1
00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:16,056
WILL THIS DAY EVER END?

2
00:00:16,224 --> 00:00:17,099
YESTERDAY DID.

3
00:00:17,267 --> 00:00:18,892
BUT TODAY'S FRIDAY, SO...

4
00:00:19,060 --> 00:00:21,145
NO.

5
00:00:24,232 --> 00:00:26,817
OH, GOD,
IT'S DESTROY AND GIVE-BACK.

6
00:00:26,985 --> 00:00:28,235
YEAH, WHY DO THEY
CALL THEM THAT?

7
00:00:28,403 --> 00:00:30,279
YOU'RE ABOUT TO FIND OUT.

8
00:00:30,447 --> 00:00:32,573
HEY, FOREPLAY.

9
00:00:32,741 --> 00:00:33,574
OHH!

10
00:00:33,742 --> 00:00:34,616
AWW!

11
00:00:34,784 --> 00:00:36,493
I BELIEVE THIS IS YOURS.

12
00:00:36,661 --> 00:00:37,745
YOU BROKE HIS PENCIL.

13
00:00:37,912 --> 00:00:38,662
THAT WAS GREAT!

14
00:00:38,830 --> 00:00:40,122
AND YOU GAVE IT BACK!

15
00:00:40,290 --> 00:00:42,666
ALL RIGHT,
ENOUGH HORSEPLAY.

16
00:00:42,834 --> 00:00:44,835
PIPE DOWN.

17
00:00:45,003 --> 00:00:47,755
I SAID, PIPE DOWN!

18
00:00:47,922 --> 00:00:51,050
NOW, I'VE GOT AN ANNOUNCEMENT
BEFORE STUDY HALL.

19
00:00:51,217 --> 00:00:54,595
WHOEVER BURNED THEIR INITIALS
IN THE FOOTBALL FIELD

20
00:00:54,763 --> 00:00:58,515
I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY
WITH YOURSELF, PUNK.

21
00:00:58,683 --> 00:01:02,436
THERE'LL BE NO FOOTBALL PRACTICE
TODAY UNTIL WE'VE RE-SEEDED.

22
00:01:02,604 --> 00:01:05,105
AND I'VE WATCHED THAT TEAM.
I'M NOT IMPRESSED, BOY.

23
00:01:05,273 --> 00:01:06,815
LET ME TELL YOU.

24
00:01:06,983 --> 00:01:09,485
THEY NEED ALL THE PRACTICE
THEY CAN GET.

25
00:01:09,652 --> 00:01:12,905
ON A HAPPIER NOTE...

26
00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:15,699
ERIC?

27
00:01:15,867 --> 00:01:18,202
DONNA?

28
00:01:18,369 --> 00:01:20,829
DO YOU NEED SOMETHING TO DO?

29
00:01:20,997 --> 00:01:23,457
ACTUALLY,
WE NEED TO BE EXCUSED.

30
00:01:23,625 --> 00:01:25,167
UH, DONNA AND I ARE...

31
00:01:25,335 --> 00:01:26,835
TAKING PICTURES
FOR THE YEARBOOK.

32
00:01:27,003 --> 00:01:28,128
YEAH.

33
00:01:28,296 --> 00:01:30,255
WELL, IF YOU SAY SO, ERIC.

34
00:01:32,592 --> 00:01:35,219
YOU WOULDN'T LIE.

35
00:01:35,386 --> 00:01:36,887
WELL...

36
00:01:37,055 --> 00:01:37,888
I MIGHT.

37
00:01:38,056 --> 00:01:41,058
HA HA HA HA!

38
00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:46,313
THIS IS GREAT.

39
00:01:46,481 --> 00:01:48,774
ERIC FORMAN SKIPS CLASS.

40
00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:49,983
YEAH, WELL...

41
00:01:50,151 --> 00:01:53,821
DANGER IS MY MIDDLE NAME.

42
00:01:53,988 --> 00:01:55,948
WHY ARE WE MOVING?

43
00:01:57,575 --> 00:01:58,158
MOMMY!

44
00:01:58,326 --> 00:02:04,039
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS
DOING IN HERE?

45
00:02:04,207 --> 00:02:06,500
I CUT CLASS.

46
00:02:06,668 --> 00:02:09,294
YEAH, RIGHT. SO WHAT WAS THERE,
LIKE A FIRE DRILL OR SOMETHING?

47
00:02:09,462 --> 00:02:11,421
NO. LOOK,
I DO BAD THINGS.

48
00:02:11,589 --> 00:02:13,549
[ALL LAUGH]

49
00:02:13,716 --> 00:02:14,758
I'VE DITCHED CLASS BEFORE.

50
00:02:14,926 --> 00:02:17,511
UH, IS OPIE GETTING ANGRY?

51
00:02:17,679 --> 00:02:20,055
WHAT DID I TELL YOU
ABOUT CALLING ME OPIE?

52
00:02:20,223 --> 00:02:23,016
OPIE, LOOK OUT FOR THE KEG
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD!

53
00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:36,280
WOW.

54
00:02:36,447 --> 00:02:38,824
IT IS A KEG...

55
00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:40,826
OF BEER.

56
00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:43,245
IT MUST BE A SIGN.

57
00:02:43,413 --> 00:02:46,123
OF BEER.

58
00:02:46,291 --> 00:02:49,251
OH, THAT'S IT.
I'M CUTTING CLASS EVERY DAY.

59
00:02:52,463 --> 00:02:55,757
♪ HANGIN' OUT ♪

60
00:02:55,925 --> 00:02:59,511
♪ DOWN THE STREET ♪

61
00:02:59,679 --> 00:03:03,182
♪ THE SAME OLD THING ♪

62
00:03:03,349 --> 00:03:06,643
♪ WE DID LAST WEEK ♪

63
00:03:06,811 --> 00:03:10,772
♪ NOT A THING TO DO ♪

64
00:03:10,940 --> 00:03:13,901
♪ BUT TALK TO YOU ♪

65
00:03:14,068 --> 00:03:15,861
♪ WHOA, YEAH! ♪♪

66
00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:18,488
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
CARSEY-WERNER PRODUCTIONS
AND FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY

67
00:03:18,656 --> 00:03:21,241
HELLO, WISCONSIN!

