1 00:00:01,626 --> 00:00:04,977 ♪ It seems today that all you see♪ 2 00:00:05,021 --> 00:00:08,067 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV♪ 3 00:00:08,111 --> 00:00:11,853 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values♪ 4 00:00:11,897 --> 00:00:14,856 ♪ On which we used to rely?♪ 5 00:00:14,900 --> 00:00:18,208 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy♪ 6 00:00:18,251 --> 00:00:21,733 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do♪ 7 00:00:21,776 --> 00:00:23,256 ♪ All the things that make us♪ 8 00:00:23,300 --> 00:00:24,736 ♪ Laugh and cry♪ 9 00:00:24,779 --> 00:00:30,133 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy!♪ 10 00:00:31,134 --> 00:00:33,223 ANNOUNCER: Previously, onFamily Guy... 11 00:00:33,266 --> 00:00:35,225 Hey, who wants to play "Drink the Beer"? 12 00:00:35,268 --> 00:00:37,227 -Right here. -Heh. You win! 13 00:00:37,270 --> 00:00:39,707 -All right! What do I win? -Another beer! 14 00:00:39,751 --> 00:00:42,580 More recently, and better, onFamily Guy... 15 00:00:42,623 --> 00:00:45,974 PETER: All right, you ready? All right, one, two, three. 16 00:00:46,018 --> 00:00:47,106 -[grunting] -Okay, all right. 17 00:00:47,150 --> 00:00:49,239 -Uh, okay. All right. -Easy, easy, easy, easy. 18 00:00:49,282 --> 00:00:50,762 Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa, stop, stop, stop, 19 00:00:50,805 --> 00:00:52,111 -stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. -What? What? What? 20 00:00:52,155 --> 00:00:54,113 -No, no, no, no. Twist it. -What? I am. 21 00:00:54,157 --> 00:00:56,115 -No. No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. -I... I... 22 00:00:56,159 --> 00:00:57,943 -Other way, other way, you're twistin' it the wrong way. -Wh-Which way? 23 00:00:57,986 --> 00:01:01,338 Even more recently, and not quite as good, on Family Guy... 24 00:01:01,381 --> 00:01:04,341 Jess is going to live! 25 00:01:04,384 --> 00:01:06,821 ♪ 26 00:01:06,865 --> 00:01:08,258 [farting] 27 00:01:08,301 --> 00:01:10,173 Brian, did you hear that? 28 00:01:10,216 --> 00:01:11,261 Mm-hmm. 29 00:01:11,304 --> 00:01:13,263 Stewie, I've got to get out of this. 30 00:01:13,306 --> 00:01:15,526 And now, the current, better-than-the-pilot- 31 00:01:15,569 --> 00:01:17,528 but-not-as-good- as-Star-Wars-episode 32 00:01:17,571 --> 00:01:19,356 ofFamily Guy. 33 00:01:21,575 --> 00:01:24,404 Sorry it took us so long to have dinner together. 34 00:01:24,448 --> 00:01:26,624 Oh, that's okay. You were busy... 35 00:01:26,667 --> 00:01:28,234 being dead. 36 00:01:28,278 --> 00:01:31,194 -[hysterical laughter] -[Brian fake-laughing] 37 00:01:31,237 --> 00:01:33,326 Did you warn this guy when he married you 38 00:01:33,370 --> 00:01:35,589 he also married your friends? 39 00:01:35,633 --> 00:01:38,853 -[hysterical laughter] -[Brian fake-laughing] 40 00:01:38,897 --> 00:01:41,160 I love his laugh! 41 00:01:41,204 --> 00:01:44,381 -[hysterical laughter] -Ha-ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha-ha! 42 00:01:44,424 --> 00:01:46,252 Ah-ha-ha-ha! 43 00:01:50,561 --> 00:01:53,303 Oh, Meg, you have to babysit for Stewie Saturday. 44 00:01:53,346 --> 00:01:55,305 -Nope. -Okay. Chris, you have to do it. 45 00:01:55,348 --> 00:01:57,045 What? That's not fair. 46 00:01:57,089 --> 00:02:00,048 -I have a party to go to. -Sorry, Meg found pictures 47 00:02:00,092 --> 00:02:02,312 on your father's computer, and she's blackmailing us. 48 00:02:02,355 --> 00:02:05,184 She can do what she wants till we get some dirt on her. 49 00:02:05,228 --> 00:02:07,447 I didn't know it was supposed to be hard 50 00:02:07,491 --> 00:02:09,362 before I took the picture. 51 00:02:13,453 --> 00:02:15,586 [whistling a tune] 52 00:02:20,678 --> 00:02:22,549 Oh, hey, Peter. Be with you in a sec. 53 00:02:22,593 --> 00:02:24,769 -I'm burning the place down. -You got the bedbugs? 54 00:02:24,812 --> 00:02:27,467 That don't make sense. This isn't the Red Rock Motor Lodge 55 00:02:27,511 --> 00:02:29,426 in Montgomery, Alabama. 56 00:02:29,469 --> 00:02:31,210 Please send the lawsuit to our lawyer, 57 00:02:31,254 --> 00:02:32,864 whose address is below. 58 00:02:32,907 --> 00:02:35,345 That's right, she's also a lawyer. 