1
00:00:03,614 --> 00:00:06,785
Hey, Fez, you know what was
awesome? That time you rode that tree.
2
00:00:07,661 --> 00:00:09,621
How did he ride a tree?
3
00:00:09,663 --> 00:00:12,039
Oh, he climbed it,
Kelso cut it down.
4
00:00:13,960 --> 00:00:15,795
You guys have a million stories.
5
00:00:15,837 --> 00:00:18,440
And you know each other so well.
It's like you have your own language.
6
00:00:18,464 --> 00:00:21,009
I don't even understand
half the things you say.
7
00:00:21,049 --> 00:00:25,054
If you understand anything that
Fez says, you're the only one. Burn!
8
00:00:27,474 --> 00:00:29,184
Oh, Kelso can't understand me?
9
00:00:29,226 --> 00:00:32,063
Now I know how it feels
to be a book. Oh, burn!
10
00:00:36,860 --> 00:00:40,112
See? Man, I wanna burn somebody
so I can be part of the gang.
11
00:00:40,154 --> 00:00:41,532
This gang?
12
00:00:41,574 --> 00:00:43,283
Angie, the only reason
this gang formed
13
00:00:43,325 --> 00:00:45,536
was because no one
would let us into their gang.
14
00:00:46,412 --> 00:00:48,831
We're like the chess club,
15
00:00:48,873 --> 00:00:51,209
but better looking and dumber.
16
00:00:56,130 --> 00:00:57,549
- Hey.
- Hey.
17
00:00:57,591 --> 00:01:00,011
Um, so was there something
you wanted to say to me
18
00:01:00,053 --> 00:01:01,373
the other day at
the record store?
19
00:01:02,388 --> 00:01:07,142
Oh, yeah. I wanted
to talk to you about Abba.
20
00:01:10,146 --> 00:01:11,146
Abba?
21
00:01:12,441 --> 00:01:14,777
No, you said you
wanted to talk about us.
22
00:01:14,818 --> 00:01:18,615
Right.
Our feelings about Abba.
23
00:01:20,909 --> 00:01:23,286
You know what? Good. Great.
24
00:01:23,327 --> 00:01:25,456
Believe me, I don't wanna
talk about us, either.
25
00:01:25,497 --> 00:01:26,916
Come on, Angie.
26
00:01:26,958 --> 00:01:29,719
We were supposed to open the
record store, ooh, about seven hours ago.
27
00:01:33,129 --> 00:01:34,716
You told me you
wanted to tell Hyde
28
00:01:34,758 --> 00:01:36,676
that you still love him
and you wanted him back.
29
00:01:36,718 --> 00:01:39,178
Yeah, well, it's obvious
he doesn't want me back.
30
00:01:39,220 --> 00:01:41,620
So you better not tell him
what I said or I'll be humiliated.
31
00:01:42,724 --> 00:01:44,060
My lips are a seal's.
32
00:01:47,354 --> 00:01:50,149
Wait, don't you mean
that your lips are sealed?
33
00:01:51,358 --> 00:01:52,945
I'm not hearing the difference.
34
00:01:54,738 --> 00:01:58,075
Great. Anyways, you guys,
I have huge news.
35
00:01:58,117 --> 00:02:01,078
You know how Point Place cable
has that public access channel?
36
00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:04,165
Yeah. Donna, didn't your dad do,
like, a belly dancing show there?
37
00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:11,799
He guest-hosted. Shut up.
38
00:02:11,841 --> 00:02:15,970
Anyways, I'm gonna have my own
show, just like Mary Tyler Moore.
39
00:02:16,012 --> 00:02:17,930
Oh, except I won't
stop for commercials
40
00:02:17,972 --> 00:02:21,476
'cause no one really wants
to take a break from me.
41
00:02:21,518 --> 00:02:23,037
I don't know.
That week you were in Florida,
42
00:02:23,061 --> 00:02:24,771
that was a nice, quiet week.
43
00:02:33,614 --> 00:02:35,407
Have you been in bed all day?
44
00:02:36,283 --> 00:02:37,410
Yeah, I have.
45
00:02:39,245 --> 00:02:42,749
I've been reading the Jack
Kerouac classic On The Road.
46
00:02:42,791 --> 00:02:45,878
See, as I see it,
why get out of bed
47
00:02:47,380 --> 00:02:49,674
when you can read about people
who got out of bed?
