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00:00:02,653 --> 00:00:03,955
Valentine's Day:
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00:00:04,055 --> 00:00:05,305
a day of love,
3
00:00:05,340 --> 00:00:07,457
right in the middle
of Black History Month.
4
00:00:07,475 --> 00:00:09,559
There are a thousand hearts
in Quahog,
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00:00:09,594 --> 00:00:11,278
a thousand stories.
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00:00:11,312 --> 00:00:13,397
Some people don't have
any stories.
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00:00:13,431 --> 00:00:14,965
Others got two.
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00:00:14,983 --> 00:00:16,416
Anyway, here's a song your
girlfriend probably likes.
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00:00:16,451 --> 00:00:20,687
♪ I got a feeling
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00:00:20,722 --> 00:00:23,807
♪ That tonight's gonna be
a good night ♪
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00:00:23,841 --> 00:00:28,161
♪ That tonight's
gonna be a good night ♪
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00:00:28,196 --> 00:00:29,813
I'm afraid I have
some terrible news:
13
00:00:31,149 --> 00:00:33,834
I have dinner reservations
and no one to go with.
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00:00:33,868 --> 00:00:35,786
♪ Tonight's the night
15
00:00:35,820 --> 00:00:37,688
♪ Let's live it up
16
00:00:37,722 --> 00:00:39,656
♪ I got my money
17
00:00:39,674 --> 00:00:42,793
Hi, I'll be
your wife's nurse.
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00:00:42,827 --> 00:00:43,948
Would you excuse me
a second?
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00:00:46,381 --> 00:00:47,381
Okay, I'm back.
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00:00:47,415 --> 00:00:49,316
♪ Here we come,
here we go ♪
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00:00:49,350 --> 00:00:51,168
♪ We gotta rock
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00:00:51,202 --> 00:00:53,754
♪ I know that
we'll have a ball ♪
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♪ If we get down and go out
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00:00:55,690 --> 00:00:58,025
♪ And just lose it all
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00:00:58,059 --> 00:01:01,194
♪ I feel stressed out,
I wanna let it go ♪
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00:01:01,229 --> 00:01:03,363
♪ Let's go way out, spaced out
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00:01:03,398 --> 00:01:05,565
♪ Losing all control
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00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:07,167
♪ Fill up my cup
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00:01:07,201 --> 00:01:09,519
♪ Mazel tov
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00:01:09,554 --> 00:01:10,971
♪ Look at her dancing
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00:01:11,005 --> 00:01:12,539
♪ Just take it
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00:01:12,573 --> 00:01:13,874
♪ Off.
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00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:20,664
Peter, are you ready
for your Valentine's gift?
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00:01:21,933 --> 00:01:24,835
No, but I'm ready for therapy.
35
00:01:24,860 --> 00:01:28,860
♪ Family Guy 11x12 ♪
Valentine's Day in Quahog
Original Air Date on February 10, 2013
36
00:01:28,885 --> 00:01:33,885
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
37
00:01:40,335 --> 00:01:42,269
Peter, you awake?
38
00:01:42,320 --> 00:01:44,438
It's a beautiful day.
39
00:01:44,472 --> 00:01:46,273
Um, yeah, I'm just glad
I didn't die
40
00:01:46,307 --> 00:01:48,091
from the weird
sleep-breathing thing I have.
41
00:01:56,551 --> 00:01:58,902
You know, Peter, since
it's Valentine's Day
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00:01:58,920 --> 00:02:00,737
I was thinking
let's do something
43
00:02:00,772 --> 00:02:02,272
we've never
done before.
44
00:02:02,306 --> 00:02:03,990
Release the virus?
45
00:02:04,025 --> 00:02:06,827
No, I was thinking we could
spend the whole day in bed.
46
00:02:06,861 --> 00:02:08,528
Oh, that's a great idea.
47
00:02:08,563 --> 00:02:12,432
Permission to begin a day of
epic lovemaking, sexy lady.
48
00:02:12,467 --> 00:02:14,634
Permission
granted, sir.
49
00:02:14,669 --> 00:02:16,837
And if I need help,
I'll just fantasize
50
00:02:16,871 --> 00:02:18,939
about that Victorian stripper.
51
00:02:18,973 --> 00:02:20,674
Yeah, you slut.
52
00:02:20,708 --> 00:02:23,593
Doth the magistrate know
what you're doing tonight?
53
00:02:23,628 --> 00:02:24,861
Good.
54
00:02:24,896 --> 00:02:28,415
Now, undo the top six buttons
of your 100-button shoes.
55
00:02:34,238 --> 00:02:35,372
Wow, Meg,
you look nice.
56
00:02:35,406 --> 00:02:36,606
You got a date?
57
00:02:36,641 --> 00:02:39,009
Yeah, I totally hit it
off with this great guy
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00:02:39,043 --> 00:02:40,963
in the Internet, and we're
finally going to meet.
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00:02:40,978 --> 00:02:43,080
Okay, remember to ask
questions about him.
