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¶ It seems today
that all you see ¶
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¶ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ¶
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¶ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ¶
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¶ On which we used to rely? ¶
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¶ Lucky there's a family guy ¶
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¶ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ¶
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¶ All the things that make us ¶
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¶ Laugh and cry ¶
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¶ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ¶
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Ah. Nothing like
drive time radio
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to remind me
that I don't make enough
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to afford satellite radio.
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Hey-hey!
You're listening to WQHG 97.1,
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and we are Devin and Lawrence,
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formerly known
as Weenie and The Butt.
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That's right, Devin.
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Those nicknames no longer fly
ever since several women
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came forward with allegations
of sexual misconduct
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against each of us.
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De-De-De-Devin and Lawrence!
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¶ Sexual misconduct ¶
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¶ 97.1 FM. ¶
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Rebranded to
phase out Weenie and the Butt!
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¶ WQHG 97.1. ¶
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They got Me-Too'd,
Me-Too'd, Me-Too'd!
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¶ But there were still
six months on their contract ¶
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-¶ Overlooking that for now. ¶
-DEEP VOICE: FM!
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Devin, Devin,
Devin and Lawrence!
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Court-ordered overcorrection!
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Damn it,
what's wrong with the AC?
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And don't forget,
Quahog is expected
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to experience record-high
temperatures this week,
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according to our
respected meteorologist
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Dr. Jessica Sturgess.
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Formerly known as Weather Girl
Aah-Ooh-Gah Knockerson.
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Sir, could you please
roll down your window?
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I can't. I spilled honey on it
and it won't move.
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Please just
step out of the vehicle.
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Sir, you were swerving
back there.
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Plus, you're drowning in sweat.
Have you been drinking?
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No. I don't start drinking
till... until the drive home.
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Why are you slurring your words?
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Sorry, I had Cap'n Crunch
for breakfast.
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The roof of my mouth
is in shreds.
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I find that story relatable.
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You're free to go.
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Man, I can't believe
that cop thought I was lying.
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00:02:08,510 --> 00:02:11,130
The only time I lie is
when I play poker.
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00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:12,340
It's make-or-break time.
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$75 million at stake.
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Betting starts
with Peter Griffin.
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Ooh, he's not looking
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at much of anything right now.
And those mirrored sunglasses,
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not doing him any favors.
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All in.
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Got to take this.
It's my wife.
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Are you here?
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Okay, you two
just hang out in the store
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while I return this keyboard.
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I'm going to watch
the older boys play Fortnite,
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because I'm not old enough
to play Fortnite myself.
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Hi. I'd like to return
this keyboard.
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Was there
something wrong with it?
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00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:51,880
Well, it said it was designed
for writers,
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00:02:51,890 --> 00:02:54,560
but when I sat down to work, it
just wasn't flowing through me.
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- Do you have a receipt?
- Uh, no.
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Uh, no.
Can't you just look it up?
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00:02:58,140 --> 00:03:00,550
Do you have the credit card
you used to pay for it?
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00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:03,680
I actually paid using
store credit for another return.
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Do you have the original
packaging for the item?
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00:03:05,900 --> 00:03:07,520
No. No, that's...
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that's probably
with the receipt.
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Manager who's
dishearteningly younger than me
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to the service counter, please.
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This better not be
another overring.
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Corpowate's gonna have my ass.
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Well, we can probably throw out
this sunflower butter
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now that Stewie's classmate
with the peanut allergy died.
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Oh, there you are, Peter.
Listen, I need you to...
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00:03:35,930 --> 00:03:37,430
Why are you so sweaty?
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The AC in my car broke.
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Not from the honey.
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00:03:40,420 --> 00:03:42,390
And fat-guy sweat
is like a battleship.
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00:03:42,460 --> 00:03:44,890
Once it gets going,
you can't just turn it around.
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So until the weather cools off,
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you're gonna be dealing
with a slippery walrus.
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00:03:48,430 --> 00:03:51,020
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I see a potential rival
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to my beach supremacy.
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00:04:04,650 --> 00:04:05,790
Now?
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00:04:05,870 --> 00:04:08,200
No, let them
tire themselves out.
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00:04:09,470 --> 00:04:10,960
Dad, what are we doing here?
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00:04:10,970 --> 00:04:13,040
Now that I sweat all the time,
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00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:16,350
it's just natural that I be
a very sweaty bomb defuser.
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Steady. You can do this.
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00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:25,890
All you gotta do is remember the
song you learned in bomb school.