48
00:02:52,093 --> 00:02:55,472
You have got to be the laziest
non-communist I've ever met.
49
00:02:58,017 --> 00:03:01,395
And you are about to read
a book that my foot wrote.
50
00:03:02,897 --> 00:03:05,400
It's called On The Road
To In Your Ass.
51
00:03:08,235 --> 00:03:12,239
Okay, now, Red, please let's hold
off on the cursing until happy hour.
52
00:03:15,203 --> 00:03:17,621
This year-off crap
better come to an end
53
00:03:17,663 --> 00:03:20,875
or I'm gonna put you in a box
and mail you to the Marines.
54
00:03:22,711 --> 00:03:24,295
Oh, don't worry, honey.
55
00:03:24,337 --> 00:03:27,007
Your father's too cheap
to mail something that heavy.
56
00:03:28,675 --> 00:03:31,554
He just wants you to have
some direction and so do I.
57
00:03:31,596 --> 00:03:36,559
And you are in luck because
I got the new issue of Cosmo.
58
00:03:36,601 --> 00:03:40,272
Oh, well, I'm just not sure I need
seven new ways to please my man.
59
00:03:46,237 --> 00:03:50,117
No. No. Honey,
it's a job aptitude test.
60
00:03:50,158 --> 00:03:53,327
Okay, question number one.
61
00:03:53,369 --> 00:03:55,747
"Do you consider
yourself creative?"
62
00:03:56,790 --> 00:03:59,168
- Well...
- Yes.
63
00:03:59,210 --> 00:04:01,462
You were a little wiz
at macaroni art.
64
00:04:02,964 --> 00:04:06,802
"Do you prefer to work alone
or with others?"
65
00:04:06,843 --> 00:04:09,096
- Alone.
- Nope, you love people.
66
00:04:10,597 --> 00:04:13,934
Okay, question three.
"Do you..." Oh, that's easy.
67
00:04:15,937 --> 00:04:18,856
Look, Mom, I'm happy
just enjoying my world.
68
00:04:18,898 --> 00:04:23,402
I'm like an explorer. I'm exactly
like Christopher Columbus.
69
00:04:23,444 --> 00:04:26,949
Except, you know, I've been
incredibly distracted by television.
70
00:04:29,326 --> 00:04:30,702
Okay. All done.
71
00:04:31,912 --> 00:04:34,040
Now, according to your answers,
72
00:04:37,836 --> 00:04:39,504
you should be a nurse!
73
00:04:44,343 --> 00:04:46,220
♪ Hanging out
74
00:04:48,139 --> 00:04:50,016
♪ Down the street
75
00:04:51,476 --> 00:04:53,603
♪ The same old thing
76
00:04:55,230 --> 00:04:57,357
♪ We did last week
77
00:04:58,608 --> 00:05:02,280
♪ Not a thing to do
78
00:05:02,989 --> 00:05:06,408
♪ But talk to you
79
00:05:06,450 --> 00:05:08,244
♪ We're all all right
80
00:05:08,286 --> 00:05:10,747
♪ We're all all right ♪
81
00:05:10,789 --> 00:05:12,958
Hello, Wisconsin!
82
00:05:18,422 --> 00:05:20,633
Okay, Fez, since you're
helping me with set dressing,
83
00:05:20,675 --> 00:05:23,136
I want the set to reflect
my sparkling personality.
84
00:05:23,178 --> 00:05:25,180
I want it to say "Jackie."
85
00:05:25,222 --> 00:05:27,641
Okay, let me see. Maybe
some glitter, a disco ball...
86
00:05:27,683 --> 00:05:30,061
Uh-huh. I want a big sign
that says "Jackie."
87
00:05:33,272 --> 00:05:35,149
I hate this room.
88
00:05:35,191 --> 00:05:37,194
It reminds me of my dad
dancing around half-naked
89
00:05:37,236 --> 00:05:38,570
with finger cymbals.
90
00:05:41,031 --> 00:05:43,449
Well, my show is
gonna be a news show.
91
00:05:43,491 --> 00:05:45,245
All-nude or just topless?
92
00:05:48,331 --> 00:05:50,208
Not nude, news.
93
00:05:50,250 --> 00:05:51,959
I'm not hearing the difference.
