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¶ It seems today
that all you see ¶
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¶ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ¶
¶ It seems today
that all you see ¶
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00:00:05,160 --> 00:00:07,890
¶ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ¶
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¶ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ¶
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¶ On which we used to rely? ¶
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¶ Lucky there's a family guy ¶
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¶ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ¶
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¶ All the things that make us ¶
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¶ Laugh and cry ¶
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¶ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ¶
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¶ ¶
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Fart joke.
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Sir, you need to get ready
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for your lifetime achievement
award ceremony.
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Thank you, shape-shifting valet.
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Remember, sir, I can be
any shape you wish.
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Yeah, but you're
already this, so...
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Excuse me.
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Pardon me.
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Beg your pardon.
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Coming through.
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Nice to see you.
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Thank you for coming.
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What if I told you
you could accumulate
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all the wealth
you'd ever want
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simply by learning
the secrets of real estate?
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Oop, wrong room.
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And then what if
you could use that wealth
29
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to turn yourself
into a Broadway star?
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Welcome, ladies and gentlemen
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and 14 other genders
we have now.
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I'm Lane Bergan,
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00:02:17,750 --> 00:02:21,680
the biggest star
of May 2020 and on.
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So, if you've only watched TV
up until April of 2020,
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00:02:25,430 --> 00:02:28,430
my name would be
unfamiliar to you.
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Lane Bergan?
37
00:02:29,520 --> 00:02:32,160
What, did Brett Kingston say no?
38
00:02:34,770 --> 00:02:37,790
When the Dwayne Johnson Center
for Confusing Ethnicity
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00:02:37,860 --> 00:02:40,550
approached me about
hosting this night,
40
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I said it'd be
an honor to bestow upon
41
00:02:43,110 --> 00:02:47,870
Stewart Gilligan Griffin
our Lifetime Achievement Award.
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When Stewie invented
the Wipeless Dump,
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our rainforests were
hanging on by a thread.
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Now, are there too many trees?
45
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Ladies and gentlemen,
Stewart Griffin.
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Thank you for this
wonderful honor.
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It's so wonderful to be
here with all of you.
48
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You guys mind stopping
for just one minute?
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00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:22,400
When I heard I was going
to be receiving this award, I...
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I'm not the person
who yells at waiters,
51
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but maybe everyone
bussing tables can freeze?
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I-I don't understand
why I'm the person
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who has to be saying this, okay?
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Okay, I'll never forget
the first time I...
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Wow, really?
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This award means the world to...
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...me...
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and I want to thank...
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everyone who...
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Anybody with
a bowtie on,
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stop what you're doing,
walk into the coatroom,
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and don't come out
until I'm done talking!
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I-I don't yell at waiters.
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I'm now going
to stop mid-sentence
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because I see someone
from my...
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Brian?
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So, Brian,
how's Frank Sinatra, Jr.?
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You two still hanging out?
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No. He died.
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I'll never forget it,
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it was Spiro Agnew's birthday.
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Wow, so you, uh,
really went all-in
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with the Japanese screens.
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Yes, I really like
changing in silhouette
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while carrying
on a conversation.
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Will you excuse me?
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So, how was your flight?
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It was, uh, it was fine.
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I had a layover in Atlanta...
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What are you doing back there?
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Just getting into something
more comfortable.
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Can I interest you
in a nightcap?
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-I think I've got...
-Who is that?
84
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A little privacy, please!
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What the hell was all that?
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I have a lot of money, Brian.
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But let's continue this while
I take a very foggy shower.
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No, Stewie, come on.
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I haven't seen you
in almost 50 years.
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And you haven't even
told me how great I look.
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You do look great.
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Thanks to me.
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I invented a pill
to extend your life.
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It's called "Semper Fido."
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What? Why?
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Aren't you going to say anything
about the cute name I gave it?
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Ha.
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What? Why?
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I snuck it in your food
because I wanted you
100
00:05:16,100 --> 00:05:18,930
to live long enough to see that
global warming is bull crap.
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Oh, my God, we were
so wrong about that.
102
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If anything,
it's way colder now.
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Yes, and now thanks to you,
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we're stuck
with President Polar Bear.
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President Polar Bear,
is it true
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you ate the presidential seal?
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That was a simple
misunderstanding.
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-No further questions.
-President Polar Bear!
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President Polar Bear, what did
you do for a Klondike bar?
