1 00:00:03,336 --> 00:00:07,840 [THEME FROM AMERICAN BANDSTAND PLAYING] 2 00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:09,174 (DICK CLARK) YEAH, THAT'S A GOOD SOUND. 3 00:00:09,342 --> 00:00:10,592 NOW, COMING UP IN THE SECOND HALF HOUR 4 00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:12,136 OF AMERICAN BANDSTAND, 5 00:00:12,303 --> 00:00:14,847 SHIELDS AND YARNELL, ELTON JOHN AND KIKI DEE. 6 00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,849 AND NOW THE SPOTLIGHT DANCE. 7 00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:19,727 THIS IS MR. LOU RAWLS. 8 00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:24,690 ♪♪♪ 9 00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:50,632 JACKIE... DOOR... KNOCK! 10 00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:52,301 SORRY, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU'D BE DOING ANYTHING 11 00:00:52,469 --> 00:00:55,554 SO EMBARRASSING. 12 00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:56,638 IS DONNA HERE? 13 00:00:56,806 --> 00:00:58,057 NO. 14 00:00:58,224 --> 00:00:59,725 I NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE. 15 00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:02,561 I COULD REALLY USE A FRIEND RIGHT NOW. 16 00:01:02,729 --> 00:01:05,939 OKAY, THEN, WELL, GOOD LUCK WITH THAT. 17 00:01:06,107 --> 00:01:08,567 ERIC! CAN I TALK TO YOU? 18 00:01:08,735 --> 00:01:10,778 LOOK, I'VE ALWAYS BEEN ABLE TO TRUST YOU. 19 00:01:10,945 --> 00:01:12,237 AND GOD, YOU'RE SUCH A NICE GUY. 20 00:01:12,405 --> 00:01:14,740 NO, I'M NOT. 21 00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:16,950 YES, YOU ARE. 22 00:01:19,954 --> 00:01:22,706 OKAY. OKAY. 23 00:01:24,292 --> 00:01:25,584 UM, WHAT HAPPENED? 24 00:01:25,752 --> 00:01:29,671 DID KELSO FORGET YOUR BIRTHDAY OR SOMETHING? 25 00:01:29,839 --> 00:01:32,091 I'M PREGNANT. 26 00:01:42,977 --> 00:01:44,311 ERIC, YOU'RE, LIKE, A MILLION MILES AWAY. 27 00:01:44,479 --> 00:01:45,854 WHAT'S GOING ON? 28 00:01:46,022 --> 00:01:47,314 OKAY, DONNA, I HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING, 29 00:01:47,482 --> 00:01:48,774 BUT YOU HAVE TO PROMISE YOU'RE NOT GOING 30 00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:50,025 TO TELL ANYBODY ELSE. 31 00:01:50,193 --> 00:01:51,819 DER, I SWEAR. NOW TELL ME. 32 00:01:51,986 --> 00:01:54,154 NOT HERE. 33 00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:07,626 ♪ HANGIN' OUT ♪ 34 00:02:07,794 --> 00:02:11,213 ♪ DOWN THE STREET ♪ 35 00:02:11,381 --> 00:02:14,967 ♪ THE SAME OLD THING ♪ 36 00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:18,762 ♪ WE DID LAST WEEK ♪ 37 00:02:18,930 --> 00:02:22,391 ♪ NOT A THING TO DO ♪ 38 00:02:22,559 --> 00:02:25,727 ♪ BUT TALK TO YOU ♪ 39 00:02:25,895 --> 00:02:27,771 ♪ WHOA, YEAH ♪ 40 00:02:27,939 --> 00:02:30,190 CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY CARSEY-WERNER PRODUCTIONS AND FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY 41 00:02:30,358 --> 00:02:32,317 HELLO, WISCONSIN! 42 00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:35,529 OF COURSE I SUPPORT THE WOLVERINES. 43 00:02:35,697 --> 00:02:36,613 I HAVE TO. 44 00:02:36,781 --> 00:02:40,075 I'M A CHEERLEADER, NOT A CHEER LIAR. 45 00:02:40,243 --> 00:02:42,161 AND THEN, IN THE DREAM, TWO OF THE THREE STOOGES 46 00:02:42,328 --> 00:02:44,830 BRING ME GRAPES. 47 00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:49,251 WHILE I PLAYED THEM A BEAUTIFUL SONG ON MY ACCORDION... 