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00:00:01,242 --> 00:00:04,111
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:04,542 --> 00:00:07,810
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:07,844 --> 00:00:11,381
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,415 --> 00:00:14,384
♪ On which we used to rely?
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00:00:14,418 --> 00:00:17,887
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
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00:00:17,922 --> 00:00:21,257
♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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00:00:21,292 --> 00:00:22,791
♪ All the things that make us
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00:00:22,825 --> 00:00:24,126
♪ Laugh and cry
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00:00:24,160 --> 00:00:25,234
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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00:00:25,235 --> 00:00:29,235
♪ Family Guy 13x15 ♪
Once Bitten
Original Air Date on April 19, 2015
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00:00:29,236 --> 00:00:34,436
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
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00:00:34,437 --> 00:00:38,140
We now return to
yet another Indiana Jones movie.
13
00:00:39,241 --> 00:00:41,542
Snakes. Why did it
have to be snakes?
14
00:00:41,576 --> 00:00:43,077
Elderly potheads.
15
00:00:43,111 --> 00:00:45,947
Why did it have to be
elderly potheads?
16
00:00:45,981 --> 00:00:48,515
Is everyone warm in here?
Is it warm?
17
00:00:48,550 --> 00:00:49,951
Brian, are you
feeling all right?
18
00:00:49,985 --> 00:00:51,718
Yeah, I'm fine. It
just seems kind of...
19
00:00:52,854 --> 00:00:53,955
Oh, my God!
20
00:00:53,989 --> 00:00:55,556
Oh, Lois,
your dog threw up.
21
00:00:55,590 --> 00:00:57,324
Peter, Brian's clearly
not feeling well.
22
00:00:57,358 --> 00:00:59,259
You got to take him
to the vet.
23
00:00:59,293 --> 00:01:00,961
Unbelievable!
Brian throws up once,
24
00:01:00,995 --> 00:01:02,762
and you rush him
to the vet.
25
00:01:02,796 --> 00:01:04,764
I was throwing up
all night last night.
26
00:01:04,798 --> 00:01:06,532
Good start.
Keep it up, snack pack.
27
00:01:09,003 --> 00:01:10,803
Peter, you got
to take him now!
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00:01:10,838 --> 00:01:12,638
L-Lois, it's probably
just something I ate.
29
00:01:12,673 --> 00:01:13,939
I-I'm fine.
Really.
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00:01:13,974 --> 00:01:16,976
I-I got more energy than
a cruise ship conga line.
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00:01:17,010 --> 00:01:18,810
♪ Horny on a big boat
32
00:01:18,845 --> 00:01:20,612
♪ Horny
on a big boat! ♪
33
00:01:20,646 --> 00:01:23,282
I'm very sick
from lobster.
34
00:01:27,854 --> 00:01:29,788
Brian, your blood work
shows that your liver
35
00:01:29,822 --> 00:01:30,955
isn't functioning
properly.
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00:01:30,990 --> 00:01:32,756
Would you happen
to be a drinker?
37
00:01:32,791 --> 00:01:35,159
Well, I don't know
if I'd label myself a drinker.
38
00:01:35,194 --> 00:01:38,329
I know I like a cold beer
after I mow the lawn.
39
00:01:38,364 --> 00:01:40,531
There were three lies
in that sentence.
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00:01:40,565 --> 00:01:42,833
Brian, have you ever heard
of Lou Gehrig's disease?
41
00:01:42,868 --> 00:01:43,901
Oh, no!
42
00:01:43,935 --> 00:01:46,304
Well, you have
Mickey Mantle's disease.
43
00:01:46,338 --> 00:01:50,173
Now, the most obvious step would
simply be to stop drinking.
44
00:01:50,208 --> 00:01:51,441
Or...?
45
00:01:51,476 --> 00:01:53,643
Well, we do have these pills
that may correct
46
00:01:53,677 --> 00:01:55,879
the enzyme imbalance in your liver.
Yeah, that one.
47
00:01:55,913 --> 00:01:57,347
Okay, I'll be
in the waiting room
48
00:01:57,382 --> 00:01:59,182
barking at the fish
in the tank.
49
00:01:59,217 --> 00:02:00,350
All right,
Mr. Griffin,
50
00:02:00,385 --> 00:02:02,219
these pills will clear up
Brian's condition.
51
00:02:02,253 --> 00:02:05,421
But unfortunately, they only
come in suppository form.
52
00:02:05,455 --> 00:02:06,455
Uh...
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00:02:06,456 --> 00:02:08,257
It means they have
to be inserted
54
00:02:08,291 --> 00:02:09,625
into the patient's anus.
55
00:02:09,659 --> 00:02:12,395
Oh, you're a
dirty doctor, aren't you?
56
00:02:12,429 --> 00:02:14,897
Mr. Griffin, I'm not joking--
or a doctor.
57
00:02:14,931 --> 00:02:16,932
Now, you'll need
to administer these pills,
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00:02:16,966 --> 00:02:19,735
because no dog ever voluntarily
takes a suppository.
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00:02:19,769 --> 00:02:21,369
Well, one in ten does.
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00:02:21,404 --> 00:02:23,671
Oh, I know the one--
Brian's cousin Jasper.
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00:02:23,705 --> 00:02:25,306
His bum looks
like that guy
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00:02:25,341 --> 00:02:27,509
with a hundred cigarettes
in his mouth.