68
00:03:27,582 --> 00:03:30,083
HOW DID YOU FIND IT?

69
00:03:30,251 --> 00:03:35,464
DRIVING DOWN THE ROAD,
MAN, AND THERE SHE WAS.

70
00:03:35,632 --> 00:03:39,468
OH, IT WAS THE BEER
IN THE HEADLIGHTS.

71
00:03:41,387 --> 00:03:44,556
THAT IS MY FIRST
AMERICAN JOKE.

72
00:03:44,724 --> 00:03:48,477
WOW. HOW OFTEN DO YOU FIND
A MYSTERIOUS KEG OF FREE BEER?

73
00:03:48,645 --> 00:03:51,146
ONLY ONCE IN A WHILE.

74
00:03:51,314 --> 00:03:52,105
YOU'RE RIGHT, FORMAN, MAN.

75
00:03:52,273 --> 00:03:54,024
YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.

76
00:03:54,192 --> 00:03:56,068
WHEN GOD GIVES YOU A KEG,
YOU GOTTA...

77
00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:58,737
KILL A VIRGIN.

78
00:04:01,824 --> 00:04:04,785
NO.

79
00:04:04,953 --> 00:04:07,204
THROW A PARTY.

80
00:04:11,042 --> 00:04:13,001
GO FOR IT, ERIC.

81
00:04:13,169 --> 00:04:16,505
YEAH, WE'LL THROW A PARTY.
CHARGE 2 BUCKS A HEAD.

82
00:04:16,673 --> 00:04:18,257
2 BUCKS A HEAD.

83
00:04:18,424 --> 00:04:19,716
A KEG IS EQUIVALENT
TO SEVEN CASES.

84
00:04:19,884 --> 00:04:20,926
THAT'S 168 BEERS.

85
00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:22,344
IF WE EACH DRINK
THREE BEERS APIECE...

86
00:04:22,512 --> 00:04:24,471
NO WAY. SOPHOMORE'S
GONNA DRINK ONE, MAYBE.

87
00:04:24,639 --> 00:04:25,555
TRUE.

88
00:04:25,723 --> 00:04:28,976
AND THE FRESHMAN,
HE'S GONNA DRINK A HALF.

89
00:04:29,143 --> 00:04:31,270
SO THAT AVERAGES OUT
TO 1.5 BEERS PER PERSON,

90
00:04:31,437 --> 00:04:32,729
WHICH MEANS
WE CAN INVITE 112 PEOPLE.

91
00:04:32,897 --> 00:04:35,399
AND THAT'S 224 BUCKS.

92
00:04:35,566 --> 00:04:37,150
CASH.

93
00:04:37,318 --> 00:04:37,985
WHICH IS...

94
00:04:38,152 --> 00:04:41,321
DECENT.
DECENT.

95
00:04:41,489 --> 00:04:42,906
OK, GRAB SOME ICE
OUT OF THE DEEP FREEZE,

96
00:04:43,074 --> 00:04:44,908
I'LL GRAB THE TUB.

97
00:04:45,076 --> 00:04:47,327
OH, THAT IS ONE
SWEET MAMA.

98
00:04:49,163 --> 00:04:50,664
HEY, GANG.

99
00:04:50,832 --> 00:04:52,749
OH, OH, DON'T MIND ME.

100
00:04:52,917 --> 00:04:54,751
JUST CAME DOWN TO DO
AN EMERGENCY PRESOAK

101
00:04:54,919 --> 00:04:57,296
ON MY NURSE'S UNIFORM.

102
00:04:57,463 --> 00:05:00,048
YOU REMEMBER
MR. WILBUR THE FIREMAN?

103
00:05:00,216 --> 00:05:03,719
WELL, HE CAME IN TODAY
WITH A SEBACEOUS CYST,

104
00:05:03,886 --> 00:05:06,221
WHICH IS A, UM,
A POCKET OF FLUID

105
00:05:06,389 --> 00:05:09,725
THAT'S KIND OF LIKE
A PUS-EY BATH OIL BEAD

106
00:05:09,892 --> 00:05:10,934
UNDER THE SKIN.

107
00:05:11,102 --> 00:05:12,728
AND YOU THINK IT'S SOLID,

108
00:05:12,895 --> 00:05:14,271
BUT IF YOU TAKE
AN INSTRUMENT

109
00:05:14,439 --> 00:05:17,065
AND YOU PIERCE THE CORE,

110
00:05:17,233 --> 00:05:20,360
AND THEN YOU APPLY
PRESSURE WITH YOUR THUMB...

111
00:05:20,528 --> 00:05:21,695
WELL, HI, SNICKLEFRITZ.

112
00:05:21,863 --> 00:05:23,905
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
WITH THE TUB?

113
00:05:24,073 --> 00:05:24,823
OH.

114
00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:26,408
THE TUB.

115
00:05:26,576 --> 00:05:28,201
WE WERE JUST...

116
00:05:28,369 --> 00:05:31,246
W-WORKING ON
A CLASS PROJECT.

117
00:05:31,414 --> 00:05:34,666
WE'RE MAKING A VOLCANO.

118
00:05:34,834 --> 00:05:37,586
SNICKLEFRITZ.

119
00:05:37,754 --> 00:05:38,795
OUT OF ICE?

120
00:05:38,963 --> 00:05:42,591
WELL, I THINK
IT MIGHT MELT.

121
00:05:42,759 --> 00:05:44,301
WELL, YOU HEARD HER.
LET'S MOVE IT, GANG.