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00:02:43,114 --> 00:02:46,183
Seem interested.
Listen. Giggle.
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00:02:46,217 --> 00:02:47,467
Swallow.
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00:02:48,519 --> 00:02:49,619
Oh, my God,
that's him.
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00:02:51,506 --> 00:02:52,472
Toby?
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00:02:52,507 --> 00:02:53,623
Meg?
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00:02:53,658 --> 00:02:56,026
Hi. Wow, you look just
like your picture.
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00:02:56,060 --> 00:02:58,528
You don't look
anything like yours.
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00:03:00,998 --> 00:03:03,834
Yeah, that's a candid
from a summer job I had.
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00:03:03,868 --> 00:03:05,635
Well, you're much
prettier in person.
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00:03:05,670 --> 00:03:06,636
Shall we go?
70
00:03:06,671 --> 00:03:07,671
Yeah, sure.
71
00:03:07,705 --> 00:03:09,106
Don't wait up, boys.
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00:03:10,725 --> 00:03:11,758
I like him.
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00:03:11,793 --> 00:03:13,176
Really? He seems
kind of lame.
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00:03:13,211 --> 00:03:14,728
But, I guess
every girl
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00:03:14,762 --> 00:03:16,496
has her own version
of Prince Charming.
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00:03:16,531 --> 00:03:18,098
I'm in love with Paul.
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00:03:18,132 --> 00:03:19,566
I'm in love
with John.
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00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:20,634
You know what?
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00:03:20,668 --> 00:03:22,369
I'm in love
with Ringo.
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00:03:22,420 --> 00:03:23,420
What?
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00:03:23,454 --> 00:03:24,521
Um, I said...
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00:03:24,555 --> 00:03:25,889
I don't-I don't know
what I said.
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00:03:25,923 --> 00:03:27,891
Sounded like you said you
were in love with Ringo.
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00:03:27,925 --> 00:03:30,427
Um, I don't...
I don't think so.
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00:03:30,461 --> 00:03:32,829
Pretty sure you said
"I'm in love with Ringo."
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00:03:32,864 --> 00:03:33,964
Here I am.
87
00:03:33,998 --> 00:03:35,265
Are Paul and John
out there?
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00:03:35,299 --> 00:03:37,150
Nope, just Ringo.
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00:03:43,741 --> 00:03:45,442
Oh, you're still here?
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00:03:45,476 --> 00:03:47,277
Yeah, after
a wonderful night
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00:03:47,311 --> 00:03:49,062
I-I thought we could
get some breakfast.
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00:03:49,113 --> 00:03:51,715
Clearly, you're not
familiar with how this works.
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00:03:51,749 --> 00:03:53,310
See, you're supposed
to be already gone.
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00:03:53,334 --> 00:03:54,367
There's no breakfast.
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00:03:54,402 --> 00:03:56,086
Here, let me help you
to the door.
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00:03:59,407 --> 00:04:01,191
You're a jerk,
Glenn Quagmire.
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00:04:01,209 --> 00:04:03,410
One of these days, you're
going to get what you deserve.
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00:04:03,427 --> 00:04:04,878
You better put
something warm on.
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00:04:04,912 --> 00:04:07,747
You got an icicle
forming down there.
100
00:04:08,983 --> 00:04:11,168
Dumb broad left her
electric tampon warmer.
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00:04:26,133 --> 00:04:28,118
What the hell?
102
00:04:28,152 --> 00:04:29,619
That's weird.
103
00:04:29,654 --> 00:04:31,555
Why do I look like a chick
in that mirror?
104
00:04:38,179 --> 00:04:40,614
Ah, what's wrong with you,
Holder-Downer 5000?
105
00:04:40,665 --> 00:04:41,798
That's just for women.
106
00:04:44,268 --> 00:04:45,569
Hold it together, Quagmire.
107
00:04:45,603 --> 00:04:47,687
You probably just had
one too many drinks last night.
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00:04:48,756 --> 00:04:49,973
Son of a bitch.
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00:04:56,531 --> 00:04:57,764
Ah, hey, Joe.
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00:04:57,798 --> 00:04:59,866
God, I thought
I was in trouble for a minute.
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00:04:59,901 --> 00:05:01,735
Hey, toots, you know
why I pulled you over?
112
00:05:01,769 --> 00:05:03,603
You were going too
sexy in a 35 zone.
113
00:05:03,638 --> 00:05:04,971
I'll need to see
your driver's license.
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00:05:05,006 --> 00:05:06,006
What?
115
00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:07,541
Joe, what the hell's
wrong with you?
116
00:05:07,575 --> 00:05:08,558
It's me, Quagmire.
117
00:05:08,593 --> 00:05:10,594
Glenda Vajmire.
118
00:05:10,628 --> 00:05:12,662
Well, how would you
like to spend four hours
119
00:05:12,697 --> 00:05:15,532
desperately trying to
give me a muscular soldier?
120
00:05:15,566 --> 00:05:16,750
What the hell,
you weirdo?
