1 00:00:01,393 --> 00:00:04,147 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:04,171 --> 00:00:07,956 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:08,033 --> 00:00:11,321 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:11,345 --> 00:00:14,157 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:14,181 --> 00:00:17,850 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:17,926 --> 00:00:21,353 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:21,430 --> 00:00:22,855 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:22,931 --> 00:00:24,501 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:24,525 --> 00:00:30,029 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪ 10 00:00:37,187 --> 00:00:40,205 God, the Clam sucks on Saturday mornings. 11 00:00:40,282 --> 00:00:42,686 It's all just weird foreign sports fans, 12 00:00:42,710 --> 00:00:45,494 like those Pakistani cricket hooligans. 13 00:00:45,570 --> 00:00:47,190 If you are not rooting for Lahore, 14 00:00:47,214 --> 00:00:49,192 please you may leave, I can tell you! 15 00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:50,883 Lahore cricketers are the best, 16 00:00:50,959 --> 00:00:54,002 and the others are not the best, dear friends. 17 00:00:54,079 --> 00:00:57,964 I'm for Karachi, but I don't got a death wish about it. 18 00:00:58,041 --> 00:00:59,725 Guys, what's wrong with us? 19 00:00:59,802 --> 00:01:02,039 It's Saturday morning, and we're drinking in a bar. 20 00:01:02,063 --> 00:01:04,805 We should be drinking at the Goodwill donation dumpster. 21 00:01:04,881 --> 00:01:07,733 - Why come? -'Cause right now's when all the yard sales end. 22 00:01:07,810 --> 00:01:10,185 We can get first pick of the abandoned leftovers. 23 00:01:10,262 --> 00:01:11,715 That's a stupid idea. There's not gonna 24 00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:13,855 be anything good in that dumpster. 25 00:01:13,932 --> 00:01:16,817 What if I told you everything I'm wearing right now 26 00:01:16,893 --> 00:01:18,077 I found in that dumpster? 27 00:01:18,153 --> 00:01:21,224 Is that a bachelorette sash? 28 00:01:21,248 --> 00:01:25,167 Scott said I could do hand stuff this weekend, but that's it. 29 00:01:28,780 --> 00:01:30,205 I told you this is stupid. 30 00:01:30,282 --> 00:01:31,735 There's nothing good in here. 31 00:01:31,759 --> 00:01:33,386 Hey, look... A pair of working legs. 32 00:01:33,410 --> 00:01:34,876 Dibs on these. 33 00:01:34,953 --> 00:01:36,878 Wha...? Aw, come on, Quagmire! 34 00:01:36,955 --> 00:01:38,505 Joe, I said dibs. 35 00:01:38,582 --> 00:01:41,078 No, no, you're right. You said dibs. 36 00:01:41,102 --> 00:01:43,769 Whoa. Check it out. A Sorry! board game. 37 00:01:43,846 --> 00:01:45,104 Let me see it. 38 00:01:46,798 --> 00:01:49,182 - Three pieces missing. - How'd you do that? 39 00:01:49,259 --> 00:01:52,361 I can shake anything and figure out what all's in there. 40 00:01:54,806 --> 00:01:57,427 You got 11 periods left. 41 00:01:57,451 --> 00:02:00,097 Cool. VHS of Eraserhead. 42 00:02:00,121 --> 00:02:03,071 This'll be good for when I never want to sleep again. 43 00:02:03,148 --> 00:02:05,936 Holy crap. 44 00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:07,209 Wha-What? What is it? 45 00:02:10,155 --> 00:02:11,608 A Magic 8 Ball! 46 00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:13,582 This thing can tell the future. 47 00:02:13,658 --> 00:02:15,779 No, it can't, Peter. It's just a stupid toy. 48 00:02:15,803 --> 00:02:17,252 I don't know. Let's test it. 49 00:02:17,329 --> 00:02:20,472 Will there be snow this Christmas? 50 00:02:20,549 --> 00:02:23,425 Oh, my God, the ball is right. 51 00:02:23,460 --> 00:02:24,759 I should ask again later. 52 00:02:24,836 --> 00:02:26,311 How did it know that? 53 00:02:26,388 --> 00:02:28,388 Guys, from now on, I am living my life 54 00:02:28,465 --> 00:02:30,432 according to the Magic 8 Ball. 55 00:02:30,508 --> 00:02:32,370 It will lead me like the shorebird 56 00:02:32,394 --> 00:02:34,778 that led the first Pilgrims to Boston. 57 00:02:35,914 --> 00:02:38,440 Ahoy! Are you looking to build a city 58 00:02:38,516 --> 00:02:41,443 where sports fans can be notoriously racist? 