1 00:00:00,442 --> 00:00:03,919 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:03,920 --> 00:00:07,023 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:07,024 --> 00:00:10,761 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:10,762 --> 00:00:13,764 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:13,765 --> 00:00:17,134 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:17,135 --> 00:00:20,671 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:20,672 --> 00:00:22,205 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:22,206 --> 00:00:23,607 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:23,608 --> 00:00:29,063 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪ 10 00:00:29,064 --> 00:00:35,742 Sync and corrections by btsix www.addic7ed.com 11 00:00:35,743 --> 00:00:36,986 Hey, Meg. What are you up to? 12 00:00:36,987 --> 00:00:39,520 Not much. Just finished an angel food cake. 13 00:00:39,521 --> 00:00:42,460 Might go out to the trash, see if there's any possums to kiss. 14 00:00:42,461 --> 00:00:44,078 I was just out there. 15 00:00:45,813 --> 00:00:47,463 Oh, come on, it's your senior year. 16 00:00:47,464 --> 00:00:49,533 Somebody must be having a party or something. 17 00:00:49,534 --> 00:00:50,680 Well, there's one. 18 00:00:50,681 --> 00:00:52,753 But... I wasn't invited. 19 00:00:52,754 --> 00:00:54,089 Well, so what? Go crash it. 20 00:00:54,090 --> 00:00:55,624 Nah. Not my style. 21 00:00:55,625 --> 00:00:59,229 And what do you care? Do you want the TV or something? 22 00:00:59,230 --> 00:01:03,102 What? No, no. I want... I want to see you have fun. 23 00:01:03,103 --> 00:01:05,768 Come on, you should go, you know? Let loose a little. 24 00:01:05,769 --> 00:01:07,803 You know what? You're right. 25 00:01:07,804 --> 00:01:09,759 Maybe I will give it a shot. 26 00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:11,321 Yeah. How awkward could it be? 27 00:01:11,322 --> 00:01:12,908 Can't be worse than waving at someone 28 00:01:12,909 --> 00:01:14,761 who doesn't wave back at you. 29 00:01:18,031 --> 00:01:20,267 - No, not you. - Oh. Sorry. 30 00:01:20,268 --> 00:01:22,084 In fact, everyone but you. 31 00:01:22,085 --> 00:01:23,753 Hi, everyone but him! 32 00:01:23,754 --> 00:01:25,253 Hi! 33 00:01:29,125 --> 00:01:32,497 Lou, I like you a lot, but I-I think that's the last tape 34 00:01:32,498 --> 00:01:34,976 of you having sex with your girlfriend I want to see. 35 00:01:34,977 --> 00:01:36,169 Suit yourself. 36 00:01:36,170 --> 00:01:38,500 All right, I got to get over to my mom's wake. 37 00:01:38,501 --> 00:01:39,836 Oh, right, yeah. Crap. 38 00:01:39,837 --> 00:01:40,970 Ugh. Sorry again. 39 00:01:40,971 --> 00:01:42,938 - Oof. Cancer. - Car accident. 40 00:01:42,939 --> 00:01:44,774 No, I know, I just, I'm... 41 00:01:44,775 --> 00:01:47,009 saying it feels like everyone's getting cancer. 42 00:01:47,540 --> 00:01:49,128 You know, Bowie. 43 00:01:53,983 --> 00:01:57,138 Time to get creepay... 44 00:01:59,506 --> 00:02:01,574 Huh. Kid family. 45 00:02:11,984 --> 00:02:13,987 What a scumbag. 46 00:02:17,907 --> 00:02:18,974 Aw... 47 00:02:20,710 --> 00:02:22,644 Because I'm working all day! 48 00:02:22,645 --> 00:02:25,847 Oh, yeah? Well, here's what I think of your stupid work! 49 00:02:25,848 --> 00:02:27,316 Don't you do that! 50 00:02:27,317 --> 00:02:29,069 Fiona, don't you... 51 00:02:31,437 --> 00:02:33,155 Is that Principal Shepherd? 52 00:02:33,156 --> 00:02:36,059 Wow, that looks like a rocky relationship. 53 00:02:36,060 --> 00:02:38,078 "Rocky relationship." 54 00:02:40,213 --> 00:02:41,781 Ha-ha! 55 00:02:44,751 --> 00:02:46,936 Oh, come on, Brian. 56 00:02:46,937 --> 00:02:48,439 Don't comment or like it. 57 00:02:48,440 --> 00:02:51,073 It's a hard lesson, but one he has to learn. 