121
00:05:17,785 --> 00:05:19,152
I'm just having fun.
122
00:05:19,186 --> 00:05:22,172
In fact, as I say to all
the ladies, giggity-giggity.
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00:05:22,206 --> 00:05:23,873
You don't say that.
I say that.
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00:05:23,908 --> 00:05:25,041
You're a bad person.
125
00:05:33,768 --> 00:05:34,935
Hey, Stewie,
what are you doing?
126
00:05:34,969 --> 00:05:36,970
Well, Brian, in honor
of Valentine's Day
127
00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:38,705
I thought why not
go back in time
128
00:05:38,739 --> 00:05:40,607
to that summer of love
in the '60s
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00:05:40,641 --> 00:05:41,908
that everyone's always
talking about.
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00:05:41,943 --> 00:05:43,176
Oh, cool.
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00:05:43,210 --> 00:05:45,528
Hey, you think you might be
able to get me some acid?
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00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:47,063
I'll get you rolled-up
newspaper on the snout
133
00:05:47,098 --> 00:05:48,214
is what I'll get you.
134
00:05:48,249 --> 00:05:50,083
Very. Bad. Dog.
135
00:05:57,592 --> 00:06:00,927
Well, here we are, Rupert:
Quahog's summer of love.
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00:06:00,962 --> 00:06:05,131
♪
137
00:06:09,070 --> 00:06:11,705
Ball, please.
138
00:06:17,227 --> 00:06:18,778
Hello.
139
00:06:18,813 --> 00:06:19,980
Oh, this must be yours.
140
00:06:20,014 --> 00:06:21,348
Thanks.
141
00:06:21,382 --> 00:06:23,783
My God, she's incredible.
142
00:06:23,818 --> 00:06:26,519
Rupert, I must bring her
back to the present
143
00:06:26,554 --> 00:06:28,121
and raise her to be my wife.
144
00:06:29,073 --> 00:06:32,208
Oh, God, I bet that diaper
is soaking wet.
145
00:06:33,778 --> 00:06:35,829
I can't let her get away.
146
00:06:38,049 --> 00:06:39,232
Oh, hi.
147
00:06:39,266 --> 00:06:42,535
Oh, hey, um, I just
came to say, um...
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00:06:42,570 --> 00:06:45,805
you know, in a couple of years
something's going to come along
149
00:06:45,840 --> 00:06:46,840
called Sesame Street.
150
00:06:46,874 --> 00:06:48,775
And I know the name
makes it sounds Asian,
151
00:06:48,809 --> 00:06:51,211
but it's not, and it's
going to blow your mind.
152
00:06:51,245 --> 00:06:52,545
Oh, the hell with it.
153
00:06:52,580 --> 00:06:54,481
The real reason I ran
over here is because
154
00:06:54,515 --> 00:06:57,283
I wanted to do this.
155
00:06:57,318 --> 00:07:00,737
There's my little Lois.
156
00:07:00,771 --> 00:07:01,805
What?
157
00:07:01,839 --> 00:07:02,872
Lois?!
158
00:07:02,907 --> 00:07:04,607
Come on, honey.
Hop in Daddy's car.
159
00:07:04,642 --> 00:07:05,942
You can crawl around
on the floor
160
00:07:05,976 --> 00:07:07,610
while I drink, smoke,
and drive us home.
161
00:07:21,075 --> 00:07:22,342
Oh, my God, Stewie,
what happened?
162
00:07:22,376 --> 00:07:24,044
None of your
business what happened.
163
00:07:24,078 --> 00:07:26,112
Geez, you kiss your mother
with that mouth?
164
00:07:34,088 --> 00:07:35,505
Do you like Coldplay?
165
00:07:35,539 --> 00:07:37,173
Uh, am I a dull
white guy?
166
00:07:37,208 --> 00:07:38,541
Yes, I like Coldplay.
167
00:07:38,576 --> 00:07:41,644
God, Toby, I can't believe
how much we have in common.
168
00:07:41,679 --> 00:07:43,947
It's like we were meant
to find each other.
169
00:07:43,981 --> 00:07:45,031
I know.
170
00:07:45,066 --> 00:07:46,149
To us.
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00:07:46,183 --> 00:07:47,784
Meg, if you were
any more beautiful,
172
00:07:47,818 --> 00:07:49,185
that'd be neat.
173
00:07:51,222 --> 00:07:53,656
So, what should be do next...
174
00:08:00,531 --> 00:08:01,865
Oh, my God!
175
00:08:01,899 --> 00:08:03,867
Toby, what happened?
176
00:08:03,901 --> 00:08:06,436
Oh, I just harvested
your kidney.
177
00:08:06,470 --> 00:08:08,204
Look at the
size of this scar.
178
00:08:08,239 --> 00:08:11,074
Sorry. It's my first day
on this job.
179
00:08:11,108 --> 00:08:12,876
Well, where did
you work before?
180
00:08:12,910 --> 00:08:13,977
Circuit City.
