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00:00:02,461 --> 00:00:04,712
♪ it seems today
that all you see ♪
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00:00:04,797 --> 00:00:07,756
♪ is violence in movies
and sex on tv ♪
3
00:00:07,925 --> 00:00:11,677
♪ but where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,762 --> 00:00:14,680
♪ on which we used to rely? ♪
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♪ lucky there's a family guy ♪
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♪ lucky there's a man who
positively can do ♪
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♪ all the things that make us ♪
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♪ laugh and cry ♪
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♪ he's... A...
Fam... Ily... Guy. ♪
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I... I don't get it.
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You thought this was gonna be
12
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The flea circus from
coraline, didn't you?
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I'm cursed with optimism.
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Oh, yous got a good eye.
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That there's
a "little ms. Wedgewood" set.
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(humming "I'm a little teapot")
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♪ this is my handle,
this is my spout ♪
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Well, all the parts seem to be
in the right places.
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I'll take it.
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Holy crap, a vintage
mr. Potato head
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From the good old days
when potatoes were men
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And had penises.
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Peter, they never had penises.
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Well, you could put a nose down
there and it kind of worked.
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The nostrils were balls, and...
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And so forth.
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That's the very potato
I used in medical school
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To learn anatomy.
I could let it go for 600.
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What are we thinking, lois? Yes?
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No, we don't have
that kind of money.
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Fine, I'll buy it
with my magic beans.
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Those are skittles.
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There's no room in this world
for dreamers anymore.
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Everything okay, dad?
35
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(sighs) just adult stuff, buddy.
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Mom wouldn't let me
buy a toy I wanted.
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Man (on tv): Do you own a home,
but can't afford
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The things you need to make
your life more comfortable?
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Yes. Wait, is that...
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Hi, I'm tom selleck.
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Ask your nurse to turn down your
breathing machine for a minute
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So I can tell you
how a reverse mortgage
43
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From "hey, alright.
Reverse mortgages,"
44
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Or "harm," can help you.
45
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This seems like a trick.
46
00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:11,922
I know this seems like a trick,
but it's not a trick.
47
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Oh, that's nice to hear.
48
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But is this his first rodeo?
49
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Look, this isn't my first rodeo.
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And I wouldn't be here
if I thought
51
00:02:19,181 --> 00:02:21,348
Reverse mortgages
would hurt anyone.
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Well, I certainly believe
magnum p.I.,
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But it's easy to say this
stuff fully standing up.
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I wonder if he can half-lean
on a fence post and say it?
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-(gasps)
-do you really
want your adult kids
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Fighting over your money
after you're gone?
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Isn't it better
to spend it all now
58
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So they don't have that option?
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He's making good points.
I'll just run this by lois.
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Men, please don't run
things by your wives.
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Just go to "www..." I'm kidding.
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Here's a phone number
as big as we can put it.
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I'm getting my mr. Potato head.
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00:02:54,049 --> 00:02:56,166
But that is a lot
of numbers to dial.
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00:02:56,218 --> 00:02:58,093
Tom: If that's too many
numbers to dial,
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Just say, "siri, I'm old."
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00:03:00,931 --> 00:03:02,181
Siri, I'm old.
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Siri: Dialing
reverse mortgage company.
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00:03:09,190 --> 00:03:11,148
Stewie? What is all this stuff?
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It turns out rupert only likes
"peppa pig" branded tea sets,
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Which honestly, I get.
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00:03:15,988 --> 00:03:18,655
So I sold my tea set
at twice what I paid,
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Then I bought more
stuff to sell.
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Really? Was it worth that much?
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Oh, sweetie, people have no
clue what antiques are worth,
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So you just act like you know.
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I actually got a booth at
the flea market next weekend.
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I have to say,
I'm weirdly impressed.
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Yes, who would've thought
a strange little guy like me
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Could get super into
tiny details of old furniture.
81
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Well, if you need
any help, I'm in.
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All right.
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-Is that...
-Yes, most antiques
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Are just racist old packaging
from iconic companies.
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Well, mostly syrup companies.
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Wow, that's very racist.
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Yep. Whole-blurry-shelf racist.
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I'm mr. Kiki, the swim teacher
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Who doesn't have a pool
and drives very far
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To other people's pools
for lessons.
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00:04:04,870 --> 00:04:07,621
After this lesson,
I sit at panera bread
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Until traffic dies down.
93
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Announcer: Panera bread.
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Where swim teachers
from other towns
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Wait out traffic.
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00:04:13,379 --> 00:04:16,004
Oh, my god, is that
the expensive mr. Potato head
97
00:04:16,090 --> 00:04:17,297
From the flea market?
