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♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
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00:00:04,229 --> 00:00:07,497
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
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00:00:07,532 --> 00:00:11,067
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
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00:00:11,102 --> 00:00:14,070
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
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00:00:14,105 --> 00:00:17,573
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us ♪
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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♪ Family Guy 13x12 ♪
Stewie Is Enceinte
Original Air Date on February 15, 2015
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00:00:29,291 --> 00:00:34,291
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
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Looney Tunes Edition.
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00:00:37,495 --> 00:00:40,396
Okay, Chef Fudd, I was a little
disappointed in you this week.
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Your dish was
just a live rabbit
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00:00:42,133 --> 00:00:43,799
who thought
he was taking a bath.
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00:00:43,835 --> 00:00:45,635
But I used
carrots and celery.
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00:00:45,670 --> 00:00:48,838
Yes. I saw he was scrubbing his
back with a long celery stalk.
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Chef Sylvester,
on the other hand,
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I'm happy to say
your sufferin' succotash
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was absolutely delicious.
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Thanks.
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Hello?
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00:00:57,715 --> 00:00:58,948
Oh, hi, Bonnie.
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00:00:58,983 --> 00:01:00,349
No, I'm not doing anything.
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Just sitting here
with the baby.
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00:01:02,053 --> 00:01:03,352
Yeah, screw you, too.
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00:01:03,388 --> 00:01:05,187
Oh, hey, Bri.
Hey, you want to go out
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00:01:05,223 --> 00:01:06,522
and get some
gluten-free pizza?
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00:01:06,558 --> 00:01:07,990
I'm gluten-free now.
But, you know,
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00:01:08,026 --> 00:01:09,692
I'm not gonna be
annoying about it.
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Too late.
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00:01:10,395 --> 00:01:11,873
Oh, we should be
gluten-free together!
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00:01:11,896 --> 00:01:14,530
Let's go to Whole Foods
and buy a bunch of stuff
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00:01:14,566 --> 00:01:16,499
from that weird aisle
nobody else goes down.
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I can't. I got plans.
I'll see you later.
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00:01:18,736 --> 00:01:20,903
Oh, sure.
Maybe another time.
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00:01:20,939 --> 00:01:23,372
Ugh. I didn't seem
too desperate, right?
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Don't answer. It's just that
Brian's been so distant lately,
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and we used to be inseparable--
like Jack and Jill.
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00:01:30,048 --> 00:01:32,181
Oh, so then Jack takes
these two pails of water
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00:01:32,216 --> 00:01:34,550
and trips and totally
falls down the hill.
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Ha, ha, ha.
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00:01:35,787 --> 00:01:37,687
Yeah. Hey,
I got a funny story.
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Jill had a tooth fall out,
and she swallowed it,
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00:01:39,891 --> 00:01:42,458
and then we had to root
through her feces to find it.
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00:01:42,493 --> 00:01:44,827
And we did. And then
we took it to the dentist,
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00:01:44,862 --> 00:01:46,562
and he put it back
in her mouth.
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00:01:46,598 --> 00:01:48,097
So I guess
we're both klutzes, huh?
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00:01:48,132 --> 00:01:50,166
Why don't you spin
another tale, crap-tooth?
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00:01:50,201 --> 00:01:51,701
No? My turn again?
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00:01:51,736 --> 00:01:54,370
Okay. Jill's barren.
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Good afternoon.
I'm Tom Tucker.
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Some sad news this morning
as 38 schoolchildren drowned
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when their--
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excuse me-- when their
school bus hit a patch of ice
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00:02:10,388 --> 00:02:13,623
and drove off a loc--
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00:02:13,658 --> 00:02:15,524
what is wrong with me today?--
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and drove off a local bridge.
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And now the viral video
of the week,
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with over seven million views.
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For those of you
who loved "Screaming Sheep,"
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we've got "Opera Penguin."
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♪ La, ah, ah, ah. ♪
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Is... is that it?
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00:02:30,775 --> 00:02:33,209
Is he gonna do it again? No?
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00:02:33,244 --> 00:02:36,212
Okay, so just
normal penguin stuff now.
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00:02:36,247 --> 00:02:38,047
Okay, cut back to me.
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Uh, y-you can't?
The button broke off?
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00:02:40,351 --> 00:02:42,318
All right, well, a U.S. convoy
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was ambushed in Kabul
this morning, so now
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we're going to have a moment
of silence in remembrance...
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♪ La... ♪
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Oh, he does do it again.
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That could be my favorite
thing I ever seen.
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What is a penguin?
Is it some kind of bug?
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00:02:55,967 --> 00:02:58,401
What? You serious?
So it is a bug?
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Hey, you know, that's
what we ought to do.
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00:03:00,438 --> 00:03:01,837
We ought to make
a viral video.
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00:03:01,873 --> 00:03:03,305
All right! Awesome!
Let's do it!
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00:03:03,341 --> 00:03:05,708
Oh, wait, I don't know if
you're gonna be in it, Joe.
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00:03:05,743 --> 00:03:06,976
I thought, while we filmed,
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00:03:07,011 --> 00:03:09,345
we'd just keep all of
our stuff on your lap.
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00:03:12,050 --> 00:03:13,783
What the hell
are you doing?
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00:03:13,818 --> 00:03:16,819
I saw a scary boy doing this,
and I thought I'd try it.
