1
00:00:03,336 --> 00:00:07,840
[THEME FROM
AMERICAN BANDSTAND PLAYING]

2
00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:09,174
(DICK CLARK) YEAH,
THAT'S A GOOD SOUND.

3
00:00:09,342 --> 00:00:10,592
NOW, COMING UP IN
THE SECOND HALF HOUR

4
00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:12,136
OF AMERICAN BANDSTAND,

5
00:00:12,303 --> 00:00:14,847
SHIELDS AND YARNELL,
ELTON JOHN AND KIKI DEE.

6
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,849
AND NOW THE SPOTLIGHT DANCE.

7
00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:19,727
THIS IS MR. LOU RAWLS.

8
00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:24,690
♪♪♪

9
00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:50,632
JACKIE... DOOR... KNOCK!

10
00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:52,301
SORRY, I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU'D BE DOING ANYTHING

11
00:00:52,469 --> 00:00:55,554
SO EMBARRASSING.

12
00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:56,722
IS DONNA HERE?

13
00:00:56,806 --> 00:00:58,057
NO.

14
00:00:58,224 --> 00:00:59,725
I NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE.

15
00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:02,561
I COULD REALLY USE
A FRIEND RIGHT NOW.

16
00:01:02,729 --> 00:01:05,939
OKAY, THEN, WELL,
GOOD LUCK WITH THAT.

17
00:01:06,107 --> 00:01:08,567
ERIC! CAN I TALK TO YOU?

18
00:01:08,735 --> 00:01:10,778
LOOK, I'VE ALWAYS
BEEN ABLE TO TRUST YOU.

19
00:01:10,945 --> 00:01:12,237
AND GOD, YOU'RE SUCH A NICE GUY.

20
00:01:12,405 --> 00:01:14,740
NO, I'M NOT.

21
00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:16,950
YES, YOU ARE.

22
00:01:19,954 --> 00:01:22,706
OKAY. OKAY.

23
00:01:24,292 --> 00:01:25,584
UM, WHAT HAPPENED?

24
00:01:25,752 --> 00:01:29,671
DID KELSO FORGET
YOUR BIRTHDAY OR SOMETHING?

25
00:01:29,839 --> 00:01:32,091
I'M PREGNANT.

26
00:01:42,977 --> 00:01:44,311
ERIC, YOU'RE, LIKE,
A MILLION MILES AWAY.

27
00:01:44,479 --> 00:01:45,854
WHAT'S GOING ON?

28
00:01:46,022 --> 00:01:47,314
OKAY, DONNA, I HAVE TO
TELL YOU SOMETHING,

29
00:01:47,482 --> 00:01:48,774
BUT YOU HAVE TO PROMISE
YOU'RE NOT GOING

30
00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:50,025
TO TELL ANYBODY ELSE.

31
00:01:50,193 --> 00:01:51,819
DER, I SWEAR. NOW TELL ME.

32
00:01:51,986 --> 00:01:54,154
NOT HERE.

33
00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:07,626
♪ HANGIN' OUT ♪

34
00:02:07,794 --> 00:02:11,213
♪ DOWN THE STREET ♪

35
00:02:11,381 --> 00:02:14,967
♪ THE SAME OLD THING ♪

36
00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:18,762
♪ WE DID LAST WEEK ♪

37
00:02:18,930 --> 00:02:22,391
♪ NOT A THING TO DO ♪

38
00:02:22,559 --> 00:02:25,727
♪ BUT TALK TO YOU ♪

39
00:02:25,895 --> 00:02:27,771
♪ WHOA, YEAH ♪

40
00:02:27,939 --> 00:02:30,190
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY CARSEY-WERNER
PRODUCTIONS AND FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY

41
00:02:30,358 --> 00:02:32,317
HELLO, WISCONSIN!

42
00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:35,529
OF COURSE I SUPPORT
THE WOLVERINES.

43
00:02:35,697 --> 00:02:36,697
I HAVE TO.

44
00:02:36,781 --> 00:02:40,075
I'M A CHEERLEADER,
NOT A CHEER LIAR.

45
00:02:40,243 --> 00:02:42,161
AND THEN, IN THE DREAM,
TWO OF THE THREE STOOGES

46
00:02:42,328 --> 00:02:44,830
BRING ME GRAPES.

47
00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:49,251
WHILE I PLAYED THEM A BEAUTIFUL
SONG ON MY ACCORDION...

48
00:02:49,419 --> 00:02:52,254
IN THE NUDE.

49
00:02:52,422 --> 00:02:54,506
SOMEHOW THE ACCORDION
PART BOTHERS ME MORE

50
00:02:54,674 --> 00:02:56,800
THAN THE NUDE PART.

51
00:02:56,968 --> 00:02:58,135
MICHAEL, STOP IT.

52
00:02:58,303 --> 00:02:59,344
WHAT DID I DO?

53
00:02:59,512 --> 00:03:01,763
LOOK, I JUST NEED ALL THE FOOD
I CAN GET RIGHT NOW.

54
00:03:01,931 --> 00:03:05,309
HA-HA-HA-HA! HA-HA-HA-HA!