59 00:02:41,519 --> 00:02:43,871 Yeah, and can we also ruin "Sweet Caroline" 60 00:02:43,906 --> 00:02:46,114 - for everyone else? - Absolutely. 61 00:02:46,191 --> 00:02:49,479 Can our airport security people be responsible for 9/11? 62 00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:53,172 And can our own 9/11 be, like, one one-thousandth as bad, 63 00:02:53,248 --> 00:02:55,340 but we'll still make a fricking movie about it? 64 00:02:55,417 --> 00:02:57,125 I think I know just the place. 65 00:02:57,202 --> 00:02:59,823 Okay, I don't know if this is gonna be a problem, 66 00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:01,796 but we forgot to bring the letter "R." 67 00:03:01,873 --> 00:03:03,348 No problem at all. 68 00:03:03,425 --> 00:03:05,851 Right this way, large-faced whites! 69 00:03:05,928 --> 00:03:07,831 Let's go, Red Sox! 70 00:03:09,431 --> 00:03:11,815 Let's go, Red Sox! 71 00:03:16,920 --> 00:03:18,340 What is that? 72 00:03:18,420 --> 00:03:19,820 It's my Magic 8 Ball. 73 00:03:19,850 --> 00:03:21,350 This is the first black ball 74 00:03:21,420 --> 00:03:23,800 that Kim Kardashian hasn't played with. 75 00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:26,520 Why is it filled with the blue liquid from tampon commercials? 76 00:03:26,590 --> 00:03:28,330 That's a very gross question, Meg. 77 00:03:28,350 --> 00:03:30,110 You may take your breakfast in the attic. 78 00:03:32,020 --> 00:03:35,000 That question aside, I'm having a blast with my new 8 Ball. 79 00:03:35,030 --> 00:03:36,310 It knows everything. Watch. 80 00:03:36,390 --> 00:03:38,270 Magic 8 Ball, 81 00:03:38,350 --> 00:03:41,370 will my middle-of-the-highway puppet show be a success? 82 00:03:42,870 --> 00:03:44,740 Well, I'll show this thing. 83 00:03:52,540 --> 00:03:54,190 How'd it go, Dad? 84 00:03:54,210 --> 00:03:56,210 I don't know, Sparky. What did you think? 85 00:03:56,240 --> 00:03:59,170 The performance was a little flat. 86 00:04:14,140 --> 00:04:16,350 Magic 8 Ball. 87 00:04:16,430 --> 00:04:18,310 Magic 8 Ball, I'm bored. 88 00:04:18,390 --> 00:04:20,360 Should I sniff my coworker's hair? 89 00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:24,890 He told me to do it! 90 00:04:24,910 --> 00:04:27,150 Mr. Griffin, if a Magic 8 Ball asked you 91 00:04:27,230 --> 00:04:29,370 to jump off a building, would you do that, too? 92 00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:30,820 Did it? 93 00:04:30,900 --> 00:04:33,320 No, I'm just using that as an example of... 94 00:04:33,400 --> 00:04:35,250 I listened to the toy! 95 00:04:39,070 --> 00:04:42,260 Magic 8 Ball, what's the best e-mail provider? 96 00:04:43,670 --> 00:04:46,000 "Outlook good." Interesting. 97 00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:48,340 He's not raving about it, but it's a solid choice. 98 00:04:48,420 --> 00:04:50,510 Let's go, Peter. Time for church. 99 00:04:50,590 --> 00:04:53,770 Mom said they're gonna serve Chewy Chips Ahoy at coffee hour. 100 00:04:53,850 --> 00:04:55,390 Lois... church? 101 00:04:55,470 --> 00:04:57,390 Who am I supposed to worship... Jesus? 102 00:04:57,470 --> 00:04:59,230 This is my god now. 103 00:04:59,300 --> 00:05:00,610 Watch your mouth, Peter. 104 00:05:00,690 --> 00:05:03,520 Sorry, Lois, but my religion is now the 8 Ball. 105 00:05:03,600 --> 00:05:06,780 Magic 8 Ball, is the Fox network sustainable 106 00:05:06,860 --> 00:05:08,790 in this new streaming world? 107 00:05:09,790 --> 00:05:12,740 No. No! 108 00:05:14,280 --> 00:05:15,940 Kim, what's wrong? 109 00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:19,300 A black ball went to waste. 110 00:05:26,790 --> 00:05:29,120 Are you streaming Mindhunter in church? 111 00:05:29,140 --> 00:05:31,980 I'm trying to stream Mindhunter in church. 112 00:05:36,060 --> 00:05:37,480 Freaking guest Wi-Fi. 113 00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:40,180 You know the priest gets the good Wi-Fi. 114 00:05:40,260 --> 00:05:41,820 And yea, the Lord said... 115 00:05:41,900 --> 00:05:43,770 Whoa, whoa. Mindhunter's going in. 116 00:05:43,850 --> 00:05:45,400 I mean... 117 00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:48,110 Thou art the children of Abraham, and thou shalt... 