1
00:00:01,658 --> 00:00:03,745
♪♪♪

2
00:00:03,787 --> 00:00:06,249
Laverne is so annoying.

3
00:00:06,291 --> 00:00:08,962
Why does Shirley keep
putting up with her crap?

4
00:00:09,003 --> 00:00:14,011
She has to.
They're in love.

5
00:00:14,053 --> 00:00:16,307
Again, kelso,

6
00:00:16,348 --> 00:00:18,936
Laverne and Shirley
are not lesbians.

7
00:00:18,978 --> 00:00:21,064
Trust me,

8
00:00:21,106 --> 00:00:25,363
they're one bottle of
wine away from making out.

9
00:00:25,405 --> 00:00:28,534
Just like you two.

10
00:00:28,576 --> 00:00:30,377
Kelso, don't you have
something more important

11
00:00:30,413 --> 00:00:32,291
to talk about right now?

12
00:00:32,333 --> 00:00:33,835
If you got a topic
more important

13
00:00:33,876 --> 00:00:36,922
than girl-on-girl
action, I'd like to hear it.

14
00:00:36,964 --> 00:00:38,467
How about the fact

15
00:00:38,509 --> 00:00:41,555
that Brooke's got your
feeble-minded bun in her oven.

16
00:00:41,597 --> 00:00:44,310
Look, she can't
be pregnant, okay?

17
00:00:44,352 --> 00:00:46,062
It just
can't be true.

18
00:00:46,104 --> 00:00:48,983
Michael, this is not something
girls lie about, okay?

19
00:00:49,025 --> 00:00:52,573
I would know. I'm an
expert on girl lies.

20
00:00:52,615 --> 00:00:55,619
Kelso, you're gonna have to
do something about this.

21
00:00:55,661 --> 00:00:58,123
No, but doing something
is not in my nature.

22
00:00:58,165 --> 00:01:00,001
"Ignore," "avoid,"
"run away"...

23
00:01:00,043 --> 00:01:03,131
These words have been
very good to me.

24
00:01:03,173 --> 00:01:04,090
You're horrible.

25
00:01:04,132 --> 00:01:05,134
What a pig.

26
00:01:05,176 --> 00:01:07,095
You know what?

27
00:01:07,137 --> 00:01:08,782
You girls don't even know
what I'm going through here.

28
00:01:08,806 --> 00:01:10,476
You can have
all the sex you want,

29
00:01:10,518 --> 00:01:14,190
you don't have to worry
about getting anyone pregnant.

30
00:01:14,232 --> 00:01:18,739
♪♪♪

31
00:01:18,780 --> 00:01:22,245
Laurie, try these
banana-walnut pancakes.

32
00:01:22,286 --> 00:01:24,289
I know you've always
had a thing for nuts.

33
00:01:24,331 --> 00:01:27,920
Every man in town
knows that.

34
00:01:27,961 --> 00:01:29,297
Why men?

35
00:01:29,339 --> 00:01:30,883
Oh, never mind.

36
00:01:33,179 --> 00:01:35,558
You guys,
an agent from immigration

37
00:01:35,600 --> 00:01:37,644
is coming to check on
Fez and Laurie's marriage,

38
00:01:37,686 --> 00:01:40,190
and if he finds out it's
fake, Fez could get deported.

39
00:01:40,232 --> 00:01:42,402
But this marriage is
based on love. Right, honey?

40
00:01:42,444 --> 00:01:44,447
Don't touch me.

41
00:01:44,488 --> 00:01:48,579
Fine. I'll give you 20 bucks
to pretend to be my wife.

42
00:01:48,621 --> 00:01:50,957
That's gotta
sound familiar.

43
00:01:52,710 --> 00:01:55,256
Steven, if you keep doing
that, it's gonna be really hard

44
00:01:55,298 --> 00:01:58,678
for me to pretend I don't
know what you're talking about.

45
00:01:58,720 --> 00:02:03,143
Then I should go
because it's just too easy...

46
00:02:03,184 --> 00:02:04,687
Like Laurie.

47
00:02:07,609 --> 00:02:09,945
When is this I.N.S. Man
gonna be here?

48
00:02:09,987 --> 00:02:12,450
Sometime this week.
It's a surprise visit.

49
00:02:12,492 --> 00:02:15,245
So I have
to stay here.

50
00:02:15,287 --> 00:02:18,417
Stay here?

51
00:02:18,459 --> 00:02:21,297
With red? Oh, no.
I can't allow that.

