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00:00:01,417 --> 00:00:04,686
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
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00:00:04,914 --> 00:00:08,183
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:08,217 --> 00:00:11,753
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
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00:00:11,788 --> 00:00:14,756
♪ On which we used to rely?
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00:00:14,791 --> 00:00:18,260
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:18,294 --> 00:00:21,563
♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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00:00:21,597 --> 00:00:23,165
♪ All the things that make us
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00:00:23,199 --> 00:00:24,800
♪ Laugh and cry
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00:00:24,834 --> 00:00:25,834
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:29,859
♪ Family Guy 12x02 ♪
Vestigial Peter
Original Air Date on October 6, 2013
11
00:00:29,860 --> 00:00:34,860
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
12
00:00:34,878 --> 00:00:36,279
Peter, come on,
get dressed.
13
00:00:36,313 --> 00:00:37,613
We're late
for church.
14
00:00:37,648 --> 00:00:39,248
I don't want to
go to church.
15
00:00:39,283 --> 00:00:41,818
I always feel like that
priest has it in for me.
16
00:00:41,852 --> 00:00:43,820
Body of Christ.
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00:00:43,854 --> 00:00:45,822
Body of Christ.
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00:00:45,856 --> 00:00:47,090
Butt of Christ.
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00:00:47,124 --> 00:00:49,325
Aah! Lois, trade me.
No.
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00:00:50,461 --> 00:00:52,628
You're not wearing that
to church, are you?
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00:00:52,663 --> 00:00:53,996
What? Yeah. Why not?
22
00:00:54,031 --> 00:00:55,531
This is what
I always wear.
23
00:00:55,566 --> 00:00:56,766
She's right, man.
24
00:00:56,800 --> 00:00:57,934
It's Sunday. Get noticed.
25
00:00:57,968 --> 00:00:59,969
I'll be in the car.
26
00:01:01,338 --> 00:01:03,873
I'm getting tired of you wearing
the same thing every day.
27
00:01:03,907 --> 00:01:05,741
Look, that shirt's got
a hole in it.
28
00:01:05,776 --> 00:01:08,611
I'd like to point out that Jesus
wore the same thing every day.
29
00:01:08,645 --> 00:01:11,114
And you didn't hear Alice
giving him a hard time about it.
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00:01:11,148 --> 00:01:12,415
Who?
Wasn't that her name?
31
00:01:12,449 --> 00:01:13,616
Let's just get to church.
32
00:01:13,650 --> 00:01:15,118
And afterward,
you're going to the mall
33
00:01:15,152 --> 00:01:16,285
to go clothes shopping.
34
00:01:16,320 --> 00:01:17,720
Well, you're
coming with me.
35
00:01:17,754 --> 00:01:20,156
Last time I tried shopping
without you, it was a disaster.
36
00:01:20,190 --> 00:01:21,524
Hey, I'm home.
37
00:01:21,558 --> 00:01:23,493
I got groceries.
You what?
38
00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:24,800
Yeah, I was driving past there,
39
00:01:24,828 --> 00:01:26,662
and we were out
of some stuff, so I...
40
00:01:26,697 --> 00:01:28,831
You listen to me,
you son of a bitch!
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00:01:28,866 --> 00:01:30,800
I've got one thing
in this lifetime!
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00:01:30,834 --> 00:01:32,602
One thing.
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00:01:32,636 --> 00:01:35,605
You always say I never
do anything around here.
44
00:01:35,639 --> 00:01:38,941
Yeah, I like saying that more
than I like you doing things.
45
00:01:38,976 --> 00:01:41,177
Dad, I got the rest
from the car. Where...?
46
00:01:41,211 --> 00:01:42,578
Chris, run!
You were right!
47
00:01:42,613 --> 00:01:43,746
She didn't appreciate it!
48
00:01:43,780 --> 00:01:45,948
Oh, crap!
49
00:01:45,983 --> 00:01:47,683
Ow!
50
00:01:47,718 --> 00:01:49,018
That's right.
51
00:01:49,052 --> 00:01:50,686
I do groceries.
52
00:01:55,425 --> 00:01:57,360
All right, even though
we just walked in,
53
00:01:57,394 --> 00:02:00,296
and this whole place is one
hallway, let's consult the map.
54
00:02:00,330 --> 00:02:01,964
Okay.
55
00:02:01,999 --> 00:02:03,232
Uh-oh.
56
00:02:07,971 --> 00:02:11,107
I'll bet we can find you
some new clothes in here.
57
00:02:11,141 --> 00:02:13,776
Hey, Lois, are you sure
this place is for men?
58
00:02:13,810 --> 00:02:15,178
Yes, Peter, it's for everyone.
59
00:02:15,212 --> 00:02:17,480
Really? 'Cause this-this
kind of looks like a dress.
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00:02:17,514 --> 00:02:19,649
Peter, it's fine.
Come on out.
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00:02:20,651 --> 00:02:22,752
Ha! You gaybo!
62
00:02:25,322 --> 00:02:26,556
Hang on, Peter.
63
00:02:26,590 --> 00:02:29,025
I'm gonna go look for a couple
things for me in here.
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00:02:29,059 --> 00:02:30,193
I'll be right back.
65
00:02:30,227 --> 00:02:31,594
Okay, Lois, I'll
be right here,
66
00:02:31,628 --> 00:02:34,230
standing uncomfortably close to
the unnecessary piano player
67
00:02:34,264 --> 00:02:35,998
in the middle of the mall.
