WEBVTT 1 00:00:00,801 --> 00:00:04,605 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:04,638 --> 00:00:07,842 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:07,876 --> 00:00:11,512 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:11,545 --> 00:00:14,282 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:14,315 --> 00:00:17,785 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:17,818 --> 00:00:21,322 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:22,857 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:22,891 --> 00:00:24,292 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:24,325 --> 00:00:29,830 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪ 10 00:00:35,870 --> 00:00:37,305 Ugh! This sucks, Mom. 11 00:00:37,338 --> 00:00:39,173 We really have to spend the whole day 12 00:00:39,207 --> 00:00:40,374 cleaning out the garage? 13 00:00:40,408 --> 00:00:41,842 Yeah, come on, Lois. 14 00:00:41,876 --> 00:00:44,645 You know I have plans today to go see Pervert Hamlet. 15 00:00:44,678 --> 00:00:45,679 To be... 16 00:00:45,713 --> 00:00:47,815 with this skull sexually, 17 00:00:47,848 --> 00:00:49,817 or not to be... 18 00:00:49,850 --> 00:00:51,852 with this skull sexually. 19 00:00:51,886 --> 00:00:54,155 That is the question... 20 00:00:54,188 --> 00:00:57,825 I answered when I was with this skull sexually 21 00:00:57,858 --> 00:01:00,194 a little while ago. 22 00:01:01,729 --> 00:01:04,398 Huh. All these spray paint cans are empty. 23 00:01:04,432 --> 00:01:06,667 What? Really? 24 00:01:06,700 --> 00:01:08,702 (laughing): H-How could such a thing 25 00:01:08,736 --> 00:01:10,738 have come to pass? 26 00:01:12,873 --> 00:01:14,708 Screw this. Quick, before your mother gets back, 27 00:01:14,742 --> 00:01:16,010 everything in the garbage. 28 00:01:16,044 --> 00:01:17,545 We're throwing all this stuff out. 29 00:01:22,951 --> 00:01:25,053 Wait. You're throwing away Stewie's Big Wheel? 30 00:01:25,086 --> 00:01:26,720 Relax. It's not even his. 31 00:01:26,754 --> 00:01:29,257 I took it from a front lawn after a rain storm. 32 00:01:31,725 --> 00:01:33,027 (can rattling) 33 00:01:33,061 --> 00:01:36,764 I thought they'd never leave, Factory Red. 34 00:01:40,134 --> 00:01:42,070 So, I guess Thanos got the Mind Stone. 35 00:01:42,103 --> 00:01:43,938 Wow. So now he's got all of 'em. 36 00:01:43,972 --> 00:01:46,040 -I guess so. -What does that mean for us? 37 00:01:46,074 --> 00:01:48,076 I have no idea. 38 00:01:48,109 --> 00:01:50,244 I knew it was gonna be us. 39 00:01:51,745 --> 00:01:55,283 Oh, my God. There's a hot woman over at the bar. 40 00:01:55,316 --> 00:01:57,918 You know, I never forget the back of a head. 41 00:01:57,952 --> 00:02:00,621 I don't think we've met. I'm Glenn Quagmire. 42 00:02:00,654 --> 00:02:02,556 I'm sure that kind of thing works great 43 00:02:02,590 --> 00:02:05,093 for the younger crowd, but I'm 44. 44 00:02:05,126 --> 00:02:07,561 44? Oh-ho, why am I trying so hard? 45 00:02:07,595 --> 00:02:09,230 Come on, let's get out of here. 46 00:02:09,263 --> 00:02:12,500 Look, I'm not some bimbo who falls for tired pickup lines. 47 00:02:14,002 --> 00:02:15,736 Wow. That was painful. 48 00:02:15,769 --> 00:02:18,739 Like that time I passed a kidney Stone Phillips. 49 00:02:18,772 --> 00:02:20,241 (groaning): Oh! 50 00:02:20,274 --> 00:02:21,909 Aah! Aah! 51 00:02:21,942 --> 00:02:23,111 (splashing) 52 00:02:23,144 --> 00:02:25,779 KIDNEY STONE PHILLIPS: Or was it... murder? 53 00:02:29,183 --> 00:02:31,085 -Hey, Doug. -Hey, Stewie. 54 00:02:31,119 --> 00:02:32,987 Taking the Big Wheel out for a spin? 55 00:02:33,021 --> 00:02:34,255 Yep. Where are you headed? 56 00:02:34,288 --> 00:02:36,424 Oh, I was just gonna drive through some puddles 57 00:02:36,457 --> 00:02:38,126 and see how long my tracks stay wet. 58 00:02:38,159 --> 00:02:41,095 The record is seven sidewalk squares, by yours truly. 59 00:02:41,129 --> 00:02:42,763 (laughing): Allegedly. 