1 00:00:01,710 --> 00:00:04,921 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:04,922 --> 00:00:08,216 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:08,217 --> 00:00:11,928 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:11,929 --> 00:00:14,431 ♪ On which we used to rely ♪ 5 00:00:15,098 --> 00:00:18,267 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:18,268 --> 00:00:21,521 ♪ Lucky there's a man who Positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:21,522 --> 00:00:23,105 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:23,106 --> 00:00:24,899 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:24,900 --> 00:00:30,030 ♪ He's a family guy ♪ 10 00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:39,914 {\an8}Well, it's October. 11 00:00:39,915 --> 00:00:41,374 {\an8}Time to spend $35 12 00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:44,502 {\an8}on something that costs about 19 cents the rest of the year. 13 00:00:44,503 --> 00:00:46,921 {\an8}You made me come here. You don't get to complain. 14 00:00:46,922 --> 00:00:49,258 {\an8}Okay, fine. Let's find a pumpkin. 15 00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:53,302 {\an8}Ugh. This one's too soft and soggy. 16 00:00:53,303 --> 00:00:55,221 {\an8}My finger poked right through it. 17 00:00:55,222 --> 00:00:58,432 {\an8}Yeah. Let me just take this out of your way, Mom. 18 00:00:58,433 --> 00:01:01,812 You and I are gonna have a wonderful holiday together. 19 00:01:03,397 --> 00:01:05,648 ♪ He did the monster mash... ♪ 20 00:01:05,649 --> 00:01:08,150 How many times do we have to hear Monster Mash? 21 00:01:08,151 --> 00:01:10,152 I guess there aren't any other Halloween songs. 22 00:01:10,153 --> 00:01:11,654 Sure there are. Ghostbusters? 23 00:01:11,655 --> 00:01:13,447 No, that's not a Halloween song. 24 00:01:13,448 --> 00:01:14,991 {\an8}- Um, Zombie? - No. 25 00:01:14,992 --> 00:01:16,659 {\an8}-Spooky? Witchy Woman? - No. 26 00:01:16,660 --> 00:01:18,411 {\an8}-Somebody's Watching Me? - No. Not even close. 27 00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:19,870 {\an8}-Don't Fear the Reaper. - No. 28 00:01:19,871 --> 00:01:21,330 {\an8}-Highway to Hell. - Eh. Wrong. 29 00:01:21,331 --> 00:01:22,582 {\an8}-Black Magic Woman? - Nope. 30 00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:24,292 {\an8}Okay, I got it. Thriller. 31 00:01:24,293 --> 00:01:26,252 {\an8}Well, scary. But for the wrong reason. 32 00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:29,171 {\an8}Can you imagine the things that pet monkey must have witnessed? 33 00:01:29,172 --> 00:01:30,339 Neverland? 34 00:01:30,340 --> 00:01:32,174 More like always-land. 35 00:01:33,260 --> 00:01:36,221 Can I get a refill and a diaper change over here? 36 00:01:43,228 --> 00:01:44,396 {\an8}Come on. 37 00:01:46,356 --> 00:01:49,359 {\an8}Hi, Lois. Still getting all your decorations up? 38 00:01:49,901 --> 00:01:50,901 {\an8}Yep. 39 00:01:50,902 --> 00:01:53,070 {\an8}And it would probably take less time 40 00:01:53,071 --> 00:01:56,407 {\an8}if anyone from the house would come out and help me. 41 00:01:56,408 --> 00:01:57,783 {\an8}Well, maybe a little less girl talk, 42 00:01:57,784 --> 00:01:58,993 {\an8}and you'd be done by now. 43 00:02:00,662 --> 00:02:02,580 {\an8}Halloween got you down, Lois? 44 00:02:02,581 --> 00:02:04,457 {\an8}Honestly, I am sick of it. 45 00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:06,000 {\an8}Used to be just for kids. 46 00:02:06,001 --> 00:02:07,418 {\an8}Dress up, get some candy. 47 00:02:07,419 --> 00:02:09,962 {\an8}But now, grownups have hijacked it. 48 00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:12,006 {\an8}It's like a stupid week-long convention 49 00:02:12,007 --> 00:02:14,133 {\an8}where even adults wear costumes. 50 00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:17,094 {\an8}And who decided every year we all have to turn our yards 51 00:02:17,095 --> 00:02:20,431 {\an8}into some crazy elaborate set from a horror movie? 52 00:02:20,432 --> 00:02:23,018 {\an8}Look, everyone's doing it, even Quagmire. 53 00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:27,605 {\an8}Wow, that's quite a display, Glenn. 54 00:02:27,606 --> 00:02:29,774 {\an8}It's eerie. They almost look human. 55 00:02:29,775 --> 00:02:31,026 {\an8}Yeah, that's the idea. 56 00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:38,449 {\an8}Guys, I need help deciding on my Halloween costumes. 57 00:02:38,450 --> 00:02:41,828 {\an8}So just sit here and I'm gonna model them for you. 58 00:02:44,039 --> 00:02:45,624 Not this song again. 