122
00:05:44,469 --> 00:05:47,012
OK, WELL, HAVE FUN.

123
00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:48,805
GUYS, WE GOTTA GET
THAT KEG OUT OF HERE.

124
00:05:48,973 --> 00:05:51,350
WELL, WHERE ARE WE
HAVING THE PARTY?

125
00:05:51,517 --> 00:05:52,809
BEATS ME.
IF YOU GUYS NEED ME,

126
00:05:52,977 --> 00:05:55,312
I'LL BE WITH JACKIE OVER AT
OUR SECRET MAKE-OUT PLACE.

127
00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:56,563
SECRET MAKE-OUT PLACE.

128
00:05:56,731 --> 00:05:58,440
IT'S THIS VACANT HOUSE
OVER ON SHERMAN.

129
00:05:58,608 --> 00:06:00,233
I MEAN,
THIS PLACE IS GREAT.

130
00:06:00,401 --> 00:06:01,651
IT'S TOTALLY PRIVATE.

131
00:06:01,819 --> 00:06:03,945
YOU CAN GET AWAY
WITH ABOUT ANYTHING THERE.

132
00:06:04,113 --> 00:06:05,906
SO IF YOU GUYS FIND
A PLACE FOR THAT KEG,

133
00:06:06,074 --> 00:06:08,241
LET ME KNOW.

134
00:06:13,039 --> 00:06:15,916
I'VE GOT AN IDEA.

135
00:06:17,502 --> 00:06:21,296
THAT'S A SYLVANIA,
ISN'T IT, RED?

136
00:06:21,464 --> 00:06:24,049
YOU DIDN'T BUY THAT
IN MY STORE, DID YA?

137
00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:27,427
NO, BOB. I, UH,
GOT A GOOD DEAL ON IT.

138
00:06:28,638 --> 00:06:31,723
HA, HA, HA, HA.

139
00:06:31,891 --> 00:06:32,891
YOU GOT ME.

140
00:06:33,059 --> 00:06:35,727
OH, YOU...
YOU GOT ME, RED.

141
00:06:35,895 --> 00:06:38,438
WELL, I AM JUST
SO EXCITED.

142
00:06:38,606 --> 00:06:40,524
RICH MAN, POOR MAN.

143
00:06:40,691 --> 00:06:42,234
I MISSED
THE FIRST EPISODE.

144
00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:44,194
HERE'S THE IRONY
OF THE SHOW, KITTY.

145
00:06:44,362 --> 00:06:47,197
THE RICH, SAFE GUY
IS BORING.

146
00:06:47,365 --> 00:06:48,323
IT'S THE POOR,
RUGGED ONE

147
00:06:48,491 --> 00:06:53,453
PLAYED BY THE VERY TALENTED
NICK NOLTE WHO'S SO EXCITING.

148
00:06:53,621 --> 00:06:54,621
WELL, SUPER.

149
00:06:54,789 --> 00:06:56,415
NOW, WHO WOULD
LIKE A DRINK?

150
00:06:56,582 --> 00:07:00,210
OOH! LET'S DO
DAIQUIRIS, HUH?

151
00:07:00,378 --> 00:07:02,504
OOH, I DON'T KNOW
IF WE HAVE ENOUGH ICE.

152
00:07:02,672 --> 00:07:06,049
ERIC TOOK
A WHOLE TUBFUL.

153
00:07:06,217 --> 00:07:09,136
HE TOOK A TUB OF ICE?

154
00:07:09,303 --> 00:07:13,223
OH, THE KIDS ARE
MAKING A VOLCANO.

155
00:07:13,391 --> 00:07:18,311
RIGHT. THAT'S WHY DONNA
LEFT WITH ALL THE PLASTIC CUPS.

156
00:07:21,732 --> 00:07:22,983
PLASTIC CUPS?

157
00:07:23,151 --> 00:07:27,279
SURE. PLASTIC VOLCANO CUPS.

158
00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:28,447
IF I DIDN'T KNOW BETTER,

159
00:07:28,614 --> 00:07:31,700
I'D SAY THEY WERE
HAVING A KEGGER.

160
00:07:31,868 --> 00:07:34,202
AW, JEEZ.

161
00:07:34,370 --> 00:07:35,745
LET'S GO, BOB.

162
00:07:36,664 --> 00:07:38,957
OOH, RICH MAN, POOR MAN,
I LOVE IT.

163
00:07:39,125 --> 00:07:42,335
I JUST HOPE I DON'T
GET TOO EMOTIONAL.

164
00:07:42,503 --> 00:07:44,713
OH, SO DO I.

165
00:07:46,090 --> 00:07:48,091
THOSE KIDS
COULD BE ANYWHERE.

166
00:07:48,259 --> 00:07:50,594
NEEDLE IN A HAYSTACK.

167
00:07:50,761 --> 00:07:54,264
LOOK, THEY LEFT THE HOUSE IN
A WOOD-PANELED OCEAN LINER.

168
00:07:54,432 --> 00:07:57,100
WE SHOULD BE ABLE
TO FIND THEM.

169
00:07:57,268 --> 00:07:58,310
YEP...

170
00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:01,104
IT'S A REAL ASPHALT
JUNGLE OUT HERE.

171
00:08:01,272 --> 00:08:04,191
SUN GOES DOWN,
THE RATS COME OUT.

172
00:08:04,358 --> 00:08:07,444
I LOST MY MAILBOX
LAST YEAR.

173
00:08:07,612 --> 00:08:09,696
OH, YEAH.
YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS.

174
00:08:09,864 --> 00:08:14,534
THE EVIL SPILLING OVER
FROM SHEBOYGAN.

175
00:08:14,702 --> 00:08:16,578
OH, HOW MANY STORIES
DO YOU SUPPOSE THERE ARE

176
00:08:16,746 --> 00:08:19,706
IN THIS NAKED BURG?

177
00:08:19,874 --> 00:08:21,833
8, BOB.