60 00:02:42,796 --> 00:02:44,798 (laughing): Okay, get out of here, you nut. 61 00:02:47,801 --> 00:02:50,204 What the deuce? Where is it? 62 00:02:58,046 --> 00:03:01,015 (sighs) Boy, I tell ya, no better way to start your day 63 00:03:01,049 --> 00:03:03,017 than a morning dump in a neighbor's yard. 64 00:03:03,051 --> 00:03:04,518 QUAGMIRE: Come on, Brian! 65 00:03:04,552 --> 00:03:07,688 It was a soft steamer, almost impossible to pick up. 66 00:03:07,721 --> 00:03:09,623 Brian, have you seen my Big Wheel? 67 00:03:09,657 --> 00:03:11,025 I can't find it anywhere! 68 00:03:11,059 --> 00:03:12,326 What? No. Did you look...? 69 00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:13,694 Oh, wait a minute. 70 00:03:13,727 --> 00:03:15,796 Peter threw out a bunch of stuff from the garage yesterday. 71 00:03:15,829 --> 00:03:17,298 Maybe it was in there. 72 00:03:17,331 --> 00:03:21,001 Threw it out? But today is our trash pick up day! 73 00:03:22,736 --> 00:03:24,004 (gasps) We're too late! 74 00:03:24,038 --> 00:03:25,873 I've got to get that Big Wheel back. 75 00:03:25,906 --> 00:03:27,708 Will you drive me to the town dump? 76 00:03:27,741 --> 00:03:30,378 Really? Can't we just maybe buy you a new one? 77 00:03:30,411 --> 00:03:32,213 No, Brian. It has to be that Big Wheel. 78 00:03:32,246 --> 00:03:34,215 It's very special to me. 79 00:03:34,248 --> 00:03:36,016 I lost my V-card on that thing. 80 00:03:36,050 --> 00:03:37,518 You what? 81 00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:40,388 Yep, went over a speed bump really fast and broke my hymen. 82 00:03:40,421 --> 00:03:41,855 Stewie, you don't have a hymen. 83 00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:43,891 -Yeah, not anymore. -No, you're a boy. 84 00:03:43,924 --> 00:03:46,494 I have to correct you there, Brian. I'm a man. 85 00:03:46,527 --> 00:03:48,162 'Cause, you know... broken hymen. 86 00:03:48,196 --> 00:03:49,997 Boys don't have hymens! 87 00:03:50,030 --> 00:03:52,666 Okay, then I may have just ripped my taint. 88 00:03:52,700 --> 00:03:54,935 Either way, I love that bike! 89 00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:01,175 Hi. Can you help us? 90 00:04:01,209 --> 00:04:03,010 We're trying to locate a lost Big Wh... 91 00:04:03,043 --> 00:04:04,545 -(insects buzzing) -My God, 92 00:04:04,578 --> 00:04:06,547 there's just so... 93 00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:08,749 much... garbage. 94 00:04:08,782 --> 00:04:12,086 (moaning) 95 00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:14,222 Yes, we are in search of a Big Wheel 96 00:04:14,255 --> 00:04:16,857 that was erroneously discarded and collected today. 97 00:04:16,890 --> 00:04:20,528 Oh, then it probably came in with the morning load. 98 00:04:20,561 --> 00:04:22,896 Sorry. That term always makes me blush. 99 00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:26,100 But if it just came in, that's bad news. 100 00:04:26,134 --> 00:04:28,536 Usually the newest, top layer of trash 101 00:04:28,569 --> 00:04:30,638 just blows right into the ocean. 102 00:04:34,808 --> 00:04:37,778 Yeah, I'm afraid your Big Wheel may be gones for good. 103 00:04:37,811 --> 00:04:40,114 Dear God, this is horrible! 104 00:04:40,148 --> 00:04:42,250 I'm blind! I'm blind! I'm blind! 105 00:04:43,417 --> 00:04:46,787 Phew. Ooh, something smells good in this box. 106 00:04:46,820 --> 00:04:49,457 I'm blind! I'm blind! I'm blind! 107 00:04:53,494 --> 00:04:56,964 Damn it. Monica's not responding to any of my texts. 108 00:04:56,997 --> 00:04:59,467 You're still tryin' to bang that 44-year-old? 109 00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:00,968 -What are you sending her? -Mostly porn. 110 00:05:01,001 --> 00:05:02,303 Just shots of rods. 111 00:05:02,336 --> 00:05:04,572 All angles. Up, down, left, right. 