1
00:00:09,660 --> 00:00:12,996
Oh, my God! Oh, my God.
2
00:00:13,064 --> 00:00:16,366
Doug, what are you doing?
It's 5:30 in the morning.
3
00:00:16,434 --> 00:00:17,767
They closed down union turnpike.
4
00:00:17,835 --> 00:00:20,136
I gotta leave for work now if
I'm gonna beat the traffic.
5
00:00:20,204 --> 00:00:21,671
Just go to sleep. Go to sleep.
Shh.
6
00:00:21,738 --> 00:00:24,007
Curl up like a baby bear.
There you go.
7
00:00:36,753 --> 00:00:38,788
Ok, shh. Settle down.
8
00:00:38,856 --> 00:00:40,256
Shh. I'm ok.
9
00:01:06,283 --> 00:01:08,518
Without waking up,
10
00:01:08,585 --> 00:01:11,021
do you have any idea where
my work shirt would be?
11
00:01:11,088 --> 00:01:12,555
Check the floor.
12
00:01:14,458 --> 00:01:17,093
I got it. I got it.
Go back to sleep.
13
00:01:17,161 --> 00:01:20,096
You're dreaming.
You're dreaming.
14
00:01:20,164 --> 00:01:24,401
You're rollerblading
naked with Tony Danza.
15
00:01:27,104 --> 00:01:29,005
Then you're ironing his shirt.
16
00:02:31,626 --> 00:02:32,626
Hey, Carrie.
17
00:02:32,694 --> 00:02:33,661
Oh, hey, Lou.
18
00:02:33,728 --> 00:02:35,029
What have you got there?
19
00:02:35,097 --> 00:02:37,865
Ah, I finally decided to
spring for an air conditioner.
20
00:02:37,933 --> 00:02:39,867
Between my dad and Doug,
21
00:02:39,935 --> 00:02:43,370
that living room can get pretty ripe
in August. You know what I'm sayin'?
22
00:02:43,438 --> 00:02:44,471
You need any help?
23
00:02:44,539 --> 00:02:46,841
Oh, no, I... I think I can...
24
00:02:46,909 --> 00:02:49,911
Actually, you're strong
for a living, right?
25
00:02:49,978 --> 00:02:50,945
I got it.
26
00:02:51,013 --> 00:02:53,314
Thanks. You got it?
27
00:03:00,889 --> 00:03:02,723
Where do you want it?
28
00:03:02,791 --> 00:03:04,458
Right there's fine. It's just
gonna go in that window.
29
00:03:04,526 --> 00:03:06,928
I could put it in for you.
I'm free all day tomorrow.
30
00:03:06,995 --> 00:03:09,330
Oh, no, no, no.
That's way too nice.
31
00:03:09,397 --> 00:03:10,932
Please, it's no problem.
32
00:03:10,999 --> 00:03:13,134
My God, you are
such a sweetheart.
33
00:03:13,202 --> 00:03:16,237
And listen, if there's ever
anything I can do for you...
34
00:03:16,305 --> 00:03:19,140
Can you get your husband
to stop making hulk jokes?
35
00:03:20,275 --> 00:03:22,509
I don't think so. I'm sorry.
36
00:03:24,713 --> 00:03:26,480
Although, there is one thing.
37
00:03:26,548 --> 00:03:28,149
You know what? I
shouldn't bother you.
38
00:03:28,217 --> 00:03:29,851
No, no. Come on,
come on, what is it?
39
00:03:29,918 --> 00:03:33,554
Well, my wife usually does it
for me, but she's out of town.
40
00:03:34,422 --> 00:03:35,356
Ok.
41
00:03:38,593 --> 00:03:40,194
No, nothing like that.
42
00:03:40,262 --> 00:03:42,864
It's just that I have to do a
posing at a gym opening next week,
43
00:03:42,931 --> 00:03:45,532
and it's a last-minute
thing, and, uh...
44
00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:47,034
And? Come on. What is it?
45
00:03:47,102 --> 00:03:49,536
Would you spread tanning
cream on my body?
46
00:04:00,715 --> 00:04:02,549
Attention. I.P.S.
Driver in the house.
47
00:04:02,617 --> 00:04:04,518
But don't worry,
I come in peace.
48
00:04:05,988 --> 00:04:08,155
Hey, I'm lookin'
for Chip Diggins?
49
00:04:08,223 --> 00:04:09,257
Thanks.
50
00:04:10,959 --> 00:04:13,527
Chip? Hey, man, I... I
got a package for you.
51
00:04:13,595 --> 00:04:15,963
Oh. Great.
52
00:04:16,031 --> 00:04:17,831
How's it feel to be
on the other side?
53
00:04:17,900 --> 00:04:19,367
Hmm?
54
00:04:19,434 --> 00:04:20,935
You and I, we're... we're
used to givin' packages,
55
00:04:21,003 --> 00:04:23,537
but now you're gettin' one.
56
00:04:23,605 --> 00:04:26,274
Uh, it feels pretty
much like you'd expect.
57
00:04:26,341 --> 00:04:28,175
What, you never got a package?