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I believe the president has
answered all of your questions.
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Here's what I don't understand--
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why did you even want me
to live this long
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if you were just gonna leave me?
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It's not about you, Brian.
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I couldn't take it back there.
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But they were your family,
Stewie.
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I guess I'm just
not a family guy.
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Mom and Dad always wanted me
to be someone I wasn't.
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Stewie Griffin,
get in here right now!
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-Yeah?
-Well, I just got
our Christmas card photos.
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You want to tell me what you're
doing with your hands here?
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Nothing.
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Exactly, nothing.
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And what does the greeting
at the top of the card say?
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"Merry Christmas
and a Shocking New Year."
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And what is every
other member of the family
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00:06:16,490 --> 00:06:17,600
doing with their hands?
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-The shocker.
-Right.
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Now, listen, Stewie,
I'm a cool dad, all right?
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I could care less what you
do with the pink, truly.
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But the stink is where
you get the "shocking."
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You get that?
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You get what I'm saying?
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Even if it's just one,
that's fine.
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But you got to put
something there.
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I-I think it's gonna be fine.
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I'm sure people
won't even notice.
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Oh...
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Anyway, that's why I left.
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Well, that was a long time ago.
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You have to come back.
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Stewie...
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00:06:44,440 --> 00:06:45,520
Peter is dying.
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What?
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Oh, my God, that's awful.
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So, you'll come see him?
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Of course.
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You know, he once
asked me in the event
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that he was sick
to clear his Google history.
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"Peter Griffin search history."
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"Winnie the Pooh,
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"Winnie the Pooh jacket,
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00:07:01,530 --> 00:07:03,880
"Winnie the Pooh
vintage jacket,
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00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:05,480
"Winnie the Pooh
letterman jacket,
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"Winnie the Pooh windbreaker,
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00:07:07,650 --> 00:07:09,390
"Eeyore jacket,
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"Eeyore vintage jacket,
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00:07:10,710 --> 00:07:12,650
"Eeyore letterman jacket,
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00:07:12,730 --> 00:07:14,710
lactating pregnant Latinas..."
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00:07:14,710 --> 00:07:16,710
Wow. Huge turn there.
161
00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:18,490
"Piglet pencil erasers."
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00:07:18,570 --> 00:07:19,900
Okay, getting back in there.
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00:07:19,980 --> 00:07:22,570
"Full cast Winnie
the Pooh backpack."
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Oh, "cancer symptoms," yeah.
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"Coughing up blood,
pain in abdomen,
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Winnie the Pooh casket."
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Yeah, he is sick.
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You know, while we're here,
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let's take a look
at your search history.
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No, Stewie, that's...
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"Spiro Agnew birthday."
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What a weird thing to try
to impress me with.
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Okay, first stop, Chris Griffin.
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We have to pick up Chris?
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Yeah, what's the problem?
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00:07:49,490 --> 00:07:51,460
Uh, we didn't exactly
get along too well.
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Especially after Grandpa died
and left me the dark boathouse.
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You can still use the boathouse
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00:07:57,250 --> 00:07:59,360
on non-vacation Sundays
in the spring.
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I've always taken
care of you, Chris.
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Taken care of me?
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00:08:03,250 --> 00:08:06,810
You're my kid brother,
you take care of me?
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00:08:06,890 --> 00:08:08,220
Sorry, I came down here to vape.
184
00:08:08,300 --> 00:08:11,150
Send Chris off to do this,
send Chris off to do that.
185
00:08:11,230 --> 00:08:13,300
I'm supposed to be
shoveling the driveway.
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00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:17,160
I'm your older brother, Stewie,
and I was stepped over!
187
00:08:17,230 --> 00:08:19,140
It's the way Grandpa wanted it.
188
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It ain't the way I wanted it!
189
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Sounds like you're having
a personal conversation.
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I'll put in my earbuds.
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I'm smart!
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Not like everybody says,
like dumb.
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I'm smart and I want respect.
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¶ Funky Cold Medina. ¶
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Chris, you live in filth.
196
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What have you been doing?
197
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Yeah, I kind of wasted my life,
198
00:08:44,330 --> 00:08:47,340
except I obsessed over
teaching my penis how to talk.
199
00:08:47,410 --> 00:08:48,260
What?
200
00:08:48,340 --> 00:08:49,260
Who's out there?.
