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[40 WATT HYPE'S "BLUE MOON" PLAYS]
All right, you're going to love this one.
Listen up. Here we go.
[***]
* Oh, they're moving Father's grave *
* To build a sewer *
* They're moving him Regardless of expense *
* They dug up his remains *
* To put in five-inch drains *
* To satisfy Some posh bloke's residence *
* Now, what's the use Of having religion *
* If when you're dead Your troubles never cease? *
* When some high-society crank Needs a pipeline to his tank *
* They won't let poor old Father Rest in peace **
Here you go, Pluto.
Thank you.
What'd you think?
I don't know what to think, Tony.
I mean, it's... you've got a dress on.
No, hey, I do not have a dress on. This is a kilt, man.
Scottish tradition. Very manly, a kilt.
Yeah, it's a manly dress.
That's how people know who I am.
Look, people think of Anthony Frankowski,
they immediately think Scottish crooning.
And there lies your problem. What is that Scottish crooning?
Did you make that up?
Yes, I made that up. It's a thing if I made it up.
It's horrible.
It's my hook.
You know what you need to do if you're going to croon?
Be Italian.
You know, be Anthony Frantuchi.
You want me to change my name?
Yeah, to something that swings.
Anthony Frangichi.
That doesn't swing.
Anthony...
Francis.
Tony Francis. I'm Tony Francis.
Tony Francis.
So you're Tony Francis.
Ladies and gentlemen, Tony Francis.
Absolutely.
I like that name.
Lose the dress, change the name.
Is your bathroom back there?
Through the doors.
Tony Francis.
Whoo...
Hey, am I supposed to piss in the kitchen?
No. It's off to the right.
Oh...
Ladies and gentlemen,
would you please welcome Mr. Tony Francis?
[SCREAMS]
Oh, my God, it's Tony Francis!
Oh, my...
How's showbiz?
Disgusting.
Ow!
Man...
Hey! Ow!
Ow!
Hey!
Take a walk, hotshot.
Pluto! Pluto, help me.
Pluto?
Pluto Nash?
Yeah.
When did you get out of the joint?
About a week ago.
Congratulations.
Yeah. Thanks a lot.
I'm Gino.
This is my nephew, Larry.
Larry, say hello to Pluto Nash.
What's going on?
Hey, my brother was inside with you, Angelo.
Angelo Sotobolo.
Angelo Cheesecake is your brother?
We used to play cards in his cell every weekend.
He would have the shit catered.
He thinks the world of you.
Oh, it's mutual.
Hey, Pluto's my best friend.
Hey, what are you guys doing over here?
What's going on, Gino?
We're cleaning out Anthony's digestive system.
He's a little backed up.
Hey, hey, hey.
Gino, I can't let you do that, man.
Pluto...
your pal borrowed
two-and-a-half-million bucks from me
four years ago
to buy this joint here.
On an easy-payment plan.
Here you go.
I think that will get it off.
Well, how much does he owe you now?
Two and a half million.
He didn't pay anything back?
No.
Any idiot can make money here.
This guy has to do his cockamamie act every night.
Yeah. It's like a damn freak show.
I've seen it. I've seen it. You see where this shit got you?
Hey, Gino, listen.
I'm not in the smuggling business anymore.
I'm getting ready to open my own club.
No kidding?
Yeah, it's always been a lifelong dream of mine
to have my own club.
Lifelong--
Hey, hey, hey.
Dinner and dancing and nice atmosphere, you know.
Good place, hot music,
and once I get the place up and going,
I'm going to sit back, light up a cigar,
and just enjoy the party.
I mean, what could be better?
Nothing could... nothing could be better.
We could be partners.
You know what?
What if I pay off his debt and take over this place,
we call it square?
Let's have a drink and we'll talk about it.
Here out of these glasses?
What, are you crazy?
Across the street.
All right.
What are you going to do about my friend here, Anthony?
Anthony.
My gift to you.
Gino, you're a prince.
I'm going to go across the street
and have some beers and work out the logistics.
You sit here in your skirt and I'll see you in a minute.
ANNOUNCER: The 9:18 Lunar Grand Express
is now ready for general boarding
on platform 22.
Welcome to the Moon.
While you're here,
be sure and visit
the Lunar Grand Resort and Casino,
only two hours away by hover shuttle.
Remember,
Moon Beach is the only place in the universe
where gambling is legal.
The Lunar Grand, the perfect family vacation.
[***]
Incoming.
Thanks, Pluto.
[SCREAMING]
You guys better pace yourselves and take it easy.
It's only 10:00. This ain't a bachelor party.
Yeah, it is.
Tommy here is getting divorced tomorrow.
Really?
Hey, congratulations.
I tell you what.
Drinks are on the house for the rest of the night.
You're the best, Pluto.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Excuse me a second.
Thanks a lot, Pluto.
Hey.
He's the best. He's the best.
I'm not running a library here. Crank it up.
All right.
Yeah, keep it like that. Keep it pumping.
Hey, Miguel!
Hey!
Not bad for a Tuesday night.
Not bad at all.
It's like the whole city turned out.
Yeah.
We've come a long way, baby, long way.
Long way.
All right, partner.
Ooh, look at that ass. I'll be right back.
Hey!
Oh, I'm sorry. I'll get that.
Oh...
Sorry.
It's all right.
It's okay.
Oh, hey, could you help me?
I'm looking for the owner, Pluto Nash.
Why would you be looking for a lowlife like that?
It's personal.
It can't be personal. He doesn't even know you.
Yes, he does.
No, I don't.
You're him?
Yeah, last time I checked.
How can I help you?
I just came all the way up here from Salt Lake City.
Rough town.
I'm a singer.
I got this gig and they gave me this one-way ticket up here,
but the guys who own the club
sold it or something and I'm dead broke.
I just need a job.
