1 00:00:01,194 --> 00:00:04,384 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:04,409 --> 00:00:07,723 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:07,815 --> 00:00:10,884 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:10,935 --> 00:00:13,854 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:13,905 --> 00:00:17,774 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:17,859 --> 00:00:20,727 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:21,281 --> 00:00:22,815 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:22,930 --> 00:00:24,230 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:24,298 --> 00:00:29,611 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪ 10 00:00:29,636 --> 00:00:33,136 ♪ Family Guy 10x03 ♪ Screams of Silence: The Story of Brenda Q Original Air Date on October 30, 2011 11 00:00:33,137 --> 00:00:36,637 == sync, corrected by elderman == 12 00:00:37,324 --> 00:00:39,125 Good morning! 13 00:00:39,159 --> 00:00:40,993 Is what normal families say. 14 00:00:41,061 --> 00:00:42,879 Lois, I'll take my breakfast to go. 15 00:00:42,930 --> 00:00:44,547 I'm going fishing with the fellas. 16 00:00:44,615 --> 00:00:46,249 Peter, I thought we were going to have 17 00:00:46,316 --> 00:00:47,550 some family time this weekend. 18 00:00:47,618 --> 00:00:48,851 You're going fishing again? 19 00:00:48,919 --> 00:00:50,286 Yes, Lois. I love fishing. 20 00:00:50,354 --> 00:00:52,221 Remember, fishing was my not-at-all-memorable job 21 00:00:52,289 --> 00:00:53,773 for two years? - No. 22 00:00:53,840 --> 00:00:55,474 You don't remember my fishing boat? 23 00:00:55,559 --> 00:00:57,009 You don't remember Santos and Pasqual? 24 00:00:57,077 --> 00:00:58,260 Not even a little. 25 00:00:58,312 --> 00:00:59,579 They were like male Consuelas. 26 00:00:59,646 --> 00:01:01,764 It was a mistake making 'em Portuguese, though. 27 00:01:01,815 --> 00:01:03,649 People don't even know what a Portuguese is. 28 00:01:05,402 --> 00:01:08,070 That's what I thought a Portuguese was. 29 00:01:08,121 --> 00:01:10,373 Me and my brain, huh? 30 00:01:10,440 --> 00:01:12,341 And we're just getting started! 31 00:01:15,329 --> 00:01:18,164 Boy, it's not like Quagmire to be this late. 32 00:01:18,248 --> 00:01:21,000 Yeah. 33 00:01:21,084 --> 00:01:22,451 Jeez, I've never tried 34 00:01:22,502 --> 00:01:24,170 to make conversation with just Joe before. 35 00:01:24,254 --> 00:01:25,838 This is brutal. 36 00:01:25,906 --> 00:01:27,707 Come on, Joe, you're losing him. 37 00:01:27,774 --> 00:01:28,941 Think of something. 38 00:01:29,009 --> 00:01:30,459 This was your shot. 39 00:01:30,527 --> 00:01:33,312 Two thirds of the planet is water. 40 00:01:33,380 --> 00:01:34,931 Yeah. 41 00:01:34,982 --> 00:01:37,283 Two thirds of the planet is water? 42 00:01:37,351 --> 00:01:39,402 This guy's okay. 43 00:01:39,469 --> 00:01:40,987 All right, well, um, 44 00:01:41,054 --> 00:01:43,322 we should probably go find out what's keeping Quagmire. 45 00:01:43,390 --> 00:01:44,574 Yeah, I guess you're right. 46 00:01:44,641 --> 00:01:46,459 And you know, Joe, uh, I was thinking. 47 00:01:46,526 --> 00:01:48,995 Maybe one night we get dinner, just the two of us. 48 00:01:49,062 --> 00:01:50,196 I would like that. 49 00:01:53,550 --> 00:01:54,750 Hey, Quagmire? 50 00:01:54,818 --> 00:01:56,752 You in there? 51 00:01:58,322 --> 00:01:59,989 Holy crap! 52 00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:01,374 Oh, my God! 53 00:02:01,458 --> 00:02:04,043 He must have autoerotically asphyxiated himself! 54 00:02:04,111 --> 00:02:06,345 Yeah, while he was watching clown porn. 55 00:02:06,413 --> 00:02:08,080 Oh, yeah, baby. 56 00:02:08,148 --> 00:02:10,683 Oh yeah, baby! You make me so horny! 57 00:02:11,885 --> 00:02:14,003 Come on, help me get him down! 58 00:02:18,325 --> 00:02:19,659 Peter, he's still alive! 59 00:02:19,726 --> 00:02:21,727 We got to get him to a hospital! 60 00:02:21,795 --> 00:02:24,063 All right, but let's just watch the end of this clown porn first. 61 00:02:31,538 --> 00:02:34,023 Oh, Peter, we came as soon as we heard. 