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00:02:37,768 --> 00:02:39,869
So, what's it like
now that you've made it?
69
00:02:39,903 --> 00:02:41,304
Did you ever have
a bank account
70
00:02:41,338 --> 00:02:43,039
full of pedestrians'
disinterested smiles?
71
00:02:43,073 --> 00:02:44,473
You're amazing.
72
00:02:44,508 --> 00:02:47,076
I'm gonna sit Indian-style
on top of your piano.
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00:02:48,378 --> 00:02:51,147
There aren't enough verses
in any song I could write
74
00:02:51,181 --> 00:02:54,016
that would express how much
hatred I have in my heart.
75
00:02:54,051 --> 00:02:56,252
You talk like a book.
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00:02:57,854 --> 00:02:59,188
Hey, Lois,
how about we try Sears?
77
00:02:59,223 --> 00:03:00,356
They got good stuff.
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00:03:00,390 --> 00:03:01,891
Peter, nobody's been
in Sears for decades.
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00:03:01,925 --> 00:03:03,626
Oh, come on.
When I was a boy,
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00:03:03,660 --> 00:03:05,501
we always used to go
clothes shopping at Sears.
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00:03:05,529 --> 00:03:07,196
Trust me. They'll have
everything I need.
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00:03:12,736 --> 00:03:14,036
What the hell happened here?
83
00:03:14,071 --> 00:03:15,371
Look out!
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00:03:19,676 --> 00:03:21,711
He wants to know
who you are.
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00:03:21,745 --> 00:03:24,146
We seek clothes
for the cold times.
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00:03:26,183 --> 00:03:29,118
He says he'll take you to
the clothes for herbs and meat.
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00:03:29,152 --> 00:03:30,620
Well, we can probably come up
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00:03:30,654 --> 00:03:32,555
with some herbs
and meat, right, Peter?
89
00:03:32,589 --> 00:03:33,990
Peter?
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00:03:34,024 --> 00:03:35,458
I'm with them now.
91
00:03:35,492 --> 00:03:36,859
No girls allowed.
92
00:03:43,333 --> 00:03:45,268
See, Lois, now,
this is more like it.
93
00:03:45,302 --> 00:03:47,303
What the hell?
Why won't this button?
94
00:03:47,337 --> 00:03:49,005
It's the same size
I always get.
95
00:03:49,039 --> 00:03:50,940
Maybe you put on a
few pounds, sweetie.
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00:03:50,974 --> 00:03:53,142
Lois, I weigh the same
293 pounds today
97
00:03:53,176 --> 00:03:54,443
that I weighed
in grade school.
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00:03:54,478 --> 00:03:57,113
Perhaps it's this lump
on the side of your neck, sir.
99
00:03:57,147 --> 00:03:58,581
Oh, my God, Peter!
100
00:03:58,615 --> 00:04:00,383
How long have you
had that thing?
101
00:04:00,417 --> 00:04:01,550
I-I don't know.
102
00:04:01,585 --> 00:04:03,653
We got to go see
Dr. Hartman right away.
103
00:04:03,687 --> 00:04:05,521
Oh, my God, what if
it's something serious?
104
00:04:05,555 --> 00:04:06,922
It's all right,
it's all right.
105
00:04:06,957 --> 00:04:08,824
We'll be in good hands
with Dr. Hartman.
106
00:04:08,859 --> 00:04:10,793
He handled
my reassignment surgery.
107
00:04:10,861 --> 00:04:14,230
I think, emotionally, I've
always been a lizard, you know?
108
00:04:14,264 --> 00:04:15,731
And now, I feel
comfortable finally
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00:04:15,766 --> 00:04:17,166
in my leathery,
scaly skin.
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00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:18,668
Kids, if you need me,
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00:04:18,702 --> 00:04:21,537
I'll be on the wall making
rapid, darting glances.
112
00:04:23,774 --> 00:04:26,175
Is this just to get out
of my parents' visit?
113
00:04:26,209 --> 00:04:27,343
No.
114
00:04:28,545 --> 00:04:30,546
Hello!
115
00:04:34,151 --> 00:04:35,985
No, you're stupid!
116
00:04:36,019 --> 00:04:37,420
Oh, hello, Griffins.
117
00:04:37,454 --> 00:04:39,088
What can I help
you with today?
118
00:04:39,122 --> 00:04:42,525
Dr. Hartman, Peter has a huge
lump growing on his neck.
119
00:04:42,559 --> 00:04:43,926
Mrs. Griffin,
that's called a "head."
120
00:04:43,960 --> 00:04:45,561
I've been fooled
by that one before.
121
00:04:45,595 --> 00:04:47,330
Well, will you
take a look at it?
122
00:04:47,364 --> 00:04:48,831
I think it might
be a tumor.
123
00:04:48,865 --> 00:04:50,266
Okay, let's
have a look.
124
00:04:51,301 --> 00:04:53,769
Oh, yes, it appears
that there is a...
125
00:04:53,804 --> 00:04:55,104
Great rack, by the way.
126
00:04:55,138 --> 00:04:56,339
Thank you.
127
00:04:56,373 --> 00:04:57,840
Well, thank Grandma
Griffin, really.
128
00:04:57,874 --> 00:05:00,609
It appears you have
a subcutaneous vestigial twin
129
00:05:00,644 --> 00:05:01,911
growing on your neck.
130
00:05:01,945 --> 00:05:03,279
What is that?