So, basically I just want to go home,
and I was wondering if you can help?
I'm sorry. I can't help you.
I'm sure there's clubs up here that can use a good singer,
but we've got a DJ.
Take it easy.
Well, I'm sure they could,
but my Moon card expired,
and I was told
you were the one person in town
who might actually overlook that.
Who told you something foolish like that?
I think you know my father, Nicholas Lake.
No, never heard of him.
Nicky Sticks?
Nicky Sticks I know. That's your father?
Unbelievable.
That's something.
Wow.
Well, normally, I don't call in favors,
but my dad did save your life back in '76.
Hey, wait a second.
He didn't save my life, I saved his life,
and I lost a fine automobile in the process,
so unless you've got a brand-new Plymouth out there
with my name on it,
I've got nothing to say to you, okay? So goodnight.
Thanks, Dad.
I should have known.
I'm sorry.
Hey!
Maybe I've got something.
Really? Great.
Shall we say two shows a night, five nights a week?
Shall we say six nights a week waiting tables?
You can save up your tips,
make enough money to get back home.
Deal.
Is it like this every night?
Only the slow ones, only the slow ones.
Somebody is coming in.
Hey, sorry, fellas, we're closed.
We're here to see Mr. Nash.
Is he expecting you?
10 million
is more than a fair offer, Mr. Nash.
I don't know.
You see, I own the most successful club
in Little America.
I own it outright.
I'm my own boss, okay, and I have the hottest...
I've got the best party in town seven nights a week.
Why would I want to sell this place?
Oh, 10 million bucks?
Get your shit off my desk.
No, no.
Boys, please meet my friend and bodyguard, Bruno.
Gentlemen.
Bruno, the boys.
Looks like you're about due for a trade-in, Mr. Nash.
Hey, Bruno, what are you a '65?
Model '63, Deluxe.
'63? Talk about ancient.
Your sister didn't seem to mind.
Screw you, robot.
Hey.
He can be fixed, you can't.
Look, we don't mean to cause any problems here.
All right, well, he's reaching, you know?
Okay. No reaching.
Mr. Nash...
this is nonnegotiable.
Rex Crater is buying your club.
Yeah, I was wondering when you all
was going to get to me.
$10 million.
Tell Mr. Crater thanks,
but I won't sell my club,
and I'll tell you something else.
If I have my way,
nobody around here will sell their place,
because we like this town the way it is,
so if you'd be so kind, get out.
Rex Crater does not like to be disappointed.
I'll just have to send Mr. Crater
a case of Scotch.
Hey, hey, great first night, Dina.
Thanks.
Hey, listen, do me a favor.
Run this up to Pluto. I need to lock up the back.
Thank you very much.
Miguel?
This isn't some send-up-the-new-girl
kind of a thing, right?
Because I don't, I mean...
No, no, no, relax.
He wouldn't do that. You're safe. Go ahead.
Come on in.
Perfect timing.
Miguel asked me to bring it up.
Perfect.
Do you want me to make it for you?
No, I mix my own martinis, but thank you, anyway.
I've got it down to a pretty good science.
Perfect.
I wanted to thank you again for the job.
Don't even mention it.
Well, I'm mentioning it.
Thank you.
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
You're very welcome.
Let me get this, okay?
Hello?
Hello, Nash.
Don't be calling me this time of night.
What's wrong with you?
You know Tony Francis?
Oh yeah.
I knew him back when he was Anthony Frankowski.
We grew up together.
Me and Anthony Frankowski, who would later--
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
I'll tell you a real funny story in a second.
Hello?
Just wanted to give you one last chance
to change your mind.
Look, no now and no tomorrow.
No means no.
Leave me alone.
Now, you look--
Clown.
Who was that?
One of Rex Crater's boys trying to buy me out.
Why is he so set on buying your club?
Because he's gone to the City Council
because they're about to approve gambling here,
and if Crater gets his way, the Moon will be a big casino.
Well, you just can't sell your club
till I make enough money to get back home, okay?
Okay, that's the deal, then.
I'll let him know that next time he calls
that you've got to get your money first.
[EXPLOSION]
You all right? You okay?
Yeah.
What happened?
I don't know.
Come on, come on.
Bruno! Bruno!
Bomb detonated.
Evacuate.
Come on!
Evacuate.
Bomb detonated.
Evacuate.
Bomb detonated.
Evacuate.
Look at this, Bruno!
Look what they did to my place!
Pluto!
Damn!
Let's get them.
No. Stay there with her.
Bruno, I think that's one of them.
I'll intercept the call.
Nash is alive.
He took off after Jimmy, who's headed for the Vac.
Be ready for him.
Okay, what's the Vac?
The Perfect Vacuum
at the corner of Glenn Avenue and Fifth. Why?
Didn't you hear the phone call?
I'm sorry.
I cannot listen and hear at the same time.
You see, I'm a '63.
Come on. Pluto's in trouble.
Come on.
Trouble?
Is that as fast as you go?
I'm a '63.
I'm at top speed.
[BELL RINGING]
Get out of the way!
Reset.
You try to shake me down,
you blow up my club,
You blew up my wood barstools.
You know how hard it is
to get wood on the Moon?
Shit.
You want to play games?
You have to shoot around your boy.
It's easier to shoot through him.
Shit.
It's a trap.
No kidding.
[CLICKING]
Did you ever shoot a gun before?
Time to go.
All clear, boss.
Come on.
Bruno, heel.
You're really something.
Thank you.
You walked into a trap
any idiot could see from a mile away.
I was walking right out until you came along.
You put your neck on the line
and I appreciate that.
But in the future, not that there will be any,
if I need your help, I'll ask for it.
Don't worry, I'm getting out of here.
I saved your life twice.
Least you can do
is loan me enough money so I can go home.
I'd give you the money,
but they'll be looking for you
at every bus station and shuttle launch.