55
00:03:06,144 --> 00:03:08,020
HI.

56
00:03:08,688 --> 00:03:11,148
UH, I HAVE TO GO
TO THE BATHROOM.

57
00:03:11,316 --> 00:03:13,859
JACKIE?

58
00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:16,528
OH MY GOD, DONNA,
YOU HAVE NEVER ASKED ME

59
00:03:16,696 --> 00:03:19,072
TO GO TO THE BATHROOM
WITH YOU BEFORE.

60
00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:21,491
YEAH, IT'S A BIG DAY.

61
00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:29,708
MAN, SHE HAS BEEN
ACTING SO WEIRD LATELY.

62
00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:31,126
I'M TELLING YOU GUYS,
I THINK IT'S TIME

63
00:03:31,294 --> 00:03:32,836
I BREAK UP WITH HER.

64
00:03:33,004 --> 00:03:35,923
OH, THAT'S REAL NICE.
WHY DON'T YOU GROW UP?

65
00:03:41,429 --> 00:03:44,556
SO, IS IT TRUE?

66
00:03:44,724 --> 00:03:46,725
YES, DONNA, IT IS TRUE.

67
00:03:46,893 --> 00:03:49,686
I AM CARRYING
MICHAEL KELSO'S CHILD.

68
00:03:49,854 --> 00:03:53,565
JACKIE, YOU'RE A SOPHOMORE.
HOW CAN YOU BE SO STUPID?

69
00:03:53,733 --> 00:03:57,527
I'M A SOPHOMORE.

70
00:03:57,695 --> 00:04:01,615
WELL, WHY DON'T YOU,
LIKE, USE SOMETHING?

71
00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:04,159
LOOK, I WOULD HAVE, BUT
MY COUSIN CARLA TOLD ME

72
00:04:04,327 --> 00:04:08,247
THAT I COULD NOT GET PREGNANT
FOR 8 DAYS AFTER MY PERIOD.

73
00:04:08,414 --> 00:04:14,086
OKAY, 8 DAYS AFTER YOUR
FIRST DAY OR YOUR LAST DAY?

74
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:17,589
I DON'T KNOW, CARLA
NEVER CALLED ME BACK.

75
00:04:18,466 --> 00:04:19,591
OH MY GOD, DONNA,
HAVING THIS CHILD

76
00:04:19,759 --> 00:04:21,051
IS GOING TO RUIN MY WHOLE LIFE.

77
00:04:21,219 --> 00:04:22,219
WELL, YEAH.

78
00:04:22,345 --> 00:04:23,505
GOD, I'LL HAVE TO WEAR FLATS.

79
00:04:23,638 --> 00:04:27,891
I'LL GAIN WEIGHT.
I'LL BE TOO FAT TO CHEER.

80
00:04:28,059 --> 00:04:29,351
NOT TO MENTION THE FACT
YOU'LL HAVE A BABY

81
00:04:29,519 --> 00:04:31,103
TO TAKE CARE OF.

82
00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:32,938
DONNA, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?

83
00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:34,147
I'M IN SUCH TROUBLE.

84
00:04:34,315 --> 00:04:37,818
JACKIE, IT'S ALL RIGHT.
WE'LL GET THROUGH THIS.

85
00:04:37,986 --> 00:04:39,444
WHAT DOES KELSO
SAY ABOUT ALL THIS?

86
00:04:39,612 --> 00:04:41,613
NO, NO, NO, NO.
I CANNOT TELL MICHAEL.

87
00:04:41,781 --> 00:04:43,448
IT'S WAY TOO EMBARRASSING.

88
00:04:43,616 --> 00:04:47,244
JACKIE, YOU HAD SEX WITH HIM.

89
00:04:47,412 --> 00:04:50,455
I KNOW I DID,
BUT WE DIDN'T TALK.

90
00:04:51,165 --> 00:04:54,876
YOU HAVE TO TELL KELSO.
IF YOU DON'T, I WILL.

91
00:04:56,587 --> 00:04:58,422
THANK YOU, DONNA. THANK YOU.

92
00:04:58,589 --> 00:05:00,549
OH, THANK YOU!

93
00:05:01,175 --> 00:05:03,176
JACKIE, I DON'T
WANT TO TELL HIM.

94
00:05:03,344 --> 00:05:05,929
[CRASH]

95
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:13,812
I THINK HE KNOWS.

96
00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:24,323
WHAT?

97
00:05:24,449 --> 00:05:26,742
NOTHING. NOTHING.

98
00:05:26,909 --> 00:05:28,327
WE'RE JUST... WE'RE...
WE'RE A LITTLE SURPRISED

99
00:05:28,494 --> 00:05:30,203
THAT YOU'RE HOME, THAT'S ALL.

100
00:05:30,371 --> 00:05:31,621
IT'S NO BIG DEAL, YOU KNOW.

101
00:05:31,789 --> 00:05:34,833
I JUST DIDN'T FEEL LIKE GOING
AWAY FOR SPRING BREAK.