58 00:03:03,286 --> 00:03:06,628 All right, ladies, time to mingle. 59 00:03:07,191 --> 00:03:10,025 Hey. You guys talking Big Bang over here? 60 00:03:10,026 --> 00:03:11,426 Big Bang Theory? 61 00:03:11,427 --> 00:03:13,762 No? Any Bangers over here? 62 00:03:13,763 --> 00:03:15,131 No? 63 00:03:15,132 --> 00:03:16,698 Well, I've tried everything. 64 00:03:16,699 --> 00:03:19,201 We just don't have anything in common with these guys. 65 00:03:19,202 --> 00:03:23,624 Maybe... we don't need anything in common with them. 66 00:03:26,609 --> 00:03:28,877 Meg, come on, don't go crazy. 67 00:03:28,878 --> 00:03:30,564 Damn, that's hot! 68 00:03:32,465 --> 00:03:34,083 That was just lucky. 69 00:03:34,084 --> 00:03:35,769 Oh, yeah? 70 00:03:39,506 --> 00:03:42,779 Wow! Meg's so good at casually tossing bottles 71 00:03:42,780 --> 00:03:44,665 over her shoulder so they land upright! 72 00:03:44,666 --> 00:03:46,208 And that's very popular right now, 73 00:03:46,209 --> 00:03:48,430 because we've run out of things on Earth. 74 00:03:48,431 --> 00:03:51,088 Meg, that was amazing! 75 00:03:51,089 --> 00:03:53,357 What can I say? I'm full of surprises. 76 00:03:53,358 --> 00:03:55,505 Like the end of The Usual Suspects. 77 00:04:02,679 --> 00:04:04,932 He was gay the whole time! 78 00:04:11,454 --> 00:04:13,022 Okay, they're obviously home. 79 00:04:13,023 --> 00:04:16,092 You'd have to be dumb to try to rob that place. 80 00:04:18,295 --> 00:04:19,718 Oh, yes! 81 00:04:28,655 --> 00:04:30,657 I hate the guy, but he's good. 82 00:04:38,698 --> 00:04:39,881 Oh, my God. 83 00:04:39,882 --> 00:04:42,718 What the... what the hell is going on over there? 84 00:04:42,719 --> 00:04:44,953 Did he... 85 00:04:44,954 --> 00:04:46,252 Hello. 86 00:04:46,253 --> 00:04:48,457 Hey, Stewie, it's me. You got a second? 87 00:04:48,458 --> 00:04:49,791 Brian? Hang on. 88 00:04:49,792 --> 00:04:51,460 Hey, keep it down, you screwballs. 89 00:04:51,461 --> 00:04:53,528 Here, let me just go somewhere a little quieter. 90 00:04:53,529 --> 00:04:56,198 Oh, yeah, right. I'm the screwball. 91 00:04:56,199 --> 00:04:58,301 You and friends say "screwball" a lot. 92 00:04:58,302 --> 00:05:00,737 That's what happens when you run with a screwy crowd. 93 00:05:00,738 --> 00:05:03,122 - What's up with you? - Stewie, I think... 94 00:05:03,123 --> 00:05:05,574 I think Principal Shepherd killed his wife. 95 00:05:05,575 --> 00:05:07,008 What? What are you talking about? 96 00:05:07,009 --> 00:05:09,177 I think I saw him getting rid of her body. 97 00:05:09,178 --> 00:05:11,313 And carrying a bag with something heavy in it. 98 00:05:11,314 --> 00:05:13,882 And... and there was red liquid dripping from it. 99 00:05:13,883 --> 00:05:15,417 Okay, I've got to see this for myself. 100 00:05:15,418 --> 00:05:17,052 Don't do anything. I'm coming over. 101 00:05:17,053 --> 00:05:18,487 Hey, listen, you-you don't think... 102 00:05:18,488 --> 00:05:20,522 you don't think you could snag a couple of rolls 103 00:05:20,523 --> 00:05:21,731 of toilet paper, could you? 104 00:05:23,998 --> 00:05:26,161 - Stewie? - I'm here. I just wanted you 105 00:05:26,162 --> 00:05:28,681 to have to sit with those words for a minute. 106 00:05:32,051 --> 00:05:33,835 Kids, dinner's ready! 107 00:05:33,836 --> 00:05:34,903 "Dinner's ready." 108 00:05:34,904 --> 00:05:36,204 Shut up. 109 00:05:36,205 --> 00:05:39,258 Little of the old schnappster ought to get me right. 110 00:05:40,359 --> 00:05:42,544 'Ey... Chrissay! 111 00:05:42,545 --> 00:05:45,273 Well, that's delightfully informal, Meg. 112 00:05:45,274 --> 00:05:46,900 How the heck are ya? 113 00:05:49,768 --> 00:05:51,887 So, what are you kids doing in school? 