58
00:04:29,211 --> 00:04:31,212
Just making conversation, guy.
59
00:04:33,215 --> 00:04:34,916
Doug!
60
00:04:34,983 --> 00:04:37,151
Mitch! Hey, man. I haven't
seen you since I.P.S.
61
00:04:37,219 --> 00:04:38,319
I know, I know.
62
00:04:38,387 --> 00:04:40,054
Clean up nice.
63
00:04:40,122 --> 00:04:41,855
Yeah, well, I'm in personnel now.
I gotta look my best.
64
00:04:41,924 --> 00:04:42,957
What brings you by?
65
00:04:43,025 --> 00:04:44,825
Oh, I just had a delivery.
66
00:04:44,893 --> 00:04:46,894
Really? Out here in the boonies?
67
00:04:46,962 --> 00:04:49,163
Can't believe they still
got you working zone 12.
68
00:04:49,231 --> 00:04:50,764
Yeah. Why?
69
00:04:50,832 --> 00:04:53,534
Well, it's just that you
were workin' zone 12
70
00:04:53,601 --> 00:04:55,202
when I left 2 years ago.
71
00:04:55,270 --> 00:04:58,639
You took some time off?
Were you injured?
72
00:04:58,706 --> 00:05:01,242
No, no. It's a tough route, but
they only give the tough routes
73
00:05:01,310 --> 00:05:02,709
to the tough
drivers, am I right?
74
00:05:02,777 --> 00:05:04,678
Why? You think I should
have a better route?
75
00:05:04,746 --> 00:05:06,380
I don't know. But I
tell you one thing,
76
00:05:06,448 --> 00:05:08,749
if you worked here, you'd write
your own ticket, my friend.
77
00:05:08,817 --> 00:05:09,454
Really?
78
00:05:09,479 --> 00:05:12,820
You kidding me? With your experience,
you'd be working Kew Gardens now.
79
00:05:12,887 --> 00:05:15,756
Kew Gardens? They got trees.
80
00:05:17,926 --> 00:05:20,094
Anyway, just one man's opinion.
81
00:05:20,162 --> 00:05:21,695
Ooh, Doug, love
to stay and chat,
82
00:05:21,763 --> 00:05:23,797
but Rodriguez ain't
gonna fire himself.
83
00:05:23,865 --> 00:05:25,766
Hey, it's good to see you.
84
00:05:26,634 --> 00:05:27,835
Have a mug.
85
00:05:36,945 --> 00:05:38,879
This is very sweet of you.
86
00:05:40,648 --> 00:05:42,783
Hey, it's what neighbors do.
87
00:05:44,853 --> 00:05:46,253
Don't forget my obliques.
88
00:05:46,321 --> 00:05:47,621
Ok, kitten.
89
00:05:50,292 --> 00:05:51,359
Hey.
90
00:06:01,536 --> 00:06:03,137
So, what's for dinner?
91
00:06:03,205 --> 00:06:06,440
I don't know, but whatever it is,
it's gonna have a gorgeous tan.
92
00:06:07,609 --> 00:06:08,775
What's the matter?
93
00:06:08,843 --> 00:06:10,344
What's the matter?
94
00:06:10,412 --> 00:06:13,280
All these years at I.P.S., I'm
still delivering in zone 12.
95
00:06:13,348 --> 00:06:14,315
So?
96
00:06:14,383 --> 00:06:15,716
12.
97
00:06:15,783 --> 00:06:16,717
12.
98
00:06:17,886 --> 00:06:18,852
12!
99
00:06:21,189 --> 00:06:24,858
I'm familiar with the
number, but why is it bad?
100
00:06:24,926 --> 00:06:26,260
Because it's the crap zone.
101
00:06:26,328 --> 00:06:29,030
It's far away, it's
full of potholes,
102
00:06:29,097 --> 00:06:30,998
there's hookers on every corner.
103
00:06:31,066 --> 00:06:34,235
P.S., most of them
are pretty skanky.
104
00:06:34,302 --> 00:06:36,670
Honey, you've had this
same route for years.
105
00:06:36,738 --> 00:06:38,406
What's the deal today?
106
00:06:38,473 --> 00:06:39,773
The deal is, I ran into
an old friend of mine
107
00:06:39,841 --> 00:06:42,009
who works in personnel at Fedex.
108
00:06:42,077 --> 00:06:44,578
You know what he told me? If I was over
there, I could write my own ticket.
109
00:06:44,646 --> 00:06:47,314
My own ticket. I never
had my own ticket!
110
00:06:47,382 --> 00:06:49,216
Really? That's... that's great.
111
00:06:49,284 --> 00:06:50,918
It's just not fair, you know?
112
00:06:50,985 --> 00:06:54,288
I'm at I.P.S. 8 years, and they
still treat me like a pack mule.
113
00:06:54,356 --> 00:06:55,789
You know, I'm at
Fedex 5 minutes,
114
00:06:55,857 --> 00:06:57,425
they treat me like
a valuable person,
115
00:06:57,492 --> 00:06:59,493
and they give me
a beautiful mug.