They don't even know what I look like.
Every club in this city has a biometric camera system.
They took hundreds of pictures of you.
They know just what you look like.
Only way you're going home is in a box.
That's just great. Now what?
After you.
Hey, Roy.
Pluto. What are you doing here?
My place is getting redecorated
and I need a place overnight.
Sure. 3-D. The code is 4-5-7.
Thanks, Roy.
So, this is the Garden of Paradise.
My, my.
If this is too glitzy for you,
tomorrow, we can get a room at the Garden of Eden.
They got a bathroom on every floor.
I hate the Moon.
Know why Mooners can't stand Earthlings?
You think everything back Earth is better.
I went back Earth once, and the air smelled funny.
Sneezing all the time, rained every day,
bugs and shit everywhere.
You know the only thing I liked about it?
You could see the Moon at night?
Bingo.
Something wrong with your toaster?
He's all right. Just recharging.
Can he hear us?
Not while he's charging.
Shouldn't your bodyguard keep up with you
on the way to a gunfight?
You might want to think about trading him in.
I can't trade in Bruno.
We got a history together.
I got 20 years of rill-hopping experience
wired into him.
Rill-hopping?
That's...
smuggling.
That's what I went to jail for.
Not the fastest thing in the world,
but he got me out of lots of tight squeezes.
Smokier that usual.
He's a fire hazard.
Where are you going?
I got to go talk to an old friend,
see what I can find.
What am I supposed to do?
Make sure Bruno don't burn the place down.
You're leaving me alone with him?
I left.
Great.
You're getting kind of old, Rowland.
You should be so lucky.
Every lowlife in town is looking to whack you.
I'm a popular guy. What can I say?
Want to lose some money?
You'll lose money.
We'll play eight ball, regular stakes.
I will kindly empty your wallet for you.
How is your mother?
Still breaking hearts.
[DING] Pizza time.
She should have married me.
You should have went to the gym.
I'd have lost the weight if she married me.
Otherwise, what's the point?
I really need your help.
I got to get to Rex Crater.
Forget it. Nobody gets to him.
Who the hell is this guy?
A myth, an enigma.
He lives in a penthouse above the Lunar Grand Hotel.
Never comes out.
You was a cop for 20 years.
You got to have some kind of idea who he is.
Some people think he's a clone.
There was a clone doctor named Runa Pedanken.
Made a big name for herself
creating a basketball team from one old guy.
The Air Jordans.
Right after cloning was outlawed back Earth,
Pedanken came up here.
She was the best in her field
until she got herself murdered.
That was about eight years ago.
I'll need to hack into police files.
You mean, you need me to hack into police files.
I thought you'd never ask.
Pedanken, Runa.
Initiate global search.
File deleted.
Sorry, that's all there is.
She wasn't doing this by herself.
Who worked with her?
She had an assistant.
We questioned her for days about the murder.
Got nothing.
Because you have no finesse.
Who is she and where do I find her?
Mona Zimmer.
Runs a body alteration shop
on Microsoft and Sixth.
That's what I love about you.
I ask you a simple question and, four hours later,
I get a simple answer.
Boss?
Where did the boss go?
I don't know. Out.
He said to wait for him here.
Out?
He never goes anywhere without me.
And I heard that toaster crack.
[DOOR OPENING]
Bruno, give me that old badge you got.
Who are we going to arrest?
I need your help.
Sure.
Where are we going?
It's just got to be the two of us.
You go next time. Promise.
That's gratitude for you.
We were hoping that for our anniversary
we could get a brand-new us.
How romantic.
You're in luck.
I just happen to have a cancellation.
Fantastic.
Are you all original
or have you been previously improved?
All original.
Really?
From top to bottom.
Okay, then.
Well, what exactly did you have in mind?
We were thinking,
we could start
with some ass-resculpting for her
to get a little more bubblage--
I happen to have a great ass.
I'm not saying your ass isn't great.
We'd like something--
Could you do something about his big mouth?
Do you have any catalogs?
Maybe we could get some ideas.
Come this way. I'll show you what you want.
Thank you.
Come on, honey.
Look at the asses on the wall.
Don't push it.
Let's start with the basic body types.
Here's one I think you'll like.
The Amazon.
I don't like that.
That makes me look like a big dufus, doesn't it?
Where would we buy clothes?
I don't want to be the big dufus.
Good point. Let me try again.
This one I'm particularly proud of.
The Venice Beach.
Wait a minute.
I think you done found something there.
Yeah, look at that.
Look at me.
This is me?
It could be.
Honey, I'm looking,
and I'm thinking
that you need to rethink the ass enhancement.
It will work, it will help out.
What you want is to have a...
She also needs a little more of this up top.
Can you fix this?
If you could spruce these up a little.
Just a little sprucier.
I know that she has ample now,
but I'm talking titties galore.
Let's have the titties really flowing.
Yeah, like that.
Look at that.
Why don't we discuss the terms?
Yes, let's go in and sign up.
Look at that.
Before we get started,
there's a few things
I'd like to talk over with you.
First of all, will you be paying in cash,
or would you like to take advantage
of our flexible financing plan?
All in cash, all at once.
Excellent.
Medical records?
Right here.
And police permit?
Our police permits?
I think you'll find that our police permits are...
in order.
Police permits.
Sorry, no can do.
Not without a police permit.
It's Body Alteration 101.
You could be fugitives, killers...
No, we're just a couple
trying to put the spark back in our relationship.
The idea of revealing
such personal details to the police.
Please, Dr. Zimmer?
All right.
Come back tonight, 8:00 sharp.
But it's another 10,000 upon completion.
You are busted.
Give me a break.
What are you, the Health Department?
You wish we were.
You got one chance.
Answer some questions for me. And I want the truth.
What do you want to know?
When you worked for Runa Pedanken--
I never heard of her.
You want to play games? Put the cuffs on her.