102
00:05:35,668 --> 00:05:39,713
HONEY, IS THERE A WARRANT OUT
FOR YOU IN FORT LAUDERDALE?

103
00:05:39,881 --> 00:05:42,341
NOW, KITTY, I'M SURE
SHE'S JUST HOME

104
00:05:42,508 --> 00:05:45,469
TO SPEND TIME WITH US AND ERIC.

105
00:05:48,848 --> 00:05:51,391
WHY ARE YOU HOME?

106
00:05:51,559 --> 00:05:55,020
DADDY, IT WAS JUST A VERY,
VERY TOUGH QUARTER.

107
00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:57,522
WELL, I'M SURE YOU'LL COME
THROUGH WITH FLYING COLORS.

108
00:05:57,690 --> 00:06:01,777
YEAH. HA, HA, HA.

109
00:06:01,944 --> 00:06:04,363
YOU KNOW, THE WHOLE CONCEPT
OF GRADES IS SO SUBJECTIVE.

110
00:06:04,530 --> 00:06:07,908
IT'S REALLY THE EXPERIENCE
OF COLLEGE THAT'S IMPORTANT.

111
00:06:09,077 --> 00:06:11,661
NO, IT'S NOT.

112
00:06:12,538 --> 00:06:14,498
MAIL'S HERE.

113
00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:18,293
NOTHING.

114
00:06:18,878 --> 00:06:19,544
SORRY I WAS LATE.

115
00:06:19,712 --> 00:06:21,752
WE WERE AT THE HALL AND I
HAD TO DRIVE EVERYONE HOME

116
00:06:21,798 --> 00:06:22,547
AND THEN KELSO SAID...

117
00:06:22,715 --> 00:06:24,674
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. YOU'RE LATE.

118
00:06:24,842 --> 00:06:27,386
BE RESPONSIBLE
FOR YOUR OWN ACTIONS.

119
00:06:27,553 --> 00:06:31,098
THAT'S REAL EASY
FOR YOU TO SAY, PAL!

120
00:06:35,728 --> 00:06:38,355
THAT KID'S ON DOPE.

121
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:43,360
WHOA, DON'T WANT TO MISS
SANFORD AND SON.

122
00:06:46,656 --> 00:06:51,076
MOM, CAN I TALK TO
YOU FOR A SECOND?

123
00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:52,744
SURE.

124
00:06:52,912 --> 00:06:54,996
OKAY, A FRIEND OF MINE...

125
00:06:55,164 --> 00:06:59,126
AND IT'S NOT ME... IS PREGNANT.

126
00:06:59,293 --> 00:07:02,671
[GASPING] IS IT YOU?

127
00:07:03,631 --> 00:07:05,090
NO, MOM, NOT ME.

128
00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:06,883
OH, THANK GOD.

129
00:07:07,051 --> 00:07:08,718
I JUST HAD THE MOST
HORRIBLE FLASHBACK

130
00:07:08,886 --> 00:07:11,888
TO WHEN I WAS 16.

131
00:07:12,056 --> 00:07:15,058
YOU WERE SAYING, HONEY?

132
00:07:15,226 --> 00:07:16,601
THE WHOLE PREGNANCY
THING IS JUST SO SCARY

133
00:07:16,769 --> 00:07:18,228
AND OVERWHELMING.

134
00:07:18,396 --> 00:07:19,563
I MEAN, JACKIE...

135
00:07:19,730 --> 00:07:22,858
I MEAN, MY FRIEND.

136
00:07:23,025 --> 00:07:26,486
IT IS YOU, ISN'T IT?

137
00:07:26,654 --> 00:07:29,489
NO.

138
00:07:29,657 --> 00:07:31,158
SHE HAD ONE NIGHT OF FUN
AND NOW HER WHOLE LIFE

139
00:07:31,325 --> 00:07:33,994
IS OUT OF CONTROL.

140
00:07:34,704 --> 00:07:37,622
ARE YOU WORRIED
ABOUT YOU AND ERIC?

141
00:07:37,790 --> 00:07:42,085
NO... MAYBE.

142
00:07:42,253 --> 00:07:44,880
YES.

143
00:07:45,047 --> 00:07:48,508
HONEY, LET ME JUST
TELL YOU WHAT I THINK.

144
00:07:48,676 --> 00:07:51,344
SOMETIMES IN THE HEAT
OF THE MOMENT,

145
00:07:51,512 --> 00:07:53,221
THINGS HAPPEN.

146
00:07:53,389 --> 00:07:55,265
AND THE BACKSEAT
OF A CAR IS NO PLACE

147
00:07:55,433 --> 00:07:58,059
TO BE WORRYING
ABOUT BIRTH CONTROL.

148
00:08:01,814 --> 00:08:03,940
THANKS, MOM.

149
00:08:04,692 --> 00:08:06,443
SANFORD THINKS HE'S
HAVING A HEART ATTACK.

150
00:08:06,611 --> 00:08:10,322
IT LOOKS LIKE THE BIG ONE.
COME WATCH.

151
00:08:16,162 --> 00:08:18,622
SO, I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT IT.