181
00:08:14,011 --> 00:08:15,979
So, I haven't worked
in, like, two years.
182
00:08:22,729 --> 00:08:24,663
Toby, I can't believe
you took my kidney.
183
00:08:24,697 --> 00:08:25,964
You bastard!
184
00:08:25,999 --> 00:08:27,032
Sorry, Meg.
185
00:08:27,066 --> 00:08:28,400
Black market organs
are big money
186
00:08:28,434 --> 00:08:30,402
and I promised my bosses
a fresh kidney.
187
00:08:30,436 --> 00:08:31,937
No hard feelings.
188
00:08:31,971 --> 00:08:32,938
Wait!
189
00:08:32,972 --> 00:08:35,240
You also made
a promise to me.
190
00:08:35,274 --> 00:08:37,609
You promised we'd spend
Valentine's Day together.
191
00:08:37,643 --> 00:08:39,344
The whole day.
192
00:08:39,395 --> 00:08:41,730
And I'm not letting you
break that promise.
193
00:08:41,764 --> 00:08:43,899
Well, I guess a deal's a deal.
194
00:08:43,933 --> 00:08:45,133
Okay.
195
00:08:46,669 --> 00:08:49,538
By the way, did you know
you had a tiny conjoined twin
196
00:08:49,572 --> 00:08:50,572
attached to your hip?
197
00:08:52,141 --> 00:08:53,208
Is it worth anything?
198
00:08:53,242 --> 00:08:54,342
It is to me.
199
00:08:54,377 --> 00:08:55,810
I've been using it
as a bookmark.
200
00:09:02,919 --> 00:09:04,453
Peter, what's all this?
201
00:09:04,487 --> 00:09:06,755
Oh, Quagmire loaned me this book
called the Kama Sutra.
202
00:09:06,789 --> 00:09:07,789
It's Indian.
203
00:09:07,823 --> 00:09:09,207
And who has better sex
204
00:09:09,258 --> 00:09:11,476
than people who don't
use toilet paper?
205
00:09:11,511 --> 00:09:14,229
I don't know, Peter.
That doesn't sound very sexy.
206
00:09:14,263 --> 00:09:15,347
What are you
talking about?
207
00:09:15,381 --> 00:09:16,498
Bombay is sperm city.
208
00:09:16,516 --> 00:09:18,316
Slumdog Millionaire?
209
00:09:18,351 --> 00:09:21,019
More like
Scumdog Put-it-there.
210
00:09:21,054 --> 00:09:23,889
Peter, these candles are
getting wax all over the floor.
211
00:09:23,940 --> 00:09:25,507
That's okay. Isn't
Consuela coming today?
212
00:09:25,525 --> 00:09:28,744
No, she spends Valentine's Day
with her husband.
213
00:09:39,756 --> 00:09:41,873
Wait, but she's sneaking
out of the U.S.
214
00:09:41,908 --> 00:09:43,208
This is Arizona.
215
00:09:43,242 --> 00:09:45,460
You can shoot a Mexican
for using a water fountain.
216
00:09:50,349 --> 00:09:52,117
Oh, I fix later.
217
00:09:57,340 --> 00:09:59,341
Happy Valentine's
Day, Juan.
218
00:09:59,375 --> 00:10:01,243
And to you, mi amor.
219
00:10:01,277 --> 00:10:03,578
One minute, I
freshen up first.
220
00:10:06,516 --> 00:10:08,483
Okay.
221
00:10:08,518 --> 00:10:12,720
Sí, sí, sí... oh, yeah.
222
00:10:21,147 --> 00:10:22,247
Hi.
223
00:10:22,281 --> 00:10:25,917
Oh, hey, um, I think I might
have the wrong address.
224
00:10:25,952 --> 00:10:27,819
I'm looking for
Mr. Herbert's house.
225
00:10:27,854 --> 00:10:29,287
No, you're at
the right house.
226
00:10:29,322 --> 00:10:31,256
I'm his grandniece,
Sandy.
227
00:10:31,290 --> 00:10:33,525
Wow, my name
is Chris, too.
228
00:10:33,559 --> 00:10:36,928
Oh, hey, there, Chris,
happy Valentine's Day.
229
00:10:36,963 --> 00:10:40,499
Hope cupid brings you
a saggy old bag of treats.
230
00:10:40,533 --> 00:10:43,435
Hey, Mr. Herbert, I'm just here
to collect for the newspaper.
231
00:10:43,469 --> 00:10:45,237
Here you go.
232
00:10:45,271 --> 00:10:49,141
Oh, hang now, Chris.
Your fly's up again.
233
00:10:49,175 --> 00:10:50,742
Thanks, Mr. Herbert.
234
00:10:53,129 --> 00:10:55,430
He's so hot.
235
00:10:55,464 --> 00:10:56,832
I'd love to talk to him,
236
00:10:56,866 --> 00:10:58,733
but I just don't know
what I would say.
237
00:10:58,768 --> 00:11:00,769
Oh, I know all
the things to say.