52
00:02:21,339 --> 00:02:23,717
Why not?
Red loves me.

53
00:02:23,759 --> 00:02:25,637
Honey, you gave him
a heart attack.

54
00:02:25,679 --> 00:02:30,019
Maybe he just
loves Fez so much

55
00:02:30,060 --> 00:02:32,565
that his heart exploded.

56
00:02:34,443 --> 00:02:37,615
Please, miss kitty,
let me stay.

57
00:02:37,657 --> 00:02:39,158
Mom, come on.

58
00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:41,037
Okay, you win.

59
00:02:41,078 --> 00:02:43,415
Oh, thank you.

60
00:02:43,457 --> 00:02:45,168
That was a sexy hug.

61
00:02:45,210 --> 00:02:47,380
You really put some
boom-boom into it, huh?

62
00:02:50,385 --> 00:02:54,140
♪ Hangin' out ♪

63
00:02:54,182 --> 00:02:57,646
♪ down the street ♪

64
00:02:57,688 --> 00:03:01,570
♪ the same old thing ♪

65
00:03:01,611 --> 00:03:04,949
♪ that you did last week ♪

66
00:03:04,991 --> 00:03:09,456
♪ not a thing to do ♪

67
00:03:09,498 --> 00:03:13,003
♪ but talk to you ♪

68
00:03:13,045 --> 00:03:14,673
♪ we're all all right ♪

69
00:03:14,715 --> 00:03:16,551
♪ we're all all right ♪♪

70
00:03:16,593 --> 00:03:19,848
Hello, Wisconsin!

71
00:03:24,355 --> 00:03:28,403
♪♪♪

72
00:03:28,445 --> 00:03:30,072
♪ row, row, row your boat ♪

73
00:03:30,114 --> 00:03:32,034
♪ gently down the stream ♪

74
00:03:32,076 --> 00:03:33,662
♪ soapy, soapy,
scrubby, scrubby ♪

75
00:03:33,704 --> 00:03:35,665
♪ Fez is nice and clean ♪♪

76
00:03:35,707 --> 00:03:37,835
What the hell?!

77
00:03:43,343 --> 00:03:46,140
I don't know what you heard,
but this show ain't free.

78
00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:54,987
What is this doing here?

79
00:03:55,028 --> 00:03:57,826
Okay, red, he just has to
stay here for a few days.

80
00:03:57,867 --> 00:04:02,416
But kitty,
he was in my shower.

81
00:04:02,458 --> 00:04:06,255
He saw my legs.

82
00:04:06,297 --> 00:04:07,256
And he saw pepe.

83
00:04:07,298 --> 00:04:09,260
Shut up.

84
00:04:12,389 --> 00:04:15,353
Listen, dad,
the I.N.S. Is coming,

85
00:04:15,394 --> 00:04:17,356
and if they find out
this marriage is fake,

86
00:04:17,397 --> 00:04:19,275
Fez could get deported.

87
00:04:19,317 --> 00:04:23,366
Well,
that's anwar's problem.

88
00:04:23,407 --> 00:04:25,369
Oh, but I cannot
go back home.

89
00:04:25,410 --> 00:04:27,121
I'm an American now.

90
00:04:27,163 --> 00:04:30,168
I'm lazy, fat, and soft.

91
00:04:30,210 --> 00:04:31,379
Like you.

92
00:04:34,508 --> 00:04:37,013
Look, you deserve
what you get.

93
00:04:37,054 --> 00:04:39,809
You tricked Laurie into
this mess of a marriage.

94
00:04:39,851 --> 00:04:43,982
She's innocent
and naive.

95
00:04:44,024 --> 00:04:45,818
The only reason she got
caught up in this

96
00:04:45,860 --> 00:04:48,364
is because
she loves too much.

97
00:04:50,325 --> 00:04:52,662
Well,
that last part's true.

98
00:04:52,704 --> 00:04:58,463
♪♪♪

99
00:05:01,551 --> 00:05:03,387
Shoot, it's Brooke.
Hide me.

100
00:05:03,429 --> 00:05:05,433
Hey!

101
00:05:05,474 --> 00:05:09,105
I'm sorry, Donna. Squeezing
your butt gives me courage.

102
00:05:10,524 --> 00:05:12,986
So, Michael...

103
00:05:13,028 --> 00:05:15,824
You split pretty quick
the other day.

104
00:05:15,866 --> 00:05:18,244
Maybe we should talk
or something.

105
00:05:18,286 --> 00:05:20,415
You got it.

106
00:05:22,293 --> 00:05:24,088
One sec.