62 00:02:34,091 --> 00:02:35,224 How is he? 63 00:02:35,292 --> 00:02:36,759 He's in a coma, Lois. 64 00:02:36,827 --> 00:02:38,995 My God, what the hell happened? 65 00:02:39,046 --> 00:02:41,981 He hung himself during autoerotic asphyxiation. 66 00:02:42,049 --> 00:02:44,116 Just goes to show anything can be dangerous. 67 00:02:44,184 --> 00:02:45,818 Is his family here? 68 00:02:45,886 --> 00:02:48,137 His sister Brenda is coming with her boyfriend, Jeff. 69 00:02:48,205 --> 00:02:49,789 Oh, my God, not that guy. 70 00:02:49,856 --> 00:02:51,374 Is she still with him? 71 00:02:51,441 --> 00:02:53,042 Isn't he the one that beats her? 72 00:02:53,110 --> 00:02:54,543 Yeah, but she's gotten a lot better. 73 00:02:57,147 --> 00:02:59,048 All right, on the way back, 74 00:02:59,116 --> 00:03:01,817 I get to pick the radio station, because that was awful. 75 00:03:01,885 --> 00:03:04,353 I know, yeah, it was, I'm sorry. 76 00:03:04,421 --> 00:03:06,288 Oh, God, I just... I hope Glenn's okay. 77 00:03:06,356 --> 00:03:07,523 I'm so worried about him. 78 00:03:07,591 --> 00:03:08,958 Shut up and limp! 79 00:03:09,026 --> 00:03:10,559 We're in a handicapped spot, you slut! 80 00:03:13,714 --> 00:03:15,247 Well, Miss Quagmire, 81 00:03:15,315 --> 00:03:16,849 your brother Glenn is lucky to be alive. 82 00:03:16,917 --> 00:03:20,920 You know, we're all lucky to be alive on such a beautiful day. 83 00:03:20,987 --> 00:03:23,856 In fact, nurse-- all surgeries are outside today. 84 00:03:23,924 --> 00:03:25,841 You know, when we were kids, 85 00:03:25,909 --> 00:03:28,327 our mother used to sing a song when we were sad. 86 00:03:28,395 --> 00:03:29,945 Maybe that'll help now. 87 00:03:30,013 --> 00:03:32,248 Come on, Brenda, a stupid nursery rhyme 88 00:03:32,315 --> 00:03:34,650 isn't going to wake him up, especially the way you sing. 89 00:03:34,718 --> 00:03:35,935 Right, man? 90 00:03:36,002 --> 00:03:37,503 Gyaaaa. 91 00:03:37,571 --> 00:03:41,891 ♪ Glenn, don't die from autoerotic asphyxiation ♪ 92 00:03:41,942 --> 00:03:45,027 ♪ Your friends want to go fishing with you... ♪ 93 00:03:45,095 --> 00:03:46,595 This song is from childhood? 94 00:03:46,646 --> 00:03:52,651 ♪ Live to see tomorrow, October 31, 2011. ♪ 95 00:03:55,372 --> 00:03:57,339 Where am I? 96 00:03:57,407 --> 00:03:58,374 What happened? 97 00:03:58,442 --> 00:03:59,742 Oh, Glenn! 98 00:03:59,810 --> 00:04:01,544 Oh, thank God you're all right! 99 00:04:01,611 --> 00:04:03,095 Hey, you touching my girl?! 100 00:04:03,163 --> 00:04:04,230 Relax, Jeff. That's her brother. 101 00:04:04,297 --> 00:04:05,598 Yeah, that's how it starts. 102 00:04:05,665 --> 00:04:07,767 Come on, Brenda, we got to get out of here. 103 00:04:07,834 --> 00:04:08,918 I need cigarettes and jeans. 104 00:04:13,824 --> 00:04:16,092 Oh, thanks, you guys, for all your help through this. 105 00:04:16,159 --> 00:04:18,761 Oh, Glenn, we're just so glad you're all right. 106 00:04:18,812 --> 00:04:20,396 And Jeff and I are happy to stay here with you 107 00:04:20,463 --> 00:04:22,064 for as long as you need. 108 00:04:22,132 --> 00:04:24,183 Fine, then you call my cousin Terry 109 00:04:24,251 --> 00:04:26,602 and tell him we're not going to be at his karate recital! 110 00:04:26,670 --> 00:04:28,471 Well, Jeff, he is my brother. 111 00:04:28,538 --> 00:04:31,140 Why do you always got to remind me I didn't finish high school? 112 00:04:31,208 --> 00:04:34,777 Well, listen, how about I make us all some dinner, huh? 113 00:04:34,845 --> 00:04:35,945 Come here! 114 00:04:38,365 --> 00:04:39,665 You fat, ugly bitch! 115 00:04:39,733 --> 00:04:41,300 If today wasn't your birthday... 116 00:04:41,368 --> 00:04:42,968 Jeff! Please, you're being... 117 00:04:43,036 --> 00:04:44,470 What?! What am I being?! 118 00:04:44,538 --> 00:04:45,905 Crazy?! Unemployed?! 119 00:04:45,972 --> 00:04:48,274 Why don't you call the cops like you did on Christmas?! 120 00:04:48,341 --> 00:04:50,409 I-I-I didn't call them! They were called! 