238
00:11:00,803 --> 00:11:02,304
Maybe I can
help you out.
239
00:11:02,338 --> 00:11:03,505
You'd do that for me?
240
00:11:03,539 --> 00:11:04,606
Sure.
241
00:11:04,640 --> 00:11:06,608
Right after my
favorite show.
242
00:11:06,642 --> 00:11:08,076
Coming up next:
243
00:11:08,110 --> 00:11:11,513
To Catch a Predator
Who's Proud of Being a Predator.
244
00:11:11,547 --> 00:11:12,781
Good evening, sir.
245
00:11:12,815 --> 00:11:14,282
I'm Chris Hansen
with Dateline.
246
00:11:14,317 --> 00:11:16,651
Do you know the boy you were
coming here to meet tonight
247
00:11:16,686 --> 00:11:19,020
is only 13 years old?
248
00:11:19,055 --> 00:11:20,555
No, I drove
900 miles
249
00:11:20,590 --> 00:11:22,357
for a 14-year-old.
250
00:11:25,428 --> 00:11:27,329
So what seems
to be the trouble?
251
00:11:27,363 --> 00:11:29,014
Dr. Hartman,
something's wrong with me!
252
00:11:29,065 --> 00:11:30,682
Everyone's treating me
like I'm a broad!
253
00:11:30,716 --> 00:11:32,083
I-I don't know
what's going on!
254
00:11:32,118 --> 00:11:34,319
I recognize that
hysterical tone of voice.
255
00:11:34,353 --> 00:11:35,687
Sounds like someone's
having their monthly.
256
00:11:35,721 --> 00:11:38,256
All right, sweetie,
let me just spit on my hand,
257
00:11:38,291 --> 00:11:39,307
and we'll get started.
258
00:11:39,325 --> 00:11:41,359
Ah! Get away from me,
you creep!
259
00:11:43,713 --> 00:11:45,163
My God!
260
00:11:45,198 --> 00:11:47,065
There was nothing wrong
with my mirror!
261
00:11:47,099 --> 00:11:49,818
Everyone sees me as a woman!
Oh, no!
262
00:11:49,852 --> 00:11:52,487
This is the universe giving me
what I deserve
263
00:11:52,521 --> 00:11:54,656
for being such a pig
all the time!
264
00:11:54,674 --> 00:11:57,642
From now on,
I'm gonna do things differently.
265
00:11:57,677 --> 00:11:59,945
Men are jerks!
Let's swear off of them
266
00:11:59,979 --> 00:12:01,463
and find comfort in each other!
267
00:12:01,497 --> 00:12:03,131
Com here, you guys!
268
00:12:09,872 --> 00:12:10,922
So, what's with you?
269
00:12:10,957 --> 00:12:11,957
No Valentine's Day plans?
270
00:12:11,991 --> 00:12:12,991
No.
271
00:12:13,025 --> 00:12:14,509
I've had it
with Valentine's Day.
272
00:12:14,543 --> 00:12:15,927
I'm sick of all of it.
273
00:12:15,962 --> 00:12:17,562
Okay, I'm putting on
my friend hat.
274
00:12:17,597 --> 00:12:18,964
What's the matter?
Let me in.
275
00:12:18,998 --> 00:12:20,398
I don't know.
It's just...
276
00:12:20,433 --> 00:12:22,500
How come it's so hard
to meet the right woman?
277
00:12:22,535 --> 00:12:24,903
I think maybe it's just time
for me to give up.
278
00:12:24,954 --> 00:12:26,755
Come on, Brian.
You can't give up.
279
00:12:26,789 --> 00:12:28,189
Everything could
change in a moment.
280
00:12:28,224 --> 00:12:30,025
That's what happened with
the Kennedy assassination.
281
00:12:30,059 --> 00:12:32,928
I'm sorry, gentlemen.
Despite our best efforts,
282
00:12:32,962 --> 00:12:35,530
the Texas School Book Depository
Awareness Council has failed
283
00:12:35,564 --> 00:12:37,165
in its mission to generate
public awareness
284
00:12:37,199 --> 00:12:38,700
of the Texas School
Book Depository.
285
00:12:38,734 --> 00:12:40,502
So at the end of the day,
286
00:12:40,536 --> 00:12:41,903
we'll be shutting
down operations
287
00:12:41,938 --> 00:12:43,471
and laying
everyone off.
288
00:12:43,506 --> 00:12:46,374
Sir, I think you're
gonna want to see this!
289
00:12:46,409 --> 00:12:49,494
♪ Let's fall in love
290
00:12:49,528 --> 00:12:52,080
♪ Why shouldn't we fall
in love? ♪
291
00:12:52,114 --> 00:12:54,366
♪ Our hearts are made of it
292
00:12:54,417 --> 00:12:55,500
♪ Let's take a chance
293
00:12:55,534 --> 00:12:59,471
♪ Why be afraid of it?