201
00:08:49,340 --> 00:08:50,690
Settle down,
just got some company.
202
00:08:50,770 --> 00:08:53,250
Well, aren't you going
to introduce me?
203
00:08:53,250 --> 00:08:55,530
I'm getting to it,
if-if you'll give me a second.
204
00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:57,270
I want to have a look at them.
205
00:08:57,390 --> 00:09:00,850
Hey, numbskull, that's how we
got in trouble the last time.
206
00:09:01,930 --> 00:09:03,430
He-he's really very friendly.
207
00:09:03,450 --> 00:09:06,020
Where's the Jamba Juice
you were gonna get me?
208
00:09:06,040 --> 00:09:08,120
Never mind,
I'll order it on Postmates.
209
00:09:08,190 --> 00:09:09,220
No, you won't.
210
00:09:09,230 --> 00:09:12,540
Stop spending all our money.
211
00:09:15,290 --> 00:09:17,110
So, what's Meg
been up to anyway?
212
00:09:17,110 --> 00:09:19,940
She runs a small
private security business
213
00:09:19,950 --> 00:09:20,870
out in the desert.
214
00:09:20,950 --> 00:09:22,110
That sounds kind of cool.
215
00:09:22,110 --> 00:09:25,950
Well, she basically just
tests bulletproof vests.
216
00:09:26,970 --> 00:09:28,800
-Ready?
-One sec.
217
00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:31,900
Yeah, go, go, go.
218
00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:37,890
Ooh... yeah.
219
00:09:43,150 --> 00:09:45,060
This one can use another layer.
220
00:09:45,140 --> 00:09:46,910
Oh, hey, guys.
221
00:09:46,990 --> 00:09:48,160
Um, are you okay?
222
00:09:48,230 --> 00:09:49,420
Yeah, I'll be fine.
223
00:09:49,490 --> 00:09:51,810
Hi, Meg. Bring it in.
224
00:09:51,810 --> 00:09:52,920
Hi, Chris' Penis.
225
00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:54,140
How are you?
226
00:09:54,150 --> 00:09:56,840
Same spit, different day.
227
00:10:01,340 --> 00:10:03,080
Wow, look at Quahog.
228
00:10:03,160 --> 00:10:05,910
Light rail system,
gleaming skyscrapers.
229
00:10:05,990 --> 00:10:07,170
¶ Weenie and the Butt. ¶
230
00:10:07,250 --> 00:10:09,660
But somehow,
the same morning DJs.
231
00:10:09,660 --> 00:10:11,770
¶ Quahog 97 ¶
232
00:10:11,890 --> 00:10:13,830
¶ FM on the radio ¶
233
00:10:13,830 --> 00:10:15,090
¶ And the Internet ¶
234
00:10:15,110 --> 00:10:17,020
¶ And the orb ¶
235
00:10:17,090 --> 00:10:18,850
¶ A new invention ¶
236
00:10:18,970 --> 00:10:20,110
¶ Which lets you hear stuff ¶
237
00:10:20,190 --> 00:10:22,020
¶ Right in your head ¶
238
00:10:22,100 --> 00:10:23,260
¶ Without a device. ¶
239
00:10:23,340 --> 00:10:25,010
Try turning it off.
240
00:10:25,010 --> 00:10:26,340
You can't!
241
00:10:26,350 --> 00:10:27,600
That's not all
that hasn't changed.
242
00:10:27,680 --> 00:10:30,700
Cleveland's still on hold
with United Airlines.
243
00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:38,870
I'm starting to think my call
is not important to them.
244
00:10:38,950 --> 00:10:40,210
Your call is important to us.
245
00:10:40,280 --> 00:10:42,630
Thank you for remaining
on the line.
246
00:10:42,710 --> 00:10:46,530
All right, you just bought
yourself another year.
247
00:10:46,530 --> 00:10:48,310
And Seamus is still on hold
with Spirit Airlines.
248
00:10:48,430 --> 00:10:51,220
We don't give a crap about you,
but we're the cheapest,
249
00:10:51,290 --> 00:10:54,870
-so sit there and take it.
-Ah, sea turds.
250
00:10:56,060 --> 00:10:59,210
Mr. Seamus, five minutes
to showtime, Mr. Seamus.
251
00:10:59,210 --> 00:11:01,230
Oh, I want to fly standby
to Pittsburgh,
252
00:11:01,300 --> 00:11:04,730
but I also want to host
The Muppet Show.