Cuff her.
Hold on.
Hold the cuffs.
Tell me everything you know
and don't play games with me, Mona.
Talk to me. What do you know?
All right.
Towards the end,
Runa was dealing with some pretty heavy characters,
but she didn't tell me who.
And she didn't keep any records.
But one day, I walked into her office
as she was showing one of the guys out,
and he left his briefcase behind.
The initials WZW were embossed on it
in gold.
And it was made out of genuine alligator skin.
Are you with me?
Earth goods.
That's all I know.
I swear it.
Just for the record,
I have never had one complaint about my ass.
I was just playing.
I said that for the lady.
It was part of the scam.
Ma, what are you doing here?
Seeing that you're all right.
Ma, this is Dina. Dina, my mother.
You're his mother?
You got a problem with that?
You could easily pass for his sister.
Thank you.
Why are you gallivanting around? You'll wind up dead.
I got to take care of those guys that blew up my club.
You got to get your ass off the Moon.
I don't think so.
You think you're some hot-shit,
ex-rill-hopping, burned-down-club-owning guy,
but once in a while, listen to your mother.
All right, I'll get off the Moon.
But can I get something to eat first?
God.
Bruno, get some beer and sandwiches.
And you ought to be a little nicer to your robot.
Be nicer to my robot?
You been in here bitching to my moms?
Gentlemen.
Suite with a hot tub?
Which room is Nash in?
Lie to me and I will blow your head off.
3-D.
Take the stairs.
You two, take the elevator.
Let the robots take the stairs.
Stay here.
Pluto, this is Roy.
You got company.
We got to move out of here.
Come on, this way.
Bruno, check and see if we can get out the window.
Model DRL-84.
Very nice.
Bruno!
Excuse me.
Too high to jump.
See what you can do with these bolts.
Ready?
Set...
Go!
Freeze.
Raise your hands.
Excuse me. Can I get through here?
Go back to your room, lady.
Nice shooting.
Thanks.
I'll call you back.
Stay here.
Bruno, enough.
Rowland, it's Pluto.
I got to get to the Far Side.
I need you to get me a space suit.
Make that two space suits.
One for a female, about 5'7".
I'll tell you when I get there.
...has been canceled.
Dome repair is underway.
Service will be restored in approximately three hours.
This is Dina.
Nice to meet you.
Hi. Thanks.
I'm getting ready to leave town.
How will you get to the Far Side?
I got that covered.
I'm arranging for some transportation.
That's it.
Code Generator serial number?
8-7-4-3-5-0-8.
Check.
Why don't we rent a car instead of stealing one?
Because you can't rent these.
What's so special about it?
It's a Chrysler DeSoto S-5000.
It cruises on a 14-inch cushion of air,
hikes up to 64 inches in rough terrain.
It's heat and meteor resistant,
with a torque compressor power thrust--
and a kick-ass sound system.
Bruno, I need an ignition chip.
This might do the trick.
It will work perfectly.
Got to love a place
where your bodyguard and car have interchangeable parts.
Smart-ass.
After you.
Good evening, Mr. Vandervoort. James here.
Aren't you early, sir?
[ENGLISH ACCENT] We're surprising
Mrs. Vandervoort with some jam and scones,
and picking her up at a spa on the Far Side.
You're not Mr. Vandervoort.
You're some hooligan trying to steal his motorcar.
I won't have it.
Shut up and drive. Head for the Far Side.
I'll give you till three before I alert the authorities.
One.
Sorry, James. You're too late.
I have disconnected your alarm relay.
So get moving, Jimmy boy,
or you'll have a speech impediment.
Good God, I'm being stolen.
Take over for a while.
I will not be an accomplice in this.
You're not an accomplice, you're a hostage.
I won't be intimidated.
Do it.
All right.
Thank you.
Nice work, James.
Yeah, James.
You little asshole.
I heard that.
How are you holding up?
Fine.
I won't let anything happen to you.
I promise.
Hmm?
All right.
How long does the night last up here?
Two weeks.
That's so depressing.
No, it's not.
It's nice. Look at it.
When I was a little boy,
I used to come out here with Rowland.
We'd count the stars
and dream about what was out there.
I never heard such drivel in my life.
What kind of refreshments you got?
Dreadfully sorry, sir. We weren't expecting anyone.
I know you got something.
You going to make me house it?
Champagne and caviar.
Don't touch those. They're for guests.
We are guests.
He'll get her drunk and have his way with her.
You know something?
Bad luck, old boy.
We were ambushed...
Ambushed?
Yes, sir.
Really? Well, they're just not playing fair.
Any other excuses?
Problems at home, cold coming on,
work too stressful?
Nothing.
Good. Because the next time I talk to Rex Crater,
I need to say Nash is dead.
That's all he wants to hear.
It's as good as done.
Or else you are.
Get out of here.
We'll get right on it.
Where are we?
Safe. It's an old prospecting dome.
We found it years back.
Nobody knows about it but me and Bruno.
What's the temperature out here?
It's about 200 below.
Balmy.
Play's over. Get down here.
Okay.
That was fun.
Memories.
Had a lot of memories in here, Bruno.
Look at all this junk.
What do you mean, junk?
This is called inventory.
Show a little respect.
This is what's left of my life's work.
Bonjour.
Vous allez bien?
Oops.
[CASES CRASHING]
[IN FRENCH] Bonjour. Vous allez bien?
Oops.
Very interesting help you have.
That's an old program I forgot to delete.
Left it on "Oops."
I forgot that was in there.
Babette?
Deux cafes, s'il vous plaît.
Oui. Deux cafes.
Yes. Oui. Deux cafes, s'il vous plaît.
Miss me? Guess not.
She's an excellent piece
of multi-functional software.
Initiate search.
Convicted organized crime, Earthlings, initials WZW.
WZW. WZW?
