1 00:00:01,577 --> 00:00:05,062 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:05,080 --> 00:00:08,065 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:08,125 --> 00:00:11,493 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:11,554 --> 00:00:14,588 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:14,682 --> 00:00:18,166 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:18,185 --> 00:00:21,595 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:21,747 --> 00:00:23,080 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:23,140 --> 00:00:24,748 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:24,808 --> 00:00:30,070 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪ 10 00:00:36,620 --> 00:00:39,663 God, can you believe that Trump hung himself in prison? 11 00:00:43,085 --> 00:00:46,378 I know! And that Chris Christie lost all that weight. 12 00:00:48,740 --> 00:00:51,091 He still looks terrible, though. 13 00:00:52,386 --> 00:00:53,868 (knocking) 14 00:00:55,056 --> 00:00:57,781 -Oh, hey, Joe. -Hey, Peter. If you have a sec, 15 00:00:57,800 --> 00:00:59,874 there's something I want to talk to you about. 16 00:00:59,935 --> 00:01:01,376 PETER: Oh, boy, this is it. 17 00:01:01,479 --> 00:01:03,287 He wants me to have sex with Bonnie. 18 00:01:03,388 --> 00:01:05,597 Now, remember, Peter, you can't say yes right away. 19 00:01:05,791 --> 00:01:07,382 You let him talk you into it. 20 00:01:07,485 --> 00:01:10,736 He's watching for that. It's part of the dance. 21 00:01:10,887 --> 00:01:12,813 I will absolutely have sex with Bonnie. 22 00:01:12,907 --> 00:01:15,056 JOE: Sorry, Peter, you're too eager. 23 00:01:15,117 --> 00:01:16,483 So, I came over to invite you 24 00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:18,577 to Susie's christening this weekend. 25 00:01:18,728 --> 00:01:21,413 -Oh. -And I don't just want you to be a guest. 26 00:01:21,606 --> 00:01:24,324 I was wondering if you'd be willing to be the godfather. 27 00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:26,585 -Godfather? -Yeah, you're my best friend, 28 00:01:26,736 --> 00:01:29,904 and, well, I'd like you to be Susie's godfather, too. 29 00:01:29,965 --> 00:01:32,499 -Godfather II? -Wow, you're really warming to this. 30 00:01:32,593 --> 00:01:35,652 Well, you've made two very compelling arguments. 31 00:01:35,671 --> 00:01:39,014 Perhaps we should discuss this further in my poorly-lit den. 32 00:01:40,384 --> 00:01:41,916 So, about this offer... 33 00:01:41,977 --> 00:01:43,751 What are you guys discussing? 34 00:01:43,813 --> 00:01:45,587 And when did we get a den? 35 00:01:45,648 --> 00:01:47,497 Sorry, Lois, half of being a godfather 36 00:01:47,516 --> 00:01:49,257 is closing the door in your wife's face 37 00:01:49,318 --> 00:01:51,351 while she wonders what's going on inside. 38 00:01:51,445 --> 00:01:53,487 But I just wanted to... 39 00:02:09,171 --> 00:02:11,446 PETER: I forgot it was a swinging door. 40 00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:14,424 (bell tolling) 41 00:02:16,528 --> 00:02:19,138 (Italian accent): DiGiorno. DiGiorno. 42 00:02:19,331 --> 00:02:20,806 Joe Paterno. 43 00:02:20,999 --> 00:02:22,366 DiGiorno. 44 00:02:22,426 --> 00:02:24,368 Damn it, Peter, being Susie's godfather 45 00:02:24,428 --> 00:02:25,719 doesn't mean you're in the mob. 46 00:02:25,813 --> 00:02:27,737 And you can't bring a cat to church. 47 00:02:27,739 --> 00:02:30,056 Why not? He's Cat'lic. 48 00:02:30,151 --> 00:02:31,541 (cat snickering) 49 00:02:31,643 --> 00:02:34,060 (giggles) He does a Muttley laugh. 50 00:02:34,155 --> 00:02:35,654 Where's the priest? 51 00:02:35,847 --> 00:02:38,048 Oh, the church ran out of priests months ago, 52 00:02:38,108 --> 00:02:39,549 'cause of all the diddlin'. 53 00:02:39,610 --> 00:02:41,735 Now they just have a rabbi fill in. 54 00:02:41,829 --> 00:02:43,053 Shalom, everyone. 55 00:02:43,113 --> 00:02:44,646 Welcome to the christening. 56 00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:46,223 Now, before the child goes in the water, 57 00:02:46,325 --> 00:02:48,575 has it been at least 20 minutes since she ate? 58 00:02:48,727 --> 00:02:50,060 -Yes, Rabbi. -Wonderful. 59 00:02:50,120 --> 00:02:51,837 Then let's dunk this kid like a doughnut. 