107
00:05:25,715 --> 00:05:27,509
Kelso!

108
00:05:27,551 --> 00:05:29,471
Donna, let go of my leg!

109
00:05:29,512 --> 00:05:31,515
I swear I got no problem
kicking a girl!

110
00:05:31,557 --> 00:05:35,898
Look, you've done a lot of
stupid crap over the years...

111
00:05:35,940 --> 00:05:37,609
You stole my panties.

112
00:05:37,651 --> 00:05:39,779
You tied my hamster
to a bottle rocket.

113
00:05:39,821 --> 00:05:42,407
And I don't know
how many times

114
00:05:42,449 --> 00:05:44,369
I caught you peeping
through my window.

115
00:05:44,411 --> 00:05:46,372
Five.

116
00:05:46,414 --> 00:05:49,837
Look, the point is,
I let it all slide

117
00:05:49,878 --> 00:05:52,800
because underneath I knew
you were a good guy.

118
00:05:52,842 --> 00:05:54,594
But if you bail on Brooke,

119
00:05:54,636 --> 00:05:56,263
I will never
respect you again,

120
00:05:56,305 --> 00:05:58,558
and neither
will anybody else.

121
00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:01,355
Look, I know, okay?
I know.

122
00:06:01,396 --> 00:06:04,400
I just...
I don't know what to do.

123
00:06:04,442 --> 00:06:06,905
Well, kelso, you need
to go talk to her.

124
00:06:06,947 --> 00:06:09,408
Okay.
Good.

125
00:06:09,450 --> 00:06:10,953
What?

126
00:06:10,995 --> 00:06:13,916
"Touch Donna pinciotti's
panties for 5 bucks.

127
00:06:13,958 --> 00:06:16,210
Call Michael kelso"?

128
00:06:22,304 --> 00:06:25,434
♪♪♪

129
00:06:25,476 --> 00:06:29,984
And that was the first time
I ever tasted chocolate.

130
00:06:30,026 --> 00:06:32,404
That's
a great story, man,

131
00:06:32,445 --> 00:06:34,490
but, uh, it's like
2:00 in the morning.

132
00:06:34,532 --> 00:06:37,453
So we gotta go to sleep.

133
00:06:37,495 --> 00:06:39,790
But I forgot my tape
of my ocean sounds.

134
00:06:41,920 --> 00:06:44,924
And I cannot fall asleep
without it.

135
00:06:44,965 --> 00:06:49,014
Can you make
ocean sounds for me?

136
00:06:49,056 --> 00:06:51,935
Yeah,
I'm not doing that.

137
00:06:51,976 --> 00:06:53,562
Okay,
then let me tell you

138
00:06:53,604 --> 00:06:57,111
about the first time
I ate a blow pop.

139
00:06:57,152 --> 00:06:59,655
Lick number one...
What a surprise.

140
00:07:15,180 --> 00:07:17,893
You are forgetting
the whale songs.

141
00:07:17,935 --> 00:07:22,567
Listen, man, I've only
been to the ocean once,

142
00:07:22,609 --> 00:07:24,821
and the closest thing
I saw to a whale

143
00:07:24,862 --> 00:07:27,532
was some fat guy
selling drugs.

144
00:07:27,574 --> 00:07:32,166
Fine. Lick number two...
Still no gum?

145
00:07:50,611 --> 00:07:53,616
What the hell are you
doing to yourself?!

146
00:07:53,658 --> 00:07:56,579
Oh, great, dad.
You know what?

147
00:07:56,621 --> 00:07:59,542
You woke him up,
you put him back to sleep!

148
00:08:02,630 --> 00:08:05,677
♪♪♪

149
00:08:05,719 --> 00:08:08,598
Hey.

150
00:08:08,640 --> 00:08:10,685
Uh...

151
00:08:10,727 --> 00:08:12,604
It's been
pointed out to me

152
00:08:12,646 --> 00:08:16,777
that I've been acting
a little flaky about, um...

153
00:08:16,820 --> 00:08:18,573
Our situation.

154
00:08:18,614 --> 00:08:21,202
I disagree. Flaky means
you're not consistent.

155
00:08:21,244 --> 00:08:24,540
You run away
every time you see me.

156
00:08:24,582 --> 00:08:26,585
Anyway, uh...

157
00:08:26,626 --> 00:08:29,257
I think we should talk
about what we're gonna do.

158
00:08:29,298 --> 00:08:31,236
I'm sure you're gonna want me
to meet your parents,

159
00:08:31,260 --> 00:08:35,934
and lucky for you,
I look good in a suit.