None. Thank you.
Thanks for nothing. Worthless computer.
How is it going?
It's not going at all.
Babette made lunch.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
Can I help?
Computer's got no information on our Mystery Man.
I'm starting to think that that Zimmer conned us.
Here's your problem.
Zimmer said WZW, not MZM.
You're just looking at it upside--
Wait a minute.
Hey.
Hey, hey. You did it. Look at you.
You're a genius.
Look what you did.
You saw it upside-down.
Watch this.
Initiate search.
Convicted organized crime, Earthlings, initials MZM.
You see? Now we have something.
Open file 10-17 double-M.
How do you feel about your acquittal, Mr. Marucci?
Makes me proud to live in this great country
where justice is still served.
With gambling to be outlawed on Earth,
will the Giovanetto syndicate engender a consortium
to perpetuate a new gambling coalition on the Moon?
Will the what do what? Speak English, sweetheart.
Will you and the other
major organized crime figures on Earth--
Organized crime?
I don't know nobody in organized crime.
Darling, you want to ask me a question,
why don't you and me sit down somewhere?
We'll open a bottle of wine, get to know each other better.
Get a new dress, a nice pair of shoes.
Be at my hotel around 7:00.
What are you waiting for, a dance?
I forgot the stairs was there.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Back it up.
Let me take it in a little closer.
And closer still.
What do you see?
So Mike Marucci is Rex Crater?
One way to find out.
That's pretty far-fetched, Pluto.
But I buy it.
Marucci had the bucks, he had the balls,
the background to build Moon Beach.
Not to mention, he wouldn't mind whacking anybody in his way.
So I noticed.
Pluto, when you make an enemy, you don't mess around.
You know me.
I know someone at the FBI,
I'll get back to you.
Right.
[RADIO SIGNAL]
Listen to that. That's Connecticut.
Listen how clear.
What's this?
No, don't do that. Stop.
That's a cryogenic Chihuahua.
It's a real dog?
Yeah, it's very delicate.
It's illegal to bring pets up here.
But I got a friend back in Juarez
who knows how to freeze-dry these things.
It's a girl.
Pop that little bitch
in the particle wave for two minutes on defrost,
she'll be running around the room.
I used to get five grand a pop for these things.
Where did you sing back Earth?
Weddings, bar mitzvahs, reincarnation rituals,
the usual gigs.
I hit a rut...
I sent my tape to a club I heard about up here.
Figured, what the hell?
They sent me a one-way ticket.
But when I got here, the place had been sold.
Ahem.
We have enough water to stay here for months.
What about food?
Plenty.
Let's have a dinner party.
Let's change the mood in this place.
All right.
He seems a little...
Does he get angry?
He has a happiness chip I had installed.
That's why he's always...
Does he mind when you make fun of him?
No, the happiness chip.
I wish I could have a happiness chip put in my ass.
ANNOUNCER: Has one-sixth gravity
been giving you chronic back pain?
We at the Lunar Lumbar Clinic
specialize in replacing all of the lumbar vertebrae
with our patented epoxy spinal substitute.
Once Dr. Pedanken was murdered,
there's no link to prove a Marucci clone ever existed.
Please, after we eat, okay?
Now I got to buy you dinner too?
I'll tell you, Jack,
Detective work was a lot easier
before they invented cloning.
At least you knew who your friends were.
[GUNSHOT]
[SCREAMING]
[RING]
Who is that? Nobody even has this number.
Ma.
Pluto.
What if somebody is tracing this call?
Pluto, Rowland is dead.
They found him murdered.
How could they do this?
I can't believe this.
Pluto, please, get off the Moon.
They'll kill you too.
Did you hear me?
I got some unfinished business to take care off.
Pluto.
Bruno.
Come on.
Yes, boss.
They killed Rowland.
Why? Because we came too close to the truth.
It's time to confront Marucci.
Better wear protection.
You'll be safe here.
You're leaving me behind?
[BEEPING]
What is that?
Recreational vehicle approaching.
Let's get it right this time.
[BANGING]
Registered to Lunar Grand Hotel.
What the hell is that?
I'd put on my space suit if I were you.
I count five of them.
Four with 43-K Magnums
and one Scorpion rocket launcher.
Initiate countermeasures.
There are no countermeasures.
Break out all the assault weapons.
We sold them, remember?
Where is that big-ass street sweeper
with the supercharger?
It's at your mom's.
Great. What are we going to do?
Bathroom.
Bathroom?
Yeah, come on.
Babette, secure yourself.
[WEAPON FIRING]
Bruno, hold us down.
Johnson, stay with me.
You three, go in and make sure we got him.
Where are you going?
Shh.
Get back.
Come here.
What are you doing?
Saving your ass.
Shit.
Johnson, behind you.
Goddamn it.
Stay with me.
James, open up.
Bruno!
Bruno.
Let's go.
How did they find us?
Obviously, you did something stupid.
That's good.
Hold it.
Engage power thrust.
Why don't you just give yourself up?
Engage the power thrust right now.
Power thrust engaged.
We lost them. We're good to go.
Who will pay for the damage to the vehicle
and the caviar and champagne?
I'll send you a check.
Shit.
Ram them.
What?
Ram them!
Okay, okay, okay.
Go, go, go.
Die, die, Pluto Nash.
Yes!
I'm hit.
Quiet.
Bruno, you see that rill?
No rills.
It's a clear approach and a perfect lip.
What's a rill?
That's a rill.
Pluto...
Are you crazy?
Hold on.
Say when, Bruno.
Three, two, one...
Go!
Stop, stop.
Whoa. Whoa.
That's why they call us rill hoppers.
I think I'm going to be sick.
[BEEPING]
Evacuate. Evacuate.
Put your helmet on.
Hurry, put it on.
Where are you going?
Overboard, brother.
Great, so I'll just sit here and blow up, shall I?