116
00:07:00,395 --> 00:07:01,429
Where is it?
117
00:07:01,496 --> 00:07:03,664
Handle snapped off.
118
00:07:03,731 --> 00:07:06,500
Driving over a zone 12 pothole.
119
00:07:06,568 --> 00:07:09,670
Doug, maybe it's time to
think about makin' a move.
120
00:07:10,539 --> 00:07:11,638
What do you mean?
121
00:07:11,706 --> 00:07:13,107
Goin' to work for Fedex.
122
00:07:13,175 --> 00:07:15,142
No, no, no... Why not?
123
00:07:15,210 --> 00:07:18,312
No, that'd be... It's
like a big deal.
124
00:07:18,380 --> 00:07:20,681
I'd have to empty out my locker,
125
00:07:22,117 --> 00:07:25,152
bring home my George
Foreman grill.
126
00:07:25,220 --> 00:07:27,488
All right. You know what? Fine.
Do whatever you want.
127
00:07:27,556 --> 00:07:28,722
Carrie?
128
00:07:28,790 --> 00:07:30,991
Excuse me. I have to
go finish off Lou.
129
00:07:34,662 --> 00:07:37,198
Now, come on, Carrie. I wasn't
sayin' I wanted to change jobs.
130
00:07:37,265 --> 00:07:39,066
I was just blowin' off steam.
131
00:07:39,134 --> 00:07:40,634
You know, I'm pretty
happy where I am.
132
00:07:40,702 --> 00:07:42,336
Now you're happy. 5 seconds ago,
133
00:07:42,404 --> 00:07:45,639
you were ranting about how
they treat you like an animal.
134
00:07:45,707 --> 00:07:47,040
The beer's kicked in.
135
00:07:47,109 --> 00:07:49,176
All right, you know what? I
don't want to get involved,
136
00:07:49,244 --> 00:07:51,245
because when I do, you
just drive me crazy.
137
00:07:51,313 --> 00:07:54,548
So, you drink your beer, and
I'll spread my tanning cream.
138
00:07:54,616 --> 00:07:55,649
Fine.
139
00:08:00,888 --> 00:08:03,290
Besides, I just don't think
I'd fit in over at Fedex.
140
00:08:03,358 --> 00:08:06,260
What are you talkin' about? It's
the same exact job you do now.
141
00:08:06,328 --> 00:08:08,795
Only in a blue uniform.
142
00:08:08,863 --> 00:08:10,297
There you go. I can't wear blue.
143
00:08:10,365 --> 00:08:14,034
You said yourself,
I'm an autumn.
144
00:08:14,102 --> 00:08:17,671
All right. Maybe you don't have to
actually take the job at Fedex,
145
00:08:17,739 --> 00:08:20,241
but could you at least...
Forget it.
146
00:08:20,308 --> 00:08:21,308
What?
147
00:08:21,376 --> 00:08:23,043
No, never mind. Forget it.
148
00:08:23,111 --> 00:08:26,380
Doug, I think Carrie's sayin' that
you could use the heat from Fedex
149
00:08:26,448 --> 00:08:28,415
to put the screen on I.P.S.
150
00:08:28,483 --> 00:08:30,217
Thank you.
151
00:08:30,285 --> 00:08:33,387
Doug, you're hot. You're in play.
Use it.
152
00:08:33,455 --> 00:08:37,090
It works. I got a nice rate on the hulk
when they wanted me on the bionic woman.
153
00:08:37,159 --> 00:08:39,293
Huh, huh? The bionic woman.
154
00:08:46,834 --> 00:08:48,169
Hey. Hey, man.
155
00:08:51,906 --> 00:08:53,740
So, the new boy seems ok, huh?
156
00:08:53,808 --> 00:08:56,710
Yeah. Good-lookin' guy.
157
00:08:58,346 --> 00:08:59,913
I guess.
158
00:08:59,981 --> 00:09:01,482
Just seems to me, if you're
secure in your manhood,
159
00:09:01,550 --> 00:09:03,884
you don't need to
look all attractive.
160
00:09:07,556 --> 00:09:09,156
Zone 1. All right.
161
00:09:11,526 --> 00:09:13,994
Zone 1? He's been here a
week, he gets zone 1?
162
00:09:14,062 --> 00:09:15,762
It took me 4 years
to get zone 1.
163
00:09:15,830 --> 00:09:17,431
I never had it!
164
00:09:17,499 --> 00:09:20,601
I gotta tell you, man, I am so fed up
with the way I get treated around here.
165
00:09:20,669 --> 00:09:23,136
Hey, how you doing?
166
00:09:23,205 --> 00:09:24,738
Don't tell me, tell O'Boyle.
167
00:09:24,806 --> 00:09:26,106
Maybe I will. Go ahead.
168
00:09:26,174 --> 00:09:27,508
Oh, I'm gonna go. I'm goin'.
169
00:09:27,576 --> 00:09:28,509
Ok, go.
170
00:09:28,577 --> 00:09:29,577
Oh, it's on, baby.
171
00:09:29,644 --> 00:09:30,578
Do it, man!
172
00:09:30,645 --> 00:09:31,945
It's done.