59 00:02:45,874 --> 00:02:46,999 ♪ The monster mash ♪ 60 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,542 ♪ It was a graveyard smash ♪ 61 00:02:48,543 --> 00:02:52,171 {\an8}Hmm, let me guess. Fabio at his prom holding a stick? 62 00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:56,634 {\an8}No, I'm sexually-charged lesbian conductor Lydia Tar. 63 00:02:56,635 --> 00:02:58,427 {\an8}Yeah. I'm not sure people will get that. 64 00:02:58,428 --> 00:03:00,263 {\an8}Okay. How about this? 65 00:03:01,056 --> 00:03:05,726 {\an8}Now I'm sexually-charged bisexual conductor Leonard Maestro. 66 00:03:05,727 --> 00:03:07,478 His name's not Leonard Maestro. 67 00:03:07,479 --> 00:03:10,815 Whatever. All the kids this year want to be horny conductors. 68 00:03:10,816 --> 00:03:11,941 What else you got? 69 00:03:11,942 --> 00:03:14,276 I'm sorry, but I simply cannot listen to this song 70 00:03:14,277 --> 00:03:15,444 - any longer. - Me neither. 71 00:03:15,445 --> 00:03:17,698 How can there not be any other Halloween songs? 72 00:03:18,573 --> 00:03:19,782 {\an8}Brian, that's it. 73 00:03:19,783 --> 00:03:21,867 {\an8}We should write a new Halloween song. 74 00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:22,994 {\an8}We could be rich! 75 00:03:23,328 --> 00:03:24,787 Halloween song, huh? 76 00:03:24,788 --> 00:03:28,666 Well, I suppose I could toss a few bon mots into the witch's cauldron. 77 00:03:28,667 --> 00:03:30,709 - Forget it. - No, no, no. It's a good idea. 78 00:03:30,710 --> 00:03:32,711 Sorry about the bon mots stuff. Let's do it. 79 00:03:32,712 --> 00:03:35,089 All right. Well, I did have one thought. Check it out. 80 00:03:35,090 --> 00:03:38,801 ♪ Halloween, Halloween Happy Halloween ♪ 81 00:03:38,802 --> 00:03:40,803 Whoa! Kind of catchy, right? 82 00:03:40,804 --> 00:03:42,680 Well, yeah. It's Jingle Bells. 83 00:03:42,681 --> 00:03:43,765 Ish. 84 00:03:45,183 --> 00:03:46,767 Well, there's your winner, Chris. 85 00:03:46,768 --> 00:03:50,187 Amazing. The fat thighs, misshapen breasts. 86 00:03:50,188 --> 00:03:52,941 And you even put olive oil under the arms for the pit stains. 87 00:03:54,151 --> 00:03:55,776 Wait, who are you supposed to be? 88 00:03:55,777 --> 00:03:57,696 - I'm Grimsburg. - Who? 89 00:03:57,988 --> 00:04:00,281 - Uh-oh. - Which means I'm Meg. 90 00:04:00,282 --> 00:04:01,450 Uh-oh. 91 00:04:04,536 --> 00:04:07,496 We now return to Abbott and Costello Elementary. 92 00:04:07,497 --> 00:04:09,081 Okay. So as the new vice principal, 93 00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:11,250 it's important that you learn all the names of our faculty. 94 00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:12,585 That's what I want to find out. 95 00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:14,336 Well, it's very simple. We have Mr. Present, 96 00:04:14,337 --> 00:04:16,964 Mr. Absent, Mr. Here, Mr. Yep, and Ms. Yo. 97 00:04:16,965 --> 00:04:18,507 Okay. And all of 'em are here? 98 00:04:18,508 --> 00:04:19,884 Well, no, only one of them is Here. 99 00:04:19,885 --> 00:04:21,719 - You don't see all of 'em? - Of course I do. 100 00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:23,512 But you just said only one of them is here! 101 00:04:23,513 --> 00:04:25,264 - What about this guy? - No, he's not Here. 102 00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:27,224 He's Absent. 103 00:04:27,225 --> 00:04:28,893 Let's just take attendance, okay? 104 00:04:28,894 --> 00:04:30,144 - Mr. Absent. - Here. 105 00:04:30,145 --> 00:04:31,228 - Mr. Here. - Present. 106 00:04:31,229 --> 00:04:32,313 - Mr. Yep. - Yo. 107 00:04:32,314 --> 00:04:33,481 - Miss Yo. - Yep. 108 00:04:33,482 --> 00:04:35,608 Mr. Present. Mr. Present? 109 00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:37,109 Ah. So, Present is absent. 110 00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:38,986 - Wait, present is absent? - That's right. 111 00:04:38,987 --> 00:04:40,571 I thought you said he was absent. 112 00:04:40,572 --> 00:04:41,864 - He is. - But he's present. 113 00:04:41,865 --> 00:04:43,407 No, he's not Present. Present is absent. 114 00:04:43,408 --> 00:04:45,451 Wait. So who's present and who's absent? 115 00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:46,994 He's Absent and Present is absent. 116 00:04:46,995 --> 00:04:48,162 So he is present? 117 00:04:48,163 --> 00:04:50,247 - No, he's absent. - So he's Here, 118 00:04:50,248 --> 00:04:52,541 but Present is absent and Absent is present? 