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¶ Green is good
and green is good ¶
97
00:04:27,820 --> 00:04:30,150
¶ And red is good
and yellow is good ¶
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00:04:30,230 --> 00:04:31,690
¶ And clip whatever you want. ¶
99
00:04:33,660 --> 00:04:35,490
Now, who can tell me
what he did wrong?
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00:04:35,570 --> 00:04:37,230
He made up a song
about cutting wires?
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00:04:37,310 --> 00:04:39,330
He made up
a song about cutting wires.
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Don't do that, guys.
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We now return to Indiana Jones
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00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:49,170
and the Temple Beth Shalom.
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You must be Mr. Jones.
106
00:04:51,870 --> 00:04:53,000
It's Dr. Jones.
107
00:04:53,010 --> 00:04:55,170
Oh, a doctor.
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00:04:55,180 --> 00:04:57,510
You should meet
my frumpy daughter.
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Wow. What are you
all dressed up for?
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Well, thanks
to my car's AC breaking,
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00:05:03,390 --> 00:05:05,930
I've been asked to be
an overly sweaty Southern lawyer
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00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:08,430
during a landmark
civil rights case.
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Mr. Griffin, you may proceed.
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May it please the court,
Your Honor,
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00:05:12,340 --> 00:05:14,350
opposing counsel,
members of the jury,
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00:05:14,360 --> 00:05:16,440
Madam Stenographer,
Bailiff Clarence,
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00:05:16,520 --> 00:05:17,980
Snack Cart Steve,
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00:05:18,060 --> 00:05:20,030
elderly widows with paper fans,
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00:05:20,110 --> 00:05:22,110
woman in the third row
with a flower hat,
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00:05:22,190 --> 00:05:23,860
Deputy Fife, Boo Radley,
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00:05:23,870 --> 00:05:26,040
Yay Radley,
Herman Munster judge,
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00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:28,490
lazy dog who wandered in
due to the heat,
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00:05:28,570 --> 00:05:31,200
crazed Al Pacino,
old Robert Duvall,
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00:05:31,210 --> 00:05:34,330
young Robert Duvall,
in-between Robert Duvall,
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00:05:34,410 --> 00:05:36,330
the books of John Grisham.
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The defense rests.
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We now return
to Jesse Eisenberg
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00:05:43,060 --> 00:05:46,050
and Emma Stone
in Opposite Eye Sizes.
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00:05:46,060 --> 00:05:47,840
Sorry, guys.
All I have left
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00:05:47,920 --> 00:05:49,810
are one pair
of extra-large contact lenses
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00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:51,560
and one pair of extra-small.
132
00:05:51,570 --> 00:05:54,680
Uh, we'll be fine.
133
00:05:54,760 --> 00:05:57,020
Well, I just got off the phone
with the electronics store.
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00:05:57,100 --> 00:06:00,570
Your stupid fight caused
$3,000 worth of damage.
135
00:06:00,650 --> 00:06:03,150
Well, I'm not very good at math.
Y-You lost me.
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00:06:03,230 --> 00:06:05,320
- A thousand dollars.
- Wow!
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00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:07,920
- Another thousand dollars.
- Oh, my goodness!
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00:06:07,990 --> 00:06:09,570
A third thousand dollars.
139
00:06:09,590 --> 00:06:11,200
Now you lost me again.
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00:06:11,280 --> 00:06:13,200
I don't think Chris
can count to three.
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00:06:13,280 --> 00:06:14,590
How are we gonna pay 'em back?
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00:06:14,670 --> 00:06:16,040
Whoa, what do you mean, "we"?
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00:06:16,120 --> 00:06:18,420
Yeah, do you expect
all nine of us to chip in?
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00:06:18,430 --> 00:06:20,380
Come on,
we got to think of some way
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00:06:20,450 --> 00:06:21,710
to raise that money in a hurry.
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00:06:21,790 --> 00:06:23,760
Good afternoon, Quahog.
I'm Tom Tucker.
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00:06:23,770 --> 00:06:27,220
Our top story: actor, director
and odd-nostriled punch line
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00:06:27,290 --> 00:06:29,940
Zach Braff has successfully
Kickstarted another movie.
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The shameless film star
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00:06:31,330 --> 00:06:33,470
who made a movie
college kids used to like
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00:06:33,550 --> 00:06:36,730
is again asking people
who have less to give him more.
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00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:38,230
That's it!
We'll set up a Kickstarter
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00:06:38,310 --> 00:06:39,950
for the three grand we need.
154
00:06:40,020 --> 00:06:42,620
But, Brian, people don't just
donate money on Kickstarter.