112 00:05:04,605 --> 00:05:07,575 Lois, maybe you could help me ask out this woman I met. 113 00:05:07,608 --> 00:05:08,909 She's close to your age. 114 00:05:08,942 --> 00:05:10,978 But she won't respond to any of my texts. 115 00:05:11,011 --> 00:05:12,313 Oh, well, that's easy. 116 00:05:12,346 --> 00:05:15,183 Just ask her if she's all caught up on This Is Us. 117 00:05:16,684 --> 00:05:17,818 (phone vibrates) 118 00:05:17,851 --> 00:05:20,821 She says, "I'm one behind, so no spoilers. 119 00:05:20,854 --> 00:05:24,458 Hysterical laughing face, hysterical laughing face." 120 00:05:24,492 --> 00:05:25,993 How-how is that funny? 121 00:05:26,026 --> 00:05:27,428 It's not, but you're in. 122 00:05:27,461 --> 00:05:29,830 Great. This is exactly the stuff I need to know. 123 00:05:29,863 --> 00:05:33,000 Lois, will you teach me the ways of the middle-aged woman? 124 00:05:33,033 --> 00:05:35,303 All right. I'm a sucker for romance. 125 00:05:35,336 --> 00:05:38,138 Thanks, Lois. This could open up a whole new world for me. 126 00:05:38,172 --> 00:05:40,274 Like one of those kids who gets a device 127 00:05:40,308 --> 00:05:42,810 that allows them to hear for the first time. 128 00:05:43,844 --> 00:05:45,679 Billy, can you hear? 129 00:05:45,713 --> 00:05:47,114 Yes! 130 00:05:47,147 --> 00:05:49,350 Amazing! This is amazing. 131 00:05:49,383 --> 00:05:51,852 Your mom and I are going to get a divorce. 132 00:05:51,885 --> 00:05:53,321 I'm in love with someone else, 133 00:05:53,354 --> 00:05:56,156 and I didn't want to say it with the silly hands. 134 00:06:00,561 --> 00:06:02,830 Brian, I've been doing research on my Big Wheel. 135 00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:04,532 If it ended up in the ocean, 136 00:06:04,565 --> 00:06:07,000 it most likely has traveled to Garbage Island. 137 00:06:07,034 --> 00:06:08,702 What's Garbage Island? 138 00:06:08,736 --> 00:06:11,539 The other name for the North Atlantic Garbage Patch, 139 00:06:11,572 --> 00:06:13,207 an enormous cluster of man-made debris 140 00:06:13,241 --> 00:06:15,175 floating in the middle of the ocean. 141 00:06:15,209 --> 00:06:17,144 This is terrible. We got to raise awareness, 142 00:06:17,177 --> 00:06:19,012 -let people know about it. -I agree. 143 00:06:19,046 --> 00:06:21,415 It's like a giant garbage whirlpool. 144 00:06:23,183 --> 00:06:25,319 Brian? 145 00:06:25,353 --> 00:06:27,321 You heard me. 146 00:06:27,355 --> 00:06:29,690 Anyway, I'm heading there to find my Big Wheel. 147 00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:30,991 Perhaps you'll come with me. 148 00:06:31,024 --> 00:06:32,560 Boating to an island of garbage? 149 00:06:32,593 --> 00:06:34,862 I'm in. Maybe Peter will come, too. 150 00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:36,997 Hey, Peter, want to go on a boat ride? 151 00:06:37,030 --> 00:06:40,534 Oh, uh, I can't be in stories for a couple of episodes. 152 00:06:40,568 --> 00:06:42,903 (whispering): I'm real-life pregnant. 153 00:06:44,104 --> 00:06:45,906 Oh, my God. I had no idea. 154 00:06:45,939 --> 00:06:47,174 (high-pitched): I know! 155 00:06:47,207 --> 00:06:49,777 Anyway, Mama's got to get off her feet. 156 00:06:57,117 --> 00:07:00,421 All right, time to retrieve my Big Wheel from Garbage Island. 157 00:07:00,454 --> 00:07:02,590 Let's do it. 158 00:07:02,623 --> 00:07:04,858 Hey, how'd you get the money to rent this boat anyway? 159 00:07:04,892 --> 00:07:07,227 Oh, I got a part-time job at Target. 160 00:07:11,599 --> 00:07:14,935 Okay, technically, I work at the weird, in-store Pizza Hut. 161 00:07:14,968 --> 00:07:16,870 ANNOUNCER: The Target In-Store Pizza Hut. 162 00:07:16,904 --> 00:07:20,774 Feed it to your fat kid while you buy off-brand tennis shoes. 163 00:07:24,412 --> 00:07:26,780 Now, Glenn, I'm gonna help you get into the mind 164 00:07:26,814 --> 00:07:28,215 of a middle-aged woman. 