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All right, have fun.
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I'm late.
Late?
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00:03:18,923 --> 00:03:20,956
But I thought you and I
could hang out
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00:03:20,992 --> 00:03:22,525
and maybe watch Lois
shush Peter
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00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:23,993
while they watch Nashville.
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00:03:24,028 --> 00:03:26,429
Maybe another
time, Stewie.
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00:03:26,464 --> 00:03:27,630
There he goes again.
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00:03:27,665 --> 00:03:29,065
He's being so standoffish.
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I don't understand.
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00:03:36,174 --> 00:03:38,140
Oh, we used to be that happy.
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00:03:38,176 --> 00:03:39,809
Wait a minute--
Joe and Bonnie
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00:03:39,844 --> 00:03:41,577
never used
to spend time together
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until they had Susie.
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00:03:43,081 --> 00:03:46,048
Having a baby seems
to have made them closer.
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00:03:46,084 --> 00:03:48,851
Babies save relationships!
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00:03:50,121 --> 00:03:52,321
Oh, look at you--
you're flyin'!
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00:03:52,356 --> 00:03:53,823
Okay, thanks, Bonnie.
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00:03:53,858 --> 00:03:55,858
Next I want
to ride a bike.
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00:03:55,893 --> 00:03:57,860
That's it, Rupert!
That's how Brian and I
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00:03:57,895 --> 00:03:59,595
are going to improve
our relationship.
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00:03:59,630 --> 00:04:01,163
We're going to have a baby!
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00:04:01,199 --> 00:04:02,965
I say, this is my best idea
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00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:05,167
since I robbed
a Joseph A. Bank.
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00:04:06,304 --> 00:04:08,704
Three suits for 99 bucks?!
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00:04:08,740 --> 00:04:11,107
Take me to jail!
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00:04:14,278 --> 00:04:16,645
All right,
I want tonight to be perfect.
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00:04:16,681 --> 00:04:18,647
I'm gonna lay it all out
for Brian
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00:04:18,683 --> 00:04:20,483
why we should have
a baby together.
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00:04:20,518 --> 00:04:22,852
I don't know, I haven't
even thought about that.
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00:04:22,887 --> 00:04:24,587
Why are you so obsessed
with circumcision?
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00:04:24,622 --> 00:04:26,922
Oh, hey, look, you made
a little dinner party.
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00:04:26,958 --> 00:04:28,924
Hi, Rupert.
He won't be joining us.
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00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:30,192
Get up!
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00:04:30,228 --> 00:04:31,794
Please, sit.
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00:04:31,829 --> 00:04:33,362
You, uh... you okay?
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00:04:33,397 --> 00:04:36,065
I'm terrific. And that is
so sweet of you to ask.
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00:04:36,100 --> 00:04:39,535
You really are a natural
caregiver, aren't you?
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00:04:39,570 --> 00:04:40,970
Mm. Mm.
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00:04:41,005 --> 00:04:42,972
Do you mind not texting?
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00:04:43,007 --> 00:04:45,007
Sorry, sorry.
Just finishing right now.
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00:04:45,042 --> 00:04:46,108
Almost done.
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00:04:46,144 --> 00:04:47,810
There, all finished
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00:04:47,845 --> 00:04:50,212
riiiight...
128
00:04:50,248 --> 00:04:52,081
now.
129
00:04:52,116 --> 00:04:53,482
Thhhhere.
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00:04:53,518 --> 00:04:55,936
Thanks. So, I wanted
to talk to you about...
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00:04:55,936 --> 00:04:58,121
A-Are you just gonna
leave it on the table?
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00:04:58,145 --> 00:04:58,755
I-I won't look at it.
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00:04:58,756 --> 00:05:01,223
Great. So, I wanted to...
You're looking at it.
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00:05:01,259 --> 00:05:02,625
Sorry. Work.
It's not work.
135
00:05:02,660 --> 00:05:04,627
It'll just take a second.
I-I normally wouldn't do this,
136
00:05:04,662 --> 00:05:06,829
but I was already kind of
in the middle of something,
137
00:05:06,864 --> 00:05:08,330
and I just need
to quickly respond,
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00:05:08,366 --> 00:05:10,166
and there I am
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00:05:10,201 --> 00:05:12,201
finiiished.
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00:05:13,638 --> 00:05:15,137
Ah, yeah.
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00:05:15,173 --> 00:05:17,640
Okay, just
a few more worrrds...
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00:05:17,675 --> 00:05:19,642
annnd...
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00:05:19,677 --> 00:05:20,810
d-done.
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00:05:20,845 --> 00:05:22,244
Sorry.
Okay, so...
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00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:24,446
Nah, nah, I'm
not gonna get it.
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00:05:24,482 --> 00:05:26,615
Then maybe we can
take it off the table.
147
00:05:26,651 --> 00:05:27,850
No, no, just keep going.
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00:05:28,986 --> 00:05:30,753
I was thinking,
we should talk
149
00:05:30,788 --> 00:05:32,621
about having a...
150
00:05:32,657 --> 00:05:35,457
This isn't fun for me,
watching you text.
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00:05:35,493 --> 00:05:37,726
No, no, this is great.
Mm, mm, mm. Yum.
152
00:05:37,762 --> 00:05:40,496
But I-I got to go.
