1 00:00:01,227 --> 00:00:04,819 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:04,913 --> 00:00:07,748 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:07,842 --> 00:00:11,677 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:11,828 --> 00:00:14,179 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:14,331 --> 00:00:18,091 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:18,244 --> 00:00:21,336 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:21,430 --> 00:00:23,080 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:23,098 --> 00:00:24,523 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:24,750 --> 00:00:30,195 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪ 10 00:00:35,427 --> 00:00:37,427 May I join the Loser's Club? 11 00:00:37,521 --> 00:00:40,039 (sighs) I don't care what yearbook captions you saw, 12 00:00:40,190 --> 00:00:43,208 we are not yet an organized club. 13 00:00:43,435 --> 00:00:45,002 (gasps) 14 00:00:46,696 --> 00:00:47,954 Oh, hells yeah! 15 00:00:48,123 --> 00:00:49,864 There's only one reason the lunch lady 16 00:00:49,958 --> 00:00:51,366 puts the gray oven mitt back on: 17 00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:54,444 second tray of French bread pizza coming out. 18 00:00:54,538 --> 00:00:56,204 Got to move quick if you want to get the one 19 00:00:56,298 --> 00:00:58,098 with two pepperonis. 20 00:00:59,952 --> 00:01:00,875 -(grunts) -Hey! 21 00:01:00,895 --> 00:01:02,377 -Move. (grunts) -(grunts) 22 00:01:02,396 --> 00:01:04,212 STUDENT: I'll have you know I'm a Stouffer. 23 00:01:04,231 --> 00:01:06,548 Where you at, pepperonis? 24 00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:10,051 Aha! I hope your affairs are in order. 25 00:01:10,129 --> 00:01:11,236 -Honey? -The deed to the house 26 00:01:11,463 --> 00:01:13,238 is in the drawer under the phone. 27 00:01:13,390 --> 00:01:15,365 (snarling) 28 00:01:17,136 --> 00:01:19,060 Meg, what you did back there, 29 00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:21,229 boxing out those students, was quite impressive. 30 00:01:21,398 --> 00:01:22,306 Really? 31 00:01:22,399 --> 00:01:23,916 Have you ever considered trying out 32 00:01:24,067 --> 00:01:25,342 for the girls basketball team? 33 00:01:25,344 --> 00:01:27,419 I've just taken the job as head coach 34 00:01:27,646 --> 00:01:30,163 in an attempt to build character for my upcoming divorce hearing. 35 00:01:30,257 --> 00:01:32,091 I thought you were already divorced. 36 00:01:32,242 --> 00:01:35,076 I was. I'm getting divorced again. 37 00:01:35,096 --> 00:01:36,261 Turns out the first bitch 38 00:01:36,413 --> 00:01:38,597 might've been right about my misogyny. 39 00:01:44,087 --> 00:01:45,253 Hey, Stewie, what are you watching? 40 00:01:45,347 --> 00:01:47,514 The most glorious website of all time: 41 00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:49,108 YouTube. 42 00:01:49,335 --> 00:01:52,352 I only hope the site doesn't run out of content for me to watch. 43 00:01:52,504 --> 00:01:54,521 You know, you should really be careful on YouTube, Stewie. 44 00:01:54,673 --> 00:01:56,431 You never know what's gonna pop up next. 45 00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:58,175 I mean, there's some wild stuff out there. 46 00:01:58,344 --> 00:02:00,435 -Okay, boomer. -I'm not a boomer, I'm Gen X. 47 00:02:00,529 --> 00:02:03,622 Brian, you save back issues of Costco magazine. 48 00:02:03,849 --> 00:02:06,274 Uh, it's called the Costco Connection, 49 00:02:06,368 --> 00:02:08,201 and it's how I get good deals on cruises. 50 00:02:08,354 --> 00:02:09,461 Yeah, you're not helping yourself here. 51 00:02:09,688 --> 00:02:12,372 Let's see. "Suggested videos for you: 52 00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:15,192 "'Joe Rogan interviews Boss Baby,' 53 00:02:15,210 --> 00:02:17,878 'Goodnight Moon: Fact or Hoax?'" 54 00:02:17,972 --> 00:02:19,638 Whoa, listen to this one, Rupert. 55 00:02:19,865 --> 00:02:21,473 "The Truth About Naps." 56 00:02:21,700 --> 00:02:24,810 -I hate naps, and I love the truth. -(tablet beeps) 57 00:02:24,961 --> 00:02:27,146 NARRATOR: On March 7th, 1999, 58 00:02:27,297 --> 00:02:29,556 a resistance took place at Tree House Day Care 59 00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:30,983 in Atlanta, Georgia, 60 00:02:31,152 --> 00:02:34,486 that would expose the truth about nap time forever. 