1 00:00:04,040 --> 00:00:05,640 hey, fez, you know what was awesome? 2 00:00:05,640 --> 00:00:07,560 That time you rode that tree. 3 00:00:08,120 --> 00:00:09,720 How did he ride a tree? 4 00:00:10,080 --> 00:00:12,640 Oh, he climbed it, kelso cut it down. 5 00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:16,120 You guys have a million stories 6 00:00:16,160 --> 00:00:18,480 and you know each other so well. It's like you have your own language. 7 00:00:18,520 --> 00:00:20,360 I don't even understand half the things you say. 8 00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:24,960 If you understand anything that fez says, you're the only one. Burn! 9 00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:31,760 Oh, kelso can't understand me? Now I know how it feels to be a book. Ah-burn! 10 00:00:35,960 --> 00:00:39,360 See? Man, I wanna burn somebody so I can be part of the gang. 11 00:00:39,360 --> 00:00:40,280 This gang? 12 00:00:40,680 --> 00:00:44,200 Angie, the only reason this gang formed was because no one would let us into their gang. 13 00:00:45,280 --> 00:00:46,600 We're like the chess club, 14 00:00:47,720 --> 00:00:49,000 but better looking and... 15 00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:50,440 dumber. 16 00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:55,240 Hey. 17 00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:56,400 Hey. Um, 18 00:00:56,920 --> 00:00:59,600 so was there somethin' you wanted to say to me the other day at the record store? 19 00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:04,000 Oh, yeah. I wanted to talk to you about... 20 00:01:04,880 --> 00:01:05,720 Abba. 21 00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:08,680 Abba? 22 00:01:10,120 --> 00:01:12,400 No, you said you wanted to talk about us. 23 00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:13,720 Right. 24 00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:16,760 Our feelings about abba. 25 00:01:18,560 --> 00:01:19,360 You know what? 26 00:01:19,640 --> 00:01:22,400 Good. Great. Believe me, I don't wanna talk about us, either. 27 00:01:22,840 --> 00:01:25,280 Come on, angie. We were supposed to open the record store, 28 00:01:25,320 --> 00:01:26,960 oh, about seven hours ago. 29 00:01:30,080 --> 00:01:33,440 You told me you wanted to tell hyde that you still love him and you wanted him back. 30 00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:35,720 Yeah, well, it's obvious he doesn't want me back. 31 00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:38,200 So you better not tell him what I said, or I'll be humiliated. 32 00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:40,720 My lips are a seal's. 33 00:01:43,640 --> 00:01:46,680 Don't you mean that your lips are sealed? 34 00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:49,080 I'm not hearing the difference. 35 00:01:50,840 --> 00:01:53,800 Great. Anyways, you guys, I have huge news. 36 00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:57,000 You know how point place cable has that public access channel? 37 00:01:57,040 --> 00:02:00,440 Yeah! Donna, didn't your dad do, like, a belly dancing show there? 38 00:02:03,880 --> 00:02:06,160 He guest-hosted. Shut up. 39 00:02:07,040 --> 00:02:07,760 Anyways, 40 00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:09,640 I'm gonna have my own show! 41 00:02:09,680 --> 00:02:11,360 Just like mary tyler moore. 