118 00:05:48,180 --> 00:05:49,490 He's playing you! 119 00:05:49,570 --> 00:05:51,740 You think you're playing him? He's playing you. 120 00:05:51,810 --> 00:05:53,740 I hate this. When do I get my cookie? 121 00:05:53,820 --> 00:05:56,070 I just want my cookie so I can go home. 122 00:05:56,150 --> 00:05:58,120 Now please join me in silent prayer. 123 00:05:58,190 --> 00:06:00,120 And as we settle into the silence, 124 00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:02,480 I remind you that... In honor of Lent... 125 00:06:02,510 --> 00:06:06,970 Today's coffee service will not include Chewy Chips Ahoy. 126 00:06:17,860 --> 00:06:20,360 Hey, Stewie said his first word. 127 00:06:20,430 --> 00:06:22,360 And it was a swear. 128 00:06:22,440 --> 00:06:24,690 Well, this is unacceptable. 129 00:06:24,770 --> 00:06:27,510 We have to leave right now and go straight to breakfast. 130 00:06:27,530 --> 00:06:29,410 Unbelievable. 131 00:06:34,590 --> 00:06:36,590 Let's go! 132 00:06:42,630 --> 00:06:45,580 I can't believe Stewie finally said his first word 133 00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:47,680 and it ends up being... that. 134 00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:50,750 Right now, every woman in my mommy wine group is judging me. 135 00:06:50,780 --> 00:06:53,810 I may have to start drinking wine at home alone. 136 00:06:53,890 --> 00:06:56,850 -Start? -Not the day for it, Chris! Not the day! 137 00:06:56,930 --> 00:06:59,190 I don't get it, Stewie. You've been talking forever. 138 00:06:59,270 --> 00:07:00,670 Why did everyone suddenly understand you now? 139 00:07:00,690 --> 00:07:02,360 I don't know. 140 00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:04,700 I was feeling so much intense emotion in the moment, 141 00:07:04,770 --> 00:07:07,100 and that one word somehow just burst through. 142 00:07:07,130 --> 00:07:09,290 Yeah, but now what? Everyone can understand you? 143 00:07:09,370 --> 00:07:11,040 I don't think so. 144 00:07:11,110 --> 00:07:13,780 Not unless I'm yelling something I feel strongly about. 145 00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:16,630 Greta Gerwig is a national treasure! 146 00:07:16,710 --> 00:07:18,380 See? Nothing. 147 00:07:18,450 --> 00:07:20,210 I guess I'm not feeling it. I don't know. 148 00:07:20,290 --> 00:07:23,260 What if that's the only thing I'll ever be able to express? 149 00:07:23,330 --> 00:07:26,050 Anger. What kind of a person would I be then? 150 00:07:26,130 --> 00:07:27,620 Larry David, Lewis Black, 151 00:07:27,650 --> 00:07:29,960 a Trump voter, everyone on Twitter. 152 00:07:29,980 --> 00:07:32,060 But I don't want to be any of those things. 153 00:07:32,130 --> 00:07:33,430 They've got to hear me. 154 00:07:33,510 --> 00:07:35,230 Ice cream! Lollipop! 155 00:07:35,300 --> 00:07:36,730 Bubbles! Kitty cat! 156 00:07:38,180 --> 00:07:40,270 Doggy! Raincoat! Preschool! 157 00:07:40,350 --> 00:07:44,280 Fire truck! Goldfish! Finger paint! 158 00:07:48,480 --> 00:07:49,980 Lois, what are you doing here? 159 00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:52,170 What do you mean? You invited us. 160 00:07:52,250 --> 00:07:55,160 Sorry, but we can't have Stewie here. 161 00:07:55,220 --> 00:07:56,510 I brought my own veggie burgers, 162 00:07:56,580 --> 00:07:58,150 but I'm not gonna make a big deal about it. 163 00:07:58,180 --> 00:08:00,490 What with his profanity and all, I don't think 164 00:08:00,510 --> 00:08:03,130 Stewie would be a good influence on the other children. 165 00:08:03,210 --> 00:08:04,900 Is there a designated spot on the grill 166 00:08:04,920 --> 00:08:06,160 for the veggie burgers? 167 00:08:06,180 --> 00:08:07,660 And again, not a big deal. 168 00:08:07,690 --> 00:08:09,800 You're saying that because of a swear word, 169 00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:12,500 my son isn't good enough for your pool party? 170 00:08:12,520 --> 00:08:14,520 It's a little bit about him swearing, 171 00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:16,650 but mostly about you as a parent. 