1 00:00:01,544 --> 00:00:04,753 ♪ it seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:04,839 --> 00:00:07,965 ♪ is violence in movies and sex on tv ♪ 3 00:00:08,134 --> 00:00:11,677 ♪ but where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:11,762 --> 00:00:14,680 ♪ on which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:14,765 --> 00:00:18,142 ♪ lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:18,227 --> 00:00:21,270 ♪ lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:21,397 --> 00:00:23,022 ♪ all the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:23,107 --> 00:00:24,273 ♪ laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:30,237 ♪ he's... A... Fam... Ily... Guy! ♪ 10 00:00:36,746 --> 00:00:37,828 Boy, everybody's here. 11 00:00:37,913 --> 00:00:39,288 Why do you think we're gathering? 12 00:00:39,415 --> 00:00:41,874 This isn't about the soiled pants in the toilet, right? 13 00:00:41,959 --> 00:00:43,125 'cause I hadn't heard about that. 14 00:00:43,210 --> 00:00:44,710 Good morning, employees. 15 00:00:44,795 --> 00:00:46,712 As some of you can tell by my face, 16 00:00:46,797 --> 00:00:48,130 I have some exciting news. 17 00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:50,841 But first, a pair of husky-size green pants were found 18 00:00:50,926 --> 00:00:53,302 In the men's room, positively destroyed. 19 00:00:53,429 --> 00:00:55,012 (whispers): That's what I hadn't heard about. 20 00:00:55,139 --> 00:00:56,680 Now the exciting news. 21 00:00:56,766 --> 00:00:59,016 The brewery is transitioning to an open floor plan 22 00:00:59,101 --> 00:01:01,727 And will be called the pawtucket patriot campus. 23 00:01:01,812 --> 00:01:04,563 To help explain the transition to our futuristic workplace, 24 00:01:04,690 --> 00:01:06,607 I'd like to share a video from our investor, 25 00:01:06,692 --> 00:01:09,818 The confusingly charismatic wework lunatic. 26 00:01:09,945 --> 00:01:12,112 Hey, I'm the guy from wework. 27 00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:14,073 My foremost goal is to facilitate 28 00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:16,742 An experiential bandwidth of synergy. 29 00:01:16,827 --> 00:01:18,827 Hammock desks, scooter desks, 30 00:01:18,913 --> 00:01:21,121 And the world's first desk-desk. 31 00:01:21,290 --> 00:01:24,124 The only desk that functions as a working desk. 32 00:01:24,210 --> 00:01:27,169 I have been the wework lunatic, please don't google me. 33 00:01:27,254 --> 00:01:29,505 Our new office will also have 34 00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:31,507 A lady chef who only makes vegan food, 35 00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:34,009 Pinball machines, and nursing pods. 36 00:01:34,095 --> 00:01:37,012 Lastly, as we transition to our new open floor plan, 37 00:01:37,098 --> 00:01:38,388 The brewery will be closed 38 00:01:38,516 --> 00:01:40,140 For the next two months for construction. 39 00:01:40,184 --> 00:01:41,266 Yes, griffin? 40 00:01:41,393 --> 00:01:45,270 Are the nursing pods, l-like, for anyone? 41 00:01:49,193 --> 00:01:51,110 If I ordered a whole cornish game hen, 42 00:01:51,195 --> 00:01:52,236 Would anyone have any? 43 00:01:52,321 --> 00:01:54,154 I'm in for a wing. What's the occasion? 44 00:01:54,281 --> 00:01:56,115 I just found out the brewery's closing 45 00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:57,783 So they can turn it into the kind of workplace 46 00:01:57,868 --> 00:01:59,660 You only see on tv shows. 47 00:01:59,787 --> 00:02:01,411 Work's been crazy for me, too. 48 00:02:01,497 --> 00:02:03,664 We have this case-- guy died on his birthday, 49 00:02:03,749 --> 00:02:05,207 And-- get this-- his family had gotten him 50 00:02:05,292 --> 00:02:06,375 An ice cream cake. 51 00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:08,377 You know, the kind with ice cream inside 52 00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:09,586 As the cake part? 53 00:02:09,713 --> 00:02:11,380 (laughs) 54 00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:14,049 Wild stuff. So I'm at the scene... 55 00:02:14,135 --> 00:02:16,009 This story is already too complicated and boring. 