152
00:08:18,789 --> 00:08:21,708
AND I'M GOING TO DO
THE RIGHT THING.

153
00:08:21,876 --> 00:08:22,996
I'M GOING TO BE RESPONSIBLE.

154
00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:24,836
I MEAN, I HAVE TO.
I'M GOING TO BE A FATHER.

155
00:08:25,004 --> 00:08:27,672
YEAH, AND ON THE PLUS SIDE,
YOU WALK INTO A LIQUOR STORE

156
00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:31,343
CARRYING A BABY, MAN,
THEY'LL SELL YOU BEER.

157
00:08:33,930 --> 00:08:36,556
YEAH, YEAH, AND I LIKE KIDS.

158
00:08:36,724 --> 00:08:38,141
I STILL HAVE SOME OF MY LEGOS.

159
00:08:38,309 --> 00:08:40,936
IT'S GOING TO BE GREAT.

160
00:08:41,103 --> 00:08:44,981
AND JACKIE'S MUCKATOTS
WILL GET HUGE.

161
00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:50,362
FEZ, FOR THOSE OF US
WHO ONLY SPEAK ENGLISH,

162
00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:52,906
WHAT EXACTLY IS A MUCKATOT?

163
00:08:53,074 --> 00:08:54,324
FEET.

164
00:08:54,492 --> 00:08:56,743
THEY WILL GET LONG
AS WELL AS WIDE.

165
00:08:56,911 --> 00:08:59,538
VERY GRATIFYING.

166
00:08:59,705 --> 00:09:02,958
YOU FOREIGN FREAK.

167
00:09:04,168 --> 00:09:05,460
I MEAN, THIS IS SCARY, MAN.

168
00:09:05,628 --> 00:09:07,087
I MIGHT HAVE TO GET MARRIED.

169
00:09:07,255 --> 00:09:10,632
NOT JUST MARRIED,
MARRIED TO JACKIE.

170
00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:13,093
THAT'S FREAKIN' TERRIFYING.

171
00:09:13,261 --> 00:09:14,970
OKAY, I'M NEVER
HAVING SEX AGAIN.

172
00:09:15,137 --> 00:09:17,889
YEAH, GOOD ONE.

173
00:09:18,057 --> 00:09:21,476
NO, NO, I'M SERIOUS, MAN.
IT'S JUST NOT WORTH IT.

174
00:09:21,644 --> 00:09:25,146
JUST WAIT, ERIC, THIS COULD
SO EASILY HAPPEN TO YOU.

175
00:09:25,314 --> 00:09:26,648
I DON'T THINK SO.

176
00:09:26,816 --> 00:09:30,819
I'D PROBABLY HAVE
TO HAVE SEX FIRST.

177
00:09:30,987 --> 00:09:32,445
IT'S JUST NOT FAIR.

178
00:09:32,613 --> 00:09:36,616
YOU'RE TELLING ME.
I WANT TO HAVE SEX.

179
00:09:40,288 --> 00:09:41,788
GEE, LAURIE, I SURE HAVE
NOTICED YOU HANGING AROUND

180
00:09:41,956 --> 00:09:43,206
THE MAILBOX A LOT.

181
00:09:43,374 --> 00:09:46,042
I DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

182
00:09:46,210 --> 00:09:47,752
WHAT COULD BE SO IMPORTANT
THAT YOU'D GIVE UP

183
00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:52,591
A WEEK OF WHORING AROUND
FORT LAUDERDALE?

184
00:09:53,718 --> 00:09:55,010
OH, I KNOW.

185
00:09:55,177 --> 00:09:56,720
IT'S YOUR GRADES, RIGHT?
YOU'RE FLUNKING OUT.

186
00:09:56,887 --> 00:10:00,473
BINGO, FORMAN SCORES, RIGHT?

187
00:10:00,641 --> 00:10:01,933
OKAY, ERIC, YOU KNOW WHAT?

188
00:10:02,101 --> 00:10:06,980
DAD LIKES ME AND
HE DOESN'T LIKE YOU.

189
00:10:08,065 --> 00:10:09,482
CAN I HELP YOU?

190
00:10:09,650 --> 00:10:11,568
SURE, PICTURES FOR FORMAN.

191
00:10:11,736 --> 00:10:13,903
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

192
00:10:27,126 --> 00:10:29,794
[COUGHING]

193
00:10:29,962 --> 00:10:31,379
HEY THERE, ERIC, YOU OKAY?

194
00:10:31,547 --> 00:10:33,548
I WAS JUST...

195
00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:35,634
HOW ARE YOU?

196
00:10:35,801 --> 00:10:37,010
HERE YOU GO. CAN I HELP YOU?

197
00:10:37,178 --> 00:10:40,263
UH, YEP, PRESCRIPTION
FOR PINCIOTTI.

198
00:10:41,015 --> 00:10:43,183
OH, TRYING ON COLOGNE
FOR DONNA, HUH?

199
00:10:43,351 --> 00:10:46,478
HA, HA. THAT IS SO DARN CUTE.

200
00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:48,897
THANK YOU, SIR.