160
00:08:35,975 --> 00:08:39,189
Hell, I look good in anything,
but you already know that.

161
00:08:39,231 --> 00:08:42,986
Actually, don't
worry about it.

162
00:08:43,028 --> 00:08:44,948
As far as the baby
and I are concerned,

163
00:08:44,989 --> 00:08:47,118
you're off the hook.

164
00:08:47,159 --> 00:08:49,247
So, you're just
letting me go?

165
00:08:49,289 --> 00:08:50,874
Yep.

166
00:08:50,916 --> 00:08:54,797
You don't have to think
about this ever again.

167
00:08:54,838 --> 00:08:57,426
And I won't!

168
00:08:59,178 --> 00:09:01,099
Wow! You're like
the coolest girl

169
00:09:01,141 --> 00:09:02,935
I ever did it with
at a concert!

170
00:09:05,021 --> 00:09:08,193
♪♪♪

171
00:09:08,235 --> 00:09:12,158
Oh, honey,
you look terrible.

172
00:09:12,199 --> 00:09:14,620
Oh, you don't look
so hot yourself, sister.

173
00:09:17,082 --> 00:09:18,751
I beg your pardon.

174
00:09:18,793 --> 00:09:20,754
Red made me sleep
in the basement,

175
00:09:20,796 --> 00:09:22,382
and every time I started
to fall asleep,

176
00:09:22,424 --> 00:09:26,263
Hyde would put
a popsicle on my neck.

177
00:09:26,305 --> 00:09:28,434
That's
my daddy's chair.

178
00:09:28,476 --> 00:09:31,313
That's my daddy's chair.

179
00:09:31,355 --> 00:09:34,109
Fez, look, man,

180
00:09:34,151 --> 00:09:36,237
you gotta start
kissing red's butt a little,

181
00:09:36,279 --> 00:09:38,283
or he's gonna make
sure you get deported.

182
00:09:38,325 --> 00:09:40,244
He should be kissing
my butt

183
00:09:40,286 --> 00:09:44,083
for taking his trashy
daughter off his hands.

184
00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:45,585
I'm not that trashy.

185
00:09:45,627 --> 00:09:47,381
I won't
sleep with you.

186
00:09:47,422 --> 00:09:49,509
Oh, zip it, jezebel.

187
00:09:53,390 --> 00:09:56,269
Out of my chair, Tonto.

188
00:09:58,189 --> 00:10:00,527
Oh, come on.
A chair is a chair.

189
00:10:00,568 --> 00:10:03,030
Branch out a little.
Try the piano bench.

190
00:10:03,072 --> 00:10:05,325
What did you say?

191
00:10:05,368 --> 00:10:07,079
Laurie, go get
a cup of milk.

192
00:10:07,120 --> 00:10:08,414
Why?

193
00:10:08,455 --> 00:10:09,916
It'll keep
Fez's teeth alive

194
00:10:09,957 --> 00:10:12,212
until we get him
to the dentist.

195
00:10:15,842 --> 00:10:20,516
Hi, sir. Hal Armstrong from
the immigration service.

196
00:10:20,558 --> 00:10:22,437
I'm here to conduct
some interviews.

197
00:10:22,478 --> 00:10:25,482
What do you want to know?
'Cause I'll tell you everything.

198
00:10:25,524 --> 00:10:29,322
Is it too late to give
you back your chair?

199
00:10:29,364 --> 00:10:31,576
Oh, no,
don't get up.

200
00:10:31,617 --> 00:10:33,912
This could be the last
time you sit on furniture

201
00:10:33,954 --> 00:10:36,584
that you didn't build
out of mud and twigs.

202
00:10:44,888 --> 00:10:46,516
♪♪♪

203
00:10:46,558 --> 00:10:48,352
So, agent Armstrong,

204
00:10:48,394 --> 00:10:50,814
can't wait to tell you
all about this marriage.

205
00:10:50,855 --> 00:10:52,609
You got handcuffs, right?

206
00:10:52,650 --> 00:10:55,863
Red. Red, why don't you
help me in the kitchen?

207
00:10:55,905 --> 00:10:57,993
Laurie, make our guest
comfortable.

208
00:10:58,034 --> 00:11:00,330
Hey, g-man.

209
00:11:01,957 --> 00:11:05,045
Okay, red, just because
he sat in your chair

210
00:11:05,087 --> 00:11:09,093
is no reason to get
the boy deported.