[EXPLOSION]
Can we go home now?
No.
Get us to the other side.
All right.
If they bailed out before the explosion,
they still couldn't survive out here.
Let's go.
Excuse me, could you give me a lift?
I have some information
about the people that you're looking for.
Come back here.
I can help you find them, you bastards.
What do we do now?
We start walking.
We don't have any food or water.
We'll run out of air
long before we need food and water.
I can't breathe.
Come on, Dina, hang on there.
Hang in there.
Dina.
Boss...
battery...low.
[POP MUSIC BLARING VEHICLE APPROACHING]
[SINGS IN SPANISH]
Shit.
Stay down or you'll pass out again.
You on a nature walk?
No, the thrusters on my vehicle blew out.
What's going on?
Where are we?
I just rescued you.
My name is Felix Laranga.
Felix, I'm Pluto and that's Dina.
Pluto?
Pluto Nash?
The Pluto Nash?
Yeah.
Get out of here. I'm your number one fan.
You're the reason I got into the smuggling business.
Honey, let me tell you something.
This man is the Tito Puente of rill hopping.
Right here,
this is the guy.
Could you do me a favor
and bring my robot inside?
He needs to be recharged.
Look, I had a really bad robot experience once.
I had this fine robot mamita.
I rented her out...
took her back to my place, we started getting busy.
All of a sudden, there's a malfunction, and bam.
She does a Terminator on me.
Busted a couple of my ribs, dislocated my shoulder.
I'm lucky I'm still alive.
Don't worry, Bruno won't hurt you.
As long as you don't try to get busy with him.
Ordinarily, I'd say no.
But for Pluto Nash, I'll do anything.
I appreciate it.
Could you give us a ride to Moon Beach?
I'll take you to Miami Beach if that's where you got to go.
I'll be right back.
Check it out.
Lunar Grand Casino dice,
loaded and 100% undetectable.
You want a set, as a personal gift from me?
Thanks, but I'm not a big gambler.
With those dice, you ain't gambling.
We're not going to gamble.
Thanks, but no thanks.
Then why are you going to Moon Beach?
To see an old friend of mine.
Rex Crater.
Rex Crater is a friend of yours?
Oh, yeah, sure.
Can you comp me a suite with a sunken bathtub
and a waterbed with a mirror on the ceiling?
Yeah. Probably.
Damn.
Pluto Nash is down with Rex Crater.
You know what, Felix?
Take these Hillarys.
We appreciate your helping us out.
You my man. You don't got to do that.
Take this. You helped us.
I appreciate it.
Would you sign my helmet?
Get out of here.
Come on, give me an autograph.
Are you serious?
It's not every day
I get to hang out with Pluto Nash.
Please.
Okay, I'll sign it.
This is my first autograph.
What do you want me to sign?
"To Felix...
"my buddy who stuck with me through thick and thin,
who I'll never forget."
Bro, I just saved your life.
"My buddy who's stuck with me through thick and thin
"and saved my ass.
Peace and love, Pluto Nash."
What's all that stuff you got on the rack?
That's a new shipment of stuff I smuggled in from Puerto Rico.
Is that right?
Top of the line, designer labels.
Why, you need something?
Yeah. We could use some clothes.
ANNOUNCER: Welcome to Moon Beach and the Lunar Grand Hotel,
where luck is always on your side.
Welcome to Moon Beach and the Lunar Grand Hotel,
where luck is always on your side.
Bruno, lay low for a minute.
Go get a magazine or something.
Meet us over by the elevators.
Come on.
Hey, good-looking,
how about slipping up to your room
and playing with me for a while?
Wait.
Don't you want to do something exciting?
No.
No?
Afraid you might get lucky?
Hello.
Good evening. Checking in?
Actually, we're here to see Tony Francis.
The early show or the late show?
We're old friends.
We've come to see him in person.
Where's his dressing room?
I can't tell you that.
Oh, really?
I'll tell you what, just give us a room
and two tickets to the early show.
All set.
Just give me a thumb print for the charges.
I'll just pay in cash.
Cash is always easier.
Mr. Francis' show is black tie.
We have rentals available from the concierge.
All prettied up for Tony?
Absolutely. Yeah.
Peekaboo, I found you.
Come on, big boy, right here in the lobby.
Oh, baby.
You sick bastard.
Security.
All set.
Enjoy your stay.
Oh, crazy-ass Tony.
All right, so far, so good.
You'll have to come with us.
What's the problem?
Is he with you?
Yeah, my old friend, Earl, from West Virginia.
What's going on?
Nice try.
After you've paid for the damages to this slot machine,
we'll give Earl back.
Just wait a second.
Here's your claim check.
Pick your robot up when you leave.
Let's go.
Sorry, boss.
You're not a robot, you're an animal.
Line it up.
[WHISTLES]
Yo, baby, you love me?
'Cause I love me, too.
Come here, baby.
I want a bottle of champagne for those people there,
those people over there...
way over there...
You ready, you ready?
Blow.
Yo, Pluto!
My man, Pluto Nash.
Pluto Nash, my man.
Come here, Pluto. I'll show you how to win big.
Pluto, where are you going?
Come on.
They give you $1,000 chips.
Come on, Pluto.
Mr. Belcher, Nash just walked in the lobby.
Nash is alive.
You idiots!
All day, all day, all day, all day.
Watch this, honey. Watch this.
What? What?
You want a sip of champagne?
[BEEPS]
Let's go.
No. Give me those back.
Get your hands off me
or I'll have you fired in a New York minute.
You know who I am?
Felix Laranga.
Who?
You never heard of me because you're stupid.
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen,
the undisputed master of the universe,
Mr. Tony Francis.
* Fly me to the moon *
* Let me play among the stars *
* Let me see what spring is like On Jupiter and Mars *
* In other words, hold my hand *
* In other words Baby, kiss me *
* Why don't you Fill my heart... *
What an amazing act.