114 00:05:51,888 --> 00:05:54,520 I got in trouble for saying something "insensitive" 115 00:05:54,521 --> 00:05:55,891 to trans kids. 116 00:05:55,892 --> 00:05:57,626 - What'd you say? - Well, a few them started 117 00:05:57,627 --> 00:06:00,028 this a cappella group, and they're all kind of chubby. 118 00:06:00,029 --> 00:06:04,299 So I said, "You guys should call yourselves the Trans Fats." 119 00:06:04,300 --> 00:06:07,068 Meg, you'll sit next to me this evening. 120 00:06:07,069 --> 00:06:08,336 But, Dad... 121 00:06:08,337 --> 00:06:10,205 I'm sorry, Chris. You've fallen out of favor. 122 00:06:10,206 --> 00:06:11,538 Perhaps forever. 123 00:06:16,795 --> 00:06:18,647 Oh, Stewie, thank God you're here. 124 00:06:18,648 --> 00:06:20,782 There's a seagull in your hallway. 125 00:06:20,783 --> 00:06:21,950 Listen, what are we gonna do 126 00:06:21,951 --> 00:06:23,552 about this Principal Shepherd thing? 127 00:06:23,553 --> 00:06:26,755 Look, all you know is that the guy was carrying a wet bag. 128 00:06:26,756 --> 00:06:28,390 It doesn't mean he killed his wife. 129 00:06:28,391 --> 00:06:30,426 You're building this whole theory... 130 00:06:30,427 --> 00:06:31,660 What is that noise? 131 00:06:31,661 --> 00:06:33,128 It's a news alert. 132 00:06:33,129 --> 00:06:36,498 "Fiona Shepherd, wife of James Woods High School principal 133 00:06:36,499 --> 00:06:39,167 John Shepherd, has been reported missing." 134 00:06:39,168 --> 00:06:41,830 Oh, my God, maybe he did do it. 135 00:06:41,831 --> 00:06:44,028 You know, there are some bad people in this world. 136 00:06:44,029 --> 00:06:45,273 Hey, you don't got to tell me that. 137 00:06:45,274 --> 00:06:47,342 I learned that in Fight Club. 138 00:06:47,343 --> 00:06:49,911 All right, Stewie, what's the first rule of Fight Club? 139 00:06:49,912 --> 00:06:51,681 G-string underwear. 140 00:06:51,682 --> 00:06:53,915 No. It's "don't talk about Fight Club." 141 00:06:53,916 --> 00:06:56,436 Oh. Well, I really blew it. 142 00:07:03,008 --> 00:07:05,361 Hey-o! What's up in this piece? 143 00:07:05,362 --> 00:07:07,095 You're getting home late. 144 00:07:07,096 --> 00:07:09,331 Yeah. We were hanging out in the woods, and... 145 00:07:11,033 --> 00:07:13,969 this one girl pushed another girl over 146 00:07:13,970 --> 00:07:15,837 while she was peeing. 147 00:07:15,838 --> 00:07:17,839 They fought, and then the cops came. 148 00:07:17,840 --> 00:07:19,140 Meg, this is important. 149 00:07:19,141 --> 00:07:21,176 Did she fall in the pee? 150 00:07:21,177 --> 00:07:22,645 I can smell your breath. 151 00:07:22,646 --> 00:07:24,313 You've been drinking, haven't you? 152 00:07:24,314 --> 00:07:27,849 No! Geez, Mom, get off my back. 153 00:07:27,850 --> 00:07:30,466 Peter, I think she's doing booze. 154 00:07:30,467 --> 00:07:31,698 What should we do? 155 00:07:31,699 --> 00:07:33,321 Lois, she's just being a teenager. 156 00:07:33,322 --> 00:07:36,387 We don't know she's, like, for sure, definitely been drinking. 157 00:07:36,388 --> 00:07:38,159 I found this in her room. 158 00:07:38,160 --> 00:07:39,861 My little girl's a drunk! 159 00:07:39,862 --> 00:07:43,546 Oh, my God, where did we go wrong? 160 00:07:49,155 --> 00:07:50,605 Meg, we need to talk. 161 00:07:50,606 --> 00:07:52,974 What, Mom? But I know what you're gonna say, 162 00:07:52,975 --> 00:07:54,842 and I know how you're gonna say it. 163 00:07:54,843 --> 00:07:56,144 - Oh, really? - Yep. 164 00:07:56,145 --> 00:07:57,712 I don't want you drinkin' 165 00:07:57,713 --> 00:07:59,815 or your life's gonna go down the crappah. 166 00:07:59,816 --> 00:08:01,616 That's not bad. 167 00:08:01,617 --> 00:08:03,685 I-I mean, I sound nothing like that, 168 00:08:03,686 --> 00:08:05,688 but it's a fun character. Heh. 169 00:08:05,689 --> 00:08:06,819 But this is serious. 