294
00:12:59,505 --> 00:13:02,524
♪ Let's close our eyes
295
00:13:02,558 --> 00:13:06,144
♪ And make our own paradise
296
00:13:06,178 --> 00:13:08,580
♪ Little we know of it
297
00:13:08,614 --> 00:13:12,550
♪ Still, we can try
to make a go of it ♪
298
00:13:12,585 --> 00:13:15,287
♪ Let's fall in love.
299
00:13:26,349 --> 00:13:27,882
Oh, Brian,
there you are.
300
00:13:27,917 --> 00:13:29,183
Look, I've been
thinking about
301
00:13:29,201 --> 00:13:30,218
your situation
with women,
302
00:13:30,252 --> 00:13:32,253
and I believe
I've come up with a way
303
00:13:32,288 --> 00:13:34,456
to get to the source
of the problem. Follow me.
304
00:13:34,490 --> 00:13:35,824
What's going on?
305
00:13:37,026 --> 00:13:38,426
Oh, my God.
306
00:13:40,863 --> 00:13:41,963
Stewie, what the hell?!
307
00:13:41,998 --> 00:13:43,448
These are all
my ex-girlfriends!
308
00:13:43,482 --> 00:13:45,550
Well, I thought they could
provide some insights
309
00:13:45,584 --> 00:13:47,052
that might improve
your love life.
310
00:13:47,086 --> 00:13:48,453
Ladies, as you may have guessed,
311
00:13:48,487 --> 00:13:50,655
you are here
because you have all dated
312
00:13:50,690 --> 00:13:52,257
this great guy.
313
00:13:52,291 --> 00:13:53,892
Yet, somehow, things
didn't work out.
314
00:13:53,926 --> 00:13:56,027
My objective is
to figure out why.
315
00:13:56,062 --> 00:13:57,262
I don't know.
316
00:13:57,296 --> 00:13:58,730
The word "self-absorbed"
comes to mind.
317
00:13:58,764 --> 00:14:00,131
And pretentious.
318
00:14:00,166 --> 00:14:01,132
Definitely pretentious.
319
00:14:01,167 --> 00:14:03,335
And he's got a big eggo.
320
00:14:03,369 --> 00:14:05,236
Okay, we seem
to have a theme going here.
321
00:14:05,271 --> 00:14:06,738
Oh, come on!
You're all just mad
322
00:14:06,772 --> 00:14:08,039
because I didn't
wanna be with you!
323
00:14:08,074 --> 00:14:09,607
I think Brian's
a wonderful man.
324
00:14:09,642 --> 00:14:11,343
He's just having
a difficult time
325
00:14:11,377 --> 00:14:13,378
coming to terms
with his own sexuality.
326
00:14:13,412 --> 00:14:15,213
Shut up, Ida.
She's my favorite.
327
00:14:15,247 --> 00:14:16,247
He's insecure.
328
00:14:16,282 --> 00:14:17,415
And a blowhard.
329
00:14:17,450 --> 00:14:19,067
And he's got a tiny penis!
330
00:14:20,586 --> 00:14:22,604
Yeah, that was pretty clear
by the survey.
331
00:14:22,638 --> 00:14:24,105
Okay, now who wants
more wine?
332
00:14:24,140 --> 00:14:25,090
This is great.
333
00:14:25,124 --> 00:14:26,574
We should do this
every Saturday.
334
00:14:26,609 --> 00:14:28,777
No, no, we're not gonna
do this every Saturday!
335
00:14:28,811 --> 00:14:30,345
What's wrong?
We're just being honest.
336
00:14:30,379 --> 00:14:31,796
Oh, oh, you want honest?!
337
00:14:31,831 --> 00:14:33,465
You're an old bag.
You're blind.
338
00:14:33,499 --> 00:14:34,599
Your vomit tastes weird.
339
00:14:34,633 --> 00:14:35,967
You don't even know
why you're here.
340
00:14:36,018 --> 00:14:37,535
You chose to be
on The Hills.
341
00:14:37,570 --> 00:14:39,204
You still have
bits of penis left,
342
00:14:39,238 --> 00:14:40,438
and you can never get wet.
343
00:14:41,857 --> 00:14:43,858
And you, you're more
of a woman
344
00:14:43,893 --> 00:14:46,444
than anyone else
in this room!
345
00:14:48,948 --> 00:14:50,315
Get him!
346
00:14:58,808 --> 00:15:02,710
Oh, honey, I'm so excited
to finally meet your girlfriend.
347
00:15:02,745 --> 00:15:03,978
Here she comes now.
348
00:15:04,013 --> 00:15:06,014
Yoo-hoo, baby!
349
00:15:06,048 --> 00:15:07,899
Oh, no!
350
00:15:14,057 --> 00:15:17,526
The Final Episode.
351
00:15:17,560 --> 00:15:18,794
So, that's it?
That's it.
352
00:15:18,828 --> 00:15:20,062
This is so much easier.
353
00:15:20,096 --> 00:15:22,164
I don't know why
I didn't do this years ago.
354
00:15:22,198 --> 00:15:24,266
What do you want me
to do with the body?