119 00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:54,210 Now that's the first thing you've said right. 120 00:04:54,211 --> 00:04:56,004 I don't even know what I said! 121 00:04:58,965 --> 00:05:01,217 Oh, there you are. What are you wearing? 122 00:05:01,218 --> 00:05:03,594 Well, my other costumes didn't work. 123 00:05:03,595 --> 00:05:05,971 So now I'm dead Travis Kelce. 124 00:05:05,972 --> 00:05:07,765 See, depending on how it all plays out, 125 00:05:07,766 --> 00:05:12,311 I'm either sadly haunted by the loss of Taylor, or in eternal bliss, 126 00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:15,105 because I died in that sweet, sweet saddle. 127 00:05:15,106 --> 00:05:18,818 Well, I'm sure the kids will know what that means while you hand out candy. 128 00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:20,486 Hand out candy? 129 00:05:20,487 --> 00:05:22,905 Mom, I'll be out trick-or-treating. 130 00:05:22,906 --> 00:05:25,574 Chris, you are too old to go trick-or-treating. 131 00:05:25,575 --> 00:05:27,701 You're in high school for God's sake. 132 00:05:27,702 --> 00:05:31,997 But, Mom, Halloween is the most magical night of the year. 133 00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:35,584 And you'll still be part of the magic by taking on the dreary 134 00:05:35,585 --> 00:05:39,088 and thankless responsibilities that grownups do every year. 135 00:05:39,089 --> 00:05:40,840 Peter, back me up on this. 136 00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:42,716 Do what your mother says, Chris, or trust me, 137 00:05:42,717 --> 00:05:45,094 next thing you know, she'll be counting your beers at a wedding. 138 00:05:45,095 --> 00:05:48,764 Peter, I am done talking about what happened at my cousin Pammy's wedding. 139 00:05:48,765 --> 00:05:51,100 I didn't say I was gonna bang that bridesmaid. 140 00:05:51,101 --> 00:05:52,268 I just said that I would. 141 00:05:52,269 --> 00:05:53,687 There's a difference, Lois. 142 00:05:54,104 --> 00:05:55,563 There's a-- There's a difference. 143 00:05:55,564 --> 00:05:57,231 Mom, this stinks. 144 00:05:57,232 --> 00:06:00,609 I've been looking forward to trick-or-treating all year. 145 00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:03,237 Well, I'm sorry, Chris, but that's life. 146 00:06:03,238 --> 00:06:06,116 Things don't always work out the way you hoped they would. 147 00:06:08,326 --> 00:06:13,957 Amazon, you will transport gifts and treasures all around the world. 148 00:06:15,417 --> 00:06:20,213 Waterford, you will be packed with elegant crystal pieces. 149 00:06:21,923 --> 00:06:25,593 Cologuard, an aging boomer will crap in you, 150 00:06:25,594 --> 00:06:29,097 then mail you off to see if he has a rotten ass. 151 00:06:36,938 --> 00:06:38,273 Psst, Chris. 152 00:06:41,151 --> 00:06:43,152 Dad, what's going on? 153 00:06:43,153 --> 00:06:45,696 Shh. You and I are going trick-or-treating. 154 00:06:45,697 --> 00:06:46,780 But Mom said-- 155 00:06:46,781 --> 00:06:48,449 I'm not afraid of your mom, Chris. 156 00:06:48,450 --> 00:06:50,993 That's why we're out here in the dark driveway whispering. 157 00:06:50,994 --> 00:06:54,079 Yay! I'm gonna hang out with Dad. 158 00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:56,582 This is my year of saying yes, Chris. 159 00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:58,751 Side note, do you see me as a Jeep guy? 160 00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:00,127 Well, that depends. 161 00:07:00,128 --> 00:07:03,631 What music streaming service will you be listening to while driving? 162 00:07:03,632 --> 00:07:06,133 None. I will be dangerously thumbing through a sleeve 163 00:07:06,134 --> 00:07:08,844 full of Jack Johnson CDs while I drive. 164 00:07:08,845 --> 00:07:09,929 Dad... 165 00:07:10,472 --> 00:07:11,639 buy the Jeep. 166 00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:13,974 Chris, I already did. 167 00:07:13,975 --> 00:07:17,729 {\an8}Jeep. Tariffs have forced us back into the conversation. 168 00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:26,779 Dad, I can't believe I'm in a bar. 169 00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,656 Are you sure we shouldn't tell Mom? 170 00:07:28,657 --> 00:07:31,450 Now, there's a lot of things your mother doesn't need to know about, Chris. 171 00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:33,160 Us trick-or-treating, 172 00:07:33,161 --> 00:07:34,870 that restraining order from Sydney Sweeney, 173 00:07:34,871 --> 00:07:36,246 my addiction to Afrin. 