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00:02:35,817 --> 00:02:37,985
Hey, Chris, I noticed
you were sitting alone.
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00:02:38,020 --> 00:02:39,520
You mind if I join you?
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00:02:39,554 --> 00:02:41,155
Sure. We both
have hats.
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00:02:41,189 --> 00:02:43,157
Makes sense.
Oh, thanks.
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00:02:43,191 --> 00:02:45,792
Hey, can you check my back
for "kick me" signs?
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00:02:45,826 --> 00:02:47,994
Oh, yeah, you got
a couple.
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00:02:48,029 --> 00:02:50,130
This one says you're
a "dirty kick."
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00:02:50,165 --> 00:02:52,132
That doesn't say "kick,"
but thanks,
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00:02:52,167 --> 00:02:54,368
I'll keep that one
for my lawsuit.
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00:02:54,402 --> 00:02:56,502
Boys, I got a
new home gym.
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00:02:56,537 --> 00:02:58,504
Why are you telling us that?
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00:02:58,539 --> 00:03:00,173
Just letting
people know.
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00:03:00,207 --> 00:03:03,709
Don't want anyone to get freaked
out by the transformation.
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00:03:03,743 --> 00:03:05,744
I got to say, it
feels kind of weird
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00:03:05,779 --> 00:03:07,447
having someone
join me for lunch.
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00:03:07,481 --> 00:03:08,881
Well, it's
only natural, Chris.
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00:03:08,915 --> 00:03:10,883
You and I are
social exiles.
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00:03:10,917 --> 00:03:13,685
We're the Khaleesi and
Jorah Mormont of this school.
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00:03:13,719 --> 00:03:16,188
Sure, I'll agree to keep
the conversation going.
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00:03:16,222 --> 00:03:19,458
Well, time to break out
my terrible Jewish bag lunch.
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00:03:19,492 --> 00:03:21,059
Let's see.
Smoked whitefish,
84
00:03:21,094 --> 00:03:23,061
herring in cream sauce,
smoked sable--
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00:03:23,096 --> 00:03:24,729
that's a different kind
of whitefish--
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00:03:24,763 --> 00:03:27,665
and for dessert, the only
bad cookie in the world.
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00:03:27,700 --> 00:03:29,833
Hey, what's it like
buying food from school?
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00:03:29,867 --> 00:03:31,935
It's good. I know
everyone back there,
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00:03:31,970 --> 00:03:33,971
so they let me drink
their corn water.
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00:03:34,005 --> 00:03:36,740
Boy, it's so great having
someone I can talk to.
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00:03:36,774 --> 00:03:38,242
I feel the same way, Chris.
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00:03:38,276 --> 00:03:40,744
I think you and I could
get along very nicely.
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00:03:40,778 --> 00:03:44,415
Yeah. We'll be a better team
than the Warsaw Globetrotters.
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00:03:44,449 --> 00:03:45,949
♪ Dribble, dribble, dribble
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00:03:45,984 --> 00:03:47,317
♪ Tuck in shirt
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00:03:47,351 --> 00:03:49,519
♪ Give to my friend
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00:03:49,553 --> 00:03:51,053
♪ Spin on finger
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00:03:51,088 --> 00:03:52,489
♪ Two rotations
99
00:03:52,523 --> 00:03:54,724
♪ Dream about window
100
00:03:54,758 --> 00:03:57,260
♪ Put away basketball,
go to work ♪
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00:03:57,294 --> 00:04:00,463
♪ In calcium mine.
102
00:04:04,467 --> 00:04:06,502
All right, Brian,
it's time for you to take
103
00:04:06,536 --> 00:04:08,137
one of these pills
from the vet.
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00:04:08,171 --> 00:04:10,305
Oh, yeah, right. Can we
do what we normally do,
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00:04:10,340 --> 00:04:12,141
where you roll it up
in a piece of cheese
106
00:04:12,175 --> 00:04:13,742
like you're fooling me?
Yeah, I guess,
107
00:04:13,776 --> 00:04:15,810
but then you're gonna
have cheese in your ass.
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00:04:15,845 --> 00:04:17,379
W-Wait, what?
Yeah, the doctor said
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00:04:17,413 --> 00:04:19,615
I got to give you
these pills the butt way.
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00:04:19,649 --> 00:04:21,449
Oh, no, no, no, no.
That is not happening.
111
00:04:21,483 --> 00:04:23,451
No, no, no. I do not
go the butt way.
112
00:04:23,485 --> 00:04:25,052
Look, I know it sounds
a little rough,
113
00:04:25,086 --> 00:04:27,555
but why don't we start with
a gentle massage of the area
114
00:04:27,589 --> 00:04:28,722
and see how you feel?
115
00:04:28,757 --> 00:04:30,158
Peter, get away from my ass!
116
00:04:30,192 --> 00:04:32,693
Br-Brian! No!
117
00:04:32,727 --> 00:04:35,563
Huh. Guess I'm just gonna
have to take him by surprise.
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00:04:35,597 --> 00:04:36,997
Shouldn't be too hard.
119
00:04:37,032 --> 00:04:39,399
After all, I used to be
a Pete-in-the-box.
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00:04:51,745 --> 00:04:53,880
Goes the weasel!