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00:04:17,383 --> 00:04:19,299
I told you
we couldn't afford that.
99
00:04:19,385 --> 00:04:20,842
Don't worry, I got
a ton of money.
100
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I even bought a jet ski
in lake havasu
101
00:04:23,097 --> 00:04:24,221
In case I ever get out there.
102
00:04:24,348 --> 00:04:25,847
("angel"
by sarah mclachlan playing)
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♪ spend all your
time waiting... ♪
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00:04:28,227 --> 00:04:31,561
Woman:
Every year, over 9,000 people
105
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Buy jet skis and then
leave them at lake havasu.
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00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:39,611
Last year, over 700
jet skis were rescued
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00:04:39,697 --> 00:04:42,489
And sent to some of
the trashier wisconsin lakes
108
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Where tiny-teeth families
gave them new lives.
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For hundreds of others,
help came too late.
110
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Where did you get
all this money?
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It was easy.
I took out a reverse mortgage,
112
00:04:54,253 --> 00:04:56,461
Which is that thing where
your house gives you free money.
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00:04:56,547 --> 00:04:59,047
Peter, how could you
be so stupid?
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Reverse mortgages
are a total scam.
115
00:05:01,927 --> 00:05:04,052
You need to call
the bank right away.
116
00:05:04,138 --> 00:05:06,138
And take that
mr. Potato head back.
117
00:05:06,265 --> 00:05:09,474
I can't. I wrote "best spuds
4 life" all over the box.
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I almost love the box
as much as the guy now.
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00:05:12,396 --> 00:05:14,396
Peter, we could lose our house!
120
00:05:14,523 --> 00:05:17,482
Relax, lois. Tom selleck
made a whole video about that
121
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For the wives, wearing his
signature short shorts.
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00:05:20,154 --> 00:05:21,570
Hello, wives. I'm...
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Sold.
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Now the bank is saying
we could lose the house.
125
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I can't believe I got
duped by tom selleck.
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West:
Tom selleck?
127
00:05:32,291 --> 00:05:34,708
Well, there's a name
I haven't heard in years.
128
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Mayor wild west,
you know tom selleck?
129
00:05:37,338 --> 00:05:40,339
Oh, I used to. Many moons ago.
130
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How many?
131
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-Many.
-Wow.
132
00:05:43,093 --> 00:05:45,844
If you fellas would allow me
to jaw at you a minute,
133
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I'll spin you a yarn.
134
00:05:47,639 --> 00:05:50,349
Back when we grew
younger men's mustaches,
135
00:05:50,434 --> 00:05:52,684
Me and tom carved
ourselves out a niche
136
00:05:52,770 --> 00:05:57,272
As a hippie country duo
called "cold hard 'stache."
137
00:05:57,399 --> 00:06:00,067
♪ see a penny, pick it up ♪
138
00:06:00,194 --> 00:06:02,110
♪ all the day
you'll have to look ♪
139
00:06:02,196 --> 00:06:05,113
♪ for its rightful owner ♪
140
00:06:05,282 --> 00:06:06,907
♪ that's an honorable day ♪
141
00:06:07,034 --> 00:06:11,453
♪ looking for
its rightful owner. ♪
142
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(audience cheers)
143
00:06:16,251 --> 00:06:19,127
Yeah, we were the talk
of one corner of town.
144
00:06:19,171 --> 00:06:22,089
But as is often
the case in these tales,
145
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Drugs entered the picture,
146
00:06:24,093 --> 00:06:26,093
And when that trouble arrived,
147
00:06:26,178 --> 00:06:28,011
Well, let's just say ol' tom
148
00:06:28,055 --> 00:06:29,930
Offered it a place to set down.
149
00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:32,724
You're playing with fire,
kemosabe.
150
00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:34,726
(both grunting)
151
00:06:39,608 --> 00:06:43,819
The next day he wrote a song
called "walk this way
152
00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:49,449
(even if the crosswalk
says stop)."
153
00:06:49,618 --> 00:06:50,826
And that's when I knew,
154
00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:53,203
The one-a-day demon had got him.
155
00:06:53,288 --> 00:06:57,082
In the end, one-a-day
was merely a suggestion.
156
00:06:57,167 --> 00:07:00,210
Nearest I can reckon,
he was up to nine or ten a week.
157
00:07:00,295 --> 00:07:03,713
Anyhow, hearing he's peddling
reverse mortgages now
158
00:07:03,841 --> 00:07:05,215
Sounds about right.
159
00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:07,092
Do you know what
a reverse mortgage is?
160
00:07:07,177 --> 00:07:09,219
Nearest I can figure,
it's a loan
161
00:07:09,304 --> 00:07:10,762
That enables the borrower
162
00:07:10,848 --> 00:07:14,015
To access the unencumbered
value of their property.