165 00:07:28,248 --> 00:07:31,218 Step one: we all go friggin' nuts over Yankee Candles, 166 00:07:31,251 --> 00:07:34,388 so to help you learn all the flavors, I made a little quiz. 167 00:07:34,422 --> 00:07:36,790 I'm gonna give you a name, and you tell me 168 00:07:36,824 --> 00:07:39,560 if it's the name of a Yankee Candle or a porn star. 169 00:07:39,593 --> 00:07:41,795 -Okay. -Black Coconut. 170 00:07:41,829 --> 00:07:43,063 Porn star? 171 00:07:43,096 --> 00:07:45,899 No, that's a candle. Amber Gold. 172 00:07:45,933 --> 00:07:48,402 -Candle? -That is a candle. 173 00:07:48,436 --> 00:07:50,404 April Showers. 174 00:07:50,438 --> 00:07:52,406 Um... both? 175 00:07:52,440 --> 00:07:56,577 Very good. I tried to trick you there, but you got it. Both. 176 00:07:56,610 --> 00:07:58,245 Okay, okay, I'm writing this all down. 177 00:07:58,278 --> 00:08:01,315 But, Lois, Monica agreed to have dinner with me tomorrow. 178 00:08:01,349 --> 00:08:02,483 That's great! 179 00:08:02,516 --> 00:08:03,751 I suppose. 180 00:08:03,784 --> 00:08:06,119 But I don't think I can pull it off by myself. 181 00:08:06,153 --> 00:08:07,655 Will you come and just be nearby 182 00:08:07,688 --> 00:08:09,657 to give me tips and help me get through it? 183 00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:11,925 Fine, but I'll have to rearrange my schedule. 184 00:08:11,959 --> 00:08:14,161 Friday nights are when Peter and I do edibles 185 00:08:14,194 --> 00:08:15,863 and go to the aquarium. 186 00:08:19,299 --> 00:08:21,268 This is awesome. 187 00:08:21,301 --> 00:08:23,671 Peter, I'm freaking out. 188 00:08:23,704 --> 00:08:26,507 Yeah, don't-don't... don't ruin it for me. 189 00:08:36,316 --> 00:08:39,787 Okay, I spy something blue. 190 00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:42,490 Uh... the ocean? 191 00:08:42,523 --> 00:08:43,957 Nope. 192 00:08:43,991 --> 00:08:45,292 The sky? 193 00:08:45,325 --> 00:08:46,960 Hey, you got it in two, bud. 194 00:08:46,994 --> 00:08:48,128 That ties the record. 195 00:08:48,161 --> 00:08:49,329 Stewie, I'm starting to wonder 196 00:08:49,363 --> 00:08:51,465 if we didn't think this all the way through. 197 00:08:51,499 --> 00:08:52,800 No, it's fine. 198 00:08:52,833 --> 00:08:56,036 It'll all be worth it once we get to Garbage Island. 199 00:08:56,069 --> 00:08:57,971 Not a lot of wind today. 200 00:08:58,005 --> 00:08:59,540 No. 201 00:08:59,573 --> 00:09:01,308 Hey, what causes wind? 202 00:09:01,341 --> 00:09:03,544 Well, if my reading material has taught me anything, 203 00:09:03,577 --> 00:09:06,013 it's just a cloud with lips. 204 00:09:08,081 --> 00:09:10,050 Blustery... 205 00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:11,852 is a good word. 206 00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:13,320 Uh-huh. 207 00:09:13,353 --> 00:09:15,756 Mm... Moana. 208 00:09:16,757 --> 00:09:19,326 Mm. 209 00:09:19,359 --> 00:09:21,695 I never saw Moana. 210 00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:25,599 You never saw Moana? 211 00:09:38,712 --> 00:09:40,280 (phone vibrates) 212 00:09:51,625 --> 00:09:53,093 Your blowout looks nice. 213 00:09:53,126 --> 00:09:54,528 Oh, thanks. 214 00:09:54,562 --> 00:09:58,031 So, um, I noticed a yoga mat in the back of your car. 215 00:09:58,065 --> 00:10:00,634 -How often do you do yoga? -(phone vibrates) 216 00:10:13,614 --> 00:10:15,215 -Is everything all right? -Hmm? 217 00:10:15,248 --> 00:10:16,550 Oh, oh, yeah, yeah. Sorry. 218 00:10:16,584 --> 00:10:19,386 My, um... my-my dad locked himself out of his car. 219 00:10:19,419 --> 00:10:21,388 Oh, sorry. Do you need to help him? 220 00:10:21,421 --> 00:10:23,256 Um, no, uh, no. He, um, he broke, uh... 221 00:10:23,290 --> 00:10:24,625 broke the window with his foot. 222 00:10:24,658 --> 00:10:26,894 High heel. My dad's a woman now. 223 00:10:26,927 --> 00:10:29,463 -Oh. -(phone vibrates) 224 00:10:36,436 --> 00:10:38,071 (chuckles) You're lucky we came here. 225 00:10:38,105 --> 00:10:39,807 I almost suggested Mickey D's. 226 00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:42,442 (laughing): Oh, my God. 227 00:10:42,476 --> 00:10:43,811 That's so informal. 