201
00:10:49,565 --> 00:10:52,484
HERE YOU GO. THAT'LL BE 21.50.

202
00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:56,696
IT'S A LITTLE PRICEY
FOR COUGH MEDICINE.

203
00:10:59,241 --> 00:11:03,328
"PINCIOTTI... DONNA...
ORTHO-NOVUM."

204
00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:05,163
ORTHO WHAT?

205
00:11:05,331 --> 00:11:06,623
ORTHO-NOVUM.

206
00:11:06,791 --> 00:11:09,125
BIRTH CONTROL PILLS.

207
00:11:24,558 --> 00:11:26,434
MIDGE!

208
00:11:26,602 --> 00:11:29,896
MIDGE?

209
00:11:33,275 --> 00:11:35,694
(TV ANNOUNCER) MEET BOB.
HE'S A TYPICAL AMERICAN

210
00:11:35,861 --> 00:11:38,196
WHO WORKS HARD,
LOVES HIS FAMILY,

211
00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:41,533
AND HAS NEVER CHEATED
ON HIS TAX RETURN.

212
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:42,784
LIFE IS GOOD.

213
00:11:42,952 --> 00:11:45,495
BUT LATELY, HE'S NOTICED
SOME SLIGHT CHANGES

214
00:11:45,663 --> 00:11:48,498
IN HIS DAUGHTER DONNA.

215
00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:51,084
HI, HONEY. HOW WAS SCHOOL TODAY?

216
00:11:51,252 --> 00:11:53,420
GREAT, DAD.
I GOT AN "A" ON A TEST,

217
00:11:53,587 --> 00:11:55,588
AND TONIGHT I'M HAVING COCKTAILS

218
00:11:55,756 --> 00:11:58,758
WITH THE PRINCIPAL.

219
00:12:05,933 --> 00:12:09,853
WILL YOU EXCUSE US, DAD?
WE HAVE TO STUDY.

220
00:12:11,439 --> 00:12:13,773
BOB REALIZES HIS DAUGHTER
IS GROWING UP.

221
00:12:13,941 --> 00:12:15,525
NOW THAT DONNA'S ON THE PILL,

222
00:12:15,693 --> 00:12:17,902
SHE'S WHAT MEDICAL
PROFESSIONALS CALL

223
00:12:18,070 --> 00:12:20,947
"OPEN FOR BUSINESS."

224
00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:26,494
COME ON, BOB,
I WANT TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING.

225
00:12:28,998 --> 00:12:31,916
YOU SEE, BOB, THE PILL MEANS
DONNA CAN HAVE LOTS OF SEX

226
00:12:32,084 --> 00:12:35,712
WITH MANY DIFFERENT PARTNERS,
NOT JUST ERIC.

227
00:12:36,505 --> 00:12:38,131
HI, MR. PINCIOTTI.

228
00:12:38,299 --> 00:12:40,759
BOY, IS YOUR DAUGHTER SOMETHING.

229
00:12:41,927 --> 00:12:46,723
SO, DO YOU GET IT, BOB?
SHE'S OPEN FOR BUSINESS.

230
00:12:48,476 --> 00:12:52,103
NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
I'M NEXT.

231
00:13:01,322 --> 00:13:05,909
ERIC, YOU'RE NOT EATING.
ARE YOU SICK?

232
00:13:06,076 --> 00:13:07,577
YEAH, ERIC. YOU SEEM UPSET.

233
00:13:07,745 --> 00:13:11,331
DID SOMETHING HAPPEN
AT THE PHARMACY?

234
00:13:11,499 --> 00:13:13,625
WHAT HAPPENED AT THE PHARMACY?

235
00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:16,878
NOTHING. SHUT UP.

236
00:13:17,046 --> 00:13:19,422
ERIC, BE NICE TO YOUR SISTER.

237
00:13:19,590 --> 00:13:24,177
KITTY, WHAT HAPPENED
TO THE MAIL?

238
00:13:25,054 --> 00:13:28,264
I CHECKED THE MAIL, DAD.
NOTHING, NO MAIL.

239
00:13:28,432 --> 00:13:30,308
YOU KNOW, THE MAIL
KEEPS DISAPPEARING.

240
00:13:30,476 --> 00:13:35,188
I THINK WE HAVE
A LITTLE MAIL THIEF.

241
00:13:35,356 --> 00:13:37,023
SPEAKING OF, LAURIE,
I COULD HAVE SWORN

242
00:13:37,191 --> 00:13:38,751
I SAW A UNIVERSITY OF
WISCONSIN ENVELOPE

243
00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:40,109
STICKING OUT OF YOUR BRA.

244
00:13:40,277 --> 00:13:42,654
WHAT'S THAT ALL ABOUT?

245
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:45,824
WHAT?

246
00:13:45,991 --> 00:13:50,119
DONNA'S ON THE PILL.

247
00:13:55,209 --> 00:13:57,877
WHAT DID YOU DO?

248
00:13:58,045 --> 00:14:00,213
NOTHING. NOTHING.

249
00:14:00,381 --> 00:14:03,883
DINNER'S OVER.
YOU... KITCHEN... NOW!