178
00:08:22,001 --> 00:08:23,793
THERE ARE 8.

179
00:08:25,630 --> 00:08:28,131
MICHAEL, THIS IS OUR
SECRET MAKE-OUT PLACE.

180
00:08:28,299 --> 00:08:30,967
I DID NOT SWIPE THE KEY FROM
MY MOTHER'S REAL ESTATE OFFICE

181
00:08:31,135 --> 00:08:33,136
SO YOU COULD HAVE A PARTY.

182
00:08:33,304 --> 00:08:35,722
I KNOW,
IT'S LIKE A BONUS.

183
00:08:35,890 --> 00:08:38,099
I'M DOING IT
FOR YOU, BABY.

184
00:08:38,267 --> 00:08:39,518
OH.

185
00:08:39,685 --> 00:08:42,646
WELL, OK.

186
00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:46,691
WHEW.

187
00:08:46,859 --> 00:08:50,820
EMPTY POOL,
EMPTY HOUSE, FULL KEG.

188
00:08:52,990 --> 00:08:55,075
YOU SURE KNOW HOW
TO SHOW A GIRL A GOOD TIME.

189
00:08:55,243 --> 00:08:57,702
YEAH, WELL, I DON'T COLOR
OUTSIDE THE LINES OFTEN,

190
00:08:57,870 --> 00:09:01,206
BUT WHEN I DO,
JUMP BACK, LORETTA.

191
00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:03,917
I DON'T CARE
WHAT YOU ATE, FEZ.

192
00:09:04,085 --> 00:09:06,628
GET IN THE POOL NOW!

193
00:09:06,796 --> 00:09:09,756
IF I GET A CRAMP,
IT WILL BE ON YOUR HEAD.

194
00:09:11,342 --> 00:09:12,842
OK.

195
00:09:13,010 --> 00:09:15,345
HURRY UP
AND DRINK YOUR KEG.

196
00:09:16,097 --> 00:09:18,265
HURRY UP
AND DRINK A KEG?

197
00:09:18,432 --> 00:09:19,766
JACKIE, WILL YOU JUST
MELLOW OUT?

198
00:09:19,934 --> 00:09:20,892
I MEAN, THIS RULES.

199
00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:23,353
WE GOT A KEG, AND SOON
EVERYBODY'S GONNA BE HERE.

200
00:09:23,521 --> 00:09:24,479
EVERYBODY?

201
00:09:24,647 --> 00:09:27,148
EVERYBODY
WHO MATTERS.

202
00:09:27,316 --> 00:09:29,359
AND FOR THE
FIRST TIME, JACKIE,

203
00:09:29,527 --> 00:09:31,736
THAT INCLUDES YOU.

204
00:09:31,904 --> 00:09:34,322
GET AWAY FROM ME!

205
00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:35,699
HUH!

206
00:09:35,866 --> 00:09:37,617
YOU HEARD HER,
LET'S DRINK BEER.

207
00:09:37,785 --> 00:09:38,326
ME FIRST.

208
00:09:38,494 --> 00:09:39,411
NO WAY.
I SPOTTED IT.

209
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:42,205
I SAW IT, TOO.
I JUST DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING.

210
00:09:42,373 --> 00:09:45,125
YOU SAW A KEG,
AND YOU DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING?

211
00:09:45,293 --> 00:09:47,877
BACK OF THE LINE!

212
00:09:48,045 --> 00:09:49,629
ALL RIGHT, HOW DO
YOU GET THE BEER OUT?

213
00:09:49,797 --> 00:09:50,922
THROUGH THE TAP.

214
00:09:51,090 --> 00:09:53,133
WHAT TAP?

215
00:09:54,051 --> 00:09:57,137
NOOOOOOOOO!

216
00:10:05,855 --> 00:10:08,940
OK, WE REALLY
NEED A TAP HERE.

217
00:10:09,108 --> 00:10:11,985
I GOT MY SWISS ARMY KNIFE.

218
00:10:12,153 --> 00:10:15,530
OH, GREAT, WE CAN
WHITTLE THE BEER OUT.

219
00:10:15,698 --> 00:10:17,824
ALL RIGHT, LOOK, THEY SELL
TAPS AT THE LIQUOR STORE.

220
00:10:17,992 --> 00:10:24,205
YEAH, AND WHO'S GOT
THE MONEY TO BUY IT, HUH?

221
00:10:24,373 --> 00:10:27,417
WHY WOULD I BRING MONEY TO OUR
SECRET MAKE-OUT PLACE, MICHAEL?

222
00:10:27,585 --> 00:10:28,668
OK, I'VE GOT MY GAS MONEY.

223
00:10:28,836 --> 00:10:32,505
NO, ERIC, WE'RE NOT GONNA
TAKE YOUR GAS MONEY.

224
00:10:32,673 --> 00:10:33,798
HEY, IT DOESN'T MATTER.
BY THE END OF THE NIGHT,

225
00:10:33,966 --> 00:10:35,383
WE'LL HAVE MADE
OVER $200.

226
00:10:35,551 --> 00:10:36,217
YEAH.

227
00:10:36,385 --> 00:10:38,803
MICHAEL, HOW ARE
WE GONNA MAKE $200?

228
00:10:38,971 --> 00:10:41,431
I DON'T KNOW.

229
00:10:41,599 --> 00:10:43,016
HEY, WHO'S
BUYING THE TAP?

230
00:10:43,184 --> 00:10:43,975
YOU BUY, I FLY.

231
00:10:44,143 --> 00:10:46,394
NO, MICHAEL, YOU ARE...
MICHAEL, COME BACK HERE.

232
00:10:46,562 --> 00:10:47,937
MICHAEL,
I AM TALKING TO YOU.

233
00:10:48,105 --> 00:10:49,564
MICHAEL!

234
00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:56,905
WELCOME TO THE POOL.
I AM YOUR HOST FEZ.