He's so different, so original.
* You are all I long for All I worship and adore *
What makes you so sure he'll help us out?
Oh, he'll help us.
He couldn't sing a note if it weren't for me.
You taught Tony Francis how to sing?
No, I convinced a bookie
not to pour some acid down his throat.
* Oh, in other words *
* I love you **
Pack your bags. I'm taking you home with me.
Thank you.
Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.
Please welcome the master of musical disaster,
Ted Jefferies and the Ted Jefferies Orchestra.
Hit it, maestro.
[***]
* My kind of town *
* Moon Beach Is my kind of town *
There's a guy over there checking faces.
* My kind of moonful tune *
Turn towards me.
* Moonful goo *
* Smile at you *
* Each time I roam Moon Beach is... *
Okay. I think that worked.
It worked for me.
* It's my kind of town **
You were so wonderful, Tony.
What a great show.
It was a magnificent evening, wasn't it?
Is this the refund window?
Hello!
Pluto Nash.
My goodness, it's marvelous to see you.
How've you been?
I'll tell you about it.
This is Dina.
I loved your show.
Tony loves you for loving his show.
Meet my wives, Gina and Filomena.
A pleasure to meet you, Pluto and Dina.
Wow.
My man, Anthony Frankowski.
It's Francis, not Frankowski.
Your wives don't think you're Polish?
Nobody knows. You'll blow my cover.
I'll be back singing bar mitzvahs.
It's our little secret.
You want to stay for dinner?
We made osso buco and pork and gnocchi,
all Tony's mother's recipes.
Oh, no, thanks. We ate already.
You're a freak.
You have no idea.
Hey, Tony, listen.
Can I talk to you in private?
Absolutely.
Would you excuse us for just a minute?
Sure.
You married twins?
No, they're not twins.
I met the perfect woman and I had her cloned.
Which one's which?
Who cares?
Hey, Tony, me and your boss, Rex Crater,
we had a little misunderstanding.
What kind of misunderstanding?
He tried to have me killed and he blew up my club.
How do you know it was Crater?
I know it was him.
I wouldn't sell my club, so they blew it up.
Shit.
You've got to help me.
Babe, I'm fond of breathing, you dig?
Just tell me how to get to him.
I've never even met the guy.
He watches my show from up in his penthouse.
He sends down messages-- "Your jokes suck."
"Sing 'Feelings' for me."
You wouldn't even be singing if it wasn't for me.
Come on, man.
I might know a way for you to get up into his penthouse,
then you're on your own, Pluto.
Thanks.
Dina, pick up Bruno
and pay the damages on that slot machine,
then rent us a car and wait outside the hotel.
I might have to make a fast getaway.
But what if you don't get away?
I always get away.
Come on.
We'll go this way.
Rex Crater's private penthouse elevator is right next to mine.
There's a way for you to get from my elevator into his.
Yeah?
How you doing?
Trust me, you'll love this.
All right, here we go.
I'll stop this so nobody bothers us, huh?
Ooh, I've got to get that later.
Shit.
That's Rex's elevator down there, see?
It only stops at the sub-basement
and his penthouse.
My elevator only goes as low as this floor.
So how do I get from one elevator
to the other one?
That's what Tony's here to help you with.
I'll tell you the whole thing.
Back up as far as you can go,
you get a good running start,
you jump out across.
Jump across to what?
The ledge.
See that ledge down there?
Grab onto these wires
and swing down onto the ledge.
You want me to grab hot wires?
How do you know they're hot?
The shit is hot.
Grab the ones that aren't hot.
You swing down, get down to the ledge,
then you wait an hour and a half.
That's when they bring Rex's late supper up.
When the elevator passes you,
you jump on top.
Use this casino chip
to unscrew the trap door on top of the elevator,
you jump down inside,
and take out the two robot guards, pop, pop,
boom, you're alone in the elevator,
you've got a meeting with Rex Crater.
What's Plan B, Tony?
This is Plan B.
Hey, no, there's a misunderstanding.
I'm here to accept Mr. Crater's offer.
Is that right?
Yeah, it's all settled. $10 million.
We'll have to get back to you on that.
Look, I've got to get ready for my next show.
Get them out of here.
Sorry, lady.
Your robot remains property of this casino
until the damages to our slot machines
are taken care of.
I'm here to pay you.
Repairs hasn't sent down a bill yet.
Well, you would be a real peach if you could get me that bill.
Harry, I've got a Bruno '63 Deluxe,
wrecked a slot machine.
Owner wants to pick him up.
How much do they owe?
[ HARRY'S VOICE ]: I haven't even looked at it yet.
Have them check with us tomorrow morning.
What are they saying?
You'll be spending the night.
It's been fun.
Excuse me.
I've got to take a leak.
Robots don't take leaks.
Oh.
You're absolutely right.
Come on.
We need to get a car.
What are you in such a hurry for?
You wanted to talk to Mr. Crater...
well, here you are.
So I finally get to meet the great Rex Crater.
Mm-hmm.
Or is it Mike Marucci?
Yeah, Mike Marucci.
Thought you were so damn smart.
I figured you out.
I should come over there
and put my foot in your fat grease-ball ass.
So you've got it all figured out, huh?
It is a pleasure to meet me.
Oh, I'm pretty feisty, huh?
What's this, a rented tuxedo?
You're old enough to own your own tuxedo.
Sit down.
You know, you should be honored.
The only person besides yourself to ever come up here
is my dear friend, Mr. Belcher.
Hey, man, what's going on here?
Remember when they cut your appendix out
eight years ago in prison?
Yeah.
Gambling had been outlawed on Earth,
so my old boss, Mike Marucci,
commissioned Dr. Runa Pedanken
to create a clone of someone
who knew their way around the Moon.
For what?