I have a date.
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00:05:40,531 --> 00:05:42,431
This is serious, Rupert.
I'm losing him.
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00:05:42,466 --> 00:05:44,333
If we're going to fix
this relationship,
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00:05:44,368 --> 00:05:47,369
we need a baby
and we need it now.
156
00:05:50,675 --> 00:05:53,108
I'm just going to take
a little bit of his DNA,
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00:05:53,144 --> 00:05:57,279
and soon we'll be proud parents,
like Ron Livingston's parents.
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00:05:57,315 --> 00:05:58,914
You know,
our son's a famous actor.
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00:05:58,950 --> 00:06:00,182
Really?
What's his name?
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00:06:00,218 --> 00:06:02,151
Oh, um...
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00:06:02,186 --> 00:06:03,485
he's, uh...
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00:06:03,521 --> 00:06:06,021
he was, like, the main guy
in Office Space.
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00:06:06,057 --> 00:06:07,623
Yeah. What else?
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00:06:07,658 --> 00:06:09,458
Uh... he has dark hair...
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00:06:09,493 --> 00:06:11,760
I don't know,
was he in Black Hawk Down?
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00:06:11,796 --> 00:06:14,763
Uh, he was in, like, at least
five Sex "in" the Citys.
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What is his name?
What is his name?
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00:06:17,435 --> 00:06:19,635
Is your son
Ron Livingston?
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00:06:19,670 --> 00:06:21,637
Yes!
Oh, God! Thank God!
170
00:06:21,672 --> 00:06:23,839
Ron Livingston!
Thank you!
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00:06:23,875 --> 00:06:26,208
That has been bugging me
all day.
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00:06:29,547 --> 00:06:31,914
Okay, let's see.
Now, what are the ingredients
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00:06:31,949 --> 00:06:34,516
to a viral Internet video?
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00:06:34,552 --> 00:06:36,819
Cats.
Yes, cats. Good.
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00:06:36,854 --> 00:06:39,321
Uh, uh, people reacting
to watching gross stuff.
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00:06:39,357 --> 00:06:41,724
Oh, yeah, 'cause they're like,
"Rah! That's gross!
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00:06:41,759 --> 00:06:44,026
Can I get a soda?
What? No.
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00:06:44,061 --> 00:06:46,629
Th-This is, like, the worst time
to ask for a soda.
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Unbelievable.
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00:06:47,552 --> 00:06:49,532
You know what, we should
just go out and start filming.
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00:06:49,533 --> 00:06:51,667
'Cause I think we're
really gonna surprise everyone.
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Like Buster Keaton did
in his first talking picture.
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♪ ♪Here we go.
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I'm moving through the scene
and I slam the door.
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00:06:59,644 --> 00:07:02,011
Oh, no!
I slammed it too hard,
186
00:07:02,046 --> 00:07:05,514
and the house
is gonna squash me!
187
00:07:05,549 --> 00:07:07,983
Oh, it turned out
that window was there.
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00:07:08,019 --> 00:07:10,586
Pause for laugh and amazement.
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00:07:15,092 --> 00:07:16,792
All right, Rupert,
190
00:07:16,827 --> 00:07:18,794
the fertilization device
is complete.
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00:07:18,829 --> 00:07:20,930
This will impregnate me
with the child
192
00:07:20,965 --> 00:07:24,066
that will bring Brian and me
back together!
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00:07:24,101 --> 00:07:26,268
First, I add
Brian's hair and saliva,
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00:07:26,304 --> 00:07:27,970
and some preschool applications,
195
00:07:28,005 --> 00:07:30,406
because we are
already way behind.
196
00:07:30,441 --> 00:07:32,875
There. Now I just have
to get into the machine,
197
00:07:32,910 --> 00:07:35,945
and then the machine does
whatever it has to do to me
198
00:07:35,980 --> 00:07:37,746
in order to successfully
impregnate me.
199
00:07:37,782 --> 00:07:41,283
We do not judge the machine.
We do not judge Stewie.
200
00:07:43,321 --> 00:07:45,654
Good-bye, body.
201
00:07:45,690 --> 00:07:47,957
You're gonna watch me
get pregnant.
202
00:07:47,992 --> 00:07:50,993
I want to look at you
when it happens.
203
00:07:51,996 --> 00:07:54,096
Yeah, you watch me,
bitch.
204
00:08:24,662 --> 00:08:26,128
Good morning, Brian.
205
00:08:26,163 --> 00:08:27,763
What is that?
206
00:08:27,798 --> 00:08:30,699
I smell pee.
Yes, you do, Brian.
207
00:08:33,871 --> 00:08:35,471
Oh, my God, that
thing's positive!
208
00:08:35,506 --> 00:08:38,107
Is Lois pregnant again?
No...
209
00:08:38,142 --> 00:08:39,775
Meg is pregnant?
210
00:08:39,810 --> 00:08:41,410
You're getting warmer.
211
00:08:43,647 --> 00:08:46,148
Wha... What have you done?
212
00:08:46,183 --> 00:08:48,283
I think you mean,
what have we done?
213
00:08:48,319 --> 00:08:49,518
What?!
214
00:08:49,553 --> 00:08:51,620
Brian... we're pregnant!
215
00:08:51,655 --> 00:08:53,922
Oh, my God!