355
00:15:24,300 --> 00:15:26,235
I don't care.
Throw it in the garbage.
356
00:15:26,269 --> 00:15:28,036
Do you want any
of his oversized mallets?
357
00:15:28,071 --> 00:15:29,438
I will take a mallet.
358
00:15:31,074 --> 00:15:32,674
Ah, I gotta take this.
359
00:15:32,709 --> 00:15:33,742
Who's calling?
360
00:15:33,776 --> 00:15:35,010
My ex-girlfriend.
361
00:15:35,044 --> 00:15:36,845
She calls me drunk
every Valentine's Day.
362
00:15:36,880 --> 00:15:38,113
Hey, Samantha.
363
00:15:38,148 --> 00:15:41,783
Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry.
I still love Lois.
364
00:15:41,818 --> 00:15:44,153
Oh, come on. You would have
been a great mom.
365
00:15:44,187 --> 00:15:46,088
She had cervical cancer
five years ago.
366
00:15:46,122 --> 00:15:48,557
She's basically a boob
on a leg at this point.
367
00:15:48,591 --> 00:15:49,825
Well, that's something.
368
00:15:49,859 --> 00:15:51,426
You're in a book club?
369
00:15:51,461 --> 00:15:53,362
Those are tough
to get into.
370
00:15:53,396 --> 00:15:55,314
What? Well,
I didn't even know
371
00:15:55,348 --> 00:15:57,649
the Fine Young Cannibals
were still together.
372
00:15:57,684 --> 00:15:58,951
Eight-city tour?
373
00:15:58,985 --> 00:16:00,986
Well, I don't know
if I can make eight,
374
00:16:01,020 --> 00:16:02,454
but I can certainly do six.
375
00:16:02,488 --> 00:16:03,455
What about Lois?
376
00:16:03,489 --> 00:16:04,940
She's totally out
of the picture.
377
00:16:04,974 --> 00:16:06,542
We've done everything
but sign the papers.
378
00:16:06,576 --> 00:16:09,044
Samantha, Samantha,
I will see you in Binghamton.
379
00:16:09,078 --> 00:16:11,496
And now I want you to go
and take a picture of yourself
380
00:16:11,530 --> 00:16:13,932
because it will be
your last day alone.
381
00:16:13,967 --> 00:16:15,834
Geez, what's not clear
about "Get lost"?
382
00:16:15,869 --> 00:16:18,403
By the way, my attendance
at home is gonna be spotty
383
00:16:18,438 --> 00:16:19,771
over the next few weeks.
384
00:16:22,525 --> 00:16:26,078
And, well, prize pumpkin
from the county fair,
385
00:16:26,112 --> 00:16:29,948
that's why I'm naming you
my Chief of Police.
386
00:16:29,983 --> 00:16:33,602
Mayor West, there's
something you need to see!
387
00:16:37,540 --> 00:16:41,510
My God! My wife is
seeing another mayor!
388
00:16:41,544 --> 00:16:42,978
I'm sorry, sir.
389
00:16:43,012 --> 00:16:46,498
Don't be. Because
I'm going to win her back.
390
00:16:46,532 --> 00:16:49,968
I trust you'll take care
of things here in my absence.
391
00:16:51,254 --> 00:16:52,654
Officer down!
392
00:16:55,508 --> 00:16:57,526
I hereby declare
this public park
393
00:16:57,560 --> 00:17:01,580
and future homosexual
meeting spot... open!
394
00:17:01,614 --> 00:17:03,899
Unhand that woman,
you bastard!
395
00:17:03,933 --> 00:17:05,567
Adam!
396
00:17:05,602 --> 00:17:09,071
Well, well, well, if it isn't
Mayor "Guns For Toys" West.
397
00:17:09,105 --> 00:17:11,673
The chair recognizes
your face!
398
00:17:11,708 --> 00:17:13,725
En garde!
399
00:17:18,248 --> 00:17:19,348
Is the park open?
400
00:17:19,382 --> 00:17:20,699
Not yet!
401
00:17:24,921 --> 00:17:27,389
You call that kissing a baby?!
402
00:17:30,810 --> 00:17:32,561
That's how you kiss a baby.
403
00:17:36,783 --> 00:17:39,818
I hereby declare this
Stabby Eye Day!
404
00:17:41,988 --> 00:17:44,673
Oh, Adam, I'm so sorry!
405
00:17:44,707 --> 00:17:46,308
Carol, I love you
406
00:17:46,342 --> 00:17:47,876
and I can't live
without you.
407
00:17:47,910 --> 00:17:50,579
Please, never let this happen
again.
408
00:17:50,613 --> 00:17:51,813
I won't, Adam.
409
00:17:51,848 --> 00:17:55,384
You're the only mayor for me.
410
00:17:55,418 --> 00:17:58,553
Hey-ey, Carol.
I almost didn't recognize you
411
00:17:58,588 --> 00:18:01,456
without my special sauce
all over your face.
412
00:18:07,430 --> 00:18:10,065
Is somebody out there?
