00:11:28,358 --> 00:11:29,991
Shall we talk about it?
314
00:11:30,026 --> 00:11:31,726
I don't know
what there is to talk about.
315
00:11:31,761 --> 00:11:34,195
You pushed a classmate down the stairs.
316
00:11:34,231 --> 00:11:36,898
It was an accident.
Haven't you ever seen Showgirls?
317
00:11:36,933 --> 00:11:39,300
Yes, of course I have.
But according to Tyler,
318
00:11:39,336 --> 00:11:40,869
it was no accident.
319
00:11:40,904 --> 00:11:43,171
Well, I guess it's my word
against his, then.
320
00:11:43,206 --> 00:11:45,173
It is creating
a bit of a con-trah-versy.
321
00:11:45,208 --> 00:11:46,975
- Excuse me?
- A con-trah-versy.
322
00:11:47,010 --> 00:11:49,244
- I don't know what that is.
- Con-trah-versy?
323
00:11:49,279 --> 00:11:50,812
"Con-trah-versy"?
324
00:11:50,847 --> 00:11:52,914
Oh! Oh, "con-troversy."
325
00:11:52,949 --> 00:11:55,650
Apologies.
Those of us with British accents
326
00:11:55,685 --> 00:11:57,185
pronounce it "con-trah-versy."
327
00:11:57,220 --> 00:11:58,720
But how would you know that?
328
00:11:58,755 --> 00:11:59,921
Yeah, how would I know that?
329
00:11:59,956 --> 00:12:01,189
Look, Dr. Pritchfield...
330
00:12:01,224 --> 00:12:02,724
"Cee-cil," if I may?
331
00:12:02,759 --> 00:12:04,392
It's pronounced "Cess-il."
332
00:12:04,427 --> 00:12:06,194
- Damn it!
- But, again, how would you know?
333
00:12:06,229 --> 00:12:08,930
- It's not as if you're...
- Okay, okay, we got it.
334
00:12:08,965 --> 00:12:11,199
I only pushed Tyler down
the stairs because I like him
335
00:12:11,234 --> 00:12:12,767
and I'm afraid he won't like me back.
336
00:12:12,802 --> 00:12:15,236
And-and not like him-like him.
I'm not gay.
337
00:12:15,272 --> 00:12:17,839
This whole thing isn't because
I'm gay, so-so calm down.
338
00:12:17,874 --> 00:12:19,908
I can already see you
lickin' your chops.
339
00:12:19,943 --> 00:12:22,977
I'm sure you live
for the coming out sessions.
340
00:12:23,013 --> 00:12:25,580
If anything,
I'm less gay than I used to be.
341
00:12:25,615 --> 00:12:27,916
Not that anybody
at this school would care.
342
00:12:27,951 --> 00:12:30,451
But do I think that
Grant Gustin and I would make
343
00:12:30,487 --> 00:12:32,120
the most adorable Instagram couple?
344
00:12:32,155 --> 00:12:34,088
Yes. Yes, we would.
345
00:12:34,124 --> 00:12:37,125
Grant Gustin plays the Flash on
the CW, if you were wondering.
346
00:12:37,160 --> 00:12:39,227
Because, you know, most people over 70
347
00:12:39,262 --> 00:12:41,462
probably don't know who he is.
348
00:12:41,498 --> 00:12:44,032
Think young Anthony Perkins.
349
00:12:44,067 --> 00:12:45,767
Ah. Oh.
350
00:12:45,802 --> 00:12:47,302
There we go.
351
00:12:47,337 --> 00:12:48,903
Anyway, "fluid" is something I hear
352
00:12:48,939 --> 00:12:50,471
being tossed around a lot now.
353
00:12:50,507 --> 00:12:52,874
But I'm confident in my heterosexuality.
354
00:12:52,909 --> 00:12:55,143
- That's a word, right?
- Yes, of course.
355
00:12:55,178 --> 00:12:57,946
Okay, just sounded strange for a second.
356
00:12:57,981 --> 00:13:01,516
It must be difficult for you,
Stewie, being so intelligent.
357
00:13:01,551 --> 00:13:02,984
It is.
358
00:13:03,019 --> 00:13:05,186
Whew! Just that...
359
00:13:05,221 --> 00:13:07,188
just that acknowledgment.
360
00:13:07,223 --> 00:13:10,091
You know, sometimes
I don't know where I fit in.