61 00:02:34,713 --> 00:02:37,381 Harold "Harry" Brockmeyer, age three, 62 00:02:37,399 --> 00:02:38,640 refused to nap. 63 00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:41,809 He was not tired, as he had slept 16 hours 64 00:02:41,829 --> 00:02:42,977 the previous evening. 65 00:02:42,997 --> 00:02:44,721 In fact, after lunch, 66 00:02:44,723 --> 00:02:46,981 he made a finger painting that, to this day, 67 00:02:47,001 --> 00:02:49,484 still hangs on his parents' refrigerator. 68 00:02:49,578 --> 00:02:52,746 Well, ho... ly (bleep). 69 00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:53,821 NARRATOR: The fact is, 70 00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:55,232 naps only exist 71 00:02:55,325 --> 00:02:57,417 for the oppression of young children 72 00:02:57,569 --> 00:03:00,304 and as a scam to give parents time to themselves. 73 00:03:02,741 --> 00:03:04,090 Could it be true? 74 00:03:04,243 --> 00:03:06,000 Oh, I must get to the bottom of this, 75 00:03:06,020 --> 00:03:08,002 like a hard-nosed police detective. 76 00:03:08,022 --> 00:03:09,930 Jenkins, I'm taking you off this murder. 77 00:03:10,082 --> 00:03:11,506 You're too close to the case. 78 00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:14,918 Okay, but what if I could get further away from the case? 79 00:03:14,937 --> 00:03:16,920 -What do you mean? -What if I could, like, 80 00:03:16,939 --> 00:03:18,605 not care who killed that family? 81 00:03:18,757 --> 00:03:21,700 Oh. Well, then you could stay on the case, obviously. 82 00:03:21,927 --> 00:03:23,851 -As long as you don't care. -Care about what? 83 00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:26,538 The ca-- Uh... Nice. (laughs) 84 00:03:26,690 --> 00:03:27,998 Get back to work. 85 00:03:31,103 --> 00:03:34,379 Okay, Stewie, time to rest your little head. 86 00:03:34,456 --> 00:03:35,455 Here's your bottle. 87 00:03:35,607 --> 00:03:38,675 Mommy's gonna nap, too. Sweet dreams. 88 00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:49,311 (cork pops) 89 00:03:51,957 --> 00:03:53,715 (gasps) She's not sleeping. 90 00:03:53,792 --> 00:03:56,293 She's scrolling through old photos of herself. 91 00:03:56,462 --> 00:03:58,979 This is exactly what the video was talking about. 92 00:03:59,131 --> 00:04:02,223 Ugh, look how young I looked. 93 00:04:02,317 --> 00:04:05,244 Oh, my God, now she's retweeting Hoover sponsored content, 94 00:04:05,395 --> 00:04:06,970 trying to get a free vacuum. 95 00:04:06,989 --> 00:04:09,081 Oh, and now she's scrolled past a fundraiser 96 00:04:09,308 --> 00:04:11,625 for "Women of Iran," not even a "like." 97 00:04:18,092 --> 00:04:19,907 Hey, Quagmire. What are you doing here? 98 00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:21,485 One of these gals turning 18? 99 00:04:21,503 --> 00:04:23,578 No, Peter. Believe it or not, I actually care 100 00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:25,839 about Adam West High School girls basketball. 101 00:04:25,991 --> 00:04:28,675 I'm a longtime fan of the sport, and I find it relaxing here. 102 00:04:28,827 --> 00:04:29,935 It's never crowded. 103 00:04:30,162 --> 00:04:31,995 Just me and the goth kids who come here 104 00:04:32,014 --> 00:04:33,497 to actively ignore the game. 105 00:04:33,590 --> 00:04:36,516 So then I said, "What do you think of my hair now, Dad?" 106 00:04:36,668 --> 00:04:38,944 -What did he say? -He said he loved me either way. 107 00:04:39,095 --> 00:04:40,094 Ass. 108 00:04:40,263 --> 00:04:42,522 This could be that championship season. 109 00:04:42,599 --> 00:04:44,616 Finally get that team photo up at Applebee's. 110 00:04:44,768 --> 00:04:46,809 Oh, God, I don't want to get ahead of myself. 111 00:04:46,811 --> 00:04:49,270 I don't care about any of that. Meg is trying out, 112 00:04:49,364 --> 00:04:52,958 and Lois made me come because she says I'm her "dad." 113 00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:56,019 (whistle blows) 114 00:04:56,112 --> 00:04:58,297 Okay, Griffin, you're up next. Take a shot. 115 00:05:06,865 --> 00:05:07,806 -(sighs) -Yeah, no. 116 00:05:08,033 --> 00:05:09,215 I've seen enough, Griffin. 