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00:00:01,502 --> 00:00:04,420
♪ it seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:04,505 --> 00:00:07,589
♪ is violence in movies
and sex on tv ♪
3
00:00:07,758 --> 00:00:11,218
♪ but where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,387 --> 00:00:14,221
♪ on which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:14,390 --> 00:00:17,933
♪ lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
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♪ lucky there's a man who
positively can do ♪
7
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♪ all the things that make us ♪
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♪ laugh and cry ♪
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♪ he's... A...
Fam... Ily... Guy! ♪
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00:00:35,119 --> 00:00:38,287
peter, I just hit a pothole
in the road and got a flat.
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The man who helped us
gave her his card.
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I'd keep an eye on that.
13
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This town is falling apart.
14
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Last week the bridge over
the collapsed bridge collapsed.
15
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Well, you're a middle-aged woman
with no job.
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Maybe you should get
really worked up about it.
17
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You know what? I think I will.
18
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I'm going down
to city hall to complain.
19
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This town needs a mayor.
20
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Y-you forgot your baby. Miss?
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Thank you all for coming over
to help us find
22
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the best candidate for mayor.
23
00:01:12,031 --> 00:01:14,323
This room is so diverse,
so I'm assuming
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00:01:14,408 --> 00:01:16,658
many of you have agendas.
25
00:01:16,786 --> 00:01:20,204
But let's keep in mind we need
a mayor who will represent
26
00:01:20,331 --> 00:01:23,082
all of quahog
and not just satisfy
27
00:01:23,209 --> 00:01:25,084
your weird
little fringe issues,
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which are important,
but not very important.
29
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As a descendent
of quahog's puritan forefathers,
30
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I think we should be able
to throw a woman into a pond
31
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to see if she's a witch.
32
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That seems a bit extreme,
don't you think?
33
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That's exactly
what a witch would say.
34
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Lois, you're making this harder
than it needs to be.
35
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Just get a former batman
and move on.
36
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I'm sure val kilmer
could use the insurance.
37
00:01:45,648 --> 00:01:47,981
Peter, we're not going
to get a former batman.
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That has been pitched
every day since adam west died
39
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and the response
has been tepid at best.
40
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We need someone
with fresh ideas.
41
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Someone who knows the issues.
42
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Well, if you're looking
for someone with issues,
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I think you've found
your candidate.
44
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(laughs)
45
00:02:04,959 --> 00:02:06,500
(stewie laughs)
46
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I had to go to bed early
because it's a grown-up party,
47
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but mom said if I was quiet,
48
00:02:10,381 --> 00:02:12,506
I could listen
from the top of the stairs.
49
00:02:12,591 --> 00:02:15,208
You know, I think you might be
a really good candidate.
50
00:02:15,302 --> 00:02:17,219
You know the town, you're smart
51
00:02:17,346 --> 00:02:19,555
and you clearly have
nothing better to do.
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So all in favor of the librarian
running for mayor say aye.
53
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-All: Aye.
-What about alf?
54
00:02:24,979 --> 00:02:27,020
Let's toast our new mayor...
55
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Um, I'm sorry,
I don't even know your name.
56
00:02:29,775 --> 00:02:31,817
Elle. Elle hitler.
57
00:02:31,902 --> 00:02:33,652
(laughs)
no relation.
58
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Elle hitler? Eh.
59
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Let's all say hi to elle hitler.
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-Hi, elle hitler.
Yay!
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I can't believe lois wants
the librarian to be mayor.
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I mean, mayor west was a legend,
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and now they're gonna
replace him
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with some third-tier character
with a joke name?
65
00:02:52,173 --> 00:02:54,756
-That's chinatown, peter.
-What?
66
00:02:54,925 --> 00:02:57,759
I said, "that's chinatown."
it's from the movie chinatown.
67
00:02:57,887 --> 00:03:01,305
It means, like, "what are you
gonna do? That's chinatown."
68
00:03:01,390 --> 00:03:02,598
joe, did you finally
get netflix?
69
00:03:02,725 --> 00:03:04,975
I did.
And I just watched chinatown.
70
00:03:05,060 --> 00:03:06,602
It's kind of gross.