361
00:13:10,126 --> 00:13:13,761
I just... I just want
to be like everybody else,
362
00:13:13,797 --> 00:13:16,931
but nobody's interested in the
things that I'm interested in.
363
00:13:16,967 --> 00:13:18,333
They think I'm weird.
364
00:13:18,368 --> 00:13:20,101
And I'm so anxious all the time,
365
00:13:20,136 --> 00:13:23,237
but I... I always put on
a brave face and try to hide it,
366
00:13:23,273 --> 00:13:25,606
and I... I give myself
these excruciating migraines.
367
00:13:25,675 --> 00:13:28,142
I actually have way more hair than this,
368
00:13:28,178 --> 00:13:30,378
but I pull it out.
369
00:13:30,413 --> 00:13:32,647
I'm sorry, now I'm getting
all worked up again.
370
00:13:32,682 --> 00:13:34,716
I'm worse than Bethenny Frankel
on her period.
371
00:13:34,751 --> 00:13:36,584
I don't why I keep bringing her up.
372
00:13:36,619 --> 00:13:38,886
I j... it's just I think
about her a lot.
373
00:13:38,955 --> 00:13:41,689
Well, what are the things
you're interested in, Stewie?
374
00:13:41,725 --> 00:13:44,459
Me? Well, I like to talk
about world domination.
375
00:13:44,494 --> 00:13:47,228
Some people don't think
I talk about it enough anymore,
376
00:13:47,263 --> 00:13:50,064
but mind your own beeswax
is what I say to them.
377
00:13:50,100 --> 00:13:52,200
I also like to talk about musicals.
378
00:13:52,235 --> 00:13:54,502
It's hard to find someone
who can converse
379
00:13:54,537 --> 00:13:56,571
on one of those topics, let alone both.
380
00:13:56,606 --> 00:13:58,873
And I really, really,
really want to see Hamilton,
381
00:13:58,908 --> 00:14:01,409
but by the time
it gets here, I'll be 30.
382
00:14:01,444 --> 00:14:04,312
I think I'm still the only one
in town who's even (HICCUPS)
383
00:14:04,347 --> 00:14:06,948
heard of it, and it's been out
for over two years.
384
00:14:06,983 --> 00:14:09,317
Which just makes me
even more (HICCUPS) depressed.
385
00:14:09,352 --> 00:14:11,619
How do you live in a place like that?
386
00:14:11,654 --> 00:14:13,488
Quahog. What a pile of garbage.
387
00:14:13,523 --> 00:14:15,356
And I've even memorized
some of the songs,
388
00:14:15,392 --> 00:14:18,292
but I have no one to sing
it for, and I'm really good.
389
00:14:18,328 --> 00:14:20,561
- Do you want to hear it?
- Oh. Um...
390
00:14:20,597 --> 00:14:22,163
Y-You mean now?
391
00:14:22,198 --> 00:14:25,199
I really... I really need you
to hear me sing Hamilton.
392
00:14:25,235 --> 00:14:28,136
(CRYING): I'm so good.
Why can't I be on Broadway?
393
00:14:28,171 --> 00:14:29,737
I want to be on Broadway.
394
00:14:29,773 --> 00:14:33,274
I want the world to fall in love
with me eight times a week.
395
00:14:33,309 --> 00:14:35,176
I'd love to hear you sing.
396
00:14:35,211 --> 00:14:37,245
Okay, okay, now I'm nervous.
397
00:14:37,280 --> 00:14:40,448
If it's not good this time, just
remember it was good at home.
398
00:14:40,483 --> 00:14:42,316
Don't look at me while I start.
399
00:14:42,352 --> 00:14:43,551
It's hard.
400
00:14:43,586 --> 00:14:45,620
It's a lot of words very fast.
401
00:14:45,655 --> 00:14:48,456
Like Gilbert and Sullivan,
but for Hispanics.