131
00:05:03,313 --> 00:05:04,680
Well, it's
an incomplete twin
132
00:05:04,715 --> 00:05:06,515
that never developed
into a fully-formed person
133
00:05:06,550 --> 00:05:08,851
but still exists as a growth
feeding off your body.
134
00:05:08,885 --> 00:05:10,119
Now, hold still.
135
00:05:10,153 --> 00:05:11,887
I'm just gonna give you
a little topical anesthetic,
136
00:05:11,922 --> 00:05:13,089
and we'll have
a closer look.
137
00:05:17,027 --> 00:05:18,060
Hi, everybody!
138
00:05:18,095 --> 00:05:19,795
Aah! What the
hell is that?!
139
00:05:19,830 --> 00:05:21,764
Oh, my God!
It's a little me!
140
00:05:21,798 --> 00:05:24,066
Well, it looks as if he's more
fully formed than we thought.
141
00:05:24,101 --> 00:05:26,569
Wow, your wife
is gorgeous!
142
00:05:26,603 --> 00:05:28,104
Is that a foot?
143
00:05:28,138 --> 00:05:29,271
Almost!
144
00:05:29,306 --> 00:05:30,539
This is awesome!
145
00:05:30,574 --> 00:05:32,208
Finally, I'll have an
interesting silhouette
146
00:05:32,242 --> 00:05:34,610
for the beginning of
my spoken-word jazz.
147
00:05:37,347 --> 00:05:39,315
I left...
148
00:05:39,349 --> 00:05:41,317
my poem...
149
00:05:41,351 --> 00:05:43,352
at home.
150
00:05:47,432 --> 00:05:50,267
We now return to Quantum Creep.
151
00:05:54,305 --> 00:05:56,273
Al, what year is it?
152
00:05:56,307 --> 00:05:58,275
1972.
Cool.
153
00:05:58,309 --> 00:06:00,744
I'm gonna go show my penis
to some kids.
154
00:06:00,778 --> 00:06:03,313
Hey, Dad. How'd it
go at the hospital?
155
00:06:03,348 --> 00:06:05,148
Kids, remember
how when you were little,
156
00:06:05,183 --> 00:06:06,717
you always wanted
a neck uncle?
157
00:06:06,751 --> 00:06:08,552
No.
Well, now you got one!
158
00:06:09,821 --> 00:06:11,254
What is that thing?!
159
00:06:11,289 --> 00:06:12,856
This is my vestigial twin.
160
00:06:12,890 --> 00:06:14,091
I named him Chip.
161
00:06:14,125 --> 00:06:15,826
You know, like
"chip off the old neck."
162
00:06:15,860 --> 00:06:17,928
I like to poke him
'cause it makes him happy,
163
00:06:17,962 --> 00:06:20,063
and I feel it a little bit
in my nads.
164
00:06:22,767 --> 00:06:24,368
Well, keep that freakish thing
under wraps.
165
00:06:24,402 --> 00:06:26,136
I don't want it
cramping my style
166
00:06:26,170 --> 00:06:27,637
while I'm macking on toddlers.
167
00:06:32,210 --> 00:06:34,177
See you around, bitch.
168
00:06:34,212 --> 00:06:36,580
You know, Lois, a lot of times
you go into someone's house,
169
00:06:36,614 --> 00:06:38,548
and it's just a house,
but you can tell
170
00:06:38,583 --> 00:06:41,051
this is a home
by all the love here.
171
00:06:41,085 --> 00:06:42,486
Aw! Aw!
Aw! Aw!
172
00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:45,155
Peter, this seems unnatural,
and, quite frankly, dangerous.
173
00:06:45,189 --> 00:06:47,691
Hey, you must be the owner
of that Prius outside.
174
00:06:47,725 --> 00:06:49,092
Thanks for saving
the world.
175
00:06:49,127 --> 00:06:50,494
He gets it.
176
00:06:50,528 --> 00:06:53,096
He gets what we Prius
owners are trying to do.
177
00:06:53,164 --> 00:06:55,198
Wow, the world
is such a cool place.
178
00:06:55,233 --> 00:06:57,200
There's so much
I want to do and see!
179
00:06:57,235 --> 00:06:59,770
Oh, he's such a great
energy to have around.
180
00:06:59,804 --> 00:07:02,839
Ah, Chip, I am gonna show you
all kinds of cool stuff.
181
00:07:02,874 --> 00:07:06,109
My Hot Wheels, my lawn darts,
even my new musket.
182
00:07:08,179 --> 00:07:10,247
Peter, what the
hell are you doing?
183
00:07:10,281 --> 00:07:12,349
Lois, I thought
I heard a noise downstairs.
184
00:07:12,383 --> 00:07:13,750
Go stall 'em for 20 minutes
185
00:07:13,785 --> 00:07:15,852
and pray that it's not
too damp in here.
186
00:07:17,855 --> 00:07:19,623
Man, how do you know
so many songs?
187
00:07:19,657 --> 00:07:21,625
Oh, when you're trapped
under a layer of fat,
188
00:07:21,659 --> 00:07:23,994
a muffled folk song
is like manna from Heaven.
189
00:07:24,028 --> 00:07:25,262
Give me a C.
190
00:07:26,931 --> 00:07:29,866
♪ Michael, row
the boat ashore ♪
191
00:07:29,901 --> 00:07:33,270
♪ Hallelujah
192
00:07:33,304 --> 00:07:36,440
♪ Michael, row the boat ashore
193
00:07:36,474 --> 00:07:39,342
♪ Hallelujah
194
00:07:39,377 --> 00:07:41,545
Sister, help
to trim the sail.
