1
00:00:02,768 --> 00:00:04,869
♪ My eyes
are gettin' weary ♪
2
00:00:04,937 --> 00:00:07,639
♪ my back is gettin' tight
3
00:00:07,707 --> 00:00:09,741
♪ I'm sittin' here
in traffic ♪
4
00:00:09,809 --> 00:00:12,611
♪ on the queensboro bridge
tonight ♪
5
00:00:12,678 --> 00:00:16,014
♪ but I don't care,
'cause all I want to do ♪
6
00:00:18,183 --> 00:00:21,486
♪ is cash my check
and drive right home to you ♪
7
00:00:23,656 --> 00:00:25,556
♪ 'cause, baby, all my life
8
00:00:25,625 --> 00:00:29,227
♪ I will be drivin'
home to you ♪
9
00:00:35,768 --> 00:00:37,736
Today really? Th-that's great.
10
00:00:37,803 --> 00:00:40,939
3:00? That's right,
you know what, no problem.
Wide open today.
11
00:00:41,007 --> 00:00:42,406
No, we're not.
12
00:00:42,474 --> 00:00:44,242
You know what,
don't worry about it,
it's no problem.
13
00:00:44,309 --> 00:00:45,677
Doug,
who're you talking to?
14
00:00:45,745 --> 00:00:47,512
Look--look we wanna see you,
we're coming.
15
00:00:47,579 --> 00:00:49,280
Doug, hello.
16
00:00:49,348 --> 00:00:51,315
It's fine, yup, ok.
17
00:00:51,383 --> 00:00:53,284
Pay attention to me.
18
00:00:54,319 --> 00:00:56,487
Got it, ok, bye mom.
19
00:00:56,555 --> 00:00:58,123
Oh.
20
00:00:58,190 --> 00:01:00,859
Nice job, now I'm gonna
hear her voice
every time I see those.
21
00:01:00,926 --> 00:01:03,327
So am I hearing
your parents are
coming down here today?
22
00:01:03,395 --> 00:01:05,930
Yeah, yeah, they are, uh,
flying to Montreal
for a wedding.
23
00:01:05,998 --> 00:01:08,533
It turns out they got
a 45-minute layover at j.F.K.
24
00:01:08,600 --> 00:01:10,434
So we're gonna drive out
and see them.
25
00:01:10,502 --> 00:01:12,303
Doug, even if I wasn't
really busy today,
26
00:01:12,371 --> 00:01:14,005
that sounds like
a big pain in the ass.
27
00:01:14,073 --> 00:01:15,540
Hey, come on,
it's my parents.
28
00:01:15,607 --> 00:01:17,341
I know and I love them,
believe me.
29
00:01:17,409 --> 00:01:19,310
It's just the drive there,
find parking...
30
00:01:19,378 --> 00:01:21,780
A 45-minute visit
is gonna take 4 hours.
31
00:01:21,847 --> 00:01:23,648
A 4-hour inconvenience with
my parents
32
00:01:23,716 --> 00:01:26,685
as opposed to
in my house always.
33
00:01:30,622 --> 00:01:32,824
Doug, you may have never made
a better point.
34
00:01:32,892 --> 00:01:34,625
Hmm.
Yeah.
35
00:01:34,694 --> 00:01:36,594
Dad, we're gonna have
to move your haircut
appointment today.
36
00:01:36,662 --> 00:01:38,063
I'm sorry.
What? Why?
37
00:01:38,130 --> 00:01:39,664
Doug's parents
are coming into town.
38
00:01:39,732 --> 00:01:41,566
Well, well, well,
stop the world.
39
00:01:41,633 --> 00:01:45,103
The heffernans have deigned
to grace us
with their presence.
40
00:01:45,171 --> 00:01:47,638
Would you stop.
They are very nice people.
41
00:01:47,707 --> 00:01:49,674
Yeah, well I'm down here
in the trenches,
42
00:01:49,742 --> 00:01:51,442
doing the heavy lifting
of parenting,
43
00:01:51,510 --> 00:01:54,045
then they waltz into town
and get all the glory.
44
00:01:54,113 --> 00:01:56,247
Yes, you're an unsung hero.
45
00:02:02,221 --> 00:02:04,255
Come on, I wanna meet them
when they get off.
46
00:02:04,323 --> 00:02:06,725
I can't believe
you made me change
my haircut appointment.
47
00:02:06,792 --> 00:02:08,793
Dad we're taking you there
right after this.
48
00:02:08,861 --> 00:02:11,429
And listen, you're not
the only one
who had to move stuff, ok?
49
00:02:11,496 --> 00:02:13,732
I had to change
my manicure to 6:00.
50
00:02:13,799 --> 00:02:16,201
And I had to cancel
the toes, all right?
51
00:02:16,268 --> 00:02:19,237
So suck it up,
we're doing this
for Doug's parents.
52
00:02:19,304 --> 00:02:22,473
Yeah, well while we're at it,
why don't we tweak
the earth's axis
53
00:02:22,541 --> 00:02:25,309
to make the weather
more pleasant for them.
54
00:02:27,479 --> 00:02:29,680
(Doug)
Do you think my mom'll bring
her lemon squares?
55
00:02:29,749 --> 00:02:31,249
Has she ever not?
56
00:02:31,316 --> 00:02:32,250
No.
57
00:02:32,317 --> 00:02:33,651
No, she always does.
58
00:02:33,719 --> 00:02:35,686
Just gonna get
a drink of water.
59
00:02:35,755 --> 00:02:37,622
Come on, Arthur,
can't you grab it later?