170 00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:08,821 Alcoholism runs in our family. 171 00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:11,457 Hey, I'm just glad something runs in this family. 172 00:08:12,759 --> 00:08:14,593 I don't mean to... 173 00:08:14,594 --> 00:08:17,464 I-I don't mean to laugh, okay? But that was funny. 174 00:08:17,465 --> 00:08:19,065 Mom, I'm just having fun. 175 00:08:19,066 --> 00:08:21,901 I'm finally known as something other than "the chubby girl 176 00:08:21,902 --> 00:08:23,603 who put the lunch lady in a headlock." 177 00:08:23,604 --> 00:08:25,671 And besides, Dad's the one 178 00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:27,440 who pushed me into going to that party. 179 00:08:27,441 --> 00:08:29,490 Oh, he did, did he? 180 00:08:30,861 --> 00:08:32,444 Son of a bitch. What was that? 181 00:08:32,445 --> 00:08:35,113 I don't know. Someone must've messed something up. 182 00:08:35,114 --> 00:08:37,316 Listen, you need to talk to Meg about her drinking. 183 00:08:37,317 --> 00:08:38,617 What? Why me? 184 00:08:38,618 --> 00:08:39,918 Because you're the one who told her 185 00:08:39,919 --> 00:08:41,820 to start going to these parties. 186 00:08:41,821 --> 00:08:43,288 Okay, fine. 187 00:08:43,289 --> 00:08:45,491 I guess it's just something I got to deal with. 188 00:08:45,492 --> 00:08:47,778 Like the flush of a high-powered toilet. 189 00:08:56,520 --> 00:08:59,638 So, you plan on going back at that banana, huh? 190 00:08:59,639 --> 00:09:00,973 So the bastard killed his wife, 191 00:09:00,974 --> 00:09:02,709 and then reported her missing. 192 00:09:02,710 --> 00:09:04,828 I-I got to... I got to call the cops. 193 00:09:07,147 --> 00:09:09,181 - Quahog Police. - Joe, Joe, it's Brian. 194 00:09:09,182 --> 00:09:10,782 Listen, I have to tell you something. 195 00:09:10,783 --> 00:09:12,362 I-I'm pretty sure 196 00:09:12,363 --> 00:09:14,103 Principal Shepherd killed his wife. 197 00:09:14,104 --> 00:09:16,723 That's a serious accusation. Do you have any proof? 198 00:09:16,724 --> 00:09:18,791 I have something better than proof, 199 00:09:18,792 --> 00:09:21,627 rank suspicion born out of boredom and loneliness. 200 00:09:21,628 --> 00:09:24,162 Sorry, that's just not enough for us to go on. 201 00:09:24,163 --> 00:09:27,602 You must be pretty tired from thinking about all this. 202 00:09:27,603 --> 00:09:30,105 - You ever get bags under your eyes? - What? 203 00:09:30,106 --> 00:09:33,057 I've been using this eye cream, it's done wonders for me. 204 00:09:33,058 --> 00:09:35,463 It's made by a company called Rodan and Fields. 205 00:09:35,464 --> 00:09:36,630 Have you heard of them, Brian? 206 00:09:36,631 --> 00:09:39,211 - Yeah, I-I think, uh... - Oh, they make terrific stuff. 207 00:09:39,212 --> 00:09:40,812 In fact, I was such a fan, 208 00:09:40,813 --> 00:09:42,748 I became a sales consultant for the company. 209 00:09:42,749 --> 00:09:44,349 Listen, Joe, I got to run. 210 00:09:44,350 --> 00:09:46,352 I'm hosting a little get-together tomorrow night, 211 00:09:46,353 --> 00:09:48,588 If you want to stop by. There's gonna be pizza 212 00:09:48,589 --> 00:09:52,025 and soft drinks, then a man's gonna talk about the whole line. 213 00:09:52,026 --> 00:09:54,694 Can I go ahead and confirm your attendance? 214 00:09:54,695 --> 00:09:56,194 Well, that was no help. 215 00:09:56,195 --> 00:09:58,230 What if I go over there and try to find some evidence 216 00:09:58,231 --> 00:09:59,865 - that he did it? - All right, fine. 217 00:09:59,866 --> 00:10:00,933 But you have to be careful. 