Marucci was starting a gambling operation up here
and needed someone to front for him,
someone intelligent that he could control,
a puppet.
Being a puppet didn't jive with my career plan,
so I decided to send Mr. Marucci and Dr. Pedanken
into orbit,
then, for sentimental reasons or maybe because I'm a nice guy,
I let you live...
until you got in my way.
Now, let's face it.
Why should I keep you around?
I've got your good looks.
I've got your charm and your wit.
I've even got your memories.
You've got my memories?
Oh yeah, I've got your memories.
You never wondered
how my people knew to look in that old hideout of yours,
or the Paradise Motel, which, by the way,
is a disgusting establishment?
I'm surprised you didn't break out in a rash.
Next time, I'll remember to find better accommodations.
Mr. Mogan and Mr. Kelpin have arrived, sir.
By all means, send them in.
Mr. Mogan and Mr. Kelpin.
I've been waiting for those two gentlemen.
Boss?
Quiet.
Hey, everybody.
Nash?
What's Nash doing here?
No, no, I'm Rex Crater.
No, you're Pluto Nash.
Oh, no, I beg to differ.
I'm Rex Crater.
This is Pluto Nash.
Huh?
Oh, my God.
Yeah, isn't it something?
But enough about him.
Mr. Mogan, I want to personally thank you
for the outstanding job that you've done.
It's outstanding.
Thank you, sir.
It was a pleasure and an honor.
You see, sir,
when you have the experience
me and my men have, it's quite easy.
Oh, shit.
Incompetent jackasses.
Get them out of here.
Now, I'd let you hang around to entertain me,
but I think we might have a conflict of interest,
but there's something I want you to see
before I say bye-bye to you.
Look at that.
You had an excellent piece of real estate,
but you never took advantage of its potential.
This--
this is wrong.
That should say "Rex's," because this is Rex's,
Little America's most exclusive new casino.
So tell me, what do you think?
Look,
Little America is not a gambling town
and Pluto's ain't a casino.
I think you should take all this stupid casino shit out.
If you get your dumb-ass name off the front,
maybe you'll be in business for more than a week.
Hey!
Oh, I'm sorry. That's not wood, is it?
Yes, it is wood and it's hand-carved.
I'm sorry.
Pick that shit up.
Shit...
[GUNSHOT]
Hold it right there, robot.
Which one's Pluto?
Which one's Rex?
Belcher.
Shoot him, Belcher. Shoot him, Belcher.
Damn it!
What're you waiting for? Shoot him.
What are you aiming at me for?
It's me, he's Nash. Shoot him.
He's not me, I'm me.
He's him. Shoot him.
Boss, which one's you?
Pluto?
He's the one in the rented tuxedo.
Rex.
Boss?
It's him.
This piece of shit belongs to him.
[GUNSHOT]
All right? Now shoot him.
No. Shoot!
What's the matter with you?
It was hairy for a minute.
Hairy for you?
Now get the hell out of here.
Get out!
Hairy, my ass.
Hey, you sing, don't you?
You're a singer, right?
I've got a job for you.
Just kill me and get it over.
No, you're going to work, but you ain't singing.
I'm talking six nights a week waiting tables,
and if you're lucky and save your tips,
maybe you can get back to Salt Lake City.
Pluto.
Hey.
I didn't scare you, did I? You all right?
You okay?
Boss!
Hey.
I was hoping it was you.
Never leave home without an undershirt, right?
Isn't that what you always say?
That's right.
That's rule number one.
I agree.
Craps, you lose.
ANNOUNCER: For the grand reopening of Club Pluto,
please welcome Miss Dina Lake.
* All right Everything is all right *
* We be getting pumped up Be getting pumped up *
* We put out that fire now Tip your glasses higher now *
* Everything is all right *
* They're singing all right *
* Seems like tonight... *
Pluto!
Hey.
Pluto, baby.
Fantastic club.
Great joint, baby.
Thanks a lot.
Let me say that the Mrs. Francises
are looking lovely tonight.
Thank you, Pluto.
Have a good time.
All right, baby.
Did I tell you how I got Pluto started in the business?
Tell us, Tony.
What about a ham sandwich without the cheese?
How much would that be?
Free.
Felix Laranga's money is no good here.
You knock yourself out. Whatever you want.
Thanks, Pluto.
Pluto Nash, I love that man.
Honey, I tell you what,
eight steaks, a crate of lobsters,
shrimp cocktail, onion rings, fries, a doggy bag to go.
* We're singing all right *
* The future's Looking brighter now *
* And I can feel my feet *
* Lifting off the ground *
* Whenever you're around *
* Between time and space... *
So how's it going with you and Babette?
Me and Babette?
I don't think that it's going to happen.
I found out that I'm 110 volts and she's a 220.
Well, go to the hardware store and get an adapter.
Nah.
That just ruins it for me.
I guess it wasn't meant to be, huh?
Hey, Bruno, you see my new bodyguard running around here?
New bodyguard?
Yeah, I bought a '78, fully loaded, out the door.
Shall I begin disassembling myself?
If you do that,
how will you manage my club in 500 pieces?
Manage?
But no robot's ever been in management.
You want the job or don't you?
Oh, boss. Oh, thank you, boss.
You're the best boss on the whole Moon.
Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
Oh, man, okay, all right.
You almost broke my ribs.
Okay, well, pull up a chair.
Let's sit back and celebrate and enjoy the party.
Oh, sorry, boss, no can do.
We've got a pile of bills, the payroll's tomorrow,
we need a new doorman, and we're low on shrimp.
I'm swamped.
* Everything is all right They're singing all right *
* All right Everything is all right *
* We be getting pumped up *
* Be getting pumped up We put out that fire now *
* Tip your glasses higher now Everything is all right *
* They're singing all right *
* All right Everything is all right **
[IMx'S "AIN'T NO NEED" PLAYS]