174 00:07:37,916 --> 00:07:40,376 Wow, this is all so new to me. 175 00:07:40,377 --> 00:07:41,627 It's a big night, son. 176 00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:43,712 Lying to the most important woman in your life 177 00:07:43,713 --> 00:07:45,631 to serve your own selfish needs? 178 00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:48,134 You're becoming a man, just like your dad. 179 00:07:49,052 --> 00:07:51,762 Oh, cool. You guys are doing Sister Act. 180 00:07:51,763 --> 00:07:52,971 No, we're doing The Town. 181 00:07:52,972 --> 00:07:55,516 We just couldn't find any toy guns or old lady masks. 182 00:07:55,517 --> 00:07:57,768 - Ooh! - I love Sister Act. 183 00:07:57,769 --> 00:07:59,269 - We're The Town. - Maybe we should pivot. 184 00:07:59,270 --> 00:08:03,899 - No pivots! - Peter, Sister Act made $231 million 185 00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:05,984 against a $30 million budget, 186 00:08:05,985 --> 00:08:08,278 and those are 1992 dollars. 187 00:08:08,279 --> 00:08:09,905 It's nothing to be ashamed of. 188 00:08:09,906 --> 00:08:12,199 Fine. We'll do Sister Act. But I'm Whoopi. 189 00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:13,742 Oh, that's some bull crud. 190 00:08:13,743 --> 00:08:17,663 Hey, Dad, what if Mom sees us out trick-or-treating tonight? 191 00:08:17,664 --> 00:08:19,498 Oh, we're not trick-or-treating in Quahog, Chris. 192 00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:20,582 She'll never know. 193 00:08:20,583 --> 00:08:22,167 And we got our story straight, right? 194 00:08:22,168 --> 00:08:24,128 We all told our wives we're going to the game. 195 00:08:24,129 --> 00:08:25,921 - Yep. The game. - Going to the game. 196 00:08:25,922 --> 00:08:28,132 Yep. And I told everyone who needed to know. 197 00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:30,801 Alexa, I'm going to the game with the guys later. 198 00:08:30,802 --> 00:08:33,637 I heard you're going to be gay with the guys later. 199 00:08:33,638 --> 00:08:35,097 What? No, no, no, no, no. 200 00:08:35,098 --> 00:08:37,975 Now playing It's Raining Men by The Weather Girls. 201 00:08:37,976 --> 00:08:40,769 ♪ It's raining men! Hallelujah! ♪ 202 00:08:40,770 --> 00:08:41,855 Okay. 203 00:08:45,984 --> 00:08:47,401 All right, Brian, we're a team 204 00:08:47,402 --> 00:08:48,861 and this is our sanctuary. 205 00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,696 Wide open. Let's make some magic. 206 00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:52,573 - No bad ideas in here. - Cool. 207 00:08:52,574 --> 00:08:55,868 So I thought we could start with words that rhyme with Halloween. 208 00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:57,995 Mmm. No. Bad idea. Very bad. 209 00:08:57,996 --> 00:08:59,496 Oof. But let's keep at it. 210 00:08:59,497 --> 00:09:01,331 And as we do, Brian, I just want to say 211 00:09:01,332 --> 00:09:04,710 that Andrew Ridgeley was a very important part of Wham!. 212 00:09:04,711 --> 00:09:07,254 So before you start beating up on yourself, remember that. 213 00:09:07,255 --> 00:09:09,548 Okay. Well, how do you know you're not Andrew Ridgeley? 214 00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:12,468 That unimportant blow-dried Klingon? 215 00:09:12,469 --> 00:09:13,594 Not a chance. 216 00:09:13,595 --> 00:09:16,555 Now, I was thinking, how about a Halloween rap song? 217 00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:18,932 Uh, yeah, I guess kids still like rap. 218 00:09:18,933 --> 00:09:20,017 Oh, indeed. 219 00:09:20,018 --> 00:09:23,729 Now, the first rule of writing a rap song is to say who you are 220 00:09:23,730 --> 00:09:25,565 and then what you are here to do. 221 00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:28,358 ♪ My name is Stewie And I'm here to say ♪ 222 00:09:28,359 --> 00:09:30,569 ♪ Everybody have a happy Halloween day ♪ 223 00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:31,904 Huh? 224 00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:35,199 Uh, well, honestly, I don't think anyone really says "Halloween Day." 225 00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:37,826 Well, they might, after they hear it in our new song. 226 00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:40,120 Oh, and Brian, fans are already speculating 227 00:09:40,121 --> 00:09:41,872 as to whether or not you and I are a couple. 228 00:09:41,873 --> 00:09:43,582 So I suggest we do a press release 229 00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:45,125 to get out ahead of all the rumors. 