235
00:10:57,073 --> 00:10:59,407
$2, PLEASE.

236
00:10:59,575 --> 00:11:01,242
WHAT IS GOING ON?

237
00:11:01,410 --> 00:11:02,744
I DIDN'T WANT TO
TELL YOU BEFORE, JACKIE,

238
00:11:02,912 --> 00:11:04,412
BUT WE'VE TAKEN IT
UPON OURSELVES

239
00:11:04,580 --> 00:11:06,831
TO HELP YOUR MOM
SHOW OFF THE HOUSE

240
00:11:06,999 --> 00:11:09,209
AT 2 BUCKS A HEAD.

241
00:11:09,377 --> 00:11:11,336
HE'S LYING TO JACKIE, MAN.

242
00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:13,588
I LIE TO JACKIE.

243
00:11:13,756 --> 00:11:15,173
YOU KNOW, IT SEEMS TO
ME THAT THE SCRAWNY

244
00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:18,093
LITTLE NEIGHBOR BOY IS WILLING
TO ENGAGE IN CRIMINAL ACTS

245
00:11:18,260 --> 00:11:21,888
FOR THAT SAUCY
REDHEAD NEXT DOOR.

246
00:11:22,056 --> 00:11:23,223
SHUT UP. HOW DO YOU KNOW
HE'S NOT DOING IT

247
00:11:23,391 --> 00:11:25,392
TO IMPRESS HIS FRIENDS?

248
00:11:25,559 --> 00:11:26,810
YOU KNOW...

249
00:11:26,977 --> 00:11:28,603
BEER PRESSURE.

250
00:11:28,771 --> 00:11:31,481
BECAUSE HIS FRIENDS
AREN'T SAUCY.

251
00:11:33,359 --> 00:11:35,443
KELSO'S SAUCY.

252
00:11:35,611 --> 00:11:39,114
KELSO? PLEASE.
I'M SAUCIER THAN KELSO.

253
00:11:42,243 --> 00:11:44,160
♪ THEN THE DOOR
BURST OPEN WIDE ♪

254
00:11:44,328 --> 00:11:46,204
♪ AND MY DADDY
STEPPED INSIDE ♪

255
00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:48,498
♪ AND HE KISSED
MY MAMA'S FACE ♪

256
00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:50,250
♪ AND HE BRUSHED
HER TEARS AWAY ♪

257
00:11:50,418 --> 00:11:53,211
♪ THE NIGHT CHICAGO DIED ♪

258
00:11:53,379 --> 00:11:56,631
WOULD YOU TURN
THAT DAMN THING OFF!

259
00:11:56,799 --> 00:12:00,510
KEEP YOUR EYES PEELED
FOR THE VISTA CRUISER.

260
00:12:00,678 --> 00:12:02,595
OKIE DOKIE.

261
00:12:03,347 --> 00:12:06,725
♪ LA LA LA LA LA
LA LA LA LA ♪

262
00:12:08,310 --> 00:12:09,978
SORRY.

263
00:12:15,443 --> 00:12:22,490
HEY. SEE YOU GOT
SOME NEW STEINS HERE.

264
00:12:22,658 --> 00:12:26,828
[DEEP VOICE]
HI, I'M 25.

265
00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:28,997
I KNOW I LOOK YOUNG,
BUT, UH...

266
00:12:29,165 --> 00:12:30,373
MY DAD ASKED ME
TO COME DOWN HERE

267
00:12:30,541 --> 00:12:32,584
AND PICK UP A TAP
FOR HIS KEG.

268
00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:37,380
AND, UH, HE'S 43, SO WE'RE BOTH
LEGAL. NO PROBLEM THERE.

269
00:12:37,548 --> 00:12:40,633
UH, I'M NOT GONNA BE DRINKING
THE BEER OR ANYTHING.

270
00:12:40,801 --> 00:12:41,760
'CAUSE I DON'T BELIEVE IN IT.

271
00:12:41,927 --> 00:12:42,594
BUT NO OFFENSE TO YOU.

272
00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:44,053
I THINK SELLING LIQUOR'S
A GREAT THING.

273
00:12:44,221 --> 00:12:47,974
OK, HERE YOU GO.

274
00:12:48,142 --> 00:12:50,602
YEAH. HEH HEH.

275
00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:52,687
'CAUSE I'M 25, RIGHT?

276
00:12:52,855 --> 00:12:53,855
'CAUSE YOU GOT MONEY.

277
00:12:54,023 --> 00:12:55,815
YEAH, BUT I AM 25.

278
00:12:55,983 --> 00:12:58,026
DON'T NEED TO BE.
CAN'T DRINK A TAP.

279
00:12:58,194 --> 00:12:59,027
I CAN PROVE IT TO YOU.

280
00:12:59,195 --> 00:13:00,278
I GOT MY I.D. S
OUT IN THE...

281
00:13:00,446 --> 00:13:02,155
IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME.
TAKE CARE.

282
00:13:02,323 --> 00:13:02,822
YEAH, BUT I...

283
00:13:02,990 --> 00:13:05,533
LEAVE NOW.

284
00:13:07,995 --> 00:13:09,537
YEAH.

285
00:13:12,708 --> 00:13:15,084
OH HO HO HO, KELSCHMO.

286
00:13:15,252 --> 00:13:17,128
WHAT YOU GOT THERE?

287
00:13:17,296 --> 00:13:18,213
THAT... THAT WAS
REALLY FUNNY,

288
00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:20,465
THAT THING YOU DID
WITH MY NAME... KELSCHMO.

289
00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:22,008
I GOTTA GO.

290
00:13:25,137 --> 00:13:27,555
OOH! AWW.

291
00:13:27,723 --> 00:13:28,973
I BELIEVE THIS IS YOURS.

292
00:13:29,141 --> 00:13:31,100
[GOOFY LAUGH]

293
00:13:31,268 --> 00:13:33,019
YOU BROKE HIS...
HIS THING.