121
00:04:57,050 --> 00:04:58,984
All right, if I'm gonna
give Brian his medicine,
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00:04:59,018 --> 00:05:00,986
I should probably watch
that old episode of Lassie
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00:05:01,020 --> 00:05:03,589
where Timmy has to give
her a suppository.
124
00:05:07,294 --> 00:05:09,495
What's that, Lassie?
You feel sick?
125
00:05:09,529 --> 00:05:12,129
What's wrong, girl?
126
00:05:13,465 --> 00:05:14,765
A supposi-what?
127
00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:17,034
What am I supposed
to do with it?
128
00:05:18,304 --> 00:05:19,770
Gosh. I...
129
00:05:19,805 --> 00:05:23,174
Well, if you're
in that much pain, I-I guess.
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00:05:23,209 --> 00:05:24,775
Okay.
131
00:05:30,281 --> 00:05:31,415
You were lying?
132
00:05:31,449 --> 00:05:32,849
You weren't
feeling sick?
133
00:05:32,883 --> 00:05:34,284
I don't understand.
134
00:05:34,319 --> 00:05:36,386
Why did you want me
to do this?
135
00:05:38,055 --> 00:05:40,023
What?!
He was in on it?
136
00:05:40,057 --> 00:05:41,692
It was just a prank?
137
00:05:41,726 --> 00:05:43,760
You guys are gross!
138
00:05:47,731 --> 00:05:49,865
Kids, everybody, family meeting!
139
00:05:49,899 --> 00:05:51,934
There's too much passing
gas in this house.
140
00:05:51,968 --> 00:05:54,370
So from now on, anytime
you got to cut one,
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00:05:54,404 --> 00:05:56,572
you pull your pants
down and you do it
142
00:05:56,607 --> 00:05:57,740
through this
fart hole.
143
00:05:57,774 --> 00:05:59,041
Are you insane?
144
00:05:59,075 --> 00:06:00,643
Lois, it's
okay-- it's all a trick.
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00:06:00,677 --> 00:06:03,245
As soon as Brian does it, I'm
gonna be on the other side,
146
00:06:03,279 --> 00:06:04,812
and I'll stick
the suppository in.
147
00:06:04,847 --> 00:06:06,414
No. Absolutely not.
148
00:06:06,449 --> 00:06:08,416
I am not living like this.
149
00:06:08,451 --> 00:06:11,819
You think Morgan Fairchild
has a fart hole in her house?
150
00:06:11,854 --> 00:06:14,222
Morgan, the coq
Au vin is divine.
151
00:06:14,257 --> 00:06:15,890
But so rich.
152
00:06:15,924 --> 00:06:17,925
Will you excuse me?
153
00:06:22,029 --> 00:06:24,131
Where do our
Hollywood farts go?
154
00:06:24,165 --> 00:06:27,768
I've heard they're filtered
into Tom Sizemore's house.
155
00:06:30,972 --> 00:06:33,774
Ah... Morgan.
156
00:06:37,878 --> 00:06:39,512
Hey, no, no.
No, no, Brian.
157
00:06:39,546 --> 00:06:41,547
No, no. You win.
You win. I quit.
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00:06:41,582 --> 00:06:43,549
It's your liver; you
do whatever you want.
159
00:06:43,584 --> 00:06:45,485
Well, thank you.
Yes, it is my liver,
160
00:06:45,519 --> 00:06:47,420
and I don't want
to take that pill.
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00:06:47,454 --> 00:06:49,021
Fine. We're both
in agreement.
162
00:06:49,055 --> 00:06:50,790
So let's just
both watch TV.
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00:06:50,824 --> 00:06:52,925
And nothing else.
Sounds good to me.
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00:06:52,959 --> 00:06:55,160
I'm glad you think
it sounds good.
165
00:06:57,263 --> 00:06:58,563
It's nice to watch TV
166
00:06:58,598 --> 00:07:00,599
when you have nothing
else to do, isn't it?
167
00:07:00,633 --> 00:07:01,800
Yeah.
168
00:07:01,834 --> 00:07:03,568
Get over here, you idiot!
Peter! What the hell?
169
00:07:03,603 --> 00:07:05,407
I'm still in charge of you!
Stop it! Get away from me!
170
00:07:05,408 --> 00:07:06,070
I'm a human!
171
00:07:06,071 --> 00:07:07,972
This is for your benefit,
so just go limp and take it!
172
00:07:08,007 --> 00:07:09,775
You touch my ass,
I swear to God I'll kill you!
173
00:07:14,513 --> 00:07:16,280
Wha... What the hell?
174
00:07:16,315 --> 00:07:18,449
You... you bit me!
175
00:07:18,483 --> 00:07:20,184
You're damn right I did!
And I'll do it again
176
00:07:20,218 --> 00:07:21,952
if you don't stay
the hell away from my ass!
177
00:07:21,986 --> 00:07:23,854
But, Brian, the vet said...
178
00:07:25,190 --> 00:07:27,390
Wow, where did that come from?
179
00:07:27,425 --> 00:07:28,825
God, that was so intense.
180
00:07:28,859 --> 00:07:31,728
I feel more powerful
than a lesbian's crotch.
181
00:07:32,996 --> 00:07:35,498
Ooh, sorry, ma'am,
we don't valet motorcycles.
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00:07:35,533 --> 00:07:37,367
Heh. Don't need to.