42 00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:15,240 Oh, except I won't stop for commercials 'cause no one really wants to take a break from me. 43 00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:19,760 I don't know. That week you were in florida-- that was a nice, quiet week. 44 00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:30,120 Have you been in bed all day? 45 00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:31,440 Yeah, I have. 46 00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:36,760 I've been reading the jack kerouac classic "on the road." 47 00:02:37,280 --> 00:02:38,720 See, as I see it, 48 00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:40,320 why get out of bed 49 00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:43,640 when you can read about people who got outta bed? 50 00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:49,640 You have got to be the laziest non-communist I've ever met. 51 00:02:51,320 --> 00:02:55,320 And you are about to read a book that my foot wrote. 52 00:02:56,040 --> 00:02:58,640 It's called "on the road to in your ass." 53 00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:03,240 Okay, now, red, please, let's 54 00:03:03,280 --> 00:03:05,880 hold off on the cursing until happy hour. 55 00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:10,160 This year-off crap better come to an end 56 00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:11,880 or I'm gonna put you in a box 57 00:03:11,920 --> 00:03:13,600 and mail ya to the marines. 58 00:03:15,120 --> 00:03:16,600 Oh, don't worry, honey. 59 00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:19,240 Your father's too cheap to mail something that heavy. 60 00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:23,440 He just wants you to have some direction, and so do I. 61 00:03:23,480 --> 00:03:27,600 And you are in luck because I got the new issue of "cosmo." 62 00:03:28,440 --> 00:03:32,160 Oh. Well, I'm just not sure I need seven new ways to please my man. 63 00:03:37,600 --> 00:03:38,360 No. 64 00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:39,800 No. Honey, 65 00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:42,560 it's a job aptitude test. Okay, 66 00:03:42,720 --> 00:03:44,240 question number one-- 67 00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:47,080 "do you consider yourself creative?" 68 00:03:48,080 --> 00:03:49,080 - Well-- - yes! 69 00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:52,600 You were a little wiz at macaroni art. 70 00:03:53,640 --> 00:03:56,760 "Do you prefer to work alone or with others?" 71 00:03:57,400 --> 00:03:58,480 - Alone. - Nope. 72 00:03:58,480 --> 00:03:59,920 You love people. 73 00:04:00,920 --> 00:04:03,080 Okay, question three -- "do you..." 74 00:04:03,320 --> 00:04:04,720 well, that's easy. 75 00:04:06,160 --> 00:04:08,840 Look, mom, I'm happy just enjoying my world. 76 00:04:08,880 --> 00:04:12,880 I'm like an explorer I'm exactly like christopher columbus, 77 00:04:13,240 --> 00:04:14,360 except, you know, I've 78 00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:17,120 I've been incredibly distracted by television. 79 00:04:19,120 --> 00:04:20,600 Okay! All done. 80 00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:24,120 Now, according to your answers... 81 00:04:27,080 --> 00:04:29,320 you should be a nurse! 82 00:05:04,940 --> 00:05:07,100 okay, fez, since you're helping me with set dressing, 83 00:05:07,100 --> 00:05:09,780 I want the set to reflect my sparkling personality. 84 00:05:09,820 --> 00:05:11,180 I want it to say "jackie." 85 00:05:11,620 --> 00:05:13,900 Okay, let me see. Maybe some glitter, a disco ball... 86 00:05:13,900 --> 00:05:16,580 uh-huh. I want a big sign that says "jackie." 87 00:05:19,420 --> 00:05:20,620 I hate this room. 88 00:05:21,260 --> 00:05:24,420 It reminds me of my dad dancing around half-naked with finger cymbals. 89 00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:29,220 Well, my show is gonna be a news show 90 00:05:29,260 --> 00:05:30,900 all-nude or just topless? 