172 00:08:18,030 --> 00:08:20,100 Kevin, I said, no arrows! 173 00:08:20,180 --> 00:08:21,870 Crossbows don't shoot arrows. 174 00:08:21,940 --> 00:08:23,820 They shoot bolts, dumbass! 175 00:08:23,870 --> 00:08:25,780 Okay, sweetie. 176 00:08:25,850 --> 00:08:29,280 Hey, Dad, did you hear what Einstein called bolts? 177 00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:30,760 I heard it. 178 00:08:34,350 --> 00:08:36,100 Brian, shut off the television. 179 00:08:36,180 --> 00:08:37,510 It's ruined my baby! 180 00:08:37,530 --> 00:08:38,940 What are you talking about? 181 00:08:39,020 --> 00:08:41,610 Stewie obviously learned to swear from some TV show. 182 00:08:41,690 --> 00:08:44,530 No, he didn't. The only show he watches is Caillou. 183 00:08:44,560 --> 00:08:46,350 Well, then that little French-Canadian weirdo 184 00:08:46,370 --> 00:08:48,660 is the potty mouth, I'm sure of it. 185 00:08:48,730 --> 00:08:51,290 And I'm willing to watch every single episode just to prove it. 186 00:08:51,360 --> 00:08:53,210 Caillou was upset. 187 00:08:53,290 --> 00:08:56,830 Why am I bald? I'm not a baby. I'm four. 188 00:08:56,910 --> 00:08:59,290 Are kids just bald in Canada? 189 00:08:59,370 --> 00:09:00,920 So Caillou decided 190 00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:02,350 to look himself up on Wikipedia. 191 00:09:02,370 --> 00:09:04,470 God, this is dull. 192 00:09:04,540 --> 00:09:06,610 Maybe I'm supposed to be a cancer survivor, 193 00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:09,140 and this show is very inspiring. 194 00:09:09,210 --> 00:09:11,680 But Caillou wasn't a cancer survivor. 195 00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:15,140 The show's creators just made a weird choice. 196 00:09:15,220 --> 00:09:17,650 Caillou's low-testosterone father 197 00:09:17,720 --> 00:09:20,150 again indulged Caillou's tantrum, 198 00:09:20,220 --> 00:09:22,550 clearly trying to raise a sociopath. 199 00:09:22,580 --> 00:09:23,890 It's okay, Caillou. 200 00:09:23,910 --> 00:09:26,150 I'll bake you a pie. 201 00:09:26,230 --> 00:09:28,730 He said, his body flooding with estrogen. 202 00:09:28,750 --> 00:09:30,160 Lois? 203 00:09:30,230 --> 00:09:31,580 Are you dead? 204 00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:34,400 Can I eat you? 205 00:09:34,420 --> 00:09:36,760 - Huh? What? - Ah, another time. 206 00:09:36,830 --> 00:09:40,840 Oh. I-I, um... I watched that Caillou, and you're right. 207 00:09:40,910 --> 00:09:43,210 Stewie didn't learn that word from Caillou. 208 00:09:43,290 --> 00:09:45,390 That means he learned it from someone in this house. 209 00:09:45,420 --> 00:09:47,600 - Okay. - And I will find out who. 210 00:09:47,680 --> 00:09:49,390 I'm gonna set a trap 211 00:09:49,460 --> 00:09:51,850 and lure the swearer into revealing himself. 212 00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:53,220 That sounds hard. 213 00:09:53,300 --> 00:09:55,920 Oh, I will find the swearer. 214 00:09:55,940 --> 00:09:57,240 Dad, why are we sitting 215 00:09:57,260 --> 00:09:58,780 on the washing machine? 216 00:09:58,860 --> 00:10:00,410 Because in Canada, 217 00:10:00,430 --> 00:10:02,320 men have vaginas. 218 00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:08,770 Hey, what's with the stairs? Why do they look different? 219 00:10:08,790 --> 00:10:10,410 Oh, I'm trying to prove 220 00:10:10,480 --> 00:10:12,340 that Peter's the one cussing in the house, 221 00:10:12,370 --> 00:10:15,130 so I waxed the staircase for him to fall down. 222 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:17,270 Hey, Lois, have you seen my Spider-Man socks? 223 00:10:17,300 --> 00:10:18,590 I can't seem to... 224 00:10:18,620 --> 00:10:20,040 Ouch. Oh, heavens. 225 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:21,420 Oh, goodness gracious. 226 00:10:21,490 --> 00:10:23,380 That's smarts. Oh, my. 227 00:10:23,450 --> 00:10:24,860 Egad. Well, I'll be. 228 00:10:24,880 --> 00:10:26,950 Yikes. 229 00:10:26,980 --> 00:10:28,770 Peter, when did you become so polite? 