60 00:02:52,030 --> 00:02:54,322 I hereby christen this child in the name of Jesus Christ, 61 00:02:54,383 --> 00:02:55,841 who was killed by we-don't-know-who, 62 00:02:56,034 --> 00:02:57,509 it's not important. 63 00:02:57,702 --> 00:02:59,494 The last thing we want to do is point fingers... 64 00:02:59,555 --> 00:03:01,513 Can you please take my daughter out of the water? 65 00:03:01,706 --> 00:03:03,240 Sorry. 66 00:03:03,300 --> 00:03:05,166 Congratulations, sweetie, you're a Christian. 67 00:03:05,186 --> 00:03:07,853 From now on, every Sunday you get to eat a hard cookie 68 00:03:08,046 --> 00:03:10,230 and pretend it's a guy. 69 00:03:13,235 --> 00:03:15,277 ♪ ♪ 70 00:03:18,690 --> 00:03:21,700 Coffee in the smallest cup we have, as you requested. 71 00:03:21,851 --> 00:03:23,276 -Grazie. -And let me assure you, 72 00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:25,353 any shouting you hear from the kitchen 73 00:03:25,372 --> 00:03:27,689 is not Gordon Ramsay tearing us apart. 74 00:03:27,791 --> 00:03:29,933 GORDON RAMSAY: Oh, disgusting! 75 00:03:29,952 --> 00:03:31,693 -(dish shatters) -Scusi. 76 00:03:31,754 --> 00:03:34,713 Oh, God, here comes Doug. He just got a race car bed, 77 00:03:34,906 --> 00:03:36,864 and now I'm gonna have to hear about it. 78 00:03:36,926 --> 00:03:39,960 Hey, Stewie. Still sleeping in the slow lane? 79 00:03:40,054 --> 00:03:42,554 (forced chuckling) Okay. Okay. 80 00:03:42,706 --> 00:03:44,706 So, your mom still taking you to the ladies' room 81 00:03:44,767 --> 00:03:46,950 -to go pee-pee? -Actually, yes. 82 00:03:47,010 --> 00:03:49,377 Yeah, me, too. I don't like the men's room. 83 00:03:49,513 --> 00:03:51,396 All the urinals are at mouth level. 84 00:03:51,589 --> 00:03:54,474 I don't look at those. I'm too busy fixing my hair 85 00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,884 in the mirror... Oh! I'm sorry. 86 00:03:56,987 --> 00:03:58,645 Ciao, Stewie! 87 00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:00,146 God, that was humiliating. 88 00:04:00,241 --> 00:04:02,074 This party has turned south quick. 89 00:04:02,225 --> 00:04:04,985 Like Bryan Singer's remake of Casablanca. 90 00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:08,229 Here's looking at you, actual kid. 91 00:04:08,290 --> 00:04:10,156 Everyone, I'd like to say a few words. 92 00:04:10,309 --> 00:04:12,066 Uh, it's a very special day, 93 00:04:12,127 --> 00:04:14,327 as we dedicate Susie's life to Christ 94 00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:16,088 before she can consent to it 95 00:04:16,281 --> 00:04:18,648 or have any conception of what's happening. 96 00:04:18,667 --> 00:04:21,318 Susie once licked a booger off my hand. 97 00:04:21,378 --> 00:04:23,487 -I'm Chris, by the way. -Thanks, Chris, 98 00:04:23,505 --> 00:04:25,171 but let's wait till we're called upon, bud. 99 00:04:25,266 --> 00:04:27,157 Anyway, thank you all for coming. 100 00:04:27,259 --> 00:04:28,750 And to the host. 101 00:04:28,811 --> 00:04:30,752 Joe, thank you for having us in this restaurant 102 00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:33,588 with a painted wall that makes Venice look terrible. 103 00:04:33,691 --> 00:04:35,515 OTHERS: To Joe! 104 00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:36,775 Everyone, enjoy. 105 00:04:36,968 --> 00:04:38,668 Uh, for the kids, we've got games 106 00:04:38,729 --> 00:04:40,779 and also a party princess dressed as Elsa 107 00:04:40,972 --> 00:04:42,672 who's clearly a prostitute, 108 00:04:42,733 --> 00:04:44,283 but please don't proposition her here, 109 00:04:44,451 --> 00:04:47,193 just nod in her direction-- trust me, she'll get it. 110 00:04:47,346 --> 00:04:49,121 It's her profession. 111 00:04:54,962 --> 00:04:56,536 Oh, cool, they got a piñata! 112 00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:59,022 -Peter, it's for the kids. -Like hell it is. 113 00:04:59,082 --> 00:05:00,948 I'm the godfather of this event, 114 00:05:01,010 --> 00:05:04,136 and I want a debilitating wine-and-candy headache. 115 00:05:04,329 --> 00:05:06,138 Give me that, kid. 116 00:05:06,331 --> 00:05:08,307 I'm your son, you dick. 117 00:05:08,458 --> 00:05:10,142 Sir, please, you're making a scene. 118 00:05:10,335 --> 00:05:12,144 No, I'm not. I can do whatever I want. 119 00:05:12,337 --> 00:05:13,812 I'm the godfather. 