163
00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:16,101
That sounds kind of slick.
164
00:07:16,228 --> 00:07:18,937
Well, the rub is
if you can't pay it back,
165
00:07:19,064 --> 00:07:20,939
They can snatch your abode.
166
00:07:21,066 --> 00:07:23,442
That strikes me as predatory.
167
00:07:23,527 --> 00:07:24,693
Why would tom do this?
168
00:07:24,820 --> 00:07:26,111
He should know better.
169
00:07:26,196 --> 00:07:28,905
You see, having a mustache
is a sacred oath.
170
00:07:29,032 --> 00:07:30,607
I have a mustache.
171
00:07:30,659 --> 00:07:31,575
I'm proud of you.
172
00:07:31,702 --> 00:07:33,326
He can't do this to people.
173
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I am gonna track him down
and get the money back.
174
00:07:35,873 --> 00:07:37,205
Mr. Mayor,
you're coming with me.
175
00:07:37,291 --> 00:07:40,000
Oh, I'm afraid those
days are behind me.
176
00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:42,911
But I wish you the best of luck.
177
00:07:43,005 --> 00:07:44,546
That's fine, I'll go it alone,
178
00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:47,007
Just like meghan markle
and prince harry.
179
00:07:47,092 --> 00:07:49,926
Sir, your millions from netflix
180
00:07:50,012 --> 00:07:51,803
For no one knows what.
181
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Put it with the rest of them.
182
00:07:53,599 --> 00:07:54,514
(phone dings)
183
00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:56,892
Babe, time to do our daily
184
00:07:56,977 --> 00:08:00,604
$250,000 sponsored
instagram post
185
00:08:00,731 --> 00:08:02,355
For del taco.
186
00:08:02,441 --> 00:08:05,692
Oh, I shouldn't have
left the made-up nonsense.
187
00:08:08,322 --> 00:08:10,363
Well, I'm off to new york city
188
00:08:10,449 --> 00:08:12,491
To find tom selleck
and get our money back.
189
00:08:12,576 --> 00:08:14,367
How do you even know
he's in new york?
190
00:08:14,495 --> 00:08:16,495
'cause he's on
cbs's loudest show,
191
00:08:16,580 --> 00:08:18,246
Blue bloods,
and they film there.
192
00:08:18,332 --> 00:08:20,373
No, peter, you're
not going anywhere.
193
00:08:20,459 --> 00:08:22,709
Even for you,
this is an absurd plan.
194
00:08:22,794 --> 00:08:24,711
Ain't nothin' absurd about this.
195
00:08:24,796 --> 00:08:26,880
-Ma'am.
-Sold.
196
00:08:26,965 --> 00:08:28,965
Mr. Mayor. You came.
197
00:08:29,051 --> 00:08:31,176
That's right.
The only thing that can stop
198
00:08:31,261 --> 00:08:34,429
A bad guy with a mustache
is a good guy with a mustache.
199
00:08:34,556 --> 00:08:37,599
So hop on up,
we're taking a trip.
200
00:08:38,894 --> 00:08:41,186
(neighs)
201
00:08:41,271 --> 00:08:43,480
I can't believe we're
going to new york city.
202
00:08:43,565 --> 00:08:45,815
I've always wanted
to see the twin towers.
203
00:08:45,901 --> 00:08:47,609
(whispers)
204
00:08:47,653 --> 00:08:49,277
(gasps) when?
205
00:08:58,747 --> 00:09:00,205
Look, it's billy joel.
206
00:09:00,332 --> 00:09:02,999
Uhp, no, it's just a drywall guy
dressed up for church.
207
00:09:03,085 --> 00:09:06,836
So, is that whole retail
establishment just m&ms?
208
00:09:06,922 --> 00:09:08,088
Yes, and bad jackets.
209
00:09:08,173 --> 00:09:10,382
Like, so bad that sinbad
wouldn't even wear them.
210
00:09:10,467 --> 00:09:13,343
Not sure I quite
understand new york city.
211
00:09:13,428 --> 00:09:15,512
Oh, well, this
is just tv new york.
212
00:09:15,597 --> 00:09:18,098
You can tell 'cause all the cab
drivers are impossibly white.
213
00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:20,392
I call this place
"the big city,"
214
00:09:20,519 --> 00:09:23,103
So you know
I've been here a while.
215
00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:28,775
Mr. Mayor, allow me
to show you my new york.
216
00:09:28,860 --> 00:09:32,237
Your new york is an espn zone?
217
00:09:32,322 --> 00:09:34,990
I-I don't know,
I like all the screens.
218
00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:37,409
Peter, look at this.
