1 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:04,879 It seems today that all you see 2 00:00:04,880 --> 00:00:08,175 Is violence in movies and sex on TV 3 00:00:08,175 --> 00:00:11,969 But where are those good old-fashioned values 4 00:00:11,970 --> 00:00:14,847 On which we used to rely? 5 00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:18,226 Lucky there's a family guy 6 00:00:18,227 --> 00:00:21,646 Lucky there's a man who positively can do 7 00:00:21,647 --> 00:00:23,064 All the things that make us 8 00:00:23,065 --> 00:00:24,690 Laugh and cry 9 00:00:24,691 --> 00:00:31,072 He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! 10 00:00:31,073 --> 00:00:33,909 - Synced and corrected by AlexandreMT - - www.addic7ed.com - 11 00:00:38,997 --> 00:00:41,542 Fake news. 12 00:01:05,691 --> 00:01:08,067 Here you go, guys. A little hot coffee. 13 00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:09,569 Where'd we even go last night? 14 00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:11,195 I have no idea. 15 00:01:11,196 --> 00:01:13,197 - Cup of coffee, Joe? - Yeah. Thanks. 16 00:01:14,449 --> 00:01:16,784 I remember we got really excited about something. 17 00:01:16,785 --> 00:01:19,370 That's right, that's right, we had that million-dollar business idea. 18 00:01:19,371 --> 00:01:21,622 - Does anyone remember it? - More coffee, Joe? 19 00:01:21,623 --> 00:01:23,499 Sure, I'll take another cup. 20 00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:25,710 Didn't anyone write it down? 21 00:01:25,711 --> 00:01:28,171 Wait a minute, maybe it's in my pocket. 22 00:01:29,715 --> 00:01:32,258 Peter, are you just rubbing pocket cloth over your wang? 23 00:01:32,259 --> 00:01:35,553 I'm actually popping a leg pimple, mister smarty pants. 24 00:01:35,554 --> 00:01:38,097 Damn it, I'm sick of us always forgetting our great ideas 25 00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:39,140 when we're drinking. 26 00:01:39,141 --> 00:01:41,058 Well, down at work, we wear body cams. 27 00:01:41,059 --> 00:01:43,102 We could just do that when we're drinking. 28 00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:45,021 That's a great idea, Joe. 29 00:01:45,022 --> 00:01:47,440 Thanks. Now maybe you'll take down those three billboards 30 00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:49,109 you put up about me. 31 00:01:57,159 --> 00:01:59,035 That's not true. 32 00:02:07,252 --> 00:02:09,003 Wow, Joe, these are pretty cool. 33 00:02:09,004 --> 00:02:11,631 Yeah, they're not as heavy as I thought they'd be. 34 00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:14,216 And we can live stream the footage on my iPad. 35 00:02:14,217 --> 00:02:15,760 How do we talk when they're on? 36 00:02:15,761 --> 00:02:16,886 Like, different? 37 00:02:16,887 --> 00:02:19,555 No, Peter. Use your normal speaking voice. 38 00:02:19,556 --> 00:02:21,265 - All right, let's hit it. - Hang on, guys. 39 00:02:21,266 --> 00:02:23,894 I'm just gonna say goodbye to Lois. 40 00:02:26,271 --> 00:02:27,938 Where the hell do you think you're going? 41 00:02:27,939 --> 00:02:30,024 I told you, I'm going to the Clam with the guys. 42 00:02:30,025 --> 00:02:31,692 Oh, surprise, surprise. 43 00:02:31,693 --> 00:02:33,361 Another night out with the losers. 44 00:02:33,362 --> 00:02:36,489 Losers?! Name five things wrong with each of them. 45 00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:38,116 With pleasure. 46 00:02:39,743 --> 00:02:42,536 Lois sends her love. Come on, let's go. 47 00:02:42,537 --> 00:02:44,955 What does she mean, "Can't eat an ear of corn"? 48 00:02:44,956 --> 00:02:47,750 I can't help it if my adult teeth never came in. 49 00:02:47,751 --> 00:02:49,960 She says I call Steinfeld Steinfeld? 50 00:02:49,961 --> 00:02:52,463 Of course I do, that's his name. Jerry Steinfeld. 51 00:02:52,464 --> 00:02:55,675 Pardon me, to quote his famous bit. 52 00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:57,802 She says I say erverybody weird? 53 00:02:57,803 --> 00:03:01,055 I say erverybody just like erverybody else does. 54 00:03:01,056 --> 00:03:02,807 You do say that weird. 55 00:03:10,065 --> 00:03:12,942 This Sunday, we turn the Quahog Convention Center 56 00:03:12,943 --> 00:03:14,694 into a mud pit 57 00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:17,363 for the 28th annual Quahog Monster Truck Rally 58 00:03:17,364 --> 00:03:18,989 and gun show. 59 00:03:18,990 --> 00:03:21,909 See giant monster trucks. Shoot at monster trucks! 