218 00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:02,701 Don't worry, he won't have any idea. 219 00:10:02,702 --> 00:10:04,002 I'll be more discreet 220 00:10:04,003 --> 00:10:06,723 than a guy standing by himself in the ocean. 221 00:10:08,725 --> 00:10:10,877 - Hey, are you peeing? - No. 222 00:10:10,878 --> 00:10:13,946 - Are you pooping? - I'm just trying to enjoy the day. 223 00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:15,747 Why don't you go bother that guy? 224 00:10:15,748 --> 00:10:18,535 Summer's blown by, huh? 225 00:10:21,571 --> 00:10:23,589 So, your mom says you've been drinking. 226 00:10:23,590 --> 00:10:25,190 Yeah, like, a little bit, but... 227 00:10:25,191 --> 00:10:26,858 but it's nothing you have to worry about. 228 00:10:26,859 --> 00:10:28,795 Look, I-I was young, too, you know. 229 00:10:28,796 --> 00:10:32,198 I-I remember going to parties, walking up with a six pack. 230 00:10:32,199 --> 00:10:35,269 You're so excited to get there, you start jogging a little. 231 00:10:35,270 --> 00:10:37,769 Your friends are all there, and they're so happy to see you, 232 00:10:37,770 --> 00:10:39,404 they're practically cheering your name. 233 00:10:39,405 --> 00:10:42,240 And then "Mony Mony" comes on at just the right time. 234 00:10:42,241 --> 00:10:43,742 And everyone's dancing, 235 00:10:43,743 --> 00:10:46,646 and-and Laura Hallston's jugs are just slamming into you. 236 00:10:46,647 --> 00:10:48,381 You don't have a care in the world, 237 00:10:48,382 --> 00:10:51,316 and if all of it came to an end right then and there, so be it. 238 00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:53,051 Well, you're my daughter, 239 00:10:53,052 --> 00:10:55,887 and I don't want any of that for you. 240 00:10:55,888 --> 00:10:59,242 Hey, you want to see where I was sitting when you were born? 241 00:11:02,779 --> 00:11:05,064 Yeah, I still think about Laura a lot. 242 00:11:05,065 --> 00:11:07,300 You were already drinking tonight, weren't you? 243 00:11:07,301 --> 00:11:09,090 A little. 244 00:11:09,091 --> 00:11:11,403 Well, I can't talk to a drunk person if I'm sober. 245 00:11:11,404 --> 00:11:13,739 Hey, Jerome, can I get a beer, please? 246 00:11:13,740 --> 00:11:16,045 But now I'm starting to sober up, 247 00:11:16,046 --> 00:11:18,911 so I'm gonna need one to keep an even playing field. 248 00:11:18,912 --> 00:11:20,946 All right, but it stays between us. 249 00:11:20,947 --> 00:11:22,481 And what if they card you? 250 00:11:22,482 --> 00:11:24,768 Don't worry. I got it covered. 251 00:11:26,970 --> 00:11:28,754 Wow. That's really good. 252 00:11:28,755 --> 00:11:31,975 Right?! Jerome, make it two! 253 00:12:23,344 --> 00:12:25,410 All right, he's gone. 254 00:12:25,411 --> 00:12:27,847 Now, if I give the word, you've got to get out of there, okay? 255 00:12:27,848 --> 00:12:29,715 Got it. 256 00:12:29,716 --> 00:12:31,349 Oh, my God! 257 00:12:31,350 --> 00:12:32,752 What? What is it? 258 00:12:32,753 --> 00:12:34,319 He sleeps in a bunk bed! 259 00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:36,055 Are you kidding me?! Who is this guy?! 260 00:12:36,056 --> 00:12:38,405 Wait a second. Is that...? 261 00:12:38,406 --> 00:12:40,058 Bri, I'm gonna put you down for a sec. 262 00:12:40,059 --> 00:12:41,636 Stewie, no! Don't. 263 00:12:47,868 --> 00:12:49,334 Stewie, get out of there! 264 00:12:49,335 --> 00:12:51,170 Stewie! Stewie! 265 00:12:51,171 --> 00:12:53,272 Got to get his attention. 266 00:12:55,525 --> 00:12:57,627 Man, just short. 267 00:13:00,263 --> 00:13:02,599 Oh, God. 268 00:13:14,778 --> 00:13:16,556 Domino's. 269 00:13:16,557 --> 00:13:17,671 Oh, good. 270 00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:20,867 Medium pie, ten wings. 271 00:13:20,868 --> 00:13:22,868 Is the blue cheese dressing in there? 