250
00:14:04,051 --> 00:14:06,344
I KNOW YOU'RE 17.

251
00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:10,682
AND, UM, WE CAN'T STOP YOU FROM
DOING WHAT YOU WANT TO DO.

252
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:11,975
YES, WE CAN.

253
00:14:12,142 --> 00:14:14,310
RED.

254
00:14:14,478 --> 00:14:17,647
ALL I'M SAYING IS
HAVE RESPECT FOR HER.

255
00:14:17,815 --> 00:14:21,150
YOU RESPECT HER BY KEEPING
YOUR HANDS OFF HER.

256
00:14:22,027 --> 00:14:25,321
YOU ARE A DIRTY,
DIRTY BOY, ERIC.

257
00:14:26,574 --> 00:14:30,118
OKAY, NOW, UM, LET'S TALK
ABOUT BIRTH CONTROL.

258
00:14:30,286 --> 00:14:31,452
BIRTH CONTROL?

259
00:14:31,620 --> 00:14:34,455
DON'T DO IT.
THAT'S YOUR BIRTH CONTROL.

260
00:14:35,624 --> 00:14:38,877
I'M GOING TO PRAY FOR YOU, ERIC.

261
00:14:39,837 --> 00:14:42,755
YOU'RE THE DEVIL.

262
00:14:43,549 --> 00:14:44,949
AND, DAD, DID YOU
KNOW THAT LAURIE'S

263
00:14:45,050 --> 00:14:46,175
FLUNKING OUT OF COLLEGE?

264
00:14:46,343 --> 00:14:47,677
DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT.

265
00:14:47,845 --> 00:14:50,045
YOU'VE GOT STRANGE THOUGHTS
IN YOUR LITTLE HEAD, MISTER,

266
00:14:50,180 --> 00:14:52,515
AND THAT DONNA'S A NICE GIRL.

267
00:14:52,683 --> 00:14:56,019
RED, YOU ARE GIVING HIM
THE WRONG IDEA ABOUT SEX.

268
00:14:56,186 --> 00:14:57,186
IT'S NOT DIRTY...

269
00:14:57,354 --> 00:15:00,523
BUT IT'S NOT CLEAN EITHER.

270
00:15:02,109 --> 00:15:04,485
OKAY, CLEANLINESS,
NOW THAT REMINDS ME.

271
00:15:04,653 --> 00:15:08,197
ALWAYS MAKE SURE YOUR NAILS
ARE TRIMMED AND CLEANED.

272
00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:14,329
OH, FOREPLAY IS VERY IMPORTANT.

273
00:15:21,003 --> 00:15:23,880
NO, NO, IT'S NOT.

274
00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:30,094
YES, IT IS.

275
00:15:33,599 --> 00:15:35,558
PERSONALLY, I'M VERY PROUD
TO HAVE A DAUGHTER

276
00:15:35,726 --> 00:15:37,602
WHO ACTED SO MATURE
AND RESPONSIBLE.

277
00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:38,811
I'M HER FATHER.

278
00:15:38,979 --> 00:15:40,563
YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME, MIDGE.

279
00:15:40,731 --> 00:15:43,274
CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW I FELT
STANDING THERE WITH ERIC

280
00:15:43,442 --> 00:15:47,111
WHEN THE PHARMACIST HANDED
ME BIRTH CONTROL PILLS?

281
00:15:47,821 --> 00:15:51,115
ERIC KNOWS? THANKS A LOT, DAD.

282
00:15:55,913 --> 00:15:57,664
YOU KNOW,
SHE AND ERIC ARE DATING.

283
00:15:57,831 --> 00:15:58,998
ALL THE MORE REASON.

284
00:15:59,166 --> 00:16:00,792
OH, JEEZ!

285
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,460
YOU'D RATHER SHE GOT PREGNANT?

286
00:16:02,628 --> 00:16:04,545
THAT IS NOT GOING
TO HAPPEN TO DONNA.

287
00:16:04,713 --> 00:16:07,048
IT HAPPENED TO US.

288
00:16:07,216 --> 00:16:10,301
OH, SURE, THROW THAT
IN MY FACE AGAIN.

289
00:16:12,638 --> 00:16:14,263
HEY, LAURIE. IS ERIC AROUND?

290
00:16:14,431 --> 00:16:15,640
NO, HE'S AT THE HUB.

291
00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:18,434
HEY, WATCH THE DOOR.

292
00:16:20,312 --> 00:16:21,729
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

293
00:16:21,897 --> 00:16:22,981
MY GRADES.

294
00:16:23,148 --> 00:16:25,984
I'VE GOT TO MAKE SOME Fs INTO
Bs BEFORE RED SEES THEM.

295
00:16:27,611 --> 00:16:28,611
YOU'RE FINE.

296
00:16:28,737 --> 00:16:30,097
RED AND KITTY ARE
WATCHING BONANZA.

297
00:16:30,114 --> 00:16:31,114
I GOT TO GO.

298
00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:33,241
HEY, SMART MOVE
GOING ON THE PILL.