117 00:05:09,310 --> 00:05:11,226 I guess I was wrong about you. 118 00:05:13,296 --> 00:05:15,055 Hey, Meg, I can see your penis. 119 00:05:15,207 --> 00:05:17,316 -(laughs) She looked. -She did look. 120 00:05:17,543 --> 00:05:18,650 (growls) 121 00:05:25,901 --> 00:05:27,141 (all gasp) 122 00:05:27,161 --> 00:05:29,453 What, are your feet nailed to the ground? Jump. 123 00:05:33,725 --> 00:05:36,409 Well, okay. You're on the team. 124 00:05:36,486 --> 00:05:37,502 (excited laughter) 125 00:05:37,654 --> 00:05:39,671 All right! I'm gonna go tell all the guys 126 00:05:39,898 --> 00:05:41,965 at the brewery, like Rudy's dad. 127 00:05:43,326 --> 00:05:46,327 (over P.A.): My daughter made the basketball team. 128 00:05:46,347 --> 00:05:47,846 (cheering) 129 00:05:47,997 --> 00:05:50,757 I heard a lady fart while she was pumping gas this morning. 130 00:05:50,834 --> 00:05:54,269 -(louder cheering) -A lot, a lot to celebrate today. 131 00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:05,271 Come on, where's the energy, ladies? 132 00:06:05,366 --> 00:06:07,616 And that was meant to be an insult. 133 00:06:08,869 --> 00:06:10,202 Ow! 134 00:06:10,429 --> 00:06:13,113 What happened to the Meg I saw in tryouts? 135 00:06:13,265 --> 00:06:14,447 Our first game is tomorrow, 136 00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:16,600 and the whole team is counting on you. 137 00:06:16,734 --> 00:06:18,860 -Hey, Meg. -They just let any strange adult 138 00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:20,286 in here anytime, huh? 139 00:06:20,381 --> 00:06:22,697 Yeah, well, the gym is not connected to the main campus, 140 00:06:22,791 --> 00:06:25,775 so, uh... But listen, I think I know what your issue is. 141 00:06:25,794 --> 00:06:27,777 You did much better at tryouts, right? 142 00:06:27,796 --> 00:06:29,629 -Yeah. -Well, what was different? 143 00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:32,057 My socks? Wait, no, no. 144 00:06:32,208 --> 00:06:34,208 -Still the same. -Your dad was here. 145 00:06:34,228 --> 00:06:36,286 Do you think Dad helps me play better? 146 00:06:36,455 --> 00:06:38,563 "Help" is a more positive word than I would use, 147 00:06:38,790 --> 00:06:39,806 but, technically, yeah. 148 00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:42,459 Each time he heckled you, you played well. 149 00:06:42,552 --> 00:06:44,552 I just wanted to prove him wrong. 150 00:06:44,630 --> 00:06:46,721 Well, there's your spinach, Popeye. 151 00:06:46,815 --> 00:06:49,557 (laughs) Man, am I aging myself. 152 00:06:49,576 --> 00:06:51,576 All right, I'm gonna go to the gym snack bar 153 00:06:51,728 --> 00:06:54,746 and buy a Dixie Cup of Diet Pepsi for six bucks. 154 00:06:54,898 --> 00:06:56,731 It all goes to the student council. 155 00:06:56,825 --> 00:06:59,626 Well, it-it sure goes to somebody. 156 00:07:02,739 --> 00:07:05,239 COREY (over tablet): What's up, little guys? I'm Corey. 157 00:07:05,259 --> 00:07:06,908 And today, I'm gonna teach you how to navigate 158 00:07:07,002 --> 00:07:09,152 the dark web and undermine the deep state. 159 00:07:09,245 --> 00:07:11,412 Stewie, it's 3:00. Shouldn't you be napping? 160 00:07:11,432 --> 00:07:14,507 Done with naps. My eyes are wide open now, Bri, 161 00:07:14,660 --> 00:07:16,843 -and they're never closing again. -What's gotten into you? 162 00:07:16,920 --> 00:07:18,603 I've been fed lies, Brian. 163 00:07:18,755 --> 00:07:21,331 Vaccine-laced breast milk and lies. 164 00:07:21,424 --> 00:07:23,442 I recently watched a video on YouTube... 165 00:07:23,518 --> 00:07:25,760 -Oh, here we go. -...and it proved naps were just 166 00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:28,354 invented by grown-ups so that they can goof-off. 167 00:07:28,431 --> 00:07:30,115 -What? -And it doesn't stop there. 168 00:07:30,266 --> 00:07:34,027 BabyTruther1776 explained that my eyes 169 00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:37,456 won't stay like this when I cross them. See? 170 00:07:37,683 --> 00:07:39,182 Slow down, Stewie. 