219
00:09:39,037 --> 00:09:40,328
Black hair dye.
220
00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:45,208
We follow this trail,
we find selleck,
221
00:09:45,294 --> 00:09:48,503
Or possibly papa john
or rudy giuliani,
222
00:09:48,589 --> 00:09:51,631
But that's a risk
we're gonna have to take.
223
00:09:57,306 --> 00:09:59,598
Brian, time to
teach you my techniques.
224
00:09:59,766 --> 00:10:00,974
Watch and learn.
225
00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:02,434
You have a good eye.
226
00:10:02,519 --> 00:10:04,936
I just sold a piece
by the same artist for 40.
227
00:10:05,022 --> 00:10:07,272
-(whispers): Lie.
-That's a little
out of my budget.
228
00:10:07,357 --> 00:10:10,442
Well, I'd like 30,
but I'd take 25.
229
00:10:10,527 --> 00:10:13,069
(sucks teeth) lowest I could
let it go for is 20.
230
00:10:13,155 --> 00:10:14,279
Would you take 11?
231
00:10:14,364 --> 00:10:16,281
Well the frame alone
is worth 30.
232
00:10:16,325 --> 00:10:17,699
Highest I can do is 12.
233
00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:18,992
Okay, but you got to pay me
234
00:10:19,077 --> 00:10:20,827
Before my wife gets back
from the bathroom.
235
00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:22,746
She's gonna kill me
over this price.
236
00:10:24,416 --> 00:10:27,208
That's the dance. Give it a try.
237
00:10:27,336 --> 00:10:29,836
Hi, there, uh,
how much for this vase?
238
00:10:29,921 --> 00:10:31,713
Five.
239
00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:33,048
What the hell was that?
240
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:34,507
That's not the dance, man.
241
00:10:34,593 --> 00:10:36,468
You got to put your hands up
higher, move around a bit.
242
00:10:36,595 --> 00:10:37,969
My dance is the tango.
243
00:10:38,055 --> 00:10:39,512
You got to find yours. Go ahead.
244
00:10:39,556 --> 00:10:41,973
-Stewie, I'm not doing thi...
-Find your dance!
245
00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:43,516
A bolero man.
246
00:10:43,644 --> 00:10:45,810
Little dirty,
but nobody's gonna bleed.
247
00:10:45,937 --> 00:10:48,563
You feel that? That's the bluff.
248
00:10:48,649 --> 00:10:49,814
I thought it was "the dance."
249
00:10:49,900 --> 00:10:51,149
Right, but at some point,
250
00:10:51,234 --> 00:10:53,026
The dance becomes the bluff.
251
00:10:53,111 --> 00:10:54,944
Are you just making
all this up as you go?
252
00:10:55,030 --> 00:10:56,655
That's the dance, bri.
253
00:10:57,949 --> 00:10:59,866
All right, brian,
follow my lead.
254
00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:01,618
"van blunder" time.
255
00:11:01,787 --> 00:11:03,411
Ooh, how much for this?
256
00:11:03,497 --> 00:11:04,204
You're gonna hate me.
257
00:11:04,331 --> 00:11:05,830
So, everything you see here
258
00:11:05,957 --> 00:11:07,791
Is for sale, except that.
259
00:11:07,876 --> 00:11:09,084
I don't even know
how it got out here,
260
00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:10,669
It's supposed to be in the van.
261
00:11:10,754 --> 00:11:12,587
Well, I really like it.
262
00:11:12,673 --> 00:11:14,339
Brian, what did you do?
263
00:11:14,508 --> 00:11:17,092
Oh, boy. That was
a blunder on my part.
264
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:19,719
That's a... That's a...
That's a pretty big blunder.
265
00:11:19,763 --> 00:11:21,471
But look how much she loves it.
266
00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:22,555
Do you love it?
267
00:11:22,641 --> 00:11:25,350
I do. I can give you $10.
268
00:11:25,435 --> 00:11:27,936
Well, I do want it to go
to someone who loves it.
269
00:11:28,063 --> 00:11:30,647
I'll tell you what,
give me 11, and it's a deal.
270
00:11:30,732 --> 00:11:32,357
What a blunder.
271
00:11:32,442 --> 00:11:36,194
This is awkward, but
y'alls horning in on my turf.
272
00:11:36,238 --> 00:11:39,406
See, "grandma's little loft"
is the king of knick-knacks.
273
00:11:39,533 --> 00:11:41,116
Now yous selling 'em.
274
00:11:41,159 --> 00:11:42,409
Ha. That's a laugh.
275
00:11:42,494 --> 00:11:43,868
We'd never sell knick-knacks.
