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00:00:00,724 --> 00:00:03,792
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:03,860 --> 00:00:07,196
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:07,263 --> 00:00:10,332
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:10,400 --> 00:00:13,302
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:13,370 --> 00:00:17,239
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
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♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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00:00:20,446 --> 00:00:21,980
♪ All the things that make us ♪
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00:00:22,516 --> 00:00:23,850
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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00:00:23,917 --> 00:00:25,885
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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00:00:25,953 --> 00:00:30,038
♪ Family Guy 9x09 ♪
New Kidney in Town
Original Air Date on January 9, 2011
11
00:00:30,092 --> 00:00:33,960
== Sync, corrected by elderman ==
== for www.addic7ed.com ==
12
00:00:34,328 --> 00:00:35,762
Okay, okay, I got one.
13
00:00:35,829 --> 00:00:39,399
Would you rather have dinner and
then sex with Megan Fox's body
14
00:00:39,466 --> 00:00:41,100
with Leonard Nimoy's
head on it
15
00:00:41,168 --> 00:00:43,736
or reroof an entire
condo complex by yourself?
16
00:00:43,804 --> 00:00:44,971
Oh, boy.
17
00:00:45,039 --> 00:00:46,339
Can I close my eyes?
18
00:00:46,407 --> 00:00:48,975
No, eye contact the whole time
and a lot of kissing.
19
00:00:49,043 --> 00:00:51,944
Well, how about Megan Fox's head
on Leonard Nimoy's body?
20
00:00:52,012 --> 00:00:53,613
I know, somehow
that's better.
21
00:00:53,681 --> 00:00:56,015
The hybrid organism exists
as I've described it.
22
00:00:56,083 --> 00:00:57,417
How many units
are in the condo?
23
00:00:57,484 --> 00:00:58,418
Thirty-two.
24
00:00:58,485 --> 00:00:59,619
Tile roof or shingles?
25
00:00:59,687 --> 00:01:00,753
Yeah, 'cause it
makes a difference
26
00:01:00,821 --> 00:01:01,888
what you're carrying
up that ladder.
27
00:01:01,955 --> 00:01:03,323
Wait, whose neck is it?
Huh?
28
00:01:03,390 --> 00:01:04,624
I mean, where's the cutoff?
29
00:01:04,692 --> 00:01:06,292
You know,
is it Megan Fox's neck
30
00:01:06,360 --> 00:01:08,594
or am I burying my face in
Leonard Nimoy's turkey gizzard?
31
00:01:08,662 --> 00:01:09,829
Nimoy's neck.
32
00:01:09,897 --> 00:01:11,564
You have got yourself a roof.
33
00:01:11,632 --> 00:01:13,299
I'll take the
Spock-Fox intercourse.
34
00:01:13,367 --> 00:01:14,567
All right, Peter,
your turn.
35
00:01:14,635 --> 00:01:17,770
Uh... boxers or briefs?
36
00:01:17,838 --> 00:01:19,005
What?
37
00:01:19,073 --> 00:01:20,707
That's the worst one
I've ever heard.
38
00:01:20,774 --> 00:01:21,708
Look, I'm sorry.
39
00:01:21,775 --> 00:01:23,009
I'm exhausted, all right?
40
00:01:23,077 --> 00:01:24,444
I-I didn't get any sleep
'cause Brian
41
00:01:24,511 --> 00:01:26,479
and the neighbor's dog
kept me up all night.
42
00:01:26,547 --> 00:01:28,581
Hello?
43
00:01:28,649 --> 00:01:30,249
Hello?
Hello.
44
00:01:30,317 --> 00:01:31,951
Are you a dog?
Yes!
45
00:01:32,019 --> 00:01:33,219
I am also a dog.
46
00:01:33,287 --> 00:01:34,554
All right!
Yeah!
47
00:01:34,621 --> 00:01:35,755
We're dogs!
Yeah, we're dogs!
48
00:01:35,823 --> 00:01:37,357
We're dogs that live
near each other!
49
00:01:37,424 --> 00:01:38,791
DOG 2: Hey, are
you guys dogs?
50
00:01:38,859 --> 00:01:40,059
Yeah!
We're totally dogs!
51
00:01:40,127 --> 00:01:41,227
Yeah, both of us!
52
00:01:41,295 --> 00:01:42,862
Oh, wow. Well, if you're
that tired, Peter,
53
00:01:42,930 --> 00:01:44,197
maybe you should
have some coffee.
54
00:01:44,264 --> 00:01:45,898
Yeah, or you could
have some Red Bull.
55
00:01:45,966 --> 00:01:47,500
Red Bull?
What the hell is Red Bull?
56
00:01:47,568 --> 00:01:48,735
You never heard of Red Bull?
57
00:01:48,802 --> 00:01:49,869
It's an energy drink.
58
00:01:49,937 --> 00:01:52,305
Here you go, Peter.
It's on the house.
59
00:01:56,377 --> 00:01:59,746
So? What do you think?
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00:01:59,813 --> 00:02:02,965
♪ And I feel
like I just got home ♪
61
00:02:03,050 --> 00:02:04,884
♪ And I feel ♪
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00:02:07,588 --> 00:02:11,257
♪ And I feel
like I just got home ♪
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00:02:11,325 --> 00:02:15,528
♪ And I feel... ♪
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Good evening.
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00:02:21,902 --> 00:02:23,336
Our top story tonight:
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00:02:23,404 --> 00:02:26,072
Barack Obama makes a visit
to James Woods High School.
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00:02:26,140 --> 00:02:27,940
Yes, it's time to get
jiggy with it, Quahog--
68
00:02:28,008 --> 00:02:29,409
I thought
we had taken that out.
69
00:02:29,476 --> 00:02:31,911
President Barack Obama
will visit James Woods High
70
00:02:31,979 --> 00:02:35,047
next month, and this little town
of ours couldn't be more abuzz.