402
00:14:48,491 --> 00:14:50,591
(TAKES DEEP BREATH)
403
00:14:50,627 --> 00:14:53,661
(RAPPING): ♪ How does a bastard orphan ♪
404
00:14:53,696 --> 00:14:55,396
♪ Son of (HICCUPS) a whore ♪
405
00:14:55,432 --> 00:14:57,665
♪ And a Scotsman dropped in the middle ♪
406
00:14:57,700 --> 00:15:00,268
♪ Of a forgotten spot in the Caribbean ♪
407
00:15:00,303 --> 00:15:04,005
♪ By providence impoverished
in squalor grow up to be ♪
408
00:15:04,040 --> 00:15:05,807
♪ A hero and a scholar? ♪ (HICCUPS)
409
00:15:05,842 --> 00:15:08,476
♪ The ten dollar Founding Father
without a father ♪
410
00:15:08,511 --> 00:15:11,479
♪ Got a lot farther
by working a lot harder ♪
411
00:15:11,514 --> 00:15:13,214
♪ By being a lot smarter ♪
412
00:15:13,249 --> 00:15:15,149
♪ By being a self-starter ♪ (HICCUPS)
413
00:15:15,185 --> 00:15:18,920
♪ By 14, they placed him
in charge of a trading charter ♪
414
00:15:18,955 --> 00:15:21,389
♪ And every day while slaves
were being slaughtered ♪
415
00:15:21,424 --> 00:15:23,991
♪ And carted away
across the waves ♪ (HICCUPS)
416
00:15:24,027 --> 00:15:25,626
♪ He struggled and kept his guard up ♪
417
00:15:25,662 --> 00:15:28,563
♪ Inside, he was longing
for something to be a part of ♪
418
00:15:28,598 --> 00:15:31,032
♪ The brother was ready
(HICCUPS) to beg, steal ♪
419
00:15:31,067 --> 00:15:32,500
♪ Borrow or barter ♪
420
00:15:32,535 --> 00:15:35,536
♪ Then a hurricane came
and devastation reigned ♪
421
00:15:35,572 --> 00:15:37,738
♪ Our man saw
his future drip ♪ (HICCUPS)
422
00:15:37,774 --> 00:15:40,608
♪ Dripping down the drain,
put a pencil to his temple ♪
423
00:15:40,643 --> 00:15:42,343
♪ Connected it to his brain ♪
424
00:15:42,378 --> 00:15:44,078
♪ And he wrote his first refrain ♪
425
00:15:44,114 --> 00:15:46,414
♪ A testament to his pain... ♪
426
00:15:46,449 --> 00:15:47,782
(SNIFFLES)
427
00:15:49,586 --> 00:15:51,185
(HICCUPS, SNIFFLES)
428
00:15:52,188 --> 00:15:53,221
(HICCUPS)
429
00:15:53,256 --> 00:15:54,989
♪ Well, the word got around ♪
430
00:15:55,024 --> 00:15:57,125
♪ And they said,
"This kid is insane, man" ♪
431
00:15:57,160 --> 00:16:00,428
♪ Took up a collection just
to send him to the mainland ♪
432
00:16:00,463 --> 00:16:01,762
(HICCUPS) ♪ Get your education ♪
433
00:16:01,798 --> 00:16:03,464
♪ Don't forget from whence you came ♪
434
00:16:03,500 --> 00:16:05,900
♪ And the world's gonna know your name ♪
435
00:16:05,935 --> 00:16:07,368
♪ What's your name, man? ♪
436
00:16:07,403 --> 00:16:09,570
♪ Alexander Hamilton ♪ (HICCUPS)
437
00:16:09,606 --> 00:16:12,106
♪ My name is Alexander Hamilton ♪
438
00:16:12,142 --> 00:16:15,176
♪ And there's a million things
I haven't done ♪
439
00:16:15,211 --> 00:16:17,879
♪ But just you wait, just you wait. ♪
440
00:16:17,914 --> 00:16:19,213
(HICCUPS)
441
00:16:19,249 --> 00:16:21,883
That's all I've learned so far.
442
00:16:21,918 --> 00:16:23,618
Well done!
443
00:16:23,653 --> 00:16:26,320
You're a very special
little boy, Stewie.
444
00:16:26,356 --> 00:16:28,356
I saw you check your watch.
445
00:16:28,391 --> 00:16:30,458
That was a bit emotional
for you, wasn't it?
446
00:16:30,493 --> 00:16:33,928
But it felt good. Like-like,
I got so much out, you know?
447
00:16:33,963 --> 00:16:37,632
- Would you like a cup of tea?
- I would love a cup of tea.
448
00:16:41,237 --> 00:16:43,304
It's hot already?
449
00:16:43,339 --> 00:16:45,439
Yes, it's an electric kettle.