48 00:02:49,419 --> 00:02:52,254 IN THE NUDE. 49 00:02:52,422 --> 00:02:54,506 SOMEHOW THE ACCORDION PART BOTHERS ME MORE 50 00:02:54,674 --> 00:02:56,800 THAN THE NUDE PART. 51 00:02:56,968 --> 00:02:58,135 MICHAEL, STOP IT. 52 00:02:58,303 --> 00:02:59,344 WHAT DID I DO? 53 00:02:59,512 --> 00:03:01,763 LOOK, I JUST NEED ALL THE FOOD I CAN GET RIGHT NOW. 54 00:03:01,931 --> 00:03:05,309 HA-HA-HA-HA! HA-HA-HA-HA! 55 00:03:06,144 --> 00:03:08,020 HI. 56 00:03:08,688 --> 00:03:11,148 UH, I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM. 57 00:03:11,316 --> 00:03:13,859 JACKIE? 58 00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:16,528 OH MY GOD, DONNA, YOU HAVE NEVER ASKED ME 59 00:03:16,696 --> 00:03:19,072 TO GO TO THE BATHROOM WITH YOU BEFORE. 60 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:21,491 YEAH, IT'S A BIG DAY. 61 00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:29,708 MAN, SHE HAS BEEN ACTING SO WEIRD LATELY. 62 00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:31,126 I'M TELLING YOU GUYS, I THINK IT'S TIME 63 00:03:31,294 --> 00:03:32,836 I BREAK UP WITH HER. 64 00:03:33,004 --> 00:03:35,923 OH, THAT'S REAL NICE. WHY DON'T YOU GROW UP? 65 00:03:41,429 --> 00:03:44,556 SO, IS IT TRUE? 66 00:03:44,724 --> 00:03:46,725 YES, DONNA, IT IS TRUE. 67 00:03:46,893 --> 00:03:49,686 I AM CARRYING MICHAEL KELSO'S CHILD. 68 00:03:49,854 --> 00:03:53,565 JACKIE, YOU'RE A SOPHOMORE. HOW CAN YOU BE SO STUPID? 69 00:03:53,733 --> 00:03:57,527 I'M A SOPHOMORE. 70 00:03:57,695 --> 00:04:01,615 WELL, WHY DON'T YOU, LIKE, USE SOMETHING? 71 00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:04,159 LOOK, I WOULD HAVE, BUT MY COUSIN CARLA TOLD ME 72 00:04:04,327 --> 00:04:08,247 THAT I COULD NOT GET PREGNANT FOR 8 DAYS AFTER MY PERIOD. 73 00:04:08,414 --> 00:04:14,086 OKAY, 8 DAYS AFTER YOUR FIRST DAY OR YOUR LAST DAY? 74 00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:17,589 I DON'T KNOW, CARLA NEVER CALLED ME BACK. 75 00:04:18,466 --> 00:04:19,591 OH MY GOD, DONNA, HAVING THIS CHILD 76 00:04:19,759 --> 00:04:21,051 IS GOING TO RUIN MY WHOLE LIFE. 77 00:04:21,219 --> 00:04:22,177 WELL, YEAH. 78 00:04:22,345 --> 00:04:23,470 GOD, I'LL HAVE TO WEAR FLATS. 79 00:04:23,638 --> 00:04:27,891 I'LL GAIN WEIGHT. I'LL BE TOO FAT TO CHEER. 80 00:04:28,059 --> 00:04:29,351 NOT TO MENTION THE FACT YOU'LL HAVE A BABY 81 00:04:29,519 --> 00:04:31,103 TO TAKE CARE OF. 82 00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:32,938 DONNA, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? 83 00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:34,147 I'M IN SUCH TROUBLE. 84 00:04:34,315 --> 00:04:37,818 JACKIE, IT'S ALL RIGHT. WE'LL GET THROUGH THIS. 85 00:04:37,986 --> 00:04:39,444 WHAT DOES KELSO SAY ABOUT ALL THIS? 86 00:04:39,612 --> 00:04:41,613 NO, NO, NO, NO. I CANNOT TELL MICHAEL. 87 00:04:41,781 --> 00:04:43,448 IT'S WAY TOO EMBARRASSING. 88 00:04:43,616 --> 00:04:47,244 JACKIE, YOU HAD SEX WITH HIM. 89 00:04:47,412 --> 00:04:50,455 I KNOW I DID, BUT WE DIDN'T TALK. 90 00:04:51,165 --> 00:04:54,876 YOU HAVE TO TELL KELSO. IF YOU DON'T, I WILL. 91 00:04:56,587 --> 00:04:58,422 THANK YOU, DONNA. THANK YOU. 92 00:04:58,589 --> 00:05:00,549 OH, THANK YOU! 93 00:05:01,175 --> 00:05:03,176 JACKIE, I DON'T WANT TO TELL HIM. 94 00:05:03,344 --> 00:05:05,929 [CRASH] 95 00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:13,812 I THINK HE KNOWS. 96 00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:24,281 WHAT? 97 00:05:24,449 --> 00:05:26,742 NOTHING. NOTHING. 98 00:05:26,909 --> 00:05:28,327 WE'RE JUST... WE'RE... WE'RE A LITTLE SURPRISED 99 00:05:28,494 --> 00:05:30,203 THAT YOU'RE HOME, THAT'S ALL. 100 00:05:30,371 --> 00:05:31,621 IT'S NO BIG DEAL, YOU KNOW. 101 00:05:31,789 --> 00:05:34,833 I JUST DIDN'T FEEL LIKE GOING AWAY FOR SPRING BREAK. 