1
00:00:01,635 --> 00:00:03,603
No, dad, that's crazy!
2
00:00:03,670 --> 00:00:06,272
Dad, I am not driving
2 hours upstate
3
00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:08,608
to bring you your
centrum silver.
4
00:00:09,510 --> 00:00:11,144
Stop calling them your meds.
5
00:00:11,212 --> 00:00:13,146
You can buy them at 7-11.
6
00:00:14,815 --> 00:00:17,083
Well, you're acting
like a lunatic!
7
00:00:17,151 --> 00:00:18,651
Yes, you are!
8
00:00:18,719 --> 00:00:20,853
Fine. You know what? Good-bye!
9
00:00:27,928 --> 00:00:29,395
Now I feel bad.
10
00:00:29,997 --> 00:00:31,197
Why?
11
00:00:31,265 --> 00:00:32,398
Why? I just yelled at my father
12
00:00:32,466 --> 00:00:35,135
and called him a lunatic.
That has to be wrong.
13
00:00:35,202 --> 00:00:36,969
My God. What if something
happens to him
14
00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:39,805
and that's the last
conversation we ever have?
15
00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:41,807
Then you're off the hook.
16
00:00:43,910 --> 00:00:46,212
Damn it, and when
he left yesterday,
17
00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:48,014
I kissed him and I
told him I loved him.
18
00:00:48,081 --> 00:00:51,184
If he was gonna die, that
would have been the day.
19
00:00:51,252 --> 00:00:53,686
If it happens now, I'm screwed.
20
00:00:53,754 --> 00:00:54,787
Call him back.
21
00:00:54,855 --> 00:00:56,623
No, no. It's stupid.
22
00:00:56,690 --> 00:00:59,159
Besides, you know what? You...
you yell at him all the time.
23
00:00:59,226 --> 00:01:01,694
You have way worse
karma than I do.
24
00:01:01,762 --> 00:01:04,897
Actually, the last thing I said
to him was "nice haircut,"
25
00:01:04,965 --> 00:01:06,566
so I'm good to go.
26
00:01:24,685 --> 00:01:26,653
Hi, daddy, it's me.
27
00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:29,556
Listen, I was a little
short with you before,
28
00:01:29,623 --> 00:01:31,123
and I'm... I'm sorry.
29
00:01:31,192 --> 00:01:33,326
I love you.
30
00:01:33,394 --> 00:01:36,596
No, that does not mean
I'm making the drive up.
31
00:01:37,864 --> 00:01:40,032
Because I'm saying sorry
for yelling at you,
32
00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:41,901
not the other part!
33
00:01:41,968 --> 00:01:45,271
Well, too bad. I'm not making
the drive up, crazy man!
34
00:01:55,482 --> 00:01:57,383
I'll see you in 5 hours.
35
00:02:40,936 --> 00:02:41,933
Ok,
36
00:02:41,958 --> 00:02:44,505
a little tip next time you try
to hook up surround sound.
37
00:02:44,572 --> 00:02:45,973
Red goes in red.
38
00:02:46,041 --> 00:02:48,976
Yellow goes in yellow.
39
00:02:49,044 --> 00:02:50,812
You know what? I've
had enough with you
40
00:02:50,879 --> 00:02:52,914
and your high-tech mumbo-jumbo.
41
00:02:52,981 --> 00:02:54,515
Can I plug it in now?
Can I? Come on.
42
00:02:54,582 --> 00:02:56,383
No. I'm workin' with
live wires here, man.
43
00:02:56,451 --> 00:02:57,852
Yeah, I wanna see your skeleton.
44
00:02:57,920 --> 00:02:59,620
See if you get that
chattering teeth going.
45
00:03:00,956 --> 00:03:02,890
Put it down. What?
46
00:03:02,958 --> 00:03:04,826
Good God. Are you
two still at that?
47
00:03:04,893 --> 00:03:05,993
It's not my fault.
48
00:03:06,061 --> 00:03:08,395
He hooks up a stereo
like a woman.
49
00:03:09,832 --> 00:03:11,532
Doug, why are we
even doing this?
50
00:03:11,599 --> 00:03:13,234
The sound on the T.V. Is fine.
51
00:03:13,302 --> 00:03:15,203
Does it surround us? No.
52
00:03:16,638 --> 00:03:18,873
Stop embarrassing yourself.
53
00:03:20,142 --> 00:03:21,709
Oh, that's me.
54
00:03:24,313 --> 00:03:25,379
Hello.
55
00:03:25,447 --> 00:03:26,914
Hey, mom. What's up?
56
00:03:27,983 --> 00:03:29,250
Oh, my God.
57
00:03:29,318 --> 00:03:30,384
When did it happen?
58
00:03:30,452 --> 00:03:31,485
What?
59
00:03:31,553 --> 00:03:32,653
My Great-Aunt died.
60
00:03:32,721 --> 00:03:33,721
Oh, no.
61
00:03:33,788 --> 00:03:34,989
Oh, honey, I'm sorry.
62
00:03:35,057 --> 00:03:36,090
Excuse me.
63
00:03:36,158 --> 00:03:37,591
Just give us a second, you guys.
64
00:03:37,659 --> 00:03:39,493
Sure. Yeah.
65
00:03:39,561 --> 00:03:41,595
Oh, that's a shame.
66
00:03:42,731 --> 00:03:43,731
Yeah.
67
00:03:43,798 --> 00:03:45,299
Look, is the evening over?