230 00:09:45,126 --> 00:09:46,543 Stewie, we don't have any fans. 231 00:09:46,544 --> 00:09:48,003 We haven't even written a song yet. 232 00:09:48,004 --> 00:09:49,838 And yet the rumors persist. 233 00:09:49,839 --> 00:09:52,466 Well, I suppose it's our own fault for not getting separate rooms 234 00:09:52,467 --> 00:09:55,094 at the Golden Door Spa, although, for obvious reasons, 235 00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:57,179 I do consider that our anniversary. 236 00:09:57,180 --> 00:09:58,847 Okay, whatever. What if we did, like, 237 00:09:58,848 --> 00:10:02,602 We Didn't Start the Fire, but just naming Halloween candies? 238 00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:07,397 ♪ Snickers, Milky Way, Almond Joy and Toffifay ♪ 239 00:10:07,398 --> 00:10:09,358 Ooh, good start. But, oh... 240 00:10:09,359 --> 00:10:11,653 How are we going to rhyme "trouble in the Suez"? 241 00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:13,988 Bubblicious Blue Pez? 242 00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:17,659 You know what? We are elevating that to a maybe. 243 00:10:24,165 --> 00:10:25,833 You having fun trick-or-treating, Chris? 244 00:10:25,834 --> 00:10:28,919 Yeah, and I love the way homeowners resent me 245 00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:30,879 as soon as they see how old I am. 246 00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:34,007 You know, it's really great being able to spend this time with you, son, 247 00:10:34,008 --> 00:10:36,510 'cause one day we're all gonna have sex robots 248 00:10:36,511 --> 00:10:39,805 built to our own specifications and never leave our rooms. 249 00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:43,183 Really? And how far off would this be? 250 00:10:43,184 --> 00:10:44,518 Not far off at all, Chris. 251 00:10:44,519 --> 00:10:46,061 We already have the technology. 252 00:10:46,062 --> 00:10:49,565 Now we just need the will and the gradual lowering of human morals. 253 00:10:49,566 --> 00:10:51,650 In fact, this could be the last Halloween ever. 254 00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:55,654 So, is this the last time I'm ever gonna see you? 255 00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:58,031 No. I mean, we can hang out when the robots are in the shop 256 00:10:58,032 --> 00:11:00,367 getting their tune-ups, and they will need tune-ups. 257 00:11:00,368 --> 00:11:01,827 Those things are gonna get wrecked. 258 00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:04,663 But won't we have backup sex robots? 259 00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:06,373 Oh, yeah, I suppose you're right. 260 00:11:06,374 --> 00:11:08,001 Yeah. I guess this is goodbye, son. 261 00:11:11,546 --> 00:11:12,838 BBC America presents 262 00:11:12,839 --> 00:11:16,049 a damp English detective series like none before. 263 00:11:16,050 --> 00:11:17,177 Drizzleton. 264 00:11:17,552 --> 00:11:19,887 Boy, it's really almost coming down today. 265 00:11:19,888 --> 00:11:22,639 In a town ravaged by murder and drizzle. 266 00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:24,808 Her socks are only half soggy. 267 00:11:24,809 --> 00:11:26,101 The killer can't be far. 268 00:11:26,102 --> 00:11:29,062 Starring an actor who was a Dr. Who, maybe. 269 00:11:29,063 --> 00:11:31,815 I want them boots bagged and sent back to the lab in London 270 00:11:31,816 --> 00:11:33,066 where we have proper rain. 271 00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:34,610 Begging your pardon, Inspector. 272 00:11:34,611 --> 00:11:37,279 The last thing we need is a heavy-dropper like you 273 00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:39,489 - meddling in this investigation. - Drizzleton, don't. 274 00:11:39,490 --> 00:11:42,159 Wait, I'm Drizzleton? I thought it was the town. 275 00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:45,704 {\an8}Drizzleton, a mystery that can't be mist. 276 00:11:47,999 --> 00:11:49,708 - Trick or treat. - Oh. 277 00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:51,835 Another Squid Game costume. 278 00:11:51,836 --> 00:11:54,922 I guess nobody cares what their kids are watching anymore. 279 00:11:54,923 --> 00:11:57,466 Lois, how's your candy holding up? 280 00:11:57,467 --> 00:12:01,136 Well, better than me. I don't have any help over there tonight. 