121 00:04:50,477 --> 00:04:53,345 Oh, now you're calling me a liar in front of this cat?! 122 00:04:53,413 --> 00:04:54,580 I got another cat. 123 00:05:00,276 --> 00:05:02,945 Aw, that yellow lab looks like it's dying. 124 00:05:02,978 --> 00:05:04,212 Peter, that's Gwyneth Paltrow. 125 00:05:04,280 --> 00:05:05,380 She's fine. 126 00:05:05,447 --> 00:05:07,065 Look, turn off the light. 127 00:05:07,132 --> 00:05:09,834 I just want to get to sleep and put this ugly night behind us. 128 00:05:09,902 --> 00:05:12,270 All that unpleasantness with Brenda and Jeff 129 00:05:12,338 --> 00:05:13,571 was more than I can handle. 130 00:05:13,639 --> 00:05:15,073 It's no big deal, Lois. 131 00:05:15,140 --> 00:05:16,530 We probably just caught 'em on an off night. 132 00:05:16,531 --> 00:05:17,991 Where do you get off calling me a deadbeat 133 00:05:18,016 --> 00:05:19,216 in front of your brother?! 134 00:05:19,828 --> 00:05:22,197 No, Jeff, a-a-all I said was that you were in between jobs! 135 00:05:22,264 --> 00:05:24,098 Well, it wouldn't matter 136 00:05:24,166 --> 00:05:25,700 if you'd just pick up that night shift at the prison! 137 00:05:25,768 --> 00:05:28,236 But then I'll be working a hundred hours a week. 138 00:05:28,304 --> 00:05:29,454 So what?! 139 00:05:29,505 --> 00:05:31,956 I need money for motor oil and wallet chains! 140 00:05:32,007 --> 00:05:34,259 Okay, I'll ask about it Monday. 141 00:05:34,326 --> 00:05:35,826 Can I put my nightgown back on? 142 00:05:35,878 --> 00:05:38,246 No, I'm not done drawing! 143 00:05:45,154 --> 00:05:47,222 Hey, Peter. 144 00:05:47,289 --> 00:05:49,023 Geez, Quagmire, you look terrible. 145 00:05:49,091 --> 00:05:51,609 Oh, I didn't get any sleep. 146 00:05:51,677 --> 00:05:52,877 Hi, Glenn. How are you? 147 00:05:52,945 --> 00:05:54,312 Not great, Lois. 148 00:05:54,380 --> 00:05:56,731 I'm stuck in the middle of some bad stuff with my sister. 149 00:05:56,815 --> 00:05:59,150 I know, it sounded like there was quite a ruckus going on 150 00:05:59,218 --> 00:06:00,852 over there last night. 151 00:06:00,920 --> 00:06:02,604 That Jeff seems like kind of a monster. 152 00:06:02,671 --> 00:06:04,939 Yeah, that guy's scary as an Iraq Lobster. 153 00:06:10,496 --> 00:06:11,796 ♪ Death to America ♪ 154 00:06:13,299 --> 00:06:14,532 ♪ And butter sauce ♪ 155 00:06:15,751 --> 00:06:16,901 ♪ Don't boil me ♪ 156 00:06:18,337 --> 00:06:20,505 ♪ I'm still alive ♪ 157 00:06:20,573 --> 00:06:21,806 ♪ Iraq Lobster ♪ 158 00:06:25,678 --> 00:06:27,745 ♪ Iraq Lobster. ♪ 159 00:06:31,617 --> 00:06:33,952 I've tried talking to Brenda about leaving him, 160 00:06:34,019 --> 00:06:35,620 but I haven't gotten anywhere. 161 00:06:35,688 --> 00:06:37,755 I was actually hoping you could talk to her, Lois. 162 00:06:37,823 --> 00:06:40,491 She might open up more to you, you know, 'cause you're a woman. 163 00:06:40,559 --> 00:06:43,094 - Me? - Yeah, would you mind at least trying? 164 00:06:43,162 --> 00:06:45,563 Well, I guess she does need someone to talk to. 165 00:06:45,631 --> 00:06:47,081 Well, let's hope she's good at talking 166 00:06:47,149 --> 00:06:48,933 'cause we know she doesn't listen so good. 167 00:06:49,001 --> 00:06:50,435 That... we know. 168 00:06:53,138 --> 00:06:55,473 You know, Brenda, I'm glad we could get together. 169 00:06:55,541 --> 00:06:56,774 Me, too, Lois. 170 00:06:56,842 --> 00:06:58,643 It's nice to have a girlfriend to chat with. 171 00:06:58,711 --> 00:07:00,111 Don't you have any back home? 172 00:07:00,179 --> 00:07:02,146 Oh, no. Jeff would never allow that. 173 00:07:02,214 --> 00:07:03,598 You know, that's kind of what 174 00:07:03,666 --> 00:07:05,466 I want to talk to you about, Brenda. 175 00:07:05,534 --> 00:07:07,068 Do you mind taking off your sunglasses? 176 00:07:09,822 --> 00:07:11,255 Oh, my God. 177 00:07:11,323 --> 00:07:13,124 No, i-it's really not that bad. 178 00:07:13,192 --> 00:07:14,726 It only hurts when I see. 179 00:07:14,793 --> 00:07:16,394 You know, you don't have to stay with a man 180 00:07:16,462 --> 00:07:17,862 who treats you that way. 181 00:07:17,929 --> 00:07:19,881 Oh, Jeff's sweet. 