195
00:07:41,579 --> 00:07:44,714
♪ Sister, help
to trim the sail ♪
196
00:07:44,749 --> 00:07:47,717
♪ Hallelujah
197
00:07:47,752 --> 00:07:50,020
♪ Sister, help to trim...
198
00:07:51,289 --> 00:07:52,556
Aah! Run!
199
00:07:52,590 --> 00:07:55,992
No, Peter, gently stroke
his snout counterclockwise.
200
00:07:59,230 --> 00:08:00,897
Wow, it's working.
201
00:08:00,932 --> 00:08:03,433
There's a universal language
for all creatures,
202
00:08:03,468 --> 00:08:04,901
and it's called love.
203
00:08:04,936 --> 00:08:06,670
Now, how about
that River Jordan?
204
00:08:06,704 --> 00:08:10,140
♪ River Jordan
is deep and wide ♪
205
00:08:10,174 --> 00:08:13,109
♪ Hallelujah
206
00:08:13,144 --> 00:08:14,478
Join us, bear!
207
00:08:14,512 --> 00:08:17,581
♪ Milk and honey
on the other side ♪
208
00:08:17,615 --> 00:08:21,017
♪ Hallelujah.
209
00:08:25,456 --> 00:08:27,224
Good morning, boys.
210
00:08:27,258 --> 00:08:28,925
What's in store
for today?
211
00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:31,261
Well, I thought we'd start
with a vigorous power walk
212
00:08:31,295 --> 00:08:32,696
around the neighborhood.
213
00:08:32,730 --> 00:08:35,499
Whoa, whoa, whoa. I was thinking
we would just watch Dr. Oz
214
00:08:35,533 --> 00:08:37,367
and eat cold cuts
off our stomach.
215
00:08:40,104 --> 00:08:42,739
Those people ain't taking
good care of themselves.
216
00:08:42,773 --> 00:08:45,008
What?! But there's so much
to do and experience!
217
00:08:45,042 --> 00:08:46,276
Did you know
218
00:08:46,310 --> 00:08:48,311
that the Quahog Museum
has an interactive display
219
00:08:48,346 --> 00:08:50,013
on the history
of the garment district?
220
00:08:50,047 --> 00:08:51,727
Oh, look, Chip, Chip,
slow down, all right?
221
00:08:51,749 --> 00:08:53,383
You know, just because
everything's new to you
222
00:08:53,417 --> 00:08:55,352
doesn't mean
you have to do it all at once.
223
00:08:55,386 --> 00:08:57,387
Peter, where's your sense
of fun and adventure?
224
00:08:57,421 --> 00:08:59,589
You're starting to sound
like a stick-in-the-mud.
225
00:08:59,624 --> 00:09:01,291
Well, that stuff
sounds exhausting.
226
00:09:01,325 --> 00:09:03,660
I'm just being honest,
like George Washington.
227
00:09:03,694 --> 00:09:06,129
George, did you chop down
our cherry tree?
228
00:09:06,163 --> 00:09:08,431
I cannot tell
a lie. Yes.
229
00:09:08,466 --> 00:09:10,967
And what is this pamphlet
I found under your bed
230
00:09:11,002 --> 00:09:12,836
called "The Boston He Party?"
231
00:09:12,870 --> 00:09:14,604
Not mine.
232
00:09:19,210 --> 00:09:21,545
Wow! Is there any
better time in the world
233
00:09:21,579 --> 00:09:23,680
than 11:00 a.m.
on a Wednesday?
234
00:09:23,714 --> 00:09:26,550
You already have two days
of hard work under your belt,
235
00:09:26,584 --> 00:09:28,552
and there's so much
more work to come.
236
00:09:28,586 --> 00:09:30,720
Look, I'm trying to get
this stuff done here.
237
00:09:30,755 --> 00:09:32,923
Griffin, did you finish
those purchasing reports?
238
00:09:32,957 --> 00:09:34,591
Oh, that voice!
239
00:09:34,625 --> 00:09:36,226
It's like God sneezing!
240
00:09:36,260 --> 00:09:37,460
What the hell is this?
241
00:09:37,495 --> 00:09:39,095
They found a guy
on my neck.
242
00:09:39,130 --> 00:09:40,363
Hello there.
243
00:09:40,398 --> 00:09:42,933
I've never met a supervisor,
slash supermodel before.
244
00:09:42,967 --> 00:09:44,568
Do you like crab?
245
00:09:44,602 --> 00:09:47,137
There's a knockout crab place
right around the corner.
246
00:09:47,171 --> 00:09:48,505
What the hell are you doing?
247
00:09:48,539 --> 00:09:50,507
I'm using my knowledge
of the local food scene
248
00:09:50,541 --> 00:09:52,676
to get this woman
to go to bed with me.
249
00:09:53,711 --> 00:09:55,845
Well, now we know.
250
00:09:55,880 --> 00:09:58,181
I can taste
what he eats.
251
00:10:00,217 --> 00:10:02,519
What are we watching?
Oh, it's just a tennis match.
252
00:10:02,553 --> 00:10:04,354
So this is tennis!
253
00:10:04,388 --> 00:10:05,589
Wow!
254
00:10:05,623 --> 00:10:10,594
Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow!
255
00:10:10,628 --> 00:10:11,928
15-love.
256
00:10:11,963 --> 00:10:13,330
That was just one point?!