253
00:11:09,220 --> 00:11:11,650
Look at all this traffic.
254
00:11:11,720 --> 00:11:13,980
Yeah, Brady Boulevard
is tight this time of day.
255
00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:16,240
You know what?
Cut over to Brady on Brady
256
00:11:16,320 --> 00:11:18,150
and then take the Brady Bridge.
257
00:11:18,230 --> 00:11:20,250
Is everything in this town
named after Tom Brady?
258
00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:23,750
Oh, no, there's the
Rob Gronkowski Library.
259
00:11:23,830 --> 00:11:26,240
The only book is just a label
ripped off a Muscle Milk bottle.
260
00:11:26,240 --> 00:11:28,850
And look, there's the
Robert Kraft Marina,
261
00:11:28,920 --> 00:11:30,570
full of tugboats.
262
00:11:30,580 --> 00:11:34,560
I heard he had a stroke.
263
00:11:36,250 --> 00:11:38,080
I can't even get my bearings.
264
00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:39,420
I'm gonna ask someone
for directions.
265
00:11:39,420 --> 00:11:41,030
I wouldn't do that.
Since you left,
266
00:11:41,100 --> 00:11:43,860
the New England accent
has become incomprehensible.
267
00:11:43,940 --> 00:11:45,110
I'm sure it's not that bad.
268
00:11:45,180 --> 00:11:47,930
Excuse me, sir,
where is the Quahog Harbor?
269
00:11:47,930 --> 00:11:49,430
-Cah gabbah?
-What?
270
00:11:49,430 --> 00:11:51,870
I-I just, I just want to know
where the Quahog Harbor is.
271
00:11:51,950 --> 00:11:52,950
Cah gabbah.
272
00:11:53,060 --> 00:11:54,950
Uh-oh, there's a lot of guys
273
00:11:55,030 --> 00:11:57,120
in Bruins hats
turning around now.
274
00:11:57,190 --> 00:12:00,450
-Abbah dabbah.
-Gwin' dahsee da Sawx.
-N'abbah dabbah.
275
00:12:00,530 --> 00:12:02,030
-Cah gabbah.
-Gwin' dahsee da Sawx.
276
00:12:06,370 --> 00:12:09,510
Aah! Brian, get out of here.
Go, go, go!
277
00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:14,280
Christopher
"Irish or Italian name,"
278
00:12:14,290 --> 00:12:16,290
are you causing trouble
out there?
279
00:12:16,290 --> 00:12:18,050
-No, Ma.
-Nomah?
-Nomah!
280
00:12:18,120 --> 00:12:20,820
-Nomah!
-Nomah!
-Nomah!
281
00:12:27,390 --> 00:12:29,150
What the hell happened
to the neighborhood?
282
00:12:29,270 --> 00:12:30,320
Hey, Stewie.
283
00:12:30,390 --> 00:12:32,240
Here comes a double scoop
of trouble.
284
00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:34,990
Whoa, you look great,
considering your age.
285
00:12:35,070 --> 00:12:36,320
Yeah, I'm basically
exactly the same,
286
00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:39,070
except I pretty much only talk
about ice cream now.
287
00:12:39,140 --> 00:12:40,310
Oh, that's cool, that's cool.
288
00:12:40,310 --> 00:12:42,250
Yeah, you know what's cool?
Ice cream.
289
00:12:42,330 --> 00:12:44,310
Want to go get a cup?
Cone? Bowl?
290
00:12:44,320 --> 00:12:45,830
I-I'm just trying
to see my folks.
291
00:12:45,910 --> 00:12:47,320
Man, I love ice cream.
292
00:12:47,320 --> 00:12:50,000
You know there's three different
ice cream shops in Quahog?
293
00:12:50,120 --> 00:12:51,910
-They're all good.
-What's your favorite?
294
00:12:51,990 --> 00:12:53,930
They're all good.
295
00:12:54,010 --> 00:12:56,100
So that's the scoop from here.
296
00:12:56,180 --> 00:12:58,420
All right, well,
good running into you, man.
297
00:12:58,500 --> 00:13:02,940
Oh, my babies,
finally all together again.
298
00:13:03,020 --> 00:13:04,090
Hello, Mother.
299
00:13:04,170 --> 00:13:06,170
I mean, uh,
damn you, vile woman.