211
00:11:09,135 --> 00:11:11,263
You don't like me
because I'm not from here.

212
00:11:11,305 --> 00:11:14,310
This has
nothing to do

213
00:11:14,352 --> 00:11:16,271
with you
being a foreigner.

214
00:11:16,313 --> 00:11:19,234
It's about you taking
advantage of my daughter

215
00:11:19,276 --> 00:11:21,363
like a sneaky foreigner.

216
00:11:23,073 --> 00:11:24,993
Wait, dad, look.

217
00:11:25,035 --> 00:11:27,373
I stayed home from college
to take care of you and mom

218
00:11:27,414 --> 00:11:29,959
in your hour of need.
Okay, you owe me.

219
00:11:30,001 --> 00:11:34,342
That is just like a
woman to bring that up.

220
00:11:34,384 --> 00:11:39,183
You know, Laurie could get
in a lot of trouble, too.

221
00:11:39,225 --> 00:11:40,435
What kind of trouble?

222
00:11:40,477 --> 00:11:42,980
Big trouble, dad.
She could go to jail...

223
00:11:43,022 --> 00:11:46,152
Or back to jail.

224
00:11:46,194 --> 00:11:48,113
Well, come on.
It's like...

225
00:11:48,155 --> 00:11:50,702
Where has she been
for the past two years?

226
00:11:50,742 --> 00:11:53,998
All right, fine,
I won't volunteer anything.

227
00:11:54,040 --> 00:11:57,002
But if he asks me a direct
question, I'm not lying.

228
00:11:57,044 --> 00:11:59,191
Oh, you won't have to. I'll
do all the talking for you.

229
00:11:59,215 --> 00:12:02,470
Well,
you'll be good at that.

230
00:12:02,512 --> 00:12:06,142
And I guess it might
be fun to just sit back

231
00:12:06,184 --> 00:12:07,645
and watch Tarzan here

232
00:12:07,687 --> 00:12:10,858
crumble before the full force
of the U.S. government.

233
00:12:10,900 --> 00:12:14,113
Okay, that's it.
Anwar I can deal with.

234
00:12:14,154 --> 00:12:16,325
Tonto, in the ballpark,
but Tarzan...

235
00:12:16,367 --> 00:12:18,454
Tarzan is a white guy.

236
00:12:21,417 --> 00:12:24,464
Don't sass me, Tarzan.

237
00:12:26,467 --> 00:12:28,470
Michael,
there is no way

238
00:12:28,511 --> 00:12:30,431
Brooke said
you're off the hook.

239
00:12:30,473 --> 00:12:33,436
Okay, I bet she said, "I'm gonna
take every penny you have,

240
00:12:33,478 --> 00:12:36,399
"you irresponsible bastard,"
because that's what I would say.

241
00:12:36,441 --> 00:12:40,489
No. She definitely said
"off the hook."

242
00:12:40,530 --> 00:12:44,328
Man, I am one tall,
cute, lucky kid.

243
00:12:44,369 --> 00:12:47,082
So that's it, man?

244
00:12:47,124 --> 00:12:49,145
It's like this thing with you
and Brooke never happened?

245
00:12:49,169 --> 00:12:51,088
Yeah. Wait, no.

246
00:12:51,130 --> 00:12:54,469
I mean, there's still gonna
be a baby out there. But...

247
00:12:54,511 --> 00:12:57,056
My life's
back to normal.

248
00:12:57,098 --> 00:12:59,602
Sorta.

249
00:12:59,644 --> 00:13:01,480
I mean,
it's kind of weird.

250
00:13:01,522 --> 00:13:03,984
I'm not gonna think about it
'cause I don't need to.

251
00:13:04,026 --> 00:13:06,571
I should be happy
right now.

252
00:13:06,613 --> 00:13:09,409
You know what?
I am happy right now.

253
00:13:09,451 --> 00:13:12,498
Yeah. I think.

254
00:13:12,540 --> 00:13:15,336
Yeah, think, feel,
look deep inside,

255
00:13:15,378 --> 00:13:18,632
like deep, deep
inside almost to China.

256
00:13:18,674 --> 00:13:21,011
There's a good guy
in there.

257
00:13:21,053 --> 00:13:24,099
You know what?
Don't lecture me, okay?

258
00:13:24,141 --> 00:13:26,102
I went to her, and I
tried to talk to her,

259
00:13:26,144 --> 00:13:28,356
and she said it was
cool, which is awesome,

260
00:13:28,398 --> 00:13:31,986
because this could, like,
screw up my whole life.