94
00:05:54,255 --> 00:05:57,150
Jackie, how are you gonna tell people
the news if you don't know any news?
95
00:05:57,174 --> 00:05:59,509
Well, I know all the news
that's really important,
96
00:05:59,551 --> 00:06:03,806
like, who's got a new car, what
store is having a sale on leggings,
97
00:06:03,848 --> 00:06:07,018
and if there'll ever be peace
in the Middle East.
98
00:06:09,979 --> 00:06:12,400
Who am I kidding?
No one cares about China.
99
00:06:19,990 --> 00:06:22,411
- Hey, Eric, can I have
some of your fries?
- Sure.
100
00:06:22,451 --> 00:06:24,495
Well, I don't want any. Burn!
101
00:06:27,749 --> 00:06:30,544
I think you're confusing
a burn with just talking.
102
00:06:35,507 --> 00:06:37,802
- Eric, can I have some fries?
- Yeah, help yourself.
103
00:06:40,806 --> 00:06:42,266
Burn!
104
00:06:45,811 --> 00:06:49,481
Yeah, I knew you were gonna
do that, so I spit in them. Burn!
105
00:06:54,404 --> 00:06:55,613
Totally.
106
00:06:55,655 --> 00:06:59,368
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
You ate his spit. Burn!
107
00:07:04,915 --> 00:07:07,501
That's a piggyback burn.
We don't do that.
108
00:07:09,921 --> 00:07:12,424
Come on, Angie. You've gotta
do inventory in the storeroom,
109
00:07:12,466 --> 00:07:15,636
and I gotta go
sleep behind a box.
110
00:07:15,678 --> 00:07:17,721
Man, you want to
catch a movie or something?
111
00:07:17,763 --> 00:07:20,641
Nah. I gotta go down
to the police academy.
112
00:07:20,683 --> 00:07:22,726
They're gonna teach me
what prisoners feel like.
113
00:07:22,768 --> 00:07:25,647
Guys are gonna handcuff me
to a flagpole for a few hours.
114
00:07:27,941 --> 00:07:30,652
It's not in the curriculum,
but they say it's required.
115
00:07:37,618 --> 00:07:41,957
Hey, uh, I'm sorry, are you reading
the new Mighty Spectaculous?
116
00:07:41,999 --> 00:07:44,460
Yeah. You a fan?
117
00:07:44,502 --> 00:07:47,129
"When trouble arrives
by car or bus...
118
00:07:47,171 --> 00:07:50,509
"...we summon
the Mighty Spectaculous!"
119
00:07:53,428 --> 00:07:56,473
- They call me Eric Forman.
- Stew Bailey.
120
00:07:56,515 --> 00:08:00,186
No relation to Beetle.
121
00:08:00,228 --> 00:08:03,290
Hey, Stew, I mean, if you're interested,
they're having a Spectaculous Spectacular
122
00:08:03,314 --> 00:08:06,692
down at
the Atomic Comic Book Nook.
123
00:08:06,734 --> 00:08:09,738
You're probably... You probably
have to get back to work or something.
124
00:08:09,779 --> 00:08:11,990
I don't have to be anywhere.
I don't have a job.
125
00:08:12,032 --> 00:08:13,700
How old are you?
126
00:08:13,742 --> 00:08:16,342
Well, let's just say I'm two years
older than Professor Revenge-O.
127
00:08:18,289 --> 00:08:19,582
Thirty-six.
128
00:08:22,126 --> 00:08:25,129
So then, Stew,
what do you do all day?
129
00:08:26,215 --> 00:08:27,591
You're looking at it.
130
00:08:29,634 --> 00:08:31,636
We're gonna be good friends.
131
00:08:39,687 --> 00:08:42,399
Fez, Jackie's show
is about to start.
132
00:08:42,441 --> 00:08:43,943
Aren't you supposed
to be helping her?
133
00:08:43,984 --> 00:08:46,279
She asked me to make a giant
sign with her name on it.
134
00:08:46,320 --> 00:08:47,905
So I said, "You got it, baby."
135
00:08:47,947 --> 00:08:50,491
So then, I went to
get some ice cream,
136
00:08:50,533 --> 00:08:53,036
and then I went to play
some Space Invaders,
137
00:08:53,078 --> 00:08:55,456
and then I came here
to watch the show.