171 00:07:39,201 --> 00:07:42,035 Yes, there are some white lies that parents tell their kids, 172 00:07:42,129 --> 00:07:43,520 but that's because it's for their own good. 173 00:07:43,613 --> 00:07:44,871 Yeah, right. 174 00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:47,190 That's probably what Britney Spears' father tells her. 175 00:07:47,209 --> 00:07:48,875 Dad, can I have some cereal? 176 00:07:49,027 --> 00:07:50,210 There is no cereal. 177 00:07:50,304 --> 00:07:53,788 Now, jam in that IUD and go make me some money. 178 00:07:53,882 --> 00:07:56,508 ANNOUNCER: Family Guy: We're on Britney's side 179 00:07:56,660 --> 00:07:58,185 now that it's popular. 180 00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:02,722 (shoes squeaking) 181 00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:05,299 Here we go, Meg, here we go! 182 00:08:05,393 --> 00:08:07,301 -Are you recording this? -I can't. 183 00:08:07,321 --> 00:08:09,637 I dropped my phone down a bleacher slat. 184 00:08:09,731 --> 00:08:12,716 I hope I don't ruin some teenage sexual encounter. 185 00:08:12,734 --> 00:08:15,368 TEEN: Ow. The finger I was about to use. 186 00:08:18,332 --> 00:08:21,124 Me! Me! Pass it to me. I'm open. 187 00:08:22,060 --> 00:08:23,409 (gasps) 188 00:08:23,504 --> 00:08:26,062 Hey, Meg, if that pass was HPV, you would've caught it. 189 00:08:26,081 --> 00:08:27,063 (laughs) 190 00:08:27,065 --> 00:08:28,507 Peter, knock it off. 191 00:08:28,734 --> 00:08:30,675 No, no, trust me, Lois. This works. Watch. 192 00:08:30,827 --> 00:08:32,919 Hey, Meg, every game you play 193 00:08:33,071 --> 00:08:35,421 is a game of "horse" with that face. 194 00:08:35,516 --> 00:08:36,422 (laughs) 195 00:08:36,517 --> 00:08:38,666 (growls) 196 00:08:38,760 --> 00:08:39,743 (shrieks) 197 00:08:39,761 --> 00:08:41,436 (gasps) 198 00:08:44,583 --> 00:08:46,841 (cheering) 199 00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:48,860 Oh, boom goes the Babadook. 200 00:08:49,087 --> 00:08:50,678 See you on SportsCenter Top Ten. 201 00:08:50,847 --> 00:08:52,364 (to the SportsCenter jingle): ♪ Giggity. Giggity. ♪ 202 00:08:52,591 --> 00:08:54,849 -Whoa. Was that our Meg? -Hey, Meg, 203 00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:58,019 this is the closest you're ever gonna get to hard wood. 204 00:08:58,038 --> 00:08:59,538 (growls) 205 00:09:03,377 --> 00:09:06,603 I can't believe I'm saying this, but, Peter, you're right. 206 00:09:06,621 --> 00:09:09,047 Your insults are making Meg play better. 207 00:09:09,198 --> 00:09:10,456 See? Told you. 208 00:09:10,609 --> 00:09:13,552 Meg's pronouns are "yick" and "uch." 209 00:09:15,297 --> 00:09:17,872 Nice! Oh, this feels wrong, 210 00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:19,966 but I don't know if I've ever seen Meg succeed 211 00:09:20,118 --> 00:09:21,785 at anything like this before. 212 00:09:21,803 --> 00:09:23,377 Lord, forgive me. 213 00:09:23,397 --> 00:09:25,805 Peter, Meg's nipples are different sizes. 214 00:09:25,957 --> 00:09:27,274 Get her. 215 00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:32,645 PETER: Wow, what a game! 216 00:09:32,798 --> 00:09:34,631 (sighs) Unbelievable. 217 00:09:34,724 --> 00:09:36,149 Just unbelievable! 218 00:09:36,243 --> 00:09:40,061 It feels so good knowing I gave birth to a star athlete. 219 00:09:40,155 --> 00:09:42,472 Like... like really good. 220 00:09:42,565 --> 00:09:44,749 -Is this happening? -Is what happening? 221 00:09:44,901 --> 00:09:46,993 First one to the bedroom gets to be on the bottom. 222 00:09:47,070 --> 00:09:49,570 Stewie, honey, don't come upstairs for a bit. 223 00:09:49,773 --> 00:09:51,923 The floor is lava again. 224 00:09:52,150 --> 00:09:54,634 Wow, thank you, Lois. 225 00:09:56,597 --> 00:09:57,596 (grunts) 226 00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:03,685 ♪ ♪ 227 00:10:14,615 --> 00:10:16,114 (grunts) 228 00:10:19,435 --> 00:10:20,410 Rupert! 229 00:10:21,696 --> 00:10:23,604 (gasps) 230 00:10:23,698 --> 00:10:25,106 Another lie. 231 00:10:25,183 --> 00:10:27,183 That's not deadly lava. 232 00:10:27,202 --> 00:10:29,535 What? I didn't trip. You jumped. 