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It has to go
toward some sort of project.
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00:06:45,450 --> 00:06:47,610
Okay, then we'll say
we're making a movie.
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And who will we get to direct?
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We'll raise the money we need,
pay back the store,
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and then e-mail the backers,
saying we ran into trouble
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and couldn't finish the project.
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00:06:55,610 --> 00:06:58,010
Great idea, Brian.
Much better than that version
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00:06:58,040 --> 00:07:02,210
of Free Solo narrated
by a concerned Midwestern mom.
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00:07:02,290 --> 00:07:03,880
Oh, that's too high, Alex.
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00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:05,800
That's too high.
Oh, I can't watch.
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Now, now, why wouldn't
you just have
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00:07:07,310 --> 00:07:08,810
a nice lunch at Applebee's?
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00:07:08,890 --> 00:07:11,730
I like that bird, though.
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00:07:16,510 --> 00:07:18,600
Griffin, why is this floor wet?
169
00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:20,060
Oh, sorry, that's from me.
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I-I got a little
perspiration problem.
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00:07:22,070 --> 00:07:23,820
Hey, what time is
our meeting, Oscar?
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00:07:23,830 --> 00:07:25,150
It's... Aah!
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Sorry. What time
is our meeting, Aah-scar?
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00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:30,820
Damn it, Griffin, you've become
a liability in this office.
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- Why? 'Cause I'm drunk
and have a gun?
- No.
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00:07:33,030 --> 00:07:34,500
- 'Cause of the cocaine?
- No.
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00:07:34,580 --> 00:07:35,740
'Cause I use office petty cash
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00:07:35,820 --> 00:07:37,450
to have sex
with high-end escorts?
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00:07:37,530 --> 00:07:41,250
No. But your perspiration
has become a serious problem.
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I'm afraid you're going
to have to work from home
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- until you get it under control.
- All right, if you insist.
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Hey, Candy,
sorry I couldn't finish
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00:07:48,210 --> 00:07:50,180
'cause I'm so freakin' gacked
on ski powder.
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00:07:50,260 --> 00:07:52,140
I thought the gun
would get me there.
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00:07:52,210 --> 00:07:53,600
Anyway, here's the office cash.
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00:07:53,670 --> 00:07:55,360
Careful of the wet floor.
You're pregnant.
187
00:08:02,720 --> 00:08:05,200
So, Dad, are you excited
for your first day
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00:08:05,280 --> 00:08:07,910
- of working from home?
- Yes, but I'm very late.
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00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:11,200
Busy dad morning goodbyes.
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00:08:26,540 --> 00:08:27,840
Forgot my phone.
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00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:44,900
Are you here?
192
00:08:44,910 --> 00:08:47,520
So, Mom, you're okay
with Dad working in the house
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00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:48,980
- all the time?
- Oh, yeah,
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00:08:49,060 --> 00:08:50,910
it's nice having a coworker.
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00:08:50,990 --> 00:08:53,530
'Cause being a housewife
is a full-time job.
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00:08:53,610 --> 00:08:56,080
For some pretty tough bosses!
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00:09:00,760 --> 00:09:03,260
Hi. So, is this your break time?
198
00:09:03,330 --> 00:09:04,870
- No, sir.
- Oh, okay.
199
00:09:04,950 --> 00:09:07,380
I was wondering
if my watch was off, maybe.
200
00:09:07,450 --> 00:09:09,090
- It's not.
- You see, Mom,
201
00:09:09,100 --> 00:09:11,600
we try to stay focused
on the task at hand
202
00:09:11,680 --> 00:09:14,600
here at Griffin, Griffin,
Griffin, Griffin and Griffin.
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00:09:14,680 --> 00:09:16,390
Good morning.
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00:09:16,460 --> 00:09:18,350
Griffin, Griffin,
Griffin and Griffin.
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00:09:18,420 --> 00:09:21,680
Huh. I thought our letterhead
had five Griffins on it, Meg.
206
00:09:21,760 --> 00:09:24,230
But you were right
to leave one of them off,
207
00:09:24,300 --> 00:09:26,770
because you're *** fired.
208
00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:34,120
Uh, hello?
209
00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:35,740
Hey, Lois.
I'm at the small bodega
210
00:09:35,820 --> 00:09:37,240
in the living room lobby
211
00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:39,450
trying to pick out
a new baby card for Janine.
212
00:09:39,460 --> 00:09:40,700
Wai... Who's Janine?
213
00:09:40,780 --> 00:09:42,800
Yeah, right?