120 00:05:15,006 --> 00:05:16,389 Uh-oh. 121 00:05:16,542 --> 00:05:18,375 I'm-a so sorry, sir. I didn't know. 122 00:05:18,435 --> 00:05:19,985 Stanley Tucci. 123 00:05:20,136 --> 00:05:21,561 Bobby Cannavale. 124 00:05:21,655 --> 00:05:24,731 Hey! Portuguese waiters pretending to be Italians! 125 00:05:24,883 --> 00:05:27,050 Get the godfather whatever he wants! 126 00:05:27,110 --> 00:05:30,053 -Godfather? -There's a new godfather? -Aw, look at the wall. 127 00:05:30,113 --> 00:05:32,906 Why does Venice always look-a so terrible? 128 00:05:33,058 --> 00:05:35,241 From now on, you eat on the house. 129 00:05:35,336 --> 00:05:39,504 You will be treated with the utmost respect, Godfather. 130 00:05:39,697 --> 00:05:43,583 Grazie. Now please name the menu item I ordered after me. 131 00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:45,251 The dinosaur chicken tenders? 132 00:05:45,387 --> 00:05:46,845 All right, we'll find something else. 133 00:05:47,038 --> 00:05:48,513 Thank you very much. 134 00:05:48,665 --> 00:05:51,074 Hear that, Doug? My dad's now the godfather. 135 00:05:51,134 --> 00:05:52,684 And yours is... 136 00:05:52,836 --> 00:05:55,687 VP of Systems Integration or something? 137 00:05:55,880 --> 00:05:57,522 What was that, Stewie? 138 00:05:57,674 --> 00:05:59,416 I was invited to sit at the first grade table. 139 00:05:59,518 --> 00:06:01,342 What?! How'd you get that invite? 140 00:06:01,403 --> 00:06:02,861 Big D energy, Stewie. 141 00:06:03,054 --> 00:06:05,346 You either got it or you don't. 142 00:06:05,366 --> 00:06:07,215 Oh, yeah? What does the "D" stand for? 143 00:06:07,284 --> 00:06:09,368 -Divorced? -(others gasp) 144 00:06:09,519 --> 00:06:12,353 -Wh-What?! -Stewie, my parents are trying to make it work. 145 00:06:12,456 --> 00:06:14,598 -Gee, Stewie. -They're doing their best. 146 00:06:14,658 --> 00:06:16,600 He ended things with the nanny. 147 00:06:16,660 --> 00:06:18,768 Not that it's any of your business. 148 00:06:18,829 --> 00:06:22,047 Oh, yeah. Uh, g-g-g-good for them. 149 00:06:22,198 --> 00:06:24,107 Gene and Sheryl are wonderful people. 150 00:06:24,167 --> 00:06:26,776 I-I hope they make it work. Good vibes. Healing. 151 00:06:26,837 --> 00:06:30,597 G-G-G-God bless you all. 152 00:06:38,014 --> 00:06:40,399 God, I can't believe Mike Pence came out of the closet 153 00:06:40,550 --> 00:06:43,318 just before he hung himself in prison. 154 00:06:46,189 --> 00:06:48,890 -Bon Jovi, family. -Morning, Dad. 155 00:06:48,951 --> 00:06:51,243 Are things gonna change now that you're a godfather? 156 00:06:51,436 --> 00:06:53,561 Good question, Chris. And yes, quite a bit. 157 00:06:53,622 --> 00:06:56,473 I'll be touching faces a lot more than I used to. 158 00:06:56,533 --> 00:06:59,976 My boys. My bambinos. 159 00:06:59,995 --> 00:07:01,569 No touch. 160 00:07:01,630 --> 00:07:03,905 And I'll be totally oblivious to the affair 161 00:07:03,966 --> 00:07:05,924 between my bodyguard and my wife. 162 00:07:06,117 --> 00:07:08,760 You look very nice today, Vincenzo. 163 00:07:08,953 --> 00:07:10,762 Hey! She gave you a compliment. 164 00:07:10,955 --> 00:07:13,247 What, do you got cotton in your ears? Answer her. 165 00:07:13,267 --> 00:07:15,659 Yeah, meathead. What's with this guy, Pop? 166 00:07:15,719 --> 00:07:18,344 And as a mafioso, I'll be doing more voice-overs, 167 00:07:18,439 --> 00:07:22,015 which will always begin by naming everyone at the event. 168 00:07:22,167 --> 00:07:23,925 -What does that even mean? -PETER: There we were at breakfast. 169 00:07:23,986 --> 00:07:26,019 It was me, Chris G., 170 00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:27,929 Meggs, Lois Griff, 171 00:07:27,990 --> 00:07:29,263 Little Stew 172 00:07:29,283 --> 00:07:31,007 and Uncle Junior Grandpa Nephew 173 00:07:31,067 --> 00:07:32,767 who was my cousin. 174 00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:34,360 It was one of those breakfasts where you realize 175 00:07:34,455 --> 00:07:36,121 you put on your boxers the wrong way 176 00:07:36,314 --> 00:07:38,181 and you need an excuse to leave the room. 177 00:07:38,241 --> 00:07:41,776 -We're out of syrup. -I'll get it. You stay here. 178 00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:43,778 And will you be a stricter dad now? 179 00:07:43,839 --> 00:07:45,705 Interesting question. My value system 180 00:07:45,857 --> 00:07:48,541 will vary wildly between incredible immorality 181 00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:50,710 and intense social conservatism. 