1 00:00:32,716 --> 00:00:34,617 Hey, hon. Good news about tomorrow. 2 00:00:34,685 --> 00:00:35,751 What's tomorrow? 3 00:00:35,819 --> 00:00:37,988 Tomorrow. My seminar. 4 00:00:38,055 --> 00:00:39,922 Ok. Gonna need a little more. 5 00:00:39,991 --> 00:00:42,859 The tri-state attorneys' seminar I'm coordinating? 6 00:00:42,926 --> 00:00:46,696 The thing I've been pretty much working on constantly since Thanksgiving? 7 00:00:46,763 --> 00:00:49,699 Mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm. I remember Thanksgiving. 8 00:00:49,766 --> 00:00:50,833 Doug, come on. 9 00:00:50,901 --> 00:00:52,702 What, what? What about it? Well... 10 00:00:52,769 --> 00:00:54,570 I like the other chicken you make better. 11 00:00:54,638 --> 00:00:56,306 Huh? I like the other kind. 12 00:00:56,374 --> 00:00:57,607 This has no zip. 13 00:00:57,674 --> 00:01:00,643 Dad, you have an ulcer. You're not allowed zip, ok? 14 00:01:00,711 --> 00:01:02,678 There's Mrs. Dash in the cabinet. Try that. 15 00:01:02,746 --> 00:01:04,214 Thanks for nothin'. 16 00:01:04,281 --> 00:01:06,282 So, what's this good news you speak of? 17 00:01:06,350 --> 00:01:09,352 Ok, the good news is you can come to the seminar. 18 00:01:11,455 --> 00:01:13,490 There's a cocktail hour tomorrow night, 19 00:01:13,557 --> 00:01:16,092 and then a big closing luncheon on Saturday, 20 00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:19,762 and Pruzan said that I can bring you to both. 21 00:01:19,830 --> 00:01:21,731 Shut up! That's good news. 22 00:01:21,798 --> 00:01:22,865 Mrs. Butterworth's? 23 00:01:22,933 --> 00:01:24,600 Dash. Dash. 24 00:01:24,668 --> 00:01:26,069 It's not in here. 25 00:01:28,639 --> 00:01:29,672 There you go. 26 00:01:29,740 --> 00:01:31,174 Oh. 27 00:01:31,242 --> 00:01:33,176 So would you please just come to this thing? 28 00:01:33,244 --> 00:01:35,745 I'm gonna be running around dealing with 200 drunk lawyers. 29 00:01:35,812 --> 00:01:37,414 I could use a hug now and then. 30 00:01:37,481 --> 00:01:39,282 Can't one of them hug you? 31 00:01:41,285 --> 00:01:43,686 Ok, Doug, you know what? You can be a real jerk sometimes. 32 00:01:43,754 --> 00:01:46,489 I am asking you to be there for me because I need the support. 33 00:01:46,557 --> 00:01:48,158 That's what a marriage is, you know. 34 00:01:48,225 --> 00:01:50,226 You sometimes make a sacrifice for your partner 35 00:01:50,294 --> 00:01:51,694 because you love 'em. 36 00:01:52,763 --> 00:01:55,198 Forget it. 37 00:01:55,266 --> 00:01:58,535 Ok, I'm sorry. Ok, I'll be there. I want to be, really. 38 00:01:58,602 --> 00:01:59,702 Thank you. 39 00:01:59,770 --> 00:02:01,404 Onion, black pepper, celery seeds, 40 00:02:01,472 --> 00:02:03,139 cumin, lemon juice powder, oregano. 41 00:02:03,207 --> 00:02:05,442 You know, we can make this stuff ourselves. 42 00:02:05,509 --> 00:02:07,710 Or I could just buy it for $1. 43 00:02:08,512 --> 00:02:10,012 Must be nice being rich. 44 00:02:17,321 --> 00:02:18,721 What's all this? 45 00:02:18,789 --> 00:02:20,457 I just spoke to the guys over at the Brooklyn depot. 