276
00:11:43,995 --> 00:11:45,245
We're tchotchke guys.
277
00:11:45,372 --> 00:11:47,956
If yous calling that
vintage chatillon dial-face
278
00:11:47,999 --> 00:11:49,624
Hanging merchant's
scale a tchotchke,
279
00:11:49,751 --> 00:11:51,126
Y'alls sicker than I thought.
280
00:11:51,253 --> 00:11:52,752
Says the guy who has
his what's-its
281
00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:54,421
Mixed in with his who's-its.
282
00:11:54,548 --> 00:11:56,005
That's potpourri.
283
00:11:56,133 --> 00:11:59,217
Yous out of your league.
That's what's happening here.
284
00:11:59,302 --> 00:12:00,719
You hearing footsteps, gramps?
285
00:12:00,762 --> 00:12:02,429
Hows about a little contest?
286
00:12:02,514 --> 00:12:04,973
Whoever sells the most
by end of day tomorrow
287
00:12:05,100 --> 00:12:06,516
Is the flea market champ.
288
00:12:06,685 --> 00:12:10,478
The loser gets out
of the game. For good.
289
00:12:10,564 --> 00:12:11,980
Fine, you're on.
290
00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:13,773
And by the way,
there was a dead cricket
291
00:12:13,859 --> 00:12:15,191
In the teapot you sold me.
292
00:12:15,318 --> 00:12:18,194
-Oh, no.
-I know.
293
00:12:20,991 --> 00:12:23,658
The hair dye trail
ends right here.
294
00:12:25,871 --> 00:12:26,953
(doorbell rings)
295
00:12:27,038 --> 00:12:29,914
Wait, only one guy
would accept delivery
296
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:32,250
Of so many hawaiian shirts.
297
00:12:33,879 --> 00:12:35,086
(snoring)
298
00:12:35,172 --> 00:12:37,172
(mustache barking)
299
00:12:38,008 --> 00:12:40,133
What is it, boy?
300
00:12:41,428 --> 00:12:44,596
Man, I love being paid
for reverse mortgages
301
00:12:44,681 --> 00:12:46,389
In hawaiian shirts.
302
00:12:46,433 --> 00:12:48,433
So, it looks like
there's a few more
303
00:12:48,518 --> 00:12:50,477
Disgruntled customers
down there.
304
00:12:52,522 --> 00:12:55,565
Well, that's a 'stache
from the past.
305
00:12:55,692 --> 00:12:57,692
This can't be good. Get in.
306
00:12:58,987 --> 00:13:00,820
Hey, nypd?
307
00:13:00,906 --> 00:13:03,740
Yeah, it's chief whatever-
my-character's-name-is
308
00:13:03,867 --> 00:13:04,866
From blue bloods.
309
00:13:04,993 --> 00:13:06,534
There's a couple of trespassers
310
00:13:06,661 --> 00:13:07,994
Outside my house.
311
00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:09,496
(police siren wails)
312
00:13:10,957 --> 00:13:13,166
You guys are under arrest.
313
00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:16,044
-Is this 'cause I rubbed
on a lady in the subway?
-No.
314
00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:18,087
-'cause I rubbed on
a lady on the bus?
-No.
315
00:13:18,215 --> 00:13:19,756
Do you do a lot of
rubbing on people?
316
00:13:19,883 --> 00:13:22,509
Hey, eight million people,
we all got to fit somewhere.
317
00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:31,476
(sighs)
318
00:13:31,603 --> 00:13:34,145
I'm sorry for dragging
you into this, mr. Mayor.
319
00:13:34,231 --> 00:13:36,773
Lois was right,
this was a stupid plan.
320
00:13:36,858 --> 00:13:38,441
Don't beat yourself up, hoss.
321
00:13:38,527 --> 00:13:39,859
When your cause is just,
322
00:13:39,945 --> 00:13:41,986
Any action you take
is honorable.
323
00:13:42,113 --> 00:13:45,824
Besides, fate has a funny way
of takin' care of folks.
324
00:13:45,909 --> 00:13:47,575
(snores)
325
00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:57,168
I'd be much obliged if you'd
go ahead and open up for me.
326
00:13:57,963 --> 00:13:59,254
How did you do that?
327
00:13:59,381 --> 00:14:00,797
Well, this ain't
the first schlage
328
00:14:00,882 --> 00:14:03,091
To which I've pitched woo.
329
00:14:05,762 --> 00:14:07,679
Oh, brian, look,
330
00:14:07,764 --> 00:14:09,013
It's this antique's last day
331
00:14:09,099 --> 00:14:10,557
Selling antiques.
332
00:14:10,684 --> 00:14:12,976
You alls can eat my dust.