182 00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:53,004 Dad, there's a shipment of heroin in our driveway. 183 00:07:53,198 --> 00:07:56,216 -Excellent. -I watched a PG-13 movie last night. 184 00:07:56,310 --> 00:07:58,459 In your mother's house? 185 00:07:58,479 --> 00:08:00,704 Now, everyone keep eating until you throw up. 186 00:08:00,764 --> 00:08:03,223 What's this? As a leader in the Italian community, 187 00:08:03,317 --> 00:08:07,043 I'll be getting very upset about store-bought pasta sauce. 188 00:08:07,103 --> 00:08:08,636 Peter, what the hell? 189 00:08:08,697 --> 00:08:10,489 That was our Prego. 190 00:08:10,640 --> 00:08:12,824 Yeah, and prego means "you're welcome." 191 00:08:13,017 --> 00:08:15,827 It's a very cocky name for an average pasta sauce. 192 00:08:16,020 --> 00:08:18,663 The rest of this is just jokes, but that's kind of a good point. 193 00:08:18,856 --> 00:08:20,557 Now, kids, before you go to school, 194 00:08:20,659 --> 00:08:22,834 let's discuss what you tell your friends about me. 195 00:08:23,027 --> 00:08:24,819 That your fingernails are so filthy 196 00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:26,838 because you do scratchers all day? 197 00:08:26,990 --> 00:08:28,398 Never talk about the family business! 198 00:08:28,458 --> 00:08:30,083 Things are too hot here for you now. 199 00:08:30,235 --> 00:08:32,010 You need to go to Italy for five years. 200 00:08:32,203 --> 00:08:34,087 -What?! -You're not safe here anymore, 201 00:08:34,239 --> 00:08:36,515 so I'm gonna send you where all the murderers are from. 202 00:08:36,708 --> 00:08:38,683 ♪ ♪ 203 00:08:47,528 --> 00:08:49,102 (gasps) 204 00:08:49,196 --> 00:08:52,680 A questo brajola que facia te di. 205 00:08:52,741 --> 00:08:54,533 Rudy Giuliani. 206 00:08:54,684 --> 00:08:58,595 Antipasti di Miguel Corleone a Sicilia di movies! 207 00:08:58,655 --> 00:09:03,691 Mario Batali el gropo Buca di Beppo Ford Coppola. 208 00:09:03,752 --> 00:09:05,794 ♪ ♪ 209 00:09:07,756 --> 00:09:10,674 Ooh! Aah! Mama Mia! 210 00:09:14,245 --> 00:09:16,462 Check it out. Like all cool mobsters, 211 00:09:16,557 --> 00:09:18,782 my office is at a strip club. 212 00:09:18,842 --> 00:09:21,301 Yeah, but why's it in a male strip club? 213 00:09:21,395 --> 00:09:24,045 Are you kidding? Dingaling's is great. 214 00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:25,379 Now, just watch where you hang your hat. 215 00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:26,881 'Cause of boners. 216 00:09:26,942 --> 00:09:29,050 Now, you three are gonna be my lieutenants. 217 00:09:29,111 --> 00:09:31,294 And don't worry, you're all equal in my eyes. 218 00:09:31,354 --> 00:09:33,721 I don't care one bit if you laugh at my jokes. 219 00:09:33,782 --> 00:09:36,633 I mean, this is the Mafia, not the Laugh Factory, right? 220 00:09:36,651 --> 00:09:38,968 -Ha! That's hilarious. -Quagmire is now my top lieutenant. 221 00:09:39,029 --> 00:09:41,395 What?! You said we don't have to like your jokes. 222 00:09:41,456 --> 00:09:44,249 Well, I didn't realize it was such a chore. 223 00:09:44,418 --> 00:09:46,159 This is bullcrap. 224 00:09:46,253 --> 00:09:48,978 And, Joe, you're a cop-- how are you okay with any of this? 225 00:09:48,997 --> 00:09:52,014 Are you asking an Irish cop why he's corrupt? 226 00:09:52,016 --> 00:09:53,499 Question withdrawn. 227 00:09:53,594 --> 00:09:55,501 So, uh, what do we do now, Peter? 228 00:09:55,596 --> 00:09:57,503 Well, now that we're a Mafia crew, 229 00:09:57,598 --> 00:09:59,322 I have to do voice-over naming everyone 230 00:09:59,382 --> 00:10:01,157 -at the event. -What does that even m... 231 00:10:01,176 --> 00:10:02,434 PETER: There we were at the club. 232 00:10:02,627 --> 00:10:05,753 It was me, Glenn Quags, Joey Swan 233 00:10:05,814 --> 00:10:07,755 and Downtown Julie Cleveland Brown. 