59 00:02:35,388 --> 00:02:37,477 The mystery deepens. 60 00:02:37,521 --> 00:02:39,305 I don't have bedbugs. I'm burning it down 61 00:02:39,349 --> 00:02:40,567 so I can fake my own death. 62 00:02:40,611 --> 00:02:42,439 Can you throw me that white fur coat 63 00:02:42,482 --> 00:02:44,441 -filled with HoneyBaked hams? -What? 64 00:02:44,484 --> 00:02:46,617 [sobbing]: I just... I can't take it, Peter. 65 00:02:46,660 --> 00:02:49,489 I thought I could marry Jess, but it's awful! 66 00:02:49,533 --> 00:02:51,056 I can't live this way! 67 00:02:51,099 --> 00:02:52,449 Hey, relax. You're married now. 68 00:02:52,492 --> 00:02:54,146 You don't have to worry about nothin'. 69 00:02:54,190 --> 00:02:55,365 Everything's done for you. 70 00:02:55,408 --> 00:02:58,150 I mean, I literally don't know where socks come from. 71 00:02:58,194 --> 00:02:59,934 No idea. Do they come from trees? 72 00:02:59,978 --> 00:03:01,458 From bushes? I don't know. 73 00:03:01,501 --> 00:03:03,242 Get a hole in one, new pair shows up 74 00:03:03,286 --> 00:03:04,504 in my drawer, just like that. 75 00:03:04,548 --> 00:03:07,594 Food, too. I chucked the mustard onto the front lawn last week. 76 00:03:07,638 --> 00:03:09,292 That night, back in the fridge. 77 00:03:09,335 --> 00:03:10,684 That wouldbe kind of nice. 78 00:03:10,728 --> 00:03:12,120 Listen, stick with me. 79 00:03:12,164 --> 00:03:13,687 We're gonna have a great adventure, 80 00:03:13,731 --> 00:03:16,821 like the astronaut who thinks the lowest number is three. 81 00:03:16,864 --> 00:03:19,650 MAN [over speakers]: And liftoff in five, four, 82 00:03:19,693 --> 00:03:21,347 -three... -ASTRONAUT: Whoa! 83 00:03:21,391 --> 00:03:23,349 -...two, one... -Oh. 84 00:03:23,393 --> 00:03:26,309 -...liftoff. -Whoa! 85 00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:31,531 This is our spot, Brian. 86 00:03:31,575 --> 00:03:34,360 A place just for married guys like you and me. 87 00:03:34,404 --> 00:03:35,535 Husbands Restaurant? 88 00:03:35,579 --> 00:03:37,189 I've never seen this place before. 89 00:03:37,233 --> 00:03:39,191 -Is it new? -Nope. Been here for 30 years. 90 00:03:39,235 --> 00:03:41,411 You just can't see it until you get married. 91 00:03:41,454 --> 00:03:42,673 Watch. Take your ring off. 92 00:03:46,590 --> 00:03:48,287 -Wow! -Wearing the ring 93 00:03:48,331 --> 00:03:50,376 also makes you wear giant khaki shorts 94 00:03:50,420 --> 00:03:53,336 with a belt and a lot of keys rattling around in the pockets. 95 00:03:56,469 --> 00:03:58,645 -[keys jangle] -You're right! 96 00:03:58,689 --> 00:04:00,517 What are all these keys for? 97 00:04:00,560 --> 00:04:01,735 A series of sheds. 98 00:04:01,779 --> 00:04:03,737 I got a lot of sheds back home. 99 00:04:03,781 --> 00:04:05,739 Oh. You have more than one shed? 100 00:04:05,783 --> 00:04:07,306 'Course. You always need an extra shed. 101 00:04:07,350 --> 00:04:10,483 I even got one shed that just has an extra shed in it. 102 00:04:10,527 --> 00:04:13,356 -You guys talking about sheds? -Hell yes. I love my sheds. 103 00:04:13,399 --> 00:04:15,445 -Me, too. -High five on sheds. 104 00:04:15,488 --> 00:04:16,750 Sheds! 105 00:04:16,794 --> 00:04:18,535 [bleating like sheep]: Sheds... 106 00:04:18,578 --> 00:04:22,278 sheds... sheds... sheds... 107 00:04:25,498 --> 00:04:27,805 Are those really Tom Arnold's sweatpants in that frame? 108 00:04:27,848 --> 00:04:29,937 Yep. That's the Husbands wall of heroes. 109 00:04:29,981 --> 00:04:32,244 There are a lot of fat guys here. 110 00:04:32,288 --> 00:04:34,028 Well, yeah, Brian. Every man's true weight 111 00:04:34,072 --> 00:04:36,335 is at least 20 pounds heavier than how they look. 112 00:04:36,379 --> 00:04:38,990 You know how much energy it takes to hold all that in? 113 00:04:39,033 --> 00:04:40,557 You can finally let go. 114 00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:42,559 Just relax. Exhale for once. 115 00:04:42,602 --> 00:04:44,691 Exhale like you never have to attract 116 00:04:44,735 --> 00:04:46,824 a pretty woman ever again. 117 00:04:46,867 --> 00:04:49,348 [inhales] 118 00:04:49,392 --> 00:04:52,612 [exhales] 119 00:04:52,656 --> 00:04:54,745 Wow, that feels amazing. 