91 00:05:33,860 --> 00:05:35,860 Not nude-- news! 92 00:05:35,940 --> 00:05:37,340 I'm not hearing the difference. 93 00:05:38,980 --> 00:05:42,060 Jackie, how are you gonna tell people the news if you don't know any news? 94 00:05:42,220 --> 00:05:45,140 I know all the news that's really important, like 95 00:05:45,180 --> 00:05:48,580 who's got a new car, what store is having a sale on leggings 96 00:05:48,700 --> 00:05:49,660 and, uh, 97 00:05:49,980 --> 00:05:52,420 and if there'll ever be peace in the middle-east. 98 00:05:54,540 --> 00:05:56,940 who am I kidding? No one cares about China. 99 00:06:03,980 --> 00:06:05,780 Hey, Eric, can I have some of your fries? 100 00:06:05,820 --> 00:06:06,500 Sure. 101 00:06:06,540 --> 00:06:08,500 Well, I don't want any. Burn! 102 00:06:11,380 --> 00:06:14,820 I think you're confusing a burn with just talking. 103 00:06:18,740 --> 00:06:20,060 Eric, can I have some fries? 104 00:06:20,100 --> 00:06:21,260 yeah, help yourself. 105 00:06:24,300 --> 00:06:25,540 Burn! 106 00:06:28,500 --> 00:06:32,620 Yeah, um, I knew you were gonna do that so I spit in 'em. Burn! 107 00:06:37,340 --> 00:06:38,300 Totally. 108 00:06:38,380 --> 00:06:39,460 Hey, hey, hey, hey! 109 00:06:39,740 --> 00:06:42,060 You ate his spit! Burn! 110 00:06:46,780 --> 00:06:50,020 Uh, that's a piggyback burn. We don't do that. 111 00:06:51,780 --> 00:06:52,740 Come on Angie. 112 00:06:52,740 --> 00:06:54,660 You've gotta do inventory in the store room 113 00:06:54,700 --> 00:06:56,740 and I gotta go sleep behind a box. 114 00:06:57,700 --> 00:06:59,820 Man, you want to, uh, catch a movie or something? 115 00:06:59,860 --> 00:07:02,180 Nah. I gotta go down to the police academy. 116 00:07:02,220 --> 00:07:04,220 They're gonna teach me what prisoners feel like. 117 00:07:04,260 --> 00:07:07,500 Guys are gonna handcuff me to a flagpole for a few hours. 118 00:07:09,220 --> 00:07:11,860 It's not in the curriculum, but they say it's required. 119 00:07:18,500 --> 00:07:19,540 Hey, uh... 120 00:07:20,260 --> 00:07:22,900 I'm sorry, are you reading the new "mighty spectaculus"? 121 00:07:22,940 --> 00:07:24,220 Yeah. You a fan? 122 00:07:25,060 --> 00:07:27,820 When trouble arrives by car or bus, we summon... 123 00:07:27,860 --> 00:07:31,140 - The mighty spectaculus! - The mighty spectaculus! 124 00:07:33,700 --> 00:07:34,980 They call me eric forman. 125 00:07:35,740 --> 00:07:37,740 Stew bailey. No relation to beetle. 126 00:07:39,940 --> 00:07:41,340 Hey, Stew, I mean, if you're interested, 127 00:07:41,380 --> 00:07:44,900 they're havin'a spectaculus spectacular down at the atomic comic book nook. 128 00:07:46,420 --> 00:07:47,420 You're probably-- 129 00:07:47,580 --> 00:07:49,260 You probably have to get back to work or something. 130 00:07:49,500 --> 00:07:51,580 I don't have to be anywhere. I don't have a job. 131 00:07:51,860 --> 00:07:53,020 How old are you? 132 00:07:53,300 --> 00:07:56,300 Well, let's just say I'm two years older than professor Reveng-O. 133 00:07:57,660 --> 00:07:58,740 36. 134 00:08:01,180 --> 00:08:02,580 S-so then, Stew, 135 00:08:03,300 --> 00:08:04,620 what do you do all day? 136 00:08:05,180 --> 00:08:06,300 You're lookin' at it. 137 00:08:08,500 --> 00:08:10,140 Oh, we're gonna be good friends. 138 00:08:18,140 --> 00:08:18,780 Fez, 139 00:08:19,540 --> 00:08:22,180 jackie's show is about to start. Aren't you supposed to be helping her? 140 00:08:22,220 --> 00:08:26,100 She asked me to make a giant sign with her name on it, so I said, "you got it Baby!" 141 00:08:26,100 --> 00:08:28,340 so then I went to get some ice cream 142 00:08:28,340 --> 00:08:31,140 and then I went to play some space invaders 143 00:08:31,180 --> 00:08:33,580 and, um, and then I came here to watch the show. 144 00:08:36,380 --> 00:08:39,780 I could never be on tv, unless it was johnny carson 145 00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:44,420 Because I have a very funny story about a cheeto that looked just like jesus. 