234 00:10:07,858 --> 00:10:10,350 You remember when there were two Julie Browns in the '90s? 235 00:10:10,485 --> 00:10:12,669 What a mess. 236 00:10:12,687 --> 00:10:13,837 ♪ ♪ 237 00:10:13,897 --> 00:10:15,688 With the guys at my side, 238 00:10:15,824 --> 00:10:19,075 we were the most powerful criminal organization in Quahog 239 00:10:38,847 --> 00:10:40,530 We lived like kings, 240 00:10:40,590 --> 00:10:42,532 until things started to come apart 241 00:10:42,592 --> 00:10:45,793 after the Lufthansa heist. 242 00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:51,875 We discussed laying low, but not everyone agreed with that. 243 00:10:51,935 --> 00:10:53,193 Be careful with this. 244 00:10:53,344 --> 00:10:54,819 We stole it. 245 00:10:59,016 --> 00:11:00,216 Hey, Brian, just a heads-up. 246 00:11:00,276 --> 00:11:02,143 Now that I'm an Italian mob boss, 247 00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:04,053 I may be treating dogs more roughly. 248 00:11:04,155 --> 00:11:06,480 Uh, okay. 249 00:11:06,500 --> 00:11:08,667 Now, where's my chicken parm from last night? 250 00:11:08,860 --> 00:11:10,818 Oh, I, uh, I ate it. 251 00:11:10,837 --> 00:11:12,653 -You ate it? -Yeah, there was no name on it. 252 00:11:12,756 --> 00:11:13,838 It was just sitting there. 253 00:11:13,990 --> 00:11:14,839 Is there a problem? 254 00:11:15,032 --> 00:11:16,900 No. No. 255 00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:18,218 No problem. 256 00:11:21,923 --> 00:11:23,923 (engine starts) 257 00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:25,332 (grunting) 258 00:11:25,394 --> 00:11:27,352 LOIS: Peter, I'm home from the market! 259 00:11:27,545 --> 00:11:29,929 I got steak sandwiches on ciabatta. 260 00:11:30,065 --> 00:11:31,839 Oh, that's way better than chicken parm. 261 00:11:31,900 --> 00:11:34,675 I'm gonna have it with my last can of cream soda. 262 00:11:34,695 --> 00:11:36,677 Uh, actually, I finished that, too. 263 00:11:36,738 --> 00:11:38,363 That's okay, Brian. 264 00:11:38,556 --> 00:11:40,924 Let's take a ride and get some at the grocery store. 265 00:11:40,984 --> 00:11:42,425 Pull over here. 266 00:11:42,485 --> 00:11:43,952 I got to take a leak. 267 00:11:48,625 --> 00:11:51,126 -(gunshots) -(horn honking) 268 00:11:53,163 --> 00:11:54,528 Leave the gun. 269 00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:57,549 Take the cream soda. 270 00:12:00,554 --> 00:12:01,945 What's going on in here? 271 00:12:02,005 --> 00:12:03,888 Even since Dad became a mobster, 272 00:12:04,040 --> 00:12:06,373 he's been giving me a ton of Italian children's books. 273 00:12:06,435 --> 00:12:08,542 Green Eggs and Pancetta; 274 00:12:08,603 --> 00:12:10,620 Horton Hears a Yo; 275 00:12:10,680 --> 00:12:12,713 Good Night, Mooks; 276 00:12:12,774 --> 00:12:15,291 and Where the Wild Things Is. 277 00:12:15,351 --> 00:12:17,718 -Stewie, this is ridiculous. -It's not all bad. 278 00:12:17,821 --> 00:12:20,054 I like having those Stella D'oro breakfast cookies. 279 00:12:20,157 --> 00:12:22,056 Oh, I ate those, sorry. 280 00:12:22,159 --> 00:12:24,576 Ah, no problem, Brian, no problem at all. 281 00:12:24,727 --> 00:12:27,287 Hey, what do you say you and I do a little fishing? 282 00:12:34,463 --> 00:12:36,662 (gunshot) 283 00:12:36,815 --> 00:12:38,572 Peter, I just got a call from the school. 284 00:12:38,633 --> 00:12:39,999 When is Chris coming back? 285 00:12:40,151 --> 00:12:41,000 Not for a while. 286 00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:42,485 He moved in with his girlfriend. 287 00:12:42,587 --> 00:12:44,929 But, apparently, they hit a rough patch. 288 00:12:45,974 --> 00:12:47,265 (door opens) 289 00:13:03,066 --> 00:13:04,657 (both laugh) 290 00:13:10,791 --> 00:13:13,107 Good news, guys. I'm fixing the Olympics. 291 00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:14,942 I paid a diver to take a dive. 292 00:13:15,003 --> 00:13:16,610 (phone rings) 293 00:13:16,671 --> 00:13:18,371 What do you mean he won? 294 00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:20,799 You know, Peter, you've been a mobster for a while now. 295 00:13:20,992 --> 00:13:23,359 I'm surprised we haven't had any run-ins with rival families. 296 00:13:23,419 --> 00:13:25,545 What are you talking about? They love me. 297 00:13:25,697 --> 00:13:27,713 Like, look at this, this morning, totally unprompted, 298 00:13:27,808 --> 00:13:29,715 they sent me a lovely wrapped fish. 299 00:13:29,851 --> 00:13:31,050 What? 300 00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:32,718 Peter, do you know what this means? 