294
00:13:33,187 --> 00:13:34,270
AND YOU GAVE IT BACK.

295
00:13:34,438 --> 00:13:35,104
THAT WAS GREAT.

296
00:13:35,272 --> 00:13:37,023
YEAH, YEAH.

297
00:13:38,526 --> 00:13:40,735
SO YOU SEE WHAT I'M SAYING
ABOUT THE POOR MAN?

298
00:13:40,903 --> 00:13:42,529
YES. YOU HAVE
MADE YOUR POINT.

299
00:13:42,696 --> 00:13:44,113
MANY TIMES.

300
00:13:44,281 --> 00:13:46,699
HE'S A BAD BOY WHO'S
HAD SOME ROUGH BREAKS,

301
00:13:46,867 --> 00:13:49,452
BUT HE ISN'T BAD
IN HIS SOUL.

302
00:13:49,620 --> 00:13:51,538
[CRYING]

303
00:13:51,705 --> 00:13:55,291
OK. OK, ENOUGH
DAIQUIRIS FOR YOU.

304
00:13:58,212 --> 00:14:01,172
KITTY, WHAT DO YOU
LOOK FOR IN A MAN?

305
00:14:01,340 --> 00:14:02,966
OH, WELL,
I'M MARRIED.

306
00:14:03,133 --> 00:14:05,176
I'M KINDA
THROUGH LOOKING.

307
00:14:05,344 --> 00:14:06,886
OH KITTY,
YOU CAN ALWAYS LOOK.

308
00:14:07,054 --> 00:14:08,388
IT HELPS YOU
TO FANTASIZE.

309
00:14:08,556 --> 00:14:13,393
LIKE SOME NIGHTS I'M... I'M DOING
THE NEWS WITH WALTER CRONKITE.

310
00:14:15,396 --> 00:14:16,896
OK, UM, I'M JUST...

311
00:14:17,064 --> 00:14:20,233
YOU KNOW, I'M GONNA
FINISH YOUR DAIQUIRI.

312
00:14:23,821 --> 00:14:25,196
IT'S BROKEN.

313
00:14:25,364 --> 00:14:27,824
I GOT DUCT TAPE.

314
00:14:27,992 --> 00:14:30,201
DUCT TAPE? DO YOU
KNOW HOW MUCH PRESSURE

315
00:14:30,369 --> 00:14:31,911
RUNS THROUGH THAT TAP?

316
00:14:32,079 --> 00:14:35,373
I GOT A WHOLE ROLL
OF DUCT TAPE.

317
00:14:35,541 --> 00:14:37,041
I CAN'T WORK LIKE THIS.

318
00:14:37,209 --> 00:14:39,711
FORMAN, YOU NEED TO GET
YOUR DAD'S TAP NOW.

319
00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:42,630
MY DAD DOESN'T
HAVE A TAP.

320
00:14:42,798 --> 00:14:45,466
RED'S GOT BICENTENNIAL
SWIZZLE STICKS.

321
00:14:45,634 --> 00:14:48,052
HE'S GOT FAKE LEMONS
WITH REAL LEMON JUICE.

322
00:14:48,220 --> 00:14:50,430
HE'S GOT TOOTHPICKS
SHAPED LIKE SWORDS.

323
00:14:50,598 --> 00:14:53,516
RED FORMAN
IS A COCKTAIL DAD.

324
00:14:53,684 --> 00:14:57,020
AND COCKTAIL DADS
HAVE BEER TAPS.

325
00:14:57,187 --> 00:14:59,439
COME ON, ERIC, WE NEVER
ASK YOU FOR ANYTHING.

326
00:14:59,607 --> 00:15:02,567
YOU GUYS ASK ME
FOR EVERYTHING!

327
00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:04,152
SO WHAT'S
ONE MORE THING?

328
00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:05,361
NO, FORGET IT.

329
00:15:05,529 --> 00:15:06,779
I'VE DONE ENOUGH
TODAY ALREADY.

330
00:15:06,947 --> 00:15:08,781
COUNT ME OUT.

331
00:15:09,867 --> 00:15:11,910
HEY, KELSCHMO.

332
00:15:12,077 --> 00:15:13,661
WHAT, YOUR TAP
IS BROKEN?

333
00:15:13,829 --> 00:15:17,957
WHY DID YOU DO SOMETHING STUPID
LIKE BUY A STUPID BROKEN TAP?

334
00:15:18,125 --> 00:15:20,585
WHAT ARE YOU, STUPID?

335
00:15:20,753 --> 00:15:23,922
IT WASN'T BROKEN
UNTIL YOU BROKE IT.

336
00:15:26,425 --> 00:15:29,886
OHH, MAN.

337
00:15:30,054 --> 00:15:30,762
DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP.

338
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:32,180
YOU HAD NO WAY
OF KNOWING.

339
00:15:32,348 --> 00:15:33,431
ANYWAY, WE GAVE IT BACK.

340
00:15:33,599 --> 00:15:34,432
YEAH, BROKEN.

341
00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:35,391
HEY, LAY OFF HIM,
ALL RIGHT?

342
00:15:35,559 --> 00:15:36,726
HE FEELS
BAD ENOUGH ALREADY.

343
00:15:36,894 --> 00:15:38,186
HE SHOULD BECAUSE
HE'S A MORON.

344
00:15:38,354 --> 00:15:39,103
WHAT DID YOU SAY?

345
00:15:39,271 --> 00:15:41,314
I SAID THAT
YOU'RE BOTH MORONS.

346
00:15:41,482 --> 00:15:43,149
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?
YOU GONNA BEAT ME UP?

347
00:15:43,317 --> 00:15:45,193
YOU WEIGH 400 POUNDS TOGETHER.
IT DOESN'T MATTER.