300
00:13:06,170 --> 00:13:08,170
I must kill you,
et cetera, et cetera.
301
00:13:10,530 --> 00:13:13,120
-Did Quagmire tell you
about the ice cream?
-Yes.
302
00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:16,030
You know, there are three
ice cream parlors in town.
303
00:13:16,110 --> 00:13:18,370
-We know.
-They're all good.
304
00:13:18,440 --> 00:13:20,290
-Yes, he said that.
-They're all good.
305
00:13:20,370 --> 00:13:22,940
Have we already
run out of conversation?
306
00:13:23,020 --> 00:13:24,800
Chris, Meg, how are you?
307
00:13:24,870 --> 00:13:26,630
-Good, Ma.
-How are you?
308
00:13:26,710 --> 00:13:28,300
Oh, I can't complain.
Little hard of hearing,
309
00:13:28,380 --> 00:13:31,030
which is why I turned on
the closed captioning.
310
00:13:31,030 --> 00:13:33,640
It's about 30 seconds
behind, though.
311
00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:36,290
Wow, that is way behind.
312
00:13:36,370 --> 00:13:38,630
Now, what would you kids
like for dinner?
313
00:13:38,700 --> 00:13:42,560
-It's 3:15, Ma.
-I know, we waited for you.
314
00:13:46,380 --> 00:13:48,710
Yeah, we-we can go ahead
and turn that off.
315
00:13:48,710 --> 00:13:50,490
How's Dad?
316
00:13:53,390 --> 00:13:55,550
Your father's
had severe diabetes
317
00:13:55,550 --> 00:13:59,150
ever since they opened
three ice cream stores in town.
318
00:13:59,220 --> 00:14:00,500
They're all good.
319
00:14:00,580 --> 00:14:03,410
You can't live like this,
the house is falling apart.
320
00:14:03,490 --> 00:14:05,150
This is awful,
and it's all my fault.
321
00:14:05,230 --> 00:14:08,010
Oh, Pop, I am so sorry
I abandoned you all.
322
00:14:08,080 --> 00:14:10,340
I never should've left home.
What can I do?
323
00:14:10,460 --> 00:14:15,180
Just promise, when I die,
that you will help our family.
324
00:14:15,260 --> 00:14:17,170
I will, I promise.
325
00:14:17,180 --> 00:14:20,340
This family will never want
for anything ever again.
326
00:14:20,410 --> 00:14:22,850
-That's so generous.
-Thank you.
327
00:14:22,970 --> 00:14:24,080
Chris, your hand.
328
00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:25,270
All right,
now that that's settled,
329
00:14:25,340 --> 00:14:27,930
let's celebrate
with some of the music of now
330
00:14:28,010 --> 00:14:29,820
with closed captioning.
331
00:14:31,010 --> 00:14:33,370
¶ Music of now, music of now ¶
332
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:38,450
¶ Music of now, music of now,
music of now. ¶
333
00:14:46,270 --> 00:14:48,380
Good afternoon, I'm Tom Tucker,
delivering the news
334
00:14:48,460 --> 00:14:51,880
with my Andy Rooney
end-of-life eyebrows.
335
00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:53,610
You won't hear
anything I'm saying
336
00:14:53,610 --> 00:14:55,040
because they're so distracting.
337
00:14:55,110 --> 00:14:57,720
Now, let's go to Asian reporter
Tricia Takanawa,
338
00:14:57,800 --> 00:15:01,120
so we can be shocked at how well
her people age. Tricia?
339
00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:04,050
Tom, I'm standing here
with flawless skin
340
00:15:04,060 --> 00:15:07,810
next to the shedding, crumbling,
dusty ancient relics
341
00:15:07,880 --> 00:15:10,890
of white people my age.
342
00:15:12,430 --> 00:15:15,240
Oh, Stewie, you've done so much
to help our family.
343
00:15:15,360 --> 00:15:18,320
I can't believe
you put in an elevator.
344
00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:20,970
Yes, and it even has
elevator music.
345
00:15:20,970 --> 00:15:24,400
¶ Music of now, music of now. ¶
346
00:15:24,480 --> 00:15:27,310
Aw, and thanks for these
virtual reality glasses,
347
00:15:27,310 --> 00:15:30,660
so I can watch porn
while talking to the family.
348
00:15:30,740 --> 00:15:33,740
So what's California
like, Stewie? Ugh.