301 00:13:32,813 --> 00:13:34,479 Yeah, that they're nice guys. 302 00:13:34,672 --> 00:13:36,964 Yesterday, one of them even drove by my house to say 303 00:13:37,025 --> 00:13:38,817 I had a beautiful family and it would be a shame 304 00:13:38,985 --> 00:13:40,376 if anything happened to them. 305 00:13:40,436 --> 00:13:42,821 And that's a compliment and empathy. 306 00:13:43,014 --> 00:13:44,823 When's the last time you guys said something like that? 307 00:13:45,016 --> 00:13:47,216 -Uh, Peter, I'm not sure you... -And look at this. 308 00:13:47,318 --> 00:13:49,327 They found Meg's ear and returned it. 309 00:13:49,478 --> 00:13:51,054 They returned it! You know how many guys 310 00:13:51,155 --> 00:13:52,388 would keep something like that? 311 00:13:52,490 --> 00:13:54,223 Peter, please close the box. 312 00:13:54,242 --> 00:13:55,741 I think you need to get wise to what's going on here, 313 00:13:55,894 --> 00:13:59,729 because their next message may not be so subtle. 314 00:13:59,789 --> 00:14:02,090 ♪ ♪ 315 00:14:13,469 --> 00:14:16,354 (screaming) 316 00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:19,524 There it is. 317 00:14:19,717 --> 00:14:22,435 I've been looking for that. 318 00:14:22,587 --> 00:14:24,946 Oh, thank God, the Mafia doesn't hate me. 319 00:14:27,224 --> 00:14:29,016 "You's dead, fat ass. 320 00:14:29,077 --> 00:14:30,869 Love, the Mafia." 321 00:14:31,020 --> 00:14:32,203 (gasps) Oh, my God. 322 00:14:32,396 --> 00:14:34,280 The Mafia does hate me. (grunts) 323 00:14:34,416 --> 00:14:35,781 MOBSTER 1: Lenny, what are you doing? 324 00:14:35,876 --> 00:14:37,266 I already threw the rock! 325 00:14:37,327 --> 00:14:38,877 MOBSTER 2: I wanted to throw the rock. 326 00:14:39,028 --> 00:14:40,937 We talked about this-- you wrote the note, 327 00:14:40,997 --> 00:14:43,530 -I throw the rock. -So let me get this straight-- 328 00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:45,625 I do the homework and you get to throw the rock? 329 00:14:45,719 --> 00:14:48,869 -I played baseball in college! -Junior college. 330 00:14:48,930 --> 00:14:51,372 MOBSTER 2: The coach from University of Vermont invited me to walk on! 331 00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:53,282 MOBSTER 1: I didn't even know you liked chucking rocks. 332 00:14:53,343 --> 00:14:54,800 MOBSTER 2: Who doesn't like chucking rocks? 333 00:14:54,895 --> 00:14:56,469 I didn't get into the mob to write letters. 334 00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:59,472 I did it to chuck rocks and eat sandwiches out of foil. 335 00:14:59,624 --> 00:15:00,957 MOBSTER 1: Hey, that actually sounds pretty good. 336 00:15:01,017 --> 00:15:02,642 You want to go get a sandwich? 337 00:15:02,736 --> 00:15:04,068 MOBSTER 2: Sure, from Big Sal's or Fat Sal's? 338 00:15:04,220 --> 00:15:06,070 MOBSTER 1: What's the difference? 339 00:15:06,222 --> 00:15:08,072 MOBSTER 2: One's big, one's fat. What's wrong with you today? 340 00:15:14,581 --> 00:15:16,989 God, I can't believe Melania was deported to Slovenia 341 00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:19,334 and then hung herself in a European prison. 342 00:15:21,904 --> 00:15:23,755 Man, Peter, what are you gonna do about the mob? 343 00:15:23,924 --> 00:15:25,757 Don't worry, I got a plan. 344 00:15:25,908 --> 00:15:27,483 I'm gonna hide and change my identity 345 00:15:27,543 --> 00:15:30,002 to a name no one else has ever heard of. 346 00:15:30,155 --> 00:15:31,654 Roberta Brown. 347 00:15:31,756 --> 00:15:33,414 Peter, that's my daughter's name. 348 00:15:33,475 --> 00:15:35,749 No, it's just some girl I follow on Instagram. 349 00:15:35,810 --> 00:15:37,936 You know, Peter, there may be a way out of this. 350 00:15:38,087 --> 00:15:39,086 Cops have been trying to bring down 351 00:15:39,147 --> 00:15:40,997 the Rhode Island mob for years. 352 00:15:41,057 --> 00:15:43,349 If you can schedule a meeting to discuss your differences 353 00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:46,686 and wear a wire, we'll arrest them after. 