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00:02:35,115 --> 00:02:37,784
Oh, my God, this is
gonna be so amazing!
72
00:02:37,851 --> 00:02:40,353
It's all anybody in my class
is talking about.
73
00:02:40,421 --> 00:02:42,655
Darn it, why is
this so hard?!
74
00:02:42,723 --> 00:02:44,323
What's wrong, Chris?
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00:02:44,391 --> 00:02:47,093
Just 'cause Obama's coming,
everybody in my English class
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00:02:47,161 --> 00:02:49,562
has to write a stupid
essay about hope.
77
00:02:49,630 --> 00:02:51,798
But this is all I
can come up with.
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00:02:51,865 --> 00:02:54,767
Chris, this is just a shaded-in
triangle and the word "muff."
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00:02:54,835 --> 00:02:56,636
For God's sakes, Meg,
it's a first draft.
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00:02:56,703 --> 00:02:58,571
Just tell me if you
think the tone is right.
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00:02:58,639 --> 00:02:59,939
Well, I don't know
what this is,
82
00:03:00,007 --> 00:03:01,874
but it's not what hope
is about, Chris.
83
00:03:01,942 --> 00:03:05,044
Well, if you're such a genius,
you tell me what hope is.
84
00:03:05,112 --> 00:03:08,748
Hope is what gets you
out of bed in the morning
85
00:03:08,816 --> 00:03:11,818
when it's the day of prom
and you haven't been asked.
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00:03:11,885 --> 00:03:14,253
Hope pushes the caterpillar
through the cocoon
87
00:03:14,321 --> 00:03:16,823
and drives the salmon upstream.
88
00:03:16,890 --> 00:03:20,326
Your breasts may be small
and your glasses may be thick,
89
00:03:20,394 --> 00:03:21,994
but hope doesn't
hold up a mirror.
90
00:03:22,062 --> 00:03:24,130
Hope is a horizon we head for,
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00:03:24,198 --> 00:03:26,666
leaving nothing behind us
but fear.
92
00:03:26,733 --> 00:03:29,001
And though we may
never reach our goals,
93
00:03:29,069 --> 00:03:32,405
it's hope that will save us
from who we once were.
94
00:03:32,473 --> 00:03:33,873
Wow.
95
00:03:33,941 --> 00:03:35,408
Did you learn
that at school?
96
00:03:35,476 --> 00:03:38,211
No. You can't just learn
creative writing, Chris.
97
00:03:38,278 --> 00:03:41,914
It's got to be inside you,
like musical talent
98
00:03:41,982 --> 00:03:45,485
or athleticism or the ability
to choose to be gay.
99
00:03:45,552 --> 00:03:47,086
I don't think
they choose that.
100
00:03:47,154 --> 00:03:49,922
Oh, please,
they choose that.
101
00:03:52,559 --> 00:03:54,627
Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey, hey!
102
00:03:54,695 --> 00:03:56,162
What's up, party people?
Ah, what the hell
103
00:03:56,230 --> 00:03:58,030
are these things,
curtains or something? Boring!
104
00:03:58,098 --> 00:03:59,732
- Holy smoke, it's crowded in here.
- Hey!
105
00:03:59,800 --> 00:04:01,801
There, ah, that's terrific;
it opens up the whole room.
106
00:04:01,869 --> 00:04:02,869
Peter, there
you are.
107
00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:03,870
Where the hell
have you been?
108
00:04:03,937 --> 00:04:05,137
I've been
worried sick.
109
00:04:05,205 --> 00:04:06,939
Oh, so I had a few Red Bulls,
drove to New York.
110
00:04:07,007 --> 00:04:08,457
What's the big deal?
Ah, there's my little man!
111
00:04:17,518 --> 00:04:18,584
Done!
112
00:04:18,652 --> 00:04:20,853
Wow, Dad, that
was pretty cool.
113
00:04:20,921 --> 00:04:21,954
Can I try
some Red Bull?
114
00:04:22,022 --> 00:04:23,222
Oh, my God, can you
try some Red Bull?
115
00:04:23,290 --> 00:04:24,657
Chris, I'd take it
as an insult if you didn't.
116
00:04:24,725 --> 00:04:26,292
Here you go, have some cans,
one, two, three, four, five.
117
00:04:26,360 --> 00:04:28,060
Go on, take 'em, take 'em,
take 'em, take 'em, take 'em.
118
00:04:28,111 --> 00:04:29,362
That's what
Woody Woodpecker says.
119
00:04:29,429 --> 00:04:30,830
All right, I'm gonna go outside
and milk the cow.
120
00:04:32,599 --> 00:04:35,134
Peter, where'd
you get that cow?
121
00:04:35,202 --> 00:04:36,536
Oh, that's a silly
question, Lois.
122
00:04:36,603 --> 00:04:38,538
I bought it so we can have
fresh milk every day.
123
00:04:43,377 --> 00:04:45,611
Whoa, boy, that Red Bull's
some strong stuff.
124
00:04:54,087 --> 00:04:55,421
Hey, everybody, welcome back
to The Price Is Right.
125
00:04:55,472 --> 00:04:56,489
Time to spin the wheel.
126
00:04:56,557 --> 00:04:57,623
Top winner
for the day is Peter,
127
00:04:57,691 --> 00:04:59,124
so you're gonna be
the first to spin it.
128
00:04:59,176 --> 00:05:00,359
Go ahead, Peter,
close as you can
129
00:05:00,427 --> 00:05:02,562
to a dollar
without going over.
130
00:05:06,783 --> 00:05:08,117
All right, while we're waiting
for the wheel to spin,
131
00:05:08,185 --> 00:05:09,335
you want to say hi to anybody?