68
00:03:45,367 --> 00:03:48,435
'Cause Deacon really
didn't finish up here.
69
00:03:48,503 --> 00:03:51,038
A person died, ok?
70
00:03:51,106 --> 00:03:53,040
And you're worried about
your surround sound?
71
00:03:53,108 --> 00:03:55,409
Well, it's just at this
point I have no sound.
72
00:03:55,477 --> 00:03:56,543
Oh.
73
00:03:56,611 --> 00:03:58,312
Come on, Carrie. It's
just a Great-Aunt.
74
00:03:58,380 --> 00:03:59,713
It's not like a regular Aunt.
75
00:03:59,781 --> 00:04:01,582
I mean, come on it's
like wax fruit.
76
00:04:01,649 --> 00:04:03,851
Ok, any chance you could
act appropriately here?
77
00:04:03,919 --> 00:04:06,620
What's appropriate? What do you
want me to do? You want me to cry?
78
00:04:06,688 --> 00:04:09,991
You want me to shake my fist
at the heavens? Why her?
79
00:04:11,994 --> 00:04:13,627
I don't know.
80
00:04:13,695 --> 00:04:15,763
I just think we should be doing
something for them. I...
81
00:04:15,830 --> 00:04:16,931
Like what?
82
00:04:16,999 --> 00:04:18,465
I don't know. Make
them tea or...
83
00:04:18,533 --> 00:04:19,833
Tea for a Great-Aunt?
84
00:04:19,902 --> 00:04:21,835
That is way over the top!
85
00:04:23,805 --> 00:04:25,539
Hey, sweetie,
86
00:04:25,607 --> 00:04:26,774
how's Kelly doin'?
87
00:04:26,841 --> 00:04:28,709
Uh, she's all right.
88
00:04:28,777 --> 00:04:30,378
I mean, her Great-Aunt's been
sick for a while, you know.
89
00:04:30,445 --> 00:04:31,745
Still it's sad.
90
00:04:31,813 --> 00:04:34,215
Yeah, but not as sad
as a regular Aunt.
91
00:04:34,283 --> 00:04:35,349
What?
92
00:04:35,417 --> 00:04:36,750
You guys want some tea?
93
00:04:36,818 --> 00:04:38,452
Uh...
94
00:04:38,520 --> 00:04:40,221
No, thanks. We've got
a lot to figure out.
95
00:04:40,289 --> 00:04:41,622
You know, travel arrangements,
96
00:04:41,689 --> 00:04:43,024
who's gonna stay with the kids.
97
00:04:43,091 --> 00:04:44,292
Can I use your phone in there?
98
00:04:44,359 --> 00:04:45,393
Of course.
99
00:04:45,460 --> 00:04:46,593
Thanks.
100
00:04:49,965 --> 00:04:52,099
Should we offer to
stay with the kids?
101
00:04:53,068 --> 00:04:54,335
Who, us? Really?
102
00:04:54,403 --> 00:04:57,504
Yeah, why not? I mean,
we are the godparents.
103
00:04:57,572 --> 00:04:59,140
I just thought we
were done with that
104
00:04:59,207 --> 00:05:00,808
after we gave him
the savings bond.
105
00:05:00,875 --> 00:05:02,910
Doug, I'm just thinking
maybe we should offer.
106
00:05:02,978 --> 00:05:04,211
What do you think?
107
00:05:05,347 --> 00:05:07,281
Hey, sweetie.
108
00:05:07,349 --> 00:05:08,515
How are you doing?
109
00:05:08,583 --> 00:05:10,584
He-ey-ey-ey.
110
00:05:12,387 --> 00:05:14,388
I'm ok. We just have to
go to Chicago tomorrow
111
00:05:14,456 --> 00:05:15,990
for the funeral.
112
00:05:16,058 --> 00:05:18,392
Did you, uh, find anybody
to watch the kids yet?
113
00:05:18,460 --> 00:05:20,294
No. Our regular
sitter can't do it.
114
00:05:20,362 --> 00:05:21,395
We have to keep trying.
115
00:05:21,463 --> 00:05:22,596
Uh-huh.
116
00:05:24,433 --> 00:05:26,133
Uh, hey. Crazy
thought, you guys.
117
00:05:26,201 --> 00:05:28,735
How about we stay with the kids?
118
00:05:28,803 --> 00:05:30,271
Really?
119
00:05:30,339 --> 00:05:33,040
I... I mean, that's
really sweet of you,
120
00:05:33,108 --> 00:05:34,541
but it's just it's
a lot of stuff.
121
00:05:34,609 --> 00:05:36,210
Look, you know what?
We can handle it.
122
00:05:36,278 --> 00:05:37,544
Two of them, two of us. Right?
123
00:05:37,612 --> 00:05:39,480
Plus we're bigger, right?
124
00:05:40,349 --> 00:05:41,815
Sure. Uh, why not.
125
00:05:41,883 --> 00:05:42,916
Ok, then.
126
00:05:42,985 --> 00:05:43,985
All right, great.
127
00:05:44,052 --> 00:05:45,086
Great. Yeah. Great.
128
00:05:45,153 --> 00:05:46,153
So, uh,
129
00:05:47,289 --> 00:05:49,623
Where are we at
with the speakers?
130
00:05:52,694 --> 00:05:55,129
I got to tell you, this is
gonna be good practice for us.
131
00:05:55,197 --> 00:05:58,599
You know, kind of like, uh, a
driving range for parenting.