173
00:09:32,013 --> 00:09:33,980
Just give me a little push.
174
00:09:39,487 --> 00:09:40,487
Oh!
175
00:09:40,555 --> 00:09:41,988
Sorry.
176
00:09:42,056 --> 00:09:45,192
How 'bout dinner and drinks before
you get that close, huh, chief?
177
00:09:45,260 --> 00:09:46,260
Supervisor O'Boyle?
178
00:09:46,328 --> 00:09:47,628
Yeah, Doug, what up?
179
00:09:47,696 --> 00:09:50,097
Uh, it just happened to
come to my attention
180
00:09:50,164 --> 00:09:52,566
that you assigned the
new guy to zone 1.
181
00:09:52,634 --> 00:09:53,867
Yeah?
182
00:09:53,935 --> 00:09:55,902
Well, it's just that
that's the best zone.
183
00:09:55,970 --> 00:09:58,171
I mean, is that like a welcome
to the company kind of thing
184
00:09:58,240 --> 00:09:59,306
instead of a basket or...
185
00:09:59,374 --> 00:10:01,408
No. No, that's his zone.
186
00:10:01,476 --> 00:10:03,043
Although, he did get
the basket, too.
187
00:10:03,111 --> 00:10:06,046
Plus, I think, some coupons
for loews theaters.
188
00:10:06,114 --> 00:10:07,715
I guess I just don't understand
189
00:10:07,782 --> 00:10:09,750
why the new guy lucks
out with a zone
190
00:10:09,817 --> 00:10:12,386
that's all light packages
for suburban housewives?
191
00:10:12,454 --> 00:10:13,654
Well, look at the guy, Doug.
192
00:10:13,722 --> 00:10:15,456
Come on. He's gorgeous.
193
00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:19,993
Listen, I... I gotta
jump on the horn.
194
00:10:20,061 --> 00:10:23,264
Somehow 100 pints of plasma wound
up at tavern on the green.
195
00:10:23,331 --> 00:10:25,999
I got a very angry
maitre d' to deal with.
196
00:10:26,801 --> 00:10:28,101
I'm in play.
197
00:10:28,169 --> 00:10:29,303
Pardon?
198
00:10:29,371 --> 00:10:31,204
Yeah. You know, I... I
didn't want to say anything,
199
00:10:31,273 --> 00:10:33,006
but I got a lot of heat on me.
200
00:10:33,074 --> 00:10:34,375
Lotta heat.
201
00:10:34,442 --> 00:10:35,842
What... what are you saying?
202
00:10:35,910 --> 00:10:37,944
You saying there's another
company interested in you?
203
00:10:38,012 --> 00:10:39,079
Ah, yes, there is.
204
00:10:39,147 --> 00:10:40,314
Who?
205
00:10:40,382 --> 00:10:41,482
Well, I'm really not at liberty
206
00:10:41,549 --> 00:10:42,750
to disclose that information.
207
00:10:42,817 --> 00:10:45,118
Let's just say it ends in "x."
208
00:10:45,654 --> 00:10:46,620
Gas-x?
209
00:10:48,222 --> 00:10:49,189
Fedex.
210
00:10:49,257 --> 00:10:50,857
Oh. Fedex. Wow.
211
00:10:50,925 --> 00:10:54,695
Now, if we could, uh, come
to some kind of agreement,
212
00:10:54,763 --> 00:10:56,530
you know, regarding my route,
213
00:10:56,598 --> 00:10:59,266
I'd be happy to tell Fedex
to overnight their offer
214
00:10:59,334 --> 00:11:00,534
to where the sun don't shine.
215
00:11:02,003 --> 00:11:03,904
Puttin' the squeeze
on the ol' boss, huh?
216
00:11:03,971 --> 00:11:05,572
Maybe just a touch.
217
00:11:05,640 --> 00:11:07,675
You're a good worker, Doug,
and I'd hate to lose you,
218
00:11:07,742 --> 00:11:09,576
so what's it gonna take
to make you happy?
219
00:11:09,644 --> 00:11:11,645
Zone 1. No can do.
Anything else?
220
00:11:12,246 --> 00:11:13,180
Zone 2?
221
00:11:13,247 --> 00:11:15,248
2? That's right next to 1.
222
00:11:15,317 --> 00:11:17,951
Then zone 3 or 4. It doesn't matter.
Anything with single digits.
223
00:11:18,019 --> 00:11:19,720
Hmm, nope. Nope. No way.
224
00:11:19,788 --> 00:11:22,189
Tell you what, if you can wait
a year, I can get you 13.
225
00:11:22,256 --> 00:11:23,924
I'm in 12 now!
226
00:11:23,991 --> 00:11:26,427
Listen, Doug. I'm tryin' to work with you.
What do you want from me?
227
00:11:26,494 --> 00:11:28,729
I want the respect that I deserve.
You know?
228
00:11:28,797 --> 00:11:30,997
I've been here 8 years,
and I'm a good driver.
229
00:11:31,065 --> 00:11:32,366
I should have zone 1.
230
00:11:32,434 --> 00:11:34,568
And if I don't get it, I'll...