138
00:08:58,959 --> 00:09:02,297
I could never be on TV,
unless it was Johnny Carson,
139
00:09:02,338 --> 00:09:06,634
because I have a very funny story
about a Cheeto that looked just like Jesus.
140
00:09:15,311 --> 00:09:16,604
So, Fez,
141
00:09:17,938 --> 00:09:20,400
you've been hanging out a lot
lately with Jackie.
142
00:09:20,442 --> 00:09:24,112
Any idea what she wanted to talk to me
about at the record store the other day?
143
00:09:24,154 --> 00:09:26,864
Um, I don't know. I was there.
I mean, I wasn't there.
144
00:09:26,906 --> 00:09:27,991
I, uh...
145
00:09:29,952 --> 00:09:31,912
I was, uh... I was away.
146
00:09:34,373 --> 00:09:35,707
On business.
147
00:09:40,297 --> 00:09:42,633
Well, if she wanted
to get back together,
148
00:09:42,674 --> 00:09:44,968
that's something
I wouldn't mind knowing.
149
00:09:45,010 --> 00:09:47,011
So why don't you just go ahead
and spill the beans?
150
00:09:48,556 --> 00:09:49,849
Beans?
151
00:09:51,058 --> 00:09:53,311
What beans?
152
00:09:53,353 --> 00:09:57,358
The only beans are in your
head, you, uh, little bean-head.
153
00:10:02,737 --> 00:10:07,327
Anyway, I opened the bag
and there he was.
154
00:10:07,369 --> 00:10:09,162
The beard and everything.
155
00:10:11,873 --> 00:10:15,419
Oh, oh, Jackie's about to start.
156
00:10:15,461 --> 00:10:17,838
- Okay, Jackie, are you ready?
- Yeah, of course.
157
00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:19,632
I've got this thing down pat.
158
00:10:19,674 --> 00:10:22,009
Okay, so after
the weather report,
159
00:10:22,052 --> 00:10:24,262
I'm gonna get into the problem
with the spirit squad.
160
00:10:24,304 --> 00:10:28,808
They're all fat. That's my
commentary. I'm anti-fat.
161
00:10:28,850 --> 00:10:31,979
Okay. Ten seconds until you're on
the air, offending thousands of people.
162
00:10:35,316 --> 00:10:36,734
Thousands of people?
163
00:10:36,775 --> 00:10:39,529
In five, four, three...
164
00:10:45,827 --> 00:10:47,287
You didn't say "two" or "one."
165
00:10:47,329 --> 00:10:48,998
It's because you're on now.
166
00:10:50,124 --> 00:10:51,418
Well, but I'm not...
167
00:10:53,503 --> 00:10:54,754
Hi.
168
00:10:56,381 --> 00:10:59,760
- I'm Backie Jurkhart.
- Jackie Burkhart.
169
00:10:59,801 --> 00:11:01,095
- What?
- It's your name.
170
00:11:01,136 --> 00:11:03,073
- I know what my name is.
- You said Backie Jurkhart.
171
00:11:03,097 --> 00:11:04,932
Okay, stop talking
or you're fired.
172
00:11:05,933 --> 00:11:08,103
Fine. You're on your own.
173
00:11:09,312 --> 00:11:10,689
I'm what?
174
00:11:13,525 --> 00:11:14,775
Oh, dear.
175
00:11:16,279 --> 00:11:17,779
She's not so good.
176
00:11:19,823 --> 00:11:21,783
She's sweating
like Muhammad Ali.
177
00:11:26,540 --> 00:11:28,166
Cut to her boobs.
178
00:11:29,627 --> 00:11:31,712
Who's directing this thing?
179
00:11:43,517 --> 00:11:47,187
I guess we can't just sit and
talk about comic books all day.
180
00:11:47,229 --> 00:11:48,813
Let's do some
Star Wars trivia. Go.
181
00:11:50,190 --> 00:11:51,568
I got a stumper.
182
00:11:51,610 --> 00:11:55,238
- Who is Luke and
Obi-Wan's nemesis at...
- Doctor Evazan.
183
00:11:57,407 --> 00:11:59,701
Man, you're good.
184
00:11:59,743 --> 00:12:02,371
Look, let me ask you a question.
185
00:12:02,413 --> 00:12:07,293
Some people think that if I keep
living, you know, "without a purpose,"
186
00:12:07,335 --> 00:12:10,714
that I'll be all, I don't
know, unfulfilled and stuff.