272 00:13:22,869 --> 00:13:24,436 Thanks a lot. Have a good one. 273 00:13:31,660 --> 00:13:33,664 Mmm. 274 00:13:40,002 --> 00:13:42,613 He got out! Ha, ha! Yes, Stewie! 275 00:13:54,818 --> 00:13:56,268 Oh, crap. 276 00:13:56,269 --> 00:13:57,969 Oh, my, that was close. 277 00:13:57,970 --> 00:14:00,906 Stewie, he saw you! He saw you leaving his apartment! 278 00:14:00,907 --> 00:14:03,008 Oh. Well... so what? 279 00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:05,128 He doesn't know what we're doing. 280 00:14:08,932 --> 00:14:10,933 What? What is it? 281 00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:13,985 Well, that's... 282 00:14:13,986 --> 00:14:15,754 that's not good. 283 00:14:26,794 --> 00:14:28,355 Dad? Dad, wake up! 284 00:14:28,356 --> 00:14:30,223 - Huh? What happened? - I don't know! 285 00:14:30,224 --> 00:14:32,027 We must have stolen this boat last night. 286 00:14:32,028 --> 00:14:34,046 I-I have no idea where the hell we are! 287 00:14:35,741 --> 00:14:37,726 Oh, no, my cell phone's dead! 288 00:14:37,727 --> 00:14:39,901 I got a little bit of juice left, 289 00:14:39,902 --> 00:14:41,804 so we can either A, call someone, 290 00:14:41,805 --> 00:14:43,606 maybe they answer, maybe they can help, 291 00:14:43,607 --> 00:14:47,142 or B, we can definitely switch faces. 292 00:14:47,143 --> 00:14:49,744 Look at you! Look at me! 293 00:14:49,745 --> 00:14:51,212 That's what this is! 294 00:14:51,213 --> 00:14:53,634 Oh, we're gonna die. 295 00:14:58,665 --> 00:15:00,315 Dad, what are we gonna do? 296 00:15:00,316 --> 00:15:02,751 You think it's too early to tie our shirts around our heads 297 00:15:02,752 --> 00:15:04,352 to show we're going insane? 298 00:15:04,353 --> 00:15:06,355 I mean it, Dad. This is serious. 299 00:15:06,356 --> 00:15:08,091 I did pants instead. 300 00:15:08,092 --> 00:15:10,592 Ugh! I don't feel so hot. 301 00:15:10,593 --> 00:15:11,894 What is wrong with me? 302 00:15:11,895 --> 00:15:14,096 Have you taken a break since you started drinking? 303 00:15:14,097 --> 00:15:15,564 Not until right now. 304 00:15:15,565 --> 00:15:18,034 Do you feel like lying on the couch, rubbing your eyes, 305 00:15:18,035 --> 00:15:19,959 while listening to Lou Reed's "Perfect Day"? 306 00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:21,034 Yes! 307 00:15:21,035 --> 00:15:23,506 Then I'll tell you what's wrong with you. You got a hangover. 308 00:15:23,507 --> 00:15:25,107 What can you do for a hangover? 309 00:15:25,108 --> 00:15:27,075 Well, Meg, so I don't have to think 310 00:15:27,076 --> 00:15:28,410 about my throbbing headache, 311 00:15:28,411 --> 00:15:30,746 I try to think of something else, like a riddle. 312 00:15:30,747 --> 00:15:33,716 Like, how would you describe Chris O'Donnell? 313 00:15:33,717 --> 00:15:37,019 Huh. He's not tall or short. 314 00:15:37,020 --> 00:15:39,221 And he's not fat or thin. 315 00:15:39,222 --> 00:15:41,923 Well, he's not handsome or ugly. 316 00:15:41,924 --> 00:15:45,428 And he's not young or old. 317 00:15:45,429 --> 00:15:47,462 He's not loud or quiet. 318 00:15:47,463 --> 00:15:50,766 Uh, he's not memorable, but-but I know who he is. 319 00:15:50,767 --> 00:15:52,801 Thanks, Dad! 320 00:15:52,802 --> 00:15:54,636 I feel so much better. 321 00:15:54,637 --> 00:15:56,060 But you know who doesn't? 322 00:15:56,061 --> 00:15:57,396 Chris O'Donnell. 323 00:15:57,397 --> 00:15:58,824 Bye, dildo. 324 00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:08,575 Oh, no. Hard shoes on linoleum. 325 00:16:08,576 --> 00:16:09,849 That's a principal! 326 00:16:09,850 --> 00:16:11,915 Brian, a lot of people live in this building, 327 00:16:11,916 --> 00:16:14,322 and you can't tell it's a principal just from a walk. 328 00:16:16,160 --> 00:16:19,495 Excuse me? May I have your attention, please? 