228 00:10:43,844 --> 00:10:45,479 Are you talking about McDonald's? 229 00:10:45,513 --> 00:10:47,114 -(chuckles): Yeah, yeah! -(phone vibrates) 230 00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:49,316 Another thing I was just thinking about is... 231 00:10:49,349 --> 00:10:51,251 "AMBER Alert, white Honda Accord, 232 00:10:51,284 --> 00:10:53,086 license plate..." Uh, uh, I mean, 233 00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:55,923 Pinterest sure has some neat pictures of sinks. 234 00:10:55,956 --> 00:10:57,491 Doesn't it? 235 00:10:57,525 --> 00:10:59,660 Listen, what if we just bail on dinner 236 00:10:59,693 --> 00:11:01,461 and head back to my place? 237 00:11:01,495 --> 00:11:02,696 Great! I'm in. 238 00:11:08,368 --> 00:11:10,170 Wait! You have to pay for the bread. 239 00:11:10,203 --> 00:11:11,839 Hey! 240 00:11:12,673 --> 00:11:15,175 You have to pay for the bread! 241 00:11:17,044 --> 00:11:18,679 You have to pay for the bread! 242 00:11:18,712 --> 00:11:21,014 You have to pay for the bread! 243 00:11:21,048 --> 00:11:22,282 The bread! 244 00:11:22,315 --> 00:11:24,818 (crying): You have to pay 245 00:11:24,852 --> 00:11:26,486 for the bread! 246 00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:29,557 (crying) 247 00:11:33,226 --> 00:11:34,862 (creaking) 248 00:11:34,895 --> 00:11:36,196 (grunting) 249 00:11:36,229 --> 00:11:38,165 Moana? 250 00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:43,503 Oh, my God. Brian. 251 00:11:43,537 --> 00:11:44,905 Look! 252 00:11:49,076 --> 00:11:50,678 We made it! 253 00:11:50,711 --> 00:11:52,813 We made it to Garbage Island! 254 00:11:52,846 --> 00:11:55,048 My God, I don't believe it. 255 00:11:55,082 --> 00:11:57,517 Whoa, look at all the packaging from Mickey D's. 256 00:11:57,551 --> 00:11:59,519 What? Oh, my God, I've never heard that. 257 00:11:59,553 --> 00:12:01,989 "Mickey D's." That is just great. 258 00:12:02,022 --> 00:12:04,191 Anyway, let's start looking for my Big Wheel. 259 00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:06,827 Hey, check it out, a VCR just sitting here. 260 00:12:06,860 --> 00:12:08,862 I'm taking this sucker home. 261 00:12:08,896 --> 00:12:09,897 (grunts) 262 00:12:10,564 --> 00:12:11,699 (gasps) 263 00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:16,203 Oh, crap. 264 00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:17,537 Brian, you idiot. 265 00:12:17,571 --> 00:12:19,539 Now how the hell are we supposed to get back to land? 266 00:12:19,573 --> 00:12:21,174 We're both going to die. 267 00:12:21,208 --> 00:12:24,244 Oh, look, a message in a bottle is washing up. 268 00:12:24,277 --> 00:12:26,614 Maybe this'll help. 269 00:12:27,715 --> 00:12:29,583 PETER: Dear England: Enclosed, 270 00:12:29,617 --> 00:12:33,253 please find one bottle fart in exchange for Russell Brand. 271 00:12:33,286 --> 00:12:35,689 We feel this is appropriate compensation. 272 00:12:35,723 --> 00:12:37,925 Yours, et cetera, America. 273 00:12:37,958 --> 00:12:39,627 -(flatulence) -(groaning) 274 00:12:47,735 --> 00:12:49,703 Damn it, Brian! How could you sink our boat? 275 00:12:49,737 --> 00:12:51,038 We're going to die! 276 00:12:51,071 --> 00:12:52,439 MAN: You guys need any help? 277 00:12:52,472 --> 00:12:54,608 -Aah! -Aah! Who the hell are you? 278 00:12:54,642 --> 00:12:56,109 Name's Taylor. 'Sup? 279 00:12:56,143 --> 00:12:57,444 How the hell did you get here? 280 00:12:57,477 --> 00:12:58,445 Oh, I, uh... 281 00:12:58,478 --> 00:13:00,380 I-I fell off a booze cruise. 