257
00:10:13,364 --> 00:10:16,099
Federer and Hastings are known
for their long rallies.
258
00:10:16,133 --> 00:10:17,400
Federer to serve.
259
00:10:17,435 --> 00:10:22,272
Wow! Wow! Wow!
Wow! Wow!
260
00:10:22,306 --> 00:10:24,341
Wow! Wow!
261
00:10:24,375 --> 00:10:28,278
Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow!
262
00:10:28,312 --> 00:10:29,679
Wow!
263
00:10:29,714 --> 00:10:30,847
15 all.
264
00:10:30,881 --> 00:10:32,282
And this is just
the first game
265
00:10:32,316 --> 00:10:34,417
of the first round
of a three-week tournament?
266
00:10:34,452 --> 00:10:35,719
Yay!
267
00:10:35,753 --> 00:10:37,387
This is more painful
than sitting
268
00:10:37,421 --> 00:10:39,689
through those
parent-teacher-cheetah meetings.
269
00:10:39,724 --> 00:10:41,958
So, in short, your kids
are all doing great.
270
00:10:41,993 --> 00:10:43,460
Keep reading to
them every night,
271
00:10:43,494 --> 00:10:45,695
and I think we're gonna
have a great year.
272
00:10:45,730 --> 00:10:47,130
So unless there
are any questions,
273
00:10:47,164 --> 00:10:48,398
thank you all
for coming.
274
00:10:48,432 --> 00:10:50,600
Uh, yeah, I noticed
the hot lunch menu
275
00:10:50,635 --> 00:10:52,435
doesn't feature
any gazelle.
276
00:10:53,671 --> 00:10:55,505
I'll bring that
up to the board.
277
00:10:55,539 --> 00:10:57,774
Yeah. See, I-I heard
that last year,
278
00:10:57,808 --> 00:11:00,744
and...
here we are again.
279
00:11:04,281 --> 00:11:05,749
Listen, Doc, is
there any way
280
00:11:05,783 --> 00:11:07,684
you can have this thing
on my neck removed?
281
00:11:07,718 --> 00:11:09,986
Well, Mr. Griffin, your organs
and his are intertwined.
282
00:11:10,021 --> 00:11:11,588
That would be a highly
dangerous procedure.
283
00:11:11,622 --> 00:11:12,889
You could die.
284
00:11:12,923 --> 00:11:14,658
On the other hand,
if you live,
285
00:11:14,692 --> 00:11:16,559
I'll let you pick any prize
off that shelf.
286
00:11:16,594 --> 00:11:18,128
Even the tiny
pinball machine?
287
00:11:18,162 --> 00:11:19,896
Oh, that-that shouldn't
have been up there.
288
00:11:19,930 --> 00:11:21,965
Look, Doc, you got to do
the procedure, all right?
289
00:11:21,999 --> 00:11:23,400
I-I don't care
if I die.
290
00:11:23,434 --> 00:11:25,001
I mean, maybe in
my next life,
291
00:11:25,036 --> 00:11:26,936
I'll come back as an
air bag or something.
292
00:11:31,876 --> 00:11:34,210
It's okay. It's okay.
Peter's got you.
293
00:11:34,245 --> 00:11:35,512
Don't you worry.
294
00:11:35,546 --> 00:11:37,113
Everything's gonna
be all right.
295
00:11:37,148 --> 00:11:38,472
Is my wife okay?
296
00:11:38,497 --> 00:11:40,497
No, the ski boots
that was in the back
297
00:11:40,518 --> 00:11:42,519
flew up and chopped
her head off.
298
00:11:42,553 --> 00:11:45,789
You can turn your blinker
off now; it's very annoying.
299
00:12:00,838 --> 00:12:02,706
Nurse, have somebody
fix that clock.
300
00:12:02,740 --> 00:12:03,873
It's very distracting.
301
00:12:03,908 --> 00:12:06,009
All right,
let's get this started.
302
00:12:12,850 --> 00:12:14,818
All right, halfway done.
303
00:12:14,852 --> 00:12:16,486
Time for a break.
304
00:12:21,425 --> 00:12:23,426
♪ I hate myself
305
00:12:23,461 --> 00:12:25,528
♪ For loving you
306
00:12:25,563 --> 00:12:27,297
♪ Can't break free
307
00:12:27,331 --> 00:12:29,666
♪ From the things
that you do... ♪
308
00:12:33,871 --> 00:12:35,972
Oh, God, I'm
so nervous.
309
00:12:36,006 --> 00:12:38,241
Thank God Stewie's too
little to understand.
310
00:12:38,275 --> 00:12:40,844
Look at him over there,
playing that board game.
311
00:12:40,878 --> 00:12:42,245
Ah, three.
312
00:12:42,279 --> 00:12:44,481
Okay, one, two...
313
00:12:44,515 --> 00:12:46,182
Sorry!
314
00:12:46,217 --> 00:12:49,519
Sorry! The board game
that teaches you to be a dick.
315
00:12:50,788 --> 00:12:53,189
Dr. Hartman, is everything
all right with my dad?
316
00:12:53,224 --> 00:12:55,692
Griffins, I'm
afraid we lost him.
317
00:12:55,726 --> 00:12:57,694
What?!
Oh, my God!
318
00:12:57,728 --> 00:12:59,462
Hey, guys.
Oh, there he is.
319
00:12:59,497 --> 00:13:01,498
It worked!
I'm free at last!
320
00:13:01,532 --> 00:13:03,566
But what about Chip?