60
00:02:37,689 --> 00:02:39,924
(Arthur)
Hold your horses,
I'm thirsty.
61
00:02:42,228 --> 00:02:44,428
What the hell just happened?
62
00:02:44,496 --> 00:02:46,264
Oh, that was good water.
63
00:02:49,835 --> 00:02:52,003
Check it,
make him check it.
64
00:02:53,405 --> 00:02:55,240
Ok, you know what,
it's not working, guy.
65
00:02:55,307 --> 00:02:57,742
You got to-- it's too big.
You got to check the bag.
66
00:02:57,810 --> 00:02:59,844
No, you got to check it,
you got to check it.
67
00:02:59,912 --> 00:03:01,712
All right here you go.
68
00:03:02,381 --> 00:03:03,314
Sorry.
69
00:03:06,385 --> 00:03:08,186
Oh, good, the doors aren't
even open yet.
70
00:03:08,254 --> 00:03:09,854
See we didn't miss bupkiss.
71
00:03:09,922 --> 00:03:12,590
The further you go,
the behinder he gets.
72
00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:16,661
[Sighing]
73
00:03:16,728 --> 00:03:18,196
Can I borrow the pen?
74
00:03:20,399 --> 00:03:21,565
What're you doing?
75
00:03:21,633 --> 00:03:23,467
Just shut-y and watch-y.
76
00:03:26,605 --> 00:03:27,605
Thanks.
77
00:03:27,673 --> 00:03:30,574
[Exclaiming]
78
00:03:30,642 --> 00:03:34,279
Ok, I'm not gonna lie to you
Doug, it's border line
embarrassing
79
00:03:34,346 --> 00:03:36,647
you're kidding me,
this is gonna go over huge.
80
00:03:43,488 --> 00:03:44,555
Is that them?
81
00:03:45,457 --> 00:03:46,324
(Carrie)
No.
82
00:03:49,295 --> 00:03:50,361
My arm hurts.
83
00:03:55,167 --> 00:03:57,101
You know, it's ok
to let this thing go.
84
00:03:58,871 --> 00:04:00,504
It's gonna be hilarious.
85
00:04:01,841 --> 00:04:03,842
Carrie, Doug, Arthur.
86
00:04:03,909 --> 00:04:05,176
Hi.
87
00:04:05,244 --> 00:04:08,279
Excuse me are you, uh,
"mom and dad."
88
00:04:08,347 --> 00:04:09,513
What's this for?
89
00:04:09,581 --> 00:04:11,049
It's like
when you get a limo.
90
00:04:11,116 --> 00:04:13,251
You got a limo?
Oh, Doug, I hope you didn't
get a limo.
91
00:04:13,319 --> 00:04:15,854
We got a connecting flight,
you told him
it was just a layover.
92
00:04:15,921 --> 00:04:17,322
Well, of course, I did.
93
00:04:17,389 --> 00:04:18,756
(Joe)
Why do you waste
a $100 on a limo?
94
00:04:18,824 --> 00:04:20,658
I didn't get one.
We just don't
have the time.
95
00:04:20,726 --> 00:04:22,293
Ok, here's what's
going on here.
96
00:04:22,361 --> 00:04:24,695
Doug thought
it would be cute to pretend
he was a limo driver.
97
00:04:24,763 --> 00:04:27,165
There's no car.
Everything's fine,
the joke didn't land.
98
00:04:27,233 --> 00:04:29,100
So lets all hug
and say hi now.
99
00:04:29,168 --> 00:04:31,502
[All chattering]
100
00:04:31,570 --> 00:04:32,737
(Janet)
My baby.
101
00:04:32,804 --> 00:04:34,538
(Joe)
The same Dougie boy, eh?
102
00:04:34,606 --> 00:04:36,707
Hello, Arthur.
103
00:04:36,775 --> 00:04:38,209
[Exclaiming]
104
00:04:38,277 --> 00:04:41,012
I brought a couple of goodies
from the sunshine state.
105
00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:44,048
There's a little something
for everyone.
Ah, that's so nice.
106
00:04:44,116 --> 00:04:46,985
For Carrie, from my favorite
store at the bulk & more.
107
00:04:47,052 --> 00:04:50,255
Oh, this is great.
108
00:04:50,322 --> 00:04:52,290
Ok, I'll just wear both.
Here you go.
109
00:04:52,358 --> 00:04:53,358
Thank you.
110
00:04:53,425 --> 00:04:56,394
So, uh, why aren't I eating
a lemon square?
111
00:04:56,461 --> 00:04:59,864
Oh, my God,
I'm so sorry, I forgot.
112
00:05:01,267 --> 00:05:02,267
Just kidding.
113
00:05:02,334 --> 00:05:03,601
[All laughing]
114
00:05:05,304 --> 00:05:06,470
Don't do that, ok?
115
00:05:06,538 --> 00:05:07,838
Give me that.
After lunch.
116
00:05:07,907 --> 00:05:09,040
Give me 'em.
117
00:05:09,108 --> 00:05:10,909
Hey, hey,
good to see you, spooner.
118
00:05:10,976 --> 00:05:14,379
Heffernan.
Got a little something
for you, too. Real deal.
119
00:05:14,446 --> 00:05:16,281
Cubano.
120
00:05:16,348 --> 00:05:18,682
Enjoy it, on me.
121
00:05:18,750 --> 00:05:20,885
[Announcer chattering
on p.A. System]
122
00:05:22,587 --> 00:05:23,854
And so it begins.
123
00:05:28,460 --> 00:05:30,128
Your sister's
gonna make it?