102 00:05:35,668 --> 00:05:39,713 HONEY, IS THERE A WARRANT OUT FOR YOU IN FORT LAUDERDALE? 103 00:05:39,881 --> 00:05:42,341 NOW, KITTY, I'M SURE SHE'S JUST HOME 104 00:05:42,508 --> 00:05:45,469 TO SPEND TIME WITH US AND ERIC. 105 00:05:48,848 --> 00:05:51,391 WHY ARE YOU HOME? 106 00:05:51,559 --> 00:05:55,020 DADDY, IT WAS JUST A VERY, VERY TOUGH QUARTER. 107 00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:57,522 WELL, I'M SURE YOU'LL COME THROUGH WITH FLYING COLORS. 108 00:05:57,690 --> 00:06:01,777 YEAH. HA, HA, HA. 109 00:06:01,944 --> 00:06:04,363 YOU KNOW, THE WHOLE CONCEPT OF GRADES IS SO SUBJECTIVE. 110 00:06:04,530 --> 00:06:07,908 IT'S REALLY THE EXPERIENCE OF COLLEGE THAT'S IMPORTANT. 111 00:06:09,077 --> 00:06:11,661 NO, IT'S NOT. 112 00:06:12,538 --> 00:06:14,498 MAIL'S HERE. 113 00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:18,293 NOTHING. 114 00:06:18,878 --> 00:06:19,544 SORRY I WAS LATE. 115 00:06:19,712 --> 00:06:21,630 WE WERE AT THE HALL AND I HAD TO DRIVE EVERYONE HOME 116 00:06:21,798 --> 00:06:22,547 AND THEN KELSO SAID... 117 00:06:22,715 --> 00:06:24,674 BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. YOU'RE LATE. 118 00:06:24,842 --> 00:06:27,386 BE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN ACTIONS. 119 00:06:27,553 --> 00:06:31,098 THAT'S REAL EASY FOR YOU TO SAY, PAL! 120 00:06:35,728 --> 00:06:38,355 THAT KID'S ON DOPE. 121 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:43,360 WHOA, DON'T WANT TO MISS SANFORD AND SON. 122 00:06:46,656 --> 00:06:51,076 MOM, CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND? 123 00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:52,744 SURE. 124 00:06:52,912 --> 00:06:54,996 OKAY, A FRIEND OF MINE... 125 00:06:55,164 --> 00:06:59,126 AND IT'S NOT ME... IS PREGNANT. 126 00:06:59,293 --> 00:07:02,671 [GASPING] IS IT YOU? 127 00:07:03,631 --> 00:07:05,090 NO, MOM, NOT ME. 128 00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:06,883 OH, THANK GOD. 129 00:07:07,051 --> 00:07:08,718 I JUST HAD THE MOST HORRIBLE FLASHBACK 130 00:07:08,886 --> 00:07:11,888 TO WHEN I WAS 16. 131 00:07:12,056 --> 00:07:15,058 YOU WERE SAYING, HONEY? 132 00:07:15,226 --> 00:07:16,601 THE WHOLE PREGNANCY THING IS JUST SO SCARY 133 00:07:16,769 --> 00:07:18,228 AND OVERWHELMING. 134 00:07:18,396 --> 00:07:19,563 I MEAN, JACKIE... 135 00:07:19,730 --> 00:07:22,858 I MEAN, MY FRIEND. 136 00:07:23,025 --> 00:07:26,486 IT IS YOU, ISN'T IT? 137 00:07:26,654 --> 00:07:29,489 NO. 138 00:07:29,657 --> 00:07:31,158 SHE HAD ONE NIGHT OF FUN AND NOW HER WHOLE LIFE 139 00:07:31,325 --> 00:07:33,994 IS OUT OF CONTROL. 140 00:07:34,704 --> 00:07:37,622 ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT YOU AND ERIC? 141 00:07:37,790 --> 00:07:42,085 NO... MAYBE. 142 00:07:42,253 --> 00:07:44,880 YES. 143 00:07:45,047 --> 00:07:48,508 HONEY, LET ME JUST TELL YOU WHAT I THINK. 144 00:07:48,676 --> 00:07:51,344 SOMETIMES IN THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT, 145 00:07:51,512 --> 00:07:53,221 THINGS HAPPEN. 146 00:07:53,389 --> 00:07:55,265 AND THE BACKSEAT OF A CAR IS NO PLACE 147 00:07:55,433 --> 00:07:58,059 TO BE WORRYING ABOUT BIRTH CONTROL. 148 00:08:01,814 --> 00:08:03,940 THANKS, MOM. 149 00:08:04,692 --> 00:08:06,443 SANFORD THINKS HE'S HAVING A HEART ATTACK. 150 00:08:06,611 --> 00:08:10,322 IT LOOKS LIKE THE BIG ONE. COME WATCH. 