120 00:04:54,788 --> 00:04:57,008 Now, let's order some food. I'm starving. 121 00:04:57,051 --> 00:04:59,619 Nice to meet you, Starving. I'm Brian. 122 00:04:59,663 --> 00:05:01,360 [electronic beeping] 123 00:05:11,327 --> 00:05:13,241 [pager vibrates] 124 00:05:13,285 --> 00:05:16,636 Oh, looks like they really want me to come to that party. 125 00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:19,509 -We're gonna have to go. -You... you have a pager? 126 00:05:19,552 --> 00:05:21,598 -Yeah. -You get paged? 127 00:05:21,641 --> 00:05:23,208 Yeah, that's how a pager works. 128 00:05:23,251 --> 00:05:25,166 Why don't you just get a phone? 129 00:05:25,210 --> 00:05:27,778 Um, you mean one of your government tracking devices? 130 00:05:27,821 --> 00:05:29,780 No, thanks. I'm using a pager. 131 00:05:29,823 --> 00:05:31,782 "Oh, you're looking at your steps?" 132 00:05:31,825 --> 00:05:34,393 No, the government's watching where you're going. 133 00:05:34,437 --> 00:05:37,396 It's not nap time, Stewie. Wake up. 134 00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:39,790 All right, we're out of here. 135 00:05:39,833 --> 00:05:41,618 Okay, Stewie's going to the party. 136 00:05:41,661 --> 00:05:44,229 -Yeah, but where's Chris going? -I have no idea! 137 00:05:44,272 --> 00:05:46,013 He's completely off the grid! 138 00:05:46,057 --> 00:05:48,538 Damn it! He can't hide forever. 139 00:05:48,581 --> 00:05:51,236 [beeping] 140 00:05:51,279 --> 00:05:53,804 Where are you? 141 00:06:02,247 --> 00:06:04,205 Boy, this really is a high school party. 142 00:06:04,249 --> 00:06:06,686 Complete with the popular kid who's clearly going to die 143 00:06:06,730 --> 00:06:08,471 in a car accident tonight. 144 00:06:08,514 --> 00:06:10,690 Hey, Jagger, can you help out at the soup kitchen 145 00:06:10,734 --> 00:06:13,432 -tomorrow at noon? -Sure. I should be alive then. 146 00:06:13,476 --> 00:06:15,173 Yeah, he gone. 147 00:06:16,261 --> 00:06:17,915 I see we're smoking. 148 00:06:17,958 --> 00:06:19,699 We're not smoking. We're vaping. 149 00:06:19,743 --> 00:06:22,136 -What's the difference? -Smoking is for losers. 150 00:06:22,180 --> 00:06:23,877 Vaping is for douchebags. 151 00:06:23,921 --> 00:06:25,879 Aw. I want to be a douchebag. 152 00:06:25,923 --> 00:06:27,707 Do you own 19 hats? 153 00:06:27,751 --> 00:06:31,581 I only have one, but it's a Stussy hat with a flat brim. 154 00:06:31,624 --> 00:06:32,843 Have a seat. 155 00:06:35,323 --> 00:06:36,716 [inhales] 156 00:06:38,892 --> 00:06:40,938 Whoo-hoo, it's delightful! 157 00:06:40,981 --> 00:06:43,331 Chris! Chris, isn't this cool? 158 00:06:43,375 --> 00:06:46,378 Stewie, don't say my name! There's an Alexa in here! 159 00:06:47,727 --> 00:06:49,294 Sir, we have eyes on Chris. 160 00:06:49,337 --> 00:06:51,339 He's at a douchebag vaping party. 161 00:06:51,383 --> 00:06:55,300 Sooner or later, they all get sloppy. 162 00:06:58,346 --> 00:07:01,698 [crunching] 163 00:07:01,741 --> 00:07:03,482 I got to say, Bri, the guys at Husbands 164 00:07:03,526 --> 00:07:04,701 are a little worried about you. 165 00:07:04,744 --> 00:07:06,267 They said you had four 166 00:07:06,311 --> 00:07:08,313 Scott Peterson fish sandwiches yesterday. 167 00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:11,621 Fireball? 168 00:07:11,664 --> 00:07:13,710 No, because I'm not a Skidmore freshman 169 00:07:13,753 --> 00:07:15,973 at a Lake George share-house. 170 00:07:16,016 --> 00:07:17,888 Or am I? 171 00:07:20,151 --> 00:07:21,718 Man, Skidmore's the best! 172 00:07:21,761 --> 00:07:23,763 You said it, Pete. Race you to the raft? 173 00:07:23,807 --> 00:07:24,721 -[laughs] -You're on! 174 00:07:24,764 --> 00:07:26,331 Yeah, let's go! 175 00:07:26,374 --> 00:07:28,725 PETER: But the water was too shallow. 176 00:07:28,768 --> 00:07:31,510 Bryce broke his neck and never walked again. 177 00:07:31,554 --> 00:07:33,730 This put an end to off-campus drinking 178 00:07:33,773 --> 00:07:35,514 and lake house rentals. 179 00:07:35,558 --> 00:07:36,776 I was just fine. 180 00:07:36,820 --> 00:07:38,517 I landed on Bryce. 181 00:07:38,561 --> 00:07:40,084 ♪ 182 00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:42,086 JESS'S MOM: He's starting to smell. 