71
00:03:06,729 --> 00:03:09,438
Quahog deserves a cool mayor,
like mayor west was.
72
00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:11,231
But there's no one cooler
than adam west.
73
00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:13,859
If only he had had a offspring.
74
00:03:13,944 --> 00:03:17,321
Speaking of offspring,
faye dunaway slept with her dad
75
00:03:17,406 --> 00:03:20,324
in chinatown
and then had his baby.
76
00:03:20,492 --> 00:03:22,784
Guys, that movie
really messed me up.
77
00:03:22,912 --> 00:03:26,163
Wait a second,
mayor west didn't have any kids,
78
00:03:26,290 --> 00:03:30,334
but he did have a cousin,
wild west.
79
00:03:30,461 --> 00:03:32,085
You guys don't know wild west?
80
00:03:32,213 --> 00:03:33,629
No. And please don't diminish us
81
00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:35,088
for not knowing
the same things you know.
82
00:03:35,216 --> 00:03:36,632
You know
how to land an airplane?
83
00:03:36,759 --> 00:03:38,091
No, you don't. Asswipe.
84
00:03:38,219 --> 00:03:39,801
I'm sorry.
I see you, quagmire.
85
00:03:39,887 --> 00:03:41,253
-I do.
-Thank you.
86
00:03:41,347 --> 00:03:44,056
Wild west is a legendary cowboy
and a spokesman
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for everything manly. Look.
88
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♪ ♪
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wild west:
You work hard,
and at the end of the day,
90
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you're more than tired.
91
00:03:53,984 --> 00:03:55,901
You're man tired.
92
00:03:55,986 --> 00:03:59,321
And when it's finally time to
kick off your boots and relax,
93
00:03:59,490 --> 00:04:03,200
nothing satisfies more
than beef cigarettes.
94
00:04:03,327 --> 00:04:05,077
♪ give yourself a treat ♪
95
00:04:05,204 --> 00:04:07,079
♪ nicotine and meat. ♪
96
00:04:07,206 --> 00:04:08,205
wild west:
Beef cigarettes,
97
00:04:08,332 --> 00:04:10,874
now with less hooves and snouts.
98
00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:12,668
See? He'd be a great mayor.
99
00:04:12,795 --> 00:04:15,504
-Well, what's his stand
on abortion?
-What? I don't...
100
00:04:15,631 --> 00:04:17,506
Does he make exceptions
in cases of incest?
101
00:04:17,633 --> 00:04:19,341
Because I've seen
some things recently
102
00:04:19,468 --> 00:04:22,052
that make me think
he probably should.
103
00:04:22,221 --> 00:04:24,429
♪ ♪
104
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♪ ♪
105
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(chirping)
106
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(shushes)
107
00:04:56,922 --> 00:04:59,381
you came at the perfect time.
108
00:05:02,052 --> 00:05:03,802
(chirping)
109
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that was beautiful.
110
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If you think the birth
is beautiful,
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00:05:08,142 --> 00:05:10,392
you should see the conception.
112
00:05:19,069 --> 00:05:21,111
Mmm. Jasmine oolong.
113
00:05:21,196 --> 00:05:22,904
What can I do you for, stranger?
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00:05:23,032 --> 00:05:25,615
My name is peter griffin and
I'm from quahog, rhode island,
115
00:05:25,743 --> 00:05:28,660
where your cousin adam west
was our mayor for many years.
116
00:05:28,746 --> 00:05:30,329
And since he's gone
to a better place...
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00:05:30,456 --> 00:05:33,665
-Duluth?
-I was thinking heaven,
but okay, sure.
118
00:05:33,792 --> 00:05:35,334
Beautiful country, duluth.
119
00:05:35,461 --> 00:05:39,087
The air moves into your nostrils
like a welcome guest.
120
00:05:39,214 --> 00:05:40,964
God, that's awesome.
121
00:05:41,050 --> 00:05:43,050
Anyway, I thought you
would be the perfect person
122
00:05:43,177 --> 00:05:45,302
to take his place as our mayor.
123
00:05:51,101 --> 00:05:53,769
Peter, have you ever
killed a man?
124
00:05:53,896 --> 00:05:56,521
Reddit says I've killed 39,
but that seems low.