281 00:12:01,137 --> 00:12:03,472 Chris was upset that he couldn't go trick-or-treating, 282 00:12:03,473 --> 00:12:05,224 so Peter took him to the game. 283 00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:08,518 Huh? That's funny. Joe told me he was going to the game. 284 00:12:08,519 --> 00:12:10,562 Cleveland told me the same thing. 285 00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:13,440 So wait, wait, wait, wait. They were all together? 286 00:12:13,441 --> 00:12:15,692 What big game is being played tonight? 287 00:12:15,693 --> 00:12:18,737 I don't know. I thought The Game was a movie. 288 00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:20,030 I thought it was a rapper. 289 00:12:20,031 --> 00:12:24,117 Wait a minute. So they all went to "a game." 290 00:12:24,118 --> 00:12:25,953 But none of us really knows what it is? 291 00:12:25,954 --> 00:12:28,205 I can't believe Peter. 292 00:12:28,206 --> 00:12:30,624 He's a bigger liar than American Idol. 293 00:12:30,625 --> 00:12:33,585 Congratulations. You've won American Idol. 294 00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:35,128 You're going to be a huge star. 295 00:12:35,129 --> 00:12:38,298 Just like Laine Hardy, Maddie Poppe, Trent Harmon, 296 00:12:38,299 --> 00:12:42,261 Just Sam, Noah Thompson, Caleb Johnson, Candice Glover, 297 00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:44,096 and Nick Fradiani. 298 00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:45,305 Are those real names? 299 00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:46,474 I don't know. 300 00:12:51,020 --> 00:12:52,396 Ah, there he is. 301 00:12:52,397 --> 00:12:54,815 Or, as I would say in autotune... 302 00:12:54,816 --> 00:12:56,066 ♪ There he is ♪ 303 00:12:56,067 --> 00:12:58,193 Stewie, how much have you spent on this venture? 304 00:12:58,194 --> 00:13:00,195 You can't put a price on perfection, Bri. 305 00:13:00,196 --> 00:13:03,448 But if you could, it would be $9,418. 306 00:13:03,449 --> 00:13:05,284 But don't worry, I've got it under control. 307 00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:07,662 Okay. So who's that? 308 00:13:10,540 --> 00:13:12,958 Oh, that's Satsuki. I need her to be here, 309 00:13:12,959 --> 00:13:16,169 but I assure you it will not impact our process in any way. 310 00:13:16,170 --> 00:13:20,341 Huh. So anyway, I had an idea to do some lyrics about candy corn. 311 00:13:21,718 --> 00:13:23,510 Yeah, it's gonna be a no on that one. 312 00:13:23,511 --> 00:13:24,678 Who is this again? 313 00:13:24,679 --> 00:13:28,015 Brian, you should worry a little less about her and more about your input. 314 00:13:28,016 --> 00:13:30,350 I mean, I have put a lot into this studio. 315 00:13:30,351 --> 00:13:33,478 {\an8}I even bought cases of La Croix for us to take one sip out of 316 00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:34,896 {\an8}and then leave around the room. 317 00:13:34,897 --> 00:13:37,024 {\an8}- Um, is that one mine? - I don't know. 318 00:13:37,025 --> 00:13:38,984 {\an8}Well, I'll just open another one. 319 00:13:38,985 --> 00:13:40,861 Try to work out a baseline, Bri. 320 00:13:40,862 --> 00:13:44,531 Me and Satsuki are gonna get our pubic hairs tangled for a photo shoot. 321 00:13:44,532 --> 00:13:47,492 Stewie, I'm not entirely sure I know what's going on here anymore. 322 00:13:47,493 --> 00:13:49,327 Yeah, because I'm doing all the work! 323 00:13:49,328 --> 00:13:50,704 You know, I don't need this, Brian. 324 00:13:50,705 --> 00:13:52,289 I could go right back to the Brill Building 325 00:13:52,290 --> 00:13:55,292 and keep writing jingles for Palmolive and Ralston Purina 326 00:13:55,293 --> 00:13:58,211 commuting in from New Rochelle and pulling down 20 Gs a year. 327 00:13:58,212 --> 00:13:59,421 Okay, you know what? I'm done. 328 00:13:59,422 --> 00:14:01,841 I really thought you and I could have some fun doing this, Stewie. 329 00:14:01,966 --> 00:14:03,967 But now the whole thing has just turned into a nightmare. 330 00:14:03,968 --> 00:14:05,302 Wait, say that again. 331 00:14:05,303 --> 00:14:06,428 What? Nightmare? 332 00:14:06,429 --> 00:14:09,473 Yes, that gives me a great idea for our song. 333 00:14:09,474 --> 00:14:11,725 All right. I think we've earned today's heroin. 334 00:14:11,726 --> 00:14:12,934 Wait, what? 335 00:14:12,935 --> 00:14:16,189 Brian, I want you to make love to us. 336 00:14:23,905 --> 00:14:26,073 Geez, this guy's blinding me with his high beams. 337 00:14:26,074 --> 00:14:27,783 Don't flash your lights, Peter. 