261
00:13:32,028 --> 00:13:34,032
Yeah, man, you know,
you gotta stay focused

262
00:13:34,074 --> 00:13:36,870
if you're gonna invent
those quadruple oreos.

263
00:13:38,205 --> 00:13:41,419
Those are a secret, man.

264
00:13:41,460 --> 00:13:43,714
No, yeah,
this is good.

265
00:13:43,756 --> 00:13:45,759
Why put yourself out
for some kid?

266
00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:47,404
Children grow up
without dads all the time.

267
00:13:47,428 --> 00:13:49,138
Right.

268
00:13:49,180 --> 00:13:50,558
Yeah,
like Steven.

269
00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:53,688
Well, I don't want him
ending up like Hyde.

270
00:13:53,730 --> 00:13:58,529
With hair all frizzed out
with angry thoughts.

271
00:13:59,406 --> 00:14:01,409
Ow!

272
00:14:01,451 --> 00:14:03,829
And violent, too.

273
00:14:03,871 --> 00:14:07,501
Kelso, you know
what you should do,

274
00:14:07,543 --> 00:14:09,564
but you're not gonna do it
'cause you're too much of a tool.

275
00:14:09,589 --> 00:14:11,592
You know what?
It's real easy

276
00:14:11,634 --> 00:14:12,694
to talk about
the right thing to do

277
00:14:12,718 --> 00:14:15,389
when it's not
your life.

278
00:14:15,431 --> 00:14:17,684
Tool.

279
00:14:17,726 --> 00:14:20,898
Oh, Steven, you're
sensitive to this

280
00:14:20,940 --> 00:14:22,651
because your father
ditched you, too.

281
00:14:22,692 --> 00:14:24,947
That is so foxy.

282
00:14:24,988 --> 00:14:27,742
Hey, why don't we
go down to my room,

283
00:14:27,784 --> 00:14:29,620
I'll tell you
about the time

284
00:14:29,662 --> 00:14:31,624
my mom got so loaded
on mouthwash,

285
00:14:31,666 --> 00:14:35,379
she lost our rent money
at the track.

286
00:14:35,421 --> 00:14:37,800
Okay, you two claim to
be married and living here.

287
00:14:37,842 --> 00:14:40,387
To verify this,

288
00:14:40,429 --> 00:14:41,974
I'm going to
separate you all

289
00:14:42,015 --> 00:14:44,393
and ask you a series of
questions about the couple.

290
00:14:44,435 --> 00:14:47,357
Let me remind you,
you're all under oath.

291
00:14:47,398 --> 00:14:48,316
Under oath?

292
00:14:48,358 --> 00:14:50,779
I mean...

293
00:14:50,821 --> 00:14:54,576
Under oath, bravo.

294
00:14:56,621 --> 00:14:59,001
Okay, first question...

295
00:14:59,042 --> 00:15:01,462
What kind of toothpaste
does Fez use?

296
00:15:01,504 --> 00:15:03,423
I brush my teeth
with colgate.

297
00:15:03,465 --> 00:15:06,762
It is the only thing that
cuts through the milk duds.

298
00:15:06,804 --> 00:15:08,682
Who the hell cares
about toothpaste?

299
00:15:08,724 --> 00:15:10,351
This kid and
my daughter are...

300
00:15:10,393 --> 00:15:12,772
Happy, happy, happy!

301
00:15:12,814 --> 00:15:15,568
I... wait,
why am I under oath?

302
00:15:15,609 --> 00:15:18,489
'Cause if I say crest and
the answer is minty crest,

303
00:15:18,531 --> 00:15:20,743
I mean, that's like,
uh, perjury.

304
00:15:20,784 --> 00:15:22,788
What's gonna happen
to me?

305
00:15:22,830 --> 00:15:25,417
Oh, my god, why are you
writing this down?

306
00:15:25,458 --> 00:15:28,255
How long did Fez and Laurie
date before they got married?

307
00:15:28,296 --> 00:15:30,508
Who needs to date?
I had her in the sack

308
00:15:30,550 --> 00:15:33,597
faster than you can say
"corn on the cob."

309
00:15:33,638 --> 00:15:36,685
Speaking of dates, I make
an incredible date-nut bread.

310
00:15:36,727 --> 00:15:39,815
The secret is to soak the
dates in some good strong rum.

311
00:15:39,857 --> 00:15:42,444
Which reminds me,
who needs a drink?

312
00:15:42,485 --> 00:15:45,032
I know I do.