125
00:05:56,648 --> 00:06:00,025
-Why do you ask?
-Just making conversation.
126
00:06:01,820 --> 00:06:04,321
Look, I know it's a lot
to ask, but quahog needs you.
127
00:06:04,448 --> 00:06:06,323
You're the perfect person
to lead us through
128
00:06:06,492 --> 00:06:09,284
the last five years
of the united states' existence.
129
00:06:09,370 --> 00:06:12,037
So, what do you say?
Will you be our mayor?
130
00:06:15,959 --> 00:06:18,418
Can I tell you a secret, peter?
131
00:06:18,587 --> 00:06:20,253
I can levitate.
132
00:06:20,381 --> 00:06:23,298
-No way. Can you show me?
-No. But it's true.
133
00:06:23,425 --> 00:06:24,966
Uh, that seems like
the kind of thing
134
00:06:25,094 --> 00:06:26,927
you have to prove
right when you say it.
135
00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:28,595
Well, I suppose you're right.
136
00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:31,098
I appreciate you coming
all this way, peter,
137
00:06:31,225 --> 00:06:32,641
but I can't be your mayor.
138
00:06:32,768 --> 00:06:36,186
-But, wild west, we need you.
-(whistles)
139
00:06:39,233 --> 00:06:41,483
I'm sorry.
140
00:06:41,610 --> 00:06:45,529
You get home safe, now.
Hyah!
141
00:06:48,242 --> 00:06:50,450
♪ ♪
142
00:06:56,625 --> 00:06:59,209
thank you for coming out
to celebrate
143
00:06:59,336 --> 00:07:01,336
a new day in quahog.
144
00:07:01,463 --> 00:07:04,005
I would like to ask all
the women to please put aside
145
00:07:04,091 --> 00:07:05,590
your blinding hatred
of other women
146
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:09,344
and vote for this incredibly
qualified candidate.
147
00:07:09,471 --> 00:07:11,721
Elijah:
Stranger comin'!
148
00:07:11,849 --> 00:07:14,891
Stranger comin'!
149
00:07:15,018 --> 00:07:17,436
♪ ♪
150
00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:27,904
(neighs)
151
00:07:28,031 --> 00:07:29,322
he came.
152
00:07:37,583 --> 00:07:39,207
Howdy, quahog.
153
00:07:39,293 --> 00:07:41,084
My name's wild west,
and I'm here
154
00:07:41,211 --> 00:07:44,421
to throw my hat in the ring
to be your next mayor.
155
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:48,133
(crowd cheering)
156
00:07:49,470 --> 00:07:53,472
and I want to say
one more thing: I can levitate.
157
00:07:53,599 --> 00:07:56,391
-(all gasping)
-but not right now.
158
00:07:56,477 --> 00:07:58,477
That seems like something
he should have to prove
159
00:07:58,562 --> 00:08:00,520
-when he says it.
-When he says it.
That's, uh, that's what I said.
160
00:08:07,738 --> 00:08:10,322
Peter, what the hell
is wrong with you?
161
00:08:10,449 --> 00:08:12,324
You don't know
anything about politics.
162
00:08:12,409 --> 00:08:13,617
Well, you don't know anything
163
00:08:13,744 --> 00:08:16,328
about landing a airplane,
asswipe.
164
00:08:16,455 --> 00:08:18,747
Besides, wild west
would make a great mayor.
165
00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:21,625
He's a man...
166
00:08:21,793 --> 00:08:24,169
What does that have
to do with anything?
167
00:08:24,254 --> 00:08:25,754
Because this is america, lois.
168
00:08:25,881 --> 00:08:28,048
Men have always run things
and there have never been
169
00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:29,758
any problems whatsoever.
170
00:08:29,885 --> 00:08:32,219
And don't say the economy
or iraq or income inequality
171
00:08:32,387 --> 00:08:34,638
or racism or brett kavanaugh
or air pollution or vietnam
172
00:08:34,806 --> 00:08:36,765
or slavery or watergate
or capitalism
173
00:08:36,892 --> 00:08:39,351
or #metoo or homelessness
or police brutality
174
00:08:39,436 --> 00:08:41,645
or homophobia or monica lewinsky
or school shootings
175
00:08:41,772 --> 00:08:43,897
or native american genocide
or fox news
176
00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:45,774
or tim allen or climate change.