183 00:07:42,129 --> 00:07:43,653 He needs a bath. 184 00:07:43,696 --> 00:07:45,611 JESS: He doesn't like baths. 185 00:07:45,655 --> 00:07:48,222 JESS'S MOM: And I see you lost the alcohol argument. 186 00:07:48,266 --> 00:07:49,876 Can't you hear them talking about you? 187 00:07:49,920 --> 00:07:52,357 Yeah. I'm a dog; I can hear everything. 188 00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:55,316 By the way, the Stranger Things monster just farted. 189 00:07:55,360 --> 00:07:58,668 Whew! Must have been that fat chick I ate. 190 00:07:58,711 --> 00:08:01,497 -Time for dinner, guys. -Awesome. I'm starving. 191 00:08:02,802 --> 00:08:04,543 -[loud crack] -Oh! 192 00:08:04,587 --> 00:08:05,675 Oh... 193 00:08:05,718 --> 00:08:07,590 Holy crap! Brian, you okay? 194 00:08:07,633 --> 00:08:09,635 [grunting loudly] 195 00:08:12,812 --> 00:08:14,422 Keep it down up there! 196 00:08:14,466 --> 00:08:15,902 [grunting stops] 197 00:08:15,946 --> 00:08:17,991 Holy crap, Hal, what's wrong with you? 198 00:08:18,035 --> 00:08:20,690 [chuckles] You love it. 199 00:08:25,651 --> 00:08:27,566 How's it look, Doc? 200 00:08:27,610 --> 00:08:29,960 I'm sorry to say you have hip dysplasia. 201 00:08:30,003 --> 00:08:31,614 What's that? 202 00:08:31,657 --> 00:08:33,703 I'm not sure what dysplasia is, but I do know 203 00:08:33,746 --> 00:08:36,183 you don't often see a "Y" that far up in a word. 204 00:08:36,227 --> 00:08:38,055 I took the liberty of X-raying my own hip 205 00:08:38,098 --> 00:08:40,405 to show you what a normal one looks like. 206 00:08:40,448 --> 00:08:42,712 Why does it look like there's a Batmobile in your colon? 207 00:08:42,755 --> 00:08:44,365 Just keep your eyes on the hips. 208 00:08:44,409 --> 00:08:45,584 So, what's the next step? 209 00:08:45,628 --> 00:08:48,805 I was hoping, whenever the Bat-Signal goes up in the sky, 210 00:08:48,848 --> 00:08:51,155 -this thing will just drive out. -Uh, no. For Brian. 211 00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:53,418 Ah. Well, wouldn't hurt to lose some weight. 212 00:08:53,461 --> 00:08:56,203 And he won't be able to walk until his hip heals. 213 00:08:56,247 --> 00:08:58,423 He'll need someone to take care of him. 214 00:08:58,466 --> 00:08:59,642 I'll take care of him. 215 00:08:59,685 --> 00:09:02,645 Like you took care of me when Iwas sick. 216 00:09:02,688 --> 00:09:04,821 Come back in a week, we can check your pfft-pfft. 217 00:09:04,864 --> 00:09:05,735 What is that? 218 00:09:05,778 --> 00:09:07,737 That's the sound a blood pressure machine makes. 219 00:09:07,780 --> 00:09:09,869 I do impressions for the doctor talent show. 220 00:09:09,913 --> 00:09:11,610 Do you know what this is? 221 00:09:11,654 --> 00:09:13,743 Braaap! Braaap! 222 00:09:13,786 --> 00:09:15,440 An MRI? 223 00:09:15,483 --> 00:09:17,877 Yes! Adding that to my set. 224 00:09:20,924 --> 00:09:22,621 [toilet flushing] 225 00:09:22,665 --> 00:09:24,405 Oh, my God. 226 00:09:24,449 --> 00:09:26,625 -Where there's smoke, there's... -Just me vaping. 227 00:09:26,669 --> 00:09:28,758 Stewie, if Mom and Dad see you with that thing, 228 00:09:28,801 --> 00:09:29,672 they'll kill me. 229 00:09:29,715 --> 00:09:31,021 Get rid of it! 230 00:09:31,064 --> 00:09:32,805 No way. It's awesome. Watch this. 231 00:09:32,849 --> 00:09:34,024 [inhales] 232 00:09:39,507 --> 00:09:41,466 I'm not good at the football part. 233 00:09:41,509 --> 00:09:43,468 [sniffs] It smells like raspberry. 234 00:09:43,511 --> 00:09:45,862 Yeah. It's basically the same as eating fruit. 235 00:09:45,905 --> 00:09:48,647 -Vaping isn't bad for you? -It can't be bad for you 236 00:09:48,691 --> 00:09:50,693 if Stephen Dorff gave up acting for it. 237 00:09:50,736 --> 00:09:53,478 It does seem like they're making it for kids. 238 00:09:53,521 --> 00:09:56,133 This flavor is... "baby formula." 239 00:09:56,176 --> 00:09:57,787 Let me try. 240 00:09:57,830 --> 00:09:58,831 [inhales] 241 00:09:59,832 --> 00:10:01,268 Yummy. 242 00:10:01,312 --> 00:10:02,792 Watch this. 243 00:10:02,835 --> 00:10:03,662 [inhales] 244 00:10:05,838 --> 00:10:06,883 [laughs] 245 00:10:06,926 --> 00:10:08,928 Like the movie The Ring. 246 00:10:08,972 --> 00:10:10,408 Awesome! 