183
00:07:47,344 --> 00:07:48,977
Lois, can you pour
my juice?
184
00:07:49,011 --> 00:07:50,379
I can't lift my arm.
185
00:07:50,413 --> 00:07:52,348
I still can't believe
Brian bit you.
186
00:07:52,382 --> 00:07:54,182
It just doesn't
seem like him.
187
00:07:54,217 --> 00:07:56,184
Oh, yeah, 'cause you
know him so well.
188
00:07:56,219 --> 00:07:57,720
Shut your face.
189
00:08:00,523 --> 00:08:02,657
Oh. Uh... hey, Brian.
190
00:08:03,892 --> 00:08:06,361
Get out of that chair.
Leave the eggs.
191
00:08:06,395 --> 00:08:08,396
But this is my breakfast.
192
00:08:15,103 --> 00:08:17,672
Honey, when did Peter Griffin
take up jogging?
193
00:08:17,706 --> 00:08:19,673
I don't know, dear.
By the way,
194
00:08:19,707 --> 00:08:22,376
we're the couple who lives
a few blocks away.
195
00:08:28,676 --> 00:08:31,078
We now return
to an '80s teen movie
196
00:08:31,112 --> 00:08:32,846
at a realistic high school.
197
00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:34,915
You're going down at
that karate tournament.
198
00:08:34,949 --> 00:08:36,416
I don't think so.
199
00:08:36,450 --> 00:08:37,850
You guys do karate?
200
00:08:37,884 --> 00:08:39,952
You're both
losers.
201
00:08:39,986 --> 00:08:42,455
Uh, morning, sir.
202
00:08:42,489 --> 00:08:44,623
So, Peter, I assume if
you're watching TV,
203
00:08:44,658 --> 00:08:46,859
that means you already
did all my chores?
204
00:08:46,893 --> 00:08:48,294
I-I sure did, sure did.
205
00:08:48,328 --> 00:08:50,496
I scared off the mailman,
threatened Quagmire's cat,
206
00:08:50,531 --> 00:08:52,532
and I even took
your bath for you.
207
00:08:52,566 --> 00:08:54,732
Now I'm just gonna reach
for the shampoo.
208
00:08:54,767 --> 00:08:56,535
No jumping out.
209
00:09:00,573 --> 00:09:02,140
He's got Rupert!
210
00:09:02,175 --> 00:09:03,608
Hey, drop it.
Drop it.
211
00:09:03,642 --> 00:09:05,177
Drop it.
212
00:09:05,211 --> 00:09:07,179
All right, I need you to
buy a birthday present
213
00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:09,981
for my friend Jeff-- he likes
the Packers and surfing.
214
00:09:10,015 --> 00:09:11,415
Enough is enough, Peter.
215
00:09:11,450 --> 00:09:13,750
The dog's not in charge
of this house.
216
00:09:13,785 --> 00:09:16,687
First thing tomorrow, I'm
taking Brian to obedience school
217
00:09:16,721 --> 00:09:18,922
so we can get him
back under control.
218
00:09:18,957 --> 00:09:21,492
You know, sending him to school
wouldn't be the worst idea.
219
00:09:21,526 --> 00:09:24,861
He might even enjoy it.
I know I had a blast in college.
220
00:09:24,896 --> 00:09:27,730
Man, I love college.
So many chicks, so many parties.
221
00:09:27,764 --> 00:09:29,299
Yeah, totally.
222
00:09:29,333 --> 00:09:31,334
I'm supposed to meet
the R.A. for coffee
223
00:09:31,368 --> 00:09:33,069
later in the common room,
but until then,
224
00:09:33,104 --> 00:09:35,004
I'm just gonna walk around
with my shower caddy
225
00:09:35,038 --> 00:09:37,873
and see what people wrote
on their whiteboards.
226
00:09:41,812 --> 00:09:45,147
Uh, before I touch anything,
is this a nut-free counter?
227
00:09:45,181 --> 00:09:48,550
I don't know-- my dad's might
have been on there this morning.
228
00:09:48,585 --> 00:09:49,918
Oh, hey, Meg.
229
00:09:49,952 --> 00:09:53,155
I saw you stomp that pigeon
today with your bare foot.
230
00:09:53,189 --> 00:09:54,856
Pretty powerful stuff.
231
00:09:54,890 --> 00:09:57,626
Thanks. I don't like losing
any part of my lunch.
232
00:09:57,660 --> 00:10:00,162
Look, I'd love to stay and talk,
Neil, but I have homework,
233
00:10:00,196 --> 00:10:02,296
and there was no toilet paper
in the girls' bathroom.
234
00:10:02,331 --> 00:10:04,698
Well, while you freshen up,
maybe I could help you get
235
00:10:04,733 --> 00:10:06,100
a head start
on that homework.
236
00:10:06,135 --> 00:10:07,268
You'd do that?
237
00:10:07,302 --> 00:10:09,003
Wow, that'd be great!
238
00:10:09,037 --> 00:10:12,306
Wait, Neil, I thought you and I
were gonna go find unlocked cars
239
00:10:12,341 --> 00:10:14,041
and pretend
we're driving them.
240
00:10:14,075 --> 00:10:17,111
Sorry, Chris.
Booty calls.
241
00:10:17,146 --> 00:10:18,512
What was that all about?
242
00:10:18,546 --> 00:10:21,047
Well, I guess
I have to do it by myself.