333
00:14:13,061 --> 00:14:14,352
(coughing)
334
00:14:14,437 --> 00:14:17,105
Oh, we got quite
a showdown here today
335
00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:18,815
At flea market regionals, jim.
336
00:14:18,900 --> 00:14:20,942
"grandma's little loft"
has the experience,
337
00:14:20,986 --> 00:14:24,070
But don't count out "the brian,
the bitch, and the wardrobe."
338
00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:26,948
And the question we've been
hearing the most today:
339
00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:29,284
Why does a flea market
have announcers?
340
00:14:29,411 --> 00:14:31,202
Well, sometimes major
network announcers
341
00:14:31,329 --> 00:14:33,413
Have one too many
at a golf tournament
342
00:14:33,582 --> 00:14:34,706
And hit a guy in their car
343
00:14:34,833 --> 00:14:36,457
And then have to
work their way back.
344
00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:39,544
Hi, do you have any vintage
southwestern lifestyle stuff?
345
00:14:39,629 --> 00:14:41,588
Bro, it's 7:30 a.M.
346
00:14:41,715 --> 00:14:43,381
That stuff is long gone by 5:15.
347
00:14:43,466 --> 00:14:45,675
I's about to open
a storage container
348
00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:47,927
Fresh from tempe. Come on by.
349
00:14:48,096 --> 00:14:49,387
-What?
-How is that possible?
350
00:14:49,514 --> 00:14:50,972
Announcer:
And in crunch time,
351
00:14:51,057 --> 00:14:52,390
The game just slows down
352
00:14:52,517 --> 00:14:55,310
For a veteran booth
like "grandma's little loft."
353
00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:57,145
Announcer 2: A large,
native american-looking teen
354
00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:59,147
Has grumpily plopped down
on a camp chair
355
00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:01,274
With an ipad at bruce's booth.
356
00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:03,192
This guy's on another level.
357
00:15:03,278 --> 00:15:05,236
-There's no way
we can catch him.
-(rattling)
358
00:15:05,363 --> 00:15:07,447
Announcer:
This could be
the nail in the coffin
359
00:15:07,532 --> 00:15:09,574
As other booths have
started shaking
360
00:15:09,701 --> 00:15:11,826
Their mis-prescribed
opiates in salute.
361
00:15:11,912 --> 00:15:13,661
Announcer 2: They call that
the "battle rattle,"
362
00:15:13,747 --> 00:15:16,581
And it's the ultimate
flea market show of respect.
363
00:15:16,708 --> 00:15:18,666
This one's all but over.
364
00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:23,922
Welcome back to
flea market regionals,
365
00:15:24,007 --> 00:15:25,340
Brought to you by warm coke.
366
00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:28,468
Warm coke:
Sometimes they're just warm.
367
00:15:28,553 --> 00:15:30,094
Announcer 2:
"grandma's little loft"
368
00:15:30,180 --> 00:15:32,931
Is putting the finishing
touches on a dominant win.
369
00:15:33,016 --> 00:15:34,140
Hey, we got lots of great
370
00:15:34,267 --> 00:15:36,851
One-of-a-kind
stuff here. Please.
371
00:15:36,937 --> 00:15:39,771
Announcer:
And, of course, the old guy
who last-minute decides
372
00:15:39,898 --> 00:15:42,774
He wants to keep his stuff has
never really been a factor.
373
00:15:42,859 --> 00:15:44,734
Announcer 2:
For him, it's more
about telling people
374
00:15:44,861 --> 00:15:46,361
Where he got the stuff.
375
00:15:46,488 --> 00:15:48,821
(sighs) well,
we gave it a good shot,
376
00:15:48,907 --> 00:15:50,365
But we're not gonna catch bruce.
377
00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:51,991
I guess we should go
tell him he won.
378
00:15:52,077 --> 00:15:54,535
Announcer:
Hold the phone.
Looks like we got a guy
379
00:15:54,663 --> 00:15:57,497
Bringing his home trash
to the flea market garbage can.
380
00:15:57,582 --> 00:15:59,540
Announcer 2:
And this is where
the lone garbage can
381
00:15:59,668 --> 00:16:01,960
Being right by
"grandma's little loft"
382
00:16:02,087 --> 00:16:03,252
Could come into play.
383
00:16:03,380 --> 00:16:04,837
Announcer:
Sure looks like a bag
384
00:16:04,965 --> 00:16:07,298
Of mostly full diapers
and half-eaten burritos.
385
00:16:07,425 --> 00:16:09,676
Announcer 2:
And that's just
a bee's dream bag.
386
00:16:09,803 --> 00:16:11,803
Hey, we just wanted
to say, you wo...