Anyway, should I get one
214
00:09:42,870 --> 00:09:44,790
with a baby
with SpaghettiOs on his head,
215
00:09:44,800 --> 00:09:46,920
like, "This is
what it's gonna be like,"
216
00:09:46,990 --> 00:09:48,960
or one with a stork
with an injured back?
217
00:09:48,970 --> 00:09:50,800
Peter, I don't care.
218
00:09:50,810 --> 00:09:54,800
Well, time to live out my dream
of becoming a bodega cat.
219
00:09:54,810 --> 00:09:57,640
I'm between the breads.
220
00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:04,480
Again, I want to say I'm so glad
all of our schedules lined up
221
00:10:04,490 --> 00:10:06,440
so we can work together.
And, as a reminder,
222
00:10:06,510 --> 00:10:08,160
we've got New York on the line.
223
00:10:08,230 --> 00:10:10,480
New York, are you there?
224
00:10:10,490 --> 00:10:13,110
Stewie, is there anyone specific
on the line in New York?
225
00:10:13,190 --> 00:10:14,440
Brian, you're just showing
your ignorance.
226
00:10:14,520 --> 00:10:16,780
The phrase is,
"New York on the line."
227
00:10:16,860 --> 00:10:19,120
- Hey, buddy,
- move that piece of junk!
228
00:10:19,190 --> 00:10:20,490
Go Mets!
229
00:10:20,500 --> 00:10:22,670
And that's
the best city we have.
230
00:10:22,750 --> 00:10:24,160
All right, so,
we've heard from New York.
231
00:10:24,170 --> 00:10:25,290
- What have you guys got?
- This...
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00:10:25,370 --> 00:10:26,730
this can't be the meeting.
233
00:10:26,730 --> 00:10:29,000
New York, I'm gonna put you
on hold for a second.
234
00:10:29,010 --> 00:10:30,790
Brian, you're embarrassing us
in front of New York.
235
00:10:30,870 --> 00:10:32,420
Now get it together.
236
00:10:32,500 --> 00:10:35,170
All right, let's show them
the pitch video we put together.
237
00:10:37,020 --> 00:10:38,350
My name's Stewie,
238
00:10:38,430 --> 00:10:40,470
and this camera saved my life.
239
00:10:40,550 --> 00:10:42,930
I was born on the wrong side
of the tracks.
240
00:10:43,010 --> 00:10:44,970
My father made holes in belts,
241
00:10:45,050 --> 00:10:47,770
and my mother was
the Italian guy on a pizza box.
242
00:10:47,850 --> 00:10:50,440
The old man wanted me to go
into the family business.
243
00:10:50,520 --> 00:10:53,200
Hey! I don't hear any holes
being holed!
244
00:10:53,280 --> 00:10:54,780
I want to make movies, Pa!
245
00:10:54,850 --> 00:10:56,370
Don't make me beat you
246
00:10:56,450 --> 00:10:59,370
with the instrument with which
I make holes in belts!
247
00:10:59,450 --> 00:11:01,210
It's called an awl, Pa!
248
00:11:01,280 --> 00:11:03,380
You son of a bitch!
249
00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:06,200
Ma! Do something!
250
00:11:06,220 --> 00:11:08,720
Frank, no!
251
00:11:08,790 --> 00:11:10,380
Six months later,
252
00:11:10,460 --> 00:11:13,290
my old man died when they
canceled The Tony Danza Show.
253
00:11:13,370 --> 00:11:15,300
The one that was on
during the day.
254
00:11:15,370 --> 00:11:18,060
Anyway, all that
is why I want to make a movie
255
00:11:18,140 --> 00:11:20,980
about a dog
who joins a hockey team.
256
00:11:24,550 --> 00:11:26,570
Morning, handsome.
257
00:11:26,640 --> 00:11:27,980
Mwah.
258
00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:33,740
Now, Lois, you have been accused
of an unwanted touching.
259
00:11:33,820 --> 00:11:35,080
- When?
- Just now.
260
00:11:35,150 --> 00:11:36,240
Just before the flip.
261
00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:37,740
Uh, this is ridiculous.
262
00:11:37,750 --> 00:11:38,990
Lois, please.
263
00:11:39,060 --> 00:11:40,660
Now, the way this works is
264
00:11:40,730 --> 00:11:43,870
we simply gather information and
I make up my mind an hour ago.
265
00:11:43,940 --> 00:11:45,700
Peter, please tell us
what happened.