56 00:02:16,095 --> 00:02:17,177 Peter, take over. 57 00:02:17,263 --> 00:02:18,887 My amazon guy once delivered batteries 58 00:02:19,014 --> 00:02:21,181 -To pat sajak. -No way! 59 00:02:21,225 --> 00:02:23,433 How did he know there were batteries in the box? 60 00:02:23,602 --> 00:02:24,935 You know, whenever they ship a battery, 61 00:02:25,062 --> 00:02:26,854 They got to put that little warning label on the box? 62 00:02:26,981 --> 00:02:28,438 That's how. 63 00:02:28,566 --> 00:02:30,399 It could've just been something with a battery in it. 64 00:02:30,526 --> 00:02:32,359 No, he said he shook it real hard. 65 00:02:32,528 --> 00:02:34,361 I-I think the focus of this story is 66 00:02:34,446 --> 00:02:36,572 More pat sajak than the battery part. 67 00:02:36,699 --> 00:02:40,325 Hold on. There's no way that story was better than mine. 68 00:02:42,329 --> 00:02:44,496 Hey, brian. What's all this? 69 00:02:44,582 --> 00:02:46,248 Oh, just following in the rich tradition 70 00:02:46,333 --> 00:02:47,875 Of hemingway and faulkner 71 00:02:47,993 --> 00:02:49,585 And putting a little damage on the old liver. 72 00:02:49,712 --> 00:02:51,003 Another rosé, brian? 73 00:02:51,130 --> 00:02:52,379 Put a spritz on it. 74 00:02:52,464 --> 00:02:56,166 So, is, uh, watching tiktoks of underage girls 75 00:02:56,218 --> 00:02:58,218 Also part of your writing process? 76 00:02:58,304 --> 00:03:01,471 The best writing happens when you're not actually writing. 77 00:03:01,599 --> 00:03:03,515 I just wish my muse would speak to me. 78 00:03:03,601 --> 00:03:06,351 I'm having a tough time finding an idea for my next novel. 79 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:09,855 Well, I'd tell you about one of my murder cases, 80 00:03:09,940 --> 00:03:12,232 But apparently I'm a bad storyteller. 81 00:03:12,359 --> 00:03:15,235 -Murder case? -Oh, yeah, we had one last year. 82 00:03:15,362 --> 00:03:17,529 All signs pointed to the husband. 83 00:03:17,615 --> 00:03:19,281 -What happened? -It was the husband. 84 00:03:19,366 --> 00:03:21,825 You know, we have a whole file of cases in quahog 85 00:03:21,911 --> 00:03:23,827 That would make great stories. 86 00:03:23,954 --> 00:03:26,246 A lot of murdered women out there, bri. 87 00:03:26,332 --> 00:03:28,457 Half of them named britney, half of them named lacey. 88 00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:31,001 That's one piece of advice I always give young parents: 89 00:03:31,128 --> 00:03:32,794 Don't name them britney or lacey. 90 00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:34,004 Yeah, sad stuff. 91 00:03:34,131 --> 00:03:35,964 You know, true crime is huge right now. 92 00:03:36,050 --> 00:03:37,466 You could be sitting on a gold mine. 93 00:03:37,509 --> 00:03:38,926 A gold mine, huh? 94 00:03:39,011 --> 00:03:42,221 And this whole day I thought it was just a smushed dook. 95 00:03:44,808 --> 00:03:47,017 Announcer (on tv): We now return to curb your enthusiasm, 96 00:03:47,102 --> 00:03:50,479 Where jeff garlin just repeats everything larry says. 97 00:03:50,606 --> 00:03:52,397 So, I put on the shirt. 98 00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:54,316 You put on the shirt! 99 00:03:54,443 --> 00:03:55,734 I paid for it. 100 00:03:55,819 --> 00:03:57,402 You paid for it! 101 00:03:57,571 --> 00:03:59,821 I'm starting to think you're, uh, 102 00:03:59,949 --> 00:04:01,865 The weakest link in the cast. 103 00:04:01,951 --> 00:04:04,409 Easily the weakest link! 104 00:04:04,495 --> 00:04:07,120 Peter, the bank called to say we're overdrawn, 105 00:04:07,248 --> 00:04:09,122 And the credit card company sent us a letter 106 00:04:09,250 --> 00:04:11,375 That just says: "bitch better have my money." 107 00:04:11,460 --> 00:04:12,626 Visa sent that? 108 00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:14,378 God, they can do whatever they want in delaware. 109 00:04:14,463 --> 00:04:16,338 Thanks for nothing, sleepy joe. 110 00:04:16,465 --> 00:04:19,132 I wonder if this has anything to do with me not getting paid 111 00:04:19,218 --> 00:04:20,842 During the brewery renovations. 112 00:04:20,970 --> 00:04:23,178 Wh-what do you mean "not getting paid"? 113 00:04:23,264 --> 00:04:25,013 Well, preston said we're all transitioning 114 00:04:25,057 --> 00:04:26,723 To being independent contractors. 115 00:04:26,809 --> 00:04:28,767 The downside is we're losing our health insurance, 116 00:04:28,852 --> 00:04:31,728 But there's gonna be a pinball machine in the break room. 117 00:04:31,814 --> 00:04:33,605 Peter, we can't afford to go two months 118 00:04:33,691 --> 00:04:35,232 Without your paycheck. 119 00:04:35,317 --> 00:04:37,484 You're gonna have to find a job in the meantime. 120 00:04:37,569 --> 00:04:40,445 Lois, don't worry. I got it all figured out. 121 00:04:40,572 --> 00:04:43,031 (shoes tapping) 122 00:04:51,667 --> 00:04:53,792 "dear mr. Griffin, we regret to inform you 123 00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:56,044 That we cannot offer you a space." 124 00:04:57,131 --> 00:05:00,299 -(shoes tapping) -(singsongy): Another big dance check in the mail. 125 00:05:00,384 --> 00:05:04,136 I was just five years away from three figures a month. 