And in 18 years,
216
00:08:53,958 --> 00:08:55,991
he's going
to move away!
217
00:09:00,554 --> 00:09:02,454
You're pregnant
with our baby?!
218
00:09:02,489 --> 00:09:04,056
How could this
even happen?!
219
00:09:04,091 --> 00:09:06,725
Simple. I took your DNA
and inserted it
220
00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:09,861
into my temporary uterus
through my fertilization device.
221
00:09:09,897 --> 00:09:11,163
Oh, my God,
you're serious!
222
00:09:11,198 --> 00:09:13,865
People are gonna think I
had sex with a male baby
223
00:09:13,901 --> 00:09:15,200
and then got him pregnant!
224
00:09:15,235 --> 00:09:17,669
Oh, thank you for finding a way
to make it sound horrible.
225
00:09:17,705 --> 00:09:19,104
We can't have
a baby, Stewie!
226
00:09:19,139 --> 00:09:21,573
Is this about money?
Because I have a bit saved.
227
00:09:21,608 --> 00:09:23,275
We could even use
my old crib.
228
00:09:23,310 --> 00:09:24,976
You use your old crib!
Oh, right.
229
00:09:25,012 --> 00:09:26,812
Stewie, you have
to get rid of it.
230
00:09:26,847 --> 00:09:29,481
"Get rid of it"? You know,
why don't you just say it?
231
00:09:29,516 --> 00:09:30,782
Say the word, Brian.
232
00:09:30,818 --> 00:09:33,351
I want to hear you say it.
Abortion! Abortion!
233
00:09:33,387 --> 00:09:36,054
You need to get a big fat
abortion right this second!
234
00:09:36,090 --> 00:09:37,522
You can't even say it.
235
00:09:37,558 --> 00:09:38,990
I think I'm
gonna throw up.
236
00:09:39,026 --> 00:09:40,358
Oh, save the cheap theatrics.
237
00:09:40,394 --> 00:09:42,327
This isn't one of your
crappy short stories.
238
00:09:42,362 --> 00:09:44,529
This is real life,
mister, so man up!
239
00:09:44,565 --> 00:09:46,431
You are getting an
abortion, Stewie.
240
00:09:46,467 --> 00:09:49,000
I will not! Our child
is growing inside me!
241
00:09:49,036 --> 00:09:50,569
Stop talking like that!
242
00:09:50,604 --> 00:09:52,704
A-And how do you
even know it's mine?
243
00:09:52,740 --> 00:09:54,372
How dare you!
244
00:09:54,408 --> 00:09:55,941
So I'm just some slut?!
245
00:09:55,976 --> 00:09:57,943
Well, this slut
is having your baby!
246
00:09:57,978 --> 00:09:59,511
Why would you
even do this?
247
00:09:59,546 --> 00:10:00,746
I thought
you'd be happy.
248
00:10:00,781 --> 00:10:02,714
I mean, you have
all these amazing qualities,
249
00:10:02,750 --> 00:10:04,349
and I'm kind of
good-looking.
250
00:10:04,384 --> 00:10:06,017
I mean,
I'm no model, but...
251
00:10:06,053 --> 00:10:07,719
Well, certainly
not a runway model.
252
00:10:07,755 --> 00:10:09,721
I'd-I'd be more
catalogue, probably.
253
00:10:09,757 --> 00:10:11,823
You know what?
Why not a runway model?
254
00:10:11,859 --> 00:10:13,658
Why not? Why am I
always apologizing
255
00:10:13,694 --> 00:10:15,827
for how good-looking I am?
I'm sick of it.
256
00:10:15,863 --> 00:10:18,563
I can model in Paris.
We could take the baby with us.
257
00:10:18,599 --> 00:10:20,999
We could be that kind of family.
What do you think?
258
00:10:21,034 --> 00:10:22,834
Is it dead?
259
00:10:22,870 --> 00:10:24,202
You hit me!
260
00:10:24,238 --> 00:10:27,172
What kind of monster
hits a pregnant toddler!
261
00:10:27,207 --> 00:10:31,243
If you ever lay a finger on me again,
I'll burn you in your bed.
262
00:10:31,278 --> 00:10:33,879
Could... could you
do that now, please?
263
00:10:37,785 --> 00:10:39,618
All right, Peter,
get the camera ready.
264
00:10:39,653 --> 00:10:41,153
I got a viral
Internet video
265
00:10:41,188 --> 00:10:44,389
that's gonna go straight
to the top of the charts.
266
00:10:44,424 --> 00:10:45,857
Hi, I'm Joe Swanson,
267
00:10:45,893 --> 00:10:48,727
and this is 30 impressions
in 30 seconds.
268
00:10:48,762 --> 00:10:50,328
"Show me the money."
269
00:10:50,364 --> 00:10:51,364
"Oh, behave."
270
00:10:51,365 --> 00:10:53,198
"Good morning, Vietnam."
271
00:10:53,233 --> 00:10:55,934
"Wait until they get a load
of me," said the Joker.
272
00:10:55,969 --> 00:10:58,670
Some of these I'm paraphrasing.
273
00:11:02,376 --> 00:11:04,409
Hey, I need you to
take me to the doctor
274
00:11:04,444 --> 00:11:06,178
for my prenatal
vitamins.
275
00:11:06,213 --> 00:11:07,445
I'm not taking you anywhere.