266
00:11:45,780 --> 00:11:47,420
I'm sitting there at my desk,
267
00:11:47,500 --> 00:11:49,160
trying to watch porn on sites
268
00:11:49,240 --> 00:11:50,750
you guys
haven't figured out yet,
269
00:11:50,760 --> 00:11:51,920
and...
270
00:11:51,930 --> 00:11:53,590
she comes in and kisses me.
271
00:11:58,080 --> 00:12:01,600
Now, Barbara, the reason
you are here at Super HR
272
00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:04,680
is there's been an accusation
of unwanted touching
273
00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:08,020
and an overly sexualized
work environment.
274
00:12:08,090 --> 00:12:10,780
That's it. Peter,
no more working from home.
275
00:12:10,850 --> 00:12:12,780
I want you to go back
to the office.
276
00:12:12,860 --> 00:12:15,950
Peter, how can the company
make this right?
277
00:12:16,030 --> 00:12:18,740
Bring back Lay's WOW chips
with Olestra.
278
00:12:18,810 --> 00:12:22,200
Mr. Griffin, those chips
were recalled in the '90s
279
00:12:22,270 --> 00:12:24,700
for causing explosive diarrhea.
280
00:12:24,780 --> 00:12:26,200
You heard me.
281
00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:27,790
Mmm.
282
00:12:27,870 --> 00:12:29,410
So good.
283
00:12:30,470 --> 00:12:31,460
Uh-oh.
284
00:12:34,210 --> 00:12:36,850
All right, boys,
get me up to speed.
285
00:12:43,130 --> 00:12:44,800
Brian! Chris!
286
00:12:44,810 --> 00:12:46,100
Stewie, what's the matter?
287
00:12:46,170 --> 00:12:47,480
Our Kickstarter...
288
00:12:47,560 --> 00:12:49,270
What?
Did we not hit our goal?
289
00:12:49,340 --> 00:12:52,770
I also want to ask a question
without looking at the screen.
290
00:12:52,850 --> 00:12:55,860
Oh, oh, we hit it all right.
291
00:12:59,350 --> 00:13:00,400
Whoa.
292
00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:02,150
We actually have
to make this thing.
293
00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:03,660
Gentlemen, it's time
294
00:13:03,670 --> 00:13:05,620
to start inappropriately
touching actresses
295
00:13:05,690 --> 00:13:07,160
on the casting couch.
296
00:13:07,170 --> 00:13:10,500
Okay, I have been made aware
of the allegations.
297
00:13:10,580 --> 00:13:13,880
Is there anything you can say
on your behalf?
298
00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:16,830
I'm trans?
299
00:13:16,850 --> 00:13:18,850
You just won HR.
300
00:13:26,340 --> 00:13:27,930
All right.
Dishes washed,
301
00:13:28,010 --> 00:13:29,140
kids off to school,
302
00:13:29,220 --> 00:13:31,020
taking my boobs out of my bra.
303
00:13:32,640 --> 00:13:35,350
Alexa, play Mom Spa channel.
304
00:13:38,220 --> 00:13:39,690
All right, you're gonna have
to catch me up.
305
00:13:39,700 --> 00:13:41,360
I just stepped off a bird
from Omaha,
306
00:13:41,370 --> 00:13:42,860
and I have a very tight window.
307
00:13:42,870 --> 00:13:44,200
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Slow down.
308
00:13:44,280 --> 00:13:45,610
I don't have the bandwidth
for this right now.
309
00:13:45,690 --> 00:13:47,620
This is a lot for me to unpack,
honestly.
310
00:13:47,690 --> 00:13:49,280
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
311
00:13:49,360 --> 00:13:50,830
Well, I'm gonna have
to circle back with Ken
312
00:13:50,900 --> 00:13:52,210
to get it past the goal line.
313
00:13:52,290 --> 00:13:54,500
Unless, Wendy, do you want
to run it up the flagpole?
314
00:13:54,570 --> 00:13:56,370
Well, at the end of the day,
it is what it is.
315
00:13:56,390 --> 00:13:57,830
Look, look, look.
Listen, listen.
316
00:13:57,910 --> 00:13:59,630
Look, listen, look, look,
listen, listen.
317
00:13:59,700 --> 00:14:01,390
Not to put
too fine a point on it,
318
00:14:01,460 --> 00:14:03,460
but when push comes to shove,
look, listen, look.
319
00:14:03,540 --> 00:14:05,220
Okay, I'm gonna put a pin
in this.
320
00:14:05,230 --> 00:14:07,680
I got to go crowd the gate so
people think I'm in first class,
321
00:14:07,750 --> 00:14:09,430
even though
I'm in boarding group seven.