243
00:10:23,017 --> 00:10:25,852
Boy, this light
is taking forever!
244
00:10:26,854 --> 00:10:29,189
Please get out.
I never drive this car.
245
00:10:29,223 --> 00:10:31,158
My wife died in it.
246
00:10:37,096 --> 00:10:39,565
Listen up, maggots,
you're in my house now!
247
00:10:39,599 --> 00:10:41,367
There are no belly
scratches here!
248
00:10:41,401 --> 00:10:43,068
There are no table scraps!
249
00:10:43,102 --> 00:10:44,736
What we have here are good dogs!
250
00:10:44,771 --> 00:10:47,206
No bandana-wearing,
Frisbee-catching hippie dogs!
251
00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:50,342
No parking lot, hind-leg dancing
YouTube dogs!
252
00:10:50,377 --> 00:10:53,645
No crime solving, camera
mugging Scooby Dooby dogs!
253
00:10:53,679 --> 00:10:55,046
Oh, no Scooby Doo, huh?
254
00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:56,514
Ruh-roh.
255
00:10:56,549 --> 00:10:58,683
Oh, it seems we got
us a comedy dog.
256
00:10:58,717 --> 00:11:01,152
Are you Kathy Griffin?
'Cause I ain't laughing.
257
00:11:01,187 --> 00:11:02,654
So maybe you are
Kathy Griffin.
258
00:11:02,688 --> 00:11:04,222
Or maybe you're
that comedy dog
259
00:11:04,256 --> 00:11:06,324
with Robert Smigel's
hand up your backside.
260
00:11:06,358 --> 00:11:08,359
Well, let me tell you
something, comedy dog.
261
00:11:08,394 --> 00:11:10,093
You're here for
me to poop on!
262
00:11:10,127 --> 00:11:11,961
All right, first of all,
it seems like
263
00:11:11,996 --> 00:11:14,531
you have a lot of opinions
about a lot of comedians.
264
00:11:14,566 --> 00:11:15,765
And second of all... Ow!
265
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:17,634
That hurts!
- That's right.
266
00:11:17,669 --> 00:11:19,736
Silent and terrible,
like The Artist.
267
00:11:19,770 --> 00:11:21,705
I watch a lot of
TV and movies.
268
00:11:21,739 --> 00:11:24,040
I am your media-savvy
worst nightmare!
269
00:11:24,075 --> 00:11:26,742
Now, down on all fours
like the rest of them!
270
00:11:26,776 --> 00:11:29,445
That's right, we got ways
to break your spirit!
271
00:11:29,479 --> 00:11:34,016
In fact, you seem like a
prime candidate for The Chair.
272
00:11:46,095 --> 00:11:48,830
Honey, did you hear
a dog scream?
273
00:11:48,864 --> 00:11:50,832
Yes, I did, dear.
274
00:11:50,866 --> 00:11:53,868
Our summer cabin is near
the obedience school.
275
00:11:58,006 --> 00:12:00,074
Move along.
Got to keep the hallway clear.
276
00:12:00,109 --> 00:12:02,042
This isn't because
of my divorce.
277
00:12:02,076 --> 00:12:03,477
Good for him.
278
00:12:03,511 --> 00:12:06,179
He actually followed through.
279
00:12:07,882 --> 00:12:09,983
What the hell? Again?
280
00:12:10,017 --> 00:12:11,685
Thanks for doing
my book report, Neil.
281
00:12:11,720 --> 00:12:13,854
And I didn't even have
to change the handwriting,
282
00:12:13,888 --> 00:12:15,389
'cause you write
like a girl.
283
00:12:15,423 --> 00:12:17,323
You should see me throw.
284
00:12:17,358 --> 00:12:19,992
Listen, Meg, would you want
to go to a movie sometime?
285
00:12:20,026 --> 00:12:22,027
You know what?
286
00:12:22,062 --> 00:12:24,029
I'd like that.
It's a date.
287
00:12:24,064 --> 00:12:26,165
Okay, well, I'll, uh...
I'll see you later.
288
00:12:26,199 --> 00:12:28,067
Home Ec just got out.
289
00:12:28,101 --> 00:12:30,102
I'm gonna go lick
all their bowls.
290
00:12:31,338 --> 00:12:33,906
Hey, Neil.
Oh, h-hey, Chris.
291
00:12:33,940 --> 00:12:37,041
You sure are spending a lot
of time with my sister lately.
292
00:12:37,076 --> 00:12:38,910
You know, if I didn't
know better,
293
00:12:38,944 --> 00:12:40,945
I'd think
that fish are ghosts.
294
00:12:40,980 --> 00:12:43,882
And I'd also think
you're putting the moves on Meg.
295
00:12:45,451 --> 00:12:48,553
Listen, Chris, you're my
friend, so I have to confess.
296
00:12:48,588 --> 00:12:50,789
My sitting with you
at lunch was part
297
00:12:50,823 --> 00:12:53,691
of a carefully laid-out plan
to get close to your sister.
298
00:12:53,725 --> 00:12:55,626
What?!
Look, I know it sounds terrible.
299
00:12:55,661 --> 00:12:58,729
But-but still, we've had
some good times together.
300
00:12:58,764 --> 00:13:01,632
We even got Sean Penn
to dress up as my dad.
301
00:13:04,169 --> 00:13:06,937
Go away! I never want
to talk to you again!