124
00:05:30,195 --> 00:05:32,630
She said she'll try,
she's reffing a girl's
soccer game.
125
00:05:32,697 --> 00:05:34,665
Oh, that's a good way
to meet a man.
126
00:05:34,733 --> 00:05:37,335
Well, since we don't
have much time...
127
00:05:37,403 --> 00:05:40,838
Yes, the dreaded
to-do file.
128
00:05:40,906 --> 00:05:43,007
Just a couple of things.
129
00:05:43,075 --> 00:05:46,177
We're not gonna see
you on your birthday,
so we goy you an early card.
130
00:05:46,245 --> 00:05:47,412
Happy 30 bump bumps.
131
00:05:50,015 --> 00:05:52,650
Hey, a $100 bill.
132
00:05:52,717 --> 00:05:55,019
Hey much nicer
than the $50
you gave me last year
133
00:05:55,087 --> 00:05:56,921
I told you, you only
gave him $50.
134
00:05:56,989 --> 00:05:59,123
Too late,
this is now the minimum.
135
00:05:59,191 --> 00:06:01,292
So, come on,
how about giving me
a lemon square, huh?
136
00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:03,594
Well, just one.
I don't wanna
spoil your appetite.
137
00:06:03,662 --> 00:06:05,096
Yet to happen.
138
00:06:09,435 --> 00:06:10,969
Something's--something's
different.
139
00:06:11,036 --> 00:06:12,136
Oh.
140
00:06:12,204 --> 00:06:14,439
Since we're now in Florida,
I'm using real lemons
141
00:06:14,506 --> 00:06:16,807
instead of that
fake bottle stuff.
142
00:06:17,609 --> 00:06:18,443
Hmm.
143
00:06:25,217 --> 00:06:26,717
What's the matter
with you?
144
00:06:26,785 --> 00:06:29,753
I wasn't told there'll be
gift giving.
145
00:06:29,821 --> 00:06:32,590
Dad, it was just
a nice gesture.
146
00:06:32,657 --> 00:06:35,226
Yeah, well, I'm familiar
with that gesture.
147
00:06:35,294 --> 00:06:38,196
It means I'm nothing
and they're aristocrats.
148
00:06:38,263 --> 00:06:40,398
Joe owned a hardware store.
149
00:06:40,466 --> 00:06:42,700
Did you see how
he shoved the cigar down
my pocket?
150
00:06:42,767 --> 00:06:44,802
Like he was tipping
a bellhop.
151
00:06:44,870 --> 00:06:46,204
I can't even stand
looking at it.
152
00:06:46,271 --> 00:06:49,707
All right, well, great,
now you don't have to.
153
00:06:49,774 --> 00:06:51,009
What else here?
154
00:06:51,810 --> 00:06:53,144
Oh.
155
00:06:53,212 --> 00:06:55,579
This cartoon reminded me
of you, sweety.
156
00:06:55,647 --> 00:06:56,814
Mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm.
157
00:06:56,882 --> 00:06:59,783
You see, the dog is driving
a truck just like you do
158
00:07:03,322 --> 00:07:06,324
oh, yeah, I'll put it
with the others.
159
00:07:06,392 --> 00:07:08,559
Well, what's, uh, what's this?
160
00:07:08,627 --> 00:07:10,661
Oh, just some papers
we ned you to sign.
161
00:07:12,531 --> 00:07:14,065
A living will?
162
00:07:14,133 --> 00:07:15,933
It just says if ever
there's a problem,
163
00:07:16,001 --> 00:07:17,835
that you shouldn't use
any artificial means
164
00:07:17,903 --> 00:07:20,405
to keep your dad
and me alive.
165
00:07:20,472 --> 00:07:24,442
Is there a reason
the cartoon is attached to it,
or...
166
00:07:24,510 --> 00:07:27,278
No, I was just
saving a staple.
167
00:07:27,346 --> 00:07:29,380
You sign right here
beside the sticker.
168
00:07:29,448 --> 00:07:32,283
And then your
initial right there
169
00:07:32,351 --> 00:07:34,618
next to the section
about comas.
170
00:07:35,487 --> 00:07:37,121
Uh-huh.
171
00:07:37,189 --> 00:07:39,790
Oh, we'd better go
to the bathroom
before the food comes.
172
00:07:39,858 --> 00:07:41,025
How do you know
I have to go?
173
00:07:41,093 --> 00:07:42,427
I'm sure
you have to go.
174
00:07:43,728 --> 00:07:45,063
She's right.
175
00:07:55,307 --> 00:07:57,575
Those heffernans always
trying to show me up.
176
00:07:57,642 --> 00:07:59,177
You know when it started,
don't you?
177
00:07:59,244 --> 00:08:01,245
The day I let them
pay for your wedding.
178
00:08:01,313 --> 00:08:03,314
Dad, don't start with that
now, please.
179
00:08:03,382 --> 00:08:05,583
You were out of a job,
they did a very nice thing.
180
00:08:05,650 --> 00:08:07,651
Yes, but did it have to be
so lavish?
181
00:08:07,719 --> 00:08:11,956
Oh, sure, everybody's
got to have
a glass of champagne.
182
00:08:12,023 --> 00:08:15,693
You already made
your feelings very clear
on our wedding video.
183
00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:18,696
Well, they're not
the only ones who can give
flashy gifts.
184
00:08:18,763 --> 00:08:20,731
Dad, you don't have to
buy them anything.
185
00:08:20,799 --> 00:08:23,468
Yes I do.
Today I even the score.
186
00:08:23,535 --> 00:08:27,205
Although I am a bit
short on cash.