132
00:05:09,403 --> 00:05:10,736
Oh, yeah, Drew, I
want to say hi to
133
00:05:10,804 --> 00:05:12,405
Lois, Brian, Chris, Stewie,
Meg, Joe, Bonnie, Quagmire,
134
00:05:12,472 --> 00:05:14,307
Cleveland, Mort, Seamus, Adam
West, Dr. Hartman, Bruce,
135
00:05:14,374 --> 00:05:16,342
Carter, Babs, Tom Tucker,
Angela, Opie, Carl, Herbert,
136
00:05:16,410 --> 00:05:18,477
Jillian, Consuela, Giant
Chicken, Greased-up Deaf Guy!
137
00:05:18,545 --> 00:05:19,679
Okay.
138
00:05:19,746 --> 00:05:21,847
I'm sure they're
happy to hear that.
139
00:05:27,521 --> 00:05:29,388
Whoa, paramedics,
come on down!
140
00:05:39,232 --> 00:05:40,633
Mom, oh, my God,
guess what!
141
00:05:40,701 --> 00:05:42,802
Oh, God! You scared
the out of me.
142
00:05:42,869 --> 00:05:45,271
You know that essay about hope
I had to write?
143
00:05:45,339 --> 00:05:47,873
Well, the principal said it was
the best one in the class,
144
00:05:47,941 --> 00:05:50,743
and he wants me to read it aloud
to introduce the President!
145
00:05:50,811 --> 00:05:53,079
Ah, Chris,
that's incredible!
146
00:05:53,146 --> 00:05:55,514
Remember when I used to
come to school to wipe you,
147
00:05:55,582 --> 00:05:58,117
and I'd say, "Someday I won't
have to wipe you anymore
148
00:05:58,185 --> 00:05:59,952
and you'll do great things"?
149
00:06:00,020 --> 00:06:02,355
Well, this has been
a big year for us.
150
00:06:02,422 --> 00:06:04,940
Wait a second.
Give me that.
151
00:06:05,008 --> 00:06:06,976
"Hope pushes the caterpillar
through the cocoon
152
00:06:07,044 --> 00:06:09,111
and drives the salmon upstream."
153
00:06:09,179 --> 00:06:10,680
I wrote that!
154
00:06:10,747 --> 00:06:12,148
You stole
this from me.
155
00:06:12,215 --> 00:06:14,116
Hey, you didn't say
I couldn't use it.
156
00:06:14,184 --> 00:06:16,819
But now you get to meet the
President of the United States
157
00:06:16,887 --> 00:06:18,321
because of
what I wrote.
158
00:06:18,388 --> 00:06:20,856
Ugh! I bet you don't even
know what his first name is.
159
00:06:20,924 --> 00:06:23,225
I-I don't know-- Mike?
160
00:06:25,212 --> 00:06:26,746
Hey, what are
you doing?
161
00:06:26,813 --> 00:06:30,149
Lois, where is my Red Bull?
162
00:06:30,217 --> 00:06:31,617
Peter, I got
rid of it.
163
00:06:31,685 --> 00:06:33,185
Why the hell
would you do that?!
164
00:06:33,253 --> 00:06:35,888
It was making you crazy,
and it's not good for you.
165
00:06:35,956 --> 00:06:38,090
That's why I poured it
all out in the garden.
166
00:06:47,718 --> 00:06:50,670
Official flower business.
167
00:06:55,042 --> 00:06:56,342
What are you doing, Peter?
168
00:06:56,410 --> 00:06:57,843
I'm making my
own Red Bull.
169
00:06:57,911 --> 00:06:59,845
Lois can't stop me
from experiencing
170
00:06:59,913 --> 00:07:02,448
the manic highs and
lows my body demands.
171
00:07:02,516 --> 00:07:04,383
Whoa, whoa, hang on,
you're adding kerosene?
172
00:07:04,451 --> 00:07:05,651
Peter, that's insane.
173
00:07:05,719 --> 00:07:06,952
That'll destroy your body.
174
00:07:07,020 --> 00:07:08,421
Kerosene is
fuel, Brian.
175
00:07:08,488 --> 00:07:09,789
Red Bull is fuel.
176
00:07:09,856 --> 00:07:10,923
Kerosene is
Red Bull.
177
00:07:10,991 --> 00:07:12,158
Now, why don't you
leave me alone
178
00:07:12,225 --> 00:07:13,626
while I'm doing
my important work?
179
00:07:14,895 --> 00:07:16,562
Peter, that drink will kill you.
180
00:07:16,630 --> 00:07:19,765
Brian, whatever kills
me makes me stronger.
181
00:07:20,934 --> 00:07:22,968
See, Brian?
I feel great.
182
00:07:23,036 --> 00:07:24,603
Peter?
183
00:07:24,671 --> 00:07:26,539
Peter, are you alive?
184
00:07:31,578 --> 00:07:32,511
Ah, you're alive.
185
00:07:32,579 --> 00:07:34,413
Okay, I won't, uh,
186
00:07:34,481 --> 00:07:37,216
I won't, uh, eat you then.
187
00:07:37,284 --> 00:07:38,784
I was gonna eat you.
188
00:07:43,190 --> 00:07:44,557
Dr. Hartman,
189
00:07:44,624 --> 00:07:47,259
please tell me, is my
husband gonna be all right?
190
00:07:47,327 --> 00:07:48,661
Uh, Cancun, actually,
thanks for asking.
191
00:07:48,729 --> 00:07:49,929
Just got back.
192
00:07:49,996 --> 00:07:52,098
Mrs. Griffin, I'm afraid
all the toxic chemicals
193
00:07:52,165 --> 00:07:54,400
your husband ingested from
his homemade energy drink
194
00:07:54,468 --> 00:07:55,768
have caused
total kidney failure.
195
00:07:58,638 --> 00:08:00,339
How was Cancun?
196
00:08:04,746 --> 00:08:06,814
Oh, my God.
197
00:08:06,876 --> 00:08:08,276
Kidney failure?
198
00:08:08,344 --> 00:08:09,677
Is he gonna be okay?