60 00:03:21,910 --> 00:03:24,412 And best of all, you can smoke inside. 61 00:03:24,413 --> 00:03:26,956 See the Ghost Rider while smoking inside. 62 00:03:26,957 --> 00:03:29,834 Fire an AR15 while smoking inside. 63 00:03:29,835 --> 00:03:32,586 Or just stand around and smoke inside. 64 00:03:32,587 --> 00:03:33,963 Seriously, we're cool with it. 65 00:03:33,964 --> 00:03:36,590 Throw your butts on the ground. We don't care. 66 00:03:36,591 --> 00:03:38,843 Watch real loud trucks and smell the smoke 67 00:03:38,844 --> 00:03:41,178 that reminds you of your dead alcoholic stepdad 68 00:03:41,179 --> 00:03:43,723 who you're glad is dead but still miss anyway. 69 00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:45,349 Rest in peace, Gene. 70 00:03:45,350 --> 00:03:47,351 Forget which beer can is your ashtray. 71 00:03:47,352 --> 00:03:50,771 And whenever you feel like it, shout racial stuff. 72 00:03:50,772 --> 00:03:53,315 You will not be the fattest person there, 73 00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:55,968 and if you are, get that shirt off! 74 00:03:55,969 --> 00:03:58,237 Come get your picture taken with Tila Tequila, 75 00:03:58,238 --> 00:04:00,030 and smoke a cigarette with her. 76 00:04:00,031 --> 00:04:03,200 Spray soda on somebody. Punch a baby. 77 00:04:03,201 --> 00:04:06,036 Smoke inside. Loud trucks, guns. 78 00:04:06,037 --> 00:04:08,122 It's all happening at the Quahog Convention Center, 79 00:04:08,123 --> 00:04:11,667 so hold in all your farts till this Sunday, Sunday, Sunday! 80 00:04:11,668 --> 00:04:12,793 Farts. 81 00:04:12,794 --> 00:04:14,503 All right, here we go. 82 00:04:14,504 --> 00:04:16,422 Million-dollar business ideas. 83 00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:19,425 Open forum, no self-editing. Wide-open slate. 84 00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:21,051 No such thing as a bad idea. 85 00:04:21,052 --> 00:04:22,803 - Beer in a bag. - Bad idea. 86 00:04:22,804 --> 00:04:24,889 Oh, oh, I got one. Big Tic Tac, 87 00:04:24,890 --> 00:04:27,183 so you don't have to eat so many little Tic Tacs. 88 00:04:27,184 --> 00:04:28,517 Nice, Glenn, you're on the board. 89 00:04:28,518 --> 00:04:30,394 All right, any ideas. No bad ideas. 90 00:04:30,395 --> 00:04:32,062 - Soup in a sleeve. - Bad idea. 91 00:04:32,063 --> 00:04:33,898 All right, Peter, you're so great, 92 00:04:33,899 --> 00:04:35,608 why don't you give us an idea? 93 00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:37,818 Okay, you know how they put ice in urinals? 94 00:04:37,819 --> 00:04:40,154 Well, what happens to that ice at the end of the day? 95 00:04:40,155 --> 00:04:42,490 It's wasted. We collect urinal ice 96 00:04:42,491 --> 00:04:44,074 and sell it to local bars. 97 00:04:44,075 --> 00:04:45,409 Peter, that'll never work. 98 00:04:45,410 --> 00:04:47,411 Oh, no? 99 00:04:47,412 --> 00:04:51,458 Is that the tinkling of ice I hear? 100 00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:57,713 All right, let's check out what we did last night. 101 00:04:57,714 --> 00:04:59,799 God, that's so shaky. 102 00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:01,133 It's hard to watch. 103 00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:02,718 What is that one? 104 00:05:02,719 --> 00:05:06,222 That's mine. I'm basically a human Steadicam. 105 00:05:06,223 --> 00:05:09,058 - It's beautiful. - So smooth. 106 00:05:09,059 --> 00:05:10,559 Lot of guy butts. 107 00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:12,937 Yeah, my sight line's a little lower than most. 108 00:05:12,938 --> 00:05:14,271 Look at a girl butt once. 109 00:05:14,272 --> 00:05:16,148 What the hell were we doing here? 110 00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:18,818 Oh, this must have been when we were jumping around 111 00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:21,362 to "Jump Around," like the song asked us to. 112 00:05:21,363 --> 00:05:23,113 Oh, yeah, I was so into this song. 113 00:05:23,114 --> 00:05:25,491 Look at my footage. I was going bananas. 114 00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:27,327 All right, let's fast-forward a little here. 115 00:05:30,789 --> 00:05:33,624 Just looks like we're drinking at a random bar. 116 00:05:33,625 --> 00:05:36,377 We ain't talking about any million-dollar ideas. 