230 00:10:28,790 --> 00:10:31,050 Oh, I've been hanging out with Caillou's beta dad. 231 00:10:31,130 --> 00:10:33,050 In fact, I'm meeting him at the park 232 00:10:33,130 --> 00:10:35,440 to eat unsalted saltines on the swings. 233 00:10:36,390 --> 00:10:37,800 I feel like you're wearing 234 00:10:37,820 --> 00:10:41,280 what Rachel Maddow would wear to a pumpkin patch. 235 00:10:43,850 --> 00:10:45,470 Lois couldn't find the swearer, 236 00:10:45,490 --> 00:10:47,470 nor could she remove the voice 237 00:10:47,500 --> 00:10:50,400 of the grating Caillou narrator from her head. 238 00:10:50,480 --> 00:10:52,500 Make it stop! 239 00:10:52,580 --> 00:10:54,880 Not until you kill them all, Lois. 240 00:10:55,750 --> 00:10:57,000 Oh, crap. 241 00:10:57,080 --> 00:10:59,080 It's the lady with the baby who cussed. 242 00:10:59,160 --> 00:11:01,000 Turn out the lights. 243 00:11:01,030 --> 00:11:02,180 Shh. Quiet, quiet. 244 00:11:02,250 --> 00:11:04,130 H-Hello? 245 00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:06,350 Hello! I know you're in there! 246 00:11:06,420 --> 00:11:07,960 We're closed! 247 00:11:08,040 --> 00:11:10,180 I know you're not closed. 248 00:11:10,260 --> 00:11:12,020 I see the Instacart people in there 249 00:11:12,090 --> 00:11:14,170 emotionlessly filling up their baskets. 250 00:11:14,190 --> 00:11:15,830 We're a family establishment, 251 00:11:15,860 --> 00:11:17,770 so take your foul-mouthed baby and go away! 252 00:11:17,840 --> 00:11:19,690 Please, let me in! 253 00:11:19,770 --> 00:11:22,270 I can only poop behind a punch-code door! 254 00:11:22,350 --> 00:11:23,580 There's something about the beeps. 255 00:11:23,610 --> 00:11:24,980 It gets things moving! 256 00:11:25,060 --> 00:11:26,770 It's very secure! 257 00:11:26,850 --> 00:11:28,350 Go away! 258 00:11:28,370 --> 00:11:30,110 You can't do this! 259 00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:32,490 When a mom is shunned by groceries, 260 00:11:32,560 --> 00:11:35,660 she has nothing! 261 00:11:35,730 --> 00:11:38,590 Please! 262 00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:44,790 Aah! It's those antibacterial wipes for the shopping carts! 263 00:11:44,870 --> 00:11:46,550 It's burning my eyes! 264 00:11:52,540 --> 00:11:53,470 Oh, my God. 265 00:11:53,540 --> 00:11:55,040 I-It's me. 266 00:11:55,060 --> 00:11:57,040 I'm the swearer. 267 00:11:57,070 --> 00:11:59,730 Oh, God. 268 00:11:59,810 --> 00:12:03,140 I'm ruining my child! 269 00:12:03,220 --> 00:12:04,620 Lois was sad, 270 00:12:04,650 --> 00:12:06,810 but not as sad as she was going to be 271 00:12:06,890 --> 00:12:10,030 when she realizes she has to use those ouchie wipes 272 00:12:10,100 --> 00:12:12,540 to make a potty next to the store dumpster. 273 00:12:18,820 --> 00:12:20,810 I feel so awful. 274 00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:22,510 I've corrupted my baby 275 00:12:22,580 --> 00:12:25,510 with my foul language and my terrible anger. 276 00:12:25,580 --> 00:12:27,790 I'm so sorry that happened, Lois. 277 00:12:27,870 --> 00:12:30,130 And Lofthouse cookies weren't available 278 00:12:30,210 --> 00:12:31,760 at any other grocery store? 279 00:12:31,830 --> 00:12:34,330 Don't worry, Dad. I Instacarted some. 280 00:12:36,850 --> 00:12:38,140 Here's your stuff. 281 00:12:38,210 --> 00:12:39,330 Thank you. Have a good night. 282 00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:41,100 No. 283 00:12:41,170 --> 00:12:42,530 Anyway, the point is 284 00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:45,510 I have to deal with my anger and fix myself. 285 00:12:45,530 --> 00:12:48,010 So I've decided to attend this relaxation retreat 286 00:12:48,030 --> 00:12:50,680 at Vista del Vista Resort. 287 00:12:50,700 --> 00:12:52,200 Uh, gosh, I don't know about that, Lois. 288 00:12:52,230 --> 00:12:53,440 It sounds really expensive. 289 00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:55,780 No, I guess you're right. 