132
00:05:58,666 --> 00:05:59,933
Buy a bucket of babies,
133
00:06:00,002 --> 00:06:02,470
tee 'em up, and see
how you do, right.
134
00:06:03,372 --> 00:06:04,372
Huh?
135
00:06:04,439 --> 00:06:05,473
What's the matter?
136
00:06:06,475 --> 00:06:07,941
They hesitated.
137
00:06:08,010 --> 00:06:10,111
What? Who hesitated?
138
00:06:10,178 --> 00:06:13,180
Deacon and Kelly, when we
offered to watch their kids.
139
00:06:13,248 --> 00:06:14,448
They did not.
140
00:06:14,516 --> 00:06:16,017
Yes, they did. They clearly did.
141
00:06:16,084 --> 00:06:17,885
Especially Kelly. I
mean it was so obvious
142
00:06:17,952 --> 00:06:20,221
that she wasn't thrilled
about us doing this, Doug.
143
00:06:20,288 --> 00:06:21,755
Her Great-Aunt just died.
144
00:06:21,823 --> 00:06:23,724
She was out of her
head with grief.
145
00:06:23,791 --> 00:06:25,626
No, no, no. They hesitated,
146
00:06:25,693 --> 00:06:27,328
and not... and not
'cause of you.
147
00:06:27,396 --> 00:06:29,330
Because of me. I mean,
I'm not a kid person.
148
00:06:29,398 --> 00:06:30,697
They... they could
smell it on me.
149
00:06:30,765 --> 00:06:32,199
I mean, everybody's
always saying,
150
00:06:32,267 --> 00:06:33,401
"oh, children are our future."
151
00:06:33,468 --> 00:06:35,602
And I'm like, "whatever."
152
00:06:35,670 --> 00:06:36,770
You're gonna do fine.
153
00:06:36,838 --> 00:06:38,339
No, no, I'm not, Doug.
154
00:06:38,407 --> 00:06:40,207
I mean one little nose
wiped on my blouse,
155
00:06:40,275 --> 00:06:42,510
and I'm gonna be
looking for some gin.
156
00:06:42,577 --> 00:06:43,810
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
157
00:06:43,878 --> 00:06:45,413
I'm starting to get
that panicky feeling.
158
00:06:45,480 --> 00:06:46,713
Like before I fly.
159
00:06:46,781 --> 00:06:47,814
Let's not do this, Doug.
160
00:06:47,882 --> 00:06:49,483
Let's call them and cancel.
161
00:06:49,551 --> 00:06:51,852
Cancel? Carrie, this is
not a dinner reservation.
162
00:06:51,920 --> 00:06:53,720
They have nobody else
to watch their kids.
163
00:06:53,788 --> 00:06:56,657
Well, I think they should
bring 'em to the funeral.
164
00:06:56,724 --> 00:06:59,260
It's good for kids
to see dead people.
165
00:07:00,562 --> 00:07:02,063
That... that little
kid in the movie,
166
00:07:02,130 --> 00:07:04,432
he saw... saw dead
people all the time,
167
00:07:04,499 --> 00:07:06,667
and he seemed fine.
168
00:07:06,734 --> 00:07:09,270
He wasn't fine. He
was a little freak.
169
00:07:11,373 --> 00:07:12,606
Now pack.
170
00:07:16,111 --> 00:07:17,911
Ok, I got all our phone
numbers right here.
171
00:07:17,979 --> 00:07:19,346
Phone numbers, great.
172
00:07:19,414 --> 00:07:21,315
I labeled all the kids' food.
It's in the fridge.
173
00:07:21,383 --> 00:07:22,916
Oh, it's in the fridge?
Oh, good,
174
00:07:22,984 --> 00:07:26,187
'cause that just saved me
a wild goose chase. Ha.
175
00:07:26,254 --> 00:07:27,955
Are you sure you're
ok doing this?
176
00:07:28,022 --> 00:07:30,558
Uh, ok? Yeah, I think so.
177
00:07:30,625 --> 00:07:33,827
I just wish your Great-Aunt
would have died sooner.
178
00:07:35,263 --> 00:07:36,697
I'm kidding. I'm
kidding, sweetie.
179
00:07:36,764 --> 00:07:38,932
She's in a much better place now.
I'm sorry.
180
00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:40,534
Yo, hon, we got to go.
181
00:07:40,602 --> 00:07:41,735
Ok.
182
00:07:41,803 --> 00:07:43,304
Ok. Bye, sweetie. Have a nice...
183
00:07:43,371 --> 00:07:45,106
Be good. Kirby, watch
out for your brother.
184
00:07:45,173 --> 00:07:46,340
Miss you, little man.
185
00:07:46,408 --> 00:07:47,441
Miss you.
186
00:07:47,509 --> 00:07:48,509
Thanks again, you guys.
187
00:07:48,577 --> 00:07:49,610
Oh, come on.
188
00:07:49,677 --> 00:07:50,978
Yeah, we owe you big for this.
189
00:07:51,045 --> 00:07:52,113
No prob. Have a safe trip.
190
00:07:52,180 --> 00:07:53,814
Hey, we should be thanking you.
191
00:07:55,750 --> 00:07:56,883
Well...
192
00:07:58,820 --> 00:08:00,187
We're on our own.
193
00:08:00,255 --> 00:08:01,688
Uh-huh.
194
00:08:01,756 --> 00:08:02,823
So far, so good.