231
00:11:34,636 --> 00:11:35,803
You'll what?
232
00:11:37,071 --> 00:11:39,272
I'll, you know...
I-I'm gonna quit.
233
00:11:40,942 --> 00:11:43,009
Ok, Doug. You win.
234
00:11:43,077 --> 00:11:45,446
Boy, I-I'm gonna
catch hell for this,
235
00:11:45,513 --> 00:11:46,880
but here's what I'm gonna do.
236
00:11:46,948 --> 00:11:50,984
From now on, zone
12 renamed zone 1
237
00:11:51,052 --> 00:11:52,553
and vice versa.
238
00:11:52,620 --> 00:11:54,755
That's the same zone!
That doesn't help at all!
239
00:11:54,823 --> 00:11:56,724
Well, I'm all out
of ideas, Doug.
240
00:11:56,791 --> 00:11:58,759
Listen, you gotta do
what you gotta do, ok?
241
00:11:58,827 --> 00:12:01,595
So, good luck over
there at gas-x.
242
00:12:02,731 --> 00:12:03,797
Fedex.
243
00:12:24,794 --> 00:12:26,127
Hey, there, Louis.
244
00:12:26,195 --> 00:12:28,196
Is this a good time for me to
put in the air conditioner?
245
00:12:28,264 --> 00:12:31,099
Yeah, you bet. Come on in.
246
00:12:31,167 --> 00:12:33,869
Oh, by the way, how
do you like my tan?
247
00:12:33,937 --> 00:12:36,438
Hmm. I don't like it.
248
00:12:36,506 --> 00:12:37,439
Really?
249
00:12:37,507 --> 00:12:39,207
I love it!
250
00:12:40,209 --> 00:12:41,242
No kidding.
251
00:12:41,310 --> 00:12:42,911
Lou, you look fantastic.
252
00:12:42,979 --> 00:12:45,380
A dark, rich, even tan in march?
253
00:12:45,448 --> 00:12:47,749
God, that stuff is amazing.
254
00:12:47,817 --> 00:12:49,518
The best you can buy.
255
00:12:49,586 --> 00:12:51,720
God, look at me compared to you.
256
00:12:51,788 --> 00:12:53,555
I look so pale and pasty.
257
00:12:53,623 --> 00:12:55,491
You look fine.
258
00:12:55,558 --> 00:12:58,994
No, I'm white as a sheet. I look
like I'm touring with mummenschanz.
259
00:12:59,061 --> 00:13:00,863
You want me to get you
a couple bottles?
260
00:13:00,930 --> 00:13:03,699
Really? Yeah, thank you.
261
00:13:03,766 --> 00:13:04,733
Hey.
262
00:13:04,801 --> 00:13:05,767
Hey, honey.
263
00:13:05,835 --> 00:13:06,768
Hey, Lou.
264
00:13:06,836 --> 00:13:08,269
Doug.
265
00:13:08,337 --> 00:13:11,106
Uh, honey, could I talk to you in
the kitchen alone or something?
266
00:13:11,173 --> 00:13:12,841
Oh, you don't have
to go anywhere.
267
00:13:12,909 --> 00:13:17,345
You know I'm hard of hearing, and I
won't read your lips. I promise.
268
00:13:17,413 --> 00:13:19,848
All right. Fine. I
lost my job today.
269
00:13:19,916 --> 00:13:20,849
What?
270
00:13:24,687 --> 00:13:25,687
Sorry.
271
00:13:27,089 --> 00:13:29,024
You lost your job? Yeah.
272
00:13:29,091 --> 00:13:30,526
What happened?
273
00:13:30,593 --> 00:13:32,160
I tried to bluff O'Boyle
with the Fedex thing,
274
00:13:32,228 --> 00:13:34,229
and he didn't bite. He
just let me walk out.
275
00:13:34,296 --> 00:13:36,331
Well, why the hell were
you talkin' to O'Boyle?
276
00:13:36,399 --> 00:13:38,400
'Cause you kept saying how
much heat I had on me,
277
00:13:38,467 --> 00:13:40,769
that I was in play! I thought
you wanted me to talk to him.
278
00:13:40,837 --> 00:13:42,571
Not without preparation,
279
00:13:42,639 --> 00:13:44,706
some rehearsal,
some index cards.
280
00:13:44,774 --> 00:13:47,175
For the love of God, I didn't
want you to just wing it!
281
00:13:47,243 --> 00:13:49,545
Well, too late.
It's already wung.
282
00:13:49,612 --> 00:13:51,580
Well, you know what? I mean...
283
00:13:51,648 --> 00:13:53,782
So, you just go back and tell
O'Boyle it was a mistake.
284
00:13:53,850 --> 00:13:57,419
You know what, you tell him that
you were dehydrated and exhausted.
285
00:13:57,486 --> 00:14:02,290
Oh, better yet, tell him you mixed pills
and booze and you had a bad reaction.
286
00:14:02,358 --> 00:14:04,860
You do understand
my job is driving?
287
00:14:06,295 --> 00:14:08,864
All right.