187
00:08:27,272 --> 00:08:30,674
Darling, uh, would you mind
floating me over
a few balloons?
188
00:08:30,742 --> 00:08:31,642
No.
189
00:08:31,710 --> 00:08:32,743
Come on.
No.
190
00:08:32,811 --> 00:08:34,545
Dad, I-I'm paying
for the food
191
00:08:34,613 --> 00:08:37,548
and the rest I'm saving
for something not insane.
192
00:08:37,616 --> 00:08:40,751
Fine. I gave you life.
Whatever.
193
00:08:43,555 --> 00:08:46,591
Douglas, quick.
I need to borrow
some cash.
194
00:08:46,658 --> 00:08:48,993
I only got like $10 on me.
195
00:08:49,060 --> 00:08:51,262
Well, what have we here,
a c-note?
196
00:08:51,330 --> 00:08:53,331
Oh, yeah.
I forgot about that.
197
00:08:53,398 --> 00:08:56,134
But you know
I'm good for it.
198
00:08:56,201 --> 00:08:58,802
Hey, there goes
a crap load of burgers.
199
00:09:00,405 --> 00:09:02,773
Hey, where is everyone?
200
00:09:02,841 --> 00:09:04,275
Look at this thing.
201
00:09:04,343 --> 00:09:06,544
Look at what my parents
gave me to sign.
Look at that.
202
00:09:06,612 --> 00:09:07,678
A living will?
203
00:09:07,746 --> 00:09:08,946
Yeah, look at this.
204
00:09:09,014 --> 00:09:11,249
I get to be the conservator
of their person.
205
00:09:11,316 --> 00:09:14,785
Which basically means
if they stub their toe,
I fly in and waste them.
206
00:09:14,853 --> 00:09:17,755
All right, calm down.
We do these at the law firm
all the time
207
00:09:17,822 --> 00:09:19,023
it's actually a good idea.
208
00:09:19,090 --> 00:09:20,491
It's a terrible idea.
209
00:09:20,559 --> 00:09:22,193
Look at this.
210
00:09:22,261 --> 00:09:24,295
Look they checked
"do not resuscitate"
on every thing.
211
00:09:24,363 --> 00:09:26,130
It's like they can't die
fast enough.
212
00:09:26,198 --> 00:09:27,831
Doug, it's not that
they wanna die.
213
00:09:27,899 --> 00:09:30,201
It's just that
they're trying to plan
for the future.
214
00:09:30,269 --> 00:09:32,970
You know,
in the off chance
if they're ever in a...
215
00:09:33,038 --> 00:09:34,705
Vegetative state.
216
00:09:34,773 --> 00:09:37,808
Vegetative state!
They were just supposed to
bring me lemon squares.
217
00:09:37,876 --> 00:09:39,677
Ok. I know
this is stressful,
218
00:09:39,744 --> 00:09:42,846
but it's what they want.
219
00:09:42,914 --> 00:09:45,349
Did you, uh, sign
one of these for your dad?
220
00:09:45,417 --> 00:09:51,355
Actually he checked "yes"
to anything they could do to
keep him alive.
221
00:09:51,423 --> 00:09:55,326
I think he even wrote in
something about
freezing his head.
222
00:09:59,931 --> 00:10:03,201
Hello, my good man,
I'm in the market
for some high-end gifts.
223
00:10:03,268 --> 00:10:06,437
Give me your
most expensive whisky
and your finest perfume.
224
00:10:06,505 --> 00:10:07,771
All righty, coming up.
225
00:10:07,839 --> 00:10:10,841
"International duty
free shop."
226
00:10:10,909 --> 00:10:14,278
So tell me are we currently
standing on American soil
227
00:10:14,346 --> 00:10:16,480
or are we in
some sort of
a borderless limbo?
228
00:10:17,616 --> 00:10:18,749
Uh, it's America.
229
00:10:20,319 --> 00:10:21,952
That'll be $423.
230
00:10:22,020 --> 00:10:23,887
Uh-huh, ok, plan b.
231
00:10:23,955 --> 00:10:26,790
Lets go down to your
4th best in both categories.
232
00:10:26,858 --> 00:10:27,725
Sure.
233
00:10:28,793 --> 00:10:31,295
And what flight
are you on?
234
00:10:31,363 --> 00:10:33,664
That's none of
your affair.
235
00:10:33,732 --> 00:10:36,900
You can't buy duty free
unless you're on
an international flight.
236
00:10:36,968 --> 00:10:38,769
I see, well,
in that case,
237
00:10:38,837 --> 00:10:41,539
I'm on b.O.A.C. Flight 1
en route to
constantinople.
238
00:10:42,941 --> 00:10:44,308
I'll need to see a ticket.
239
00:10:44,376 --> 00:10:46,777
I must have left it
in my attache case.
240
00:10:46,845 --> 00:10:50,248
I'm sorry, I can't
sell this to you
without a ticket.
241
00:10:50,315 --> 00:10:52,983
Let me ask you this.
242
00:10:53,051 --> 00:10:56,387
Were I traveling abroad,
what would my total
have been?
243
00:10:57,356 --> 00:10:59,523
$97.50.
244
00:11:01,059 --> 00:11:06,196
I have in my hand
a crisp $100 bill.
245
00:11:06,265 --> 00:11:09,467
What if I left the
change on the counter
and just walked away?
246
00:11:12,971 --> 00:11:14,872
Come on, it's a $300
travel voucher.
247
00:11:14,939 --> 00:11:16,440
And we'll still get there.
248
00:11:16,508 --> 00:11:18,208
I don't want to do it.