195
00:08:02,890 --> 00:08:03,924
So far, so good.
196
00:08:03,992 --> 00:08:05,126
Well, I will see you later.
197
00:08:05,193 --> 00:08:07,294
Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa!
198
00:08:07,362 --> 00:08:08,829
You're leaving now?
199
00:08:08,896 --> 00:08:10,431
Yeah, it's one of
my work Saturdays.
200
00:08:10,499 --> 00:08:13,167
Wasn't the uniform a tip-off
for you at all, or...
201
00:08:13,235 --> 00:08:14,602
Right. Right. Wait. Wait.
202
00:08:14,669 --> 00:08:17,070
How about this? How about you
stay here with the kids,
203
00:08:17,139 --> 00:08:19,206
and I'll go do your route?
Huh? Sign here, ma'am.
204
00:08:19,274 --> 00:08:21,342
How hard could that be?
205
00:08:21,409 --> 00:08:22,676
Honey, will you relax?
206
00:08:22,744 --> 00:08:25,045
The kids are gonna love
spending the day with you.
207
00:08:25,113 --> 00:08:28,949
Now, just show 'em your
gentle, nurturing side.
208
00:08:29,017 --> 00:08:31,252
I have a gentle, nurturing side?
209
00:08:33,121 --> 00:08:35,189
I believe it's in there, yes.
210
00:08:36,924 --> 00:08:37,991
Oh, you're gonna do fine.
211
00:08:38,059 --> 00:08:39,326
Ok, ok, all right, hon.
212
00:08:39,394 --> 00:08:40,528
I love you. Bye, kids!
213
00:08:40,595 --> 00:08:41,595
Bye!
214
00:08:41,663 --> 00:08:42,929
All right.
215
00:08:49,771 --> 00:08:50,771
Hi.
216
00:08:55,210 --> 00:08:56,210
Hey.
217
00:08:59,881 --> 00:09:01,448
Where's my mommy?
218
00:09:03,185 --> 00:09:04,885
Your mommy?
219
00:09:04,952 --> 00:09:06,853
Yeah, where is she?
220
00:09:06,921 --> 00:09:07,988
Uh...
221
00:09:09,357 --> 00:09:10,757
Sweetie, don't you remember
222
00:09:10,825 --> 00:09:13,160
saying good-bye to her or...
223
00:09:13,228 --> 00:09:14,628
Where is she?
224
00:09:15,963 --> 00:09:17,331
Ok, um,
225
00:09:17,399 --> 00:09:22,002
your mommy went to a
place called Chicago
226
00:09:22,070 --> 00:09:23,704
because somebody died.
227
00:09:23,771 --> 00:09:25,206
What's "died"?
228
00:09:29,511 --> 00:09:30,911
I don't know.
229
00:09:36,718 --> 00:09:38,719
Honey, I'm home!
230
00:09:38,786 --> 00:09:40,787
I'm in the kitchen!
231
00:09:40,855 --> 00:09:42,189
Hey, Kirby.
232
00:09:42,257 --> 00:09:43,257
Hi.
233
00:09:43,325 --> 00:09:44,725
The kirb-man.
234
00:09:44,792 --> 00:09:46,393
Curbside check-in.
235
00:09:47,795 --> 00:09:51,064
Uh-oh. Uh-oh, here comes
the Heffernan headlock.
236
00:09:51,132 --> 00:09:52,199
Oh, that's right.
237
00:09:52,267 --> 00:09:53,701
Oh, no. Off the top rope!
238
00:09:53,768 --> 00:09:55,168
He's in trouble now!
239
00:09:55,237 --> 00:09:56,370
Uh-oh. Oh, boy.
240
00:09:56,438 --> 00:09:57,838
Is he gonna lose
241
00:09:57,905 --> 00:09:59,273
his w.W.F. Belt?
242
00:09:59,341 --> 00:10:01,575
It's gonna happen.
How do you feel?
243
00:10:01,643 --> 00:10:03,076
I have to pee.
244
00:10:06,180 --> 00:10:07,314
Ok, ok.
245
00:10:10,885 --> 00:10:12,152
Hey.
246
00:10:12,220 --> 00:10:14,054
Hey, so...
247
00:10:14,122 --> 00:10:15,989
No one's missing, and
you're not drunk.
248
00:10:16,057 --> 00:10:18,726
I'm guessing things
went pretty well today.
249
00:10:18,793 --> 00:10:21,629
I gotta tell you,
honey, I rock at this.
250
00:10:21,696 --> 00:10:23,464
I actually took them
both for a walk,
251
00:10:23,531 --> 00:10:25,666
had this guy in a snuggly,
little legs going...
252
00:10:25,734 --> 00:10:27,635
Frickin' adorable.
253
00:10:27,702 --> 00:10:31,338
Came back here, watched
elmopalooza 3 times in a row,
254
00:10:31,406 --> 00:10:33,039
and fielded some
very tough questions
255
00:10:33,107 --> 00:10:36,410
about Bert and Ernie's
relationship.
256
00:10:36,478 --> 00:10:38,879
Hey, sweetie, wash your hands...
257
00:10:38,946 --> 00:10:40,347
With soap!
258
00:10:40,415 --> 00:10:42,082
Huh, huh, do you see this?
259
00:10:42,150 --> 00:10:44,518
It looks like somebody got
hit by the mommy truck.
260
00:10:44,586 --> 00:10:46,987
I know. I guess I always had it in me.
Who knew?