288
00:14:08,932 --> 00:14:11,332
Well, you know what? Maybe
this is not so bad.
289
00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:12,901
I mean, they still
love you at Fedex.
290
00:14:17,206 --> 00:14:19,007
Go, Fedex! Whoo!
291
00:14:20,910 --> 00:14:22,110
Hey, Mitch.
292
00:14:22,178 --> 00:14:24,780
Doug. Hey, you got
another delivery for us?
293
00:14:24,847 --> 00:14:27,649
Yup. A 250-pound package
of Doug Heffernan.
294
00:14:27,717 --> 00:14:28,650
What?
295
00:14:28,718 --> 00:14:29,785
I left I.P.S.
296
00:14:29,852 --> 00:14:31,453
Really? Why?
297
00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:34,489
Well, let's just say they pushed
and I pushed back. Shall we talk?
298
00:14:34,557 --> 00:14:37,425
Come on. Sure. Come
on in my office.
299
00:14:37,493 --> 00:14:39,595
Gonna be great if I can
get a route in rego park.
300
00:14:39,662 --> 00:14:41,329
That way, I could
stop home for lunch.
301
00:14:41,397 --> 00:14:43,932
But, hey, not a deal-breaker.
302
00:14:47,203 --> 00:14:50,806
So, why should the Fedex
company hire Doug Heffernan?
303
00:14:52,075 --> 00:14:53,274
What?
304
00:14:53,342 --> 00:14:56,444
What would a Doug
Heffernan bring to Fedex?
305
00:14:56,512 --> 00:14:58,379
I-I'd... I'd bring myself.
306
00:14:58,447 --> 00:15:01,382
And my lunch if I
don't get Rego park.
307
00:15:02,585 --> 00:15:04,086
No, I think I'd, uh...
308
00:15:04,153 --> 00:15:06,454
Hey, cast away. Whoa.
309
00:15:13,062 --> 00:15:14,362
No, I'd bring a lot of things.
310
00:15:14,430 --> 00:15:19,234
I'm a... I'm a real good,
dependable driver. You know, um...
311
00:15:19,301 --> 00:15:22,704
I've got a pleasant personality.
I'm relatively hygienic.
312
00:15:22,772 --> 00:15:25,173
And I've been told
I'm quite the cutup.
313
00:15:25,241 --> 00:15:26,508
Cutup, uh-huh.
314
00:15:26,575 --> 00:15:29,577
And where do you see
yourself in the future?
315
00:15:29,646 --> 00:15:30,979
You got a 5-year plan?
316
00:15:31,047 --> 00:15:32,981
5 years? Uh, yeah.
317
00:15:33,049 --> 00:15:35,583
I hope to be still delivering
packages, only in a hovercraft.
318
00:15:36,953 --> 00:15:38,386
Hey, package for Mr. Spacely.
319
00:15:39,756 --> 00:15:42,024
You are quite the cutup.
Here's the thing, though.
320
00:15:42,091 --> 00:15:43,992
We're really not
hiring at the moment.
321
00:15:44,060 --> 00:15:45,193
What?
322
00:15:45,261 --> 00:15:47,129
Yeah. We're a little lean
and mean right now, so...
323
00:15:47,196 --> 00:15:48,630
You just told me
how great I was,
324
00:15:48,698 --> 00:15:50,699
how, if I was here, I could
write my own ticket!
325
00:15:50,767 --> 00:15:52,300
That was just friends talkin'.
326
00:15:52,368 --> 00:15:54,636
What am I gonna say, you're the
heaviest I've ever seen you?
327
00:15:54,704 --> 00:15:56,004
I quit my job!
328
00:15:56,072 --> 00:15:57,739
Doug, look, tell you
what I'm gonna do.
329
00:15:57,807 --> 00:15:59,374
I'll leave your
application on file.
330
00:15:59,441 --> 00:16:01,242
I don't want my
application on file, man.
331
00:16:01,310 --> 00:16:02,610
That's a death warrant!
332
00:16:02,679 --> 00:16:04,713
Look, Mitch, I can do this job.
I want this job.
333
00:16:04,781 --> 00:16:06,648
Look at this. See?
Hey, Fedex calling.
334
00:16:09,451 --> 00:16:11,153
Mitchell, Mitch,
Mitch, listen to me.
335
00:16:11,220 --> 00:16:13,989
I am not leavin' this
building until you hire me.
336
00:16:14,057 --> 00:16:16,091
Now, we both know I'm
the man for the job.
337
00:16:16,159 --> 00:16:17,893
Look in my eyes!
See the passion?
338
00:16:17,960 --> 00:16:19,861
I know you're thinkin'
deep down inside,
339
00:16:19,929 --> 00:16:22,197
I'm gonna roll the
dice on this kid.
340
00:16:24,366 --> 00:16:25,567
Security.
341
00:16:31,841 --> 00:16:33,241
Morning, baby.
342
00:16:34,043 --> 00:16:35,177
What you doing?
343
00:16:35,244 --> 00:16:36,678
Looking through the want ads.
Doug...
344
00:16:36,746 --> 00:16:39,014
I'm looking through the want ads.