146 00:08:52,380 --> 00:08:53,380 So, Fez... 147 00:08:54,740 --> 00:08:56,980 you've been hanging out a lot lately with jackie. 148 00:08:57,300 --> 00:09:00,540 Any idea what she wanted to talk to me about at the record store the other day? 149 00:09:00,700 --> 00:09:04,220 Um, I don't know. I was there. I mean, I-i wasn't there. I, uh... 150 00:09:06,260 --> 00:09:08,100 I was, uh, I was away... 151 00:09:10,700 --> 00:09:11,580 on business. 152 00:09:16,100 --> 00:09:20,460 Well, if she wanted to get back together, that's something I wouldn't mind knowing. 153 00:09:20,620 --> 00:09:23,100 So why don't you just go ahead and spill the beans? 154 00:09:24,300 --> 00:09:25,020 Beans? 155 00:09:26,580 --> 00:09:28,140 What beans? 156 00:09:28,660 --> 00:09:31,300 The only beans are in your head, 157 00:09:31,340 --> 00:09:33,180 You little bean-head! 158 00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:38,500 Anyway.. 159 00:09:39,980 --> 00:09:44,100 I opened the bag, and there he was-- the beard and everything. 160 00:09:46,460 --> 00:09:47,300 Oh, Oh! 161 00:09:47,820 --> 00:09:49,340 Jackie's about to start. 162 00:09:49,820 --> 00:09:51,260 Okay, jackie, are you ready? 163 00:09:51,420 --> 00:09:53,900 Yeah, of course. I've got this thing's down path. 164 00:09:53,940 --> 00:09:56,100 Okay, so after the weather report, 165 00:09:56,100 --> 00:09:58,180 I'm gonna get into the problem with the spirit squad. 166 00:09:58,340 --> 00:09:59,420 They're all fat. 167 00:09:59,740 --> 00:10:02,100 That's my commentary. I'm anti-fat. 168 00:10:02,740 --> 00:10:03,380 Okay. 169 00:10:03,660 --> 00:10:06,460 Ten seconds until you're on the air, offending thousands of people. 170 00:10:08,940 --> 00:10:10,260 Thousands of people? 171 00:10:10,420 --> 00:10:13,100 In 5... 4... 3... 172 00:10:19,100 --> 00:10:20,700 You didn't say 2 or 1. 173 00:10:20,860 --> 00:10:22,540 It's because you're on now! 174 00:10:23,220 --> 00:10:24,260 Well, but I'm not... 175 00:10:26,540 --> 00:10:27,620 hi. 176 00:10:29,060 --> 00:10:31,020 I'm Backie Jurkhart. 177 00:10:31,300 --> 00:10:32,420 Jackie burkhart! 178 00:10:32,460 --> 00:10:33,660 - What? - It's your name! 179 00:10:33,700 --> 00:10:35,580 - I know what my name - you said backie jurkhart. 180 00:10:35,620 --> 00:10:37,140 Okay, stop talking or you're fired! 181 00:10:38,260 --> 00:10:39,060 Fine. 182 00:10:39,700 --> 00:10:40,740 You're on your own. 183 00:10:41,660 --> 00:10:42,460 I'm what? 184 00:10:45,740 --> 00:10:46,860 Oh dear... 185 00:10:48,260 --> 00:10:49,860 she's not so good. 186 00:10:51,740 --> 00:10:53,940 She's sweatin' like muhammed Ali 187 00:10:58,180 --> 00:10:59,980 cut to her boobs. 188 00:11:01,220 --> 00:11:02,900 Oh, who's directing this thing? 189 00:11:13,380 --> 00:11:16,380 well, guess we can't just sit and talk about comic books all day. 190 00:11:17,020 --> 00:11:18,660 Let's do some"star wars" trivia. Go. 191 00:11:19,860 --> 00:11:20,860 Oh, I got a stumper. 192 00:11:20,980 --> 00:11:23,180 Who is luke and obi-wan's nemesis at-- 193 00:11:23,220 --> 00:11:24,940 doctor Evazan. 194 00:11:26,620 --> 00:11:28,220 Man, you're good. 195 00:11:28,900 --> 00:11:30,420 look, let me ask you a question. 196 00:11:31,180 --> 00:11:32,660 Some people think that 197 00:11:32,700 --> 00:11:35,900 if I keep living, you know, "without a purpose" 198 00:11:36,100 --> 00:11:37,460 that I'll be all, 199 00:11:38,060 --> 00:11:39,940 I don't know, unfulfilled and stuff. 