261
00:10:47,054 --> 00:10:48,322
Come on, baby, dinner!
262
00:10:48,390 --> 00:10:50,491
I can't believe, with all this
going on, you made dinner.
263
00:10:50,558 --> 00:10:53,627
Yep. Hamburgers, macaroni and
cheese, and fish sticks.
264
00:10:53,695 --> 00:10:55,962
Good God, it's
Christmas morning.
265
00:10:59,768 --> 00:11:02,703
Here, honey. I'll cut
this in half for you, ok?
266
00:11:04,306 --> 00:11:07,841
Hey, look at this. Is
this a family or what?
267
00:11:07,909 --> 00:11:09,743
I mean, not exactly the
way I pictured it,
268
00:11:09,811 --> 00:11:11,077
but still.
269
00:11:23,950 --> 00:11:27,553
Ok, baby's tucked in,
and Kirby's asleep,
270
00:11:27,620 --> 00:11:30,722
and P.S., I'm pretty damn
good with shadow puppets.
271
00:11:30,790 --> 00:11:34,159
I mean, he was terrified at
first, but, I got him back.
272
00:11:35,428 --> 00:11:37,629
Oh, what's, what...
what's going on here?
273
00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:39,598
What? This is where
we're sleeping.
274
00:11:39,666 --> 00:11:41,066
Don't Deacon and Kelly
275
00:11:41,133 --> 00:11:42,434
have a king-sized bed in there?
276
00:11:42,502 --> 00:11:45,103
Yes, they do, and we have this.
277
00:11:48,475 --> 00:11:50,876
♪ Sealy posturepedic ♪
278
00:11:53,279 --> 00:11:55,447
Doug, get off of their bed!
279
00:11:56,015 --> 00:11:57,182
Make me.
280
00:11:58,852 --> 00:12:00,418
Come on. I'm not gonna make you.
281
00:12:00,487 --> 00:12:02,120
I feel very
uncomfortable in here.
282
00:12:02,188 --> 00:12:03,655
Will you relax?
We're celebrating.
283
00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:05,056
What are we celebrating?
284
00:12:05,124 --> 00:12:06,224
That you're not gonna be
285
00:12:06,292 --> 00:12:09,194
the sucky mom we always thought.
286
00:12:09,261 --> 00:12:11,864
Ok, but only because you
already messed up the bedding.
287
00:12:11,931 --> 00:12:13,198
All right.
288
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:15,100
Oh, look at this.
289
00:12:15,167 --> 00:12:17,002
Dimmer switch, huh?
290
00:12:17,069 --> 00:12:18,704
Oh, we are styling.
291
00:12:20,540 --> 00:12:23,174
Whoo, whoo...
292
00:12:24,043 --> 00:12:25,577
Whoo-ahh...
293
00:12:25,645 --> 00:12:27,713
Hey, stop it. You're
making me nauseous.
294
00:12:27,780 --> 00:12:29,481
You just want music.
295
00:12:35,855 --> 00:12:37,188
Oh, yeah...
296
00:12:38,958 --> 00:12:40,993
I am mellow.
297
00:12:42,094 --> 00:12:43,829
All right, come on.
Turn down the music.
298
00:12:43,897 --> 00:12:45,196
You're gonna wake the kids.
299
00:12:45,264 --> 00:12:46,331
All right.
300
00:12:49,101 --> 00:12:50,301
So you, uh...
301
00:12:51,404 --> 00:12:53,371
Proud of your big day?
302
00:12:53,439 --> 00:12:54,873
Yeah, a little.
303
00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:58,243
Well, you should be.
304
00:12:58,310 --> 00:13:01,647
You were so great with
those kids today.
305
00:13:01,714 --> 00:13:04,983
When I came home, and I
saw you holding Major,
306
00:13:05,051 --> 00:13:06,484
I don't know, I just...
307
00:13:06,553 --> 00:13:08,687
I guess I liked the
way you looked
308
00:13:08,755 --> 00:13:10,822
with a baby attached to you.
309
00:13:10,890 --> 00:13:12,123
♪ You make me feel
310
00:13:12,191 --> 00:13:15,360
I mean, not literally
attached to you.
311
00:13:15,428 --> 00:13:17,162
That would be gross.
312
00:13:19,365 --> 00:13:21,767
I like the way you looked, too.
313
00:13:21,834 --> 00:13:22,901
I love you.
314
00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:24,502
I love you, too.
315
00:13:25,504 --> 00:13:28,574
♪ With you tonight
316
00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:30,876
and goal!
317
00:13:33,079 --> 00:13:34,580
Whoo!
318
00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:36,882
Wow, the lighting really helped.
319
00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:41,419
What was that? I don't know.
320
00:13:41,487 --> 00:13:43,055
Was someone just in the doorway?
321
00:13:43,122 --> 00:13:44,456
I don't... I don't know.
322
00:13:48,061 --> 00:13:49,795
Hey...
323
00:13:49,862 --> 00:13:51,529
Uh, how's it going?
324
00:13:54,567 --> 00:13:55,667
What happened?
325
00:13:55,735 --> 00:13:57,803
Did Kirby see us having sex?
326
00:13:57,870 --> 00:13:59,304
Possibly.
327
00:13:59,371 --> 00:14:00,572
What does that mean?
328
00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,207
We didn't get into
a long discussion.
329
00:14:02,274 --> 00:14:03,475
Well, what did you say to him?
330
00:14:03,542 --> 00:14:05,744
I said, "hey, how's it going?"