Leave me alone!
345
00:16:39,082 --> 00:16:41,382
Would you just call O'Boyle?
346
00:16:41,450 --> 00:16:43,719
He's dead to me.
347
00:16:43,786 --> 00:16:46,287
You are just so damn stubborn.
348
00:16:46,355 --> 00:16:49,191
Just... just crawl back and...
and take your crap.
349
00:16:49,258 --> 00:16:50,525
I do it.
350
00:16:50,593 --> 00:16:53,128
For God's sakes, my boss,
he throws his shoes at me.
351
00:16:53,196 --> 00:16:56,164
I just duck and get
on with my life.
352
00:16:56,232 --> 00:16:58,233
That's you, ok? I want
more out of my job, ok?
353
00:16:58,300 --> 00:17:00,501
I want happiness, I want
respect, and I'm gonna get it,
354
00:17:00,569 --> 00:17:03,872
even if that means slaughtering
pigs for $6 an hour.
355
00:17:07,610 --> 00:17:09,644
All right. You know what, Doug?
356
00:17:09,712 --> 00:17:12,080
If you wanna find a new job,
357
00:17:12,148 --> 00:17:13,615
then... then I support you.
358
00:17:13,682 --> 00:17:15,817
Thank you.
359
00:17:15,885 --> 00:17:18,286
Honey, didn't Lou tell you to
go easy on that tanning cream?
360
00:17:18,354 --> 00:17:19,755
Yeah? So?
361
00:17:19,822 --> 00:17:22,124
So? How many coats is that?
362
00:17:22,191 --> 00:17:23,291
One.
363
00:17:24,761 --> 00:17:26,494
Ok, maybe 3.
364
00:17:26,562 --> 00:17:28,130
Oh, Doug, you don't understand.
365
00:17:28,197 --> 00:17:31,099
People have been tellin' me I've never
looked better. This stuff is magic!
366
00:17:31,167 --> 00:17:34,302
Well, Dougie ain't got no job now,
and that magic costs $18 a bottle.
367
00:17:34,370 --> 00:17:36,638
So slap on a coat of
sealant and call it a day.
368
00:17:36,705 --> 00:17:38,706
Fine.
369
00:17:38,775 --> 00:17:42,510
Besides, I can live without the smeared
brown handprints all over the house.
370
00:17:42,578 --> 00:17:44,946
It's starting to look
like a crime scene.
371
00:17:45,014 --> 00:17:46,347
I said fine.
372
00:17:46,415 --> 00:17:48,250
Aha. Look at this right here.
Look. Look.
373
00:17:48,317 --> 00:17:50,886
Look what I found, miss
doubting thomasina, huh.
374
00:17:50,953 --> 00:17:53,388
"Metro courier service
in midtown Manhattan.
375
00:17:53,455 --> 00:17:56,457
"Experienced delivery
personnel needed immediately.
376
00:17:56,525 --> 00:17:58,193
Good pay. Flexible hours."
377
00:17:58,261 --> 00:18:01,229
Well, looks like daddy
landed back on his feet.
378
00:18:12,008 --> 00:18:13,942
Respect the signal, dude!
379
00:18:49,245 --> 00:18:50,245
Doug?
380
00:18:50,913 --> 00:18:51,947
Carrie?
381
00:18:52,014 --> 00:18:53,614
Hey, honey.
382
00:18:53,682 --> 00:18:56,218
My God! How much of that
tanning stuff are you using?
383
00:18:56,285 --> 00:18:57,252
None.
384
00:18:57,320 --> 00:18:59,520
None? You look like seal!
385
00:19:01,090 --> 00:19:02,623
For your information,
386
00:19:02,691 --> 00:19:04,893
I had lunch outside today.
387
00:19:04,961 --> 00:19:06,928
Well, unless you had it
8 feet from the sun,
388
00:19:06,996 --> 00:19:08,997
I'd say you got a roaring
tanning cream addiction.
389
00:19:09,065 --> 00:19:11,399
Can we forget about me, please?
What are you doing?
390
00:19:11,467 --> 00:19:12,901
Whose bike is this?
391
00:19:12,969 --> 00:19:14,336
Metro courier's.
392
00:19:15,238 --> 00:19:17,472
You're a bike messenger?
393
00:19:17,539 --> 00:19:20,675
A bike courier, and I
happen to enjoy it.
394
00:19:20,743 --> 00:19:22,810
Oh, come on. You can't
be enjoying this.
395
00:19:22,879 --> 00:19:24,412
Yeah, well, I do.
396
00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:26,481
Doug, I am begging you,
397
00:19:26,548 --> 00:19:28,316
let's cut you out of those pants
398
00:19:28,384 --> 00:19:31,686
and get you back
to I.P.S., please.
399
00:19:31,754 --> 00:19:34,489
No. You know what? If
they can live without me,
400
00:19:34,556 --> 00:19:36,091
I can live without them.
401
00:19:36,158 --> 00:19:38,693
All right? Now, if
you will excuse me,
402
00:19:38,761 --> 00:19:42,130
I need to figure out a way to
pedal through the midtown tunnel.