348
00:15:45,361 --> 00:15:48,029
THE FACT IS THAT THE TAP
IS BROKEN, AND IT'S YOUR FAULT.

349
00:15:48,197 --> 00:15:49,864
MORONS!

350
00:15:51,700 --> 00:15:55,078
YOU ARE SO RUDE.

351
00:15:55,245 --> 00:15:56,996
GIVE US OUR
4 BUCKS BACK.

352
00:15:57,164 --> 00:15:59,123
OK, FEZ...

353
00:16:02,378 --> 00:16:03,753
FAMILIAR?

354
00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:11,302
WOW, ERIC.

355
00:16:11,470 --> 00:16:13,179
YOU JUST
TORE THEIR MONEY!

356
00:16:13,347 --> 00:16:14,847
THEN YOU GAVE IT BACK.
IT WAS GREAT.

357
00:16:15,015 --> 00:16:16,474
THAT WAS GREAT.

358
00:16:16,642 --> 00:16:23,064
BUT ENOUGH OF
THIS LEVITY, WENCH.

359
00:16:23,232 --> 00:16:24,899
WE CAME HERE
TO HAVE A PARTY,

360
00:16:25,067 --> 00:16:29,028
AND AS GOD IS MY WITNESS,
THERE WILL BE A PARTY.

361
00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:32,782
HUZZAH!
HUZZAH!
HUZZAH!

362
00:16:38,622 --> 00:16:39,956
NOPE, I HAVEN'T SOLD
A KEG ALL DAY,

363
00:16:40,124 --> 00:16:42,709
BUT A YOUNG GUY
DID COME IN FOR A TAP.

364
00:16:42,876 --> 00:16:45,253
YOUNG GUY, HUH?

365
00:16:45,421 --> 00:16:49,549
LOOK, THEY GOT
PlÑA COLADA IN A CAN.

366
00:16:49,717 --> 00:16:52,010
BOB, WE'RE DOING
SOMETHING HERE.

367
00:16:52,177 --> 00:16:53,678
OH, RIGHT.

368
00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:55,805
YOU KNOW...

369
00:16:55,973 --> 00:16:58,891
I MIGHT'VE HEARD
SOMETHING ABOUT A PARTY.

370
00:16:59,059 --> 00:17:00,476
CAN'T RECALL.

371
00:17:00,644 --> 00:17:05,606
MAYBE, UH, ANDREW JACKSON
COULD REMIND ME.

372
00:17:05,774 --> 00:17:09,152
ANDREW JACKSON, HUH?

373
00:17:09,319 --> 00:17:13,781
HE'S NOT IN.

374
00:17:13,949 --> 00:17:18,286
BUT ABE LINCOLN'S HANGING OUT
WITH THE WASHINGTON TWINS.

375
00:17:18,454 --> 00:17:22,373
WOULD THEY HAVE ANY KNOWLEDGE
OF THE FESTIVITIES?

376
00:17:22,541 --> 00:17:28,046
SO, A REAL
WISENHEIMER, HUH?

377
00:17:28,213 --> 00:17:30,465
WELL, LET'S SEE
HOW SMART YOU ARE

378
00:17:30,632 --> 00:17:32,175
WHEN I SNAP OFF YOUR HEAD!

379
00:17:32,342 --> 00:17:34,010
OK, OK, MAN.

380
00:17:34,178 --> 00:17:37,513
THEY... THEY SAID SOMETHING ABOUT
A VACANT HOUSE ON SHERMAN.

381
00:17:37,681 --> 00:17:38,306
I KNOW THAT PLACE.

382
00:17:38,474 --> 00:17:41,976
IT'S THE VACANT HOUSE
ON SHERMAN.

383
00:17:42,144 --> 00:17:43,311
GOOD WORK...

384
00:17:43,479 --> 00:17:45,188
STARSKY.

385
00:17:45,355 --> 00:17:48,524
LET'S, UH, ROLL.

386
00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:01,746
EVERYBODY
IN THE DEEP END.

387
00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:03,414
MY MOTHER
IS SHOWING THE HOUSE.

388
00:18:03,582 --> 00:18:04,540
NOW?

389
00:18:04,708 --> 00:18:06,375
PEOPLE WORK.

390
00:18:06,543 --> 00:18:08,795
PIPE DOWN, EVERYBODY!

391
00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:10,797
THE DECK IS NEW,

392
00:18:10,964 --> 00:18:17,804
AND THIS LOVELY TILE WALKWAY
LEADS DIRECTLY TO THE POOL.

393
00:18:17,971 --> 00:18:22,809
WHICH IS FILLED WITH
SOME OF THE LOCAL KIDS.

394
00:18:22,976 --> 00:18:25,353
HEAVILY CAUCASIAN.

395
00:18:25,521 --> 00:18:27,105
IT'S A NICE NEIGHBORHOOD.

396
00:18:28,232 --> 00:18:31,317
SOMETIMES BOB
PRETENDS HE'S POOR.

397
00:18:31,485 --> 00:18:34,821
I CALL HIM BUSTER.

398
00:18:34,988 --> 00:18:39,242
HE KNOCKS ON THE DOOR,
AND I ANSWER IN MY TEDDY.

399
00:18:39,409 --> 00:18:41,369
AND HE SAYS,
"DOES THE RICH LADY

400
00:18:41,537 --> 00:18:43,579
NEED ANY HELP
AROUND THE HOUSE?"

401
00:18:43,747 --> 00:18:44,872
AND I SAY...

402
00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:50,336
"I KNOW SOMETHING THAT NEEDS
ATTENDING TO IN THE BEDROOM."

403
00:18:50,504 --> 00:18:55,174
I'LL SPARE YOU THE DETAILS,
BUT IT ENDS IN WHOOPEE.

404
00:18:55,342 --> 00:18:57,510
HA HA HA!

405
00:18:57,678 --> 00:19:03,474
YOU KNOW, THIS IS AS MUCH FUN
TO MAKE AS IT IS TO EAT.