329 00:16:19,496 --> 00:16:21,648 Okay, that's probably a principal. 330 00:16:24,517 --> 00:16:26,769 Hey. How are you today? 331 00:16:26,770 --> 00:16:28,303 What can I do for you? 332 00:16:28,304 --> 00:16:29,738 What do you want from me? 333 00:16:29,739 --> 00:16:31,673 Listen, it's... it's-it's not what you think. 334 00:16:31,674 --> 00:16:33,175 Then what is it? 335 00:16:33,176 --> 00:16:36,311 Well... I'm, um... I'm actually doing a documentary 336 00:16:36,312 --> 00:16:37,779 about some of the finest principals 337 00:16:37,780 --> 00:16:39,414 in the country, and... 338 00:16:39,415 --> 00:16:41,016 Ow! Continue. 339 00:16:41,017 --> 00:16:44,319 "Finest principals in the country" and... 340 00:16:44,320 --> 00:16:46,154 Brian! 341 00:16:46,155 --> 00:16:48,491 Stewie! Help me! 342 00:16:48,492 --> 00:16:50,258 How did I get here? 343 00:16:50,259 --> 00:16:53,361 Well, to answer that, you'd have to go back a little while. 344 00:16:53,362 --> 00:16:54,530 We're not doing that! 345 00:16:58,817 --> 00:17:00,969 We found this in a Dumpster 346 00:17:00,970 --> 00:17:02,605 behind Principal Shepherd's building. 347 00:17:02,606 --> 00:17:04,472 That's it. That's-that's the bag! 348 00:17:04,473 --> 00:17:06,192 I guarantee his wife's in there. 349 00:17:09,846 --> 00:17:12,048 Ha! What's the matter, rook? Too heavy for you? 350 00:17:12,049 --> 00:17:13,982 I've actually been a cop for years. 351 00:17:13,983 --> 00:17:15,315 I have tummy cancer. 352 00:17:15,316 --> 00:17:17,838 Oh. Weird way to say that. 353 00:17:19,505 --> 00:17:21,557 What the hell? Bu-But I saw... 354 00:17:21,558 --> 00:17:22,824 Yeah, well, what is all this? 355 00:17:22,825 --> 00:17:24,126 Principal Shepherd, 356 00:17:24,127 --> 00:17:26,561 I think you've got some explaining to do. 357 00:17:26,562 --> 00:17:28,989 Look, I tried to tell you, I didn't kill my wife. 358 00:17:28,990 --> 00:17:31,650 She just texted me today that she's moved out 359 00:17:31,651 --> 00:17:33,336 and she's banging my cousin, 360 00:17:33,337 --> 00:17:35,404 Pat Sajak's accountant, by the way. 361 00:17:35,405 --> 00:17:37,072 It's a weird time to name drop. 362 00:17:37,073 --> 00:17:39,007 And the food, well, I've been stealing it 363 00:17:39,008 --> 00:17:40,876 from the high school to make ends meet. 364 00:17:40,877 --> 00:17:43,345 My life's "kinda brute," as the kids say. 365 00:17:43,346 --> 00:17:45,080 Sounds like you've had a rough day. 366 00:17:45,081 --> 00:17:48,416 No wonder you've got those bags under your eyes. 367 00:17:48,417 --> 00:17:52,821 Have you ever heard of a company called Rodan and Fields? 368 00:17:54,924 --> 00:17:58,426 Ugh. Are all hangovers this bad? 369 00:17:58,427 --> 00:18:01,496 Yup, that's the deal you make with the gods of fun. 370 00:18:01,497 --> 00:18:03,598 Every 72 hours, you lose a day. 371 00:18:03,599 --> 00:18:06,067 Dad, you're so sunburnt. 372 00:18:06,068 --> 00:18:08,503 I can't move because it hurts too bad. 373 00:18:08,504 --> 00:18:10,105 Ugh. This is awful. 374 00:18:10,106 --> 00:18:12,707 We don't even know if anyone's looking for us. 375 00:18:12,708 --> 00:18:14,609 Look, don't worry. We're gonna be okay. 376 00:18:14,610 --> 00:18:16,578 This is why you shouldn't drink. 377 00:18:16,579 --> 00:18:18,847 Booze is nothing but trouble, and you don't need it. 378 00:18:18,848 --> 00:18:20,882 You got a good brain in your head. 379 00:18:20,883 --> 00:18:24,252 Thanks, Dad, and if this is what drinking makes you feel like, 380 00:18:24,253 --> 00:18:25,854 you don't have to worry about it. 381 00:18:25,855 --> 00:18:28,089 I am done with booze. 