200 00:11:41,860 --> 00:11:44,060 Do you ever feel unfulfilled? 201 00:11:45,300 --> 00:11:47,980 I've seen "star wars" in seven different states. 202 00:11:48,940 --> 00:11:51,900 I even met the midget that they stuck inside r2-d2. 203 00:11:53,220 --> 00:11:55,140 What could be more fulfilling than that? 204 00:11:56,900 --> 00:11:58,140 I don't know. 205 00:12:00,100 --> 00:12:01,340 Hey, dorks. 206 00:12:01,420 --> 00:12:04,300 Listen, uh, angie had a really rough day at work, 207 00:12:04,300 --> 00:12:08,700 so I'm gonna rub her feet and you might wanna clear out before I start rubbin' other stuff. 208 00:12:09,740 --> 00:12:11,860 Eric, come over later. We'll game. 209 00:12:12,220 --> 00:12:13,620 Who was that guy? 210 00:12:13,740 --> 00:12:14,620 That's this guy St-- 211 00:12:14,620 --> 00:12:16,500 I don't care! Burn! 212 00:12:23,140 --> 00:12:27,660 Angie, you're cute as a button, but you burn like a botard. 213 00:12:30,420 --> 00:12:34,940 Look, if you wanna burn someone, you gotta embarrass them to make other people laugh. 214 00:12:34,940 --> 00:12:39,260 You want to combine the elements of humiliation and surprise. 215 00:12:41,380 --> 00:12:42,820 Dude, what the hell? 216 00:12:45,180 --> 00:12:46,580 Burn! 217 00:12:50,700 --> 00:12:51,540 Oh, hey. 218 00:12:51,980 --> 00:12:53,900 Jackie, uh, I saw your show. 219 00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:56,460 It isn't as good as a lot of other shows. 220 00:12:58,820 --> 00:12:59,420 No. 221 00:13:00,580 --> 00:13:03,700 It was great for people who think regular tv is too entertaining. 222 00:13:06,500 --> 00:13:07,780 I freaked out. 223 00:13:08,220 --> 00:13:11,540 I mean, the cameras turned on and I realized I'm completely alone. 224 00:13:12,380 --> 00:13:15,100 I'm alone on tv and I'm alone in real life. 225 00:13:16,980 --> 00:13:18,420 I don't know what I'm gonna do. 226 00:13:25,020 --> 00:13:25,740 Burn! 227 00:13:28,780 --> 00:13:30,100 Oh, my god! 228 00:13:33,780 --> 00:13:34,540 Uh... 229 00:13:35,660 --> 00:13:40,060 uh, I forgot to tell you the part about you don't burn someone who's already crying. 230 00:13:46,060 --> 00:13:46,700 Okay, 231 00:13:47,180 --> 00:13:49,740 best side kick-- Robin or Aqualad? 232 00:13:50,100 --> 00:13:50,860 Ooh. 233 00:13:51,340 --> 00:13:54,140 Uh, toughie. Is the villain they're fighting terrestrial 234 00:13:54,300 --> 00:13:55,260 or Aquatic? 235 00:13:56,340 --> 00:14:00,140 Stewie, you didn't tell me you were having a friend over. 236 00:14:01,420 --> 00:14:02,820 Eric, this is my mom. 237 00:14:09,380 --> 00:14:11,020 Y-you still live with your mom? 238 00:14:11,940 --> 00:14:13,700 Oh, she's more than just my mother. 239 00:14:13,740 --> 00:14:15,140 She's my best friend. 240 00:14:17,700 --> 00:14:19,820 She's your best friend?! 241 00:14:21,460 --> 00:14:22,300 Well, 242 00:14:22,340 --> 00:14:24,340 you're givin' her a run for her money. 243 00:14:26,780 --> 00:14:27,820 Okay, I gotta go. 244 00:14:27,860 --> 00:14:29,420 Are you sure? 245 00:14:29,500 --> 00:14:33,940 I was about to make sandwiches in the shape of x-wing fighters. 246 00:14:35,100 --> 00:14:36,060 Uh, 247 00:14:36,100 --> 00:14:38,500 no, really. Well-- no, I gotta go. 248 00:14:46,420 --> 00:14:47,620 What are you doin'? 249 00:14:47,740 --> 00:14:49,700 I'm throwin' out all my comic books. 250 00:14:53,900 --> 00:14:55,700 I saw my future today and... 251 00:14:56,460 --> 00:14:58,260 well, it's living with its mother. 252 00:15:03,580 --> 00:15:06,140 Yeah, well, I saw my future and it sweats. 253 00:15:08,180 --> 00:15:09,300 Wait, wait, wait. Hold on. 254 00:15:09,740 --> 00:15:10,700 You sweat? 