247 00:10:12,758 --> 00:10:14,020 [both scream] 248 00:10:14,064 --> 00:10:15,500 Come back here, you. 249 00:10:15,543 --> 00:10:16,675 [screams] 250 00:10:16,719 --> 00:10:19,025 Giggity, giggity, crabbity, giggity. 251 00:10:19,069 --> 00:10:21,680 ["Stuck in the Middle with You" by Stealers Wheel playing] 252 00:10:21,724 --> 00:10:25,945 ♪ Yes, I'm stuck in the middle with you♪ 253 00:10:25,989 --> 00:10:29,906 ♪ And I'm wondering what it is I should do♪ 254 00:10:29,949 --> 00:10:33,779 ♪ It's so hard to keep this smile from my face♪ 255 00:10:33,823 --> 00:10:36,739 ♪ Losing control, yeah, I'm all over the place♪ 256 00:10:37,870 --> 00:10:39,829 ♪ Clowns to the left of me♪ 257 00:10:39,872 --> 00:10:41,134 ♪ Jokers to the right♪ 258 00:10:41,178 --> 00:10:42,396 ♪ Here I am♪ 259 00:10:42,440 --> 00:10:45,269 ♪ Stuck in the middle with you♪ 260 00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:47,314 ♪ Well, you started out with nothing♪ 261 00:10:47,358 --> 00:10:50,056 ♪ And you're proud that you're a self-made man♪ 262 00:10:50,100 --> 00:10:53,407 ♪ 263 00:10:53,451 --> 00:10:55,279 ♪ And your friends, they all come crawlin'♪ 264 00:10:55,322 --> 00:10:57,716 ♪ Slap you on the back and say♪ 265 00:10:57,760 --> 00:10:59,936 ♪ Ple-e-e-e-e-ease♪ 266 00:10:59,979 --> 00:11:01,938 ♪ 267 00:11:01,981 --> 00:11:04,897 ♪ Ple-e-e-e-e-ease♪ 268 00:11:04,941 --> 00:11:06,943 ♪ 269 00:11:12,949 --> 00:11:16,996 ♪ Yes, I'm stuck in the middle with you♪ 270 00:11:17,040 --> 00:11:20,608 ♪ And I'm wondering what it is I should do♪ 271 00:11:20,652 --> 00:11:24,351 ♪ It's so hard to keep this smile from my face♪ 272 00:11:24,395 --> 00:11:28,704 ♪ Losing control, yeah, I'm all over the place.♪ 273 00:11:35,493 --> 00:11:36,886 E-liquid, please. 274 00:11:36,929 --> 00:11:38,757 Anything that tastes like a Fruit Roll-Up. 275 00:11:38,801 --> 00:11:40,019 Good, all good. 276 00:11:40,063 --> 00:11:41,151 -Good. -All good. 277 00:11:41,194 --> 00:11:42,543 No worries, all good? 278 00:11:42,587 --> 00:11:44,110 -We're good. -Good, all good. 279 00:11:44,154 --> 00:11:45,155 Here you go. 280 00:11:45,198 --> 00:11:46,330 You good? You all good? 281 00:11:46,373 --> 00:11:47,984 -All good here. -Yep, we're good. 282 00:11:48,027 --> 00:11:49,899 Good, all good. 283 00:11:49,942 --> 00:11:52,553 This whole vaping thing was a very smart move. 284 00:11:52,597 --> 00:11:54,904 It tastes great and I don't feel violently ill 285 00:11:54,947 --> 00:11:56,949 as long as some of this vapor is in my lungs. 286 00:11:56,993 --> 00:11:58,995 Plus, when you wake up at night shaking 287 00:11:59,038 --> 00:12:00,823 because you haven't had any in three hours, 288 00:12:00,866 --> 00:12:02,999 it's so easy to vape more. 289 00:12:03,042 --> 00:12:04,957 Let's face it, this is the most fun we've had 290 00:12:05,001 --> 00:12:08,613 since Mom got hooked on coffee and bought that Alpuccino maker. 291 00:12:08,656 --> 00:12:12,008 [coffee machine, as Al Pacino]: Hoo-ah! 292 00:12:15,751 --> 00:12:18,144 Thank you for having us over for dinner. 293 00:12:18,188 --> 00:12:21,278 Sometimes it's been difficult to cook 294 00:12:21,321 --> 00:12:23,846 with all the other things I have to do for Brian. 295 00:12:23,889 --> 00:12:25,804 Oh, don't listen to her, I'm so easy. 296 00:12:25,848 --> 00:12:27,980 I do have to go to the bathroom, though. 297 00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:31,941 Jess really has been amazing. 298 00:12:31,984 --> 00:12:33,507 [urinating] 299 00:12:33,551 --> 00:12:35,988 She even set up surgery for me to have my hip fixed. 300 00:12:36,032 --> 00:12:37,990 [urinating continues, stops] 301 00:12:38,034 --> 00:12:39,818 Uhp, don't get fooled. 302 00:12:39,862 --> 00:12:41,167 [urinating resumes] 303 00:12:41,211 --> 00:12:42,821 I don't know what I'd do without her. 304 00:12:42,865 --> 00:12:45,041 I think I've really found true love. 305 00:12:45,084 --> 00:12:47,391 -[urinating continues] -Well, that's lovely. 306 00:12:47,434 --> 00:12:49,523 You know, I don't think we've said grace yet. 307 00:12:49,567 --> 00:12:50,960 -BRIAN: Oh, yeah. -Bless us, oh Lord, 308 00:12:51,003 --> 00:12:52,831 for these thy gifts, which we are about to receive. 