349
00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:34,930
That was a penis.
350
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:38,100
So, do-do you still want to know
about California?
351
00:15:38,170 --> 00:15:39,160
No, I'm done.
352
00:15:39,160 --> 00:15:42,540
I have one more dying wish.
353
00:15:42,620 --> 00:15:46,190
Play the song, but play it slow
because I am old.
354
00:15:47,500 --> 00:15:51,000
¶ A-well-a everybody's heard ¶
355
00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:53,170
¶ About the bird... ¶
356
00:15:53,170 --> 00:15:56,020
Family, help me dance.
357
00:15:56,140 --> 00:15:57,280
¶ B-bird's a word ¶
358
00:15:57,360 --> 00:15:59,950
¶ A-well, a bird,
bird, bird... ¶
359
00:16:00,030 --> 00:16:02,270
-How long, Peter?
-I'll say when.
360
00:16:02,350 --> 00:16:04,960
¶ A-well, a bird, bird, bird ¶
361
00:16:05,030 --> 00:16:07,790
¶ Well-a bird is a word ¶
362
00:16:07,870 --> 00:16:11,960
¶ A-well, a bird, bird, bird,
b-bird's a word ¶
363
00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:15,210
¶ A-well, a bird, bird, bird ¶
364
00:16:15,290 --> 00:16:17,590
¶ Well-a bird is a word. ¶
365
00:16:23,870 --> 00:16:26,040
Oh, Dr. Hartman,
thank you for coming.
366
00:16:26,040 --> 00:16:28,150
Actually, I'm Dr. Hartman's son.
367
00:16:28,220 --> 00:16:31,060
Doctor Hartmanson?
But I asked for Dr. Hartman.
368
00:16:31,180 --> 00:16:33,040
His jokes are getting worse,
Doctor.
369
00:16:33,050 --> 00:16:35,970
Is there anything
you can do for him?
370
00:16:36,050 --> 00:16:38,780
Now all we can do is wait.
371
00:16:41,050 --> 00:16:43,240
Lois... it's time.
372
00:16:43,310 --> 00:16:47,540
Oh, Peter,
I'm gonna miss you so much.
373
00:16:49,900 --> 00:16:51,170
I see a white light.
374
00:16:51,250 --> 00:16:53,840
There are others inside of it.
375
00:16:53,920 --> 00:16:56,510
Adam West, Carrie Fisher,
376
00:16:56,590 --> 00:16:58,340
Ricardo Montalbán,
Phyllis Diller...
377
00:16:58,420 --> 00:17:01,250
Heaven is filled
with every actor who ever died?
378
00:17:01,330 --> 00:17:04,090
No, this is actually
just the ones who did our show
379
00:17:04,170 --> 00:17:06,020
right before they died.
Crazy, right?
380
00:17:06,090 --> 00:17:08,760
Frank Sinatra Jr.,
Charles Durning,
381
00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:11,250
Lauren Bacall,
Rodney Dangerfield,
382
00:17:11,250 --> 00:17:13,340
Roy Scheider, Waylon Jennings,
383
00:17:13,420 --> 00:17:16,220
Ed Asner by the time
this airs certainly...
384
00:17:16,220 --> 00:17:18,350
Dad, you don't have to do this,
there are too many.
385
00:17:18,420 --> 00:17:21,270
Uh-oh, Conway Twitty is here,
and he's pissed.
386
00:17:21,390 --> 00:17:23,280
Wait, he's wearing
the Darth Vader helmet.
387
00:17:23,350 --> 00:17:26,930
Never mind,
he was cool with it.
388
00:17:26,930 --> 00:17:30,100
This is it.
389
00:17:32,290 --> 00:17:34,710
Oh, he's trying
to say something.
390
00:17:34,830 --> 00:17:36,860
H-His final words.
391
00:17:36,940 --> 00:17:38,050
Lactating...
392
00:17:38,130 --> 00:17:40,890
pregnant... Latinas.
393
00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:44,770
I will, Dad, I promise.
394
00:17:55,480 --> 00:18:00,130
No, we won't cry for him,
we will celebrate his life.
395
00:18:00,130 --> 00:18:03,820
The finest cigars for
the finest family ever to live.
396
00:18:03,940 --> 00:18:06,730
Oh, Stewie, we love you so much.