182 00:07:19,948 --> 00:07:22,717 You don't see how soft and gentle he hits me when we're alone. 183 00:07:22,785 --> 00:07:24,152 Do you hear yourself? 184 00:07:24,219 --> 00:07:25,887 He shouldn't be hitting you at all. 185 00:07:25,954 --> 00:07:28,356 I don't think you understand how serious a matter... 186 00:07:28,424 --> 00:07:29,874 Close your menu. What? 187 00:07:29,942 --> 00:07:31,959 Close your menu, so they know we're ready to order. 188 00:07:32,027 --> 00:07:33,211 I'll give you another moment. 189 00:07:33,278 --> 00:07:34,495 Damn it. 190 00:07:34,563 --> 00:07:37,248 I'm sorry. Oh, shoot. 191 00:07:37,316 --> 00:07:39,250 See, this is why Jeff corrects me all the time. 192 00:07:39,318 --> 00:07:40,735 Corrects you? 193 00:07:40,803 --> 00:07:43,071 Brenda, he's not correcting you, he's beating you! 194 00:07:43,138 --> 00:07:45,673 Well, I-I-I can see why you'd think that 195 00:07:45,741 --> 00:07:47,408 'cause of the punches and all, 196 00:07:47,476 --> 00:07:50,044 but it's just that Jeff's been so angry about immigrants. 197 00:07:50,112 --> 00:07:51,379 What?! 198 00:07:51,447 --> 00:07:53,481 It'll be better when he gets back to work. 199 00:07:53,549 --> 00:07:55,500 Our relationship is just complicated, that's all. 200 00:07:55,567 --> 00:07:57,935 No, Brenda, it's not complicated. 201 00:07:58,003 --> 00:07:59,404 Trying to get a straight answer 202 00:07:59,471 --> 00:08:01,639 out of a 23-year-old girl is complicated. 203 00:08:01,707 --> 00:08:03,524 So, do you want to go out some time? 204 00:08:03,592 --> 00:08:05,960 Out like, go out or hang out or just do something? 205 00:08:06,028 --> 00:08:07,261 Like a date. 206 00:08:07,329 --> 00:08:08,696 Like a date date? Or like a date? 207 00:08:08,764 --> 00:08:10,415 Both, I... I guess. 208 00:08:10,482 --> 00:08:12,333 Yeah, sure, maybe. I don't know. Yes, no. 209 00:08:12,418 --> 00:08:14,118 Here's the first three digits of my phone number. 210 00:08:14,186 --> 00:08:15,687 E-mail me. 211 00:08:18,857 --> 00:08:20,124 Joe, the guy's a menace. 212 00:08:20,192 --> 00:08:22,009 They've been with me three days now, 213 00:08:22,077 --> 00:08:24,312 and all he does is beat her day and night. 214 00:08:24,380 --> 00:08:25,963 And on top of that, they say they don't need 215 00:08:26,014 --> 00:08:27,515 to be entertained, but then they're always like, 216 00:08:27,583 --> 00:08:28,966 "Hey, so what're we doing? What's next?" 217 00:08:29,017 --> 00:08:30,968 Hey, Joe, can't you... can't you just arrest the guy? 218 00:08:31,019 --> 00:08:32,620 I can't arrest Jeff 219 00:08:32,688 --> 00:08:35,189 unless Brenda files a formal complaint with the police. 220 00:08:35,257 --> 00:08:36,491 She won't go to the police. 221 00:08:36,558 --> 00:08:38,659 She's afraid of what Jeff will do. 222 00:08:38,727 --> 00:08:40,027 And to be honest, I don't blame her. 223 00:08:40,095 --> 00:08:41,879 I mean, w-w-what happens if one of these nights, 224 00:08:41,947 --> 00:08:43,214 he hits her so hard he kills her? 225 00:08:43,282 --> 00:08:44,682 Sorry, Quagmire. 226 00:08:44,750 --> 00:08:47,919 Police policy, we can't step in until it's too late. 227 00:08:47,986 --> 00:08:50,054 But if I were you, I'd set up an intervention. 228 00:08:50,122 --> 00:08:51,289 What's that? 229 00:08:51,356 --> 00:08:53,091 It's like a surprise birthday party, 230 00:08:53,158 --> 00:08:55,993 but instead of cake and presents, there's angry letters 231 00:08:56,061 --> 00:08:57,295 and someone who inappropriately tries 232 00:08:57,362 --> 00:08:58,629 to make it about themselves. 233 00:08:58,697 --> 00:09:00,198 Aw, that sounds great! 234 00:09:00,265 --> 00:09:01,999 I bet I would really shine at one of those. 235 00:09:04,770 --> 00:09:06,971 All right, well, first we want to thank you all 236 00:09:07,039 --> 00:09:08,639 for being here for Brenda. 237 00:09:08,707 --> 00:09:10,508 Now, I know it's going to be a long day, 238 00:09:10,576 --> 00:09:13,795 but we're all here because we care about her very much. 239 00:09:13,862 --> 00:09:15,296 What the... what's going on? 240 00:09:15,364 --> 00:09:16,547 What's all this? 241 00:09:16,598 --> 00:09:18,483 Brenda, this is an intervention. 