322
00:14:09,510 --> 00:14:11,400
Peter, for God's sake,
323
00:14:11,470 --> 00:14:13,520
can I not just have 15 minutes
of peace and quiet
324
00:14:13,590 --> 00:14:14,640
in my own kitchen?
325
00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:16,400
All right,
I'll stay out of your way.
326
00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:20,030
I will simply do my work
and not say a word.
327
00:14:55,020 --> 00:14:57,520
Peter,
we are gonna have to fi...
328
00:14:57,600 --> 00:14:59,100
Attention, please,
329
00:14:59,170 --> 00:15:02,070
we are gonna begin pre-boarding
Flight 238 to Scottsdale,
330
00:15:02,140 --> 00:15:04,610
beginning with our first-class
and Prestige members.
331
00:15:04,620 --> 00:15:06,580
Oh, that's me. I got to go.
332
00:15:09,370 --> 00:15:12,030
Scuse me, is there any way
I can get on the plane now,
333
00:15:12,110 --> 00:15:15,550
even though I'm in the seat
whose back touches the bathroom?
334
00:15:19,630 --> 00:15:21,960
Okay, welcome
to the first official table read
335
00:15:21,970 --> 00:15:24,300
for The Untitled
Kickstarter Project.
336
00:15:24,310 --> 00:15:26,310
Chris will be on speakerphone
from down the hall,
337
00:15:26,380 --> 00:15:29,140
and, as a reminder, that may
result in a five-second delay.
338
00:15:29,220 --> 00:15:32,310
So, now to hand it over
to our writer extraordinaire,
339
00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:34,600
- Mr. Brian...
- Hi, everyone!
340
00:15:34,670 --> 00:15:35,980
There's the delay.
341
00:15:36,060 --> 00:15:37,560
Brian Griffin, take it away.
342
00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:38,480
Thank you, Stewie.
343
00:15:38,490 --> 00:15:39,680
And before we get started,
344
00:15:39,680 --> 00:15:41,230
I would like
to officially thank Stewie
345
00:15:41,310 --> 00:15:42,650
for spearheading this project,
346
00:15:42,660 --> 00:15:43,990
and I'd like to thank Chris
347
00:15:44,070 --> 00:15:46,280
for his help scouting
all the locations.
348
00:15:46,350 --> 00:15:47,320
Now, scene one.
349
00:15:47,330 --> 00:15:48,570
We open on a suburban...
350
00:15:48,650 --> 00:15:49,830
Aw, you're welcome, Brian!
351
00:15:49,910 --> 00:15:51,330
Happy to pitch in.
352
00:15:51,410 --> 00:15:52,820
Yeah, speaking of scouting,
353
00:15:52,830 --> 00:15:54,330
you sure got good at scouting
354
00:15:54,410 --> 00:15:55,910
the location
of the nearest Burger King.
355
00:15:55,990 --> 00:15:57,000
Okay, scene one.
356
00:15:57,080 --> 00:15:58,500
We open on a suburban home,
357
00:15:58,510 --> 00:16:00,580
where a party is in full swing.
358
00:16:00,660 --> 00:16:02,340
There is a knock at the...
359
00:16:02,420 --> 00:16:04,460
I do like Burger King!
360
00:16:04,540 --> 00:16:05,670
...at the door.
361
00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:07,970
The teenage son answers it.
362
00:16:11,760 --> 00:16:15,100
Well, if it isn't
my favorite uncle.
363
00:16:15,170 --> 00:16:16,970
Why-why did we give him
the lead part?
364
00:16:17,050 --> 00:16:18,930
Chris, we're having
a little delay issue here,
365
00:16:19,010 --> 00:16:21,280
so try and come in
a little sooner, yeah?
366
00:16:25,030 --> 00:16:26,650
Roger that.
367
00:16:26,730 --> 00:16:29,540
Okay. The teenage son stares
at the man in the doorway,
368
00:16:29,610 --> 00:16:32,820
- and they exchange an intense...
- Back so soon, Uncle Cornelius?
369
00:16:32,900 --> 00:16:34,490
Okay, Chris,
that was a little too soon.
370
00:16:34,570 --> 00:16:35,990
Bri-- look,
what we're gonna do is, Brian...
371
00:16:36,070 --> 00:16:38,620
Why didn't you come
to my mom's funeral?
372
00:16:38,700 --> 00:16:40,380
No, no, Chris,
we're pausing for a second.
373
00:16:40,460 --> 00:16:42,120
All right? Okay, okay, Brian,
here's what we're gonna do.