299
00:16:33,409 --> 00:16:35,326
THAT WAS THE BEST
THING I EVER DID.

300
00:16:35,494 --> 00:16:37,829
JUST WAIT 'TIL
YOU GET TO COLLEGE.

301
00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:41,374
BYE.

302
00:16:42,334 --> 00:16:45,545
DONNA, GUESS WHAT?

303
00:16:45,713 --> 00:16:47,547
YOU'RE HAVING TWINS?

304
00:16:47,715 --> 00:16:50,008
NO, I'M NOT PREGNANT.

305
00:16:50,175 --> 00:16:51,300
OH, MY GOD.

306
00:16:51,468 --> 00:16:52,969
OH MY GOD, JACKIE, THANK GOD.

307
00:16:53,137 --> 00:16:54,178
OH MY GOD.

308
00:16:54,346 --> 00:16:55,946
I CAN FORGET ABOUT
THIS WHOLE UGLY THING.

309
00:16:55,973 --> 00:16:58,099
PUT IT BEHIND ME AND NEVER,
EVER THINK THAT EVER...

310
00:16:58,267 --> 00:17:01,519
JACKIE, I AM NOT GOING TO
LET YOU FORGET ABOUT THIS.

311
00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:02,729
ALL RIGHT?

312
00:17:02,896 --> 00:17:04,355
YOU GOT REALLY, REALLY
LUCKY, AND AS YOUR FRIEND,

313
00:17:04,523 --> 00:17:08,234
I AM NOT GOING TO LET YOU
BE STUPID ABOUT THIS.

314
00:17:10,612 --> 00:17:13,156
WE'RE FRIENDS?

315
00:17:13,323 --> 00:17:15,658
SHUT UP.

316
00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:19,746
JACKIE, I WENT ON THE PILL.

317
00:17:19,913 --> 00:17:21,914
OH MY GOD.

318
00:17:22,082 --> 00:17:25,251
YOU ARE GOING TO BE SO POPULAR.

319
00:17:27,671 --> 00:17:31,424
JACKIE, I DIDN'T
DO IT TO BE POPULAR.

320
00:17:31,592 --> 00:17:33,384
I DID IT BECAUSE I AM
NOT GOING TO GET STUCK

321
00:17:33,552 --> 00:17:35,053
IN THIS DINKY LITTLE TOWN.

322
00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:36,512
OKAY, WELL, YOU KNOW,
THEY'RE BUILDING

323
00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:37,680
A K-MART ON FRANKLIN.

324
00:17:37,848 --> 00:17:40,099
JACKIE, WHEN THIS E-R-A PASSES,

325
00:17:40,267 --> 00:17:43,227
I'M GOING TO BE ABLE
TO DO WHATEVER I WANT.

326
00:17:43,979 --> 00:17:47,148
AND SO WILL YOU IF YOU
DON'T SCREW IT UP NOW.

327
00:17:48,650 --> 00:17:50,359
HMM.

328
00:17:50,527 --> 00:17:53,613
SO, DONNA, TELL ME MORE
ABOUT THIS PILL.

329
00:17:53,781 --> 00:17:56,240
DOES IT DO ANYTHING WEIRD
TO YOUR HAIR?

330
00:17:57,201 --> 00:18:00,119
MMM, ONLY ABOVE YOUR LIP.

331
00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:04,154
I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY
DONNA HAS TO TAKE THIS PILL.

332
00:18:04,166 --> 00:18:06,459
IS SHE SICK?

333
00:18:07,628 --> 00:18:08,878
NO, FEZ, SHE TAKES THE PILLS

334
00:18:09,046 --> 00:18:10,686
SO THAT SHE CAN HAVE
ALL THE SEX SHE WANTS

335
00:18:10,798 --> 00:18:14,342
AND NOT GET PREGNANT.

336
00:18:14,510 --> 00:18:17,261
WITH SUCH A USEFUL
PRODUCT AVAILABLE...

337
00:18:17,429 --> 00:18:20,973
WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU
THINKING, YOU IDIOT?

338
00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:25,561
FORMAN, YOU KNOW
WHAT YOU SHOULD DO, MAN?

339
00:18:25,729 --> 00:18:27,688
YOU SHOULD PROBABLY
BREAK UP WITH DONNA.

340
00:18:27,856 --> 00:18:29,776
BECAUSE THE PRESSURE OF
THAT MUCH WORRY-FREE SEX,

341
00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:31,984
THAT COULD KILL YOU.

342
00:18:32,152 --> 00:18:35,488
YEAH, THAT WOULD BE
PLAN "B", HYDE.

343
00:18:36,406 --> 00:18:37,698
I WISH JACKIE WOULD HAVE
THOUGHT ABOUT GOING

344
00:18:37,866 --> 00:18:40,284
ON THE PILL.

345
00:18:40,452 --> 00:18:44,455
YOU KNOW, IF I HAD A CHANCE,
I'D DO IT ALL DIFFERENT.

346
00:18:44,623 --> 00:18:45,957
NO, YOU WOULDN'T.

347
00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:48,918
YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT, I WOULDN'T.