199
00:08:09,745 --> 00:08:11,045
Well, yes and no.
200
00:08:11,113 --> 00:08:12,780
We'll put him on
a kidney transplant list,
201
00:08:12,848 --> 00:08:14,115
but that could take months.
202
00:08:14,183 --> 00:08:16,284
Until a donor is found,
he's gonna have to undergo
203
00:08:16,352 --> 00:08:17,986
dialysis treatments
three times a week.
204
00:08:18,053 --> 00:08:19,320
Dialysis?
205
00:08:19,388 --> 00:08:20,989
Is there any other way?
206
00:08:21,056 --> 00:08:22,690
Yes, there is.
207
00:08:22,758 --> 00:08:23,925
No, no, no, no, no!
208
00:08:23,993 --> 00:08:25,660
W-We'll do
the dialysis.
209
00:08:30,966 --> 00:08:32,300
Hey, Doc, I'm here
for my dialysis.
210
00:08:32,368 --> 00:08:33,434
Ah, have a seat, Peter.
211
00:08:33,502 --> 00:08:35,270
Let's get you hooked up.
212
00:08:35,337 --> 00:08:37,272
Doc, I don't know how much
more of this I can take.
213
00:08:37,339 --> 00:08:38,139
It's been
three weeks.
214
00:08:38,207 --> 00:08:39,657
I know, I saw the caption.
215
00:08:39,742 --> 00:08:41,809
Yeah, but I-I just go crazy
just sitting here for so long.
216
00:08:41,877 --> 00:08:43,211
Aw, I know it's tough,
217
00:08:43,279 --> 00:08:45,113
but maybe there's something
I can do to make it easier.
218
00:08:45,181 --> 00:08:47,315
Here, play with this
bucket of afterbirth.
219
00:08:51,187 --> 00:08:52,420
Ha!
220
00:08:52,488 --> 00:08:53,688
The Lockhorns.
221
00:08:53,756 --> 00:08:55,557
Always locking horns.
222
00:08:55,624 --> 00:08:58,092
Oh, my God,
that's why they call it that.
223
00:09:02,831 --> 00:09:04,632
Oh, Peter, you got here
just in time!
224
00:09:04,700 --> 00:09:05,733
Chris is almost on.
225
00:09:05,801 --> 00:09:07,602
Shh. Mom, here it is.
226
00:09:07,670 --> 00:09:09,470
As Quahog prepares
for the arrival of
227
00:09:09,538 --> 00:09:12,073
President Barack Obama,
it will be a very big day
228
00:09:12,141 --> 00:09:14,609
for one local teenager
who will be reading his essay
229
00:09:14,677 --> 00:09:16,177
to introduce the President.
230
00:09:16,245 --> 00:09:19,047
I sat down with accomplished
wordsmith Chris Griffin.
231
00:09:19,114 --> 00:09:21,249
"Hope is a horizon
we head for,
232
00:09:21,317 --> 00:09:23,518
leaving nothing
behind us but fear."
233
00:09:23,586 --> 00:09:25,620
Chris, tell me
how those words came to you.
234
00:09:25,688 --> 00:09:27,455
Do you believe
in angels, Tom?
235
00:09:27,523 --> 00:09:28,623
Of course I do.
236
00:09:28,691 --> 00:09:29,624
Well, there you go.
237
00:09:29,692 --> 00:09:30,725
I suspected angels.
238
00:09:30,793 --> 00:09:31,926
It was angels.
Very good.
239
00:09:31,994 --> 00:09:33,795
Chris Griffin,
a weaver of dreams
240
00:09:33,862 --> 00:09:36,364
at the loom of the mind.
241
00:09:36,432 --> 00:09:40,401
A weaver of dreams at
the loom of the mind.
242
00:09:40,469 --> 00:09:41,936
A neat thing I just said.
243
00:09:42,004 --> 00:09:43,304
And now sports.
244
00:09:43,372 --> 00:09:46,174
Oh, Chris, we are
so proud of you.
245
00:09:46,242 --> 00:09:48,276
I got to admit, Chris,
this is pretty exciting.
246
00:09:48,344 --> 00:09:50,612
When did you become so coherent?
247
00:09:50,679 --> 00:09:52,547
Mom, I wrote that!
248
00:09:52,615 --> 00:09:54,749
He stole it, and he's
taking all the credit!
249
00:09:54,817 --> 00:09:56,284
Chris, is that true?
250
00:09:56,352 --> 00:09:57,652
You didn't write anything!
251
00:09:57,720 --> 00:09:59,120
This is my essay!
252
00:09:59,188 --> 00:10:00,655
Meg, is that true?
253
00:10:00,723 --> 00:10:02,423
No, he's lying!
254
00:10:02,491 --> 00:10:04,726
That should be me getting
to meet the President!
255
00:10:04,793 --> 00:10:06,327
Meg, for God's sake, relax.
256
00:10:06,395 --> 00:10:08,696
You're not the first person
to be outshined by a sibling.
257
00:10:08,764 --> 00:10:10,531
What about the third
Bronte sister?
258
00:10:10,599 --> 00:10:14,068
Oh, Emily, Wuthering Heights
was truly splendid.
259
00:10:14,136 --> 00:10:17,605
Oh, no, Charlotte, Jane Eyre
was so very brilliant.
260
00:10:17,673 --> 00:10:19,807
I made blood out
me lady parts!
261
00:10:19,875 --> 00:10:20,875
Good for you.
262
00:10:20,943 --> 00:10:22,176
So we've all
done something.
263
00:10:22,244 --> 00:10:24,078
It's happening now.
264
00:10:24,146 --> 00:10:25,747
Ah, it's a
period joke.
265
00:10:25,814 --> 00:10:27,248
It's a period period joke.
266
00:10:27,316 --> 00:10:28,249
Ha, ha.
267
00:10:28,317 --> 00:10:29,317
Okay, moving on.