255 00:15:12,260 --> 00:15:14,540 Uh, would you happen to have a picture, some 256 00:15:14,540 --> 00:15:16,220 tape of this that I could laugh at? 257 00:15:17,860 --> 00:15:20,140 Eric, I tried to have my own tv show, 258 00:15:20,220 --> 00:15:21,300 and I failed. 259 00:15:21,540 --> 00:15:24,460 My life is over. I'm not good enough to be on tv. 260 00:15:24,900 --> 00:15:26,220 No, jackie... 261 00:15:28,860 --> 00:15:29,980 okay, come on. 262 00:15:30,180 --> 00:15:31,580 You're good-looking, 263 00:15:31,780 --> 00:15:35,180 you're incredibly superficial and you lie constantly. 264 00:15:37,380 --> 00:15:39,420 I think you're perfect for tv. 265 00:15:42,260 --> 00:15:43,660 Do you really think so? 266 00:15:43,700 --> 00:15:44,420 Yeah. 267 00:15:45,340 --> 00:15:46,020 I mean... 268 00:15:47,100 --> 00:15:49,540 jeez, look, at least you're doing something with your life. 269 00:15:50,740 --> 00:15:52,620 I have wasted an entire year. 270 00:15:52,660 --> 00:15:54,020 Eric, let me stop you right there, 271 00:15:54,380 --> 00:15:57,860 okay? Since you were kind enough to cheer me up when my spirits were low, 272 00:15:58,380 --> 00:15:59,820 I'm gonna go. Thanks! 273 00:16:10,020 --> 00:16:11,580 Hey, forman, let me ask you a question. 274 00:16:12,220 --> 00:16:13,820 What do you think about me and jackie? 275 00:16:14,660 --> 00:16:16,420 Well, man, you know what I think. 276 00:16:16,940 --> 00:16:18,900 I think that jackie is evil incarnate. 277 00:16:20,220 --> 00:16:23,180 I think that if you were to cut off one of her hands, it would 278 00:16:23,220 --> 00:16:25,100 probably grow back into another jackie. 279 00:16:27,700 --> 00:16:29,660 Look, before jackie, 280 00:16:30,220 --> 00:16:32,940 you were just some pissed-off guy in my basement. 281 00:16:34,380 --> 00:16:35,620 But with her... 282 00:16:37,420 --> 00:16:38,980 I mean, you seemed happy, man. 283 00:16:39,660 --> 00:16:40,980 Hey, I was never happy. 284 00:16:42,940 --> 00:16:44,500 I was just less pissed off. 285 00:16:46,100 --> 00:16:46,700 Hyde... 286 00:16:49,140 --> 00:16:52,420 I lied to you when I told you that I was away on business. 287 00:16:56,460 --> 00:16:57,220 No. 288 00:17:01,300 --> 00:17:02,020 yes. 289 00:17:04,540 --> 00:17:06,660 And I know what jackie wanted to tell you. 290 00:17:07,300 --> 00:17:08,580 She still loves you. 291 00:17:09,500 --> 00:17:10,100 What? 292 00:17:10,460 --> 00:17:13,100 Yeah. She said she was wrong and that she wanted you back. 293 00:17:13,340 --> 00:17:14,620 She was vulnerable, 294 00:17:15,500 --> 00:17:16,820 so I tried to french her. 295 00:17:19,940 --> 00:17:21,300 But no-go. 296 00:17:27,420 --> 00:17:28,620 Shouldn't jackie be here by now? 297 00:17:28,660 --> 00:17:31,020 Yeah. She's supposed to go on in, like, a minute. 298 00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:32,900 I don't think she's gonna show up. 299 00:17:33,380 --> 00:17:33,980 What? 300 00:17:36,500 --> 00:17:39,780 No! But we were gonna do this whole segment on sluts. 301 00:17:41,180 --> 00:17:42,820 And I was gonna be the slut expert. 302 00:17:42,860 --> 00:17:45,180 That's the only kind of expert I'm ever gonna be! 303 00:17:47,140 --> 00:17:49,460 Hey. Jackie, I can't believe you showed up. 304 00:17:50,100 --> 00:17:51,820 I can't believe i showed up. 305 00:17:51,860 --> 00:17:53,980 What am I doing with my life? 306 00:17:54,260 --> 00:17:56,380 Okay, come on, people. We got a show to do. 307 00:17:56,420 --> 00:17:58,100 okay. In 3... 308 00:18:01,500 --> 00:18:02,260 hi, 309 00:18:02,340 --> 00:18:05,540 I'm jackie burkhart, and here's all the news you need to know. 310 00:18:05,580 --> 00:18:07,540 This just in-- slacks are out. 311 00:18:07,580 --> 00:18:10,300 So, ladies, shave those legs and put on a skirt! 