313
00:15:45,074 --> 00:15:47,368
I... I don't know
how long they dated.

314
00:15:47,410 --> 00:15:50,707
I... oh, my god, I'm going
to prison, aren't I?

315
00:15:50,749 --> 00:15:53,587
I'm gonna get shanked.

316
00:15:53,629 --> 00:15:55,590
What is Fez's
favorite TV show?

317
00:15:55,632 --> 00:15:57,342
Well, it depends.

318
00:15:57,384 --> 00:16:00,056
Basically, I just flip
until I see nipples.

319
00:16:00,098 --> 00:16:05,940
Sometimes, I feel like
a loaf of bread.

320
00:16:05,982 --> 00:16:08,653
Everyone keeps taking
a slice of me

321
00:16:08,694 --> 00:16:12,158
until all that's left are two
crusty pieces that nobody wants.

322
00:16:12,199 --> 00:16:14,536
And I just want to scream,
"appreciate me, damn it."

323
00:16:14,578 --> 00:16:16,372
But I don't. Why?

324
00:16:16,414 --> 00:16:18,502
Because my mother
always told me

325
00:16:18,543 --> 00:16:21,006
that nice girls
shouldn't make a fuss.

326
00:16:21,047 --> 00:16:24,761
And now, I am
a flippin' doormat!

327
00:16:24,803 --> 00:16:26,974
Okay, look, man.

328
00:16:27,016 --> 00:16:31,063
Prison is not
an option for me, okay?

329
00:16:31,105 --> 00:16:34,443
I can't pee
in front of other people.

330
00:16:34,485 --> 00:16:36,404
Well...

331
00:16:36,446 --> 00:16:39,660
Despite a few
interesting answers

332
00:16:39,702 --> 00:16:42,790
and one recipe...

333
00:16:42,832 --> 00:16:47,464
My judgment is that your
marriage is legitimate.

334
00:16:47,506 --> 00:16:49,009
Congratulations.

335
00:16:49,051 --> 00:16:53,724
All right,
pepe and I are Americans.

336
00:16:53,765 --> 00:16:58,356
No wonder this country's
going in the toilet.

337
00:16:58,398 --> 00:16:59,942
What was that, sir?

338
00:16:59,984 --> 00:17:02,822
Nothing. Nothing. He said
he has to use the toilet.

339
00:17:02,864 --> 00:17:06,703
That's why he's been
so quiet.

340
00:17:06,745 --> 00:17:09,374
If you're trying to protect
your daughter, don't worry.

341
00:17:09,416 --> 00:17:10,959
We never go after
the bride,

342
00:17:11,001 --> 00:17:14,716
especially
such a pretty one.

343
00:17:14,758 --> 00:17:16,301
If there was
a crime committed,

344
00:17:16,343 --> 00:17:18,638
we'd only be interested
in this one.

345
00:17:18,680 --> 00:17:21,560
So if there's something you
want to say, by all means, say it.

346
00:17:21,602 --> 00:17:23,354
Fine, I will.

347
00:17:31,158 --> 00:17:34,915
I just wanted to say...

348
00:17:34,957 --> 00:17:38,921
These two kids
are married and...

349
00:17:38,963 --> 00:17:41,759
Very much in love.

350
00:17:41,801 --> 00:17:45,473
In fact, I've never seen
a love like this.

351
00:17:47,226 --> 00:17:51,023
Thank you, Mr. Red.
It means a lot.

352
00:17:51,065 --> 00:17:52,985
Hey, what about
thanking me?

353
00:17:53,026 --> 00:17:57,951
This guy tried
to break me.

354
00:17:57,993 --> 00:18:02,416
But lucky for you, double-o
foreman is rock solid.

355
00:18:04,586 --> 00:18:08,844
Wow, you really
are pregnant.

356
00:18:08,885 --> 00:18:11,889
They make them
really tiny now.

357
00:18:11,931 --> 00:18:14,393
Quarter pound,
my ass.

358
00:18:15,562 --> 00:18:17,899
Hey.

359
00:18:17,941 --> 00:18:19,610
I need to talk to you.

360
00:18:19,652 --> 00:18:21,822
Kelso, that's great!

361
00:18:21,864 --> 00:18:24,952
Here, take my seat.
Sit down. Come on.

362
00:18:24,994 --> 00:18:27,665
I'll just be
right over there.

363
00:18:27,707 --> 00:18:29,793
Good for you.

364
00:18:32,923 --> 00:18:35,219
All right.