249
00:11:18,277 --> 00:11:19,510
What's going on?
250
00:11:19,578 --> 00:11:21,145
Oh, they overbooked
a flight to Montreal.
251
00:11:21,212 --> 00:11:23,514
Now they're offering to bump
people on to the next flight.
252
00:11:23,582 --> 00:11:25,316
And they hand us
free money.
253
00:11:25,384 --> 00:11:27,518
It's ridiculous!
We're flying to a wedding.
254
00:11:27,586 --> 00:11:29,420
We're not gonna miss
the rehearsal dinner.
255
00:11:29,488 --> 00:11:31,889
I don't give a crap about
this girl's rehearsal dinner.
256
00:11:31,956 --> 00:11:35,493
I'd much rather spend
the next 4 hours
right here with you kids.
257
00:11:35,560 --> 00:11:37,428
Cool.
258
00:11:37,496 --> 00:11:40,498
Oh, I don't know.
What do you two think?
259
00:11:40,565 --> 00:11:43,200
Um, actually,
you know what?
260
00:11:43,268 --> 00:11:44,868
Rehearsal dinners
are very important.
261
00:11:44,936 --> 00:11:47,371
A friend missed ours,
and I, I really hate her now.
262
00:11:49,007 --> 00:11:51,509
Thank you.
Fine.
263
00:11:51,576 --> 00:11:53,577
You signed those
papers yet, honey?
264
00:11:53,645 --> 00:11:56,614
Uh, you know what?
I'm gonna hold on to these
265
00:11:56,682 --> 00:11:58,516
and have my guy
take a look at 'em.
266
00:11:58,583 --> 00:12:00,884
You have a guy now?
267
00:12:00,952 --> 00:12:03,688
Yeah, I have a guy.
He looks over things.
268
00:12:03,755 --> 00:12:05,523
What is he, a lawyer?
Kinda.
269
00:12:05,590 --> 00:12:07,891
You always used our guy!
When did you get a guy?
270
00:12:07,959 --> 00:12:09,927
Actually, I've had one
for a while now.
271
00:12:09,994 --> 00:12:11,429
What's the matter with Dan?
272
00:12:11,496 --> 00:12:14,532
I've know Dan for 27 years.
What am I gonna tell Dan
when he asks?
273
00:12:14,599 --> 00:12:16,600
I don't care what
you tell Dan, ok?
274
00:12:16,668 --> 00:12:18,902
You know, you fly in here
on a 45-minute layover,
275
00:12:18,970 --> 00:12:20,738
and you spring your
death warrants on me,
276
00:12:20,806 --> 00:12:23,674
stapled to a
wizard of ID cartoon!
277
00:12:23,742 --> 00:12:24,809
[Sputters]
278
00:12:24,876 --> 00:12:26,711
You know, this is crazy!
I'm not signing.
279
00:12:26,778 --> 00:12:27,778
Enjoy your comas.
280
00:12:27,846 --> 00:12:30,681
You're gonna be in them
for quite some time.
281
00:12:33,117 --> 00:12:34,685
[Crowd cheering on t.V.]
282
00:12:36,922 --> 00:12:39,223
[Whistle blowing]
283
00:12:39,290 --> 00:12:42,059
Ha! Why couldn't
the Knicks get Shaq?
284
00:12:42,127 --> 00:12:44,328
Well, if they let me run
that team for one year--
285
00:12:44,395 --> 00:12:45,630
dad, if you ran the team,
286
00:12:45,697 --> 00:12:49,266
there'd be 87 players
on a billion-dollar payroll.
287
00:12:49,334 --> 00:12:51,235
And a championship, son.
288
00:12:51,803 --> 00:12:53,004
Right.
289
00:12:53,071 --> 00:12:54,705
Look, we don't get
to see you that much.
290
00:12:54,773 --> 00:12:56,674
Um, sorry this turned
into a whole thing.
291
00:12:56,742 --> 00:12:58,408
Yeah, not our--
not our best visit.
292
00:12:58,476 --> 00:13:00,511
Well, we should have known
you might feel that way.
293
00:13:00,578 --> 00:13:01,846
I remember
how upset you were
294
00:13:01,913 --> 00:13:03,914
when you had to take your
pet Guinea pig to the vet,
295
00:13:03,982 --> 00:13:05,149
to put him to sleep.
296
00:13:05,216 --> 00:13:08,019
Hey, mork still had
some good years left!
297
00:13:08,086 --> 00:13:10,521
He was blind, and his
kidneys were shot.
298
00:13:10,588 --> 00:13:13,223
He had more time.
299
00:13:15,426 --> 00:13:17,695
Look, we got to start
boarding in like 20 minutes.
300
00:13:17,763 --> 00:13:20,531
I don't want to leave
without getting this settled.
301
00:13:20,598 --> 00:13:22,299
All right.
302
00:13:22,367 --> 00:13:24,769
I'm gonna work with you here.
303
00:13:24,836 --> 00:13:26,871
What are you most
uncomfortable with?
304
00:13:26,938 --> 00:13:29,540
We're not married
to all of these.
305
00:13:29,607 --> 00:13:31,942
I don't know, how about
like--like this one here?
306
00:13:32,010 --> 00:13:34,145
"If I have no reasonable hope
for normal functioning,
307
00:13:34,212 --> 00:13:36,446
"withhold life-sustaining
treatment, including nutrition
308
00:13:36,514 --> 00:13:37,648
and anyhydration."
309
00:13:37,716 --> 00:13:38,983
"X" that one out.
310
00:13:39,051 --> 00:13:40,217
We can't lose that.