117 00:05:36,378 --> 00:05:38,462 Wait, wait, pause it. Zoom in on that napkin. 118 00:05:38,463 --> 00:05:39,506 What does that say? 119 00:05:41,758 --> 00:05:43,926 There it is. "Warm cuts." 120 00:05:43,927 --> 00:05:45,636 Like cold cuts, but warm. 121 00:05:45,637 --> 00:05:47,513 Our million-dollar idea. 122 00:05:47,514 --> 00:05:49,139 Warm cuts? That's dumb. 123 00:05:49,140 --> 00:05:52,643 If it's so dumb, how come we're pitching it on Shark Tank? 124 00:05:52,644 --> 00:05:54,270 Now, when we first started Warm Cuts, 125 00:05:54,271 --> 00:05:55,938 it was just a gross idea. 126 00:05:55,939 --> 00:05:58,399 But this year, we're on track to get sued 127 00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:00,693 for $12.5 million. 128 00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:02,611 That's quadruple the projections. 129 00:06:02,612 --> 00:06:04,530 You know what, I like your product. 130 00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:07,157 But more than that, I like you guys. 131 00:06:07,158 --> 00:06:10,578 I'm in, and I'll give you exactly what you're asking for: 132 00:06:10,579 --> 00:06:14,164 $100,000 for ten percent. 133 00:06:14,165 --> 00:06:16,292 What do you say? 134 00:06:16,293 --> 00:06:18,711 Does anyone other than Robert have an offer? 135 00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:21,213 Wait, why are only three of us on Shark Tank? 136 00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:22,506 Yeah, where's Quagmire? 137 00:06:22,507 --> 00:06:24,217 Oh, my God, is that... 138 00:06:27,052 --> 00:06:28,596 Quagmire, you hooked up. 139 00:06:28,597 --> 00:06:30,139 All right. 140 00:06:30,140 --> 00:06:32,391 Oh, no, wait, wait. It's on film. 141 00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:35,060 That's not all right. What if my boss sees this? 142 00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:36,478 What if my dad sees it? 143 00:06:36,479 --> 00:06:39,189 It's fine, Glenn. You can't even see your face. 144 00:06:39,190 --> 00:06:42,610 You did it again, Glenn Quagmire. 145 00:06:42,611 --> 00:06:45,404 Oh, my God. Joe, you have to delete this footage. 146 00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:47,698 Sorry, Glenn, the footage is automatically uploaded 147 00:06:47,699 --> 00:06:49,366 to the Internet every night. 148 00:06:49,367 --> 00:06:51,745 The Internet?! Oh, my God. 149 00:06:54,539 --> 00:06:57,625 Excuse me, ma'am, no porn at the bar. 150 00:06:57,626 --> 00:06:59,293 Oh, it's okay, I'm transgender. 151 00:06:59,294 --> 00:07:01,045 Oh, I-I had no idea. 152 00:07:01,046 --> 00:07:03,631 Do whatever you want all the time. 153 00:07:03,632 --> 00:07:06,216 Oh, Glenn... 154 00:07:06,217 --> 00:07:07,718 Howdy, stranger. 155 00:07:07,719 --> 00:07:09,887 Brian? What are you doing here? 156 00:07:09,888 --> 00:07:12,097 - I'm an alcoholic. - Oh, right. 157 00:07:12,098 --> 00:07:13,807 So, you saw the video, huh? 158 00:07:13,808 --> 00:07:16,352 Oh, yeah. It's just so hard. 159 00:07:16,353 --> 00:07:18,062 Well, it has to be for sex. 160 00:07:18,063 --> 00:07:19,396 No, no, I mean-I mean it's difficult 161 00:07:19,397 --> 00:07:22,107 to watch your son embarrass himself so publicly. 162 00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:25,194 Yeah, that parent-child relationship is so special. 163 00:07:25,195 --> 00:07:27,154 Sometimes you want to shake 'em by the shoulders 164 00:07:27,155 --> 00:07:29,073 and say, "Aah, what are you doing?" 165 00:07:29,074 --> 00:07:31,408 But you just got to give 'em the biggest hug you can 166 00:07:31,409 --> 00:07:33,911 and let 'em know that you'll always be there for them. 167 00:07:33,912 --> 00:07:35,537 - How's your son, Brian? - We don't talk. 168 00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:37,373 But, Ida, you can't blame yourself. 169 00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:39,917 As much as you want to save your kids from their mistakes, 170 00:07:39,918 --> 00:07:42,544 it's their mistakes that help them grow and change 171 00:07:42,545 --> 00:07:44,046 and become their best selves. 172 00:07:44,047 --> 00:07:46,256 You know, Brian, that's what I like about you. 173 00:07:46,257 --> 00:07:48,425 You're so wise and kind. 174 00:07:48,426 --> 00:07:50,471 I think that's what originally drew me to you. 175 00:07:50,472 --> 00:07:53,263 Yep, here I am, Mr. Wisdom, 176 00:07:53,264 --> 00:07:55,182 sitting at the bottom of a bottle, 177 00:07:55,183 --> 00:07:56,725 just like every Tuesday. 