177
00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:47,526
(sighs)
you make a good point.
178
00:08:47,611 --> 00:08:50,570
But I still think more women
should be in positions of power,
179
00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:54,074
and I'm gonna work my butt off
to make sure the librarian
180
00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:55,909
becomes our next mayor.
181
00:08:55,994 --> 00:08:58,370
And I'm gonna prove that
wild west is the better choice.
182
00:08:58,497 --> 00:09:00,789
I've already made
my first campaign poster.
183
00:09:00,916 --> 00:09:04,000
I always start too big.
184
00:09:08,090 --> 00:09:09,548
Afternoon, citizen.
185
00:09:09,633 --> 00:09:12,676
My name's wild west
and I'm running for mayor.
186
00:09:12,761 --> 00:09:15,053
-What might your name be?
-Bruce.
187
00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:17,722
Pleasure, bruce.
If'n you don't mind,
188
00:09:17,849 --> 00:09:21,184
I'd like to roll up your garden
hose for you, the right way.
189
00:09:21,311 --> 00:09:23,520
-Oh, okay.
-You see, bruce,
190
00:09:23,689 --> 00:09:25,355
every hose has a memory.
191
00:09:25,482 --> 00:09:28,066
And you just got to tap
into that memory.
192
00:09:28,193 --> 00:09:29,568
You see this kink here?
193
00:09:29,695 --> 00:09:33,530
I, uh... (gulps)
I do see that kink.
194
00:09:33,615 --> 00:09:38,034
Well, a hose is very desirous
of its original shape,
195
00:09:38,161 --> 00:09:39,953
and if you know
how to work those kinks,
196
00:09:40,122 --> 00:09:43,123
it should straighten
itself right out.
197
00:09:43,250 --> 00:09:45,500
(moans)
oh, merciful heavens.
198
00:09:45,627 --> 00:09:47,085
(sighs)
199
00:09:47,212 --> 00:09:49,546
if you need some help
on your campaign,
200
00:09:49,631 --> 00:09:53,300
I'm very experienced
at taking polls.
201
00:09:56,346 --> 00:09:58,221
Wild west,
this is my daughter meg.
202
00:09:58,390 --> 00:10:00,098
She also has a mustache.
203
00:10:00,225 --> 00:10:02,809
I can see that.
Nice to meet you, meg.
204
00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:05,103
Wow, you've got a great voice.
205
00:10:05,188 --> 00:10:07,606
Would you record
my outgoing voice-mail message?
206
00:10:07,691 --> 00:10:09,399
Ah, I'd be happy to.
207
00:10:09,484 --> 00:10:12,485
And could you make it sound like
one of your truck commercials?
208
00:10:12,613 --> 00:10:15,947
If you're looking for something
rugged, something durable,
209
00:10:16,074 --> 00:10:18,783
something with
an endless supply of gas
210
00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:21,369
and a tailgate made for dumping,
211
00:10:21,455 --> 00:10:23,622
then you must be
looking for meg griffin.
212
00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:26,291
Meg might not be much
to look at,
213
00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:28,168
but with two different-shaped
airbags,
214
00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:30,754
meg is one ride
you won't mind taking out
215
00:10:30,839 --> 00:10:34,049
to the middle of nowhere
and giving it your all.
216
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:36,676
She's road-ready, and rode hard.
217
00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:38,219
Meg griffin.
218
00:10:38,305 --> 00:10:41,222
Kindly leave your go-by
and roman numerics
219
00:10:41,391 --> 00:10:43,391
at the sound of the chow bell.
220
00:10:43,518 --> 00:10:45,101
(bell dinging)
221
00:10:47,856 --> 00:10:50,023
♪ ♪
222
00:10:53,236 --> 00:10:55,028
peter, I don't even know
why you're bothering
223
00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:56,446
to take me to meet wild west.
224
00:10:56,573 --> 00:10:58,740
I will never
change my mind about him.
225
00:10:58,825 --> 00:11:00,617
That's all I ask.