Where's Chip?
321
00:13:03,601 --> 00:13:06,703
Hey, everybody,
look who's walking!
322
00:13:06,737 --> 00:13:08,538
Chip!
323
00:13:08,572 --> 00:13:11,040
Oh, Chip,
I'm so glad you're okay.
324
00:13:11,075 --> 00:13:12,876
Yeah, and I'm
okay, too.
325
00:13:12,910 --> 00:13:15,211
So, uh, you know, Chip,
now that you're a free man,
326
00:13:15,246 --> 00:13:17,080
this is a chance
for you to go out
327
00:13:17,114 --> 00:13:18,715
and make a real life
for yourself someplace.
328
00:13:18,749 --> 00:13:19,849
I'll tell you what,
329
00:13:19,884 --> 00:13:21,484
anywhere you want to
go, I'll FedEx you.
330
00:13:21,519 --> 00:13:23,153
What are you
talking about, Peter?
331
00:13:23,187 --> 00:13:25,155
Chip is part of our family.
332
00:13:25,189 --> 00:13:27,056
He's staying with us.
What?!
333
00:13:27,091 --> 00:13:29,259
Yay!
Yay! Awesome!
334
00:13:29,293 --> 00:13:31,127
Hey, hey, Dad?
Yeah, I'm done.
335
00:13:31,162 --> 00:13:32,996
Can you pick me up?
336
00:13:33,030 --> 00:13:35,031
Oh, that's okay;
I have a book.
337
00:13:41,960 --> 00:13:43,294
Oh, hey, Peter.
338
00:13:43,328 --> 00:13:44,795
Lois, where's the couch?
339
00:13:44,830 --> 00:13:47,298
Chip redecorated the room
to improve the feng shui.
340
00:13:47,332 --> 00:13:50,267
He said our old furniture was
blocking the flow of energy.
341
00:13:50,302 --> 00:13:52,903
I had my life's
fart savings in that couch!
342
00:13:52,938 --> 00:13:55,272
And where are the drapes?
Chip took them
343
00:13:55,307 --> 00:13:56,703
to make play clothes
for the children.
344
00:13:56,728 --> 00:13:57,842
What?!
345
00:14:02,948 --> 00:14:04,548
Oh, hey, Peter.
You're home.
346
00:14:04,583 --> 00:14:06,217
Hi, Dad!
Hi, Daddy.
347
00:14:06,251 --> 00:14:07,852
We dug a lake
for this!
348
00:14:07,886 --> 00:14:09,387
Whoa!
349
00:14:10,422 --> 00:14:12,189
Come out of that water at once!
350
00:14:12,224 --> 00:14:13,791
Gosh, isn't Chip
wonderful?
351
00:14:13,825 --> 00:14:15,493
No, he's not wonderful,
Lois; he's annoying.
352
00:14:15,527 --> 00:14:18,162
I don't get why everyone's
so in love with that guy.
353
00:14:18,196 --> 00:14:20,531
What's so great about him?
Well, to be honest,
354
00:14:20,565 --> 00:14:23,701
the same thing that used to be
so great about you.
355
00:14:23,735 --> 00:14:25,236
What? What are you
talking about?
356
00:14:25,270 --> 00:14:26,704
Just that when
you were younger,
357
00:14:26,738 --> 00:14:29,273
you were as passionate
and full of life as him.
358
00:14:31,276 --> 00:14:32,510
Hey, boys,
359
00:14:32,544 --> 00:14:34,712
catch me
if you can!
360
00:14:36,815 --> 00:14:38,883
Oh, crap!
I didn't realize they had bikes!
361
00:14:38,917 --> 00:14:41,152
What are they gonna do
when they catch me?
362
00:14:41,186 --> 00:14:43,354
Oh, boy, I got a
back-of-the-head punch coming,
363
00:14:43,388 --> 00:14:44,689
I just know it!
364
00:14:50,495 --> 00:14:53,464
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
365
00:14:53,498 --> 00:14:55,833
What the hell?
♪ Is violence in movies
366
00:14:55,867 --> 00:14:57,702
♪ And sex on TV
367
00:14:57,736 --> 00:15:01,238
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
368
00:15:01,273 --> 00:15:03,507
♪ On which we used to rely?
369
00:15:03,542 --> 00:15:05,710
What the...? What the
hell is going on here?
370
00:15:05,744 --> 00:15:07,511
You're singing our
song without me?
371
00:15:07,546 --> 00:15:09,447
Oh, sorry, Peter,
we couldn't find you.
372
00:15:09,481 --> 00:15:11,515
Do you want to sing
your part, Peter?
373
00:15:11,550 --> 00:15:13,050
Go ahead.
374
00:15:13,085 --> 00:15:15,252
♪ But where are
the fashioned ♪
375
00:15:15,287 --> 00:15:16,921
♪ Good fashion...
376
00:15:16,955 --> 00:15:19,590
I don't want to!
377
00:15:23,195 --> 00:15:24,929
I tell you,
Chip is making my life
378
00:15:24,963 --> 00:15:26,263
a living hell,
you guys.
379
00:15:26,298 --> 00:15:28,499
Remind me again, Chip is
that African kid you adopted?
380
00:15:28,533 --> 00:15:30,768
No, that was Chocolate Chip.
We gave him back to Kenya.
381
00:15:30,802 --> 00:15:33,437
But I can't take it anymore.
I got to get rid of him.
382
00:15:33,472 --> 00:15:35,439
Well, what are you gonna do?