397
00:18:06,810 --> 00:18:10,160
And I love you, which is why
I must not delay any longer.
398
00:18:10,230 --> 00:18:11,320
I must get my affairs in order
399
00:18:11,440 --> 00:18:14,810
and transfer my money
to all of you.
400
00:18:14,810 --> 00:18:17,000
-I will see you all soon.
-Oh, thank you, Stewie.
401
00:18:17,120 --> 00:18:19,630
-We love you.
-Thanks.
402
00:18:41,900 --> 00:18:43,170
We did it. We got him.
403
00:18:43,180 --> 00:18:44,510
I feel like we're in The Sting,
404
00:18:44,510 --> 00:18:48,860
that movie from 100 years ago
about 150 years ago.
405
00:18:48,940 --> 00:18:50,350
Great work tricking him, Brian.
406
00:18:50,350 --> 00:18:53,200
Thanks. Well, you know,
I credit my years as a writer.
407
00:18:53,630 --> 00:18:56,310
When I planned the con,
I saw Quahog as a character...
408
00:18:56,390 --> 00:18:58,020
Okay, that's enough.
409
00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:09,400
Had a pebble in my shoe.
410
00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:12,140
Of course I knew
the whole thing was a scam.
411
00:19:12,220 --> 00:19:14,480
They probably did that "crying
turning into laughing" thing
412
00:19:14,500 --> 00:19:16,650
when I left,
what a bunch of hacks.
413
00:19:16,730 --> 00:19:18,730
They're too stupid to notice
I snuck into the kitchen
414
00:19:18,730 --> 00:19:20,820
and turned up the gas
before I left.
415
00:19:20,900 --> 00:19:25,050
Chris should be lighting
his cigar right about...
416
00:19:26,510 --> 00:19:28,680
Stewie, help.
417
00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:32,010
It hurts! Reverse the pill!
Let me die!
418
00:19:32,090 --> 00:19:37,260
Ooh, wish I could, but the pills
were in the house, so, yeah...
419
00:19:37,340 --> 00:19:39,260
Stewie. Stewie!
420
00:19:39,380 --> 00:19:42,360
Stewie!
Stewie!
421
00:19:42,430 --> 00:19:44,530
Stewie! Stewie!
422
00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:45,920
Huh? What?
423
00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:47,600
What the hell is wrong with you?
You've been staring
424
00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:50,510
at that old man Halloween
costume for 30 minutes.
425
00:19:50,530 --> 00:19:53,680
21 plus commercials,
but it's a big decision.
426
00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:56,780
You know, I've always been
afraid of being old,
427
00:19:56,860 --> 00:20:00,040
but now I think
I'll like it just fine.
428
00:20:05,330 --> 00:20:07,460
Why are you walking so slowly?
429
00:20:07,530 --> 00:20:10,370
Turns out this costume
is about 80% balls,
430
00:20:10,390 --> 00:20:14,280
and most of it's
dragging behind me.
431
00:20:15,450 --> 00:20:17,880
-Uhp, we got a tangle.
-Uhp, what do I do?
432
00:20:17,950 --> 00:20:19,140
Stop walking.
I'll go back, you go forward.
433
00:20:19,210 --> 00:20:20,470
-Are you sure?
-It's counterintuitive.
434
00:20:20,550 --> 00:20:22,620
I don't know, that-that
doesn't seem right to me.
435
00:20:22,620 --> 00:20:24,550
-When you want to go left,
you go right.
-I'm just gonna pull forward.
436
00:20:24,570 --> 00:20:26,810
-Don't pull, don't pull.
-I-I think if you come this way,
437
00:20:26,890 --> 00:20:29,900
-and I go that way...
-Just stop walking and listen
to me. Everybody freeze.
438
00:20:29,980 --> 00:20:32,160
Okay, let's just
think about this.
439
00:20:38,380 --> 00:20:40,710
People of Argentina,
440
00:20:40,790 --> 00:20:42,400
I have heard your cries,
441
00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:44,490
and I just want to say...
442
00:20:44,500 --> 00:20:45,630
Meg. Meg!
443
00:20:45,630 --> 00:20:47,720
I already told you
you're not gonna be Evita.
444
00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:50,630
You're gonna be the back half
of Edgar the Farting Horse.
445
00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:53,240
Now get in.
446
00:20:56,730 --> 00:20:59,250
Hey. I do the farting.