450
00:16:45,475 --> 00:16:47,275
We don't have that at our house.
451
00:16:47,310 --> 00:16:50,378
My mother boils water
in an old Jiffy Pop tin.
452
00:16:50,413 --> 00:16:52,413
She's just a useless old slut.
453
00:16:52,448 --> 00:16:54,448
Hey, my hiccups are gone!
454
00:16:54,484 --> 00:16:57,518
If you liked Tyler and you
wanted to be friends with him,
455
00:16:57,554 --> 00:17:00,087
then why did you
push him down the stairs?
456
00:17:00,123 --> 00:17:03,357
Oh. I... I don't know.
457
00:17:03,393 --> 00:17:06,294
Can I tell you a story
about another little boy?
458
00:17:06,329 --> 00:17:08,129
Um, okay.
459
00:17:08,164 --> 00:17:10,398
When I was your age, I grew up in London
460
00:17:10,433 --> 00:17:13,467
- when the Blitz had just ended.
- Good God, how old are you?
461
00:17:13,503 --> 00:17:16,204
Our neighborhood was reduced to rubble.
462
00:17:16,239 --> 00:17:19,574
♪ ♪
463
00:17:19,609 --> 00:17:23,077
And in the chaos, I searched
desperately for my parents.
464
00:17:24,314 --> 00:17:26,247
Mum. Mum.
465
00:17:26,282 --> 00:17:28,082
Mother. Mother.
466
00:17:28,117 --> 00:17:30,084
Mum. Mummy.
467
00:17:30,119 --> 00:17:32,954
Mummy. Mummy. Mummy.
468
00:17:32,989 --> 00:17:35,423
Mummy. Mum. Mother.
469
00:17:35,458 --> 00:17:37,258
- STEWIE: Don't.
- PRITCHFIELD: Don't what?
470
00:17:37,293 --> 00:17:38,793
STEWIE: You know what.
471
00:17:38,828 --> 00:17:40,895
PRITCHFIELD: But Mother
was nowhere to be found.
472
00:17:40,930 --> 00:17:43,931
And neither was Father.
473
00:17:43,967 --> 00:17:47,368
You see, I was
the sole survivor of my family.
474
00:17:47,403 --> 00:17:49,804
So I was sent to live
with an aunt in Cornwall.
475
00:17:49,839 --> 00:17:53,608
But she had too many mouths
of her own to feed, so...
476
00:17:53,643 --> 00:17:56,944
I was next sent to a distant
cousin in Northumberland.
477
00:17:56,980 --> 00:17:58,713
But she didn't care for children,
478
00:17:58,748 --> 00:18:00,348
and off again I went,
479
00:18:00,383 --> 00:18:02,717
this time to an orphanage
in Gloucestershire.
480
00:18:02,752 --> 00:18:04,151
But they didn't like little boys
481
00:18:04,187 --> 00:18:05,486
from London in Gloucestershire.
482
00:18:05,521 --> 00:18:07,622
Or from Cornwall or Northumberland.
483
00:18:07,657 --> 00:18:10,791
So I pretended I was from
Shropshire, of all places.
484
00:18:10,827 --> 00:18:13,961
And eventually,
I became friends with six boys:
485
00:18:13,997 --> 00:18:16,964
Sebastian, Declan, Flibbit, Pipadoodle,
486
00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:19,800
Scudger and Nonsenseword.
487
00:18:19,836 --> 00:18:21,302
And together, we traveled...
488
00:18:21,337 --> 00:18:23,305
STEWIE: Okay, before you say
another name of anything,
489
00:18:23,306 --> 00:18:24,739
I'm going to have to stop you.
490
00:18:24,774 --> 00:18:26,841
- Yes?
- I'm only here for 40 minutes,
491
00:18:26,876 --> 00:18:28,976
and this is already a really long story
492
00:18:29,012 --> 00:18:30,778
with a lot of locations.
493
00:18:30,813 --> 00:18:34,015
And I don't feel like waiting to
see how it links up to my thing.
494
00:18:34,050 --> 00:18:35,650
The point of the story is,
495
00:18:35,685 --> 00:18:37,652
I know what it's like to feel alone
496
00:18:37,687 --> 00:18:40,154
and to have to pretend that
you're something you're not.