I don't know yet,
383
00:15:35,474 --> 00:15:36,640
but I'll come up
with something.
384
00:15:36,675 --> 00:15:38,342
After all, I'm the guy
who invented
385
00:15:38,376 --> 00:15:40,578
"Choose Your Own Adventure
or Have Pie in Bed."
386
00:15:40,612 --> 00:15:42,680
I picked the pie again.
387
00:15:48,153 --> 00:15:51,722
Hey, welcome back to
the Mikey Tony Magnanimous Hour,
388
00:15:51,757 --> 00:15:54,325
where real people get
magnanimous about real things.
389
00:15:54,359 --> 00:15:56,761
This week's real thing--
hey, Native Americans,
390
00:15:56,795 --> 00:15:58,763
if I saw you
on the street begging,
391
00:15:58,797 --> 00:16:00,664
I'd throw a buck
in your moccasin.
392
00:16:00,699 --> 00:16:02,433
Next week's magnanimous thing--
393
00:16:02,467 --> 00:16:05,236
I'm wearing this yellow
bracelet. You're welcome.
394
00:16:05,270 --> 00:16:07,571
Peter, what the
hell is that thing?
395
00:16:07,606 --> 00:16:09,573
It's a dingo.
I named him Bingo.
396
00:16:09,608 --> 00:16:11,709
If you can't have fun
with that, you're crazy.
397
00:16:13,779 --> 00:16:14,879
Hey, Peter.
398
00:16:14,913 --> 00:16:16,213
Wh-What's that?
399
00:16:16,248 --> 00:16:18,849
Oh, he's gonna turn you
into a pile on Joe's lawn.
400
00:16:18,884 --> 00:16:20,885
What?!
Here, let's play steak catch.
401
00:16:20,919 --> 00:16:22,119
Oh, boy, I got it!
402
00:16:22,154 --> 00:16:23,454
Hey, back to you, Peter!
403
00:16:23,488 --> 00:16:25,189
Ah, cool! Steak catch!
404
00:16:25,223 --> 00:16:27,591
I'm gonna use my one
steak-in-the-pants time-out.
405
00:16:27,626 --> 00:16:29,960
Aah! No! Not me! Not me!
406
00:16:29,995 --> 00:16:31,462
Attack him! Aah!
407
00:16:31,496 --> 00:16:34,932
Hey, um, it's 3:00 p.m.
Should I give up on breakfast?
408
00:16:35,967 --> 00:16:37,067
Aah! Brian!
409
00:16:37,102 --> 00:16:38,502
Browser history--
clear it!
410
00:16:38,537 --> 00:16:42,306
Peter, that dingo was meant
to eat me, wasn't it?
411
00:16:42,340 --> 00:16:43,941
Why would you do that?
412
00:16:43,975 --> 00:16:46,410
Because my life was fine
before you showed up.
413
00:16:46,444 --> 00:16:48,846
My family liked me,
and-and I didn't feel bad
414
00:16:48,880 --> 00:16:50,581
about not ever doing new stuff.
415
00:16:50,615 --> 00:16:53,083
Well, I never asked to
grow out of your neck.
416
00:16:53,118 --> 00:16:56,120
My life was better
before I met you, too!
417
00:16:56,154 --> 00:16:59,023
You're a terrible brother,
husband and father.
418
00:16:59,057 --> 00:17:01,525
I'm out of here,
and you could go to hell!
419
00:17:01,560 --> 00:17:04,428
Wow, what a nice day out!
Look! A rainbow!
420
00:17:04,462 --> 00:17:05,963
I did it.
421
00:17:05,997 --> 00:17:07,398
He's gone.
422
00:17:07,432 --> 00:17:10,868
Just as easy as
the creation of techno music.
423
00:17:10,902 --> 00:17:12,837
Wait a minute,
what key are we in?
424
00:17:12,871 --> 00:17:14,872
No, no, no, no,
no, none of that.
425
00:17:19,644 --> 00:17:21,445
Oh, hey, Peter.
Where's Chip?
426
00:17:21,479 --> 00:17:23,214
I haven't seen him
all day.
427
00:17:23,248 --> 00:17:24,982
He likes to yell out
"Good luck!"
428
00:17:25,016 --> 00:17:26,784
after they read
each lottery number.
429
00:17:26,818 --> 00:17:28,419
He's gone.
I threw him out.
430
00:17:28,453 --> 00:17:29,653
You what?
No!
431
00:17:29,688 --> 00:17:31,488
Peter, how could you?
432
00:17:31,523 --> 00:17:33,557
Whoa, whoa, what are you all
coming down on me for?
433
00:17:33,592 --> 00:17:35,992
Meg throws away people who come
out of her body all the time,
434
00:17:35,994 --> 00:17:36,994
nobody says nothing.
435
00:17:37,028 --> 00:17:39,063
Peter, Chip was
a part of our family.
436
00:17:39,097 --> 00:17:40,231
And he's so little.
437
00:17:40,265 --> 00:17:42,366
He can get hurt
out there on his own.
438
00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:43,968
We got to go find him.
439
00:17:44,002 --> 00:17:46,303
We should look for him
in the ball pit at McDonald's.
440
00:17:46,338 --> 00:17:48,418
You can just leave me there;
I'll conduct the search.
441
00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:50,174
Meg's right!
Come on, kids,
442
00:17:50,208 --> 00:17:52,743
let's go find Chip
and bring him back!