331
00:14:06,779 --> 00:14:08,947
And what did he say back?
332
00:14:09,015 --> 00:14:10,281
He said, "good."
333
00:14:10,349 --> 00:14:12,818
Oh, my God. How
could we do this?
334
00:14:12,885 --> 00:14:15,087
How could we have sex
in our friends' bed?
335
00:14:15,154 --> 00:14:17,455
What are we, Mountain people?
336
00:14:17,523 --> 00:14:18,624
What does that mean?
337
00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:20,425
It means it's wrong, ok?
338
00:14:20,493 --> 00:14:22,728
It means nice, young
couples from queens
339
00:14:22,795 --> 00:14:24,863
do not do it in
their friends' bed
340
00:14:24,931 --> 00:14:26,331
with their friends' children
341
00:14:26,398 --> 00:14:28,967
sleeping 10 feet away from them!
342
00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:31,803
I need to make
things clean again.
343
00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:33,672
Come on, what did we
do that was so bad?
344
00:14:33,740 --> 00:14:36,407
W-we're two married,
mature people
345
00:14:36,475 --> 00:14:39,177
engaging in a timeless
dance called love.
346
00:14:40,947 --> 00:14:42,848
Doug, we were on their bed,
347
00:14:42,915 --> 00:14:44,716
doing it in front of
their 5-year-old son.
348
00:14:44,784 --> 00:14:46,351
And thanks to that
mirror over there,
349
00:14:46,418 --> 00:14:49,554
he also got the reverse angle.
350
00:14:49,622 --> 00:14:51,123
First of all, he's
five an d a half,
351
00:14:51,190 --> 00:14:52,858
and he knows what's what.
352
00:14:52,925 --> 00:14:54,259
He's gonna tell
Deacon and Kelly.
353
00:14:54,326 --> 00:14:55,694
That's why they hesitated
354
00:14:55,762 --> 00:14:58,764
because they knew I'd
screw up, and I did.
355
00:14:58,831 --> 00:15:00,198
Why did I let you mount me?
356
00:15:00,266 --> 00:15:02,701
Ow!
357
00:15:02,769 --> 00:15:06,672
First of all, we don't know
what he's gonna tell them.
358
00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:09,908
In fact, look, we don't even
know if he saw us, right?
359
00:15:09,976 --> 00:15:11,309
Right.
360
00:15:11,377 --> 00:15:13,745
Look, tomorrow morning, we'll
get up and we'll feel him out.
361
00:15:13,813 --> 00:15:17,683
You know, we'll see if there's
even a problem at all. Ok?
362
00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:19,317
Ok? Ok.
363
00:15:19,385 --> 00:15:22,353
All right. Come on, let's
get a good night's sleep.
364
00:15:23,890 --> 00:15:25,791
What are you doing?
365
00:15:25,858 --> 00:15:27,625
Hey, sleeping on a sofa bed
366
00:15:27,694 --> 00:15:30,562
is not gonna bring back
that boy's innocence.
367
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:35,633
All right, sweetie.
Stop moving around,
368
00:15:35,702 --> 00:15:38,170
or I'm gonna get tape
stuck to your little...
369
00:15:38,237 --> 00:15:40,205
Oops, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
370
00:15:41,708 --> 00:15:44,242
Honey, I cannot get
this diaper on him.
371
00:15:44,310 --> 00:15:47,679
I've totally lost
my mommy groove.
372
00:15:47,747 --> 00:15:49,881
You talked to what's-his-face?
373
00:15:51,483 --> 00:15:52,918
No. Not yet.
374
00:15:55,421 --> 00:15:56,722
Hey, buddy, what's up?
375
00:15:56,789 --> 00:15:58,223
What's going on there?
376
00:15:58,290 --> 00:15:59,925
Hey, playing with your
little schoolhouse here.
377
00:15:59,992 --> 00:16:00,992
This is fun, huh?
378
00:16:01,060 --> 00:16:02,393
Hey, you know what I'm gonna do?
379
00:16:02,461 --> 00:16:04,429
I'm gonna take this pretty
little teacher here
380
00:16:04,496 --> 00:16:06,932
and, oh, let's go with this
farmer guy right here,
381
00:16:06,999 --> 00:16:10,869
and you tell me if you see
anything that looks familiar.
382
00:16:10,937 --> 00:16:13,171
Howdy, ma'am, my name
is farmer Jones.
383
00:16:13,239 --> 00:16:15,974
Well, hi. I'm Mary Lou...
384
00:16:16,776 --> 00:16:18,043
henner.
385
00:16:18,945 --> 00:16:20,879
Whoops, I slipped.
386
00:16:20,947 --> 00:16:24,116
Well, let me help you
up with my pants off.
387
00:16:24,183 --> 00:16:25,516
Whoops, I slipped, too.
388
00:16:25,584 --> 00:16:27,485
Now we're wrestling up and down.
389
00:16:27,553 --> 00:16:30,622
Hey, Larry flynt, you wanna
tone it down a notch?
390
00:16:31,690 --> 00:16:33,091
Would you give it a try?
391
00:16:33,159 --> 00:16:34,726
All right. You finish
dressing the baby.
392
00:16:34,794 --> 00:16:36,628
All right. You got him? Yes.
393
00:16:36,695 --> 00:16:38,830
Hey, sweetie,
394
00:16:38,898 --> 00:16:41,299
how are you doin'?
395
00:16:41,367 --> 00:16:44,770
Do you, uh, have any
bad dreams last night?