178 00:07:56,726 --> 00:07:58,936 - Brian, it's Thursday. - Oh, boy. 179 00:07:58,937 --> 00:08:01,188 Why do you always run yourself down? 180 00:08:01,189 --> 00:08:02,856 You're handsome, you're loyal. 181 00:08:02,857 --> 00:08:05,025 You give your paw after a couple of tries. 182 00:08:05,026 --> 00:08:07,069 Come on, paw. 183 00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:10,489 Paw. Paw... 184 00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:12,616 There you go. Good boy. 185 00:08:12,617 --> 00:08:15,744 I just wish you could see yourself the way I see you. 186 00:08:15,745 --> 00:08:17,496 Ehh, mirrors kind of freak me out. 187 00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:20,290 And-and funny, too. 188 00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:22,126 Except for a job and your own home, 189 00:08:22,127 --> 00:08:24,504 you are the full package, Brian Griffin. 190 00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:28,966 Ida... should we get a room? 191 00:08:28,967 --> 00:08:30,844 Absolutely. 192 00:08:33,096 --> 00:08:36,307 They've got one person working back there. 193 00:08:37,892 --> 00:08:39,560 Morning, sleepyhead. 194 00:08:39,561 --> 00:08:41,562 - Morning. - Some night, huh? 195 00:08:41,563 --> 00:08:42,980 Yeah, it really was. 196 00:08:42,981 --> 00:08:45,482 They dropped a USA Today outside our room. 197 00:08:45,483 --> 00:08:47,151 - You want to read it? - Oh, God, no. 198 00:08:47,152 --> 00:08:49,486 Well, I guess we'll pretend this never happened, 199 00:08:49,487 --> 00:08:51,238 and I'll see you in another two years. 200 00:08:51,239 --> 00:08:52,865 Yeah. 201 00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:55,159 You know what? No. 202 00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:57,036 What are you doing Friday night? 203 00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:58,162 Well, that depends. 204 00:08:58,163 --> 00:09:00,039 Is Friday Night Videos still a thing? 205 00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:01,957 No, it hasn't been for quite some time. 206 00:09:01,958 --> 00:09:03,292 Well, then, I'm free. 207 00:09:03,293 --> 00:09:05,252 Does that mean you're asking me out? 208 00:09:05,253 --> 00:09:06,462 I guess it does. 209 00:09:06,463 --> 00:09:09,006 You're... not ashamed to be with me? 210 00:09:09,007 --> 00:09:10,841 No, I'm not. I don't care anymore. 211 00:09:10,842 --> 00:09:13,886 I guess I'm just not as hung up as I used to be. 212 00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:15,512 Room service. 213 00:09:15,513 --> 00:09:16,930 Oh, my God, you ordered room service?! 214 00:09:16,931 --> 00:09:18,098 Are you crazy? 215 00:09:18,099 --> 00:09:19,475 What if somebody finds out I'm in here 216 00:09:19,476 --> 00:09:21,602 having goofball sex? 217 00:09:21,603 --> 00:09:23,520 Hello? Room service. 218 00:09:23,521 --> 00:09:25,022 I've got your eggs and Snausages. 219 00:09:25,023 --> 00:09:27,069 Snausages. 220 00:09:34,449 --> 00:09:36,867 Table 13. The fish is for the gentleman, 221 00:09:36,868 --> 00:09:38,285 and the chicken is for the lady. 222 00:09:38,286 --> 00:09:39,621 Got it. 223 00:09:41,039 --> 00:09:42,956 Great. Is that our food? 224 00:09:42,957 --> 00:09:45,042 The fish is for the gentleman, 225 00:09:45,043 --> 00:09:47,878 and the chicken is for the lady. 226 00:09:47,879 --> 00:09:50,422 I'll be right back, folks. 227 00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:52,174 Well, thanks for picking me to break in 228 00:09:52,175 --> 00:09:53,509 your new Discover card with. 229 00:09:53,510 --> 00:09:55,177 Hey, thanks for co-signing for it. 230 00:09:55,178 --> 00:09:56,805 My pleasure. 231 00:10:01,309 --> 00:10:03,352 Brian, I can't help but notice 232 00:10:03,353 --> 00:10:06,355 you're a little uncomfortable spending time with me. 233 00:10:06,356 --> 00:10:08,232 I thought you said you weren't ashamed of me. 234 00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:09,525 What are you talking about? 235 00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:11,235 Because I made you lie down in the back seat 236 00:10:11,236 --> 00:10:13,237 all the way here? You looked tired. 237 00:10:13,238 --> 00:10:14,905 It just seems like you're always taking me 238 00:10:14,906 --> 00:10:17,533 to out-of-the-way places to avoid being seen together. 