311
00:13:40,285 --> 00:13:41,886
We might as well
drop the whole thing!
312
00:13:41,953 --> 00:13:43,520
What else?
313
00:13:43,588 --> 00:13:45,389
All right, then, fine.
How about this one?
314
00:13:45,456 --> 00:13:47,958
"Turning off the respirator."
315
00:13:48,026 --> 00:13:50,127
Nah, your mother's got
her heart set on that one.
316
00:13:50,195 --> 00:13:51,829
Well, you're not working
with me here!
317
00:13:51,897 --> 00:13:52,897
Don't yell at me, Dougie.
318
00:13:52,964 --> 00:13:55,166
This wasn't my idea
in the first place.
319
00:13:55,233 --> 00:13:57,467
What are you--
what are you saying?
320
00:13:57,535 --> 00:14:00,404
I'm saying this is really
your mother's baby.
321
00:14:01,506 --> 00:14:03,908
Do you even want to do this?
322
00:14:03,975 --> 00:14:06,777
I guess I could either way.
323
00:14:06,845 --> 00:14:10,247
But it'd be a whole big thing
with your mother.
324
00:14:10,315 --> 00:14:12,482
So you'd rather die
instead of having
325
00:14:12,550 --> 00:14:14,819
an awkward conversation
with mom?
326
00:14:19,390 --> 00:14:21,558
I just don't want
any trouble.
327
00:14:23,061 --> 00:14:25,696
I'm sorry we dragged you out
to hear a heffernan fight.
328
00:14:25,764 --> 00:14:28,365
I'm sure you had much better
things to do with your day.
329
00:14:28,433 --> 00:14:32,469
Oh, no! It's--it's--
it's--it's--it's, uh...
330
00:14:32,537 --> 00:14:33,871
It's...
331
00:14:33,939 --> 00:14:35,539
No! No, no, no.
332
00:14:35,607 --> 00:14:37,208
Mom, dad has something
to say to you.
333
00:14:37,275 --> 00:14:38,375
I do not.
334
00:14:38,443 --> 00:14:40,211
Tell her what you said
back there!
335
00:14:40,278 --> 00:14:43,614
I tell him you grow
more beautiful with
each passing year.
336
00:14:43,681 --> 00:14:45,716
No, no! He said he doesn't
want a living will.
337
00:14:45,784 --> 00:14:47,017
He doesn't want to do this.
338
00:14:47,085 --> 00:14:48,085
You said that?
339
00:14:48,153 --> 00:14:49,519
I said nothing of the kind.
340
00:14:49,587 --> 00:14:51,222
I very much want to die.
341
00:14:51,289 --> 00:14:52,689
Look, now he can't say it!
342
00:14:52,758 --> 00:14:55,226
Look, you--
I'm not signing it
and you can't make me.
343
00:14:55,293 --> 00:14:56,426
Ok, guys, I made it.
344
00:14:56,494 --> 00:14:57,694
Hey, kiddo!
345
00:14:57,763 --> 00:14:59,296
[Kissing]
346
00:14:59,364 --> 00:15:00,564
What's going on?
347
00:15:00,632 --> 00:15:02,399
Mom and dad
want me to kill 'em.
348
00:15:02,467 --> 00:15:04,735
What?
349
00:15:04,803 --> 00:15:07,537
We said we want
your brother to sign
a little piece of paper
350
00:15:07,605 --> 00:15:09,673
in case
we ever get very sick.
351
00:15:09,741 --> 00:15:10,841
Hello.
352
00:15:10,909 --> 00:15:12,576
Am I supposed
to sign it too?
353
00:15:12,644 --> 00:15:14,745
Actually, no, honey.
Just Doug.
354
00:15:14,813 --> 00:15:16,847
W-why just Doug?
355
00:15:16,915 --> 00:15:19,483
We only needed
one of you to sign it.
356
00:15:19,550 --> 00:15:21,218
Then why don't
I just sign it?
357
00:15:21,286 --> 00:15:25,055
Well, because we just
wanted Doug to sign it.
358
00:15:25,123 --> 00:15:27,591
Honey, you know,
he's married.
359
00:15:27,659 --> 00:15:29,493
He's settled.
We know where he is.
360
00:15:29,560 --> 00:15:30,828
And you don't know
where I am?
361
00:15:30,896 --> 00:15:33,097
It's just that first
you were in buffalo,
362
00:15:33,165 --> 00:15:36,500
and--and--and then you're
back here in queens, and...
363
00:15:36,567 --> 00:15:39,536
It's called moving!
I did it once.
364
00:15:39,604 --> 00:15:41,405
Honey, it's just--
if you were married
365
00:15:41,472 --> 00:15:44,275
and settled down,
or even had a boyfriend,
366
00:15:44,342 --> 00:15:46,643
or a partner
of some sort.
367
00:15:46,711 --> 00:15:48,913
What is that supposed to mean?
368
00:15:48,980 --> 00:15:51,615
Darling, you're a single girl
wearing a referee's costume.
369
00:15:51,683 --> 00:15:53,918
What are we supposed
to think?
370
00:15:53,985 --> 00:15:56,921
Look, it's her life.
Let her do what she wants.
371
00:15:56,988 --> 00:15:58,923
Please, let me sign this.
372
00:15:59,891 --> 00:16:01,025
You're not signing it.
373
00:16:01,092 --> 00:16:02,392
This is so typical.
374
00:16:02,460 --> 00:16:03,961
Doug got the bedroom
in the attic.
375
00:16:04,029 --> 00:16:05,329
Doug got the car.