497
00:18:40,189 --> 00:18:44,825
Oh, and also, how my first kiss
was with a Nazi.
498
00:18:44,894 --> 00:18:47,495
See? We didn't need
to go back 1,000 years for that.
499
00:18:47,530 --> 00:18:49,263
And I don't pretend
I'm something I'm not.
500
00:18:49,299 --> 00:18:51,198
- I never said that.
- You just said it.
501
00:18:51,234 --> 00:18:52,967
I might have implied it.
502
00:18:53,002 --> 00:18:56,971
I suppose the question is why
you feel the need to do that.
503
00:18:57,006 --> 00:18:59,273
I... I don't know.
504
00:18:59,309 --> 00:19:02,443
I-I guess I hadn't realized it before.
505
00:19:02,478 --> 00:19:05,946
Maybe I'm worried
nobody's going to like me.
506
00:19:05,982 --> 00:19:08,482
Lois left a tissue in the dryer again.
507
00:19:08,518 --> 00:19:11,619
And these are my only pants.
How sad is that?
508
00:19:11,654 --> 00:19:14,922
When I was in the orphanage,
my Sunday shoes were potatoes.
509
00:19:14,957 --> 00:19:16,624
Well, you win that one.
510
00:19:16,659 --> 00:19:18,392
Look, I'm different, Dr. Pritchfield.
511
00:19:18,428 --> 00:19:20,061
I'm not like the other kids.
512
00:19:20,096 --> 00:19:22,330
I realized that
when you picked up that photo
513
00:19:22,365 --> 00:19:24,332
and decimated my entire life.
514
00:19:24,367 --> 00:19:26,567
Sorry. It's kind of
a parlor trick of mine.
515
00:19:26,602 --> 00:19:28,502
Have you ever thought
of just being yourself...
516
00:19:28,538 --> 00:19:31,539
Your real self...
And then see what happens?
517
00:19:31,574 --> 00:19:34,041
I... I don't think I know how.
518
00:19:34,077 --> 00:19:37,545
Everything about me is this
carefully-constructed persona
519
00:19:37,580 --> 00:19:39,447
designed to keep people at arm's length.
520
00:19:39,482 --> 00:19:41,649
This isn't even how I really talk.
521
00:19:41,684 --> 00:19:44,452
(WITH AMERICAN ACCENT):
This is. This is how I talk.
522
00:19:44,487 --> 00:19:46,620
The accent is-is nothing more
than an affectation,
523
00:19:46,656 --> 00:19:49,056
a-a coat of armor
to get me through the day,
524
00:19:49,092 --> 00:19:51,659
just an image I cultivated
so I could feel special.
525
00:19:51,694 --> 00:19:53,294
(EXHALES)
526
00:19:53,329 --> 00:19:56,130
Wow. What a relief.
527
00:19:56,165 --> 00:19:58,432
For once, to talk with my real voice
528
00:19:58,468 --> 00:20:00,000
without the... the burden
529
00:20:00,069 --> 00:20:01,902
of trying to sound like someone I'm not.
530
00:20:01,938 --> 00:20:04,538
- What do you mean by that?
- Well, this is my real voice.
531
00:20:04,574 --> 00:20:06,173
I don't hear a difference.
532
00:20:06,209 --> 00:20:08,490
(IN PETER'S VOICE): How about
now? You freakin' hear that?
533
00:20:08,511 --> 00:20:10,379
(AS QUAGMIRE): What about now?
Sound different? Giggity?
534
00:20:10,380 --> 00:20:11,612
(AS BRIAN): What about now?
535
00:20:11,647 --> 00:20:13,327
(AS TOM TUCKER):
Coming up now, this voice.
536
00:20:13,349 --> 00:20:14,515
(AS SEAMUS): Ahoy. It's me.
537
00:20:14,550 --> 00:20:16,550
(AS ROGER): And I'm a gay alien.
538
00:20:16,586 --> 00:20:19,520
I'm sorry. That just all sounds
like the same person.
539
00:20:24,961 --> 00:20:28,162
Well, Stewie, that was quite
a breakthrough we just had.
540
00:20:28,197 --> 00:20:29,830
How do you feel?
541
00:20:29,866 --> 00:20:33,100
(IN AMERICAN ACCENT):
I feel... relieved,
542
00:20:33,136 --> 00:20:34,802
like a weight has been lifted.