242 00:09:18,550 --> 00:09:20,852 A lot of us don't like how Jeff's been treating you. 243 00:09:20,919 --> 00:09:22,653 So we're going to say a few things, 244 00:09:22,721 --> 00:09:25,089 and then you'll say a few things, and then we'll be done. 245 00:09:25,157 --> 00:09:26,257 Sound good? 246 00:09:26,325 --> 00:09:27,725 Um... I guess. 247 00:09:27,793 --> 00:09:30,495 All right, so we're going to go around the room and tell you 248 00:09:30,562 --> 00:09:32,680 exactly how your situation has affected each of us. 249 00:09:32,748 --> 00:09:34,182 Meg? 250 00:09:34,249 --> 00:09:37,618 I feel like if he likes you, maybe you can change him. 251 00:09:37,686 --> 00:09:39,120 Okay, maybe she wasn't the one to start with. 252 00:09:39,188 --> 00:09:40,271 Caleb? 253 00:09:43,108 --> 00:09:45,443 Caleb, you want to go ahead? 254 00:09:45,511 --> 00:09:47,094 M... M... me? 255 00:09:47,162 --> 00:09:48,162 Yeah, go ahead. 256 00:09:48,230 --> 00:09:50,481 Uh... It's Chris. 257 00:09:50,549 --> 00:09:52,116 Y-You don't know my name? 258 00:09:52,184 --> 00:09:53,951 All right, this isn't off to a flying start. 259 00:09:54,019 --> 00:09:55,553 Peter, why don't you go ahead? 260 00:09:55,621 --> 00:09:57,722 So, you like getting beaten, huh? 261 00:09:57,790 --> 00:09:59,991 Well, why don't you smoke a whole carton of cigarettes! 262 00:10:00,058 --> 00:10:01,809 Look, I know what you guys are trying to do, 263 00:10:01,894 --> 00:10:03,361 but Jeff and I are fine. 264 00:10:03,428 --> 00:10:05,897 No, Brenda, you're not fine, okay? 265 00:10:05,964 --> 00:10:08,282 Please, I'd like to say something, if I may. 266 00:10:09,718 --> 00:10:13,604 "Brenda, the fact that you are being abused 267 00:10:13,655 --> 00:10:16,324 "has affected my life in the following ways: 268 00:10:16,408 --> 00:10:19,109 "The sister that I knew and loved growing up 269 00:10:19,161 --> 00:10:21,629 "no longer exists. 270 00:10:21,713 --> 00:10:25,249 "The person I see before me now is just a punching bag. 271 00:10:25,300 --> 00:10:28,386 "And I call you 'person' and not 'woman' 272 00:10:28,453 --> 00:10:31,472 "because a woman is a strong, beautiful, vibrant creature. 273 00:10:31,557 --> 00:10:33,925 "A woman embraces life. 274 00:10:33,976 --> 00:10:36,661 "A woman makes choices to make her life better. 275 00:10:36,728 --> 00:10:40,965 "Sadly, the fact that you are with Jeff, proves to me 276 00:10:41,033 --> 00:10:45,469 that you have made a choice to make your life worse." 277 00:10:45,537 --> 00:10:48,105 I-I want the girl I grew up with back. 278 00:10:48,173 --> 00:10:52,527 I want... I want my sister back. 279 00:10:52,611 --> 00:10:55,830 Brenda, I love you. 280 00:10:55,914 --> 00:10:57,932 Please make the right decision. 281 00:10:58,000 --> 00:10:59,867 Which is a perfect time for me to tell my jokes. 282 00:10:59,952 --> 00:11:01,151 Peter! 283 00:11:01,203 --> 00:11:02,587 And I will save them for the end. 284 00:11:06,158 --> 00:11:08,860 Glenn, I am so lucky 285 00:11:08,927 --> 00:11:12,630 to have such a wonderful, loving brother like you. 286 00:11:17,102 --> 00:11:19,971 So, are you gonna leave him? 287 00:11:20,022 --> 00:11:22,139 Oh, there you are! 288 00:11:22,190 --> 00:11:24,692 Hey, give me some money! I saw a cool bandana. 289 00:11:24,760 --> 00:11:26,460 What the hell's going on here?! 290 00:11:26,528 --> 00:11:28,696 Listen here, you bully! For your information, 291 00:11:28,764 --> 00:11:30,064 Brenda just agreed to leave you! 292 00:11:30,132 --> 00:11:31,682 Like hell she did. 293 00:11:31,750 --> 00:11:32,717 Brenda, you tell 'em? 294 00:11:32,784 --> 00:11:34,218 No, not yet. 295 00:11:34,286 --> 00:11:36,954 Everyone... I have wonderful news. 296 00:11:37,022 --> 00:11:39,423 Jeff and I are getting married. 297 00:11:40,626 --> 00:11:41,909 I'd show you the ring, 298 00:11:41,977 --> 00:11:43,527 but it's under the splint. 299 00:11:43,595 --> 00:11:45,296 My finger fell down the stairs. 300 00:11:45,364 --> 00:11:46,864 You're getting married?! 