268
00:10:32,855 --> 00:10:35,089
ANNOUNCER Coming up
next, Charles in Charge.
269
00:10:35,157 --> 00:10:36,557
Oh, my God!
270
00:10:36,625 --> 00:10:39,861
Aw, I want to watch this, but
I got stupid dialysis at 3:00.
271
00:10:39,928 --> 00:10:42,463
I am so sick of this crap
mucking up my life.
272
00:10:42,531 --> 00:10:44,565
Well, Peter, I mean, what,
y-you can get away with
273
00:10:44,633 --> 00:10:45,733
skipping one treatment, right?
274
00:10:45,801 --> 00:10:47,302
I mean, that's not
gonna kill you.
275
00:10:47,369 --> 00:10:49,137
Yeah, it's probably just
like missing an antibiotic.
276
00:10:49,204 --> 00:10:50,338
You just take
the next one.
277
00:10:50,406 --> 00:10:51,439
Yeah, you're probably right.
278
00:10:51,507 --> 00:10:53,041
Besides,
it's Charles in Charge.
279
00:10:53,108 --> 00:10:54,409
You know what I like?
280
00:10:54,476 --> 00:10:55,810
The "Charles"
part is formal,
281
00:10:55,878 --> 00:10:59,047
but the "In Charge"
part is kind of casual.
282
00:10:59,114 --> 00:11:00,631
Oh, wow. Remember this?
283
00:11:00,699 --> 00:11:03,184
Remember when nobody had
any muscle tone?
284
00:11:03,252 --> 00:11:05,586
Geez, how many "A's"
does that guy need?
285
00:11:05,654 --> 00:11:07,355
Uh, two, apparently.
286
00:11:07,423 --> 00:11:09,324
You know, it's kinda
weird that '80s white clothes
287
00:11:09,391 --> 00:11:11,292
could pass for
'90s black clothes.
288
00:11:11,343 --> 00:11:13,828
Yeah, is that like
a rummage sale thing?
289
00:11:13,896 --> 00:11:15,863
Ah, Nicole Eggert.
290
00:11:15,931 --> 00:11:18,433
Didn't she bang
somebody gross?
291
00:11:18,500 --> 00:11:19,867
I don't know.
292
00:11:19,935 --> 00:11:21,569
Yeah, I feel like she
banged somebody gross.
293
00:11:21,636 --> 00:11:22,937
You know, I heard
the sweater budget
294
00:11:22,988 --> 00:11:25,440
on this show
was 200 grand.
295
00:11:25,491 --> 00:11:26,574
Didn't you tell me
that, Peter?
296
00:11:28,010 --> 00:11:29,544
Oh, my God!
297
00:11:29,611 --> 00:11:30,912
Peter, you don't
look so good.
298
00:11:30,979 --> 00:11:33,014
What are you talkin' about?
I feel great.
299
00:11:33,082 --> 00:11:35,083
Like I could go
another 20 years or more.
300
00:11:40,956 --> 00:11:43,691
Dr. Hartman, this was
just too close a call.
301
00:11:43,759 --> 00:11:45,893
Next time, we could be too late.
302
00:11:45,961 --> 00:11:48,429
Suppose he's stuck somewhere,
or-or he's trapped in
303
00:11:48,497 --> 00:11:50,498
an elevator
or God knows what else?!
304
00:11:50,566 --> 00:11:52,834
He could die!
He needs a new kidney now!
305
00:11:52,901 --> 00:11:55,203
Well, as I said, Mrs.
Griffin, he's on a list,
306
00:11:55,270 --> 00:11:57,372
but there are a lot
of people ahead of him.
307
00:11:57,439 --> 00:12:00,208
Well, what are the chances of
getting him moved up the list?
308
00:12:00,275 --> 00:12:02,243
Honestly, not great.
It could be months
309
00:12:02,311 --> 00:12:03,678
before he can get
a transplant.
310
00:12:03,746 --> 00:12:05,680
Unless you know someone
who's a compatible organ match
311
00:12:05,748 --> 00:12:07,615
and would be willing
to donate one of theirs.
312
00:12:07,683 --> 00:12:10,151
I'll do it.
He could have one of my kidneys.
313
00:12:10,219 --> 00:12:12,520
Well, we always check spouse
records for compatibility.
314
00:12:12,588 --> 00:12:13,888
I'm afraid you're not a match.
315
00:12:13,956 --> 00:12:16,524
But it turns out you are a match
for a little girl
316
00:12:16,592 --> 00:12:18,459
who's dying in that next room
over there.
317
00:12:18,527 --> 00:12:20,161
Oh, well, how 'bout we
concentrate
318
00:12:20,229 --> 00:12:21,763
on this family, Doctor?
319
00:12:21,830 --> 00:12:23,698
Well, the only other
option is your children.
320
00:12:23,766 --> 00:12:25,733
No, I won't put the kids
through that.
321
00:12:25,801 --> 00:12:27,802
Well, then I don't know
what else to do.
322
00:12:27,870 --> 00:12:29,370
You'll just have
to roll the dice
323
00:12:29,438 --> 00:12:30,938
and hope a kidney
comes through soon.
324
00:12:31,006 --> 00:12:34,108
Well... what about me?
325
00:12:34,176 --> 00:12:36,744
Is that possible, Doctor?
326
00:12:36,812 --> 00:12:38,880
Well... I suppose.
327
00:12:38,947 --> 00:12:40,481
Stranger things have
happened in medicine.
328
00:12:40,549 --> 00:12:42,417
I once tried
to clone a chicken.
329
00:12:42,484 --> 00:12:44,752
The result wound up
being a man-sized chicken
330
00:12:44,820 --> 00:12:47,355
that was incredibly hostile and
ended up escaping from the lab.
331
00:12:47,423 --> 00:12:49,657
Okay, Doc, we gotta have
a talk at some point,
332
00:12:49,725 --> 00:12:51,993
but Brian, are, are, you,
are you sure about this?