376
00:16:05,396 --> 00:16:09,599
Doug gets to pull the plug.
He gets to do everything!
377
00:16:09,667 --> 00:16:11,768
Joe, it's obvious
we're not gonna settle this
378
00:16:11,837 --> 00:16:12,837
in the next 10 minutes.
379
00:16:12,904 --> 00:16:14,972
Let's take that later flight.
380
00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:19,543
Doug, I have a 6:00 manicure
with Denise.
381
00:16:19,610 --> 00:16:21,812
She's very hard to get.
382
00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:23,247
Let Steph sign it.
383
00:16:23,315 --> 00:16:24,414
No.
384
00:16:24,482 --> 00:16:26,317
Come on, Doug.
This could be good for her.
385
00:16:26,384 --> 00:16:27,417
Throw her a bone.
386
00:16:27,485 --> 00:16:28,953
No!
387
00:16:29,020 --> 00:16:30,855
Joe, see if you can change
our flight, would you?
388
00:16:30,922 --> 00:16:33,257
You know what, you know,
let me--let me,
yeah, let me do this.
389
00:16:33,325 --> 00:16:35,659
You guys, you keep talking.
You're making progress here.
390
00:16:35,727 --> 00:16:36,994
Oh, ok!
Thank you, honey.
391
00:16:37,062 --> 00:16:38,729
No problem.
Later flight, coming up.
392
00:16:38,796 --> 00:16:40,564
[Woman chattering
on p.A. System]
393
00:16:44,269 --> 00:16:46,603
You're going.
Oh, you're going now.
394
00:16:48,373 --> 00:16:49,974
How about this?
395
00:16:50,041 --> 00:16:51,541
How about we put
these papers away
for 10, 15 years?
396
00:16:51,609 --> 00:16:53,110
And then I'll be happy
to sign them.
397
00:16:53,178 --> 00:16:54,444
I'm ready to sign
them anytime.
398
00:16:54,512 --> 00:16:56,013
Just back off, Steph.
399
00:16:56,081 --> 00:16:58,782
Well, we're not going anywhere
until this is settled.
400
00:17:01,552 --> 00:17:03,020
I hope Carrie's
getting somewhere
401
00:17:03,088 --> 00:17:04,688
with the other flight.
402
00:17:17,936 --> 00:17:20,670
Come on, Doug. We love you.
We ask so little of you.
403
00:17:20,738 --> 00:17:23,040
It's just a piece of paper.
Do us a favor.
404
00:17:23,108 --> 00:17:24,108
No, I'm not signing it.
405
00:17:24,175 --> 00:17:26,043
Just sign it!
Uh-uh.
406
00:17:26,111 --> 00:17:29,046
Why are you making this
such a big giant thing?
407
00:17:29,114 --> 00:17:30,847
Becau-- because you...
408
00:17:30,916 --> 00:17:31,916
[Exhales]
409
00:17:31,983 --> 00:17:33,284
I don't know, I mean...
410
00:17:33,351 --> 00:17:35,652
All of a sudden
everything's different.
411
00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:36,720
What do you mean?
412
00:17:36,788 --> 00:17:38,155
I mean, dad,
l-look at you, dad.
413
00:17:38,223 --> 00:17:39,656
I mean, your hair
is totally gray.
414
00:17:39,724 --> 00:17:41,691
You're not even using
just for men anymore.
415
00:17:41,759 --> 00:17:42,893
It's like you don't care.
416
00:17:43,694 --> 00:17:44,728
And mom?
417
00:17:44,796 --> 00:17:47,631
Real lemons
in the lemon squares?
418
00:17:47,698 --> 00:17:50,634
Why would you ever
mess with that?
419
00:17:50,701 --> 00:17:54,004
Look, Doug, things can't
stay the same forever.
420
00:17:54,672 --> 00:17:55,705
[Sighs]
421
00:17:55,773 --> 00:17:57,107
I--I know. I...
422
00:17:59,077 --> 00:18:00,144
[Scoffs]
423
00:18:00,211 --> 00:18:01,245
Look at that.
424
00:18:01,313 --> 00:18:03,047
Just a second ago,
that was me.
425
00:18:03,114 --> 00:18:04,781
Huh? Remember that?
426
00:18:04,849 --> 00:18:07,017
This guy right here was me.
427
00:18:07,085 --> 00:18:08,585
Remember my face?
428
00:18:08,653 --> 00:18:10,754
My pudgy little pie-stained-
from-McDonald's face.
429
00:18:10,822 --> 00:18:12,456
Remember the chunkiness?
430
00:18:13,391 --> 00:18:15,059
Where did it go?
431
00:18:15,126 --> 00:18:17,094
Look, we're just trying
to go to Disney world.
432
00:18:17,162 --> 00:18:19,729
Oh, that is so great!
See?
433
00:18:19,797 --> 00:18:20,998
Get him a hat.
434
00:18:25,903 --> 00:18:26,837
[Sighs]
435
00:18:28,406 --> 00:18:29,473
[Exhales]
436
00:18:29,540 --> 00:18:31,308
You really...
437
00:18:31,376 --> 00:18:33,077
You really want me to sign it?
438
00:18:34,312 --> 00:18:35,612
Yes, we do.
439
00:18:37,515 --> 00:18:39,883
All right, give me
the papers. I'll sign it.
440
00:18:41,419 --> 00:18:42,853
Thank you, dear.
441
00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:44,654
Yeah, but you gotta go
back to using fake juice
442
00:18:44,722 --> 00:18:45,922
in the lemon squares, right?
443
00:18:45,991 --> 00:18:47,024
You got it.
