1 00:00:07,790 --> 00:00:10,053 It's pretty cool we got our own mural, huh? 2 00:00:10,097 --> 00:00:11,272 Eh, don't get too excited. 3 00:00:11,315 --> 00:00:12,490 You know who else has one? 4 00:00:12,534 --> 00:00:15,319 -The Ox-Bow Incident. -What is that? 5 00:00:15,363 --> 00:00:19,280 Set in Bridger's Wells, Nevada in 1885, 6 00:00:19,323 --> 00:00:23,240 The Ox-Bow Incidentis a taleof cowboys, cattle and conflict. 7 00:00:23,284 --> 00:00:26,330 PATRICK CLARK [over speaker]: If you guys could just take a seat. 8 00:00:26,374 --> 00:00:28,637 Okay, here we go. 9 00:00:28,680 --> 00:00:31,292 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 10 00:00:31,335 --> 00:00:36,645 PETER: Okay, welcome to Family GuyDVD commentary for episode 1614. 11 00:00:36,688 --> 00:00:39,082 I'm Peter Griffin, joined by my wife Lois, 12 00:00:39,126 --> 00:00:40,083 our dog Brian, 13 00:00:40,127 --> 00:00:42,216 and our children, Meg, Stewie and Chris. 14 00:00:42,259 --> 00:00:45,219 BRIAN: And for you kids out there, DVDs were plastic discs... 15 00:00:45,262 --> 00:00:46,307 STEWIE: I-I got this, Brian. 16 00:00:46,350 --> 00:00:48,091 Have you ever been at your grandmother's house 17 00:00:48,135 --> 00:00:50,485 and you look at her weird, old computer, 18 00:00:50,528 --> 00:00:52,313 and there's, like, a crack on the side of it? 19 00:00:52,356 --> 00:00:54,358 That's DVDs. 20 00:00:54,402 --> 00:00:56,491 PETER: Oh, and animation producer Shannon Smith is here, too. 21 00:00:56,534 --> 00:00:58,232 SHANNON: Glad to be here. This is actually... 22 00:00:58,275 --> 00:00:59,755 PETER: Oh, wait, wait. Look, look. 23 00:00:59,798 --> 00:01:01,322 Lot of people don't know this, 24 00:01:01,365 --> 00:01:03,324 but that house is actually in Burbank. 25 00:01:03,367 --> 00:01:05,239 People keep stealing their mailbox. 26 00:01:05,282 --> 00:01:07,110 ANNOUNCER [on TV]: We now return to 27 00:01:07,154 --> 00:01:09,330 "Winona Ryder Distracting from Other Speeches in History." 28 00:01:09,373 --> 00:01:11,332 Four score and seven years ago... 29 00:01:11,375 --> 00:01:13,160 PETER: Wow, yeah, yeah, I remember this. 30 00:01:13,203 --> 00:01:16,119 Winona Ryder kind of hung out on set all day, 31 00:01:16,163 --> 00:01:18,295 and it, uh, wore a little thin on all of us. 32 00:01:18,339 --> 00:01:19,818 STEWIE: Yeah, I actually had to 33 00:01:19,862 --> 00:01:21,298 close a door on her at one point. 34 00:01:21,342 --> 00:01:22,734 LOIS: I-I just remember she stole 35 00:01:22,778 --> 00:01:24,823 a ton of LUNA Bars from the office kitchen. 36 00:01:24,867 --> 00:01:26,390 Like-like, filled a whole duffel bag. 37 00:01:26,434 --> 00:01:27,739 Great news, everyone. 38 00:01:27,783 --> 00:01:29,828 The new smartphone from Crabapple is out. 39 00:01:29,872 --> 00:01:31,830 The new Crabapple phone? Awesome. 40 00:01:31,874 --> 00:01:33,832 LOIS: Yeah, the network doesn't like us using 41 00:01:33,876 --> 00:01:35,921 the names of actual companies on the show. 42 00:01:35,965 --> 00:01:37,227 PETER: It's not so bad, though. 43 00:01:37,271 --> 00:01:40,578 We can still say Burger Kong, McDarrel's, Kooka Cola, 44 00:01:40,622 --> 00:01:43,190 Pipsi, Chevrolump and all the big ones. 45 00:01:43,233 --> 00:01:45,844 I want to be the first to get the new phone. 46 00:01:45,888 --> 00:01:47,759 I don't care if it takes all day. 47 00:01:47,803 --> 00:01:49,021 Don't you have work? 48 00:01:49,065 --> 00:01:50,197 Eh, I wouldn't mind missing work. 49 00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:52,155 There's a secretary looking for reassurance 50 00:01:52,199 --> 00:01:54,157 about her overly short haircut. 51 00:01:55,376 --> 00:01:57,421 I saw it in a magazine. 52 00:01:57,465 --> 00:01:58,857 I needed a fresh start. 53 00:01:58,901 --> 00:02:00,816 Stop pretending to stare at your phones, 54 00:02:00,859 --> 00:02:02,426 and just say you hate it. 55 00:02:02,470 --> 00:02:05,516 Sir, I am trying to read. 56 00:02:05,560 --> 00:02:08,389 STEWIE: Ah, the writer credits have begun. 57 00:02:08,432 --> 00:02:10,304 I'm gonna give personal facts 58 00:02:10,347 --> 00:02:12,306 about each of the names that pops up. 59 00:02:12,349 --> 00:02:13,524 Mom, will you tie my shoes? 60 00:02:13,568 --> 00:02:16,223 STEWIE: Smokes on the no-smoking balcony. 61 00:02:16,266 --> 00:02:18,225 Weird church guy. 62 00:02:18,268 --> 00:02:21,445 Instagrams cowboy hats at 3:00 a.m. 63 00:02:21,489 --> 00:02:23,969 Pushed his wife at a party. 64 00:02:24,013 --> 00:02:25,188 Oh, my God, Cherry's the best. 65 00:02:25,232 --> 00:02:27,451 We love her. Hi, Cherry. We love you. 66 00:02:27,495 --> 00:02:29,671 Kids, time to gather up our old cords and chargers 67 00:02:29,714 --> 00:02:31,847 that no longer work and throw them in the garbage. 68 00:02:31,890 --> 00:02:33,327 We can't do that. 69 00:02:33,370 --> 00:02:35,024 Don't you know a lot of discarded electronics 70 00:02:35,067 --> 00:02:37,069 end up in the ocean and kill sea turtles? 71 00:02:37,113 --> 00:02:38,897 Well, then let's cut out the middleman. 72 00:02:38,941 --> 00:02:41,291 [grunting] I'm sorry. There's a new phone. 73 00:02:41,335 --> 00:02:43,989 PETER: That was cool. I got to go to Fiji for that. 74 00:02:44,033 --> 00:02:46,078 They got a ton of turtles there. 75 00:02:46,122 --> 00:02:47,297 You can kill 'em, nobody cares. 76 00:02:47,341 --> 00:02:49,691 MEG: Oh my gosh. I just got it. 77 00:02:49,734 --> 00:02:51,214 Crab-apple. 78 00:02:51,258 --> 00:02:53,260 STEWIE: Take a lap, Meg. Think about what you said. 79 00:02:54,261 --> 00:02:55,914 Hey. Gold phone is mine. 80 00:02:55,958 --> 00:02:57,481 Already match fingernail. 81 00:02:57,525 --> 00:03:00,223 CHRIS: Oh, this is where I fight that woman for the phone. 82 00:03:00,267 --> 00:03:02,921 I was here first! That's mine! 83 00:03:02,965 --> 00:03:05,097 BRIAN: You know, I actually had a couple of ad-libs 84 00:03:05,141 --> 00:03:06,490 about Chinese working conditions 85 00:03:06,534 --> 00:03:08,275 that somehow didn't make it into the final cut. 86 00:03:08,318 --> 00:03:10,799 STEWIE: All you said was, "Children make iPhones." 87 00:03:10,842 --> 00:03:14,063 This is a comedy show, not Mark Ruffalo's Twitter. 88 00:03:14,106 --> 00:03:15,847 She wanted it more than me. 89 00:03:15,891 --> 00:03:17,066 [Chris laughing loudly] 90 00:03:17,109 --> 00:03:18,763 STEWIE: Take it easy, huh? 91 00:03:21,331 --> 00:03:23,246 Peter, I'm just not sure it's such a great idea 92 00:03:23,290 --> 00:03:25,727 that everyone in the family got a new cell phone. 93 00:03:25,770 --> 00:03:27,946 CHRIS: Is that my bottle of water? 94 00:03:27,990 --> 00:03:29,383 BRIAN: Wh-What? 95 00:03:29,426 --> 00:03:32,037 CHRIS: That open bottle-- is that yours or mine? 96 00:03:32,081 --> 00:03:34,388 BRIAN: I-I... I don't know. Maybe yours? 97 00:03:34,431 --> 00:03:36,825 CHRIS: This is why we need a Sharpie in here 98 00:03:36,868 --> 00:03:39,480 to put our names on our water! 99 00:03:39,523 --> 00:03:40,742 BRIAN: Geez, Chris. What the hell? 100 00:03:40,785 --> 00:03:42,526 STEWIE: Chris, relax. Have a Pipsi. 101 00:03:42,570 --> 00:03:44,354 Good morning, everybod... 102 00:03:44,398 --> 00:03:45,747 Damn it! 103 00:03:45,790 --> 00:03:48,489 She's just gonna keep it like that for the next three years. 104 00:03:48,532 --> 00:03:49,272 LOIS:You know, there's truth to that. 105 00:03:49,316 --> 00:03:51,318 You-you can tell a lot about a person 106 00:03:51,361 --> 00:03:52,362 whose cell phone screen is cracked. 107 00:03:52,406 --> 00:03:54,059 Like-like, if they're a girl, 108 00:03:54,103 --> 00:03:55,713 they definitely celebrate their birth week. 109 00:03:55,757 --> 00:03:57,454 PETER: Oh, yeah. Just trash. 110 00:03:57,498 --> 00:03:59,326 Damn it, those phones have 111 00:03:59,369 --> 00:04:01,284 turned you all into mindless drones. 112 00:04:01,328 --> 00:04:02,546 I knew this would happen. 113 00:04:02,590 --> 00:04:04,635 Getting those things was a worse idea than... 114 00:04:04,679 --> 00:04:06,637 MEG: You know, for an extra $12 a month, 115 00:04:06,681 --> 00:04:09,379 you can insure your screen,and they'll replace it for free. 116 00:04:09,423 --> 00:04:10,902 PETER [sighs]: Nice going, Meg. 117 00:04:10,946 --> 00:04:12,295 You talked over the setup of this cutaway, 118 00:04:12,339 --> 00:04:14,384 and now we don't know what's going on. 119 00:04:14,428 --> 00:04:15,472 BRIAN: Looks like Nicki Minaj, 120 00:04:15,516 --> 00:04:18,562 Iggy Azalea and Madonna are robbing a bank. 121 00:04:18,606 --> 00:04:20,390 CHRIS: Um... they're butt bandits? 122 00:04:20,434 --> 00:04:22,914 STEWIE: "Ocean's 36-24-49?" 123 00:04:22,958 --> 00:04:25,352 LOIS: Oh, I remember. They're all skanks. 124 00:04:25,395 --> 00:04:28,180 "Getting new phones was a worseidea than a skank robbery." 125 00:04:28,224 --> 00:04:30,182 -CHRIS: Oh, yeah. -PETER: Right, skank robbery. 126 00:04:30,226 --> 00:04:33,185 STEWIE: I'm sorry, that's not funny. 127 00:04:33,229 --> 00:04:35,666 Today's sermon is about perseverance. 128 00:04:35,710 --> 00:04:39,104 When I was run out of Boston by the Spotlight team, 129 00:04:39,148 --> 00:04:41,193 -I could've hung up my collar. -[cell phone buttons clicking] 130 00:04:41,237 --> 00:04:42,586 Oh, my God. Again? 131 00:04:42,630 --> 00:04:44,719 You guys have got to put those away. 132 00:04:44,762 --> 00:04:46,808 You can't be on your phones in here. 133 00:04:46,851 --> 00:04:49,376 Relax, Lois. It's just stupid, boring church. 134 00:04:49,419 --> 00:04:51,334 Not like we're gonna miss anything. 135 00:04:51,378 --> 00:04:54,250 But instead, I packed my Bibles and my Tootsie Pops 136 00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:56,165 and headed down to Quahog. 137 00:04:56,208 --> 00:05:00,125 With a renewed sense of spirit and a renewed reverence for... 138 00:05:00,169 --> 00:05:02,737 Jesus Christ? [grunts] 139 00:05:02,780 --> 00:05:04,956 PATRICK: Uh, guys, sorry to interrupt. 140 00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:06,697 Danny the intern is here with your paychecks. 141 00:05:06,741 --> 00:05:08,395 LOIS: Oh, thanks, Danny. 142 00:05:08,438 --> 00:05:10,222 DANNY: Hey, Chris, here's your paycheck. 143 00:05:10,266 --> 00:05:12,964 CHRIS: Yeah, that gets forwarded right to DraftKings. 144 00:05:13,008 --> 00:05:14,226 What's going on in there, Ollie? 145 00:05:14,270 --> 00:05:15,271 -He came back! -How is he? 146 00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:17,229 -Mad! -Thanks, Ollie. 147 00:05:17,273 --> 00:05:18,492 LOIS:H-Hold on, Danny, it looks like 148 00:05:18,535 --> 00:05:20,189 you accidentally gave me Peter's check. 149 00:05:20,232 --> 00:05:22,234 Wait. What the hell? 150 00:05:22,278 --> 00:05:24,802 This number is four times what I make. 151 00:05:24,846 --> 00:05:27,196 -Peter, you always said you made the same as me. -[paper rustling] 152 00:05:27,239 --> 00:05:28,806 PETER: I'm sorry, Lois. 153 00:05:28,850 --> 00:05:30,939 I couldn't hear you over Meg's Snickers wrapper. 154 00:05:30,982 --> 00:05:32,810 -What's this, now? -I can't believe this, Peter. 155 00:05:32,854 --> 00:05:34,725 Y-You lied to me. 156 00:05:34,769 --> 00:05:37,206 Let's get out of here, other altar boys. 157 00:05:37,249 --> 00:05:38,207 LOIS: This is bull crap. 158 00:05:38,250 --> 00:05:41,210 I'm calling Fox or Disney payroll right now. 159 00:05:41,253 --> 00:05:42,994 [phone dialing, line ringing] 160 00:05:43,038 --> 00:05:44,387 WOMAN [on phone]: Fox or Disney payroll. 161 00:05:44,431 --> 00:05:46,389 -Yeah, hi. This is Lois Griff...-WOMAN: Please hold. 162 00:05:46,433 --> 00:05:48,043 [theme from The Simpsonsplays] 163 00:05:48,086 --> 00:05:49,436 LOIS [scoffs]: Of course. 164 00:05:49,479 --> 00:05:51,525 Yeah, Mom, that's not fair. 165 00:05:51,568 --> 00:05:53,788 Meg is right. That's not fair. 166 00:05:53,831 --> 00:05:56,007 WOMAN [recorded]: Thank you for continuing to hold. 167 00:05:56,051 --> 00:05:57,966 ...turn my family into brain-dead robots. 168 00:05:58,009 --> 00:05:59,533 In fact, you know what? 169 00:05:59,576 --> 00:06:02,057 We're finally going to Old Sturbridge Village. 170 00:06:02,100 --> 00:06:04,407 WOMAN [recorded]: Thank you for continuing to hold. 171 00:06:04,451 --> 00:06:07,105 ...see what life was like before all these screens. 172 00:06:07,149 --> 00:06:09,412 A place where people farm their own food, 173 00:06:09,456 --> 00:06:11,327 make their own clothing and read books... 174 00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:12,894 WOMAN [recorded]: Thank you for continuing to hold. 175 00:06:12,937 --> 00:06:14,765 Oh, come on, Lois, you only want to go 176 00:06:14,809 --> 00:06:16,463 to Old Sturbridge Village 'cause you once got 177 00:06:16,506 --> 00:06:18,508 hand-blasted there on a field trip. 178 00:06:18,552 --> 00:06:19,640 Yes, let's just say the candles 179 00:06:19,683 --> 00:06:21,859 weren't the only thing being hot-dipped. 180 00:06:21,903 --> 00:06:24,296 STEWIE: You see, Brian? That's how you do an ad-lib. 181 00:06:24,340 --> 00:06:25,341 Went right in. 182 00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:26,777 WOMAN [on phone]: Thanks for holding. 183 00:06:26,821 --> 00:06:28,518 How may I help you, Mrs. Griffin? 184 00:06:28,562 --> 00:06:30,085 LOIS: Yeah, I'll tell you how. 185 00:06:30,128 --> 00:06:31,782 You can explain to me why my husband 186 00:06:31,826 --> 00:06:34,089 makes four times as much money as I do. 187 00:06:34,132 --> 00:06:36,526 WOMAN:Oh, um... okay, this is awkward. 188 00:06:36,570 --> 00:06:39,355 But I... I, um... I assumed you knew. 189 00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:42,358 Mr. Griffin was able to negotiate a higher salary 190 00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:45,317 because he's still paying alimony to his first wife. 191 00:06:45,361 --> 00:06:46,710 LOIS: "First wife"? What? 192 00:06:46,754 --> 00:06:50,279 Peter, you were married before? 193 00:06:50,322 --> 00:06:53,238 SHANNON: We actually freelance all our explosion animation. 194 00:06:53,282 --> 00:06:54,718 STEWIE: Who are you again? 195 00:06:54,762 --> 00:06:57,504 -I-I'm Shannon Smith. -STEWIE: Shannon. Take a lap. 196 00:06:57,547 --> 00:06:59,157 ...never go to church. 197 00:07:03,510 --> 00:07:05,729 How come you never told me you were married before? 198 00:07:05,773 --> 00:07:07,601 PETER: I don't know. Just never came up. 199 00:07:07,644 --> 00:07:09,603 LOIS: Never came up?! Well, who was she? 200 00:07:09,646 --> 00:07:10,734 -PETER: Sarah Paulson. -MEG: Who? 201 00:07:10,778 --> 00:07:12,344 LOIS: Wait, isn't she that actress 202 00:07:12,388 --> 00:07:13,737 who's always biting her lip? 203 00:07:13,781 --> 00:07:15,391 PETER: Her very full lip. 204 00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:18,525 CHRIS: I honestly have no idea who they're talking about. 205 00:07:18,568 --> 00:07:20,962 BRIAN: Come on, Sarah Paulson's been in a lot of stuff, Chris. 206 00:07:21,005 --> 00:07:22,703 CHRIS:Okay, pulled her up on my phone. 207 00:07:22,746 --> 00:07:24,139 Looks vaguely familiar. 208 00:07:24,182 --> 00:07:25,662 But I would legitimately suggest 209 00:07:25,706 --> 00:07:28,317 that people pause this right nowand Google her. 210 00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:29,536 MEG: Wait. Wasn't Sarah Paulson 211 00:07:29,579 --> 00:07:31,363 a guest star in this exact episode? 212 00:07:31,407 --> 00:07:33,104 PETER: Yeah, in fact, she was in this O.J. gag. 213 00:07:33,148 --> 00:07:35,411 Ah, look, Predator just cut her head off. 214 00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:37,587 Not for real, though. For real, she's actually 215 00:07:37,631 --> 00:07:39,981 coming into the booth right nowto be part of this commentary. 216 00:07:40,024 --> 00:07:42,636 SARAH PAULSON: Hi, everybody. So sorry I'm late. 217 00:07:42,679 --> 00:07:44,333 I was stuck in the canyon. 218 00:07:44,376 --> 00:07:46,553 STEWIE: Is... is that a euphemism for lesbian sex? 219 00:07:46,596 --> 00:07:48,685 SARAH:I don't think I've met everyone.I'm Sarah. 220 00:07:48,729 --> 00:07:51,427 LOIS: I understand you and Peter used to be married. 221 00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:52,689 SARAH: Oh, that. 222 00:07:52,733 --> 00:07:54,561 Feels like ancient history. 223 00:07:54,604 --> 00:07:57,651 CHRIS: I like your shoulder blades, Miss Paulson. 224 00:07:57,694 --> 00:07:59,609 They're very... jutty. 225 00:07:59,653 --> 00:08:00,567 BRIAN: Have a seat, Sarah. 226 00:08:00,610 --> 00:08:02,351 Shall I explain what we're doing here? 227 00:08:02,394 --> 00:08:03,657 SARAH:That's okay. It seems just like 228 00:08:03,700 --> 00:08:05,397 when I would do ADR for American Horror Story, 229 00:08:05,441 --> 00:08:08,183 for which I have received five Emmy nominations. 230 00:08:08,226 --> 00:08:09,793 LOIS: Well, some of us have awards, 231 00:08:09,837 --> 00:08:11,142 some of us have children. 232 00:08:11,186 --> 00:08:12,753 SARAH: What's that supposed to mean? 233 00:08:12,796 --> 00:08:13,928 LOIS: Well, I don't know. 234 00:08:13,971 --> 00:08:16,800 You're the smart award winner. You figure it out. 235 00:08:16,844 --> 00:08:19,673 Because this is a godless show. 236 00:08:19,716 --> 00:08:20,935 All right, I'll do it. 237 00:08:20,978 --> 00:08:22,197 I'll pretend to be sick 238 00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:24,678 to get out of going to Old Sturbridge Village. 239 00:08:24,721 --> 00:08:27,332 Mm, still 126. 240 00:08:27,376 --> 00:08:29,770 Oh, I wish you were feeling well enough to come. 241 00:08:29,813 --> 00:08:32,120 Maybe I should stay home and take care of you. 242 00:08:32,163 --> 00:08:33,251 No. Go, Lois. 243 00:08:33,295 --> 00:08:35,776 Go watch dead-eyed pale women make bread. 244 00:08:35,819 --> 00:08:38,561 SARAH: So, Lois, what will you bewearing to the Emmys this year? 245 00:08:38,605 --> 00:08:41,477 LOIS: I think you know I won't be there. 246 00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:43,697 STEWIE: I won a surfboard at the Teen Choice Awards. 247 00:08:43,740 --> 00:08:45,133 I left it in the kitchen at work, 248 00:08:45,176 --> 00:08:46,395 hoping someone would take it. 249 00:08:46,438 --> 00:08:47,788 No one did. 250 00:08:47,831 --> 00:08:50,268 ...eat a meatball sub and watch football all day. 251 00:08:50,312 --> 00:08:52,227 Man, this is an even better scam 252 00:08:52,270 --> 00:08:54,403 thanFerris Bueller's Day On. 253 00:08:54,446 --> 00:08:56,405 Okay, I need you to file these 254 00:08:56,448 --> 00:08:58,799 and not be working with a shampoo mohawk. 255 00:08:58,842 --> 00:09:02,367 LOIS: So, Sarah, I-I guess you chose not to take Peter's name, huh? 256 00:09:02,411 --> 00:09:03,760 Decided to stick with "Paulson"? 257 00:09:03,804 --> 00:09:05,501 SARAH: Yeah, his name just felt 258 00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:08,286 kind of, I don't know, rough, you know? 259 00:09:08,330 --> 00:09:09,636 [grunting]: "Griffin." 260 00:09:09,679 --> 00:09:10,637 [chuckling]: Right? 261 00:09:10,680 --> 00:09:13,204 Just sounds kind of brutish and low-class. 262 00:09:13,248 --> 00:09:16,686 I also won an Emmy for my performance as Marcia Clark 263 00:09:16,730 --> 00:09:18,296 in The People v. O.J. Simpson. 264 00:09:18,340 --> 00:09:20,255 LOIS: You won an Emmy for wearing a wig. 265 00:09:20,298 --> 00:09:22,039 Peter, may I speak with you outside? 266 00:09:22,083 --> 00:09:25,173 PETER: Oh, boy. 267 00:09:25,216 --> 00:09:27,044 [grunts] Uh-oh. I think I'm stuck. 268 00:09:27,088 --> 00:09:28,480 STEWIE: Oh, right, this is where 269 00:09:28,524 --> 00:09:30,482 the fat man got stuck in the banister slats. 270 00:09:30,526 --> 00:09:32,615 BRIAN: Stewie, I'm gonna give you another crack at that, 271 00:09:32,659 --> 00:09:34,748 because I believewhat you meant to call them was 272 00:09:34,791 --> 00:09:36,271 "baluster slats," not "banister slats." 273 00:09:36,314 --> 00:09:38,403 STEWIE: "Banister," "baluster." Same thing. 274 00:09:38,447 --> 00:09:39,796 BRIAN [chuckles]: Stewie, 275 00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:43,191 "banister" and "baluster" are hardly the same things. 276 00:09:43,234 --> 00:09:46,629 A banister is the handrail thatsits atop the upright supports. 277 00:09:46,673 --> 00:09:49,763 A baluster is the supporting structure itself. 278 00:09:49,806 --> 00:09:52,113 -SARAH: Is this my water? -CHRIS: No, it is not! 279 00:09:52,156 --> 00:09:54,768 STEWIE: Brian, I've heard people say "banister slats." 280 00:09:54,811 --> 00:09:56,900 BRIAN: Well, those people, like you, would be incorrect. 281 00:09:56,944 --> 00:09:58,206 STEWIE: So, the baluster is that 282 00:09:58,249 --> 00:10:00,077 big, round thing at the bottom of the stairs 283 00:10:00,121 --> 00:10:02,297 -where the staircase begins? -BRIAN: "Big, round thing"? 284 00:10:02,340 --> 00:10:04,299 [chuckling]: You're...you're just guessing stuff now. 285 00:10:04,342 --> 00:10:06,910 I believe what you're referring to is a newel post. 286 00:10:06,954 --> 00:10:09,260 CHRIS: Mom and Dad are still out there arguing. 287 00:10:09,304 --> 00:10:10,784 Shouldn't they be in here? 288 00:10:10,827 --> 00:10:12,481 SHANNON: I'll get 'em. 289 00:10:12,524 --> 00:10:14,309 CHRIS: Wasn't Shannon, like, a P.A. here once? 290 00:10:14,352 --> 00:10:15,745 STEWIE: Shut your mouth. 291 00:10:15,789 --> 00:10:17,747 Shannon's the only professionalin this building. 292 00:10:17,791 --> 00:10:19,096 PETER:...friends were getting married. 293 00:10:19,140 --> 00:10:21,316 -LOIS: How could I not know this?! -SHANNON: Hey, guys? 294 00:10:21,359 --> 00:10:23,666 We have to deliver this episodeto the network today. 295 00:10:23,710 --> 00:10:24,885 [Peter and Lois sigh] 296 00:10:24,928 --> 00:10:26,756 SARAH: Oh, you guys are back 297 00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:28,932 just in time for my big role. 298 00:10:28,976 --> 00:10:30,499 LOIS: Hey, take it down a notch, Sarah. 299 00:10:30,542 --> 00:10:32,719 You don't even have an entry on the Family Guywiki. 300 00:10:32,762 --> 00:10:35,156 Even Gronk's dad has one. 301 00:10:35,199 --> 00:10:38,289 Welcome to Old Sturbridge Village, everyone. 302 00:10:38,333 --> 00:10:39,856 Here's a fun fact. 303 00:10:39,900 --> 00:10:43,599 In colonial times, butter and soap were the same thing. 304 00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:46,733 I get that it's a fact, but how is it fun? 305 00:10:46,776 --> 00:10:48,691 [Chris laughing loudly] 306 00:10:48,735 --> 00:10:50,693 CHRIS: Oh, my God! [laughs] 307 00:10:50,737 --> 00:10:52,956 How the hell am I gonna get out of this? 308 00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:54,915 PETER: Shh. Nobody talk for the next minute. 309 00:10:54,958 --> 00:10:56,090 I'm about to sing my big song. 310 00:10:56,133 --> 00:10:57,918 LOIS: Oh, go to hell, Peter. 311 00:10:57,961 --> 00:10:59,310 It's no use. 312 00:10:59,354 --> 00:11:01,312 I guess I'm just stuck... 313 00:11:01,356 --> 00:11:03,271 halfway down the stairs. 314 00:11:03,314 --> 00:11:05,316 [gentle piano melody playing] 315 00:11:10,887 --> 00:11:13,977 ♪ Halfway down the stairs ♪ 316 00:11:14,021 --> 00:11:17,851 ♪ Is a stair where I sit ♪ 317 00:11:17,894 --> 00:11:21,768 ♪ There isn't any other stair ♪ 318 00:11:21,811 --> 00:11:24,335 ♪ Quite like it ♪ 319 00:11:24,379 --> 00:11:25,728 LOIS: What the hell is this? 320 00:11:25,772 --> 00:11:27,208 PETER: I'll tell you what it is: 321 00:11:27,251 --> 00:11:29,427 an homage to a classic song from The Muppet Show, 322 00:11:29,471 --> 00:11:31,299 sung by Kermit's nephew, Robin. 323 00:11:31,342 --> 00:11:33,083 LOIS: I guarantee nobody got that. 324 00:11:33,127 --> 00:11:34,389 SARAH: I know this song. 325 00:11:34,432 --> 00:11:36,086 LOIS: Oh, shut up, Sarah! 326 00:11:36,130 --> 00:11:40,134 ♪ Where I always stop ♪ 327 00:11:40,177 --> 00:11:41,962 ♪ Halfway up the stairs ♪ 328 00:11:42,005 --> 00:11:43,093 LOIS: I don't believe this. 329 00:11:43,137 --> 00:11:45,356 You're just singing the same song a frog sang. 330 00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:47,750 How the hell was this not cut from the show? 331 00:11:47,794 --> 00:11:49,317 PETER:I kind of insisted they keep it. 332 00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:52,233 I actually laidin my parking space as a protest 333 00:11:52,276 --> 00:11:54,017 until they gave in. 334 00:11:54,061 --> 00:11:58,587 ♪ And all sorts of funny thoughts run ♪ 335 00:11:58,630 --> 00:12:01,808 LOIS: This is the stupidest thing I've ever seen. 336 00:12:01,851 --> 00:12:03,810 CHRIS: Um, are they setting up 337 00:12:03,853 --> 00:12:06,029 a buffet lunch for us after this? 338 00:12:06,073 --> 00:12:07,335 STEWIE: No, I think it's just pizza. 339 00:12:07,378 --> 00:12:09,685 PETER: Can we please just listen to the song? 340 00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:12,209 ♪ Halfway down the stairs ♪ 341 00:12:12,253 --> 00:12:16,387 ♪ Is a stair where I sit ♪ 342 00:12:16,431 --> 00:12:20,000 ♪ There isn't any other stair ♪ 343 00:12:20,043 --> 00:12:23,699 ♪ Quite like it ♪ 344 00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:27,050 ♪ I'm not at the bottom ♪ 345 00:12:27,094 --> 00:12:31,054 ♪ I'm not at the top ♪ 346 00:12:31,098 --> 00:12:33,013 LOIS: Are there even any jokes in the song? 347 00:12:33,056 --> 00:12:34,666 PETER: Do you not understand comedy? 348 00:12:34,710 --> 00:12:36,973 It's a reference. The joke is I'm singing it. 349 00:12:37,017 --> 00:12:39,193 LOIS: Sorry to break it to you-- that's not a joke. 350 00:12:39,236 --> 00:12:40,934 PETER: Damn it, now it's over. 351 00:12:40,977 --> 00:12:42,413 Thanks a lot, Lois. You completely ruined it. 352 00:12:42,457 --> 00:12:44,415 LOIS: You better not take that tone with me, 353 00:12:44,459 --> 00:12:46,417 'cause this has been one hell of a day. 354 00:12:46,461 --> 00:12:48,942 First, I find out you make four times what I do. 355 00:12:48,985 --> 00:12:51,031 Then I find out you were married before? 356 00:12:51,074 --> 00:12:52,684 I mean, what else don't I know? 357 00:12:52,728 --> 00:12:54,861 PETER [sighs]: Well, if we're being honest, Lois, 358 00:12:54,904 --> 00:12:57,080 you're really bad at having sexwhen I'm drunk. 359 00:12:57,124 --> 00:12:59,039 It's like you don't even enjoy it. 360 00:12:59,082 --> 00:12:59,996 LOIS: You're impossible! 361 00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:02,259 Do not speak to the wicked. 362 00:13:02,303 --> 00:13:04,261 Throw heads of cabbage at him. 363 00:13:09,701 --> 00:13:11,486 Damn it, Peter, this is all your fault. 364 00:13:11,529 --> 00:13:14,010 STEWIE: They're not even going to explain how we all got stuck? 365 00:13:14,054 --> 00:13:16,621 [sighs]Season 16, ladies and gentlemen. 366 00:13:16,665 --> 00:13:18,841 Suddenly, the family is stuck in the banister slats. 367 00:13:18,885 --> 00:13:20,103 BRIAN: Baluster. 368 00:13:20,147 --> 00:13:21,888 STEWIE: Brian, seriously, [bleep]. 369 00:13:21,931 --> 00:13:23,541 I can get us out of here. 370 00:13:23,585 --> 00:13:25,282 I'm good at figuring things out. 371 00:13:25,326 --> 00:13:27,415 Like when I figured out the secret of business: 372 00:13:27,458 --> 00:13:28,895 pointing at stuff during meetings. 373 00:13:28,938 --> 00:13:30,897 LOIS: Peter, there's something you don't know. 374 00:13:30,940 --> 00:13:33,943 Chris might not even be your son. 375 00:13:33,987 --> 00:13:36,641 -PETER: What? -LOIS: I once slept with Philip Seymour Hoffman. 376 00:13:36,685 --> 00:13:38,905 CHRIS: You what? 377 00:13:38,948 --> 00:13:40,907 SHANNON:These montage-style cutaway gags 378 00:13:40,950 --> 00:13:43,126 provide the animators the freedom 379 00:13:43,170 --> 00:13:45,476 to go "beyond the page," as we say. 380 00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:48,131 PETER: You slept with Philip Seymour Hoffman? 381 00:13:48,175 --> 00:13:50,090 LOIS [laughing]: I sure did. 382 00:13:50,133 --> 00:13:53,049 It was in his trailer during that tornado chasing movie. 383 00:13:53,093 --> 00:13:55,573 And all I know is, nine months later, 384 00:13:55,617 --> 00:13:57,010 Chris is born. 385 00:13:57,053 --> 00:13:58,750 CHRIS: Yay! I'm a bastard! 386 00:13:58,794 --> 00:14:00,752 SARAH: This scene reminds me of the time 387 00:14:00,796 --> 00:14:02,929 I was being honored at the Kennedy Center... 388 00:14:02,972 --> 00:14:04,931 LOIS: Oh, baloney sandwich, Sarah! 389 00:14:04,974 --> 00:14:06,758 Baloney sandwich! 390 00:14:06,802 --> 00:14:07,890 In fact, you know what?! 391 00:14:07,934 --> 00:14:10,153 I'm tired of it, Peter! 392 00:14:10,197 --> 00:14:12,939 You're dishonest, you're disrespectful, 393 00:14:12,982 --> 00:14:15,028 and, frankly, I deserve better! 394 00:14:15,071 --> 00:14:17,117 PETER: So... so what are you saying, Lois? 395 00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:20,033 LOIS: I'm saying this marriage is over. 396 00:14:20,076 --> 00:14:22,905 Enjoy spending the rest of your life alone, 397 00:14:22,949 --> 00:14:25,168 and enjoy doing the show without me, 'cause I quit! 398 00:14:25,212 --> 00:14:26,909 [rustling in booth] 399 00:14:26,953 --> 00:14:28,476 ...building a chair with my male friends. 400 00:14:28,519 --> 00:14:30,130 Yeah, I can't believe... 401 00:14:30,173 --> 00:14:31,740 SHANNON: Hi. Shannon Smith again. 402 00:14:31,783 --> 00:14:34,612 You know, if you need a new Lois, I do a pretty good one. 403 00:14:34,656 --> 00:14:36,179 [bad Lois impersonation]: Peter! 404 00:14:36,223 --> 00:14:37,920 STEWIE: That was sad. 405 00:14:37,964 --> 00:14:39,966 Well, that was unexpected. 406 00:14:45,972 --> 00:14:47,060 Well, I really regret confiscating 407 00:14:47,103 --> 00:14:49,018 everyone's phones now. 408 00:14:49,062 --> 00:14:51,151 How the hell are we gonna get out of here? 409 00:14:51,194 --> 00:14:52,979 I got no idea, but we're in trouble. 410 00:14:53,022 --> 00:14:56,112 Even more than when we were literally in the game Trouble. 411 00:14:56,156 --> 00:14:58,375 BRIAN: Welcome back to the DVD commentary episode. 412 00:14:58,419 --> 00:15:01,291 If you're just joining us, Lois has stormed out 413 00:15:01,335 --> 00:15:03,554 and announced that she'squitting the show after learning 414 00:15:03,598 --> 00:15:05,992 that Peter and Sarah Paulson were once married. 415 00:15:06,035 --> 00:15:09,169 MEG: She also said Chris's dadmight be Philip Seymour Hoffman. 416 00:15:09,212 --> 00:15:12,520 BRIAN [chuckling]: More like See-less Hoffman these days, right? 417 00:15:12,563 --> 00:15:14,565 STEWIE: Hey, Patrick, can we edit that out? 418 00:15:14,609 --> 00:15:16,002 PATRICK: Yeah. 419 00:15:16,045 --> 00:15:17,220 STEWIE: Okay, good, let's do that. 420 00:15:17,264 --> 00:15:18,526 MAN: I don't see it. 421 00:15:18,569 --> 00:15:20,180 Okay, there's also a real rock 422 00:15:20,223 --> 00:15:21,964 you can throw through the glass. 423 00:15:22,008 --> 00:15:22,965 MAN: I found the fake one. 424 00:15:23,009 --> 00:15:24,271 Great. 425 00:15:26,055 --> 00:15:27,448 Oh, thank God. Can you get us out of... 426 00:15:27,491 --> 00:15:30,059 Man, this is gonna be easier than I thought. 427 00:15:31,713 --> 00:15:33,976 -Wait, you're robbing us? -Sure am. 428 00:15:34,020 --> 00:15:36,674 And apparently, I can take my sweet time. 429 00:15:36,718 --> 00:15:38,154 MEG: Dad, I'm really worried about Mom. 430 00:15:38,198 --> 00:15:40,156 Should we maybe check on her? 431 00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:42,202 STEWIE: Or be thinking about a paternity test for Chris? 432 00:15:42,245 --> 00:15:45,901 PETER [sighs]: You're right, Meg. This is awful. 433 00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:47,120 You think your mother's actually serious 434 00:15:47,163 --> 00:15:49,122 about divorcing me and quitting the show? 435 00:15:49,165 --> 00:15:51,994 And what was all that stuff about Chris not being my son? 436 00:15:52,038 --> 00:15:53,691 That-that can't be true, right? 437 00:15:53,735 --> 00:15:56,216 -It's a burglar party! -[laughter] 438 00:15:56,259 --> 00:15:59,175 CHRIS: Hey, remember the one day that guy who plays the burglar 439 00:15:59,219 --> 00:16:01,221 was on set, he was passing out postcards 440 00:16:01,264 --> 00:16:03,092 for his one-man show? 441 00:16:03,136 --> 00:16:04,659 -[chuckling]: So tacky. -STEWIE: I went. 442 00:16:04,702 --> 00:16:07,270 Wasn't bad. I think I sat next to his girlfriend, 443 00:16:07,314 --> 00:16:10,143 'cause she laughed at everything. 444 00:16:12,232 --> 00:16:15,235 I've got a package for a... Brian Griffin. 445 00:16:15,278 --> 00:16:16,497 I'm Brian Griffin. 446 00:16:16,540 --> 00:16:18,107 Great. Sign here. 447 00:16:18,151 --> 00:16:19,195 -Thanks. -[device beeps] 448 00:16:19,239 --> 00:16:20,805 All right, you guys. 449 00:16:20,849 --> 00:16:23,286 Who's ready to have some fun? 450 00:16:23,330 --> 00:16:25,071 [cheering, laughing] 451 00:16:25,114 --> 00:16:26,246 Hey, Brian, they used your account 452 00:16:26,289 --> 00:16:28,248 to buy a karaoke machine. 453 00:16:28,291 --> 00:16:30,163 ♪ Halfway down the stairs ♪ 454 00:16:30,206 --> 00:16:32,252 PETER: And she said no one would know that song. 455 00:16:32,295 --> 00:16:34,297 Well, look. The burglars know it. 456 00:16:34,341 --> 00:16:36,386 Oh, you're kidding me. They're doing my song. 457 00:16:36,430 --> 00:16:40,042 ♪ There isn't any other stair quite like it ♪ 458 00:16:40,086 --> 00:16:42,914 PETER: I-I gotta go find your mother, talk some sense back into her. 459 00:16:42,958 --> 00:16:45,091 SETH MacFARLANE: No need, Peter. Hi. Sorry to interrupt. 460 00:16:45,134 --> 00:16:46,614 -Seth MacFarlane. -PETER: Holy crap. 461 00:16:46,657 --> 00:16:48,224 It's the mouse from Sing. 462 00:16:48,268 --> 00:16:50,052 I'd recognize your voice anywhere. 463 00:16:50,096 --> 00:16:51,271 MacFARLANE: Okay, settle down. 464 00:16:51,314 --> 00:16:53,316 CHRIS: Mr. MacFarlane... [chuckles] 465 00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:55,101 what are you doing here? 466 00:16:55,144 --> 00:16:56,232 MacFARLANE: I'm actually here to tell you 467 00:16:56,276 --> 00:16:58,191 there's no need to talk sense into Lois. 468 00:16:58,234 --> 00:16:59,931 Or for a paternity test. 469 00:16:59,975 --> 00:17:01,194 Or for anyone to leave the show, 470 00:17:01,237 --> 00:17:03,196 because none of you are real. 471 00:17:03,239 --> 00:17:05,198 You're all TV characters voiced by me, 472 00:17:05,241 --> 00:17:07,200 Alex Borstein, Seth Green and Mila Kunis. 473 00:17:07,243 --> 00:17:08,940 -ALEX: Hey. -SETH GREEN: Hey, what's up? 474 00:17:08,984 --> 00:17:11,160 -MILA: Hi, everybody. -PETER: Wait. What? 475 00:17:11,204 --> 00:17:12,118 Okay, ha-hang on a second. 476 00:17:12,161 --> 00:17:14,685 If I'm not real, then why does a fat nerd 477 00:17:14,729 --> 00:17:16,470 pretend to be me at every Comic-Con? 478 00:17:16,513 --> 00:17:18,298 MacFARLANE: Please, please don't mention him. 479 00:17:18,341 --> 00:17:20,082 -It'll only encourage him. -PETER: And if you're me, 480 00:17:20,126 --> 00:17:21,997 then why do you sound like my dog? 481 00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:24,173 MacFARLANE: Because I'm also the voice of your dog, Brian. 482 00:17:24,217 --> 00:17:25,435 BRIAN: Wait. You do my voice, too? 483 00:17:25,479 --> 00:17:27,220 MacFARLANE: Yeah, I do your voice. 484 00:17:27,263 --> 00:17:29,439 BRIAN: So, the guy who handles your money, 485 00:17:29,483 --> 00:17:31,224 he knows you by voice, right? 486 00:17:31,267 --> 00:17:33,313 That's usually just a call. 487 00:17:33,356 --> 00:17:35,576 MEG: Wait a second. If Dad's not real, 488 00:17:35,619 --> 00:17:39,362 then he's not really my dad, which means I'm not real? 489 00:17:39,406 --> 00:17:41,016 MILA: That's right, Meg. 490 00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:42,931 You're voiced by me, Mila Kunis. 491 00:17:42,974 --> 00:17:44,454 MEG: Okay, question: 492 00:17:44,498 --> 00:17:47,675 Why is the girl who voices me super hot and I'm not? 493 00:17:47,718 --> 00:17:49,807 MILA: Aw, that's so sweet. 494 00:17:49,851 --> 00:17:52,332 You know, believe it or not, I've actually had two kids. 495 00:17:52,375 --> 00:17:55,378 CHRIS: Um, Ms. Kunis, I would just like you to know 496 00:17:55,422 --> 00:17:58,207 that I have no problem with youbreastfeeding in this booth. 497 00:17:58,251 --> 00:18:02,385 [chuckles] May I ask if you're still producing? 498 00:18:02,429 --> 00:18:05,214 MILA: Uh, I, uh... no, uh, Chris, 499 00:18:05,258 --> 00:18:07,347 I'm-I'm not, uh... uh, producing. 500 00:18:07,390 --> 00:18:09,131 CHRIS: What about you, Miss Paulson? Are you producing? 501 00:18:09,175 --> 00:18:11,394 SARAH: I can see coming here was a mistake. 502 00:18:11,438 --> 00:18:13,179 CHRIS: Excuse me, Seth Green... 503 00:18:13,222 --> 00:18:15,790 GREEN: Chris, I'm a man. I-I can't produce. 504 00:18:15,833 --> 00:18:17,574 CHRIS: Actually, I just wanted to say 505 00:18:17,618 --> 00:18:19,576 I enjoy your brilliant work on Robot Chicken. 506 00:18:19,620 --> 00:18:21,012 MacFARLANE: Wait, Seth Green, 507 00:18:21,056 --> 00:18:22,362 are you feeding yourself compliments now? 508 00:18:22,405 --> 00:18:24,407 GREEN:Well, let's just hear Chris out. 509 00:18:24,451 --> 00:18:26,061 MacFARLANE: Okay, you know what? We're getting off track here. 510 00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:28,237 Like I was saying, none of you actually exists. 511 00:18:28,281 --> 00:18:29,369 STEWIE: Yes, you keep saying that. 512 00:18:29,412 --> 00:18:31,022 Stop telling such horrible lies. 513 00:18:31,066 --> 00:18:32,720 SHANNON: Oh, Seth, since you're here, 514 00:18:32,763 --> 00:18:35,984 would you mind recording episodes 1714, 15, 16, 515 00:18:36,027 --> 00:18:37,507 and an NFL on Foxpromo? 516 00:18:37,551 --> 00:18:39,205 MacFARLANE: Shannon, take a lap. 517 00:18:39,248 --> 00:18:40,293 -[booth door opens] -MEG: Oh, hey, look. 518 00:18:40,336 --> 00:18:42,251 -Mom's back. -LOIS: Don't get excited. 519 00:18:42,295 --> 00:18:43,383 I forgot my paycheck. 520 00:18:43,426 --> 00:18:45,080 PETER:Lois, you can't leave the show. 521 00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:46,777 LOIS [laughing]: Oh, yeah? Why not? 522 00:18:46,821 --> 00:18:48,562 PETER: Well, the captain of the Orvillesays 523 00:18:48,605 --> 00:18:50,738 that none of us are real-- we're all cartoon characters. 524 00:18:50,781 --> 00:18:52,783 LOIS: Not real? What-what the hell are you talking about? 525 00:18:52,827 --> 00:18:54,394 ALEX: He's right, Lois. 526 00:18:54,437 --> 00:18:57,179 Uh, my name's Alex Borstein,and I do your voice on the show. 527 00:18:57,223 --> 00:18:59,790 LOIS: Are you saying the rough-edged comedy manager 528 00:18:59,834 --> 00:19:02,402 from The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel does my voice? 529 00:19:02,445 --> 00:19:04,534 [laughing]: I'm so honored. 530 00:19:04,578 --> 00:19:07,189 I love that show. You are hilarious. 531 00:19:07,233 --> 00:19:09,235 PETER: Yeah, Seth Green already did this bit. 532 00:19:09,278 --> 00:19:13,239 LOIS: So, you're really saying that we don't exist? 533 00:19:13,282 --> 00:19:15,197 Peter, I-I'm not even sure what this means, 534 00:19:15,241 --> 00:19:17,199 but it sure makes it seem less important 535 00:19:17,243 --> 00:19:19,897 how much money you make compared to me 536 00:19:19,941 --> 00:19:22,335 or that maybe you neglected to tell me 537 00:19:22,378 --> 00:19:24,032 everything about your past. 538 00:19:24,075 --> 00:19:25,207 PETER: Yeah, none of that stuff matters. 539 00:19:25,251 --> 00:19:27,078 LOIS: You're right, Peter. 540 00:19:27,122 --> 00:19:29,080 I love you, and whatever we share, 541 00:19:29,124 --> 00:19:31,082 whether it's real or not, 542 00:19:31,126 --> 00:19:32,867 I don't want to give any of it up. 543 00:19:32,910 --> 00:19:34,390 PETER: Me, either. 544 00:19:34,434 --> 00:19:37,132 LOIS: It's safe and familiar here with you. 545 00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:41,136 So let's just bury our troublesand cling to whatever this is. 546 00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:43,834 I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Philip Seymour Hoffman. 547 00:19:43,878 --> 00:19:45,445 PETER:It's fine. None of that matters. 548 00:19:45,488 --> 00:19:46,707 MacFARLANE: Look, the truth is-- 549 00:19:46,750 --> 00:19:48,361 again, this is Seth, not Brian-- 550 00:19:48,404 --> 00:19:50,145 the truth is, you should all be thankful 551 00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:51,233 you're animated characters. 552 00:19:51,277 --> 00:19:53,322 Peter, you can drink as much as you want, 553 00:19:53,366 --> 00:19:54,584 and nothing bad will ever happen. 554 00:19:54,628 --> 00:19:56,238 Lois, you haven't aged in decades. 555 00:19:56,282 --> 00:19:57,631 Stewie, you get to travel through time 556 00:19:57,674 --> 00:19:59,372 and do things no baby could ever do. 557 00:19:59,415 --> 00:20:01,809 And, Brian, you've had sex with more hot women 558 00:20:01,852 --> 00:20:03,376 than a real dog could ever reasonably expect. 559 00:20:03,419 --> 00:20:05,291 Meg, I'll admit, you got the shaft. 560 00:20:05,334 --> 00:20:08,119 Your actual life is better than your cartoon life. 561 00:20:08,163 --> 00:20:10,252 Now, if you'll excuse me, I need all the real actors 562 00:20:10,296 --> 00:20:13,168 to form a human shield around meso I can get out of the building 563 00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:14,604 without the American Dadpeople seeing me. 564 00:20:14,648 --> 00:20:16,519 LOIS: Well, from now on, Peter, 565 00:20:16,563 --> 00:20:18,304 -I'm not going any... -SARAH: Quiet! 566 00:20:18,347 --> 00:20:20,480 My character's talking! 567 00:20:20,523 --> 00:20:22,308 LOIS: Honestly, Peter, I don't know how you... 568 00:20:22,351 --> 00:20:24,832 PETER: I know. That right therewas the main reason we split up. 569 00:20:24,875 --> 00:20:26,616 ...wiped out by the German aphid, 570 00:20:26,660 --> 00:20:28,488 which was oddly brought by the Swedes 571 00:20:28,531 --> 00:20:30,141 during the Great Depression-- 572 00:20:30,185 --> 00:20:32,361 which, for those of you who are too young, 573 00:20:32,405 --> 00:20:34,624 was like a decade-long case of the Mondays. 574 00:20:34,668 --> 00:20:38,498 Well, I'm guessing you folks are from out of town, too. 575 00:20:38,541 --> 00:20:40,804 -[laughter] -PETER: I never got that joke. 576 00:20:48,421 --> 00:20:50,510 Well, you guys, I guess we all learned something 577 00:20:50,553 --> 00:20:53,426 about not letting technology rule our lives. 578 00:20:53,469 --> 00:20:56,124 And, Mom, next time we get baluster slats, 579 00:20:56,167 --> 00:20:59,345 let's make sure there's enough room to get our heads out. 580 00:20:59,388 --> 00:21:01,303 [laughter] 581 00:21:01,347 --> 00:21:04,915 PETER:Okay, thanks for watching thisoutmoded form of entertainment. 582 00:21:04,959 --> 00:21:06,308 Now let's all go around the horn 583 00:21:06,352 --> 00:21:08,745 and say what our favorite part of the episode was. 584 00:21:08,789 --> 00:21:10,181 -Chris? -CHRIS: Pass. 585 00:21:10,225 --> 00:21:11,792 -Meg? -MEG: Don't care. 586 00:21:11,835 --> 00:21:13,141 PETER: Okay, Stewie's asleep, 587 00:21:13,184 --> 00:21:15,317 and I can see Brian driving away in his car. 588 00:21:15,361 --> 00:21:17,363 And just so you know, he doesn't drive a Prius 589 00:21:17,406 --> 00:21:19,103 like you see on the show. 590 00:21:19,147 --> 00:21:21,323 He actually drives a white, convertible Mercedes. 591 00:21:21,367 --> 00:21:24,239 Basically the car a lady Realtor would drive. 592 00:21:24,283 --> 00:21:25,936 Oh, animation producer Shannon Smith, 593 00:21:25,980 --> 00:21:27,242 I see you're still here. 594 00:21:27,286 --> 00:21:28,417 You want to say something? 595 00:21:28,461 --> 00:21:29,810 SHANNON: Thanks, Peter. Actually... 596 00:21:29,853 --> 00:21:31,377 PETER: Oh, Fuzzy Door. Bye.