403
00:19:44,833 --> 00:19:46,167
No seat!
404
00:19:57,246 --> 00:19:58,213
Hey, there.
405
00:19:58,281 --> 00:20:00,115
Hey, Doug. What brings you by?
406
00:20:00,182 --> 00:20:03,418
I just wanted to drop
off all my uniforms.
407
00:20:03,485 --> 00:20:05,186
I... I had 'em
martinized for you.
408
00:20:05,254 --> 00:20:08,089
I don't know what that means,
but it cost me a buck extra.
409
00:20:08,157 --> 00:20:09,857
Well, thanks.
410
00:20:09,926 --> 00:20:12,327
So how's your job
there at Fedex?
411
00:20:12,395 --> 00:20:15,797
Oh, actually, you know what?
I passed on 'em. Yeah.
412
00:20:15,864 --> 00:20:19,134
You know what it is? Didn't
quite work into my 5-year plan.
413
00:20:19,201 --> 00:20:22,003
Didn't see it happening. Went over
to Metro courier. Good outfit.
414
00:20:22,071 --> 00:20:24,505
Oh. Those the guys
deliver on skates?
415
00:20:24,573 --> 00:20:27,142
No, no, no, no. They, uh, they
stopped doin' that years ago
416
00:20:27,209 --> 00:20:28,410
when they lost a few guys.
417
00:20:28,477 --> 00:20:30,578
Huh, it's all scooters and bikes.
I'm on a bike.
418
00:20:30,646 --> 00:20:32,613
It's very pleasant, actually.
Very pleasant.
419
00:20:32,681 --> 00:20:34,149
You want your job
back, don't you?
420
00:20:34,216 --> 00:20:36,117
Certainly do. Yes.
421
00:20:36,185 --> 00:20:39,220
Now, what about this respect thing?
You still into that?
422
00:20:39,288 --> 00:20:40,956
Not so much. No. No.
423
00:20:43,025 --> 00:20:45,327
I think once you been
violated by a 10-speed,
424
00:20:45,394 --> 00:20:47,895
your priorities kind of change.
425
00:20:47,964 --> 00:20:50,198
I heard that. All right.
426
00:20:50,266 --> 00:20:52,600
You can come back, Doug. See
you in the morning. Oh.
427
00:20:52,668 --> 00:20:54,702
Well, thank you.
Thank you so much.
428
00:20:55,838 --> 00:20:58,206
You know that thing
you said about,
429
00:20:58,274 --> 00:21:00,342
you know, calling
zone 12 zone 1?
430
00:21:00,409 --> 00:21:03,478
I think I... I might be willing to...
to go for that after all.
431
00:21:03,545 --> 00:21:06,481
Nah. You see, Doug,
if I let you do it,
432
00:21:06,548 --> 00:21:09,084
then everybody's gonna want
to rename their zone, zone 1.
433
00:21:09,151 --> 00:21:11,886
You know, it's a... it's a
slippery slope, my friend.
434
00:21:11,954 --> 00:21:16,091
Ok, what if you and I just call
it zone 1 when we're alone?
435
00:21:16,158 --> 00:21:17,692
Alone? What are you getting at?
436
00:21:17,759 --> 00:21:21,196
Aw, forget it. How about giving me a...
a welcome basket?
437
00:21:21,263 --> 00:21:22,998
Doug, again with the slippery...
438
00:21:23,065 --> 00:21:25,367
Well, look, man, I
been here 8 years!
439
00:21:25,434 --> 00:21:27,202
You gotta give me somethin'!
440
00:21:27,836 --> 00:21:29,137
Movie passes?
441
00:21:30,939 --> 00:21:32,640
All right. What the hell?
442
00:21:32,708 --> 00:21:34,342
All right.
443
00:21:34,410 --> 00:21:36,011
Welcome back, Doug.
444
00:21:36,078 --> 00:21:38,480
Well, thank you. It's
nice to be back, sir.
445
00:21:38,547 --> 00:21:40,115
And good to be appreciated.
446
00:21:41,183 --> 00:21:42,384
Ah, great.
447
00:21:45,554 --> 00:21:48,823
Wait a sec. These... these
passes have expired.
448
00:21:48,891 --> 00:21:51,359
It's cool. It's cool. It's cool.
It's cool.
449
00:22:02,379 --> 00:22:06,282
No. You know what? If they can live
without me, I can live without them.
450
00:22:06,349 --> 00:22:09,318
Now, if you'll excuse
me, I need a way to...
451
00:22:09,386 --> 00:22:11,454
One more time!
452
00:22:11,521 --> 00:22:14,323
No. No, no. If they can live without
me, I can live without them.
453
00:22:14,391 --> 00:22:16,926
Ok? Now, if you'll excuse me,
454
00:22:16,994 --> 00:22:18,995
I have to figure out a way to...
455
00:22:19,063 --> 00:22:20,830
I'm laughing at...
456
00:22:20,898 --> 00:22:23,833
Hey, you know what? If they
can't live without me,
457
00:22:23,901 --> 00:22:26,002
then I can't live without them.