276
00:11:07,481 --> 00:11:09,047
Geez, how far along are you?
277
00:11:09,082 --> 00:11:11,483
I'm not really sure.
Two days, six months...
278
00:11:11,518 --> 00:11:13,552
there's a certain amount of
guesswork involved in this.
279
00:11:13,587 --> 00:11:15,620
Oh, and while I'm pregnant,
I'm going to need you
280
00:11:15,656 --> 00:11:17,622
to change the cat litter.
We don't have a cat.
281
00:11:17,658 --> 00:11:19,958
Ugh. Please don't
fight me on this.
282
00:11:19,993 --> 00:11:22,027
Oh, my back is killing me.
283
00:11:22,062 --> 00:11:24,296
And I've also been
experiencing a little...
284
00:11:24,331 --> 00:11:26,298
morning sickness.
285
00:11:26,333 --> 00:11:29,434
It's for the baby,
it's for the baby.
286
00:11:32,906 --> 00:11:34,739
You look ridiculous
like that.
287
00:11:34,775 --> 00:11:37,008
Not too ridiculous for you
to put a baby in me.
288
00:11:37,044 --> 00:11:39,344
Okay, Raylene,
I'm Dr. Hartman.
289
00:11:39,379 --> 00:11:41,012
Now, before we begin,
I want you to know
290
00:11:41,048 --> 00:11:42,681
the record is just
past my watch.
291
00:11:42,716 --> 00:11:45,350
Well, it takes two people
to break a record.
292
00:11:45,385 --> 00:11:47,352
You look a little young.
How old are you?
293
00:11:47,387 --> 00:11:50,088
Uh, 13? 14?
294
00:11:50,123 --> 00:11:53,258
15. B-But he didn't force
himself on me.
295
00:11:53,293 --> 00:11:54,793
I wanted it, too.
296
00:11:54,828 --> 00:11:56,728
Well, that's
the important thing.
297
00:11:56,763 --> 00:11:58,063
That's odd.
298
00:11:58,098 --> 00:12:00,866
Your vagina seems to have
a penis and two testicles.
299
00:12:00,901 --> 00:12:02,534
Oh, right. I, uh...
300
00:12:02,569 --> 00:12:04,936
sneezed real hard
and all that came out.
301
00:12:04,972 --> 00:12:06,271
Ah, that explains it.
302
00:12:06,306 --> 00:12:08,139
Could you do that thing
where you take some fluid
303
00:12:08,175 --> 00:12:10,942
and tell me if it's going
to be an imbecile or a cretin?
304
00:12:10,978 --> 00:12:12,410
Oh, not to worry,
there are places
305
00:12:12,446 --> 00:12:14,012
where those people
can be warehoused.
306
00:12:14,047 --> 00:12:15,680
But from strictly
eyeballing you,
307
00:12:15,716 --> 00:12:16,948
I'd say everything
looks fine.
308
00:12:16,984 --> 00:12:18,683
Oh, that's wonderful.
309
00:12:18,719 --> 00:12:21,353
Now, Brian, did you have
any questions for the doctor?
310
00:12:21,388 --> 00:12:24,222
Yeah. Are there a lot of
stairs in this building?
311
00:12:26,593 --> 00:12:28,727
God, we need so much stuff.
312
00:12:28,762 --> 00:12:31,396
Look at how tiny all these
clothes are. It's so adorable.
313
00:12:31,431 --> 00:12:33,665
I mean, what kind of feet
can fit into these shoes?
314
00:12:33,700 --> 00:12:34,700
Your feet!
315
00:12:34,701 --> 00:12:36,001
That's getting old, you know.
316
00:12:36,036 --> 00:12:38,003
You better get on
board with this.
317
00:12:38,038 --> 00:12:40,071
Aw, how far along are you?
318
00:12:40,107 --> 00:12:42,340
Eight months.
You look amazing.
319
00:12:42,376 --> 00:12:45,076
Let me ask you, are you leaking?
Because I've been leaking.
320
00:12:45,112 --> 00:12:46,411
How old are you?
321
00:12:46,446 --> 00:12:48,613
How old are you?
You look like you're 40,
322
00:12:48,649 --> 00:12:51,216
which means whatever you've got
in there is 100% brain-damaged.
323
00:12:51,251 --> 00:12:52,884
All right,
you have a good day.
324
00:12:52,920 --> 00:12:54,853
I hated that lady.
325
00:12:59,326 --> 00:13:01,960
I like these.
These are good. Very classy.
326
00:13:01,995 --> 00:13:03,628
This feels
incredibly wrong.
327
00:13:03,664 --> 00:13:06,164
Oh, we're going to want these,
Brian, believe me.
328
00:13:06,199 --> 00:13:07,966
You can't see
my nipples, can you?
329
00:13:08,001 --> 00:13:09,301
They're getting really large,
330
00:13:09,336 --> 00:13:11,303
and I'm not sure
if I'm completely covering them.
331
00:13:11,338 --> 00:13:13,738
Eh, you know what?
We'll see what we see.
332
00:13:13,774 --> 00:13:14,906
Let's get a few candids.
333
00:13:14,942 --> 00:13:17,642
Dad, can I get one of your head
on the belly?
334
00:13:17,678 --> 00:13:21,446
Oh, "Dad."