126 00:05:04,263 --> 00:05:06,430 (shoes tapping slowly) 127 00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:12,936 Joe, this stuff is great. 128 00:05:13,063 --> 00:05:15,230 Yep, one man's murdered, estranged wife 129 00:05:15,316 --> 00:05:16,815 Is another man's treasure. 130 00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:20,110 Brian, I'm gonna have to ask you to put down the severed limb. 131 00:05:20,237 --> 00:05:21,695 I brought this from home. 132 00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:23,655 Drop it. Drop it! 133 00:05:23,741 --> 00:05:26,825 Ah, damn it, you said "drop it," so now I got to drop it. 134 00:05:26,952 --> 00:05:29,703 You know, we should team up and write a true crime novel. 135 00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:30,954 You don't happen to have any cases 136 00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:32,831 Featuring pretty blonde women, do you? 137 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,374 No, those get solved pretty quickly. 138 00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:37,586 This victim was brunette and a little heavy. 139 00:05:37,713 --> 00:05:39,171 Okay, getting warmer. 140 00:05:39,256 --> 00:05:42,007 We'll just change a few key details so people care. 141 00:05:42,092 --> 00:05:44,009 Gutierrez? Nope, gordon. 142 00:05:44,127 --> 00:05:45,969 Murdered on an indian reservation? 143 00:05:46,055 --> 00:05:47,346 Let's try beverly hills. 144 00:05:47,514 --> 00:05:50,182 I'm thinking we go novel, podcast, docuseries, 145 00:05:50,267 --> 00:05:52,100 Then full-blown blockbuster. 146 00:05:52,186 --> 00:05:54,895 But we'd also be doing this for the families, right? 147 00:05:54,980 --> 00:05:56,388 Is that a new streaming platform? 148 00:05:56,440 --> 00:05:58,148 No, like, the families of the victims? 149 00:05:58,233 --> 00:05:59,399 Oh, right. Yeah, sure. 150 00:05:59,610 --> 00:06:01,985 In fact, we'll give them a sliver of the proceeds. 151 00:06:02,154 --> 00:06:04,112 And I'll give the fictional version 152 00:06:04,198 --> 00:06:05,697 Of their daughter bigger boobs. 153 00:06:05,824 --> 00:06:07,366 Like-like real heavy naturals. 154 00:06:07,409 --> 00:06:10,660 Oh, yeah, that sounds like a good compromise. 155 00:06:14,583 --> 00:06:16,291 Your special cart, mrs. G. 156 00:06:16,377 --> 00:06:18,919 Just gave the wheels a fresh coat of wd-40. 157 00:06:19,004 --> 00:06:21,296 Why, thank you, james. 158 00:06:22,466 --> 00:06:25,675 Oh, roberto, if you weren't missing half an arm, 159 00:06:25,803 --> 00:06:27,094 I'd definitely consider it. 160 00:06:27,179 --> 00:06:29,721 Oh, how's the 6029s today, hmm? 161 00:06:29,848 --> 00:06:32,099 Oh, mrs. Lois, very fresh. 162 00:06:32,184 --> 00:06:33,850 What's she talking about, mommy? 163 00:06:33,977 --> 00:06:35,685 (laughs) kale, dear. 164 00:06:35,771 --> 00:06:38,313 It's insider speak for kale. 165 00:06:44,029 --> 00:06:45,821 That can't possibly be a thing. 166 00:06:45,906 --> 00:06:48,448 Let me just find someone to make sure. 167 00:06:50,869 --> 00:06:54,162 Oh, looks like someone got pulled from the night shift 168 00:06:54,248 --> 00:06:56,957 'cause I've never seen this free sample. 169 00:06:58,377 --> 00:07:00,669 -Peter?! -Man (over speakers): Ladies and gentlemen, 170 00:07:00,796 --> 00:07:02,546 We have a plot twist on aisle four. 171 00:07:02,714 --> 00:07:05,215 I'm the assistant manager who thinks work should be fun, 172 00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:07,342 And definitely not a corporate spy 173 00:07:07,511 --> 00:07:09,094 Here to keep unions from forming. 174 00:07:09,221 --> 00:07:10,929 But now that we're talking about it, 175 00:07:11,056 --> 00:07:12,389 Can you imagine if you had a grievance 176 00:07:12,474 --> 00:07:14,433 And couldn't talk to me directly? 177 00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:15,892 Anyway, I'm elliot, 178 00:07:15,978 --> 00:07:17,352 And I'm paying close attention 179 00:07:17,438 --> 00:07:19,688 To who posts what on the break room cork board. 180 00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:27,237 Peter, what are you doing here? 181 00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:28,989 You told me to get a job, and they were hiring. 182 00:07:29,116 --> 00:07:29,948 I love it here! 183 00:07:30,075 --> 00:07:31,116 Plus, they let me joke around 184 00:07:31,201 --> 00:07:33,410 With the wells fargo guys who work here. 185 00:07:33,495 --> 00:07:36,246 Yes, I'd like to make a deposit, please. 186 00:07:36,331 --> 00:07:39,124 Is it another 100 grand chocolate bar? 187 00:07:39,209 --> 00:07:41,084 Okay, so I've had you before. 188 00:07:41,128 --> 00:07:44,045 Peter, the grocery store is kind of my domain. 