233 00:10:29,688 --> 00:10:32,038 Oh, suddenly the guy who smokes two packs a day 234 00:10:32,190 --> 00:10:33,614 wants to live forever. 235 00:10:33,634 --> 00:10:35,967 (Lois and Peter laugh) 236 00:10:36,194 --> 00:10:38,452 And now to confront the deceivers. 237 00:10:38,546 --> 00:10:40,472 Stewie, I don't think you should go in there. 238 00:10:41,032 --> 00:10:42,748 Stewie, no! 239 00:10:42,826 --> 00:10:44,559 ♪ ♪ 240 00:10:47,797 --> 00:10:49,314 (Lois and Peter laugh) 241 00:10:52,560 --> 00:10:54,227 I'm David Hyde Pierce. 242 00:10:54,379 --> 00:10:57,656 I'm two layers down, but I'm in there. 243 00:11:00,568 --> 00:11:04,145 In front of a startling 12% capacity crowd, 244 00:11:04,222 --> 00:11:06,147 the Adam West High Name Pending 245 00:11:06,241 --> 00:11:08,333 Open Administrative Hearing October Fourths 246 00:11:08,560 --> 00:11:10,985 find themselves up big at the half. 247 00:11:11,062 --> 00:11:13,746 Oh, suddenly "The Fighty Whities" is offensive? 248 00:11:13,899 --> 00:11:15,322 Take off the sweatshirt. 249 00:11:15,417 --> 00:11:16,424 (whistle blows) 250 00:11:22,257 --> 00:11:25,517 Hey, Meg, you play like Kobe... beef. 251 00:11:25,668 --> 00:11:27,894 Jiminy Christma-- (coughs) 252 00:11:28,004 --> 00:11:29,429 -(weakly): What the hell? -Uh-oh, Peter. 253 00:11:29,581 --> 00:11:31,505 Maybe you'd better take a break from yelling for a bit. 254 00:11:31,525 --> 00:11:34,008 (hoarsely): Nah, it's fine. Don't throw it to Griffin. 255 00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:36,586 She su... 256 00:11:36,604 --> 00:11:39,756 Oh, no, Peter lost his voice at just the worst time. 257 00:11:39,849 --> 00:11:42,349 -Butt scratcher! -(raspy wheeze) 258 00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:45,704 Butt scratcher here! Verbal confirmation only! 259 00:11:45,931 --> 00:11:47,113 (raspy wheeze) 260 00:11:47,265 --> 00:11:49,874 Two for a dollar, but only if you holler! 261 00:11:50,026 --> 00:11:51,617 Butt scratcher! 262 00:11:51,712 --> 00:11:53,378 (raspy wheeze) 263 00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:58,049 Stewie? Buddy? 264 00:11:58,218 --> 00:12:00,051 Haven't seen you in a while. 265 00:12:00,278 --> 00:12:03,537 How you feeling after the, uh, you know, incident? 266 00:12:03,631 --> 00:12:05,873 I have no idea to what you're referring. 267 00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:07,308 You mean you don't remember? 268 00:12:10,138 --> 00:12:12,564 (high-pitched): Leave Stewie alone. He's a good boy. 269 00:12:12,715 --> 00:12:15,716 Cute. But, come on, Stewie. You want to talk about it? 270 00:12:15,810 --> 00:12:17,235 Stewie's not here right now. 271 00:12:17,462 --> 00:12:20,071 I'm Mrs. Padberry-Wilkerson. 272 00:12:20,223 --> 00:12:21,631 (Southern accent): And I'm Boone. 273 00:12:21,724 --> 00:12:23,908 I'd be happy to talk about seeing Pappy 274 00:12:24,060 --> 00:12:25,802 all up in Mama's guts. 275 00:12:25,820 --> 00:12:29,655 You know, sometimes you just got to smash. 276 00:12:29,808 --> 00:12:32,492 (high-pitched): It's not polite to talk like that in front of Stewie. 277 00:12:32,586 --> 00:12:34,235 He's just a wee child. 278 00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:36,588 "In front of Stewie"? You are Stewie. 279 00:12:36,815 --> 00:12:39,649 (Southern accent): Stewie's a tough sum'bitch. He can handle it. 280 00:12:39,667 --> 00:12:42,243 Could what you saw in Peter and Lois's bedroom 281 00:12:42,337 --> 00:12:43,762 have been that traumatizing? 282 00:12:43,913 --> 00:12:45,913 (as Kermit the Frog): Kermit the Frog here to smooth over 283 00:12:45,932 --> 00:12:48,099 some confusing images with rainbows. 284 00:12:48,326 --> 00:12:50,084 Stewie, I think your psyche fractured 285 00:12:50,178 --> 00:12:51,828 into multiple personalities. 286 00:12:51,846 --> 00:12:54,013 (deep voice): I don't have time for this. I got to go. 287 00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:56,107 -Who are you? -I'm the Jase-Man. 288 00:12:56,334 --> 00:12:58,835 -I give purple nurples. -CHRIS: Oh, hey, Stewie. 289 00:12:58,853 --> 00:13:00,928 Why are you putting on a San Jose Sharks hat 290 00:13:01,022 --> 00:13:02,447 and pulling up my shirt? 291 00:13:02,674 --> 00:13:04,173 Ow, my nipple! 292 00:13:04,267 --> 00:13:06,409 Damn it, I hate the Jase-Man! 293 00:13:12,275 --> 00:13:15,126 Well, he lost his voice, Dr. Hartman. 294 00:13:15,278 --> 00:13:18,354 He's just been screaming at girls basketball games, and... 295 00:13:18,373 --> 00:13:19,689 I'm gonna microwave my lunch right now, 296 00:13:19,707 --> 00:13:22,283 but I just want you to know I'm totally listening. 297 00:13:22,377 --> 00:13:24,469 Yeah, so, anyway, my husband lost his voice, and... 298 00:13:24,696 --> 00:13:26,805 Sorry, what do you think? 20 seconds? A minute? 299 00:13:27,032 --> 00:13:28,214 It's half a calzone. 300 00:13:28,366 --> 00:13:29,882 30 seconds, then check it. 301 00:13:30,035 --> 00:13:31,292 -(buttons beep) -(microwave whirring) 302 00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:34,312 Are you gonna help us? He's barely been able to speak. 303 00:13:34,463 --> 00:13:36,039 He needs to rest his voice. 304 00:13:36,057 --> 00:13:38,632 He absolutely must not talk for at least a week. 305 00:13:38,652 --> 00:13:40,209 If he tries to speak too soon, 306 00:13:40,228 --> 00:13:42,636 he could damage his vocal cords and lose his voice forever. 307 00:13:42,730 --> 00:13:44,030 Oh, my God. 308 00:13:46,100 --> 00:13:47,717 What is it? Is he trying to say something? 309 00:13:47,735 --> 00:13:50,995 No, he just wanted to show me he drew a Garfield. 310 00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:54,724 That's a very good Garfield, Peter. 311 00:13:54,817 --> 00:13:56,376 (microwave beeps) 312 00:13:57,729 --> 00:13:59,462 Ugh, not even close. 313 00:14:02,325 --> 00:14:05,176 All right, I'm checking to see if WebMD can help us, Stewie. 314 00:14:05,328 --> 00:14:08,346 Okay, here it is. "Multiple personality disorder, 315 00:14:08,497 --> 00:14:11,407 see also, 'Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.'" 316 00:14:11,500 --> 00:14:14,594 (old-timey gangster accent): Sounds like this Stewie mope is gonna have a heart attack. 317 00:14:14,721 --> 00:14:17,171 Okay, it says here that the first thing I need to do 318 00:14:17,265 --> 00:14:19,506 is talk to the dominant personality. 319 00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:21,767 Is that Mrs. Padberry-Wilkerson? 320 00:14:21,920 --> 00:14:24,103 (high-pitched): One moment, I think you want Rick. 321 00:14:24,180 --> 00:14:25,755 (normal voice): Hi, I'm Rick. 322 00:14:25,773 --> 00:14:27,699 Hey, Rick. 323 00:14:27,926 --> 00:14:29,258 Ow! What the hell, Stewie? 324 00:14:29,277 --> 00:14:31,277 It's Rick. I'm just your average guy 325 00:14:31,446 --> 00:14:33,687 who likes to beat up dogs 'cause it makes me feel in control 326 00:14:33,765 --> 00:14:36,115 when my wife and three daughters emasculate me. 327 00:14:36,267 --> 00:14:38,601 Ah! Ah! (grunts) 328 00:14:38,620 --> 00:14:41,604 Stop! Wait! I want Mrs. Padberry-Wilkerson back! 329 00:14:41,606 --> 00:14:45,216 (high-pitched): Sorry, Mrs. Padberry-Wilkerson is in the loo. 330 00:14:45,326 --> 00:14:48,386 Ah! Bring back that Southern guy. 331 00:14:48,613 --> 00:14:50,129 (Southern accent): Sorry, I'm busy watching 332 00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:52,557 -Mrs. Padberry-Wilkerson use the john. -Ah! 333 00:14:52,708 --> 00:14:54,967 Can I talk to someone else? Literally anyone? 334 00:14:55,061 --> 00:14:56,802 (as Gilbert Gottfried): I'm Gilbert Gottfried, 335 00:14:56,897 --> 00:15:00,714 and I was fired by Aflac for no reason. 336 00:15:00,808 --> 00:15:02,692 Well, there-there was some reason. 337 00:15:07,148 --> 00:15:09,298 I can't believe Peter's lost his voice. 338 00:15:09,392 --> 00:15:11,134 How's he gonna insult Meg now? 339 00:15:11,152 --> 00:15:12,726 Well, I don't know if it's gonna work, 340 00:15:12,820 --> 00:15:14,162 but he brought a whiteboard. 341 00:15:16,991 --> 00:15:17,916 Meg's got the ball. 342 00:15:18,143 --> 00:15:20,660 Peter, quick, write something mean. 343 00:15:20,812 --> 00:15:24,088 "You're doing to this game what R. Kelly did to all tho..." 344 00:15:24,315 --> 00:15:26,215 Yeah, no, no, I'm not saying the rest of that. 345 00:15:28,595 --> 00:15:29,485 (whistle blows) 346 00:15:29,504 --> 00:15:31,320 (sighs) Peter, you're too slow. 347 00:15:31,339 --> 00:15:32,989 Let me try to give her the business. 348 00:15:33,158 --> 00:15:36,492 Uh, Meg, honey, you used to walk pigeon-toed 349 00:15:36,511 --> 00:15:39,020 but got better with the right shoes! 350 00:15:44,502 --> 00:15:45,501 (buzzer sounds) 351 00:15:45,594 --> 00:15:46,686 (crowd jeers) 352 00:15:46,838 --> 00:15:47,928 Well, that'll do it 353 00:15:48,022 --> 00:15:49,763 from the Adam West High Gymnasium, 354 00:15:49,857 --> 00:15:53,767 where the home team goes down in a nine-seven slugfest. 355 00:15:53,787 --> 00:15:55,861 We're so sorry, honey. 356 00:15:55,956 --> 00:15:58,439 Yeah, but it turns out 357 00:15:58,458 --> 00:16:00,792 our team is still advancing to the championship game. 358 00:16:00,943 --> 00:16:02,351 -Really? -Yeah. 359 00:16:02,445 --> 00:16:04,278 The other team was disqualified from the league. 360 00:16:04,372 --> 00:16:06,613 I guess one of them was Gilbert Gottfried. 361 00:16:06,633 --> 00:16:09,258 I have to do something. 362 00:16:12,197 --> 00:16:14,455 Y'all mind if I record this 363 00:16:14,532 --> 00:16:16,532 for teaching purposes or whatever? 364 00:16:16,551 --> 00:16:17,383 Sure. 365 00:16:17,535 --> 00:16:19,368 Now, Mrs. Padberry-Wilkerson, 366 00:16:19,387 --> 00:16:22,296 can you tell me about Stewie's "problem"? 367 00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:24,965 (high-pitched): Well, it's not something a proper lady 368 00:16:24,985 --> 00:16:26,317 is used to talking about, 369 00:16:26,469 --> 00:16:28,544 but I believe it was something he saw. 370 00:16:28,563 --> 00:16:30,655 (Southern accent): What's the big deal? It's just sex. 371 00:16:30,806 --> 00:16:33,140 Mrs. Padberry-Winkie-Woo is just a prude 372 00:16:33,159 --> 00:16:34,975 who's never gotten enough "vitamin D," 373 00:16:34,995 --> 00:16:36,477 if you know what I mean. 374 00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:37,737 (high-pitched): Excuse me. 375 00:16:37,905 --> 00:16:40,814 I will have you know I am a tigress in the bedroom. 376 00:16:40,834 --> 00:16:42,667 -This is ridiculous. -Shh. 377 00:16:42,818 --> 00:16:45,986 I find the best thing to do with multiple personalities 378 00:16:46,155 --> 00:16:47,396 is to summon them all 379 00:16:47,415 --> 00:16:49,415 and let them work out they differences. 380 00:16:49,492 --> 00:16:51,992 (Southern accent): Oh, is that so, Miss Tigress? 381 00:16:52,012 --> 00:16:53,569 (high-pitched): Quite right. 382 00:16:53,588 --> 00:16:56,163 (Southern accent): How's about you hoist off them BVDs, 383 00:16:56,257 --> 00:16:58,182 and I do you on a front yard couch? 384 00:16:58,409 --> 00:17:00,351 (high-pitched): Why, Mr. Boone, you're terrible. Don't stop. 385 00:17:00,578 --> 00:17:01,668 (Southern accent): I ain't gonna. 386 00:17:01,763 --> 00:17:03,354 -(moaning) -Enough. Stewie. 387 00:17:03,581 --> 00:17:05,414 You're losing it because you haven't napped in days. 388 00:17:05,433 --> 00:17:07,099 You're cranky. You're scared. 389 00:17:07,252 --> 00:17:09,101 Listen, what you saw in Peter and Lois's bedroom 390 00:17:09,195 --> 00:17:10,695 is not what you think. 391 00:17:12,181 --> 00:17:15,682 It was just... Lois looking very closely at the sheets 392 00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:17,201 so she could check the thread count. 393 00:17:17,428 --> 00:17:21,688 And Peter was just... cheering her on from behind. 394 00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:24,042 Really? That makes sense. 395 00:17:24,227 --> 00:17:25,526 I like that. Phew. 396 00:17:25,620 --> 00:17:27,712 Ah, I guess I really could use a nap. 397 00:17:27,939 --> 00:17:30,548 Sometimes you just have to trust what your parents tell you. 398 00:17:30,699 --> 00:17:33,885 -It's in your best interest. -Yes, maybe you're right. 399 00:17:34,036 --> 00:17:37,296 (high-pitched): Determining thread count with the naked eye would take hours. 400 00:17:37,448 --> 00:17:40,783 Your father walked out after 30 seconds, apologizing. 401 00:17:40,802 --> 00:17:42,802 (normal voice): Shut your tea and cake hole, woman. 