301 00:11:46,932 --> 00:11:48,749 Yeah, but only 'cause she's pregnant. 302 00:11:48,834 --> 00:11:49,934 Pregnant?! 303 00:11:50,002 --> 00:11:52,353 Oh, congratulations! 304 00:11:52,421 --> 00:11:54,038 Have you thought of any names yet? 305 00:11:54,106 --> 00:11:55,840 Maybe... maybe "Slappy"? 306 00:11:55,908 --> 00:11:57,341 Or-or "Bruisey"? 307 00:11:57,409 --> 00:11:59,076 Or "Keep-It-Down- In-There-sy"? 308 00:12:04,753 --> 00:12:06,654 Guys, what the hell am I gonna do? 309 00:12:06,698 --> 00:12:07,832 She can't marry that bastard. 310 00:12:07,899 --> 00:12:09,300 He's just gonna keep beatin' her, 311 00:12:09,368 --> 00:12:11,235 and then he's gonna beat the kid, too! 312 00:12:11,303 --> 00:12:13,738 God, I wish she'd never met Jeffrey Fecalman. 313 00:12:13,805 --> 00:12:15,573 You know, I was thinking... Wait, what? 314 00:12:15,640 --> 00:12:17,174 What? That's his name? 315 00:12:17,242 --> 00:12:19,076 Yeah. Huh-larious. 316 00:12:19,144 --> 00:12:20,811 But you know, I was thinking this afternoon, 317 00:12:20,879 --> 00:12:23,147 what the hell happened to the days when a guy does something 318 00:12:23,215 --> 00:12:26,500 like that to a girl, and a bunch of us guys get together 319 00:12:26,568 --> 00:12:28,969 and just go kick his (bleep) ass? 320 00:12:29,037 --> 00:12:30,938 Boy, that'd be satisfying. 321 00:12:31,006 --> 00:12:33,040 Well... why not? 322 00:12:33,108 --> 00:12:34,208 What do you mean? 323 00:12:34,276 --> 00:12:35,543 The three of us. 324 00:12:35,610 --> 00:12:37,478 We go over there and we do what's right; 325 00:12:37,546 --> 00:12:38,579 we kill the bastard. 326 00:12:38,647 --> 00:12:40,147 Whoa, whoa, Quagmire. 327 00:12:40,215 --> 00:12:42,516 You know, I could arrest you just for saying that. 328 00:12:42,584 --> 00:12:43,884 You know what else you can get arrested for? 329 00:12:43,952 --> 00:12:45,186 Soliciting a rooster. 330 00:12:45,253 --> 00:12:48,322 I don't know what this cock-a-doodle-doo thing is, 331 00:12:48,390 --> 00:12:50,591 but it sounds gay and it sounds scatological. 332 00:12:50,659 --> 00:12:52,226 I'm in. 333 00:12:52,294 --> 00:12:54,495 You're about to have a neat day. 334 00:12:54,563 --> 00:12:56,597 Quagmire, you're talking about murdering a guy. 335 00:12:56,665 --> 00:12:57,865 It doesn't matter 336 00:12:57,933 --> 00:12:59,867 what he's done, it's still murder. 337 00:12:59,935 --> 00:13:01,669 No, Joe, it does matter what he's done! 338 00:13:01,737 --> 00:13:03,704 These kinds of guys don't change. 339 00:13:03,772 --> 00:13:06,173 Y-you think they ever suddenly wake up and realize 340 00:13:06,241 --> 00:13:08,876 the error of their ways and clean up their act? No! 341 00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:10,394 They just keep ruining everyone's lives, 342 00:13:10,462 --> 00:13:12,313 and the world is better off without 'em. 343 00:13:12,380 --> 00:13:13,781 It's against the law, Quagmire, 344 00:13:13,849 --> 00:13:14,949 and that's the end of it. 345 00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:19,587 What the hell?! Did you change the channel 346 00:13:19,654 --> 00:13:21,155 while I was going to get a beer?! 347 00:13:21,223 --> 00:13:23,224 Oh, yeah, I-I'm sorry, honey, I just wanted 348 00:13:23,291 --> 00:13:24,475 to see who was on Letterman. 349 00:13:24,543 --> 00:13:26,077 We're watching Leno, you bitch! 350 00:13:26,144 --> 00:13:27,328 I'm so sorry! 351 00:13:27,395 --> 00:13:29,630 His soft, gentle humor connects effortlessly 352 00:13:29,698 --> 00:13:31,982 with my mainstream sensibilities! 353 00:13:34,219 --> 00:13:35,986 Let's waste this dick. 354 00:13:37,589 --> 00:13:39,790 Boy, everything's different now than it used to be, isn't it? 355 00:13:39,858 --> 00:13:42,393 You know, this morning I had a bowl of Fruity Pebbles cereal. 356 00:13:42,461 --> 00:13:44,428 Yeah, yeah. When I was a kid, they were boulders! 357 00:13:48,967 --> 00:13:51,118 Cereals do change. 358 00:13:51,186 --> 00:13:52,470 Oh, no, no. Here's something, here's something. 