189 00:07:44,131 --> 00:07:45,922 While I'm glad you got a job, 190 00:07:46,008 --> 00:07:47,841 I don't love that you got one here. 191 00:07:47,926 --> 00:07:49,301 Don't worry. You won't even know I'm here. 192 00:07:49,428 --> 00:07:50,844 Unless you're near the front door, 193 00:07:50,929 --> 00:07:52,679 Which I can open with the force. 194 00:07:52,764 --> 00:07:54,848 Excuse me, where are the peanuts? 195 00:07:54,933 --> 00:07:56,266 Aisle seven. 196 00:07:56,393 --> 00:07:58,351 Peter, peanuts are on aisle two. 197 00:07:58,437 --> 00:07:59,603 Eh, I just tell 'em whatever number, 198 00:07:59,688 --> 00:08:02,147 And then I disappear into the produce mist. 199 00:08:03,901 --> 00:08:05,442 Peter? Peter? 200 00:08:05,527 --> 00:08:10,363 Peter (echoing): There was never peter, only loose carrots. 201 00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:16,119 The body was discovered around 9:00 p.M. 202 00:08:16,246 --> 00:08:19,080 Unfortunately, I couldn't make it down to the crime scene 203 00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:20,624 Because there were no ramps. 204 00:08:20,709 --> 00:08:22,083 Okay, I'm gonna write: 205 00:08:22,169 --> 00:08:24,044 "tonight, all the streets in this town 206 00:08:24,129 --> 00:08:25,545 Were a dead end." 207 00:08:25,631 --> 00:08:27,088 I never saw the body. 208 00:08:27,132 --> 00:08:29,216 It was cold, so they sent me on a coffee run. 209 00:08:29,343 --> 00:08:31,384 My lap can accommodate two trays, 210 00:08:31,512 --> 00:08:32,969 And I can't feel the spills. 211 00:08:33,096 --> 00:08:36,056 "she was found in a creek, her bosoms frozen solid." 212 00:08:36,141 --> 00:08:39,768 She was a heavyset 60-something in welder's coveralls. 213 00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:42,270 "no one from beverly hills had ever been strangled 214 00:08:42,356 --> 00:08:44,189 By their own cheerleader skirt before." 215 00:08:44,316 --> 00:08:45,607 (gasps) 216 00:08:45,776 --> 00:08:48,610 Wow, I can't believe I'm seeing how the sausage is made. 217 00:08:48,695 --> 00:08:52,113 Hey, so when you open a book and you see "random house," 218 00:08:52,199 --> 00:08:54,241 Is that something we come up with? 219 00:08:54,284 --> 00:08:56,993 Uh, no, that's-that's the publisher's name. 220 00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:59,204 I see. Just drinking it all in. 221 00:08:59,289 --> 00:09:01,331 And what about the list of cities you see under that name? 222 00:09:01,416 --> 00:09:04,793 Because I was thinking we should put new york, paris, kokomo. 223 00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:07,212 Those are just the cities where the publisher has offices. 224 00:09:07,297 --> 00:09:09,089 And kokomo isn't a real city, joe. 225 00:09:09,216 --> 00:09:11,091 Try telling the beach boys that. 226 00:09:11,176 --> 00:09:13,593 I don't know what our title should be yet, but beneath it, 227 00:09:13,679 --> 00:09:16,555 It should say: "soon to be a major motion picture." 228 00:09:16,682 --> 00:09:18,848 I always buy the book when I see that. 229 00:09:18,934 --> 00:09:20,350 Why don't we just focus on the writing? 230 00:09:20,477 --> 00:09:21,810 Oh, hey, you ever see books 231 00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:23,812 Where the edges of the pages are gold? 232 00:09:23,981 --> 00:09:26,356 -Yeah? -So cool. 233 00:09:31,655 --> 00:09:33,071 What is going on in here? 234 00:09:33,156 --> 00:09:35,115 Who put price tags on all the cans? 235 00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:37,450 And why is everything labeled 69 cents? 236 00:09:37,578 --> 00:09:40,787 Peter (muffled): Griffin family grocery is currently under renovation. 237 00:09:40,956 --> 00:09:42,831 Please excuse our dust. 238 00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:44,541 Peter? Where are you? 239 00:09:44,626 --> 00:09:46,876 Staring at butts from behind a one-way mirror. 240 00:09:46,962 --> 00:09:48,753 And why'd you rearrange everything? 241 00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:50,380 I just want to find my vitamins. 242 00:09:50,507 --> 00:09:53,008 Cupboard four. No, that's cupboard seven. 243 00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:54,718 No, wrong way. 244 00:09:54,803 --> 00:09:56,970 I'm not... Is it warmer or colder? 245 00:09:57,055 --> 00:09:59,097 Cupboard four. Cupboard four. 246 00:10:00,017 --> 00:10:01,558 (alarm blaring) 247 00:10:01,685 --> 00:10:03,977 Ma'am, don't worry, this happens all the time. 248 00:10:04,146 --> 00:10:05,770 I'm sure you have your receipt. 249 00:10:05,856 --> 00:10:07,564 What? No, I don't have a receipt. 