239 00:10:17,534 --> 00:10:20,077 - Like yesterday. - Come on, that's not true. 240 00:10:20,078 --> 00:10:22,372 I just wanted to show you a beautiful view. 241 00:10:23,873 --> 00:10:27,876 Wow, check out that big blue marble. 242 00:10:27,877 --> 00:10:29,211 Look, there's another shuttle. 243 00:10:29,212 --> 00:10:30,505 Get away from the window! 244 00:10:36,386 --> 00:10:38,387 Okay, maybe, maybe this has been 245 00:10:38,388 --> 00:10:40,556 a little weirder for me than I thought. 246 00:10:40,557 --> 00:10:42,558 I'm sorry, Ida. I... 247 00:10:42,559 --> 00:10:45,853 I really care about you and you deserve better. 248 00:10:45,854 --> 00:10:48,272 - Can I help you? - The fish is for... 249 00:10:48,273 --> 00:10:51,441 The fish is for me. And the chicken... 250 00:10:51,442 --> 00:10:55,029 the chicken is for my girlfriend, Ida Davis. 251 00:10:57,031 --> 00:10:59,700 "Girlfriend"? Are you sure, Brian? 252 00:10:59,701 --> 00:11:01,201 I'm sure. 253 00:11:01,202 --> 00:11:03,912 And from now on, I'm not hiding anything. 254 00:11:03,913 --> 00:11:06,833 Like Peter and his formaldehyde jars. 255 00:11:08,751 --> 00:11:11,086 - Peter? - Yes? 256 00:11:11,087 --> 00:11:13,505 Is this is about my work? 257 00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:16,508 Hi, I have a Styrofoam cooler with weird tape on it? 258 00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:20,470 Ah, that must be the cat brains and baby bodies. 259 00:11:20,471 --> 00:11:22,973 Are you making people? 260 00:11:22,974 --> 00:11:25,225 He'll be flattered you called him that. 261 00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:34,902 Hello, everybody. 262 00:11:34,903 --> 00:11:36,904 I have some pretty big news. 263 00:11:36,905 --> 00:11:40,407 - It may come as a surprise, but... - It's about Ida, isn't it? 264 00:11:40,408 --> 00:11:43,076 It has to be. Why else would Ida be in our house? 265 00:11:43,077 --> 00:11:45,245 Meg's right. I-Ida's only been here, what, 266 00:11:45,246 --> 00:11:47,581 - like, twice her whole life? - You think they did it again? 267 00:11:47,582 --> 00:11:50,500 - Well, what else could it be? - They do have a lot in common. 268 00:11:50,501 --> 00:11:52,753 Two mature people with dwindling options. 269 00:11:52,754 --> 00:11:54,755 Like, I know Brian was squeamish about sleeping 270 00:11:54,756 --> 00:11:57,758 with a trans woman before, but it's 2019 now. 271 00:11:57,759 --> 00:12:00,928 Yeah, things that were gross five years ago are now heroic. 272 00:12:00,929 --> 00:12:04,473 Wow. Brian and Ida. Good for them. 273 00:12:04,474 --> 00:12:05,933 Well, that's a relief. 274 00:12:05,934 --> 00:12:08,685 Now the only other person we have to tell about us is Glenn. 275 00:12:08,686 --> 00:12:11,021 Oh, God, I haven't even thought about that. 276 00:12:11,022 --> 00:12:13,523 Mr. Quagmire hates Brian. 277 00:12:13,524 --> 00:12:15,150 Yes, my big brother's right. 278 00:12:15,151 --> 00:12:17,069 Quagmire thinks Brian's trash. 279 00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:18,862 Well, just have him over here for dinner. 280 00:12:18,863 --> 00:12:21,531 We'll help you. We're here for you, Brian. 281 00:12:21,532 --> 00:12:24,034 You know what? You're right. I can do this. 282 00:12:24,035 --> 00:12:26,787 After all, I'm not the first person to deliver tough news. 283 00:12:26,788 --> 00:12:28,830 Like when they found Waldo. 284 00:12:28,831 --> 00:12:31,458 There are many things I can't go into at this time, 285 00:12:31,459 --> 00:12:33,794 but I can confirm that a body was removed 286 00:12:33,795 --> 00:12:35,837 from Waldo's apartment this morning. 287 00:12:35,838 --> 00:12:37,923 Is this being treated as a suicide? 288 00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:39,925 Again, I can't confirm. 289 00:12:39,926 --> 00:12:43,220 But to that point, instead of always asking "Where's Waldo?" 290 00:12:43,221 --> 00:12:46,556 maybe some of you should've been asking "How's Waldo?" 291 00:12:46,557 --> 00:12:48,309 Good day. 292 00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:55,065 Glenn, Ida, it's so nice 293 00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:57,067 that you could both come over for dinner. 