309 00:12:52,875 --> 00:12:54,659 BRIAN: Get out of there, Mountain Dew. 310 00:12:58,663 --> 00:13:00,404 I'm here for Brian Griffin. 311 00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:01,666 Well, this is it, Jess. 312 00:13:01,709 --> 00:13:03,407 See you after my hip surgery. 313 00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:05,409 He won't be needing this anymore. 314 00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:06,540 Thanks. 315 00:13:06,584 --> 00:13:07,846 Good-bye, Brian. 316 00:13:07,890 --> 00:13:09,892 You mean "see you soon," right? 317 00:13:09,935 --> 00:13:11,415 Wait, why won't I need my collar? 318 00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:14,461 [dogs whining] 319 00:13:14,505 --> 00:13:16,463 So, what's this? 320 00:13:16,507 --> 00:13:17,987 Kind of like a pre-op? 321 00:13:18,030 --> 00:13:19,815 Are all these dogs having hip surgery? 322 00:13:21,164 --> 00:13:22,426 Where do you think you are? 323 00:13:22,469 --> 00:13:24,907 This isn't a doctor's office, this is the pound. 324 00:13:24,950 --> 00:13:26,647 You're being euthanized. 325 00:13:26,691 --> 00:13:29,128 What? Jess is having me put down? 326 00:13:29,172 --> 00:13:31,652 Oh, my God, this can't be happening! 327 00:13:31,696 --> 00:13:34,133 Did you also eat a kid? 328 00:13:42,620 --> 00:13:44,317 Look, there's been a horrible mistake. 329 00:13:44,361 --> 00:13:45,797 You've got the wrong dog. 330 00:13:45,841 --> 00:13:48,452 Says right here I got to euthanize Brian Griffin, 331 00:13:48,495 --> 00:13:50,149 and you're him. 332 00:13:50,193 --> 00:13:52,499 You wouldn't kill a singing dog, would you? 333 00:13:52,543 --> 00:13:54,806 ♪ Hello, my baby, hello, my honey♪ 334 00:13:54,850 --> 00:13:56,939 ♪ Hello, my ragtime gal.♪ 335 00:13:56,982 --> 00:13:59,593 -♪ -[cash register rings] 336 00:13:59,637 --> 00:14:01,639 ♪ 337 00:14:08,559 --> 00:14:11,388 [croaks like Michigan J. Frog] 338 00:14:11,431 --> 00:14:15,087 WORKER: Oh, now you're getting euthanized for sure. 339 00:14:19,091 --> 00:14:21,137 [inhales] 340 00:14:21,180 --> 00:14:23,008 [exhales] 341 00:14:23,052 --> 00:14:24,314 Hi, honey. 342 00:14:24,357 --> 00:14:26,403 Mommy needs money for scratchers. 343 00:14:26,446 --> 00:14:29,972 What the-- what kind of brazen thievery is this? 344 00:14:31,582 --> 00:14:33,410 Where'd you get this? 345 00:14:33,453 --> 00:14:35,412 Chris Griffin! You get in here! 346 00:14:36,587 --> 00:14:37,849 What is this? 347 00:14:37,893 --> 00:14:39,764 Um... robot penis? 348 00:14:39,807 --> 00:14:41,635 Seriously, I'm absolutely jonesing right now, 349 00:14:41,679 --> 00:14:42,985 so give it back. 350 00:14:43,028 --> 00:14:44,073 I know what this is. I watch Bravo. 351 00:14:44,116 --> 00:14:45,552 -I'm not doing it. -You are too young 352 00:14:45,596 --> 00:14:47,076 -to be doing this. -Maybe it's his and he's just 353 00:14:47,119 --> 00:14:48,294 -too dumb to hide it. -And if that's not bad enough, 354 00:14:48,338 --> 00:14:49,992 you leave it out for Stewie to get his hands on it? 355 00:14:50,035 --> 00:14:52,168 I don't know, Mom, I'm not my brother's keeper. 356 00:14:52,211 --> 00:14:54,170 -He's just a baby. -Babies are stupid like that! 357 00:14:54,213 --> 00:14:55,519 -I'm taking it... -[grunts] 358 00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:57,956 ...and you are grounded, mister. 359 00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:00,437 Now look what you did, you little son of a bitch. 360 00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:01,568 She has my vaporizer. 361 00:15:01,612 --> 00:15:02,874 You have to get it back. 362 00:15:02,918 --> 00:15:04,223 That's your problem. 363 00:15:04,267 --> 00:15:07,183 You lost your vape pen, I didn't lose mine. 364 00:15:07,226 --> 00:15:09,837 Well, I guess you win. 365 00:15:09,881 --> 00:15:11,448 -[grunts] -[groans, cries] 366 00:15:12,797 --> 00:15:14,799 -[grunts] -[groans] 367 00:15:16,279 --> 00:15:19,064 -[grunts] -[groans] 368 00:15:19,108 --> 00:15:20,805 [grunts] 369 00:15:20,848 --> 00:15:22,938 Hey. [grunts] 370 00:15:27,290 --> 00:15:29,292 [both grunting] 371 00:15:31,033 --> 00:15:33,035 [both sucking] 372 00:15:36,168 --> 00:15:38,431 Oh, tastes so good, like skin berries. 