444
00:18:47,092 --> 00:18:48,859
Yeah, 'cause that's
a deal-breaker.
445
00:18:48,926 --> 00:18:50,760
I come bearing gifts.
446
00:18:52,163 --> 00:18:53,297
What?
447
00:18:53,365 --> 00:18:56,333
As patriarch of
the spooner-heffernan clan,
448
00:18:56,401 --> 00:18:59,069
I thought I'd commemorate
the time we spent together.
449
00:18:59,137 --> 00:19:01,171
No strings attached.
450
00:19:01,239 --> 00:19:04,674
Arthur, you didn't have to.
It was totally unnecessary.
451
00:19:04,742 --> 00:19:06,743
For Janet, the largest
452
00:19:06,811 --> 00:19:08,945
big apple snow-globe
on the market.
453
00:19:10,248 --> 00:19:11,681
Fine,
454
00:19:11,749 --> 00:19:13,150
thank you.
455
00:19:13,218 --> 00:19:14,518
And for Joe,
456
00:19:14,585 --> 00:19:17,687
lady liberty in 2 sizes,
whatever works for your decor.
457
00:19:18,789 --> 00:19:20,157
And you can Duke it out
458
00:19:20,225 --> 00:19:22,459
over an assortment of
refreshing velamints,
459
00:19:22,527 --> 00:19:24,594
a sparkle pen,
and the latest page-Turner
460
00:19:24,662 --> 00:19:26,430
from Mr. Ken follet.
461
00:19:27,432 --> 00:19:29,233
Well, thank you, Arthur.
462
00:19:29,300 --> 00:19:31,035
That's what you spent
the $100 on?
463
00:19:31,102 --> 00:19:32,336
That was my birthday gift.
464
00:19:32,404 --> 00:19:33,537
Wait, you bought all these
465
00:19:33,604 --> 00:19:35,372
with the money
we gave to Doug?
466
00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:37,408
So it's like we
bought our own gifts?
467
00:19:37,475 --> 00:19:38,942
Oh, that's funny!
468
00:19:39,010 --> 00:19:40,010
[Both laughing]
469
00:19:40,078 --> 00:19:41,078
Thank you, Joe.
470
00:19:41,146 --> 00:19:43,047
Thank you, Janet.
471
00:19:43,114 --> 00:19:44,181
Son of a bitch!
472
00:19:46,684 --> 00:19:49,686
Bad news. I cannot get
you guys on a later flight.
473
00:19:49,754 --> 00:19:53,023
And I--I fought with the man.
He was very rude.
474
00:19:53,824 --> 00:19:54,925
Everything is fine.
475
00:19:54,992 --> 00:19:56,893
Doug signed the papers.
We're good to go.
476
00:19:56,961 --> 00:19:58,595
Oh! Then it all worked out.
477
00:19:58,663 --> 00:20:00,030
Ok, we should board.
478
00:20:00,098 --> 00:20:02,766
If we want an overhead bin,
we're already on the bubble.
479
00:20:02,833 --> 00:20:04,301
Sorry about all this, kitten.
480
00:20:04,369 --> 00:20:07,237
Oh! Bye, dad.
Mmm, it's great to see you.
481
00:20:07,305 --> 00:20:08,272
Well.
482
00:20:09,207 --> 00:20:10,740
Yup.
483
00:20:10,808 --> 00:20:13,143
Oh, I love you, baby.
484
00:20:13,211 --> 00:20:15,479
Sorry I got upset.
I just love you both
so much.
485
00:20:15,547 --> 00:20:18,748
Ok. People. Let's put wings
on this credit crap.
486
00:20:18,816 --> 00:20:22,886
Bye-bye, darling.
Bye-bye baby.
487
00:20:22,954 --> 00:20:26,590
Flight 714 has been delayed
due to congestion in Montreal.
488
00:20:26,657 --> 00:20:28,825
We'll keep you updated
as we get more information.
489
00:20:28,893 --> 00:20:29,926
Thank you.
490
00:20:29,994 --> 00:20:31,027
Ha!
491
00:20:31,096 --> 00:20:32,329
[Grunts]
492
00:20:32,397 --> 00:20:33,730
[Sighing]
493
00:20:36,701 --> 00:20:37,834
Hey.
494
00:20:53,418 --> 00:20:54,918
So, what else?
495
00:21:10,735 --> 00:21:12,369
(Joe)
Hold the Guinea pig
higher, Doug.
496
00:21:12,437 --> 00:21:13,903
Ok.
497
00:21:13,971 --> 00:21:16,240
It's October 3, 1978,
498
00:21:16,307 --> 00:21:19,943
and we're presenting Doug
and his sidekick, mork.
499
00:21:20,011 --> 00:21:22,846
I love you, mork, I love you.
500
00:21:26,351 --> 00:21:30,154
♪ Eat a pellet, make a pellet,
eat a pellet, make a pellet ♪
501
00:21:30,221 --> 00:21:33,723
♪ eat a pellet, make a pellet
eat a pellet, make a pellet ♪
502
00:21:33,791 --> 00:21:34,891
(Joe)
Doug, ok, Dougie.
503
00:21:34,959 --> 00:21:36,193
♪ Eat a pellet,
make a pellet ♪
504
00:21:36,261 --> 00:21:37,294
(Joe)
Calm down, Dougie!
505
00:21:37,362 --> 00:21:39,229
♪ Eat a pellet,
make a pellet ♪
506
00:21:39,297 --> 00:21:40,297
(Joe)
Dougie!
507
00:21:40,365 --> 00:21:41,265
♪ Eat a pellet, make--