294 00:12:57,068 --> 00:12:58,777 Thanks so much for having us. 295 00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:05,575 No response from Peter. What the hell? 296 00:13:05,576 --> 00:13:07,411 I thought we were going to the Clam. 297 00:13:07,412 --> 00:13:10,080 And Quagmire just texted back "Can't." 298 00:13:10,081 --> 00:13:11,581 I don't like it. 299 00:13:11,582 --> 00:13:14,001 They're doing something without us. 300 00:13:14,002 --> 00:13:17,629 So, Brian, what's, uh, what's new in your world? 301 00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:19,840 Oh, well, um, 302 00:13:19,841 --> 00:13:21,675 thank you for asking, Lois. 303 00:13:21,676 --> 00:13:23,844 - I see them. - They're both in there. 304 00:13:23,845 --> 00:13:25,512 Looks like a dinner party! 305 00:13:25,513 --> 00:13:29,016 Uh, actually, I have some news that happens to pertain 306 00:13:29,017 --> 00:13:31,101 - to my dating life. - Really, Brian? 307 00:13:31,102 --> 00:13:33,103 - Oh, do tell us. - I knew it! 308 00:13:33,104 --> 00:13:35,647 Well, it's kind of big news. 309 00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:37,400 Those scalloped potatoes? 310 00:13:37,401 --> 00:13:39,026 Well, what's the big news? 311 00:13:39,027 --> 00:13:41,445 Go ahead, Brian. Tell him. 312 00:13:41,446 --> 00:13:43,488 Ida and I... 313 00:13:43,489 --> 00:13:45,407 have, uh... 314 00:13:45,408 --> 00:13:46,783 begun dating. 315 00:13:46,784 --> 00:13:49,286 You're, you're joking, right? 316 00:13:49,287 --> 00:13:52,122 It's true, son. Brian and I are in love. 317 00:13:52,123 --> 00:13:54,624 What?! When were you gonna tell me this? 318 00:13:54,625 --> 00:13:57,085 Oh, Peter just texted. 319 00:13:57,086 --> 00:13:58,754 He says he's stuck at work. 320 00:13:58,755 --> 00:14:03,217 They are working that poor man to death. 321 00:14:08,222 --> 00:14:11,391 I'm so glad you dropped in. Brian is cooking breakfast. 322 00:14:11,392 --> 00:14:14,144 That's right, get ready for Eggs a la Brian. 323 00:14:14,145 --> 00:14:16,480 Scrambled eggs with a side of toast. 324 00:14:16,481 --> 00:14:19,608 What? How is that "a la Brian"? That, that's just... 325 00:14:19,609 --> 00:14:22,319 That's, that's great. That's just great, Brian. 326 00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:25,155 I am very excited for this unique breakfast. 327 00:14:25,156 --> 00:14:27,908 Cool, cool. How many globs of ketchup do you want? 328 00:14:27,909 --> 00:14:29,409 Uh, chef's choice. 329 00:14:29,410 --> 00:14:33,622 So, um, how long has this been going on, Dad? 330 00:14:33,623 --> 00:14:36,583 Listen, Glenn, I know this is an adjustment for you, 331 00:14:36,584 --> 00:14:39,586 and you and Brian haven't always seen eye to eye. 332 00:14:39,587 --> 00:14:41,088 Well, I wouldn't say that. 333 00:14:41,089 --> 00:14:44,508 He's just, uh, kind of a big personality. 334 00:14:44,509 --> 00:14:46,343 So, Denver Airport. 335 00:14:46,344 --> 00:14:49,012 Kind of up there, huh? Mile-high. 336 00:14:49,013 --> 00:14:51,515 Yeah, that is the height of the airport. 337 00:14:51,516 --> 00:14:54,851 Now, O'Hare Airport, why on the ticket is it "ORD"? 338 00:14:54,852 --> 00:14:57,187 Uh, it was originally called Orchard Field. 339 00:14:57,188 --> 00:14:58,688 Really? Huh. 340 00:14:58,689 --> 00:15:01,191 Uh, so why is Wilkes-Barre/Scranton "AVP"? 341 00:15:01,192 --> 00:15:03,735 I'm not gonna go through every airport with you, Brian. 342 00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:06,029 You know, Glenn, Brian thought you two could hang out 343 00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:08,323 this afternoon, and I think that's a great idea. 344 00:15:08,324 --> 00:15:10,200 Yeah, Quagmire, what do you say? 345 00:15:12,537 --> 00:15:14,871 All right. I guess I can do that. 346 00:15:14,872 --> 00:15:16,039 Well, great. 347 00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:17,374 Oh, the ketchup's hot. 348 00:15:17,375 --> 00:15:19,798 Everyone goes cold, I go hot. 349 00:15:19,799 --> 00:15:22,338 And that's the "a la." 350 00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:27,993 This sucks. I don't want to be here. 351 00:15:27,994 --> 00:15:29,886 Come on, Glenn. If I'm gonna be dating your mom, 352 00:15:29,887 --> 00:15:31,805 it's important that we spend some time together. 353 00:15:31,806 --> 00:15:35,601 Hi, we have two guest passes from a museum member, Ida Davis. 354 00:15:37,145 --> 00:15:39,121 I'm not seeing an "Ida Davis." 355 00:15:39,122 --> 00:15:41,106 Uh, try "Dan Quagmire." 356 00:15:41,107 --> 00:15:43,692 - "Lieutenant Dan Quagmire." - Ah, the lieutenant. 