312 00:18:12,340 --> 00:18:13,260 Up next, 313 00:18:13,500 --> 00:18:17,780 senior correspondent michael kelso joins me for a very exciting segment I like to call 314 00:18:17,820 --> 00:18:18,700 "slut 315 00:18:18,980 --> 00:18:19,980 or not." 316 00:18:20,420 --> 00:18:21,380 Michael, welcome. 317 00:18:21,420 --> 00:18:22,420 Hi, jackie. 318 00:18:23,020 --> 00:18:23,780 Ladies. 319 00:18:25,060 --> 00:18:26,420 Okay, let's get started. 320 00:18:28,020 --> 00:18:29,420 Marcy cavanaugh. 321 00:18:30,060 --> 00:18:30,860 Slut. 322 00:18:32,660 --> 00:18:33,740 Susie rice. 323 00:18:34,820 --> 00:18:35,620 Slut. 324 00:18:37,500 --> 00:18:39,500 Hey, could you zoom out a sec? 325 00:18:40,940 --> 00:18:42,700 Ooh, jenny keene. 326 00:18:43,100 --> 00:18:46,460 Partly slutty with a chance of severe sluttiness. 327 00:18:50,580 --> 00:18:52,220 Angie, what the hell?! 328 00:18:52,420 --> 00:18:53,100 Burn? 329 00:18:55,540 --> 00:18:56,300 Burn! 330 00:18:58,860 --> 00:18:59,780 Well, 331 00:19:00,380 --> 00:19:03,540 there you have it, america-- your first televised burn. 332 00:19:03,580 --> 00:19:06,660 Up next,a hard-hitting segment called "girls with moustaches." 333 00:19:06,700 --> 00:19:08,980 Don't touch that dial, sherry papadakis! 334 00:19:17,220 --> 00:19:18,340 Hey, man, is jackie around? 335 00:19:18,380 --> 00:19:19,020 Hey. 336 00:19:19,580 --> 00:19:21,140 Yeah, but I thought you weren't talking to her. 337 00:19:23,580 --> 00:19:25,860 you're gonna make up with her, aren't you? 338 00:19:26,860 --> 00:19:30,180 Oh, you're gonna tell herthat you love her! 339 00:19:31,260 --> 00:19:34,460 And your little sunglasses are gonna get all fogged up. 340 00:19:35,980 --> 00:19:37,860 Jackie, there's someone here to see you. 341 00:19:39,340 --> 00:19:40,020 Hey. 342 00:19:40,700 --> 00:19:43,020 Uh, I thought maybe we would talk for a minute. 343 00:19:43,180 --> 00:19:44,620 Is it about my show? 344 00:19:44,900 --> 00:19:46,980 'Cause it was awesome! Steven, 345 00:19:47,260 --> 00:19:50,180 I went on and I did great, and I did it on my own! 346 00:19:50,220 --> 00:19:53,380 I mean, I've never been more proud of myself in my entire life. 347 00:19:53,580 --> 00:19:55,540 I'm gonna do great on my own. 348 00:19:56,220 --> 00:19:58,180 I'm sorry. What did you want to talk to me about? 349 00:19:59,740 --> 00:20:00,340 Well, 350 00:20:00,540 --> 00:20:01,340 um... 351 00:20:04,900 --> 00:20:07,340 I just wanted to say congratulations on your show. 352 00:20:08,740 --> 00:20:09,860 - Thank you. - Yeah. 353 00:20:10,620 --> 00:20:12,740 Did you see michael with his pants down? 354 00:20:16,820 --> 00:20:17,420 No. 355 00:20:19,300 --> 00:20:21,340 But I don't need a tv to see that. 356 00:20:22,540 --> 00:20:23,580 Bye. 357 00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:28,360 Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, 358 00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:32,240 and welcome to the full half-hour of "slut or not." 359 00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:35,840 I've got a phone book here and a wealth of experience with fooling around, 360 00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:37,240 so let's get started. 361 00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:39,160 "Beverly addison." 362 00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:42,280 I don't know her personally, but I've heard she has a tattoo. 363 00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:44,400 So congratulations, beverly addison. 364 00:20:44,440 --> 00:20:46,160 You are a slut. 365 00:20:47,360 --> 00:20:49,920 What the hell happened to this country? 366 00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:55,280 I know beverly addison, and I'm glad somebody finally said it.