443
00:17:52,777 --> 00:17:55,346
You guys do whatever you want.
I got stuff to do, anyway.
444
00:17:55,380 --> 00:17:57,348
I got to get ready
for my Bar Mitzvah.
445
00:17:57,382 --> 00:17:59,116
♪ Baruch atah Adonai
446
00:17:59,150 --> 00:18:01,785
♪ I want fancy things
like my friend Ephraim ♪
447
00:18:01,820 --> 00:18:03,420
♪ I want the newest
ten-speed bicycle ♪
448
00:18:03,455 --> 00:18:06,323
♪ That I will ride once, but
then I will call my parents ♪
449
00:18:06,358 --> 00:18:08,025
♪ And have them come get me
450
00:18:08,059 --> 00:18:11,161
♪ I want to swim in the pool
but only with my shirt on ♪
451
00:18:11,196 --> 00:18:13,230
♪ I want to lose
my virginity at 24 ♪
452
00:18:13,265 --> 00:18:14,865
♪ But tell everyone
I was 16... ♪
453
00:18:19,104 --> 00:18:21,805
Ah, crap, I'm out of beer.
454
00:18:23,108 --> 00:18:25,309
Great. I have to walk
down these stairs
455
00:18:25,343 --> 00:18:28,045
the one day I wore heels.
456
00:18:32,150 --> 00:18:33,450
Son of a bitch!
457
00:18:33,485 --> 00:18:35,286
I think I broke my leg!
458
00:18:37,789 --> 00:18:40,557
There's no way I'm gonna make it
back up those stairs.
459
00:18:43,228 --> 00:18:44,628
Nope.
460
00:18:46,231 --> 00:18:48,599
Peter? It's me, Chip.
461
00:18:48,633 --> 00:18:51,602
Listen, I... I'm sorry
for the mean things I said.
462
00:18:51,636 --> 00:18:53,804
Help!
Peter?
463
00:18:55,674 --> 00:18:57,908
Holy smokes!
Peter, are you okay?
464
00:18:57,943 --> 00:18:59,443
These books was already
down here!
465
00:18:59,477 --> 00:19:00,711
I'm not a nerd!
466
00:19:01,479 --> 00:19:02,813
Oh, my God!
467
00:19:02,847 --> 00:19:05,549
We got to get this leg set
and get you to the hospital!
468
00:19:05,583 --> 00:19:07,885
Oh, cool. That's the place
with all the Ghostbusters cars!
469
00:19:27,806 --> 00:19:30,040
If you had only done that
while you were here,
470
00:19:30,075 --> 00:19:31,542
we wouldn't be in this mess.
471
00:19:35,380 --> 00:19:37,348
Mr. Griffin,
you're a lucky man.
472
00:19:37,382 --> 00:19:40,217
If it weren't for Chip here,
you might have lost your leg.
473
00:19:40,251 --> 00:19:41,952
The bad news is,
we did an X-ray,
474
00:19:41,987 --> 00:19:44,321
and your body is full
of a spooky skeleton man.
475
00:19:44,356 --> 00:19:47,057
Gosh, Chip, I don't
know how to thank you.
476
00:19:47,092 --> 00:19:48,492
No problem, Peter.
477
00:19:48,526 --> 00:19:50,461
You would have done
the same thing for me.
478
00:19:50,495 --> 00:19:53,130
You know, Chip, Lois
was right about you.
479
00:19:53,164 --> 00:19:54,865
You are special.
480
00:19:54,899 --> 00:19:57,935
You've got all the sense of
wonder that I somehow lost.
481
00:19:57,969 --> 00:20:00,137
I got so used to watching TV
482
00:20:00,171 --> 00:20:02,373
and looking for tiny
jean fibers in my nuts,
483
00:20:02,407 --> 00:20:05,309
I forgot there's a whole
world out there to experience.
484
00:20:05,343 --> 00:20:06,910
Thank you for
showing me that.
485
00:20:06,945 --> 00:20:08,645
As far as I'm concerned,
486
00:20:08,680 --> 00:20:10,848
you're a permanent
part of our family now.
487
00:20:10,882 --> 00:20:13,584
Well, that sure is nice of you,
Peter, but...
488
00:20:13,618 --> 00:20:15,886
there's a big old world
out there.
489
00:20:15,920 --> 00:20:18,489
I want to go out
and experience it for myself.
490
00:20:18,523 --> 00:20:20,190
Aw!
Why?
491
00:20:20,225 --> 00:20:23,627
Well, I'm sorry to see you go,
but I understand.
492
00:20:23,661 --> 00:20:25,863
Oh, we're gonna miss you, Chip.
493
00:20:29,434 --> 00:20:33,237
I'm too tough to cry,
but I'm gonna miss you, too.
494
00:20:36,941 --> 00:20:39,209
Safe travels, buddy,
and keep in touch.
495
00:20:39,244 --> 00:20:40,577
I will!
496
00:20:40,612 --> 00:20:43,013
Whee!
497
00:20:43,048 --> 00:20:44,748
Good-bye, Chip!
Bye!
498
00:20:44,783 --> 00:20:46,917
Come back soon, okay?
499
00:20:46,951 --> 00:20:48,752
But Chip never did come back.
500
00:20:48,820 --> 00:20:52,984
He became the new, young,
funny kid on ABC's The Middle.
501
00:20:55,298 --> 00:20:57,299
Wow! This is just a whole
bunch of loud garbage!
502
00:20:57,324 --> 00:21:02,324
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man