46 00:02:20,524 --> 00:02:23,226 They want a mud bowl rematch. It's on, baby! 47 00:02:23,294 --> 00:02:24,427 Mud bowl? Is it raining? 48 00:02:24,495 --> 00:02:26,129 Yeah. It started about a half hour ago. 49 00:02:26,197 --> 00:02:27,863 So unless you're getting bar mitzvahed, 50 00:02:27,931 --> 00:02:29,932 ditch the tie and put your sweats on. Come on. 51 00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:31,968 I can't. I gotta go meet Carrie in the city 52 00:02:32,035 --> 00:02:33,769 at a stupid reception thing for her job. 53 00:02:33,837 --> 00:02:36,239 What? Can't you just blow off the reception? 54 00:02:36,307 --> 00:02:38,808 Nah. No way. Carrie will kill me. 55 00:02:38,875 --> 00:02:40,210 When she does, 56 00:02:40,277 --> 00:02:42,545 let us know what kind of dress you want to be buried in. 57 00:02:42,613 --> 00:02:44,714 All right, man, funny. Let me tell you guys something. 58 00:02:44,781 --> 00:02:46,516 You know what? In a marriage, 59 00:02:46,584 --> 00:02:49,119 you sometimes gotta make sacrifices for your partner 60 00:02:49,186 --> 00:02:50,353 'cause you love them, 61 00:02:50,421 --> 00:02:53,823 and you... and you support them and... 62 00:02:53,890 --> 00:02:57,059 And what am I, Alan alda? Let's play some mudball! 63 00:03:05,636 --> 00:03:06,769 Carrie? 64 00:03:19,183 --> 00:03:22,218 Arthur! Arthur, relax, it's me! 65 00:03:22,286 --> 00:03:25,288 Douglas. I thought you were at that seminar with Carrie. 66 00:03:25,356 --> 00:03:26,556 Something came up. 67 00:03:26,624 --> 00:03:28,625 Listen. I'm gonna jump in the shower. 68 00:03:28,692 --> 00:03:31,528 When Carrie comes in, pretend you never saw me. 69 00:03:31,595 --> 00:03:33,729 And you definitely never saw this. 70 00:03:33,797 --> 00:03:36,166 Yeah, well, what should I say? What should I do? 71 00:03:36,233 --> 00:03:39,502 Nothing. Just stay here and act natural. That's it. 72 00:03:47,110 --> 00:03:48,244 Hi, daddy. I'm just reading 73 00:03:48,312 --> 00:03:50,880 the newspaper, that's all! 74 00:03:50,947 --> 00:03:53,483 Ok. Is, uh, is Doug home? 75 00:03:53,551 --> 00:03:55,618 I have no idea. I heard some noises. 76 00:03:55,686 --> 00:03:57,687 Must have been some animal rummaging for food, 77 00:03:57,754 --> 00:04:00,089 perhaps a heavyset squirrel. 78 00:04:04,628 --> 00:04:06,696 Well, the shower's running. I assume that's him. 79 00:04:06,763 --> 00:04:08,898 Your guess is as good as mine. 80 00:04:09,700 --> 00:04:11,167 Poor baby. 81 00:04:11,235 --> 00:04:14,003 At the last minute, his boss made him work late. 82 00:04:14,071 --> 00:04:16,839 Had to make an emergency run to LA guardia. 83 00:04:16,907 --> 00:04:18,841 Oh, did he, now? 84 00:04:18,909 --> 00:04:21,777 He probably put in a 15-hour day and in this weather. 85 00:04:21,845 --> 00:04:23,145 He's probably exhausted. 86 00:04:23,214 --> 00:04:24,714 I'm sure he is. 87 00:04:24,781 --> 00:04:26,216 Hey, how'd it go? 88 00:04:27,518 --> 00:04:30,620 Pruzan was on my butt the whole day. 89 00:04:30,688 --> 00:04:32,355 I am so stressed. 90 00:04:32,423 --> 00:04:35,124 Really? Sorry I... I couldn't be there. 