226
00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:08,750
Afternoon, griffins.
Glad you could make it.
227
00:11:08,877 --> 00:11:11,169
Can I-can I go play
with the barn mustaches?
228
00:11:11,254 --> 00:11:13,838
-Please? Please?
-Of course you can.
229
00:11:13,965 --> 00:11:15,382
(babbles excitedly)
230
00:11:15,509 --> 00:11:17,467
-(chirping)
-(laughs)
231
00:11:17,594 --> 00:11:21,179
peter said something about me
really sticks in your craw.
232
00:11:21,306 --> 00:11:24,265
(chuckles)
let's not make this sexy, okay?
233
00:11:24,393 --> 00:11:26,893
I just don't think it's fair
for you to breeze into town
234
00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:30,021
with your rugged good looks
and voice of the gods
235
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:31,856
and assume you should be mayor.
236
00:11:31,942 --> 00:11:34,109
Especially when you're
taking an opportunity away
237
00:11:34,236 --> 00:11:36,069
from a very deserving woman.
238
00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:37,862
That's a fair point, lois.
239
00:11:37,989 --> 00:11:41,116
Do you mind if I make you
a sweater while I respond?
240
00:11:41,243 --> 00:11:43,785
(exhales)
uh, no.
241
00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:45,495
No, that would be fine.
242
00:11:45,580 --> 00:11:49,332
Lois, I moved my whole family
to oregon when I was 13,
243
00:11:49,459 --> 00:11:52,085
and it taught me that
a town is like a horse.
244
00:11:52,254 --> 00:11:53,670
You don't choose it.
245
00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:55,255
-(bleats)
-it chooses you.
246
00:11:55,382 --> 00:11:57,507
And I believe quahog
has chosen me,
247
00:11:57,634 --> 00:11:59,592
just like it chose
my cousin adam.
248
00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:03,471
Now, the last thing I want to do
is take something from a woman.
249
00:12:03,598 --> 00:12:06,224
There's nothing
I respect more than women.
250
00:12:06,351 --> 00:12:08,643
(giggles)
is that so?
251
00:12:08,729 --> 00:12:10,478
Yes'm.
I've raised 16 daughters
252
00:12:10,605 --> 00:12:13,231
into strong, independent women,
253
00:12:13,358 --> 00:12:15,358
I'm a registered doula,
254
00:12:15,485 --> 00:12:18,945
and I always order edamame
for the table.
255
00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:22,323
(sighing):
Oh, my god. Oh. Huh.
256
00:12:22,492 --> 00:12:24,951
So, y-you're all alone...
Up here?
257
00:12:25,078 --> 00:12:26,661
With no one to...
258
00:12:26,788 --> 00:12:29,289
Touch your sweaty biceps?
259
00:12:29,458 --> 00:12:30,331
Huh?
260
00:12:30,459 --> 00:12:32,408
A man's never alone, lois,
261
00:12:32,502 --> 00:12:34,919
so long as he has
his principles.
262
00:12:35,881 --> 00:12:38,715
(shuddering):
H-h-holy thundering lord.
263
00:12:38,842 --> 00:12:41,885
Lois, can we keep it?
I'll take care of it, I promise.
264
00:12:42,053 --> 00:12:43,386
-(chomps)
-aah!
265
00:12:43,555 --> 00:12:44,846
Ow! He bit me!
266
00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:46,389
I don't like it now.
267
00:12:46,558 --> 00:12:47,557
(squealing)
268
00:12:51,772 --> 00:12:55,607
peter, do you wanna maybe
do some role-playing?
269
00:12:55,734 --> 00:12:57,901
Okay.
I'll be quentin tarantino,
270
00:12:57,986 --> 00:12:59,944
and you be the foot
I make a mess on.
271
00:13:00,071 --> 00:13:01,863
No, actually, I-I was thinking
272
00:13:01,948 --> 00:13:04,657
that maybe you could pretend
to be a cowboy.
273
00:13:04,826 --> 00:13:06,367
Okay.
274
00:13:06,495 --> 00:13:07,869
(sighs):
Oh, lois...
275
00:13:07,996 --> 00:13:09,496
Lois:
Uh, make your voice deeper.