354 00:15:46,821 --> 00:15:48,446 Testify against the mob? 355 00:15:48,639 --> 00:15:50,022 How dumb do you think I am? 356 00:15:50,158 --> 00:15:51,857 (hacking) 357 00:15:51,952 --> 00:15:54,768 -(gasping) -Oh, my son! 358 00:15:54,788 --> 00:15:57,346 I thought that hard-boiled egg seemed a little shouty. 359 00:15:57,407 --> 00:15:58,864 All right, I'll do it. 360 00:15:59,017 --> 00:16:01,017 But, man, if I'm in danger, so is Chris. 361 00:16:01,119 --> 00:16:03,369 I better warn him to be on the lookout. 362 00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:04,963 (cheering) 363 00:16:08,843 --> 00:16:13,379 La dolce vita de duay que questa di Beverly Hills BMW. 364 00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:14,880 Ay! 365 00:16:15,033 --> 00:16:17,291 Que cosa mi amor. 366 00:16:17,352 --> 00:16:20,720 Italiana, tu patri telefona Boyardee. 367 00:16:20,814 --> 00:16:25,650 Grazie. Uno momento, Vinny Testaverde con Carmine Ragusa. 368 00:16:25,843 --> 00:16:28,820 Ciao, Francesco Di Napoli. 369 00:16:33,484 --> 00:16:36,219 Tammy! 370 00:16:36,320 --> 00:16:38,997 ♪ ♪ 371 00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:41,390 Okay, Peter, I'm gonna attach the wire now. 372 00:16:41,451 --> 00:16:43,668 And I'm telling you in advance that it's cold. 373 00:16:43,819 --> 00:16:45,336 Aah! Oh, it's cold! Oh, it's too cold. 374 00:16:45,488 --> 00:16:47,505 -This is why I told you in advance. -It's too cold. 375 00:16:47,656 --> 00:16:49,323 -I don't want to do this anymore. -Your body heat will warm it. 376 00:16:49,384 --> 00:16:50,657 -I regret this decision deeply. -Just let your body heat 377 00:16:50,719 --> 00:16:51,676 -do the work. -Oh, it's fine now. 378 00:16:51,827 --> 00:16:53,903 See? That's the body heat. 379 00:16:53,963 --> 00:16:56,572 Now, if you get into trouble, department regulations say 380 00:16:56,591 --> 00:16:58,683 we can't go in there unless you say a code phrase. 381 00:16:58,876 --> 00:17:01,019 Something that you'd never actually say in conversation 382 00:17:01,212 --> 00:17:02,687 so we know it's a signal. 383 00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:04,838 The phrase is, 384 00:17:04,858 --> 00:17:06,582 "Did you see the new Paul Rudd movie? 385 00:17:06,642 --> 00:17:08,192 It's laugh-out-loud funny." 386 00:17:08,344 --> 00:17:09,752 Come on, can't I just say "watchable"? 387 00:17:09,854 --> 00:17:11,587 No, no, you have to say it exactly. 388 00:17:11,647 --> 00:17:13,923 "Heartwarming"? I-I mean, I could just say "heartwarming." 389 00:17:13,983 --> 00:17:15,349 Peter, the phrase is the phrase. 390 00:17:15,452 --> 00:17:17,426 Now, you ready to meet those godfathers? 391 00:17:17,487 --> 00:17:19,186 I guess. 392 00:17:19,247 --> 00:17:21,597 Wonder where the word "godfather" came from, anyway. 393 00:17:21,616 --> 00:17:24,617 I don't know. I assume it started with God's father. 394 00:17:24,769 --> 00:17:26,693 (phone rings) 395 00:17:26,755 --> 00:17:29,363 -Yello? -Hey, Dad, I wrote a big show, 396 00:17:29,424 --> 00:17:31,049 and your grandson Jesus is in it. 397 00:17:31,217 --> 00:17:33,292 He's kind of the star of it, really. Can you make it? 398 00:17:33,444 --> 00:17:35,369 (laughs): Well, look at you. I'm there, pal. 399 00:17:35,430 --> 00:17:37,055 When is it? When's the big show? 400 00:17:37,206 --> 00:17:39,465 -It's Good Friday. -Oh, don't say Friday. 401 00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:41,300 Ah, I was afraid of that. 402 00:17:41,452 --> 00:17:43,043 Well, there's kind of a postscript to the story. 403 00:17:43,063 --> 00:17:45,379 -Maybe you could catch that? -Oh, you betcha, slugger. 404 00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:47,047 -It's on Sunday. -Oh, you're kidding! 405 00:17:47,108 --> 00:17:50,126 Doesn't anyone do anything on Tuesdays anymore? 406 00:17:50,144 --> 00:17:52,219 Listen, I'm getting pulled into this meeting right now, 407 00:17:52,322 --> 00:17:53,488 but good luck with your thing. 408 00:17:54,949 --> 00:17:58,818 I promise I'm going to be so nice to my son. 409 00:17:58,953 --> 00:18:00,953 ♪ ♪ 410 00:18:03,625 --> 00:18:06,250 JOE: Okay, Peter, this is it. 411 00:18:07,253 --> 00:18:08,920 Hey, who are you? 412 00:18:09,089 --> 00:18:10,922 Just act natural. And even though you're miked, 413 00:18:11,091 --> 00:18:12,924 try not to use your radio voice. 414 00:18:13,117 --> 00:18:14,333 (Rick Dees' voice): Hey, Providence. 