151 00:08:16,162 --> 00:08:18,622 SO, I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT IT. 152 00:08:18,789 --> 00:08:21,708 AND I'M GOING TO DO THE RIGHT THING. 153 00:08:21,876 --> 00:08:22,876 I'M GOING TO BE RESPONSIBLE. 154 00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:24,836 I MEAN, I HAVE TO. I'M GOING TO BE A FATHER. 155 00:08:25,004 --> 00:08:27,672 YEAH, AND ON THE PLUS SIDE, YOU WALK INTO A LIQUOR STORE 156 00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:31,343 CARRYING A BABY, MAN, THEY'LL SELL YOU BEER. 157 00:08:33,930 --> 00:08:36,556 YEAH, YEAH, AND I LIKE KIDS. 158 00:08:36,724 --> 00:08:38,141 I STILL HAVE SOME OF MY LEGOS. 159 00:08:38,309 --> 00:08:40,936 IT'S GOING TO BE GREAT. 160 00:08:41,103 --> 00:08:44,981 AND JACKIE'S MUCKATOTS WILL GET HUGE. 161 00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:50,362 FEZ, FOR THOSE OF US WHO ONLY SPEAK ENGLISH, 162 00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:52,906 WHAT EXACTLY IS A MUCKATOT? 163 00:08:53,074 --> 00:08:54,324 FEET. 164 00:08:54,492 --> 00:08:56,743 THEY WILL GET LONG AS WELL AS WIDE. 165 00:08:56,911 --> 00:08:59,538 VERY GRATIFYING. 166 00:08:59,705 --> 00:09:02,958 YOU FOREIGN FREAK. 167 00:09:04,168 --> 00:09:05,460 I MEAN, THIS IS SCARY, MAN. 168 00:09:05,628 --> 00:09:07,087 I MIGHT HAVE TO GET MARRIED. 169 00:09:07,255 --> 00:09:10,632 NOT JUST MARRIED, MARRIED TO JACKIE. 170 00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:13,093 THAT'S FREAKIN' TERRIFYING. 171 00:09:13,261 --> 00:09:14,970 OKAY, I'M NEVER HAVING SEX AGAIN. 172 00:09:15,137 --> 00:09:17,889 YEAH, GOOD ONE. 173 00:09:18,057 --> 00:09:21,476 NO, NO, I'M SERIOUS, MAN. IT'S JUST NOT WORTH IT. 174 00:09:21,644 --> 00:09:25,146 JUST WAIT, ERIC, THIS COULD SO EASILY HAPPEN TO YOU. 175 00:09:25,314 --> 00:09:26,648 I DON'T THINK SO. 176 00:09:26,816 --> 00:09:30,819 I'D PROBABLY HAVE TO HAVE SEX FIRST. 177 00:09:30,987 --> 00:09:32,445 IT'S JUST NOT FAIR. 178 00:09:32,613 --> 00:09:36,616 YOU'RE TELLING ME. I WANT TO HAVE SEX. 179 00:09:40,288 --> 00:09:41,788 GEE, LAURIE, I SURE HAVE NOTICED YOU HANGING AROUND 180 00:09:41,956 --> 00:09:43,206 THE MAILBOX A LOT. 181 00:09:43,374 --> 00:09:46,042 I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. 182 00:09:46,210 --> 00:09:47,752 WHAT COULD BE SO IMPORTANT THAT YOU'D GIVE UP 183 00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:52,591 A WEEK OF WHORING AROUND FORT LAUDERDALE? 184 00:09:53,718 --> 00:09:55,010 OH, I KNOW. 185 00:09:55,177 --> 00:09:56,720 IT'S YOUR GRADES, RIGHT? YOU'RE FLUNKING OUT. 186 00:09:56,887 --> 00:10:00,473 BINGO, FORMAN SCORES, RIGHT? 187 00:10:00,641 --> 00:10:01,933 OKAY, ERIC, YOU KNOW WHAT? 188 00:10:02,101 --> 00:10:06,980 DAD LIKES ME AND HE DOESN'T LIKE YOU. 189 00:10:08,065 --> 00:10:09,482 CAN I HELP YOU? 190 00:10:09,650 --> 00:10:11,568 SURE, PICTURES FOR FORMAN. 191 00:10:11,736 --> 00:10:13,903 I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 192 00:10:27,126 --> 00:10:29,794 [COUGHING] 193 00:10:29,962 --> 00:10:31,379 HEY THERE, ERIC, YOU OKAY? 194 00:10:31,547 --> 00:10:33,548 I WAS JUST... 195 00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:35,634 HOW ARE YOU? 196 00:10:35,801 --> 00:10:37,010 HERE YOU GO. CAN I HELP YOU? 197 00:10:37,178 --> 00:10:40,263 UH, YEP, PRESCRIPTION FOR PINCIOTTI. 198 00:10:41,015 --> 00:10:43,183 OH, TRYING ON COLOGNE FOR DONNA, HUH? 199 00:10:43,351 --> 00:10:46,478 HA, HA. THAT IS SO DARN CUTE. 200 00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:48,897 THANK YOU, SIR. 201 00:10:49,565 --> 00:10:52,484 HERE YOU GO. THAT'LL BE 21.50. 202 00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:56,696 IT'S A LITTLE PRICEY FOR COUGH MEDICINE. 203 00:10:59,241 --> 00:11:03,328 "PINCIOTTI... DONNA... ORTHO-NOVUM." 204 00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:05,163 ORTHO WHAT? 205 00:11:05,331 --> 00:11:06,623 ORTHO-NOVUM. 206 00:11:06,791 --> 00:11:09,125 BIRTH CONTROL PILLS. 207 00:11:24,558 --> 00:11:26,434 MIDGE! 208 00:11:26,602 --> 00:11:29,896 MIDGE? 209 00:11:33,275 --> 00:11:35,694 (TV ANNOUNCER) MEET BOB. HE'S A TYPICAL AMERICAN 210 00:11:35,861 --> 00:11:38,196 WHO WORKS HARD, LOVES HIS FAMILY, 211 00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:41,533 AND HAS NEVER CHEATED ON HIS TAX RETURN. 212 00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:42,784 LIFE IS GOOD. 213 00:11:42,952 --> 00:11:45,495 BUT LATELY, HE'S NOTICED SOME SLIGHT CHANGES 214 00:11:45,663 --> 00:11:48,498 IN HIS DAUGHTER DONNA. 215 00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:51,084 HI, HONEY. HOW WAS SCHOOL TODAY? 216 00:11:51,252 --> 00:11:53,420 GREAT, DAD. I GOT AN "A" ON A TEST, 217 00:11:53,587 --> 00:11:55,588 AND TONIGHT I'M HAVING COCKTAILS 218 00:11:55,756 --> 00:11:58,758 WITH THE PRINCIPAL. 219 00:12:05,933 --> 00:12:09,853 WILL YOU EXCUSE US, DAD? WE HAVE TO STUDY. 220 00:12:11,439 --> 00:12:13,773 BOB REALIZES HIS DAUGHTER IS GROWING UP. 221 00:12:13,941 --> 00:12:15,525 NOW THAT DONNA'S ON THE PILL, 222 00:12:15,693 --> 00:12:17,902 SHE'S WHAT MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS CALL 223 00:12:18,070 --> 00:12:20,947 "OPEN FOR BUSINESS." 224 00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:26,494 COME ON, BOB, I WANT TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING. 225 00:12:28,998 --> 00:12:31,916 YOU SEE, BOB, THE PILL MEANS DONNA CAN HAVE LOTS OF SEX 226 00:12:32,084 --> 00:12:35,712 WITH MANY DIFFERENT PARTNERS, NOT JUST ERIC. 227 00:12:36,505 --> 00:12:38,131 HI, MR. PINCIOTTI. 228 00:12:38,299 --> 00:12:40,759 BOY, IS YOUR DAUGHTER SOMETHING. 229 00:12:41,927 --> 00:12:46,723 SO, DO YOU GET IT, BOB? SHE'S OPEN FOR BUSINESS. 230 00:12:48,476 --> 00:12:52,103 NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I'M NEXT. 231 00:13:01,322 --> 00:13:05,909 ERIC, YOU'RE NOT EATING. ARE YOU SICK? 232 00:13:06,076 --> 00:13:07,577 YEAH, ERIC. YOU SEEM UPSET. 233 00:13:07,745 --> 00:13:11,331 DID SOMETHING HAPPEN AT THE PHARMACY? 234 00:13:11,499 --> 00:13:13,625 WHAT HAPPENED AT THE PHARMACY? 235 00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:16,878 NOTHING. SHUT UP. 236 00:13:17,046 --> 00:13:19,422 ERIC, BE NICE TO YOUR SISTER. 237 00:13:19,590 --> 00:13:24,177 KITTY, WHAT HAPPENED TO THE MAIL? 238 00:13:25,054 --> 00:13:28,264 I CHECKED THE MAIL, DAD. NOTHING, NO MAIL. 239 00:13:28,432 --> 00:13:30,308 YOU KNOW, THE MAIL KEEPS DISAPPEARING. 240 00:13:30,476 --> 00:13:35,188 I THINK WE HAVE A LITTLE MAIL THIEF. 241 00:13:35,356 --> 00:13:37,023 SPEAKING OF, LAURIE, I COULD HAVE SWORN 242 00:13:37,191 --> 00:13:38,650 I SAW A UNIVERSITY OF WISCONSIN ENVELOPE 243 00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:40,109 STICKING OUT OF YOUR BRA. 244 00:13:40,277 --> 00:13:42,654 WHAT'S THAT ALL ABOUT? 245 00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:45,824 WHAT? 246 00:13:45,991 --> 00:13:50,119 DONNA'S ON THE PILL. 247 00:13:55,209 --> 00:13:57,877 WHAT DID YOU DO? 248 00:13:58,045 --> 00:14:00,213 NOTHING. NOTHING. 249 00:14:00,381 --> 00:14:03,883 DINNER'S OVER. YOU... KITCHEN... NOW! 250 00:14:04,051 --> 00:14:06,344 I KNOW YOU'RE 17. 251 00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:10,682 AND, UM, WE CAN'T STOP YOU FROM DOING WHAT YOU WANT TO DO. 252 00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:11,975 YES, WE CAN. 253 00:14:12,142 --> 00:14:14,310 RED. 254 00:14:14,478 --> 00:14:17,647 ALL I'M SAYING IS HAVE RESPECT FOR HER. 255 00:14:17,815 --> 00:14:21,150 YOU RESPECT HER BY KEEPING YOUR HANDS OFF HER. 256 00:14:22,027 --> 00:14:25,321 YOU ARE A DIRTY, DIRTY BOY, ERIC. 257 00:14:26,574 --> 00:14:30,118 OKAY, NOW, UM, LET'S TALK ABOUT BIRTH CONTROL. 258 00:14:30,286 --> 00:14:31,452 BIRTH CONTROL? 259 00:14:31,620 --> 00:14:34,455 DON'T DO IT. THAT'S YOUR BIRTH CONTROL. 260 00:14:35,624 --> 00:14:38,877 I'M GOING TO PRAY FOR YOU, ERIC. 261 00:14:39,837 --> 00:14:42,755 YOU'RE THE DEVIL. 262 00:14:43,549 --> 00:14:44,883 AND, DAD, DID YOU KNOW THAT LAURIE'S 263 00:14:45,050 --> 00:14:46,175 FLUNKING OUT OF COLLEGE? 264 00:14:46,343 --> 00:14:47,677 DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT. 265 00:14:47,845 --> 00:14:50,013 YOU'VE GOT STRANGE THOUGHTS IN YOUR LITTLE HEAD, MISTER, 266 00:14:50,180 --> 00:14:52,515 AND THAT DONNA'S A NICE GIRL. 267 00:14:52,683 --> 00:14:56,019 RED, YOU ARE GIVING HIM THE WRONG IDEA ABOUT SEX. 268 00:14:56,186 --> 00:14:57,186 IT'S NOT DIRTY... 269 00:14:57,354 --> 00:15:00,523 BUT IT'S NOT CLEAN EITHER. 270 00:15:02,109 --> 00:15:04,485 OKAY, CLEANLINESS, NOW THAT REMINDS ME. 271 00:15:04,653 --> 00:15:08,197 ALWAYS MAKE SURE YOUR NAILS ARE TRIMMED AND CLEANED. 272 00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:14,329 OH, FOREPLAY IS VERY IMPORTANT. 273 00:15:21,003 --> 00:15:23,880 NO, NO, IT'S NOT. 274 00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:30,094 YES, IT IS. 275 00:15:33,599 --> 00:15:35,558 PERSONALLY, I'M VERY PROUD TO HAVE A DAUGHTER 276 00:15:35,726 --> 00:15:37,602 WHO ACTED SO MATURE AND RESPONSIBLE. 277 00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:38,811 I'M HER FATHER. 278 00:15:38,979 --> 00:15:40,563 YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME, MIDGE. 279 00:15:40,731 --> 00:15:43,274 CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW I FELT STANDING THERE WITH ERIC 280 00:15:43,442 --> 00:15:47,111 WHEN THE PHARMACIST HANDED ME BIRTH CONTROL PILLS? 281 00:15:47,821 --> 00:15:51,115 ERIC KNOWS? THANKS A LOT, DAD. 282 00:15:55,913 --> 00:15:57,664 YOU KNOW, SHE AND ERIC ARE DATING. 283 00:15:57,831 --> 00:15:58,998 ALL THE MORE REASON. 284 00:15:59,166 --> 00:16:00,792 OH, JEEZ! 285 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,460 YOU'D RATHER SHE GOT PREGNANT? 286 00:16:02,628 --> 00:16:04,545 THAT IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN TO DONNA. 287 00:16:04,713 --> 00:16:07,048 IT HAPPENED TO US. 288 00:16:07,216 --> 00:16:10,301 OH, SURE, THROW THAT IN MY FACE AGAIN. 289 00:16:12,638 --> 00:16:14,263 HEY, LAURIE. IS ERIC AROUND? 290 00:16:14,431 --> 00:16:15,640 NO, HE'S AT THE HUB. 291 00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:18,434 HEY, WATCH THE DOOR. 292 00:16:20,312 --> 00:16:21,729 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 293 00:16:21,897 --> 00:16:22,981 MY GRADES. 294 00:16:23,148 --> 00:16:25,984 I'VE GOT TO MAKE SOME Fs INTO Bs BEFORE RED SEES THEM. 295 00:16:27,611 --> 00:16:28,569 YOU'RE FINE. 296 00:16:28,737 --> 00:16:29,946 RED AND KITTY ARE WATCHING BONANZA. 297 00:16:30,114 --> 00:16:31,072 I GOT TO GO. 298 00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:33,241 HEY, SMART MOVE GOING ON THE PILL. 299 00:16:33,409 --> 00:16:35,326 THAT WAS THE BEST THING I EVER DID. 300 00:16:35,494 --> 00:16:37,829 JUST WAIT 'TIL YOU GET TO COLLEGE. 301 00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:41,374 BYE. 302 00:16:42,334 --> 00:16:45,545 DONNA, GUESS WHAT? 303 00:16:45,713 --> 00:16:47,547 YOU'RE HAVING TWINS? 304 00:16:47,715 --> 00:16:50,008 NO, I'M NOT PREGNANT. 305 00:16:50,175 --> 00:16:51,300 OH, MY GOD. 306 00:16:51,468 --> 00:16:52,969 OH MY GOD, JACKIE, THANK GOD. 307 00:16:53,137 --> 00:16:54,178 OH MY GOD. 308 00:16:54,346 --> 00:16:55,805 I CAN FORGET ABOUT THIS WHOLE UGLY THING. 309 00:16:55,973 --> 00:16:58,099 PUT IT BEHIND ME AND NEVER, EVER THINK THAT EVER... 310 00:16:58,267 --> 00:17:01,519 JACKIE, I AM NOT GOING TO LET YOU FORGET ABOUT THIS. 311 00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:02,729 ALL RIGHT? 312 00:17:02,896 --> 00:17:04,355 YOU GOT REALLY, REALLY LUCKY, AND AS YOUR FRIEND, 313 00:17:04,523 --> 00:17:08,234 I AM NOT GOING TO LET YOU BE STUPID ABOUT THIS. 314 00:17:10,612 --> 00:17:13,156 WE'RE FRIENDS? 315 00:17:13,323 --> 00:17:15,658 SHUT UP. 316 00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:19,746 JACKIE, I WENT ON THE PILL. 317 00:17:19,913 --> 00:17:21,914 OH MY GOD. 318 00:17:22,082 --> 00:17:25,251 YOU ARE GOING TO BE SO POPULAR. 319 00:17:27,671 --> 00:17:31,424 JACKIE, I DIDN'T DO IT TO BE POPULAR. 320 00:17:31,592 --> 00:17:33,384 I DID IT BECAUSE I AM NOT GOING TO GET STUCK 321 00:17:33,552 --> 00:17:35,053 IN THIS DINKY LITTLE TOWN. 322 00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:36,512 OKAY, WELL, YOU KNOW, THEY'RE BUILDING 323 00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:37,680 A K-MART ON FRANKLIN. 324 00:17:37,848 --> 00:17:40,099 JACKIE, WHEN THIS E-R-A PASSES, 325 00:17:40,267 --> 00:17:43,227 I'M GOING TO BE ABLE TO DO WHATEVER I WANT. 326 00:17:43,979 --> 00:17:47,148 AND SO WILL YOU IF YOU DON'T SCREW IT UP NOW. 327 00:17:48,650 --> 00:17:50,359 HMM. 328 00:17:50,527 --> 00:17:53,613 SO, DONNA, TELL ME MORE ABOUT THIS PILL. 329 00:17:53,781 --> 00:17:56,240 DOES IT DO ANYTHING WEIRD TO YOUR HAIR? 330 00:17:57,201 --> 00:18:00,119 MMM, ONLY ABOVE YOUR LIP. 331 00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:03,998 I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY DONNA HAS TO TAKE THIS PILL. 332 00:18:04,166 --> 00:18:06,459 IS SHE SICK? 333 00:18:07,628 --> 00:18:08,878 NO, FEZ, SHE TAKES THE PILLS 334 00:18:09,046 --> 00:18:10,630 SO THAT SHE CAN HAVE ALL THE SEX SHE WANTS 335 00:18:10,798 --> 00:18:14,342 AND NOT GET PREGNANT. 336 00:18:14,510 --> 00:18:17,261 WITH SUCH A USEFUL PRODUCT AVAILABLE... 337 00:18:17,429 --> 00:18:20,973 WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING, YOU IDIOT? 338 00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:25,561 FORMAN, YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD DO, MAN? 339 00:18:25,729 --> 00:18:27,688 YOU SHOULD PROBABLY BREAK UP WITH DONNA. 340 00:18:27,856 --> 00:18:29,774 BECAUSE THE PRESSURE OF THAT MUCH WORRY-FREE SEX, 341 00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:31,984 THAT COULD KILL YOU. 342 00:18:32,152 --> 00:18:35,488 YEAH, THAT WOULD BE PLAN "B", HYDE. 343 00:18:36,406 --> 00:18:37,698 I WISH JACKIE WOULD HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT GOING 344 00:18:37,866 --> 00:18:40,284 ON THE PILL. 345 00:18:40,452 --> 00:18:44,455 YOU KNOW, IF I HAD A CHANCE, I'D DO IT ALL DIFFERENT. 346 00:18:44,623 --> 00:18:45,957 NO, YOU WOULDN'T. 347 00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:48,918 YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT, I WOULDN'T. 348 00:18:49,086 --> 00:18:51,796 I SHOULD HAVE BROKEN UP WITH HER WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE. 349 00:18:55,926 --> 00:18:58,427 OKAY, SO, UH, ERIC, CAN I TALK TO YOU, ALONE? 