91 00:04:35,192 --> 00:04:37,059 Well, you had to work late. What can you do? 92 00:04:37,127 --> 00:04:38,461 Nothin'. I'm just sayin'. 93 00:04:38,529 --> 00:04:40,663 I'll tell you, I wish you had been there, sweetie. 94 00:04:40,731 --> 00:04:44,434 I could have really, really used some moral support. 95 00:04:44,501 --> 00:04:47,503 I will be there tomorrow with all the moral support you can handle. 96 00:04:47,571 --> 00:04:49,339 In fact, you'll have extra moral support. 97 00:04:49,406 --> 00:04:51,407 You can save that for next year's seminar. 98 00:04:51,475 --> 00:04:52,408 Ok? Ok. 99 00:04:53,544 --> 00:04:55,311 Oh, bless you. Hey, sit, sit, sit. 100 00:04:55,379 --> 00:04:57,413 I brought home some baby knishes. 101 00:04:57,481 --> 00:04:59,482 Believe me, it was not easy 102 00:04:59,550 --> 00:05:01,584 tearing them away from their mommy. 103 00:05:02,586 --> 00:05:03,653 Very emotional. 104 00:05:07,057 --> 00:05:09,058 Dad, look at this floor. 105 00:05:09,126 --> 00:05:10,593 Did you track in mud again? 106 00:05:11,462 --> 00:05:12,995 I suppose I did. 107 00:05:14,698 --> 00:05:17,066 I suppose I did. 108 00:05:39,882 --> 00:05:41,415 Honey, come on. It's after 9:00. 109 00:05:41,483 --> 00:05:44,085 We have to be at the banquet room by 10:00. 110 00:05:44,153 --> 00:05:45,519 I'm getting up now. 111 00:05:45,587 --> 00:05:47,521 I laid out all your clothes, 112 00:05:47,589 --> 00:05:50,324 so all you have to do is pour your hot little body into 'em. 113 00:05:52,260 --> 00:05:54,996 My God, you look awful. Are you sick? 114 00:05:55,064 --> 00:05:57,264 No, no, I'm fine. 115 00:05:57,332 --> 00:05:59,433 Doug, you're on fire! 116 00:05:59,501 --> 00:06:01,235 And sweaty. 117 00:06:01,303 --> 00:06:02,536 No, I'm fine. 118 00:06:03,706 --> 00:06:05,206 Oh, honey, come on. Look at you. 119 00:06:05,273 --> 00:06:07,508 You're not going anywhere today. 120 00:06:07,576 --> 00:06:09,643 I'm sorry I got sick, Car. 121 00:06:09,712 --> 00:06:11,079 Hey, it's not your fault. 122 00:06:11,146 --> 00:06:14,982 You probably caught it unloading boxes in the rain last night. 123 00:06:15,050 --> 00:06:16,250 Uh-huh. 124 00:06:16,318 --> 00:06:17,585 Oh, oh, I... I gotta go. 125 00:06:17,652 --> 00:06:21,255 Listen, you just lay there, ok, relax. Watch some T.V., 126 00:06:21,323 --> 00:06:23,324 and I will call you later and check up on you, ok? 127 00:06:23,391 --> 00:06:24,325 I love you, sweetie. 128 00:06:33,102 --> 00:06:34,702 Carrie asked me to bring this to you. 129 00:06:34,770 --> 00:06:39,907 I believe it's tea, food, and medicine. 130 00:06:39,975 --> 00:06:41,275 Oh. Thanks. 131 00:06:43,112 --> 00:06:45,046 She tells me you're under the weather. 132 00:06:45,114 --> 00:06:48,015 Yeah. If I were you, I wouldn't get too close. 133 00:06:48,083 --> 00:06:50,017 In fact, that's probably a good rule in general. 134 00:06:51,486 --> 00:06:53,487 Right-o. 135 00:06:53,555 --> 00:06:56,724 Oh, and if anyone calls, I'll tell them you're... 136 00:06:57,226 --> 00:06:58,860 "Sick." 137 00:06:58,927 --> 00:06:59,994 I am sick, Arthur. 138 00:07:00,062 --> 00:07:01,229 Of course you are. 139 00:07:01,296 --> 00:07:03,697 Just like you had to "work" last night. 140 00:07:03,766 --> 00:07:05,133 Oh, come on. Don't start with me. 141 00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:06,700 I'm not starting anything. 142 00:07:06,769 --> 00:07:08,302 All I know is your wife needed you last night, 143 00:07:08,370 --> 00:07:10,204 but instead you were out enjoying yourself, 144 00:07:10,272 --> 00:07:13,340 digging up buried footballs with your friends. 145 00:07:13,408 --> 00:07:15,042 We were playing football. 146 00:07:15,110 --> 00:07:16,343 Oh, save your oysters, Eddie. 147 00:07:16,411 --> 00:07:18,279 I already have enough of your stink on me. 148 00:07:18,346 --> 00:07:20,381 Oh, would you come off... 149 00:07:22,017 --> 00:07:24,252 It's called covering your mouth. 150 00:07:26,054 --> 00:07:27,855 Very mature. Oh, come on, Arthur. 151 00:07:27,923 --> 00:07:30,457 Get off your high horse, huh? You're not Mr. perfect either. 152 00:07:30,525 --> 00:07:33,828 Why? Because I eavesdrop on an occasional phone call? 153 00:07:33,896 --> 00:07:37,965 Because I sometimes help myself to the change on your night stand? 154 00:07:38,033 --> 00:07:39,433 Fine, I'm not perfect. 155 00:07:39,501 --> 00:07:41,702 But at least I'm not a liar. 156 00:07:41,770 --> 00:07:43,805 You broke my heart, Douglas. 157 00:07:45,007 --> 00:07:48,209 Yeah, well, you... You broke my heart, too! 158 00:07:48,277 --> 00:07:51,645 Ok? Your little guilt trip's not gonna work! 159 00:07:51,713 --> 00:07:54,548 I do lots of stuff for Carrie, lots of stuff! 160 00:07:54,616 --> 00:07:56,284 Tell that to your conscience! 161 00:07:56,351 --> 00:07:58,585 My conscience is fine, so shutty! 162 00:07:58,653 --> 00:08:00,587 No! You shutty! 163 00:08:00,655 --> 00:08:01,789 You shutty! 164 00:08:14,203 --> 00:08:16,337 I have something to say about that... 165 00:08:21,576 --> 00:08:23,510 ♪ 166 00:08:30,919 --> 00:08:34,055 Jackie gleason. 167 00:08:34,122 --> 00:08:36,090 The honeymooners. 168 00:08:47,035 --> 00:08:49,536 Hey, Deacon! Come on down, pal! 169 00:08:56,644 --> 00:08:57,778 Hey, Dougie boy. 170 00:09:00,682 --> 00:09:03,251 Well, my friend, I think congratulations are in order. 171 00:09:03,318 --> 00:09:06,120 Why? The bus company starting to pay you by the pound? 172 00:09:07,356 --> 00:09:09,556 Oh, you're funny, pal. You are funny. 173 00:09:09,624 --> 00:09:12,193 I don't know why you're wasting your time down in the sewer, 174 00:09:12,261 --> 00:09:14,061 'cause you should be on stage somewhere, 175 00:09:14,129 --> 00:09:15,763 'cause you are a riot! 176 00:09:15,830 --> 00:09:18,900 So, uh, w-what am I congratulating you for? 177 00:09:18,967 --> 00:09:20,401 For bein' a genius. 178 00:09:20,468 --> 00:09:22,536 I told Carrie we got an emergency meeting 179 00:09:22,604 --> 00:09:24,038 down at the raccoon lodge tonight, 180 00:09:24,106 --> 00:09:25,907 so now I'm free to go bowlin'. 181 00:09:25,974 --> 00:09:27,708 Mmm, I'm good. 182 00:09:28,476 --> 00:09:29,643 Wow. 183 00:09:29,711 --> 00:09:30,912 I gotta hand it to you, Doug. 184 00:09:30,979 --> 00:09:32,113 I could never lie to Kelly. 185 00:09:32,180 --> 00:09:35,216 No, she'd smell it on me a mile away. 186 00:09:35,284 --> 00:09:37,651 That's the difference between you and I, Deac. 187 00:09:37,719 --> 00:09:41,289 Unlike you, I am not a-scared of my wife. 188 00:09:41,356 --> 00:09:44,325 I am the king of my castle. The king! 189 00:09:44,393 --> 00:09:46,727 She is just a mere peasant! 190 00:09:46,795 --> 00:09:50,331 Now, help me think of a way to sneak out my bowlin' shoes after supper. 191 00:09:55,037 --> 00:09:56,570 Hey! 192 00:09:56,638 --> 00:09:59,640 Why don't we use this here and, uh, wrap them up like a gift? 193 00:09:59,707 --> 00:10:02,410 That's using your noodle, pal. Here you go. 194 00:10:02,477 --> 00:10:05,279 There. Put them in there. How's that look? 195 00:10:05,347 --> 00:10:08,049 I don't know. It, uh, kinda needs something. 196 00:10:08,116 --> 00:10:09,450 What do you mean? 197 00:10:09,517 --> 00:10:11,218 Y-y-you got a nice ribbon or something? 198 00:10:11,286 --> 00:10:14,455 Good idea. A ribbon. Here we go. Ok. 199 00:10:16,224 --> 00:10:19,493 There you go, pal. Just wrap it up, and hurry up. 200 00:10:19,561 --> 00:10:20,962 Carrie'll be home any minute. 201 00:10:21,029 --> 00:10:22,196 Right-o. 202 00:10:34,709 --> 00:10:36,177 Will you come on? 203 00:10:42,284 --> 00:10:44,385 There, there you go. It's all done. 204 00:10:48,623 --> 00:10:50,191 Hiya, Doug. Hello, Deac. 205 00:10:50,258 --> 00:10:51,359 Hi, uh, sweetheart. 206 00:10:51,426 --> 00:10:52,860 Whaddya say there, Carrie? 207 00:10:52,927 --> 00:10:54,996 Doug, what time is your lodge meeting tonight? 208 00:10:55,063 --> 00:10:57,031 I told you, 8:00. 209 00:10:57,099 --> 00:10:58,599 Really? Because I just ran into 210 00:10:58,666 --> 00:11:01,268 the high exalted mystic ruler's wife at the beauty parlor, 211 00:11:01,336 --> 00:11:04,271 and she told me he's out of town till Tuesday. 212 00:11:06,008 --> 00:11:07,408 Homina, homina, homina... 213 00:11:08,610 --> 00:11:10,478 Well, of course he is. 214 00:11:10,545 --> 00:11:13,814 Uh, that's why we're meeting to plan his, uh, surprise birthday party. 215 00:11:13,882 --> 00:11:16,484 Oh! Is that what this is for? 216 00:11:16,551 --> 00:11:20,687 Uh, no, no, it's something I got for, uh, Kelly. 217 00:11:20,755 --> 00:11:23,257 Oh, well, that's sweet. What'd you get her? 218 00:11:23,925 --> 00:11:25,526 Bowling shoes. 219 00:11:25,593 --> 00:11:28,429 New bowling shoes. Well, that's swell. 220 00:11:28,497 --> 00:11:30,498 Well, I'm gonna get cleaned up for supper. 221 00:11:30,565 --> 00:11:32,233 All right. All right, sweetheart. 222 00:11:32,300 --> 00:11:35,102 You, uh, you take your time now, ok? 223 00:11:35,170 --> 00:11:37,571 Bowlin' shoes? That's what you come up with? Bowlin' shoes? 224 00:11:37,639 --> 00:11:40,207 I... I got kinda nervous, you know, bein' around a king. 225 00:11:41,376 --> 00:11:42,943 Get out. Get out! 226 00:11:50,919 --> 00:11:52,853 ♪ 227 00:11:59,361 --> 00:12:01,462 Ok, Arthur, 450. 228 00:12:02,230 --> 00:12:04,131 Ok, uh, I'd like a 4. 229 00:12:04,966 --> 00:12:06,800 We only take letters. 230 00:12:06,868 --> 00:12:08,635 Is there an "h"? 231 00:12:08,703 --> 00:12:12,739 Yeah, "h", "h" was called. In fact, you called it. 232 00:12:12,807 --> 00:12:14,575 Ah! 233 00:12:14,642 --> 00:12:18,011 Sorry, Arthur. Time's up. Carrie, it's your turn. 234 00:12:18,080 --> 00:12:19,580 Big money, big money, big money! 235 00:12:20,748 --> 00:12:22,450 And 600. 236 00:12:22,517 --> 00:12:25,419 Uh, actually, pat, I would like to solve the puzzle. 237 00:12:26,488 --> 00:12:29,823 No! 238 00:12:29,891 --> 00:12:32,226 Pat! He's touching the letters! 239 00:12:32,294 --> 00:12:35,829 He's touching them! Make him stop! 240 00:12:35,897 --> 00:12:38,632 Wait a second. Did he lie to me? 241 00:12:39,801 --> 00:12:41,635 No lie. I never... 242 00:12:46,108 --> 00:12:47,541 ♪ 243 00:12:53,715 --> 00:12:55,649 You're a liar. 244 00:12:55,717 --> 00:12:56,783 Ouch! 245 00:12:56,851 --> 00:12:58,752 You're a louse. 246 00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:00,421 Oh. 247 00:13:00,489 --> 00:13:02,089 You're a stinker. 248 00:13:03,592 --> 00:13:05,726 But... but... Don't you "but" me. 249 00:13:06,461 --> 00:13:08,061 Oh, boy. 250 00:13:10,132 --> 00:13:11,798 I told you so. 251 00:13:11,866 --> 00:13:13,134 Shutty. 252 00:13:13,868 --> 00:13:15,569 Not goin' so good. 253 00:13:47,009 --> 00:13:49,043 Hey, bro. How you feeling? 254 00:13:49,112 --> 00:13:50,612 Oh, man, like old gum. 255 00:13:50,679 --> 00:13:52,280 Well, I brought your paycheck. 256 00:13:52,348 --> 00:13:54,382 Oh, thanks a lot. All right. 257 00:13:54,450 --> 00:13:57,486 So, uh, Carrie believe your lie about working late? 258 00:13:57,553 --> 00:13:59,488 It wasn't a lie, man. It was an excuse, ok? 259 00:13:59,555 --> 00:14:02,023 Besides, you guys pressured me into it! I had my tie on! 260 00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:05,227 Chill, all right? I'm on your side, player. 261 00:14:05,294 --> 00:14:06,528 Jeez. 262 00:14:08,063 --> 00:14:10,132 Hey, hey, check this out. 263 00:14:10,199 --> 00:14:11,466 Brian's song. 264 00:14:11,534 --> 00:14:13,901 Cool. You want to hang out and watch? 265 00:14:13,969 --> 00:14:17,005 Nah. I'm supposed to be working right now. 266 00:14:17,072 --> 00:14:18,373 Later, guy. 267 00:14:25,148 --> 00:14:26,781 Hey, black magic. 268 00:14:31,920 --> 00:14:33,622 How you doin', Heff? 269 00:14:34,423 --> 00:14:35,857 It's, uh... 270 00:14:37,160 --> 00:14:38,726 It's 4th and 8, 271 00:14:39,529 --> 00:14:42,597 and they won't let me punt. 272 00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:45,733 Go for it, then. 273 00:14:47,403 --> 00:14:48,703 I'm tryin'. 274 00:14:49,738 --> 00:14:54,008 Jesus, God, I'm trying. 275 00:15:05,254 --> 00:15:07,389 I brought your paycheck. 276 00:15:07,456 --> 00:15:09,324 Thanks, magic. 277 00:15:10,393 --> 00:15:12,561 Where do you want me to put it? 278 00:15:12,628 --> 00:15:16,598 Over there by the deposit slips. 279 00:15:18,100 --> 00:15:20,101 I'm sorry. What? 280 00:15:20,169 --> 00:15:23,371 Just put it on the table. 281 00:15:23,439 --> 00:15:26,508 Ok, guy, could you speak up a little? 282 00:15:41,757 --> 00:15:43,157 That's good. 283 00:15:54,337 --> 00:15:56,238 I love Doug Heffernan. 284 00:15:57,873 --> 00:16:00,609 And I'd like all of you to love him, too. 285 00:16:01,844 --> 00:16:04,846 So tonight, when you hit your knees, 286 00:16:10,052 --> 00:16:12,186 please ask Carrie to love him. 287 00:16:20,929 --> 00:16:22,364 What the... 288 00:16:28,537 --> 00:16:30,472 ♪ 289 00:16:50,159 --> 00:16:53,561 I understand you've done some impressive work for brash and sassy. 290 00:16:53,629 --> 00:16:55,029 Thank you. 291 00:16:55,097 --> 00:16:57,699 But I'm sure you didn't call me here to tell me that. 292 00:16:57,767 --> 00:16:59,434 No. That's correct. 293 00:17:01,103 --> 00:17:02,604 Then what do you want? 294 00:17:04,473 --> 00:17:07,409 I want the formula for the anti-aging cream. 295 00:17:07,476 --> 00:17:10,044 Well, well, well. 296 00:17:10,112 --> 00:17:14,148 If it isn't my old friend Arthur Spooner. 297 00:17:14,216 --> 00:17:18,019 Nikki Newman. We meet again. 298 00:17:18,086 --> 00:17:21,356 So sorry to eavesdrop, but I thought you should know 299 00:17:21,424 --> 00:17:24,659 that brash and sassy doesn't have an anti-ageing cream. 300 00:17:24,727 --> 00:17:26,795 That cream is my baby, 301 00:17:26,862 --> 00:17:30,164 and it's the exclusive property of jabot cosmetics. 302 00:17:36,905 --> 00:17:39,407 It feels so good to hold you. 303 00:17:39,475 --> 00:17:41,676 I miss you, Jack. 304 00:17:41,744 --> 00:17:45,647 I can't believe you have a little person growing inside of you, 305 00:17:45,715 --> 00:17:47,148 a little us. 306 00:17:48,116 --> 00:17:51,285 So what about Doug? 307 00:17:51,354 --> 00:17:53,120 Oh, to hell with Doug. 308 00:17:53,188 --> 00:17:55,623 He doesn't love me like you do. 309 00:17:55,691 --> 00:17:58,926 And he lied to me. He lied to me. 310 00:18:00,396 --> 00:18:01,663 Bastard. 311 00:18:01,731 --> 00:18:04,766 Oh, it's all right. It's all right. 312 00:18:05,701 --> 00:18:07,502 It's you I love, Jack. 313 00:18:08,504 --> 00:18:09,971 And I love you. 314 00:18:25,921 --> 00:18:27,021 No! 315 00:18:27,823 --> 00:18:29,657 Douglas, are you ok? 316 00:18:29,725 --> 00:18:31,526 I heard someone screaming like a bitch. 317 00:18:33,929 --> 00:18:35,663 I got to... I got to talk to Carrie. 318 00:18:35,731 --> 00:18:38,266 I got to tell her I lied. You were right, Arthur. 319 00:18:38,333 --> 00:18:40,234 Of course I was right. Now, go to her, son. 320 00:18:40,302 --> 00:18:41,703 Tell her you're sorry. 321 00:18:41,771 --> 00:18:44,105 Tell her what she means to you. Go. 322 00:18:45,340 --> 00:18:47,609 Go! Can I put my pants on? 323 00:18:52,648 --> 00:18:54,382 Uh, excuse me, folks, 324 00:18:54,450 --> 00:18:58,386 if I can get you all to skooch on into the ballroom. 325 00:18:58,454 --> 00:19:01,255 Uh, people, key note address about to begin. 326 00:19:01,323 --> 00:19:03,324 Legal ethics in the new century. 327 00:19:03,392 --> 00:19:05,393 That shouldn't take too long, huh? 328 00:19:05,461 --> 00:19:07,161 Ok, come on, guys. 329 00:19:08,130 --> 00:19:09,196 Doug. 330 00:19:09,264 --> 00:19:10,364 What are you doing here? 331 00:19:10,433 --> 00:19:12,033 I had to talk to you. It's important. 332 00:19:12,100 --> 00:19:13,501 Is everything ok? Yeah, yeah. 333 00:19:13,569 --> 00:19:16,571 It's just that I gotta... Honey, you are still boiling. 334 00:19:16,639 --> 00:19:18,139 Go home. We can talk tonight. 335 00:19:18,206 --> 00:19:20,341 No, I have to talk to you now. 336 00:19:20,409 --> 00:19:21,709 Ok. All right. 337 00:19:21,777 --> 00:19:23,645 Let me, let me just go herd them into their pen 338 00:19:23,712 --> 00:19:27,281 and I'll be right back. Just wait at the bar. Go ahead. 339 00:19:36,058 --> 00:19:37,358 And now we continue 340 00:19:37,426 --> 00:19:41,028 with our weekend-long honeymooners marathon 341 00:19:41,096 --> 00:19:42,931 ♪ 342 00:19:47,035 --> 00:19:48,636 Jackie gleason. 343 00:19:50,172 --> 00:19:51,873 The honeymooners. 344 00:19:52,942 --> 00:19:54,642 So I lied to you, Carrie. 345 00:19:54,710 --> 00:19:57,645 The whole thing was one big stinking whopper. 346 00:20:00,282 --> 00:20:03,184 Well, ain't you going to say nothing? 347 00:20:03,251 --> 00:20:05,487 Well, Doug, it's great that you finally confessed. 348 00:20:05,554 --> 00:20:08,122 Just great. That explains where you were last night, 349 00:20:08,190 --> 00:20:09,757 out having a ball with your chums, 350 00:20:09,825 --> 00:20:12,827 but it doesn't explain something much more important. 351 00:20:12,895 --> 00:20:15,830 Why you didn't even think enough of me to tell me the truth. 352 00:20:15,898 --> 00:20:18,800 I wish you had an explanation for that. 353 00:20:18,868 --> 00:20:21,803 Oh, how I wish you had an explanation for that. 354 00:20:44,259 --> 00:20:46,528 I have got an explanation for it. 355 00:20:47,630 --> 00:20:49,631 I'm a mope. 356 00:20:49,698 --> 00:20:52,600 But I love you, sweetheart. Honest, I do. 357 00:20:54,169 --> 00:20:55,703 Oh, Doug. 358 00:20:55,771 --> 00:20:57,939 Baby, you're the greatest. 359 00:21:00,643 --> 00:21:04,746 Huh? What... Oh, I must've... I must've fell asleep. 360 00:21:04,813 --> 00:21:07,515 So what's so important? Why'd you come all the way down here? 361 00:21:07,583 --> 00:21:10,885 Well, because I need to tell you something. 362 00:21:10,953 --> 00:21:12,954 I... 363 00:21:13,022 --> 00:21:15,857 I didn't have to work late last night. 364 00:21:15,925 --> 00:21:17,258 I... I lied and I told you I did 365 00:21:17,325 --> 00:21:20,227 just so I could play mud football. 366 00:21:20,295 --> 00:21:24,065 I know you needed me here, and I... I really let you down. 367 00:21:24,132 --> 00:21:26,568 I'm a mope. 368 00:21:26,635 --> 00:21:31,172 But I love you, sweetheart. Honest, I do. 369 00:21:31,239 --> 00:21:34,609 You lied to me? You make me sick. 370 00:21:39,915 --> 00:21:41,683 You're the greatest. 371 00:21:53,036 --> 00:21:56,639 Doug Heffernan lied at the age of 35. 372 00:21:56,706 --> 00:21:58,841 He betrayed not only his father-in-law, 373 00:21:58,908 --> 00:22:01,611 but more importantly, the woman he loves. 374 00:22:01,678 --> 00:22:03,049 But when they think of him, 375 00:22:03,074 --> 00:22:05,814 it's not how he played mud football that they remember, 376 00:22:05,882 --> 00:22:09,318 but rather, how he lied, how he did lie.