365
00:18:35,260 --> 00:18:38,182
At first, when you told me
that I was off the hook,

366
00:18:38,224 --> 00:18:40,268
I was like
totally psyched, right?

367
00:18:40,310 --> 00:18:42,271
But then I started
to think about it,

368
00:18:42,313 --> 00:18:46,444
and I don't wanna be
off the hook.

369
00:18:46,486 --> 00:18:48,656
I wanna be a part
of this kid's life.

370
00:18:48,698 --> 00:18:51,578
Michael, I didn't let you
off the hook to be nice.

371
00:18:51,619 --> 00:18:53,706
I just don't think you
understand what it means

372
00:18:53,748 --> 00:18:55,000
to have a baby.

373
00:18:55,042 --> 00:18:57,670
No, but I do.

374
00:18:57,712 --> 00:19:00,633
It means taking him
to t-ball games

375
00:19:00,675 --> 00:19:03,055
and teaching him
how to ride a bike

376
00:19:03,097 --> 00:19:05,474
and taking him to the
doctor when he's sick.

377
00:19:05,516 --> 00:19:07,061
And what if
it's a girl?

378
00:19:07,103 --> 00:19:09,689
Oh, it's not gonna be a girl.
We did it standing up.

379
00:19:13,696 --> 00:19:15,991
Uh-huh.

380
00:19:16,033 --> 00:19:18,955
Okay, maybe this will
change your mind.

381
00:19:18,996 --> 00:19:21,667
I went and got
some stuff today

382
00:19:21,709 --> 00:19:24,671
to welcome the little guy
into the world...

383
00:19:24,713 --> 00:19:29,054
This little sweater
to keep him warm.

384
00:19:29,096 --> 00:19:33,728
And this little hat to keep
the sun off of his face.

385
00:19:33,770 --> 00:19:35,356
And I got some pop rocks

386
00:19:35,398 --> 00:19:38,611
'cause I always wanted to see
a baby eat pop rocks.

387
00:19:41,031 --> 00:19:43,660
Michael,
if you get involved,

388
00:19:43,702 --> 00:19:45,831
I'm just gonna have two
babies to take care of

389
00:19:45,872 --> 00:19:47,750
instead of one.

390
00:19:47,792 --> 00:19:50,964
Look, you can try
to get rid of me,

391
00:19:51,006 --> 00:19:53,717
but I'm not
walking away from this.

392
00:19:53,759 --> 00:19:56,264
I'm sorry.

393
00:19:56,306 --> 00:19:59,769
I just don't want you to
be the father of my child.

394
00:20:11,121 --> 00:20:13,249
This is all your fault.

395
00:20:13,291 --> 00:20:17,297
Yeah, "go talk to her
and do the right thing."

396
00:20:17,339 --> 00:20:20,969
Kelso, I'm so sorry.

397
00:20:21,012 --> 00:20:23,033
I wish there was something I
could do to make you feel better.

398
00:20:23,057 --> 00:20:24,893
Well, there isn't.

399
00:20:24,934 --> 00:20:27,730
Okay, fine.

400
00:20:27,771 --> 00:20:29,066
I'll give you
10 seconds

401
00:20:29,107 --> 00:20:30,943
to squeeze my ass
as much as you want.

402
00:20:41,420 --> 00:20:43,756
I never thought
I'd say this,

403
00:20:43,797 --> 00:20:46,677
but there's some things
that a girl's ass can't fix.

404
00:20:52,686 --> 00:20:54,332
Well, Fez, congratulations
on your green card.

405
00:20:54,356 --> 00:20:56,460
But remember, this is america,
and you still look foreign,

406
00:20:56,484 --> 00:20:59,072
so don't expect
to be treated equally.

407
00:20:59,114 --> 00:21:00,283
Well, I'm going
to become

408
00:21:00,324 --> 00:21:03,120
america's sexiest
singing cowboy.

409
00:21:03,161 --> 00:21:06,666
Howdy, ladies.
Meet pepe.

410
00:21:06,708 --> 00:21:09,171
You know, what's going on
with Brooke really hurts,

411
00:21:09,213 --> 00:21:11,150
but I think in a couple days
when I start to heal,

412
00:21:11,174 --> 00:21:13,487
I'm gonna be really psyched
that Donna let me squeeze her ass.

413
00:21:13,511 --> 00:21:17,017
I mean, even now, i'm
reflecting upon how soft it was.

414
00:21:17,059 --> 00:21:21,274
So what kind of chance do you
think I have with the blonde?

415
00:21:21,298 --> 00:21:23,299
http://hiqve.com/