282 00:13:00,413 --> 00:13:02,750 -You what? -Yep, washed up here. 283 00:13:02,783 --> 00:13:04,918 Matter of fact, we all did. 284 00:13:07,988 --> 00:13:10,257 How are you all planning to get back home? 285 00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:12,626 Get back home? Why would we want to do that? 286 00:13:12,660 --> 00:13:15,295 Yeah, we've got everything we need here. 287 00:13:15,328 --> 00:13:18,465 There's tons of free, half-eaten food that washes up. 288 00:13:18,498 --> 00:13:21,101 And we just bang each other all day. 289 00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:22,736 That, uh... 290 00:13:22,770 --> 00:13:24,938 that doesn't sound terrible. 291 00:13:24,972 --> 00:13:27,607 Hey, so, we've been stuck out here for over 20 years. 292 00:13:27,641 --> 00:13:29,476 Can you catch us up on all the important things 293 00:13:29,509 --> 00:13:30,678 that we've missed? 294 00:13:36,349 --> 00:13:37,484 So, no way! 295 00:13:37,517 --> 00:13:39,820 Kylie Jenner and Tyga are no longer together? 296 00:13:39,853 --> 00:13:41,321 Splitsville, my friend. 297 00:13:41,354 --> 00:13:43,590 How did Robert Kardashian die? 298 00:13:43,623 --> 00:13:44,591 Guilt cancer. 299 00:13:44,624 --> 00:13:45,759 From what? 300 00:13:45,793 --> 00:13:47,294 Oh, boy. 301 00:13:52,132 --> 00:13:55,102 So people thought the dancing Judge Itos were funny? 302 00:13:55,135 --> 00:13:56,103 For a while, yes. 303 00:13:56,136 --> 00:13:57,671 Is Leno still doing it? 304 00:13:57,705 --> 00:13:59,272 No, he's not hosting anymore. 305 00:13:59,306 --> 00:14:01,341 Oh, so Conan got The Tonight Show? 306 00:14:01,374 --> 00:14:03,043 -(sighs) -Oh, come o... 307 00:14:08,381 --> 00:14:10,617 A-And so what about Craig Kilborn? Is he still on? 308 00:14:10,650 --> 00:14:11,952 I'm actually right here. 309 00:14:11,985 --> 00:14:14,387 Oh, right. Hey, Craig. 310 00:14:20,894 --> 00:14:21,862 Oh, hi, Glenn. 311 00:14:21,895 --> 00:14:23,463 I haven't seen you in a while. 312 00:14:23,496 --> 00:14:25,032 H-How are things with Monica? 313 00:14:25,065 --> 00:14:26,199 Who? 314 00:14:26,233 --> 00:14:28,869 Monica, y-your hot date from the other night. 315 00:14:28,902 --> 00:14:30,537 Oh, yeah. I plowed her. Thanks again. 316 00:14:30,570 --> 00:14:32,706 But-but I thought she was the one. 317 00:14:32,740 --> 00:14:33,974 Yeah, no, what I realized is 318 00:14:34,007 --> 00:14:35,542 that all those texts you sent me, 319 00:14:35,575 --> 00:14:36,877 they're like my bible now. 320 00:14:36,910 --> 00:14:39,479 I just keep using these same tips on different women. 321 00:14:39,512 --> 00:14:40,881 I owe you, Lois. 322 00:14:40,914 --> 00:14:44,051 You've opened up a whole world of middle-aged legs to me. 323 00:14:44,084 --> 00:14:45,719 (humming) 324 00:14:45,753 --> 00:14:49,189 Oh, my God. Quagmire's terrorizing middle-aged women, 325 00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:51,158 and I'm responsible for it. 326 00:14:51,191 --> 00:14:53,560 I've created a monster. 327 00:14:57,697 --> 00:15:00,567 Oh, no! My Luna Bar for women. 328 00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:02,736 (haunting music playing) 329 00:15:06,606 --> 00:15:08,375 ♪ 330 00:15:13,380 --> 00:15:15,182 Please call the DWP. 331 00:15:15,215 --> 00:15:16,750 I'm stuck in here. 332 00:15:16,784 --> 00:15:18,786 ♪ 333 00:15:21,288 --> 00:15:24,091 (seabird squawks in distance) 334 00:15:24,124 --> 00:15:26,093 Hey, what day is it? 335 00:15:26,126 --> 00:15:27,560 Trash day. 336 00:15:27,594 --> 00:15:30,097 (both laughing) 337 00:15:30,130 --> 00:15:32,232 Brian, look, I found my Big Wheel. 338 00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:34,434 -Cool. -It's more than cool, Brian. 339 00:15:34,467 --> 00:15:36,937 I believe the Big Wheel may actually be our ticket 340 00:15:36,970 --> 00:15:38,105 off the island. 341 00:15:38,138 --> 00:15:39,439 You see, I've calculated that, 342 00:15:39,472 --> 00:15:40,874 even with both of our weights, 343 00:15:40,908 --> 00:15:42,709 it will still be capable of flotation. 344 00:15:42,742 --> 00:15:44,211 My plan is to attach 345 00:15:44,244 --> 00:15:46,546 six Jimmy Buffett margarita machines to it, 346 00:15:46,579 --> 00:15:48,782 which should be able to propel us home. 347 00:15:48,816 --> 00:15:51,284 Home? I don't think I want to go home. 348 00:15:51,318 --> 00:15:53,286 What? What are you talking about? 