387
00:16:11,972 --> 00:16:14,722
-(loud buzzing)
-(people screaming)
388
00:16:19,896 --> 00:16:23,606
Announcer:
And once that money
belt is zipped...
389
00:16:23,692 --> 00:16:26,442
It's official. "the brian,
the bitch, and the wardrobe"
390
00:16:26,528 --> 00:16:29,445
Win flea market regionals.
What a comeback.
391
00:16:29,531 --> 00:16:32,323
Boy, you said it.
I told espn I'd quit
392
00:16:32,409 --> 00:16:34,158
After a "magic: The gathering"
tournament,
393
00:16:34,244 --> 00:16:36,661
But this time, I'm serious.
394
00:16:36,746 --> 00:16:38,955
Well, yous won fair and square.
395
00:16:39,082 --> 00:16:41,582
Y'alls the best
flea market weirdos.
396
00:16:41,710 --> 00:16:42,792
(bees buzzing)
397
00:16:42,877 --> 00:16:44,711
I sure am gonna miss this place.
398
00:16:44,871 --> 00:16:45,962
Sorry about the bees.
399
00:16:46,131 --> 00:16:48,715
Part of the game.
Hey, before I go...
400
00:16:48,842 --> 00:16:50,675
Would y'all be willing to
sell your whole inventory
401
00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:52,552
For nine dollars?
402
00:16:52,637 --> 00:16:54,262
-Would you do 11?
-No.
403
00:16:54,389 --> 00:16:56,681
You got yourself a deal.
I never want to come back here.
404
00:16:56,766 --> 00:16:59,851
Everyone, you're all within
500 feet of a school.
405
00:16:59,936 --> 00:17:01,394
(shouting)
406
00:17:01,479 --> 00:17:04,230
Chris:
Over 200 arrests
were made that day.
407
00:17:04,315 --> 00:17:06,065
It's still known
in flea market lore
408
00:17:06,151 --> 00:17:08,067
As "extinction Sunday."
409
00:17:08,153 --> 00:17:10,570
I'm chris griffin,
and my brother and my dog
410
00:17:10,697 --> 00:17:13,031
Left me in a very hot car.
411
00:17:16,786 --> 00:17:18,578
Hi, shannon, the line producer,
412
00:17:18,663 --> 00:17:20,246
Said I could have another
plate of lasagna.
413
00:17:20,331 --> 00:17:22,832
That's not shannon's call.
414
00:17:22,917 --> 00:17:24,542
You were right.
415
00:17:24,627 --> 00:17:25,877
Becoming extras on his show
416
00:17:25,962 --> 00:17:27,587
Was the only way
to get close to tom.
417
00:17:27,672 --> 00:17:30,965
Once the cameras start rolling,
we'll make our move.
418
00:17:31,051 --> 00:17:33,051
Blue bloods, episode a million,
419
00:17:33,136 --> 00:17:35,011
Season blabbity-blah.
Hollywood, go.
420
00:17:35,096 --> 00:17:36,721
These guys are pros.
421
00:17:36,848 --> 00:17:38,139
Director:
Action.
422
00:17:38,308 --> 00:17:41,142
Chief whatever-your-character's-
name-is from blue bloods,
423
00:17:41,227 --> 00:17:43,019
Do you recognize this man?
424
00:17:43,104 --> 00:17:45,605
I do. He owns
the bodega on 56...
425
00:17:45,690 --> 00:17:46,606
Blue bloods.
426
00:17:46,691 --> 00:17:48,775
-Director: Cut.
-Who is this guy?
427
00:17:48,860 --> 00:17:50,392
My name is peter griffin,
428
00:17:50,445 --> 00:17:52,070
And I'm here 'cause
you screwed me over
429
00:17:52,197 --> 00:17:53,863
With your trick
reverse mortgage.
430
00:17:53,907 --> 00:17:55,281
It's not a trick.
431
00:17:55,366 --> 00:17:56,824
Overruled.
432
00:17:56,951 --> 00:17:58,951
What are you... You're an actor.
433
00:17:59,079 --> 00:18:01,245
Time to acknowledge
the corn, tom.
434
00:18:01,372 --> 00:18:04,791
Wild west? I had you arrested.
435
00:18:04,876 --> 00:18:06,501
When you got hooked on multis
436
00:18:06,628 --> 00:18:09,378
And started singing
mean-spirited songs,
437
00:18:09,464 --> 00:18:12,173
I figured you were young,
it was a phase.
438
00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:15,009
But now you went and got mixed
up with reverse mortgages,
439
00:18:15,136 --> 00:18:18,096
And that, partner,
violates the mustache code.
440
00:18:18,181 --> 00:18:20,681
Yeah. And besides,
you're magnum p.I.