357 00:15:43,693 --> 00:15:45,694 And how's he doing? Still have his penis? 358 00:15:45,695 --> 00:15:47,028 No, he doesn't. 359 00:15:47,029 --> 00:15:48,864 And that's a weird question to ask. 360 00:15:48,865 --> 00:15:51,117 I'm a weird guy, I work at a museum. 361 00:15:53,911 --> 00:15:56,157 See? It's not so bad. 362 00:15:56,158 --> 00:15:58,126 It's like Night at the Museum in here. 363 00:15:58,127 --> 00:16:00,061 - How? - Well, you know, 364 00:16:00,062 --> 00:16:01,543 like, the guys are gonna come to life. 365 00:16:01,544 --> 00:16:04,421 - Like, who? - Um, the guys, you know? 366 00:16:04,422 --> 00:16:06,214 When it's, when it's nighttime. 367 00:16:06,215 --> 00:16:08,216 - You didn't see the movie, did you? - No. 368 00:16:08,217 --> 00:16:09,718 Why did you bring up a reference to something 369 00:16:09,719 --> 00:16:11,052 you know nothing about? 370 00:16:11,053 --> 00:16:13,430 I... it just, it reminded me of, uh... 371 00:16:13,431 --> 00:16:15,098 Brian, don't bring up a reference to someone 372 00:16:15,099 --> 00:16:16,516 whose favorite movie it is, 373 00:16:16,517 --> 00:16:18,393 because you'll just embarrass yourself. 374 00:16:18,394 --> 00:16:20,061 That was a natural history museum, 375 00:16:20,062 --> 00:16:21,688 this is a science museum. 376 00:16:21,689 --> 00:16:24,065 What, you think this tidal chart's gonna come to life? 377 00:16:24,066 --> 00:16:26,443 You think this moon rock is gonna walk across the room 378 00:16:26,444 --> 00:16:28,445 and riff brilliantly like Robin Williams 379 00:16:28,446 --> 00:16:31,239 playing Teddy Roosevelt, God rest both their souls? 380 00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:35,119 Be very, very careful treading around Night at the Museum. 381 00:16:40,419 --> 00:16:43,084 Okay, let's get this game started. 382 00:16:43,085 --> 00:16:45,545 - Do you believe it still fits? - From when? 383 00:16:45,546 --> 00:16:47,714 Thank you for throwing this barbecue. 384 00:16:47,715 --> 00:16:50,678 It's so good for the boys to spend real time together. 385 00:16:50,679 --> 00:16:54,096 Okay, let's play. Kids versus the parents. 386 00:16:55,182 --> 00:16:56,973 All right, we're gonna destroy those kids. 387 00:16:56,974 --> 00:16:58,975 Uhp, someone's on the wrong team. 388 00:16:58,976 --> 00:17:01,645 Boy, they're in such a hurry not to be kids anymore. 389 00:17:01,646 --> 00:17:03,730 Your time will come, trust me. 390 00:17:03,731 --> 00:17:06,066 I'm older than the adults. I'm older than all of you! 391 00:17:06,067 --> 00:17:08,235 It seems like that sometimes, I bet. 392 00:17:08,236 --> 00:17:11,113 Get down there, champ. 393 00:17:13,449 --> 00:17:16,159 All right, as the one adult on a team full of children, 394 00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:17,494 I'm gonna act good-natured 395 00:17:17,495 --> 00:17:19,996 while being subtly furious at all your mistakes. 396 00:17:19,997 --> 00:17:21,581 Okay? Break on three. 397 00:17:21,582 --> 00:17:23,649 One, two, three... 398 00:17:23,650 --> 00:17:24,793 - Break! - Football! 399 00:17:24,794 --> 00:17:27,337 Let's focus, Chris. Can we just focus for a minute? 400 00:17:27,338 --> 00:17:30,336 And let's all face the same direction. 401 00:17:30,337 --> 00:17:31,633 Okay, I'm gonna call the plays 402 00:17:31,634 --> 00:17:34,427 while I'm covering my mouth with this play card. 403 00:17:34,428 --> 00:17:37,138 Peter, that's not a play card, it's a Denny's menu. 404 00:17:37,139 --> 00:17:40,348 Let's run Moons Over My Hammy on three. 405 00:17:40,349 --> 00:17:43,103 Hey, guys? Gonna need your help over here. 406 00:17:43,104 --> 00:17:45,730 They got a real All-American at QB. 407 00:17:45,731 --> 00:17:46,856 God. 408 00:17:46,857 --> 00:17:48,400 Down. Hut! Hut! 409 00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:50,151 Good hutting, Glenn. That's my boy, hutting. 410 00:17:50,152 --> 00:17:51,570 Way to hut! 411 00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:54,239 Shut up. Stop complimenting things that don't need it. 412 00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:56,445 Hike! 413 00:18:00,913 --> 00:18:03,707 Uh-oh, look who's on the loose. 414 00:18:03,708 --> 00:18:05,750 I'm gonna get you, I'm gonna get you... 415 00:18:05,751 --> 00:18:08,420 Oh, no, I missed you by total accident. 416 00:18:08,421 --> 00:18:11,089 Yeah! Six points, bitches. 417 00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:13,967 Whoa, that was some great move, buddy. 