349 00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:55,622 I'm saying I like it here on Garbage Island. 350 00:15:55,655 --> 00:15:57,457 O-Okay, I-I don't think I can talk to you, 351 00:15:57,490 --> 00:15:58,959 because, right now, you're making less sense 352 00:15:58,992 --> 00:16:01,294 than an M.C. Escher floor plan. 353 00:16:01,328 --> 00:16:03,763 So, how's it coming? 354 00:16:03,797 --> 00:16:05,632 Are we gonna finish on schedule? 355 00:16:05,665 --> 00:16:06,900 I don't know, Mr. Escher. 356 00:16:06,934 --> 00:16:09,236 I've never put six stairways all in one spot. 357 00:16:09,269 --> 00:16:11,138 And I've lost, like, ten of my guys in here. 358 00:16:11,171 --> 00:16:13,440 Hey, I need a hammer! 359 00:16:14,441 --> 00:16:16,243 I hate this place! 360 00:16:16,276 --> 00:16:17,811 I quit! 361 00:16:18,812 --> 00:16:20,848 (grunts) 362 00:16:24,852 --> 00:16:27,821 Uh, 'scuse me, I'm-I'm looking for anything by... 363 00:16:27,855 --> 00:16:29,156 Mike "Bubble"? 364 00:16:29,189 --> 00:16:31,158 LOIS: It's "Bublé," you idiot! 365 00:16:31,191 --> 00:16:32,792 Oh, hey, Lo... Ow! 366 00:16:32,826 --> 00:16:34,294 That feels great! 367 00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:36,964 Glenn Quagmire, I tried to help you meet a nice woman, 368 00:16:36,997 --> 00:16:39,166 but you just couldn't help yourself, could you? 369 00:16:39,199 --> 00:16:40,500 What are you talking about? 370 00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:42,435 I thought I was helping you find love, 371 00:16:42,469 --> 00:16:44,271 and, instead, you used me as a tool 372 00:16:44,304 --> 00:16:47,174 to get down every middle-aged woman's pants in town. 373 00:16:47,207 --> 00:16:49,009 Slacks, Lois. They call them slacks. 374 00:16:49,042 --> 00:16:51,644 You wouldn't know that if it wasn't for me! 375 00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:53,180 (sighs) You're right. 376 00:16:53,213 --> 00:16:55,949 You were kind to me, and I took advantage of it. 377 00:16:55,983 --> 00:16:58,118 I owe you an apology. 378 00:16:58,151 --> 00:17:00,153 Well, thank you. 379 00:17:00,187 --> 00:17:01,488 Here, let me make it up to you. 380 00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:03,623 I'll buy you a coffee, and... 381 00:17:03,656 --> 00:17:05,692 do you like the music of Ray... 382 00:17:05,725 --> 00:17:07,027 "LaMountain"? 383 00:17:07,060 --> 00:17:08,361 "LaMontagne." 384 00:17:08,395 --> 00:17:10,197 Thank you. Hey, beautiful, 385 00:17:10,230 --> 00:17:12,365 you want to take a pointless girl-stride walk 386 00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:14,467 and listen to Ray LaMontagne? 387 00:17:14,501 --> 00:17:15,869 -Sure. -Great. 388 00:17:15,903 --> 00:17:18,005 See ya, Lois. 389 00:17:21,008 --> 00:17:22,309 Last chance, Brian. 390 00:17:22,342 --> 00:17:24,477 You're really not coming with me? 391 00:17:24,511 --> 00:17:25,979 I'm sorry, Stewie. I'm not. 392 00:17:26,013 --> 00:17:27,647 I know it's weird to say, but... 393 00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:30,150 it's kind of just too perfect for me here. 394 00:17:30,183 --> 00:17:31,351 I see. 395 00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:32,852 Well, I should go. 396 00:17:32,886 --> 00:17:35,322 Fort Lauderdale Tanya found a four-piece puzzle 397 00:17:35,355 --> 00:17:36,489 she's been struggling with. 398 00:17:36,523 --> 00:17:38,325 TANYA: Where does the cow go? 399 00:17:38,358 --> 00:17:40,060 It's all corners, babe. 400 00:17:40,093 --> 00:17:41,528 (sighs) I have to say, 401 00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:44,731 I never imagined saying goodbye to you, Brian. 402 00:17:44,764 --> 00:17:46,866 So long take very good care 403 00:17:46,900 --> 00:17:49,669 dear friend of mine farewell. 