396
00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:46,738
Like maybe, uh,
397
00:16:46,806 --> 00:16:49,407
big scary polar bear
398
00:16:49,475 --> 00:16:51,276
on top of a ballerina?
399
00:16:52,945 --> 00:16:54,146
Anything like that?
400
00:16:55,982 --> 00:16:57,282
I... I got both
legs in one hole.
401
00:16:57,349 --> 00:16:58,516
I don't know what did I do.
402
00:16:58,584 --> 00:17:00,285
All right. All right.
403
00:17:03,923 --> 00:17:06,024
Hey, who wants to play a game?
404
00:17:06,092 --> 00:17:07,192
I wanna play a game.
405
00:17:07,260 --> 00:17:09,594
All right. Here's the game.
406
00:17:09,662 --> 00:17:13,131
What's the worst thing you've
seen in the past 24 hours?
407
00:17:13,199 --> 00:17:14,532
Hey, guys. We're home!
408
00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:16,101
Mommy!
409
00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:21,139
Hey, you're back.
410
00:17:21,207 --> 00:17:22,240
Hi.
411
00:17:22,308 --> 00:17:23,741
Hey, hey, hey, hi!
412
00:17:23,810 --> 00:17:25,877
We caught an early flight so
we could relieve you guys.
413
00:17:25,945 --> 00:17:27,645
These little monsters
treat you ok?
414
00:17:27,713 --> 00:17:29,447
Ok? They were fantastic!
415
00:17:29,515 --> 00:17:32,884
But enough about us. How was the funeral?
You have fun?
416
00:17:34,153 --> 00:17:36,587
Not as much as you'd think.
417
00:17:36,655 --> 00:17:40,325
Yeah, death. Not a
fan of the big "d."
418
00:17:40,392 --> 00:17:42,194
What's going on?
Everything go all right?
419
00:17:42,261 --> 00:17:43,895
Ok. Yeah. Smooth sailing.
420
00:17:43,963 --> 00:17:44,963
We, um, we... we...
421
00:17:45,031 --> 00:17:46,064
Gotta go.
422
00:17:46,132 --> 00:17:47,866
Got to get going. Yes! Yeah.
423
00:17:47,934 --> 00:17:49,400
You don't wanna stick
around, have some coffee?
424
00:17:49,468 --> 00:17:51,736
No. If we're gonna tear
ourselves away from these kids,
425
00:17:51,804 --> 00:17:53,504
it's gotta be quick
like a band-aid.
426
00:17:53,572 --> 00:17:55,106
Yeah. You rip it
right off, it hurts.
427
00:17:55,174 --> 00:17:56,908
But she's off in a jif.
We're outta here.
428
00:17:56,976 --> 00:17:58,043
Yeah. Ok. Bye-bye, guys.
429
00:17:58,110 --> 00:17:59,377
All righty.
430
00:18:04,283 --> 00:18:05,917
Oh, man. If bologna
smelled any better,
431
00:18:05,985 --> 00:18:07,319
I'd wear it.
432
00:18:15,561 --> 00:18:18,429
How can you just
sit there and eat?
433
00:18:18,497 --> 00:18:20,899
Kirby is probably telling
them what we did right now.
434
00:18:20,967 --> 00:18:23,601
Yeah, but look. They-they've been
home for, like, 2 hours now.
435
00:18:23,669 --> 00:18:25,170
If he was gonna say something,
436
00:18:25,238 --> 00:18:27,005
he would've done it already,
wouldn't he have, huh?
437
00:18:27,073 --> 00:18:29,507
Wouldn't he have?
I need a pickle.
438
00:18:29,575 --> 00:18:31,476
He might have. I don't know.
439
00:18:31,543 --> 00:18:35,013
Look, even if he did see us, he
probably forgot about it already.
440
00:18:35,081 --> 00:18:37,715
I mean, do you remember
anything from when you were 5?
441
00:18:37,783 --> 00:18:39,217
No. Not now.
442
00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:42,153
But he's still 5. You
don't forget instantly.
443
00:18:44,991 --> 00:18:46,091
Oh, my God. That's them.
444
00:18:46,158 --> 00:18:47,893
I know it's them. I
can tell by the ring.
445
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:49,394
It's an angry ring.
446
00:19:01,073 --> 00:19:03,275
Yes.
447
00:19:03,342 --> 00:19:06,211
Oh. You know what? We're not
interested right now. Ok.
448
00:19:06,279 --> 00:19:07,279
Thank you.
449
00:19:07,346 --> 00:19:08,513
Who was it?
450
00:19:08,580 --> 00:19:10,581
Someone selling a subscription
451
00:19:10,649 --> 00:19:12,284
to teen people.
452
00:19:12,818 --> 00:19:13,751
Oh.
453
00:19:15,521 --> 00:19:17,956
Why'd you say we
weren't interested?
454
00:19:21,227 --> 00:19:23,828
You know teen people's
number by heart?
455
00:19:27,199 --> 00:19:29,700
I am not calling teen people,
456
00:19:29,768 --> 00:19:32,270
I am calling Deacon and Kelly.
457
00:19:32,338 --> 00:19:33,939
Oh, come on. Why are
you calling them?
458
00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:36,341
Doug, I... I can't stand this.
I need to know if they know.
459
00:19:36,409 --> 00:19:38,977
Ca-Carrie, if you want this to
go away, then don't pick at it.