406
00:19:03,642 --> 00:19:04,892
YOU KNOW,
SPEAKING OF WHICH,

407
00:19:05,060 --> 00:19:08,646
UM, HOW DO YOU GET BOB
TO PLAY THOSE GAMES?

408
00:19:08,814 --> 00:19:11,941
I HAVE A REWARD SYSTEM.

409
00:19:12,943 --> 00:19:14,318
HUH.

410
00:19:15,654 --> 00:19:18,948
YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES RED
WOULD WEAR A SAILOR'S UNIFORM.

411
00:19:19,116 --> 00:19:20,199
REALLY?

412
00:19:20,367 --> 00:19:21,367
YEAH.

413
00:19:21,535 --> 00:19:22,910
BUT HE WAS IN THE NAVY.

414
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,584
OOH, KITTY.

415
00:19:29,751 --> 00:19:31,711
OOH.

416
00:19:39,678 --> 00:19:41,929
DOES HE STILL HAVE
HIS SAILOR'S UNIFORM?

417
00:19:42,097 --> 00:19:46,601
OH, NO.

418
00:19:46,768 --> 00:19:47,768
JUST HAS THE HAT.

419
00:19:47,936 --> 00:19:49,395
HA HA HA.

420
00:19:57,529 --> 00:20:00,489
I STOLE MY DAD'S TAP!

421
00:20:02,618 --> 00:20:06,829
...BACK FROM THOSE THIEVES.

422
00:20:09,583 --> 00:20:10,750
WE WERE WORRIED SICK.

423
00:20:10,918 --> 00:20:12,835
YOU HAD US DRIVING
ALL OVER TOWN.

424
00:20:13,003 --> 00:20:16,088
WE MISSED
RICH MAN, POOR MAN.

425
00:20:16,256 --> 00:20:17,548
EXCUSE US, RED.

426
00:20:17,716 --> 00:20:18,424
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

427
00:20:18,592 --> 00:20:19,425
WE'RE JUST GONNA
GRAB THIS KEG...

428
00:20:19,593 --> 00:20:22,637
GET OUT OF HERE!

429
00:20:22,804 --> 00:20:24,013
WE'RE NOT
FINISHED WITH THIS.

430
00:20:24,181 --> 00:20:25,932
NEITHER ARE WE.

431
00:20:26,099 --> 00:20:28,017
NOW, YOU TAKE HER HOME,
AND YOU WAIT FOR ME.

432
00:20:28,185 --> 00:20:29,310
THAT'S AN ORDER.

433
00:20:29,478 --> 00:20:33,189
DITTO.

434
00:20:33,357 --> 00:20:34,941
COME HERE.

435
00:20:37,694 --> 00:20:40,655
I CAN'T STAY MAD AT YOU
WITH THAT CUTE FACE.

436
00:20:48,205 --> 00:20:51,040
GET YOUR UGLY BUTT HOME.

437
00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:58,297
MY DAD'S GONNA KILL ME.

438
00:20:58,465 --> 00:21:00,341
YOU'RE ALWAYS
SAYING THAT.

439
00:21:00,509 --> 00:21:03,761
YEAH, WELL,
THIS TIME HE'S GONNA KILL ME.

440
00:21:03,929 --> 00:21:06,889
I MEAN, I CUT CLASS,

441
00:21:07,057 --> 00:21:08,516
I TRESPASSED,

442
00:21:08,684 --> 00:21:10,226
I HAD STOLEN BEER,

443
00:21:10,394 --> 00:21:11,936
AND THEN I SWUNG
INTO A POOL FULL OF COPS

444
00:21:12,104 --> 00:21:16,107
ON A GARDEN HOSE
CARRYING MY DAD'S TAP.

445
00:21:16,275 --> 00:21:18,234
YEAH, THAT WAS SO COOL.

446
00:21:20,028 --> 00:21:22,571
REALLY?

447
00:21:22,739 --> 00:21:26,075
REALLY.

448
00:21:31,290 --> 00:21:34,375
YOU LOOKED DANGEROUS.

449
00:21:34,543 --> 00:21:38,879
DID I MENTION THAT
I KILLED A GUY IN ALGEBRA?

450
00:21:39,047 --> 00:21:41,132
GOOD NIGHT.

451
00:21:41,300 --> 00:21:43,801
KILLER.

452
00:21:48,098 --> 00:21:50,808
BRING IT ON, RED.

453
00:21:56,898 --> 00:21:59,358
[DRUNKENLY]
I... I LOVE THAT BOY.

454
00:21:59,526 --> 00:22:01,277
ERIC'S A GOOD KID.

455
00:22:01,445 --> 00:22:03,154
THAT DONNA'S
REAL SWEET, TOO.

456
00:22:03,322 --> 00:22:05,656
MAN, THAT DONNA'S
REAL HOT.

457
00:22:05,824 --> 00:22:06,866
HEY,
THAT'S MY DAUGHTER.

458
00:22:07,034 --> 00:22:07,616
I'M JUST SAYING...

459
00:22:07,784 --> 00:22:09,327
YOU DON'T THINK
I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING?

460
00:22:09,494 --> 00:22:11,871
ALL RIGHT, BOB, IT'S TIME TO GO.
WE'LL JUST, UH...

461
00:22:12,039 --> 00:22:15,916
HEY, HEY, HEY!
GET OUTTA HERE.

462
00:22:16,084 --> 00:22:20,755
ALL RIGHT. FINE.

463
00:22:20,922 --> 00:22:23,424
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
CARSEY-WERNER PRODUCTIONS
AND FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY

464
00:22:23,592 --> 00:22:25,676
CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY
THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING
INSTITUTE, INC.

465
00:22:25,844 --> 00:22:28,804
PUBLIC PERFORMANCE OF CAPTIONS
PROHIBITED WITHOUT PERMISSION OF
NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE