1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:04,879
It seems today that all you see
2
00:00:04,880 --> 00:00:08,175
Is violence in movies and sex on TV
3
00:00:08,175 --> 00:00:11,969
But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:11,970 --> 00:00:14,847
On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:18,226
Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:18,227 --> 00:00:21,646
Lucky there's a man
who positively can do
7
00:00:21,647 --> 00:00:23,064
All the things that make us
8
00:00:23,065 --> 00:00:24,690
Laugh and cry
9
00:00:24,691 --> 00:00:31,072
He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy!
10
00:00:31,073 --> 00:00:33,909
- Synced and corrected by AlexandreMT -
- www.addic7ed.com -
11
00:00:38,997 --> 00:00:41,542
Fake news.
12
00:01:05,691 --> 00:01:08,067
Here you go, guys. A little hot coffee.
13
00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:09,569
Where'd we even go last night?
14
00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:11,195
I have no idea.
15
00:01:11,196 --> 00:01:13,197
- Cup of coffee, Joe?
- Yeah. Thanks.
16
00:01:14,449 --> 00:01:16,784
I remember we got
really excited about something.
17
00:01:16,785 --> 00:01:19,370
That's right, that's right, we had that
million-dollar business idea.
18
00:01:19,371 --> 00:01:21,622
- Does anyone remember it?
- More coffee, Joe?
19
00:01:21,623 --> 00:01:23,499
Sure, I'll take another cup.
20
00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:25,710
Didn't anyone write it down?
21
00:01:25,711 --> 00:01:28,171
Wait a minute, maybe it's in my pocket.
22
00:01:29,715 --> 00:01:32,258
Peter, are you just rubbing
pocket cloth over your wang?
23
00:01:32,259 --> 00:01:35,553
I'm actually popping a leg
pimple, mister smarty pants.
24
00:01:35,554 --> 00:01:38,097
Damn it, I'm sick of us always
forgetting our great ideas
25
00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:39,140
when we're drinking.
26
00:01:39,141 --> 00:01:41,058
Well, down at work, we wear body cams.
27
00:01:41,059 --> 00:01:43,102
We could just do that
when we're drinking.
28
00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:45,021
That's a great idea, Joe.
29
00:01:45,022 --> 00:01:47,440
Thanks. Now maybe you'll
take down those three billboards
30
00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:49,109
you put up about me.
31
00:01:57,159 --> 00:01:59,035
That's not true.
32
00:02:07,252 --> 00:02:09,003
Wow, Joe, these are pretty cool.
33
00:02:09,004 --> 00:02:11,631
Yeah, they're not as heavy
as I thought they'd be.
34
00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:14,216
And we can live stream
the footage on my iPad.
35
00:02:14,217 --> 00:02:15,760
How do we talk when they're on?
36
00:02:15,761 --> 00:02:16,886
Like, different?
37
00:02:16,887 --> 00:02:19,555
No, Peter.
Use your normal speaking voice.
38
00:02:19,556 --> 00:02:21,265
- All right, let's hit it.
- Hang on, guys.
39
00:02:21,266 --> 00:02:23,894
I'm just gonna say goodbye to Lois.
40
00:02:26,271 --> 00:02:27,938
Where the hell
do you think you're going?
41
00:02:27,939 --> 00:02:30,024
I told you, I'm going
to the Clam with the guys.
42
00:02:30,025 --> 00:02:31,692
Oh, surprise, surprise.
43
00:02:31,693 --> 00:02:33,361
Another night out with the losers.
44
00:02:33,362 --> 00:02:36,489
Losers?! Name five
things wrong with each of them.
45
00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:38,116
With pleasure.
46
00:02:39,743 --> 00:02:42,536
Lois sends her love. Come on, let's go.
47
00:02:42,537 --> 00:02:44,955
What does she mean,
"Can't eat an ear of corn"?
48
00:02:44,956 --> 00:02:47,750
I can't help it
if my adult teeth never came in.
49
00:02:47,751 --> 00:02:49,960
She says I call Steinfeld Steinfeld?
50
00:02:49,961 --> 00:02:52,463
Of course I do, that's his name.
Jerry Steinfeld.
51
00:02:52,464 --> 00:02:55,675
Pardon me, to quote his famous bit.
52
00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:57,802
She says I say erverybody weird?
53
00:02:57,803 --> 00:03:01,055
I say erverybody just like
erverybody else does.
54
00:03:01,056 --> 00:03:02,807
You do say that weird.
55
00:03:10,065 --> 00:03:12,942
This Sunday,
we turn the Quahog Convention Center
56
00:03:12,943 --> 00:03:14,694
into a mud pit
57
00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:17,363
for the 28th annual Quahog
Monster Truck Rally
58
00:03:17,364 --> 00:03:18,989
and gun show.
59
00:03:18,990 --> 00:03:21,909
See giant monster trucks.
Shoot at monster trucks!
60
00:03:21,910 --> 00:03:24,412
And best of all, you can smoke inside.
61
00:03:24,413 --> 00:03:26,956
See the Ghost Rider
while smoking inside.
62
00:03:26,957 --> 00:03:29,834
Fire an AR15 while smoking inside.
63
00:03:29,835 --> 00:03:32,586
Or just stand around and smoke inside.
64
00:03:32,587 --> 00:03:33,963
Seriously, we're cool with it.
65
00:03:33,964 --> 00:03:36,590
Throw your butts on the ground.
We don't care.
66
00:03:36,591 --> 00:03:38,843
Watch real loud trucks
and smell the smoke
67
00:03:38,844 --> 00:03:41,178
that reminds you of your
dead alcoholic stepdad
68
00:03:41,179 --> 00:03:43,723
who you're glad is dead
but still miss anyway.
69
00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:45,349
Rest in peace, Gene.
70
00:03:45,350 --> 00:03:47,351
Forget which beer can is your ashtray.
71
00:03:47,352 --> 00:03:50,771
And whenever you feel like it,
shout racial stuff.
72
00:03:50,772 --> 00:03:53,315
You will not be
the fattest person there,
73
00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:55,968
and if you are, get that shirt off!
74
00:03:55,969 --> 00:03:58,237
Come get your picture taken
with Tila Tequila,
75
00:03:58,238 --> 00:04:00,030
and smoke a cigarette with her.
76
00:04:00,031 --> 00:04:03,200
Spray soda on somebody. Punch a baby.
77
00:04:03,201 --> 00:04:06,036
Smoke inside. Loud trucks, guns.
78
00:04:06,037 --> 00:04:08,122
It's all happening at the
Quahog Convention Center,
79
00:04:08,123 --> 00:04:11,667
so hold in all your farts till
this Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!
80
00:04:11,668 --> 00:04:12,793
Farts.
81
00:04:12,794 --> 00:04:14,503
All right, here we go.
82
00:04:14,504 --> 00:04:16,422
Million-dollar business ideas.
83
00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:19,425
Open forum, no self-editing.
Wide-open slate.
84
00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:21,051
No such thing as a bad idea.
85
00:04:21,052 --> 00:04:22,803
- Beer in a bag.
- Bad idea.
86
00:04:22,804 --> 00:04:24,889
Oh, oh, I got one. Big Tic Tac,
87
00:04:24,890 --> 00:04:27,183
so you don't have to eat
so many little Tic Tacs.
88
00:04:27,184 --> 00:04:28,517
Nice, Glenn, you're on the board.
89
00:04:28,518 --> 00:04:30,394
All right, any ideas. No bad ideas.
90
00:04:30,395 --> 00:04:32,062
- Soup in a sleeve.
- Bad idea.
91
00:04:32,063 --> 00:04:33,898
All right, Peter, you're so great,
92
00:04:33,899 --> 00:04:35,608
why don't you give us an idea?
93
00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:37,818
Okay, you know how they
put ice in urinals?
94
00:04:37,819 --> 00:04:40,154
Well, what happens to that ice
at the end of the day?
95
00:04:40,155 --> 00:04:42,490
It's wasted. We collect urinal ice
96
00:04:42,491 --> 00:04:44,074
and sell it to local bars.
97
00:04:44,075 --> 00:04:45,409
Peter, that'll never work.
98
00:04:45,410 --> 00:04:47,411
Oh, no?
99
00:04:47,412 --> 00:04:51,458
Is that the tinkling of ice I hear?
100
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:57,713
All right, let's check out
what we did last night.
101
00:04:57,714 --> 00:04:59,799
God, that's so shaky.
102
00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:01,133
It's hard to watch.
103
00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:02,718
What is that one?
104
00:05:02,719 --> 00:05:06,222
That's mine.
I'm basically a human Steadicam.
105
00:05:06,223 --> 00:05:09,058
- It's beautiful.
- So smooth.
106
00:05:09,059 --> 00:05:10,559
Lot of guy butts.
107
00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:12,937
Yeah, my sight line's
a little lower than most.
108
00:05:12,938 --> 00:05:14,271
Look at a girl butt once.
109
00:05:14,272 --> 00:05:16,148
What the hell were we doing here?
110
00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:18,818
Oh, this must have been
when we were jumping around
111
00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:21,362
to "Jump Around,"
like the song asked us to.
112
00:05:21,363 --> 00:05:23,113
Oh, yeah, I was so into this song.
113
00:05:23,114 --> 00:05:25,491
Look at my footage. I was going bananas.
114
00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:27,327
All right, let's
fast-forward a little here.
115
00:05:30,789 --> 00:05:33,624
Just looks like we're drinking
at a random bar.
116
00:05:33,625 --> 00:05:36,377
We ain't talking about
any million-dollar ideas.
117
00:05:36,378 --> 00:05:38,462
Wait, wait, pause it.
Zoom in on that napkin.
118
00:05:38,463 --> 00:05:39,506
What does that say?
119
00:05:41,758 --> 00:05:43,926
There it is. "Warm cuts."
120
00:05:43,927 --> 00:05:45,636
Like cold cuts, but warm.
121
00:05:45,637 --> 00:05:47,513
Our million-dollar idea.
122
00:05:47,514 --> 00:05:49,139
Warm cuts? That's dumb.
123
00:05:49,140 --> 00:05:52,643
If it's so dumb, how come
we're pitching it on Shark Tank?
124
00:05:52,644 --> 00:05:54,270
Now, when we first started Warm Cuts,
125
00:05:54,271 --> 00:05:55,938
it was just a gross idea.
126
00:05:55,939 --> 00:05:58,399
But this year,
we're on track to get sued
127
00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:00,693
for $12.5 million.
128
00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:02,611
That's quadruple the projections.
129
00:06:02,612 --> 00:06:04,530
You know what, I like your product.
130
00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:07,157
But more than that, I like you guys.
131
00:06:07,158 --> 00:06:10,578
I'm in, and I'll give you
exactly what you're asking for:
132
00:06:10,579 --> 00:06:14,164
$100,000 for ten percent.
133
00:06:14,165 --> 00:06:16,292
What do you say?
134
00:06:16,293 --> 00:06:18,711
Does anyone other
than Robert have an offer?
135
00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:21,213
Wait, why are only three
of us on Shark Tank?
136
00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:22,506
Yeah, where's Quagmire?
137
00:06:22,507 --> 00:06:24,217
Oh, my God, is that...
138
00:06:27,052 --> 00:06:28,596
Quagmire, you hooked up.
139
00:06:28,597 --> 00:06:30,139
All right.
140
00:06:30,140 --> 00:06:32,391
Oh, no, wait, wait. It's on film.
141
00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:35,060
That's not all right.
What if my boss sees this?
142
00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:36,478
What if my dad sees it?
143
00:06:36,479 --> 00:06:39,189
It's fine, Glenn.
You can't even see your face.
144
00:06:39,190 --> 00:06:42,610
You did it again, Glenn Quagmire.
145
00:06:42,611 --> 00:06:45,404
Oh, my God. Joe,
you have to delete this footage.
146
00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:47,698
Sorry, Glenn, the footage is
automatically uploaded
147
00:06:47,699 --> 00:06:49,366
to the Internet every night.
148
00:06:49,367 --> 00:06:51,745
The Internet?! Oh, my God.
149
00:06:54,539 --> 00:06:57,625
Excuse me, ma'am, no porn at the bar.
150
00:06:57,626 --> 00:06:59,293
Oh, it's okay, I'm transgender.
151
00:06:59,294 --> 00:07:01,045
Oh, I-I had no idea.
152
00:07:01,046 --> 00:07:03,631
Do whatever you want all the time.
153
00:07:03,632 --> 00:07:06,216
Oh, Glenn...
154
00:07:06,217 --> 00:07:07,718
Howdy, stranger.
155
00:07:07,719 --> 00:07:09,887
Brian? What are you doing here?
156
00:07:09,888 --> 00:07:12,097
- I'm an alcoholic.
- Oh, right.
157
00:07:12,098 --> 00:07:13,807
So, you saw the video, huh?
158
00:07:13,808 --> 00:07:16,352
Oh, yeah. It's just so hard.
159
00:07:16,353 --> 00:07:18,062
Well, it has to be for sex.
160
00:07:18,063 --> 00:07:19,396
No, no, I mean-I mean it's difficult
161
00:07:19,397 --> 00:07:22,107
to watch your son embarrass
himself so publicly.
162
00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:25,194
Yeah, that parent-child
relationship is so special.
163
00:07:25,195 --> 00:07:27,154
Sometimes you want
to shake 'em by the shoulders
164
00:07:27,155 --> 00:07:29,073
and say, "Aah, what are you doing?"
165
00:07:29,074 --> 00:07:31,408
But you just got to give 'em
the biggest hug you can
166
00:07:31,409 --> 00:07:33,911
and let 'em know that you'll
always be there for them.
167
00:07:33,912 --> 00:07:35,537
- How's your son, Brian?
- We don't talk.
168
00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:37,373
But, Ida, you can't blame yourself.
169
00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:39,917
As much as you want to save
your kids from their mistakes,
170
00:07:39,918 --> 00:07:42,544
it's their mistakes that
help them grow and change
171
00:07:42,545 --> 00:07:44,046
and become their best selves.
172
00:07:44,047 --> 00:07:46,256
You know, Brian,
that's what I like about you.
173
00:07:46,257 --> 00:07:48,425
You're so wise and kind.
174
00:07:48,426 --> 00:07:50,471
I think that's what
originally drew me to you.
175
00:07:50,472 --> 00:07:53,263
Yep, here I am, Mr. Wisdom,
176
00:07:53,264 --> 00:07:55,182
sitting at the bottom of a bottle,
177
00:07:55,183 --> 00:07:56,725
just like every Tuesday.
178
00:07:56,726 --> 00:07:58,936
- Brian, it's Thursday.
- Oh, boy.
179
00:07:58,937 --> 00:08:01,188
Why do you always run yourself down?
180
00:08:01,189 --> 00:08:02,856
You're handsome, you're loyal.
181
00:08:02,857 --> 00:08:05,025
You give your paw
after a couple of tries.
182
00:08:05,026 --> 00:08:07,069
Come on, paw.
183
00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:10,489
Paw. Paw...
184
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:12,616
There you go. Good boy.
185
00:08:12,617 --> 00:08:15,744
I just wish you could see
yourself the way I see you.
186
00:08:15,745 --> 00:08:17,496
Ehh, mirrors kind of freak me out.
187
00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:20,290
And-and funny, too.
188
00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:22,126
Except for a job and your own home,
189
00:08:22,127 --> 00:08:24,504
you are the full package, Brian Griffin.
190
00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:28,966
Ida... should we get a room?
191
00:08:28,967 --> 00:08:30,844
Absolutely.
192
00:08:33,096 --> 00:08:36,307
They've got
one person working back there.
193
00:08:37,892 --> 00:08:39,560
Morning, sleepyhead.
194
00:08:39,561 --> 00:08:41,562
- Morning.
- Some night, huh?
195
00:08:41,563 --> 00:08:42,980
Yeah, it really was.
196
00:08:42,981 --> 00:08:45,482
They dropped a USA Today
outside our room.
197
00:08:45,483 --> 00:08:47,151
- You want to read it?
- Oh, God, no.
198
00:08:47,152 --> 00:08:49,486
Well, I guess we'll pretend
this never happened,
199
00:08:49,487 --> 00:08:51,238
and I'll see you in another two years.
200
00:08:51,239 --> 00:08:52,865
Yeah.
201
00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:55,159
You know what? No.
202
00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:57,036
What are you doing Friday night?
203
00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:58,162
Well, that depends.
204
00:08:58,163 --> 00:09:00,039
Is Friday Night Videos still a thing?
205
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:01,957
No, it hasn't been for quite some time.
206
00:09:01,958 --> 00:09:03,292
Well, then, I'm free.
207
00:09:03,293 --> 00:09:05,252
Does that mean you're asking me out?
208
00:09:05,253 --> 00:09:06,462
I guess it does.
209
00:09:06,463 --> 00:09:09,006
You're... not ashamed to be with me?
210
00:09:09,007 --> 00:09:10,841
No, I'm not. I don't care anymore.
211
00:09:10,842 --> 00:09:13,886
I guess I'm just not as hung up
as I used to be.
212
00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:15,512
Room service.
213
00:09:15,513 --> 00:09:16,930
Oh, my God, you ordered room service?!
214
00:09:16,931 --> 00:09:18,098
Are you crazy?
215
00:09:18,099 --> 00:09:19,475
What if somebody finds out I'm in here
216
00:09:19,476 --> 00:09:21,602
having goofball sex?
217
00:09:21,603 --> 00:09:23,520
Hello? Room service.
218
00:09:23,521 --> 00:09:25,022
I've got your eggs and Snausages.
219
00:09:25,023 --> 00:09:27,069
Snausages.
220
00:09:34,449 --> 00:09:36,867
Table 13. The fish is for the gentleman,
221
00:09:36,868 --> 00:09:38,285
and the chicken is for the lady.
222
00:09:38,286 --> 00:09:39,621
Got it.
223
00:09:41,039 --> 00:09:42,956
Great. Is that our food?
224
00:09:42,957 --> 00:09:45,042
The fish is for the gentleman,
225
00:09:45,043 --> 00:09:47,878
and the chicken is for the lady.
226
00:09:47,879 --> 00:09:50,422
I'll be right back, folks.
227
00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:52,174
Well, thanks for picking me to break in
228
00:09:52,175 --> 00:09:53,509
your new Discover card with.
229
00:09:53,510 --> 00:09:55,177
Hey, thanks for co-signing for it.
230
00:09:55,178 --> 00:09:56,805
My pleasure.
231
00:10:01,309 --> 00:10:03,352
Brian, I can't help but notice
232
00:10:03,353 --> 00:10:06,355
you're a little uncomfortable
spending time with me.
233
00:10:06,356 --> 00:10:08,232
I thought you said
you weren't ashamed of me.
234
00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:09,525
What are you talking about?
235
00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:11,235
Because I made you lie down
in the back seat
236
00:10:11,236 --> 00:10:13,237
all the way here? You looked tired.
237
00:10:13,238 --> 00:10:14,905
It just seems like
you're always taking me
238
00:10:14,906 --> 00:10:17,533
to out-of-the-way places
to avoid being seen together.
239
00:10:17,534 --> 00:10:20,077
- Like yesterday.
- Come on, that's not true.
240
00:10:20,078 --> 00:10:22,372
I just wanted to show you
a beautiful view.
241
00:10:23,873 --> 00:10:27,876
Wow, check out that big blue marble.
242
00:10:27,877 --> 00:10:29,211
Look, there's another shuttle.
243
00:10:29,212 --> 00:10:30,505
Get away from the window!
244
00:10:36,386 --> 00:10:38,387
Okay, maybe, maybe this has been
245
00:10:38,388 --> 00:10:40,556
a little weirder for me than I thought.
246
00:10:40,557 --> 00:10:42,558
I'm sorry, Ida. I...
247
00:10:42,559 --> 00:10:45,853
I really care about you
and you deserve better.
248
00:10:45,854 --> 00:10:48,272
- Can I help you?
- The fish is for...
249
00:10:48,273 --> 00:10:51,441
The fish is for me. And the chicken...
250
00:10:51,442 --> 00:10:55,029
the chicken is for
my girlfriend, Ida Davis.
251
00:10:57,031 --> 00:10:59,700
"Girlfriend"? Are you sure, Brian?
252
00:10:59,701 --> 00:11:01,201
I'm sure.
253
00:11:01,202 --> 00:11:03,912
And from now on,
I'm not hiding anything.
254
00:11:03,913 --> 00:11:06,833
Like Peter and his formaldehyde jars.
255
00:11:08,751 --> 00:11:11,086
- Peter?
- Yes?
256
00:11:11,087 --> 00:11:13,505
Is this is about my work?
257
00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:16,508
Hi, I have a Styrofoam cooler
with weird tape on it?
258
00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:20,470
Ah, that must be the cat brains
and baby bodies.
259
00:11:20,471 --> 00:11:22,973
Are you making people?
260
00:11:22,974 --> 00:11:25,225
He'll be flattered you called him that.
261
00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:34,902
Hello, everybody.
262
00:11:34,903 --> 00:11:36,904
I have some pretty big news.
263
00:11:36,905 --> 00:11:40,407
- It may come as a surprise, but...
- It's about Ida, isn't it?
264
00:11:40,408 --> 00:11:43,076
It has to be. Why else
would Ida be in our house?
265
00:11:43,077 --> 00:11:45,245
Meg's right.
I-Ida's only been here, what,
266
00:11:45,246 --> 00:11:47,581
- like, twice her whole life?
- You think they did it again?
267
00:11:47,582 --> 00:11:50,500
- Well, what else could it be?
- They do have a lot in common.
268
00:11:50,501 --> 00:11:52,753
Two mature people
with dwindling options.
269
00:11:52,754 --> 00:11:54,755
Like, I know Brian was
squeamish about sleeping
270
00:11:54,756 --> 00:11:57,758
with a trans woman before,
but it's 2019 now.
271
00:11:57,759 --> 00:12:00,928
Yeah, things that were gross
five years ago are now heroic.
272
00:12:00,929 --> 00:12:04,473
Wow. Brian and Ida. Good for them.
273
00:12:04,474 --> 00:12:05,933
Well, that's a relief.
274
00:12:05,934 --> 00:12:08,685
Now the only other person we
have to tell about us is Glenn.
275
00:12:08,686 --> 00:12:11,021
Oh, God, I haven't
even thought about that.
276
00:12:11,022 --> 00:12:13,523
Mr. Quagmire hates Brian.
277
00:12:13,524 --> 00:12:15,150
Yes, my big brother's right.
278
00:12:15,151 --> 00:12:17,069
Quagmire thinks Brian's trash.
279
00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:18,862
Well, just have him
over here for dinner.
280
00:12:18,863 --> 00:12:21,531
We'll help you.
We're here for you, Brian.
281
00:12:21,532 --> 00:12:24,034
You know what? You're right.
I can do this.
282
00:12:24,035 --> 00:12:26,787
After all, I'm not the first
person to deliver tough news.
283
00:12:26,788 --> 00:12:28,830
Like when they found Waldo.
284
00:12:28,831 --> 00:12:31,458
There are many things
I can't go into at this time,
285
00:12:31,459 --> 00:12:33,794
but I can confirm
that a body was removed
286
00:12:33,795 --> 00:12:35,837
from Waldo's apartment this morning.
287
00:12:35,838 --> 00:12:37,923
Is this being treated as a suicide?
288
00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:39,925
Again, I can't confirm.
289
00:12:39,926 --> 00:12:43,220
But to that point, instead of
always asking "Where's Waldo?"
290
00:12:43,221 --> 00:12:46,556
maybe some of you should've been
asking "How's Waldo?"
291
00:12:46,557 --> 00:12:48,309
Good day.
292
00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:55,065
Glenn, Ida, it's so nice
293
00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:57,067
that you could both
come over for dinner.
294
00:12:57,068 --> 00:12:58,777
Thanks so much for having us.
295
00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:05,575
No response from Peter. What the hell?
296
00:13:05,576 --> 00:13:07,411
I thought we were going to the Clam.
297
00:13:07,412 --> 00:13:10,080
And Quagmire just texted back "Can't."
298
00:13:10,081 --> 00:13:11,581
I don't like it.
299
00:13:11,582 --> 00:13:14,001
They're doing something without us.
300
00:13:14,002 --> 00:13:17,629
So, Brian, what's, uh,
what's new in your world?
301
00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:19,840
Oh, well, um,
302
00:13:19,841 --> 00:13:21,675
thank you for asking, Lois.
303
00:13:21,676 --> 00:13:23,844
- I see them.
- They're both in there.
304
00:13:23,845 --> 00:13:25,512
Looks like a dinner party!
305
00:13:25,513 --> 00:13:29,016
Uh, actually, I have some news
that happens to pertain
306
00:13:29,017 --> 00:13:31,101
- to my dating life.
- Really, Brian?
307
00:13:31,102 --> 00:13:33,103
- Oh, do tell us.
- I knew it!
308
00:13:33,104 --> 00:13:35,647
Well, it's kind of big news.
309
00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:37,400
Those scalloped potatoes?
310
00:13:37,401 --> 00:13:39,026
Well, what's the big news?
311
00:13:39,027 --> 00:13:41,445
Go ahead, Brian. Tell him.
312
00:13:41,446 --> 00:13:43,488
Ida and I...
313
00:13:43,489 --> 00:13:45,407
have, uh...
314
00:13:45,408 --> 00:13:46,783
begun dating.
315
00:13:46,784 --> 00:13:49,286
You're, you're joking, right?
316
00:13:49,287 --> 00:13:52,122
It's true, son. Brian and I are in love.
317
00:13:52,123 --> 00:13:54,624
What?! When were you gonna tell me this?
318
00:13:54,625 --> 00:13:57,085
Oh, Peter just texted.
319
00:13:57,086 --> 00:13:58,754
He says he's stuck at work.
320
00:13:58,755 --> 00:14:03,217
They are working that poor man to death.
321
00:14:08,222 --> 00:14:11,391
I'm so glad you dropped in.
Brian is cooking breakfast.
322
00:14:11,392 --> 00:14:14,144
That's right, get ready
for Eggs a la Brian.
323
00:14:14,145 --> 00:14:16,480
Scrambled eggs with a side of toast.
324
00:14:16,481 --> 00:14:19,608
What? How is that "a la Brian"?
That, that's just...
325
00:14:19,609 --> 00:14:22,319
That's, that's great.
That's just great, Brian.
326
00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:25,155
I am very excited
for this unique breakfast.
327
00:14:25,156 --> 00:14:27,908
Cool, cool. How many globs
of ketchup do you want?
328
00:14:27,909 --> 00:14:29,409
Uh, chef's choice.
329
00:14:29,410 --> 00:14:33,622
So, um, how long
has this been going on, Dad?
330
00:14:33,623 --> 00:14:36,583
Listen, Glenn, I know
this is an adjustment for you,
331
00:14:36,584 --> 00:14:39,586
and you and Brian haven't
always seen eye to eye.
332
00:14:39,587 --> 00:14:41,088
Well, I wouldn't say that.
333
00:14:41,089 --> 00:14:44,508
He's just, uh, kind of
a big personality.
334
00:14:44,509 --> 00:14:46,343
So, Denver Airport.
335
00:14:46,344 --> 00:14:49,012
Kind of up there, huh? Mile-high.
336
00:14:49,013 --> 00:14:51,515
Yeah, that is the height of the airport.
337
00:14:51,516 --> 00:14:54,851
Now, O'Hare Airport,
why on the ticket is it "ORD"?
338
00:14:54,852 --> 00:14:57,187
Uh, it was originally called
Orchard Field.
339
00:14:57,188 --> 00:14:58,688
Really? Huh.
340
00:14:58,689 --> 00:15:01,191
Uh, so why is
Wilkes-Barre/Scranton "AVP"?
341
00:15:01,192 --> 00:15:03,735
I'm not gonna go through
every airport with you, Brian.
342
00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:06,029
You know, Glenn, Brian thought
you two could hang out
343
00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:08,323
this afternoon,
and I think that's a great idea.
344
00:15:08,324 --> 00:15:10,200
Yeah, Quagmire, what do you say?
345
00:15:12,537 --> 00:15:14,871
All right. I guess I can do that.
346
00:15:14,872 --> 00:15:16,039
Well, great.
347
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:17,374
Oh, the ketchup's hot.
348
00:15:17,375 --> 00:15:19,798
Everyone goes cold, I go hot.
349
00:15:19,799 --> 00:15:22,338
And that's the "a la."
350
00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:27,993
This sucks. I don't want to be here.
351
00:15:27,994 --> 00:15:29,886
Come on, Glenn.
If I'm gonna be dating your mom,
352
00:15:29,887 --> 00:15:31,805
it's important that we spend
some time together.
353
00:15:31,806 --> 00:15:35,601
Hi, we have two guest passes
from a museum member, Ida Davis.
354
00:15:37,145 --> 00:15:39,121
I'm not seeing an "Ida Davis."
355
00:15:39,122 --> 00:15:41,106
Uh, try "Dan Quagmire."
356
00:15:41,107 --> 00:15:43,692
- "Lieutenant Dan Quagmire."
- Ah, the lieutenant.
357
00:15:43,693 --> 00:15:45,694
And how's he doing?
Still have his penis?
358
00:15:45,695 --> 00:15:47,028
No, he doesn't.
359
00:15:47,029 --> 00:15:48,864
And that's a weird question to ask.
360
00:15:48,865 --> 00:15:51,117
I'm a weird guy, I work at a museum.
361
00:15:53,911 --> 00:15:56,157
See? It's not so bad.
362
00:15:56,158 --> 00:15:58,126
It's like Night at the Museum in here.
363
00:15:58,127 --> 00:16:00,061
- How?
- Well, you know,
364
00:16:00,062 --> 00:16:01,543
like, the guys are gonna come to life.
365
00:16:01,544 --> 00:16:04,421
- Like, who?
- Um, the guys, you know?
366
00:16:04,422 --> 00:16:06,214
When it's, when it's nighttime.
367
00:16:06,215 --> 00:16:08,216
- You didn't see the movie, did you?
- No.
368
00:16:08,217 --> 00:16:09,718
Why did you bring up
a reference to something
369
00:16:09,719 --> 00:16:11,052
you know nothing about?
370
00:16:11,053 --> 00:16:13,430
I... it just, it reminded me of, uh...
371
00:16:13,431 --> 00:16:15,098
Brian, don't bring up
a reference to someone
372
00:16:15,099 --> 00:16:16,516
whose favorite movie it is,
373
00:16:16,517 --> 00:16:18,393
because you'll just embarrass yourself.
374
00:16:18,394 --> 00:16:20,061
That was a natural history museum,
375
00:16:20,062 --> 00:16:21,688
this is a science museum.
376
00:16:21,689 --> 00:16:24,065
What, you think this tidal
chart's gonna come to life?
377
00:16:24,066 --> 00:16:26,443
You think this moon rock
is gonna walk across the room
378
00:16:26,444 --> 00:16:28,445
and riff brilliantly like Robin Williams
379
00:16:28,446 --> 00:16:31,239
playing Teddy Roosevelt,
God rest both their souls?
380
00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:35,119
Be very, very careful treading
around Night at the Museum.
381
00:16:40,419 --> 00:16:43,084
Okay, let's get this game started.
382
00:16:43,085 --> 00:16:45,545
- Do you believe it still fits?
- From when?
383
00:16:45,546 --> 00:16:47,714
Thank you for throwing this barbecue.
384
00:16:47,715 --> 00:16:50,678
It's so good for the boys
to spend real time together.
385
00:16:50,679 --> 00:16:54,096
Okay, let's play.
Kids versus the parents.
386
00:16:55,182 --> 00:16:56,973
All right, we're gonna
destroy those kids.
387
00:16:56,974 --> 00:16:58,975
Uhp, someone's on the wrong team.
388
00:16:58,976 --> 00:17:01,645
Boy, they're in such a hurry
not to be kids anymore.
389
00:17:01,646 --> 00:17:03,730
Your time will come, trust me.
390
00:17:03,731 --> 00:17:06,066
I'm older than the adults.
I'm older than all of you!
391
00:17:06,067 --> 00:17:08,235
It seems like that sometimes, I bet.
392
00:17:08,236 --> 00:17:11,113
Get down there, champ.
393
00:17:13,449 --> 00:17:16,159
All right, as the one adult
on a team full of children,
394
00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:17,494
I'm gonna act good-natured
395
00:17:17,495 --> 00:17:19,996
while being subtly furious
at all your mistakes.
396
00:17:19,997 --> 00:17:21,581
Okay? Break on three.
397
00:17:21,582 --> 00:17:23,649
One, two, three...
398
00:17:23,650 --> 00:17:24,793
- Break!
- Football!
399
00:17:24,794 --> 00:17:27,337
Let's focus, Chris.
Can we just focus for a minute?
400
00:17:27,338 --> 00:17:30,336
And let's all face the same direction.
401
00:17:30,337 --> 00:17:31,633
Okay, I'm gonna call the plays
402
00:17:31,634 --> 00:17:34,427
while I'm covering my mouth
with this play card.
403
00:17:34,428 --> 00:17:37,138
Peter, that's not a play card,
it's a Denny's menu.
404
00:17:37,139 --> 00:17:40,348
Let's run Moons Over My Hammy on three.
405
00:17:40,349 --> 00:17:43,103
Hey, guys? Gonna need
your help over here.
406
00:17:43,104 --> 00:17:45,730
They got a real All-American at QB.
407
00:17:45,731 --> 00:17:46,856
God.
408
00:17:46,857 --> 00:17:48,400
Down. Hut! Hut!
409
00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:50,151
Good hutting, Glenn.
That's my boy, hutting.
410
00:17:50,152 --> 00:17:51,570
Way to hut!
411
00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:54,239
Shut up. Stop complimenting
things that don't need it.
412
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:56,445
Hike!
413
00:18:00,913 --> 00:18:03,707
Uh-oh, look who's on the loose.
414
00:18:03,708 --> 00:18:05,750
I'm gonna get you, I'm gonna get you...
415
00:18:05,751 --> 00:18:08,420
Oh, no, I missed you by total accident.
416
00:18:08,421 --> 00:18:11,089
Yeah! Six points, bitches.
417
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:13,967
Whoa, that was some great move, buddy.
418
00:18:13,968 --> 00:18:15,760
Aw.
419
00:18:15,761 --> 00:18:17,429
Did you see and hear the wink?
420
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:19,472
That means he did it on purpose.
421
00:18:19,473 --> 00:18:21,641
No, no, way. He did it all by himself.
422
00:18:22,810 --> 00:18:24,102
Ah! There it is again!
423
00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:26,563
Brian, you're the best dad ever.
424
00:18:26,564 --> 00:18:27,981
What're you talking about? I beat him.
425
00:18:27,982 --> 00:18:30,191
I wish I had a dad like that.
426
00:18:30,192 --> 00:18:31,943
Me, too, bud.
427
00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:34,404
Brian, you're very sweet to do that.
428
00:18:34,405 --> 00:18:36,573
To do what? I'm the one
who scored the touchdown.
429
00:18:36,574 --> 00:18:39,576
- You sure did, Glenn.
- He's not my dad!
430
00:18:39,577 --> 00:18:42,370
I already have a dad, and
it's my mom! All right, Brian?
431
00:18:42,371 --> 00:18:44,707
Stop trying to be my dad, you fraud.
432
00:18:46,787 --> 00:18:48,918
Glenn, sweetie, calm down.
433
00:18:48,919 --> 00:18:51,924
No, I'm not gonna calm down.
I can't take this anymore.
434
00:18:51,925 --> 00:18:53,923
Listen, Dad, the first time
you hooked up with Brian,
435
00:18:53,924 --> 00:18:55,508
it was awful, I hated it.
436
00:18:55,509 --> 00:18:58,219
But you were confused, you'd
just gone through a huge change,
437
00:18:58,220 --> 00:19:01,139
you didn't know if you had
any options, so you settled.
438
00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:03,558
But you're a beautiful,
intelligent woman.
439
00:19:03,559 --> 00:19:06,561
And now you've had time to
adjust and your choice is Brian?
440
00:19:06,562 --> 00:19:09,022
Why in God almighty
would you choose him?
441
00:19:09,023 --> 00:19:12,192
"Because I love him,"
a resolved Ida said.
442
00:19:12,193 --> 00:19:14,736
- I'm also a published author.
- Self-published.
443
00:19:14,737 --> 00:19:16,446
You're also a pompous, pretentious,
444
00:19:16,447 --> 00:19:17,947
hypocritical blowhard.
445
00:19:17,948 --> 00:19:20,283
- Who attended Brown.
- For one semester.
446
00:19:20,284 --> 00:19:22,202
- You went to Brown?
- For two months.
447
00:19:22,203 --> 00:19:23,703
See? See, that's what I mean.
448
00:19:23,704 --> 00:19:25,497
His whole life is a lie.
449
00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:28,584
I can't take this anymore.
It's either him or me.
450
00:19:35,299 --> 00:19:37,550
- I choose Brian...
- Yes.
451
00:19:37,551 --> 00:19:39,678
To talk to first.
452
00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:42,681
Brian, I've loved every minute
that we've spent together.
453
00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:44,307
I never thought I'd meet someone
454
00:19:44,308 --> 00:19:46,810
who I connected with on so many levels,
455
00:19:46,811 --> 00:19:49,145
- much less an Ivy Leaguer.
- Come on...
456
00:19:49,146 --> 00:19:53,274
But as special as you are to me,
I have to put my son first.
457
00:19:53,275 --> 00:19:55,485
- But Ida...
- He's my son.
458
00:19:55,486 --> 00:19:57,570
I've made my decision.
459
00:19:57,571 --> 00:19:59,322
Bye-bye, Brian. You're history.
460
00:19:59,323 --> 00:20:02,659
And this time, history's
not coming back to life.
461
00:20:02,660 --> 00:20:04,619
Night at the Museum.
462
00:20:04,620 --> 00:20:06,121
I'm sorry, Brian.
463
00:20:06,122 --> 00:20:08,748
I'll never forget what we had together.
464
00:20:08,749 --> 00:20:11,043
I understand.
465
00:20:12,795 --> 00:20:14,462
Can you guys wrap this up?
466
00:20:14,463 --> 00:20:17,298
I see Peter coming with some
kind of problem from the game.
467
00:20:17,299 --> 00:20:20,969
Quagmire, we agreed
that it was a two-hand touch,
468
00:20:20,970 --> 00:20:23,722
and then Chris hit me with one hand,
469
00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:25,473
and I said that didn't count,
470
00:20:25,474 --> 00:20:27,434
but he still wouldn't
count the touchdown.
471
00:20:27,435 --> 00:20:29,602
So I drilled him in the head
with the ball,
472
00:20:29,603 --> 00:20:31,187
and now he's not moving.
473
00:20:31,188 --> 00:20:33,940
He can blink his eyes, but nothing else.
474
00:20:33,941 --> 00:20:37,235
- So, is my dog still your dad?
- Uh, no.
475
00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:40,817
Chris, he said the touchdown counts!