276
00:13:09,623 --> 00:13:11,456
-Peter (deeper): Oh, lois...
-Deeper!
277
00:13:11,625 --> 00:13:13,625
Peter (very deep):
Oh, lois.
278
00:13:13,710 --> 00:13:14,876
Lois:
Good.
279
00:13:14,961 --> 00:13:18,421
Now say, "beef:
It's what's for dinner."
280
00:13:18,507 --> 00:13:20,215
-peter: I-I don't...
-Say it!
-(loud slap)
281
00:13:20,342 --> 00:13:21,758
-peter (very deep): Beef...
-Oh, yes.
282
00:13:21,843 --> 00:13:23,885
-It's what's for dinner.
-(laughs): Oh, yes!
283
00:13:24,054 --> 00:13:26,221
Oh, wild west, wild west.
284
00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:27,472
Peter:
What?!
285
00:13:27,599 --> 00:13:29,349
Peter, what the hell
are you wearing?
286
00:13:29,476 --> 00:13:32,018
I went a different direction,
cowboy-wise,
287
00:13:32,187 --> 00:13:33,978
but don't change the subject!
288
00:13:38,944 --> 00:13:39,984
(paint can rattles)
289
00:13:41,613 --> 00:13:44,405
-peter, what are you doing?
-I've decided that wild west
290
00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:46,449
is the worst possible person
to be mayor,
291
00:13:46,576 --> 00:13:48,910
and I'm gonna do
whatever I can to stop him.
292
00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:51,621
O-okay, is this because I called
out his name twice during sex
293
00:13:51,706 --> 00:13:53,748
and once
while I was peeing after?
294
00:13:53,875 --> 00:13:57,293
-That's part of it, yes.
-I'm sorry, peter,
it just slipped out.
295
00:13:57,420 --> 00:14:00,088
Well, I'm sorry I'm the length
of a mike and ike!
296
00:14:00,215 --> 00:14:02,298
In your dreams.
297
00:14:03,218 --> 00:14:04,801
(takes deep breath)
298
00:14:04,928 --> 00:14:06,553
that one stung, lois.
299
00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:07,679
(takes deep breath)
300
00:14:07,806 --> 00:14:10,181
ooh, that one stung.
301
00:14:12,978 --> 00:14:14,269
All right, I'm on your side now.
302
00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:16,020
And if you're gonna
beat wild west,
303
00:14:16,147 --> 00:14:18,231
you have to recognize that
one of his greatest strengths
304
00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:21,651
is his voice, which makes him
sound sexy and smart
305
00:14:21,778 --> 00:14:23,319
and sexy and sexy.
306
00:14:23,446 --> 00:14:25,655
Where your voice sounds
like your dad's second wife
307
00:14:25,782 --> 00:14:28,741
trying to describe
something she saw on facebook.
308
00:14:28,827 --> 00:14:29,784
Oh, speaking of,
309
00:14:29,953 --> 00:14:33,079
do you know what a meme is?
310
00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:34,789
What...
Course I do.
311
00:14:34,916 --> 00:14:36,249
And it's pronounced "me-me."
312
00:14:36,334 --> 00:14:39,085
well, the other day, I saw one
313
00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:41,004
with the most adorable kitten
314
00:14:41,089 --> 00:14:43,089
tangled in a ball of yarn.
315
00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:45,550
(laughing)
316
00:14:45,677 --> 00:14:47,510
and underneath...
317
00:14:47,637 --> 00:14:50,638
Underneath, it said:
"(bleep) the police."
318
00:14:50,724 --> 00:14:52,223
(laughing)
319
00:14:52,350 --> 00:14:54,350
okay, that was unexpected,
so I'm gonna ignore it
320
00:14:54,477 --> 00:14:56,352
and bring in morgan freeman,
who I've hired
321
00:14:56,479 --> 00:14:58,021
to narrate your commercials.
322
00:14:58,189 --> 00:15:00,356
We're gonna fight voice
with voice.
323
00:15:00,483 --> 00:15:03,151
Wild west claims to know
what's best for quahog,
324
00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:05,028
but there's a better choice.
325
00:15:05,155 --> 00:15:06,696
And I know about choice.