302
00:13:08,339 --> 00:13:09,906
God, I should have known it.
303
00:13:09,940 --> 00:13:11,374
I feel more betrayed
304
00:13:11,409 --> 00:13:14,210
than when I thought
that lawyer was gonna propose.
305
00:13:14,244 --> 00:13:15,978
So you did
commit the murder?
306
00:13:16,013 --> 00:13:17,547
Uh-huh.
307
00:13:17,581 --> 00:13:19,916
And you admit it here
in front of everyone?
308
00:13:19,950 --> 00:13:21,484
Uh-huh.
309
00:13:21,519 --> 00:13:23,820
No further questions,
Your Honor.
310
00:13:23,854 --> 00:13:26,154
Wait. No further questions?
311
00:13:26,189 --> 00:13:30,158
Motion to have the last eight
years stricken from the record!
312
00:13:38,267 --> 00:13:39,835
Hey, Brian,
you're back!
313
00:13:39,869 --> 00:13:42,003
Come on in.
In... inside?
314
00:13:42,038 --> 00:13:43,938
Are-are...
are you sure?
315
00:13:43,972 --> 00:13:45,573
Yeah, what-what...
yeah, what do you think,
316
00:13:45,607 --> 00:13:47,475
I'm gonna make you
stay in the yard?
317
00:13:47,509 --> 00:13:49,510
Get in here.
318
00:13:51,079 --> 00:13:55,015
Sir, if it takes the rest of
my life, I will repay you.
319
00:13:55,050 --> 00:13:56,351
Who's this puss?
320
00:13:56,385 --> 00:13:58,219
Oh, no, no, no,
I'm-I'm not a cat.
321
00:13:58,253 --> 00:14:00,286
I'm-I'm a dog.
I'm your pet.
322
00:14:00,321 --> 00:14:02,456
And-and I'm just happy
to be here.
323
00:14:02,490 --> 00:14:04,524
Brian, what did they do
to you at that school?
324
00:14:04,559 --> 00:14:06,626
You're-you're
so... submissive.
325
00:14:06,661 --> 00:14:08,962
Yes, looks like someone's
gone at him with a "hwhip."
326
00:14:08,996 --> 00:14:11,798
That is... that is a perfectly
valid way of saying that.
327
00:14:11,833 --> 00:14:13,800
Bravo, Master.
Master?
328
00:14:13,835 --> 00:14:17,570
And a surprisingly quick
erection for Stewie.
329
00:14:24,135 --> 00:14:26,103
There you go.
330
00:14:26,137 --> 00:14:27,314
You-you look
very dapper, sir.
331
00:14:27,315 --> 00:14:28,548
Thanks, Brian.
332
00:14:28,583 --> 00:14:30,150
God, I love the new you.
333
00:14:30,184 --> 00:14:32,385
That obedience school really
schooled you in obedience.
334
00:14:33,687 --> 00:14:35,354
That's why it's
called that!
335
00:14:35,388 --> 00:14:38,224
Permission to take fast,
tiny bites of my own tail, sir?
336
00:14:38,258 --> 00:14:40,259
Granted.
337
00:14:40,293 --> 00:14:41,961
You're wearing a bow tie?
338
00:14:41,996 --> 00:14:43,395
What's the occasion?
339
00:14:43,430 --> 00:14:44,631
No occasion, Lois.
340
00:14:44,665 --> 00:14:46,633
I just want to piss
a couple of guys off.
341
00:14:46,667 --> 00:14:48,134
What the hell are you doing?
342
00:14:48,168 --> 00:14:49,869
You think you're
better than us?
343
00:14:49,903 --> 00:14:52,203
No way you tied
that on your own.
344
00:14:56,709 --> 00:14:58,243
I'm glad we got here early.
345
00:14:58,277 --> 00:14:59,678
I like to watch
the previews.
346
00:14:59,712 --> 00:15:03,115
Yeah, and also the friendly
warning about theater shootings.
347
00:15:04,483 --> 00:15:07,218
♪ Don't get shot by a bullet
348
00:15:07,253 --> 00:15:09,720
♪ Don't get shot
by a bullet ♪
349
00:15:09,755 --> 00:15:12,723
♪ Keep your wits about you
350
00:15:12,758 --> 00:15:15,693
♪ This place used to be fun!
351
00:15:15,727 --> 00:15:17,461
You know, this is nice.
352
00:15:17,495 --> 00:15:19,596
It's actually the first time
I've been on a date
353
00:15:19,631 --> 00:15:21,165
since I got the nickname
Gutterball.
354
00:15:21,199 --> 00:15:22,533
It is nice.
355
00:15:22,567 --> 00:15:24,135
Here, hold still.
356
00:15:25,169 --> 00:15:27,170
Make a wish.
357
00:15:28,172 --> 00:15:30,073
What did you wish for?
358
00:15:30,107 --> 00:15:31,474
This.
359
00:15:34,545 --> 00:15:37,914
You used me just so
you could date my sister!
360
00:15:37,948 --> 00:15:39,883
Oh, my God! Chris?!
361
00:15:39,917 --> 00:15:41,217
I'm so sorry!
362
00:15:41,251 --> 00:15:43,018
Oh, what have I done?!
363
00:15:43,053 --> 00:15:45,087
Aw, crap.