333
00:12:52,060 --> 00:12:54,862
Well, there's no harm in
seeing if I'm compatible.
334
00:12:59,034 --> 00:13:02,236
Well, according to these
results, Brian is a match.
335
00:13:03,572 --> 00:13:05,907
Hooray, yay, yeah,
ice cream sounds great.
336
00:13:05,974 --> 00:13:08,009
The only thing is...
337
00:13:08,076 --> 00:13:10,778
Mrs. Griffin, could I speak with
you and Brian alone, please?
338
00:13:10,846 --> 00:13:12,213
Well, of course.
339
00:13:12,264 --> 00:13:14,715
Kids, why don't you wait in the car?
Okay, Mom.
340
00:13:14,783 --> 00:13:16,884
Let's go find the big,
black sassy nurse.
341
00:13:16,935 --> 00:13:18,486
There's always one.
342
00:13:18,554 --> 00:13:21,322
You can cry about it,
or you can decide to live.
343
00:13:21,390 --> 00:13:22,390
It's your choice.
344
00:13:22,458 --> 00:13:23,324
Found her.
345
00:13:23,392 --> 00:13:25,226
Hey, w-w-what is it, Doc?
346
00:13:25,294 --> 00:13:28,196
Well, as a dog,
Brian's kidneys are smaller
347
00:13:28,263 --> 00:13:30,598
and don't have the capacity
of a human kidney.
348
00:13:30,666 --> 00:13:32,033
For the procedure
to work,
349
00:13:32,100 --> 00:13:34,802
we would need
to transplant two.
350
00:13:34,870 --> 00:13:37,505
But, but I only have two.
351
00:13:37,573 --> 00:13:38,773
That's right.
352
00:13:38,841 --> 00:13:40,475
The procedure would kill you.
353
00:13:42,277 --> 00:13:44,645
Ha-ha, that car's
gettin' towed!
354
00:13:48,971 --> 00:13:52,046
My God, Dr. Hartman,
isn't there any other way?
355
00:13:52,146 --> 00:13:54,514
I'm afraid not,
Mrs. Griffin.
356
00:13:54,582 --> 00:13:55,982
I'll do it.
357
00:13:56,050 --> 00:13:57,717
What?
358
00:13:57,785 --> 00:13:59,820
I'll... I'll do it.
359
00:13:59,887 --> 00:14:01,454
I'll give you my kidneys.
360
00:14:01,522 --> 00:14:04,524
But Brian...
you'll die!
361
00:14:04,592 --> 00:14:07,060
Peter, you're my best friend.
362
00:14:07,128 --> 00:14:09,830
You, you gave me a home
when I didn't have one.
363
00:14:09,897 --> 00:14:12,432
And you've treated me like
a family member ever since.
364
00:14:12,500 --> 00:14:14,201
I wouldn't be here
if it wasn't for you.
365
00:14:14,268 --> 00:14:15,936
I'd probably be dead anyway,
366
00:14:16,003 --> 00:14:18,271
lying under
some freeway overpass.
367
00:14:18,339 --> 00:14:21,007
And I-I-I wanna,
I wanna return the favor.
368
00:14:21,075 --> 00:14:22,976
After all, I'm, I'm a dog.
369
00:14:23,044 --> 00:14:25,345
I have another eight years,
at best.
370
00:14:25,413 --> 00:14:29,983
I'm, I'm willing to give that up
so you can have another 40.
371
00:14:30,051 --> 00:14:31,651
Brian, I...
372
00:14:31,719 --> 00:14:33,086
I-I don't know what to say.
373
00:14:33,154 --> 00:14:35,589
You're savin' my life.
374
00:14:35,656 --> 00:14:37,257
Well, you saved mine.
375
00:14:37,325 --> 00:14:40,660
And, hey, we, we had a lotta
good years together, right?
376
00:14:40,728 --> 00:14:43,763
Yeah. We, uh...
377
00:14:43,831 --> 00:14:45,665
we sure did, buddy.
378
00:15:02,350 --> 00:15:03,833
Hello, everyone.
379
00:15:03,918 --> 00:15:05,552
Lois, did you put Stewie to bed?
380
00:15:05,620 --> 00:15:07,520
Yeah, he's asleep.
381
00:15:07,588 --> 00:15:09,856
Good. I'd rather he didn't know
about this till it's over.
382
00:15:09,924 --> 00:15:11,491
He's just a baby.
383
00:15:11,559 --> 00:15:15,795
Now, since the operation is
tomorrow, I thought it might be
384
00:15:15,863 --> 00:15:18,698
a good idea to just kinda close
the book, you know?
385
00:15:18,766 --> 00:15:21,701
So I just wanted to share
my final thoughts
386
00:15:21,769 --> 00:15:23,737
with each one of you.
387
00:15:23,804 --> 00:15:26,640
Meg, you're so beautiful
on the inside,
388
00:15:26,707 --> 00:15:29,075
but it's very important that
you know your limitations.
389
00:15:29,143 --> 00:15:30,343
What do you mean?
390
00:15:30,411 --> 00:15:32,279
Well, I know they say
"Reach for the stars,"
391
00:15:32,346 --> 00:15:33,613
but if we all did that,
392
00:15:33,681 --> 00:15:35,682
there'd be nobody left
here on Earth, right?
393
00:15:35,750 --> 00:15:36,850
I guess.
394
00:15:36,918 --> 00:15:38,551
Ha-ha, there you go.
395
00:15:38,619 --> 00:15:41,621
Chris, I have watched
you grow from a little boy
396
00:15:41,689 --> 00:15:43,490
into the young man
you are today.
397
00:15:43,557 --> 00:15:46,092
I know sometimes
life seems tough,
398
00:15:46,160 --> 00:15:48,628
but you just remember
to reach for the stars.
399
00:15:48,696 --> 00:15:50,430
You really think I can?