187
00:12:13,300 --> 00:12:16,844
Do you ever feel unfulfilled?
188
00:12:16,886 --> 00:12:19,223
I've seen Star Wars
in seven different states.
189
00:12:20,767 --> 00:12:23,812
I even met the midget
that they stuck inside R2-D2.
190
00:12:25,188 --> 00:12:26,897
What could be more
fulfilling than that?
191
00:12:28,900 --> 00:12:30,277
I don't know.
192
00:12:32,112 --> 00:12:33,614
Hey, dorks.
193
00:12:33,656 --> 00:12:36,702
Listen, Angie had
a really rough day at work
194
00:12:36,743 --> 00:12:39,037
so I'm gonna rub her feet,
and you might wanna clear out
195
00:12:39,078 --> 00:12:41,164
before I start
rubbing other stuff.
196
00:12:42,374 --> 00:12:44,334
Eric, come over later.
We'll game.
197
00:12:44,376 --> 00:12:46,671
Who was that guy?
198
00:12:46,713 --> 00:12:49,173
- That's this guy...
- I don't care. Burn!
199
00:12:56,390 --> 00:13:00,310
Angie, you're cute as a button,
but you burn like a botard.
200
00:13:03,897 --> 00:13:05,859
Look, if you wanna burn someone,
201
00:13:05,899 --> 00:13:08,486
you gotta embarrass them
to make other people laugh.
202
00:13:08,528 --> 00:13:12,742
You want to combine the
elements of humiliation and surprise.
203
00:13:15,327 --> 00:13:16,704
Dude, what the hell?
204
00:13:19,206 --> 00:13:20,915
Burn!
205
00:13:24,962 --> 00:13:28,383
Oh, hey.
Jackie, I saw your show.
206
00:13:28,425 --> 00:13:30,927
It isn't as good as
a lot of other shows.
207
00:13:33,222 --> 00:13:35,600
No.
208
00:13:35,641 --> 00:13:38,728
It was great for people who
think regular TV is too entertaining.
209
00:13:41,398 --> 00:13:43,525
I freaked out.
210
00:13:43,567 --> 00:13:47,613
I mean, the cameras turned on,
and I realized I'm completely alone.
211
00:13:47,654 --> 00:13:50,408
I'm alone on TV,
and I'm alone in real life.
212
00:13:52,452 --> 00:13:53,952
I don't know what I'm gonna do.
213
00:14:00,377 --> 00:14:01,545
Burn!
214
00:14:04,548 --> 00:14:06,050
Oh, my God!
215
00:14:09,930 --> 00:14:13,934
Uh, I forgot to tell you
the part about
216
00:14:13,974 --> 00:14:16,687
you don't burn someone
who's already crying.
217
00:14:22,777 --> 00:14:26,657
Okay, best sidekick.
Robin or Aqualad?
218
00:14:26,698 --> 00:14:29,284
Ooh, uh, toughie.
219
00:14:29,326 --> 00:14:31,995
Is the villain they're
fighting terrestrial or aquatic?
220
00:14:33,665 --> 00:14:37,001
Stewie, you didn't tell me
you were having a friend over.
221
00:14:38,628 --> 00:14:40,296
Eric, this is my mom.
222
00:14:46,679 --> 00:14:48,305
You still live with your mom?
223
00:14:49,932 --> 00:14:52,769
Oh, she's more than just my
mother. She's my best friend.
224
00:14:55,647 --> 00:14:57,816
She's your best friend?
225
00:14:59,610 --> 00:15:02,029
Well, you're giving her
a run for her money.
226
00:15:05,115 --> 00:15:07,910
- Okay, I gotta go.
- Are you sure?
227
00:15:07,952 --> 00:15:12,040
I was about to make sandwiches
in the shape of X-wing fighters.
228
00:15:14,001 --> 00:15:17,045
Uh, no, really.
Well... No, I gotta go.
229
00:15:25,805 --> 00:15:29,267
- What are you doing?
- I'm throwing out
all my comic books.
230
00:15:33,605 --> 00:15:37,318
I saw my future today, and,
well, it's living with its mother.
231
00:15:43,742 --> 00:15:46,203
Yeah, well, I saw
my future and it sweats.
232
00:15:48,288 --> 00:15:50,708
Okay. Hold on. You sweat?