373 00:15:38,475 --> 00:15:40,433 I'm alive with pleasure. 374 00:15:40,477 --> 00:15:42,435 [both sucking] 375 00:15:50,704 --> 00:15:52,663 It's possible we've taken this too far. 376 00:15:52,706 --> 00:15:55,405 I'll just go down and get yours back. 377 00:15:57,146 --> 00:15:59,975 I will never forget this day. 378 00:16:03,326 --> 00:16:05,241 Mom, I need to talk to you. 379 00:16:05,284 --> 00:16:07,678 Technically, that was not my vape pen, 380 00:16:07,721 --> 00:16:10,855 but I do need it back because it belongs to a friend of mine. 381 00:16:10,898 --> 00:16:12,639 We accidentally switched jackets, 382 00:16:12,683 --> 00:16:15,033 not unlike that episode of The Brady Bunch,when Greg... 383 00:16:15,077 --> 00:16:17,035 [coughs] 384 00:16:17,079 --> 00:16:20,473 Oh, damn it, Chris, why do your lies have to take so damn long? 385 00:16:20,517 --> 00:16:22,432 You're smoking the vape pen? 386 00:16:22,475 --> 00:16:24,173 No, I'm sneaking a real cigarette 387 00:16:24,216 --> 00:16:26,262 like frustrated mothers are supposed to do. 388 00:16:26,305 --> 00:16:28,394 You're such a hypocrite! 389 00:16:28,438 --> 00:16:30,135 At least vaping is healthy. 390 00:16:30,179 --> 00:16:31,615 Oh, don't be an idiot. 391 00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:34,270 Vaping is just as bad, and you look like a douchebag. 392 00:16:34,313 --> 00:16:36,315 No, I don't. I look cool. 393 00:16:36,359 --> 00:16:38,143 Go ahead. 394 00:16:38,187 --> 00:16:39,579 Hold it to your mouth. 395 00:16:42,539 --> 00:16:45,716 Oh, my God, I'm a douchebag. 396 00:16:45,759 --> 00:16:48,893 [inhales sharply, cries] 397 00:16:48,936 --> 00:16:50,199 It's okay, Chris. 398 00:16:50,242 --> 00:16:52,027 Your secret's safe with me. 399 00:16:56,814 --> 00:16:58,816 [phone chimes] 400 00:17:03,560 --> 00:17:04,561 [knocking on door] 401 00:17:06,128 --> 00:17:07,129 Hey, what's up, Jess? 402 00:17:07,172 --> 00:17:08,782 I came to see how Brian's... 403 00:17:08,826 --> 00:17:10,349 ALPUCCINO MAKER: Hoo-ah! 404 00:17:10,393 --> 00:17:12,090 Sorry, I'm just making an Alpuccino. 405 00:17:12,134 --> 00:17:13,526 Oh. 406 00:17:13,570 --> 00:17:14,919 Well, anyway, I was just wondering... 407 00:17:14,962 --> 00:17:16,355 ALPUCCINO MAKER: Hoo-ah! 408 00:17:16,399 --> 00:17:18,227 Sorry, my mom wanted one, too. 409 00:17:18,270 --> 00:17:19,445 Oh, that's-that's fine. 410 00:17:19,489 --> 00:17:21,230 -So is Brian... -Can I get you one? 411 00:17:21,273 --> 00:17:22,100 Uh, sure. 412 00:17:22,144 --> 00:17:23,362 Is Brian going to, uh... 413 00:17:23,406 --> 00:17:25,103 ALPUCCINO MAKER: Hoo-ah! 414 00:17:25,147 --> 00:17:26,235 When is Brian coming back? 415 00:17:26,278 --> 00:17:27,366 Oh, never. 416 00:17:27,410 --> 00:17:28,802 I'm having him euthanized. 417 00:17:28,846 --> 00:17:30,326 Euthanized? 418 00:17:30,369 --> 00:17:31,501 Oh, my God! 419 00:17:31,544 --> 00:17:34,460 ♪ 420 00:17:34,504 --> 00:17:36,158 [tires squealing] 421 00:17:38,334 --> 00:17:39,813 Come on, come on. 422 00:17:42,990 --> 00:17:45,297 [tires squealing] 423 00:17:51,303 --> 00:17:54,176 Euthanize, euthanize, euthanize... 424 00:17:57,222 --> 00:17:58,528 Oh, my God! 425 00:17:58,571 --> 00:18:00,225 I got to do something! 426 00:18:05,622 --> 00:18:08,581 Damn it. Now I have to do that with every dictionary here. 427 00:18:08,625 --> 00:18:10,931 Hold on, Brian, hold on. 428 00:18:10,975 --> 00:18:12,324 [dogs whining] 429 00:18:15,458 --> 00:18:16,415 [car horn honking] 430 00:18:16,459 --> 00:18:18,417 Don't worry, buddy. I'm on my way. 431 00:18:20,332 --> 00:18:22,204 [dogs barking] 432 00:18:26,599 --> 00:18:30,386 I'm warning you, if you kill me, the Internet's gonna freak out. 433 00:18:30,429 --> 00:18:32,039 [tires squeal] 434 00:18:35,695 --> 00:18:37,436 Please, it can't end like this. 435 00:18:37,480 --> 00:18:39,308 There has to be something I can do. 436 00:18:39,351 --> 00:18:41,223 Well, for 200 bucks, I'll strangle you 437 00:18:41,266 --> 00:18:44,182 with my bare hands and stare into your eyes as you die. 438 00:18:44,226 --> 00:18:46,402 What? I'm not paying for that. 439 00:18:46,445 --> 00:18:47,838 I meant I'll pay you. 440 00:18:47,881 --> 00:18:49,883 Stop! That's my dog! 441 00:18:49,927 --> 00:18:51,407 Oh, Peter, thank God. 442 00:18:51,450 --> 00:18:52,843 You got here just in time. 443 00:18:52,886 --> 00:18:55,019 You want to make $200? 