400
00:15:50,498 --> 00:15:52,349
I know you can,
slugger!
401
00:15:52,433 --> 00:15:55,268
And, Lois, I only ask this
402
00:15:55,336 --> 00:15:58,171
because of the dire situation
I'm in, but...
403
00:15:58,239 --> 00:16:02,208
can I, can I hump your leg
for 15 uninterrupted seconds?
404
00:16:02,276 --> 00:16:04,344
I suppose so, Brian.
405
00:16:07,982 --> 00:16:10,850
I-I said you could do it
for 15 seconds.
406
00:16:10,918 --> 00:16:11,985
Didn't need it.
407
00:16:17,191 --> 00:16:19,592
No! It can't be!
408
00:16:36,010 --> 00:16:37,978
Where... where am I?
409
00:16:38,045 --> 00:16:39,646
We're at the
playground, Brian.
410
00:16:39,714 --> 00:16:40,947
I kidnapped you.
411
00:16:41,015 --> 00:16:43,516
You and I are going
to spend the rest of our lives
412
00:16:43,584 --> 00:16:44,884
living right here
under the slide.
413
00:16:44,952 --> 00:16:46,786
Stewie, what the hell?
Are you outta your mind?
414
00:16:46,854 --> 00:16:48,421
I most certainly am not!
415
00:16:48,489 --> 00:16:50,724
I know what you're planning
to do, and I won't allow it!
416
00:16:50,791 --> 00:16:53,426
You're not going to kill
yourself for that fat bastard!
417
00:16:53,494 --> 00:16:54,995
Look, I've made up
my mind, all right?
418
00:16:55,062 --> 00:16:55,962
Now untie me.
419
00:16:56,030 --> 00:16:57,330
No, I will not!
420
00:16:57,398 --> 00:16:59,532
How dare you make plans
to abandon me!
421
00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:01,968
Come on, you, you can live
without a dog, Stewie,
422
00:17:02,036 --> 00:17:03,870
but you can't live
without a father.
423
00:17:03,938 --> 00:17:05,805
And besides, h-how exactly
do you think we're supposed
424
00:17:05,873 --> 00:17:07,207
to live here on
the playground?
425
00:17:07,274 --> 00:17:08,475
We'll do fine, Brian!
426
00:17:08,542 --> 00:17:10,176
Everything is right here
where we need it!
427
00:17:10,244 --> 00:17:12,078
The jungle gym is
the grocery store,
428
00:17:12,146 --> 00:17:13,380
the swing set is
the mall,
429
00:17:13,447 --> 00:17:15,048
the seesaw is
the post office,
430
00:17:15,116 --> 00:17:17,150
and the sandbox is
our summer home.
431
00:17:17,218 --> 00:17:18,485
Can you believe it,
Brian?
432
00:17:18,552 --> 00:17:20,020
We, we have
a summer home!
433
00:17:20,087 --> 00:17:22,255
I mean, yes, we'll,
we'll have to rent it out
434
00:17:22,323 --> 00:17:23,790
some years to help pay for...
435
00:17:23,858 --> 00:17:25,225
Oh, no, wait,
no, we won't,
436
00:17:25,292 --> 00:17:27,427
because I'm a famous race car
driver. I forgot!
437
00:17:27,495 --> 00:17:29,129
Stewie, you're not
a race car driver.
438
00:17:29,196 --> 00:17:31,297
And if you don't let
me go right now,
439
00:17:31,365 --> 00:17:32,599
you're gonna lose your dad.
440
00:17:32,666 --> 00:17:35,935
But Brian...
441
00:17:36,003 --> 00:17:38,505
I-I don't wanna lose anybody!
442
00:17:38,572 --> 00:17:43,276
I don't... I don't
wanna lose anybody!
443
00:17:45,546 --> 00:17:46,446
Oh, my God.
444
00:17:46,514 --> 00:17:47,947
Just stop, stop, just stop it.
445
00:17:48,015 --> 00:17:50,383
But Brian, I love you!
446
00:17:54,989 --> 00:17:56,322
Oh, God,
just wipe your nose, man!
447
00:17:58,993 --> 00:18:00,693
Can I have a hug,
Brian?!
448
00:18:00,761 --> 00:18:02,896
Oh, no, no, God,
no, no, not now, no!
449
00:18:02,963 --> 00:18:04,898
I want a hug!
I love...
450
00:18:04,965 --> 00:18:06,733
No, no. Just wipe...
Oh, God, there's no Kleenex.
451
00:18:06,801 --> 00:18:08,802
I love you, Brian!
I love you so much!
452
00:18:08,869 --> 00:18:10,303
Go... Go roll around
in the sandbox...
453
00:18:10,371 --> 00:18:11,638
in-in-in the summer house!
454
00:18:11,705 --> 00:18:12,906
Go... go to the summer house
and roll around!
455
00:18:20,168 --> 00:18:22,971
Well, here we go.
You know, buddy,
456
00:18:23,043 --> 00:18:24,978
I'm really gonna miss
havin' a dog.
457
00:18:25,045 --> 00:18:27,881
Hey, whaddaya say you be
my dog one last time, huh?
458
00:18:27,948 --> 00:18:29,382
Sure, Peter.
Whatever you want.
459
00:18:29,450 --> 00:18:30,950
Hey, hey, whassat?
460
00:18:31,018 --> 00:18:32,151
Whassat, boy?
Whassat?
461
00:18:32,219 --> 00:18:34,320
Uh, surgical equipment.
462
00:18:34,388 --> 00:18:35,955
Whose is that?
Whose is that?
463
00:18:36,023 --> 00:18:37,257
Probably belongs
to the hospital.
464
00:18:37,324 --> 00:18:39,225
Whassat for? Huh?
Whassat for?
465
00:18:39,293 --> 00:18:40,493
Um... cutting me open,
466
00:18:40,561 --> 00:18:42,028
harvesting my organs
and killing me.