364
00:15:45,121 --> 00:15:46,722
Okay, Dad, you got us in.
365
00:15:46,756 --> 00:15:48,557
Now just go.
366
00:15:53,396 --> 00:15:55,363
Cleveland,
what are you looking at?
367
00:15:55,398 --> 00:15:56,732
I'm on edge.
368
00:15:56,766 --> 00:15:58,700
Saw Halloween II
last night.
369
00:15:58,734 --> 00:15:59,867
Brian, go outside.
370
00:15:59,902 --> 00:16:01,368
Keep guard
for Michael Myers.
371
00:16:01,403 --> 00:16:03,537
If he seem like he
dead, he ain't dead!
372
00:16:03,572 --> 00:16:04,939
Boy, Peter, seems like
373
00:16:04,973 --> 00:16:06,774
that obedience school
did wonders for Brian.
374
00:16:06,809 --> 00:16:08,176
Oh, yeah, it's great.
375
00:16:08,210 --> 00:16:10,144
He'll do anything
I tell him to now.
376
00:16:10,179 --> 00:16:11,645
Maybe I should
send Bonnie.
377
00:16:16,450 --> 00:16:18,384
Oh. Oh, my!
378
00:16:20,688 --> 00:16:22,355
All right, somebody
say something else.
379
00:16:22,389 --> 00:16:25,125
No. You need to know
what you did.
380
00:16:29,097 --> 00:16:30,330
Hey, Brian, you know...
381
00:16:30,364 --> 00:16:31,698
you know what we should do?
382
00:16:31,733 --> 00:16:33,933
Let's you and me go pee
in Meg's bed.
383
00:16:33,967 --> 00:16:35,735
That's-that's always fun.
384
00:16:35,769 --> 00:16:37,069
Pee in her bed?
385
00:16:37,104 --> 00:16:38,938
I-I... I could never do that.
386
00:16:38,972 --> 00:16:40,906
That-that... that'd be
peeing in the house,
387
00:16:40,941 --> 00:16:42,407
and that's-that's...
that's bad dog stuff.
388
00:16:42,442 --> 00:16:44,110
That-that's not good dog stuff!
389
00:16:44,144 --> 00:16:46,278
Wait. What?
What are you talking about?
390
00:16:46,312 --> 00:16:48,748
Forgive me for speaking
out of turn, sir,
391
00:16:48,782 --> 00:16:51,216
but you sent me to that
school to change me.
392
00:16:51,250 --> 00:16:52,951
It was your turn,
wasn't it?
393
00:16:52,985 --> 00:16:54,953
First, I went,
and you went?
394
00:16:54,987 --> 00:16:56,621
We best get you
to bed, sir.
395
00:16:56,655 --> 00:16:58,422
Oh, come on, Brian.
It's still early.
396
00:16:58,457 --> 00:17:00,625
Let's just... let's go throw
potatoes at Cleveland's house.
397
00:17:00,659 --> 00:17:01,726
You go ahead.
398
00:17:01,761 --> 00:17:03,494
I've got to go make
the waffle fries
399
00:17:03,528 --> 00:17:06,164
that you scream-requested
in the car.
400
00:17:06,198 --> 00:17:08,498
Geez, what the hell
happened to him?
401
00:17:08,532 --> 00:17:12,136
We used to be so close,
but now we seem so different.
402
00:17:12,170 --> 00:17:13,403
Like a whale
403
00:17:13,437 --> 00:17:16,339
and his developmentally-disabled
brother.
404
00:17:20,245 --> 00:17:21,812
Hi, guys!
405
00:17:23,047 --> 00:17:26,415
Get in my mouth,
you hundreds of fish.
406
00:17:29,953 --> 00:17:33,555
A record crowd
of 65 people turned out
407
00:17:33,590 --> 00:17:35,324
for Free Jerky Stick Night.
408
00:17:35,358 --> 00:17:37,426
Hey, that sounds
pretty good to me.
409
00:17:37,460 --> 00:17:39,428
Traffic on 146 is backed up
all the way
410
00:17:39,462 --> 00:17:40,429
to Mineral Spring Avenue...
411
00:17:40,463 --> 00:17:42,430
What do you want, Neil?
412
00:17:42,464 --> 00:17:44,299
And why are you
playing the news?
413
00:17:44,333 --> 00:17:45,667
Oh, it's an old boom box.
414
00:17:45,701 --> 00:17:46,968
I don't own any cassettes,
415
00:17:47,003 --> 00:17:49,304
so I just have to play
whatever's on the radio.
416
00:17:49,338 --> 00:17:51,372
Shouldn't you be out with Meg?
417
00:17:51,407 --> 00:17:54,009
Look, Chris,
I-I'm sorry I lied to you,
418
00:17:54,043 --> 00:17:56,878
but I'd still like
to be friends, and I hope...
419
00:17:56,913 --> 00:17:59,213
I'm sorry.
I have to put the boom box down.
420
00:17:59,247 --> 00:18:01,148
The D batteries
make it very heavy.
421
00:18:01,183 --> 00:18:02,582
Neil! There you are!
422
00:18:02,617 --> 00:18:04,285
What the hell
is your problem?!
423
00:18:04,319 --> 00:18:05,820
I finally give
you a shot,
424
00:18:05,854 --> 00:18:07,988
and you abandon me
in a movie theater?!