338 00:14:27,784 --> 00:14:29,493 Sometimes those guys are gang members 339 00:14:29,494 --> 00:14:31,453 who kill the first guy to flash back. 340 00:14:31,454 --> 00:14:33,080 That's just an urban myth, Cleveland. 341 00:14:33,081 --> 00:14:34,372 Idiot's probably on his phone. 342 00:14:56,395 --> 00:14:58,730 Oh, God, Dad, this is bad. 343 00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:00,857 I can't get any signal. We need to call for help. 344 00:15:00,858 --> 00:15:03,736 Well, maybe those guys with the chainsaws have a better phone. 345 00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:06,863 Uh, hi, fellas. 346 00:15:06,864 --> 00:15:10,408 Kind of late to be doing yard work, isn't it? 347 00:15:10,409 --> 00:15:13,578 You are going to die. 348 00:15:17,041 --> 00:15:20,043 - Did you prime it? - It doesn't need to be primed. 349 00:15:20,044 --> 00:15:21,878 Yeah, you should prime it and open the choke. 350 00:15:21,879 --> 00:15:24,464 - Uh, the choke's open. - Okay, then close the choke. 351 00:15:24,465 --> 00:15:25,883 Is the chain brake activated? 352 00:15:26,008 --> 00:15:27,509 It's got to be activated or it won't start. 353 00:15:27,510 --> 00:15:28,593 It's a safety thing. 354 00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:31,639 Yeah, there you go. Now we're gonna die. 355 00:15:40,064 --> 00:15:42,232 Guys, someone needs to puncture my poop bag. 356 00:15:42,233 --> 00:15:44,818 It's full. It's only slowing me down. 357 00:15:44,819 --> 00:15:46,362 Keep going. I see a cottage. 358 00:15:49,198 --> 00:15:51,408 Oh, no, we gotta go back to the car. 359 00:15:51,409 --> 00:15:52,659 What? What for? 360 00:15:52,660 --> 00:15:55,120 Our bags. They might have candy at that house. 361 00:15:55,121 --> 00:15:57,581 Okay, fine. We'll just do pockets. 362 00:15:57,582 --> 00:16:00,208 Dad, I'm scared. This is terrible. 363 00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:03,795 I know, Chris, and it's certainly not the way I thought I was gonna die. 364 00:16:03,796 --> 00:16:05,005 Here you are, sir. 365 00:16:05,006 --> 00:16:09,426 And remember, if you eat the entire 96-ounce steak, it's free. 366 00:16:09,427 --> 00:16:12,179 Well, I'm starting to regret that second French onion soup. 367 00:16:12,180 --> 00:16:13,472 But let's do this. 368 00:16:20,479 --> 00:16:21,564 Good evening, ma'am. 369 00:16:21,689 --> 00:16:23,398 Trick or treat and we're about to be murdered. 370 00:16:23,399 --> 00:16:24,567 Could we please use your phone? 371 00:16:29,572 --> 00:16:32,240 Ugh. Oh, yeah. She wants me to do the Truffle Shuffle. 372 00:16:32,241 --> 00:16:34,619 I swear to God, Everywhere I go, this happens. 373 00:16:37,288 --> 00:16:39,623 Oh, she's offering us some hot chocolate. 374 00:16:39,624 --> 00:16:42,792 You know, that'll really hit the spot on a cool autumn evening. 375 00:16:42,793 --> 00:16:44,294 Yeah, I don't know. This is weird. 376 00:16:44,295 --> 00:16:45,670 What we really need is a phone-- 377 00:16:45,671 --> 00:16:47,340 Ooh, mini marshmallows. 378 00:16:49,717 --> 00:16:51,635 Ah, that was delicious. 379 00:16:51,636 --> 00:16:53,595 And as long as I don't start seeing two of you 380 00:16:53,596 --> 00:16:55,765 slightly out of focus, we should be okay. 381 00:16:57,767 --> 00:17:00,061 How did you like it, blurry Chris one and two? 382 00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:12,322 Wait, what's going on? 383 00:17:12,323 --> 00:17:14,199 Oh. Oh, God, did I snore? 384 00:17:15,493 --> 00:17:17,911 You are going to die. 385 00:17:17,912 --> 00:17:20,580 Okay, fine. But just one thing. 386 00:17:20,581 --> 00:17:22,707 If you cut off my skin to make a suit, 387 00:17:22,708 --> 00:17:24,584 please don't use it for gay purposes 388 00:17:24,585 --> 00:17:27,420 or hold it up like Jared's pants from a Subway ad. 389 00:17:27,421 --> 00:17:28,838 Kind of a weird request. 390 00:17:28,839 --> 00:17:30,258 Well, it's happened once before, 391 00:17:30,675 --> 00:17:32,342 but I brought this on all of us. 392 00:17:32,343 --> 00:17:33,718 I lied to my wife 393 00:17:33,719 --> 00:17:36,304 and even worse, I taught my son to do the same. 394 00:17:39,183 --> 00:17:41,101 I lied to my wife too. 395 00:17:41,102 --> 00:17:44,020 So did I. Oh, I feel so bad. 396 00:17:44,021 --> 00:17:45,647 I lied to my Alexa. 397 00:17:45,648 --> 00:17:47,190 And for what? Candy. 398 00:17:47,191 --> 00:17:48,733 What the hell is wrong with me? 399 00:17:48,734 --> 00:17:51,778 I was stupid and wrong. And I'm so sorry. 400 00:17:55,950 --> 00:17:57,326 You're sorry? 