290 00:12:55,860 --> 00:12:57,450 There's no way we can afford it. 291 00:12:57,520 --> 00:12:59,710 Plus, if I go, that means I won't be here 292 00:12:59,790 --> 00:13:02,020 to help out around the house or feed you guys 293 00:13:02,050 --> 00:13:04,690 or monitor your Internet usage every day... 294 00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:05,690 - You should go. - Yeah, Mom, 295 00:13:05,720 --> 00:13:07,220 you should go, for sure. 296 00:13:11,300 --> 00:13:13,930 Because they want to masturbate, you see. 297 00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:15,920 Okay. 298 00:13:15,970 --> 00:13:17,370 Uh, I don't know what that was, 299 00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:19,280 but, Lois, you should go to that resort. 300 00:13:19,310 --> 00:13:20,900 Go relax and fix yourself. 301 00:13:20,970 --> 00:13:22,380 Really? 302 00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:24,310 You guys'll be okay while I'm gone? 303 00:13:24,380 --> 00:13:25,600 Sure. We'll have fun! 304 00:13:25,630 --> 00:13:28,400 Just like that time me and Chris went Jet Ski'ing. 305 00:13:28,480 --> 00:13:30,310 Yeah! This is awesome! 306 00:13:30,390 --> 00:13:31,410 I know, right? 307 00:13:33,060 --> 00:13:33,910 Oh, my God! 308 00:13:33,990 --> 00:13:34,990 It's okay, Chris. 309 00:13:35,060 --> 00:13:36,220 I'm sure that was the only one. 310 00:13:36,250 --> 00:13:37,950 Dolphins swim alone. 311 00:13:41,660 --> 00:13:43,700 Okay, maybe we should turn back. 312 00:13:43,780 --> 00:13:44,950 No. 313 00:13:45,030 --> 00:13:47,900 Kill every last one of them. 314 00:13:47,930 --> 00:13:50,150 Chris and I never spoke of that day. 315 00:13:50,170 --> 00:13:53,760 But whenever somebody talks about how smart dolphins are, 316 00:13:53,840 --> 00:13:55,410 Chris and I look at each other like, 317 00:13:55,430 --> 00:13:57,270 "No." 318 00:14:00,460 --> 00:14:04,770 ♪ You got to ac-cent-tchu-ate the positive ♪ 319 00:14:04,850 --> 00:14:08,520 ♪ E-lim-i-nate the negative ♪ 320 00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:10,590 ♪ And latch on ♪ 321 00:14:10,620 --> 00:14:13,430 ♪ To the affirmative. ♪ 322 00:14:13,450 --> 00:14:15,730 Lois Griffin? My name is Roger, 323 00:14:15,810 --> 00:14:17,860 and I'll be guiding this relaxation adventure 324 00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:19,740 for you and the other white women, 325 00:14:19,820 --> 00:14:22,100 plus an Asian woman who has a white husband back home. 326 00:14:22,130 --> 00:14:24,770 I feel more relaxed already. 327 00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:28,750 Now sit down and enjoy some spa music that's mostly rain. 328 00:14:28,820 --> 00:14:31,510 Hey, guys, can we take it from the rain again? 329 00:14:42,050 --> 00:14:43,530 Well, Chris and Meg are off to school. 330 00:14:43,560 --> 00:14:45,150 Guess it's just you and me now. 331 00:14:45,220 --> 00:14:46,460 You want a Popsicle? 332 00:14:46,630 --> 00:14:47,710 Huh? 333 00:14:47,780 --> 00:14:49,800 Breakfast Popsicle? 334 00:14:50,950 --> 00:14:52,880 Whoa, there's vodka in here. 335 00:14:56,890 --> 00:14:58,640 Now, what... Uh, now, what is... 336 00:14:58,720 --> 00:15:00,290 Now, what... what did you want? 337 00:15:00,310 --> 00:15:01,440 What... 338 00:15:01,460 --> 00:15:03,390 Let's go play in the hot yard. 339 00:15:03,470 --> 00:15:05,650 I'm two and a half hours late for preschool. 340 00:15:05,730 --> 00:15:06,730 Your dad... 341 00:15:06,800 --> 00:15:08,130 What... Who wants milk? 342 00:15:08,160 --> 00:15:10,630 L-Let me quick just check in the freezer. 343 00:15:12,980 --> 00:15:15,310 You-you burger. 344 00:15:15,330 --> 00:15:17,140 Here-Here's your veggie burger. 345 00:15:18,500 --> 00:15:19,640 It'll thaw out. 346 00:15:19,670 --> 00:15:21,140 It... You s-suck on it. 347 00:15:21,170 --> 00:15:22,740 It'll thaw out nice. 348 00:15:22,820 --> 00:15:24,340 All right, I'm out of here. 349 00:15:24,410 --> 00:15:26,670 Ah, this is the perfect amount of drunk 350 00:15:26,750 --> 00:15:29,750 for a Filet-O-Fish. 351 00:15:33,540 --> 00:15:34,680 Hey. 352 00:15:34,710 --> 00:15:37,020 I'm, um, Trey Headband, 353 00:15:37,090 --> 00:15:40,160 and I'm your dumb yoga instructor? 354 00:15:40,190 --> 00:15:42,760 Yoga is, um, good? 355 00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:45,500 And from, um, like, China? 