441
00:18:20,850 --> 00:18:22,100
You're like my tv boss.
442
00:18:22,185 --> 00:18:24,560
Regular guys like me trust you.
443
00:18:24,646 --> 00:18:27,063
I didn't make you do anything.
444
00:18:27,148 --> 00:18:30,191
Only one thing left to try.
445
00:18:32,237 --> 00:18:34,946
♪ see a penny, pick it up ♪
446
00:18:35,031 --> 00:18:37,073
♪ all the day
you'll have to look ♪
447
00:18:37,158 --> 00:18:39,992
♪ for its rightful owner ♪
448
00:18:40,078 --> 00:18:41,828
♪ that's an honorable day ♪
449
00:18:41,955 --> 00:18:47,083
♪ looking for
its rightful owner ♪
450
00:18:48,169 --> 00:18:50,545
I-I'm not gonna sing.
451
00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:53,005
-Your honor?
-I'll allow it.
452
00:18:53,133 --> 00:18:55,216
♪ a penny saved is
a penny earned ♪
453
00:18:55,343 --> 00:18:57,677
♪ but if it ain't yours,
I've learned ♪
454
00:18:57,762 --> 00:19:03,850
♪ to find its rightful owner. ♪
455
00:19:03,935 --> 00:19:05,643
(applause)
456
00:19:05,770 --> 00:19:10,106
This court finds that the world
could use more songs like that.
457
00:19:10,233 --> 00:19:13,151
Peter, I think you and I
might just have to
458
00:19:13,236 --> 00:19:15,069
Agree to disagree
when it comes to
459
00:19:15,196 --> 00:19:18,406
The financial propriety
of reverse mortgages.
460
00:19:18,533 --> 00:19:20,783
That said, I certainly
never meant
461
00:19:20,910 --> 00:19:22,451
To cause you any distress.
462
00:19:22,579 --> 00:19:24,912
And wild, back in the day,
463
00:19:25,039 --> 00:19:26,831
I turned my back on you,
464
00:19:26,916 --> 00:19:29,542
And I turned my back
on my mustache.
465
00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:32,128
Think you can forgive me?
466
00:19:32,213 --> 00:19:34,964
Eh, nothin' a firm,
two-handed handshake
467
00:19:35,049 --> 00:19:37,341
With eye contact can't solve.
468
00:19:39,846 --> 00:19:42,096
And peter, I don't want there
469
00:19:42,182 --> 00:19:43,806
To be any hard feelings,
470
00:19:43,892 --> 00:19:45,474
So I'm gonna write you a check
471
00:19:45,643 --> 00:19:48,311
For a little bit of
the lot of money I've made
472
00:19:48,438 --> 00:19:50,813
Selling legitimate
reverse mortgages
473
00:19:50,899 --> 00:19:52,899
To people who,
to the best of my knowledge,
474
00:19:52,984 --> 00:19:55,276
Understand fully what
they're entering into.
475
00:19:55,403 --> 00:19:56,944
How are you 78?
476
00:19:57,030 --> 00:19:58,404
This ought to take care of it.
477
00:19:58,489 --> 00:20:00,823
And hey, just to
make sure we're good,
478
00:20:00,909 --> 00:20:03,451
How'd you like
a line on the show?
479
00:20:03,536 --> 00:20:04,702
Blue bloods.
480
00:20:04,787 --> 00:20:07,496
It might not be just
saying the show.
481
00:20:07,582 --> 00:20:10,082
I understand.
Tom, would it be possible
482
00:20:10,168 --> 00:20:11,626
For me to get another
plate of lasagna?
483
00:20:11,753 --> 00:20:14,212
That's not my call, peter.
That's shannon's call.
484
00:20:14,297 --> 00:20:16,088
It's not shannon's call.
485
00:20:23,765 --> 00:20:25,223
Follow that car.
486
00:20:25,350 --> 00:20:26,849
First time in the big city?
487
00:20:26,976 --> 00:20:28,184
Blue bloods.
488
00:20:28,269 --> 00:20:29,977
That last line was improvised.
489
00:20:30,063 --> 00:20:33,105
Oh, look out, ryan stiles, huh?
490
00:20:33,233 --> 00:20:35,233
Oh, you know, I'm just glad
491
00:20:35,318 --> 00:20:37,568
We don't have to worry about
losing our house anymore.
492
00:20:37,654 --> 00:20:39,445
Me, too. I guess I learned
493
00:20:39,530 --> 00:20:41,239
Celebrities always
do the right thing
494
00:20:41,324 --> 00:20:43,699
Once you publicly
guilt them into it.
495
00:20:43,826 --> 00:20:46,285
♪ ♪