415 00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:16,594 This is Peter Whirlybird Griffin 416 00:18:16,787 --> 00:18:19,322 comin' at you on a sizzlin' Sunday afternoon. 417 00:18:19,423 --> 00:18:21,157 -Peter, no! -Wait a minute. 418 00:18:21,259 --> 00:18:23,083 You're the new don from Quahog. 419 00:18:23,144 --> 00:18:24,811 Follow me. 420 00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:30,090 We're glad that you finally decided to play ball with us. 421 00:18:30,110 --> 00:18:32,610 Let me introduce you to the other dons. 422 00:18:32,803 --> 00:18:35,279 Don Duck. Don Keykong. 423 00:18:35,472 --> 00:18:38,132 -Don Amnesia. -Forget about it. 424 00:18:38,134 --> 00:18:40,359 -Don Omatopoeia. -Bang. 425 00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:43,287 -The Land Don Under. -You come to me today, 426 00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:45,289 on the day of me daughter's barbecue. 427 00:18:45,482 --> 00:18:47,274 Don Imus. 428 00:18:47,293 --> 00:18:49,869 The Rutgers basketball team is Black and disgusting. 429 00:18:49,963 --> 00:18:52,021 That's a wrap for Don Imus. 430 00:18:52,123 --> 00:18:54,615 Finally, the scariest don of them all: 431 00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:56,968 -Don De-Don-Don. -Thank you. 432 00:18:57,161 --> 00:18:59,620 I'd like to introduce you all to my suspenseful son, 433 00:18:59,681 --> 00:19:02,723 Don Don-Don...! 434 00:19:04,835 --> 00:19:07,628 And-and the guy says, "Oh, I thought you were complaining 435 00:19:07,689 --> 00:19:09,630 about your angina." 436 00:19:09,691 --> 00:19:13,209 -You never told us a beginning to that joke. -Oh. Sorry. 437 00:19:13,269 --> 00:19:15,044 JOE: Okay, Peter, the meeting's almost over. 438 00:19:15,104 --> 00:19:17,062 Just don't blow your cover, and we're home free. 439 00:19:17,157 --> 00:19:19,490 Hey, anybody want to do karaoke after this? 440 00:19:19,642 --> 00:19:21,808 Sure. I can use the mic taped to my chest. 441 00:19:21,870 --> 00:19:24,311 Peter, no! 442 00:19:24,330 --> 00:19:27,223 Uh, the new Paul Rudd movie is watchable. 443 00:19:27,283 --> 00:19:29,167 I repeat, it's very watchable. 444 00:19:29,360 --> 00:19:31,894 Damn it, Peter! You have to say it exactly. 445 00:19:31,913 --> 00:19:34,547 Fine. It's laugh-out-loud funny. 446 00:19:36,083 --> 00:19:37,991 Freeze! You're all under arrest. 447 00:19:38,052 --> 00:19:39,552 Good job, Peter. 448 00:19:40,796 --> 00:19:42,597 ♪ ♪ 449 00:19:44,017 --> 00:19:45,408 Freeze! 450 00:19:45,468 --> 00:19:48,244 All right, nobody do anything stupid. 451 00:19:48,262 --> 00:19:50,021 H-Hold on, I'm just allowing LinkedIn 452 00:19:50,214 --> 00:19:52,673 to send automated e-mails to all my contacts. 453 00:19:52,734 --> 00:19:54,917 I said don't do anything stupid. 454 00:19:54,977 --> 00:19:57,678 -(phone chimes) -"Peter Griffin wants to add you 455 00:19:57,739 --> 00:19:59,363 to his professional network." 456 00:19:59,556 --> 00:20:01,348 Oh! Damn it, Peter! 457 00:20:01,409 --> 00:20:04,285 Hands behind your head. On the ground. 458 00:20:05,246 --> 00:20:06,687 Aw, we're gonna die. 459 00:20:06,789 --> 00:20:09,265 All right. So long, you two. 460 00:20:09,325 --> 00:20:11,125 ♪ ♪ 461 00:20:14,255 --> 00:20:15,671 (gunshot) 462 00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:25,539 Oh, my God. Thank you. 463 00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:27,642 Prego. 464 00:20:30,230 --> 00:20:32,788 Well, turns out being a mobster isn't for me. 465 00:20:32,848 --> 00:20:34,715 Well, I'm just happy you're home safe. 466 00:20:34,817 --> 00:20:36,216 Me, too, Dad. 467 00:20:36,277 --> 00:20:38,385 Has anyone seen the rest of my white wine? 468 00:20:38,488 --> 00:20:40,312 Sorry, Lois. I drank that. 469 00:20:40,406 --> 00:20:43,890 Oh. That's fine, Brian. 470 00:20:43,952 --> 00:20:47,954 Hey, what do you say you and me go for a walk in the woods? 471 00:20:49,457 --> 00:20:51,323 You know what? This is kind of nice. 472 00:20:51,417 --> 00:20:54,067 I thought you were gonna do some kind of Godfather murder on me. 473 00:20:54,087 --> 00:20:56,829 Oh, Brian, I don't watch Mafia movies. 474 00:20:56,923 --> 00:20:59,423 -But I did see Fargo. -Huh? 475 00:21:32,625 --> 00:21:34,625 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH