1
00:00:00,626 --> 00:00:04,064
♪ It seems today
that all you see♪

2
00:00:04,108 --> 00:00:07,111
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV♪

3
00:00:07,154 --> 00:00:10,897
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values♪

4
00:00:10,940 --> 00:00:13,900
♪ On which we used to rely?♪

5
00:00:13,943 --> 00:00:17,251
♪ Lucky there's a family guy♪

6
00:00:17,295 --> 00:00:20,733
♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do♪

7
00:00:20,776 --> 00:00:22,343
♪ All the things that make us♪

8
00:00:22,387 --> 00:00:23,518
♪ Laugh and cry♪

9
00:00:23,562 --> 00:00:29,046
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy!♪

10
00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:37,010
Hey, Meg.
Where you going?

11
00:00:37,054 --> 00:00:39,447
Are you kidding? The Olympic
qualifiers are today.

12
00:00:39,491 --> 00:00:41,449
-I'm competing.
-In what?

13
00:00:41,493 --> 00:00:42,755
-I'm a bi...
-Knew it.

14
00:00:42,798 --> 00:00:44,017
-Athlete.
-Didn't know it.

15
00:00:44,061 --> 00:00:46,324
If I win today,
I'm going to the Olympics.

16
00:00:46,367 --> 00:00:48,891
Why is this the first
we're hearing about this?

17
00:00:48,935 --> 00:00:52,330
It's not. God, how could
you guys not know about this?

18
00:00:52,373 --> 00:00:53,983
I've been training for years.

19
00:00:54,027 --> 00:00:56,551
Peter. Peter, I need you
to hold my ears. Aah!

20
00:00:56,595 --> 00:00:59,380
[both groaning]

21
00:00:59,424 --> 00:01:00,773
Oh. Oh.

22
00:01:00,816 --> 00:01:05,343
[all groaning]

23
00:01:05,386 --> 00:01:07,780
-Who wants chowder?
-[all retching]

24
00:01:07,823 --> 00:01:10,565
Okay, I'm off to go train
for the Olympics.

25
00:01:10,609 --> 00:01:12,567
Ew!

26
00:01:12,611 --> 00:01:15,179
Mom? Mommy? Mommy?

27
00:01:15,222 --> 00:01:17,529
Mommy? Mama?

28
00:01:17,572 --> 00:01:20,009
Hey, Ma, I'm gonna go train
for the Olympics.

29
00:01:20,053 --> 00:01:23,012
Mama? Mama? Ma?

30
00:01:23,056 --> 00:01:26,364
My goal becomes clear:
the broccoli must die.

31
00:01:26,407 --> 00:01:29,062
[dramatic music plays]

32
00:01:29,106 --> 00:01:31,717
All right, I'm off
to train for the Olympics.

33
00:01:31,760 --> 00:01:34,589
See? I've been training
since I was Lacey Chabert.

34
00:01:34,633 --> 00:01:36,765
-So, are you guys gonna come?
-I don't know.

35
00:01:36,809 --> 00:01:39,028
The Yule Log Channel
just put on another log,

36
00:01:39,072 --> 00:01:41,509
and I really like it when
the wood goes "crack, crack,

37
00:01:41,553 --> 00:01:42,858
pop, crack, pop."

38
00:01:42,902 --> 00:01:44,773
We all like that. Sorry, Meg.

39
00:01:44,817 --> 00:01:46,166
That's okay.

40
00:01:46,210 --> 00:01:48,516
I guess I'll just drive there
by myself...

41
00:01:48,560 --> 00:01:50,214
in my Jeep!

42
00:01:50,257 --> 00:01:52,303
Wait a minute.
You have a Jeep?

43
00:01:52,346 --> 00:01:54,087
Well, why didn't you say so?

44
00:01:54,131 --> 00:01:55,219
Come on, family!

45
00:01:55,262 --> 00:01:57,177
Let's go do
TV commercial driving meant

46
00:01:57,221 --> 00:02:00,049
for a professional driver
on a closed course.

47
00:02:00,093 --> 00:02:03,096
ANNOUNCER: Jeep: The toughest
four-letter word on wheels.

48
00:02:03,140 --> 00:02:05,229
For the driver
who doesn't like to stop going

49
00:02:05,272 --> 00:02:07,274
just because
they've run out of road.

50
00:02:07,318 --> 00:02:08,580
Ow, my balls!
Why'd you do that?

51
00:02:08,623 --> 00:02:09,972
Head out
where the real fun begins.

52
00:02:10,016 --> 00:02:11,191
There was plenty of road left!

53
00:02:11,235 --> 00:02:12,453
Where the paved roads
leave off.

54
00:02:12,497 --> 00:02:13,672
Aah! My balls!
It's too bumpy.

55
00:02:13,715 --> 00:02:15,326
Potholes and bumps and ruts
can come as they will.

56
00:02:15,369 --> 00:02:16,457
Ah, they're getting rattled
and smushed.

57
00:02:16,501 --> 00:02:17,763
Jeep's welded, rugged
and riveted frame...

58
00:02:17,806 --> 00:02:19,068
Please go back on the road!

59
00:02:19,112 --> 00:02:20,331
...takes punishment
in large doses...

60
00:02:20,374 --> 00:02:21,375
-My balls!
-...and comes back for more!

61
00:02:21,419 --> 00:02:24,378
I like safe driving.
My balls!

62
00:02:29,601 --> 00:02:31,298
Thanks again for coming, guys.

63
00:02:31,342 --> 00:02:33,082
It really means a lot to me.

64
00:02:33,126 --> 00:02:34,693
Of course, honey.
We wouldn't miss it.

65
00:02:34,736 --> 00:02:37,086
Plus, it's a good excuse
to put on my winter coat

66
00:02:37,130 --> 00:02:39,654
and find items from last year
still in the pocket.

67
00:02:39,698 --> 00:02:43,441
Ooh, sticky pennies,
a rock-hard Starburst,

68
00:02:43,484 --> 00:02:45,573
an appointment card
for my next dental appointment

69
00:02:45,617 --> 00:02:47,227
that's already come and gone,

70
00:02:47,271 --> 00:02:49,490
a ticket stub for a matinee
of Interstellar,

71
00:02:49,534 --> 00:02:51,927
an unwrapped piece of Dentyne,

72
00:02:51,971 --> 00:02:54,234
a yarmulke from when
that Jewish guy died,

73
00:02:54,278 --> 00:02:57,455
a breath mint from the
now-defunct Clorets corporation,

74
00:02:57,498 --> 00:03:00,066
printed-out Mapquest directions
to Dave & Buster's,

75
00:03:00,109 --> 00:03:01,894
Iron Man Band-Aid,

76
00:03:01,937 --> 00:03:04,853
Flintstone vitamin I didn't take
'cause it was Barney,

77
00:03:04,897 --> 00:03:06,725
refrigerator magnet
from local electrician

78
00:03:06,768 --> 00:03:08,466
who is now arrested,

79
00:03:08,509 --> 00:03:10,859
and balled-up tissues
with last year's flu on it.

80
00:03:10,903 --> 00:03:12,905
You done with your pocket bits?
It's freezing!

81
00:03:12,948 --> 00:03:15,516
So the biathlon combines
cross-country skiing

82
00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:17,388
-and rifle shooting?
-Yeah.

83
00:03:17,431 --> 00:03:19,259
Well, that doesn't sound
so hard. Can I try?

84
00:03:19,303 --> 00:03:20,608
I don't know
if that's a good idea.

85
00:03:20,652 --> 00:03:22,480
My event starts soon.

86
00:03:22,523 --> 00:03:24,743
Meg, it is my duty
as a bad father to prove

87
00:03:24,786 --> 00:03:26,614
that I can do anything
my kids can do.

88
00:03:26,658 --> 00:03:28,703
Okay, fine.

89
00:03:31,184 --> 00:03:32,359
Here we go.

90
00:03:34,535 --> 00:03:37,408
All right, I think
I'm getting the hang of it.

91
00:03:40,193 --> 00:03:42,282
I have to say,
I'm very proud of Meg.

92
00:03:42,326 --> 00:03:44,371
Who knew she was good
at something?

93
00:03:44,415 --> 00:03:46,460
Yeah, does anybody else in the
family have any secret talents

94
00:03:46,504 --> 00:03:47,722
we don't know about?

95
00:03:47,766 --> 00:03:50,290
I'm the Quahog edging champion.

96
00:03:50,334 --> 00:03:52,161
That's great, Chris.
Now what's that?

97
00:03:52,205 --> 00:03:55,382
It's the practice
of erotic sexual denial.

98
00:03:55,426 --> 00:03:57,428
Go wait in the car.

99
00:03:58,559 --> 00:04:00,735
And no edging!

100
00:04:00,779 --> 00:04:02,520
MAN:
But he did continue edging,

101
00:04:02,563 --> 00:04:04,957
bringing himself to the verge
of sexual pleasure,

102
00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:07,002
only to stop
at the last moment.

103
00:04:07,046 --> 00:04:08,961
I'm Ron Howard,
and I do voice-overs

104
00:04:09,004 --> 00:04:10,484
for this show now, too.

105
00:04:10,528 --> 00:04:12,530
WOMAN: But that was
the only voice-over

106
00:04:12,573 --> 00:04:13,748
Ron Howard did for the show.

107
00:04:13,792 --> 00:04:15,750
He asked for too much money.

108
00:04:15,794 --> 00:04:19,101
I'm Kristen Bell, and I do
reasonably-priced voice-overs.

109
00:04:19,145 --> 00:04:20,799
MAN:
But her voice-overs

110
00:04:20,842 --> 00:04:23,802
were not reasonably priced,
so they turned to me,

111
00:04:23,845 --> 00:04:26,457
a guy who sounds
like Morgan Freeman,

112
00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:28,807
but is not, in fact,
Morgan Freeman.

113
00:04:28,850 --> 00:04:30,939
My name is
Josh Robert Thompson,

114
00:04:30,983 --> 00:04:33,551
and I perform for scale.

115
00:04:36,597 --> 00:04:39,078
[cheering, applause]

116
00:04:43,038 --> 00:04:45,302
♪

117
00:05:09,326 --> 00:05:11,240
You're going down, Meg.

118
00:05:11,284 --> 00:05:13,460
-Lacey Chabert?!
-That's right.

119
00:05:13,504 --> 00:05:14,940
This should be my Olympics.

120
00:05:14,983 --> 00:05:17,246
-Shut up, Meg.
-No, youshut up, Meg.

121
00:05:17,290 --> 00:05:18,944
No, youshut up, Meg.

122
00:05:18,987 --> 00:05:20,685
PETER:
Shut up, Megs!

123
00:05:28,649 --> 00:05:30,477
Yay, Meg!

124
00:05:30,521 --> 00:05:32,305
Wow. Meg is going
to the Olympics!

125
00:05:32,349 --> 00:05:34,220
Let's celebrate
by burning our lips

126
00:05:34,263 --> 00:05:37,005
on vending machine
hot chocolate.

127
00:05:37,049 --> 00:05:38,267
-Ow!
-Ugh!

128
00:05:38,311 --> 00:05:40,618
Mine has whippedcream,
so I didn't get it

129
00:05:40,661 --> 00:05:42,271
on the first sip.

130
00:05:42,315 --> 00:05:43,664
Ow!

131
00:05:43,708 --> 00:05:46,450
[cheering, applause]

132
00:05:47,668 --> 00:05:49,540
Thank you.

133
00:05:49,583 --> 00:05:52,543
Um, I-I'm not really good
at public speaking,

134
00:05:52,586 --> 00:05:56,416
so I'll just say...
farble shlup muckle blop.

135
00:05:56,460 --> 00:05:58,505
All right, Meg,
I'll take it from here.

136
00:05:58,549 --> 00:06:01,465
Hi. I'm Lois Griffin,
Meg's mother.

137
00:06:01,508 --> 00:06:04,424
You may also know me as the lady
who threw a plate of cheese

138
00:06:04,468 --> 00:06:06,208
during that
city council meeting.

139
00:06:06,252 --> 00:06:07,471
[crowd murmuring]

140
00:06:07,514 --> 00:06:09,560
But we got the streets plowed,
though, right?

141
00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:10,865
[scattered applause]

142
00:06:10,909 --> 00:06:12,519
MAN:
The cheese worked, yeah.

143
00:06:12,563 --> 00:06:16,088
I just wanted to say how proud
we are of Meg's accomplishment.

144
00:06:16,131 --> 00:06:17,872
So it looks like
the Griffins are going

145
00:06:17,916 --> 00:06:20,658
to the Winter Olympics in Korea!

146
00:06:20,701 --> 00:06:22,486
[cheering, applause]

147
00:06:22,529 --> 00:06:26,881
Do you think there'll be a gag
about the Jamaican bobsled team?

148
00:06:26,925 --> 00:06:28,579
-No, probably not.
-Oh.

149
00:06:28,622 --> 00:06:31,059
'Cause I was working
on my exaggerated shiver.

150
00:06:31,103 --> 00:06:33,714
Burr. Burr. Oh.

151
00:06:33,758 --> 00:06:35,673
[Jamaican accent]:
Yeah, man, it be cold.

152
00:06:35,716 --> 00:06:37,370
[laughing]:
Okay, okay, yeah, yeah, maybe.

153
00:06:37,414 --> 00:06:40,547
There might be. Don't-don't
go far. Don't go far.

154
00:06:57,434 --> 00:06:59,523
My race isn't for a few days,

155
00:06:59,566 --> 00:07:01,829
so we should have plenty of time
to hang out.

156
00:07:01,873 --> 00:07:03,701
Anyone want to grab some food?

157
00:07:03,744 --> 00:07:05,137
Sorry, Meg, I can't.

158
00:07:05,180 --> 00:07:06,704
I'm trying to land you
some endorsements,

159
00:07:06,747 --> 00:07:09,620
and I have a lead with
a very popular IBS medication.

160
00:07:09,663 --> 00:07:11,273
Quick, say,

161
00:07:11,317 --> 00:07:13,928
"I never let traveler's diarrhea
keep me grounded."

162
00:07:13,972 --> 00:07:15,713
No!

163
00:07:15,756 --> 00:07:18,672
Well, then you're just handing
this thing right to John Kruk!

164
00:07:27,246 --> 00:07:30,118
Oh, my God, Brian, look.

165
00:07:31,772 --> 00:07:33,731
-Who is that?
-Oh, that's figure skater

166
00:07:33,774 --> 00:07:35,994
turned flamboyant commentator
Johnny Weir.

167
00:07:36,037 --> 00:07:37,517
I wonder
where Tara Lipinski is.

168
00:07:37,561 --> 00:07:39,127
I heard they always have to be

169
00:07:39,171 --> 00:07:40,825
within quipping distance
of each other.

170
00:07:42,043 --> 00:07:44,045
Oh, she's in the hat!

171
00:07:45,438 --> 00:07:46,613
Isn't she amazing?

172
00:07:46,657 --> 00:07:48,354
I feel like she's my soul mate.

173
00:07:48,397 --> 00:07:49,660
How is she your soul mate?

174
00:07:49,703 --> 00:07:50,661
She looks like a baby,

175
00:07:50,704 --> 00:07:52,445
and she's best friends
with a gay guy.

176
00:07:52,489 --> 00:07:54,447
-Her life is my life.
-I'm not gay.

177
00:07:54,491 --> 00:07:55,796
Well, it's not me!

178
00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:57,406
Come on, let's go meet them.

179
00:07:57,450 --> 00:07:59,757
Hi. I just had to come over
and introduce myself.

180
00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:02,760
My name is Stewie,
and I'm a huge fan of you guys.

181
00:08:02,803 --> 00:08:04,805
Oh, it's nice to meet you,
Stewie.

182
00:08:04,849 --> 00:08:07,199
Yeah, it's always so nice
to meet our fans.

183
00:08:07,242 --> 00:08:10,985
And can I just say, the shape
of your head is stunning.

184
00:08:11,029 --> 00:08:12,813
Really?
I get a lot of grief for it.

185
00:08:12,857 --> 00:08:14,598
Some people say
it looks like a football.

186
00:08:14,641 --> 00:08:17,731
Okay, I don't know what that is,
but they're just jealous.

187
00:08:17,775 --> 00:08:19,428
Every one of them.

188
00:08:19,472 --> 00:08:21,474
Remember,
nothing normal looks good.

189
00:08:21,518 --> 00:08:23,824
Well, I have to say,
you two are the best thing

190
00:08:23,868 --> 00:08:25,434
to happen to sports

191
00:08:25,478 --> 00:08:27,828
since the New York Knicks
finally changed their name.

192
00:08:27,872 --> 00:08:29,438
ANNOUNCER:
Ladies and gentlemen,

193
00:08:29,482 --> 00:08:33,921
please welcome your 2018
New York Pieces-Of-Dog-[bleep].

194
00:08:33,965 --> 00:08:36,533
[crowd booing]

195
00:08:40,885 --> 00:08:42,669
[exhales]

196
00:08:42,713 --> 00:08:44,062
Bitty bitty bop.

197
00:08:46,499 --> 00:08:48,501
Funky, funky.

198
00:09:10,479 --> 00:09:11,872
Wow, I can't believe

199
00:09:11,916 --> 00:09:14,396
I'm on a first-name basis
with Tara Lipinski.

200
00:09:14,440 --> 00:09:16,834
Now, refresh my memory:
is Tara the one who had the DUI?

201
00:09:16,877 --> 00:09:18,531
No, that's Oksana Baiul.

202
00:09:18,575 --> 00:09:20,185
Oh, sounds like something
Gandalf says

203
00:09:20,228 --> 00:09:21,795
at the foot of a mountain.

204
00:09:21,839 --> 00:09:24,319
Oksana Baiul!

205
00:09:31,892 --> 00:09:34,068
Okay, we can go in now.

206
00:09:35,113 --> 00:09:36,418
Oh, God, here she comes!

207
00:09:36,462 --> 00:09:37,855
Act like I said something funny.

208
00:09:37,898 --> 00:09:39,073
I don't know, Stewie.

209
00:09:39,117 --> 00:09:41,641
I think the Special Olympics
serve an important purpose.

210
00:09:41,685 --> 00:09:44,078
So do I!
Who thinks they don't?

211
00:09:44,122 --> 00:09:45,732
I don't know. Ask this guy.

212
00:09:45,776 --> 00:09:47,908
He's a dog.
He's just learning how to talk.

213
00:09:47,952 --> 00:09:50,868
So, hey, Tara,
are you doing anything later?

214
00:09:50,911 --> 00:09:53,000
I was thinking maybe we could
grab dinner or something.

215
00:09:53,044 --> 00:09:55,568
Yeah, sure. You seem cool.
That could be fun.

216
00:09:55,612 --> 00:09:57,135
All right then, it's a date.

217
00:09:57,178 --> 00:09:58,789
Oh, I just need to make a call.

218
00:09:58,832 --> 00:10:00,442
I was supposed
to help the speed skaters

219
00:10:00,486 --> 00:10:02,706
get their tights
over their thighs.

220
00:10:02,749 --> 00:10:03,881
[grunting]

221
00:10:03,924 --> 00:10:05,752
Stewie, it's not gonna fit!

222
00:10:05,796 --> 00:10:07,145
Hey, we can do this.

223
00:10:07,188 --> 00:10:10,322
I worked with Garth Brooks.
Shirt andpants.

224
00:10:10,365 --> 00:10:13,673
Little secret--
Garth wears leggings.

225
00:10:13,717 --> 00:10:17,024
The denim pattern
is projected on.

226
00:10:17,068 --> 00:10:20,593
Hello, Kansas City!

227
00:10:20,637 --> 00:10:22,726
Stick to the agreed-upon
choreography, please.

228
00:10:22,769 --> 00:10:24,902
Ask who else has friends
in low places.

229
00:10:24,945 --> 00:10:27,818
BROOKS: Hey, who else here
has friends in low places?

230
00:10:27,861 --> 00:10:29,036
[cheering, applause]

231
00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:31,169
All right,
we got 'em back, baby.

232
00:10:34,215 --> 00:10:37,131
♪

233
00:10:37,175 --> 00:10:39,394
Whoa, Ryan Lochte?

234
00:10:39,438 --> 00:10:41,745
-Uh, where?
-You.

235
00:10:41,788 --> 00:10:42,702
Oh, yeah.

236
00:10:42,746 --> 00:10:44,965
Hey, are you athlete?

237
00:10:45,009 --> 00:10:47,402
No, I just like wearing clothes
that feel like pajamas.

238
00:10:47,446 --> 00:10:50,101
That's most of what
being athlete is.

239
00:10:50,144 --> 00:10:53,191
Wait, aren't you
a summer sport guy?

240
00:10:53,234 --> 00:10:55,802
Oh... it's cold.

241
00:10:55,846 --> 00:10:57,848
Here's a beer.
Follow me.

242
00:10:57,891 --> 00:10:59,850
MORGAN FREEMAN:
Peter partied all night

243
00:10:59,893 --> 00:11:02,766
with international bozo
Ryan Lochte.

244
00:11:02,809 --> 00:11:04,855
And this voice-over
was actually covered

245
00:11:04,898 --> 00:11:07,640
by my original payment.

246
00:11:12,427 --> 00:11:14,386
Stewie, I'm very impressed.

247
00:11:14,429 --> 00:11:16,388
I didn't know you skated.

248
00:11:16,431 --> 00:11:19,173
Yeah, well, there's a lot
you don't know about me.

249
00:11:19,217 --> 00:11:21,872
Like I'm always full
of surprises.

250
00:11:21,915 --> 00:11:23,874
-[snaps fingers]
-[romantic music plays]

251
00:11:23,917 --> 00:11:25,353
-BRIAN: Did it work?
-Yes. Yeah.

252
00:11:25,397 --> 00:11:26,790
You were supposed to be quiet!

253
00:11:26,833 --> 00:11:29,662
Would you like to join me
for a dance?

254
00:11:29,706 --> 00:11:33,231
♪

255
00:11:33,274 --> 00:11:34,798
Wow!

256
00:11:34,841 --> 00:11:36,843
♪

257
00:11:43,981 --> 00:11:46,679
STEWIE: But that's
not how it really happened.

258
00:11:46,723 --> 00:11:49,247
Would you like to join me
for a dance?

259
00:11:50,509 --> 00:11:52,554
BRIAN:
Oh-ho! Wow.

260
00:11:52,598 --> 00:11:54,556
Ow! Ow! I bit my tongue!

261
00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:57,342
-I swallowed the piece!
-Oh, my God, are you okay?

262
00:11:57,385 --> 00:11:59,431
Don't go on the ice.
It's too slippery.

263
00:11:59,474 --> 00:12:01,650
I'll crawl back.
Don't watch me.

264
00:12:01,694 --> 00:12:04,044
[groaning]

265
00:12:11,922 --> 00:12:14,054
-Hi, hi, hi.
-Oh. Hey, Johnny.

266
00:12:14,098 --> 00:12:17,014
I'm just gonna run to
the bathroom real quick. B-R-B.

267
00:12:17,057 --> 00:12:19,625
Oh, she's a regular
Tinkle Britches.

268
00:12:19,668 --> 00:12:21,845
[deep voice]: Get the hell
out of here, you little maggot.

269
00:12:21,888 --> 00:12:23,237
Wha-Wha... Johnny?

270
00:12:23,281 --> 00:12:25,892
-What happened to your voice?
-This ismy voice.

271
00:12:25,936 --> 00:12:27,807
You think I actually talk
like that?

272
00:12:27,851 --> 00:12:30,027
That's just something I do
to get the skater chicks.

273
00:12:30,070 --> 00:12:32,899
-Does Tara know?
-Nah. She don't like
guys like me.

274
00:12:32,943 --> 00:12:34,988
[high-pitched]:
She likes guys like me.

275
00:12:35,032 --> 00:12:37,948
Wait, but she had a great time
with me tonight.

276
00:12:37,991 --> 00:12:40,254
[deep voice]: Yeah, that's what
she does with her gay friends.

277
00:12:40,298 --> 00:12:42,213
But you'reher gay friend.

278
00:12:42,256 --> 00:12:43,997
What'd you say,
you little [bleep]?!

279
00:12:44,041 --> 00:12:45,825
Is everything okay out here?

280
00:12:45,869 --> 00:12:47,609
[high-pitched]: Yeah,
I was just looking at his shirt.

281
00:12:47,653 --> 00:12:49,873
I lovethis Nordstrom Rack.
How was the tinkle?

282
00:12:49,916 --> 00:12:51,962
It was good.
I also dumped.

283
00:12:52,005 --> 00:12:53,485
You're so bad.

284
00:12:53,528 --> 00:12:55,879
Anyway, sad emoji face,
Stewie has to leave.

285
00:12:55,922 --> 00:12:57,968
Oh. Okay. Bye, Stewie.

286
00:12:58,011 --> 00:13:00,100
I had a wonderful time.

287
00:13:00,144 --> 00:13:01,667
Me... me, too.

288
00:13:01,710 --> 00:13:04,061
[deep voice]:
Not as good as I'm gonna have.

289
00:13:04,104 --> 00:13:06,063
And I know what
a [bleep] football is.

290
00:13:06,106 --> 00:13:08,108
Killed me to say that.

291
00:13:14,549 --> 00:13:18,205
Hey, you flush underwear
in train toilet?!

292
00:13:18,249 --> 00:13:20,251
Yeah, they, uh,
th-they were done.

293
00:13:20,294 --> 00:13:22,906
This illegal.
I want you off train!

294
00:13:22,949 --> 00:13:24,124
What are you gonna do
about it?

295
00:13:24,168 --> 00:13:25,865
You're just a train conductor...

296
00:13:25,909 --> 00:13:28,868
who has a huge kicking foot?

297
00:13:28,912 --> 00:13:30,087
Aah!

298
00:13:30,130 --> 00:13:33,003
Aah! Oh!

299
00:13:33,046 --> 00:13:34,569
Where the hell am I?

300
00:13:34,613 --> 00:13:37,572
Oh, my God,
I'm in the wrong Korea.

301
00:13:37,616 --> 00:13:41,925
That's it. Like your missiles,
I'm about to go ballistic.

302
00:13:46,190 --> 00:13:48,322
PETER: But that's not
how it really happened.

303
00:13:48,366 --> 00:13:52,718
That's it. Like your missiles,
I'm about to go ballistic.

304
00:13:52,761 --> 00:13:55,590
Ow! A northern bird
flew into my nuts!

305
00:13:55,634 --> 00:13:57,941
[groans]
Go to commercial.

306
00:14:06,036 --> 00:14:07,167
[sniffing]

307
00:14:07,211 --> 00:14:08,560
That's weird.

308
00:14:08,603 --> 00:14:11,737
It doesn't smell like
open butt in here.

309
00:14:11,780 --> 00:14:13,565
Peter?

310
00:14:15,610 --> 00:14:19,832
Huh, he's usually up by now
dry-heaving in the shower.

311
00:14:21,965 --> 00:14:24,184
Hi, I'm pink-eyed Bob Costas,

312
00:14:24,228 --> 00:14:26,099
live from our Pyeongchang
studios,

313
00:14:26,143 --> 00:14:27,796
here to bring you breaking news,

314
00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:29,363
and occasionally blink off-synch

315
00:14:29,407 --> 00:14:32,323
in an attempt to satisfy
my searing eye itchiness.

316
00:14:32,366 --> 00:14:34,586
A U.S. tourist, Peter Griffin,

317
00:14:34,629 --> 00:14:36,414
has been apprehended
by North Korea

318
00:14:36,457 --> 00:14:39,112
and is being held prisoner
for what I'm being told

319
00:14:39,156 --> 00:14:41,941
is trespassing and doing
that thing with your eyes

320
00:14:41,985 --> 00:14:44,030
that makes you look Chinese.

321
00:14:44,074 --> 00:14:48,078
Damn it. Why does Peter have to
ruin every family vacation?

322
00:14:48,121 --> 00:14:50,819
Just like he ruined
our trip to La La Land.

323
00:14:50,863 --> 00:14:52,865
♪

324
00:14:57,870 --> 00:15:00,394
Hey, guy who's never been
uncool in a movie,

325
00:15:00,438 --> 00:15:02,092
I requested
"Dominick the Donkey"

326
00:15:02,135 --> 00:15:03,180
like an hour ago.

327
00:15:03,223 --> 00:15:06,052
It's Christmastime,
and I want greaseball songs.

328
00:15:06,096 --> 00:15:07,575
[sighs]

329
00:15:07,619 --> 00:15:09,186
♪

330
00:15:09,229 --> 00:15:11,318
♪ Hey, chingedy ching,
hee-haw, hee-haw♪

331
00:15:11,362 --> 00:15:13,538
♪ It's Dominick the donkey♪

332
00:15:13,581 --> 00:15:15,366
♪ Chingedy ching,
hee-haw, hee-haw♪

333
00:15:15,409 --> 00:15:16,845
♪ The Italian Christmas donkey♪

334
00:15:16,889 --> 00:15:18,064
♪ La, la, la-la♪

335
00:15:18,108 --> 00:15:19,326
Ooh, like the movie!

336
00:15:19,370 --> 00:15:21,241
♪ La-la, la, la, la, la, la♪

337
00:15:21,285 --> 00:15:25,811
♪ La, la, la,
la, la, la-lee, oh, dah!♪

338
00:15:25,854 --> 00:15:28,248
Again.

339
00:15:33,079 --> 00:15:35,386
[deep voice]: Hey,
sorry about last night, bro.

340
00:15:35,429 --> 00:15:37,997
-No hard feelings?
-Yes, hard feelings.

341
00:15:38,041 --> 00:15:39,259
I told you, I really liked her.

342
00:15:39,303 --> 00:15:41,914
Yo, relax.
We only had awesome sex.

343
00:15:41,958 --> 00:15:44,090
Geez.
All right, see you later.

344
00:15:44,134 --> 00:15:47,050
I got to go wash Tara's lipstick
off my ass.

345
00:15:48,399 --> 00:15:50,053
Well, at least I have a side,

346
00:15:50,096 --> 00:15:52,620
you neutral Swiss cowards!

347
00:15:52,664 --> 00:15:54,187
Oh, hey, Stewie, how's it going?

348
00:15:54,231 --> 00:15:57,625
Terrible. Johnny Weir's
making my life a nightmare.

349
00:15:57,669 --> 00:15:59,845
I really thought I had a shot
with Tara Lipinski,

350
00:15:59,888 --> 00:16:01,281
and he ruined it.

351
00:16:01,325 --> 00:16:02,891
I'm sorry to hear that.

352
00:16:02,935 --> 00:16:04,850
You want me to
take him out for you?

353
00:16:04,893 --> 00:16:07,070
Really?
You'd do that for me?

354
00:16:07,113 --> 00:16:09,898
Of course. I owe you for
getting me that job

355
00:16:09,942 --> 00:16:11,596
with Gloria Allred.

356
00:16:11,639 --> 00:16:14,468
[camera shutters clicking]

357
00:16:14,512 --> 00:16:17,863
CHRIS: They say if you get
a job doing what you love,

358
00:16:17,906 --> 00:16:20,953
you never work a day
in your life.

359
00:16:25,001 --> 00:16:27,699
Now it's clothes,
now it's clothes,

360
00:16:27,742 --> 00:16:29,135
now it's clothes.

361
00:16:29,179 --> 00:16:32,051
This is for my brother,
you Tom Hiddleston lookalike!

362
00:16:32,095 --> 00:16:35,315
-[deep voice]: You serious, bro?
-Oh, no.

363
00:16:35,359 --> 00:16:37,404
Now you're gonna beat me up
like a Batman fight,

364
00:16:37,448 --> 00:16:39,754
only with gay words.

365
00:16:39,798 --> 00:16:42,192
♪

366
00:16:55,118 --> 00:16:58,208
Kids, Brian,
I've got some bad news.

367
00:16:58,251 --> 00:17:00,688
Your father has been kidnapped
by North Korea.

368
00:17:00,732 --> 00:17:02,125
We've got to save him.

369
00:17:02,168 --> 00:17:03,561
But my race is this afternoon.

370
00:17:03,604 --> 00:17:05,998
I know,
but your father needs us.

371
00:17:06,042 --> 00:17:08,653
I don't care. Where was he
when I needed help?

372
00:17:08,696 --> 00:17:10,307
Where were any of you guys?

373
00:17:10,350 --> 00:17:12,091
This was supposed to be myweek.

374
00:17:12,135 --> 00:17:15,921
Down here, it's my time.
It's my time down here!

375
00:17:15,964 --> 00:17:18,184
-Is that from Goonies?
-I think so, yeah.

376
00:17:18,228 --> 00:17:19,316
So you guys can all go.

377
00:17:19,359 --> 00:17:21,100
But I'm staying here,
and I'm competing.

378
00:17:21,144 --> 00:17:22,884
And I'm gonna go inside,
outside, inside, outside.

379
00:17:22,928 --> 00:17:24,495
And I'm gonna get 'em
on the run, boys.

380
00:17:24,538 --> 00:17:27,324
And once I get 'em on the run,
I'm gonna keep 'em on the run.

381
00:17:27,367 --> 00:17:29,935
Wow, she knows a lot
of Sean Astin speeches.

382
00:17:29,978 --> 00:17:31,937
Go. You don't care.

383
00:17:31,980 --> 00:17:34,983
The only thing you care about
is nugs, chilling and grindage.

384
00:17:35,027 --> 00:17:38,813
Encino Man.
Sean Astin, deep cut.

385
00:17:46,169 --> 00:17:48,127
Me? Oh...

386
00:17:48,171 --> 00:17:50,390
ANNOUNCER:
Racers, take your mark.

387
00:17:50,434 --> 00:17:51,304
[starting gun fires]

388
00:17:51,348 --> 00:17:53,045
SPECTATOR:
Go, everyone but her.

389
00:17:53,785 --> 00:17:55,134
[cheering]

390
00:17:55,178 --> 00:17:57,180
♪

391
00:18:01,401 --> 00:18:02,837
Wait, before you kill me,

392
00:18:02,881 --> 00:18:04,361
can you at least give me
an extra bullet

393
00:18:04,404 --> 00:18:06,798
so I can pretend
to catch one in my teeth?

394
00:18:06,841 --> 00:18:08,060
[guns clicking]

395
00:18:09,670 --> 00:18:13,370
MEG:
Lacey Chabert!

396
00:18:13,413 --> 00:18:15,328
Meg!

397
00:18:26,078 --> 00:18:27,079
[groans]

398
00:18:51,451 --> 00:18:53,061
Meg, that was amazing!

399
00:18:53,105 --> 00:18:54,585
But how we gonna
get out of here?

400
00:18:54,628 --> 00:18:57,109
-We're surrounded.
-There's only one way.

401
00:18:57,153 --> 00:18:59,242
An impossible video game escape.

402
00:18:59,285 --> 00:19:01,244
Ooh, can it be GoldenEye?

403
00:19:01,287 --> 00:19:03,202
-Sure.
-Yes!

404
00:19:03,246 --> 00:19:05,248
♪

405
00:19:09,252 --> 00:19:12,690
PETER:
Bond. James Bond.

406
00:19:15,388 --> 00:19:18,130
Don't worry, Meg, it's less sad 'cause they don't bleed.

407
00:19:18,174 --> 00:19:20,219
[grunting]

408
00:19:20,263 --> 00:19:22,308
Oh, don't shoot this guy.
He was nice to me.

409
00:19:22,352 --> 00:19:24,049
Aw, never mind.

410
00:19:25,398 --> 00:19:27,052
These guys are terrible shots.

411
00:19:28,619 --> 00:19:32,013
I love this
almost James Bond music.

412
00:19:32,057 --> 00:19:35,887
Meg, this is what
1997 looked like.

413
00:19:35,930 --> 00:19:39,412
It's my turn next try.
I want to go next.

414
00:19:39,456 --> 00:19:42,198
You think one guy had to
shovel this whole walkway?

415
00:19:43,764 --> 00:19:46,376
Ugh, great, more stairs.

416
00:19:49,553 --> 00:19:51,294
This is how you know
we're done.

417
00:19:58,126 --> 00:20:00,433
Peter, you're safe!

418
00:20:00,477 --> 00:20:02,827
Yep, and it's all thanks to Meg.

419
00:20:02,870 --> 00:20:04,872
But, Meg, what about your race?

420
00:20:04,916 --> 00:20:06,309
Well, I realized that
it wasn't worth doing

421
00:20:06,352 --> 00:20:08,485
if you guys weren't there
with me.

422
00:20:08,528 --> 00:20:10,400
Oh, Meg, we are so sorry

423
00:20:10,443 --> 00:20:12,489
for how we treated you
this week.

424
00:20:12,532 --> 00:20:14,491
You may not have won
a gold medal in the games,

425
00:20:14,534 --> 00:20:17,320
but you won one in our hearts.

426
00:20:17,363 --> 00:20:19,365
♪

427
00:20:23,587 --> 00:20:25,197
What do you say, guys,
should we go home?

428
00:20:25,241 --> 00:20:26,764
I don't know,
I'm thinking maybe we can

429
00:20:26,807 --> 00:20:28,418
hang out a little bit longer,

430
00:20:28,461 --> 00:20:30,289
see what else Korea
has to offer... Uh-oh.

431
00:20:30,333 --> 00:20:32,639
No! You leave Korea now!

432
00:20:32,683 --> 00:20:35,947
-[grunts]
-PETER: Meet me
wherever I land...!

433
00:20:37,949 --> 00:20:40,647
MORGAN FREEMAN: Peter landed
somewhere in the DMZ,

434
00:20:40,691 --> 00:20:43,084
and was recaptured
by North Korea.

435
00:20:43,128 --> 00:20:46,914
Fortunately, tensions caused
by this international incident

436
00:20:46,958 --> 00:20:48,873
were resolved
by the steady hand

437
00:20:48,916 --> 00:20:50,527
of Dennis Rodman,

438
00:20:50,570 --> 00:20:52,529
who let Kim Jong-un win

439
00:20:52,572 --> 00:20:54,661
in a one-on-one
basketball game against him,

440
00:20:54,705 --> 00:20:57,577
continuously saying,
"Oop, you got me,"

441
00:20:57,621 --> 00:20:59,449
in a way that was
just convincing enough

442
00:20:59,492 --> 00:21:01,364
for Kim to believe.