348
00:18:49,086 --> 00:18:51,796
I SHOULD HAVE BROKEN UP WITH
HER WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE.

349
00:18:55,926 --> 00:18:58,427
OKAY, SO, UH, ERIC,
CAN I TALK TO YOU, ALONE?

350
00:18:58,595 --> 00:19:00,555
SURE.

351
00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:06,602
MICHAEL...

352
00:19:06,770 --> 00:19:08,855
I'M NOT PREGNANT.

353
00:19:09,022 --> 00:19:10,565
YES!

354
00:19:10,732 --> 00:19:11,858
YES!!

355
00:19:12,025 --> 00:19:14,110
YES!!!

356
00:19:15,612 --> 00:19:17,155
SO YOU FEEL TONS BETTER, RIGHT?

357
00:19:17,322 --> 00:19:19,991
OH, YEAH!

358
00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:21,993
GOD, THAT'S SO GREAT
'CAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT?

359
00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:23,953
I'M BREAKING UP WITH YOU.

360
00:19:24,121 --> 00:19:26,706
[TOGETHER] WHAT?

361
00:19:26,874 --> 00:19:28,434
LOOK, MICHAEL, THIS
WHOLE EXPERIENCE HAS

362
00:19:28,584 --> 00:19:30,168
OPENED MY EYES.

363
00:19:30,335 --> 00:19:33,087
AND NOTHING WILL STAND
IN THE WAY OF MY DREAM

364
00:19:33,255 --> 00:19:36,674
OF BECOMING
A DALLAS COWBOY CHEERLEADER.

365
00:19:42,514 --> 00:19:47,518
DID SHE JUST BREAK UP WITH ME?

366
00:19:47,686 --> 00:19:50,521
YEP.

367
00:19:51,899 --> 00:19:56,194
I AM SO SAD FOR YOU.

368
00:19:56,361 --> 00:19:59,447
MAY I PLEASE HAVE
HER PHONE NUMBER?

369
00:20:03,994 --> 00:20:05,203
OH MY GOD, ERIC.

370
00:20:05,370 --> 00:20:07,038
SO YOUR PARENTS KNOW
I'M ON THE PILL TOO?

371
00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:09,373
YEAH.

372
00:20:09,541 --> 00:20:10,958
I HAD A NICE CONVERSATION
WITH RED AND KITTY

373
00:20:11,126 --> 00:20:13,794
ABOUT FOREPLAY.

374
00:20:15,714 --> 00:20:18,257
SORRY.

375
00:20:18,425 --> 00:20:21,636
YEAH, ME TOO.

376
00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:24,805
ERIC, I DON'T WANT YOU TO
THINK THIS CHANGES ANYTHING

377
00:20:24,973 --> 00:20:26,849
BETWEEN US.

378
00:20:27,017 --> 00:20:29,936
I DON'T.

379
00:20:31,563 --> 00:20:37,568
BUT IT COULD, RIGHT?

380
00:20:37,736 --> 00:20:39,237
I SUPPOSE.

381
00:20:39,404 --> 00:20:42,156
I MEAN, WHO KNOWS?
IT MIGHT EVEN BE YOU.

382
00:20:47,537 --> 00:20:49,080
MIGHT?

383
00:20:49,248 --> 00:20:52,124
ALL I'M SAYING IS WE HAVE
TO WAIT FOR THE RIGHT TIME.

384
00:20:52,292 --> 00:20:54,794
OKAY.

385
00:20:54,962 --> 00:20:58,506
HOW ABOUT NOW?

386
00:20:58,674 --> 00:21:00,800
MMM... NO.

387
00:21:00,968 --> 00:21:02,301
OKAY.

388
00:21:02,469 --> 00:21:03,552
HOW ABOUT NOW?

389
00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:05,638
NO.

390
00:21:05,806 --> 00:21:07,139
NOW? YES.

391
00:21:07,307 --> 00:21:08,432
REALLY? NO.

392
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:11,602
OKAY.

393
00:21:11,770 --> 00:21:14,647
NOW RIGHT?

394
00:21:17,651 --> 00:21:19,860
I'LL BE WAITING.

395
00:21:20,028 --> 00:21:21,279
(DONNA) SHUT UP.

396
00:21:21,446 --> 00:21:23,239
I GOT A BIRTHDAY
COMING UP, SO...

397
00:21:23,407 --> 00:21:25,199
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
CARSEY-WERNER AND FOX BROADCASTING

398
00:21:25,367 --> 00:21:26,951
CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY THE
NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE, INC.

399
00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:30,799
PUBLIC PERFORMANCE OF CAPTIONS PROHIBITED WITHOUT
PERMISSION OF NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE

400
00:21:47,472 --> 00:21:51,183
IT'S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD, SON.

401
00:21:57,858 --> 00:21:59,817
OKAY, WHO DEALT?

402
00:22:04,489 --> 00:22:06,449
I BID, UH, 3 OF HEARTS.

403
00:22:12,539 --> 00:22:14,498
I'LL GO WITH 3 SPADES.

404
00:22:21,757 --> 00:22:23,716
THIS IS FUN.