326
00:15:06,823 --> 00:15:08,823
I chose to be in ted 2.
327
00:15:08,992 --> 00:15:10,116
Nobody made me.
328
00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:12,118
I wasn't forced at gunpoint.
329
00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:15,496
I relied on my advisors,
and they let me down.
330
00:15:15,624 --> 00:15:17,582
"they'll fix the script,"
they said.
331
00:15:17,667 --> 00:15:19,125
Well, they were wrong.
332
00:15:19,210 --> 00:15:21,294
I thought I'd get to act
with a talking teddy bear,
333
00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:22,754
but when I got there,
334
00:15:22,881 --> 00:15:26,049
it was just two ping-pong balls
on a stick.
335
00:15:26,134 --> 00:15:28,551
Or maybe that was
amanda seyfried.
336
00:15:28,678 --> 00:15:30,303
I don't know.
337
00:15:30,388 --> 00:15:33,222
Okay, thank-thank you.
Thank you, morgan. Thank you.
338
00:15:33,391 --> 00:15:35,600
Peter, just let me speak
to the voters
339
00:15:35,727 --> 00:15:38,436
about the issues
they're concerned about.
340
00:15:38,521 --> 00:15:40,355
Or, instead of doing
that stupid thing,
341
00:15:40,482 --> 00:15:42,857
we could sabotage
wild west's campaign.
342
00:15:42,984 --> 00:15:44,651
Come on, you can drive.
343
00:15:49,658 --> 00:15:51,574
Big garfield fan, huh?
344
00:15:51,651 --> 00:15:52,951
Me, too.
345
00:15:53,078 --> 00:15:54,702
-Not this big.
-You know, a lot of people
346
00:15:54,788 --> 00:15:58,706
think I'm obsessed,
but I think I'm pretty nermal.
347
00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:00,291
(laughing)
348
00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:03,127
okay, you reeled me back in.
349
00:16:18,853 --> 00:16:23,106
(quietly):
Let's see how popular you are
when I cut off your mustache.
350
00:16:42,669 --> 00:16:43,710
(grunts)
351
00:16:43,795 --> 00:16:46,462
how is this so strong?
352
00:16:46,589 --> 00:16:50,925
My hair follicles run deeper
than the roots of a sequoia.
353
00:16:51,052 --> 00:16:52,802
Git him, fella.
354
00:16:52,929 --> 00:16:54,512
Oh! Aah!
355
00:16:54,639 --> 00:16:55,596
(grunts)
356
00:16:57,392 --> 00:16:58,808
aah!
357
00:16:58,935 --> 00:17:00,184
Nice work.
358
00:17:00,270 --> 00:17:02,520
Mustache (deep voice):
Thanks, boss.
359
00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:05,440
(bushes rustling)
360
00:17:13,575 --> 00:17:15,491
(sizzling)
361
00:17:21,958 --> 00:17:22,790
uh-oh.
362
00:17:22,959 --> 00:17:24,167
Hello?
363
00:17:24,294 --> 00:17:26,210
Could somebody help me?
364
00:17:26,337 --> 00:17:29,130
Don't panic, the librarian.
365
00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:34,302
(screams)
366
00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:38,556
wild west:
Hang on, little lady.
367
00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:40,308
I'm a-comin'.
368
00:17:43,813 --> 00:17:45,521
♪ ♪
369
00:18:03,625 --> 00:18:05,291
(gasps)
370
00:18:07,879 --> 00:18:11,089
-I told you I could levitate.
-You did.
371
00:18:11,216 --> 00:18:13,883
Bruce:
Do the thing with the hose!
372
00:18:13,968 --> 00:18:16,552
(indistinct chatter)
373
00:18:18,056 --> 00:18:19,180
good evening.
I'm tom tucker.
374
00:18:19,307 --> 00:18:20,807
Our top story tonight:
375
00:18:20,934 --> 00:18:23,684
Quahog's new mayor is wild west.
376
00:18:23,812 --> 00:18:26,104
(cheering)
377
00:18:26,189 --> 00:18:28,314
with a final vote of 43 to 19,
378
00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:30,650
it's clear that
no one really cared.