356 00:15:45,530 --> 00:15:47,600 Ready? Go. 357 00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:48,840 Go what? 358 00:15:48,860 --> 00:15:49,860 What? 359 00:15:49,890 --> 00:15:52,060 Y-You didn't tell us what to do. 360 00:15:52,140 --> 00:15:54,610 Awesome. You guys did great. 361 00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:56,150 Let's take a break. 362 00:15:56,230 --> 00:15:57,510 Who's got yoga questions? 363 00:15:57,540 --> 00:15:59,020 Oh, I have a question. 364 00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:01,040 What does "namaste" mean? 365 00:16:01,120 --> 00:16:02,120 I don't know. 366 00:16:02,190 --> 00:16:04,190 I've never heard of that. 367 00:16:04,210 --> 00:16:06,950 But do you guys remember OP shorts? 368 00:16:07,030 --> 00:16:08,400 What does that have to do with yoga? 369 00:16:08,420 --> 00:16:09,530 I don't know. 370 00:16:09,610 --> 00:16:12,030 I'm just saying, those were pretty rad. 371 00:16:12,050 --> 00:16:15,130 You guys are doing really good. 372 00:16:15,210 --> 00:16:16,500 Keep going. 373 00:16:16,580 --> 00:16:19,040 I'm gonna go to that bathroom right there 374 00:16:19,060 --> 00:16:21,270 and do explosive diarrhea. 375 00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:25,510 Just be quiet and meditate now. 376 00:16:25,590 --> 00:16:26,590 Right on? 377 00:16:29,930 --> 00:16:32,810 Just, like, be one with the silence. 378 00:16:36,740 --> 00:16:38,360 If you hear a sound, 379 00:16:38,440 --> 00:16:41,030 just, um, rec-knowledge it 380 00:16:41,110 --> 00:16:43,160 and then, like, let it go? 381 00:16:46,950 --> 00:16:50,420 Meditation doesn't have diarrhea sounds. 382 00:16:50,500 --> 00:16:53,300 All right, let's check in on Peter and the baby. 383 00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:58,070 Okay, Stewie, time for Daddy to mow this very rocky backyard. 384 00:16:58,100 --> 00:17:01,050 So I'll just put you in this baby seat you've grown out of, 385 00:17:01,130 --> 00:17:02,490 right where the rocks are gonna fly. 386 00:17:02,510 --> 00:17:03,640 Wait, what? 387 00:17:06,420 --> 00:17:07,890 Hang on! Stop! 388 00:17:07,970 --> 00:17:10,090 - Aah! - Uhp, there we go. 389 00:17:10,110 --> 00:17:12,590 Wow, that's a lot of rocks. 390 00:17:12,610 --> 00:17:14,520 Damn it! Ow! Ow! Turn it off! 391 00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:16,240 Uhp, the voles are back. 392 00:17:16,270 --> 00:17:18,600 You can tell from all the very many rocks. 393 00:17:18,620 --> 00:17:19,860 Look at 'em fly! 394 00:17:21,480 --> 00:17:23,860 Still think moving was such a bad idea? 395 00:17:23,940 --> 00:17:24,940 I don't know. 396 00:17:25,020 --> 00:17:26,900 Do we still live with your mother? 397 00:17:40,670 --> 00:17:42,310 Good morning, everyone. 398 00:17:42,380 --> 00:17:44,450 Let me start with another friendly reminder 399 00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:46,760 to please not flush your feminine products. 400 00:17:46,840 --> 00:17:48,480 The yard over the septic tank out back 401 00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:50,890 looks like a Braveheart battlefield. 402 00:17:50,970 --> 00:17:54,100 Okay. Now it's time for everyone to choose a mantra. 403 00:17:54,180 --> 00:17:55,360 What's that? 404 00:17:55,380 --> 00:17:57,730 It's like a word you say that brings you peace. 405 00:17:57,810 --> 00:17:59,110 A special word. 406 00:17:59,180 --> 00:18:01,740 A word of release and catharsis. 407 00:18:01,810 --> 00:18:03,310 You mean like? 408 00:18:04,690 --> 00:18:07,240 Now, now, Lois, let's keep things acceptable. 409 00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:09,170 I mean, I'm just saying... I already have a word 410 00:18:09,190 --> 00:18:11,080 that does all those things when I say it. 411 00:18:11,150 --> 00:18:12,340 And that word is... 412 00:18:12,360 --> 00:18:14,130 Yes, we heard the word! Lois, please... 413 00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:15,790 No, no, maybe I'm not perfect, 414 00:18:15,870 --> 00:18:17,320 but I'm a good person. 415 00:18:17,340 --> 00:18:18,660 I love my children. 416 00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:19,680 I like my husband. 