250 00:10:07,649 --> 00:10:10,025 Okay, then, we're just gonna go to the office, 251 00:10:10,193 --> 00:10:13,278 Call your parents, and send you on your way. 252 00:10:14,823 --> 00:10:16,948 -Daddy, I just... -There are gonna be some changes around here. 253 00:10:17,034 --> 00:10:18,908 First off, no more lipstick. 254 00:10:18,994 --> 00:10:21,745 That's how all this trouble started. 255 00:10:26,084 --> 00:10:27,167 Okay, so we just need the ending. 256 00:10:27,252 --> 00:10:28,376 Who was the murderer? 257 00:10:28,462 --> 00:10:31,171 Oh, I have no idea. It's a cold case. 258 00:10:31,256 --> 00:10:33,715 That's what makes 'em cold-- no one knows how to solve 'em. 259 00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:34,966 Well, how do we finish our novel 260 00:10:35,052 --> 00:10:37,427 If we don't know what happened in real life? 261 00:10:37,512 --> 00:10:38,928 -Ghost cop. -No. 262 00:10:39,014 --> 00:10:40,055 Do you know what this means? 263 00:10:40,182 --> 00:10:42,057 We're gonna put on our sherlock holmes hats 264 00:10:42,225 --> 00:10:44,225 And solve the murder ourselves? 265 00:10:44,311 --> 00:10:46,686 Deerstalker hats, joe. But yes. 266 00:10:46,772 --> 00:10:49,397 Stupid nonwriter! 267 00:10:52,235 --> 00:10:54,143 Okay, brian, now, when you're visiting 268 00:10:54,196 --> 00:10:55,695 The family of a deceased victim, 269 00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:57,197 You need to hold a hat over your chest. 270 00:10:57,282 --> 00:10:58,573 It shows you care. 271 00:10:58,700 --> 00:11:00,742 All I have is this crown from our burger king lunch. 272 00:11:00,869 --> 00:11:02,160 Hat's a hat. 273 00:11:03,455 --> 00:11:06,247 How can I help you, officer and your highness? 274 00:11:06,408 --> 00:11:10,085 Hi, yes. We're here with many questions about your daughter. 275 00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:11,878 You know, the dead one? You-you remember her? 276 00:11:11,963 --> 00:11:13,588 We'd love any details. 277 00:11:13,674 --> 00:11:15,715 Is this some sort of sick joke? 278 00:11:15,801 --> 00:11:17,050 I assure you it's not, ma'am. 279 00:11:17,135 --> 00:11:18,885 We're writing a future hit novel 280 00:11:18,970 --> 00:11:20,053 Based on your daughter's murder. 281 00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:21,471 We just need to know who did it. 282 00:11:21,515 --> 00:11:24,182 And, between us, it'd be great if one of you did. 283 00:11:24,267 --> 00:11:25,934 What is this? What do you want? 284 00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:27,811 Did you know jonbenét ramsey's dad 285 00:11:27,896 --> 00:11:30,438 Dated natalee holloway's mom? 286 00:11:30,524 --> 00:11:32,023 What does that have to do with our case? 287 00:11:32,109 --> 00:11:33,942 Well, nothing, it's just kind of weird, right? 288 00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:36,986 Do you happen to have any grainy video footage 289 00:11:37,072 --> 00:11:40,073 Of her singing an emotional song at a talent show? 290 00:11:40,158 --> 00:11:41,574 Maybe green day's "time of your life"? 291 00:11:41,702 --> 00:11:44,577 That would really bust this project wide open for us. 292 00:11:44,746 --> 00:11:46,705 You're both unwell. 293 00:11:48,166 --> 00:11:49,541 Well, that was a bust. 294 00:11:49,668 --> 00:11:52,252 Sorry, I've been holding this in since burger king. 295 00:11:52,337 --> 00:11:54,212 Oh, seriously? You're just gonna leave that there? 296 00:11:54,339 --> 00:11:57,006 These people have suffered a terrible loss. 297 00:11:57,134 --> 00:11:59,259 At least cover it with leaves or something. 298 00:11:59,428 --> 00:12:00,760 Ugh, fine. 299 00:12:04,433 --> 00:12:06,099 Joe, look. I found something. 300 00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:09,477 -It's a key to a storage unit. -How do you know that? 301 00:12:09,563 --> 00:12:12,021 Yeah, me and bonnie have been doing a fun role-play thing 302 00:12:12,149 --> 00:12:14,065 Where she dresses up like a sexy maid 303 00:12:14,151 --> 00:12:17,277 And then locks me in a storage unit while guys come over. 304 00:12:17,362 --> 00:12:19,237 -Oh. -Yeah, it's pretty kinky. 305 00:12:19,364 --> 00:12:22,323 I, uh, I play the role of a sexy armoire, 306 00:12:22,409 --> 00:12:23,908 Waiting in another room. 307 00:12:23,994 --> 00:12:26,786 Sounds like she just wants you out of the house for a while. 308 00:12:26,872 --> 00:12:29,205 Nah. No. 309 00:12:34,212 --> 00:12:36,254 It's okay, lois. It's a big store. 310 00:12:36,381 --> 00:12:37,964 You may not even run into peter. 311 00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:41,009 Good morning. How much are the mussels? 312 00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:43,261 $34 a month at bally's total fitness. 313 00:12:43,346 --> 00:12:44,721 -(bell chimes) -peter? 