379
00:18:30,819 --> 00:18:32,318
Nice job, guys.
380
00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:34,445
Peter, can I talk to you?
381
00:18:34,531 --> 00:18:37,615
-What?
-Look, I know we've had
our differences,
382
00:18:37,742 --> 00:18:40,943
but I'm hoping that someday
we can bury the hatchet,
383
00:18:40,995 --> 00:18:42,537
maybe even be friends.
384
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:46,833
Until then, I want you
to take care of this for me.
385
00:18:46,918 --> 00:18:48,584
(quiet squeaking)
386
00:18:48,711 --> 00:18:50,878
(gasps)
for me?
387
00:18:50,964 --> 00:18:52,588
Thank you, wild west.
388
00:18:52,757 --> 00:18:56,050
And... I'm sorry I tried
to destroy your reputation
389
00:18:56,219 --> 00:18:58,094
by burning down a library.
390
00:18:58,221 --> 00:19:01,681
I can see now that...
I'm better than that.
391
00:19:01,808 --> 00:19:04,433
(squeaking)
392
00:19:04,561 --> 00:19:07,186
wild west, I just want to say
congratulations,
393
00:19:07,272 --> 00:19:09,689
and I know you'll do a great job
for our town.
394
00:19:09,858 --> 00:19:12,483
I appreciate that, lois,
and you can rest easy
395
00:19:12,610 --> 00:19:15,361
knowing that you
and the good people of quahog
396
00:19:15,446 --> 00:19:18,322
are safe under my watchful eye.
397
00:19:18,449 --> 00:19:21,659
-You ever kill a man?
-What?! Why?
398
00:19:21,786 --> 00:19:24,453
Just making conversation.
399
00:19:30,420 --> 00:19:33,087
Wild west,
why don't you play us a song?
400
00:19:33,256 --> 00:19:36,716
Aw, shucks,
I don't know if I could do that.
401
00:19:40,430 --> 00:19:43,639
(playing intro
to "blue shadows on the trail")
402
00:19:45,727 --> 00:19:49,312
♪ arizona moon keep shining ♪
403
00:19:50,732 --> 00:19:55,151
♪ from the desert sky above ♪
404
00:19:56,946 --> 00:19:58,487
♪ you know pretty soon ♪
405
00:19:58,615 --> 00:20:01,199
♪ that big yellow moon ♪
406
00:20:01,326 --> 00:20:03,784
♪ will light the way back ♪
407
00:20:03,870 --> 00:20:07,622
♪ to the one you love ♪
408
00:20:07,790 --> 00:20:10,041
♪ blue ♪
409
00:20:10,168 --> 00:20:11,918
♪ shadows ♪
410
00:20:12,045 --> 00:20:16,547
♪ on the trail ♪
411
00:20:20,220 --> 00:20:22,345
♪ little cowboy ♪
412
00:20:22,472 --> 00:20:25,306
♪ close your eyes ♪
413
00:20:25,433 --> 00:20:28,184
♪ and dream ♪
414
00:20:29,437 --> 00:20:31,062
♪ all of the doggies ♪
415
00:20:31,189 --> 00:20:34,357
♪ are in the corral ♪
416
00:20:34,525 --> 00:20:37,652
♪ all of your work is done ♪
417
00:20:40,198 --> 00:20:42,031
♪ just close your eyes ♪
418
00:20:42,158 --> 00:20:44,909
♪ and dream, little pal ♪
419
00:20:45,036 --> 00:20:47,161
♪ dream of ♪
420
00:20:47,288 --> 00:20:49,622
♪ someone ♪
421
00:20:50,875 --> 00:20:53,542
♪ bom, bom-bom-bom, bom,
bom-bom-bom ♪
422
00:20:53,628 --> 00:20:55,836
♪ bom, bom-bom-bom,
bom-bom, bom-bom ♪
423
00:20:55,964 --> 00:20:58,589
♪ bom, bom-bom-bom, bom,
bom-bom-bom ♪
424
00:20:58,758 --> 00:21:02,510
♪ bom, bom-bom-bom,
bom-bom, bom-bom, bom. ♪
425
00:21:32,333 --> 00:21:34,500
captioned by
media access group at wgbh