233
00:15:53,086 --> 00:15:57,090
Uh, would you happen to have a picture,
some tape of this that I could laugh at?
234
00:15:58,592 --> 00:16:02,346
Eric, I tried to have
my own TV show, and I failed.
235
00:16:02,388 --> 00:16:05,099
My life is over. I'm not
good enough to be on TV.
236
00:16:05,725 --> 00:16:07,309
No, Jackie.
237
00:16:09,896 --> 00:16:11,481
Okay, come on.
238
00:16:11,523 --> 00:16:13,067
You're good-looking,
239
00:16:13,108 --> 00:16:16,111
you're incredibly superficial
and you lie constantly.
240
00:16:18,906 --> 00:16:20,867
I think you're perfect for TV.
241
00:16:23,954 --> 00:16:27,123
- Do you really think so?
- Yeah.
242
00:16:27,164 --> 00:16:31,169
I mean, jeez, look, at least you're
doing something with your life.
243
00:16:32,922 --> 00:16:34,882
I have wasted an entire year.
244
00:16:34,924 --> 00:16:36,717
Eric, let me
stop you right there.
245
00:16:36,759 --> 00:16:40,513
Okay? Since you were kind enough to
cheer me up when my spirits were low,
246
00:16:40,555 --> 00:16:41,555
I'm gonna go. Thanks.
247
00:16:52,819 --> 00:16:55,195
Hey, Forman,
let me ask you a question.
248
00:16:55,237 --> 00:16:57,825
What do you think
about me and Jackie?
249
00:16:57,866 --> 00:16:59,910
Well, man,
you know what I think.
250
00:16:59,952 --> 00:17:01,954
I think that Jackie
is evil incarnate.
251
00:17:03,580 --> 00:17:06,126
I think that if you were to
cut off one of her hands,
252
00:17:06,167 --> 00:17:08,586
it would probably grow back
into another Jackie.
253
00:17:11,213 --> 00:17:13,884
Look, before Jackie,
254
00:17:13,926 --> 00:17:16,637
you were just some
pissed-off guy in my basement.
255
00:17:18,139 --> 00:17:19,598
But with her...
256
00:17:21,517 --> 00:17:22,936
I mean, you seemed happy, man.
257
00:17:23,812 --> 00:17:25,480
Hey, I was never happy.
258
00:17:27,190 --> 00:17:28,942
I was just less pissed off.
259
00:17:30,485 --> 00:17:31,486
Hyde,
260
00:17:33,656 --> 00:17:37,201
I lied to you when I told you
that I was away on business.
261
00:17:41,289 --> 00:17:42,289
No.
262
00:17:46,128 --> 00:17:47,212
Yes.
263
00:17:49,757 --> 00:17:52,677
And I know what Jackie
wanted to tell you.
264
00:17:52,719 --> 00:17:53,719
She still loves you.
265
00:17:54,512 --> 00:17:55,889
What?
266
00:17:55,930 --> 00:17:59,018
Yeah. She said she was wrong
and that she wanted you back.
267
00:17:59,060 --> 00:18:01,979
She was vulnerable,
so I tried to french her.
268
00:18:05,649 --> 00:18:07,109
But no-go.
269
00:18:13,533 --> 00:18:15,368
- Shouldn't Jackie
be here by now?
- Yeah.
270
00:18:15,410 --> 00:18:17,580
She's supposed to go
on in, like, a minute.
271
00:18:17,621 --> 00:18:19,498
I don't think
she's gonna show up.
272
00:18:19,540 --> 00:18:20,541
What?
273
00:18:23,127 --> 00:18:26,297
No, but we were gonna do
this whole segment on sluts.
274
00:18:27,966 --> 00:18:29,718
And I was gonna be
the slut expert.
275
00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:32,345
That's the only kind of expert
I'm ever gonna be.
276
00:18:34,224 --> 00:18:36,976
- Hey.
- Jackie, I can't believe
you showed up.
277
00:18:37,018 --> 00:18:39,062
I can't believe I showed up.
278
00:18:39,104 --> 00:18:41,814
What am I doing with my life?
279
00:18:41,856 --> 00:18:43,817
Okay, come on, people.
We got a show to do.
280
00:18:43,859 --> 00:18:45,819
Okay. In three...
281
00:18:49,281 --> 00:18:53,036
Hi, I'm Jackie Burkhart, and here's
all the news you need to know.