418 00:18:13,968 --> 00:18:15,760 Aw. 419 00:18:15,761 --> 00:18:17,429 Did you see and hear the wink? 420 00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:19,472 That means he did it on purpose. 421 00:18:19,473 --> 00:18:21,641 No, no, way. He did it all by himself. 422 00:18:22,810 --> 00:18:24,102 Ah! There it is again! 423 00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:26,563 Brian, you're the best dad ever. 424 00:18:26,564 --> 00:18:27,981 What're you talking about? I beat him. 425 00:18:27,982 --> 00:18:30,191 I wish I had a dad like that. 426 00:18:30,192 --> 00:18:31,943 Me, too, bud. 427 00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:34,404 Brian, you're very sweet to do that. 428 00:18:34,405 --> 00:18:36,573 To do what? I'm the one who scored the touchdown. 429 00:18:36,574 --> 00:18:39,576 - You sure did, Glenn. - He's not my dad! 430 00:18:39,577 --> 00:18:42,370 I already have a dad, and it's my mom! All right, Brian? 431 00:18:42,371 --> 00:18:44,707 Stop trying to be my dad, you fraud. 432 00:18:46,787 --> 00:18:48,918 Glenn, sweetie, calm down. 433 00:18:48,919 --> 00:18:51,924 No, I'm not gonna calm down. I can't take this anymore. 434 00:18:51,925 --> 00:18:53,923 Listen, Dad, the first time you hooked up with Brian, 435 00:18:53,924 --> 00:18:55,508 it was awful, I hated it. 436 00:18:55,509 --> 00:18:58,219 But you were confused, you'd just gone through a huge change, 437 00:18:58,220 --> 00:19:01,139 you didn't know if you had any options, so you settled. 438 00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:03,558 But you're a beautiful, intelligent woman. 439 00:19:03,559 --> 00:19:06,561 And now you've had time to adjust and your choice is Brian? 440 00:19:06,562 --> 00:19:09,022 Why in God almighty would you choose him? 441 00:19:09,023 --> 00:19:12,192 "Because I love him," a resolved Ida said. 442 00:19:12,193 --> 00:19:14,736 - I'm also a published author. - Self-published. 443 00:19:14,737 --> 00:19:16,446 You're also a pompous, pretentious, 444 00:19:16,447 --> 00:19:17,947 hypocritical blowhard. 445 00:19:17,948 --> 00:19:20,283 - Who attended Brown. - For one semester. 446 00:19:20,284 --> 00:19:22,202 - You went to Brown? - For two months. 447 00:19:22,203 --> 00:19:23,703 See? See, that's what I mean. 448 00:19:23,704 --> 00:19:25,497 His whole life is a lie. 449 00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:28,584 I can't take this anymore. It's either him or me. 450 00:19:35,299 --> 00:19:37,550 - I choose Brian... - Yes. 451 00:19:37,551 --> 00:19:39,678 To talk to first. 452 00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:42,681 Brian, I've loved every minute that we've spent together. 453 00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:44,307 I never thought I'd meet someone 454 00:19:44,308 --> 00:19:46,810 who I connected with on so many levels, 455 00:19:46,811 --> 00:19:49,145 - much less an Ivy Leaguer. - Come on... 456 00:19:49,146 --> 00:19:53,274 But as special as you are to me, I have to put my son first. 457 00:19:53,275 --> 00:19:55,485 - But Ida... - He's my son. 458 00:19:55,486 --> 00:19:57,570 I've made my decision. 459 00:19:57,571 --> 00:19:59,322 Bye-bye, Brian. You're history. 460 00:19:59,323 --> 00:20:02,659 And this time, history's not coming back to life. 461 00:20:02,660 --> 00:20:04,619 Night at the Museum. 462 00:20:04,620 --> 00:20:06,121 I'm sorry, Brian. 463 00:20:06,122 --> 00:20:08,748 I'll never forget what we had together. 464 00:20:08,749 --> 00:20:11,043 I understand. 465 00:20:12,795 --> 00:20:14,462 Can you guys wrap this up? 466 00:20:14,463 --> 00:20:17,298 I see Peter coming with some kind of problem from the game. 467 00:20:17,299 --> 00:20:20,969 Quagmire, we agreed that it was a two-hand touch, 468 00:20:20,970 --> 00:20:23,722 and then Chris hit me with one hand, 469 00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:25,473 and I said that didn't count, 470 00:20:25,474 --> 00:20:27,434 but he still wouldn't count the touchdown. 471 00:20:27,435 --> 00:20:29,602 So I drilled him in the head with the ball, 472 00:20:29,603 --> 00:20:31,187 and now he's not moving. 473 00:20:31,188 --> 00:20:33,940 He can blink his eyes, but nothing else. 474 00:20:33,941 --> 00:20:37,235 - So, is my dog still your dad? - Uh, no. 475 00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:40,817 Chris, he said the touchdown counts!