350 00:18:58,595 --> 00:19:00,555 SURE. 351 00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:06,602 MICHAEL... 352 00:19:06,770 --> 00:19:08,855 I'M NOT PREGNANT. 353 00:19:09,022 --> 00:19:10,565 YES! 354 00:19:10,732 --> 00:19:11,858 YES!! 355 00:19:12,025 --> 00:19:14,110 YES!!! 356 00:19:15,612 --> 00:19:17,155 SO YOU FEEL TONS BETTER, RIGHT? 357 00:19:17,322 --> 00:19:19,991 OH, YEAH! 358 00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:21,993 GOD, THAT'S SO GREAT 'CAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT? 359 00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:23,953 I'M BREAKING UP WITH YOU. 360 00:19:24,121 --> 00:19:26,706 [TOGETHER] WHAT? 361 00:19:26,874 --> 00:19:28,416 LOOK, MICHAEL, THIS WHOLE EXPERIENCE HAS 362 00:19:28,584 --> 00:19:30,168 OPENED MY EYES. 363 00:19:30,335 --> 00:19:33,087 AND NOTHING WILL STAND IN THE WAY OF MY DREAM 364 00:19:33,255 --> 00:19:36,674 OF BECOMING A DALLAS COWBOY CHEERLEADER. 365 00:19:42,514 --> 00:19:47,518 DID SHE JUST BREAK UP WITH ME? 366 00:19:47,686 --> 00:19:50,521 YEP. 367 00:19:51,899 --> 00:19:56,194 I AM SO SAD FOR YOU. 368 00:19:56,361 --> 00:19:59,447 MAY I PLEASE HAVE HER PHONE NUMBER? 369 00:20:03,994 --> 00:20:05,203 OH MY GOD, ERIC. 370 00:20:05,370 --> 00:20:07,038 SO YOUR PARENTS KNOW I'M ON THE PILL TOO? 371 00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:09,373 YEAH. 372 00:20:09,541 --> 00:20:10,958 I HAD A NICE CONVERSATION WITH RED AND KITTY 373 00:20:11,126 --> 00:20:13,794 ABOUT FOREPLAY. 374 00:20:15,714 --> 00:20:18,257 SORRY. 375 00:20:18,425 --> 00:20:21,636 YEAH, ME TOO. 376 00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:24,805 ERIC, I DON'T WANT YOU TO THINK THIS CHANGES ANYTHING 377 00:20:24,973 --> 00:20:26,849 BETWEEN US. 378 00:20:27,017 --> 00:20:29,936 I DON'T. 379 00:20:31,563 --> 00:20:37,568 BUT IT COULD, RIGHT? 380 00:20:37,736 --> 00:20:39,237 I SUPPOSE. 381 00:20:39,404 --> 00:20:42,156 I MEAN, WHO KNOWS? IT MIGHT EVEN BE YOU. 382 00:20:47,537 --> 00:20:49,080 MIGHT? 383 00:20:49,248 --> 00:20:52,124 ALL I'M SAYING IS WE HAVE TO WAIT FOR THE RIGHT TIME. 384 00:20:52,292 --> 00:20:54,794 OKAY. 385 00:20:54,962 --> 00:20:58,506 HOW ABOUT NOW? 386 00:20:58,674 --> 00:21:00,800 MMM... NO. 387 00:21:00,968 --> 00:21:02,301 OKAY. 388 00:21:02,469 --> 00:21:03,552 HOW ABOUT NOW? 389 00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:05,638 NO. 390 00:21:05,806 --> 00:21:07,139 NOW? YES. 391 00:21:07,307 --> 00:21:08,432 REALLY? NO. 392 00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:11,602 OKAY. 393 00:21:11,770 --> 00:21:14,647 NOW RIGHT? 394 00:21:17,651 --> 00:21:19,860 I'LL BE WAITING. 395 00:21:20,028 --> 00:21:21,279 (DONNA) SHUT UP. 396 00:21:21,446 --> 00:21:23,239 I GOT A BIRTHDAY COMING UP, SO... 397 00:21:23,407 --> 00:21:25,199 CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY CARSEY-WERNER AND FOX BROADCASTING 398 00:21:25,367 --> 00:21:26,951 CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE, INC. 399 00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:30,413 PUBLIC PERFORMANCE OF CAPTIONS PROHIBITED WITHOUT PERMISSION OF NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE 400 00:21:47,472 --> 00:21:51,183 IT'S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD, SON. 401 00:21:57,858 --> 00:21:59,817 OKAY, WHO DEALT? 402 00:22:04,489 --> 00:22:06,449 I BID, UH, 3 OF HEARTS. 403 00:22:12,539 --> 00:22:14,498 I'LL GO WITH 3 SPADES. 404 00:22:21,757 --> 00:22:23,716 THIS IS FUN.