543
00:20:34,837 --> 00:20:36,637
I-I can finally be myself.
544
00:20:36,672 --> 00:20:38,672
I like this Stewie.
545
00:20:38,708 --> 00:20:40,775
I hope he stays for a while.
546
00:20:40,810 --> 00:20:44,245
I-I've never been vulnerable
to anyone before.
547
00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:46,881
You're the only one
who's ever met the real me.
548
00:20:46,916 --> 00:20:48,249
Well, I'm honored, and now,
549
00:20:48,284 --> 00:20:50,484
the rest of the world is going
to meet him.
550
00:20:50,520 --> 00:20:52,019
Yes. Yes, that's right.
551
00:20:52,054 --> 00:20:53,854
There's no going back now!
552
00:20:53,890 --> 00:20:56,056
I'm gonna talk to Tyler.
I'm gonna make friends.
553
00:20:56,092 --> 00:20:57,625
I'm gonna be a normal boy!
554
00:20:57,660 --> 00:20:59,360
Yes, you are.
555
00:20:59,395 --> 00:21:01,695
You're finally going
to be just like everybody else.
556
00:21:01,731 --> 00:21:05,199
Wha-what? Say-say that again.
557
00:21:05,234 --> 00:21:08,235
You're finally going
to be just like everybody else.
558
00:21:08,271 --> 00:21:10,871
But... But I don't...
559
00:21:10,907 --> 00:21:14,475
(IN HIS BRITISH ACCENT): I don't
want to be like everybody else.
560
00:21:14,510 --> 00:21:15,709
What do you mean?
561
00:21:15,745 --> 00:21:17,578
I-I don't want to be like them.
562
00:21:17,647 --> 00:21:20,815
Like any other zero in this
miserable town, like my family.
563
00:21:20,850 --> 00:21:23,851
I won't do it! I don't want
to be like any other person!
564
00:21:23,886 --> 00:21:25,052
Like you skiing in...
565
00:21:25,087 --> 00:21:26,654
Please don't pick up that photo.
566
00:21:26,689 --> 00:21:28,622
I want to remain
what I've always been...
567
00:21:28,658 --> 00:21:30,891
Superior, brilliant, special.
568
00:21:30,927 --> 00:21:32,726
Oh, God, what was I thinking?!
569
00:21:32,762 --> 00:21:35,196
I'm never going to lift the veil, ever.
570
00:21:35,231 --> 00:21:37,832
Nobody will ever know the real me.
571
00:21:37,867 --> 00:21:39,266
My accent's back, by the way.
572
00:21:39,302 --> 00:21:40,768
It was a very dramatic moment.
573
00:21:40,803 --> 00:21:42,803
If you say so.
574
00:21:42,839 --> 00:21:47,839
Now, let's talk about... (GROANING)
575
00:21:51,814 --> 00:21:55,082
Stewie, can you hand me
my heart medication, please?
576
00:21:55,117 --> 00:21:57,151
Of course!
577
00:21:57,186 --> 00:21:59,687
Except...
578
00:21:59,722 --> 00:22:02,256
there's one person
that does know the real me,
579
00:22:02,291 --> 00:22:04,358
and that's you.
580
00:22:04,393 --> 00:22:05,659
I don't understand.
581
00:22:05,695 --> 00:22:08,062
Why aren't you getting my medication?
582
00:22:08,097 --> 00:22:09,964
(INHALES SHARPLY) Mm, yeah.
583
00:22:09,999 --> 00:22:12,566
Listen, you're not gonna like this.
584
00:22:12,602 --> 00:22:14,602
Please, there's not much time.
585
00:22:14,637 --> 00:22:17,304
I'd like to, really I would,
and you were super helpful,
586
00:22:17,340 --> 00:22:20,307
and this... this kind of seems
like a crummy way to repay you,
587
00:22:20,343 --> 00:22:22,109
but... I'm not going to get it.
588
00:22:22,144 --> 00:22:24,278
Is this because I made you wait?
589
00:22:24,313 --> 00:22:26,680
It's because I can't have anyone
know the real me.
590
00:22:26,716 --> 00:22:28,382
And so, you must die.
591
00:22:28,417 --> 00:22:30,951
I guess that's what happens
in therapy, though.
592
00:22:30,987 --> 00:22:33,120
No, it's not!
593
00:22:33,155 --> 00:22:35,122
Ah, you're right.