374
00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:45,000
You're going to slap the table
halfway through your line,
375
00:16:45,050 --> 00:16:47,220
and, Chris, when you hear
the slap on your end,
376
00:16:47,300 --> 00:16:48,390
that's when you talk.
377
00:16:48,470 --> 00:16:49,710
Everyone got that?
378
00:16:49,720 --> 00:16:50,850
Yes.
379
00:16:54,420 --> 00:16:55,890
Yes.
380
00:16:55,900 --> 00:16:58,230
Okay. Uncle Cornelius stands
in the doorway
381
00:16:58,310 --> 00:17:00,310
in stunned silence...
382
00:17:00,380 --> 00:17:03,400
not knowing what to say but
knowing he should say something.
383
00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:06,070
Well, do you have anything
to say for yourself?
384
00:17:06,150 --> 00:17:08,320
- This is working.
- You're damn right I do!
385
00:17:08,390 --> 00:17:10,650
Uncle Cornelius
slaps the table in anger
386
00:17:10,730 --> 00:17:12,820
as he walks across
to pour himself a gin and...
387
00:17:12,900 --> 00:17:16,570
I'll return your pearl-handled
revolver one bullet at a time!
388
00:17:16,590 --> 00:17:18,740
Okay, let's just shoot it.
It all works.
389
00:17:18,750 --> 00:17:22,260
I just want to thank... everyone
for all their hard work today.
390
00:17:22,330 --> 00:17:24,340
You're welcome!
391
00:17:29,290 --> 00:17:30,710
What the hell?
392
00:17:33,250 --> 00:17:34,270
Oh, hi, Peter.
393
00:17:34,340 --> 00:17:35,840
Like what I've done
with the place?
394
00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:37,770
I'm not sure what you have done.
395
00:17:37,850 --> 00:17:41,440
Well, since you decided to turn
our house into an office,
396
00:17:41,520 --> 00:17:43,730
I decided to make it
into a public work space
397
00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:45,520
for everyone to enjoy.
398
00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:47,060
Principal Shepherd?
399
00:17:47,140 --> 00:17:49,360
Oh, hey, Peter. John Shepherd
of Shepherd Marketing.
400
00:17:49,430 --> 00:17:51,280
Eye contact, firm handshake.
401
00:17:51,290 --> 00:17:52,610
We can put your logo
on anything:
402
00:17:52,620 --> 00:17:54,570
a mug, a set of pens, a mug.
403
00:17:54,650 --> 00:17:56,120
I, uh-- I don't have a logo.
404
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:57,680
Funny you should say that,
405
00:17:57,680 --> 00:18:00,030
because our art department
could whip you something up.
406
00:18:00,110 --> 00:18:02,910
Hmm, let's see.
Peter, Peter...
407
00:18:02,990 --> 00:18:04,120
Penis?
408
00:18:04,130 --> 00:18:06,080
Let's just fire up Windows 98.
409
00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:07,710
You like that, right on the mug?
410
00:18:07,790 --> 00:18:09,290
Uh, n-no. No, thank you.
411
00:18:09,300 --> 00:18:10,920
Lois, what do you think
you're doing?
412
00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:12,960
Uh, I don't know what
you're talking about, Peter.
413
00:18:12,970 --> 00:18:16,090
Just creating
a nice work environment for you.
414
00:18:16,170 --> 00:18:19,300
For instance, I also piped in
easy listening music
415
00:18:19,310 --> 00:18:20,430
throughout the house.
416
00:18:20,510 --> 00:18:21,890
¶ Doo doo doo... ¶
417
00:18:21,970 --> 00:18:24,060
"Ode to My Family"
by the Cranberries?
418
00:18:24,140 --> 00:18:26,980
Lois, you know once I hear that,
I can't get it out of my head.
419
00:18:26,990 --> 00:18:28,940
Don't worry.
It's not the whole song.
420
00:18:29,020 --> 00:18:30,060
It's just the...
421
00:18:30,140 --> 00:18:32,070
¶ Doo doo doo doo ¶
422
00:18:32,140 --> 00:18:33,280
...part on repeat.
423
00:18:33,350 --> 00:18:34,780
That's the catchiest part!
424
00:18:34,850 --> 00:18:36,110
Well, you better get to work.
425
00:18:36,190 --> 00:18:38,000
It's already 9:15.
426
00:18:38,070 --> 00:18:40,490
Come on, Peter, focus.
You can do this.
427
00:18:40,500 --> 00:18:42,450
¶ Doo doo doo doo, doo... ¶
428
00:18:42,530 --> 00:18:45,250
And... send.