425
00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:17,096
I'm sorry, Meg,
426
00:18:17,131 --> 00:18:19,699
but my friendship
with Chris is more important.
427
00:18:19,733 --> 00:18:22,268
You're a jerk, Neil!
428
00:18:22,303 --> 00:18:23,903
So what do you say, Chris?
429
00:18:23,938 --> 00:18:25,404
Can we hang out again?
430
00:18:25,439 --> 00:18:28,341
Yeah. I'd like that, Neil.
431
00:18:28,375 --> 00:18:30,576
Great. See you tomorrow.
432
00:18:38,852 --> 00:18:40,919
This is 'cause I'm drunk!
433
00:18:40,954 --> 00:18:43,222
Move out, Irish trash!
434
00:18:48,527 --> 00:18:50,962
Hey, Lois, you noticed
ever since Brian came back
435
00:18:50,996 --> 00:18:53,331
from obedience school
that things have been weird?
436
00:18:53,365 --> 00:18:54,866
What do you mean?
437
00:18:54,900 --> 00:18:56,767
Well, he just lets me
order him around,
438
00:18:56,801 --> 00:18:59,403
and he-he never wants to do
fun stuff together like before.
439
00:18:59,437 --> 00:19:01,739
I mean, the thing I always
loved about Brian was
440
00:19:01,773 --> 00:19:03,807
that he wasn't just a pet.
441
00:19:03,842 --> 00:19:04,976
He was a friend.
442
00:19:05,010 --> 00:19:07,277
And I miss that friend.
443
00:19:07,311 --> 00:19:10,480
I think we just have to accept
that this is how he is now.
444
00:19:10,514 --> 00:19:12,282
Don't forget,
he bit you, Peter.
445
00:19:12,316 --> 00:19:14,117
I mean, what if he bit Stewie?
446
00:19:14,151 --> 00:19:15,952
How about
you bite me, bitch?
447
00:19:15,987 --> 00:19:17,553
Wait a minute. You're right!
448
00:19:17,588 --> 00:19:19,422
He bit me!
449
00:19:19,456 --> 00:19:21,424
I know what I got to do.
450
00:19:22,593 --> 00:19:24,459
I'm sorry.
Was that too harsh?
451
00:19:24,494 --> 00:19:26,728
It sounded more
playful in my head.
452
00:19:33,836 --> 00:19:35,204
I'm sorry, Brian,
453
00:19:35,238 --> 00:19:37,806
but I'm doing this in
the name of friendship.
454
00:19:43,045 --> 00:19:45,346
Ah, damn it!
What the hell, Peter?!
455
00:19:45,381 --> 00:19:47,382
Oh, my God.
456
00:19:47,416 --> 00:19:49,017
Oh, my God, I bit you!
457
00:19:49,051 --> 00:19:50,285
I'm-I'm so sorry, sir!
458
00:19:50,319 --> 00:19:52,120
No, no, no, it's
okay! It's okay!
459
00:19:52,154 --> 00:19:53,454
Don't you see, Brian?
460
00:19:53,488 --> 00:19:54,789
That's the
appropriate response
461
00:19:54,823 --> 00:19:56,457
if anyone gets
near your anus.
462
00:19:56,491 --> 00:19:59,059
Look, we were wrong
to try to change you.
463
00:19:59,093 --> 00:20:00,961
I-I just want
the old you back.
464
00:20:00,995 --> 00:20:02,296
You do?
465
00:20:02,330 --> 00:20:04,298
But-but I was a bad dog.
466
00:20:04,332 --> 00:20:06,866
I know, but that's what I
liked about you, you know?
467
00:20:06,901 --> 00:20:09,436
You were fun, we got into
trouble together, we got...
468
00:20:09,470 --> 00:20:11,838
Uh-oh. Uh-oh. I just rubbed
my eye with this finger.
469
00:20:11,872 --> 00:20:13,573
Am I gonna be okay?
Am I gonna be okay?
470
00:20:13,607 --> 00:20:14,807
Wait, how do
you get pinkeye?
471
00:20:14,841 --> 00:20:16,442
Oh, God, this has
got to be it.
472
00:20:16,476 --> 00:20:19,979
Peter, I want things back
the way they were, too.
473
00:20:20,013 --> 00:20:21,380
That's what I want!
474
00:20:21,415 --> 00:20:23,649
Look, I'm really sorry
I bit you.
475
00:20:23,683 --> 00:20:24,883
Oh, forget all that.
476
00:20:24,918 --> 00:20:27,486
I'm just happy
to have my best friend back.
477
00:20:27,520 --> 00:20:29,721
I missed you, Brian.
478
00:20:29,756 --> 00:20:33,291
I've missed you, too, Peter.
479
00:20:33,326 --> 00:20:35,293
Welcome back, buddy.
480
00:20:35,328 --> 00:20:41,828
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
481
00:20:44,036 --> 00:20:46,838
And now I'm gonna go upstairs
and pee in Meg's bed.
482
00:20:46,872 --> 00:20:48,072
No.
483
00:20:48,106 --> 00:20:50,240
We're gonna go pee
in Meg's bed.
484
00:20:50,275 --> 00:20:52,576
Good boy.
485
00:20:52,610 --> 00:20:54,044
Hey, what's up?
486
00:20:54,079 --> 00:20:56,480
I didn't know we could do finger
stuff in the public rooms.