467
00:18:42,096 --> 00:18:44,264
You gonna go get it?
You gonna get it, boy?
468
00:18:44,331 --> 00:18:46,366
No, I think, I think
the doctors need it.
469
00:18:46,433 --> 00:18:48,167
Can we, can we
just lay here?
470
00:18:49,836 --> 00:18:52,105
Dr. Hartman,
w-what're you...?
471
00:18:52,172 --> 00:18:53,873
You're not dressed
for surgery.
472
00:18:53,941 --> 00:18:55,074
I sure am.
473
00:18:55,142 --> 00:18:57,410
But I, I don't
understand.
474
00:18:57,478 --> 00:18:58,711
Well, you see, Mrs. Griffin,
475
00:18:58,779 --> 00:19:00,580
I found another donor
for your husband.
476
00:19:00,648 --> 00:19:02,649
You did?! Who?
477
00:19:02,716 --> 00:19:04,350
Me.
What?!
478
00:19:04,418 --> 00:19:06,219
It turns out
I'm a perfect match.
479
00:19:06,287 --> 00:19:08,821
And I'm willing to give up
one of my kidneys.
480
00:19:08,889 --> 00:19:10,490
Oh, my God,
Dr. Hartman,
481
00:19:10,557 --> 00:19:12,392
y-you'd do that
for us?!
482
00:19:12,459 --> 00:19:15,495
Well, the truth is you folks are
my only remaining patients.
483
00:19:15,562 --> 00:19:17,263
I couldn't afford
to lose two of you.
484
00:19:17,331 --> 00:19:18,998
What do you mean,
two of us?
485
00:19:19,066 --> 00:19:21,267
Well, chances are Peter never
would have survived the surgery.
486
00:19:21,335 --> 00:19:22,969
I mean, I mean,
dog kidneys?!
487
00:19:23,037 --> 00:19:25,238
I'm not even sure
dogs have kidneys.
488
00:19:25,306 --> 00:19:26,773
Do dogs have kidneys?
489
00:19:26,840 --> 00:19:28,041
Yes.
490
00:19:28,108 --> 00:19:30,576
Ah, this...
this is the guy.
491
00:19:30,644 --> 00:19:32,211
Oh, my God, Brian...
492
00:19:33,314 --> 00:19:35,548
You're gonna live!
493
00:19:35,599 --> 00:19:37,550
Oh, I love you!
I love you!
494
00:19:43,123 --> 00:19:44,424
Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.
495
00:19:44,491 --> 00:19:46,960
I'm happy to welcome you all
here to our auditorium
496
00:19:47,027 --> 00:19:49,495
for something that's
not a terrible play.
497
00:19:49,563 --> 00:19:51,497
In fact, tonight we're graced
498
00:19:51,565 --> 00:19:54,300
with the presence
of our Commander in Chief.
499
00:19:54,368 --> 00:19:58,071
But first, to introduce him
is a very talented young man,
500
00:19:58,138 --> 00:20:00,773
James Woods' own Chris Griffin.
501
00:20:02,309 --> 00:20:03,843
Thank you, Principal Shepherd.
502
00:20:03,911 --> 00:20:06,846
My sister Meg will be helping me
introduce the President,
503
00:20:06,914 --> 00:20:09,248
since we wrote this essay
together.
504
00:20:09,316 --> 00:20:13,319
"What is Hope?" by
Chris and Meg Griffin.
505
00:20:13,387 --> 00:20:15,822
Hope is what gets you
out of bed in the morning
506
00:20:15,889 --> 00:20:18,825
when it's the day of prom
and you haven't been asked.
507
00:20:18,892 --> 00:20:20,994
Hope pushes the
caterpillar
508
00:20:21,061 --> 00:20:24,263
through the cocoon and drives
the salmon upstream.
509
00:20:24,331 --> 00:20:27,567
Your breasts may be small
and your glasses may be thick,
510
00:20:27,634 --> 00:20:29,635
but hope doesn't
hold up a mirror.
511
00:20:29,703 --> 00:20:31,771
Hope is a horizon we head for,
512
00:20:31,839 --> 00:20:34,474
leaving nothing behind us
but fear.
513
00:20:34,541 --> 00:20:36,509
And though we may never reach
our goals,
514
00:20:36,577 --> 00:20:40,246
it's hope that will save us
from who we once were.
515
00:20:48,355 --> 00:20:50,056
And now...
516
00:20:50,124 --> 00:20:51,924
Ladies and gentlemen...
517
00:20:51,992 --> 00:20:54,660
President Mike Obama!
President Barack Obama!
518
00:20:57,631 --> 00:21:01,701
♪ You gotta be sincere ♪
519
00:21:03,337 --> 00:21:08,207
♪ You gotta be sincere ♪
520
00:21:08,275 --> 00:21:10,743
♪ You gotta feel it here ♪
521
00:21:10,811 --> 00:21:13,413
♪ 'Cause if you feel it here ♪
522
00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:16,082
♪ Well, then you're gonna be ♪
523
00:21:16,150 --> 00:21:21,654
♪ Honestly sincere ♪
524
00:21:22,790 --> 00:21:24,207
♪ If you're really sincere ♪
525
00:21:24,291 --> 00:21:25,958
♪ If you're really
sincere ♪
526
00:21:26,009 --> 00:21:27,677
♪ If you feel it in here ♪
527
00:21:27,761 --> 00:21:29,495
♪ Then it's gotta be right! ♪
528
00:21:29,563 --> 00:21:30,930
♪ Oh, baby! ♪
529
00:21:30,997 --> 00:21:33,132
♪ Oh, honey! ♪
530
00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:34,634
♪ Hug me! ♪
531
00:21:34,701 --> 00:21:36,502
♪ Suffer! ♪
532
00:21:38,036 --> 00:21:41,136
== Sync, corrected by elderman ==
== for www.addic7ed.com ==