460
00:19:39,045 --> 00:19:40,445
Yeah. Let me pick.
461
00:19:41,780 --> 00:19:44,115
Hey, Kel, how you doing?
462
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:45,716
Yeah, uh, we just wanted to call
463
00:19:45,784 --> 00:19:47,152
and see how the kids were doing.
464
00:19:47,219 --> 00:19:49,254
'Cause we miss them so much.
465
00:19:49,989 --> 00:19:51,122
Mmm-hmm.
466
00:19:52,925 --> 00:19:54,859
Really?
467
00:19:54,927 --> 00:19:57,628
Ok! Well... well, then
we'll see you there.
468
00:19:57,696 --> 00:20:00,231
Ok. Bye-bye.
469
00:20:00,299 --> 00:20:02,733
They want to take us
to dinner tonight.
470
00:20:02,801 --> 00:20:03,935
To thank us.
471
00:20:04,003 --> 00:20:05,303
Hey! There you go.
472
00:20:05,371 --> 00:20:08,039
You don't take perverts
to dinner, right?
473
00:20:09,541 --> 00:20:12,143
I know I don't.
474
00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:13,911
See that? It all
worked out fine.
475
00:20:13,980 --> 00:20:15,513
He saw us. He didn't see us.
476
00:20:15,581 --> 00:20:18,249
It doesn't matter. He kept
his little trap shut.
477
00:20:19,251 --> 00:20:20,685
And then this one says,
478
00:20:20,752 --> 00:20:21,886
"my shirt's dirty.
479
00:20:21,954 --> 00:20:24,389
We need to put it in the
whooshing machine."
480
00:20:24,457 --> 00:20:25,991
See, he meant to say
washing machine.
481
00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:29,294
He didn't say that though.
He's hilarious. Hilarious.
482
00:20:29,362 --> 00:20:31,162
Hey, buddy, want some
more of my ice cream?
483
00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:33,264
Uh, you guys have been
generous with your desserts,
484
00:20:33,332 --> 00:20:34,932
but I think he's had enough.
485
00:20:35,001 --> 00:20:37,635
Oh, he deserves it, just for
being so cute and yummy.
486
00:20:37,703 --> 00:20:39,504
He's not so cute
when he's vomiting.
487
00:20:39,571 --> 00:20:41,072
Ok.
488
00:20:41,140 --> 00:20:42,940
Hey, what you drawing
there, kirb?
489
00:20:43,009 --> 00:20:44,809
A picture of Doug and Carrie.
490
00:20:44,877 --> 00:20:48,246
Oh, isn't that sweet? Love him.
491
00:20:48,314 --> 00:20:50,781
And what they were
doing last night.
492
00:20:53,085 --> 00:20:55,286
Oh, uh, we don't really
need another picture.
493
00:20:55,354 --> 00:20:57,755
Yeah. You know, we got
pictures up the butt.
494
00:20:57,823 --> 00:20:58,890
You know what I'm sayin'?
495
00:20:58,957 --> 00:21:00,291
We do.
496
00:21:00,359 --> 00:21:01,726
Yeah, but not from my child.
497
00:21:01,793 --> 00:21:03,361
He signs and numbers each one.
498
00:21:03,429 --> 00:21:05,330
Hey, bet you can't do
an outline of my hand.
499
00:21:05,398 --> 00:21:06,998
I don't want to.
500
00:21:07,066 --> 00:21:08,833
Go ahead, try it. Do it.
Color it in red.
501
00:21:08,901 --> 00:21:10,435
Make a little Turkey out of it.
Gobble, gobble.
502
00:21:10,503 --> 00:21:12,170
Would you let the boy
draw his picture, man?
503
00:21:12,238 --> 00:21:13,405
All right. All right.
504
00:21:13,472 --> 00:21:15,106
I heard drawing makes you gay.
505
00:21:16,909 --> 00:21:18,243
What?
506
00:21:18,310 --> 00:21:20,945
It's true. It happened
to my friend bill.
507
00:21:21,013 --> 00:21:23,648
Hey, you guys have been acting
very weird since we got back.
508
00:21:23,715 --> 00:21:25,250
What's the deal?
509
00:21:26,785 --> 00:21:28,586
All right, then. The...
510
00:21:28,654 --> 00:21:30,721
T-the truth is, uh,
511
00:21:30,789 --> 00:21:32,323
we have something to tell you,
512
00:21:32,391 --> 00:21:34,725
and, uh, this is
difficult for us.
513
00:21:35,894 --> 00:21:37,862
He makes things up.
514
00:21:41,233 --> 00:21:43,834
It-it's true, like his drawings,
515
00:21:43,902 --> 00:21:44,969
uh, for instance.
516
00:21:45,037 --> 00:21:46,237
Usually they're like the...
517
00:21:46,305 --> 00:21:49,374
The opposite of what
actually happened.
518
00:21:49,442 --> 00:21:50,775
Done, mommy.
519
00:21:58,617 --> 00:22:00,418
We're gonna take this.
520
00:22:13,290 --> 00:22:15,224
So I'm guessing this
wouldn't be appropriate
521
00:22:15,292 --> 00:22:17,326
to hang on our fridge.
522
00:22:17,395 --> 00:22:18,628
I wouldn't mind.
523
00:22:18,696 --> 00:22:21,464
You'll notice he was
very generous with me.
524
00:22:21,532 --> 00:22:22,766
I noticed.
525
00:22:22,833 --> 00:22:23,800
Ouch.