429
00:18:45,320 --> 00:18:46,500
All right.
430
00:18:46,510 --> 00:18:49,470
Let's see
what Griffin's been up to.
431
00:18:52,590 --> 00:18:56,170
Hmm. I've been saying that
to corporate for years.
432
00:18:56,180 --> 00:18:57,340
I got your mug, Peter.
433
00:18:57,350 --> 00:18:59,260
That'll be $59.99.
434
00:18:59,340 --> 00:19:00,600
I got a Square here,
435
00:19:00,670 --> 00:19:02,690
so we can take care
of the transaction in-house.
436
00:19:02,770 --> 00:19:04,360
Geez, seems kind of pricey.
437
00:19:04,430 --> 00:19:06,980
Well, we could bring that down
to $29.99,
438
00:19:07,050 --> 00:19:09,030
but you'd have
to buy 4,000 of them.
439
00:19:09,110 --> 00:19:12,520
Fruit Baskets Covered in
Cellophane. How may I help you?
440
00:19:12,530 --> 00:19:16,370
Long, juicy bananas
and melon balls.
441
00:19:16,450 --> 00:19:18,530
No, I know you hadn't asked me
a question.
442
00:19:18,540 --> 00:19:21,820
I was just thinking
about another part of my day.
443
00:19:21,900 --> 00:19:23,880
Okay! Fire drill!
444
00:19:23,950 --> 00:19:26,120
Everyone out in the hot sun
for an hour,
445
00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:28,910
with no information
as to when we're coming back!
446
00:19:28,990 --> 00:19:30,720
Damn it, Lois.
I can't take this!
447
00:19:30,790 --> 00:19:33,890
Huh. Maybe you'd be better off
working from your office.
448
00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:37,210
But I thought you'd like having
me around the house all day.
449
00:19:37,230 --> 00:19:38,550
I thought so, too, Peter.
450
00:19:38,560 --> 00:19:40,840
But maybe it was
too much of a good thing.
451
00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:43,970
You know I love you, but if
this marriage is gonna survive,
452
00:19:44,050 --> 00:19:46,680
I think you need to be gone
for most of it.
453
00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:47,570
I guess you're right.
454
00:19:47,640 --> 00:19:48,980
When you look at it,
455
00:19:49,050 --> 00:19:51,240
most marriages are
just a couple hours a night.
456
00:19:51,310 --> 00:19:54,320
I'm sorry I was getting on
your nerves, being home so much.
457
00:19:54,390 --> 00:19:57,190
I'll call Bert and ask him if
I can come back to the office.
458
00:19:57,270 --> 00:19:58,400
Thank you, Peter.
459
00:19:58,410 --> 00:19:59,910
I love you so much.
460
00:19:59,990 --> 00:20:02,320
- I love you, too.
- Mmm.
461
00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:05,790
Hey, I went ahead and ordered
those 4,000 penis mugs for you.
462
00:20:05,860 --> 00:20:06,900
I don't want those.
463
00:20:06,980 --> 00:20:08,580
Well, what am I supposed
to do with them?
464
00:20:08,590 --> 00:20:11,370
May I propose a merger?
465
00:20:11,450 --> 00:20:15,510
¶ The secret of my success
is I'm living. ¶
466
00:20:23,610 --> 00:20:24,760
Wow, we did it.
467
00:20:24,770 --> 00:20:26,560
We actually made a movie.
468
00:20:26,630 --> 00:20:28,100
Yeah, I don't want
to call this a movie.
469
00:20:28,110 --> 00:20:29,560
We made a film.
470
00:20:29,590 --> 00:20:31,440
We made a film, guys.
471
00:20:31,450 --> 00:20:36,070
And we even had $300,000
left over to buy snacks.
472
00:20:36,140 --> 00:20:40,440
"M-Movie snacks are very
expensive" is, is-is the joke.
473
00:20:40,460 --> 00:20:41,830
Here we go.
474
00:20:45,870 --> 00:20:47,740
This is garbage!
475
00:20:47,820 --> 00:20:50,370
I'm just happy for a night out.
476
00:20:52,360 --> 00:20:54,250
Now, who can tell me
what they did wrong?
477
00:20:54,330 --> 00:20:56,420
They were no-talent jerks
who made a Kickstarter movie?
478
00:20:56,500 --> 00:20:59,090
They were no-talent jerks who
made a Kickstarter movie.
479
00:20:59,170 --> 00:21:01,020
Don't do that, guys.