444 00:18:55,062 --> 00:18:56,325 I do. 445 00:18:56,368 --> 00:19:00,590 [choking]: It's... beautiful. 446 00:19:03,462 --> 00:19:04,637 What the hell are you doing here? 447 00:19:04,681 --> 00:19:06,248 Brian, I can explain. 448 00:19:06,291 --> 00:19:08,554 Explain what? How you brought me here to have me killed? 449 00:19:08,598 --> 00:19:09,990 Well, you're no better. 450 00:19:10,034 --> 00:19:11,557 You could have saved my life in the restaurant, 451 00:19:11,601 --> 00:19:13,429 but you let me choke to death. 452 00:19:13,472 --> 00:19:15,996 Okay, fine. I probably could have done more 453 00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:17,433 to save your life. 454 00:19:17,476 --> 00:19:19,348 I was just so unhappy being married, I... 455 00:19:19,391 --> 00:19:23,221 I guess I felt letting you choke was my only way out. 456 00:19:23,265 --> 00:19:24,266 God, that sounds awful. 457 00:19:24,309 --> 00:19:25,876 Maybe I did deserve to die. 458 00:19:25,919 --> 00:19:28,400 W-Well, and I should've kept taking care of you, 459 00:19:28,444 --> 00:19:31,011 instead of bringing you here to have you killed. 460 00:19:31,055 --> 00:19:34,885 Maybe I deserve to be with someone who let me die. 461 00:19:34,928 --> 00:19:38,149 Maybe we deserve each other. 462 00:19:38,193 --> 00:19:40,586 It does seem like we're meant for each other. 463 00:19:40,630 --> 00:19:44,242 I mean, gosh, maybe that's what true marriage is... 464 00:19:44,286 --> 00:19:46,331 two people who want each other to die. 465 00:19:46,375 --> 00:19:47,898 PETER [choking]: Now you're getting it. 466 00:19:47,941 --> 00:19:50,466 So much beauty. 467 00:19:55,732 --> 00:19:57,690 Well, Brian, I'm sorry that Jess died 468 00:19:57,734 --> 00:19:59,126 during the commercial break, 469 00:19:59,170 --> 00:20:01,390 but it was a very nice funeral service. 470 00:20:01,433 --> 00:20:03,305 Yeah, it's sad. 471 00:20:03,348 --> 00:20:06,612 She was the love of my life, my heart, my... 472 00:20:06,656 --> 00:20:07,700 ALPUCCINO MAKER: Hoo-ah! 473 00:20:07,744 --> 00:20:10,834 I took that from her apartment. 474 00:20:10,877 --> 00:20:13,489 So, Chris, I hear you been doing some vaping. 475 00:20:13,532 --> 00:20:14,751 So douchey. 476 00:20:14,794 --> 00:20:16,448 Mom, you told him? 477 00:20:16,492 --> 00:20:17,449 We had a deal. 478 00:20:17,493 --> 00:20:18,711 Thanks a lot, Peter. 479 00:20:18,755 --> 00:20:20,409 You promised you wouldn't say anything. 480 00:20:20,452 --> 00:20:22,193 Oh, I'm supposed to keep your secret 481 00:20:22,237 --> 00:20:24,195 after you lied to me about sneaking cigarettes? 482 00:20:24,239 --> 00:20:26,545 What the hell, Chris? You told him, too? 483 00:20:26,589 --> 00:20:28,721 -No, I didn't. -Brian told me. 484 00:20:28,765 --> 00:20:31,376 Are you serious, Peter? You said you wouldn't say anything. 485 00:20:31,420 --> 00:20:32,856 I promised Meg I wouldn't tell anyone. 486 00:20:32,899 --> 00:20:35,075 Oh, good job with that, dick. 487 00:20:35,119 --> 00:20:36,860 Chris, the only reason I told him 488 00:20:36,903 --> 00:20:38,514 was he promised he'd keep his mouth shut. 489 00:20:38,557 --> 00:20:40,211 Oh, nice job, Chris. 490 00:20:40,255 --> 00:20:41,473 I should've known not to trust someone 491 00:20:41,517 --> 00:20:43,083 who kisses his own brother. 492 00:20:43,127 --> 00:20:44,955 What? Wh-Who told you that? 493 00:20:44,998 --> 00:20:46,957 -Don't look at me. -Meg told me. 494 00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:49,960 How does it feel, Meg, you friggin' town crier? 495 00:20:50,003 --> 00:20:52,136 -MEG: You're such a bitch. -PETER: She's a bitch? 496 00:20:52,179 --> 00:20:54,356 Meg, you said you wouldn't tell Stewie's secret. 497 00:20:54,399 --> 00:20:55,661 CHRIS: Stewie, you told Dad? 498 00:20:55,705 --> 00:20:57,315 STEWIE: I had to get it off my chest. 499 00:20:57,359 --> 00:20:58,447 I didn't think he'd understand me. 500 00:20:58,490 --> 00:21:01,145 PETER: I understand pieces now and then.