That didn't make much sense.
594
00:22:35,157 --> 00:22:36,657
Not to sound ghoulish,
595
00:22:36,692 --> 00:22:39,293
but any indication how much
longer you're going to linger?
596
00:22:39,328 --> 00:22:40,594
I'm not sure.
597
00:22:40,630 --> 00:22:42,330
(GASPING) I think
it's different for everyone.
598
00:22:42,331 --> 00:22:43,999
Yeah, because you're still
pretty chatty, is...
599
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:45,132
is why I'm wondering.
600
00:22:45,167 --> 00:22:46,667
Don't do this, Stewie!
601
00:22:46,702 --> 00:22:48,302
It will stay with you forever.
602
00:22:48,337 --> 00:22:51,305
Mm, yeah, not worried.
For me, this is kind of no bigs.
603
00:22:51,340 --> 00:22:53,641
Barbara! Barbara!
604
00:22:53,676 --> 00:22:55,342
Oh, didn't you hear her go to lunch?
605
00:22:55,378 --> 00:22:57,678
It was like an orchestra
of squeaky chair springs
606
00:22:57,713 --> 00:23:00,080
and groaning floorboards
playing her out.
607
00:23:00,116 --> 00:23:03,017
So... this is how you leave me.
608
00:23:03,052 --> 00:23:04,752
Sowwy.
609
00:23:07,590 --> 00:23:10,724
"Eyes, look your last!
610
00:23:10,760 --> 00:23:14,128
"Arms, take your last embrace.
611
00:23:14,163 --> 00:23:16,230
"And lips, O, you,
612
00:23:16,265 --> 00:23:19,600
"the doors of breath,
seal with a righteous kiss,
613
00:23:19,635 --> 00:23:24,635
a dateless bargain to engrossing death!"
614
00:23:24,907 --> 00:23:26,874
(GROANS)
615
00:23:28,444 --> 00:23:30,144
Macbeth?
616
00:23:30,212 --> 00:23:32,012
Romeo and Juliet.
617
00:23:32,048 --> 00:23:34,615
But I wouldn't expect you to know,
618
00:23:34,650 --> 00:23:37,851
since you're not in any way...
619
00:23:37,887 --> 00:23:39,253
(WHEEZING)
620
00:23:39,288 --> 00:23:40,654
British.
621
00:23:40,723 --> 00:23:43,824
(GROANS)
622
00:23:46,362 --> 00:23:48,529
I feel less bad.
623
00:23:48,564 --> 00:23:50,764
(PHONE RINGING)
624
00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:53,801
You've reached the office
of Dr. Cecil Pritchfield.
625
00:23:53,836 --> 00:23:55,736
Please leave a mess-age.
626
00:23:55,771 --> 00:23:57,571
That one can't be right.
627
00:23:57,607 --> 00:24:00,441
- (BEEP)
- It's Michael. I want a divorce.
628
00:24:00,476 --> 00:24:02,643
This is not your day.
629
00:24:10,920 --> 00:24:12,553
(SCREAMS)
630
00:24:12,588 --> 00:24:14,455
Hey, you okay?
631
00:24:14,490 --> 00:24:17,157
Yes, Rupert just had
a nightmare, that's all.
632
00:24:17,193 --> 00:24:19,860
Go sleep on the floor
where you belong, whore!
633
00:24:19,895 --> 00:24:22,129
- All right, well...
- Hey... hey, Bri?
634
00:24:22,164 --> 00:24:23,831
Yeah?
635
00:24:23,866 --> 00:24:27,001
Would you mind maybe
sleeping with me tonight?
636
00:24:27,036 --> 00:24:29,036
- Sure.
- Thanks.
637
00:24:31,107 --> 00:24:33,574
Good night, Stewie.
638
00:24:33,609 --> 00:24:35,576
'Night, Brian.
639
00:24:36,979 --> 00:24:38,912
- Brian?
- Yeah?
640
00:24:38,948 --> 00:24:41,548
I did something awful.
641
00:24:41,584 --> 00:24:43,884
Do you want to talk about it?
642
00:24:43,953 --> 00:24:45,919
No.
643
00:24:50,259 --> 00:24:52,259
♪ ♪
644
00:24:54,547 --> 00:24:57,547
- Synced and corrected by AlexandreMT -
- www.addic7ed.com -