413
00:18:10,099 --> 00:18:11,633
Chris, it's me!
414
00:18:11,668 --> 00:18:13,268
Uncle Herbert's
grandniece, Sandy!
415
00:18:13,303 --> 00:18:15,604
Oh, hi, Sandy. What's up?
416
00:18:15,638 --> 00:18:17,272
What do I say?
417
00:18:17,307 --> 00:18:18,940
You say,
"Chris, I wanted
418
00:18:18,975 --> 00:18:21,276
to come see you
because, well..."
419
00:18:21,311 --> 00:18:25,113
Chris, I wanted to come
see you because, well...
420
00:18:25,148 --> 00:18:26,982
I'm kind of a
lonely old man.
421
00:18:27,016 --> 00:18:28,283
Really?
422
00:18:28,318 --> 00:18:31,353
Now, I know I'm not much
to look at,
423
00:18:31,387 --> 00:18:33,255
and ever since I got banned
from the arcade,
424
00:18:33,289 --> 00:18:34,523
I don't know what I'm doing.
425
00:18:34,557 --> 00:18:35,791
But if you're up for it,
426
00:18:35,825 --> 00:18:38,126
I'd like to spend some time
with you.
427
00:18:38,161 --> 00:18:39,745
Okay. Sure, Sandy!
428
00:18:39,779 --> 00:18:41,813
I'll come right down!
429
00:18:41,848 --> 00:18:42,864
Thanks, Uncle Herbert.
430
00:18:42,899 --> 00:18:45,100
I don't know how
I could ever repay you.
431
00:18:45,134 --> 00:18:47,636
Well, there
is one thing.
432
00:18:51,758 --> 00:18:54,426
Also, if I gave you
a sandwich,
433
00:18:54,460 --> 00:18:57,496
do you think you could
get Chris to fart on it?
434
00:19:00,683 --> 00:19:03,769
Well, guess
I better be going.
435
00:19:03,803 --> 00:19:05,670
I gotta get this heart
to Madonna.
436
00:19:05,705 --> 00:19:08,573
Oh, my God! Madonna needs
a heart transplant?
437
00:19:08,608 --> 00:19:10,542
No, she just doesn't want
other people
438
00:19:10,576 --> 00:19:12,144
to have them
for some reason.
439
00:19:12,178 --> 00:19:14,646
But before I go... Here.
440
00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:17,049
For me?
441
00:19:17,083 --> 00:19:18,533
My kidney!
442
00:19:18,568 --> 00:19:19,935
I wanted you to have it.
443
00:19:19,969 --> 00:19:23,055
Oh, Toby, I love it!
Thank you.
444
00:19:23,089 --> 00:19:25,957
This has been the best
Valentine's Day ever.
445
00:19:33,983 --> 00:19:35,417
Oh, Peter, it was fun
446
00:19:35,451 --> 00:19:37,185
spending the day
in bed with you.
447
00:19:37,220 --> 00:19:38,787
It sure was, Lois.
448
00:19:38,821 --> 00:19:41,022
Happy Valentine's Day.
449
00:19:44,410 --> 00:19:46,678
Hey, Lois,
remember our wedding?
450
00:19:46,712 --> 00:19:48,580
Yeah, I sure do.
451
00:19:48,614 --> 00:19:50,115
Remember the dance?
452
00:19:50,149 --> 00:19:51,683
Of course I do, Peter.
453
00:19:51,717 --> 00:19:53,118
Who was that
half-Persian chick
454
00:19:53,152 --> 00:19:54,586
who was dancing
with your cousin?
455
00:19:54,620 --> 00:19:56,221
I think her name
was Flora.
456
00:19:56,255 --> 00:19:57,322
Yeah... yeah.
457
00:19:57,356 --> 00:19:59,241
Okay, all right,
I'm ready! I'm ready!
458
00:19:59,275 --> 00:20:01,042
What?
Shut up for ten minutes
459
00:20:01,077 --> 00:20:03,378
and pretend we're in the back
behind the speakers.
460
00:20:05,081 --> 00:20:08,049
This wedding sucks, huh?
461
00:20:08,084 --> 00:20:09,634
♪
462
00:20:13,423 --> 00:20:19,394
♪ L is for the way
you look at me ♪
463
00:20:19,429 --> 00:20:25,434
♪ O is for the only one I see
464
00:20:25,468 --> 00:20:32,056
♪ V is very, very
extraordinary ♪
465
00:20:32,074 --> 00:20:38,480
♪ E is even more than anyone
that you adore can ♪
466
00:20:38,514 --> 00:20:44,135
♪ Love is all
that I can give to you ♪
467
00:20:44,542 --> 00:20:50,080
♪ Love is more than just
a game for two ♪
468
00:20:50,517 --> 00:20:54,034
♪ Two in love can make it
469
00:20:54,134 --> 00:20:56,602
♪ Take my heart
and please don't break it... ♪
470
00:20:56,636 --> 00:20:59,621
== sync, corrected by elderman ==