359 00:13:52,537 --> 00:13:53,654 Did you hear about this? 360 00:13:53,722 --> 00:13:55,239 Here's a bunch of words in a row: 361 00:13:55,307 --> 00:13:56,874 because the economy's so bad, 362 00:13:56,942 --> 00:13:58,559 they've decided they're gonna shut down all the prisons. 363 00:13:58,627 --> 00:14:00,161 Yeah, yeah. 364 00:14:00,228 --> 00:14:03,030 And-and they're gonna send all the inmates to Congress. 365 00:14:03,098 --> 00:14:05,249 I don't get that one! 366 00:14:09,287 --> 00:14:10,754 Hi, there, Jeff. 367 00:14:10,822 --> 00:14:12,356 Hey, what's going on, dudes? 368 00:14:12,407 --> 00:14:13,824 Brenda just fell. 369 00:14:13,892 --> 00:14:16,894 Get your lazy ass up and get my neighbors some beers! 370 00:14:16,962 --> 00:14:18,696 Actually, we don't have time, Jeff. 371 00:14:18,763 --> 00:14:20,531 We were just about to go on 372 00:14:20,599 --> 00:14:22,266 our annual midnight hunting trip. 373 00:14:22,334 --> 00:14:24,135 We thought you might want to join us. 374 00:14:24,202 --> 00:14:25,469 Yeah, what the hell. 375 00:14:25,537 --> 00:14:28,172 Go shoot some animals, that sounds like fun. 376 00:14:28,240 --> 00:14:30,574 Hey, it beats sitting at home watching Meg pop her zits. 377 00:14:42,137 --> 00:14:44,171 Okay, okay, who would you rather do? 378 00:14:44,239 --> 00:14:46,607 Dame Judi Dench with 30 minutes of kissing first 379 00:14:46,675 --> 00:14:50,411 or Eddie Izzard in drag, but he has a working vagina? 380 00:14:50,478 --> 00:14:52,413 Would Eddie Izzard tell others about it? 381 00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:54,165 Eddie Izzard is very discreet. 382 00:14:54,232 --> 00:14:55,399 Then that's your answer. 383 00:14:55,467 --> 00:14:57,484 You know, Quagmire, I gotta say, 384 00:14:57,552 --> 00:14:59,570 I was pretty surprised you wanted me to come along. 385 00:14:59,638 --> 00:15:01,505 I thought you hated my guts. 386 00:15:01,573 --> 00:15:02,890 Oh, come on, Jeff, 387 00:15:02,958 --> 00:15:04,491 I don't hate your guts. 388 00:15:04,559 --> 00:15:05,926 Well, then what the hell are we doing out here? 389 00:15:06,011 --> 00:15:07,611 I thought we were gonna kill... Ah! 390 00:15:07,679 --> 00:15:10,548 So, Jeff, do you like loud sentences?! 391 00:15:10,615 --> 00:15:11,532 I guess. 392 00:15:11,600 --> 00:15:13,767 I gotta take a whiz. 393 00:15:13,835 --> 00:15:15,452 All right, look, when he comes back, 394 00:15:15,520 --> 00:15:17,137 I'm just gonna do it, okay? 395 00:15:17,205 --> 00:15:19,156 I'm just gonna point my gun straight at his head 396 00:15:19,224 --> 00:15:20,524 before he even knows what's going on. 397 00:15:21,593 --> 00:15:23,194 Kinda like this? 398 00:15:23,261 --> 00:15:25,713 You know, Quagmire, you are pathetic. 399 00:15:25,780 --> 00:15:27,848 You have to bring your friends out here with you 400 00:15:27,916 --> 00:15:29,316 to do your dirty work? 401 00:15:29,384 --> 00:15:31,685 What... what do you mean, Jeff? 402 00:15:31,753 --> 00:15:33,387 You're gonna kill me, is that it? 403 00:15:35,290 --> 00:15:37,391 Uh-uh! 404 00:15:37,459 --> 00:15:38,626 Not unless you want 405 00:15:38,693 --> 00:15:40,527 your friend's brains all over the place! 406 00:15:40,612 --> 00:15:42,897 Listen, Jeff, just put the gun down 407 00:15:42,964 --> 00:15:44,798 and we'll forget this whole thing, okay? 408 00:15:47,185 --> 00:15:50,888 Oh. Well, that's never happened before. 409 00:15:50,956 --> 00:15:53,224 Kinda don't know what to do next. 410 00:15:53,291 --> 00:15:55,025 So now you'll forget the whole thing? 411 00:15:55,093 --> 00:15:57,194 Yeah, I, uh, guess that is what I said. 412 00:15:57,262 --> 00:15:58,846 No, no, we can't forget the whole thing! 413 00:15:58,930 --> 00:16:00,180 Yeah, you know, he's right. 414 00:16:00,265 --> 00:16:01,265 We can't forget it. 415 00:16:01,332 --> 00:16:03,183 Fine. Now here's the plan: 416 00:16:03,268 --> 00:16:05,686 I'm taking Quagmire for a little ride, 417 00:16:05,770 --> 00:16:08,906 and you guys are gonna stay out here and freeze to death! 418 00:16:08,974 --> 00:16:10,975 Now, get those hands where I can see 'em! 419 00:16:11,042 --> 00:16:13,394 All the way up! 420 00:16:13,478 --> 00:16:15,863 Oh, my shirt's a little too short. 