314 00:12:44,848 --> 00:12:46,389 Why are you behind the fish counter? 315 00:12:46,433 --> 00:12:49,559 I got a promotion, emphasis on the "otion." 316 00:12:49,686 --> 00:12:50,977 -(bell chimes) -fine. 317 00:12:51,062 --> 00:12:52,687 What do you got that's fresh? 318 00:12:52,814 --> 00:12:54,230 Well, I got a teenage son at home. 319 00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:56,149 -What a mouth on that kid. -(bell chimes) 320 00:12:56,234 --> 00:12:58,985 That's it! You have ruined groceries for me! 321 00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:01,446 Get the hell out of my store, you imbecile! 322 00:13:01,531 --> 00:13:04,449 Um, excuse me, miss, did you just yell at this employee? 323 00:13:04,576 --> 00:13:05,950 You're damn right I did. 324 00:13:06,036 --> 00:13:08,077 He has no business being here. 325 00:13:08,163 --> 00:13:10,705 This man is a member of the stop 'n shop family. 326 00:13:10,832 --> 00:13:12,916 He has every business being here. 327 00:13:13,001 --> 00:13:15,084 You, on the other hand, will have to go. 328 00:13:15,212 --> 00:13:16,377 You're banned from the store. 329 00:13:16,463 --> 00:13:18,087 (chuckles nervously): What? No. 330 00:13:18,215 --> 00:13:19,380 Y-you can't do this. 331 00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:21,257 I have shopped here my whole life. 332 00:13:21,384 --> 00:13:23,343 Yes, we know. If it's any consolation, 333 00:13:23,428 --> 00:13:25,136 You'll be in the "in memoriam" section 334 00:13:25,263 --> 00:13:27,055 Of the grocery store oscars. 335 00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:28,932 ("I will remember you" by sarah mclachlan playing) 336 00:13:29,059 --> 00:13:34,896 ♪ I will remember you ♪ 337 00:13:36,066 --> 00:13:41,110 -♪ will you remember me? ♪ -(cheering) 338 00:13:42,364 --> 00:13:45,573 -♪ don't let your life... ♪ -(man coughs) 339 00:13:45,700 --> 00:13:48,535 Lois: No! No, no, no. You can't put me after betty white. 340 00:13:48,620 --> 00:13:50,912 Didn't brenda vaccaro die or something? 341 00:13:50,997 --> 00:13:52,497 (gasps) no. 342 00:13:52,582 --> 00:13:55,834 I live here in aisle four with the kotex tampons. 343 00:13:55,919 --> 00:13:57,961 (wheezing) 344 00:13:58,088 --> 00:13:59,838 Still more absorbent than the leading brand. 345 00:13:59,965 --> 00:14:01,422 (wheezing) 346 00:14:07,305 --> 00:14:09,138 The worst part is, I can't even go back 347 00:14:09,266 --> 00:14:11,015 To my favorite grocery store. 348 00:14:11,142 --> 00:14:13,601 I personally think you should give peter a taste 349 00:14:13,770 --> 00:14:17,146 Of his own medicine and get a job at his special place. 350 00:14:17,232 --> 00:14:19,148 The men's room at logan airport? 351 00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:20,942 No, the drunken clam. 352 00:14:21,027 --> 00:14:23,236 Oh, okay, 'cause he had this one experience there 353 00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:24,988 That he still talks about to this day, 354 00:14:25,073 --> 00:14:27,782 But that is an intriguing idea, bonnie. 355 00:14:27,909 --> 00:14:29,242 I'm glad you think so. 356 00:14:29,327 --> 00:14:31,911 Well, as white women in conversation, 357 00:14:31,997 --> 00:14:33,913 We're now obligated to spend five minutes 358 00:14:33,999 --> 00:14:35,832 Talking about sedona, arizona. 359 00:14:35,959 --> 00:14:37,625 -Oh, I'd love to go. -I know. 360 00:14:37,711 --> 00:14:41,045 My friend linda got a massage there after her divorce. 361 00:14:41,172 --> 00:14:43,131 And my friend trish bought a painting there. 362 00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:45,592 -Oh, we got to go. -We got to go. 363 00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:52,307 Hey, you two haven't seen peter, have you? 364 00:14:52,350 --> 00:14:54,350 Asking as a waitress trying to teach him a lesson 365 00:14:54,436 --> 00:14:57,145 By working at his favorite place, not as his wife. 366 00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:59,981 Whoa, check out the turd-cutter on the new chick. 367 00:15:00,066 --> 00:15:01,983 That's right. I work here now. 368 00:15:02,110 --> 00:15:04,110 I'm gonna be here all the time. 369 00:15:04,195 --> 00:15:06,070 Oh, how does it feel to have someone invade 370 00:15:06,197 --> 00:15:07,822 Your special space? 371 00:15:07,908 --> 00:15:09,115 It feels great! 372 00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:10,825 Speaking of invading special places, 373 00:15:10,911 --> 00:15:11,951 How about this? 374 00:15:12,078 --> 00:15:13,995 Hey, sweetie, when do you get off work? 375 00:15:14,122 --> 00:15:16,372 Me and my wife are more friends at this point than anything. 