I just got emotional.
335
00:13:21,481 --> 00:13:23,882
♪ Having my baby ♪
336
00:13:23,917 --> 00:13:26,284
♪ I'm a woman in love ♪
337
00:13:26,320 --> 00:13:29,788
♪ And I love
what's goin' through me ♪
338
00:13:29,823 --> 00:13:31,890
♪ Having my baby ♪
339
00:13:31,925 --> 00:13:34,159
♪ Having my baby ♪
340
00:13:34,194 --> 00:13:38,229
♪ It's another way
of sayin' how much I love you ♪
341
00:13:38,265 --> 00:13:40,565
♪ I love you ♪
342
00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:41,600
♪ Having my baby ♪
343
00:13:41,601 --> 00:13:43,802
♪ Having my baby ♪
344
00:13:47,107 --> 00:13:49,407
Okay, now people really love
that viral video
345
00:13:49,443 --> 00:13:52,544
of a monkey forcin' that sex act
on a frog at the zoo.
346
00:13:52,579 --> 00:13:55,213
So maybe we can find another
frog for somethin' like that.
347
00:13:55,248 --> 00:13:56,881
You mean like that frog?
Who?
348
00:13:56,917 --> 00:13:58,283
That frog in
the miniskirt
349
00:13:58,318 --> 00:14:00,585
putting a quarter
in the jukebox.
350
00:14:00,620 --> 00:14:02,921
♪ Shot through the heart ♪
351
00:14:02,956 --> 00:14:05,256
♪ And you're to blame ♪
352
00:14:05,292 --> 00:14:08,860
♪ You give love a bad name ♪
♪ Bad name ♪
353
00:14:08,895 --> 00:14:10,362
♪ I play my part ♪
354
00:14:10,397 --> 00:14:12,364
♪ And you play your game ♪
Bingo.
355
00:14:12,399 --> 00:14:16,701
♪ You give love a bad name ♪
♪ Bad name ♪
356
00:14:16,737 --> 00:14:19,871
♪ You give love... ♪
357
00:14:19,906 --> 00:14:23,641
I'm concerned that frog's in
more trouble than she realizes.
358
00:14:26,046 --> 00:14:28,179
I'm having such a craving
for burgers.
359
00:14:28,215 --> 00:14:30,181
It's like my body is
just craving red meat.
360
00:14:30,217 --> 00:14:32,851
And mint chip ice cream.
But only mint chip.
361
00:14:32,886 --> 00:14:34,686
Any other ice cream
makes me want to puke.
362
00:14:34,721 --> 00:14:36,621
Isn't that weird?
Yes, Stewie,
363
00:14:36,656 --> 00:14:38,757
that's the one weird thing
in all this.
364
00:14:38,792 --> 00:14:41,092
What are you looking at?
Go push your buttons.
365
00:14:41,128 --> 00:14:42,427
My husband'll kick your ass.
366
00:14:42,462 --> 00:14:44,362
Stop saying
I'm your husband.
367
00:14:44,398 --> 00:14:47,298
Brian, I need you to
take me to the hospital.
368
00:14:47,334 --> 00:14:48,633
Why?
369
00:14:48,668 --> 00:14:50,635
My water just broke.
Oh, my God!
370
00:14:50,670 --> 00:14:52,771
It's okay. Don't panic.
Call the doula.
371
00:14:52,806 --> 00:14:54,372
Brian, you've got
to call the doula!
372
00:14:54,408 --> 00:14:56,374
Doula? I-I don't
even know what that is!
373
00:14:56,410 --> 00:14:58,443
It's a divorced woman who
knows about lady parts
374
00:14:58,478 --> 00:15:00,645
and cheers you on.
Let's go!
375
00:15:05,118 --> 00:15:07,485
You're gonna have
to drive a little faster!
376
00:15:07,521 --> 00:15:09,154
I'm already going
over the speed limit.
377
00:15:09,189 --> 00:15:11,356
Too late! Pull over!
It's starting to come out!
378
00:15:11,391 --> 00:15:14,025
Of where?
I'm not sure exactly.
379
00:15:15,562 --> 00:15:18,129
Brian, I'm going to need you
to deliver the baby.
380
00:15:18,165 --> 00:15:20,999
Uh, uh, o-okay, c-can you wait a
second while I put a towel down?
381
00:15:21,034 --> 00:15:22,803
I don't want anything
to get on the seats.
382
00:15:22,803 --> 00:15:23,436
Oh, no, of course.
383
00:15:23,437 --> 00:15:25,737
Our first priority should be
to keep the vinyl clean.
384
00:15:25,772 --> 00:15:28,239
Oh, God. Oh, God,
it's coming! Oh...
385
00:15:28,275 --> 00:15:29,574
Can you see the head?
386
00:15:29,609 --> 00:15:30,742
I don't know
where to look!
387
00:15:30,777 --> 00:15:32,443
Well, maybe you should look
at the part of me
388
00:15:32,476 --> 00:15:33,675
where there's
a baby coming out!
389
00:15:35,379 --> 00:15:38,013
How did Murphy Brown
make this look so easy?!
390
00:15:38,048 --> 00:15:39,488
Careful, don't get
anything on the...
391
00:15:39,816 --> 00:15:41,115
...seats.
392
00:15:41,172 --> 00:15:43,186
Oh, God,
I think another one's coming!
393
00:15:43,187 --> 00:15:43,915
I don't see it!
394
00:15:43,939 --> 00:15:45,655
I think
it's coming out of my mouth!
395
00:15:45,656 --> 00:15:47,889
There's more!
396
00:15:47,925 --> 00:15:49,491
And they're coming out
of everywhere!
397
00:15:49,526 --> 00:15:52,093
Ah! Kill me!
This hurts too much!
398
00:15:52,129 --> 00:15:54,095
Holy!
What is happening?!
399
00:15:54,131 --> 00:15:56,164
I don't know!
Brian, save the placenta.
400
00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:57,699
Do you even have a placenta?
401
00:15:57,734 --> 00:15:59,835
Well, whatever comes
out, save it. I want to eat it.
402
00:15:59,870 --> 00:16:01,570
Oh, God,
they're crawling all over me!
403
00:16:01,605 --> 00:16:02,737
How many are there now?
404
00:16:02,773 --> 00:16:05,073
Four, five, six, seven.
405
00:16:05,108 --> 00:16:07,242
Mazel tov!
406
00:16:22,922 --> 00:16:25,422
I just put Jack and
Rose down for their nap.
407
00:16:25,458 --> 00:16:27,925
And I'm trying to keep the more
attractive ones in this area.
408
00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:29,193
This is a nightmare.
409
00:16:29,228 --> 00:16:31,261
Oh, I caught two of them
trying to eat each other,
410
00:16:31,297 --> 00:16:33,597
so that's something we
need to watch out for.
411
00:16:33,632 --> 00:16:36,233
Look, Bri, that one
looks just like you.
412
00:16:37,636 --> 00:16:40,070
Huh. Well, you know what?
I guess he does.
413
00:16:40,106 --> 00:16:41,939
You know, I was
actually thinking,
414
00:16:41,974 --> 00:16:44,808
this could be a chance for you
to finally make things right.
415
00:16:44,844 --> 00:16:46,310
What? What do you mean?
416
00:16:46,345 --> 00:16:48,645
Well, you do have a son
that you were never there for.
417
00:16:48,681 --> 00:16:51,148
This is your opportunity
to do things differently.
418
00:16:51,183 --> 00:16:53,417
Wow. Maybe you're right.
419
00:16:53,452 --> 00:16:57,254
I suppose I could give it a try.
420
00:16:57,289 --> 00:16:58,289
There you go.
421
00:16:58,290 --> 00:17:00,057
Aw, Dick really
likes you.
422
00:17:00,092 --> 00:17:01,092
I like Dick.
423
00:17:01,093 --> 00:17:02,393
You like Dick!
424
00:17:02,428 --> 00:17:05,696
His name's not Dick,
you idiot. It's Finn.
425
00:17:09,335 --> 00:17:10,975
All right, let's check
our YouTube channel
426
00:17:11,003 --> 00:17:12,569
and see how we're doing.
427
00:17:12,605 --> 00:17:15,239
Boy, they just went right
after Cleveland, didn't they?
428
00:17:15,274 --> 00:17:17,908
Geez, that word looks even
harsher when it's in all caps.
429
00:17:17,943 --> 00:17:20,911
Wow, people really seem to hate
everything we put on here.
430
00:17:20,946 --> 00:17:23,247
That sucks.
And I worked really hard
431
00:17:23,282 --> 00:17:25,649
on taking a picture of myself
every day for a year
432
00:17:25,684 --> 00:17:27,985
and then setting the photos
to an emotional song.
433
00:17:28,020 --> 00:17:29,620
Look.
434
00:17:29,655 --> 00:17:32,990
♪ Hey there, Delilah, what's
it like in New York City? ♪
435
00:17:33,025 --> 00:17:35,092
♪ I'm a thousand miles away ♪
436
00:17:35,127 --> 00:17:37,594
♪ But, girl,
tonight you look so pretty ♪
437
00:17:37,630 --> 00:17:40,931
♪ Yes, you do ♪
438
00:17:40,966 --> 00:17:44,268
♪ Times Square can't shine
as bright as you ♪
439
00:17:44,303 --> 00:17:48,105
♪ I swear it's true ♪
440
00:17:48,140 --> 00:17:51,975
Yeah, so we're, uh, thinking
about selling the house.
441
00:18:00,152 --> 00:18:02,286
Hey, stop squirming in there.
442
00:18:02,321 --> 00:18:05,889
This one's bones all feel loose.
443
00:18:05,925 --> 00:18:07,391
And I think that one is blind.
444
00:18:07,426 --> 00:18:09,193
We'll have
to get him little sunglasses.
445
00:18:09,228 --> 00:18:11,328
Great, because
dog-head/human-ears over here
446
00:18:11,363 --> 00:18:12,996
doesn't react to
anything I say.
447
00:18:13,032 --> 00:18:15,265
Hey! Hey, you!
448
00:18:15,301 --> 00:18:16,934
Okay, this one is deaf.
449
00:18:16,969 --> 00:18:19,403
We are going to be spending
a fortune on schools.
450
00:18:19,438 --> 00:18:21,605
How are we gonna pay for that?
Well, you tell me.
451
00:18:21,640 --> 00:18:23,941
You're the one who insisted
I be a stay-at-home mom.
452
00:18:23,976 --> 00:18:25,142
I don't even have a job.
453
00:18:25,177 --> 00:18:26,410
Well, you better
get one.
454
00:18:26,445 --> 00:18:28,745
And not "writing."
A real job.
455
00:18:28,781 --> 00:18:30,481
Why are you being
such a jerk?
456
00:18:30,516 --> 00:18:32,349
I don't know.
I'm sorry. I just...
457
00:18:32,384 --> 00:18:34,818
I just feel like
once I get them on a schedule,
458
00:18:34,854 --> 00:18:36,854
everything will be fine.
459
00:18:42,361 --> 00:18:45,128
I can't believe we couldn't
come up with a viral video.
460
00:18:45,164 --> 00:18:47,731
We should've just gotten Jimmy
Fallon to do any lame thing.
461
00:18:49,468 --> 00:18:52,436
Coming up, a white waiter
at a Chinese restaurant?
462
00:18:52,471 --> 00:18:54,471
We'll get you the facts
on this bizarre story.
463
00:18:54,507 --> 00:18:56,406
But first,
this week's viral video,
464
00:18:56,442 --> 00:18:59,109
"Fat Kid Hustles
Through Crosswalk."
465
00:18:59,144 --> 00:19:02,479
Here it is. Here's little
Chubbo pulling up the rear.
466
00:19:03,682 --> 00:19:05,883
Oh, he's got to get moving now.
467
00:19:11,724 --> 00:19:14,892
That's right. Don't let your
chocolate levels get too low.
468
00:19:20,900 --> 00:19:22,533
I can't believe
Chris gets four million hits
469
00:19:22,568 --> 00:19:23,867
just crossing the street.
470
00:19:23,903 --> 00:19:25,869
I guess we were
trying too hard.
471
00:19:25,905 --> 00:19:28,205
Hey, I went by your house
the other day.
472
00:19:28,240 --> 00:19:29,740
Is your baby pregnant?
473
00:19:29,775 --> 00:19:32,442
I don't know. Lois is
in charge of the kids.
474
00:19:40,319 --> 00:19:41,818
Stewie, this is awful.
475
00:19:41,854 --> 00:19:43,687
I don't know why anyone
would want to be a parent,
476
00:19:43,722 --> 00:19:45,355
especially
to four children.
477
00:19:45,391 --> 00:19:47,357
Four? I thought
we were down to five.
478
00:19:47,393 --> 00:19:49,526
Yeah, the deaf one
didn't hear Joe's lawnmower.
479
00:19:49,562 --> 00:19:51,261
Oh. That's really upsetting.
480
00:19:51,297 --> 00:19:52,729
I-I can't take this
anymore, Stewie.
481
00:19:52,765 --> 00:19:54,264
I-I'm sorry. I got
to get out of here.
482
00:19:54,300 --> 00:19:55,599
What? Where are you going?
483
00:19:55,634 --> 00:19:56,934
Stop doing that!
484
00:19:56,969 --> 00:19:58,268
I need a break,
all right?
485
00:19:58,304 --> 00:20:00,304
I-I j... I just got
to get away for a couple weeks.
486
00:20:00,306 --> 00:20:01,538
A couple weeks?
487
00:20:01,574 --> 00:20:03,540
Y-You're not leaving me
alone with these things.
488
00:20:03,576 --> 00:20:06,209
The whole point of this was for
us to spend more time together.
489
00:20:06,245 --> 00:20:08,579
Wait, what are you talking
about? The whole point of what?
490
00:20:08,614 --> 00:20:10,581
Well, you've been so distant
lately.
491
00:20:10,616 --> 00:20:13,584
I thought if we had a baby it
would bring us closer together.
492
00:20:13,619 --> 00:20:15,252
What? I was only distant
493
00:20:15,287 --> 00:20:16,987
because you've been so moody
lately.
494
00:20:17,022 --> 00:20:18,522
I thought you needed more space.
495
00:20:18,557 --> 00:20:20,157
I always want
to hang out with you.
496
00:20:20,192 --> 00:20:22,192
Well, I was only moody
because you were so distant!
497
00:20:22,194 --> 00:20:24,161
I always want
to hang out with you, too!
498
00:20:24,196 --> 00:20:25,929
Oh, my God.
499
00:20:27,166 --> 00:20:29,800
So we didn't have
to do any of this.
500
00:20:29,835 --> 00:20:32,302
I-I guess not.
501
00:20:32,338 --> 00:20:33,904
How attached to them are you?
502
00:20:33,939 --> 00:20:35,806
Not at all.
Yeah, me either.
503
00:20:38,744 --> 00:20:40,177
This is for the best.
504
00:20:40,212 --> 00:20:41,912
Yeah, I mean, I'm sure
they'll be adopted.
505
00:20:41,947 --> 00:20:43,580
Oh, God, yeah.
506
00:20:43,616 --> 00:20:46,049
I'm still keeping all the gifts
from the baby shower.
507
00:20:46,085 --> 00:20:47,985
You had a baby shower?
508
00:20:48,020 --> 00:20:50,204
Oh!
509
00:20:50,205 --> 00:20:52,307
Now this makes it real!
510
00:20:52,308 --> 00:20:54,468
Oh, my goodness. That's enough
cake for you, Mary Beth.
511
00:20:57,124 --> 00:21:03,624
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man