402 00:17:42,954 --> 00:17:44,520 Let me roll with this lie. 403 00:17:52,739 --> 00:17:55,481 And we've got a tie heading into the final moments 404 00:17:55,575 --> 00:17:57,533 of this championship game. 405 00:18:02,490 --> 00:18:05,065 Ugh, Meg is really stinking out there. 406 00:18:05,159 --> 00:18:06,918 If only you still had your voice, Peter. 407 00:18:07,145 --> 00:18:08,419 COMMENTATOR: Meg Griffin has the ball, 408 00:18:08,646 --> 00:18:10,646 drives to the hoop, and she's fouled by 409 00:18:10,665 --> 00:18:12,998 Exasperated Mouthguard Mary. 410 00:18:13,151 --> 00:18:14,834 (muffled): Come on, that's a charge! 411 00:18:14,928 --> 00:18:16,502 COMMENTATOR: Meg Griffin will go to the line 412 00:18:16,654 --> 00:18:19,672 with two chances to win this game for Adam West High. 413 00:18:19,841 --> 00:18:21,841 Come on, you can do this. 414 00:18:21,935 --> 00:18:25,436 Everyone who's not looking at their phone is counting on you. 415 00:18:27,774 --> 00:18:29,256 COMMENTATOR: Oh, a wide miss. 416 00:18:29,275 --> 00:18:30,441 Come on, Meg. 417 00:18:30,593 --> 00:18:32,852 This is for immortality on the Applebee's wall, 418 00:18:33,004 --> 00:18:35,988 right between the vintage trumpet and the rusty stop sign. 419 00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:45,331 ♪ ♪ 420 00:18:50,112 --> 00:18:52,371 -Time-out. -(whistle blows) 421 00:18:52,523 --> 00:18:54,857 COMMENTATOR: And Meg Griffin is going up into the stands. 422 00:18:54,950 --> 00:18:56,968 Toddlers are roaming free on the court. 423 00:18:57,119 --> 00:18:58,469 Nothing seems to matter. 424 00:18:58,638 --> 00:19:02,473 Dad, you have insulted me every day of my entire life, 425 00:19:02,700 --> 00:19:05,384 and now, the one moment when I need it, 426 00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:07,145 you've got nothing? 427 00:19:07,296 --> 00:19:09,796 Well, guess what, you tubby piece of crap. 428 00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:11,149 I don't need you. 429 00:19:11,317 --> 00:19:13,800 I'm gonna hit this shot without your help, and when I do, 430 00:19:13,820 --> 00:19:15,486 I'm gonna experience more glory 431 00:19:15,713 --> 00:19:19,657 than you ever have in your entire empty, pathetic life. 432 00:19:19,808 --> 00:19:22,218 (weakly): Shut up, Meg. 433 00:19:22,387 --> 00:19:23,828 What did you say? 434 00:19:24,055 --> 00:19:26,021 Shut up, Meg. 435 00:19:26,148 --> 00:19:28,666 Peter, don't. You could lose your voice forever. 436 00:19:28,817 --> 00:19:30,393 I still can't hear you, 437 00:19:30,411 --> 00:19:32,503 you sausage-fingered human hernia. 438 00:19:32,730 --> 00:19:34,897 You listen to your father. 439 00:19:34,990 --> 00:19:37,066 From the bottom of my heart, 440 00:19:37,084 --> 00:19:40,428 I wish we'd never had you. 441 00:19:45,852 --> 00:19:48,260 -There's my dad. -(whistle blows) 442 00:19:48,413 --> 00:19:50,980 ♪ ♪ 443 00:20:03,018 --> 00:20:05,611 COMMENTATOR: And Meg Griffin wins it! 444 00:20:05,705 --> 00:20:07,854 -(whoops) -That's it for us at Adam West High. 445 00:20:07,874 --> 00:20:09,373 You're now going to hear us run away 446 00:20:09,525 --> 00:20:11,358 because we're parked illegally at the bank. 447 00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:13,211 -(microphone feedback squeals) -WOMAN: That year, 448 00:20:13,362 --> 00:20:15,621 the team had its best season in school history, 449 00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:19,032 despite being stuck with a Xanax-addicted head coach. 450 00:20:19,126 --> 00:20:20,701 I'm Felicia Legette-Shepherd, 451 00:20:20,795 --> 00:20:23,221 and I won this voice-over in the divorce. 452 00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:31,954 Come on, children. 453 00:20:31,973 --> 00:20:35,483 Grab the dinner mints off the check and let's go. 454 00:20:38,721 --> 00:20:40,696 ♪ ♪ 455 00:20:43,726 --> 00:20:44,909 Woof. 456 00:20:45,060 --> 00:20:48,579 That was an historic season. Historic. 457 00:20:50,324 --> 00:20:52,308 Excuse me. I think my steak is overcooked. 458 00:20:52,326 --> 00:20:54,919 This is Applebee's. It definitely was overcooked. 459 00:20:55,070 --> 00:20:58,464 ANNOUNCER: Applebee's: Drink your blue drink and shut up.