404 00:17:49,702 --> 00:17:50,837 That's odd phrasing. 405 00:17:50,870 --> 00:17:52,705 Sorry, it's been hard to think straight. 406 00:17:52,739 --> 00:17:54,007 From the moment we arrived, 407 00:17:54,041 --> 00:17:55,675 I've either been drunk or ejaculating. 408 00:17:55,708 --> 00:17:58,245 These are things you don't say to a baby. 409 00:17:58,278 --> 00:18:00,213 Goodbye, Brian. 410 00:18:00,247 --> 00:18:02,215 Goodbye, Stewie. 411 00:18:02,249 --> 00:18:04,251 ♪ 412 00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:17,297 (whirring) 413 00:18:24,938 --> 00:18:29,109 ♪ Sha-la-la-la-la-la, my lady ♪ 414 00:18:29,142 --> 00:18:32,779 ♪ In the sun with your hair undone ♪ 415 00:18:32,812 --> 00:18:34,447 ♪ Can you hear me now ♪ 416 00:18:34,481 --> 00:18:38,986 ♪ Callin' your name from across the bay? ♪ 417 00:18:40,487 --> 00:18:44,257 ♪ A summer's day laughin' and a-hidin' ♪ 418 00:18:44,291 --> 00:18:49,429 ♪ Chasin' love out on Thunder Island ♪ 419 00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:51,764 ♪ Do-do-do, do-do-do ♪ 420 00:18:51,798 --> 00:18:53,766 ♪ Do-do-do-do-do ♪ 421 00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:55,235 (people exclaiming) 422 00:18:55,268 --> 00:18:57,804 ♪ Do-do-do-do, do-do-do ♪ 423 00:18:57,837 --> 00:19:00,740 ♪ Do-do-do, do-do-do-do-do ♪ 424 00:19:00,773 --> 00:19:02,809 ♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪ 425 00:19:02,842 --> 00:19:04,777 -♪ Do-do-do-do, do-do-do ♪ -(screaming) 426 00:19:04,811 --> 00:19:09,282 ♪ Do-do-do, do-do-do-do-do ♪ 427 00:19:15,955 --> 00:19:17,824 Stewie, what the hell's going on? 428 00:19:17,857 --> 00:19:19,292 We're back in Quahog? 429 00:19:19,326 --> 00:19:21,461 -We are, Brian. -Why? What happened? 430 00:19:21,494 --> 00:19:23,930 You're an enormously important part of my life, Brian, 431 00:19:23,963 --> 00:19:26,099 and I couldn't bear the thought of losing you. 432 00:19:26,133 --> 00:19:28,268 I assumed it unlikely you'd change your mind, 433 00:19:28,301 --> 00:19:31,338 so I added the fans from many, many Dell laptops 434 00:19:31,371 --> 00:19:32,672 to the back of my Big Wheel 435 00:19:32,705 --> 00:19:35,175 so I could simply tow everyone back to land. 436 00:19:35,208 --> 00:19:36,176 Wow. 437 00:19:36,209 --> 00:19:37,444 Thank you. 438 00:19:37,477 --> 00:19:39,312 That means a lot to me. 439 00:19:39,346 --> 00:19:41,448 Well, our journey taught me something, Brian. 440 00:19:41,481 --> 00:19:44,317 You can throw away just about anything in this world, 441 00:19:44,351 --> 00:19:46,953 but you can't throw away a friendship. 442 00:19:46,986 --> 00:19:49,022 No, you can't, Stewie. 443 00:19:49,056 --> 00:19:51,124 Cool if I say goodbye to the garbage? 444 00:19:51,158 --> 00:19:54,361 You do what you got to do, you gross dog. 445 00:19:54,394 --> 00:19:56,796 ♪ Do-do-do-do, do-do-do ♪ 446 00:19:56,829 --> 00:19:59,966 ♪ Do-do-do, do-do-do-do-do ♪ 447 00:19:59,999 --> 00:20:01,834 ♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪ 448 00:20:01,868 --> 00:20:04,137 ♪ Do-do-do-do, do-do-do ♪ 449 00:20:04,171 --> 00:20:08,175 ♪ Do-do-do, do-do-do-do-do. ♪ 450 00:20:13,012 --> 00:20:15,215 ♪ Sweet sunshine ♪ 451 00:20:15,248 --> 00:20:18,518 ♪ So, sha-la-la-la-la-la ♪ 452 00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:19,986 ♪ My lady ♪ 453 00:20:20,019 --> 00:20:23,490 ♪ In the sun with your dress undone ♪ 454 00:20:23,523 --> 00:20:25,358 ♪ Now every mile aw... ♪ 455 00:20:25,392 --> 00:20:27,394 (Muzak version of "Thunder Island" playing) 456 00:20:42,542 --> 00:20:45,512 Sausage and pepperoni for Alan? 457 00:20:45,545 --> 00:20:46,679 Alan? 458 00:20:46,713 --> 00:20:49,682 (sniffs) God, that smells good, doesn't it? 459 00:20:49,716 --> 00:20:51,084 -Alan? -Yeah. 460 00:20:51,118 --> 00:20:53,553 But, actually, I ordered just pepperoni. 461 00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:56,723 (sighs) Can I see your receipt?