401 00:17:58,828 --> 00:17:59,829 Well... 402 00:18:00,663 --> 00:18:02,455 That's all I wanted to hear. 403 00:18:02,456 --> 00:18:04,208 - Lois? - Mom? 404 00:18:06,294 --> 00:18:09,838 Oh, Donna, you're just in time to come with me to the game. 405 00:18:09,839 --> 00:18:11,756 - Shut your mouth, Cleveland. - It's shut. 406 00:18:11,757 --> 00:18:13,758 Lois, you scared the crap out of me. 407 00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:14,884 How did you find us? 408 00:18:14,885 --> 00:18:18,597 It was easy. We just used the Find My Phone app on your phones. 409 00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:21,516 Ah, very clever. Smart women. 410 00:18:21,517 --> 00:18:24,561 I'm not sure any of you had the right to threaten to kill me. 411 00:18:24,562 --> 00:18:27,897 Lois, you were right. Halloween is just for kids. 412 00:18:27,898 --> 00:18:30,859 I will never sneak out to celebrate it again. 413 00:18:30,860 --> 00:18:32,235 Are you kidding me? 414 00:18:32,236 --> 00:18:34,571 This is the most fun I've had in years. 415 00:18:34,572 --> 00:18:36,157 Halloween is great. 416 00:18:36,782 --> 00:18:38,366 Isn't that right, ladies? 417 00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:45,081 Well, Lois, maybe I'm not the worst husband in the world after all. 418 00:18:45,082 --> 00:18:49,419 Oh, Peter, I promise I will never again lose my Halloween spirit. 419 00:18:49,420 --> 00:18:51,087 Come on, everyone. 420 00:18:51,088 --> 00:18:56,176 ♪ Should old acquaintance be forgot and never... ♪ 421 00:18:56,177 --> 00:18:57,677 It's not a Halloween song. 422 00:18:57,678 --> 00:19:01,640 I know. Too bad there really isn't a good Halloween song we could all sing. 423 00:19:04,352 --> 00:19:06,604 Oh, yes, there is. Hit it, Brian. 424 00:19:10,358 --> 00:19:15,779 It's Halloween, as we prepare a nightmare that's beyond compare. 425 00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:19,408 As freaks and goblins creepily advance... 426 00:19:20,201 --> 00:19:22,786 There's really only one sure way 427 00:19:22,787 --> 00:19:25,748 to keep those ghosts and ghouls at bay. 428 00:19:27,458 --> 00:19:30,336 ♪ It's Stewie's spooky Quahog nightmare dance ♪ 429 00:19:31,420 --> 00:19:33,588 ♪ Stick out your arms like Frankenstein ♪ 430 00:19:33,589 --> 00:19:35,757 ♪ And swing your booty just like mine ♪ 431 00:19:35,758 --> 00:19:38,511 ♪ Or like Shakira in her sexy pants ♪ 432 00:19:40,054 --> 00:19:41,846 ♪ Let your head bob up and down ♪ 433 00:19:41,847 --> 00:19:43,890 ♪ Like that weird kid from Charlie Brown ♪ 434 00:19:43,891 --> 00:19:46,602 ♪ And twist your body like you're in a trance ♪ 435 00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:49,979 ♪ And when those spirits start to rise ♪ 436 00:19:49,980 --> 00:19:51,981 ♪ You'll quickly cut them down to size ♪ 437 00:19:51,982 --> 00:19:54,944 ♪ With Stewie's spooky Quahog nightmare dance ♪ 438 00:19:56,362 --> 00:19:58,238 ♪ Lois is a rotting corpse ♪ 439 00:19:58,239 --> 00:19:59,824 ♪ Fresh from the bowels of hell ♪ 440 00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:04,327 ♪ Peter is a toxic zombie with a noxious smell ♪ 441 00:20:04,328 --> 00:20:06,121 ♪ Chris has mutant creatures ♪ 442 00:20:06,122 --> 00:20:08,207 ♪ Bursting from each arm and leg ♪ 443 00:20:09,500 --> 00:20:11,585 ♪ And Meg... ♪ 444 00:20:12,628 --> 00:20:14,587 ♪ Well, oh, my God we've done it now ♪ 445 00:20:14,588 --> 00:20:16,589 ♪ Meg really is a witch somehow ♪ 446 00:20:16,590 --> 00:20:19,467 ♪ Her face is scowling just like Steven Van Zandt's ♪ 447 00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:22,721 ♪ She's really on a tear up there ♪ 448 00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:24,764 ♪ But we're all fine and safe down here ♪ 449 00:20:24,765 --> 00:20:28,893 ♪ With Stewie's spooky Kind of crazy, kind of kooky ♪ 450 00:20:28,894 --> 00:20:35,985 ♪ Stewie's spooky Quahog nightmare dance ♪ 451 00:20:38,154 --> 00:20:42,574 I hear they're a couple. Saw some pretty racy pictures in Us magazine. 452 00:20:42,575 --> 00:20:44,452 I don't care about anything you say. 453 00:20:50,166 --> 00:20:52,125 What a great Halloween, Mom. 454 00:20:52,126 --> 00:20:54,335 Let me help you take down the decorations. 455 00:20:54,336 --> 00:20:55,837 Oh, thanks, Chris. 456 00:20:55,838 --> 00:20:57,213 Yeah, I really hate to do it, 457 00:20:57,214 --> 00:21:00,341 but the whole street is already decorating for Christmas. 458 00:21:00,342 --> 00:21:02,552 Hi, neighbors. Season's greetings. 459 00:21:02,553 --> 00:21:05,054 Ho ho ho ho. Ho ho ho ho. 460 00:21:05,055 --> 00:21:06,348 Ho ho!