417 00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:20,920 And there are worse things 418 00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:23,300 than occasionally using a swear word. 419 00:18:23,370 --> 00:18:25,310 I'm out of here. 420 00:18:29,420 --> 00:18:31,420 Guys, I'm worried about the baby. 421 00:18:31,440 --> 00:18:33,680 He's hardly touched any of his birdseed. 422 00:18:33,760 --> 00:18:35,760 Are you sure we're shaking him enough? 423 00:18:35,780 --> 00:18:37,350 I'm home! 424 00:18:37,430 --> 00:18:39,730 Yeah! 425 00:18:39,810 --> 00:18:41,730 I missed you guys so much. 426 00:18:41,810 --> 00:18:43,740 I'm so sorry I had that little meltdown. 427 00:18:43,810 --> 00:18:44,860 But, more than that, 428 00:18:44,940 --> 00:18:47,120 I'm sorry I left you guys on your own. 429 00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:48,940 This is where I want to be. 430 00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:50,630 Is that okay with you guys? 431 00:18:50,700 --> 00:18:51,700 Of course, Lois. 432 00:18:51,780 --> 00:18:53,200 Everyone's glad you're home, 433 00:18:53,280 --> 00:18:55,410 except for mean older brother Buzz, 434 00:18:55,490 --> 00:18:57,080 who never says anything nice. 435 00:18:57,160 --> 00:18:58,750 Uh-oh. Here he is now. 436 00:18:58,830 --> 00:19:00,040 Hey, Lois. 437 00:19:00,120 --> 00:19:02,140 Pretty cool you're back. 438 00:19:02,210 --> 00:19:04,840 Aw, I guess he's not such a bad guy after all. 439 00:19:04,920 --> 00:19:07,140 Also, America should only accept white immigrants. 440 00:19:07,220 --> 00:19:09,290 Uhp, nope, he's still a bad guy. 441 00:19:09,310 --> 00:19:11,550 Well, I am so happy to be home. 442 00:19:11,630 --> 00:19:15,100 But there's one little guy I missed most of all. 443 00:19:15,180 --> 00:19:18,060 Where's my baby? 444 00:19:24,350 --> 00:19:25,640 Stewie, 445 00:19:25,660 --> 00:19:27,330 i-it's me. 446 00:19:27,410 --> 00:19:29,320 I'm home. 447 00:19:31,840 --> 00:19:33,480 Mommy! 448 00:19:34,530 --> 00:19:35,450 - Whoa. - Wow. 449 00:19:35,530 --> 00:19:37,010 It's Stewie's second word! 450 00:19:37,080 --> 00:19:38,650 Oh, my God! 451 00:19:38,680 --> 00:19:40,460 His second word was me! 452 00:19:40,540 --> 00:19:41,670 "Mommy." 453 00:19:41,700 --> 00:19:44,180 Oh, I love you, Stewie! 454 00:19:44,260 --> 00:19:46,640 Ooh, ooh. Say that again for Instagram. 455 00:19:51,100 --> 00:19:53,830 Well, well, I guess he doesn't feel like it anymore. 456 00:19:53,860 --> 00:19:55,080 - Mommy! - Ah! 457 00:19:55,100 --> 00:19:58,280 Say it again! Say "Mommy" again for Instagram. 458 00:19:59,510 --> 00:20:00,820 All right. 459 00:20:00,850 --> 00:20:01,850 I tried. 460 00:20:01,890 --> 00:20:02,890 Mommy! 461 00:20:10,690 --> 00:20:12,240 Wow, Stewie, kind of a big deal 462 00:20:12,270 --> 00:20:14,170 that your second word was "Mommy." 463 00:20:14,190 --> 00:20:16,010 Makes me think you don't want to kill her 464 00:20:16,030 --> 00:20:17,860 and maybe you love her. 465 00:20:17,940 --> 00:20:19,980 No, no, no. No, no, no. 466 00:20:20,060 --> 00:20:22,180 No, no, that's what I wanted you to think. 467 00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:23,590 - What are you talking about? - Yeah. 468 00:20:23,610 --> 00:20:24,650 I scammed you, man. 469 00:20:24,730 --> 00:20:26,280 Took you for a ride, Jack. 470 00:20:26,360 --> 00:20:27,830 You thought you were a big wheel 471 00:20:27,860 --> 00:20:29,950 till you found out squares don't roll, man. 472 00:20:30,030 --> 00:20:31,690 Dig this, hep cat. 473 00:20:31,710 --> 00:20:35,190 The Stew-man spun you round like a Bill Evans 45. 474 00:20:35,220 --> 00:20:36,530 Wait, what's happening? 475 00:20:36,550 --> 00:20:38,170 I'll tell you what's happening, Brian. 476 00:20:38,240 --> 00:20:41,790 The whole family's becoming Jack Kerouac's insufferable friends. 477 00:20:41,870 --> 00:20:44,630 No one wants us at their apartment party, ya dig? 478 00:20:44,710 --> 00:20:47,540 Get hip to that, daddy, or skit-scat out of the house. 479 00:20:51,970 --> 00:20:54,040 We don't know how to end these shows anymore, 480 00:20:54,070 --> 00:20:55,980 so we just do nonsense.