421 00:16:15,931 --> 00:16:17,097 That's okay. You can keep 'em 422 00:16:17,165 --> 00:16:19,583 the way you had 'em so it covers your stomach. 423 00:16:19,651 --> 00:16:22,119 Thank you. You know, if this Jeff was around more, 424 00:16:22,187 --> 00:16:23,704 we wouldn't have tried to kill you. 425 00:16:23,772 --> 00:16:24,822 See you later, schmucks! 426 00:16:38,086 --> 00:16:39,870 All right, this is far enough. 427 00:16:49,898 --> 00:16:52,616 Well, Quagmire, sorry it had to end this way; 428 00:16:52,684 --> 00:16:54,818 a tragic hunting accident. 429 00:16:54,886 --> 00:16:57,621 I guess that little baby's gonna grow up without an uncle. 430 00:16:57,689 --> 00:16:59,056 Actually, I have a brother. 431 00:16:59,124 --> 00:17:00,758 Gary Quagmire. Oh. 432 00:17:00,825 --> 00:17:03,277 I think... I think you got a brother, too, don't you? 433 00:17:03,345 --> 00:17:04,545 All right, forget the uncle thing! 434 00:17:04,612 --> 00:17:07,181 Get ready to die, Quagmire. 435 00:17:07,248 --> 00:17:08,916 You know, if you had any balls, 436 00:17:08,984 --> 00:17:11,235 you'd put that gun down and we could settle this like men. 437 00:17:12,871 --> 00:17:15,956 That's awful big talk for a scrawny bastard like you. 438 00:17:16,024 --> 00:17:17,324 Hey, I'm serious, man. 439 00:17:17,392 --> 00:17:19,126 Unless you're scared I can take you. 440 00:17:19,194 --> 00:17:21,345 Suit yourself, man. 441 00:17:21,413 --> 00:17:23,931 Just means you're gonna die slower. 442 00:18:39,758 --> 00:18:41,625 What the hell?! I killed you! 443 00:18:43,078 --> 00:18:45,763 I choke myself every day, you bastard! 444 00:19:19,164 --> 00:19:21,014 Oh, oh, Glenn, there you are. 445 00:19:21,082 --> 00:19:24,218 Jeff didn't come home last night and he hasn't called. 446 00:19:24,285 --> 00:19:25,986 Uh, well, actually, about that, Brenda, 447 00:19:26,054 --> 00:19:28,021 he must've left early this morning. 448 00:19:28,089 --> 00:19:30,541 Yeah, we found this note he left you. 449 00:19:30,608 --> 00:19:33,811 "Dear Brenda, I have decided to leave you. 450 00:19:33,878 --> 00:19:35,979 "I realized that you are too good for me, 451 00:19:36,047 --> 00:19:38,248 "and you and our unborn child would be better off 452 00:19:38,316 --> 00:19:40,717 "without me in the picture. Love, Jeff. 453 00:19:40,785 --> 00:19:43,187 "P.S. If the cops ask, tell them 454 00:19:43,254 --> 00:19:45,956 "that Joe, Peter and Quagmire were with you last night. 455 00:19:46,024 --> 00:19:47,591 "If you tell anyone otherwise, 456 00:19:47,659 --> 00:19:50,928 "I will come back and not only hit you, but I will murder you. 457 00:19:50,995 --> 00:19:53,063 "And no one will care because you're garbage. 458 00:19:53,131 --> 00:19:55,833 And your baby is going to be a child of garbage." 459 00:19:55,900 --> 00:19:57,067 It's a little rough, Peter. 460 00:19:57,135 --> 00:19:58,569 I didn't write it. Joe did. 461 00:19:58,636 --> 00:20:00,003 I wanted it to sound real. 462 00:20:00,071 --> 00:20:01,672 It's gotta sound like he wrote it. 463 00:20:01,739 --> 00:20:03,774 Plus, she kinda is garbage, Quagmire. 464 00:20:03,842 --> 00:20:06,276 "Well, I best be rolling on now." 465 00:20:06,344 --> 00:20:08,312 Oh, come on! Who says that?! 466 00:20:08,379 --> 00:20:09,480 It's an expression. 467 00:20:09,547 --> 00:20:10,481 Yeah, if you're in a wheelchair. 468 00:20:10,548 --> 00:20:11,515 Listen, you had your chance. 469 00:20:11,583 --> 00:20:13,016 I e-mailed it to both of you. 470 00:20:13,084 --> 00:20:14,318 "Looks fine." 471 00:20:14,385 --> 00:20:16,203 And you just added that part about Grape Ape. 472 00:20:16,271 --> 00:20:19,072 "P.P.S. I really love Grape Ape. 473 00:20:19,140 --> 00:20:20,107 The end." 474 00:20:20,175 --> 00:20:22,209 Wow. 475 00:20:22,277 --> 00:20:24,611 I guess he's really gone. 476 00:20:24,679 --> 00:20:28,679 == sync, corrected by elderman == 477 00:20:32,086 --> 00:20:33,787 I kinda want to kill somebody else now. 478 00:20:33,855 --> 00:20:34,888 Ooh, Mort!