282
00:18:53,078 --> 00:18:55,496
This just in. Slacks are out.
283
00:18:55,538 --> 00:18:58,250
So, ladies, shave those legs
and put on a skirt.
284
00:19:00,585 --> 00:19:03,672
Up next, senior correspondent
Michael Kelso joins me
285
00:19:03,714 --> 00:19:07,843
for a very exciting segment
I like to call Slut or Not.
286
00:19:09,053 --> 00:19:11,974
- Michael, welcome.
- Hi, Jackie. Ladies.
287
00:19:13,767 --> 00:19:15,310
Okay, let's get started.
288
00:19:16,728 --> 00:19:19,482
- Marcy Cavanaugh.
- Slut.
289
00:19:21,442 --> 00:19:22,777
Susie Rice.
290
00:19:23,820 --> 00:19:25,321
- Slut.
- Mmm.
291
00:19:26,697 --> 00:19:28,742
Hey, could you zoom out a sec?
292
00:19:30,119 --> 00:19:32,579
Ooh, Jenny Keene.
293
00:19:32,621 --> 00:19:35,707
Partly slutty with a chance
of severe sluttiness.
294
00:19:40,297 --> 00:19:42,841
- Angie, what the hell?
- Burn?
295
00:19:45,302 --> 00:19:47,346
Burn!
296
00:19:48,973 --> 00:19:53,853
Well, there you have it,
America, your first televised burn.
297
00:19:53,894 --> 00:19:57,316
Up next, a hard-hitting segment
called Girls With Mustaches.
298
00:19:57,357 --> 00:19:59,359
Don't touch that dial,
Sherry Papadakis.
299
00:20:08,244 --> 00:20:10,579
- Hey, man, is Jackie around?
- Hey.
300
00:20:10,621 --> 00:20:12,958
Yeah, but I thought
you weren't talking to her.
301
00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:16,378
You're gonna make up
with her, aren't you?
302
00:20:18,088 --> 00:20:22,719
Oh, you're gonna tell her
that you love her.
303
00:20:22,760 --> 00:20:26,139
And your little sunglasses
are gonna get all fogged up.
304
00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:29,809
Jackie, there's
someone here to see you.
305
00:20:31,062 --> 00:20:32,646
Hey.
306
00:20:32,688 --> 00:20:35,149
Uh, I thought maybe
we could talk for a minute.
307
00:20:35,191 --> 00:20:38,569
Is it about my show?
'Cause it was awesome.
308
00:20:38,610 --> 00:20:42,574
Steven, I went on and I did
great. And I did it on my own.
309
00:20:42,615 --> 00:20:46,078
I mean, I've never been more
proud of myself in my entire life.
310
00:20:46,119 --> 00:20:48,706
I'm gonna do great on my own.
311
00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:50,668
I'm sorry. What did you
want to talk to me about?
312
00:20:52,335 --> 00:20:53,794
Well, um...
313
00:20:57,883 --> 00:21:00,094
I just wanted to say
congratulations on your show.
314
00:21:01,803 --> 00:21:03,805
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
315
00:21:03,847 --> 00:21:05,432
Did you see Michael
with his pants down?
316
00:21:10,146 --> 00:21:11,314
No.
317
00:21:12,899 --> 00:21:14,567
But I don't need a TV
to see that.
318
00:21:21,450 --> 00:21:22,993
Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen,
319
00:21:23,035 --> 00:21:27,165
and welcome to the full
half-hour of Slut or Not.
320
00:21:27,207 --> 00:21:28,750
I've got a phone book here
321
00:21:28,792 --> 00:21:30,632
and a wealth of experience
with fooling around,
322
00:21:30,668 --> 00:21:32,629
so let's get started.
323
00:21:32,670 --> 00:21:34,090
"Beverly Addison."
324
00:21:34,132 --> 00:21:37,427
I don't know her personally,
but I've heard she has a tattoo.
325
00:21:37,468 --> 00:21:41,222
So congratulations, Beverly
Addison. You are a slut.
326
00:21:42,682 --> 00:21:45,477
What the hell happened
to this country?
327
00:21:47,604 --> 00:21:50,900
I know Beverly Addison, and
I'm glad somebody finally said it.
328
00:21:50,924 --> 00:21:52,924
http://hiqve.com/