382 00:18:28,090 --> 00:18:30,025 Aw, I'm glad to hear that. 383 00:18:30,026 --> 00:18:31,927 And I'm sorry I pushed it on you. 384 00:18:31,928 --> 00:18:34,262 I just... I just wanted to watch TV. 385 00:18:34,263 --> 00:18:36,564 I don't want to see you waste opportunities 386 00:18:36,565 --> 00:18:38,401 'cause you were out partying. 387 00:18:38,402 --> 00:18:39,902 That's what I did. 388 00:18:39,903 --> 00:18:41,904 You just worry about being you. 389 00:18:41,905 --> 00:18:43,405 Don't worry, Dad. 390 00:18:43,406 --> 00:18:45,540 I'll never be anything like you. 391 00:18:45,541 --> 00:18:47,460 That's my girl. 392 00:18:48,493 --> 00:18:50,997 Dad, look! 393 00:18:52,798 --> 00:18:55,402 Oh, my God. Meg, we're saved! 394 00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:02,724 Thank God you found us. 395 00:19:02,725 --> 00:19:04,793 We're so glad you picked us up... 396 00:19:04,794 --> 00:19:06,795 - Chris O'Donnell? - That's right. 397 00:19:06,796 --> 00:19:09,565 And I hope you like turbulence, dildos. 398 00:19:09,566 --> 00:19:11,466 The actual Chris O'Donnell 399 00:19:11,467 --> 00:19:14,002 is not a Coast Guard helicopter pilot. 400 00:19:14,003 --> 00:19:16,346 We assume he's probably too short. 401 00:19:21,148 --> 00:19:22,912 Oh, my God. Brian, are you okay? 402 00:19:22,913 --> 00:19:24,280 Yeah, I'm fine. 403 00:19:24,281 --> 00:19:25,647 Annie, are you okay? 404 00:19:25,648 --> 00:19:28,283 So, Annie, are you okay? Are you okay, Annie? 405 00:19:28,284 --> 00:19:29,784 What happened to her? 406 00:19:29,785 --> 00:19:31,119 She was hit by, uh... 407 00:19:31,120 --> 00:19:32,954 She was struck by a smooth criminal. 408 00:19:32,955 --> 00:19:34,622 That was fun, Mom. 409 00:19:34,623 --> 00:19:37,259 We don't get to do a lot of that kind of stuff together. 410 00:19:37,260 --> 00:19:40,295 Listen, Brian, we want you to come home again. 411 00:19:40,296 --> 00:19:43,698 Oh, so the Twitter pariah is finally welcome home? 412 00:19:43,699 --> 00:19:46,635 No, but the school board hero dog is. 413 00:19:46,636 --> 00:19:48,471 It was all over the papers. 414 00:19:48,472 --> 00:19:51,940 You saved the school $206 from all the food they recovered 415 00:19:51,941 --> 00:19:53,808 from Principal Shepherd's fridge. 416 00:19:53,809 --> 00:19:56,511 So... you really want me to come home? 417 00:19:56,512 --> 00:19:58,613 They're still gonna serve that food? 418 00:19:58,614 --> 00:20:00,743 Of course we do. 419 00:20:02,101 --> 00:20:03,519 Hey, where's everyone else? 420 00:20:03,520 --> 00:20:05,954 Oh, my God. Peter, what happened? 421 00:20:05,955 --> 00:20:08,422 What happened? A fair question. 422 00:20:08,423 --> 00:20:10,658 And to answer it, we have to go back a ways. 423 00:20:10,659 --> 00:20:13,045 - Stop doing that thing! - Aw. 424 00:20:16,257 --> 00:20:19,143 Brian, I got to say, it's great to have you home again, buddy. 425 00:20:19,144 --> 00:20:20,645 Well, it's great to be here. 426 00:20:20,646 --> 00:20:21,980 Living on my own was fun, 427 00:20:21,981 --> 00:20:24,082 but I couldn't stop thinking about all the stuff 428 00:20:24,083 --> 00:20:25,616 I was missing being away from you guys. 429 00:20:25,617 --> 00:20:27,585 Did you ever finish that banana, Brian? 430 00:20:27,586 --> 00:20:30,688 And, Meg, I hope you learned your lesson about drinking. 431 00:20:30,689 --> 00:20:34,127 Yeah, I think I'd rather live my life as a loser 432 00:20:34,128 --> 00:20:36,101 than feel bad once in a while. 433 00:20:36,102 --> 00:20:38,954 Well, I hope you know that you're our loser. 434 00:20:38,955 --> 00:20:40,716 Thanks, Mom. 435 00:20:47,957 --> 00:20:50,509 If my life were better here, 436 00:20:50,510 --> 00:20:54,497 would I stop searching for it... up there? 437 00:20:54,498 --> 00:20:58,720 Sync and corrections by btsix www.addic7ed.com