376 00:15:16,458 --> 00:15:17,916 Don't get me wrong, she's a great gal, 377 00:15:18,001 --> 00:15:19,834 Raised my children, but time takes its toll, 378 00:15:19,961 --> 00:15:21,002 You know what I mean? 379 00:15:21,129 --> 00:15:22,629 What? My wife and I have an arrangement, 380 00:15:22,756 --> 00:15:25,340 So I'm not doing anything wrong here, technically. 381 00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:27,383 Ah, well, this isn't working. 382 00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:29,719 If you want to meet me in my car later, 383 00:15:29,804 --> 00:15:32,180 It's the one with the "blue lives matter" sticker. 384 00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:35,391 But, like, not for cops, it's for, it's for grover. 385 00:15:39,648 --> 00:15:41,147 Who's going in first? 386 00:15:41,232 --> 00:15:43,483 Kind of feels like you should since you're a dog. 387 00:15:43,568 --> 00:15:44,734 Are you scared, joe? 388 00:15:44,861 --> 00:15:46,778 Would a scared person do this? 389 00:15:46,863 --> 00:15:49,739 -(screams) -not so fast. 390 00:15:49,824 --> 00:15:51,908 (serial theme playing) 391 00:15:51,993 --> 00:15:53,409 Who is that? 392 00:15:53,495 --> 00:15:55,495 I'm guessing it's the lady from serial. 393 00:15:55,580 --> 00:15:59,123 Oh, I certainly wouldn't recognize a podcaster visually. 394 00:15:59,292 --> 00:16:01,793 -I'm sarah koenig. -Big fan of your work. 395 00:16:01,878 --> 00:16:04,504 No one turns another person's suffering into profit better. 396 00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:07,799 Listen up, I want this case for my podcast, 397 00:16:07,884 --> 00:16:09,133 So you need to drop it. 398 00:16:09,219 --> 00:16:11,803 And if you don't, I could make you disappear. 399 00:16:11,888 --> 00:16:14,130 We're sponsored by casper mattresses. 400 00:16:14,182 --> 00:16:16,557 That wasn't a threat. I have a code if you want it. 401 00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:18,810 Man: Stand down, sarah. 402 00:16:18,895 --> 00:16:20,687 I'm keith morrison, 403 00:16:20,814 --> 00:16:23,439 And I want this case for dateline. 404 00:16:23,566 --> 00:16:26,859 There are only a few hundred unsolved murders left, 405 00:16:26,945 --> 00:16:30,655 And there's a million true crime content creators. 406 00:16:30,782 --> 00:16:33,199 My grandson taught me that term. 407 00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:36,285 Who's "okay, boomer" now? 408 00:16:37,372 --> 00:16:40,248 We're npr's team of women with lisps 409 00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:42,375 And names nobody's ever had, 410 00:16:42,460 --> 00:16:46,254 Like sylvia delgado-smith, and audie takahashi o'shea. 411 00:16:46,381 --> 00:16:48,339 I'm chris hansen from to catch a predator, 412 00:16:48,466 --> 00:16:50,508 And I'm just here in case any of you 413 00:16:50,593 --> 00:16:51,843 Turn out to be pedophiles. 414 00:16:51,928 --> 00:16:54,137 Warm chocolate chip cookie, anyone? 415 00:16:54,264 --> 00:16:56,848 No! I claimed this cold case for serial. 416 00:16:56,933 --> 00:17:00,393 Not if I record a dateline first. 417 00:17:00,895 --> 00:17:03,396 (all grunting) 418 00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:11,279 (choking) 419 00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:13,322 ♪ ♪ 420 00:17:15,827 --> 00:17:17,201 (screaming) 421 00:17:17,328 --> 00:17:19,245 (grunting) 422 00:17:26,963 --> 00:17:30,256 Please... Rate and review my life. 423 00:17:30,341 --> 00:17:32,592 And someone take care of my dog 424 00:17:32,677 --> 00:17:35,636 You could usually hear in the background of my podcast. 425 00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:37,680 (gasping) 426 00:17:37,849 --> 00:17:39,015 (grunting) 427 00:17:40,018 --> 00:17:43,061 A foggy night at a storage unit in quahog. 428 00:17:43,104 --> 00:17:45,980 The sleepy little town of quahog 429 00:17:46,066 --> 00:17:49,776 Is usually all tucked in by 10:00 p.M. 430 00:17:49,861 --> 00:17:51,903 (clamoring) 431 00:17:51,988 --> 00:17:53,863 You know what? We're no better than them. 432 00:17:53,990 --> 00:17:55,740 We've been exploiting the victim's life 433 00:17:55,825 --> 00:17:57,450 For our own personal gain. 434 00:17:57,535 --> 00:17:59,744 I-I think it's time for us to abandon writing this book. 435 00:17:59,829 --> 00:18:03,956 Or... Maybe we set it to rap lyrics and take it to broadway? 436 00:18:04,125 --> 00:18:05,958 I think we're done here. 437 00:18:07,128 --> 00:18:08,961 You know, joe, even though it didn't work out, 438 00:18:09,089 --> 00:18:10,713 It was nice to spend some time with someone 439 00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:12,340 Who actually believed in my writing. 440 00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:16,219 Well, as someone who's never read a book, I absolutely do. 441 00:18:19,849 --> 00:18:22,975 The waitress from the clam! Holy crap, has lois seen you?! 442 00:18:23,061 --> 00:18:24,102 We really don't have an arrangement. 443 00:18:24,229 --> 00:18:25,103 You got to get out of here! 444 00:18:25,230 --> 00:18:26,646 Oh, peter, enough. 445 00:18:26,731 --> 00:18:28,940 -What's the matter? -You wouldn't understand. 446 00:18:28,983 --> 00:18:31,275 Okay. 447 00:18:32,654 --> 00:18:34,695 I'd get back in there, chief. 448 00:18:35,865 --> 00:18:38,407 (sighs) chris made me come back. 449 00:18:38,493 --> 00:18:40,660 Oh, honey, the grocery store isn't just 450 00:18:40,745 --> 00:18:42,787 Where I buy food for the family. 451 00:18:42,872 --> 00:18:44,122 It's my escape. 452 00:18:44,207 --> 00:18:46,374 My refuge from being pestered 453 00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:47,875 With dumb questions from the kids, 454 00:18:47,961 --> 00:18:49,627 Or having to clean up your messes. 455 00:18:49,754 --> 00:18:52,964 Sometimes, just a stroll down the ethnic food aisle 456 00:18:53,049 --> 00:18:55,508 Makes me feel like I'm in a north african bazaar. 457 00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:57,510 Yeah, I don't like the smells on that aisle. 458 00:18:57,679 --> 00:19:00,847 -And I don't know, it's hard to explain, but... -There's more?! 459 00:19:00,932 --> 00:19:03,516 It's not just a grocery store to me. 460 00:19:03,601 --> 00:19:05,685 There's a whole community of people there 461 00:19:05,770 --> 00:19:07,186 Who feel like family. 462 00:19:07,272 --> 00:19:09,647 And now, now I have nothing. 463 00:19:09,732 --> 00:19:13,860 Aw, lois, I'm so sorry for ruining your happy place. 464 00:19:13,945 --> 00:19:15,695 And I'm gonna take care of it. 465 00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:18,114 Just like I've been taking care of that egg since high school. 466 00:19:18,283 --> 00:19:21,075 Oh, my god, I forgot to pick him up from soccer practice! 467 00:19:21,995 --> 00:19:25,037 Hey, do you need me to call your yolks? 468 00:19:27,834 --> 00:19:29,417 Look, you got to let lois come back. 469 00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:31,836 Please remove the ban. She loves this place. 470 00:19:31,921 --> 00:19:33,087 I'm sorry, but I can't do that. 471 00:19:33,173 --> 00:19:35,548 She yelled at a mentally-challenged person, 472 00:19:35,633 --> 00:19:36,674 And that's unforgivable. 473 00:19:36,843 --> 00:19:38,217 What? I'm not mentally challenged. 474 00:19:38,303 --> 00:19:40,136 You're not? But that's literally 475 00:19:40,221 --> 00:19:42,096 The only reason we hired you. 476 00:19:42,140 --> 00:19:45,600 Would a mentally challenged person be able to do this? 477 00:19:49,814 --> 00:19:52,148 Your name tag says "big petey." 478 00:19:52,233 --> 00:19:54,233 (scoffs) why do you think we all gather round 479 00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:55,985 And applaud you while you ride 480 00:19:56,029 --> 00:19:57,612 The coin-operated horse out front? 481 00:19:57,697 --> 00:19:58,946 'cause I'm good at horses? 482 00:19:59,032 --> 00:20:01,365 Wow. (chuckles) I really thought... 483 00:20:01,451 --> 00:20:03,743 You know, we don't let all our employees insist 484 00:20:03,870 --> 00:20:06,621 The customers feel their muscles after bagging their order. 485 00:20:06,664 --> 00:20:07,872 Right? 486 00:20:07,999 --> 00:20:09,040 Okay, fine. 487 00:20:09,167 --> 00:20:11,000 Lois can come back, but you're fired. 488 00:20:11,085 --> 00:20:12,835 I need you to turn in your gun and badge. 489 00:20:13,004 --> 00:20:15,421 Well, I guess my work here is done. 490 00:20:15,548 --> 00:20:17,215 To the mickey-copter! 491 00:20:19,886 --> 00:20:21,010 See, disney? 492 00:20:21,095 --> 00:20:23,179 Nothing here but respectful synergy. 493 00:20:32,357 --> 00:20:34,440 What happened to the open floor plan? 494 00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:37,151 Long story. The wework guy took our entire budget 495 00:20:37,278 --> 00:20:39,528 For the project as a holiday bonus. 496 00:20:39,572 --> 00:20:41,697 But he has long hair and speaks confidently 497 00:20:41,741 --> 00:20:42,823 About the internet, 498 00:20:42,909 --> 00:20:44,825 So he will get about eight more chances. 499 00:20:44,911 --> 00:20:47,495 Ah, yes, the wework guy. 500 00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:51,958 They thought he had created a $47 billion unicorn. 501 00:20:52,043 --> 00:20:55,336 Turns out it was only a two-bit donkey. 502 00:20:55,463 --> 00:20:57,421 That's wet paint, by the way. 503 00:20:58,383 --> 00:20:59,674 Ah, son of a...